Funniest Jokes 2025: Could these be the 5 of them?

08/26/2025 by

If you’re looking for the funniest jokes 2025, here are some that I think are serious contenders for that title.

If you want to be the life and soul of the party, then these jokes will certainly make people laugh. They all made me laugh, that’s for sure.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And then please feel free to pass them on.

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Funniest Jokes 2025:

1. The Test:

A teacher has prepared a test for two of her students.

Now one of these kids is very clever, but the other one is a bit slow, to say the least.

The test has 10 questions, and the teacher sits both students down in the classroom and gives them 45 minutes to complete the test.

Once completed by the students, the test papers are sent away for independent marking and assessment.

When the teacher receives the marked test papers back, she looks at the slow kid’s mark first. He’s been given 9 out of 10.

“That’s astonishing!” the teacher thinks to herself.

She then looks at the clever kid’s mark, and he too has been given 9 out of 10.

“That can’t be right,” the teacher exclaims.

So she goes through the clever kid’s paper in detail.

The first nine questions he’s got all right. However, for the tenth question, he’s simply written, “Sorry mam, but I don’t know the answer to this question.”

So the teacher then goes through the slow kid’s paper in detail.

Again, he’s got the first nine questions all right. And then for the tenth question he’s written, “I don’t know the answer either.”

2. Questionable weather:

Jane is arguing with her husband, Bill, about the winter weather, precipitation, and how they would describe the amount of moisture currently in the atmosphere.

“Well,” said Jane. “This, to me, is drizzle.”

“No,” Bill responded. “It’s heavy mist.”

This debate went on for a while, and then, eventually, Jane suggested they ask the elderly man next door.

“Hey,” said Jane, “Rudolf’s a former Soviet communist from Russia. He’ll know all about bad weather.”

So they went next door and asked Rudolf for his opinion.

“It is drizzle,” Rudolf declared.

Needless to say, Bill felt a little put out, losing the argument in this way.

“Why should we accept his judgment anyway?” asked Bill.

Jane smiled and said, “Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!”

3. Communication breakdown:

Sister Elizabeth is walking down to breakfast in the convent one morning when she meets Sister Gillian.

“Good morning, Sister Elizabeth,” says Sister Gillian. “It looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

In response, Sister Elizabeth smiles. She’s slightly puzzled by Sister Gillian’s comment, but she lets it go.

As she proceeds down the corridor towards the dining room, she then bumps into Sister Julienne.

“Good morning, Sister Elizabeth,” says Sister Julienne. “It looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

Though mildly irritated by hearing this comment a second time, once again she smiles and lets it go.

As she enters the dining room, Sister Elizabeth bumps into the Mother Superior.

“Good morning, Sister Elizabeth,” says the Mother Superior. “It looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

“Why on earth do people keep asking me that question?” says Sister Elizabeth. “Have I been rude to anyone?”

“No, not at all,” replies the Mother Superior, “but you’re wearing the Bishop’s slippers.”

4. The wages of sin:

Mary is saying goodbye to her husband, John, as he nears death.

“My love,” said John. “Before I die, I must confess that I was once unfaithful to you with another woman. In our fifty years of marriage, it was once and only once, I swear. Please, can you forgive me?”

Mary fidgets for a moment, and then she reaches for the chest at the end of the bed. She opens the lid and takes out two ears of corn and a thousand dollars in cash.

Mary shows this to John, and slightly bemused, he asks, “What’s this?”

“Well, John, I’ve been unfaithful too,” Mary responds. “And each time I had a lover, I put an ear of corn in this chest.”

John is clearly upset momentarily, but then he says, “Well, it was only twice. But what was the money for?”

Mary starts to weep, and then she says, “Each time I got enough ears of corn for a bushel, I sold it.

5. The Good Samaritan:

Margarita had left her home in the small city of Campeche in Mexico for what she thought would be an exciting life in New York City.

However, the drudgery of life as a chambermaid, working in a third-rate hotel on 9th Avenue, proved to be a depressing experience.

She felt so depressed that one night she found herself standing on Brooklyn Bridge, contemplating throwing herself into the East River.

At that moment, a Good Samaritan came walking across the bridge in the shape of a handsome young man named Tom.

“Hello, I’m Tom,” said the young man. “Please tell me what’s troubling you, mam.”

“Life in Manhattan, working as a chambermaid, is so hard,” Margarita responded. “I wanted so much more. And I can’t go home now, so I have nothing to live for.”

“Look mam, the world is full of opportunity,” said Tom. “Hey, I’m a sailor, and tomorrow we’ll be sailing to London, England. You could come too. I could stow you away on the ship and take care of you. I’ll bring you food each day and keep you happy.”

Margarita thought about it momentarily, and she realised that she had nothing to lose, so she accepted Tom’s offer.

That night, Tom took her aboard the ship and hid her in a small, but surprisingly comfortable, compartment in the hold.

From then on, each night Tom brought sandwiches and some red wine, and after they’d eaten, he’d make love to her.

A few days later, during a routine inspection, the captain discovered Margarita.

“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“Sir, I have an arrangement with one of your sailors,” replied Margarita. “He brings me food, and he’s taking me to London, England, on your ship.”

“Really?” the captain responded.

“Yes, sir,” said Margarita. “He’s been taking advantage of me, too, sir.”

“He certainly has, mam,” replied the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”

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If you enjoyed these jokes, please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If you agree that these were the funniest jokes 2025 and they made you smile, at least a little, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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5 short funny stories that’ll make you laugh

08/12/2025 by

Here are five short funny stories that will bring a smile to your face for sure. Enjoy them all, and then please pass them on.

SHORT FUNNY STORIES
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Short Funny Stories:

1. A spare seat at the Super Bowl:

It’s the Super Bowl, and Bill has a ticket for a front-row seat. As he takes his seat, he notices the seat next to him is empty, surprisingly.

He leans over and speaks to the guy on the other side of this vacant seat.

“Do you think someone will be sitting here?” says Bill.

“No,” said his neighbour, “this seat will be empty today.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” says Bill. “Who would have a ticket for the Super Bowl and not use it? It’s a front-row seat!”

“Actually, the ticket is mine,” said his neighbour. “I bought it for my wife, but sadly, she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we’ve not watched together since we got married.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” says Bill. “That’s very sad, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to join you?”

The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

2. The parrot with attitude:

Jane walked past her local pet store every day on her way to work. And every day a parrot, placed in a cage out front, says to her, “Mam, you’re ugly!”

Well, Jane let this pass for a while, but it began to irritate her. So, naturally, she thought the best course of action would be to speak with the store owner.

On hearing her story, the pet store owner was extremely embarrassed and apologised to her.

He then reprimanded the parrot and promised Jane it would not happen again.

However, the very next day as Jane walked past the store, once again the parrot said to her, “Mam, you’re ugly!”

Well, Jane was very upset by this and immediately threatened the pet store owner with a lawsuit if it happened again.

Naturally, the last thing he needs is a lawsuit filed against him, so now he’s not happy either.

He takes the parrot into the alley at the back of the store, where there’s a dumpster, and he says, “Now you listen to me, buddy! You tell that lady she’s ugly one more time, and you will end up in that dumpster. Do you hear me?”

The parrot nods, and the pet store owner takes it back out front.

The following day, as Jane walks past the front of the store, she stares at the parrot, and she hears… nothing.

Jane smiles and walks on, but as she’s disappearing into the distance, she hears the parrot behind her say, “Mam, you know what I’m thinking!”

3. A gorilla needs a drink:

A gorilla walks into a very trendy, hip bar in Manhattan.

“So, buddy, what can I get you?” asks the bartender.

“Give me a large bottle of Oud Beersel’s Bzart Lambiek, please,” the gorilla responds.

“Sure,” says the bartender, “That’ll be $125, please.”

The gorilla pays with his Visa card, and he then settles down at the counter to enjoy his very expensive drink.

After a few moments, the bartender says, “You know, buddy, we don’t get many gorillas drinking in here.“

The gorilla smiles and then says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”

4. David Hasselhoff in a bar:

David Hasselhoff walks into a trendy bar in Manhattan and orders a drink.

“Yes, sir, Mr Hasselhoff,” says the bartender, “coming right up.”

“Hey, man, just call me Hoff,” the screen legend replies.

“Sure,” replies the bartender. “You don’t need the hassle.”

5. The birth of a military tradition:

At an Army camp in Biloxi, Mississippi, the newly appointed commander is inspecting facilities.

As he’s walking around the camp, he notices a soldier who appears to be guarding a bench on the side of the parade ground.

The commander walks over and asks the soldier what he’s doing.

“Sir! I’m guarding this bench. Sir!” the soldier responded, immediately and respectfully.

“Why, soldier?” the Commander inquired, slightly puzzled.

“Sir! The last commander issued an order that this bench must be guarded at all times. Sir!” said the soldier.

“Yes, but why?” said the Commander, even more puzzled.

“Sir! It’s a tradition. Sir!” said the soldier.

Now, this situation made the commander curious, but as he knew his predecessor well, he decided to call him.

“Hey Jim,” said the commander to his predecessor on the telephone. “When you were here in Biloxi, you issued an order for a bench on the parade ground to be guarded at all times. I was wondering why.”

“To be honest, Mike, I’m not sure why,” said the commander’s predecessor. “My predecessor had issued the same order, and I just carried on with that tradition.”

The commander was a thorough man, and he decided he would get to the bottom of this story to establish the reason.

Conversations followed with six more of his predecessors until eventually, he got through to the man who had issued the original order.

He spoke on the telephone with a retired general, who was now in his 90s.

“Sir, I’m Mike Gomez, and I’ve recently been appointed commander at Biloxi, and I was wondering why you issued an order to place a guard by the bench on the parade ground some 50 years ago?” said the commander.

“What?” the old general responded, slightly puzzled. “Is the paint on that bench still wet?”

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Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then please click on the links below.

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5 funny jokes to tell your friends and make them smile

08/09/2025 by
5 FUNNY JOKES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS

Few things in life can beat a good laugh. However, a better thing is making your friends laugh. So if you’re looking for some funny jokes to tell your friends, then today I offer you five of them, which I’m confident will raise a smile or two.

So take a few moments to enjoy them, and then feel free to pass them on to others.

It’s always good to share the smiles.

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Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. The Chapel of Rest:

When I was about seven years old, my father took me to the local funeral parlour, as he wanted to pay his respects to an old work colleague who’d recently died.

This was a man I’d never met, but it was important to my father, and he thought it would be a good life experience for me to accompany him.

As we waited our turn to view the open casket, I sat quietly in a corner, waiting for the time to pass.

Suddenly, the door to the Chapel of Rest opened, and an elderly man I’d never met came out, and as he did so, he smiled at me and said, “Make sure you enjoy your life, son. Be happy because it’ll all go by in the blink of an eye. Look at me, I didn’t, and now it’s too late.”

With that, the man disappeared through the door onto the street, and it was our turn to view the body and pay our respects.

We walked solemnly into the Chapel of Rest, and I looked into the open casket.

I was horrified. I couldn’t believe it. The body in the casket was the man who’d just spoken to me.

Well, I was utterly traumatized by the experience. I had nightmares, and I was terrified to be alone. I couldn’t sleep without the light on for several years.

It got so bad that I had to go for psychotherapy and counselling.

As I got older, gradually I began to cope a bit better, until one day I discovered something that completely changed my life.

I learned that my father’s dead colleague had an identical twin brother.

2. The Driving Test:

Jane arrived home, having just taken her driving test for the ninth time.

Naturally, her husband, Bill, was keen to know how she’d gotten on this time.

“So, honey, how did it go this time?” Bill asked.

“Not good,” Jane responded. “They failed me again.”

“Really?” said Bill, sounding disappointed for her. “What did they pull you up on this time?”

“A rope,” Jane responded, sheepishly.

“A rope?” Bill inquired, looking slightly puzzled.

“Yes, that’s how they got me out,” Jane responded. “The car’s still in the river.”

3. The Infertility Problem:

A farmer went into a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman sitting next to him at the counter said, “Well, how about that? I just ordered champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer responded. “This is a special day for me, so I’m celebrating!”

“Well, this is a special day for me too, so I’m celebrating as well,” the woman replied.

“What a coincidence!” said the farmer. As they clinked glasses in celebration, the farmer asked, “What are you celebrating, mam?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a baby,” said the woman, “and my gynaecologist has just confirmed that I’m pregnant!”

“What a coincidence!” said the farmer. “I’m a chicken farmer, and my hens were infertile all last year, but today they are all laying eggs!”

“Wow, that’s great!” said the woman. “So, how did your chickens suddenly become fertile?”

“I used a different c***,” replied the farmer.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass again, and said, “What a coincidence!”

4. The Confessional Booth:

Father Murphy was taking confessions when a teenage boy entered the confessional booth.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” said the youth. “I have been with a girl of loose morals.”

“Is that you, young Jimmy Walsh?” Father Murphy inquired.

“Yes, Father, it is,” young Jimmy responded.

“And you, an altar boy! I’m disappointed in you, Jimmy,” said Father Murphy. “Who is this young girl?”

“Oh Father, I don’t want to get her a bad reputation,” said Jimmy, defensively.

“Was it Bernadette Kelly?” Father Murphy inquired.

“No, Father,” said Jimmy.

“Was it Patricia O’Connor?” Father Murphy continued.

“No, Father,” said Jimmy.

“Was it Teresa O’Sullivan?” Father Murphy pressed on.

“Father, I cannot give you her name. It wouldn’t be fair,” said Jimmy.

“Well, I admire your loyalty to this girl, Jimmy, but you’ve sinned, and if you insist on remaining tight-lipped, then you must accept your penance,” Father Murphy responded.

“And what will that be, Father?” Jimmy asked.

“You’re barred from serving as an altar boy again for three months.” Father Murphy responded sternly.

Young Jimmy walked back to the pew slowly, and as he sat down, his friend Rory whispered, “How did it go?”

“The plan worked like a charm,” Jimmy responded with a smile. “Three months off and three great leads.”

5. Experimental Surgery:

Family and friends were gathered at the bedside of Jim, who was in a coma.

Eventually, a doctor arrived to update Jim’s loved ones on his situation.

The doctor paused momentarily as he observed the concern on their faces.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news for you,” said the doctor.

“What is it, doc?” asked Jim’s brother.

“Well,” responded the doctor. “If Jim is to survive, his only hope would be a brain transplant. I must tell you, this type of surgery is still experimental, it’s risky, and there will be a cost that you will need to pay.”

Jim’s loved ones stood there in stunned silence.

After a few minutes, Jim’s wife asked the doctor, “How much would his new brain cost?”

“Well, that depends,” said the doctor. “A male brain would cost around $10,000, whereas a female brain would be about $1,000.”

An awkward moment followed, as the men at Jim’s bedside couldn’t resist smirking.

Then Jim’s wife’s curiosity got the better of her.

“Why is the male brain so much more expensive, doctor?” she asked.

“Well, it’s our standard practice,” said the doctor. “We have to lower the price of a female brain because they’ve been used.”

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Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find these funny jokes to tell your friends as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone’s a winner.

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

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5 funny short stories for seniors that’ll raise a smile

08/08/2025 by

Here are five funny short stories for seniors that should raise a smile or two. They all made me laugh, and I hope they brighten your day too.

Please feel free to share them with your friends on social media.

FUNNY SHORT STORIES FOR SENIORS
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Funny Short Stories for Seniors:

1. Fading memories:

An elderly couple, George and Mildred, began to notice that they were getting increasingly forgetful in their old age. Naturally, they thought it might be a good idea to discuss the problem with their doctor.

The doctor reassured them that this was quite a common experience for people as they got older, and he suggested that they should start writing things down to help them remember.

When they got home, Mildred asked George to get her a bowl of ice cream from the kitchen refrigerator.

“Should I write that down for you, George?” she said.

“No, Mildred. I’m sure I’ll remember a bowl of ice cream,” George responded.

“OK, George,” said Mildred,“ but I want some whipped cream with my ice cream, too. Should I write that down?”

“No,” said George. “I’ll remember. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.“

“George, I’d love a cherry on top too,” said Mildred. “Should I write that down?”

“No, I got it,” said George. “You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.”

So George disappears into the kitchen to get the ice cream, and he then spends an unusually long time there before returning about 40 minutes later.

He returns to the living room and hands Mildred a plate of eggs and bacon.

Mildred stares at the plate momentarily, and then she looks at George.

“Where’s the toast?” she asks.

2. Pronunciation problem:

Jeff and Mary, a middle-aged couple, are driving through Louisiana when they come to the small city of Natchitoches.

Neither of them had ever been there before, and they started arguing about how the city’s name is pronounced.

Needless to say, both of them thought they knew best, and they kept on bickering until eventually, they decided to stop for lunch.

At the counter, Jeff smiled at the pretty, young waitress and said, “Mam, before we order, could you help us settle an argument, please?”

The young waitress smiled and said, “Sure! How can I help you, honey?”

“Could you please pronounce where we are right now, very slowly?” said Jeff.

The young waitress leaned over the counter and said, “Yes, sir! It’s Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.“

3. Cash withdrawal:

A guy goes into his bank and withdraws $5,000 cash in $20 bills.

The teller counts out the cash in front of him and then wraps a rubber band around the cash bundle before she hands it to him.

He quickly stuffs the wad of cash in his pocket before leaving the bank in a hurry.

When he reaches his car, he puts his hand in his pocket to grab the cash, but it’s not there. He hadn’t been close enough to anyone for his pocket to have been picked, so he realised the cash must have fallen through a hole in his jacket.

All he can do is retrace his steps.

He gets back to his bank, and there’s an elderly lady on the street who says to him, “Sir, did you lose some cash bound with a rubber band?”

“Why yes, mam, I did,” says the guy. “Have you found it?”

“Well,” said the lady, “I’ve found the rubber band.”

4. Rules of engagement:

Mack and Mabel are an elderly couple who’ve been courting for over forty years.

Finally, they decided it was about time they got married.

However, first, they decided it was important to agree on how their marriage relationship would work.

So, they had a series of discussions on income, finances, cooking, cleaning, bedroom arrangements and everything else that would affect them both in the years ahead.

Finally, Mack thought it was important to discuss how the physical side of their relationship would work.

“How do you feel about s**?” Mack asked Mabel.

“Well,” said Mabel, choosing her words carefully, “I would like it infrequently.”

Mack thought about it momentarily and then asked, “Was that one word or two, Mabel?”

5. Bill’s quest:

Bill was driving down a remote country road one day. He’s in the middle of nowhere, a long way from home, when, as luck would have it, his car breaks down near a monastery.

So Bill walks over to the monastery and knocks on the door.

The door is opened by one of the monks, and Bill explains his predicament.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” says Bill, “but I’m a long way from home, my car’s broken down, and I can’t get a repairman today because it’s Sunday. Would it be possible for me to stay the night here at the monastery?“

The monks graciously accept Bill, and they’re happy for him to spend the night there. He’s invited to have dinner with them and, as they’re very resourceful, they even fix his car for him.

After Bill has retired to his room for the night, and as he’s trying to fall asleep, he hears a strange but seductive sound.

It’s a sound, unlike anything he’s ever heard before.

It’s a sound so seductive that Bill is reminded of the Sirens of Greek mythology, who lured sailors with their enchanting music and singing voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast.

Well, Bill cannot sleep that night thinking about what he’s just heard. He tosses and turns, trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a strange but seductive sound.

As you’d expect, at breakfast, Bill feels compelled to ask the monks about the sound he’d heard during the night.

The Abbot, sitting at the head of the table, smiles benevolently at Bill and responds to his question by saying, “Unfortunately, we cannot tell you because you’re not a monk.”

Bill is disappointed by this response, but he thanks the monks for their hospitality and, having finished breakfast, he leaves the monastery.

However, the matter doesn’t end there.

Bill cannot forget the hypnotic allure of this beautiful, seductive sound. So, a year later, he just has to go back to the monastery and plead with the monks to tell him more about this strange sound.

Once again, the response from the Abbot is, “Unfortunately, we cannot tell you because you’re not a monk.”

Bill is desperate, so he says to the Abbot, “Look, if the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk.”

“Before you can join our monastery,” says the Abbot, “you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are in total and the exact number of grains of sand there are, too. When you’ve found the answers to these questions, only then will you be ready to become a monk.“

Bill realises it won’t be easy, but he sets about his task to become a monk.

Years later, he’s now getting old, but Bill is back knocking on the door of the monastery.

The door is answered, and Bill is taken to the Abbot.

“In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I’ve travelled the earth as you requested,” says Bill. “Reflecting on the questions you asked me to answer, I’ve come to realise that the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self-deception.“

“Congratulations!” says the Abbot. “You’re now ready to become a monk and join our monastery.”

“Can I now know the mystery of the sacred sound?” asks Bill.

“Indeed, you can,” the Abbot responds. “Follow me.”

The Abbot then leads Bill down a long, dark corridor, at the end of which is an old wooden door.

“The source of the sound is beyond this door,” says the Abbot, as he hands Bill a key.

Bill then opens the door, only to find that behind it is another door made of stone.

The Abbot hands Bill another key, and he opens it, only to find yet another door, this time one that is encrusted with emeralds.

Well, the process goes on and Bill finds a series of doors, encrusted with various precious gems, including pearls, sapphires, rubies and diamonds. He’s given keys for each, and he opens each one.

Finally, Bill reaches a door that is made of solid gold.

He can now hear the strange and seductive sound clearly as the Abbot hands him the final key.

“This is the last key to the last door,” says the Abbot. “On the other side of this door is the source of the sound that has enchanted you so much, for so long.”

Bill is feeling a little apprehensive at this point, after all, the answer he’s been seeking for so long is behind this door.

With trembling hands, Bill unlocks the door, turns the knob, and pushes the door open, slowly.

He falls to his knees in amazement, as he finally discovers the source of that haunting, seductive and beautiful sound.

And what is the source?

Unfortunately, we cannot tell you because you’re not a monk.

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Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find these funny short stories for seniors as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post, then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone’s a winner?

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

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5 short funny stories for adults looking for a smile

08/07/2025 by

Here are five short funny stories for adults looking for a smile today. They all made me laugh, and I hope they make you laugh, too.

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Short funny stories for adults:

1. The nudist beach:

Three men were visiting a nudist beach, and it wasn’t long before they were engaged in conversation. Two of the men looked very happy to be there, whilst the other man looked a little glum.

Naturally, their conversation quickly gravitated to a discussion about their respective jobs.

“I work on Wall Street,” said the first man, smiling. “It’s well-paid work, but the dress code is very formal, and I have to wear a suit with a collar and tie daily. So this is a perfect vacation for me. I have the freedom to relax, feeling completely unrestrained.”

The second man smiled and said, “I’m with you there, buddy. I’m a deep-sea diver, and I’m usually weighed down with a diver’s suit, lead boots, and a brass helmet. Being here on this beach is real freedom for me.”

The two men then looked at their unhappy companion and asked what he did for a living.

“I’m a pickpocket,” said the man, “and my therapist said I’d benefit from a holiday where I won’t have the opportunity to steal from people.”

2. The real deal:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in Benidorm debating the merits of their favourite bars back home.

“In my local pub in London,” says the Englishman, “if I buy two pints of lager, I get the third pint for free. Now that’s a decent deal, you must admit.”

“That’s nothing!” says the Scotsman. “In the pub I go to in Glasgow, if I buy two double whiskies, they’ll give me the third double whisky for free. That’s got to be an even better deal, surely?”

“Listen, boys,” the Irishman responds, “in my local pub in Dublin, if you buy five pints of Guinness, they’ll not only give you the sixth pint for free, but if you go upstairs, you can have s** for free too.”

The Englishman and the Scotsman look at each other quizzically before the Englishman says, “Really? Has that happened to you?”

“Well, no,” says the Irishman, “but it happens to my sister all the time.”

3. Crossing the raging river:

Jim, Bill, and Mike are three friends out walking in the countryside when they arrive at a wide and raging river.

Naturally, they need to get across, but they have no idea how to cross successfully.

Jim, being a believer in the good Lord, immediately prays to God. “Please, God, give me the strength to cross this raging river.”

Suddenly, there’s a POOF sound, and Jim’s arms and legs are transformed into powerful limbs that allow him to swim across the river in less than an hour.

Seeing this, Bill decides to pray too. “Please, God, give me the strength and ability to cross this raging river in a way easier than swimming.”

Suddenly, there’s a POOF sound, and there before Bill is a kayak, which allows him to row across the river in less than 30 minutes.

Having witnessed events so far and seeing how it works, Mike decides to pray too. “Please, God, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this raging river in the easiest way possible.”

Suddenly, there’s a POOF sound, and Mike is turned into a woman. She checks her map, walks 100 yards along the riverbank, and walks across the bridge.

4. Stranger in town:

The journey on horseback from Waco to Fort Worth is a long ride along a dusty trail, and for any cowboy, it’s thirsty work.

So when George passed through a small town along the way, he decided to stop at the saloon for a cold beer to quench his thirst.

Well, the locals were none too friendly to strangers passing through their town, and George could sense a negative vibe immediately as he tied up his horse to the post before walking through the saloon doors.

When he’d finished his beer, George walked outside, and he was none too happy to discover that someone had stolen his horse.

So he walked back into the bar, drew his gun from its holster, spun it around his finger in an impressive fashion, and then shot a bullet straight through a whisky bottle standing at the other end of the long bar.

The place went silent, and you could hear a pin drop, until George shouted, “Now which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?”

No one said anything. The place was deadly quiet.

George shouted menacingly, “Now you listen to me! I’m gonna sit here and have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’ve finished my drink, then I’m gonna do what I dun in Waco. And I don’t want to have to do what I dun in Waco.”

The locals shifted nervously in their seats. They didn’t like strangers much, but they liked trouble even less.

So when George had finished his beer, he looked outside, and sure enough, there was his horse tied to the post and waiting for him.

George saddled up and then started to ride slowly along Main Street.

The bartender had wandered outside and stood and watched George go.

“Hey partner,” said the bartender, “so what happened in Waco?”

George smiled and said, “I had to walk home!”

5. The Adoption Agency:

A married couple, Jim and Josephine, owned their own circus, and one day they walked into an adoption agency.

Naturally, they explained their circumstances to the social worker.

The social worker looked a little puzzled. “Are you sure that a travelling circus is the best environment in which to bring up a young child?” he asked. “I mean, all those dangerous animals and constantly being on the road?”

“The animals are all well trained,” Josephine responded, “and we have a state-of-the-art, sixty-foot motor home, with every comfort necessary.”

“But how would you educate the child?” asked the social worker.

“We’ve arranged a tutor,” said Jim. “He’ll teach all the regular academic subjects, as well as Spanish and computer programming.”

“And we’ll have a nanny,” Josephine added quickly. “She’s certified in pediatric care, child welfare, and nutrition.”

The social worker had listened carefully, and he was impressed.

“Well, you do seem like an ideal couple,” he said. “What age of child did you have in mind?”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Jim, “as long as they’re small enough to fit in the cannon.”

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You’ll howl laughing at these 5 hilariously funny jokes

07/28/2025 by

If you’re looking for some hilariously funny jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got 5 little gems for you today.

I’m confident they’ll all make you smile.

So take a few minutes to enjoy them all and brighten your day.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKES
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Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Getting to know your students:

It was the beginning of a new school year, and the teacher was getting to know the children by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl to respond said, “I’m Mary, and my dad’s a builder.”

Then another little girl spoke and said, “My name’s Louisa, and my dad’s a police officer.”

The conversation went on like this as the teacher went around the class, until one little boy said, “I’m Jack, and my dad’s a stripper in a gay bar.”

Naturally, the teacher was surprised by this comment, and feeling slightly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking, she decided it might be better to change the subject.

A little later, she spotted Jack in the schoolyard on his own. So the teacher approached him and asked if it was true that his father worked as a stripper in a gay bar.

Jack’s face turned a little red as he replied, “No, he’s actually a banker, but I was too embarrassed to admit that in front of the class.”

2. Bikers at the roadside diner:

Jeff was sitting quietly in a roadside diner, enjoying his lunch, when suddenly three mean-looking bikers walked in.

The first guy strolls over to Jeff and stubs a cigarette into his lunch.

The second biker then walks over and spits in Jeff’s coffee.

Finally, the third guy picks up Jeff’s plate and flings it, crashing to the floor. Then he starts howling with laughter straight in Jeff’s face.

Jeff quietly gets to his feet and leaves the diner.

The third biker walks across to the waitress, who was standing behind the counter, and sneers, “Well, he wasn’t much of a man, now was he?”

The waitress smiles and, glancing in the direction of the window, responds, “It looks like he wasn’t much of a driver either. He’s just backed his truck over those three motorcycles parked outside and trashed them all.”

3. The baseball game:

One day, the Devil challenges God to a baseball game between teams from Heaven and Hell.

God smiled and said, “Hell wouldn’t have a chance.”

“Why?” queried the Devil.

“Oh, Devil, come on now? I’ve got the greatest baseball players of all time. Hey, I’ve got Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. I’ve even got the Yankee Clipper, Joe DiMaggio. Who have you got?” said God.

The Devil grinned and said, “Well, God, impressive as your list is, I’ve still got all the umpires.”

4. The haircut:

Jim went into a barber’s shop that was advertising David Beckham-style haircuts.

Twenty minutes later, Jim looked in the mirror, and he was shocked to see that looking back at him was an erratically shaven scalp and a head covered in cuts.

Naturally, Jim protested to the barber. Pointing to his head, Jim said, “Now listen to me, buddy, this is not how David Beckham has his hair cut.”

“He would if he had his hair cut here,” the barber responded.

5. The night watchman:

The US government owned a scrapyard in the middle of the desert.

This was the source of some concern to Congress because the feeling was that people could steal from it.

So, they decided to create the role of night watchman, and someone was hired to do the job.

However, Congress was then concerned about how the night watchman could carry out his duties without instruction.

The solution to this dilemma was to create a planning department, and two people were hired to fill the position. One was hired to write instructions, and the other to carry out time and motion studies.

Congress then had concerns about how they might measure whether the night watchman was doing his job effectively.

To address this problem, they established a quality control department and hired two additional personnel. One was hired to study job performance and the other to write reports.

Then Congress questioned how everyone would be paid. To resolve this issue, two additional personnel were hired: one as a timekeeper and one as a payroll officer.

However, that wasn’t the end of Congress’s concerns because the obvious question was, “Who is to be accountable for all these people?”

The solution was to create an Administration Department and hire three additional staff members – an Administration Director, an Administration Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

A year passed, and following a review, Congress expressed concern that the operation was $27,000 over budget. Naturally, they considered ways to reduce overall costs.

The solution agreed upon by Congress was to lay off the night watchman.

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33 funny jokes for 5-year-olds that’ll tickle adults too

06/21/2025 by

If you’re looking for funny jokes for 5-year-olds, then I’ve curated 33 of them, and I think they might just tickle you too, dear reader. I hope so, anyway.

Take a few moments to enjoy them all, or at least groan at a few, and then share them with the 5-year-olds in your life, and anyone else you think they’ll amuse as well.

Jokes-for-5-year-olds
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Jokes for 5-year-olds (1-11):

  1. What pie can fly? – A magpie.
  2. What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit? – Nectarine.
  3. How do you start a milk pudding race? – Say go.
  4. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms? – A doctorpus
  5. What do you call a bike that bites people? – A vicious cycle.
  6. Which sea creature is good at math? – An octoplus.
  7. What do you call a Scottish parrot? – A Macaw.
  8. What do you call a pickle that draws? – A dillustrator.
  9. Who was the pizza’s favourite relative? – Aunt Chovy.
  10. Where would seaweed look for a job? – The kelp-wanted ads.
  11. What grace is said before a salad is eaten? – Lettuce pray.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (12-22):

  1. Why do lions eat raw meat? – They don’t know how to cook it.
  2. What food can be eaten in a taxi? – Corn-on-the-cab.
  3. Where would you see hamburgers boxing? – In an onion ring.
  4. What did the dinner plate say to the side plate? – Lunch is on me.
  5. What lies on the forest floor, 100 feet in the air? – A dead centipede.
  6. Which vegetable is most unreliable? – A fickle onion.
  7. What goes up but doesn’t come down? – Your age.
  8. What kind of nut will you find on a wall? – A walnut.
  9. So, how long were you there? – About five foot eleven.
  10. Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.
  11. In what way are cooks cruel to animals? – They batter fish.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (23-33):

  1. Why did the sandwich go to the dentist? – It needed a filling.
  2. How long should you cook spaghetti? – About 30 centimetres.
  3. What is served in glasses but is hard to swallow? – A stiff drink.
  4. Why did the pickle stay home from school? – Because he felt dill.
  5. What did one snowman say to the other? – Can you smell carrots?
  6. What’s brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? – A coconut on holiday.
  7. Why did the orange go to the doctor? – He wasn’t peeling very well.
  8. How did the Irish potato change nationality? – It became a French fry.
  9. Why did the banana go out with the prune? – Because he couldn’t find a date.
  10. What did one strawberry say to another? – I told you we’d end up in this jam.
  11. Which is the best, a hamburger or a hot dog? – A hamburger because hot dogs are wurst.
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Silly Christmas Cracker Jokes: 30 that are so bad they’re funny

12/24/2024 by

Dear reader, do you enjoy Christmas cracker jokes?

Those corny jokes and puns you look for, having pulled your Christmas cracker?

Well, I cannot lie; I love them.

So, I have collected 30 of the best ones, which I hope you will find amusing.

Whether Christmas is an occasion you will be celebrating or not, I do hope one or two of these silly jokes will make you smile.

Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

Christmas cracker jokes (1-15):

  1. What is white and minty? A polo bear!
  2. When is a boat just like snow? When it’s adrift.
  3. What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump? Santa laughing his head off.
  4. How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
  5. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph!
  6. What did Santa say to his wife? It’s going to reindeer!
  7. Why did Santa go to the doctor? Because of his bad elf.
  8. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!
  9. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
  10. What does Miley Cyrus prefer for Christmas dinner? Twerky!
  11. What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate Clauses!
  12. What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho!
  13. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
  14. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
  15. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!

Christmas cracker jokes (16-30):

  1. Why did Santa’s little helper lack confidence? Because he had low elf esteem!
  2. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus!
  3. What do you call Santa when he forgets to wear his underpants? Saint Knickerless!
  4. Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
  5. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
  6. What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
  7. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
  8. Why was the snowman rummaging in a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
  9. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
  10. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had nobody to go with!
  11. What do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear? A fur tree!
  12. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
  13. How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born? They had a weigh-in a manger!
  14. What did Mrs Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up at the sky on the night of Christmas Eve? Looks like rain, dear!
  15. Why did Santa say that sprouts shouldn’t be our vegetable of choice on Christmas Day? All he was sayin’ was give peas a chance!

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People do enjoy groaning at Christmas cracker jokes, so go on, please share this post now.

If you could share this post, then I’d be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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And before I go, allow me to offer my best wishes to everyone who will be celebrating Christmas. I hope your Christmas is filled with the love of family and friends.

And to those for whom December 25th will be just another working day, I hope wherever you are, your life is peaceful, safe, and prosperous, and I hope 2025 proves to be all you’d like it to be.

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40 funny puns and other corny jokes

04/25/2024 by

If you’re looking for some funny puns or corny jokes then I have 40 little gems for you today, dear reader.

They may not all tickle you but I’m confident there’s enough here to put a smile on the face of even the toughest critic.

So, take a few moments, perhaps grab a coffee, and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-10):

  1. Yesterday, I got pulled over by a lady cop who asked me to get out of my car. She said, “You’re staggering!” I said, “You’re quite cute too!“
  2. A man was admitted to the hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.
  3. My wife said she’d really like to go to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. So, I took her to Subway, but she didn’t seem to appreciate the experience.
  4. If a can opener doesn’t work properly, is it a can’t opener?
  5. I’ve been writing a pun about the wind, but right now it’s just a draft.
  6. Santa has disowned one of his elves for refusing to accept the elf rules. Does that mean the elf is a rebel without a Claus?
  7. An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take Your Kid to Work Day‘. As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?“
  8. Teacher: Now, children, I want you to come up with a problem where the sum equals four. Little Johnny: I guess we’ll just have to put two and two together.
  9. My aunt is a church official who organizes parishioners’ personal information. Her job title is Nun of Your Business.
  10. My hobby is breeding racing deer, but people just accuse me of trying to make a fast buck.

Funny Puns (11-20):

  1. I said to the Librarian, “Do you have Great Expectations?” She said: “I did but, as you can see, I ended up working in a library“.
  2. The developer of Sherwin-Williams paints nearly froze on an Arctic expedition. He could have used another coat.
  3. What do you call a pig that does martial arts? A karate chop.
  4. My paper airplane won’t fly. It’s just stationery
  5. The batting coach wasn’t helping me perfect my swing, so I quit the team and struck out on my own.
  6. To save on electricity, I decided to wire the electric blanket and the toaster together. Now I keep popping out of bed.
  7. Customer: “This fish is very dry.” Waiter: “Yes sir, naturally, we had to take it out of the water.”
  8. Santa Claus entered the chimney, but the fire was still burning brightly in the hearth. When he came out, he was Krisp Kringle.
  9. I bought a sweater, but I had to return it because it kept picking up static electricity. However, they gave me another one, free of charge.
  10. We are going to see an Elvis impersonator. I called to get tickets and had to press one for the money and two for the show.

Funny Puns (21-30):

  1. I told the chimney sweep that I’d like to do the job on my own. He said: “Soot yourself.”
  2. You can’t have a nose that is 12 inches long, otherwise, it would be a foot.
  3. I have a hunch someday I will need back surgery.
  4. Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. So, now they’re tenants.
  5. I broke down in my car on the way to a wedding in a remote town. I had to wait about ten minutes before another car appeared and I stopped it and asked for help. The guy said, “Look buddy, I’m a chiropodist, not a mechanic.” To which I replied, “Perhaps you could give me a tow then.”
  6. I must tread carefully now, as you’re probably getting tyred of car jokes. We’ve had a clutch of them recently but now I’m exhausted and it’s time to take a brake.
  7. I saw a homeless man in the city dressed like King Henry the 8th. I thought this was a little odd because surely, beggars can’t be Tudors.
  8. I’ve been told that the man who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who invented the Carousel. Apparently, they moved in different circles.
  9. My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Poker but I think she’s bluffing. And anyway, when the chips are down, she’ll be back.
  10. I grew up in a large family and we always had Octopus for Christmas dinner. At least, everyone got a leg.

Funny Puns (31-40):

  1. I had a job in a factory drilling holes but it was boring. So, I moved to a new job joining steel plates together and it’s riveting.
  2. I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea, and haemorrhoids last week. I was really pleased. It was the first time that I’d ever won a game of Scrabble.
  3. At school, the bullies used to hang me up with the coats, until I suggested another kid they should target. It was a bit mean, but it got me off the hook.
  4. My wife looked surprised when I brought home 5 packets of bread dough from the local store. Apparently, we don’t need it.
  5. Apparently, the gap between the rungs on a ladder has increased because people are getting taller. Officially, this is known as climb it change.
  6. The Police phoned and said they’d recovered my stolen sofa. I thought that was nice of them because it had been looking a bit shabby.
  7. I’m walking down Main Street and this guy asks me if could I spare some change. I told him all I had was bills. “Give me one of those!” he said. So, I gave him my electricity bill.
  8. Why does Santa never have to pay for parking? It’s on the house.
  9. The marriage counsellor said that my wife had complained that I never bought her flowers. In my defence, I explained that I didn’t even know that she sold flowers.
  10. My kids said they want a cat for Christmas. We usually have turkey but I’m always willing to try something different.

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Did any of these funny puns or corny jokes make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. If they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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30 one-line jokes corny enough to make you smile

04/09/2024 by

Here are 30 one-line jokes that are corny enough to make you smile. They’re all full groan but I’m confident you’ll like them. Well, just a little, at least.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

One-line Jokes (1-10):

  1. If an octopus wins the war, does that mean it was well-armed?
  2. If a cow doesn’t produce milk, does that mean it’s an udder failure?
  3. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, does that mean it’s a success?
  4. If you steal a calendar, does that mean you get twelve months?
  5. If a turtle loses its shell, does that mean it’s homeless or just naked?
  6. If a ghost gets lost in the fog, does that mean it’s mist?
  7. If you eat a meal in space, does that mean your food is out of this world?
  8. If a snowman gets angry, does that mean he has a meltdown?
  9. If you eat clownfish, does that mean you find things funnier?
  10. If a mime artist is arrested, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

One-line Jokes (11-20):

  1. If you try to fail and succeed, does that mean you’ve done both or neither?
  2. If a clock is still hungry, does that mean it goes back four seconds?
  3. If a cemetery raises its prices, does that get reflected in the cost of living?
  4. If you’re addicted to brake fluid, does that mean you can stop at any time?
  5. If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean the rest follow?
  6. If you buy a bigger bed, do you have more bedroom or less?
  7. If an electric car runs out of power, does that mean it’s exhausted?
  8. If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still listen to his iPhone?
  9. If a psychic knows the future, does that mean they can always pick the winner in the Grand National?
  10. If a cloud has a silver lining, does that mean it pays taxes?

One-line Jokes (21-30):

  1. If a pair of binoculars wins the lottery, do they see double the money?
  2. If a mime artist wins an award, does he get a standing ovation?
  3. If a book about paranoia falls off a shelf, does that mean someone’s watching?
  4. If a conspiracy theorist wins the state lottery, does that prove the government is fixing things?
  5. If a chameleon walks into a bar, does the bartender say, “Hey, I’ve not seen you around!”
  6. If a diary loses a page, does that mean it has a short month?
  7. If a vacuum cleaner sucks at its job, does that mean it gets fired?
  8. If a pair of headphones gets tangled, does it mean they’re in a complicated relationship?
  9. If a cloud is crying, does that mean it will rain cats and dogs?
  10. If a lightbulb gets an idea, does it suddenly shine brighter?

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