21 thought-provoking quotes about inspiration


Do you need a little inspiration occasionally, because I know I do?

It seems to me that most readers find quotes a good source of inspiration. Not just quotes from the great thinkers of course. Rather it’s those  observations from ordinary people about life and the human condition that can also be truly inspiring.

Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about inspiration.

They’re not so much about inspiration as intended to be a source of inspiration.

Most of all, each and every one of these quotes offers something different by way of inspiration I think.

These quotes will make you think too, which is important. If you’re trying to develop your own philosophy for dealing with life and the people around you then these quotes should help you.

So read them all, reflect on them and see how many of them you can work into your day.

Quotes about inspiration:

  1. Everyone is good at something and once you find it, what you can achieve is limitless. ~Andrew Flintoff
  2. The deepest craving of human nature is to be appreciated. ~William James
  3. Every man has three characters: that which he shows; that which he has; and that which he thinks he has. ~Alphonse Karr
  4. The man who does not work for the love of work but only for money is neither likely to make money nor find much fun in life. ~Charles M. Schwab
  5. Never mind what others do; do better than yourself, beat your own record from day to day and you are a success. ~William J.H. Boetcker
  6. Don’t be afraid of failure. If something doesn’t work, use what you’ve learned to try and try again. ~Sir James Dyson
  7. Even if your vision is flawed, if you have the passion and the implementation skills, you’ll get there [in the end]. ~Jim McCarthy
  8. The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence but by oft falling. ~Lucretius
  9. Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression. ~Haim Ginott
  10. A truly loving parent won’t be looking for payback from a child. The child’s happiness, self-confidence and independence are the only rewards for good parenting. ~Roy Sutton
  11. Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree. ~Marian Wright Edelman
  12. If you look around at successful people, the movers and shakers are those who are positive, who won’t take no for an answer, and who make things happen – either for themselves or for others. ~Carole Spiers
  13. I think one of the most pervasive evils in the world is greed and acquiring money for money’s sake. Once you have six houses and a plane it is just about a number. It’s never been anything I understood. ~Kevin Bacon
  14. Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity. ~W. Clement Stone
  15. There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found while journeying east and west. The only folks we really wound are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know. We please the fleeting guest. And deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox
  16. If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep even as Michelangelo painted or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well. ~Martin Luther King
  17. Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have. ~Dr Norman Vincent Peale
  18. Other people may not like what you choose to do but as long as you’re not hurting anyone else then it is your business and yours alone. You weren’t put on this earth just to please other people. ~Roy Sutton
  19. The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology or the president. You realise that you control your own destiny. ~Albert Ellis
  20. My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that’s nice too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success. ~ Helen Hayes Brown
  21. The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration. ~Pearl S. Buck

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Were any of them particularly relevant to you and your life right now?

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 Quotes by Joan Rivers

The late Joan Alexandra Molinsky is better known as the legendary Joan Rivers to lovers of comedy everywhere. She was razor sharp and very funny and arguably one the finest American stand-up comedians of all time in what was probably the golden age of light entertainment.

Joan Rivers pioneered her own brand of irreverent, unconventional comedy and her relentless work ethic allowed her comedy to evolve and her audiences continued to grow. A remarkable lady and one who always made me laugh.

Here are 15 quotes by Joan Rivers, which will make you smile I’m sure.

Quotes by Joan Rivers:

  1. I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. ~Joan Rivers
  2. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. ~Joan Rivers
  3. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~Joan Rivers
  4. Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. ~Joan Rivers
  5. There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. ~Joan Rivers
  6. Never floss with a stranger. ~Joan Rivers
  7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them. ~Joan Rivers
  8. I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny. ~Joan Rivers
  9. We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us. ~Joan Rivers
  10. People say that money is not the key to happiness but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~Joan Rivers
  11. I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor. ~Joan Rivers
  12. I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. ~Joan Rivers
  13. Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I’m being funny, but I’m reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we’re going down the tube. ~Joan Rivers
  14. I never dwell on what happened. You can’t change it. Move forward. Don’t waste your energy on being angry at something that somebody did six months ago or a year ago. It’s over. Done. Move forward. ~Joan Rivers
  15. I walk on a stage, and I know if it’s been a good show or not. You know when it’s been a good interview. No one has to tell you. You know it. You feel it. You can feel the air. You can feel everything about it when it’s a good show. And you know when you’ve messed up. ~Joan Rivers

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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15 brilliant one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

There’s so much stuff on the Internet and so little time to read it all. We need a laugh but we haven’t got time to read the longer jokes.

Worry not dear reader. Help is at hand. Here are 15 brilliant one-liners guaranteed to make you smile. Certainly they all made me smile.

They’ll only consume 30 seconds of your time and they’re well worth the effort. And laughter is the best medicine of course. So in the time it takes to take medication, you can have a laugh instead.

Surely that’s a win-win situation? Go on, enjoy them all now.

Brilliant one-liners:

  1. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
  2. The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don’t have.
  3. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
  4. When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive. It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it.
  5. If a woman wants to scare a man the only question she needs to ask is, “Do you know what day it is today?”
  6. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
  7. Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend actually thinking.
  8. She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
  9. Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
  10. If photons have mass does that mean they’re Catholic?
  11. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  12. A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
  13. You know they’re a real friend when you walk into their house and your WiFi connects automatically.
  14. Can you make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water?
  15. Why is the day you do your housework, laundry, cooking and ironing called a day off?

Please share with your friends on social media:

So did these prove to be the brilliant one-liners you’d hoped for read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

5 priceless jokes that will have you roaring with laughter

1. Populating the Earth:

One day God said to Adam, “It’s nearly time for you and Eve to begin populating Earth. So I want you to kiss her.

I don’t understand”, said Adam. “What does kiss mean?

God understood that it was all new to Adam so patiently he explained to Adam what was required of him.

Adam took Eve by the hand and they disappeared into the woods. A little while later they emerged and Adam said, “That was most enjoyable.

I thought you might say that,” said God, “so now I want you to caress her.

But what does caress mean?” Adam asked.

So God provided Adam with a brief explanation again.

Again Adam took Eve by the hand and they disappeared into the woods once more.

Soon they returned and Adam smiled and said, “That was even better.

Good”, said God. “You’ve done well. So now I want you to make love to Eve.

Again Adam was a little perplexed. “What does make love mean?” said Adam.

So God gave Adam another explanation and Adam then took Eve by the hand back into the woods.

This time Adam emerged from the woods alone within seconds looking puzzled.

He looked at God and said, “Lord, what’s a headache?

2. The customer’s compulsion:

A man walked into a Manhattan bar and ordered a glass of white wine.

He took a sip of the wine and then he hurled the rest of the glass into the bartender’s face.

Oh, I’m really sorry”, he said. “I keep doing that to bartenders. It’s a compulsion and I find it extremely embarrassing.

The bartender was an amiable fellow and he was sympathetic to the man’s problem, despite the provocation.

As he wiped his face, he suggested the man see an analyst about his problem.

Hey, another customer of mine is a psychiatrist with an excellent reputation. My brother and my wife both use him and they say he’s the best there is,” said the bartender.

About three months later the man returned to the bar again.

The bartender remembered him immediately. As he poured the man a glass of white wine he said, “Good to see you buddy. Did you do what I suggested?

Yes I certainly did”, said the man. “I’ve been seeing the psychiatrist you recommended for two sessions every week.

He then took a sip of his wine and again threw the rest of the glass into the bartender’s face.

As he wiped his face with a towel the flustered bartender spluttered, “That doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good.

On the contrary,” said the man. “He’s done me the world of good.

But you’ve just thrown wine in my face again,” responded the bartender.

Yes, but I’m not embarrassed by it anymore,” said the man.

3. The sooty tern:

 One day a young sooty tern was flying over the sea with its parents when the mummy bird ran into a cliff and dropped to the ground.

Oblivious to his mate’s fate, the daddy tern flew on, but the young bird swooped to the foot of the cliff in a bid to save her.

Alas the mummy tern was already dead and the tearful young bird was taken under the wing of a family of seagulls.

A week later, the head of the seagull family announced, “You’re a well behaved bird but I’m afraid we can’t keep you. However we’re going to find a tern that can adopt you and act as a replacement mother.

So the seagull put an ad in the local paper which read, “One good tern deserves a mother.

4. Difficult customer:

A man walked into a smart Downtown bar and sat on a stool at the counter.

What can I get you to drink sir?” said the bartender. “A beer maybe? We’ve got an excellent special brew on offer this evening.

I’m sorry,” replied the man haughtily. “I don’t drink alcohol. I tried it once but I didn’t like it and I haven’t touched a drop since.

The bartender tried to engage the man in friendly conversation by offering him a cigar.

You can’t smoke it in here,” said the bartender, “but perhaps you can enjoy it later.

No thank you,” said the man with a sneer. “I don’t smoke. I tried it once but I didn’t like it and I haven’t smoked since.

Again the bartender attempted a little banter but the man was having none of it.

Listen,” he said. “I appreciate you’re merely trying to be sociable but the fact is I wouldn’t even be in this place at all but for the fact that I’m meeting my son here.

That would be your only child, I presume?” the bartender remarked philosophically.

5. Lady in the Casino:

The Las Vegas casino was virtually deserted and two male dealers at the craps table were idling away their time in the hope that business might soon improve.

Suddenly a stunningly attractive, buxom woman appeared and said she wanted to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

Certainly mam,” said one of the dealers, happy to relieve the boredom.

There’s just one thing though,” said the woman.

What’s that?” said the dealer.

Well I hope you don’t mind,” said the woman, “but playing topless always brings me luck. There’s hardly anyone about, so I’ll take off my blouse and bra before I roll the dice.

She then quickly removed those garments exposing her ample assets and threw the dice, before yelling “I’ve won! I can’t believe it! I’ve won!

She then scooped up all the money, picked up her clothes and disappeared in an instant.

The two dealers were stunned. “What did she roll?” asked one.

I don’t know” said the other. “I thought you’d be watching the dice!

Please share with your friends on social media:

So did these prove to be the priceless jokes you’d hoped for read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

Creating a life plan: 17 ways the rich and poor think differently

Why is it that some people are wealthy and others not?

You might argue that the rich inherit money and therefore have just gotten lucky. That may be true in some cases, perhaps.

Having wealthy parents certainly helps no doubt but there are plenty of examples of self-made millionaires and billionaires. And there are plenty of examples of people who lost all their wealth and then just created another fortune.

There are also plenty of examples of poor people who’ve enjoyed good fortune on a lottery only to squander their millions within a few short years.

This would suggest that the rich and poor have a different philosophy with respect to creating a life plan and money as a resource.

The video embedded here explores 17 ways in which rich people and poor people think differently. The video is interesting and informative and well-worth a few minutes of your time.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 favourite quotes to inspire you when you’re feeling down

Quotes can be such a source of inspiration, especially when we’re feeling a little down. When everything’s not quite going in the way we’d like, it’s helpful to reflect on the wisdom of successful people.

Successful people weren’t always successful. They started out as ordinary people with a dream and a determination to follow that dream and take it as far as they could.

And in getting to where they are they’ll have met many obstacles along the way and at times they too will have felt a little down.

No one has it that easy. The only difference is that successful people keep going. They never give up.

Successful people make sure they have a source of inspiration for when they need it. They always have something to lift them when times get tough.

For me it’s quotes. I love them.

Here are 21 of my favourite quotes that certainly inspire me when I’m in need of a lift.

Favourite quotes:

  1. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. ~Steve Jobs
  2. Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. ~Samuel Johnson
  3. Every artist was first an amateur. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  4. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. ~Dale Carnegie
  5. Whoever is happy will make others happy, too. ~Mark Twain
  6. You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~Christopher Columbus
  7. Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton
  8. That’s precisely the question everyone should be asking—why the hell not? Why not you, why not now? ~Timothy Ferriss
  9. The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavour. ~Vince Lombardi
  10. It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. ~E.E. Cummings
  11. Do not let what you cannot do; interfere with what you can do. ~John Wooden
  12. Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford
  13. Use what talents you possess. The woods will be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~Henry Van Dyke
  14. You are what you think about all day long. ~Dr Robert Schuller
  15. The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy. ~Malcolm Forbes
  16. Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive. ~Howard Thurman
  17. The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. ~Rod Steiger
  18. Courage is like a muscle; it is strengthened by use. ~Ruth Gordon
  19. Do not be afraid to ask dumb questions; they are easier to handle than dumb mistakes. ~Author Unknown
  20. Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them. ~Albert Einstein
  21. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. ~Oscar Levant

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Did you find these quotes interesting and useful? If you did then perhaps they might interest others you know too?

So please share them with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins. Do it now and I’ll be ever so grateful.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

How to have a healthy relationship with money

How is your relationship with money? Would you say you’re in control of your money or does it all just slip through your fingers the moment you get paid? If it does, you’re not alone.

However unless you learn to manage your money properly you’ll always be poor and your life will always be controlled by ‘The Man’. That is a fact.

It doesn’t have to be like that though.

Develop a healthy relationship with money and you can build wealth over time. Pay yourself first and spend less than you earn and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you begin to accumulate wealth.

Paying yourself first means taking a percentage of your money the minute you’re paid and putting it away somewhere safe. The exact percentage depends of how much you earn and your living costs. However a minimum of 10% would be a very good start.

You can always eliminate expenditure if necessary. For instance you can probably live without those expensive coffees you buy on the way into work or that cable TV subscription that you don’t really need.

In the embedded video Noah Hammond shares his thoughts on how to have a healthy relationship with money.

Though relatively short this video is informative and definitely worth watching if you’d like to improve your financial position.

It is well worth a few minutes of your time and I recommend it to you.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 thought-provoking quotes about love

We all need to feel loved and we all crave affection. That’s only natural.

However love is an emotion, so it’s more complex than we’d prefer. It’s complex enough to be beyond the comprehension of most people most of the time.

Mostly love is one of life’s great mysteries.

So here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about love to help you reflect on the great mystery of love.

If you’re in love then I hope it’s reciprocated.

If you’d like to be in love then I hope you find that special someone some time very soon. In the meantime enjoy today’s quotes.

Quotes about love:

  1. Where there is love there is life. Mahatma Gandhi
  2. Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness. Euripides
  3. Forgiveness is the final form of love. Reinhold Niebuhr
  4. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu
  5. Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own. H. Jackson Brown Jr
  6. The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. Hubert H. Humphrey
  7. Money can buy you a fine dog but only love can make him wag his tail. Kinky Friedman
  8. The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Theodore Hesburgh
  9. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. Audrey Hepburn
  10. Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. Mother Teresa
  11. The most important thing in the world is family and love. John Wooden
  12. Faith makes all things possible and love makes all things easy. Dwight L. Moody
  13. Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. Rumi
  14. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were. Richard Bach
  15. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Ann Landers
  16. Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. William Shakespeare
  17. Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you. Loretta Young
  18. I love you the more in that I believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else. John Keats
  19. They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything. Bil Keane
  20. Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love. Mario Teguh
  21. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Martin Luther King Jr

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So please share them with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins. Do it now and I’ll be ever so grateful.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

5 really funny jokes that will make you smile

If you’re like me you enjoy a joke. Something to make you laugh and brighten the day. Well here are five really funny jokes that made me smile today.

1. Money’s too tight to mention:

Two old friends, Mary and Jane, were going shopping.

Mary was a spendthrift and she had a bad habit of constantly overdrawing her bank account.

Before leaving for the mall, Jane complained about her own lack of funds and sadly lamented, “If I buy anything, I guess I’ll have to use plastic.”

Unconcerned, Mary just whipped out her checkbook and said, “Well I’ll be using rubber.”

2. Attempting to get blood from a stone:

A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s wealthy banker, so the director decided to make a phone call.

“Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?”

The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?”

“Um, no,” mumbled the director.

“Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?”

“I … I … I had no idea.”

“So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?”

3. Verifying your check

The store clerk requested identification from a customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase.

After fumbling through her purse, she presented him with what she said was the only thing she had that bore both her name and address. It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank. 

4. Seeking help:

A devastated-looking man knocks on the door of a woman known for her charity.

“Please, ma’am,” he says when she opens up, “can you help this poor, tragic family down the block? The father just lost his job, and his wife is too ill to work. They’re about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone can pay their rent.”

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life!” says the woman. “May I ask who you are?”

“I’m their landlord.”

 5. Ways of seeing:

Teenager, Billy lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway.

After a brief but fruitless search, Billy gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes she’d found the lens.

“How did you do that?” he asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing Billy,” she explained. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”

Please share with your friends on social media:

So did these prove to be the really funny jokes you’d hoped for read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

You’ll howl laughing at these 5 hilariously funny jokes

1. Getting to know your students:

It was the beginning of a new school year and the teacher was getting to know the children by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl to respond said, “I’m Mary and my dad’s a builder.

Then another little girl spoke and said, “My name’s Louisa and my dad’s a police officer.

The conversation went on like this as the teacher went around the class, until one little boy said, “I’m Jack and my dad’s a stripper in a gay bar.

Naturally the teacher was surprised by this comment and feeling slightly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking, she decided it might be better to change the subject.

A little later she spotted Jack in the school yard on his own. So the teacher approached him and asked if it was really true that his father worked as a stripper in a gay bar.

Jack’s face turned a little red as he replied, “No, he’s actually a banker but I was too embarrassed to admit that in front of the class.

2. Bikers at the roadside café:

Jeff was sitting quietly in a roadside café enjoying his lunch when suddenly three mean-looking bikers walk in.

The first guy strolls over to Jeff and stubs a cigarette into his lunch.

The second biker then walks over and spits in Jeff’s coffee.

Finally the third guy picks up Jeff’s plate and flings it crashing to the floor. Then he starts howling with laughter straight in Jeff’s face.

Jeff quietly gets to his feet and just leaves the roadhouse.

The third biker walks across to the waitress who was standing behind the counter and sneers, “Well he wasn’t much of a man now was he?

The waitress smiles and, glancing in the direction of the window, she responds, “It looks like he wasn’t much of a driver either. He’s just backed his truck over those three motorcycles parked outside and trashed them all.

3. The baseball game:

One day the Devil challenges God to a baseball game between teams from Heaven and Hell.

God smiled and said, “Hell wouldn’t have a chance.

Why?” queried the Devil.

Oh Devil, come on now? I’ve got the greatest baseball players of all time. Hey, I’ve got Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. I’ve even got the Yankee Clipper, Joe DiMaggio. Who have you got?” said God.

The Devil grinned and said, “Well God, impressive as your list is, I’ve still got all the umpires.

4. The haircut:

Jim went into a barber’s shop that was advertising David Beckham-style haircuts.

Twenty minutes later, Jim looked in the mirror and he was shocked to see that looking back at him was a scalp erratically shaven and a head covered in cuts.

Naturally Jim protested to the barber. Pointing to his head, Jim said, “Now listen to me buddy, this is not how David Beckham has his hair cut.

He would if he had his hair cut here,” the barber responded.

5. The night watchman:

The US Government owned a scrapyard in the middle of the desert.

This was the source of some concern to Congress because the feeling was that people could steal from it.

So they decided to create the role of night watchman and someone was hired to do the job.

However Congress was then concerned about how the night watchman could carry out his duties without instruction.

The solution to this dilemma was to create a planning department and two people were hired. One was hired to write instructions and the other to carry out time and motion studies.

Congress then had concerns around how they might measure whether the night watchman was doing his job effectively.

To address this problem they created a Quality Control department and hired two more people. One was hired to study job performance and the other to write reports.

Then Congress questioned how everyone was to get paid. To resolve this issue, two more people were hired; one as a timekeeper and one as a payroll officer.

However that wasn’t the end of Congress’s concerns because the obvious question was, “Who is to be accountable for all these people?

The solution was to create an Administration Department and hire three more people – an administration director, an administration officer, and a legal secretary.

A year went by and following a review Congress was concerned that this operation was $27,000 over budget. Naturally they considered what could be done to reduce overall costs.

The solution agreed by Congress was to lay off the night watchman.

Please share with your friends on social media:

I hope these hilariously funny jokes made you laugh dear reader.

However perhaps you feel that you could use another laugh? If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here then please share with all  your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

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