35 short but brilliant one liner quotes you’ll love

07/10/2025 by

I love brilliant one liner quotes. Whenever I come across some good ones, I always make a note of them in my journal. Naturally, I review what I’ve collected occasionally, and I thought today I’d share my most recent collection with you, dear reader.

So here are some short but brilliant one-liner quotes that I’m confident you’ll love.

Enjoy them all.

35 BRILLIANT ONE LINER QUOTES
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Brilliant one liner quotes (1-20):

  1. When in doubt, mumble.
  2. Only dead fish go with the flow.
  3. No one’s listening until you fart.
  4. Is it bad luck to be superstitious?
  5. I want to live forever. So far, so good.
  6. Constipated people don’t give a crap.
  7. I’m in shape. Round is a shape, isn’t it?
  8. Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
  9. There are no real winners in life, only survivors.
  10. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
  11. Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
  12. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  13. If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving’s not for you!
  14. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
  15. For every action, there’s a corresponding over-reaction.
  16. You should laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
  17. Research confirms that 4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
  18. I don’t have a solution, but I can offer a critical comment.
  19. Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
  20. Life is like a bird. It’s pretty cute until it craps on your head.

Brilliant one liner quotes (21-35):

  1. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  2. It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
  3. People make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
  4. The best way to lie is to tell a carefully edited version of the truth.
  5. I know God’s watching me, so the least I can be is entertaining.
  6. People who smile in a crisis have found someone else to blame.
  7. God must really love stupid people. He’s made so many of them.
  8. Laugh and the world laugh with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
  9. We’re all part of the ultimate statistic – 10 out of 10 people will die.
  10. We live in a society where pizza gets to our house before the police.
  11. Progress is made by lazy people looking for easier ways to do things.
  12. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
  13. The hardest thing about success is finding someone who’s pleased for you
  14. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
  15. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
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3 funny stories that’ll make you laugh

07/03/2025 by

Searching for some funny stories, dear reader? Well, if you enjoy jokes in the form of amusing stories, then I have three little gems for you today.

So, grab a coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

FUNNY STORIES
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Funny Stories:

1. The boasting Texan:

Gus was a proud Texan who’d never been outside the United States before. So he decided he’d take a vacation in Canada.

On arriving at Toronto Pearson International Airport, he took a cab to his downtown hotel.

During the ride into the city, they passed Queen’s Park, and Gus was a little curious to learn something about the place.

So he said to the cab driver, “Hey buddy, what’s that?”

“Well,” said the cab driver with a sense of pride, “that park is the site of the Ontario Legislative Building, which houses the Legislative Assembly of Ontario. It’s like your State government. Believe it or not, those buildings are over 100 years old, and they’re big, don’t you think?”

Gus was unimpressed. “That’s nothing,” he said. “Back in Texas, we have older buildings that are twice as big.”

Then they drove past the skyscraper known as First Canadian Place.

“And what’s that?” asked Gus.

“Oh, that’s Canada’s tallest skyscraper,” said the cab driver. “Believe it or not, that’s 978 feet high, and it took four years to build.”

“Only 978 feet, that’s not very tall,” Gus responded. “Back home, we have much taller buildings, and they were all built in half the time. In the United States, that building wouldn’t even make the list of the top 10 tallest buildings.”

Naturally, at this point, the cab driver was starting to feel a little irritated by Gus’s boasting.

Soon, they were driving past the CN Tower.

Gus stared at it momentarily and then asked the cab driver, “And what’s that, buddy?”

The cab driver looked at the structure and then smiled, “Oh, that’s just a Canadian pepper grinder.”

2. The wrong priorities:

Jeff was a very successful young lawyer who was involved in a terrible car crash on the freeway.

The whole of the driver’s side of Jeff’s Maserati had been ripped clean off, along with his left arm.

He was staggering out of the wreckage when a motorcycle police officer arrived at the scene.

Jeff was clearly in a state of shock, mumbling, “Oh my God! My car! Look at my car!”

Seeing how badly Jeff was injured, the police officer said, “Sir, please try to stay calm. We need to be more concerned about your injuries than any damage to your car.”

Jeff slowly looked down to where his left arm had once been, and then suddenly he screamed, “Oh my God! My Rolex is gone! Where’s my Rolex?”

3. The Psychiatric Hospital:

Jim and Rita were long-term patients in a psychiatric hospital.

One day, they were walking past the hospital’s therapeutic swimming pool when, suddenly, Jim threw himself into the deep end.

Knowing Jim couldn’t swim at all, Rita dived straight in after him and dragged him to the safety of the poolside.

As luck would have it, the head psychiatrist saw exactly what happened and recognised just how brave Rita had been in the circumstances.

In recognition of her bravery, it was decided that she was ready for discharge from the hospital, as her actions suggested that she was now mentally sound.

So the head psychiatrist called her into his office to tell Rita about the review panel’s decision.

“Rita,” said the head psychiatrist, “I have some good news for you. Unfortunately, I also have some bad news for you.”

“What’s the good news?” asked Rita.

“Well, in recognition of your bravery in saving the life of another patient,” said the head psychiatrist, “we think you’ve shown you’ve regained a sound mind, so it’s been decided that you’re ready to be discharged.”

“That’s good,” said Rita. “But what’s the bad news?”

“Well, Jim subsequently hanged himself with the belt of his robe in the washroom. Unfortunately, he’s dead,” the head psychiatrist responded.

“No, doctor,” said Rita, “he didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry.”

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9 funny short story jokes to make you laugh

06/27/2025 by

If you’re looking for some funny short story jokes to make you laugh, then I think I have nine excellent ones for you today, dear reader.

If you love a good laugh, then I’m confident some of these will tickle your fancy.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

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Funny short story jokes to make you laugh:

1. The funeral cortège:

Bill was walking along Main Street when he saw a funeral cortège, so he stopped for a moment as a mark of respect.

He noticed that there were two hearses with coffins in the cortège, and the procession was being followed by a man walking solemnly with a pit bull terrier on a leash.

And behind him, there was a long line of about 100 men walking quietly in single file.

Curious Bill spoke to the man with the dog and asked, “Excuse me, sir, I don’t want to intrude on this sad occasion, but your situation seems a little unusual. Whose funeral is this?”

“Well”, the man replied, “The first hearse is for my late wife. She died after this dog attacked her.”

“And the second hearse?” said Bill.

“The second hearse is for my late mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife during the attack, and the dog savaged her to death too”, the man responded.

Bill thought momentarily about the challenges in his own life, and then he said to the man, “Is there any chance I could borrow your dog after the funeral?”

The man smiled and pointed to the line of men behind him and said, “You’ll have to join the queue, buddy.”

2. The power of prayer:

Jackie was invited to give a talk at her local women’s group about the power of prayer.

With her husband Mike in the audience, she recalled how a few short months ago she’d turned to God when poor Mike had suffered an unfortunate accident.

“Six months ago”, Jackie began, “my husband Mike was knocked off his motorcycle and his scrotum was smashed.”

Jackie explained that for Mike, the pain had been unbearable, and his doctors weren’t sure they’d be able to help him.

“The doctors warned us that our lives might never be the same again”, said Jackie. “I can tell you I was scared. Mike was unable to get close to me or the children because every move caused him such extreme discomfort. And that meant he could no longer be touched around the scrotum.”

Jackie paused momentarily to allow the audience to absorb her words.

Then she said, “I’m not ashamed to say I turned to God for help, and I prayed that the doctors would be able to repair Mike.”

Again, she paused and then said, “Fortunately, our prayers were answered, and the doctors were able to piece together the remnants of Mike’s scrotum with wire holding everything in place. His medical team tell me that he will make a full recovery and regain the full use of his scrotum.”

As the audience burst into applause, a lone man walked slowly up to the stage and said, “Hello, I’m Mike, Jackie’s husband, and I just wanted to remind my wife once again that the word is ‘sternum’.”

3. Discovering facts:

As part of her rehabilitation, a patient in a mental hospital was told by her psychiatrist to go out into the nearby town and discover one new fact.

Off she went, and then a few hours later, the patient returned to the hospital to tell the psychiatrist all about what she had learned.

So said her psychiatrist, “Were you able to find out something you didn’t know before?”

“Yes”, said the patient, “I discovered that spiders have ears on their legs.”

“Ears on their legs?” said the psychiatrist. “How did you work that out?”

The patient produced a matchbox and when opened a large spider crawled out onto the psychiatrist’s desk.

The patient then said “Boo!”

The spider scurried quickly across the desktop.

The patient then grabbed the spider and proceeded to pull off all its legs.

She then put it back on the desk and once again said, “Boo!”

Naturally, the spider was motionless.

The patient looked at the psychiatrist, smiled and then said, “Do you see? Without its legs, it can’t hear me.”

4. Jogging Rick’s Memory:

Rick had spent several weeks searching for a new hat that resembled the one he had misplaced.

Finally, he remembered a man who attended his local church who wore a similar hat.

So, Rick decided to go to church on Sunday. He thought that if he sat at the back, during the service, he could sneak out and grab the hat from the rack near the door if he left early.

During the service, Rick sat at the back and listened to the sermon about the Ten Commandments.

Despite his cunning plan, Rick sat and listened to the entire sermon, and instead of sneaking out early, he waited until Mass was over and spoke to the priest as he was leaving.

“Hello, Father,” said Rick. “Believe it or not, I came here today with a plan to steal a hat to replace the one I’d lost. But after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I changed my mind.”

In response, Father O’Riley smiled benevolently and said, “Bless you, my son. Was it when I started to preach ‘Thou shalt not steal’ that changed your mind?”

“No, Father,” Rick responded. “It was when you mentioned the one about adultery. As you started to preach that, I remembered where I’d left my hat.”

5. Old remedies:

Jack walked into a pharmacy and said to the pharmacist, “Excuse me, sir, do you have anything for hiccups?“

The pharmacist walked from behind the counter, appeared to reach for something high on a shelf, and then he suddenly slapped Jack hard on the back.

He smiled at Jack and then said, “There! Did that help?“

“I can’t tell from here,” said Jack. “It’s my wife with the problem, and she’s waiting outside in the car.“

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6. Unpaid debt:

Bert is in a dispute with his neighbour, and he goes to see a lawyer for help.

“How can I help you?” asks the lawyer.

“Well, sir,” says Bert, “my neighbour borrowed $500 and now he won’t pay it back. So, what can I do?“

“Do you have any proof that he owes you this money?” asks the lawyer.

“Unfortunately, no,” says Bert. “We used to be friends, and I thought I could trust him.“

“Right,” says the lawyer, “I suggest that I write him a letter, enclosing a stamped, addressed return envelope, requesting the $5,000 that he owes you.“

“But he’ll say that it’s only $500,” says Bert.

“Exactly!” says the lawyer. “That way we’ll have an admission of guilt should it go to court.”

Moral of the Story: A good lawyer won’t let a lack of evidence get in the way of fighting a case.

7. Windfall:

Wally and Mildred are an elderly couple celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary.

They had been childhood sweethearts, and they had recently moved back to the neighbourhood where they grew up.

Holding hands, they walked around the area, and they decided to go back and visit their old school.

The school wasn’t locked, but the classes had gone home for the day.

So, they entered and walked around. Unbelievably, they found their old classroom and the old wooden desk they had shared, on which Wally had carved, “I love Mildred Jones.”

As they were leaving the school campus, an armoured security van drove past and, as it did so, a large bag of money fell out, practically landing at their feet.

Now, there was no one around, so Mildred grabbed it quickly. As they were unsure what to do with it, they decided to take it home.

Once home, Mildred decided she’d sit and count the money. Very quickly, she realised that the bag contained $100,000.

Wally was an honest man and felt that they should return it.

“Nonsense!” said Mildred. “Surely, it’s finders’ keepers. And anyway, we could use a little extra money.”

With that, Mildred put the money back in the bag and hid it in the loft.

The next day, Mildred answered a knock on her front door, and two police officers were standing in front of her.

“Good morning, mam,” said one of the police officers. “We’re investigating the disappearance of a cash bag that fell from a security van yesterday. Did you or your husband see anything?”

Mildred smiled demurely and said, “No, officer.”

At this point, Wally’s conscience got the better of him, and he said, “She’s lying, officer. She’s got the money, and she hid it up in the loft.“

Once again, Mildred smiled demurely and said, “Don’t listen to him, officer, he’s getting senile, and his imagination runs away with him at times.”

“Well, not so fast,” the police officer says. “I think we should listen to what he has to say.”

With that, the officer turns to Wally and says, “Sir, can you tell us the story from the beginning?“

“Well,” said Wally, “when Mildred and I were walking home from school yesterday.“

The two police officers look at each other, and one says, “Let’s go, there’s nothing to see here.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women of a certain age. You won’t win.

8. The admiral and the general:

A Navy admiral and an Army general were fishing together on a lake one day when a storm blew up and their boat capsized.

Not being quite as fit as they once were, both men were floundering helplessly in the water.

However, eventually, the general managed to right the boat and clamber back on board.

He then rescued the admiral from drowning by reaching out to him with one of the oars and then hauling him back in.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat, he struggled for a few seconds to regain his composure.

Then he said, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If anyone in the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

The general smiled and said, “Don’t worry, buddy, your secret’s safe with me. I’d hate for my troops to find out that I couldn’t walk on water.”

9. The origin of the species:

As she was getting ready for school one morning, Grace asked her mother, “How did the human race appear, Mom?”

“Well”, said her mother, “God made Adam and Eve, and they had children, and that’s how we all began, dear.”

Two days later, Grace asked her father the same question.

“Well”, said her father, “first there were apes and from them, the human race has evolved.”

Naturally, these responses left Grace a little confused.

So once again, she spoke with her mother and said, “Mom, I don’t understand. You said that we were created by God but dad says we evolved from apes. How can that be?”

Her mother smiled and said, “Well, darling, it’s all very simple. I was telling you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.”

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Did any of these funny short story jokes make you laugh? If so, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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30 silliest jokes ever that’ll tickle your funny bone

06/22/2025 by

If you like short, witty one-line jokes, dear reader, then today I offer you some of the silliest jokes ever.

Yes, they’re corny, I admit that, but I’m confident they’ll tickle your funny bone. Children will enjoy them too.

Take a few moments to relax and smile, and please feel free to share them all.

SILLIEST JOKES EVER
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Silliest jokes ever (1-15):

  1. What type of trees do plumbers plant? Toiletries.
  2. How do horses propose? They go down on bended neigh.
  3. Who do you call if a parrot falls off his perch? Parrot-medics.
  4. Why did the monkey logon online? To send a chimpanzee-mail.
  5. What happens to ducks before they grow up? They grow down.
  6. Is it legal to marry a widow’s husband? No, because he’s dead.
  7. What would a monster choose to eat in a restaurant? The waiter.
  8. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they’ve got two left feet.
  9. Why do bears have fur coats? Because they’d look silly in anoraks.
  10. What’s the definition of an arms race? An octopus running for a bus.
  11. Why are barbers, such good drivers? Because they know all the shortcuts.
  12. What’s a man’s idea of a romantic night out? A candlelit football stadium.
  13. Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.
  14. Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? She wanted to post a litter.
  15. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how it all works.

Silliest jokes ever (16-30):

  1. How do you fix a short circuit? Lengthen it.
  2. How do you make a moth ball? Flick its nose.
  3. Why did the gold prospector quit his job? Things just didn’t pan out.
  4. Why did the mathematician turn off his heating? So he could be cold and calculating.
  5. Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
  6. How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
  7. Why did the farmer make his little chicks wear ear muffs? So they wouldn’t hear any fowl language.
  8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender responded, “For you, no charge!”
  9. What did the vampire say just before dawn, when he saw the neck of a sleeping man? “Aaahh, breakfast in bed!”
  10. What did Hamlet say when he went camping and lost his tent? “Tepee or not tepee? That is the question.”
  11. Two fleas are leaving a restaurant, and one says to the other, “Should we walk or take a dog?”
  12. Did you hear about the dog that liked to eat garlic? His bark was worse than his bite.
  13. Two large, hungry lions were wandering around Walmart, and one said to the other, “It’s quiet in here, isn’t it?”
  14. What’s the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a dentist? One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
  15. A man walks into a bar carrying three wooden panels and four wooden posts. “You can’t bring those in here,” said the bartender. “They may cause a fence.”

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33 funny jokes for 5-year-olds that’ll tickle adults too

06/21/2025 by

If you’re looking for funny jokes for 5-year-olds, then I’ve curated 33 of them, and I think they might just tickle you too, dear reader. I hope so, anyway.

Take a few moments to enjoy them all, or at least groan at a few, and then share them with the 5-year-olds in your life, and anyone else you think they’ll amuse as well.

Jokes-for-5-year-olds
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Jokes for 5-year-olds (1-11):

  1. What pie can fly? – A magpie.
  2. What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit? – Nectarine.
  3. How do you start a milk pudding race? – Say go.
  4. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms? – A doctorpus
  5. What do you call a bike that bites people? – A vicious cycle.
  6. Which sea creature is good at math? – An octoplus.
  7. What do you call a Scottish parrot? – A Macaw.
  8. What do you call a pickle that draws? – A dillustrator.
  9. Who was the pizza’s favourite relative? – Aunt Chovy.
  10. Where would seaweed look for a job? – The kelp-wanted ads.
  11. What grace is said before a salad is eaten? – Lettuce pray.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (12-22):

  1. Why do lions eat raw meat? – They don’t know how to cook it.
  2. What food can be eaten in a taxi? – Corn-on-the-cab.
  3. Where would you see hamburgers boxing? – In an onion ring.
  4. What did the dinner plate say to the side plate? – Lunch is on me.
  5. What lies on the forest floor, 100 feet in the air? – A dead centipede.
  6. Which vegetable is most unreliable? – A fickle onion.
  7. What goes up but doesn’t come down? – Your age.
  8. What kind of nut will you find on a wall? – A walnut.
  9. So, how long were you there? – About five foot eleven.
  10. Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.
  11. In what way are cooks cruel to animals? – They batter fish.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (23-33):

  1. Why did the sandwich go to the dentist? – It needed a filling.
  2. How long should you cook spaghetti? – About 30 centimetres.
  3. What is served in glasses but is hard to swallow? – A stiff drink.
  4. Why did the pickle stay home from school? – Because he felt dill.
  5. What did one snowman say to the other? – Can you smell carrots?
  6. What’s brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? – A coconut on holiday.
  7. Why did the orange go to the doctor? – He wasn’t peeling very well.
  8. How did the Irish potato change nationality? – It became a French fry.
  9. Why did the banana go out with the prune? – Because he couldn’t find a date.
  10. What did one strawberry say to another? – I told you we’d end up in this jam.
  11. Which is the best, a hamburger or a hot dog? – A hamburger because hot dogs are wurst.
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37 corny but funny puns to brighten your day

06/20/2025 by
Funny Puns

Do you enjoy funny puns, dear reader? Those wordplay jokes and one-liners make you smile, regardless of how corny they may be.

I love clever wordplay, so I’ve curated another batch in the hope that they’ll brighten your day. You might groan at one or two, but I’m confident that some of them will tickle you.

So enjoy them, and please share them with your friends.

FUNNY PUNS
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Funny Puns (1-12):

  1. He who laughs last didn’t get it.
  2. Eat doughnuts. The original hole food.
  3. Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
  4. Dental X-rays should be called tooth pics.
  5. Mountains aren’t funny. They’re hill areas.
  6. I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.
  7. Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but CATscan.
  8. Due to quarantine, I’m only doing inside jokes.
  9. Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
  10. I was mugged by six dwarves today. Not Happy!
  11. What happens if you’re scared half to death, twice?
  12. My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Funny Puns (13-24):

  1. I’m so terrified of elevators I take steps to avoid them.
  2. We saw a baguette in the zoo. It was bread in captivity.
  3. If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.
  4. If I stole someone’s coffee, would I be guilty of mugging?
  5. I’m searching for fish jokes. If you have any, let minnow.
  6. Plagiarism is getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.
  7. If you’re buying smart water for $5 a bottle, it isn’t working.
  8. I’ve quit my job on the coffee plantation. Bean there, done that.
  9. My wife said the tea I made was terrible. Her criticism was brewtal.
  10. I held the door open for a clown, which I thought was a nice jester.
  11. The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected.
  12. It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty but he had a great fall.

Funny Puns (25-37):

  1. If you’re cold, sit in the corner, it’s 90 degrees. Now that’s acute joke.
  2. The inventor of the knock-knock joke has been awarded a no-bell prize.
  3. In the frosty field, the cows are Friesian. Stop me if you’ve herd this one.
  4. I’m having my hair done today by a Jamaican hairdresser. I’m dreading it.
  5. If a wife denies her husband his morning coffee, is that grounds for divorce.
  6. When you’re swimming in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a Moray.
  7. Never, ever do anything you wouldn’t want to have to explain to paramedics.
  8. My husband left me to become an astronaut. He said I didn’t give him enough space.
  9. Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
  10. At Medical School, I considered specialising in proctology until I realised it was a bum job.
  11. Restaurant diner’s in hospital, having been served horse meat. Doctor says he’s in a stable condition.
  12. The guy told me he was a wealthy businessman. Turns out he was just an electrician. I was shocked.
  13. ME: Why are all the cakes 50 cents, except that one which is a dollar? BAKER: That’s Madeira cake.
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Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

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5 humorous stories that’ll brighten your day a little

06/19/2025 by

If you’re looking for some funny jokes in the form of humorous stories, then I’ve got five great ones for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident you’ll enjoy them all.

So grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break from the day’s pressures to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Humorous Stories:

1. Fly Southwest:

Little Johnny was looking out of the plane’s window, enjoying the experience of his first flight.

Deep in thought, he suddenly turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

Well, his mother was a little perturbed by this question, and she struggled to think of an answer, so she said, “Johnny, why don’t you ask the flight attendant?”

Little Johnny was not a child lacking in confidence, so he walked down the aisle and politely said to the flight attendant, “Excuse me, mam, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

The flight attendant had heard it all before, of course, but she smiled sweetly at Johnny and then asked, “Did your mom tell you to ask me that?“

Little Johnny returned her smile and said, “Yes, mam, she did.”

“Well,” said the flight attendant, “you can tell your mom that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mom to explain that to you.“

2. Voluntary donations:

Jim was driving home from the office one day when he found himself stuck in traffic because all the cars ahead of him had come to a complete standstill on the freeway. Nothing was moving at all.

Suddenly, Jim noticed a police officer walking down the line of traffic and approaching the car in front.

So Jim got out of his car and asked the police officer why there was a problem.

“Sir, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but the city’s mayor is sitting in the middle of the road ahead, and he’s in a state of extreme agitation,” said the police officer.

“He says he’s deep in debt, and he’s threatening to douse his body with gasoline and then set fire to himself,” the police officer added.

“So what are you doing?” asked Jim.

“I’m going from car to car asking for donations,” the police officer responded.

“And how much have you collected so far?” Jim inquired.

“Well, sir,” said the police officer, “we’ve only just started, but drivers ahead have given us fifteen gallons so far, and other drivers are still siphoning as we speak.”

3. The argument:

Doctor O’Riley and his wife are arguing at the breakfast table.

The argument is gradually escalating as they start lobbing verbal bombs at each other, trying to outdo what the other has said.

Eventually, Doctor O’Riley is in such a rage, he shouts, “And you’re no good in bed either,” before he storms out of the house.

By the time he reaches his surgery, Doctor O’Riley has calmed down, and he starts to feel guilty about his parting remark.

So, he phones his wife to apologise.

There’s no answer. So, he attempts to call several more times during the next hour. Eventually, his call is answered after many rings, and by this time, the doctor is irritated and shouts, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

“I was in bed,” his wife responds.

“You were in bed?” the doctor says in surprise. “What were you doing in bed?”

“If you must know,” his wife says, “I was getting a second opinion!”

4. Seeking meaning:

The Lone Ranger and his faithful partner, Tonto, were camping in the wilderness.

It had been a long day on the trail, and after they’d set up their tent, they both fell asleep.

Hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky. What do you see?“

The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars, Tonto. Why?“

“What does that tell you, Kemo Sabe?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders this question momentarily and then says, “It tells me that the universe has millions of galaxies and billions of planets. It says we are mere specks in the great cosmos. And it says it’s approximately a quarter past two in the morning. The clear sky also suggests we will enjoy a beautiful day later. What does it tell you, Tonto?“

“Kemo Sabe, you’re dumber than a prairie dog,” Tonto responds. “It tells me that someone stole our tent.”

5. Bubba’s tragic demise:

Sadly, Bubba was killed in suspicious circumstances in a terrible fire, suffering severe burns that left him completely unrecognizable.

To identify the body formally, the Los Angeles County medical examiner called in Bubba’s two close friends, Jim-Bob and Joe-Bob.

The medical examiner showed Jim-Bob the body, and he responded with a sharp intake of breath and then said, “Oh jeez, he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?”

So the medical examiner rolled the body, and Jim-Bob responded immediately, saying, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

“Are you sure?” said the medical examiner.

“Yes, sir, I’m sure,” Jim-Bob responded, “but you can ask Joe-Bob if you like.”

So Joe-Bob was brought into the mortuary and shown the body.

“Jeez,” said Joe-Bob, “he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?”

Though puzzled to receive this request once again, the medical examiner dutifully obliged and rolled the body.

Joe-Bob paused momentarily and then said, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

This turn of events mystified the medical examiner. So he asked, “How can you possibly tell that it isn’t Bubba just by rolling him over?”

“Well, sir,” said Joe-Bob, “Bubba had two assholes.”

“What do you mean, he had two assholes?” exclaimed the medical examiner.

“Yes, sir, everyone knew that around here,” said Joe-Bob.

“How do you know?” the medical examiner asked.

To which Joe-Bob responded, “Because every time the three of us walked down Main Street together, you’d hear people say, ‘Here comes Bubba with two assholes’.”

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25 funny facts to entertain and amuse you

06/19/2025 by

If you want to amaze people with the variety and depth of your knowledge, then it’s always helpful to have a few weird and funny facts at your disposal.

So here are 25 funny facts to entertain and amuse you. I found them all fascinating, and I hope you do too, dear reader.

See how many of these facts you can work into your conversations today.

And please, feel free to share this post with your friends.

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Funny Facts:

  1. China has censored their word for censorship.
  2. Cows moo with regional accents.
  3. The female lion does 90% of the hunting.
  4. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  5. Over 75% of people who read Fact No 4 will then try to lick their elbow.
  6. 50% of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.
  7. Dolly Parton once lost out to a drag queen in a Dolly Parton look-alike contest.
  8. The blob of toothpaste you put on your toothbrush is called a nurdle.
  9. Putting in a vase will make flowers stand up straight for a week beyond when they would normally wilt.
  10. One-quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.
  11. A man once wore 60 shirts and nine pairs of jeans on a flight from China to Africa to avoid paying for excess baggage at check-in. 
  12. There’s a village in Norway called Hell and it freezes over every winter.
  13. It would take 76 workdays to read every online privacy policy we agree to in an average year.
  14. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
  15. In an average lifetime, while sleeping, people will eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
  16. 27% of all food produced in Western nations ends up in garbage cans.
  17. If you went out into space, you’d explode before you’d suffocate because there’s no air pressure.
  18. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
  19. A chip of silicon a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1945 ENIAC computer, which occupied an entire city block.
  20. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
  21. You can tell the sex of a horse by its teeth. Most males have 40, whilst females have 36.
  22. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, then you’d have $1.19. You’d also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
  23. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
  24. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
  25. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th.

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30 comedy one-liners that are pure gold

06/17/2025 by

Are you tired of the same old jokes that leave you uninspired and unamused, dear reader? Perhaps you’re looking for some comedy one-liners that might amuse your friends and colleagues.

Well, if you’re looking for some comedy gold, some of these one-liners might leave you in stitches.

This collection of comedy one-liners will leave you with a smile on your face and a chuckle in your heart.

From witty observations to pun-filled gags, these one-liners will keep you entertained and amused.

Whether you’re looking to brighten up your day or impress your friends with your quick wit, these one-liners are sure to deliver.

So why wait? Grab a cup of coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy all these one-liners. They’ll tickle you silly.

Feel free to pass them on.

COMEDY ONE-LINERS
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Comedy one-liners (1-10):

  1. I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.
  2. Am I lazy? No, I’m just conserving energy.
  3. I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.
  4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
  5. Why did the blond move to LA? It was easier to spell.
  6. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.
  7. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  8. Why do they call it a drive-through if you have to stop?
  9. I’m not a light sleeper. I can sleep just as well in the dark
  10. I’m not a great cook, but few people are better at re-heating.

Comedy one-liners (11-20):

  1. I’m not a morning person, I’m a several-cups-of-coffee person.
  2. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
  3. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  4. If a chicken crosses the road, then would that be poultry in motion?
  5. I told my wife she was acting like a fool. She replied, “You married me.”
  6. Why did the hedgehog cross the road? He wanted to see his flat mate.
  7. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was about to crumble.
  8. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  9. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
  10. Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.

Comedy one-liners (21-30):

  1. I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to charge the camera.
  2. I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  3. I used to fear the speed bump outside my house, but I’m slowly getting over it.
  4. I told my wife she was acting like a drama queen. She replied, “Long live the queen.”
  5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
  6. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  7. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
  8. I’m not a fan of politicians. They’re always trying to get in touch with the people they used to avoid in high school.
  9. Why do wives of bus drivers have trouble getting pregnant? Because bus drivers tend to pull out unexpectedly.
  10. What does it mean when your doctor says you have six months to live? The message is you have five months to pay.
COMEDY ONE-LINERS
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10 silly jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

06/15/2025 by

Looking for some silly jokes to make you laugh, dear reader? Then I’ve got 10 good ones for you today, and they’re guaranteed to make you laugh.

There’s nothing smutty here, just genuinely good fun.

So sit back and take a few moments to enjoy a good laugh.

SILLY JOKES
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Silly jokes:

  • What do you call zombies in the belfry?
  • Dead ringers
  • What’s it called when you borrow money to buy a bison?
  • A buffaloan
  • What do you call a rotten hot dog?
  • A rankfurter
  • What do you call a hippy’s wife?
  • Mississippi
  • What do you call a ghost who only haunts the town hall?
  • The nightmayor
  • What do you call a dance for people who hate each other?
  • An avoidance
  • What do you call an American sketch drawing?
  • A Yankee doodle
  • What do you call a goat that’s a professional comedian?
  • Billy the Kid
  • What do you call an ancient Egyptian ruler with no teeth?
  • A gummy mummy
  • What do you call a blonde police officer?
  • A fair cop

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