5 Best funny jokes for adults that’ll make you laugh

03/27/2023 by

BEST FUNNY JOKES FOR ADULTSIf you’re looking for the best funny jokes for adults, then here are five gems for you today.

I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them all.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine.

So, grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break for a good laugh.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Best funny jokes for adults:

1. The atheist and the cowboy:

An atheist boards a flight from Dallas to New York and sits next to a dusty old cowboy.

As he’s taking his seat the atheist says to the cowboy, “Well, howdy. Would you like to talk? I find flights go quicker when you can have a conversation with a fellow passenger.”

The old cowboy, puts down the inflight magazine he’d been reading and says, “What would you want to talk about, buddy?”

“Well,” says the atheist, with a smug smile, “we could talk about why there’s no God. How about we discuss why there’s no Heaven, no Hell, and no life after death?”

The old cowboy smiles a knowing smile and then says, “Yeah, they might be interesting topics to discuss but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff. Grass, right? Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces clumps of manure. Now, why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist is surprised by this question but he thinks momentarily and then in response he says, “Well, I really have no idea.”

The old cowboy smiles a wry smile and then replies, “So, why do you feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death when clearly you don’t know much?”

2. The challenge:

Jeff was a teenage boy who’d just passed his driving test. Naturally, he was keen to start driving. So, he asked his dad if he could use the family car on Sundays when otherwise it was unused.

“Well, Jeff,” said his dad, “I’d need you to bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut before I’d be willing to talk about you using the car.”

Jeff thought about it momentarily, realised it was the best offer he was likely to get, and so, he decided to accept his dad’s offer. And with that, they shook hands on it.

At the end of the semester, Jeff’s dad said, “Son, I’m pleased you’ve improved your grades, and your willingness to study the bible hasn’t gone unnoticed either, but I’m disappointed you still haven’t had your hair cut.”

“Dad,” said Jeff, “I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed from my Bible study that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.“

Dad smiled at Jeff and then said, “And did you also notice that they all had to walk everywhere they went?“

3. The corny pun 1:

During colonial times, William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, was one of Philadelphia’s most prominent citizens.

Penn had two maiden aunts who owned a bakery known far and wide for its fruit pies, which were reputed to be the best you could buy anywhere.

After many years of success, the two aunts had a serious falling out.

The falling out was so serious that they stopped speaking to one another altogether. Then one moved across the street and opened her own bakery, putting the two in competition.

It wasn’t long before there was a price war going on between them, with each aunt lowering her prices to undercut the other.

Eventually, it got so ridiculous that they were selling their products below cost.

By this time, the only topic of conversation in town was the pie rates of Penn’s aunts.

4. The corny pun 2:

Elmer and Buck are two hillbillies having lunch in Denny’s restaurant. They’re sitting at the counter, enjoying their food, and discussing their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman seated at a nearby table begins to cough, violently.

It seems the bite she’d taken from her club sandwich had gone down the wrong way.

She continues to cough violently for a minute or so, and she’s starting to get quite distressed.

Elmer walks over to the lady and says, “Mam, kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head, suggesting she couldn’t, as she continued to struggle with her breathing.

“Mam, kin ya breathe?” Elmer continues.

Again, she indicates she can’t, as she begins to turn blue.

At this point Elmer, grabs the woman’s skirt, lifting it, before yanking down her underwear, and then he starts licking her right butt cheek with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, Elmer returns to the counter and, as he does so, Buck says to him, “Ya know, I’d herd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it, until now.”

5. The emergency landing:

Jack and Mabel are an elderly couple, flying to Hawaii for a vacation to celebrate their Golden Wedding anniversary.

They’re enjoying the inflight service when suddenly over the public address system, the captain makes an announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some unfortunate news to share with you. We’re having serious problems with all four engines, and we have no choice but to make an emergency landing. Luckily, there’s a remote island just ahead of us with a long, flat beach. We should be able to land the plane safely. However, we also have problems with our communications, so we won’t be able to summon help. So, we may never be rescued, and we may have to spend the rest of our lives on this island.”

The pilot manages to land the plane safely and the passengers all exit the aircraft via the inflatable, evacuation slides.

They’re all wandering around the beach looking a little bewildered, when Mabel says to Jack, “Honey, what are we going to do?”

Jack thinks momentarily and then says, “Mabel, did you manage to make the car lease payment this month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mabel responds sheepishly, “I was so excited about our trip that I forgot.”.

“Well,” Jack continues, “how about settling our credit card bill? Did you manage to do that before we left?”

“Oh no, I didn’t!” says Mabel, “and it was a big one this month with all the expense of this holiday.”

“Right, then” Jack continues, “did you manage to settle the medical bill for the hospital treatment I had last month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mable responds, getting visibly upset, “again, I forgot.

Jack gives Mabel the biggest hug and then he says, “There’s absolutely nothing to worry about, dear. We owe money, so they’ll find us!”

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BEST FUNNY JOKES FOR ADULTSIf you thought that these were the best funny jokes for adults, dear reader, then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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Poem about friendship to get you thinking

03/26/2023 by

POEM ABOUT FRIENDSHIPOne of the great pleasures in life is having a good laugh with a close friend.

We often make the mistakes of thinking we have lots of friends. However, for most people, that’s unlikely to be true.

We may have lots of acquaintances, and some may be very good acquaintances, but that’s not the same thing as friends.

A friend is someone you could call at 3 am, if you were in trouble, and know they’d be willing and keen to help you. Every other person you know is just an acquaintance, with varying degrees of familiarity.

The reality is that most of us have one, two, or possibly three, close friends and they’re our tribe. And that’s all we really need.

So, friendship matters, and we must all cherish our friends. Life wouldn’t be the same without them.

Here’s a poem I wrote with my take on friendship.

A poem about friendship:

Poem about friendship

Please share this poem with your friends:

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4 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love

03/24/2023 by

FUNNY CAN'T STOP LAUGHING JOKESIf you’re in need of a laugh, here are 4 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll just love.

They all tickled me and I’m confident they will tickle you too.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And when you’re done, feel free to share the fun.

Funny can’t stop laughing jokes:

1. Young Johnny:

Young Johnny wanted desperately to get a set of drums for his birthday.

His parents weren’t keen on the idea but his grandparents being grandparents couldn’t resist bringing a smile to his face and they bought him the drums.

“Gee thanks, this is the best present I’ve ever had”, said Johnny excitedly, when his grandparents gave him their gift.

A week later his grandad came to visit and he was asking Johnny how he was getting on with playing the drums.

“They’ve already earned me over $100”, said Johnny

“Wow”, said grandad, “you must be getting really good at playing them.”

“Not really”, said Johnny, “but mum gives me $10 each day for not playing them during the day and dad gives me $10 a day for not playing them in the evening.”

2. The Violin Recital:

Bill had been invited round to his neighbour’s house to listen to a violin recital being given by the neighbour’s son.

They listened intently for 30 minutes and at the end of the recital the neighbour looked at Bill and said, “What do you think?”

“Well, if I’m honest”, said Bill, “he reminds me of Jamie Callum.”

“Really?” said the neighbour, “I didn’t even know Jamie Callum could play the violin.”

“He can’t”, said Bill, “and neither can your son.”

3. You can’t win:

A Highway Patrol officer pulls over a speeding car on Interstate 5.

“Sir, I’ve just clocked your speed at 80 miles per hour,” says the officer.

“How’s that possible, officer?” says the driver. “I was driving the car on cruise control set at 55. I think your radar gun must need re-calibrating.”

As she continues with her knitting, his wife says: “Now come on dear, be honest with the officer. You know this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer is writing up the ticket, the driver looks angrily at his wife and says, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut!”

His wife smiles innocently and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did, or your speed would have been even higher.”

The Highway Patrol officer immediately starts writing up a second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector.

Once again, the driver stares at his wife angrily.

“Listen, women,” says the driver, “just keep your mouth shut, please.”

The officer frowns as he’s listening to this exchange and then says, “Sir, I noticed you weren’t wearing your seat belt. I’m afraid that’s an automatic fine of $75.”

“Please, officer,” says the guy, “I did have it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my coat pocket.”

To which his wife responds, “Now, you know that’s not true, dear. You didn’t have your seat belt on because you never wear your seat belt.”

The Highway Patrol officer starts writing up a third ticket, as the driver explodes and screams at his wife, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!”

At this point, the Highway Patrol officer looks over at the wife and asks, politely, “Mam, does your husband always speak to you this way?”

She looks at her husband innocently and then says, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

4. A healthy diet:

Jim and Mildred, both in their 90s, were killed suddenly when the bus they were on crashed in bad weather.

This was sad because they’d been in excellent health due to a strict regime of eating only healthy foods, abstaining from drinking alcohol, plenty of exercises and watching their weight.

When St Peter welcomed them, he showed them around the first-class facilities now available to them in Heaven.

Jim was really impressed with the beautiful scenery, the eighteen-hole golf course and the Olympic-sized swimming pool.

“This place is really amazing”, said Jim.

“That’s not all,” said St Peter, “let me show you around our five-star restaurant.”

He then led them into the most amazing restaurant with a sumptuous buffet serving every type of delicious food you could imagine.

“Where’s the low-fat table?” asked Jim.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about that anymore”, said St Peter. “You can eat anything you like here. You’re in Heaven now! You can eat as much as you like too. Drink wine; drink beer as well. None of it will affect you. ”

Jim suddenly became quite irritated and he threw his hat to the ground.

“What’s the problem?” asked St Peter.

“Mildred”, Jim snapped, “if you hadn’t insisted on that ghastly diet of All-Bran, Tofu, lentils and oatmeal, we could have been here 10 years ago!”

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funny can't stop laughing jokesIf you enjoyed these funny, can’t-stop-laughing jokes dear reader then please share this post on social media with your friends.

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4 hilariously funny story jokes to make you laugh

03/23/2023 by

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY STORY JOKESToday I offer you 4 hilariously funny story jokes that I’m confident will make you smile.

We all need to laugh, every day. There’s nothing better than a good laugh with your friends.

So here are 4 great jokes you can tell your friends to make them laugh.

Enjoy them all. And please, feel free to pass them on.

Hilariously funny story jokes:

1. Immaculate conception:

Jenny Smith accompanies her 15-year-old daughter Caitlyn to the doctor.

“Good evening Mrs Smith”, says the doctor, “how can I be of help today?”

“Well Doctor Morgan, it’s my daughter Caitlyn”, says Mrs Smith, “she’s putting on weight, she’s being sick in the mornings and she keeps getting these cravings.”

The kindly doctor smiles and then says, “Right then let me take a look at her.”

He then examines Caitlyn thoroughly before turning to her mother and saying, “Well, I’m not quite sure how to break this news to you Mrs Smith but your daughter is pregnant. Probably about three months gone, I would estimate.“

Jenny Smith is shocked. “Pregnant?” she says to the doctor.

“Yes mam”, the doctor responds.

“But how can that be?” says Mrs Smith. “She doesn’t even have a boyfriend. Do you Caitlyn?”

“No mom, I don’t” Caitlyn responds nervously. “I’ve never even kissed a boy and I’m still a virgin.”

Doctor Morgan walks across to the window in his surgery and starts gazing out into the evening sky.

A few minutes pass before Mrs Smith feels compelled to say, “What’s the problem doctor is something wrong out there?“

“No, not really”, Doctor Morgan replies, “but the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men arrived on camels to witness the event. That’s definitely a spectacle I didn’t want to miss.“

2. If a job matters, don’t leave it to a man:

Gloria is getting increasingly concerned that her 3-year-old son Billy looks completely different to both her and her husband Jeff.

So she decides to take Billy for a DNA test.

The results from the DNA test reveal that Billy is actually from completely different parents.

So when Jeff arrives home from work, Gloria says, “Honey, I’ve got something really serious to tell you.“

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jeff responds.

“Well”, says Gloria, “according to DNA test results, Billy is not our child.“

To which Jeff responds, “Well don’t you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet diaper and you said, ‘Honey, go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here’.”

3. County work:

Jim stops at a gas station on Interstate 5, fills his tank, pays for the gas and, in doing so, also buys a can of cherry cola.

Before moving on, Jim stands by his car drinking his cola.  As he does so, he watches a couple of guys working along the roadside.

One of the guys digs a hole about two feet deep, then moves on.

The other guy follows the first guy filling in the hole that had just been dug.

And each time the first guy digs a new hole, the other guy is about 20 feet behind him filling in the previous hole.

Jim watches this for a while and then feels compelled to say something.

So, as the two workmen get close to where Jim is standing, he says to them, “Hey guys, just hold it a minute. Why are you digging holes and then just filling them in again?”

“Well,” said the first guy, “we work for the county.”

“So, you work for the county,” says Jim, “but one of you is digging a hole and the other is just filling it in again. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you just wasting the county’s money?“

“Hey buddy, you don’t understand,” says the first guy, leaning on his shovel and wiping sweat from his brow.

“Normally there’s three of us,” the second guy chips in.

“That’s right,” said the first guy, “There’s normally there’s me, Mike here, and Phil but Phil’s sick today.”

“Yeah!” says Mike, “Bill here digs the hole, Phil plants a tree and then I shovel the dirt back in.”

“Right,” says Jim, “I get it, but Phil’s not here so there’s no tree.”

“Yeah!” Bill responds. “But just because Phil’s not here doesn’t mean that we don’t still have work to do!”

4. You can’t outsmart an old dog:

An old dog strays into a jungle and gets himself completely lost.

A hungry lion basking in the sunspots the old dog from a distance and thinks to himself “I’ve not seen this type of animal before but he sure looks edible.”

The lion then gets up and starts moving slowly towards the old dog, gradually picking up the pace before he then sprints towards the dog with real menace in his eyes.

The old dog sees the charging lion and naturally, he starts to panic. Who wouldn’t panic in these circumstances?

However, the old dog is also very smart and he realises he cannot outrun the lion. So having noticed some bones next to him on the ground he picks one up and starts chewing at it.

As the lion gets close, he then says loudly, “Hmmm, now that was some excellent lion meat!“

Hearing this comment stops the lion in his tracks.

The lion stares at the old dog thinking, “This old fella must be a lot tougher than he looks. It’s might be a good idea to leave him alone.“

A monkey in a nearby tree sees what’s happened and recognises that the old dog has managed to fool the lion.

Naturally, the monkey thinks that this is a situation he might be able to exploit to his advantage.

So he goes over to the lion and tells him exactly what happened, in the hope that he might just get something in return.

The lion is angry that he’s fallen for the old dog’s deception, so he says to the monkey, “Get on my back now and we’ll get him together. We’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget“.

So with the monkey on his back, the lion once again starts rushing in the old dog’s direction.

Despite his advancing years, the old dog is quick to spot them and realizes what’s happened. He starts to panic again before he quickly gets another idea.

He then starts to act like he’s searching for something until they get close and then to ensure they hear him he shouts loudly, “Where’s that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago.“

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hilariously funny story jokesSo dear reader, did these hilariously funny story jokes make you laugh? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

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3 funny joke stories your friends will love

03/22/2023 by

FUNNY JOKE STORIESDo you enjoy funny joke stories, dear reader?

Those little stories you can embellish, as you tell them, and which always have a funny punch line.

Well, I love them and here are three that were new to me and that I thought you might enjoy.

Take a moment to read them all and feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Shock for the preacher’s wife:

Jeff and Emma both had demanding jobs, working on Wall Street, and they’d decided it was time for them to take a break, catch a little sunshine and relax down in Acapulco for a week.

As luck would have it, on the day they were due to depart Emma had to deal with an emergency at the investment bank in which she worked.

So they agreed that Jeff would go as planned, and Emma would take a later flight and meet him the following day, at the hotel.

When Jeff arrived at the hotel, having checked in, he decided that it would a good idea to email Emma and let her know he’d arrived safely.

Now Jeff and Emma were active members of the congregation at a Lutheran Church in Manhattan and the wife of the preacher from the church was Emma Davis, which coincidently was exactly the same name as Jeff’s wife, Emma.

In his haste to type out his message, Jeff managed to select the wrong Emma Davis from his contact list, and his message went to the preacher’s wife by mistake.

To compound the problem, it just so happened that the elderly preacher had died suddenly, on the day that Jeff had departed for Acapulco.

So, when the grieving widow checked her emails, she saw she had a message from a parishioner and naturally she opened it and began reading.

Immediately she let out a loud, piercing scream and then she fainted, collapsing to the floor.

At the sound of her falling, her daughter rushed into the room. Her daughter looked at her mother and then glanced at the message her mother had been reading on her iPad.

The email message read:

Dearest Emma,

I’ve just arrived. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.

2. Old age problem:

Jack was on his lunch break and he decided that he’d sit in the sunshine in Central Park to eat his lunch.

As he walked into the park, he noticed an elderly man sitting on a bench near the gate, sobbing uncontrollably.

Naturally, Jack stopped and asked the old man what was wrong.

“I have a beautiful, 39-year-old wife at home,” said the old man. “She’s loving, kind and every morning she gets up and makes me pancakes for breakfast, with Maple syrup, blueberries and freshly ground coffee.”

“Wow!” said Jack. “She sounds wonderful. So, why are you crying?”

The old man continued to sob. “She cleans my house and keeps it spotless and tidy. Then she makes me delicious clam chowder and crackers for lunch. And in the afternoon she sits with me and we watch the sports channel for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Gee!” Jack responded. “Women like that are hard to find. So, why are you crying?”

With a tear in his eye, the old man said, “For dinner, she always cooks a delicious, gourmet meal with French wine and a fabulous dessert. And after dinner, we cuddle on the sofa watching television until bedtime.”

“You’re a lucky man”, said Jack, “and I really don’t understand why in the world you would be crying?”

The old man looked up and sighed, “I can’t remember where I live.”

Funny Joke Stories3. An expression of love:

Jane was a born romantic at heart and she liked nothing better than to send her husband, Jim, a loving text message whenever he was away on business.

One morning, when Jim was away, she decided to send him a text message when she knew he was likely to be in his hotel room getting ready for the business day ahead.

Her message read, “If you’re still sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re laughing, send me your smile. Perhaps you’re still eating, in which case send me a bite. And if you’re drinking your morning coffee, then send me a sip. I love you!”

Unfortunately for Jane, Jim was your typically blunt, unromantic kind of guy. He responded, “I’m on the toilet, taking a dump. Please advise.”

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So for you dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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Funny political satire with laughter guaranteed

03/21/2023 by

Funny political satire In the times in which we now live, it seems that intelligent political debate is something from a bygone age.

Perhaps it never really existed at all.

However, the politically correct modern media has created a debate so lacking in intelligent and informed analysis that it has become completely pointless I think.

If you live in the United Kingdom dear reader, then an excellent example for me is the BBC’s Question Time. It may have a new host in Fiona Bruce but it’s still just a lot of hot air I think.

Essentially it’s just a carefully selected bunch of people with rigid views coupled with an inability to understand why others may think the way they do. And an unwillingness even to try.

I suppose that’s just the way it is nowadays.

Nevertheless, it’s not a complete loss to us all because it does offer fertile ground for comedy and funny political satire.

So if you think that the BBC’s Question Time has become a mess of evidence-free assertions, class warfare, soundbites and smugness then you might enjoy this comedy sketch from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse.

It’s hilarious and for me, they have truly nailed the nature of what passes for modern political debate.

It made me laugh and I hope it makes you smile too.

Funny political satire:

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So dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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25 facts of life that might get you thinking

03/20/2023 by

FACTS OF LIFESearching for the facts of life, dear reader? I guess the question is, what do we mean by the fact of life?

Well, for some it means the birds and the bees. For me, it means trying to make sense of life and the lived experience.

Here are 25 facts of life which are my take on the world based on my own lived experience.

I hope you find some useful insights here.

If you do, please feel free to share them.

Facts of life (1-10):

  1. We live by our wits.
  2. Just because it’s dismissed as a conspiracy theory, doesn’t mean it’s not true. 
  3. Just because it looks genuine doesn’t mean it’s not fake. That goes for people too.
  4. Human beings are all flawed. You may not be perfect but you’re as perfect as the next person. 
  5. Time is more valuable than money. You can earn more money, but you can’t get more time. With time, once it’s gone it’s gone. Use it wisely. 
  6. We all make a living by selling something to someone. In exchange for adding value in some way to the lives of others, we earn money. Money is a measure of the perceived value we add. 
  7. You can choose to be whatever you want but you must accept that there will always be trade-offs. Everything comes at a price and that price must be paid first. 
  8. Life’s what you make it. It will never be perfect but with hard work and determination, it can be good. However, if you want the best life for yourself, you’ll need to carve it out yourself. 
  9. Just because people don’t share their troubles doesn’t mean they don’t have any. No one can ever truly know the battles other people face. So, be careful when judging. 
  10. You must always be prepared for when opportunity knocks. Life is an endless stream of opportunities just waiting for the fleet-footed and those ready and waiting to seize the day.

Facts of life (11-17):

  1. There’s only one way to gain experience. The hard way. You can’t train experience. You must go out there, make mistakes and learn from them. In short, there’s no elevator, you must take the stairs, one by one. 
  2. All too often, people choose to move on because they failed to appreciate what they had. It’s easy to think that the grass is greener somewhere else, but the grass is greener where it’s well-watered.
  3. You may be angry at the way you’ve been treated. You may feel you have every right to be angry. However, a chippy attitude will never win over hearts and minds. You’ll catch more flies with sugar than you will with vinegar. 
  4. Those who can only see virtue in their own opinions are keen to close down those with alternative opinions because they’re concerned that the public may listen to and be influenced by those with alternative opinions. 
  5. It’s wrong to think that the law will protect the individual. It won’t. Do or say anything that runs counter to the interests of the powerful elite, and it will come back to bite you. If you want to go against the powerful, you’ll need numbers on your side. 
  6. When the powerful elite suggests the need for limitations on what people are allowed to do, what they have in mind will only apply to ordinary folk. They have no intention of being constrained by such limitations themselves.
  7. Giving is easy but if you need to take it back, that’s when it gets difficult. Be careful what you give if there’s a possibility you may need to take it back.

Facts of life (18-25):

  1. Politicians are not on your side. They’re driven by personal ambition and self-interest. Your interests only matter to them when being seen to be doing something for you is useful to them, politically.
  2. It’s unwise to agree to anything that would give any government too much control over your life. You cannot trust a politician. 
  3. There is no such thing as government cash. There’s only taxpayers’ cash. Even when governments borrow money, that’s just money taken now from future taxpayers. Governments have no cash of their own. 
  4. Acting together, we are strong. If enough of us band together we are invincible. We don’t have to accept all the nonsense. We can and should push back. Operating in great numbers we can scare the hell out of the politicians and the powerful elite.
  5. No one grants us freedom. We are free people, and no government should ever be allowed to believe, mistakenly, that it controls us. We have rights, they’re inalienable, and politicians need reminding of that, constantly. 
  6. Those seeking to manipulate our language, are trying to control the debate. Changing what we say and how we say it, is part of an agenda aimed at creating a world that suits their interests but not ours. We must all push back, constantly.
  7. The result of complicating communication will be misunderstanding and miscommunication. And misunderstanding and miscommunication can only ever lead to problems and tensions between people. So, keep it simple, always. 
  8. It’s strange in the modern world that so many seemingly sensible people are willing to accept some incredibly silly ideas without question. Never be afraid to challenge the orthodoxy.

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Filed Under: Wisdom Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

50 funny questions to ask anyone and get a laugh

03/19/2023 by

FUNNY QUESTIONS TO ASK ANYONEIf you enjoy playing that game with your friends whereby you ask each other funny questions, then here are 50 funny questions to ask anyone.

You and your friends can have hours of fun asking each other these silly questions. It’s a great game to play and, if nothing else, you’ll learn a lot more about your friends in the process.

So, get a few friends, or fellow workers together, and ask them a few of these questions to see what answers you get.

And please, feel free to share them all.

Funny questions to ask (1-10):

  1. If animals could talk, which one would be the most sarcastic?
  2. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
  3. If you had to wear one Halloween costume every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  4. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you’d done?
  5. What’s the funniest WiFi name you’ve ever seen?
  6. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten for breakfast?
  7. If you could choose your own nickname, what would it be?
  8. What’s the strangest place you’ve ever found your lost keys or phone?
  9. What would you do if you found a penguin in your freezer?
  10. If you could be any fictional character for a day, who would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (11-20):

  1. If you could have a theme song, what would it be?
  2. What’s the silliest prank you’ve ever pulled?
  3. If you were a superhero, what would your useless superpower be?
  4. If you could create the ultimate animal by merging two different animals, which animals would you use?
  5. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you pick?
  6. What’s the most embarrassing fashion trend you’ve ever followed?
  7. If you could be a fly on anyone’s wall, whose wall would it be and why?
  8. What three items would you bring to a desert island to entertain yourself?
  9. If your life was a sitcom, what would it be called?
  10. What’s the worst job you could have but with the best job title?

Funny questions to ask (21-30):

  1. If you could have dinner with any three fictional characters, who would you choose?
  2. If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
  3. If your life had a blooper reel, what would be the funniest moment on it?
  4. What would be the most inappropriate time to start a dance party?
  5. If you could choose one age to be forever, what age would you choose and why?
  6. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, which one would you pick?
  7. What would your pet say about you if it could talk?
  8. What’s the weirdest gift you’ve ever received?
  9. What’s the most unusual hobby you’ve ever tried?
  10. If you had a time machine that could only go one way, would you rather visit the past or the future?

Funny questions to ask (31-40):

  1. What are three words that make you laugh every time you hear them?
  2. What’s the funniest misheard song lyric you’ve ever encountered?
  3. If you could switch lives with a celebrity for a day, who would it be and why?
  4. What’s the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen a pet do?
  5. If you had to give up one of your senses, which one would you choose and why?
  6. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever overheard in public?
  7. If you could have one magical power, what would it be and why?
  8. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done to impress someone?
  9. If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  10. If you had to replace your hands with objects, what objects would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (41-50):

  1. What’s the most ridiculous outfit you’ve ever worn on a date?
  2. If you were a potato, how would you like to be cooked?
  3. If you could swap lives with a cartoon character, who would it be and why?
  4. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing autocorrect fail you’ve ever experienced?
  5. If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  6. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said in your sleep?
  7. If you could have an unlimited supply of any item, what would it be and why?
  8. What’s the cheesiest pick-up line you’ve ever heard of or used?
  9. If you could choose a new first name, what would it be?
  10. If you could communicate with animals, which species would you want to chat with the most?

Funny questions to ask (51-60):

  1. What’s the funniest or most unusual name for a pet you’ve ever encountered?
  2. If you had to marry a fictional character, who would you choose and why?
  3. What’s the weirdest food combination you’ve ever tried and enjoyed?
  4. If you could only speak in movie quotes, which movie would you choose?
  5. What’s the most amusing way you’ve ever procrastinated?
  6. If you could be any object for a day, what would you be and why?
  7. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you at a party?
  8. If you had to choose a movie title to describe your life, what would it be?
  9. What’s the most hilarious or cringe-worthy trend you participated in as a teenager?
  10. If you could only communicate through dance moves, how would you greet people?

Funny questions to ask (61-70):

  1. What’s the most absurd lie you’ve ever told and gotten away with?
  2. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done while sleepwalking?
  3. If you could only use one word for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  4. If you could have a conversation with anyone of your choosing, dead or alive, who would you choose and what would you ask them?
  5. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing story from your childhood?
  6. If you could choose any celebrity to be your personal life coach, who would it be and why?
  7. If you had to choose one food to be allergic to, what would it be?
  8. If you could only watch one TV show for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  9. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing you’ve done to get someone’s attention?
  10. If you could instantly become an expert in any subject, what would it be and why?

Funny questions to ask (71-80):

  1. What’s the strangest or most unexpected place you’ve ever fallen asleep?
  2. If you had to choose a new first name that starts with the letter Z, what would it be?
  3. What’s the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen in someone else’s home?
  4. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever bought online?
  5. If you could be a professional athlete in any sport, which sport would you choose and why?
  6. What’s the most unusual or unexpected item you carry with you every day?
  7. If you could have any accent from around the world, which one would you choose?
  8. What’s the most hilarious or embarrassing thing you’ve done while on a date?
  9. If you could choose any animal to be your personal sidekick, which one would you choose?
  10. If you could change your name to anything, but it had to be a food, what would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (81-90):

  1. If you could only use one mode of transportation for the rest of your life, would you choose a unicycle, roller skates, or a pogo stick?
  2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done to avoid an awkward situation?
  3. If you had to replace your hands with kitchen utensils, which ones would you choose and why?
  4. If you were a professional wrestler, what would your stage name be and what would be your signature move?
  5. What’s the most absurd nickname you’ve ever been given or given to someone else?
  6. If you could have any superpower, but it could only be used to mildly inconvenience others, what would it be?
  7. If you had to eat one condiment for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
  8. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done while trying to impress someone?
  9. If you had to wear a hat every day for the rest of your life, what type of hat would you choose?
  10. What’s the most unusual talent you have that nobody knows about?

Funny questions to ask (91-100):

  1. What’s the strangest talent you have?
  2. If you could replace your voice with any celebrity’s voice, whose voice would you choose?
  3. If you could only watch one genre of movie for the rest of your life, which one would you pick: romantic comedies, horror movies, or documentaries?
  4. If you could add any word to the dictionary, what would it be and what would its definition be?
  5. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you at a family gathering?
  6. If you had to permanently change your hairstyle to one of these options, would you choose a mullet, a mohawk, or a perm?
  7. What’s the most bizarre or unexpected item you’ve ever found in your pocket or purse?
  8. If you could only use one dance move for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
  9. What’s the strangest or most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to avoid being late?
  10. If you could be the world champion in any unusual or obscure sport, which one would you choose?

Please share with your friends:

So, there you have it. My 50 funny questions to ask anyone. I hope you have fun with them.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

15 corny jokes you can tell your kids and your friends

03/13/2023 by

CORNY JOKESDo you enjoy corny jokes, dear reader? Well, I do and whenever I hear them, I make a note of them in my journal. Today I thought I share a few of them with you.

Here are 15 corny jokes, which I hope will make you smile. If they don’t make you smile then I’m sure a few of them will appeal to the kids in your life, and your friends too.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all and share them with your kids and/or your friends.

Corny Jokes:

  1. For what was Camelot famous? It’s knight life.
  2. What was Noah’s profession? He was an ark-itect.
  3. How did the yeti feel when he had flu? Abominable.
  4. Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned.
  5. A skeleton walks into a bar in Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
  6. What do you get if you cross a dog with a chicken? Pooched eggs.
  7. Which cake lives in a cathedral in Paris? The flapjack of Notre Dame.
  8. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a plumber? A drain in the neck.
  9. What do you get if you cross a chicken with some cement? A bricklayer.
  10. Why are eggs overrated? Because they’re not all they’re cracked up to be.
  11. What’s the difference between a dog with fleas and a bored guest? One’s going to itch and the other’s itching to go.
  12. What’s the difference between a football and a duck? You’ll find one in a huddle and the other in a puddle.
  13. Which cake is served in Heaven? Angel cake.
  14. What game does a wizard octopus love to play? Squidditch.
  15. What did the lovesick cyclops say to his sweetheart? You’re the one-eye adore.

Please share this post with your friends:

CORNY JOKESSo dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these corny jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media. Share these jokes with the kids in your life too.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

03/12/2023 by

Sarcastic Remarks If you admire clever put-downs or sharp, sarcastic remarks then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!‘

And of course, we all need a good laugh too. So these should help with that as well. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic Remarks:

  1. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you really are the full cactus.
  2. Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
  3. Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
  4. I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
  5. You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
  6. You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
  7. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  8. There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
  9. The mirror doesn’t lie but lucky for you it doesn’t laugh either.
  10. If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
  11. Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
  12. Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
  13. If I act like I don’t care that’s because I don’t.
  14. If it’s loyalty you want get a dog.
  15. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  16. That’s an eye-catching dress mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
  17. You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
  18. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
  19. You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
  20. That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
  21. I’ve had more fun having root canal treatment.
  22. You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?
  23. Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
  24. You’re not ugly. Unattractive definitely, but not really ugly.
  25. Sarcastic RemarksIf you don’t want sarcastic answers don’t ask me stupid questions.
  26. You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
  27. In another age you’d have been burned at the stake.
  28. Normally I pretend to like you but today I really can’t be bothered.
  29. Violence may not solve anything but it might make me feel better.
  30. Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
  31. Sure I’ll help you out buddy. The same way you came in.
  32. Don’t take yourself too seriously, no one else does.
  33. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
  34. You sound better with your mouth closed.
  35. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
  36. You have every right to express an opinion sir and I have every right to ignore it.
  37. Do I think you’re stupid? Well, I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoelaces.
  38. You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
  39. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
  40. I’ve met stingy people before but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
  41. When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
  42. I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
  43. Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
  44. I could insult you but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
  45. If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy mam it’s working I can assure you.
  46. When I look at you I can see that the lights are on but no one’s home.
  47. I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight …… until now!
  48. If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
  49. I didn’t say I hated you but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
  50. You’re a low-paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment buddy. You know you’re nothing and so does everyone else.

Enjoyed these sarcastic remarks? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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