6 witty jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

Witty JokesIf you’re looking for some witty jokes that will make you laugh, then I’ve got six good ones here for you to enjoy today. Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Witty Jokes:

1. Rumblings in the night:

Bob was an American businessman on his first trip to London. He was really excited about the trip because he’d been invited to stay in a large stately home by the wealthy aristocratic family with whom he was doing business.

He was shown his room by his host and he couldn’t help but be seriously impressed. The room was very grand and spacious with a wonderful view. It also had an enormous wardrobe and a fabulous en-suite bathroom.

After a large evening meal and quite a few drinks with his host, Bob staggered back to his room late, feeling jet-lagged and a little tipsy, and immediately fell on his bed, still in his business suit. He was sound asleep within seconds. 

However, at about 4 am Bob was awakened suddenly by an urgent feeling that an uncontrollable bowel movement was imminent. The intestinal pressure was such that he realised he needed to move fast.

Despite feeling a little disoriented, he jumped off his bed in a flash but there was no time for switching on the lights. 

He could barely get to the bathroom quick enough. Struggling to get his trousers down, he burst through the door and probed around with his hands in the dark trying to locate the toilet.

However, his bowels couldn’t contain the pressure any longer and a foul-smelling, intestinal load was dumped uncontrollably on the floor.

His brain struggled to come to terms with his surroundings and what had just happened.  Well, he thought, at least it couldn’t get any worse. 

Then he realised that he was standing in the walk-in wardrobe. 

2. Presence of mind:

Jim’s wife accused him of hating all her family and relatives.

Now, that’s not true,” said Jim.

Then give me an example of a relative of mine that you actually like,” his wife, Jane responded.

Well, for a start I like your mother-in-law much more than I like mine,” said Jim.  

3. Unintended consequences:

Witty JokesRick’s wealthy father was in such poor health that he had no more than a couple of months to live. Recognising that he would soon inherit his father’s fortune, Rick decided it was time for him to find himself a good woman with whom he could enjoy a wealthy lifestyle.

So, one evening he visited a singles bar, where he immediately spotted a very beautiful woman, sitting alone at a table in the corner.

This woman was truly stunning and Rick couldn’t help being mesmerised by her beauty.

He walked over to her table and said, “Mam, I may not be the best-looking guy in this bar but within a few months I will inherit a $100 million fortune, as sadly my wealthy father’s dying.

The woman was so impressed that she went home with Rick that evening.

Two weeks later she became Rick’s stepmother.

4. The ageing mind:

An old man named Bill realised that he needed to use the toilet.

So he got up and walked across the house to the pantry.

He couldn’t remember why he’d gone to the pantry but he did remember that he needed to go to the toilet.

So he walked back across the house to the bathroom.

As he sat down on the throne, only then did he remember why he’d gone to the pantry.

Toilet paper!

5. How many wives:

Two little boys, Tim and Jerry, were at a wedding when Tim asked Jerry, “How many wives can a man have?

To which, Jerry responded, “Sixteen!

 Sixteen?” Tim asked. “How did you work that out?

Well,” said Jerry, “the priest has just said, four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer. So four times four is sixteen.

6. Lateral thinking:

Four old High School buddies were on a road trip, staying in motels along the way. Naturally, to keep the cost down they’d just book two rooms and then share.

The problem was, no one wanted to share with Bob because they all knew he snored so loudly.

To make it fair, Tom, Dick and Harry agreed that they would take it in turns to spend the night in a room with Bob.

On the first night, Tom shared the room with Bob.

The following morning Tom arrived at breakfast, looking completely shattered.

What happened to you?” asked Dick.

Oh, it was awful,” said Tom. “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up all night and watched him.”

The next night it was Dick’s turn to share with Bob.

The following morning Dick arrived at breakfast looking tired and his eyes were all bloodshot.

Man, you look shattered,” said Tom. “I’m guessing Bob was making a lot of noise in the night?

Jeez,” said Dick, “He was making enough noise to wake the dead. I was awake all night just watching him.

On the third night, it was Harry’s turn to share with Bob.

Harry was a wily old cowboy and a real man’s man. 

The next morning Harry arrived at breakfast looking bright-eyed, fresh and well-rested. 

Good morning guys,” said Harry.

Tom and Dick couldn’t believe their eyes.

How did you manage to sleep?” asked Tom.

Well,” said Harry, “we got ready for bed, I went and tucked Bob in, then I kissed him goodnight. And he sat up all night watching me.”

Please share this post with your friends:

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5 brilliant contenders for hilarious joke of the day

hilarious joke of the dayIf you’re looking for some brilliant contenders for hilarious joke of the day then I’ve got five little gems for you here today. I’m confident they’ll all make you smile.

So enjoy them all and please feel free to share them with your friends.

Hilarious joke of the day:

1. The Pull-Over:

Jim Murphy is a Texas State trooper patrolling the highway and he pulls over a car for speeding on the Interstate 35 about 15 miles north of Austin.

Officer Murphy approaches the car and asks the driver why he was speeding.

The driver gets out of his car and he’s very apologetic. 

I’m sorry officer,” says the driver, “but I’m a magician and juggler and I’m late for a show in Temple. If I don’t make it on time, I won’t get paid.”

Sir, this might be your lucky day,” says Officer Murphy, “because I love to watch juggling. So, if you can demonstrate some impressive juggling skills then I won’t give you a ticket.”

Oh, officer,” says the driver, “I can’t do that because my equipment has been sent on ahead and I don’t have anything to juggle.”

Well,” says Officer Murphy, “I have some flares in the trunk of my car, could you juggle them?

Sure!” says the driver.

So Officer Murphy gets five flares from the trunk, lights them all and hands them to the driver.

The driver then starts to juggle the flares with considerable skill.

Whilst doing so, another car pulls in behind the State trooper’s car. 

A drunken good old boy from Georgetown staggers out of this car, watches the juggling momentarily and then staggers over to Officer Murphy’s car, opens the rear door and climbs in. 

Officer Murphy watches him briefly and then goes over to his car and asks this guy what he thinks he’s doing.

“You might as well haul my butt off to jail officer,” says the drunk. “There ain’t no way I can pass that test right now.” 

2. Grumpy old man:

Dick and Doris are on a road trip on Interstate 5 from Sacramento to Albany, California.

They stop at a roadside diner for lunch.

After finishing their lunch, they leave the diner and continue on their journey to Albany. 

As they leave the diner, Doris forgetfully leaves her spectacles on the table. 

They’re driving along for about 45 minutes before Doris suddenly realises that she’s left her spectacles behind.

Dick,” Doris exclaims, “I left my spectacles on the table in the diner. I can’t be without them. We’ll have to go back.

Dick is really not happy about this, particularly as it’s another 20 minutes before they reach a junction where they can turn around and head back to the diner.

Doris,” said Dick, “I can never rely on you to get anything right, can I? We’ve added two  hours onto our journey just because you couldn’t remember your spectacles.”

For the entire journey back to the diner, Dick bitched and moaned in stereotypical grumpy old man fashion, blaming poor Doris for everything that was wrong in the world.

The more Dick chided her, the angrier he got and he didn’t let up for a single minute until eventually, they reached the diner.

As Doris got out of the car, she said, “I’ll be very quick, Dick, just bear with me one minute.”

Responding grumpily, Dick said, “Well, while you’re in there you might as well get my hat and the credit card I left behind.”

3. The Pope visits Liverpool:

The Pope’s on a visit to Liverpool and he’s handing out miracles to kids in a poor neighbourhood.

A young teenager named Jack walks up to him and says, “Holy Father, could you help me with my hearing?

The Pope says, “Yes, of course, my son.” He then puts his hands on Jack’s ears and starts praying.

After a few moments, the Pope removes his hands from Jack’s ears and says, “How’s your hearing now my son?

I don’t know, Hold Father,” says Jack, “I’m not up in Court until Thursday.”

4. The elevator ride:

hilarious joke of the dayAn old lady gets into an elevator on the Ground Floor of the Empire State Building in Manhattan.

On the very next floor, a young, well-dressed and beautiful woman gets into the elevator smelling of very expensive perfume.

The young woman smiles at the old lady and notices she’s sniffing at the fragrance in the air. So, the young woman says, a little arrogantly, “Do you like it? It’s Dolce & Gabbana Dolce Eau de Parfum Spray and it’s $122.00 a bottle.

The old lady returns her smile but says nothing.

A couple of floors further up and the elevator stops again and in gets another beautiful young woman, once again, smelling of costly perfume.

As the old lady is once again sniffing at the fragrance in the air, this young woman smiles and says, “Do you like it? It’s Atelier Bloem Nieuw Amsterdam Eau de Parfum and it’s $195.00 a bottle.

Once again, the old lady returns her smile but says nothing.

Ten floors further up and the old lady is about to reach her destination when she couldn’t stop herself from dropping an ass blast, loudly, and there’s the most terrible smell.

As she’s leaving the elevator, and noticing the look on their faces, the old lady smiles at her two fellow passengers and says, “Do you like it? Broccoli. 48 cents a pound.”

5. The cab driver and the nun:

A cab driver picks up a nun on Central Park West.

The cab driver can’t help staring at his passenger.

Why are you staring at me?” asked the nun.

Well, Sister,” says the cab driver, “I’ve always had this fantasy to kiss a nun.

The nun smiles at him and says, ”I can only kiss you if you’re single and Catholic.

That’s lucky,” says the cab driver, “I’m both!

So they agree to pull over into an alley and the nun proceeds to kiss the driver in a way that would make a lady of the night blush.

As they continue on their journey, the cab driver starts feeling guilty.

Sister,” says the cab driver, “I have a confession to make.”

And what would that be?” asks the nun.

I lied to you,” says the cab driver. “I’m actually married and I’m Jewish.

That’s OK,” says the nun, “My name’s Keith and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, would any of these contenders be your hilarious joke of the day? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share funny jokes, surely everyone’s a winner?

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

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