25 very corny jokes that’ll cheer you up guaranteed

05/04/2023 by

VERY CORNY JOKESLife can be stressful for everyone so it’s important that we all laugh every day.

To help you with that I’ve been collecting more very corny jokes. These all made me smile and I hope they will make you smile too.

Unfortunately, despite best efforts, it hasn’t been possible to identify the original authors of these very corny jokes, so for the moment they remain ‘Author Unknown‘.

However, if you’re able to help with that, do let me know. My aim always is to acknowledge the work of others when it is possible.

So here they are, 25 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed.

Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan on Juan.

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

You’re looking a little pail.

6. What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here and I’ll go on ahead.

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car, man.

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

To raise some dough.

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He could feel his presents.

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because there’s no point.

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

22. Did you hear about the dog that loved eating garlic?

His bark was much worse than his bite.

23. What has four legs and flies?

A dead horse.

24. What’s the difference between a businessman and a warm dog?

The businessman wears a suit, the dog just pants.

25. What kind of monkey can fly?

A hot air baboon.

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

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Philosophy for Life & Success: 30 Quotes by Roy Sutton

05/03/2023 by

Quotes by Roy SuttonDear reader, if I’m really honest, I’d have to admit that offering some quotes by Roy Sutton in a blog post is a little bit self-indulgent.

Certainly, it’s unlikely that many people will search Google for quotes by Roy Sutton.

However, believe it or not, I was asked by a reader for some quotes of my own that illustrate my personal philosophy on life and success.

So, as I’m a blogger and my raison d’etre is to share my thoughts and ideas, I thought today I’d share some quotes to see what reaction I get from my wider readership.

These quotes definitely reflect my own philosophy on life, success and being the best you can be.

All of these are quotes I’ve shared originally on my Twitter feed (@RoySuttonUK) essentially as micro-blog posts. In fact, these are the tweets for which I’ve received the most positive responses.

My hope is that if they’ve appealed to another audience then they might just appeal to regular readers of this blog.

As a blogger, you have to believe that you have something to say and you have to be willing to share what you have to say and accept feedback, both positive and negative.

So today I’m sharing my own philosophy with you, dear reader, and I hope at least some of these quotes will leave you feeling empowered to succeed.

Above all, I hope you’ll find today’s quotes interesting and thought-provoking.

30 Quotes by Roy Sutton (1-10):

  1. Hatred is fear’s ugly sister.
  2. Life’s too short to be unhappy.
  3. Smile whilst you still have teeth!
  4. You’ll never have today again. So enjoy it.
  5. Everything involves risk, including not taking a risk.
  6. Your future’s yet to be written but you’ve got the pen. 
  7. Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason. 
  8. If you want something then you’ve got to give something in return. There’s always a price to be paid. Nothing’s for free. 
  9. Either life’s a great adventure or it’s nothing. Make it a great adventure and enjoy every minute, because you only go around once.
  10. You don’t decide your future. You make choices and your choices decide your future. Choices matter. Learn to make good ones.

30 Quotes by Roy Sutton (11-20):

  1. Other people’s perception of you is none of your business. Don’t be limited by what others think. 
  2. Never fear having a go. Fear only that should you not try you’ll never know what might have been. 
  3. At work you’re replaceable but at home, you’re not. That should tell you where your priority should be.
  4. No one is perfect. We’re all imperfect. So embrace your imperfections. They’re what make you different from the crowd. 
  5. Never again will you be as young as you are today. So forget your age and focus on making the most of life whilst you still can. 
  6. Your years on this earth will teach you far more than you could possibly learn in any university or college of further education.
  7. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Go boldly in the direction of your dreams and don’t stop until you get to where you want to be. 
  8. It doesn’t matter what you do, there’ll always be someone who will criticise you given the opportunity. Just do your best and ignore the critics.
  9. Don’t be ashamed of all the challenges you’ve had to overcome. Your story can be an inspiration to others. You may have had it tough but you’re still here and you’ve not allowed yourself to be defeated. That makes you a role model. 
  10. Yesterday was full of lessons and tomorrow is an endless stream of opportunities. Use yesterday’s lessons to capitalise on tomorrow’s opportunities. You can be all you’d like to be and much more besides.

30 Quotes by Roy Sutton (21-30):

  1. People believe what they want to believe, especially when they’re desperate. 
  2. Money is simply the scorecard for the transfer of value between people in a society. 
  3. Greatness is achieved by what you do, not what you say. Deeds will always beat words. 
  4. We all have a role to play. On Spaceship Earth we’re all crew. We’re all here to make a contribution. 
  5. If you hope politicians will improve your life, you’ll always be disappointed. If your life is to improve, you must take responsibility for it yourself.
  6. When everything’s going well for you and you start to feel you can do no wrong, think twice. Almost certainly, you’re much more vulnerable than you realise.
  7. If you don’t tend your own garden regularly it will be attacked quickly by noxious weeds. Life’s like that too. We must all take good care of that which is precious to us.
  8. Do not underestimate the power of your voice. Your voice matters. Use it. To be silent is to be irrelevant. Ensure that people know how you feel about those things that matter to you.
  9. Never let anyone tell you how you should think. Think for yourself and draw your own conclusions. No one has a monopoly on knowing what’s best. Your opinion is just as valid as the next person’s.
  10. Remaining loyal to the circumstances into which you were born is not a noble act. It’s perfectly reasonable to want more from life. Just because you were born poor doesn’t mean you have to remain poor.

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Well, I hope so, anyway.

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Work and Money: Which is more important?

04/28/2023 by

WORK and MONEYIt was never, ever about the money. ~Guy Ritchie

How often are we tempted to do something just for the money?

Certainly, I’ve done things for money alone and perhaps you have too dear reader.

In my experience, it’s always proved to be a mistake because no amount of money compensates you for the drudgery of doing something you hate.

And more importantly, if you hate what you’re doing then you’re unlikely to do it very well, are you? It’s hard to feel motivated to do something you hate, surely?

Work and money:

My message today then is very simple really. If you don’t enjoy what you’re doing, you won’t do it well. And if you don’t do it well then eventually you’ll come unstuck. And so it’s all going to end in tears, very probably.

Conversely, if you actually enjoy doing what you’re doing then it will hardly seem like work at all and you’ll be motivated to do it well and produce the best results possible.

Do it well and people will notice and, once people start to notice, your career will start moving onward and upward. Every hiring manager wants someone with a track record for delivering exceptional results.

So never do anything for money alone. Money is nice to have, of course, and none of us can get by these days without it. However, life’s too short to spend your time doing something you hate.

Find a job that’s right for you first and then work hard to master your trade. Get better at it, become more valuable and then get as much as you can in terms of income.

When you’re producing exceptional results, never forget to ensure you’re getting paid what you’re worth.

It should never be about the money but that doesn’t mean you should ignore your value and sell yourself short. It’s about work and the value you can add first and then it’s about making sure you’re suitably rewarded for the value you’re delivering.

Be a dedicated professional, of course, but don’t be a mug. Just because it’s not about the money doesn’t mean you should ignore the money.

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The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll make you smile

04/26/2023 by

Bitchy CommentsLadies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you have a need for a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, you mess with me at your peril.

Well here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which really made me smile.

Bitchy Comments:

  1. You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
  2. She’s not a drinker but she certainly likes a whine.
  3. I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
  4. Hey, balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
  5. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
  6. I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
  7. There are two things I dislike about you girl. Your face!
  8. Yes, I am crazy and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
  9. Being opinionated is not the same as being informed dear.
  10. OMG! She’s really been hit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
  11. Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
  12. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you’re the full cactus.
  13. I try to see the best in people but you certainly make it hard.
  14. You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
  15. I may have multiple personalities but none of them like you.
  16. Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
  17. If you want to lose weight quickly, you could always shave your legs.
  18. What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
  19. I’d say something complimentary about you but I’m not that dishonest.
  20. I don’t hate you but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  21. You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
  22. I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
  23. You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
  24. I’d beat you with a hammer but you’re not worth the jail time.
  25. You’re such a fake I’m guessing you were made in China.
  26. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
  27. Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
  28. No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
  29. Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my boobs are bigger than yours.
  30. Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

BITCHY COMMENTSPlease share this post:

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You did? I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

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Turn your yearly income into your monthly income

04/23/2023 by

HOW TO TURN YOUR YEARLY INCOME INTO YOUR MONTHLY INCOMEAre you one of those people who feel you should be earning more than you do?

Would you like to know how to turn your yearly income into your monthly income?

To have enough money to enjoy the lifestyle you’d love?

You’d like a greater income but you don’t know how?

Perhaps you feel that big money never flows to people like you.

A natural assumption perhaps, but it’s wrong.

With the right approach, you too can have a lot more money than you have right now. Yes, you can become truly wealthy.

The question is where do you begin?

Well, you can start by understanding the Law of Compensation. In the video included here the self-help guru, Bob Proctor explains that income is earned according to the Law of Compensation.

The Law of Compensation:

Bob explains that the Law of Compensation states that the amount of money you earn will always be in exact ratio to the following three points, namely:-

  1. The NEED for what you do.
  2. Your ABILITY to do it.
  3. The DIFFICULTY there would be in REPLACING YOU.

Now you have no control over points 1 and 3, so you must concentrate on point number 2.

You must constantly hone your skills and become a master of whatever you do.

That said, becoming a master of what you do is only part of the solution.

To earn more you must decide on your strategy for earning money. In the video, Bob Proctor explains that there are in fact only three strategies for earning money.

The Strategies for Earning Money:

So what are the three income-earning strategies? Bob Proctor describes these are M1; M2; and M3. In more detail that means:-

M1: Trading your time for money:

Essentially this is paid employment and it is the way that 96% of people earn an income.

The problem is that, unless you’re a Wall Street banker, you’re unlikely to get rich this way. In fact, it probably explains why you’re not rich right now.

M2: Invest Money to Earn Money:

Assuming you’re working for the man as a salaried employee, you can start saving, and gradually as your savings grow you can invest your money in stocks, bonds and property and over time your investments will start generating an income of their own.

That’s great but you need to know what you’re doing and, if you have nothing now, it will take some time before you can start generating anything approaching a useful extra income.

Of course, should you have a large sum of money right now then this might be a solution but for most people, it’s not really, which is why only around 3% of people make an income this way.

How-to-turn-your-yearly-income-into-your-monthly-income-2M3: Multiply your time with multiple sources of income:

Establishing multiple income streams is where you can start making serious money.

Even fewer people make an income this way, around 1%, but that has more to do with the fact that most people fail to recognize its potential.

Now let me make one thing clear, having multiple income streams does not mean working multiple jobs.

It means having income streams that will earn money for you even whilst you’re sleeping.

M3 is the income strategy that will help you earn far more than you earn now. Certainly, it will if you do it right.

Bob Proctor offers the example of Network Marketing (also known as Multi-Level Marketing) whereby not only do you sell products but you also create your own network of sellers which means when they sell you get a part of the commission generated on those sales.

The best network marketers have made a lot of money this way but it’s not the only answer to generate multiple streams of income.

The internet offers multiple ways of getting rich online nowadays.

For instance, you can use Amazon as a marketplace and sell products with fulfilment (delivery to the customer) handled by Amazon.

You can also generate commissions through affiliate marketing with Amazon, as well as others like Clickbank and Commission Junction (CJ). These can be great ways to make money whilst you sleep.

Blogging and Vlogging are other ways of producing income streams too.

There are numerous ways for the ambitious and determined. In fact, it’s never been easier for people prepared to put in the effort.

So listen to what Bob Proctor has to say and be inspired to take action now.

The Game of Money-Making:

Further Reading:

In the video, Bob Proctor makes reference to Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

Think and Grow Rich is a classic of the financial education genre.

Originally written in the 1930s but it’s still around today and is still popular and very relevant.

It’s still around for a reason. It’s exceptional and definitely worth adding to your personal reference library. It’s a ‘must read’ if you want to master the game of money-making. I have my own copy and you can take a look at the book if you CLICK HERE.

Bob Proctor himself has also produced some excellent self-help books too and you can take a look at them if you CLICK HERE.

DISCLOSURE: This website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links included in the text above and you then make a purchase, you should be aware that this website will receive a small commission, at NO additional cost to you. These commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this site. Your understanding is truly appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

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If so, please share it on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

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60 British insults for getting your message across

04/19/2023 by

BRITISH INSULTSWhen it comes to insults the British certainly can have a clever turn of phrase. Well, I think so but then again I am British, so perhaps I’m a little bit biased. Therefore allow me to offer you 60 British insults to prove my point.

All of these clever comebacks made me smile and I hope you’ll enjoy at least some of them too.

So take a few minutes to appreciate the British sense of humour and please feel free to pass them on.

British insults (1-20):

  1. Get lost!
  2. You stink!
  3. You wazzock!
  4. A pox on you.
  5. Do one, tosser!
  6. You gormless git!
  7. You silly plonker!
  8. Shove it up your ass!
  9. You pointless prick!
  10. Just get out of my sight.
  11. You’re as daft as a brush.
  12. You sir are a waste of space.
  13. You’re an absolute doorknob.
  14. You’re as mad as a box of frogs.
  15. You’re a sandwich short of a picnic.
  16. Watch where you’re going, dipstick!
  17. You corrosive lump of faecal horror.
  18. You have a mouth like a torn pocket.
  19. Pigs in a sty smell better than you do.
  20. You’re a waste of the air you breathe.

British insults (21-40):

  1. You look ill. Should I call a vet for you?
  2. Wow, you’ve got a great face, for radio!
  3. Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
  4. Nice hair. Does it grow all over your back?
  5. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  6. Do you have anything edible on the menu?
  7. Is it normal to foam at the mouth like that?
  8. You’ve got a face like a bag of smashed crabs.
  9. Boy, you’ve been whacked with the ugly stick!
  10. Is that rotting flesh or your armpits I can smell?
  11. You’ve got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
  12. You add less value than the excrement on my shoe.
  13. Do that again and I’ll have your guts for garters.
  14. You don’t have to be a complete tosser all your life.
  15. You’re so obnoxious, how do you live with yourself?
  16. Where I come from we walk the family pet not eat it.
  17. I’m guessing they don’t sell deodorant where you live.
  18. Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
  19. I’d call you a whore but that would be unfair to whores.
  20. I don’t hate you but may your death be slow and painful.

British insults (41-60):

  1. British-InsultsPerhaps it might just be a ‘You’ problem?
  2. Only a complete slimeball would think that’s acceptable.
  3. Yes, I’d love to meet your parents. When does the zoo open?
  4. Well, aren’t you a little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
  5. Yes, I’m drunk but tomorrow I’ll be sober and you’ll still be ugly.
  6. What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face like a melted welly.
  7. Everyone has the right to be ugly but you’re abusing that privilege.
  8. If you really must smile it would be better if you visited a dentist first.
  9. Call me unworldly if you must, but do women normally have hair there?
  10. With a menu as bad as this I won’t have any problem sticking to my diet.
  11. I wouldn’t call you ugly but you’ve got a face like a blind cobbler’s thumb.
  12. I think you’re brave in showing your face in public, without a bag covering it.
  13. What’s wrong with you? You’re walking like your ass is chewing a toffee.
  14. If you want to lose weight quickly dear, you could try shaving your legs.
  15. I’d call you ugly but that doesn’t quite say what a truly unpleasant sight you are.
  16. I must have done something terrible in another life to deserve a minge bag like you.
  17. People say you’re a bit of a spanner but in my experience, you’re more the full toolkit.
  18. If you could just listen to yourself for a minute you’d realize your opinion is ridiculous.
  19. Could I borrow a hosepipe, please? You look like you’re in need of some colonic irrigation.
  20. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet in an instant.

Please share this post with your friends:

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If you did enjoy this article then please share it with your friends on social media.

People really do enjoy British insults, so please share this post now.

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4 funny long story jokes to raise a smile

04/16/2023 by

FUNNY LONG-STORY JOKESHere are four funny long-story jokes to brighten your day. They all tickled me and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Funny long-story jokes:

1. Getting older:

Jean, Ethel and Mildred are three elderly ladies chatting about the challenges of getting older.

“I think 60 is the worst age to be,” said 60-year-old, Jean. “You always feel like you need to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said 70-year-old, Ethel. “When you’re 70, you don’t seem to have bowel movements anymore. You take laxatives, you eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and yet nothing ever happens.”

“Actually, I can tell you from experience, 80 is the worst age of all,” said 80-year-old, Mildred.

“Do you have trouble peeing too, Mildred?” asked Jean.

“No,” said Mildred. “I pee every morning at 6 am and I pee like a racehorse. That’s no problem at all.”

“Well, how about your bowel movements, Mildred?” Ethel inquired. “Do you have any problems with them?”

“No,” Mildred responded. “I have a bowel movement every morning at 6.30 am, as regular as clockwork.”

Jean and Ethel exchanged puzzled glances before Jean said, “Now let me get this straight, Mildred. You pee at 6 am and poop at 6.30 am? So what’s so hard about being 80?”

Mildred frowned before she said, “I never wake up before 7 am.”

2. The mechanic’s skills:

Jeff was a mechanic working in his workshop, repairing a Harley Davidson motorcycle for one of his regular clients, who was a heart surgeon.

Jeff was just replacing the cylinder head on the bike when Dr Corker, his client, arrived to check up on progress.

“Hey doc,” said Jeff. “The bike’s almost ready for you but can I ask you a question first?”

“Yeah, sure Jeff,” said the heart surgeon. “How can I help you?”

“Doc, take a look at this motorcycle engine,” said Jeff. “I can open its heart. I can take the valves out. And I can fix those valves and put them back in again. And when I’ve finished, this engine works like it’s brand new.”

“So, what’s your question, Jeff?” Dr Corker responded.

“Well doc,” said Jeff, “my question is, how come I earn a small salary and yet you earn a very large one? Essentially, don’t we just do the same work? How come we don’t earn the same?”

Dr Corker thought about the question momentarily, then smiled at Jeff and said, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

3. On safari:

Jim and Irene were on holiday in Africa, and they’d taken Irene’s mother with them.

Now Jim’s mother-in-law could be a bit of a battle-axe, to say the least, but she’d recently lost her husband, so Jim accepted that this was the decent thing to do.

Anyway, they’d been on safari for a few days, when one morning Irene woke up to find her mother missing.

In a state of panic, she woke Jim and they both went out to look for her!

Suddenly they come to a clearing, where they found Jim’s mother-in-law, facing down a ferocious lion, eye-to-eye.

“Quick darling, do something!” screamed Irene.

“You’ve got to be joking!” said Jim. “The lion got himself into this mess, he can deal with it himself.”

4. Taking Sunday off:

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and absolutely perfect weather for a game of golf.

Being a golf fanatic, Father O’Driscoll couldn’t resist the lure of links and he decided he’d skip mass and head out to his favourite country club.

Naturally, Father O’Driscoll spoke with his curate, excused himself by saying he was unwell and explained that wouldn’t be able to take mass today.

He then got in his car and drove out to the country club, which was in a neighbouring town.

When Father O’Driscoll teed off on the first hole, a huge gust of wind caught his ball, carrying it another hundred yards and dropping it right into the hole.

Father O’Driscoll was absolutely ecstatic. After all, it was a 450-yard hole-in-one. Amazing! The first time he’d ever achieved that Holy Grail for golfers.

Now God and Saint Peter were watching Father O’Driscoll from above.

Saint Peter gave God a puzzled look and then asked, “Why have you rewarded his behaviour with a hole-in-one?”

“Is it a reward or a punishment?” God asked. “After all, who’s he going to tell?”

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4 jokes that will make anyone laugh

04/15/2023 by

JOKE THAT WILL MAKE ANYONE LAUGHIf you’re searching for humor and jokes to tell, dear reader, then this is the right place. There are some great jokes here but the question is, could one of these be the joke that will make anyone laugh? You tell me!

The joke that will make anyone laugh?

1. The Billionaire and his young bride:

Jed was an octogenarian, Texan billionaire who’d made his fortune in the oil industry.

Now, being a very wealthy man, he’d always attracted interest from women of every age.

One day, when he was judging a local beauty pageant he met the very beautiful and youthful Lucinda.

Well, Jed and Lucinda hit it off immediately and within weeks they were married.

On his wedding night, Jed explained to Lucinda that his only wish when he died was for all his wealth to be buried with him.

Naturally, Lucinda agreed to his wish without question.

Sadly after a couple of months of blissful married life with Lucinda, Jed passed away suddenly of a heart attack.

At the funeral, a tearful Lucinda walked up to the casket with an envelope in her hand. She then solemnly placed the envelope in the casket with her late husband.

As the priest looked on, he said to her, “What’s in the envelope, my child?”

“It was my husband’s final wish,” Lucinda responds. “He said he wanted to be buried with all his wealth.”

Looking slightly confused, the priest said, “My dear, your husband was a billionaire, so how could all his wealth be in an envelope?”

“Well,” Lucinda replied, “there was so much money in his bank account that I knew it wouldn’t all go in the casket. So, I transferred it all to my account and I’ve written him a check.”

2. Bill and the rabbit:

Bill was driving along the road one night when he suddenly saw a rabbit in his headlights.

He tried to swerve to miss this cute, long-eared mammal but, as luck would have it, the rabbit moved in the same direction and Bill ran over it.

Being both sensitive and an animal lover, Bill was very upset by this accident and he pulled over to see if there was anything he could do.

He picked the rabbit up but to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. Bill felt so distressed by this experience that he started weeping, helplessly.

At this moment, a lady came by in her car and she could see that Bill was upset.

She pulled over and got out of her car.

“Hello, I’m Jane,” she said. “What’s troubling you?”

Bill explained what had happened, as he continued to sob uncontrollably.

Jane smiled and said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got something that will help.”

She went back to her car and returned with a spray can.

She then sprayed the rabbit all over with the contents of the can and within minutes the rabbit woke up and jumped from Bill’s arms and hopped off into an adjacent field, waving to them as it went.

Bill was ever so grateful and he couldn’t thank Jane enough.

“Wow,” he said. “What was in that can?”

Jane handed him the can and on the label it said, HAIR SPRAY. RESTORES LIFE IN DEAD HAIR

3. The smartest person in the room:

An art teacher, a math teacher and a science teacher are all arguing about which one of them is the smartest.

“That’s got to be me,” says the art teacher.

With that he brings out an exact copy of the Mona Lisa he’d painted.

“This took me a month to paint and the detail is so exact that it proves I’m the smartest,” the art teacher continues.

“Well, that’s nothing,” the math teacher responds.

She then brings out a large notebook in which she’d solved fifty, third-order differential equations by hand.

“These are incredibly complex equations and most people would have to use a computer to solve them,” says the math teacher. “I solved them all by hand in a month and this proves I’m the smartest.”

“Don’t make me laugh,” the science teacher responds.

She then brings out a robot she’s built.

“This robot can clean the house, wash the dishes, walk the dog and wash the car,” she says. “It took me just one month to build this bad boy, so please, a little respect here.“

Listening to their conversation is the gym teacher who begins to laugh, uncontrollably.

“You’re all idiots,” he says. “I think you’ll find I’m the smartest one here.”

“Really?” says the science teacher. “And how did you reach that conclusion?”

“Because I didn’t have to do any of that stuff and yet I get paid the same as you,” the gym teacher responds with a smile.

4. The sad passing of Forest Gump:

Sadly, Forest Gump passed away and he’s standing in front of St Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Welcome to Heaven, Forest,” says St Peter. “I’ve heard a lot about you.“

They exchange a few pleasantries and then St Peter says, “Look, Forrest, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but there have been a lot of deaths this year and Heaven is getting a bit crowded now. So we have a new system that requires me to give everyone an entrance examination before they can be admitted through the Pearly Gates.“

“Really?” says Forest. “I hope it’s not too hard. My momma used to say, ‘Life is like a final exam. It’s hard.’ So I thought I’d already had the test.”

“Yes, Forest, I know,” says St Peter. “However this test is just three questions. And the first question is which two days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?“

“Well, sir,” Forest responds, “That’s easy, it’s today and tomorrow.“

Looking slightly surprised, St Peter says, “Well, that wasn’t quite what I had in mind but you do have a fair point, so I’ll give you credit for that answer.”

Forest smiled and said, “So what’s the next one?”

“This one’s more of a challenge,” says St Peter. “How many seconds are there in a year?”

“That’s easy too,” says Forest. “There are twelve seconds in a year.”

“Twelve?” exclaims St Peter, looking surprised and more than a little confused. “How did you work that out?”

“Well there’s January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd all the way through to December 2nd” says Forest. “That’s twelve.”

“Oh, I see what you mean,” says St Peter. “You do have a point, so I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too.“

“So, what’s the third question?” asks Forest.

“My third question” St Peter responds. “What’s God’s first name?”

“What’s God’s first name?” Forest reacts, as he thinks momentarily. “It’s Andy.“

“Andy?” exclaims said St Peter, in complete shock. “How did you work that out?“

“Well sir, I learned it in church. It was mentioned in the hymns we used to sing,” says Forest. With that he began to sing, “Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own loving son.“

St Peter smiles benevolently, opens the gates to Heaven and then shouts, “Run, Forest, Run!“

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So were any of these the joke that will make anyone laugh, dear reader? I hope so or, if not, I hope they raised at least a smile or two from you.

If they did make you laugh then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

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4 amusing short story jokes to make you laugh

04/13/2023 by

AMUSING SHORT STORY JOKESIf you’re in need of a little comic relief then here are 4 amusing short story jokes that will definitely make you laugh.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

And then, please feel free to pass them on.

Amusing short story jokes:

1. Escaping a ticket:

Jim was finally enjoying a bit of freedom in life, so he decided to buy himself a new Mercedes C-Class Cabriolet.

On the day he collected it from the dealership he thought it would be a great idea to take his new toy out for a spin on the Interstate.

It was a pleasant evening, so with the top down and the wind in his hair he decided to really put his foot down until the pedal hit the metal.

The acceleration was amazing but as the car hit 90 mph. suddenly there was the sound of a siren and through his rearview mirror, Jim could see blue lights flashing.

Undaunted by this turn of events Jim just thought to himself, “There’s no way the cops will catch me in a Mercedes at full speed.”

And momentarily he kept the car going flat out until his speed exceeded 110 mph.

However, his nerve went when he realised that despite his speed the cops were actually gaining on him.

So the reality of his situation hit him and Jim thought, “What the hell am I doing?“

He slowed down and pulled over.

At the side of the road, the cop came up to him and said, “Sir, could I see your license please?”

Jim handed over his license.

The cop studied it momentarily and then said to Jim, “Sir, it’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and to be honest I really don’t feel like doing any more paperwork. So I’ll offer you a deal. If you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you go without a ticket.“

Jim thought for a second and then said, “Officer, a month ago my wife ran off with a cop. Life has been so good since then but I was afraid you were chasing in an attempt to give her back to me.“

The cop smiled at Jim and said, “Have a nice weekend sir.”

And with that, he left Jim to enjoy his new car.

2. The price for a little fun:

It was Friday evening, it had been payday and Bill had really had a tough week.

So on leaving the office, he decided that instead of going home, he would stay out for the entire weekend partying with his buddies and in the process blow his entire weeks salary.

When he finally arrived home on Sunday evening he was confronted by his angry wife and, needless to say, she hurled abuse at him for nearly two hours in a tirade befitting his irresponsible actions.

Finally, as she stopped shouting at him, his wife said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

“That would be fine with me,” Bill responded unwisely.

Monday went by and Bill didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

However, on Thursday, the swelling had gone down sufficiently for Bill to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

3. Dumb man joke:

Jim is taking a shower in the bathroom and his wife shouts, “Did you find the shampoo, Jim?”

“Yes,” he responds, “but I’m not quite sure what to do, Irene.”

“Why’s that, Jim?” Irene asks.

“Well,” says Jim, “it says it’s for dry hair but I’ve just wet mine.“

4. Unexpected benefit:

Mike and his wife Liz had the misfortune to be caught up in a terrible road traffic accident, with multiple cars involved. Unfortunately in the carnage that followed, Liz’s face was severely burned.

She was taken to the local hospital where the doctor told Mike that she would need a skin graft on her face.

“The problem is,” said the doctor, “your wife is so thin we wouldn’t be able to use any skin from her body for the graft.”

“Could I donate skin from my body?” asked Mike.

“Yes, you can,” said the doctor. “However the only suitable skin would be skin from your buttocks.”

Mike explained the situation to Liz and asked whether skin from his buttocks would be acceptable to her.

“Well, as long as no one else knows where the skin came from,” said Liz.

Jim assured her that it would be their secret and the doctor also promised he would honour her request for secrecy.

So Liz had the surgery and when all the scars had healed everyone was amazed at how beautiful Liz now looked.

She’d always been attractive but she was now even more beautiful than she’d been before. All her friends and relatives couldn’t help commenting on her youthful beauty.

One day, Liz was sitting alone with Mike and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

“Mike, I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. There’s no way I could ever repay you,” said Liz.

Mike smiled and kissed her. Then he said, “Darling, think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

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So were these amusing short story jokes as amusing as you’d hoped they would be, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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3 ways for getting rich

04/13/2023 by

WAYS FOR GETTING RICHYou should never take money too seriously dear reader but, equally, you should never underestimate the importance of money either. Let’s face it, in the modern world, money is as essential to sustaining life as oxygen. That’s a fact, whether we like it or not. So getting rich is a worthy topic for discussion.

By getting rich I mean achieving financial freedom. I think that should be everyone’s goal, if only so that they can enjoy their old age. In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with getting rich providing money does not become your obsession. That is, you should have money in your head but not in your heart.

Now getting rich is easier said than done, of course. It requires effort on your part and a lot of determination too.

Nevertheless getting rich is also easier than it might first appear to be.

So today I offer you three ways for getting rich which are available to anyone and everyone and they will all help you to achieve financial freedom.

Getting Rich:

1. Solve problems for people:

Working for someone else may make you a living but having your own business can make you a fortune. The only way most people can become seriously rich is by setting up a business of their own. It can be done and people do, very successfully, and it’s possible for you to do it too.

Essentially business is all about solving problems for people in exchange for money.

Businesses create products that solve problems for customers. The customer buys the product and the business makes money. Obviously, you need to ensure that your revenues exceed your overheads but in essence, business is that simple.

If you want to make money in business just look for problems to be solved and there you’ll find commercial opportunities.

One person’s problem is another person’s business opportunity.

However, do make sure that every product you offer does actually solve a problem for your customers.

That means understanding the needs and wants of your target customers and always asking the question, “What problem will this product solve for my customers?”

2. Risk leads to reward:

If you want to make serious money you cannot avoid an element of risk. That’s a fact of business life.

Entrepreneurs have to be risk-takers by definition.

However, that doesn’t mean you taking crazy risks. It means taking calculated risks by doing your homework; proper planning and market research; and using your business skills to weigh up the pros and cons of every opportunity.

Risk is simply the possibility of you getting an outcome you don’t want.

However, it’s a fact that risk and reward go hand in hand. The greater the reward on offer the greater the risk you must take potentially to achieve it.

Obviously, your attitude to risk is important here.

If a given risk makes you very uncomfortable then it’s probably not worth taking. It will just lead to too much stress for you. Some people have the ability to live with huge risks, whilst others cannot cope with that much pressure.

Either way, it doesn’t matter. If you can’t cope with large risks then avoid them. Just look for something with lower risk and with which you can cope. Even small risks can lead to great riches.

Remember we all need a mix of certainty and uncertainty in our lives. Business requires you to live with the latter, at least to some degree.

3. The magic of compounding:

Once you’ve made some money it’s important you put it to work for you if getting rich is your aim.

And putting money to work is all about taking advantage of the magic of compounding.

Compound interest can have a powerful effect on your money.

For instance, if you invest $1,000 at 2% for 10 years with annual interest reinvested and it will be worth $1,219 at maturity.

However, if you invest that same $1,000 over the same period at 10% then you will get $2,594, assuming annual interest is re-invested. That’s over 100% difference over the 10-year period.

Over 20 years at 10% your $1,000 would have turned into $6,727, assuming annual interest had been reinvested.

So remember, the interest rate and the longevity of your investment both matter if you’re trying to build a capital sum.

So if getting rich is your aim then start by investing as early as you can, be disciplined and make regular contributions to build that nest egg.

Further Reading:

Obviously, a single blog post can only scratch the surface of all you need to know about money.

So if you’re wise you’ll buy some books on the subject to get your financial education moving in the right direction.

Here are some books I can personally recommend, all of which I own my own personal copies: –

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Think and Grow Rich is a classic of the genre. Originally written in the 1930s but still around and still very popular. And it’s still around for a reason. It’s exceptional and definitely worth adding to your personal reference library.

The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason

The Richest Man in Babylon is another classic of the genre. Simple but inspiring. You can read this book in a few hours but it will provide you with a series of powerful lessons for acquiring money, keeping money and making money. Again well worth adding to your personal reference library.

Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki

Rich Dad Poor Dad is an excellent starting point for anyone seeking to improve their financial knowledge and improve their financial future. This is modern compared to the previous two but it has also become a classic and is well worth the cover price.

One Hour Investor: The Beginner’s Guide to Investing in the Stock Market by Russell Ellroy

One Hour Investor: The Beginner’s Guide to Investing in the Stock Market is recently published and so it’s right up-to-date. If you want to learn about stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and much more, then this could be the book for you. Written in a very accessible style and aimed at the absolute beginner.

I have all of these books in my own personal library and I dip in and out of them frequently. You will be inspired by them all I am sure and I recommend you purchase your own copies.

DISCLOSURE: These are affiliate links and I will receive a commission should you make a purchase. There will be no additional charge to you. However, your support is truly appreciated and it helps keep this website free for everyone to use.

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