5 funny stories that’ll make you laugh until you cry

funny stories that'll make you laugh until you cryIf you enjoy stories that make you laugh until you cry, dear reader, then take a look a these I’ve got for you today. I’m confident that at least some of these will make you laugh.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all and please, feel free to share them with your friends.

Stories that make you laugh until you cry:

1. Patrick’s doppelgänger:

Mick is the bartender in a Dublin bar and Patrick is sitting at the counter drinking. Suddenly Patrick says to Mick, “You see that guy over there? Don’t you think he looks just like me?

Yes he does”, says Mick humouring him.

Patrick then walks over to his doppelgänger and says, “Excuse me sir, but I couldn’t help noticing that you and I look so much alike.

You’re right, we really do look alike”, says the guy.

Where are you from?” asks Patrick.

I’m from Rathmines,” says the guy.

Which street?” Patrick then asks.

Mayo Abbey Street,” says the guy.

Mayo Abbey Street?” says Patrick. “Now that’s incredible. That’s my street too. What number?

I live at 47” the guy responds.

47?” says Patrick. “I don’t believe it! Me too! What are your parents’ names?

Thomas and Bernadette,” says the guy.

That’s unbelievable” Patrick responds. “My parents have the same names.

Just then Mick’s colleague Jim arrives on shift.

How’s it going Mick?” says Jim. “Has there been much happening tonight?

Not really” Mick responds, “oh, except for the O’Donnell twins being drunk again.”

2. Pumping out the tank:

A C5 Galaxy military transport aircraft is being prepared for departure at a US Air Force base in Greenland.

The crew’s waiting for a truck to arrive so that the aircraft’s sewage tank can be pumped out.

Nothing’s going quite to plan and the aircraft commander is growing impatient.

When the truck eventually shows up, the airman carrying out the pumping task on the tank is extremely slow and seems to take an age.

Eventually, the commander has had enough and he snaps and threatens to punish the airman for being so slow.

Sir, I have no stripes, it’s twenty-five below zero, I’m stationed in Greenland miles from civilization, and I’m pumping sewage.” the airman responds. “What could you possibly do that would punish me further?

3. Customer expectations:

I must complain about the customer service I’ve just experienced in my local store.

I probably shouldn’t name the store, for obvious legal reasons, but I bought something from there, and I paid cash for it. I took it home and discovered it failed to live up to all the promises I’d heard when the product was advertised on television.

Naturally, I took the product back and requested a refund.

Even though I still had the receipt, the cashier declined my request.

So, I requested a replacement instead, but again the cashier said “No!” in a manner that I thought was insensitive and lacking in empathy.

Well, I wasn’t going to give up without a fight, so I demanded to see the manager.

The manager arrived and I explained that the product had not met my expectations and therefore I wanted a refund.

With a smirk on his face, the manager just said, “Sorry, buddy, but you’re out of luck. There’s no refund.”

Well, how about a replacement?” I responded.

There’s no replacement either,” he said, rather unsympathetically.

Right,” I said, sharply, “you’ve lost my custom. I won’t be buying a Lottery Ticket here again!

4. The artist:

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in any of the paintings he currently has on display.

Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you”, the owner replies.

What’s the good news?” asks the artist.

Well a gentleman inquired about your work and he asked me whether the paintings would appreciate in value after your death”, says the owner.

Really?” inquires the artist.

Yes, and when I told him they would, he bought all thirty of your paintings” the owner continued.

Wow, that’s fantastic news!” says the artist. “So what’s the bad news?

The gentleman said he was your doctor” the owner responds.

5. Be careful who you threaten:

Jack’s still driving, despite being 85 years old.

One day, he’s driving his Chevrolet Spark into town when he misjudges a turn and manages to bump into a very expensive Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.

It is only a bump but even minor fixes to expensive cars can cost thousands of dollars.

The wealthy guy in the Mercedes is not happy.

He jumps out and confronts Jack.

Look what you’ve done to my car, old man!” exclaims the driver. “I want $5,000 for the repairs. I want it now or I’ll have to beat it out of you.”

Now just hold on there, buddy,” says Jack. “I don’t carry that much money but let me call my grandson, he’s with Delta Airlines.”

Jack calls his grandson, but as he’s about to speak, the Mercedes driver grabs the phone from his hand and shouts, “So you’re with Delta Airlines? Well you listen to me trolley dolly, your grandad just damaged my car, so you’d better bring me $5,000 for the repairs or I’m going to beat it out of him.

Jack’s grandson responds politely, “Sir, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be with you to sort this out.

In exactly 15 minutes Jack’s grandson pulls up in a Jeep accompanied by three other burly, tough-looking military guys. They all look like they could be Special Forces.

Well, the Mercedes driver is smart enough to recognise trouble when he sees it. So he jumps in his car and gets the hell out of there as quick as he can.

With that, Jack’s grandson walks over to him and says, “Grandad, how many times must I tell you? I’m not with Delta Airlines. I’m with Delta Force!

Please share with your friends:

funny stories that'll make you laugh until you crySo for you dear reader, did these prove to be funny stories that made you laugh until you cried?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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