7 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today or any day

02/24/2026 by
7 FUNNIEST JOKES

If you’ve been searching for the funniest jokes, then I’m sure you’ll enjoy the seven I have on offer here. They all made me laugh, and I hope you enjoy them. too, dear reader.

And if you do enjoy them, don’t forget to pass them on. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So, thank you.

FUNNIEST JOKES
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Funniest Jokes:

1. Fred & Ginger dining out:

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were dining out in a very swanky, five-star New York City hotel, and they’d both made a point of dressing for the occasion.

Ginger looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown and diamond tiara, while Fred arrived in his trademark top hat, white tie and tails. They both looked like the million-dollar movie stars they were.

All was going well with dinner until they got to dessert. While serving dessert, the clumsy waiter managed to trip, and Fred was showered from head to toe in treacle pudding.

“Oh, I’m most terribly sorry, Mr Astaire,” said the waiter.

Fred was not amused. “So you ought to be,” he said angrily.

Fred sat there fuming as the waiter tried his best to assist.

“Look at the state of me now,” said Fred. “I’ve pudding on my top hat; pudding on my white tie; and pudding on my tails.”

2. Church on Sunday:

Leaving church one Sunday, Bernadette said to her husband Frank, “Do you think Mrs O’Shaughnessy is dying her hair?”

“To be honest, Bernadette, I didn’t even notice Mrs O’Shaughnessy,” Frank responded.

They walked together quietly for a few moments, and then Bernadette remarked, “Did you see that skirt Mrs Kilkenny was wearing? Now don’t tell me you thought that was appropriate for a 40-year-old mother of six.”

“I’m afraid I didn’t really notice Mrs Kilkenny either,” said Frank.

“Huh!” Bernadette responded dismissively. “A lot of good it does you going to church on Sundays.”

3. The protest:

An isolated monastery was inhabited by an order of monks who communicated with each other solely by chanting.

Every morning, they would gather in the chapel, and the abbot would chant, “Good morning, assembled brethren.”

In response, the monks would chant, “Good morning, Father Abbot.”

However, one morning, a disgruntled monk decided to make his point by chanting, “Good evening, Father Abbot.”

The abbot was not amused, and he glared at the assembled monks before he said, “Someone chanted evening.”

4. Dogs and cats:

A German Shepherd dog, a Doberman, and a cat all die on the same day, and they find themselves at the Pearly Gates facing God’s judgment.

God is seated on a golden throne, and he asks each in turn what they believe in.

The German shepherd answers by saying, “Dear God, I’m a firm believer in discipline and loyalty to my master.”

“That’s excellent,” said God, “you may sit here at my right side.”

“So, Doberman,” says God, “what is your response to my question?”

The Doberman reflects on the question momentarily and then says, “Dear God, I believe in love, care and the protection of my master and his family.“

“That’s very good,” said God, “you may sit here at my left side.”

God then looks at the cat, smiles, and then says, “So, my feline friend, what is it you believe?”

A moment or two passes before the cat looks at God nonchalantly and then says, “I believe you’re sitting in my chair.“

5. The will reading:

A lawyer was reading out the will of a wealthy man to his family and everyone mentioned in the document.

“To my loving wife Mary, my rock, and without whom my life would have been very different, I leave the mansion in Bel-Air and $20 million,” the lawyer read out loud.

He paused momentarily for his audience to digest this information, and then he continued reading.

“To my darling daughter Louisa, who supported me so much when my health began to fail and never once complained, I leave my business, my yacht, and $1 million,” said the lawyer.

Again, he paused momentarily to allow this information to sink in.

The lawyer then continued reading the final section of the will, “And to my brother Neville, who argued with me constantly, hated my guts, and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Neville!”

6. Engine trouble:

While cruising at 35,000 feet, the aircraft suddenly shuddered violently.

One passenger looked out of the window and then shouted, “Oh my God! One of the engines has just blown up.”

The passengers were white with fear when moments later the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as an engine on the opposite side exploded.

Passengers started to panic, and the cabin crew struggled to keep order.

However, just then, the captain strode confidently from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing about which they should be alarmed.

Reassured by the captain’s calm manner, passengers returned to their seats, and he coolly walked over to the aircraft’s door.

He then grabbed several packages from under the seats near the door and started handing them to the rest of the crew.

Crew members immediately fastened these packages to their backs.

One observant passenger said, “Hey, aren’t they parachutes?”

“Yes,” said the captain.

“But you said there was no need to be alarmed,” the passenger responded.

“There isn’t,” replied the captain as a third engine suddenly exploded. “We’re going to get help.”

7. Cashflow problem at the zoo:

A zoo was experiencing serious cash flow problems due to visitor numbers falling.

The zoo’s management got together to discuss how they could reverse the trend by introducing a major attraction.

Following the meeting, the manager persuaded a visitor, who was a very big, stocky man, to take a job dressing up in a gorilla costume and masquerading as a great ape.

This deception worked well as the man really threw himself into the role with enthusiasm, devouring buckets of bananas, swinging from branches, pacing his cage menacingly, beating his chest and roaring loudly.

However, one day he went a bit too far, and he accidentally fell into the lion’s enclosure next door.

Panicking, the bogus gorilla started shouting, “Help! Help!”

The lion let out a tremendous roar and then rushed at him. He put his paw on the bogus gorilla’s chest and growled, “Shut up, buddy, or we’ll both lose our jobs!”

Phil Sutton

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10 funny jokes guaranteed to have you howling with laughter

02/23/2026 by

If you enjoy a good laugh, then these funny jokes are just for you.

Today, there are 10 funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

So sit back, relax and enjoy them all.

And once you’ve enjoyed them, please feel free to pass them on.

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Funny Jokes:

1. The Tiny Pianist:

A guy walks into a New York bar pushing a small suitcase on wheels.

He takes a seat at the bar, and then he begins to open the suitcase carefully.

With the suitcase open, he takes out the tiniest piano you’ve ever seen and places it on the bar. The bartender watches him, a little puzzled.

The guy then reaches back into the suitcase and takes out a tiny man. This little man is no taller than ten inches high and the guy then seats him at the tiny piano.

The tiny man then begins to play a piece by Chopin on the piano in a way that is both enchanting and absolutely beautiful.

The bartender walks up to the guy and says, “Gee, where did you get the tiny pianist? He’s brilliant.“

The guy puts his hand back into his suitcase again and pulls out an old magic lamp, which he then hands to the bartender.

He says to the bartender, “Here, rub this and make a wish.“

The bartender says, “Are you serious?”

The guy says, “Sure, go ahead.”

So the bartender rubs the lamp and says, “I wish for a million bucks!“

There is a loud ‘poof’ sound before a million ducks start marching into the bar.

The bartender looks at the man and says, “Buddy, I think your magic lamp is broken.“

The guy looks at him, smiles, then says, “Tell me something I don’t know. You don’t really think I asked for a 10-inch pianist do you?“

2. An engineer goes to Hell:

An engineer dies and suddenly finds himself standing at the Pearly Gates, in front of Saint Peter, who’s holding a clipboard.

Saint Peter takes a few moments to review his list and then says to the engineer, “I’m sorry old boy but you’re not on the list. That means you’ll have to go down below, I’m afraid.”

The engineer is a little disheartened but trudges off in search of the gates to Hell.

When he arrives in Hell, he’s less than impressed. It’s hot, it’s smelly, and it’s very miserable.

However, being an engineer, he’s very resourceful. So immediately, he decides to take action to improve his situation.

He realises that if he’s to be comfortable, he must do something about the heat. So he decides to install air conditioning. Once he gets that working, everything cools down quite quickly, and it’s all a little bit more pleasant.

Installing the air conditioning proved to be thirsty work, but there aren’t any cold drinks. So the engineer decides to install refrigeration, and before you know it, everyone in Hell can relax with a cold beer.

When he’s got everyone cool and the beer cold, the engineer realises they don’t have any entertainment. So he decides to install cable television. Before you know it, they’re streaming hundreds of television channels.

Suddenly, life in Hell is getting quite pleasant, and the engineer is becoming a popular guy. Well, why wouldn’t he be? He’s constantly using his skills to make life better for everyone.

Anyway, one day, God has reason to phone the Devil. Needless to say, God can’t resist having a little fun at the Devil’s expense.

“So how’s it all going down there, Devil? Still hot and miserable?” says God.

To which the Devil replies, “Well, actually, things are great down here right now. Since you sent us that engineer, we’ve been able to upgrade our facilities substantially.“

God is annoyed and cannot conceal his irritation, saying, “What? You’ve got an engineer? How did that happen? There’s always a place for engineers up here in Heaven; we need their skills. There must be some mistake”

Now it’s the Devil who feels he’s the one who can have a little fun, and he responds with a laugh, “Well, he’s here with us now, and we’re pleased to have him.”

“Send him up here right now,” says God,

The Devil’s having none of it, and he responds, “No way! We’re keeping him. He’s far too useful to let go.“

God decides it’s time to apply a little pressure, so he says, “Look, Devil, either you send him up here to me immediately, or I’ll have no choice but to sue you!“

The Devil falls about laughing and says, “And where will you find a lawyer?“

3. The Bear and the Rabbit:

A bear was chasing a rabbit through the forest.

They ran into a clearing, and the bear chased the rabbit around a giant redwood tree where, as luck would have it, a genie lived.

The genie got so tired of the noise they were making that finally he came out and told them both that he would grant them both three wishes if they’d just agree to go away and leave him in peace.

Naturally, the pair agreed. Who wouldn’t want three wishes after all?

So, the bear said he’d go first. “I wish from now on that every bear in this forest is both female and very, very horny.“

The genie granted him his wish.

The rabbit just grinned and simply asked for a motorcycle crash helmet.

The genie granted him his wish, too. There was a ‘poof’ sound, and then in the rabbit’s paw was a top-of-the-range motorcycle crash helmet.

The bear was somewhat puzzled by the rabbit’s request, but he continued nevertheless with his second wish. “I wish from now that on every bear in the whole country is both female and very, very horny!“

The genie granted the bear his second wish.

Again, the rabbit grinned, and then he said that his second wish was for a Harley-Davidson motorcycle.

This wish was granted, too and again there was a ‘poof’ sound and suddenly there in the forest stood a gleaming Harley Davidson.

The rabbit jumped on the Harley, put his helmet on and then started gunning the hog.

The bear looked at the rabbit, smiled and said, “You must be the dumbest rabbit I’ve ever met!“

It was time for the bear’s final wish, so he said, “I wish from now on that every bear in the whole world is both female and very, very horny!“

The genie granted him his third and final wish. “Rest assured”, the genie said to the bear, “every bear you will ever meet from now on will be both female and very, very horny.”

The bear looked very pleased with himself.

The genie then looked at the rabbit and said, “So, what’s your final wish?”

The rabbit laughed out loud and said, “I wish that from now on the bear is gay.“

With that, the rabbit gunned the hog and disappeared into the sunset.

4. The Taxidermist:

A guy walks into a redneck bar in Texas.

A couple of cross-eyed, local boys are playing Dueling Banjos on their guitars, guns in holsters by their sides.

Other mean-looking guys, similarly armed, are just sitting around, drinking, and they start staring at the stranger in their midst. There’s tension in the air.

The bartender looks at the stranger and says, “What’ll it be, boy?”

The guy says, “I’ll have a white wine spritzer, please.”

The tension in the bar increases noticeably, the other customers are getting twitchy, and hands start reaching for their guns.

The bartender looks at the stranger and says, “With a pussy drink like that, I’m guessing you ain’t from around here, are ya boy? Where ya from?“

The guy says, “Well, actually, I’m from Iowa.“

The bartender frowns at him and says, “Iowa? And what the heck do you do in Iowa, boy?“

The guy tries to lighten the tension with a smile, and then he says, “I’m a taxidermist?“

The bartender gives him a puzzled look and says, “You’re a taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist boy?“

Starting to feel a bit nervous, the guy responds, “I mount animals.“

The bartender grins and shouts out to everyone in the bar, “It’s okay, boys, he’s one of us!“

5. Two accountants:

Two accountants go to their local bank during their lunch break.

They’re both standing in line when suddenly four masked and armed robbers burst in through the door.

One of the robbers yells, “Don’t anyone move. We’ve got guns, and we’ll use them. Cooperate, and you won’t get hurt.”

Two of the robbers then go to the counter with four very large but empty leather bags, and one says to the tellers, “Fill these bags with cash and be quick about it.”

While the tellers nervously fill the bags with cash, the other two robbers line all the customers, including the two accountants, up against a wall.

One robber walks along the line waving his gun menacingly in their faces, and he shouts, “Right, I want your wallets, your cash, your watches, and any other valuables you’ve got, and I want them all now. And if you don’t give me everything you’ve got, I’ll shoot you dead!”

As this is all going on, one accountant stuffs something into the hand of his colleague.

Without looking down, his colleague whispers, “What’s this?“

The accountant whispers back, “It’s that $50 I owe you.“

Phil Sutton

6. Escaped convict:

A convict escapes from Folsom State Prison, where he’s been locked up for 15 Years. He’s on the run and in need of food, money and a gun. So he decides to break into a house, where he thinks he might find at least some of these things. Walking along an affluent street, he spots a house that he thinks looks perfect.

He forces the back door open and steps inside. As he wanders through the house, he finds a young couple in bed. Naturally, they’re both very frightened.

He orders the naked woman out of bed and ties her to a chair.

He then ties her husband to the bed.

The convict then goes back to the woman and, straddling her lap, he puts his head close to the woman’s ear and whispers something before kissing her on the cheek. He then stands up and goes into their bathroom.

While the convict is in the bathroom, the husband whispers over to his wife: “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he straddled your lap and kissed you on the cheek. He’s horny. Just do whatever he asks of you. You mustn’t resist and don’t complain. Satisfy him, no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously dangerous. If he gets angry, he could kill us both. So be strong, honey. I love you!”

There was a sigh of relief from the woman as she whispered back, “When he whispered in my ear, he told me he was gay, and he said he thinks you’re really cute. He said he’s very horny and he wanted to know if we had any protection. I told him he’ll find a box of them in the bathroom cabinet. I knew you would see reason, honey. You be strong. I love you too, and I appreciate the sacrifice you’ll be making.”

7. Thick Nick:

Bill was a straight-A student in high school, but 20 years later, his career has been less than stellar.

Still, when he gets an invitation to a High School reunion, he decides to go anyway.

Well, he figures he hasn’t seen any of his school buddies since those far-off days, and it might be fun at least to see how some of the class losers have gotten on since then. They might provide him with something to laugh at and feel good about himself.

When he arrives at the reunion, the first guy he bumps into is Jack.

Now, this makes Bill a little bit apprehensive. Jack had been a friend of his at school, but he’d also been voted the student most likely to succeed. So Bill figured that Jack must at least be the CEO of a large multinational corporate organization by now.

Well, Jack’s career, too, had not quite lived up to expectations either.

He’s now the manager of the local Credit Union. A decent job, perhaps, but hardly exceptional. Nevertheless, it leaves Bill feeling a little bit more relaxed. Maybe he hadn’t done so badly after all?

As Bill and Jack stand outside the entrance to their old High School, swapping stories about their lives since school days, suddenly a brand new Lamborghini Veneno roars into the parking lot.

This is $5 million worth of supercar, and Bill and Jack are stunned. Who could this be? Surely it couldn’t be one of their old classmates?

As they stand there open-mouthed, the car door opens and out steps Nick.

Now, had there been a vote at school for the student least likely to succeed, then Nick would have won it by a country mile and then some. He was not the brightest crayon in the box, academically, and unsurprisingly, his fellow students all knew him as ‘Thick Nick’.

Bill and Jack couldn’t understand how Nick was doing so well. So they engage him in conversation to find out more.

Jack says to him, “Hey Nick, that car’s awesome. How come you’re doing so well?”

Nick responds and says, “Well, Jack, when I failed to graduate High School, I couldn’t get a job after I left, so I started my own business.”

So Bill says, “Wow Nick, how come your business is so successful?”

Nick smiles and says, “Well, I sell this really popular product, which I can buy for $2 a pop, and I can sell it for $5 a pop. And I can sell it by the truckload. You wouldn’t believe it. It’s amazing how much money you can make with a 3% mark-up.”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Nick may still be thick, but lack of academic success at school is never a barrier to financial success in life. And academic success does not guarantee financial success either.

8. The Indian businessman:

An Indian businessman, Rajesh Bhatia, walks into a bank in the City of London and asks to see the Loans Officer.

Mr Bhatia explains that he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and he needs to borrow £5000.

The Loans officer says that, whilst it’s possible, the bank would need something substantial as security against the loan.

Mr Bhatia responds by saying he’d be happy to hand over the keys to his new Rolls-Royce, which cost £250,000, as security against the loan.

“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Bhatia, “and I have all the necessary papers here.”

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After which Mr Bhatia departs with his money, leaving the Loans officer, the bank’s manager and all their colleagues enjoying a good laugh at Mr Bhatia for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, Mr Bhatia returns from Europe and repays the £5000 as well as the interest, which comes to £16.81.

As he prepares a receipt, the Loans Officer asks quizzically, “Sir, I must say, we’re all a little bit puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a very wealthy man and a multimillionaire. So why would you bother to borrow £5,000?“

Mr Bhatia replies, “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £16.81?“

9. The rare centipede:

Whilst out hiking, a guy finds a rare but long and poisonous centipede.

The guy is amazed by what he’s found, and naturally, he wants to show this rare creature to his drinking buddies. So he captures the centipede and places it carefully in a ventilated box.

Once he gets it home, the guy decides he wants to take the centipede to his local bar immediately. So he taps on the box and says, “Would you like to go to Jimmy’s Bar with me and have a beer?“

There’s no answer from the centipede.

The guy waits a few moments and then says, “What do you think? Would you like to go to my local bar and meet my buddies?“

Again, there’s no answer.

Thinking the centipede can’t hear him, the man gets right up close to the box this time and yells, “Hey! Would you like to go to Jimmy’s Bar and have a drink with me?“

A little voice comes out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m still putting my shoes on.“

10. Collision course:

The captain of a large US naval aircraft carrier is on the bridge when, on his radar, he spots what he believes to be another vessel, with which his ship is now on a collision course.

The captain immediately gets on his open channel radio and says, “This is the USS Pittsburgh, and you’re on a collision course with this ship. You must take immediate action and change course.”

In response, the captain hears a man with a Spanish accent but speaking perfect English say, “No, sir, I’m sorry, but it’s your vessel that must change course.”

The captain is irritated by this response and says, “This is Captain James Munroe, captain of the USS Pittsburgh, the largest ship in the US fleet. You are a maritime hazard, sir, and I will report you to the authorities unless you change course now.”

There’s silence momentarily, and then the captain hears the response, “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”

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I hope these funny jokes really made you laugh, dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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7 lame jokes funny enough to make you laugh

02/23/2026 by

If you enjoy lame jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got some great ones for you today. I’m confident that at least some of these will make you laugh.

Enjoy them all, and feel free to share them with your friends.

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Lame Jokes:

1. Miscommunication:

Betty is sitting on the porch with her husband, sipping a glass of wine.

“I love you so much,” says Betty. “In fact, I doubt if I could live without you. Not even for a single day.”

Her husband, Jim, is flattered and almost speechless. His wife had never shown him quite so much affection.

“Oh, Betty, I didn’t know you cared so much,” said Jim.

“Oh, yes,” said Betty, “this wine is really very special to me.”

2. Two wishes:

Jake and Maggie are a married couple in their sixties, and one day they’re visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.

“I want to travel around the world with my darling husband,” says Maggie.

“Your wish is granted,” says the fairy.

Then there’s a POOF sound, and miraculously, two tickets for a luxury cruise appear in Maggie’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” says Jake, “but my wish is to have a wife who’s 30 years younger than me.”

“Your wish is granted,” says the fairy.

With that, the fairy waves a wand, and miraculously, Jake is transformed into a 92-year-old.

Moral of the Story: Ungrateful men should remember that fairies are female and loyal to the sisterhood.

3. Shot of whiskey:

Jim drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.

After years of this, his wife, Elaine, is worried about him and wants him to quit.

Naturally, Elaine wants to ensure that Jim really understands why she’s concerned.

As they’re sitting at the table, Elaine says to him, “Jim, dear, we need to talk.”

With that, she places two shot glasses on the table and fills one with water and the other with whiskey.

“Now, Jim, I want you to watch what happens next,” says Elaine.

With that, she takes two worms from his fishing-bait box and puts one in each of the shot glasses.

The worm in the water starts swimming around in the glass.

Sadly, the worm in the whiskey dies immediately.

Feeling she’s made her point, Elaine says, “So, Jim, what do you have to say about this little experiment?”

“Well, dear, that’s obvious,” says Jim. “If I keep drinking whiskey, I won’t get worms.”

4. Little Johnny Joke:

Little Johnny is sitting in his math class, and the teacher asks him, “Johnny, how many feet are there in a yard?”

Little Johnny thinks momentarily and then responds, “Well, miss, that would depend on how many people are standing in the yard.”

5. The pharmacist:

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

“Mam,” says the pharmacist, “I have to ask you what it’s for?”

“I want to kill my husband,” the woman responds.

“I’m sorry, mam,” says the pharmacist, “but I can’t let you have it for that.”

With that, the woman shows the pharmacist a photograph of his wife in bed with her husband.

The pharmacist studies the photograph momentarily and then says, “Oh, right, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

6. The reptile house:

Towards the end of a hectic day at the zoo, staff tried to tidy up as quickly as possible before closing for the evening.

In their haste to finish their work in the reptile house, the glass tanks were left open by mistake.

Within minutes, dozens of snakes had escaped.

With some highly venomous snakes on the loose, the head keeper was desperately trying to round them up, with little to no success.

Eventually, the head keeper turned to his assistant and said, “It’s no use; I’ll have to call a politician.”

“A politician?” the assistant exclaimed, a little bewildered. “How will a politician help us now?”

“Well,” said the head keeper, “we need someone who can speak their language.”

7. The miracle:

One morning, a disabled man hobbled into St Patrick’s Catholic Church on crutches.

The man stopped in front of the font, dipped a cupped hand into the holy water, and then started splashing and rubbing holy water on both of his legs.

When he’d finished, he threw away his crutches.

Watching this event was an altar boy, who was truly amazed by this act, which demonstrated the power of belief in God.

Immediately, the boy ran into the rectory to tell Father O’Connor, the Parish priest, what he’d seen.

“Son,” said Father O’Connor, “what you’ve just witnessed is a miracle. Tell me, where is this man now?”

“Flat on his ass, over there by the holy water,” said the boy.

Phil Sutton

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Thank you for being so supportive.

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10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll tickle your children

02/23/2026 by

If you like stupid jokes, today’s post is for you.

One of life’s great joys is sharing a laugh with children. Wouldn’t you agree?

There’s nothing quite as infectious as a child laughing uncontrollably. I’m sure you’ll agree with that, dear reader.

All you need is a little ammunition in the form of a book of stupid jokes, and you’re well on your way to creating memories that will last a lifetime.

I recently stumbled upon a hilarious book that works well with young children.

The book is Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell, and I think it’s hilarious. It’s stuffed full of the sort of stupid jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers.

It contains an excellent collection of over 2,500 hilariously funny and silly jokes, all guaranteed to get a child laughing.

So take a break from the smartphones and iPads and you can have hours of fun making your children laugh and showing them there’s life beyond electronic gadgets.

Each joke has a simple two-line structure, poking fun at everything from addled animals to witless wizards. These are jokes that children will love, and they’ll be eager to share them with their friends.

This collection of jokes will allow children to dazzle their friends, disarm their enemies, and impress their teachers.

And remember, if a child has a stock of jokes to tell, then they’ll always be popular with their peer group.

So I’ve got to tell you, dear reader, you can’t lose with this book. It’s inexpensive and a sure-fire winner.

Allow me to offer you some examples of the wit and humour that you’ll find between the covers of Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell:

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Stupid jokes just for you:

  • What did one pig say to the other?
  • Let’s be pen pals
  • Why do cows lie down when it’s cold?
  • To keep each udder warm
  • Which fish go to heaven when they die?
  • Angel fish
  • Why don’t bears wear socks?
  • Because they like to walk in their bear feet
  • What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
  • A zebra
  • What’s out of bounds?
  • An exhausted kangaroo
  • Why are anteaters good workers?
  • Because a little aardvark never hurt anyone
  • Why shouldn’t you tell a pig a secret?
  • Because pigs are squealers
  • What do porcupines have that other animals don’t?
  • Baby porcupines
  • Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
  • She wanted to lay it on the line

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

If you enjoyed this post, then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

Phil Sutton

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

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4 Contenders for Dad Joke of the Day to tickle you

02/22/2026 by

If you’re looking for some contenders for Dad joke of the day, then I’ve got four gems here for you today, dear reader.

They all amused me, and I’m confident that, at least, one or two of them will tickle you too.

So, take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

And feel free to pass them on.

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Dad Joke of the Day:

1. The Shipwreck:

Ten people are desperately hanging on to a rope under a helicopter being lifted away from the wreckage of a ship in stormy seas.

There are nine men and just one woman.

As they cling on for their lives, they begin to realise that the rope is simply not strong enough to bear the weight of ten people.

Naturally, they decide they must do something.

After talking amongst themselves, they decide that one of them must sacrifice themselves for the greater good, otherwise, they’ll all die.

An argument then began as to who that person should be.

After a few moments of heated debate, the woman gave a very touching speech.

“I’m a woman,” she said, “and sacrifice is part of every woman’s life. We give everything for our families and in support of men everywhere. For the greater good, I will make this one last sacrifice.”

Well, the nine men were so impressed with her speech that they all began clapping.

While the woman was airlifted to safety alone.

Moral of the Story: You underestimate a woman at your peril.

2. The New Teacher:

Rick was a former sergeant in the US Marine Corps when he accepted a job as a teacher in a tough inner-city high school.

However, just before the school year began, Rick injured his back, and he needed to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.

Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt, so it wasn’t noticeable.

Having been a Marine, Rick found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school.

These kids were smart punks and determined to put their new teacher to the test.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, Rick opened the window wide and then sat down at his desk.

At that moment, a strong breeze blew his tie over his shoulder.

Unfazed, Rick just picked up the stapler from his desk and stapled his tie to his chest to stop it from being blown around again.

Suddenly, there was a dead silence. You could hear a pin drop as these kids sat open-mouthed, struggling to comprehend what they’d just observed.

The rest of the year went by without any problems for Rick.

Moral of the Story: You don’t mess with an old US Marine.

3. The Dress:

Alison’s wedding day is fast approaching, and nothing’s going to dampen her excitement, not even her parents’ divorce.

Alison’s mother has found the perfect dress to wear, and everyone is convinced that she’ll be the best-dressed bride’s mother ever.

All is going smoothly until Alison suddenly learns that her father’s new young wife has bought the same dress as her mother.

So, Alison asks her father’s new wife to exchange it, but she refuses.

“Definitely not!” says her father’s wife. “In this dress, I’ll look a million dollars, so I’m wearing it.”

Alison tells her mother the story and is surprised when her mother responds graciously, “Never mind, dear, I’ll just get another dress. After all, it is your special day.”

A few days later, they go shopping, and they find another beautiful dress.

This one is even better than the first one. It makes her mother look stunning.

When they’re having lunch, Alison says to her mother, “Mom, aren’t you going to return the other dress? You don’t have another occasion when you’ll wear it.”

Alison’s mother smiled and said, “Of course, I will, dear. I’ll be wearing it for the rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding.”

Moral of the Story: If you think you can get one over on an older woman, think again.

4. The Job Advert:

Jim is unemployed and desperately searching for a job when he sees an advertisement in his local newspaper that says, “PHOTOGRAPHER WANTED: For photographing models for a Miami-based luxury women’s swimwear company.”

Now Jim’s handy with a camera and thinks this could be the perfect job for him.

However, on reflection, he thinks that perhaps it could all be just a practical joke.

So, he calls the number included in the advertisement.

“Oh, hi!” says Jim when his call is answered. “The advertisement in my local newspaper suggests you need a photographer. Is this true, or is it just a practical joke?”

“No, it’s genuine,” says the guy at the other end of the line. “One of our photographers resigned after an argument with the boss last week, so we now need a new one.”

“That’s great,” says Jim. “I’m looking for a job, and I’m good with a camera. And I can start immediately.”

“OK. Well, I need to ask you a few questions,” says the guy. “Are you married? Our models tend to feel uncomfortable if they have pictures taken by married men.“

“Well, that’s understandable,” Jim responds, “but I’m single, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Excellent!” says the guy. “Now, are you able to control yourself around attractive young women? Some of our models are stunningly beautiful.”

“I have the greatest respect for women,” says Jim, “so I’m more than capable of keeping everything at a professional level.”

“Brilliant!” says the guy. “Now, our photoshoots are often based on sandy beaches in exotic locations, so, do you have a passport?”

“Yes,” says Jim, “I do have a current passport.”

“Right,” says the guy, “it sounds like you’re suitably qualified for the job.  How quickly can you get to Seattle?“

“Seattle?” Jim says, somewhat surprised. “The advertisement said the job’s based in Miami!”

“It is,” says the guy, “but Seattle is where the back of the line of applicants is right now.”

Moral of the Story: A dream job will attract a lot of applicants.

Phil Sutton

Please share the fun:

So, were any of these jokes worthy contenders for Dad Joke of the Day, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 Hilariously Funny Short Story Jokes

02/22/2026 by

If you’re looking for some hilariously funny short story jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got four today that you might just enjoy.

Take a few moments to check them out, and then please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

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Hilariously funny short story jokes:

1. Jackie and the Game Warden:

Steve and Jackie went on vacation to a fishing resort in Montana.

Steve was a keen fisherman, and he liked to go out fishing early in the morning. Whereas when she’s on vacation, Jackie prefers to just relax and read a book.

One morning, after a few hours of fishing on the lake, Steve returned in his boat and, feeling a little tired by now, decided to take a midday nap.

At this point, Jackie is feeling in need of a little fresh air, and though unfamiliar with their boat, she decided to take it out onto the lake.

So she motored out a short distance, anchored the boat, and then continued reading her book in the peace and tranquillity of this beautiful part of the world.

Jackie’s sitting and reading for about half an hour when suddenly the Game Warden’s boat pulls up next to her boat.

“Good day, mam,” said the Game Warden. “What are you doing?”

“I’m reading a book,” Jackie replied.

“Mam, do you realize that you’re in a restricted fishing area?” said the Game Warden.

“Does that really matter?” said Jackie. “I’m not fishing; I’m reading.”

The Game Warden cast his experienced eye over her boat and then said, “Mam, I can see your boat has all the equipment for fishing. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I’m afraid I’ll have to write you up a ticket.”

Jackie smiled and then said, “Officer, if you do that, I will file a complaint against you for sexual assault.”

Surprised and slightly concerned by her response, the Game Warden said, “Mam, what do you mean? I haven’t laid a finger on you.”

“Perhaps,” said Jackie, “but you have all the equipment to do so. For all I know, you could start at any moment.”

“You have a nice day, mam”, said the Game Warden, as he re-started his engine and sailed away, leaving Jackie to her reading.

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

2. The silent treatment:

Frank and his wife, Liz, were giving each other the silent treatment after an argument.

This had gone on for 10 days when Frank realized he needed her to wake him the following morning at 5 a.m. so he could catch the 8 a.m. flight to Los Angeles for a very important business meeting.

However, Frank didn’t want to be the first to break the silence, so he left a note on her bedside table that read, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”

The next morning, he woke up only to find it was already 9 a.m. So he’d missed his flight to Los Angeles.

Frank was furious, and he was about to ask his wife why she hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on his bedside table. It read, “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

3. A woman’s contribution:

One evening, Bill returned home from work only to find his home completely wrecked and upside down. Everything was a complete mess.

Bill’s three young children were still in their pyjamas, eating snacks from the fridge. The entrance rug, normally in the hall, was lying on the table. The television in the living room was blasting out cartoons loudly. And every item of furniture in the room was covered in stuff.

He walked into the kitchen only to find that the sink was full of dishes. Leftovers from breakfast were scattered all over the counter, and it was covered in crumbs too.

So Bill immediately ran up the stairs, dodging toys and piles of clothes, fearing his wife might be gravely ill or that some other misfortune might have happened to her.

When he entered their bedroom, breathless, Bill found his wife lying happily in bed, still in her pyjamas, reading a book.

Watching him struggle for breath, she smiled and said, “Hello, honey, how was your day?”

Feeling more than surprised and a little confused, Bill asked his wife, “What’s going on? What the hell has been happening here today?“

Once again, Bill’s wife smiled and said, “Remember that argument we had last night when you hurtfully asked me what the hell I did all day?”

“Ehhhh, yes, I think so”, said Bill, still slightly confused.

“Well today I didn’t do any of it, so now you know,” his wife responded.

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

4. It could be worse:

Jim’s walking past his son Tim’s room when he notices it’s incredibly clean and neat. As Tim’s not usually quite so fastidious in matters of housekeeping, Jim is naturally suspicious. So, he enters the room, and immediately he notices that there is a note on Tim’s bed addressed to Dad.

Nervously, Jim picks up the letter and opens it.

The letter reads,

“Dear Dad, I’ve run away with Betsy. She’s 20 years older than me, but I love her. We had to elope because she’s pregnant with my child. As we didn’t have enough money, I stole some from your wallet. We’re going to live in the woods below the Santa Monica Mountains, where she has a trailer, and where we will be growing marijuana and trading drugs with the local community. Once we have enough money, we’ll be able to get her the treatment she needs for AIDS. We plan to have at least eight children, and once we’re settled, we’ll visit you each year.

If you’ve read this far, Dad, don’t worry; I’m just kidding around. I’m hanging out at Mikey’s place. I just wanted you to realise that there are worse things than my report card, which you’ll find on my desk if you want to read it. Call me when it’s safe to head back home. Love you, Tim.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with kids. You won’t win with them either.

Please share the fun:

I hope you found these jokes as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

So go on, please do it now. I’ll be ever so grateful.

Thank you for your support.

Phil Sutton

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting

02/18/2026 by

Today, I offer you a very funny comedy sketch about the expert in a meeting.

If you’re in a professional role, then meetings go with the territory for you; I’m sure you’ll agree.

In fact, meetings are probably the bane of your life; I’m sure you’ll probably agree with that, too.

Frequently, you’re invited to a meeting because your expertise will play an important part in any decisions to be made. You possess knowledge and know-how that no one else can offer; therefore, the meeting needs you to guide them through choppy waters and keep them away from the rocks of disaster.

It’s nice to be recognised for your expertise, of course.

However, it is a fact of life that just because you’re the expert, it doesn’t stop everyone else in the meeting from thinking that somehow they know better than you.

You’re asked for your opinion, and then you’re immediately contradicted.

Essentially, you provide a considered response to a question, and then immediately your opinion is dismissed for whatever reason. You’re told you’re being too pessimistic or that you’re exaggerating the risks associated with a given approach, and so on. Does this sound familiar?

Well, today’s video is for all the experts out there who’ve ever had to endure a meeting with non-experts who are unwilling or unable to understand what you’re telling them. I’m sure you’ll know the experience, dear reader.

This comedy sketch is hilarious, and it does nail an essential truth.

People will believe what they want to believe and whatever they believe to be in their interests, regardless of anything they’re told to the contrary.

This video is recommended viewing for anyone in need of a good laugh, and it’s well worth a few minutes of your time.

Funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting
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Comedy sketch about the expert in a meeting:

Please share this post with your friends:

So was this video as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed this post, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Phil Sutton

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting, comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting, comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting

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5 of the best jokes ever just for you

02/17/2026 by

If you’re looking for some of the best jokes ever, then here are five which I think you might just enjoy. They all made me smile and they should tickle your funny bone too.

So take a few moments to have a laugh and please feel free to pass them on.

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Best ever jokes:

1. A hard act to follow:

Rick walks out of his office in Manhattan one evening just as there’s a cab approaching. He hails the cab and, as he’s getting in, he says to the cab driver, “Now that’s perfect timing. Am I lucky or what?”

The cab driver smiles and says, “You’re just like Bill Smith.”

“Who’s Bill Smith?” asks Rick.

“Oh, he’s just some guy who always managed to do everything perfectly,” the cab driver responds.

“How do you mean?” asks Rick.

“Well,” says the driver, “like your situation now. You’re in need of a cab and I’m right here for you when you need me. That would happen to Bill, every time.”

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “No one’s life’s that perfect. There’ll always be a few clouds, surely?”

“Not for Bill,” the cab driver responds. “He was a top athlete. He played golf with a handicap that any top pro would love to have. He played tennis better than John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg. He could sing opera better than Pavarotti and he could dance better than Fred Astaire. And he was a Grade A student with a photographic memory. He never ever forgot a birthday.”

“Really?” Rick responds.

“Really!” says the cab driver. “He could fix any little problem around the house. He had encyclopaedic knowledge about wine and good food. And he was an entertaining raconteur and storyteller. The life and soul of any party. And to top it all, he was always in perfect shape. No, no one will ever match up to Bill Smith, that’s for sure.”

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “no one’s that perfect. How do you know this guy, anyway?”

“Well, I never met him,” says the cab driver, “but I’m married to his widow.”

2. In search of the truth:

One day Joseph Stalin was feeling bored, so he starts thinking about what he can do to amuse himself.

After reflecting on his problem for a while, he decides to disguise himself and circulate amongst ordinary people to find out what they really think of him.

So, he organises a job for himself in a local factory on the outskirts of Moscow and he starts working there.

On his first day, he’s doing everything he can to fit in and when he gets the opportunity, he strikes up a conversation with one of his fellow workers.

As they seem to be getting along well, Stalin suggests that they eat their lunch together in the yard.

As they eat lunch, they make a little small talk for a while and then, when Stalin gets his chance, he asks his new friend, “What do you really think of Stalin?“

Feeling a little paranoid, his friend starts looking around furtively before he responds in a whisper, “We can’t talk about that here, it really wouldn’t be safe.“

Stalin gives him a knowing look in response and suggests they meet after work to discuss it further.

So, they meet up after work in the village where his new friend lives and when he gets the opportunity, once again, Stalin asks the question, “What do you really think of Stalin?”

Well, the guy looks paranoid again and starts looking around him, nervously, to see who might be listening. Then in a whisper, with his finger to his mouth, he says, “Schhh! We can’t talk about that here. It’s much too dangerous. Someone might hear us.”

Stalin gives him a knowing look once again and then suggests that they go for a walk in the neighbouring countryside.

For the next hour they walk out into the hills surrounding the village and eventually they’re so far away, they can’t see another person anywhere.

At this point, Stalin says, “It looks like we’re safe to talk now. So, what do you really think of Stalin?“

His new friend looks around furtively, then he leans in close to Stalin and whispers. “I kinda like him.”

3. The price of honesty:

There was a young kid called Jim who lived in the country.

Like country folk everywhere, when they needed to go, Jim’s family had to use an outhouse.

Young Jim did not find this a pleasant experience.

In the summer it was much too hot and, in the winter, it was too cold. And all year round, it was very smelly.

Now the outhouse was located on the bank of a creek and one day Jim realised that, with a little effort, it could be pushed into the creek.

He waited for his opportunity and one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and Jim decided that this was as good a day as any to push the outhouse into the creek.

With that, he found a long pole and started pushing. Finally, with one last shove, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night Jim’s dad was not happy, and he told him that, after supper, they were going to the woodshed.

Jim knew what this meant. He was in big trouble and punishment would follow.

Nevertheless, he asked his dad, “Why?”

To which his dad responded, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, son, wasn’t it?“

“Yes dad, it was,” said Jim. He then thought momentarily before he said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree but didn’t get punished because he told the truth.”

“Well, son,” said his dad, “George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in that cherry tree at the time, was he?“

4. The Chinese Doctor:

Dr Chow Ming leaves Hong Kong for the United States in search of a better life.

He arrives in New York, but he can’t find a job.

However, Dr Ming is a resourceful and enterprising guy, so he opens his own clinic.

A few weeks after the clinic opens, a lawyer is walking by and he reads the sign in the window, which says: –

  • EVERY TREATMENT COST – $20
  • IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU – YOU GET $100 BACK

Well, this guy is a top Wall Street, corporate lawyer and he sees this as an opportunity to have some fun and make a little pocket money.

The lawyer walks into the clinic to be greeted warmly by Dr Ming, who says, “Good morning. What seems to be problem?“

“Well,” says the lawyer, “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

“Nurse!” says Dr Ming. “Bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

“Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

“That’s not medicine!” exclaims the lawyer. “It’s kerosene!“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your taste is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

Nevertheless, he’s determined to get the $100, so after a few days he returns, and Dr Ming recognises him immediately.

“Back again, so soon?” says Dr Ming.

“I’m sorry, have we met before?” asks the lawyer. “You see, I’ve lost my memory.”

“Nurse,” says Dr Ming, “please bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

“Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

“More kerosene!” says the lawyer. “You gave me that last time for restoring my taste.“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your memory is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

However, he’s more determined than ever to get one over on Dr Ming.

One week later he returns to the clinic and again Dr Ming recognises him.

“My eyesight has become so weak, I’m virtually blind,” says the lawyer.

“Unfortunately, I have no medicine for that,” says Dr Ming, “so I must give you $100.“

With that, Dr Ming hands the lawyer a $20 bill.

The lawyer looks at what he’s been given and then says, “But this is only $20, not $100!“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your eyesight is restored. That will be $20, please.”

5. The problem with ducks:

Ethel, Mabel, and Agnes were three old ladies who’d sadly passed away and found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter’s scanning an iPad momentarily, looking to see whether these three old ladies are on his list for admittance to Heaven.

Eventually, he says, “Ladies, welcome to Heaven. There’s just one rule you must all follow and that is, you must never step on a duck.”

Well, as Ethel, Mabel and Agnes walk through the Pearly Gates, they soon realise that there are ducks literally everywhere. There are millions of them.

Naturally, the old ladies do their very best to avoid stepping on any of the ducks, but they find it very difficult.

Ethel only manages one hour before she steps on a duck.

Within seconds St. Peter appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

“Ethel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappeared and Ethel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now Mabel manages a whole afternoon before she too stepped on a duck.

Once again, St Peter suddenly appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

“Mabel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappears and Mabel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now, Agnes got through the whole of her first day in Heaven without stepping on a duck but the following morning she wasn’t quite so fortunate.

St Peter suddenly appears with the best-looking guy that Agnes had ever seen.

“Agnes,” says St Peter, “the penalty for someone like you stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this man, face to face, for eternity.”

“Wow!” said Agnes looking dreamily into the guy’s eyes, “What did we do to deserve this?”

“Lady, I don’t know what you did,” the guy responds, “but all I did was step one of those ducks!“

Phil Sutton

Please share the fun:

So, were any of these jokes worthy contenders for the best jokes ever, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

9 hilariously funny jokes that’ll tickle you silly

02/16/2026 by

If you’re looking for some hilariously funny jokes, dear reader, then I have nine gems today that will tickle you silly. I’m confident they’ll brighten your day.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them all.

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Hilariously funny jokes:

1. National identity:

A Scotsman, a Welshman, an Irishman and an Englishman were captured while fighting in a foreign war.

Their situation was quite desperate when the leader of their captors suddenly announced, “As enemies of our people, you’ll all be shot by firing squad. You’ll each be shot in turn. However, we’re civilised people, so first you’ll each be allowed a final request.”

The Scotsman says quickly, “I’d like to hear ‘Flower of Scotland’ played by the Band of the Scots Guards, to remind me of happy days in bonny Scotland.” He then shouts, “Scotland forever!”

The Welshman says, “Well, I’d like to hear ‘Men of Harlech’ sung by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir to remind me of the green, green grass of home and those happy times when I lived in the Valleys.” He then shouts, “God bless the Land of my Fathers!”

The Irishman, not to be outdone, says, “For me, I want to hear ‘Danny Boy’ just one more time to remind me of the auld country. I want it sung in the style of Daniel O’Donnell.” Then, taking his lead from his Celtic cousins, he shouts, “Éirinn go Brách.”

The leader of their captors then looks at the Englishman who’s remained silent up to this point. “So, Englishman, what’s your request?” he says.

The Englishman responds, “I’d like to be shot first.”

2. Nun outside a Dublin bar:

A guy is walking into a Dublin bar, and standing right outside the door is a nun.

“Top of the morning to you, sister!” says the guy with a smile.

The nun looks at him sternly and says, “Before you enter this den of iniquity, please think about your mother and your father.”

“But, sister, my poor mother and father have long since passed away, sadly. They’re with the angels now,” the guy responds.

“Then think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain,” says the nun.

“Sister, what are you talking about? Have you ever had a drink?” asks the guy.

“No! Certainly not!” says the nun.

“Then in the name of God, sister, how can you say it damages the brain if you’ve never actually had a drink?” asks the guy.

The guy thinks for a minute, and then he says, “Listen, sister, I’ll tell you what. I’ll go in and get you a drink, you can try it, and if you don’t like it, then you can talk about it. But you can’t talk about something you’ve never even experienced.”

The nun says, “Aye, alright, I’ll try a drink.”

The guy then says, “So, what’ll you have then?”

“I don’t know”, says the nun, “What do ladies generally drink?”

The guy says, “All the ones I know like a glass of gin.”

The nun smiles and says, “Alright, I’ll have a gin, but get it in a cup so no one will notice.”

So the guy goes into the bar and says to the barman, “I’ll have a pint of Guinness, please, bartender and a large gin. But can you put the gin in a cup?”

The barman smiles at him and says, “Jeez, is that feckin’ nun hanging around outside again?”

3. Life in Hell:

John did his best to lead a good and honest life, but sadly, upon his passing, he was allocated a place in Hell.

John arrives at the gates of Hell, a little disappointed, and he’s looking fairly despondent when another man walks up to him and says, “Hello, I’m Jim, you’re looking a little glum.”

To which John replies, “Well, I thought I’d be enjoying a place in heaven right now, but nothing ever works out like you think it will, does it?”

Seeing John’s not very happy, Jim tries to cheer him up. “Listen, buddy, Hell isn’t so bad really.”

John says, “Really?”

“Yeah, really”, says Jim. “Hey, do you like beer?”

“Yes I love beer”, John responds.

“Then you’ll love Fridays here in Hell. Every Friday is beer day. We drink gallons and gallons of beer all day long. There’s no limit, you can drink as much as you like”, says Jim.

“Doesn’t that make you sick and give you a terrible hangover?” asks John

“No! We’re dead! It does not affect us”, says Jim. “Hey, do you like dope?”

“Well, I did smoke a little Mary Jane in my College days”, says John.

“Then you’ll love Saturdays here in Hell”, says Jim. “Every Saturday, we smoke dope all day long. We smoke doobies as big as submarines. It’s fantastic.”

“Doesn’t that make you sick?” asks John

“No! We’re dead! It has no effect on us”, says Jim. “Do you like food?”

“Sure, who doesn’t like food? I love food,” says John.

“Then you’re going to love Sundays here in Hell”, says Jim. “Every Sunday they roast Ox; a whole one for each of us. We stuff ourselves with roast Ox and all the trimmings all day long. In Hell, we do everything to excess and doing everything to excess is mandatory here. We’re dead, so no worries.”

“Wow!” says John. “Hell actually sounds like a really cool place.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Jim responds.

“Hey, are you Gay?” Jim then asks.

“No”, says John, “I like to sleep with women.”

Jim frowns and says, “Hmm, in that case, you’ll hate Mondays.”

4. Unrealistic expectations:

A recent engineering graduate is having an interview for his first job with a big technology company.

The young graduate is fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and he’s clearly very impressed with himself.

As the interview is nearing an end, the Human Resources officer asks him, “So John, what are your expectations in terms of a starting salary?“

The young graduate replies, “Well, I’d be looking for something in the region of $125,000 a year. However, the exact figure I’d accept would depend on the benefits package.“

His interviewer smiles and says, “Well, John, what would you say to 5 weeks’ annual vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental cover, the company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, plus a company car, say a Ford Mustang GT?“

The young graduate engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding? “

The HR officer replies, “Yes, of course I am, John, but you started it.“

5. Bus full of ugly people:

A bus full of ugly people is involved in a head-on collision with a truck and all the passengers are killed.

They all arrive in heaven and, feeling sorry for them, God decides they can each have one wish.

A woman is the first person and she says, “I want to be gorgeous.“

So God snaps his fingers and suddenly she is stunningly attractive.

A man is next and he makes a similar request. “I want to be handsome,” he says.

This goes on with each passenger in turn essentially making the same request. They all want to be irresistibly good-looking.

With a number of passengers yet to express their wishes, God notices that the last man in the line who has also yet to make a request is laughing hysterically.

By the time God gets to the last few people, the last man in the line is laughing uncontrollably and he’s rolling around on the ground.

When it comes to his turn the man laughs some more and then says, “I wish they’re all ugly again.“

Moral of the story: In any group, there’s always one person hell-bent on making life difficult for everyone else.

Phil Sutton

6. A child’s view:

One evening, young Grace was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, Grace would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch her grandfather’s wrinkled face.

Fascinated by the lines on his face, she touched his cheek and then she touched her own, comparing how they felt so different.

After some thought, Grace asked, “Grandpa, did God make you?“

He looked at her, smiled and said, “Yes, sweetheart, God made me a very long time ago.“

Grace paused momentarily and then asked, “Did God make me too?“

Her grandfather smiled and then responded, “Yes, munchkin, God made you too, but not so very long ago.”

Grace touched his face once again and then she whispered, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?“

7. The warrior and the old man:

A fleeing warrior is lost in the desert and he’s in desperate need of water.

Suddenly he sees what he thinks is a bar far off in the distance.

Hoping he might find water there, he hurries towards the bar only to find a little old man selling ties.

The warrior asks, “Do you have any water?“

The old replies, “No I don’t have any water. Would you like to buy a tie? They’re only $5.“

The warrior is irritated by his response and says, “No! I don’t need an overpriced tie right now. I need water! Do you realize I’m armed? I could kill you. However, I must find water first.“

“Alright,” says the old man, “It doesn’t matter to me that you don’t want to buy a tie and that you don’t like me. I will show you that I’m the bigger person. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant, owned by my brother. It will have all the ice-cold water you need. God be with you“.

Muttering, the warrior staggers off over the hill.

Several hours later he staggers back, almost dead.

“Your brother won’t let me in without a tie.“

8. The magic trick:

Two broke and hungry friends, Bill and George walk into a pastry shop in Manhattan.

As the baker’s back is turned, Bill grabs three cookies quickly and stuffs them in his trouser pocket with lightning speed.

The baker’s back is still turned, so he doesn’t notice.

Bill smiles at George, winks his eye and says, “Did you see that? Did you see how clever I was there? You’ll never beat that will you?“

“Really? Do you think so? Watch this.” George replies.

He then says to the baker, “If you’ll give me a cookie, I’ll show you a magic trick. And I promise you, you’ll be impressed.“

So the baker hands him a cookie which George then eats.

Then George says to the baker: “I’ll need another cookie from you for my magic trick to work.“

The baker is a bit suspicious but he gives George another cookie. Once again he eats the cookie.

Then George says, “I’m really sorry but I’ll need one more cookie if this trick is to work.“

The baker is really not amused by now and he says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

George assures him the trick is genuine and all will be revealed after the next Cookie. So the baker gives him another cookie which George promptly eats, once again.

The baker is starting to get mad and he yells, “So where’s the magic?“

George points at Bill and then says: “You’ll find three cookies in this guy’s pocket. That’s magic!“

9. A woman golfing:

A woman is out golfing. Playing off the first tee, she’s not quite got her swing right and she slices the ball on her first attempt and watches it disappear deep into the woods.

Not a great start she thinks. So she trudges off looking for her ball.

As she’s scratching around in the woods she can’t find her ball but she does find a frog stuck in a trap.

The frog is relieved to have finally been discovered, having been stuck there for quite some time. So the frog says to the woman, “Lady if you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.“

Now, who wouldn’t want three wishes? So the woman immediately frees the frog.

The frog is grateful but then says, “Lady, thank you. I appreciate your help. However, I failed to mention that there will be a condition to your wishes.”

A little puzzled, the woman asks, “And what’s that?”

“Well,” says the frog, “Whatever you wish for, your husband will also receive but multiplied by a factor of ten!“

The woman thinks for a minute and then says, “That’s fine.“

Then for her first wish, she says, “I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world.”

The frog smiles but warns her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world? He will be an Adonis and no woman will be able to resist his charms.“

The woman thinks for a minute and then says, “That’s alright, because I will be the most beautiful woman in the world, so he will only have eyes for me.“

With that there is a ‘Poof’ sound and the woman is immediately transformed into the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog then says, “And for your second wish? What would you like?”

For her second wish, the woman says, “I want to be the richest woman in the world.”

Once again the frog feels compelled to issue a warning. “Lady, this will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.“

The woman says, “That’s fine. We’re married, so what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.“

Once again there is a ‘Poof’ sound and the woman is suddenly the richest woman in the world.

The frog then says, “Right, it’s now time for your final wish. What will it be?”

The woman replies, “I’d like a mild heart attack.“

Moral of the story: Women are clever. So don’t mess with them.

Attention Ladies: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue to feel good.

Male Readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they’re really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

NOTE: And ladies if you’re still reading this, it only goes to show that women never listen to men.

Go Explore London

Please share the fun:

I hope you found these hilariously funny jokes amusing, dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these hilariously funny jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for being so supportive.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

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5 of the best funny jokes you’ll read today

02/14/2026 by

Looking for some of the best funny jokes to brighten your day? Then there are 5 little gems here that should make you smile.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them.

Best Funny Jokes
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Best funny jokes:

1. Career change:

Bill’s a gynaecologist by profession, but he was getting bored with his job, so he decided that it was time for a career change.

In his spare time, Bill had always had a passion for fast cars, so getting involved with cars in some way seemed like a good thing to do.

After a few weeks of reflection, Bill decides to retrain as a car mechanic.

He takes a course at his local adult education college and studies very hard.

Eventually, it’s time for him to take the official examination to qualify as a car mechanic.

Now Bill needs to get a minimum score of 60% if he’s to pass the exam but he finishes with a score of 110%.

Well, the college principal is puzzled. How can anyone get 110%?

So, he calls in the examiner and asks, “How is it that this guy was given 110% in the exam? You think he’s something special just because he used to be a doctor?”

“Well, sir,” said the examiner, “his theoretical test was perfect, and his practical test was exceptional. I asked him to tune the engine. He did it perfectly. I asked him to change the oil. Again, he did it perfectly. And then I asked him to change the spark plugs. Yet again, he did it perfectly.”

“So what?” says the principal. “He did everything right, so that usually means 100%, surely? Why 110%?”

“He did everything through the exhaust pipe,” the examiner replied.

2. The new restaurant:

Jack and Barney were two elderly gentlemen sitting and talking in Jack’s living room.

Eventually, their conversation touches on the subject of food.

“Hey,” says Jack, “last week we went out to a new restaurant, and the food was fantastic. I would definitely recommend it.”

“Really?” says Barney. “What’s the name of this restaurant?“

Well, Jack had to give that some thought, as his memory wasn’t what it was.

After a few moments, Jack said, “What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? The red one with thorns.”

“You mean a rose?” said Barney.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Jack replied.

He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last week?“

3. Memory problems:

Arthur, Chester, and Clarence are three elderly brothers who are 92, 94, and 96, respectively, and still living together.

One night Clarence fills his bathtub with water, ready to take a bath. After a few moments, he puts his right foot in the tub and then pauses momentarily.

He then yells down to his brothers, “Was I getting in or out of the tub?“

Chester yells back immediately, “I don’t know, Clarence. Give me a moment, and I’ll come upstairs and check it for you.”

With that, Chester starts climbing the stairs.

After taking a few steps, he pauses. He then yells, “Was I going up the stairs or down?“

Arthur is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, and he can’t help smiling at his brothers’ memory problems.

He shakes his head and then says, “Jeez, I hope I never get as forgetful as you two.“

With that, Arthur knocks on the wooden table a couple of times for good luck.

He then pauses before he yells, “I’ll be up to help both of you in a minute, as soon as I see who’s at the door.“

4. Spanish vacation:

Jane and Phil are a married couple who are taking a well-earned vacation in Spain.

After a day of sightseeing, they decide to go to a nice Spanish restaurant for dinner.

As they’re being seated at their table, they can’t help but notice that the couple on the next table are being served a dish with two of the largest meatballs they’ve ever seen.

When the waiter arrives to take their order, Phil asks, “The meatball dish the couple on the next table is having looks delicious; what is it?”

The waiter smiles and then says, “Señor, the meatballs are the testicles from the bull killed in the bullfight this afternoon. This dish is a classic in Spain.”

It looks great, says Phil. “We’ve decided we’re both going to try it.”

“Ah, señor,” the waiter responds, “for this dish we only have one serving each day, for obvious reasons. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we can hold them for you.”

Determined to try this classic Spanish dish, the couple arrive early the following day to place their order.

They sit at their table, enjoying a glass of Sangria whilst they wait for their much-anticipated meatball dish.

Eventually, the dish arrives, but the meatballs are disappointingly small.

Phil calls the waiter over and says, “What’s this? Yesterday’s testicles were enormous. Today they’re tiny in comparison.”

The waiter smiles politely and then says, “Señor, I’m so sorry, but today the bull won.”

5. Pay attention:

A college professor is starting the new academic year with the Veterinary Medicine 101 class.

The professor welcomes the new class and then says, “In veterinary medicine, there are two important qualities you’ll need as a veterinarian. The first quality is that you must never be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.“

The professor paused momentarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

He then pulled back the sheet in front of him and stuck his finger into the butt of the dead cow that was under the sheet. After a moment he withdrew his finger and immediately stuck his finger into his mouth.

“Now, go ahead,” said the professor to the students. “I want you to do what I’ve just done.”

Well, there was much hysteria in the class, and they all hesitated for several minutes before anyone was willing to have a go. However, eventually, they all took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and then sucking it. Naturally, this was followed by a lot of retching and spitting.

Once they’d all had the chance to complete this first task, the professor continued, “Now the second most important quality you’ll need as a Veterinarian is observation.”

Once again, he paused momentarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

“If you’d been watching me carefully,” the professor continued, “you’d have noticed that it was my middle finger that I inserted into the cow. Whereas it was my index finger that I sucked. So, today’s lesson is this. You’ll need to learn to pay attention if you’re going to succeed as a vet.”

Phil Sutton

Please share the fun:

So, were any of these the best funny jokes you’ve read today, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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