Funniest Jokes 2025: Could these be the 5 of them?

08/26/2025 by

If you’re looking for the funniest jokes 2025, here are some that I think are serious contenders for that title.

If you want to be the life and soul of the party, then these jokes will certainly make people laugh. They all made me laugh, that’s for sure.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And then please feel free to pass them on.

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Funniest Jokes 2025:

1. The Test:

A teacher has prepared a test for two of her students.

Now one of these kids is very clever, but the other one is a bit slow, to say the least.

The test has 10 questions, and the teacher sits both students down in the classroom and gives them 45 minutes to complete the test.

Once completed by the students, the test papers are sent away for independent marking and assessment.

When the teacher receives the marked test papers back, she looks at the slow kid’s mark first. He’s been given 9 out of 10.

“That’s astonishing!” the teacher thinks to herself.

She then looks at the clever kid’s mark, and he too has been given 9 out of 10.

“That can’t be right,” the teacher exclaims.

So she goes through the clever kid’s paper in detail.

The first nine questions he’s got all right. However, for the tenth question, he’s simply written, “Sorry mam, but I don’t know the answer to this question.”

So the teacher then goes through the slow kid’s paper in detail.

Again, he’s got the first nine questions all right. And then for the tenth question he’s written, “I don’t know the answer either.”

2. Questionable weather:

Jane is arguing with her husband, Bill, about the winter weather, precipitation, and how they would describe the amount of moisture currently in the atmosphere.

“Well,” said Jane. “This, to me, is drizzle.”

“No,” Bill responded. “It’s heavy mist.”

This debate went on for a while, and then, eventually, Jane suggested they ask the elderly man next door.

“Hey,” said Jane, “Rudolf’s a former Soviet communist from Russia. He’ll know all about bad weather.”

So they went next door and asked Rudolf for his opinion.

“It is drizzle,” Rudolf declared.

Needless to say, Bill felt a little put out, losing the argument in this way.

“Why should we accept his judgment anyway?” asked Bill.

Jane smiled and said, “Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!”

3. Communication breakdown:

Sister Elizabeth is walking down to breakfast in the convent one morning when she meets Sister Gillian.

“Good morning, Sister Elizabeth,” says Sister Gillian. “It looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

In response, Sister Elizabeth smiles. She’s slightly puzzled by Sister Gillian’s comment, but she lets it go.

As she proceeds down the corridor towards the dining room, she then bumps into Sister Julienne.

“Good morning, Sister Elizabeth,” says Sister Julienne. “It looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

Though mildly irritated by hearing this comment a second time, once again she smiles and lets it go.

As she enters the dining room, Sister Elizabeth bumps into the Mother Superior.

“Good morning, Sister Elizabeth,” says the Mother Superior. “It looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

“Why on earth do people keep asking me that question?” says Sister Elizabeth. “Have I been rude to anyone?”

“No, not at all,” replies the Mother Superior, “but you’re wearing the Bishop’s slippers.”

4. The wages of sin:

Mary is saying goodbye to her husband, John, as he nears death.

“My love,” said John. “Before I die, I must confess that I was once unfaithful to you with another woman. In our fifty years of marriage, it was once and only once, I swear. Please, can you forgive me?”

Mary fidgets for a moment, and then she reaches for the chest at the end of the bed. She opens the lid and takes out two ears of corn and a thousand dollars in cash.

Mary shows this to John, and slightly bemused, he asks, “What’s this?”

“Well, John, I’ve been unfaithful too,” Mary responds. “And each time I had a lover, I put an ear of corn in this chest.”

John is clearly upset momentarily, but then he says, “Well, it was only twice. But what was the money for?”

Mary starts to weep, and then she says, “Each time I got enough ears of corn for a bushel, I sold it.

5. The Good Samaritan:

Margarita had left her home in the small city of Campeche in Mexico for what she thought would be an exciting life in New York City.

However, the drudgery of life as a chambermaid, working in a third-rate hotel on 9th Avenue, proved to be a depressing experience.

She felt so depressed that one night she found herself standing on Brooklyn Bridge, contemplating throwing herself into the East River.

At that moment, a Good Samaritan came walking across the bridge in the shape of a handsome young man named Tom.

“Hello, I’m Tom,” said the young man. “Please tell me what’s troubling you, mam.”

“Life in Manhattan, working as a chambermaid, is so hard,” Margarita responded. “I wanted so much more. And I can’t go home now, so I have nothing to live for.”

“Look mam, the world is full of opportunity,” said Tom. “Hey, I’m a sailor, and tomorrow we’ll be sailing to London, England. You could come too. I could stow you away on the ship and take care of you. I’ll bring you food each day and keep you happy.”

Margarita thought about it momentarily, and she realised that she had nothing to lose, so she accepted Tom’s offer.

That night, Tom took her aboard the ship and hid her in a small, but surprisingly comfortable, compartment in the hold.

From then on, each night Tom brought sandwiches and some red wine, and after they’d eaten, he’d make love to her.

A few days later, during a routine inspection, the captain discovered Margarita.

“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“Sir, I have an arrangement with one of your sailors,” replied Margarita. “He brings me food, and he’s taking me to London, England, on your ship.”

“Really?” the captain responded.

“Yes, sir,” said Margarita. “He’s been taking advantage of me, too, sir.”

“He certainly has, mam,” replied the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”

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If you enjoyed these jokes, please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If you agree that these were the funniest jokes 2025 and they made you smile, at least a little, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then click on the links below.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

Affiliate Disclosure: This site is an affiliate of Expedia and related companies. This means that if you click on the link and make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products or services that I think will be valuable to you. Any commissions earned help support the content I create.

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30 knock knock jokes that are corny but fun

08/25/2025 by

Do you enjoy ‘knock knock jokes,’ dear reader?

Yes, they’re corny, I know. However, they’re fun too. Clever wordplay is always fun, and indeed, I find it amusing.

So, here are 30 knock knock jokes which I hope you will enjoy.

Grab a coffee, take an unofficial break, relax, and enjoy the smiles.

And when you’ve read them all, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

30 KNOCK KNOCK JOKES
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Knock Knock Jokes (1-10):

  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Boo
  • Boo who?
  • Don’t cry, it’s just a joke!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Wendy
  • Wendy who?
  • Wendy wind blows, the cradle will rock!
  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Honeybee
  • Honeybee who?
  • Honeybee a dear and get the door, please!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Dishes
  • Dishes who?
  • Dishes the police, open up!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Alpaca
  • Alpaca who?
  • Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Mikey
  • Mikey who?
  • Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole; can you open the door, please?
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Olive
  • Olive who?
  • Olive you and I always will!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Wooden shoe
  • Wooden shoe who?
  • Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Cow says
  • Cow says who?
  • No silly, cow says moooo!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Cash
  • Cash who?
  • No thanks, I prefer peanuts!

Knock Knock Jokes (11-20):

  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Icy
  • Icy who?
  • Icy you but you can’t see me!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Lettuce
  • Lettuce who?
  • Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Kenya
  • Kenya who?
  • Kenya guess who I am?
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Arthur
  • Arthur who?
  • Arthur any more jokes left?
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Ivor
  • Ivor who?
  • Ivor question to ask you.
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Nicholas
  • Nicholas who?
  • Nicholas women shouldn’t climb trees.
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Luke
  • Luke who?
  • Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Howard
  • Howard who?
  • Howard you like a big hug?
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Noah
  • Noah who?
  • Noah good place we can get something to eat?
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Atch
  • Atch who?
  • Bless you!

Knock Knock Jokes (21-30):

  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Harry
  • Harry who?
  • Harry up and answer the door!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Arthur
  • Arthur who?
  • Arthur any more cookies left?
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Nana
  • Nana who?
  • Nana your business!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Justin
  • Justin who?
  • Justin the neighbourhood, and heard you needed a laugh!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Europe
  • Europe who?
  • No, you’re a poo!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Lettuce
  • Lettuce who?
  • Lettuce in and we’ll tell you!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Who
  • Who who?
  • Is there an owl in here?
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Fuk
  • Fuk who?
  • No, Fuk Yu!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Dishes
  • Dishes who?
  • Dishes a nice place you got here!
  • Knock, knock
  • Who’s there?
  • Alex
  • Alex who?
  • Alex the questions around here!
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Please share this post:

If any of these knock knock jokes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. So, it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Just click on the links below.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

Affiliate Disclosure: This site is an affiliate of Expedia and related companies. This means that if you click on the link and make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products or services that I think will be valuable to you. Any commissions earned help support the content I create.

More fun you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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50 funny what is the difference between jokes

08/14/2025 by
50 funny what is the difference between jokes

If you’re looking for some “what is the difference between jokes,” dear reader, then I can offer you 50 today that I’m sure will raise a laugh or two.

Give people a laugh, and they’ll forget about their worries, at least for a while. That’s my philosophy.

Whether you’re at your local bar trying to break the ice with some new friends or at a family gathering trying to make your notoriously hard-to-impress uncle chuckle, these jokes are sure to be a hit. Well, I think so, anyway.

So, grab a cup of coffee, sit back, and prepare for an onslaught of comedic genius. Well, at the very least, a few groans.

Let’s get this laughter show on the road, shall we? We all need laughter, and there’s no better way to start the day.

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What is the difference between jokes (1-10):

  1. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
  2. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well-dressed man on a tricycle? Attire!
  3. What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, whack, “Darn!” A bad skydiver goes, “Darn!” whack.
  4. What’s the difference between an elephant and a biscuit? You can’t dunk an elephant in your tea.
  5. What’s the difference between a teacher and a railroad guard? One trains the mind, and the other minds the train.
  6. What’s the difference between a jeweller and a jailer? One sells watches and the other watches cells.
  7. What’s the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? One is heavy, the other is a little lighter.
  8. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
  9. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
  10. What’s the difference between a new wife and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What is the difference between jokes (11-20):

  1. What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
  2. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
  3. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
  4. What’s the difference between a tick and a politician? One is a blood-sucking parasite, and the other is a tiny insect.
  5. What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.
  6. What’s the difference between a thief and a peeping Tom? One snatches your watch, and the other watches your snatch.
  7. What’s the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
  8. What’s the difference between a comet and a cat? One has a tail that’s blazing, and the other’s tail is for chasing.
  9. What’s the difference between a banker and a vampire? One sucks your blood, and the other your wallet.
  10. What’s the difference between a poker player and a skydiver? One takes a chance when he goes all in, and the other when he jumps all out. 

What is the difference between jokes (21-30):

  1. What’s the difference between a chef and a dog? One wears pants and the other just pants.
  2. What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing!
  3. What’s the difference between a frog and a cat? A frog croaks all the time, and a cat only nine times.
  4. What’s the difference between a schoolteacher and a steam train? The teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the train says, “Choo Choo!”
  5. What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father? One’s a pop fly and the other’s a fly pop.
  6. What’s the difference between a baseball player and a dirty puppy? One runs home after sliding into base, and the other slides into home after running in the dirt.
  7. What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
  8. What’s the difference between a circus and a brothel? At the circus, you have a cunning array of stunts.
  9. What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
  10. What’s the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student? One baits his hooks, and the other hates his books.

What is the difference between jokes (31-40):

  1. What’s the difference between a robber and a politician? The robber steals your money and then runs. The politician runs and then steals your money.
  2. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer miles.
  3. What’s the difference between an elephant and a grape? Grapes are purple.
  4. What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can’t hear an enzyme.
  5. What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion? No one sheds a tear when you chop up an accordion.
  6. What’s the difference between a jeweller and a jailer? One sells watches and the other watches cells.
  7. What’s the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist only takes the skin.
  8. What’s the difference between a gambler and a skydiver? A gambler risks going broke, and a skydiver risks going splat.
  9. What’s the difference between a mathematician and an accountant? An accountant would say that 1+1=2. A mathematician would need to prove it.
  10. What’s the difference between a casino and a church? In a casino, you really mean it when you pray.

What is the difference between jokes (41-50):

  1. What’s the difference between a pun and a dad joke? One just leaves you groaning, and the other leaves you groaning and slightly disappointed.
  2. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
  3. What’s the difference between a computer salesman and a used car salesman? The used car salesman knows when he’s lying.
  4. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
  5. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.
  6. What’s the difference between a magician and a politician? One performs tricks and the other just tricks.
  7. What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer doesn’t need a parachute.
  8. What’s the difference between a politician and a snail? One is a slimy pest, and the other is a snail.
  9. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
  10. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear, and the other’s a very good year.
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If any of these “what is the difference between jokes” made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. So, it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Just click on the links below.

Alternatively, there’s a lot more than humour on this site. I aim to inform and inspire, too. Feel free to look around.

Thank you for your support.

More fun you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

what is the difference between jokes, what is the difference between jokes

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40 witty Deez Nuts jokes that will brighten your day

08/11/2025 by

Laughter has an incredible way of brightening our day; I am sure you will agree, dear reader. So, what better way to add a little fun to your day than with this batch of deez nuts jokes?

Whether it’s a little pick-me-up you need, a quick giggle, or some fun you can share with friends, these jokes are sure to crack a smile or two.

Whether you’re a fan of clever wordplay, enjoy the art of the punchline, or love the sheer silliness of these jokes, they are sure to tickle your funny bone.

So, please take a few moments to enjoy the silliness of them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

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Deez Nuts Jokes (1-10):

  1. What did Deez Nuts say to the psychiatrist? I’m nuts.
  2. What did Deez Nuts say to the pistachio? You’re in a nutshell!
  3. What did Deez Nuts say to the New York cab driver? Nuttin’!
  4. What did Deez Nuts say to the peanut butter? Spread the love!
  5. Why did Deez Nuts become a comedian? He cracked everyone up!
  6. What did Deez Nuts say to the vending machine? Give me my nuts!
  7. What did Deez Nuts say to the walnut? You’re a tough nut to crack.
  8. Why did Deez Nuts become a detective? He was always on the case.
  9. Why did Deez Nuts go to the gym? He wanted to get nut-solutely fit.
  10. Why did Deez Nuts become a chef? He knew how to spice up the nuts.

Deez Nuts Jokes (11-20):

  1. Why did Deez Nuts get a job at the bakery? He kneaded the dough.
  2. What did Deez Nuts say to the acorn? You’re a small but mighty nut!
  3. What did Deez Nuts say to his boss? You’d have to be nuts to work here.
  4. What did Deez Nuts say to the sunflower seed? You’re a bright little nut!
  5. What did Deez Nuts say to the chestnut? You’re the nuttiest of them all!
  6. Why did Deez Nuts start a dance troupe? He had some fancy nut moves.
  7. What did Deez Nuts say to the Bombay mix? You’re great with a drink!
  8. Why did Deez Nuts become a barber? He knew how to give nuts a clean cut.
  9. What did Deez Nuts say to the macadamia? You’re the nut of my dreams!
  10. What did Deez Nuts say to the esthetician? I’d like a back, sack and crack, please.

Deez Nuts Jokes (21-30):

  1. Why did Deez Nuts become a magician? He could make nuts disappear!
  2. Why did Deez Nuts become a teacher? He wanted to educate young nuts.
  3. Why did Deez Nuts become a firefighter? He knew how to handle hot nuts!
  4. Why did Deez Nuts become a lifeguard? He wanted to save drowning nuts.
  5. Why did Deez Nuts become a gardener? He wanted to nurture his nutty side.
  6. What did Deez Nuts say to the walnut butter? You’re the nutty spread I can’t resist!
  7. What did Deez Nuts say to the coconut oil? You’re the nutty secret to healthy skin!
  8. What did Deez Nuts say to the cashew butter? You’re a smooth talker, just like me!
  9. What did Deez Nuts say to the almond butter? You spread happiness, just like me!
  10. Why did Deez Nuts go to the ballet? He wanted to see a nutcracking performance.

Deez Nuts Jokes (31-40):

  1. Why did Deez Nuts become a plumber? He knew how to fix leaky nuts.
  2. Why did Deez Nuts become a mechanic? He knew how to loosen stiff nuts in a jiffy.
  3. Why did Deez Nuts join the police force? He was passionate about cracking cases.
  4. Why did Deez Nuts become a counsellor? He was great at listening and offering nutty advice.
  5. Why did Deez Nuts become a coach? He loved motivating other nuts to reach their full potential.
  6. Why did Deez Nuts become a scientist? He wanted to crack the nutty mysteries of the universe.
  7. Why did Deez Nuts start a comedy club? He loved making everyone laugh with his nutty jokes.
  8. What did Deez Nuts say to the walnut flour? You’re the nutty addition to my baking adventures!
  9. Why did Deez Nuts become a photographer? He had an eye for capturing nutty moments.
  10. What did Deez Nuts say to the coconut flour? You’re the secret ingredient in my nutty recipes!
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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these Deez Nuts jokes made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then click on the links below.

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6 short story jokes that will make you laugh

08/11/2025 by
6 short story jokes

If you enjoy short story jokes, then I’ve got six real gems for you today. They all made me laugh, and I’m confident that they’ll amuse you, too, dear reader.

So, grab a coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short story jokes:

1. Emily and the Apache Woman

Emily was driving in her Chevrolet Bolt along Interstate 17 in Arizona, on her way home to Phoenix.

Suddenly, she saw a poor, elderly Apache woman walking very slowly along the side of the highway.

Recognising that this situation was quite dangerous and feeling sorry for the poor woman, Emily pulled over and offered her a lift.

The Apache woman nodded silently in appreciation and climbed into the car.

Naturally, Emily tried to engage her in conversation, but initially, the Apache woman remained silent, and she seemed a bit nervous.

However, as they progressed along the highway towards Phoenix, the woman eventually started to relax a little, and then she started to look around.

The old woman was looking closely at everything in the car, apparently studying every detail. Then she noticed a pale blue gift bag on the rear seat behind Emily.

“What’s in the bag?” she asked Emily, almost whispering.

“Oh,” Emily responded warmly, “it’s a bottle of whiskey that I got for my husband.”

The Apache woman remained silent momentarily, and then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of someone who’s been around the block a few times, she smiled and said, “Good trade.”

2. The Naughty Boys

Charlotte had two young boys, Jack and Harry.

Jack and Harry were two young kids who were always getting themselves into trouble. If there was any mischief happening anywhere in their town, then usually Jack and Harry were involved, and Charlotte knew this.

Naturally, her boys’ wayward behaviour was a concern for Charlotte, and it was an issue she was keen to resolve.

One day, Charlotte read an article in the local newspaper about a clergyman in town who’d been very successful in disciplining young boys and improving their behaviour.

So Charlotte phoned the clergyman and asked him if he would speak with her boys.

The clergyman said he was happy to help, but he stressed that it was important that he see each of them separately.

So Charlotte decided to send young Harry to see the clergyman in the morning, with his elder brother Jack to follow in the afternoon.

The clergyman was an enormous man with a stern face and a big, booming voice.

He instructed Harry to sit down, and then he asked him sternly, “Where is God?“

The clergyman’s approach scared the life out of Harry. His mouth dropped open, but fear prevented him from speaking. He just sat there wide-eyed, with his mouth hanging open.

So the clergyman repeated the question, but this time with an even sterner tone. “Where is God?” he said.

Again, Harry did not attempt to respond. He was too scared.

So this time the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in Harry’s face, bellowing, “WHERE IS GOD?“

That was it for Harry. He jumped up from his chair, screamed, and ran out of the room and all the way home. He didn’t stop running until he got to his bedroom, and then he hid in his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When Jack found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened, dude?“

Still gasping for breath, Harry replied, “Dude, we are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!“

3. The Test Results

John had been undergoing tests for a serious health concern for several weeks. Finally, it was the day for him to receive his test results.

So he was sitting in his doctor’s office, and he said, “Doc, I need to know my test results! Not knowing is driving me crazy.“

His doctor reviewed his notes again and then said, “Well, John, there’s some good news and some bad news, I’m afraid. Which one do you want first?”

To which John replied, “I think I’d prefer the good news first. Yeah, Doc, let me have the good news first!”

“Well,” said the doctor, “I hear there are some amazing deals on cremations this week.“

4. Deceiving another:

Scooter says to his friend Arlo, “Hey, listen, I need your help. I’m sleeping with Wyatt’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the service for me?“

Arlo doesn’t like deceiving people, but as Scooter’s friend, he feels obliged, and he agrees.

So, after the service, Arlo starts talking to Wyatt, asking him all sorts of dumb questions, to delay him as requested.

This goes on for several minutes until Wyatt starts getting a bit annoyed, and he asks Arlo what’s going on.

At this point, Arlo feels guilty, and he confesses to Wyatt, “Scooter is with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied.“

Wyatt smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Arlo’s shoulder, and says, “Listen, boy, my wife died two years ago. You’d be wise to hurry home right now.”

5. A man and his Ostrich

A guy walks into a New York diner with an ostrich.

They both sit down at the counter, and after a few moments, the waitress asks them whether they’re ready to order.

“Yes,” said the guy, “I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries and a Coke.”

He then looks at the ostrich and says, “What are you having?“

“The same,” says the ostrich.

About ten minutes later, the waitress returns with their order and then says. “That’ll be $22.00, please.“

The man reaches into his pocket, and, without even looking, he pulls out the exact amount of money for payment.

The next day, the same guy and his ostrich return, and once again the guy says, “I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries and a Coke, please.“

And once again the ostrich says, “The same.“

Once again, when their order arrives, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money to settle the bill.

This goes on for a few days and is becoming a routine when one night they enter the diner and the waitress asks, “The usual?“

“No,” said the guy, “as it’s Friday, I’ll have the T-bone steak with a baked potato, a green salad, and a glass of Merlot.”

“Same for me,” said the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and then says, “That’ll be $53.00.”

Once again, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money to pay the bill.

At this point, the waitress is unable to suppress her curiosity any longer, and she says to the guy, “Excuse me, sir. How is it you always manage to pull from your pocket the exact amount of money? You do it every time.”

“Well,” said the guy, “several years ago, I was cleaning my attic, and I found an old oil lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and granted me two wishes.”

“Really?” said the waitress. “And what did you wish for?”

“Well, my first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the exact amount of money would always be there,” said the guy.

“Now that’s brilliant!” the waitress responded. “Most people would wish for, like, a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you need to be for as long as you live!“

“That’s right,” said the guy. “Whether I’m buying a pitcher of beer or a Bugatti Chiron, the exact amount of money will always be there.”

The waitress was impressed but still a little curious.

“So what’s with the ostrich then?” she inquired.

The guy sighs and then says, “Well, my second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.“

The waitress smiled at him and said, “Be careful what you wish for, hey?”

6. The Frog and the Fortune Teller

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out whether he’ll ever meet his princess.

The fortune-teller looks into her crystal ball for a few moments and then says to the frog, “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?“

“Let me have the good news first,” said the frog.

“Well, you’re going to meet the most beautiful girl in the world,” said the fortune-teller. “She will be interested in you, and she will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her, and you will give her your heart.“

“That sounds fantastic,” said the frog, “but what’s the bad news then?“

“You’re going to meet her in her biology class,” replied the fortune-teller.

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50 funny comebacks that say ‘Don’t mess with me!’

08/10/2025 by
50 funny comebacks

Today, I am exploring funny comebacks.

Have you ever been in a situation where you wished you had a smart response straight off the tongue to put someone well and truly in their place?

An insult or funny comeback to let someone know that they’re attempting to mess with someone they really shouldn’t mess with?

Certainly, it’s a good idea to have your stock of insults and funny comebacks ready and waiting to be used, just in case.

This would be your deadly quiver full of arrows.

There’s nothing worse than being stuck for words, only to kick yourself later when you think of a good comeback, but it’s all a bit too late.

So here’s another selection of 50 insults and funny comebacks, so you’re armed and ready when necessary. No one messes with you, dear reader.

FUNNY COMEBACKS
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50 Funny Comebacks (1-10):

  1. Well, I was pro-life……until I met you.
  2. You’re so fat you could sell shade.
  3. If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
  4. You’ll go far, and hopefully, you won’t come back.
  5. Well, aren’t you just the sunshine in a stormy sky?
  6. Hey, your village called. They want their idiot back.
  7. You’re living proof that evolution can go into reverse.
  8. I gotta tell you, your wit is as sharp as a plastic knife.
  9. If there was an Olympics for rudeness, you’d be a gold medallist.
  10. Well, bless your heart. It’s truly an experience to be in your presence. 

50 Funny Comebacks (11-20):

  1. Well, aren’t you just a waste of space?
  2. You’re about as useful as a bucket with a hole in it.
  3. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  4. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people.
  5. Were you born this stupid, or have you had special training?
  6. I see you’ve mastered the art of making friends ….. disappear.
  7. You’re about as pleasant as the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
  8. You’re living proof that God does have a sense of humour.
  9. Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
  10. I must have missed the memo that said rudeness is the new black.

50 Funny Comebacks (21-30):

  1. Jesus might love you, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
  2. Please tell me that you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
  3. Save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.
  4. Well, aren’t you just the little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
  5. I hear you’re keen to lose weight. Have you tried shaving your legs?
  6. Well, at least we now know that diplomacy is not a skill you possess.
  7. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it works, that’s for sure.
  8. Hey, the zoo called. They’re wondering how you got out of your cage.
  9. It amuses me when I hear you talk about stuff you don’t understand.
  10. You’ve certainly mastered the knack of making people feel unwelcome.
FUNNY COMEBACKS

50 Funny Comebacks (31-40):

  1. I just stepped in something that was smarter than you, and it smelled better, too.
  2. Oh, please, do go on. I’m on the edge of my seat, captivated by your lack of charm.
  3. Oh, look, it’s the master of snide remarks. Please don’t keep us waiting; we’re all ears.
  4. You’ve got all the social graces of a Black Mamba. Slippery and not very approachable.
  5. Do your parents even realise they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
  6. Meeting you has made me realise that there are some remarkably dumb people in this world.
  7. I have seen people like you before, but I’ve always been charged for admission.
  8. You’ve all the charm of a rattlesnake and the grace of a bull in a China shop. Impressive, really!
  9. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
  10. Don’t you know that it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it, removing all doubt?

50 Funny Comebacks (41-50):

  1. You’ve got a lot to say for yourself, but I struggle to comprehend why any of it matters.
  2. Well, you’ve certainly got a talent for turning pleasantries into passive-aggressive remarks.
  3. I’ve been lucky enough to meet a lot of likeable people in my time, but you’re not one of them.
  4. You’ve got the kind of charisma that makes folks wish for earplugs and a sudden loss of hearing.
  5. I know this might sound alien to you, but you’ll catch more flies with sugar than you will with vinegar.
  6. I’m guessing you’ve never read Dale Carnegie’s famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
  7. I’m trying my hardest to see things from your perspective, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.
  8. If you’re waiting for me to care, then I hope you brought something to eat, because it’s going to be a long, long time.
  9. You don’t have to be a complete prick all your life. You can always take five minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
  10. In science class, I learned the universe consists of neutrons, protons, and electrons. The University of Life has taught me that it consists of morons, too.
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30 hilarious corny jokes guaranteed to make you smile

08/09/2025 by

Once again, I’ve been curating hilarious corny jokes to keep you amused, dear reader. So here’s another batch that I think might raise a smile or two.

They’re all officially classified as Author Unknown, but if you can identify any of these against an original author, then please do let me know. I am keen to add suitable credits and links to websites where appropriate.

So please advise accordingly, but not before you’ve enjoyed these 30 hilarious corny jokes.

HILARIOUS CORNY JOKES

Hilarious corny jokes (1-10):

  • What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs?
  • A condescending con descending.
  • I used to be a narcissist.
  • But just look at me now.
  • What did the ocean say to the island?
  • Nothing, it just waved.
  • A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
  • He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
  • What happens to illegally parked frogs?
  • They get toad.
  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me.
  • It means a lot.
  • What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
  • The second one.
  • Did you hear the one about the two radio antennas that got married?
  • The church service was just fine but the reception was awesome.
  • Why was the scarecrow given a promotion?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did the police officer say to his chest?
  • You’re under a vest.

Hilarious corny jokes (11-20):

  • Where does seaweed look for a job?
  • In the kelp-wanted ads.
  • Why did the soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
  • They were all seasoned troopers.
  • What is a vampire’s favourite type of boat?
  • A blood vessel.
  • What do you call a nervous celery stalk?
  • An edgy veggie.
  • What do you call baby foot soldiers?
  • Infantry.
  • What do you call a goat that lives on a mountain?
  • A hillbilly.
  • What do you call four Bullfighters in quicksand?
  • Cuatro Sinko.
  • What’s taken before you can get it?
  • Your photograph.
  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them.
  • What can you put in a large wooden box to make it lighter?
  • Holes.

Hilarious corny jokes (21-30):

  • What is served in glasses and is hard to swallow?
  • A stiff drink.
  • Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?
  • He was growing mashed potatoes.
  • Why did the baker stop making donuts?
  • He was sick of the hole business.
  • Where do hamburgers box?
  • In an onion ring.
  • What is the most unreliable vegetable?
  • A fickle onion.
  • What do you call an imaginary colour?
  • A pigment of your imagination.
  • What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
  • One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
  • When does a joke become a Dad joke?
  • When it becomes fully groan.
  • My friend is a structural engineer.
  • He’s always complaining about stress at work.
  • Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician?
  • He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a Number 2 pencil.
HILARIOUS CORNY JOKES
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4 hilariously funny story jokes to make you laugh

08/08/2025 by

Today, I offer you four hilariously funny story jokes that I’m confident will make you smile.

We all need to laugh every day. There’s nothing better than a good laugh with your friends.

So here are four great jokes you can tell your friends to make them laugh.

Enjoy them all. And please, feel free to pass them on.

hilariously funny story jokes
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Hilariously funny story jokes:

1. Immaculate conception:

Jenny Smith accompanies her 15-year-old daughter, Caitlyn, to the doctor.

“Good evening Mrs Smith”, says the doctor. “How can I be of help today?”

“Well, Doctor Morgan, it’s my daughter Caitlyn,” says Mrs Smith. “She’s putting on weight, she’s being sick in the mornings, and she keeps getting these cravings.”

The kindly doctor smiles and then says, “Right then, let me take a look at her.”

He then examines Caitlyn thoroughly before turning to her mother and saying, “Well, I’m not quite sure how to break this news to you Mrs Smith, but your daughter is pregnant. Probably about three months gone, I would estimate.“

Jenny Smith is shocked. “Pregnant?” she says to the doctor.

“Yes, mam”, the doctor responds.

“But how can that be?” says Mrs Smith. “She doesn’t even have a boyfriend. Do you, Caitlyn?”

“No mom, I don’t” Caitlyn responds nervously. “I’ve never even kissed a boy, and I’m still a v*****.”

Doctor Morgan walks across to the window in his surgery and starts gazing out into the evening sky.

A few minutes pass before Mrs Smith feels compelled to say, “What’s the problem, Doctor? Is something wrong out there?“

“No, not really,” Doctor Morgan replies, “but the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men arrived on camels to witness the event. That’s a spectacle I didn’t want to miss.“

2. If a job matters, don’t leave it to a man:

Gloria is getting increasingly concerned that her 3-year-old son, Billy, looks completely different from both her and her husband, Jeff.

So she decides to take Billy for a DNA test.

The results from the DNA test reveal that Billy is actually from completely different parents.

So when Jeff arrives home from work, Gloria says, “Honey, I’ve got something really serious to tell you.“

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jeff responds.

“Well,” says Gloria, “according to DNA test results, Billy is not our child.“

To which Jeff responds, “Well, don’t you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet diaper, and you said, ‘Honey, go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here’.”

3. County work:

Jim stops at a gas station on Interstate 5, fills his tank, pays for the gas, and, in doing so, also buys a can of cherry cola.

Before moving on, Jim stands by his car drinking his cola. As he does so, he watches a couple of guys working along the roadside.

One of the guys digs a hole about two feet deep, then moves on.

The other guy follows the first guy, filling in the hole that had just been dug.

And each time the first guy digs a new hole, the other guy is about 20 feet behind him, filling in the previous hole.

Jim watches this for a while and then feels compelled to say something.

So, as the two workmen get close to where Jim is standing, he says to them, “Hey, guys, just hold it a minute. Why are you digging holes and then just filling them in again?”

“Well,” said the first guy, “we work for the county.”

“So, you work for the county,” says Jim, “but one of you is digging a hole and the other is just filling it in again. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you just wasting the county’s money?“

“Hey buddy, you don’t understand,” says the first guy, leaning on his shovel and wiping sweat from his brow.

“Normally, there are three of us,” the second guy chips in.

“That’s right,” said the first guy. “There’s normally me, Mike here, and Phil, but Phil’s sick today.”

“Yeah!” says Mike, “Bill here digs the hole, Phil plants a tree, and then I shovel the dirt back in.”

“Right,” says Jim, “I get it, but Phil’s not here, so there’s no tree.”

“Yeah!” Bill responds. “But just because Phil’s not here doesn’t mean that we don’t still have work to do!”

4. You can’t outsmart an old dog:

An old dog strays into a jungle and gets completely lost.

A hungry lion basking in the sun spots the old dog from a distance and thinks to himself, “I’ve not seen this type of animal before, but he sure looks edible.”

The lion then gets up and starts moving slowly towards the old dog, gradually picking up the pace before he then sprints towards the dog with real menace in his eyes.

The old dog sees the charging lion, and naturally, he starts to panic. Who wouldn’t panic in these circumstances?

However, the old dog is also intelligent, and he realises he cannot outrun the lion. So, having noticed some bones next to him on the ground, he picks one up and starts chewing on it.

As the lion gets close, he then says loudly, “Hmmm, now that was some excellent lion meat!“

Hearing this comment stops the lion in his tracks.

The lion stares at the old dog, thinking, “This old fella must be a lot tougher than he looks. It might be a good idea to leave him alone.“

A monkey in a nearby tree sees what’s happened and recognises that the old dog has managed to fool the lion.

Naturally, the monkey thinks that this is a situation he might be able to exploit to his advantage.

So he goes over to the lion and tells him exactly what happened, in the hope that he might get something in return.

The lion is angry that he’s fallen for the old dog’s deception, so he says to the monkey, “Get on my back now, and we’ll get him together. We’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget.”

So with the monkey on his back, the lion once again starts rushing in the old dog’s direction.

Despite his advancing years, the old dog is quick to spot them and realises what’s happened. He starts to panic again before he quickly gets another idea.

He then starts to act like he’s searching for something until they get close, and then, to ensure they hear him, he shouts loudly, “Where’s that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago.“

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21 funny computer nerd jokes that will tickle you

08/05/2025 by

Do you love computer nerd jokes? Certainly, they always make me smile.

So I’ve been searching for some of the best computer nerd jokes I can find, and today I offer you 21 of what I think are the best.

It’s virtually impossible to confirm their origins or their authors, but should anyone be able to advise, then please do let me know.

In the meantime, take a few minutes to enjoy these 21 computer nerd jokes that will tickle you and any kids you may have, too.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

COMPUTER NERD JOKES
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Computer nerd jokes:

  • What do you call 8 hobbits?
  • A hobbyte
  • What’s a computer virus?
  • A terminal illness
  • Which tea do web developers prefer?
  • URL Grey
  • How does a tree use a computer?
  • It logs on
  • What did the computer do at lunchtime?
  • Had a byte to eat
  • Why did the computer keep sneezing?
  • It had a virus
  • Why was the computer cold?
  • It left its Windows open
  • Why did the developer go broke?
  • Because he used up all his cache
  • Which computer sings the best?
  • A Dell
  • Why did the computer show up late for work?
  • It had a hard drive
  • What’s the first symptom a computer’s getting old?
  • Memory problems
  • What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
  • Built a website
  • Which snack do computer geeks prefer?
  • Microchips
  • Why don’t elephants use computers?
  • Because they’re afraid of the mouse
  • Why did the monkeys share an Amazon account?
  • They were Prime mates
  • Don’t use “beef stew” as your computer password
  • It’s not stroganoff
  • What do you get if you cross a worm with a spider?
  • A web crawler
  • What do you get if you cross a PC with an elephant?
  • A computer with a really big memory
  • What do you get if you cross a computer with a lifeguard?
  • A screensaver
  • I heard about a new website: www.needleinahaystack.com
  • Took me ages to find it
  • Why didn’t The Terminator upgrade to WINDOWS 11?
  • I asked him, and his reply was, “I still love VISTA, baby!”
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5 long funny stories with morals to tell your friends

08/03/2025 by
5 LONG FUNNY STORIES WITH MORALS

Here are five long funny stories with morals to tell your friends. They all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day, too.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

LONG FUNNY STORIES WITH MORALS
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Long funny stories with morals:

1. The nuns’ dilemma:

There were these two very clever, Catholic nuns. They were so clever that one was known only as Sister Mathematical, whilst the other went only by the name of Sister Logical.

One afternoon, they were returning to the Convent of St Mary, but they were still a long way off when it was beginning to get dark.

“Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?” said Sister Mathematical. “I wonder what he wants?”

“There’s a logical explanation,” said Sister Logical, “He wants to have his wicked way with us.”

“Oh Lord, no!” Sister Mathematical responded. “At the rate at which he’s walking, he will catch up with us in 13.8 minutes. What can we do?”

“The logical thing would be to walk faster.” Sister Logical replied.

So they carried on at a brisk pace, trying not to look back.

A few minutes went by, and Sister Mathematical observed, “We’ve doubled our pace, but this plan isn’t working.”

“Naturally, it’s not working,” said Sister Logical, “The man responded logically by quickening his pace too. He’s now gaining on us.”

“What can we do?” asked Sister Mathematical. “At this rate, he’ll reach us in less than one minute.”

“The logical thing to do now is to split”, replied Sister Logical. “If we go off in different directions, he can’t follow both of us.”

So off they went in different directions and, as luck would have it, the man followed Sister Logical.

Eventually, Sister Mathematical arrived back at the convent, but she was worried about what might have happened to her friend.

Within a few minutes, Sister Logical suddenly appeared, back at the convent.

“Oh, Sister Logical”, Sister Mathematical exclaimed. “Thank the Lord, you’re back safely. Tell me what happened.”

“Well, logically, the man could only follow one of us”, said Sister Logical, “and he chose to follow me.”

“Yes, yes!” said Sister Mathematical, “But what happened then?”

“Well, I took the logical course of action”, said Sister Logical, “and I ran as fast as I could and even faster than we had been running together.”

“So then what happened?” Sister Mathematical replied.

“He responded logically, and he ran even faster, too,” said Sister Logical. “And within a minute, he’d caught up with me.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “What did you do then?”

“I did the only logical thing I could do”, Sister Logical replied, “I lifted the skirt of my habit to my waist.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what did he do then?”

“The logical thing for him”, Sister Logical replied. “He pulled his trousers down to his ankles.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what happened next?”

“Isn’t that logical, Sister?” Sister Logical responded. “A nun with her habit up can run a lot faster than a man with his trousers down.”

Moral of the Story: Readers eagerly anticipating a story of a more adult nature, go and say three Hail Marys!

2. Community service:

One day, a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

The barber did an excellent job and, being very pleased with the result, the florist asked for the bill.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The florist appreciated this generous gesture, so he thanked the barber and left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, a dozen roses were waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the florist.

Not long after the shop opened, a cop came in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber does an excellent job, but when the cop tries to settle the bill, he gets the same response.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The cop said he appreciated the gesture and thanked the barber. He then left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, there was a box of a dozen donuts waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the cop.

Later that day, a congressman walked in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber excelled himself, producing the perfect haircut, but when the congressman tried to settle the bill, he got the same response too.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

So the congressman thanked the barber and happily left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, there were a dozen congressmen lined up in the street waiting for a free haircut.

Moral of the Story: Politicians are driven only by self-interest and what’s in it for them.

3. Sunday Service:

It’s Sunday morning, and the Pastor at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Carmel, California, is delivering his sermon.

Midway through the sermon, the Pastor asks three men in the front row, “Gentlemen, what would you want your loved ones to say as they’re looking down at you in your coffin?”

Phil responds first and says, “That I was a good husband and father.”

Then Jim says, “That I lived an honest life and was kind to others.”

Finally, Dan couldn’t help himself, and he quips, “Look! He’s moving!“

Moral of the Story: Never, ever take life too seriously.

4. The crocodile farm:

There was a group of tourists visiting a crocodile farm in the Florida Keys, and they were standing on a floating structure in the middle of an enormous lake, surrounded by crocodiles.

Suddenly, the farm’s owner shouts, “The first person to jump into the lake and successfully swim to shore will receive 10 million dollars.”

The silence was deafening. People were looking at each other with expressions of absolute horror on their faces.

Then suddenly, a man jumps into the water and starts swimming like his life depended on it.

As the other visitors watched events unfold, the man headed for the shore, with a dozen crocodiles chasing in hot pursuit, all anticipating an unexpected meal.

The crocodiles were fast, but the man swam like greased lightning, and he managed to reach the shore unharmed.

As the man staggered up the beach, the owner announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!”

After receiving the reward, the man and his wife returned to their hotel.

The man’s face was still ashen as he said to his wife, “I didn’t jump. Someone pushed me.“

His wife smiled and, with a wink of her eye, said, “I know, dear, it was me!“

Moral of the Story: Behind every successful man, there’s always a woman to give him a little push.

5. The old lady at the bank:

An old lady walked up to the counter in her bank, handed her bank card to the teller and then said, “Mam, I would like to withdraw $10.”

Giving the old lady a look bordering on contempt, the teller replied, “For withdrawals of less than $100, you must use the ATM, mam.”

Looking a little crestfallen, the old lady asked why she couldn’t withdraw her money from the counter.

“These are the rules, mam,” said the teller irritably, as she returned the bank card to the old lady. “Now move along, please, because there’s a line of customers behind you.”

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds as she gathered her thoughts.

She then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Then please, can you help me withdraw all the money I have in my account?”

The teller took the old lady’s card and tapped her details into the computer. She was astonished to see just how much the old lady had in her account.

“Mam, you have over $300,000 in your account,” said the teller, “the bank doesn’t have that much cash available today. You’ll need to make an appointment and come back tomorrow?”

The old lady smiled and asked, “How much can I withdraw now?”

“Well, mam, you can withdraw up to $3,000”, the teller responded.

“In that case, let me have $3,000 now, in $10 bills, please“, said the old lady.

So, the teller laboriously counted out the $3,000 in $10 bills, then counted again, and finally, she handed the cash to the old lady.

As the old lady took $10 from the top of the pile and put it in her purse, the teller then said, “Would there be anything else I can help you with today, mam?”

“Yes!” said the old lady with a smile, “I’d like to deposit $2990 into my account, please.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with old people; they’ve spent a lifetime mastering skills younger people couldn’t even begin to appreciate.

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