Archives for October 2023

33 Clever One-Liners Guaranteed to Make You Smile

CLEVER ONE-LINERSI love funny and clever one-liners, and over time, I collect them in a journal. And when I’ve got enough, I like to share them with readers. Anything that makes readers smile always results in a great reaction.

So today I offer you my latest collection, which I think are all very clever one-liners.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to identify the original authors, so I must classify them all as Author Unknown.

However, I’d be happy to add acknowledgements to each quote if readers can enlighten me accordingly.

So if you know who wrote them originally, then please let me know.

I’m sharing these clever one-liners with you because I am confident they’ll make you smile, dear reader.

Certainly, they all made me smile, so I do hope you enjoy them too.

Clever One-liners (1-11):

  1. My mind’s made up; don’t confuse me with facts.
  2. Arguing with your wife is unwise. Even if you win you lose.
  3. Education is important, but other stuff is more importanter.
  4. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
  5. Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
  6. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
  7. When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
  8. You can’t make me do what you want me to do, you’re not my cat.
  9. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
  10. I can keep secrets, of course. It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.
  11. The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments.

Clever One-liners (12-22):

  1. I’ve got a great pizza joke, but I warn you, it’s very cheesy.
  2. My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my television.
  3. I really hate it when people ask for likes on social media. Like if you agree!
  4. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
  5. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
  6. When I was at school 52% of the class was good at maths. I was one of the other 38%.
  7. You know you’re fat when you step on a speak-your-weight scale and it says, “One at a time please!”
  8. You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t return, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
  9. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 siblings, but they didn’t know either.
  10. If you take away looks, money, intelligence, charm, and success, there’s no difference between me and George Clooney.
  11. I got called pretty yesterday, and it felt really good. Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I like to focus on the positive.

Clever One-liners (23-33):

  1. I have a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words too!
  2. I may be ugly now, but one day I’ll be rich enough for you to find me attractive.
  3. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but toucan play at that game.
  4. Did you know that 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class?
  5. My buddies and I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
  6. I’m a great multitasker. I can procrastinate, fret, and worry about it all at the same time.
  7. I told my plant about my problems; it said I needed to grow a spine. Talk about photosympathy!
  8. I once entered a pun contest. I submitted ten puns, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
  9. My memory is terrible. On the plus side, watching reruns on television is always a new experience.
  10. When my suitcases realized there’d be no vacation this year, it left me dealing with emotional baggage.
  11. I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I’ll be fine, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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Clever one-linersSo did these clever one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh.

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

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27 witty one-liners so good you’ll laugh out loud

Witty One-LinersNow, do you fancy a bit of a laugh? A few witty one-liners, maybe?

Would you really like something to make you smile?

You’d love to have a laugh or two, but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything for too long, right?

Well, fear not. It’s important you make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.

Today I offer you 27 witty one-liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile, and I’m confident that some of them will brighten your day too.

If you enjoy humor that’s concise and razor-sharp, then this collection of witty one-liners is just for you, dear reader.

So go on, take a minute or two, and have a good laugh right now. Enjoy them all.

Witty One-Liners (1-10):

  1. I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning, ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
  2. If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. ~Ian Smith
  3. I wanted to be a baker, but I never rose to the challenge. ~Author Unknown
  4. I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t read it. ~Author Unknown
  5. Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
  6. As a kid, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
  7. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
  8. I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
  9. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
  10. I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe

Witty One-Liners (11-20):

  1. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
  2. I was trying to write a novel about puns, but it just turned out to be a play on words. ~Author Unknown
  3. I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia, and she whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’ ~Author Unknown
  4. One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once.’ ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
  5. My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So, I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
  6. If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
  7. People say I’ve got no willpower, but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
  8. I tried to write a pun about the wind, but it just blew away. ~Author Unknown
  9. My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought, ‘Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be?‘ ~Paul McCaffrey
  10. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel

Witty One-Liners (21-27):

  1. I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: This could be interesting. ~Paddy Lennox
  2. I used to be a baker, but I could never make enough dough. ~Author Unknown
  3. Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache, and glasses, I think, There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him. ~Carey Marx
  4. What’s a couple?’ I asked my mom. She said, “Two or three.’ Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed. ~Josie Long
  5. I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
  6. Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
  7. Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski

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Witty One-LinersSo, dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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How to get motivated and achieve big things

How-to-get-motivatedHow to get motivated and achieve big things is a common question I’m asked. Coming up with ideas is easy, but getting motivated can be much harder.

Do you have a problem getting motivated? You know what you’d like to do, but you just can’t seem to get going.

Many people feel this way, and, if I’m honest, I can be like that too. So whenever I struggle to get going, I like to watch a motivational video or listen to a motivational podcast or audiobook.

When I need a little push, I listen to people who inspire me. People like Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins, and Brian Tracy.

And here’s another inspiring speaker from TEDxVirginiaTech. In this video, Scott Geller talks about the psychology of self-motivation. I found this very useful, and I hope you will too.  Certainly, it’s worth your time to listen to it.

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How to stop worrying and start living

How-to-stop-worrying.webpWe all tend to worry a bit more than we should.

Worrying is natural, but it is rarely helpful. It just adds to our stress levels. And what’s the worst thing that can happen anyway?

And even if it did happen, would worrying have stopped it from happening?

Life’s too short to stress ourselves out with worry.

The question is, how do we stop ourselves from worrying? Well, consider this idea.

Dale Carnegie’s book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living is a very useful guide. This book is a great personal development text and it’s well worth reading. I can strongly recommend it to you.

How to stop worrying:

However, until you have the chance to read it this animated video provides a useful summary of the key ideas in the book.

So I can recommend you watch this video now and then read the book whenever you get the chance.

Further reading:

Readers serious about their own personal development will be keen to establish their own small library of motivational resources I’m sure.

Dale Carnegie’s book would be an essential addition to any personal development library and it can be purchased HERE.

Go on, check it out now whilst it’s fresh in your mind.

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5 really funny jokes to make you smile

REALLY FUNNY JOKESIf you’re looking for some really funny jokes, then take a look at these five I’ve got for you today.

They all made me smile and I’m confident they’ll tickle your funny bone too.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to share them.

Really funny jokes:

1. The Parrot:

Jack is a magician performing magic shows on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.

It’s an undemanding workload of two shows a day to a crowd of elderly American tourists, who all seem to enjoy his show.

However, there’s one problem that’s increasingly challenging for Jack and that’s the captain’s talking parrot which he brings to every show.

The parrot’s seen Jack’s show so many times it knows how all the tricks are done and it reveals these secrets to the audience after each trick.

When there’s a trick with a water jug, the parrot will say, “It’s a fake water jug!

When there’s a trick with a rabbit, the parrot will say, “The rabbit is under his hat!

And when there’s the showpiece finale with Jack’s pretty assistant, the parrot will say, “The girl’s hiding under a trap door!

Frustrating as all this is for Jack, the audience thinks it’s part of the act and they love it.

So instead of coming to see Jack perform his magic tricks, the crowds are turning up to see him being humiliated by the parrot.

To turn things around, Jack’s constantly trying to find a new trick to impress the crowd. A trick that the parrot won’t know how it’s done.

One day, he announces a spectacular new disappearing trick which involves pyrotechnics and fire.

All the passengers and crew fill the auditorium to see this new trick on the first night it’s being performed.

Unfortunately, as he’s performing it, Jack accidentally ignites a nearby fuel line causing a series of explosions resulting in the ship breaking apart and sinking within seconds.

The next morning as the sun rises, all that’s left of the ship is some floating wreckage with Jack and the parrot clinging to it.

Jack and the parrot glare at each other but no words are spoken.

This goes on for several days until, at the end of the week, the parrot breaks the silence by saying, “OK I give up. Where’s the ship?

2. Little Johnny Joke:

Old Mrs Thompson could hear someone sobbing, so she wandered out into her backyard to see what was going on.

Quickly, she realises that the sobbing sounds are coming from next door.

Naturally, being curious, she looks over the fence to see what’s going on.

There she sees little Johnny, with tears streaming down his cheeks, patting down a large mound of earth with a spade.

Hello Johnny,” said Mrs Thompson, “is everything alright?

No, it’s not alright mam,” said Johnny. “My goldfish is dead, and I’ve just had to bury it.

I’m sorry to hear that,” Mrs Thompson responded.

Staring momentarily at the mound of earth that Johnny’s patting down, Mrs Thompson then inquired, “That seems like a large grave for a goldfish, Johnny, why did you make it so big?

Because the goldfish’s inside your cat!” Johnny responded.

3. The Old Tomb:

In Russia, a group of building workers are digging the foundations for a multistorey building when, suddenly, they discover an old tomb.

So, the site manager calls in three groups of experts to investigate. The experts include anthropologists, archaeologists, and the KGB.

The anthropologists looked inside the tomb, did some testing, took photographs, and then produced a report. They conclude that the tomb was that of a nobleman from medieval times. However, they felt more testing was required.

So, the archaeologists started their investigation. They take samples, have them tested in the laboratory, and then check the results against their database. Finally, they agree on a conclusion.

Their report suggests that the tomb, and the body in it, is that of a male, probably in his fifties when he died. They believed that the tomb was sealed around the year 1,100. However, once again, they suggest more investigation is required for a more precise answer.

So, at this point, the KGB entered the tomb. The door was immediately sealed, and nothing could be heard for a few days. Eventually, the door opens again and the men from the KGB present their conclusion.

The KGB chief says, “We have established that this is the tomb of Vladimir Demidov, born in the year 1,025, March 9th. He was the ruler of this province for 30 years after his father died of an unknown illness. He was married to Lady Yelizaveta in 1,047. They had no children and when he died, his tomb was sealed to preserve the sanctity of his rest, under the Holy Trinity Russian Orthodox Church, which was demolished in 1,800 when the town was reformed.

The other experts looked on in amazement, until one asked, “How were you able to gather so much precise information so quickly?

Well,” said the KGB chief, “we took our time, naturally, but with our methods, it was only a matter of time before the corpse confessed everything.”

4. Three Wishes:

One day three guys, Jim, Rick, and Bobby, are out having a relaxing day out fishing near Cape Cod.

Suddenly, to their great surprise, they catch a mermaid.

They haul the mermaid up in a net, and she promises them that if they set her free, in return she will grant each of them a wish.

Jim is unconvinced, so he says, “Alright, if you can grant wishes, then double my IQ.

Done!” says the mermaid. Suddenly Jim has a way with words, can express himself clearly and can even write poetry effortlessly.

Rick is so amazed at what he’s just witnessed, he says to the mermaid, “Alright, I want you to triple my IQ.

Done!” says the mermaid. Suddenly, Rick can do complex arithmetic calculations in his head with ease.

Well, Bobby is truly impressed with what he’s just seen, so he says, “Alright, I want you to quadruple my IQ.”

Sir,” says the mermaid, “I don’t normally try to change people’s minds when they make a wish, but you really should reconsider your request.”

Why?” asks Bobby.

Well, sir,” the mermaid responds, “the implications of what you’re asking will be greater than you think.”

Well, I don’t care,” says Bobby. “If you want us to set you free, I want my IQ quadrupled.

The mermaid smiles and says, “As you wish.”

With that, there’s a puff of smoke and Bobby suddenly turns into a woman.

5. Wasp Expert:

Jim is a world expert on wasps and the sounds they make and he’s walking along Main Street when he stumbles upon a record shop specialising in vinyl records.

Jim wanders into the store for a look around and he’s thumbing through the record racks when he finds an album titled ‘Wasps of the World and the Sounds They Make.’

Intrigued, Jim asks if he can listen to a track.

The clerk agrees and Jim steps into the booth to listen.

Well, he listens but he doesn’t recognise the sound.

So, Jim says to the clerk, “Hey buddy, I’m an expert on wasp sounds and I didn’t recognise the sounds on that track.”

Sir, I’m sorry,” says the clerk, “let me play you another track.”

Another track is played but Jim doesn’t recognise that sound.

Listen, buddy,” says Jim, “I am a wasp expert, and I don’t recognise that sound either.

Let me play you another one then,” says the clerk.

Another track is played with the same result.

No!” says Jim, “I’m sorry but these are not wasp sounds. I’m an expert and I’d know.”

The clerk looked puzzled momentarily, as he studied the album.

Then he suddenly exclaimed, “I’m sorry! I’ve just realised, I was playing you the bee side.

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Really Funny JokesSo, did any of these really funny jokes tickle you today, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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How to find and do work you love, now and forever

How to find and do work you loveHow to find and do work you love? A great question for all you very intelligent readers to contemplate today.

Now not everyone will find the answer of course but most people frequently ask this question in my experience.

Job satisfaction:

How many people would say they get job satisfaction from their work, in percentage terms?

Apparently, it’s only around 20%.

That would suggest that 80% of all people hate their jobs.

If true, I think that matters and it’s especially relevant to society if you think about it. Why?

Quite simply because it suggests that most people will not be quite as productive as they might otherwise be. Let’s face it, you can’t really be at your most productive if you’re not happy in your job.

A sense of purpose:

So dear reader, which side are you on?

Does your workplace you in the 20% who enjoy job satisfaction or are you one of the 80%?

Essentially job satisfaction comes as a result of doing work that gives us a sense of purpose.

If we have a genuine sense of purpose, we’ll have a strong desire to do our work well. And we can only do it to the best of our ability if it really matters to us.

Doing our work well matters because that’s how we make a difference.

Hence that’s how we make a contribution and leave a legacy behind us.

So in that sense job satisfaction certainly matters.

Consider your work:

Does your work really matter to you?

And does it give you a sense of purpose? Perhaps it’s simply the means for paying your bills?

Do you get out of bed each morning looking forward to the day ahead?

No job is ever perfect but, given work takes up a third of our lives, it’s essential that we enjoy what we do and derive at least some job satisfaction from it.

Maybe there’ll be some elements of a given job we dislike but mostly we should enjoy our work because that way we’re better placed to do it well.

In the inspirational TEDx Talk video embedded below, Scott Dinsmore explains how in the early part of his career he was encouraged to do any job just to build up his resumé.

However, he very quickly realized that this approach was unwise and resulted in no job satisfaction.

He makes his point with an excellent quote from Warren Buffett who said, “Taking any job just to build your resumé is like putting off sex until your old age.”

Now, why would that make sense?

Experience is important of course but work should not just be about building your resumé.

Work should be about adding value and making a meaningful contribution to society.

It should be about using your skills and natural talent to make a difference to the lives of others.

So, if success is your aim then the work you do must matter to you.

If you find work you enjoy then job satisfaction will follow.

Put simply, if you like the work you do you’ll do it well. And if you do it well people will notice. And once people begin to notice you then you’re on your way to achieving real success.

Knowledge required:

The trick is to find work that you can’t not do.

Something you’d happily do for nothing if you couldn’t find someone to pay you to do it.

That’s the basis for real job satisfaction.

All of this is more easily said than done of course.

Perhaps you’ve no idea about what matters to you in terms of work.

If you’re relatively young and new to the world of work how could you possibly know? In that case, you need to start improving your basic knowledge and awareness.

1. Know yourself:

A good starting point for improving your knowledge is becoming a self-expert. Knowing just what you have in your arsenal.

  • What are your unique strengths?
  • What are your weaknesses?
  • What fills you with enthusiasm?
  • What fills you with dread?
  • What do you love to do?
  • What do you hate doing?

If I asked someone you knew well to tell me what you’re good at what would they say?

  • For what activity do they regard you as the ‘go to’ person?
  • What do they regularly thank you for?
  • What would you do for fun if you couldn’t do it for a living?
  • On what activity can you lose yourself for hours at a time?

By answering these questions and others like them you’ll get a better idea of what you’re looking for. And let’s face it, if you don’t know what you’re looking for you’ll never find it.

2. Know your values:

What do you regard as your set of values? What moral framework matters to you when you’re making decisions?

What would you not do simply because you wouldn’t want to disappoint your family? What would make you feel proud if you were to tell your family that’s what you’re doing?

Anything you choose to do should be congruent with your own set of values.

3. Know your experiences:

The most powerful lessons in life come from the mistakes we make. The lessons we learn from our own mistakes and the things we’ve done are collectively known as experience. And experience is a valuable commodity.

Pay attention to your experience. Think about the things you’ve done right. Think about the things you’ve done wrong.

When have you felt completely in control of a situation regardless of the challenges you face?

When have you felt completely out of your depth?

Think about the things you’ve enjoyed doing. Think about those activities you really hated.

4. Know what matters to you:

In crude but simple language the underlying question here is, “What is it that you actually DO ‘give a shit’ about?

We tend to do stuff because other people suggest it’s what we should be doing. However, it really should be about what actually matters to us.

Identify what it is that makes you come alive and makes you feel energized.

John Lennon’s Aunt Mimi famously said, “Playing the guitar is all very well John but you’ll never make a living at it.

Fortunately, John didn’t listen to her and his guitar helped him to make a very lucrative living because he really enjoyed writing songs and playing music.

In fact, his creative output continues to generate millions of dollars for his estate 40 years after his death.

John Lennon did well because he did something he enjoyed doing and he didn’t allow himself to be influenced by those who thought he should pursue a different line of work.

Confidence compounds:

By working to your strengths your confidence will grow.

Each success you have will improve your confidence. And as your confidence grows, one success will lead to another. It’s a virtuous circle.

Environment matters too:

Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Personally, I think this is true.

The people around you really do matter.

They influence you and their attitude rubs off on you.

Human beings are social animals and we exist within groups. We also have to fit into the group otherwise we’re very quickly ostracized by other group members.

Hang around with people who inspire possibility. People who lift you up and not pull you down. Mix with people who will influence you in a positive way. Find role models from whom you can learn.

How to find and do work you love:

Scott Dinsmore’s mission is to change the world by helping people find what excites them and build a career around the work only they are capable of doing.

If you can find the work you are compelled to do then you can add real value to your fellow human beings.

Discover what you’re really meant to do and you’ll be on to a winner.

You’ll also get maximum job satisfaction.

Therefore in conclusion, if you’ve yet to find what you’re looking for then keep looking until you do.

In the meantime, I recommend that you watch the video. It is thought-provoking and compelling and it will be a good use of your time.

Recommended Reading:

There are plenty of good books that will help you identify your true strengths, as well as help you home in on the work you should be doing.

In the video, Scott Dinsmore suggests Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath as a good book to help you in your quest.

Certainly, it is worth your time, it’s very useful and I have a copy of it in my own personal reference library.

However, allow me to recommend another three excellent texts you might also consider. They are as follows:-

The Life You Were Born to Live: A Guide to Finding Your Life Purpose Dan Millman

The Pathfinder: How to Choose or Change Your Career for a Lifetime of Satisfaction and Success by Nicholas Lore

Find what you were born for: Discover your strengths, forge your own path and live the life you want by Zoe McKey

I have all of these books in my personal library and I’ve found them all extremely useful and helpful and I use them as reference texts all the time.

You can check them out by clicking on the links.

I strongly recommend you take a closer look at them all. You won’t regret it if you do decide to buy your own copies. Check them out now whilst it’s all fresh in your mind.

DISCLOSURE: 

This website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links included in the text above and then make a purchase, you should be aware that this website will receive a small commission. However, there will be no additional charge to you for making that purchase. Nevertheless, these commissions do serve to cover the cost of maintaining this site, so you’ll be helping to ensure that this resource can remain available free of charge to readers. Your understanding is truly appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find this article and video interesting and useful dear reader?

If so, then please share it on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you do I’ll be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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The advantages of work: Why you should take it seriously

Advantages of workThe advantages of work are many but often people fail to appreciate the importance of their work. So my question to you today dear reader is, how do you regard your work?

Perhaps for you, work is just a source of income but by no means your passion.

Maybe it’s something you must do simply because you desperately need an income but it doesn’t leave you feeling energized and motivated to do the best job you possibly could do?

Perhaps mostly you’re just going through the motions, doing the minimum you can get away with each day and longing for the weekend and time off.

Maybe you’re the sort of person who prefers to spend your time in the office chatting and drinking coffee with your workmates.

Does any of this sound like you dear reader or possibly a slightly exaggerated version of you?

If that’s not you and your work is your passion, or at least you take it seriously, then this article is not really for you.

This article is for readers who feel less than energised by the work they’re currently doing and those who need a timely reminder that there are good reasons for taking your work seriously.

Work is your livelihood:

If you’re not pulling your weight in your current job then you should know that it won’t have gone unnoticed. Just because your boss has yet to say anything doesn’t mean he or she hasn’t noticed.

And if you’re building a reputation for being a slacker then it’s only a matter of time before the company will find a reason to get rid of you, if you’re not careful.

You must appreciate that a business cannot carry costs that add little or no value to that business. That is, it can’t if its aim is to survive, at least.

Commercial reality will very quickly kick any business in the butt should its management fail to keep tight control on costs.

Companies are not registered charities.

Any costs must be covered by the prices charged. If a business bears unnecessary costs for long then the result will be pricing that is simply uncompetitive. And if the business isn’t competitive then it will lose out to the competition.

Think about that for a second. As a consumer, if Company A is selling a product at a lower price than Company B, where will you buy it? You’ll go for the best price every time. No customer loyalty will survive even a small saving in price. To believe otherwise would be naïve.

So if you’re not adding value then potentially you’re at risk of losing your job.

Your work is your livelihood, so losing your job could actually hurt you. In fact, the best way to appreciate your job is to imagine your life without it.

Work provides you with a sense of purpose:

The very essence of what work is all about is simple. Work is just doing stuff for other people in return for money. It gives us an income but it also gives us a sense of purpose.

Through work, we apply our skills and know-how to deliver an output or an outcome for someone else. That may be an individual or an organisation but either way, we are paid for what we actually deliver.

Essentially that’s the psychological contract we enter into when we agree to do work for someone else.

If we’re not delivering what we’re paid to deliver then we’re not doing our job properly. We are not fulfilling the psychological contract that is work.

Taking pride in our work is important too. Our sense of purpose should drive us to do the best we can with the skills we have and we should be constantly seeking to improve.

If we don’t love what we do at any given time then we should be looking for ways to change our mindset to take a more positive view.

If we view our work positively then we’re more likely to be energised by it and if we’re energised by it then we’re more likely to do it well.

Work is how we make a difference:

You must also recognise that there’s a big difference between being busy and delivering real results. Never confuse industry with effectiveness. The two are very different things.

If I’m paying you to paint houses then the only measure I will use to judge you on is how well and how efficiently you paint houses. I don’t really care how helpful you might have been to the electrician or the refuse collector.

Being busy doesn’t count for anything unless you’re busy doing the right things. Doing the right things is how we make a real difference. And surely we’d all like to make a difference?

Other benefits:

Having a job actually provides us with many benefits.

For a start the income it generates, allows us to put a roof over our heads and food on our table.

Managed carefully, the money we earn will put clothes on our backs and allow us to heat our homes.

And of course, it provides so much more too.

Having a job gives us status and our own income gives us a degree of independence and freedom.

All these things together improve our self-esteem.

And of course, work gives us a reason to get you out of bed each day.

Work is how we make a contribution to the society around us. Not just in what we actually do but also in the taxes we pay. That’s how we pull our weight and justify membership in the society in which we live.

However, let us not forget the camaraderie we enjoy with work colleagues. People are social animals and we need the company of others.

Yes, some of them will drive us nuts at times but mostly they’re good people just like us, with lives just like ours and with whom we can relate.

We share their laughs and we share their tears too at times; the good times and the bad times; it all makes life worth living.

Work allows us to engage with other people and that’s very important.

Your work can be your legacy too:

Work is what we do for other people and what we’ve done for other people is how we’ll be remembered long after we’re gone. So potentially your work is your legacy.

On that basis, whatever you do strive to do it well.

It might not seem much to you but it will matter to other people.

Have a sense of pride in your work whatever it is. It doesn’t matter whether you sweep roads or you’re a skilled heart surgeon we all have our place in society and we all have our contribution to make.

And whatever role you play, no one is better than anyone else.

Enjoy your work or keep looking:

It’s important you find a way to enjoy your work because you spend a third of each day doing it.

Sometimes it’s just a case of looking at your work in a different way in order to appreciate what you have. However sometimes even then for whatever reason, you’ll feel unhappy.

If you can’t find a way to enjoy your work then find another job. One more suited to your natural talent perhaps. However until you find the right thing, you must grit your teeth and do your current work to the best of your ability.

And never, ever just walk away from a job without having another one to go to.

It is ironic perhaps but it’s always much easier to find another job when you already have one.

Without a job, a potential employer might wonder whether you’re unlucky or just a loser. And usually, employers will be reluctant to take a chance on you if they’re unsure.

Conclusion:

The importance of work to our lives and our self-esteem should not be underestimated. So do the work you’re paid to do and do it well. Do that and success can be yours.

Don’t do your job properly and you’ll struggle to hold on to it for very long. Lose it and almost certainly you’ll regret it.

That’s the nature of work, it always has been and it always will be.

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quotes about peaceDid you find this article interesting and useful dear reader?

If so, then please share it on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

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50 funny one-line jokes that’ll tickle you

50 FUNNY ONE-LINE JOKESAttention, laughter-seekers! Have you ever had one of those days where you just need a quick chuckle to lift your spirits? Well, you’ve just struck comedic gold! Dive into this collection of 50 funny one-line jokes and you’ll be tickled silly.

These aren’t just any jokes, they’re bite-sized bursts of joy, tailor-made to brighten your day in a flash.

So, go on, take a few moments to indulge in some humour therapy. After all, laughter is always the best medicine.

If you’re ready for a laughter spree? Read on!

Funny One-Line Jokes (1-10):

  1. Welcome to the Assumption Club! I think we all know why we’re here.
  2. Remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
  3. The only thing flat-earthers must fear is sphere itself.
  4. A recent study showed that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t Happy.
  5. If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
  6. Am I getting older or is the supermarket finally playing great music?
  7. Runner accidentally shot with starting pistol! Police say it’s race-related.
  8. A massive swarm of flying insects has invaded our town. The Police have deployed a swat team.
  9. My teachers told me that I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic. Well, I’ve shown them how wrong they were because I’ve just won a prize for the vase I made.
  10. I’ve just bought a new gadget. It’s a GPS for Seniors. Not only does it tell me how to get to where I’m going, but it also reminds me when I get there, why I was going there in the first place.

Funny One-Line Jokes (11-20):

  1. Old age is like underwear. It creeps up on you.
  2. Do gun manuals have a troubleshooting section?
  3. What begins as a love triangle ends as wrecktangle.
  4. It’s a fact; butterflies are not what they used to be.
  5. I went to the Indian store to buy bread. They had Naan.
  6. To the thief who took my anti-depressants. I hope you’re happy now.
  7. If you’re pining for a good tree pun, it’s a pity they’re not more poplar.
  8. When you’re down by the sea and an eel bites your knee that’s a Moray.
  9. Let’s give a big shout-out to your fingers because you can always count on them.
  10. They said dance like no one was watching. So, I did, whilst on jury duty, and now I’ve been charged with Contempt of Court.

Funny One-Line Jokes (21-30):

  1. Taller people sleep longer in bed.
  2. I can do paper or plastic because i’m bisackual.
  3. What happens if two snails get into a fight? They slug it out.
  4. I had a dream about mufflers last night. I woke up exhausted.
  5. Puns about communism aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
  6. Forklift operators hate puns. Apparently, they find them unpalletable.
  7. Thought for today: When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, do you become a vacuum cleaner?
  8. A Plumber’s truck has just passed me with the sign on it saying, “We repair what your husband fixed!
  9. I just saw a sign in my local optician’s window that says, “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
  10. There’s a sign in my local shoe repair store window that says, “We will heel you. We will save your sole. And we will even dye for you!

Funny One-Line Jokes (31-40):

  1. I’m looking to buy an old, disused lighthouse but nothing too flashy.
  2. In the front yard of a Funeral Home, it says, “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
  3. Don’t you just hate people who can’t let go of the past? Debt collectors are the worst.
  4. Someone broke into my house and stole all the fruit. Who would do that? I’m peachless!
  5. Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck: “Caution! This truck is full of political promises.
  6. There are so many scams on the internet nowadays. Send me $50 and I’ll tell you how to avoid them.
  7. In my local restaurant window, it says, “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.
  8. Question of the Day: Did the guy who coined the term “One Hit Wonder” ever come up with any other memorable phrases?
  9. At the job interview, they asked me whether I could perform under pressure. I said, “No, but I’m willing to try Bohemian Rhapsody.”
  10. As a child, I didn’t care how I dressed, my parents dressed me. Looking through the old family photos, it’s obvious my parents didn’t care either.

Funny One-Line Jokes (41-50):

  1. It’s weird being the same age as old people.
  2. It’s irritating when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so stupid.
  3. We come from dust, and to dust we will return. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.
  4. I wasn’t my parents’ favourite child, but I was the first one they thought of whenever the police turned up.
  5. People say love is the best feeling, but I don’t agree. Surely, finding a toilet when you’ve got diarrhoea is a much better feeling?
  6. The older I get, the more I regret all the people I’ve lost over the years. Maybe being a trail guide wasn’t such a great idea after all.
  7. A friend of mine finally gathered enough courage to ask the supermarket cashier for a date. She said, “They’re in the fruits section next to the bananas.
  8. The job interviewer said, “It says in your resume that you went to Harvard University.” I smiled and said, “Yes! I was there for my cousin’s graduation.”
  9. A sign in bold type in the window at Sid’s Maintenance Shop said, “I CAN REPAIR ANYTHING!” Under that, it said, “Please Knock Hard. Doorbell Doesn’t Work.”
  10. I rang my local restaurant and asked, “Do you do takeaways?” A polite guy at the other end said, “Yes, we do!” Cheerfully, I responded, “That’s great! What’s 352 minus 97?”

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50 FUNNY ONE-LINE JOKESSo did these funny one-line jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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9 essential life skills and how to master them all

ESSENTIAL LIFE SKILLSEssential life skills refer to the abilities and competencies that we all need to navigate everyday life effectively and successfully.

There are many life skills, of course, but today let’s consider nine of those skills that should be a priority in terms of your personal development, dear reader.

Developing strong life skills can help you manage stress, build meaningful relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a happy and productive life.

Essential Life Skills:

So here are my top nine life skills to master, as early as possible: –

1. How to be a self-starter:

To achieve anything in life, motivation is key.

If you want to make the most of your life and your God-given abilities, then it starts with self-motivation.

So, to be a self-starter: –

  1. Set clear goals for yourself: Know what you want out of life and why.
  2. Prioritize your time and energy: You only have so much of both. Make sure those resources are used to pursue your goals.
  3. Seize the initiative: There will always be a constant stream of opportunities there for the taking. But you must grab them yourself.
  4. Be proactive: You need to be fleet-footed. Snooze and you lose, as the saying goes.
  5. Life-long Learning: We add value to others through our knowledge, experience, and expertise. Seek out opportunities for growth and learning, constantly.
  6. Practice self-awareness and emotional intelligence: Know how you come across to others and be sensitive to the needs of others.
  7. Develop good communication skills: Effective communication is necessary if you’re to build strong relationships and make informed decisions.

If you’re adaptable, resilient, and open to continuous improvement, then you can be successful. Other people succeed, so why not you?

2. How to manage time:

Time is your most precious resource and, far too often people squander it.

We all have the same amount of time, 168 hours each week. It’s how we use them that will dictate how successful we are at whatever we choose to do in life.

Managing your time effectively is crucial for your personal productivity and reducing stress.

Here are some tips to help you manage your time better: –

  1. Prioritize tasks based on their importance and deadlines.
  2. Create a schedule and stick to it.
  3. Make ‘TO-DO’ lists.
  4. Avoid procrastination by breaking down large tasks into smaller ones.
  5. Take regular breaks to avoid burnout.
  6. Learn to say no to non-essential tasks.

Remember: the most powerful time management tool is the word NO.

You don’t have to be impolite. You can just say something like, “I’d really love to help you, but I have this complete by 5 p.m.”

It’s your time, you decide how it’s best used to deliver on your goals and commitments.

Time management is a skill that can be developed with practice and patience.

Try these tips and find what works best for you.

Here are two other time management resources that you might find useful: –

3. How to get organized:

If you’re going to manage your time effectively, then you’ll need to be organised.

So, here are some tips on how to become better organised: –

  1. Declutter your space: You can’t work effectively in a cluttered space. So, get rid of anything you don’t use or need. If it doesn’t have a specific function, get rid of it.
  2. Create a schedule: Plan out your day, week, or month and stick to it.
  3. Set goals: Write down what you want to accomplish and break them down into smaller, achievable steps.
  4. Use a planner or calendar: Record important dates, deadlines, and appointments.
  5. Prioritize tasks: Focus on the most important tasks and tackle them first.
  6. Make “TO-DO’ lists: List tasks in order of priority and tick them off as they’re completed.
  7. Avoid multitasking: Multitasking can be counterproductive. Focus on a specific task, get it done and then move on to the next task. That way each task will be completed to the best of your ability.
  8. Delegate tasks: You don’t have to do everything yourself. If you’re able to delegate then focus on those tasks which only you can do, and delegate everything else.
  9. Establish a routine: That way you’ll get used to doing things without the need to think it all through first.

Remember, becoming more organised takes time, discipline, effort, and practice.

However, if you’re persistent and consistent, you will become very organised and productive.

4. How to manage money:

For managing your money effectively, these are my essential tips: –

  1. Set financial goals,
  2. Create a budget,
  3. Track your expenses,
  4. Prioritize needs over wants,
  5. Save for emergencies,
  6. Invest wisely, and
  7. Avoid high-interest, unsecured debt.

Assuming you have a limited income, you must spend your money wisely.

Your priorities must always be providing a roof over your head, and putting food on the table. And paying all your regular bills, of course.

Never, ever buy discretionary items using unsecured debt like credit cards, Klarna, or hire purchase arrangements. The interest rates are always astronomically high and the debt burden can rise quicker than your ability to repay it.

Follow these steps, and you will be able to manage your finances effectively and achieve your financial goals.

Other resources about money that you might find useful are: –

5. How to spend wisely:

This is closely related to managing your money, of course.

If your aim is to spend wisely, then there are five questions you should ask yourself before making any purchase. These are as follows: –

  1. Do I really need it?
  2. Will I really use it?
  3. Can I really afford it?
  4. If I didn’t have it, would it really matter?
  5. Does it represent good value for money?

If you answer ‘No’ to the first four questions, the fifth question is irrelevant.

A negative on all or even most of the first four questions means, don’t buy the item. Simple!

And even if you do think you need it, never buy anything if you do not have the money to pay for the item right now. Never, ever incur debt for anything you can live without.

It’s better to do without than to run up debt on a credit card to pay for discretionary purchases.

And never, ever overpay for anything. Overpaying means the price is inconsistent with the value on offer.

Hopefully, this will logically flow from above but, avoid impulse buys. Think twice before making purchases, especially on high-cost items.

And, of course, shop around. Compare prices and look for deals to get the best value for your money.

Though it might run counter to modern thinking, use cash wherever possible. Using cash instead of credit cards can help you stick to your budget and avoid overspending.

Remember: spending wisely is all about being mindful of what you are spending and why.

6. How to find a job:

Here are some tips on how to find a job:

  1. Compile an inventory of the skills, knowledge and experience you have to offer.
  2. Define your job search goals and prioritize your objectives.
  3. Update your resume and LinkedIn profile to showcase your skills, knowledge and experience.
  4. Network with professionals in your industry and attend job fairs and networking events.
  5. Utilize job search websites and job boards to find open positions that match what you have to offer and what you’re looking for.
  6. Practice your interviewing skills and be prepared to showcase your qualifications. See 6 TOP JOB INTERVIEW QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU PREPARE for typical questions for which you should be very well-prepared.

Remember, finding a job takes time and effort, but with persistence and preparation, you can land your dream job.

Here are three other job search resources that you might find useful: –

7. How to deal with failure:

Firstly, you need to put failure into perspective. Failure is not a person. Put simply, failure is just an outcome you didn’t want.

Everyone fails occasionally. That’s how we learn and that’s how we gain that valuable commodity known as experience.

Failure is a natural part of life and valuable, so embrace it to learn the lessons it provides. To put it another way, learn the lessons and then move on.

Here are some coping strategies to help you deal with failure: –

  1. Accept that you didn’t get the outcome you wanted.
  2. Practice self-compassion and acknowledge your emotions.
  3. Reflect on the experience and identify what went wrong.
  4. Set realistic goals and break them down into smaller, achievable steps.
  5. Seek support from friends, family, or a mentor.
  6. Take a break and engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax.
  7. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re as good as anyone.
  8. Try again; this time applying the lessons you’ve learned.

Remember, failure is not the end of the world. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow, and with time and effort, you can bounce back stronger.

There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes. Everyone does sometimes. Just don’t make a habit of making the same mistakes too often.

And here’s another resource on the subject of failure: –

8. How to stand up for yourself:

If you don’t stand up for yourself, it’s unlikely that anyone else will.

You don’t have to accept the unacceptable.

That doesn’t mean you have to be aggressive. You just must be willing to push back, politely but firmly, and look after your own interests.

When it comes to standing up for yourself, there are three things to keep in mind.

  1. Be assertive and clear about your needs and feelings. This can involve using “I” statements, such as “I feel upset when you do X, can you please not do that?
  2. Be respectful and open to other perspectives, as standing up for yourself doesn’t mean being aggressive or dismissive of others.
  3. Be consistent in standing up for yourself so that others know what to expect from you.

It is a fact that you’ll get far more respect from other people if you stand up for yourself. No one respects a doormat.

Though it can seem hard at times, if you’re persistent and you make it your modus operandi, eventually it will come naturally to you.

9. How to talk to strangers:

Essential Life SkillsDuring our working lives, and indeed our social lives, we all must engage with random people we do not know.

It can seem intimidating sometimes to engage with people we don’t really know.

However, the trick is to take a genuine interest in people.

Everyone likes to feel that others are interested in what they have to say.

Here are my top tips to help you start a conversation with a stranger: –

  1. Start with a friendly greeting, such as “Hi, how are you?
  2. Ask questions, “Do you work for the host, or are you a visitor like me?”
  3. If you know their name, even if just because it’s on a name badge, use it. Everyone likes to hear others saying their name. “Oh, hello Bill. That’s an impressive camera you have there.
  4. Find a common ground, such as a shared interest, occupation, or location.
  5. Use open-ended questions to encourage the other person to speak. For instance, “What were you hoping to gain from attending this conference, Joan?
  6. Be respectful and considerate of the other person’s feelings and boundaries.

Remember; they feel slightly intimidated and uncomfortable too. We all feel a little vulnerable in such situations.

Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable at first, but it’s also a great way to expand your social circle and make new friends and business contacts.

Never be afraid to approach someone, engage positively, and introduce yourself.

And if you are in business, exchange business cards.

You never know when a new business contact may prove very useful to you.

Conclusion:

To succeed, you’ll need to be a self-starter. You’ll need to manage your time effectively. Being well organized is another prerequisite for being successful too.

If achieving financial freedom is your aim, then you’ll need to manage your money. That starts with learning to spend wisely.

And if you want money, you’ll need the ability to find a job. Finding a job means you must learn to deal with failure. And you must learn to stand up for yourself too.

Another essential skill is communication. And you’ll develop effective communication skills if you can learn to talk to strangers.

All of these skills can be mastered effectively, and people do. So can you. Good luck.

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Essential life skillsSo dear reader, did you find this post about essential life skills useful?

I hope you did, anyway.

And if what you’ve read was useful and interesting, please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience and that will be truly appreciated.

Thank you. for your support, dear reader.

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21 funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

FUNNY ONE-LINERS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SMILEHere is another batch of funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

Once again I’ve been searching for the best smiles I can find just to brighten your day dear reader. I’ve done the hard work, so you don’t have to.

So sit back, relax and I hope you enjoy these funny one-liners just as much as I did.

And don’t forget your friends.

If you enjoy these smiles then your friends probably will too.

So pass them on, but not before you’ve enjoyed them yourself.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile (1-10):

  1. If you need an ark, I Noah guy.
  2. The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
  3. Never give up on your dreams. Stay in bed and sleep on.
  4. I wouldn’t say that my ceiling is the best, but it’s up there.
  5. You must agree, the shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
  6. Never tell your secrets in a cornfield. There are too many ears.
  7. Why do bees hum? Because they can never remember the words.
  8. Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
  9. What would you call someone with just a nose and no body? Nobody knows.
  10. My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile (11-21):

  1. There’s a store on Main Street where you can get dead batteries free of charge.
  2. I used to work as an origami teacher, but I hated it. There was too much paperwork.
  3. I told my suitcase there will be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
  4. I was amused to read the epitaph on the late dentist’s gravestone. It read “He’s now filling his last cavity.”
  5. Why is everything delivered by ship called a cargo and yet if it’s delivered by a van, it’s called a shipment?
  6. Our local farmer has started feeding his cows with bird seed. That would explain why the milk is going cheep.
  7. My sister bet me $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car using spaghetti. Her face was a picture when I drove pasta.
  8. A man delivers a load of bubble wrap. “Where do you want this, he asks?” “Oh, just pop it in the corner” was the reply.
  9. Change your password to incorrect and then if you can’t quite remember it, your computer will say your password is incorrect.
  10. They’ve just opened a new restaurant Downtown. It’s called Karma and they don’t have a menu. You just get what you deserve.
  11. A police recruit was asked during his exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered, “Call for backup.”

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FUNNY ONE-LINERS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SMILESo did these funny one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

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