15 positive quotes by exceptional people to lift your spirits

06/04/2025 by

Looking for some positive quotes, dear reader? Well, I hope so, because today I’ve put together some interesting quotes from some exceptional people.

The wisdom of successful people is always worth considering. Listen to them, and you can learn a lot. They’ve been there, and they have achieved great things, so they must know something, surely?

If you want my advice, always listen to successful people.

So, take a minute or two to reflect on these positive quotes.

Positive Quotes
Positive Quotes
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Positive Quotes:

  1. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier. ~Colin Powell
  2. Positive anything is better than negative nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
  3. Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. ~Khalil Gibran
  4. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help you create the fact. ~William James
  5. Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  6. Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results. ~Willie Nelson
  7. Your smile will give you a positive countenance that will make people feel comfortable around you. ~Les Brown
  8. If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes. ~John Wooden
  9. I believe that you should gravitate to people who are doing productive and positive things with their lives. ~Nadia Comaneci
  10. The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great in whatever they want to do. ~Kobe Bryant
  11. I like to encourage people to realize that any action is a good action if it’s proactive and there is positive intent behind it. ~Michael J. Fox
  12. You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, and forgot. It’s all there. Everything influences each of us. ~Maya Angelou
  13. You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable. ~Deepak Chopra
  14. You’re going to go through tough times. That’s life. But I say, ‘Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.’ See the positive in negative events. ~Joel Osteen
  15. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. ~Christopher McCandless

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If you enjoyed them, then please share this post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

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Thank you for your support.

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31 funny, short jokes that will tickle you

06/02/2025 by
31 funny short jokes

If you’re looking for some short, funny jokes to cheer you up, then I have 31 little gems here for you today, dear reader. I hope you enjoy them all.

Certainly, they tickled me, and I’m confident that you will like them too.

So, please grab a cup of coffee and then take a short break to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on

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Funny jokes (1-10):

My wife suggested that I make a belt out of old pocket watches, but I thought that would be a waist of time.

Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true? Husband: To be honest, I didn’t even know she sold flowers.

I tried mixing Mexican alcohol with 20th-century American literature last night. The result was tequila mockingbird.

I bought a sweater, but it just kept picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store, and they gave me another one, free of charge.

Being kissed while you’re asleep must be one of the purest forms of love, unless you’re in prison, of course.

I woke up this morning and found my pet mouse, Elvis, dead in the kitchen. He was caught in a trap.

Did you hear what happened at the bread factory? It went up in flames this morning. Everything was toast.

Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.

I went to SeaWorld with Lionel Richie and his amazing, performing pet cat. What a feline, dancing on the sea lion.

My wife took going to jail badly. She swore at anyone who came near her and started throwing things everywhere. I won’t be playing Monopoly with her again.

Funny jokes (11-20):

I went to see my doctor this morning wearing creased clothes. He says I have an iron deficiency.

It’s my wife’s birthday next week, and she’s been leaving jewellery catalogues all over the house. I hope she likes the magazine rack I bought her.

Little Johnny: “Miss, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” Teacher: “Of course not, Johnny! That wouldn’t be fair!” Little Johnny: “That’s good to know, Miss, because I haven’t done my homework.”

Bill was devastated when he arrived home with his 5-year-old, and his wife told him the boy wasn’t his. She told him that he needed to pay more attention when picking his son up from school.

Waiter: “How would you like your steak, sir?” Me: “Like winning an argument with my wife.” Waiter: “Rare it is then!“

My neighbour’s wife left him last week. She said she was going out for milk but never came back. I asked him how he was coping. “Not bad,” he said. “I’ve been using that powdered stuff.”

Don’t you hate it when you compliment someone on how bushy their moustache is, and then she suddenly starts getting upset with you?

I threw a ball for my dog. Everyone said that I was being extravagant, but it was his birthday, and he did look good in a dinner jacket.

My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect, and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

They’ve got a new machine in my gym. I used it for half an hour yesterday, but then I started to feel sick. It’s great, though. It does everything: KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Hershey bars, Oreo Cookies, the lot.

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Funny jokes (21-31):

I read a book last night called “How to end sentences with Beatles song titles“. That’s two hours of my life I won’t get back.

I was tearful when the paint pot fell from my stepladder. I was overcome with emulsion.

My wife suddenly burst into our living room and shouted, “Honey, pack your bags. I’ve won the lottery!” Naturally, I said, “Oh wow! What should I pack, beach stuff or comfortable walking shoes?” “No!” she said. “You don’t understand. I’ve won the lottery. Just get out.”

I started a new job as a deliveryman today. When I got to the first address, there was a little note on the door saying, “Dear Mr Deliveryman, we’re out, please hide in the garage.” That was eight hours ago, and still, nobody’s found me.

I got kicked out of the Walmart staff room today. They asked me what I was doing there. “Taking a break,” I responded. “But you don’t work here!” they replied. “Well, I’ve just been through the self-checkout,” I said. “So, clearly, I do!“

Two working guys are in a field. One guy is digging holes. The other is filling them in again. An elderly lady walking by sees what they’re doing and asks, “Why are you digging holes and then filling them in? What’s the point?” The first guy looks over at her and then says, “Well, mam, there’s normally three of us but the bloke that puts trees in the holes rang in sick today.”

A guy walks into a bar, sits at the counter, orders twelve beers, and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender sees what he’s doing and asks, “Hey, buddy, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy looks at him sheepishly and says, “You’d be drinking fast too if you had what I had.” The bartender, slightly puzzled by this response, asks, “What do you have?” The guy smiles and says, “75 cents.”

An American tourist is driving through Ireland. He stops when he sees a bar, walks inside, and asks a local man, “Hey, buddy, what’s the quickest way to Cork?” The man looks at him and says, “Are you walking or driving?” The tourist replies, “I’m driving.” The local man smiles and says, “Aye, that’ll be the quickest way, for sure.”

My wife shouted from upstairs, “Did you just feel a sharp pain like a voodoo model of you was being stabbed?” Slightly puzzled, I said, “No.” A moment later, she replied, “How about now?“

I’ve just been ripped off. I bought a bookcase, and on the box, it stated clearly ‘SELF-ASSEMBLY.’ When I got home, I took it out of the box and sat for three hours watching it, and it didn’t do anything. Eventually, I had to put it together myself.

An elderly man shuffled slowly into the ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly and painfully up onto a stool at the counter. After a moment to catch his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress smiled and asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?” “No!” said the old man. “It’s rheumatoid arthritis.”

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So, dear reader, were these funny, short jokes amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If this post made you smile, please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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31 great quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm

05/29/2025 by

Today, I thought it might be amusing to look back at some of the many memorable quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you’re not familiar with this sitcom, Curb Your Enthusiasm is a hilarious comedy starring Larry David, who plays a fictionalized version of himself.

Essentially, the series follows Larry’s life as a semi-retired television writer and producer as he attempts to cope with life’s frustrations and quirks.

For me, it’s one of the great American sitcoms.

There are plenty of Curb Your Enthusiasm clips on YouTube if you want to check out this comedy, and if you’re unfamiliar with it, that’s well worth doing when you have a little time to spare.

So go ahead and take a look, but not before you’ve enjoyed these memorable quotes.

Enjoy them all.

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Quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm:

I’m yelling for society.

I find human contact repulsive.

Can I apologise for the apology?

I’m married. I can wear whatever I want.

By sundown? What are you, Gary Cooper?

I’m trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.

Hey, mind your own business. How about that?

I’ve got ideas, but I choose not to carry them out.

I always think of nice things, but I never act on them.

It seems silly to me to put a napkin on an old pair of pants.

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Why does everybody have to have pictures of everything?

I’m feeling pretty good. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good.”

Anybody want to help a semi-retarded individual change a tire?

We’re fighting because you’re a moron. That’s why we’re fighting.

I’m sorry if you’re offended. I don’t think I said anything offensive.

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.

I don’t like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.

Bald asshole? That’s a hate crime. We consider ourselves to be a group.

He wanted to stop and chat with me, and I don’t know him well enough for a stop and chat.

Can I tell you something about apricots? 1 in 30 is a good one. It’s such a low percentage fruit.

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A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

Nobody likes a tattle-tale, NOBODY! So go ahead and squeal and you’ll end up in HELL! OKAY!

You can put my colon up next to your colon; we’ll see who has a cleaner, healthier colon.

What is this compulsion to have people over at your house and serve them food and talk to them?

It’s completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career’s been based on being unprofessional.

An employee is told that the customer’s always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole.

You’re nothing without your health. Some people are nothing even with their health. I fall in that category, sometimes.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbours. The thieves don’t impose. Thieves just want your things. Neighbours want your time.

I did, once, try and stop a woman who was about to get hit by a car. I screamed out ‘Watch out!’ and she said ‘Don’t you tell me what to do!’

You know what? Never mind, alright! I-I’ll take my liver out! I’ll walk around with a dialysis machine hanging out of me for the rest of my life, no problem!

You know what it is? You’re always attracted to someone who doesn’t want you, right? Well, here you have somebody who not only doesn’t want you; doesn’t even acknowledge your right to exist; wants your destruction! That’s a turn-on.

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you enjoy these quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If you enjoyed them, please share this post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now. If you can do that for me, then I’ll be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience, and that will be your good deed for the day.

Thank you for your support.

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37 short quotes that are funny and sharp

05/28/2025 by

If you’re looking for some short quotes that are funny and sharp, dear reader, then I’ve curated 37 little gems for you today.

I’m confident that at least a few of them will make you smile.

Who originally gave us these little gems? I have no idea. But whoever it was, we should all thank them.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all, and feel free to pass them on.

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Short quotes that are funny (1-10):

  1. I’m not short, I’m fun-sized!
  2. I’m not old, I’m just a classic.
  3. I’m not weird, I’m just different.
  4. I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.
  5. I’m not lazy, I’m just energy efficient.
  6. I’m not weird, I’m just a limited edition.
  7. I’m not bald, I’m just taller than my hair.
  8. I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.
  9. I’m not always right, I’m just never wrong.
  10. I’m not impatient, I just prefer not to wait.

Short quotes that are funny (11-20):

  1. I’m not messy, I’m creatively disorganized.
  2. I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity challenged.
  3. I’m not moody, I just have a lot of feelings.
  4. I’m not stubborn, I’m just persistently right.
  5. I’m not antisocial, I’m just selectively social.
  6. I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route.
  7. I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in smartass.
  8. I’m not late, I’m just chronologically challenged.
  9. I’m not a control freak, I’m a control enthusiast.
  10. I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
37 SHORT QUOTES THAT ARE FUNNY
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Short quotes that are funny (21-30):

  1. I’m not difficult, I’m just picky about my stupidity.
  2. If life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
  3. I don’t have bad handwriting; I have my own font.
  4. I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.
  5. I wanted to be a baker but couldn’t raise the dough.
  6. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
  7. I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing in reverse order.
  8. I’m not always right, but when I am, it’s usually by accident.
  9. I’m not messy, I just like to create my own obstacle courses.
  10. I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.

Short quotes that are funny (31-37):

  1. I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing why I’m right.
  2. I’m not a procrastinator, I’m just very efficient at doing nothing.
  3. I’m not forgetful, I’m just experiencing spontaneous memory loss.
  4. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right in a different way.
  5. I’m not nosy, I’m just overly curious about everything and everyone.
  6. I’m not a morning person. I’m a mourning person, mourning the loss of my sleep.
  7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of debt payments.

Please share with your friends:

So, there you have it. My 37 short quotes that are funny. However, were they as funny as you’d hoped? I hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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6 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

05/07/2025 by
6 short story jokes

Here are six short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. They made me howl with laughter, so I hope they’ll brighten your day too. Enjoy them all.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short story jokes:

1. The Deaf Debt Collector:

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses subject to their protection racket.

As they were feeling the heat from the Police, they decided to use someone deaf for the job. If someone deaf gets caught, they figured he wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with the Police.

In his first week on the job, the deaf debt collector picks up over $50,000. That’s a lot of money, he thinks, and the deaf debt collector’s greed gets the better of him. He decides to keep the money, and he stashes it in a safe place.

However, it’s not long before the Mafia realises that the collection is late and they send out a couple of heavies to look for the deaf debt collector.

They soon find him and ask the deaf debt collector what he’s done with the money. The problem is that the deaf debt collector can’t communicate with them either, so the Mafia heavies drag him off to an interpreter.

They get to a sign language interpreter and the leading Mafioso then says, “I want ya to ask him where da money is.“

So the interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?“

The deaf debt collector tries to bluff his way out of his dilemma by saying, “I don’t know what they’re talking about.“

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He’s saying he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.“

The Mafioso reaches into his coat and pulls out a .44 Remington Magnum handgun, which he points at the forehead of the deaf debt collector, and with real menace in his voice, he says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is, and tell him I won’t be askin’ again.“

So the interpreter immediately signs, “Where’s the money? He says he won’t ask again, and I think he’s serious.“

At this point, the deaf debt collector’s nerve goes, and he signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left by the gate near 72nd Street on Central Park West, and close to Strawberry Fields.“

Getting impatient, the Mafioso looks at the interpreter and asks, “What did he say?”

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, he thinks you’re an idiot, and he doesn’t think you’ve got the balls to pull the trigger!“

2. The Balloonist and the Programmer:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon, and soon realizes he’s completely lost.

So he starts reducing height, and suddenly spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon a little further and then shouts: “Excuse me, sir, I was wondering, can you tell me where I am? I seem to be lost.“

Taken by surprise, the man looks up and replies, “Yeah, that’s easy. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 25 feet above this field.“

“You must work in IT. I’m guessing you work as a programmer?” says the balloonist.

“I do and yes, I am,” replies the man, looking a little surprised, “How did you guess?“

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct, but it’s of no actual use to anyone.“

The programmer smiles and then says, “Ah, you must be the CEO of a business.“

“Yes, I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how could you know that?“

“That’s easy,” says the programmer. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.“

3. The Tiger, the Man, and God:

A man is being chased by a tiger.

He’s running as hard as he can, and eventually, he gets to the edge of a cliff with the tiger still in hot pursuit.

The man looks over the edge of the cliff and sees a branch growing out of the side of the cliff just a few feet down.

Having no other option, the man jumps down and grabs the branch just before the tiger arrives at the cliff edge.

The tiger is growling viciously and pacing backwards and forwards along the cliff edge. The man sighs with relief, as he thinks he’s outsmarted the tiger.

At that moment, a little mouse appears from a crevice in the rock, and it begins to chew on the branch.

The man looks down at what is a drop of hundreds of feet. If he falls, it will surely result in his death. So he looks to the heavens and yelled out, “Dear God, if you are there, please help. I will do anything you ask, but please help.“

“You say you will do anything I ask?” Without it being questioned?” a voice booms from heaven above.

The man is surprised to get an immediate reply to his plea, but he yells back, “I will gladly do anything you ask, but please save me.“

“There’s one way to save you, but it will take courage and faith,” says the voice from above.

The man can feel the branch begin to weaken as the mouse continues to gnaw at it, and he can see the tiger still pacing around, growling at the cliff’s edge a few feet above him.

“Please, Lord, tell me what I must do, and I will do it. Your will is my command,” shouts the man in despair.

“All right then, let go of the branch,” the voice from heaven responds.

The man looks down to a fall of hundreds of feet and certain death. He looks up at the hungry tiger a few feet above him, and then he looks at the mouse still chewing on the branch.

He then looks up at the heavens again and yells, “Is there no one else up there I can speak to?“

SHORT STORY JOKES

4. The Mercedes Dealership:

An elderly man returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car he was interested in to a beautiful, busty blonde.

“I thought you said you would hold that car for me until I raised the $75.000 asking price,” said the old man. “And now I’m told you just closed a deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady over there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.“

“Well, sir, what can I tell you?” replied the salesman, grinning. “She had the cash in her hand, and just look at her, she’s stunningly beautiful. How could I resist?“.

At this point, the young lady approached the old man and handed him the keys to the car.

“There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop his asking price. See you later, Grandpa.”

Moral of the story: Never mess with old people!

5. The Genie:

A customer service agent, an administration clerk, and their manager are all walking to lunch when they stumble upon an old, antique oil lamp.

Knowing that an old oil lamp can often house a genie, they enthusiastically rub it in hopeful anticipation.

Sure enough, out pops a genie.

“I am the genie of the lamp, and you can each have one wish,” says the genie.

“Me first! Me first!” says the customer service agent. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke, and the customer service agent’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke, and the administration clerk’s gone

The genie then looks at the manager and says, “OK, Boss, I guess it’s your turn now.”

“I want those two back in the office in exactly 45 minutes,” the manager responds.

Moral of the story: It’s always a good idea to let your boss go first.

6. The Mexican Maid:

A Mexican maid asks for a pay rise from the lady of the house.

The wife is not happy about this, so she decides to talk to the maid about her request for more money.

“Now, Maria, why do you want more money?” she asks.

“Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I wanna increase,” replies the maid. “The first eez that I iron better than you.“

“Maria, who said you iron better than me?” responds the wife.

“Jor huzban he say so Señora,” Maria replies.

“Oh, he did, did he?” says the wife. “And what is your second reason?”

“The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you,” Maria responds.

“That’s nonsense. Who said you’re a better cook than me?” asks the wife.

“Jor hozban deed Señora,” Maria replies.

“Oh, he did, did he?”  the wife responds, getting increasingly agitated.

“The third reason eez that I ama better than you in da bed,” says Maria.

The lady of the house is now angry and, through gritted teeth, she asks, “And did my husband say that too?“

“No Señora, the gardener deed,” Maria replies.

“OK, how much is it you want?” asks her employer.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these short story jokes, dear reader, please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

And if you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

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29 jokes for 10-year-olds that’ll amuse adults too

05/06/2025 by

There’s an inner child in all of us. If you love childish jokes, here are 29 hilarious jokes for 10-year-olds that I’m confident will amuse many adults too.

Enjoy them all and then pass them on to the children in your life and the adults who’ve not lost their inner child.

And have a great day too.

JOKES FOR 10-YEAR-OLDS

Jokes for 10-year-olds (1-10):

  1. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
  2. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!
  3. Where do you manufacture average things? A satisfactory.
  4. How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
  5. I broke my finger last week but, on the other hand, I’m fine.
  6. What sits at the bottom of the sea twitching? A nervous wreck.
  7. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
  8. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
  9. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? Well, the flag’s a big plus.
  10. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.

Jokes for 10-year-olds (11-20):

  1. No one is completely useless. We can always serve as a warning to others.
  2. Why don’t math majors go to parties? Because they don’t drink and derive.
  3. What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
  4. A parachute isn’t essential for skydiving, unless you want to go skydiving twice.
  5. Why should you never date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
  6. You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If it doesn’t come home, it was only a pigeon.
  7. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
  8. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t really matter because it’s not going to come to you anyway.
  9. My girlfriend accused me of being immature, so I told her she couldn’t play with my toys anymore.
  10. Women used to call me ugly until they realised how much I earn. Now they call me ugly and poor.

Jokes for 10-year-olds (21-29):

  1. What did Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes; the worst of thymes.
  2. What did the bald man say when he was given a comb as a gift? Thanks, I’ll never part with that.”
  3. Verdana, Arial and Times New Roman walked into a bar and the bartender shouts, “Sorry but we don’t serve your type!”
  4. I saw a guy spill his Scrabble game all over the sidewalk and I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
  5. A Roman legionnaire walked into a bar, holds up two fingers and says to the bartender, “Five beers please.”
  6. A woman in labor suddenly started shouting, “Couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t, didn’t, can’t, won’t ………” The doctor smiled and said, “Don’t worry mam, they’re just contractions.”
  7. A woman says, “Help me, doctor, I’m addicted to Twitter.” The doctor smiled and said, “I’m sorry, I’m not following you.”
  8. The Preacher said to John, “Come forth and you’ll receive eternal life.” Unfortunately, John came fifth but he did win a year’s supply of Todd’s Snickerdoodles.
  9. A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a vodka and ………..Coke please.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?” The bear shrugs and says, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”

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29 JOKES FOR 10-YEAR-OLDS
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37 sarcasm examples for when you need that little zinger

05/04/2025 by

If you’ve ever worked in retail or some other customer-facing role, dear reader, you’ll know that people can be challenging. That’s life. And sometimes you wish you’d had that perfect little zinger to let people know what you think of them. Well, here are 37 sarcasm examples that might just make you smile. And might be useful next time you need that little zinger.

Enjoy them all and feel free to pass them on.

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SARCASM EXAMPLES

How I envy people who’ve never met you.

Goodness, aren’t you as sharp as a marble?

Do you enjoy humiliating yourself in public?

You really should come with a warning label.

You’re like a penny: two-faced and worthless.

Now aren’t you just the walking motivational poster?

I’m not rude. I just say what everyone else is thinking.

If I had the crayons, I’d willingly try to explain it to you.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

I wasn’t ignoring you. I was simply prioritizing my sanity.

I see you’re still an idiot. Well, at least, you’re consistent.

It’s amazing how you can talk so much and yet say so little.

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If you keep talking, eventually you might say something intelligent.

You do realise that you have delusions of adequacy, don’t you?

When I want to hear from a nobody, I’ll be sure to give you a call.

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?

Yes, of course, I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I wish I had a lower IQ, then I might enjoy our conversations more.

You’re the reason they must put instructions on shampoo bottles.

I’d give you a nasty look, but I can see that you’ve already got one.

The last time I saw something as ugly as you, I had to pay admission.

I’m not saying you’re ugly, but your bathroom mirror must be scared.

If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to read.

I wasn’t insulting you. I was simply explaining how other people see you.

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You know, I thought of you this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

There can be few things in life more enjoyable than watching you leave a room.

Clearly, you have an inferiority complex, and, let me tell you, it’s fully justified.

If you want to be taken seriously, you’ll need to speak with someone other than me.

I’m not saying you’re an idiot, but your village just called to say they’re missing you.

If you had a dollar for every intelligent comment you’ve ever made, you’d be broke.

Has anyone ever told you that you have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies?

If only the gene pool had had a lifeguard, you wouldn’t be here now, ruining my morning.

Do I think you’re exceptional? Well, certainly, I’ve never met anyone quite as stupid as you.

You really are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Oh no, please, not now!’

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard you say something stupid, I’d be a very wealthy man.

I can only assume that you were born on a highway because that’s usually where accidents happen.

I’m not being mean, but I did hear that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the Prophylactic Emporium.

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If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now.

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21 quotes by Dolly Parton reflecting her personal philosophy

04/30/2025 by

If you’re seeking quotes by Dolly Parton, I’ve collected an interesting selection for you today, dear reader. Specifically, I’ve tried to pick those quotes credited to Dolly that give us an insight into her own personal philosophy.

Dolly Rebecca Parton is undoubtedly one of the great American cultural icons of our age. She’s also a successful singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, record producer, actress, author, and businesswoman. She’s a smart lady and an excellent example to follow should you be looking for a role model.

Remember, Dolly Parton was born into a poor family, the fourth of 12 children, and so her success is all down to her own effort. No one handed her anything on a plate.

So, if she could do it, so can you, dear reader.

If success is your aim, it always makes sense to look for successful people, see what’s made them successful, and then try to copy it. If it worked for them, then it might just work for you.

So here are 21 quotes by Dolly Parton, which I hope will help you in your quest for wisdom and insight.

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Quotes by Dolly Parton (1 – 10):

Energy begets energy.

Everybody has a purpose.

I don’t kiss anybody’s butt.

I will never retire unless I have to.

Smile! It increases your face value.

Storms make trees take deeper roots.

Find out who you are. And do it on purpose.

I’m no natural beauty. If I’m gonna have any looks at all, I’m gonna have to create them.

Adjusting to the passage of time, I think, is a key to success and to life: just being able to roll with the punches.

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. And I also know that I’m not blonde.

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Quotes by Dolly Parton (11 – 21):

I’m not trying to be fashionable. Never was!

I have surrounded myself with very smart people.

No one is ever successful at everything that they do.

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

You’ll never do a whole lot unless you’re brave enough to try.

Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.

If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

I’m not going to limit myself just because people won’t accept the fact that I can do something else.

I’m not happy all the time, and I wouldn’t want to be because that would make me a shallow person. But I do try to find the good in everybody.

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.

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You did? I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case, please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

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21 stupid jokes that are funny

04/28/2025 by
stupid jokes that are funny

If you’re looking for some stupid jokes that are funny, dear reader, then I have 21 for you today that I’m confident will make you laugh.

So, grab a cup of coffee, relax, and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Stupid jokes that are funny (1-5):

Last week, I went on a first aid course, and the instructor asked me what I’d do if my child swallowed a door key. Apparently “I’d climb through the window,” wasn’t the right answer.

Barber: How would you like your hair cut, sir? Customer: In silence, please.

Yesterday, I was persuaded to run a marathon for charity. I didn’t want to do it at first, but they told me it’s for blind and disabled kids, so I thought I’d have a decent chance of winning.

Wife: “Just look at that couple over there; how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?” Husband: “Are you mad? I don’t even know the woman!”

It’s been so cold recently that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Stupid jokes that are funny (6-10):

After years of study at university, finally, I’m a PhD, or as I’m better known, a Pizza Hut Deliveryman.

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common? A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

It is a fact that light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear to be quite bright until you hear them talk.

Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man in central London and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” the robber demanded. “You can’t do this I’m a Member of Parliament!” the man replied, “Oh! In that case,” smiled the robber, “give me MY money!“

My wife keeps berating me for being unkind to one of my kids, but I don’t know which one she means. I think I treat Bobby, Cindy, and the fat, ugly one all the same.

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Stupid jokes that are funny (11-15):

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally, I was forced to take his bike away from him.

Q: What can you hold without ever touching it? A: A conversation.

Mike arrives home one evening, unannounced, with his best buddy, Pete, and asks his wife, Jane, if she can make dinner for him and Pete. Naturally, Jane’s not happy and she starts screaming at Mike, as the two men just sit and listen. “What are you doing to me?” shouts Jane. “My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, and it’s too late to expect me to start cooking now. Why the hell did you bring him home anyway?” Mike hesitates momentarily and then says, “Because Pete’s thinking of getting married, so I thought it would be helpful if I showed him what married life is like!“

Jim’s driving home from work when he gets a call from his wife, Irene, on his cell phone. “Be careful on the road, honey. I’ve just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way down the highway,” says Irene. “It’s not just one car,” Jim responds, “there are literally thousands of them!“

Dick and Roger are two elderly gentlemen eating breakfast together in a restaurant one morning. Roger notices something funny in Dick’s ear. “Hey, Dick,” says Roger. “Do you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Dick fiddles with his ear, pulls out the suppository, stares at it momentarily, and then says, “Well, I’ll be darned; now I think I know what I did with my hearing aid.”

Stupid jokes that are funny (16-21):

Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks, “Are you two sisters?” “No!” says one, as they both start giggling. “We’re not even Catholic.”

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? A: Dam!

Q: What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A: A can’t opener!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An impasta.

There are three types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can’t.

A guy with a giraffe walks into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The guy decides it’s time to leave. The bartender sees what happened and shouts, “Hey, buddy, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” As he’s heading for the door, the man turns and says, “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.“

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Were they as funny as you’d hoped?

Did they make you smile?

If so, please share this post with your friends on social media.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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23 great stay focused quotes to help you pursue success

04/25/2025 by

If you don’t know exactly what you want, then you’ll never get it. I’m sure that much is philosophically self-evident to you, dear reader. However, how can you know what you want?

Well, if necessary, keep trying stuff until you find something you really enjoy and at which you excel.

And once you’ve found something you love, stay focused on it and take it as far as you can possibly go.

That’s the way to achieve real success.

Here are 23 great stay-focused quotes to help you on your way.

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Stay focused quotes (1-7):

  1. Stay focused on the mission. ~Naveen Jain
  2. Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals. ~LL Cool J
  3. Know what you want, and focus on how you’ll get it. And never, ever give up. ~Roy Sutton
  4. Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them. ~Albert Einstein
  5. Aim higher; stay focused. ~Brandon Adams
  6. I always want to stay focused on who I am, even as I’m discovering who I am. ~Alicia Keys
  7. Stay focused on your mission, remain steadfast in your pursuit of excellence, and always do the right thing. ~Mark Esper

Stay focused quotes (8-15):

  1. Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learning. Work hard and never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they can come true but you. These are not cliches, but real tools you need no matter what you do in life to stay focused on your path. ~Phillip Sweet
  2. Stay focused, believe that you can achieve at the highest level, surround yourself with others who believe in you, and do not stray from your goal. ~Zach Ertz
  3. Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps, they need to take to get them closer to the fulfilment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. ~Jack Canfield
  4. It’s a long road, so we are just trying to stay focused and grounded and keep moving forward. ~Sturgill Simpson
  5. My key to dealing with stress is simple: just stay cool and stay focused. ~Ashton Eaton
  6. You have to stay focused and be mentally tough. That’s what I’ve really learned: every day is a grind, and you have to go hard. ~Chris Gronkowski
  7. Stay open-minded; stay focused. Train hard and train smart. For me, the older I get, the smarter I have to train because the recovery time is longer. Work on everything: become a well-rounded fighter; don’t just be good at one thing; be good at everything. ~Brock Lesnar
  8. As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear. ~Tracee Ellis Ross

Stay focused quotes (16-23):

  1. The best career advice I’ve gotten is to stay focused and keep moving forward. ~Tyga
  2. My only goal is to stay focused on my craft and make sure my life is as sharp as it can be to attack any character that is given to me. ~Michael K. Williams
  3. I have to make sure I stay focused, have the same ambition I’ve always had, and work hard; that’s the key to success. ~Romelu Lukaku
  4. What I’ve learned is that if you stay focused, believe, and actually walk the walk, anything is possible. ~Craig David
  5. I like to stay busy, I like to stay focused, and I like to stay creative. Without being creative, I’d be dead. ~Jeremy Renner
  6. Starting a business and building a product is not for the faint of heart. You have to learn to not let little disappointments get you down and to stay focused on the big picture. ~Gillian Tans
  7. You have to stay in the moment. Stay focused. Know what you’re going to do. ~Dave Martinez
  8. As for the stage fright, it never goes away. When I’m waiting in the wings to go on, it’s agony every single time, but I stay focused, and I know that once I’m on stage, it’ll be fine; I’ll be in my happy little bubble. ~Britt Ekland

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