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7 best dad jokes that’ll tickle you silly

02/09/2026 by Roy Sutton

Are you looking for some of the best dad jokes, dear reader?

Well, take a look at these seven on offer today. Certainly, they’re all ‘full groan”.

I hope they make you smile.

Please feel free to share them.

Best dad jokes:

1. The shopping trip:

Wilma was an 80-year-old lady out shopping with her long-suffering, elderly husband, Jack.

In the challenging economic times in which they now live, Wilma and Jack were finding that their budget was a bit tight.

So, in desperation, Wilma resorts to shoplifting.

Unfortunately for her, she gets caught in the act, and she finds herself standing in front of a judge.

“Mam, could you tell me exactly what it was you stole?” asked the judge.

“Yes, your honour,” Wilma responded. “I stole a can of peaches.”

“And how many peaches were in the can?” the judge continued.

“Your honour, I believe it was six,” said Wilma.

“Then I’ll sentence you to six days in jail,” said the judge.

Before the judge could utter another word, Jack quickly interjected and said, “Your honour, you should also be aware that she stole a family-sized can of peas too.”

2. Little Johnny Joke:

Little Johnny lived in Quebec with his parents.

Johnny loved to hear his parents talk about family traditions and, in particular, the exploits of his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather when they were all young men.

Johnny’s favourite story was the one about each of them walking on water on their 18th birthday.

Eventually around comes Johnny’s 18^th birthday, and he’s determined to emulate what his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were able to achieve, and that was walking across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So, on his birthday, Johnny sets off for that bar with his friend Jim.

Johnny steps on the water first and quickly finds himself submerged and struggling to swim back to the bank, where he’s helped by Jim.

Johnny’s not happy, and when he gets home, he challenges his mother about the truth of all those family stories.

“It’s my 18th birthday, Ma,” said Johnny. “If those stories were true, how come I couldn’t walk on water?“

“Johnny,” his mother responded. “It’s August! Your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were all born in January when the lake is frozen.”

3. Gotcha!

Michael Rubinstein is a wealthy Manhattan art dealer.

Late one afternoon, he gets a phone call from his attorney, Jack Greenbaum.

“Hey, Michael,” says Jack, “I have some good news, and I have some bad news for you.”

“Oh, Jack, I’m having a lousy day,” Michael responds. “Cheer me up with some good news first.”

“Well,” says Jack, “I met with your wife earlier, and she informs me that she’s invested $5,000 in two pictures that she believes will bring her 20 million dollars. And I think she’s right.”

“Wow,” says Michael, “it seems my wife’s got a good head for business. So, what’s the bad news?”

“The pictures are of you in an Acapulco hotel room with your secretary,” says Jack, “when you told your wife you were in Europe on business.”

4. Unintended consequences:

Pete and Zak were racing down the highway on Pete’s motorcycle.

Now Pete was wearing a leather jacket, but the zip was broken, so the jacket was open. Eventually, Pete pulled over and said to Zak, “Listen, Buddy, with my jacket open, the cold weather is really starting to get to me. It’s freezing.”

Zak suggested he put his jacket on back to front so his chest would be covered.

Pete did as suggested, and the two of them then got back on the bike and off they went at high speed.

A couple of miles down the road, Pete took a bend at high speed, misjudged the manoeuvre, and crashed into a tree.

A farmer, who’d been working in the field nearby, was the first on the scene.

Very soon after, a highway patrolman arrived.

The cop says to the farmer, “Any signs of life?”

“Well,” said the farmer, “the guy riding the bike was moaning until I twisted his head to try and get it round the right way.”

5. Bad news:

A group of husbands are all waiting outside the maternity ward whilst their wives are all in labour.

Eventually, the ward sister comes out and says to the first guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“Now, that’s ironic,” says the guy, “because I work for Minnesota Twins.”

The ward sister then says to the second guy, “I got some news for you too. You’re the father of triplets. Congratulations!”

“Now, that’s incredible,” says the guy, “because I work for the 3M company.”

The ward sister smiles at the third guy and then says, “Believe it or not, you’re now the father of quadruplets. Congratulations!”

“Well, ain’t that a coincidence,” says the guy, “because I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”

At this point, the fourth guy passes out on the floor.

The ward sister and her colleagues rush to his aid and get him back on his feet. “Are you alright?” says the ward sister.

“I’m afraid of the news you’re about to tell me,” says the guy, “I work for 7Up!”

6. Language learning:

Jim was learning Spanish, and he went off to Mexico for some deep immersion in using the language.

However, he decided it might be useful to hire a Mexican guide to help him with conversation.

As they are walking through Tijuana, Jim notices an enormous fly, and he says to his guide, “Jose, mira! El mosca.”

Jose smiles benevolently and says, “No, Senor, la mosca. Es feminina.”

“Really?” says Jim. “You can actually see that from here?”

7. Magic glasses:

Bill is browsing in a joke shop looking for a novelty gift when the shop owner says to him, “If you’re looking for something unusual, I’ve got just the thing.”

“And what’s that?” asks Bill.

“Magic glasses,” said the owner. “They cost $500 but, believe me, they’re worth every cent.”

The owner then hands Bill a pair of these glasses, and he tries them on.

Well, he can’t believe what he’s seeing. The owner now appears completely naked.

Bill removes the glasses to check, and sure enough, without them, the owner is fully clothed. He puts them on again, and he sees the owner naked once more.

“They’re amazing,” said Bill. “I’ll take them.”

Bill leaves the shop wearing the glasses and then walks down Main Street.

Everyone he passes appears completely naked.

Bill is so pleased with his purchase that he decides to surprise his wife at home before returning to the office.

Bill’s still wearing the glasses when he walks into their living room.

Sitting on the sofa, he sees both his wife and his neighbour both completely naked.

They both recoil in horror on suddenly seeing Bill.

Bill then takes off the glasses, only for them both to still appear naked.

“Well, I’ll be damned!” said Bill. “I’ve had them for less than half an hour, and they’re already faulty.”

So dear reader, were any of these the best dad jokes? Was this post worth a little piece of your time? I do hope so.

If you did enjoy this post, then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now, and you’ll be making an old blogger very happy.

Thank you for your support.

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How to make an impression : Job Interview Tips

02/03/2026 by Roy Sutton

Today’s theme is how to make an impression.

As the old saying goes, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.

These days, hiring managers are spoilt for choice when interviewing for any job regarded as a decent opportunity. In fact, unless the job is a real stinker, they’ll usually get hundreds of applicants.

True, they won’t interview them all, but they’ll interview enough for it to be important for you to make a memorable impression on them if you’re to have any chance at all.

Good candidates will know this and make sure they’ve researched job interview tips beforehand.

So dear reader, if you’ve found this page via a search engine, are you looking for some job interview tips?

If you’ve got a job interview anytime soon, then naturally you’ll want a few pointers on how to perform to the best of your ability. You’ll not only want to showcase your skills but also leave an impression on the interviewer that lasts long after you’ve left the interview room.

Don’t forget, though, the impression you leave can be a good one, but it can also be a bad one. And leaving a bad one is the last thing you want to do, assuming you really want the job.

The embedded video offers some useful job interview tips, making its points with irony. The video made me smile, and I hope it brightens your day too.

How to make an impression:

If you enjoyed this article and the funny video, dear reader, then please share it with your friends on social media.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

7 Good jokes guaranteed to make you smile

01/31/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some good jokes, then look no further, dear reader. I have seven very good jokes for you today.

They all made me laugh out loud, and I’m confident they’ll amuse you too.

So enjoy them all now.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Good jokes:

1. The duck hunter:

Dave was a keen duck hunter, and he’d been looking to buy a new bird dog for quite a while.

Dave’s search ended when he found an amazing dog that could walk on water to retrieve a duck.

Naturally, Dave was pleased with his discovery, but he was sure that his friends wouldn’t believe he’d found a dog that could walk on water.

So he decided to break the news to his friend Paul, a pessimist who was rarely impressed by anything.

Hoping that he might impress Paul, Dave invited him on a hunting trip to experience the dog firsthand.

However, Dave didn’t mention the dog’s special talent, as he wanted Paul to see it himself.

Arriving in the woods, the two men and the dog found a suitable spot by the lake and waited for some ducks to appear. And it wasn’t long before some ducks flew overhead.

Both men fired their shotguns, and a duck fell from the sky and landed on the lake.

The dog responded by walking across the water, without sinking and retrieving the duck. Apart from the soles of its feet, the dog didn’t get wet at all.

This continued throughout the day.

Each time a duck fell, the dog retrieved it by walking across the water without getting wet.

Determined to remain unimpressed, Paul observed everything, but he didn’t say a word.

On the drive home, Dave couldn’t resist it any longer, and he said to Paul, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog, Paul?”

“Yes, I did,” said Paul. “He can’t swim.”

2. Rookie error:

Jane is driving along Interstate 5 when she accidentally crashes into a guy driving a Porsche.

The guy immediately gets out of his Porsche and starts yelling at Jane and trying to intimidate her.

“Are you blind or something?” yells the guy. “Why didn’t you look where you were going?“

As luck would have it, Jane has a bottle of Jack Daniels on her rear seat, and she suggests to the guy that he takes a couple of swigs to calm his nerves.

The guy gratefully grabs the whiskey bottle and takes a long swig, pauses momentarily, and then takes another.

Just as he’s starting to calm down, a Highway Patrol officer appears on the scene, while the guy still has the whiskey bottle in his hand.

“Right,” says the Highway Patrol officer, “What’s happened here?”

Jane smiles demurely at the officer and says, “Officer, there’s been an accident because this guy’s been drinking.”

Moral of the Story: If you think you can intimidate women, you’d be wise to think again.

3. Down on the farm

One day, a farmer was tending his livestock when he noticed one of his cows was completely cross-eyed.

Naturally, being concerned, the farmer called a veterinarian and asked him to come and look at the cow.

The vet arrives at the farm, takes one look at the cow, and then sticks a rubber tube up the cow’s butt.

After a few moments, the vet puts the other end of the tube in his mouth and starts blowing hard.

Within a few seconds of blowing, the cow’s eyes completely straightened out.

The vet then charges the farmer $150 for his service and then leaves the farm to move on to his next appointment.

About a week later, another one of the farmer’s cows appears to be cross-eyed.

Well, the farmer doesn’t want to spend another $150 when he now knows what to do.

So, he finds a rubber tube and then calls his farmhand over to help him.

Together, they proceed to insert the tube into the cow’s butt.

The farmer then puts his lips on the tube and starts to blow. However, not being as young as he once was, the farmer can’t quite blow hard enough, and nothing happens.

So, he asks the farmhand to give it a try.

The farmhand removes the tube, turns it around, and then inserts it back into the cow’s butt. He then starts to blow hard.

“What are you doing?” the horrified farmer yells.

The farmhand gives him a puzzled look and then says, “Well, I wasn’t gonna use the side that you put in your mouth.”

4. Logic class:

Bubba and Jim Bob felt they weren’t going anywhere in life, so they decided to go to college to improve their situation.

Neither of them is very bright, so they decide to seek advice from the college principal for guidance on courses for which they’d be best suited.

Bubba goes to see the principal first, and, after a short conversation, the principal suggests he take the Logic course.

“What’s Logic?” asks Bubba.

“Well, it might be easier if I gave you an example,” says the principal. “Do you own a Weed Eater?“

“Well, yes, I do,” Bubba responds.

“Right,” says the principal. “If you own a Weed Eater, then it would be safe for me to assume you have a yard.”

“Wow,” says Bubba, “you’re right.”

“If you have a yard,” says the principal, “logic would suggest you also have a house.”

“Incredible,” says Bubba, “you’re right again.”

The principal continues, “And since you have a house, logic suggests you have a wife too.”

“Yes,” says Bubba, “that’s right, her name’s Daisy.”

“If you have a wife,” says the principal, “then you probably have children too.”

“I do,” says Bubba, “I have two kids, Willy and Maisy.”

“Right,” says the principal. “Then logically, it follows that you’re heterosexual.”

“Well, I’ll be,” says Bubba. “you’re right and you worked all that out from Logic. I can’t wait to start the Logic class.”

Bubba walks out of the principal’s office feeling ten feet tall and Jim Bob is there waiting to hear what happened.

“So, what class will you take?” asks Jim Bob.

“I’m taking the Logic class,” Bubba responds.

“What’s Logic?” asks Jim Bob.

“Well, it’ll be better if I explain it with an example,” says Bubba.

“Go on then,” says Jim Bob

“Right,” says Bubba. “Do you own a Weed Eater?“

“No,” Jim Bob replies.

“Then you’re gay,” says Bubba.

5. Tragic loss:

In 1912, a ship sailed from San Diego, heading for the port of Lázaro Cárdenas, Mexico, with a cargo of 20,000 jars of Hellmann’s mayonnaise.

The cargo was intended for the celebrations to commemorate the 50^th anniversary of Mexico’s famous victory over the Second French Empire at the Battle of Puebla in 1862.

This would have been the largest shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico, had it not been for the ship sinking in rough seas before it could reach its intended destination.

Such was the popularity of Hellman’s famous condiment in Mexico at the time that the people were devastated, and a National Day of Mourning was declared.

This day continues to be commemorated every year on May 5, the date that the shipment was due to arrive in Lázaro Cárdenas. The event is better known as Sinko de Mayo.

6. Grizzly bears on the Appalachian Trail:

A tourist guide was explaining the dangers of grizzly bears to hikers about to walk the Appalachian Trail from Springer Mountain, Georgia.

The guide warned, “You should realise that most encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet to avoid disturbing wildlife, unexpectedly stumble upon bears.”

He had the hikers’ full attention now.

“Be aware that surprising a grizzly bear can have disastrous consequences for you,” the guide continued. “To avoid this, we recommend that hikers wear tiny bells on their clothing to provide bears with an early warning of your presence. You should, of course, exercise great caution should you spot the telltale signs of bears in the area, particularly if you see bear droppings.”

“And how do we identify bear droppings from those of other wildlife?” asked one of the hikers.

“Easy,” explained the guide. “They’re the ones with all the tiny bells in them!”

7. The talking monkey:

Pete was walking past a pet shop when he saw a talking monkey being advertised for sale.

Intrigued, Pete went inside to see if this monkey was all the owners claimed it to be. It was, and Pete was so impressed, particularly with the monkey’s extensive vocabulary and mastery of English, he bought the erudite primate immediately.

Then that very evening, Pete took his new pet to his local bar, and he bet everyone twenty dollars that his monkey could recite the Gettysburg Address.

Ten people immediately accepted the challenge, but, despite much prompting from Pete, the monkey failed to say a word.

Pete was extremely disappointed, but he had no choice but to pay up.

However, when he got home, the monkey was talking freely once again.

So the next evening, Pete decided he would return to the bar and try again.

This time, he bet everyone thirty dollars that his monkey could recite the Gettysburg Address.

Given the experience of the previous evening, most of the patrons in the bar were more than willing to accept Pete’s bet.

Sadly for Pete, his monkey wouldn’t say a word, and once again, it proved to be an expensive evening.

When he got home with the monkey, Pete was annoyed with his pet, and he said, “I’ve had it with you, tomorrow you’re going back to the pet shop and I’m claiming a refund.”

“Calm down,” the monkey responded. “Just think about the odds; we’ll be able to get into the bar tomorrow evening.”

So, dear reader, were these good jokes as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, funny short story jokes, good jokes, Hilarious, humor, humour, jokes, short story jokes, smile, Stress-free

5 funny story jokes that’ll make you chuckle

01/29/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for funny story jokes, I’ve got five little gems for you today.

So grab a coffee, and then take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Funny Story Jokes:

1. How to impress the girl of your dreams:

Young Josh is a 16-year-old, shy and socially awkward guy constantly dreaming of dating a girl, like many young men of his age.

As luck would have it, the real object of his affection lives right next door to him. Her name’s Charlene, she’s slim, attractive, cultured, and perfectly poised.

However, poor Josh is a little too bashful to engage her in conversation.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop him from watching her dreamily from his bedroom window as she wanders across her yard each morning.

One day Josh’s father notices him watching Charlene from his bedroom window.

“Josh, if you like the girl, why not say hello to her?” says his dad.

“Oh, Dad, I’m not very good at talking to girls, I never quite know what to say to them,” Josh responds.

“Look, son,” says his dad, “girls just like you to take an interest in them and what they’ve been doing. Just ask her about what she’s been doing.”

The following day, Josh sees Charlene wander across her yard, heading towards the john at the end of her garden.

Desperate to impress her and thinking he’s spotted an ideal opportunity to follow his dad’s advice, Josh rushes outside to catch her attention as she returns to the house.

Encouraged when Charlene flashes him a smile, Josh is convinced that this is his opportunity to impress her.

And then he hears himself say, “Been taking a dump then, Charlene?”

2. The man and the penguins:

Police officer Maguire is sitting in his patrol car by the side of the freeway when he sees a guy drive past him in a pickup truck full of penguins.

With blue lights flashing, Officer Maguire chases after the pickup truck and pulls the guy over.

“Sir, you do know that penguins are a protected species, and you can’t drive them around like this in this town?” says Officer Maguire. “I suggest you take them to the zoo.”

Having given the guy a polite warning, Officer Maguire then lets him go on his way.

The very next day, Officer Maguire is in his patrol car again when he sees the same man still driving around with the penguins, and this time they’re all wearing sunglasses.

So Officer Maguire pulls the guy over again and says, “Hey buddy, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday.”

“I did,” the man replies, “and today I’m taking them to the beach.”

3. All rise:

Jim is up in court, charged with a series of misdemeanours.

Now, Jim feels he’s been unfairly treated, and when the judge rules against him, he cannot contain his anger any longer.

“You, sir, are a moron!” shouts Jim as the judge passes judgement.

Well, the judge is not amused and says, “For contempt of court, you’re fined $250; that’s $50 for each of those words you shouted.”

Jim gets out his wallet, and he’s checking its contents when the judge says, “You don’t have to pay the fine right now; you can hand the money to the clerk as you leave the court.”

Jim looks up, and, in response, says, “I wasn’t trying to pay you, sir; I was checking to see whether I had enough money to tell you what I really think of you.”

4. Strange sounds:

Did you know that when Beethoven sadly passed away, his body was buried in a church graveyard, as was common in those days?

A few days later, a couple of drunken youths were staggering through this graveyard late at night when they heard strange noises emanating from the plot where Beethoven had been buried.

Shaken by what they had heard, the youths ran to the priest to tell him about their experience.

The priest listened to them sympathetically and said, “Let’s go together to Beethoven’s grave, and I’ll hear it for myself.”

When they arrived at the plot, the priest listened carefully, and he could hear some faint, unrecognized music coming from the grave.

Well, even the priest was terrified by this experience, and he ran to the town’s mayor.

The mayor accompanied the priest back to the grave, where he could listen for himself.

As they stood by the grave, the mayor could hear Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony being played backwards.

Puzzled by this, he continued to listen, only to hear the Eighth Symphony played backwards, followed by the Seventh Symphony, the Sixth Symphony, The Fifth Symphony and so on, all played backwards.

The mayor stood there momentarily puzzled by this experience, and then he turned to the priest and said, “It’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

5. Children and their teacher:

It’s the end of the school year, and the popular kindergarten teacher is receiving gifts from the children in her class.

She asks them to bring their gift to the front, one at a time.

First up is the florist’s son. He proudly hands her his neatly wrapped gift, and she thanks him and smiles.

She then gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. Some flowers?”

“That’s right,” says the boy, “but how did you know?“

“Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,” says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the sweet shop owner’s daughter.

Once again, the teacher gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. It’s a box of sweets.“

“That’s right,” says the little girl, “but how did you know?“

“Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,” says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the son of the liquor store owner.

As before, the teacher holds the gift-wrapped package above her head momentarily, but it’s leaking.

So she touches a drop of the slightly yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

“Is it a Chardonnay?” asks the teacher.

“No!” the boy replies, a little excited in anticipation of her response.

Once again, the teacher touches the leaking, yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

“Perhaps it’s Champagne?” she suggests.

“No!” the boy replies, with even more excitement than before.

So the teacher has one more quick taste of the liquid before saying, “Alright then, I give up, you’ve got me on his one. What is it?”

With a beaming smile and great excitement, the boy says, “It’s a puppy!“

So for you, dear reader, did these funny story jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, Funny Story Jokes, Hilarious, humor, humour, jokes, Laugh, LOL, Meaning, Philosophy, smile, Stress-free

15 Quotes by Bob Newhart reflecting his personal philosophy

01/26/2026 by Roy Sutton

There are many fine comedians in this world, and many of the finest are American, in my opinion. And for me, one of the funniest American comedians of all time is Bob Newhart. He’s made me laugh out loud many times.

Many years ago, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon his audio recording of The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart, and from that moment on, I was hooked.

This album was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

Imagine my situation: I was sitting in my car, waiting for the traffic lights to turn green. Suddenly, on my car radio, they played the Tobacco sketch from that album. It was so funny that it had me laughing so much that people around me were starting to stare at me as if I’d gone mad. It was that funny. The video is included in this post for your entertainment.

And if you’re unfamiliar with Bob Newhart’s work, then I recommend you check him out. And a good place to start would be the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. It’s still available on Amazon HERE.

However, before you check it out, here are 15 quotes by Bob Newhart, some of which reflect his humour, some reflect his sense of the absurd, and some are just thought-provoking.

Affiliate Disclosure: I am an Amazon affiliate, and I will receive a commission for purchases made through links on this site. There will be no additional charge to the purchaser. Should you make a purchase, your support is appreciated. Thank you.

Quotes by Bob Newhart:

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t be silly and don’t waste your time. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t live in the past. There’s no point. You can’t change anything. What a waste of time. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t like country music but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. ~Bob Newhart
People are meant to be in certain places, and I think I’m meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. ~Bob Newhart
The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. ~Bob Newhart
Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t know how doctors pick one speciality over another. Some you can understand. Paediatricians or gynaecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology? ~Bob Newhart
With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attaches to the cell phone itself, it’s getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. ~Bob Newhart
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage. ~Bob Newhart
All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world. ~Bob Newhart
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart
Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr Hutchinson, at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, ‘You really aren’t cut out for accounting.’ ~Bob Newhart
I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn’t work, then I knew it didn’t work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn’t torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened. ~Bob Newhart
All I can say about life is, ‘Oh God, enjoy it!’ ~Bob Newhart

Did you find these quotes by Bob Newhart interesting and thought-provoking?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case, then please share them with your friends, because when you share, everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me, then it will be truly appreciated.

Thank you.

5 funny joke stories that’ll entertain any social gathering

01/22/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for funny joke stories to tell your friends in the bar after work, then here are five you’ll really enjoy.

I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two, so please feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Rick and the Biker:

Rick is sitting at the counter in a roadside bar in Austin, staring at his drink, when a very large and mean-looking biker is suddenly standing right next to him. The biker grabs Rick’s, as yet, untouched drink and swallows it in one gulp.

“That tasted real good, boy,” said the biker, punching Rick on the shoulder. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Well, Rick just bursts into tears.

“Oh, man up,” says the biker. “I can’t stand seeing a man crying. What’s your problem, buddy?”

“This is the worst day of my life,” Rick responds. “I’m a complete failure. I missed my sales targets again this month, and I got fired. When I left the office, I discovered that my car had been stolen from the parking lot, and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I had to take to get home. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the mailman. And then my dog bit me.”

The biker’s attitude towards Rick softened a little.

“I came into this bar to work up enough courage to end it all,” Rick continued. “I bought my drink and dropped a Strychnine capsule into it. The capsule had only just fully dissolved when you showed up and swallowed the whole damn drink in one gulp.”

Rick paused momentarily and then said, “Anyway, enough about me. How’s your day going?”

2. Father Murphy and Samson:

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Murphy, is driving through North Carolina on his way to Wilmington.

Suddenly, his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. However, he’s fairly close to a farm, so he decides to see whether the farmer can help him.

Father Murphy finds the farmer, who’s ploughing one of his fields.

“Sir,” said Father Murphy. “I’m on my way to Wilmington, and my car’s broken down. Can you help me?”

“I’m sorry, but there’s no one around here who can help you fix your car, Father,” says the farmer. “However, I could lend you one of my horses.”

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Father Murphy responds. “So, I appreciate your help, and I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

“OK,” says the farmer. “You can take Samson. He’s a good Christian horse.”

“Really,” Father Murphy responds. “How can you tell he’s Christian?”

“Well, if you want Samson to move forward, you have to say, Praise the Lord,” says the farmer. “And if you want him to stop, you have to say Amen.”

The priest sets off on Samson, but very quickly, he’s forgotten the farmer’s instructions. Then, a few miles down the road, the horse is spooked when a car backfires with a loud bang.

The horse bolts and is galloping at speed towards the edge of a cliff. Father Murphy is struggling to gain control of Samson.

“STOP, STOP, SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP!” yells the priest.

Seeing nothing is working, Father Murphy starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud, in the hope he might benefit from some divine intervention from the good Lord above.

As he gets to the end of the prayer, naturally Father Murphy says, “Amen!”

They’re at the very edge of the cliff at this point, when suddenly the horse stops just in time to avoid a very long fall down to the jagged rocks far below.

Father Murphy breathes a sigh of relief that God has answered his prayer, and he says, “Praise the Lord!”

3. Lateral thinking:

A woman went to her doctor’s surgery, where she was seen by a newly qualified medic.

Within seconds, she could be heard screaming as she ran out of the examination room in tears and fled the building.

A senior doctor witnessed what happened and, naturally, asked the young medic for an explanation as to exactly what happened.

“Well, sir,” said the young medic, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” the senior doctor exclaimed. “How can she be pregnant? She’s 75 years old. What possible reason could you have for telling her that she’s pregnant?”

“Well,” the young medic responded, “it certainly cured the problem with her hiccups.”

4. Legal minefield:

The bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, “OK, buddy, what’ll you have?”

“I’ll have a Scotch,” says the guy.

The bartender gives the guy a Scotch and then says, “That’ll be six dollars, please.”

“What do you mean?” The guy responds. “I don’t owe you anything. You offered me a drink.”

At this point, a lawyer from the law firm next door, who was also sitting at the bar, intervenes and says to the bartender, “He has a point. Your offer did not imply an obligation for payment, but it did represent a verbal contract upon acceptance. So, legally, there’s no requirement for him to pay you for the drink.”

Well, the bartender’s not happy, but he realises that we live in litigious times, and he didn’t want to risk an expensive lawsuit, so he decides to let it go.

However, he says to the guy, “OK, buddy, you win. Enjoy your free drink, but I don’t want to see you in here again. Take your business elsewhere.”

A few days pass before the guy reappears in the bar.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” asks the bartender. “I thought I told you to take your business elsewhere.”

“What are you talking about?” Asks the guy. “I’ve never been in here before.”

Fearing he’d made a mistake, and knowing there were a couple more lawyers sitting at the bar, the bartender backs down.

“I’m sorry,” says the bartender, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”

“That’s very kind of you,” says the guy. “A double Scotch would be great. Thank you.”

5. The rat and the frog:

A guy walks into a Manhattan bar and says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, if I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”

“Well,” says the bartender, “if it’s really good, I will.”

So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small rat.

He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano with a tiny piano stool.

He sets the rat at the piano, and it then proceeds to play the Scott Joplin classic, The Entertainer.

“Wow, that’s impressive,” says the bartender, giving the guy his free drink.

The man takes a sip of his ice-cold beer, and then he says to the bartender, “If I can show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks all night?”

“Listen, buddy, I can’t see how you’ll top that,” says the bartender, “but if you can, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny frog. The frog then begins to sing, accompanied by the rat playing Hit the Road, Jack.

As the guy’s enjoying his free drinks, a stranger who’d been watching the performance walks up to him and says, “I’ll give you $100,000 for the frog.”

“The frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds.

“How about $250,000?” the stranger asks.

“No, the frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds

“OK,” says the stranger. “I’ll give you $500,000 for the frog. That’s my last offer.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, mister,” says the guy, giving the stranger the frog once the money’s been transferred to his bank account via the stranger’s smartphone.

Having watched the transaction, the bartender says to the guy, “You must be nuts letting the frog go for $500,000. It’s got to be worth millions.”

The guy smiled and said, “Not really.”

“What do you mean?” asked the bartender.

“Well,” the guy responds, “the rat’s a ventriloquist.

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blogger to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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6 funny long jokes that’ll make you smile

01/21/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you like telling your friends funny long jokes and you’re looking for some ammunition, then here are six good ones that should make your friends smile.

Funny long jokes:

1. A face at the window:

Bill and Bobby Joe were leaving their local bar one night after a session of heavy drinking.

They’re both staggering, and they fall into Bobby Joe’s station wagon, and he starts it up.

With the engine running and Bobby Joe still fumbling around in the driver’s seat, suddenly the face of an old man appears in the window on the passenger side, and he’s tapping lightly on the window.

It is pitch black out there, and being taken completely by surprise, naturally, this spooks Bill. So in reaction, he screams, “Oh my God, there’s a ghost!”

Well, Bill’s remark spooks Bobby Joe, too, so he puts his foot down and the station wagon begins to accelerate.

Bobby Joe can see the speedometer needle moving, and yet, the face of the old man remains there in the window.

So Bill lowers the window and says, “What do you want, old man?”

“You got any tobacco?” the old man asks, softly.

Bill offers him a cigarette, and then shouts, “Step on the gas, Bobby Joe, and let’s get the hell out of here!”

Well, the speedometer on the station wagon is approaching 80, and Bobby Joe looks at it and says, “We’ll be fine, he can’t catch us now.”

Suddenly, they hear the tapping on the window again, and it’s the same old man.

So, Bill rolls down the window once again and says, “What is it now?”

“Have you got a light?” the old man asks, politely.

Bill lights the man’s cigarette and then shouts, “Bobby Joe, step on it!”

So, Bobby Joe presses the accelerator hard down to the floor and watches as the speedometer exceeds 100 miles per hour.

Once again, Bobby Joe remarks, “We’ll be fine, Bill; he can’t catch us now.”

Well, a minute or two passes, and they hear that tapping on the window again.

Bill lowers the window and screams, “What the hell is it now, old man?”

“Your wheels are still spinning in the mud,” the old man responds softly, pointing to the rear of the vehicle.

2. The stakeout:

Rookie police officer Jim Smith has been assigned the role of staking out a local bar one night, watching out for potential DUI violations.

As the evening draws to a close, he watches as one young man staggers out of the bar and tries his keys in five different cars before finding his own.

The young man fumbles for a few minutes, as Officer Smith keeps an Eagle eye on him, and eventually, the car door opens, and the young man falls into the driver’s seat.

Officer Smith watches the young man like a hawk, waiting to pounce, as other patrons start leaving the bar and driving off in their cars.

Eventually, the young man gets his car started and attempts to drive away.

At that point, Officer Smith makes his move and pulls him over.

“Sir, I must caution you that I suspect you’re driving under the influence and I need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me, please,” Officer Smith says politely but very firmly.

The young man does as requested and then hands the breathalyzer back to Officer Smith for checking.

Officer Smith looks closely at the blood-alcohol content score, and it measures zero.

Officer Smith is puzzled by this outcome and demands to know what’s going on.

The young man smiles and says, “Sir, tonight it was my turn as designated decoy.”

3. The black bear:

A big black bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.

“I’m sorry,” the bartender responds, “but we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar. That’s our policy.“

Well, the bear is not amused. It rears back a little and then growls, “I don’t care about your policy. I’m a bear, and I want a beer.”

The bartender remains calm, smiles, and then replies, “I get it, you’re not happy, but as I said, we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar.”

The bear stands up at full height, raises its massive paws and howls, “I’m a bear, and I want a beer! And if I don’t get me a beer now, I will eat one of your customers.“

The bartender remains unfazed by the situation. He just smiles and says, “Listen, buddy, do whatever you gotta do, but I won’t be serving you a beer.”

So, the bear walks down to the end of the bar, grabs a gin-soaked, drunken lady sitting at the counter, and greedily eats her.

Once he’s finished eating her, he returns to face the bartender, looks him in the eye and declares, “Right, you’ve seen what I can do. I’m a bear, and I want a beer.“

The bartender is still unfazed.

“Listen, buddy,” he says, “I’ve told you already, we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar. And for that matter, we don’t serve drug addicts either.”

“DRUG ADDICT!” the bear roars, “What the hell are you talking about?”

The bartender looks the bear in the eye and says, “That was a bar-bitch-you-ate.”

4. The challenge:

Jerry was an Iron Man champion who also owned a bar just off the Las Vegas Strip.

Everyone in town knew that Jerry was the strongest man around, and knowing that visitors to Las Vegas liked a bet, he used that to his advantage in attracting people into his bar.

On the counter, there was a big sign headlined Challenge Jerry. In the small print, it explained that the bet was that anyone who could beat Jerry in a strongman challenge could win $1,000. The cost of the bet was $10.

In the challenge, Jerry would squeeze the juice from an orange into a glass. Once Jerry had squeezed the life out of the orange, challengers had to take the orange and see if they could squeeze any more juice from it.

Over the years, truck drivers, lumberjacks, weightlifters and all sorts of tough guys had tried to beat Jerry in this challenge, so far, but no one had ever got the better of him.

One day, a small, thin, weak-looking, middle-aged man with thinning hair and heavy-rimmed spectacles walked into the bar, slapped a $10 bill on the counter and said that he was willing to take up the challenge.

Everyone in the bar started laughing at the idea that this weak-looking, little man would have any chance of beating Jerry and walking out with the $1,000.

Jerry smiled at the man, picked up the $10 and said, “OK, Buddy, you’ve got yourself a bet.”

He then picks up one of California’s finest and squeezes the juice out of it until the glass is almost full. What remained of the orange was then handed to the challenger.

The little man focused momentarily and then started squeezing as hard as he could with both hands. To everyone’s amazement, within seconds, half a dozen drops of juice dripped into the glass.

Jerry congratulated the man on his success and handed him $1,000.

“I’m impressed,” said Jerry. “What do you do for a living, buddy? I’m guessing you must be a lumberjack?”

“Oh no,” the man responded. “I work for the IRS.”

5. The DEA Agent:

Steve McShane is an agent with the Drug Enforcement Agency based in Arizona, and he’s had a tip-off that a farmer near Scottsdale is growing marijuana in one of his fields.

So McShane shows up at the farm one day unannounced and says to the farmer, “Hey buddy, I’m from the DEA, and I’ve got a warrant to search your farm, as we suspect you of growing illegal narcotics.”

“Really!” the farmer says, a little surprised, “I don’t know where you got that idea, but I guess I’ve got no choice but to let you do whatever you’ve got to do. However, I must warn you, DO NOT go in the backfield.”

Well, McShane is a little put out by this last comment, so he pulls out his badge and says to the farmer, “Now listen, old man, do you see this badge? Take a good look at it, buddy. This badge says I’m with the DEA. And with this badge, I’ve got access to all areas. Do you hear what I’m sayin’? No one or nothing can stop me. You got that?”

“Yes, sir!” said the farmer.

With that, Steve McShane heads straight for the backfield, believing the farmer’s comment was an attempt to deflect him from looking in the place where the marijuana is being grown.

Within minutes, the farmer sees the DEA man running as though his life depended on it. And it did, as McShane was being chased by the biggest, meanest, fastest bull you’ve ever seen.

As the bull closes on him, McShane screams at the farmer for help.

“SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!” shouts the farmer. “Just tell him it gives you access to all areas.”

6. Spelling Test:

Beryl’s married life had not been a happy one, and sadly, one day, she passed away.

Suddenly, she finds herself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

“Hello, Beryl,” St Peter says warmly. “You’ve done your best to lead a good and decent life, I know, so all I need is for you to spell one word correctly and you’ll be admitted to the kingdom of Heaven.”

“Right!” said Beryl. “And what word do I need to spell?”

“That word is love, Beryl,” St Peter responds. “Can you spell it for me?”

“Yes, of course,” said Beryl. “It’s L O V E.”

“Well done,” St Peter responds, “and welcome to the kingdom of Heaven.”

Beryl quickly settles into life in Heaven and finds a new sense of purpose in helping St Peter with his many duties.

St Peter begins to rely on her so much that one day, when he’s very busy, he asks her to deputise for him at the Pearly Gates, checking new arrivals.

As luck would have it, Beryl’s husband appears at the Pearly Gates whilst she’s on duty.

“Oh, it’s you,” says Beryl. “Well, I’ve got to tell you that you won’t be admitted to Heaven unless you can spell one word correctly for me. And you only get one chance to spell it perfectly.”

“Right!” says her husband. “And what word do I need to spell for you?”

“Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu,” Beryl responds, smiling brightly.

If you enjoyed these long jokes, please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny long jokes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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4 funny stories to tell your friends in the bar

01/21/2026 by Roy Sutton

Dear reader, are you looking for some funny stories to tell your friends in the bar or at parties? If you want to be popular, always having a joke or two to tell your friends is a great way to achieve it.

So enjoy these funny jokes and feel free to pass them on.

Funny stories to tell your friends:

1. Pythagoras pun:

A medieval king was hunting in Africa, and he killed a lion, an elephant and a hippopotamus.

Returning to his kingdom, he awarded the hides from these animals to his three squires. In turn, these three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became increasingly jealous of the Hippo Squire because he possessed, what to them was, the most treasured of the three hides.

So these two jealous squires hatched a plot to kill the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them.

Now the Lion Squire had ten sons, and the Elephant Squire had six sons, whilst the Hippo Squire was childless. So the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent their sixteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire and return with the prized hide.

However, in the ensuing battle, the Hippo Squire single-handedly managed to kill all sixteen of the sons.

Thus, it is proved that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.

2. Yearning for a child:

Two women are sitting in their doctor’s waiting room, and they begin discussing babies.

“I’m desperate to have a baby,” said the first woman. “However, I’m starting to think it’ll never happen.”

“I used to think like that,” said the other woman. “But then everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’ll be having my baby in four months.”

“Wow!” said the first woman. “How did it all change for you?

”I went to see a faith healer,” her companion responded.

“Oh,” said the first woman. “My husband and I did try that, but unfortunately, it didn’t help at all.”

Her pregnant companion smiled, then moved closer to her and whispered, “Next time, try going alone.“

3. Little Johnny:

Little Johnny came running out of the bathroom in tears.

“What’s the matter, Johnny?” asked his dad.

“Dad, I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet,” said Little Johnny.

His dad smiled, benevolently, and said, “Never mind, son, but we’d better just throw it out. There are some new ones in the medicine cabinet.”

So, Johnny’s dad fished the toothbrush out of the toilet bowl and went off to throw it in the garbage.

When he returned, Johnny was standing there holding another toothbrush.

“That looks like my toothbrush, Johnny,” said his dad.

“Yes, it is,” said Johnny. “You’d better throw it out, too, because it fell in the toilet bowl last week.”

4. Hunting season:

A truck driver hauling a load of computers stops at a roadside diner in California for a coffee and some lunch.

As he enters the diner, he notices a sign which says, NO COMPUTER NERDS ALLOWED IN HERE – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK in large red letters.

As the trucker takes his seat at the counter, a stern-looking waitress looks at him suspiciously and then says, “Now listen here, buddy, I can smell computers on you. I hope you’re not a nerd.”

“No, mam,” the trucker responds. “I’m hauling a consignment of computers today, so I guess some of their smell has rubbed off on me.”

“Well, that’s just fine then,” says the waitress, pouring him a cup of coffee.

As the trucker is taking his first sip of coffee, a skinny guy walks into the diner. He’s wearing black-rimmed glasses, held together with tape, and he’s got a row of pens and pencils in his breast pocket.

Without saying a word, the stern-looking waitress pulls a shotgun from behind the counter, and she shoots this skinny guy dead.

The trucker is stunned by what he’s just witnessed. “What did you do that for?” he asks the waitress.

“Don’t worry, sir,” the waitress responds. “Computer Nerds are in season right now because they’re over-populating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license to shoot them.”

So, the trucker finishes his lunch and sets off to complete his delivery.

However, he’s just driving onto Interstate 5 when he has to swerve violently to avoid a collision with another vehicle.

As he brings his truck back under control, the back door to his truck bursts open, and computers spill all over the highway.

He stops his truck, but before he can get around the back, there are computer nerds everywhere gathering up computers and running off with them.

Well, the trucker can’t afford to have his load stolen right from under his nose, so he grabs a shotgun he keeps in his cab, and then he shoots several of the nerds dead.

Within seconds, a Highway Patrol car pulls up, and the police officer jumps out and orders the trucker to stop shooting at once.

“Why?” says the trucker. “I thought computer nerds were in season.”

“They are,” says the cop, “but you’re not allowed to bait ‘em.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did any of these funny stories to tell your friends actually make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blogger to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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4 funny jokes that won’t offend but will amuse you

01/09/2026 by Roy Sutton

Today I offer you some very funny jokes that won’t offend anyone, but they’ll definitely amuse you and your friends, dear reader; of that I’m confident.

So take a moment to enjoy these three little gems. And of course, feel free to pass them on.

Funny jokes that won’t offend:

1. Father Murphy:

Father Murphy looked uneasy as he attempted to greet the wedding guests at the entrance to St Bernadette’s Church.

He doesn’t say much, and he looks uncomfortable, but the congregation knows him to be a bit shy.

As the bride arrives, Father Murphy makes his way to the altar, and as the couple approaches, he gives the best speech anyone has ever heard.

Not only is it an excellent speech, full of wisdom and insight, but he also appears confident, and he has everyone rolling on the floor laughing.

After the couple has made their vows and everyone is leaving, Father Murphy steps down from the altar, and once again, he becomes tongue-tied and shy and barely manages to say a word to anyone.

Feeling a little sorry for him, the groom says, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, Father, but why are you so shy now? You seemed like a different person when you were up there giving that speech earlier.“

“I know,” Father Murphy responded, “but that was just my altar ego.”

2. Running out of gas:

Gerry is driving down the freeway when he runs out of gas.

He’s sitting there in the driver’s seat, wondering what to do next, when a bee flies in through his window.

“What seems to be your problem?” asks the bee.

“I’ve run out of gas,” Gerry replies.

“That’s unfortunate,” says the bee. “However, if you wait here, I can help you.”

The bee then flies off, only to return minutes later with an entire swarm of bees. They all fly into his gas tank, leaving Gerry wondering exactly what’s going on.

After a few minutes, the swarm flies off, and the bee says to Gerry, “Try it now.”

Gerry turns his ignition key, and his car fires into action immediately.

“Wow!” Gerry exclaims. “What did you put in the gas tank?“

The bee smiles and says, “BP, of course.“

3. Wisdom of the Ancients:

The Native Americans on a remote reservation in Wyoming asked their new chief, Akecheta, whether the winter ahead would be mild or cold.

Now Chief Akecheta was a modern man, educated at a university, but he hadn’t been taught the old ways and the wisdom of his ancestors.

He looked into the sky, but he was unable to read the signs as to whether the winter would be cold or not.

Naturally, he didn’t want to lose credibility with the tribe, so, to save face and be on the safe side, he just told them that the winter was going to be cold and that they should probably start gathering firewood to be prepared.

Now he may not have learned the ancient secrets, but Chief Akecheta was a wise and practical man. So, once he was on his own, he phoned the National Weather Service and asked them for their winter forecast.

“Well, sir,” said the meteorologist, “our forecast suggests that it’s going to be quite cold.”

Feeling more confident now, Chief Akecheta went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.

“Does it still look like it is going to be very cold this winter?” he asked the meteorologist.

“Yes, sir,” said the meteorologist. “It could be even colder than we first thought.”

So once again, Chief Akecheta went back to his people, and he ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, Chief Akecheta phoned the National Weather Service again.

“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?” he asked the meteorologist.

“Yes, sir,” said the meteorologist. “The signs are that it’s going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.”

“How can you be so sure?” asked Chief Akecheta.

“Well, sir,” the meteorologist responded, “the Native American tribe up the road has been collecting a crazy amount of firewood recently.“

4. The lion enclosure:

It’s Jim’s first day on the job as a trainee zookeeper at London Zoo.

His boss wants to ease him into his duties gently, so Jim’s given the fish to look after.

Unfortunately, Jim gets all the fish food mixed up with the chemicals, and he manages to kill all the fish.

Worried that the mistake might cost him his job, Jim decides it might be easier to cover it up by gathering all the now-dead fish together and throwing them into the lion enclosure when no one’s looking.

After lunch, Jim’s boss asks him to feed the chimpanzees.

Unfortunately, once again by mistake, Jim gives them all the wrong food and manages to kill them off, too.

Again, he’s worried that he could lose the job he only started that very morning. So he decides on another cover-up. Once again, Jim dumps all the bodies into the lion enclosure whilst no one’s looking.

Well, two major mistakes in one day were a little embarrassing, so in the late afternoon, Jim decided to sneak off early before he could do anything else wrong.

Sadly, another disaster was waiting to happen.

When reversing his car, he managed to back it into the apiary, and in doing so, crushed all the bees.

Left with little option, Jim executed yet another cover-up. He scooped up the crushed bees and again through them all into the lion enclosure.

Jim then jumps into his car and heads for home.

The next day, the zoo has a new arrival. It’s a new lion transferred from Whipsnade Zoo.

“What’s it like here then?” the new lion asks the others in the lion enclosure.

“Not bad,” one replies, “there’s less space here than at Whipsnade, but the food’s good. Yesterday we had fish, chimps, and mushy bees.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these funny jokes that won’t offend anyone make you laugh? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. And it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, then I’d be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

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50 corny but playful Yo Mama jokes

01/08/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you enjoy Yo Mama jokes, then take a look at the 50 I have on offer for you today.

They’re all a bit corny, but they’re fun, playful, and lighthearted.

I hope at least a few of them will make you smile.

Enjoy them all, and please, feel free to share them with your friends.

Yo Mama Jokes (1-10):

Yo mama’s so old, she babysat Yoda.
Yo mama’s so old, her social security number is 1.
Yo mama’s so slow, she was overtaken by a sloth.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to buy group insurance.
Yo mama’s so dumb, she lost in a game of solitaire.
Yo mama’s so old, Moses was in her class at school.
Yo mama’s so slow, she’d lose in a race with a snail.
Yo mama’s so slow, she gets overtaken by parked cars.
Yo mama’s so slow, she could be overtaken by a glacier.
Yo mama’s so lazy, she gets tired watching cars pass by.

Yo Mama Jokes (11-20):

Yo mama’s so clumsy, she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo mama’s so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama’s so clumsy, she tripped over a wireless network.
Yo mama’s so old, she used to babysit George Washington.
Yo mama’s so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
Yo mama’s so loud, even the deaf ask her to keep the noise down.
Yo mama’s so forgetful, she forgot she was wearing her sunglasses.
Yo mama’s so old, she knew Burger King when he was only a prince.
Yo mama’s so heavy-handed, she’d break safety glass with a cotton ball.
Yo mama’s so bad at technology, she couldn’t even find the START button on her computer.

Yo Mama Jokes (21-30):

Yo mama’s so old, her high school diploma is on a stone tablet.
Yo mama’s so old, her birth certificate is written in hieroglyphics.
Yo mama’s so bad at math, she can’t even count her own fingers.
Yo mama’s so slow, even a turtle crossed the road faster than her.
Yo mama’s so lazy, even her remote control needs a remote control.
Yo mama’s so bad at gardening, her plants filed for ‘plant protection’.
Yo mama’s so forgetful, she sometimes introduces herself to the mirror.
Yo mama’s so greedy, she tried to download cookies from the internet.
Yo mama’s so confused, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama’s so old, she remembers when the Grand Canyon was just a ditch.

Yo Mama Jokes (31-40):

Yo mama’s so dumb, she thinks deja vu is a yoga pose.
Yo mama’s so old, Tyrannosaurus Rex was her first pet.
Yo mama’s so clumsy, she tripped over her own shadow.
Yo mama’s so slow, she was beaten in a race by a statue.
Yo mama’s so dumb, she went to the airport to catch a train.
Yo mama’s so loud, she doesn’t need a phone to make a long-distance call.
Yo mama’s so lacking in a sense of direction, she got lost in her own house.
Yo mama’s so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was just feeling a little unwell.
Yo mama’s so dumb, she put her phone on airplane mode and couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t fly.
Yo mama knows so little about sports, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl thinking it was a food-tasting event.

Yo Mama Jokes (41-50):

Yo mama’s so loud, you can hear her thoughts.
Yo mama’s so clumsy, she could slip on sunshine.
Yo mama’s so slow, she came second in a ‘solo race’.
Yo mama’s so bad at cooking, even the trashcan spit it out.
Yo mama’s so stingy, she uses both sides of the toilet paper.
Yo mama’s so dumb, she thought Bluetooth was a dental problem.
Yo mama’s so dumb, if she played hide and seek alone, she’d still lose.
Yo mama’s cooking is so bad, even her dog goes to a neighbour’s house to eat.
Yo mama’s so dumb, she tried to charge her credit card by plugging it into the wall.
Yo mama’s so dumb, she thought an Apple iPhone would count as one of her five-a-day.

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If any of these Yo Mama jokes made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, Best Funny Jokes, fun, funny, funny jokes, Hilarious, humor, humour, jokes, smile, Yo Mama Jokes

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