Funny Jokes

5 short funny stories for adults looking for a smile

08/07/2025 by Roy Sutton

Here are five short funny stories for adults looking for a smile today. They all made me laugh, and I hope they make you laugh, too.

Short funny stories for adults:

1. The nudist beach:

Three men were visiting a nudist beach, and it wasn’t long before they were engaged in conversation. Two of the men looked very happy to be there, whilst the other man looked a little glum.

Naturally, their conversation quickly gravitated to a discussion about their respective jobs.

“I work on Wall Street,” said the first man, smiling. “It’s well-paid work, but the dress code is very formal, and I have to wear a suit with a collar and tie daily. So this is a perfect vacation for me. I have the freedom to relax, feeling completely unrestrained.”

The second man smiled and said, “I’m with you there, buddy. I’m a deep-sea diver, and I’m usually weighed down with a diver’s suit, lead boots, and a brass helmet. Being here on this beach is real freedom for me.”

The two men then looked at their unhappy companion and asked what he did for a living.

“I’m a pickpocket,” said the man, “and my therapist said I’d benefit from a holiday where I won’t have the opportunity to steal from people.”

2. The real deal:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in Benidorm debating the merits of their favourite bars back home.

“In my local pub in London,” says the Englishman, “if I buy two pints of lager, I get the third pint for free. Now that’s a decent deal, you must admit.”

“That’s nothing!” says the Scotsman. “In the pub I go to in Glasgow, if I buy two double whiskies, they’ll give me the third double whisky for free. That’s got to be an even better deal, surely?”

“Listen, boys,” the Irishman responds, “in my local pub in Dublin, if you buy five pints of Guinness, they’ll not only give you the sixth pint for free, but if you go upstairs, you can have s** for free too.”

The Englishman and the Scotsman look at each other quizzically before the Englishman says, “Really? Has that happened to you?”

“Well, no,” says the Irishman, “but it happens to my sister all the time.”

3. Crossing the raging river:

Jim, Bill, and Mike are three friends out walking in the countryside when they arrive at a wide and raging river.

Naturally, they need to get across, but they have no idea how to cross successfully.

Jim, being a believer in the good Lord, immediately prays to God. “Please, God, give me the strength to cross this raging river.”

Suddenly, there’s a POOF sound, and Jim’s arms and legs are transformed into powerful limbs that allow him to swim across the river in less than an hour.

Seeing this, Bill decides to pray too. “Please, God, give me the strength and ability to cross this raging river in a way easier than swimming.”

Suddenly, there’s a POOF sound, and there before Bill is a kayak, which allows him to row across the river in less than 30 minutes.

Having witnessed events so far and seeing how it works, Mike decides to pray too. “Please, God, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this raging river in the easiest way possible.”

Suddenly, there’s a POOF sound, and Mike is turned into a woman. She checks her map, walks 100 yards along the riverbank, and walks across the bridge.

4. Stranger in town:

The journey on horseback from Waco to Fort Worth is a long ride along a dusty trail, and for any cowboy, it’s thirsty work.

So when George passed through a small town along the way, he decided to stop at the saloon for a cold beer to quench his thirst.

Well, the locals were none too friendly to strangers passing through their town, and George could sense a negative vibe immediately as he tied up his horse to the post before walking through the saloon doors.

When he’d finished his beer, George walked outside, and he was none too happy to discover that someone had stolen his horse.

So he walked back into the bar, drew his gun from its holster, spun it around his finger in an impressive fashion, and then shot a bullet straight through a whisky bottle standing at the other end of the long bar.

The place went silent, and you could hear a pin drop, until George shouted, “Now which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?”

No one said anything. The place was deadly quiet.

George shouted menacingly, “Now you listen to me! I’m gonna sit here and have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’ve finished my drink, then I’m gonna do what I dun in Waco. And I don’t want to have to do what I dun in Waco.”

The locals shifted nervously in their seats. They didn’t like strangers much, but they liked trouble even less.

So when George had finished his beer, he looked outside, and sure enough, there was his horse tied to the post and waiting for him.

George saddled up and then started to ride slowly along Main Street.

The bartender had wandered outside and stood and watched George go.

“Hey partner,” said the bartender, “so what happened in Waco?”

George smiled and said, “I had to walk home!”

5. The Adoption Agency:

A married couple, Jim and Josephine, owned their own circus, and one day they walked into an adoption agency.

Naturally, they explained their circumstances to the social worker.

The social worker looked a little puzzled. “Are you sure that a travelling circus is the best environment in which to bring up a young child?” he asked. “I mean, all those dangerous animals and constantly being on the road?”

“The animals are all well trained,” Josephine responded, “and we have a state-of-the-art, sixty-foot motor home, with every comfort necessary.”

“But how would you educate the child?” asked the social worker.

“We’ve arranged a tutor,” said Jim. “He’ll teach all the regular academic subjects, as well as Spanish and computer programming.”

“And we’ll have a nanny,” Josephine added quickly. “She’s certified in pediatric care, child welfare, and nutrition.”

The social worker had listened carefully, and he was impressed.

“Well, you do seem like an ideal couple,” he said. “What age of child did you have in mind?”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Jim, “as long as they’re small enough to fit in the cannon.”

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So dear reader, did you find these short funny stories for adults as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post, then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone’s a winner.

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

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21 funny computer nerd jokes that will tickle you

08/05/2025 by Roy Sutton

Do you love computer nerd jokes? Certainly, they always make me smile.

So I’ve been searching for some of the best computer nerd jokes I can find, and today I offer you 21 of what I think are the best.

It’s virtually impossible to confirm their origins or their authors, but should anyone be able to advise, then please do let me know.

In the meantime, take a few minutes to enjoy these 21 computer nerd jokes that will tickle you and any kids you may have, too.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Computer nerd jokes:

What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte

What’s a computer virus?
A terminal illness

Which tea do web developers prefer?
URL Grey

How does a tree use a computer?
It logs on

What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte to eat

Why did the computer keep sneezing?
It had a virus

Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open

Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache

Which computer sings the best?
A Dell

Why did the computer show up late for work?
It had a hard drive

What’s the first symptom a computer’s getting old?
Memory problems

What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
Built a website

Which snack do computer geeks prefer?
Microchips

Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse

Why did the monkeys share an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates

Don’t use “beef stew” as your computer password
It’s not stroganoff

What do you get if you cross a worm with a spider?
A web crawler

What do you get if you cross a PC with an elephant?
A computer with a really big memory

What do you get if you cross a computer with a lifeguard?
A screensaver

I heard about a new website: www.needleinahaystack.com
Took me ages to find it

Why didn’t The Terminator upgrade to WINDOWS 11?
I asked him, and his reply was, “I still love VISTA, baby!”

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5 long funny stories with morals to tell your friends

08/03/2025 by Roy Sutton

Here are five long funny stories with morals to tell your friends. They all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day, too.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

Long funny stories with morals:

1. The nuns’ dilemma:

There were these two very clever, Catholic nuns. They were so clever that one was known only as Sister Mathematical, whilst the other went only by the name of Sister Logical.

One afternoon, they were returning to the Convent of St Mary, but they were still a long way off when it was beginning to get dark.

“Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?” said Sister Mathematical. “I wonder what he wants?”

“There’s a logical explanation,” said Sister Logical, “He wants to have his wicked way with us.”

“Oh Lord, no!” Sister Mathematical responded. “At the rate at which he’s walking, he will catch up with us in 13.8 minutes. What can we do?”

“The logical thing would be to walk faster.” Sister Logical replied.

So they carried on at a brisk pace, trying not to look back.

A few minutes went by, and Sister Mathematical observed, “We’ve doubled our pace, but this plan isn’t working.”

“Naturally, it’s not working,” said Sister Logical, “The man responded logically by quickening his pace too. He’s now gaining on us.”

“What can we do?” asked Sister Mathematical. “At this rate, he’ll reach us in less than one minute.”

“The logical thing to do now is to split”, replied Sister Logical. “If we go off in different directions, he can’t follow both of us.”

So off they went in different directions and, as luck would have it, the man followed Sister Logical.

Eventually, Sister Mathematical arrived back at the convent, but she was worried about what might have happened to her friend.

Within a few minutes, Sister Logical suddenly appeared, back at the convent.

“Oh, Sister Logical”, Sister Mathematical exclaimed. “Thank the Lord, you’re back safely. Tell me what happened.”

“Well, logically, the man could only follow one of us”, said Sister Logical, “and he chose to follow me.”

“Yes, yes!” said Sister Mathematical, “But what happened then?”

“Well, I took the logical course of action”, said Sister Logical, “and I ran as fast as I could and even faster than we had been running together.”

“So then what happened?” Sister Mathematical replied.

“He responded logically, and he ran even faster, too,” said Sister Logical. “And within a minute, he’d caught up with me.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “What did you do then?”

“I did the only logical thing I could do”, Sister Logical replied, “I lifted the skirt of my habit to my waist.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what did he do then?”

“The logical thing for him”, Sister Logical replied. “He pulled his trousers down to his ankles.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what happened next?”

“Isn’t that logical, Sister?” Sister Logical responded. “A nun with her habit up can run a lot faster than a man with his trousers down.”

Moral of the Story: Readers eagerly anticipating a story of a more adult nature, go and say three Hail Marys!

2. Community service:

One day, a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

The barber did an excellent job and, being very pleased with the result, the florist asked for the bill.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The florist appreciated this generous gesture, so he thanked the barber and left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, a dozen roses were waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the florist.

Not long after the shop opened, a cop came in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber does an excellent job, but when the cop tries to settle the bill, he gets the same response.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The cop said he appreciated the gesture and thanked the barber. He then left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, there was a box of a dozen donuts waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the cop.

Later that day, a congressman walked in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber excelled himself, producing the perfect haircut, but when the congressman tried to settle the bill, he got the same response too.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

So the congressman thanked the barber and happily left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, there were a dozen congressmen lined up in the street waiting for a free haircut.

Moral of the Story: Politicians are driven only by self-interest and what’s in it for them.

3. Sunday Service:

It’s Sunday morning, and the Pastor at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Carmel, California, is delivering his sermon.

Midway through the sermon, the Pastor asks three men in the front row, “Gentlemen, what would you want your loved ones to say as they’re looking down at you in your coffin?”

Phil responds first and says, “That I was a good husband and father.”

Then Jim says, “That I lived an honest life and was kind to others.”

Finally, Dan couldn’t help himself, and he quips, “Look! He’s moving!“

Moral of the Story: Never, ever take life too seriously.

4. The crocodile farm:

There was a group of tourists visiting a crocodile farm in the Florida Keys, and they were standing on a floating structure in the middle of an enormous lake, surrounded by crocodiles.

Suddenly, the farm’s owner shouts, “The first person to jump into the lake and successfully swim to shore will receive 10 million dollars.”

The silence was deafening. People were looking at each other with expressions of absolute horror on their faces.

Then suddenly, a man jumps into the water and starts swimming like his life depended on it.

As the other visitors watched events unfold, the man headed for the shore, with a dozen crocodiles chasing in hot pursuit, all anticipating an unexpected meal.

The crocodiles were fast, but the man swam like greased lightning, and he managed to reach the shore unharmed.

As the man staggered up the beach, the owner announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!”

After receiving the reward, the man and his wife returned to their hotel.

The man’s face was still ashen as he said to his wife, “I didn’t jump. Someone pushed me.“

His wife smiled and, with a wink of her eye, said, “I know, dear, it was me!“

Moral of the Story: Behind every successful man, there’s always a woman to give him a little push.

5. The old lady at the bank:

An old lady walked up to the counter in her bank, handed her bank card to the teller and then said, “Mam, I would like to withdraw $10.”

Giving the old lady a look bordering on contempt, the teller replied, “For withdrawals of less than $100, you must use the ATM, mam.”

Looking a little crestfallen, the old lady asked why she couldn’t withdraw her money from the counter.

“These are the rules, mam,” said the teller irritably, as she returned the bank card to the old lady. “Now move along, please, because there’s a line of customers behind you.”

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds as she gathered her thoughts.

She then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Then please, can you help me withdraw all the money I have in my account?”

The teller took the old lady’s card and tapped her details into the computer. She was astonished to see just how much the old lady had in her account.

“Mam, you have over $300,000 in your account,” said the teller, “the bank doesn’t have that much cash available today. You’ll need to make an appointment and come back tomorrow?”

The old lady smiled and asked, “How much can I withdraw now?”

“Well, mam, you can withdraw up to $3,000”, the teller responded.

“In that case, let me have $3,000 now, in $10 bills, please“, said the old lady.

So, the teller laboriously counted out the $3,000 in $10 bills, then counted again, and finally, she handed the cash to the old lady.

As the old lady took $10 from the top of the pile and put it in her purse, the teller then said, “Would there be anything else I can help you with today, mam?”

“Yes!” said the old lady with a smile, “I’d like to deposit $2990 into my account, please.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with old people; they’ve spent a lifetime mastering skills younger people couldn’t even begin to appreciate.

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So dear reader, were these long funny stories with morals as amusing as you’d hoped? Did they make you laugh?

I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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Thank you.

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25 very corny jokes that’ll cheer you up guaranteed

08/02/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’ve been searching for some very corny jokes, this article is for you, dear reader.

Life can be stressful for everyone, so we all must laugh every day.

To help you with that, I’ve been collecting some more very corny jokes. These all made me smile, and I hope they will make you smile too.

Unfortunately, despite best efforts, it hasn’t been possible to identify the original authors of these very corny jokes, so for the moment they remain ‘Author Unknown.’

However, if you’re able to help with that, do let me know. My aim always is to acknowledge the work of others whenever possible.

So here they are, 25 very corny jokes that will cheer you up, guaranteed.

Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan on Juan.

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

You’re looking a little pail.

6. What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here and I’ll go on ahead.

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car, man.

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

To raise some dough.

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He could feel his presents.

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because there’s no point.

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

22. Did you hear about the dog that loved eating garlic?

His bark was much worse than his bite.

23. What has four legs and flies?

A dead horse.

24. What’s the difference between a businessman and a warm dog?

The businessman wears a suit, the dog just pants.

25. What kind of monkey can fly?

A hot air baboon.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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4 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love

07/30/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you need a laugh, here are four funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love.

They all tickled me, and I’m confident they will tickle you, too.

So grab a coffee, relax, and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And when you’re done, feel free to share the fun.

Funny can’t stop laughing jokes:

1. Young Johnny:

Young Johnny wanted desperately to get a set of drums for his birthday.

His parents weren’t keen on the idea but his grandparents being grandparents couldn’t resist bringing a smile to his face and they bought him the drums.

“Gee thanks, this is the best present I’ve ever had”, said Johnny excitedly, when his grandparents gave him their gift.

A week later his grandad came to visit and he was asking Johnny how he was getting on with playing the drums.

“They’ve already earned me over $100”, said Johnny

“Wow”, said grandad, “you must be getting really good at playing them.”

“Not really”, said Johnny, “but mum gives me $10 each day for not playing them during the day and dad gives me $10 a day for not playing them in the evening.”

2. The Violin Recital:

Bill had been invited round to his neighbour’s house to listen to a violin recital being given by the neighbour’s son.

They listened intently for 30 minutes and at the end of the recital the neighbour looked at Bill and said, “What do you think?”

“Well, if I’m honest”, said Bill, “he reminds me of Jamie Callum.”

“Really?” said the neighbour, “I didn’t even know Jamie Callum could play the violin.”

“He can’t”, said Bill, “and neither can your son.”

3. You can’t win:

A Highway Patrol officer pulls over a speeding car on Interstate 5.

“Sir, I’ve just clocked your speed at 80 miles per hour,” says the officer.

“How’s that possible, officer?” says the driver. “I was driving the car on cruise control set at 55. I think your radar gun must need re-calibrating.”

As she continues with her knitting, his wife says: “Now come on dear, be honest with the officer. You know this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer is writing up the ticket, the driver looks angrily at his wife and says, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut!”

His wife smiles innocently and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did, or your speed would have been even higher.”

The Highway Patrol officer immediately starts writing up a second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector.

Once again, the driver stares at his wife angrily.

“Listen, women,” says the driver, “just keep your mouth shut, please.”

The officer frowns as he’s listening to this exchange and then says, “Sir, I noticed you weren’t wearing your seat belt. I’m afraid that’s an automatic fine of $75.”

“Please, officer,” says the guy, “I did have it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my coat pocket.”

To which his wife responds, “Now, you know that’s not true, dear. You didn’t have your seat belt on because you never wear your seat belt.”

The Highway Patrol officer starts writing up a third ticket, as the driver explodes and screams at his wife, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!”

At this point, the Highway Patrol officer looks over at the wife and asks, politely, “Mam, does your husband always speak to you this way?”

She looks at her husband innocently and then says, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

4. A healthy diet:

Jim and Mildred, both in their 90s, were killed suddenly when the bus they were on crashed in bad weather.

This was sad because they’d been in excellent health due to a strict regime of eating only healthy foods, abstaining from drinking alcohol, plenty of exercises and watching their weight.

When St Peter welcomed them, he showed them around the first-class facilities now available to them in Heaven.

Jim was really impressed with the beautiful scenery, the eighteen-hole golf course and the Olympic-sized swimming pool.

“This place is really amazing”, said Jim.

“That’s not all,” said St Peter, “let me show you around our five-star restaurant.”

He then led them into the most amazing restaurant with a sumptuous buffet serving every type of delicious food you could imagine.

“Where’s the low-fat table?” asked Jim.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about that anymore”, said St Peter. “You can eat anything you like here. You’re in Heaven now! You can eat as much as you like too. Drink wine; drink beer as well. None of it will affect you. ”

Jim suddenly became quite irritated and he threw his hat to the ground.

“What’s the problem?” asked St Peter.

“Mildred”, Jim snapped, “if you hadn’t insisted on that ghastly diet of All-Bran, Tofu, lentils and oatmeal, we could have been here 10 years ago!”

Please share this post with your friends:

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

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5 very funny jokes to get you smiling a little

07/29/2025 by Roy Sutton

Laughter is always the best medicine, and it’s a great way to lift yourself if you’re feeling down. So, here are five very funny jokes to brighten your day.

I’m confident that you will enjoy them all, dear reader.

So take an unofficial break, enjoy them all, and please, feel free to pass them on.

Very Funny Jokes:

1. Store policy:

The store manager overheard her sales assistant saying to an elderly customer, “No mam, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any soon.”

Alarmed by what she’d heard, the store manager rushed over to the elderly lady as she was leaving the store and said, “Mam, I am so sorry; the information you were given was incorrect. We will actually have some very soon. We’ve placed an order today.”

The elderly lady gave the store manager a slightly puzzled look, but then just smiled and left the store.

The store manager then walked back over to her sales assistant and said very sternly, “You must never say that we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we have it on order and we expect it any day. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, mam!” responded the sales assistant.

“So what was it the old lady was asking for?” asked the store manager.

“Rain”, responded her sales assistant.

2. Bad news:

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, “I’m afraid you’ve only got three weeks to live.”

“Are you sure?” said Dan, “I feel fine. Isn’t there anything that can be done?”

“Well,” said his doctor, “you could try taking a mud bath each day.”

“Will that cure me?” asked Dan.

“No, but it’ll get you used to the dirt,” responded the physician.

3. Generational divide:

Jill and Frank are a young couple who have just gotten married, and they are on their honeymoon in Majorca.

They are on an all-inclusive package holiday, and when they arrive in the hotel restaurant for dinner, they are seated with an elderly couple who are celebrating their 60^th wedding anniversary.

Throughout dinner, the old man keeps referring to his wife as honey, or sweetie pie, and a few other terms of endearment.

As they are enjoying a liqueur at the end of the meal, Jill says to the elderly couple, “I am so impressed. I hope that if Frank and I make it to our 60^th anniversary, he’ll still be calling me sweetie pie.”

The old man smiled and said, “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 20 years ago.”

4. The parking ticket:

Let me tell you a story about something that happened last week. My wife and I went into town to do some shopping. We came out of a store only to see a cop writing out a parking ticket.

Naturally, I went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior citizen a break?“

Well, he just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

As he completed the ticket and was putting it on the windshield, I called him a “schmuck.”

Well, he just glared at me and then started writing another ticket, this time for having worn-out tires.

As he completed that ticket, my wife called him a “jerk.”

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we called him offensive names, the more tickets he wrote. Having slapped the last one on the windshield, he then started walking away with a smirk on his face.

Just then, our bus arrived, so we got on it and went home.

Moral of the Story: When you’re retired, you must look for ways to have a little fun each day.

5. Embarrassing situations:

By nature, Jason was intelligent but a bit shy. One day, he went into a bar, and he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table drinking a white-wine spritzer.

Jason couldn’t take his eyes off this woman, and eventually, he plucked up the courage to walk across and speak to her.

“Hello, I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly but politely.

The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice, “No! I will not sleep with you tonight!”

Jason blushed, beetroot red with embarrassment, and everyone in the bar looked over to see what was happening.

So he walked back over to the counter where he’d been sitting, reflecting on how he might have handled the situation and intending to leave the bar as soon as he’d finished his drink.

However, a couple of minutes later, the attractive woman walked over to him and apologised.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m a PhD student at Harvard, and I’m researching how people respond in embarrassing situations.”

To which Jason responded, yelling loudly at the top of his voice, “What do you mean you charge three hundred dollars minimum?”

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5 funny jokes to cheer up a friend and make you smile

07/29/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some funny jokes to cheer up a friend, then how about these five I have on offer today?

I’ve told them to a few people recently, and the responses have all been positive.

By positive, I mean laughter has followed.

So enjoy them all, and feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny jokes to cheer up a friend:

1. The new store on Main Street:

Jerry and Mike were two young businessmen who were setting up a new store on Main Street.

The store wasn’t quite ready for opening yet, but at least all the shelves were now set up and located in their proper places.

They’d had a hectic morning setting up those shelves, so they were now taking a well-earned break.

As they surveyed the results of all their hard work, Jerry said, “I’ll bet you any minute now someone will walk by, put their face to the window, and then ask what we’re selling.”

Mike smiled, but before he could respond, a little old lady was peering through the glass. In a soft voice, she said, “What are you selling here?”

Well, Jerry couldn’t resist a sarcastic response.

“We’re selling schmucks,” he said.

Right back at him, the little old lady responded, “You’re doing well then. You’ve only got two left!”

2. The geek and the frog:

A geek is having his lunch on campus. It’s a beautiful spring day, so the geek is sitting on the grass outside the college building, brown bag in hand.

There’s a fountain close by, and as he’s enjoying a sandwich, suddenly a frog hops from the water and straight over to speak to the geek.

“Hello,” says the frog. “Thank goodness you’re here. I’m a beautiful princess, but the wicked witch has cursed me. A kiss from you will break the spell. If you could do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful.”

The geek stares at the frog momentarily, then picks it up without saying a word and puts it in his pocket. Having finished his lunch, he then gets up and heads back towards the college building.

The frog can’t believe what’s happening.

“Hey, did you hear me?” the frog asks. “Kiss me, and you’ll have your beautiful princess.”

The geek pats the frog on the head and begins to whistle.

The frog is starting to get a little concerned.

“Please, help me,” says the frog. “I don’t want to remain a frog. I want to be the princess I once was. If you kiss me, I’ll marry you. Then you’ll be royalty, and you will lead a charmed life for as long as you live.”

“Look, froggy,” says the geek. “I’m a computer software geek. I wouldn’t know what to do with a girlfriend. However, a talking frog? Now, that’s cool.”

3. The affair:

A wealthy, married businessman from New York had been having an affair with an attractive Italian woman for a few months.

One night, during their regular rendezvous in Manhattan, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

For him, this was a significant problem, both in terms of the potential reputational damage and the risk of a costly divorce.

So, he paid her a large sum of money and a regular monthly allowance on the condition that she would return to Italy to have the child.

He also promised her that if she stayed in Italy, he would pay her child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed to this proposal, but then wondered how she could let him know when the baby was born.

“We’ll have to use a code,” said the man. “To keep it discreet, send me a postcard when the baby is born. And to confirm the baby’s birth, write Spaghetti on the back.”

Nine months later, the wealthy businessman arrived home to find his wife looking very confused.

“Honey,” she said, “you’ve received a very odd postcard today.”

“Let me look,” he said.

His wife handed him the postcard and watched as he read it. He looked surprised and quickly turned white, then red, before he fainted.

On the postcard was written, “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.“

4. The baptism:

A drunken guy stumbles across a baptismal service one Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He walks into the water and stands next to the preacher. The preacher notices the drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?“

The drunk looks at him and says, “Yes, preacher, I am.”

The minister dunks the guy underwater and pulls him right back up.

“Have you found Jesus?” asks the preacher.

“No, sir, I haven’t!” said the drunk.

The preacher dunks him under the water a second time for a more extended period, then brings him up and says, “Now, my friend, have you found Jesus?“

“No, sir, I haven’t,” the drunk responds.

Frustrated, the preacher holds the man under for a full minute this time before bringing him back to the surface. He says to him in a harsh tone, “My God, sir, have you found Jesus yet?“

The drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?“

5. The flying experience:

Boarding was now complete on Flight 205, and all passengers were seated, awaiting the pilot and co-pilot.

The pilot and co-pilot arrive, and as they climb the steps to the plane, passengers notice that they’re both wearing dark glasses and both have long white sticks. They both appear to be blind, as they’re using the sticks to feel their way up the steps.

Well, naturally, the passengers start to freak out as they watch them struggle to find their way into the cockpit with the help of the cabin crew.

The cabin crew then prepare for departure, as if everything is normal, carrying out their final checks and so on.

Quickly, as it now all appears normal, the passengers start to calm down. They assume the pilot and co-pilot must have been joking at their expense.

Eventually, the plane moves off the stand, and within minutes, it is cleared for takeoff.

The plane is now racing down the runway.

At the end of the airport runway, a very steep cliff falls away into the open sea.

As the plane speeds down the runway, there’s no sign of lift-off, and the cliff edge is getting closer and closer by the second.

The passengers start screaming in panic, but then, suddenly, the plane is airborne, and calm returns once again.

In the cockpit at this moment, the pilot says to the co-pilot, “You know, one of these days, the passengers won’t scream early enough, and we’re all going to die.”

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I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case, please share this blog post with your friends because when you share, everyone wins.

Please share this post on social media now. If you can do that for me, I’ll be truly grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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You’ll howl laughing at these 5 hilariously funny jokes

07/28/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some hilariously funny jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got 5 little gems for you today.

I’m confident they’ll all make you smile.

So take a few minutes to enjoy them all and brighten your day.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Getting to know your students:

It was the beginning of a new school year, and the teacher was getting to know the children by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl to respond said, “I’m Mary, and my dad’s a builder.”

Then another little girl spoke and said, “My name’s Louisa, and my dad’s a police officer.”

The conversation went on like this as the teacher went around the class, until one little boy said, “I’m Jack, and my dad’s a stripper in a gay bar.”

Naturally, the teacher was surprised by this comment, and feeling slightly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking, she decided it might be better to change the subject.

A little later, she spotted Jack in the schoolyard on his own. So the teacher approached him and asked if it was true that his father worked as a stripper in a gay bar.

Jack’s face turned a little red as he replied, “No, he’s actually a banker, but I was too embarrassed to admit that in front of the class.”

2. Bikers at the roadside diner:

Jeff was sitting quietly in a roadside diner, enjoying his lunch, when suddenly three mean-looking bikers walked in.

The first guy strolls over to Jeff and stubs a cigarette into his lunch.

The second biker then walks over and spits in Jeff’s coffee.

Finally, the third guy picks up Jeff’s plate and flings it, crashing to the floor. Then he starts howling with laughter straight in Jeff’s face.

Jeff quietly gets to his feet and leaves the diner.

The third biker walks across to the waitress, who was standing behind the counter, and sneers, “Well, he wasn’t much of a man, now was he?”

The waitress smiles and, glancing in the direction of the window, responds, “It looks like he wasn’t much of a driver either. He’s just backed his truck over those three motorcycles parked outside and trashed them all.”

3. The baseball game:

One day, the Devil challenges God to a baseball game between teams from Heaven and Hell.

God smiled and said, “Hell wouldn’t have a chance.”

“Why?” queried the Devil.

“Oh, Devil, come on now? I’ve got the greatest baseball players of all time. Hey, I’ve got Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. I’ve even got the Yankee Clipper, Joe DiMaggio. Who have you got?” said God.

The Devil grinned and said, “Well, God, impressive as your list is, I’ve still got all the umpires.”

4. The haircut:

Jim went into a barber’s shop that was advertising David Beckham-style haircuts.

Twenty minutes later, Jim looked in the mirror, and he was shocked to see that looking back at him was an erratically shaven scalp and a head covered in cuts.

Naturally, Jim protested to the barber. Pointing to his head, Jim said, “Now listen to me, buddy, this is not how David Beckham has his hair cut.”

“He would if he had his hair cut here,” the barber responded.

5. The night watchman:

The US government owned a scrapyard in the middle of the desert.

This was the source of some concern to Congress because the feeling was that people could steal from it.

So, they decided to create the role of night watchman, and someone was hired to do the job.

However, Congress was then concerned about how the night watchman could carry out his duties without instruction.

The solution to this dilemma was to create a planning department, and two people were hired to fill the position. One was hired to write instructions, and the other to carry out time and motion studies.

Congress then had concerns about how they might measure whether the night watchman was doing his job effectively.

To address this problem, they established a quality control department and hired two additional personnel. One was hired to study job performance and the other to write reports.

Then Congress questioned how everyone would be paid. To resolve this issue, two additional personnel were hired: one as a timekeeper and one as a payroll officer.

However, that wasn’t the end of Congress’s concerns because the obvious question was, “Who is to be accountable for all these people?”

The solution was to create an Administration Department and hire three additional staff members – an Administration Director, an Administration Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

A year passed, and following a review, Congress expressed concern that the operation was $27,000 over budget. Naturally, they considered ways to reduce overall costs.

The solution agreed upon by Congress was to lay off the night watchman.

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However, perhaps you feel that you could use another laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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12 funniest jokes you’ll read today

07/26/2025 by Roy Sutton

We all need a smile or two now and then. Jokes cheer us up, and laughter is the best medicine. So today I offer you 12 of the funniest jokes, each in two lines.

Let me say that these are jokes that I’ve stumbled upon in various places, so I cannot claim credit for them.

However, I wasn’t able to identify the original authors either.

Should you be the author of any of these jokes, or should you know the original author, then please let me know.

I would welcome the opportunity to add appropriate credits and links to acknowledge the authors. In the meantime, enjoy them all!

Funniest Jokes:

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
You only need a parachute if you plan to go skydiving twice

Parallel lines have so much in common
It’s a shame they’ll never meet

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I earn
Then they call me ugly and poor

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay
You have my Word

I went to an emotional wedding the other day
Even the cake was in tiers

Someone stole my mood ring
I don’t know how I feel about that

I tried to catch fog yesterday
Mist

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrow too high
She looked surprised

I threw a boomerang a few years ago
I now live in constant fear

A guy shows up late for work. His boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8.30!”
The guy replies, “Why? What happened at 8.30?

To people who say, “My dog is my best friend.”
I say, “Your dog may be your best friend, but will it pick you up from the airport? I think not.”

Audible: The perfect companion for comedy lovers:

Dear reader, do you love humour and comedy, witty stand-up, or hilarious storytelling?

Would you like to access all the funny content while you’re on the move?

Perhaps you prefer to listen rather than read. Well, why wouldn’t you?

Imagine having unlimited access to the funniest audiobooks, comedy specials, and laugh-out-loud performances anytime, anywhere.

Well, that is precisely what you get with Audible.

Quite simply, it is a game-changer for comedy enthusiasts!

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Why Audible is essential for comedy fans:

Instant access to top comedy titles: Whether it is classic works by legends like George Carlin and Dave Chappelle or the newest releases from today’s hottest comedians (think Kevin Hart, Ali Wong, or Trevor Noah), Audible has a vast library that is packed with comedy gold. Whatever your preference, you’ll always find something to tickle your funny bone.

Hear the jokes come to life: Reading comedy is one thing, but hearing it delivered by the original performer takes the experience to another level. The timing, tone, and energy of a live performance shine through in audiobooks, making every punchline land with greater impact.

Laugh on the go: Whether you’re stuck in traffic, sitting on a bus, or just waiting in line, an Audible subscription can turn even dull moments into a comedy club experience. Just put on your headphones and let the funniest comedians turn your commute or workout into a laugh fest.

Exclusive comedy originals:?If you don’t know it, Audible produces original comedy content you won’t find anywhere else, featuring top-tier comedians in special performances, improv shows, and behind-the-scenes storytelling.

Flexible listening, risk-free:?Don’t forget that there’s a trial and easy exchanges if a title isn’t your style. Audible makes it simple to explore new comedians without buyer’s remorse. Plus, you keep your books even if you cancel!

So, don’t just read comedy, experience it!

Life’s too short for boring moments. With Audible, you can fill your days with laughter, wit, and unbeatable entertainment.

Try Audible today and discover why it’s the best investment any comedy lover can make.

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DISCLOSURE: I am an Amazon affiliate. If you subscribe to Audible or make a purchase via the links provided, please be aware that I will receive a small commission. However, there will not be any additional cost to you. Your understanding is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

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Please share this post now. If you could do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful.

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5 Best funny jokes for adults that’ll make you laugh

07/24/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for the best funny jokes for adults, then here are five gems for you today.

I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them all.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine.

So, grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break for a good laugh.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Best funny jokes for adults:

1. The atheist and the cowboy:

An atheist boards a flight from Dallas to New York and sits next to a dusty old cowboy.

As he’s taking his seat, the atheist says to the cowboy, “Well, howdy. Would you like to talk? I find flights go quicker when you can have a conversation with a fellow passenger.”

The old cowboy puts down the inflight magazine he’d been reading and says, “What would you want to talk about, buddy?”

“Well,” says the atheist, with a smug smile, “we could talk about why there’s no God. How about we discuss why there’s no Heaven, no Hell, and no life after death?”

The old cowboy smiles a knowing smile and then says, “Yeah, they might be interesting topics to discuss, but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff. Grass, right? Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces clumps of manure. Now, why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist is surprised by this question but thinks for a moment and then responds, “Well, I have no idea.”

The old cowboy smiles a wry smile and then replies, “So, why do you feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death when you don’t know much at all?”

2. The challenge:

Jeff was a teenage boy who’d just passed his driving test. Naturally, he was keen to start driving. So, he asked his dad if he could use the family car on Sundays, when it was otherwise unused.

“Well, Jeff,” said his dad, “I’d need you to bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut before I’d be willing to talk about you using the car.”

Jeff thought about it momentarily, realised it was the best offer he was likely to get, and so, he decided to accept his dad’s offer. And with that, they shook hands on it.

At the end of the semester, Jeff’s dad said, “Son, I’m pleased you’ve improved your grades, and your willingness to study the bible hasn’t gone unnoticed either, but I’m disappointed you still haven’t had your hair cut.”

“Dad,” said Jeff, “I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed from my Bible study that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.“

Dad smiled at Jeff and then said, “And did you also notice that they all had to walk everywhere they went?“

3. The corny pun 1:

During colonial times, William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, was one of Philadelphia’s most prominent citizens.

Penn had two maiden aunts who owned a bakery known far and wide for its fruit pies, which were reputed to be the best available anywhere.

After many years of success, the two aunts had a serious falling out.

The falling out was so serious that they stopped speaking to one another altogether. Then one moved across the street and opened her own bakery, putting the two in competition.

It wasn’t long before there was a price war going on between them, with each aunt lowering her prices to undercut the other.

Eventually, it became so ridiculous that they were selling their products at a loss.

By this time, the only topic of conversation in town was the pie rates of Penn’s aunts.

4. The corny pun 2:

Elmer and Buck are two hillbillies having lunch in Denny’s restaurant. They’re sitting at the counter, enjoying their food, and discussing their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman seated at a nearby table begins to cough violently.

It seemed the bite she’d taken from her club sandwich had gone down the wrong way.

She continues to cough violently for a minute or so, and she’s starting to get quite distressed.

Elmer walks over to the lady and says, “Mam, kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head, suggesting she couldn’t, as she continues to struggle with her breathing.

“Mam, kin ya breathe?” Elmer continues.

Again, she indicates she can’t, as she begins to turn blue.

At this point, Elmer grabs the woman’s skirt, lifting it before yanking down her underwear, and then he starts licking her right butt cheek with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, Elmer returns to the counter, and as he does so, Buck says to him, “Ya know, I’d heard of that there ‘Hind Lick Manoeuvre’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it, until now.”

5. The emergency landing:

Jack and Mabel are an elderly couple flying to Hawaii for a vacation to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary.

They’re enjoying the in-flight service when suddenly, over the public address system, the captain makes an announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some unfortunate news to share with you. We’re having serious problems with all four engines, and we have no choice but to make an emergency landing. Luckily, there’s a remote island just ahead of us with a long, flat beach. We should be able to land the plane safely. However, we also have problems with our communications, so we won’t be able to summon help. So, we may never be rescued, and we may have to spend the rest of our lives on this island.”

The pilot manages to land the plane safely, and the passengers all exit the aircraft via the inflatable evacuation slides.

They’re all wandering around the beach looking a little bewildered when Mabel says to Jack, “Honey, what are we going to do?”

Jack thinks momentarily and then says, “Mabel, did you manage to make the car lease payment this month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mabel responds sheepishly, “I was so excited about our trip that I forgot.”

“Well,” Jack continues, “how about settling our credit card bill? Did you manage to do that before we left?”

“Oh no, I didn’t!” says Mabel, “and it was a big one this month with all the expense of this holiday.”

“Right, then,” Jack continues, “did you manage to settle the medical bill for the hospital treatment I had last month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mable responds, getting visibly upset, “again, I forgot.

Jack gives Mabel the biggest hug, and then he says, “There’s absolutely nothing to worry about, dear. We owe money, so they’ll find us!”

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Thank you for your support.

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