25 funny short jokes to brighten your day

01/24/2024 by

FUNNY SHORT JOKES Life can be tough for everyone, don’t you think?

It can be stressful at times too.

When life is getting you down, laughter is always the best medicine. In fact, laughter is always great medicine, regardless of how you’re feeling.

However, the problem can be finding the time to go in search of a laugh or two.

Well, don’t worry, dear reader, because I’ve done the work for you.

I’ve been digging around looking for funny short jokes that might just help readers relax a little.

So today I offer you 25 great funny short jokes that are guaranteed to brighten your day.

Well, perhaps not all of them. However, I’m confident that most of them will brighten your day.

They’re all quick to read, and if at least some of them don’t make you smile, then nothing will.

So take a few minutes for yourself and enjoy these funny short jokes right now.

Funny short jokes:

  • If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive
  • They’d find me attractive by now
  • Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? 
  • Too many cheetahs
  • What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
  • A roamin’ Catholic
  • Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley
  • One was assaulted
  • What do you call a fat psychic?
  • A four chin teller
  • My girlfriend accused me of cheating
  • I told her she was starting to sound like my wife
  • A man asked me for a donation towards the local swimming pool
  • So I gave him a glass of water
  • I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage
  • I lost my case
  • What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
  • Hop in
  • What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
  • A flat miner
  • If you give an alligator a GPS
  • Does that make it a navigator?
  • How do trees get online?
  • They just log in
  • What do you call a singing laptop?
  • A Dell
  • Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? 
  • Because it’s always spotted
  • I don’t know what Armageddon means
  • So what? It’s not the end of the world
  • I’ve been told I’m condescending
  • (That means talking down to people)
  • What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
  • A Maybe
  • Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?
  • You can get thinner there
  • How do you get two whales in a car?
  • Start in England and drive west
  • Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?
  • He’ll dessert you
  • What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
  • Mice Krispies
  • What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
  • The purrpatrator
  • I went bobsleighing the other day
  • And I managed to kill 250 bobs
  • People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones
  • But people in Abu Dhabi do!
  • You may think it’s romantic to carve our names on this tree
  • But I have to ask, why did you bring a knife on our first date?

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Funny Short JokesI hope you found these funny short jokes truly side-splitting, dear reader. Well, mildly amusing, at least.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh.

If so, please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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27 corny but funny puns to raise a smile or two

01/24/2024 by

Funny PunsIf you like funny puns, then I’ve put together a batch of very corny ones in the hope they will raise a smile or two. They all made me smile, but for me, the cornier the pun, the better.

So, I hope you enjoy them all, dear reader.

If you do, please feel free to pass them on.

Funny puns:

  1. Odorless chemicals just don’t make scents.
  2. I love how the Earth rotates. It makes my day.
  3. I was working in a glue factory, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  4. Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
  5. The cost of the space program is astronomical.
  6. I was inconsolable when my PlayStation was stolen.
  7. Our office defibrillator didn’t work. Nobody was shocked.
  8. I googled “how to start a fire” and got 869,000 matches.
  9. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
  10. I used to be a history teacher, but there’s no future in it.
  11. How’s my long-distance relationship going? So far, so good.
  12. I cancelled my gym membership because it wasn’t working out.
  13. Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  14. I felt lonely, so I bought some shares. It’s nicer to have some company.
  15. If you’re thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
  16. To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.
  17. I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit. 
  18. I sued the airport for mislaying my baggage, but I lost my case.
  19. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator, and only a fraction of people will find that funny.
  20. I get claustrophobic in elevators, so I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.
  21. Tennis players have a hard time with relationships because love means nothing to them.
  22. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter!
  23. A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in an algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
  24. What’s the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire. 
  25. The thing about shopping centres is that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a mall.
  26. My housemate told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
  27. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse replied, “No change yet.”

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Funny PunsPlease share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these funny puns, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

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35 witty quotes from funny people you’ll love

01/22/2024 by

witty quotes from funny peopleI love witty quotes from the funniest people, and I always make a note of the best ones in my journal.

Today, I thought I’d share some of them with you, dear reader.

Here are 35 of the best witty quotes from some very funny people, and I hope you enjoy them all. Certainly, I did.

Witty quotes:

  1. One in four frogs is a leapfrog. ~Chris Turner
  2. My cat is recovering from a massive stroke. ~Darren Walsh
  3. A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it. ~Ross Smith
  4. I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring. ~Leo Kearse
  5. I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister. ~Will Marsh
  6. Words can’t express how much I hate World Emoji Day. ~Christian Talbot
  7. I love Snapchat. I could talk about classic card games all day. ~Aatif Nawaz
  8. Thing is, we all just want to belong. But some of us are short. ~Lou Sanders
  9. Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat. ~Joe Lycett
  10. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~ Jordan Brookes
  11. A rescue cat is like recycled toilet paper. Good for the planet, but scratchy. ~Chris Turner
  12. Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy. ~Richard Stott
  13. I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe
  14. Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open. ~Paul F. Taylor
  15. I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed. ~Olaf Falafel
  16. I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years. ~Alfie Moore
  17. My grandad has a chair in his shower which makes him feel old, so in order to feel young, he sits on it backwards like a cool teacher giving an assembly about drugs. ~Rhys James
  18. My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief. ~Mark Watson
  19. One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once.” ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
  20. You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase. ~Rob Beckett
  21. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
  22. Feminism is not a fad. It’s not like Angry Birds. Although it does involve a lot of angry birds. Bad example. ~Bridget Christie
  23. The anti-ageing advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, ‘Aah, I’ve used too much’. ~Andrew Bird
  24. I’m sure wherever my Dad is: he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending. ~Jack Whitehall
  25. Oh my god, mega drama the other day: My dishwasher stopped working! Yup, his visa expired. ~Alexander Henry Buchanan-Dunlop
  26. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel
  27. Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, ‘There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him’. ~Carey Marx
  28. I don’t have the Protestant work ethic, I have the Catholic work ethic; in that, I don’t work but I do feel very guilty about that. ~Rory O’Keeffe
  29. I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it. ~Adele Cliff
  30. When I found out the amusement park was taking photos of me on their rides without my permission I was fluming. ~Olaf Falafel
  31. I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
  32. I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
  33. My sister had a baby and they took a while to name her and I was like, ‘Hurry up!’ because I didn’t want my niece to grow up to be one of these kids you hear about on the news where it says, ‘The 17-year-old defendant, who hasn’t been named’. ~Jenny Collier
  34. I just bought underwater headphones and it’s made me loads faster. Do you know how motivating it is swimming to the theme song from Jaws? I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times. ~Felicity Ward
  35. I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting. ~Paddy Lennox

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Do you agree that these are some of the best witty quotes, dear reader?

You do? I hope so anyway.

If you did enjoy them, then please share this post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

So please share this post now. If you can do that for me, then I’ll be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience, and that will be your good deed for the day.

Thank you.

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15 funny work quotes that will certainly resonate with you

01/21/2024 by

funny work quotesToday I thought it would be amusing to explore some funny work quotes.

Personally, I love my work. I love having a sense of purpose and something to get me out of bed each day.

However, not everyone feels the way I do and anyway, it’s never a good idea to take anything too seriously.

Occasionally we must laugh at the nature of human existence. And a good place to start laughing is with the subject of work.

Love it or hate it, it dominates all our lives nevertheless. So today I’ve pulled together 15 funny work quotes to make you smile.

Once again these quotes come from many sources but one, in particular, I must acknowledge and that’s Cool Funny Quotes where you’ll find some of these and many more besides. So check it out.

Funny work quotes:

  1. Hard work never killed anybody but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen
  2. I don’t work on weekends or any other day that ends with “Y”. ~Author Unknown
  3. The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. ~Author Unknown
  4. Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~Groucho Marx
  5. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. ~The Simpsons
  6. If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Where X is work; Y is play, and Z is keeping your mouth shut. ~Albert Einstein (well, maybe!)
  7. As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. ~Tom Goins
  8. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. ~John Gotti
  9. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential that word would be ‘meetings.’ ~Dave Barry
  10. He’s so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. ~Paddy O’Dea
  11. Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday? ~Author Unknown
  12. Got to work this morning and my boss told me ‘have a good day’, so I went home and had a great day! ~Author Unknown
  13. Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery. ~Author Unknown
  14. Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels. ~Author Unknown
  15. I once had a job in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. ~Author Unknown

Enjoyed these quotes? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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34 corny but very clever one-liners that’ll crack you up

01/20/2024 by

Clever One-LinersWhenever I post some clever one-liners, I always get an enormous response from readers. Clearly, they’re very popular with you.

So to satisfy demand, I thought I’d collect another batch for your amusement.

Here are 34 definitely corny but still very clever one-liners which I’m confident will crack you up. So enjoy them all and feel free to share this post with your friends. If some of these jokes made you laugh, then they’ll probably make your friends laugh.

However, relax and enjoy them all first.

Clever one-liners:

  1. A life in politics is full of parties.
  2. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
  3. Coming up with weather puns is a breeze.
  4. I love jokes about eyes, the cornea the better.
  5. What do you call a small mother? A minimum.
  6. I met a girl on a dating site and we just clicked.
  7. I did have a joke about vacuums, but it sucked.
  8. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  9. Pollen is when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.
  10. Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
  11. I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.
  12. I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!
  13. How do you make a hotdog stand? You take the seat away.
  14. I hate negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  15. Shout out to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is!
  16. I used to build stairs for a living, it’s an up and down business.
  17. Shout out to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is!
  18. Archaeologists are always broke because their careers lie in ruins.
  19. Claustrophobic people are more productive in thinking outside the box.
  20. What do you call an imaginary color? A pigment of your imagination.
  21. I decided to get some Velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot? 
  22. I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.
  23. My sister said she didn’t understand cloning. I said that makes two of us.
  24. My tailor’s happy to make a pair of pants for me or at least, sew it seams.
  25. I got a reversible jacket for my birthday. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.
  26. Wounds heal better if they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect.
  27. I wasn’t originally going to get a heart transplant but then I had a change of heart.
  28. Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously? They’re always full of hot air!
  29. I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell. Looking at it now, I see why.
  30. This guy quit his job at the donut factory because he was fed up with the whole business.
  31. Running in front of a car will make you tired but running behind one is exhausting.
  32. My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she’d just ironed. I watched it all unfold.
  33. A teacher asked her student, “Are you ignorant or just apathetic?” The kid answers, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
  34. My husband passed away in the hospital when I couldn’t remember his blood type. His last words to me were, “Be positive!”

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed this post dear reader then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

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30 really unhelpful things to say in a crisis

01/15/2024 by

UNHELPFUL THINGS TO SAY IN A CRISISIn times of crisis, our friends and loved ones need our sympathy and support. They don’t need stupid, inane, or thoughtless comments that don’t help.

Often, we feel we’ve got to say something, and in responding to silence, we often say things that are unhelpful to fill the void. Such comments may seem funny later, but at the time, they don’t help.

So in times of crisis, if you can’t say something supportive, it’s probably better to remain silent and allow your friend, a loved one, or even your boss a little time to think through the problem and focus on a potential solution.

Nevertheless, unhelpful things said in a crisis can be amusing, so here are some things best not said. I hope they amuse you, dear reader.

Unhelpful things to say in a crisis:

  1. You must have done something terrible in another life.
  2. I told you so.
  3. It can only get better.
  4. Just calm down; stuff happens.
  5. If only you hadn’t done that.
  6. I’m sensing a bit of tension. Have I done something to upset you?
  7. That shouldn’t happen, should it?
  8. Don’t panic. Don’t panic.
  9. You’ll laugh about this one day.
  10. Jeez, you’ve got a real problem there.
  11. Now, that was a really serious mistake.
  12. I guess it’s not a good time to ask for a pay raise.
  13. Didn’t you say you hadn’t renewed the insurance policy?
  14. Statistically speaking, this doesn’t happen very often.
  15. 30 really unhelpful things to say in a crisisDon’t you just hate it when that happens?
  16. Does this mean our date’s off tonight?
  17. Oh well, mistakes can be valuable learning experiences.
  18. You can always draw a line under it and move on.
  19. What does Google say?
  20. Was that really expensive?
  21. Some people would love to be where we are right now.
  22. However bad it may be, it could be worse.
  23. When life gives you lemons, you can always make lemonade.
  24. That’s incredible. You wouldn’t have thought that was possible.
  25. I couldn’t cope with what you’re going through right now.
  26. When I think of situations like yours, I count my blessings.
  27. God wouldn’t give you more than you could handle.
  28. Did you know that the probability of that happening was about a trillion to one?
  29. There are people in this world with more problems than you have right now.
  30. When I see a situation like yours, I realize that, but for the grace of God, that could be me.

Please share this post with your friends:

So, dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these unhelpful things to say in a crisis made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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33 funny sarcasm quotes guaranteed to make you smile

01/09/2024 by

FUNNY SARCASM QUOTESOnce again, I return to the theme of sarcasm and, in particular, funny sarcasm quotes. I love them as they always make me smile, dear reader.

Not only that, I always get such a positive response from readers when I include some funny sarcasm quotes. So I hope you enjoy them too.

If nothing else, you can add some of them to your little quiver full of arrows for when you need to be well-armed against stupid and difficult people, and there are plenty of both around. I’m sure you’ll agree.

So please take a few minutes now and enjoy them all.

Funny sarcasm quotes:

  1. I love the sound when you shut up.
  2. What’s wrong with me? Do you want a list?
  3. I have three words for you. You need help!
  4. Feel free to judge me, when you’re perfect.
  5. I may not be perfect but at least I’m not you.
  6. Well, aren’t you a little ray of sarcastic sunshine?
  7. Tact is for people who lack the wit to be sarcastic.
  8. Hey, you know what you’d look good in? Concrete!
  9. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice.
  10. The only problem I have with you is you’re still breathing.
  11. Am I always angry and irritable? No, sometimes I’m asleep.
  12. I’ve already had my patience tested. The result was negative.
  13. I try to see the best in everyone but you’re not making it easy.
  14. Did you ever get the feeling that you’ve seized the wrong day?
  15. I don’t hate you. I’m just not that excited about your existence.
  16. If I was a bird this morning, you’d be the first person I’d crap on.
  17. May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
  18. If you don’t like sarcasm, would profanity work better with you?
  19. That girl could reduce a man to tears with one lash of her tongue.
  20. Being dead is like being stupid it’s only a problem for other people.
  21. You should be aware that my sense of humour may hurt your feelings.
  22. Your ass must be jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth.
  23. My text messages would make more sense if there was a sarcasm font.
  24. I hope you appreciate the effort I’ve put into not punching you in the face.
  25. Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize you were an expert on how I should live my life.
  26. I’d tell you to go to Hell but I work there and I wouldn’t want to see you every day.
  27. Ignorance can be educated and crazy can be medicated but there’s no cure for stupid.
  28. I thought rock bottom would be as far down as I’d go. I didn’t realize it had a basement.
  29. When I look at you I can’t help but think, “Why hasn’t someone hit you with a shovel yet?”
  30. Do I dislike you? Well, let me put it this way I’d willingly buy you a toaster for your bathtub.
  31. Let’s hope you experience a sudden case of explosive diarrhoea whilst you’re stuck in traffic.
  32. You’d be unwise to give me your attitude unless you want to be on the receiving end of mine.
  33. May the fleas from a thousand camels infest your ass and may your arms be too short to scratch.

Funny Sarcasm QuotesPlease share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these funny sarcasm quotes, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now.

If you can do that for me, I’ll be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

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11 great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl

01/03/2024 by

GREAT ONE-LINER JOKESHere are another 11 one-liners brought to my attention by readers, which I thought I’d share with you.

I can’t be sure of their origins, but they all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day too, dear reader.

These are great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl, I’m sure. I hope so anyway.

Enjoy them all.

Great one-liner jokes:

  1. A girl’s thoughts when she starts dating a guy – Date #1: That’s a really nice shirt. Date #2: Wow. That’s another nice shirt. Date #3: That’s the shirt he wore on our first date. Date #4: OK, he’s only got two decent shirts.
  2. The four sweetest words you can use when people didn’t listen to you? I told you so!
  3. My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I definitely laugh more.
  4. I prefer living in the past. At least the cost of housing was much cheaper.
  5. Military personnel can be charged for losing equipment. In the army you’ll pay $150 for losing your rifle. That explains why, in the Navy, a captain will always go down with his ship.
  6. I gave my wife the silent treatment for an entire week. At the end of it she said to me, “It’s been nice this week, we’ve really been getting on well.”
  7. There’s a new support group for compulsive talkers. It’s called On Anon.
  8. I’ve just found the worst page in my dictionary. The content is disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, disingenuous and disreputable.
  9. Why bother keeping up with the Joneses when you could drag them down to your level. Surely it’s less expensive that way?
  10. For Christmas or birthdays, buy your kids a set of batteries and just put a note inside saying “Toys not included.”
  11. My favourite hobby is going down to the beach and burying metal objects that have the words “Get a Life” inscribed on them.

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If any of these great one-liner jokes made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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30 corny one-liners you might just enjoy

12/26/2023 by

corny one-linersLooking for some corny one-liners, dear reader? A few corny jokes to make you smile?

Well, I’ve got 30 of them today, just for you.

I can assure you that these are all full ‘groan’. However, I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two in the process.

So take a few minutes, perhaps grab a coffee, and enjoy them all.

And if you do enjoy them, feel free to pass them on.

Corny one-liners (1-15):

  1. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
  2. I hate German sausage. It’s the wurst.
  3. I used to be a tap dancer, but I fell in the sink.
  4. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
  5. I changed my iPhone’s name to Titanic; because it’s syncing now.
  6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
  7. What did the Statue of Liberty say to the New Yorker? “You’re such a Big Apple!”
  8. Why did the bee go to the doctor? Because he had hives.
  9. What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam!
  10. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi!
  11. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  12. I used to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it.
  13. I was looking for my missing watch, but I couldn’t find the time.
  14. What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone!
  15. What did the ocean say to the sailboat? Nothing, it just waved!

Corny one-liners (16-30):

  1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  2. What did the paper say to the pencil? Stop scribbling!
  3. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
  4. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
  5. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Halloumi!
  6. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
  7. What did the monkey say when he found a banana in his cereal? A-peeling!
  8. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well-armed!
  9. I used to be a banker but then I lost interest.
  10. Why doesn’t everyone learn sign language? It’s pretty handy.
  11. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
  12. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
  13. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
  14. Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don’t have any body to go with
  15. I couldn’t quite remember how to throw the boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.

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If you were impressed and/or amused then please share this post with your friends on social media.

People love corny jokes, so please share this post now.

And let me say that if you could share this post then I’d be ever so grateful.

You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

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Funniest One-liners: 66 silly jokes to tickle you

12/20/2023 by

FUNNIEST ONE-LINERSIf you’re looking for a laugh, here is a collection of silly jokes, corny puns, and some of the funniest one-liners you will read today.

Yes, they’re all a bit corny, but I’m confident many of them will tickle you too.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And don’t forget that everyone needs a little laughter in their lives.

So, please pass them on.

Thank you, dear reader.

Funniest one-liners (1-22):

  1. Add insult to injury; sign someone’s cast.
  2. You mustn’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
  3. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
  4. If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.
  5. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  6. One exotic bird can’t make a pun but toucan.
  7. Just when you think you’ve got a good life, it’s broken.
  8. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
  9. I’m suffering from schizophrenia, but I’m good people.
  10. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s on my list.
  11. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  12. What do dogs do when watching a DVD? Press paws.
  13. I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
  14. I went to a seafood disco, and I ended up pulling a mussel.
  15. Two WiFi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.
  16. How do scientists freshen their breath? With experi-mints!
  17. My wife’s bakery burned down last night. Her business is toast.
  18. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner!
  19. I bought my gun from a guy called T-Rex. He was a small arms dealer.
  20. I got fired from my job as a set designer. So I left without making a scene.
  21. What’s the easiest way to burn 2,000 calories? You leave a tray of brownies in the oven while you’re taking a nap.
  22. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.

Funniest one-liners (23-44):

  1. How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.
  2. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
  3. How do you count cows? With a cow-culator.
  4. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
  5. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
  6. What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
  7. What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.
  8. I was going to tell a pizza joke, but it’s too cheesy.
  9. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  10. I’m on a whisky diet, and I’ve lost three days already.
  11. How do you tell if a vampire’s sick? Check if he’s coffin.
  12. How many people are buried in the cemetery? All of them.
  13. What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
  14. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  15. The cannibal arrived late for the buffet, so he was given the cold shoulder.
  16. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
  17. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  18. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?
  19. Why did the girl give her pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.
  20. What makes long division such hard work? All those numerals you have to carry.
  21. I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
  22. Cinderella tried out for the basketball team at high school, but she kept running away from the ball.

66 funniest one-linersFunniest one-liners (45-66):

  1. What do you call a sad cow? A blue moo.
  2. What has a bottom at the top? Your legs.
  3. How can you see flying saucers? Trip up a waiter.
  4. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
  5. Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
  6. What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?
  7. Who ruled France until he exploded? Napoleon Blownapart.
  8. Why did the bee start talking poetry? It was waxing lyrical.
  9. Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  10. Who went into the tiger’s den and came out alive? The tiger.
  11. How does fast light travel? The same way that slow light travels.
  12. What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a camera? A snapshot.
  13. What’s the longest piece of furniture in the world? A multiplication table.
  14. What do you get if you cross a hula dancer with a boxer? A Hawaiian punch.
  15. What did the waiter say to the skunk? Sorry, I can’t take your odour.
  16. She was only a plumber’s daughter, but she sure gave my heart a wrench.
  17. What’s brown and hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on holiday.
  18. What do you get if you cross a compass with a shellfish? A guided mussel.
  19. Why did the robber jump in the bathtub? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
  20. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
  21. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.
  22. Why is a room full of married people empty? Because there isn’t a single person in it.

Please share this post with your friends:

So, dear reader, were these some of the funniest one-liners, in your opinion?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh.

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read in this post, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. So please, share it now.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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