Witty One-liners

15 amusing quotes by Mae West to make you smile

09/23/2025 by

Today I am exploring amusing quotes by Mae West.

Mae West was one of the most controversial movie stars of her day, making comedy out of the prudish, conventional mores of her era. And those Depression-era audiences loved her for it.

Born Mary Jane West in Brooklyn, New York, in 1893, she was an actress, singer, playwright, screenwriter, comedian, and s*x symbol whose entertainment career spanned seven decades.

Some might dismiss her for her lighthearted, bawdy double entendres and breezy s*xual independence, but she knew what she was doing, and she was clearly astute.

She was a woman who lived life on her own terms, and in that sense, she was way ahead of her time.

Asked about the various efforts to impede her career, Mae West replied, “I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.”

Here are 15 quotes by Mae West, many of which I’m sure will make you smile.

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Quotes by Mae West:

  1. A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. ~Mae West
  2. I used to be Snow White but I drifted. ~Mae West
  3. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. ~Mae West
  4. To err is human but it feels divine. ~Mae West
  5. I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. ~Mae West
  6. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. ~Mae West
  7. You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  8. Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. ~Mae West
  9. I never loved another person the way I loved myself. ~Mae West
  10. He who hesitates is a damned fool. ~Mae West
  11. Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office. ~Mae West
  12. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~Mae West
  13. When I’m good, I’m very good but when I’m bad I’m better. ~Mae West
  14. I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. ~Mae West
  15. Marriage is a great institution but I’m not ready for an institution. ~Mae West
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Did you find these quotes by Mae West amusing?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case, then please share this post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

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Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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25 corny puns that’ll make you smile or make you cringe

09/22/2025 by

Do you like corny puns, dear reader? I hope so, because I’ve pulled together 25 of them for you. They’ll make you smile or make you cringe, but either way, I’m sure you’ll appreciate the clever wordplay.

So sit back and take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

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Corny Puns:

  1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  4. Why do bees stay in their hives during the winter? Swarm.
  5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
  6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
  8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
  13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  14. Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
  15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
  17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  20. I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
  21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
  24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
  25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

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If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support.

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29 clever puns that’ll make you smile

09/22/2025 by

If you love clever puns, then you’ve come to the right place, dear reader. I’ve put together a collection of 29 witty one-line puns that will make you smile, at least a little.

Certainly, they all made me smile, and I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them too.

So sit back and take a few moments to enjoy them all. And then pass them on to your friends and colleagues.

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Clever puns:

  1. With great reflexes comes great response-ability.
  2. What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!
  3. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
  4. An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.
  5. I have a broken barometer that I need to sell. No pressure.
  6. Nuns wear the same outfit every day. Must be a habit, I guess.
  7. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  8. I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  9. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up!
  10. If it’s cold, stay close to others. Otherwise, you might feel a bit ice-olated.
  11. I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have put it on aloha setting.
  12. Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!
  13. I’m not sure if my ceiling is the best in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
  14. You’ll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.
  15. To whoever stole my broken bathroom scales, you’ll never get a weigh with it.
  16. Have you ever tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.
  17. I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.
  18. Why are fish the easiest animals to weigh? Because they come with their own scales.
  19. I started a business selling yachts in my attic. Sails have gone through the roof.
  20. I wouldn’t let my children go to see the orchestra. There’s too much sax and violins.
  21. I told my wife I felt like a deck of cards and she said she’d deal with me later.
  22. I have a weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.
  23. Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail? She got a full sentence.
  24. The Pentagon was originally going to be a square, but the contractor kept cutting corners.
  25. What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
  26. I’m a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Someday I’m going to be awesome.
  27. My partner’s name is David, so we named our son Harley. This way he’s Harley, David’s son.
  28. I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
  29. Did you hear about the thieves who robbed a theatre during a performance? They stole the spotlight.

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Thank you for your support.

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25 funny witty quotes that will seriously tickle you

09/21/2025 by

I always get the best reaction with blog posts that are full of content to make you smile. And funny witty quotes are particularly popular with readers.

With that in mind, I’ve been trawling my journals looking for funny witty quotes which I’ve noted for posterity, and that I hope you’ll enjoy now, dear reader.

So, here are 25 funny witty quotes that I’m confident will tickle you. Indeed, they tickled me and made me smile.

They’re all by Authors Unknown, but they’re razor-sharp and funny nevertheless.

So go on, take a few minutes right now to have a laugh and enjoy them all.

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Funny Witty Quotes:

  1. ‘Be yourself is the worst piece of advice you can give to some people.
  2. Some people just need a sympathetic pat on the head, with a hammer.
  3. HIM: How is it your single? HER: Surely you mean you’re?
  4. Arguing with a fool serves only to prove that there are two.
  5. Only dead fish go with the flow.
  6. The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t hold this much personality.
  7. Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you’re drunk.
  8. There are only two rules in life. No 1: Never ever give out all the information.
  9. You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid who acts just like you.
  10. If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.
  11. Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.
  12. I’ve learned so much from my mistakes I’m thinking of making a few more.
  13. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
  14. We mature with damage, not with years.
  15. Life is short. So smile while you still have teeth.
  16. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
  17. Sarcasm is not an attitude. It’s an art.
  18. I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.
  19. Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
  20. The only time a woman is helpless is when her nail polish is drying. Otherwise, watch out.
  21. The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humour.
  22. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege.
  23. If you don’t like the way I drive then stay off the sidewalk.
  24. If at first, you don’t succeed then skydiving’s not for you.
  25. 129% of people exaggerate.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did these funny witty quotes amuse you, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read in this post then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. Thank you.

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25 quotes from Friends guaranteed to amuse you

09/20/2025 by

Today I am exploring quotes from Friends. Remember those days when we got to enjoy the witty banter in Central Perk, and we all wished we could be part of their gang?

It was definitely one of my favourite shows and I’ve watched every episode of every season.

So, I offer you 25 quotes from Friends that I hope you will enjoy.

And, if you do, feel free to share them with your friends.

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25 Quotes from Friends:

  1. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
    — Chandler Bing
  2. “It’s a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It doesn’t matter. It’s moo.”
    — Joey Tribbiani
  3. “Could I be wearing any more clothes?”
    — Joey (doing Chandler)
  4. “I say more dumb things before 9 a.m. than most people say all day.”
    — Chandler Bing
  5. “I’m sorry I was so hard on you before… and I’m sorry I called you ‘a big dull dud’.”
    — Phoebe Buffay
  6. “You can’t just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?”
    — Joey Tribbiani (to Ross)
  7. “Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
    — Phoebe Buffay
  8. “You have to stop the Q-tip when there’s resistance!”
    — Chandler Bing
  9. “You hung up on the pizza place? I don’t hang up on your friends!”
    — Joey Tribbiani
  10. “They don’t know that we know they know we know!”
    — Phoebe Buffay
  11. “I got off the plane.”
    — Rachel Green (a sweet zinger)
  12. “Ross, just because you have a PhD doesn’t mean you’re not an idiot.”
    — Phoebe Buffay
  13. “I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!“
    — Chandler Bing
  14. “You throw your sandwich away… that is a perfectly good sandwich!”
    — Joey Tribbiani
  15. “I don’t even have a ‘pla’.”
    — Phoebe Buffay (when talking about plans)
  16. “I don’t share food!”
    — Joey Tribbiani
  17. “You are over me? When were you… under me?”
    — Ross Geller
  18. “You fell asleep? You fell asleep?! That’s worse than forgetting!”
    — Rachel Green
  19. “That’s not even a word!”
    — Ross Geller (correcting Joey’s use of “supposably”)
  20. “It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.”
    — Chandler Bing
  21. “I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”
    — Rachel mocking Chandler
  22. “Your money’s mine, Green!”
    — Monica Geller (during poker night)
  23. “It tastes like feet!”
    — Ross Geller (about Rachel’s trifle)
  24. “The fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.”
    — Joey Tribbiani
  25. “I’m a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last … twelve hundred times.”
    — Chandler Bing

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When you share, everyone wins.

So, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

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Affiliate Disclosure: This site is an affiliate of Expedia and related companies. This means that if you click on the link and make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products or services that I think will be valuable to you. Any commissions earned help support the cost of content creation and publishing.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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25 quotes from Seinfeld show guaranteed to make you smile

09/19/2025 by

Today I’m looking back at some memorable quotes from Seinfeld show.

One of the best sitcoms of all time for me was the Seinfeld show. It was a masterclass of petty sarcasm and social absurdity. I’ve seen every episode of every season multiple times, and they still make me smile.

So, take a few moments to enjoy these little zingers.

And, please, feel free to share them.

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25 Quotes from Seinfeld Show:

  1. “No soup for you!”
    — The Soup N*zi
  2. “I’m speechless. I am without speech.”
    — George Costanza
  3. “You double-dipped the chip!”
    — Timmy (George’s chip scandal)
  4. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
    — Jerry (recurring)
  5. “Serenity now!”
    — Frank Costanza
  6. “I don’t trust men in capes.”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  7. “Yada yada yada…”
    — Elaine Benes
  8. “Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?”
    — George Costanza
  9. “Maybe the dingo ate your baby.”
    — Elaine Benes
  10. “You had s*x with the cleaning lady on your desk?”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  11. “You’re so good looking!”
    — Jerry (after sneezing joke)
  12. “These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
    — Kramer (and everyone else)
  13. “I was in the pool!”
    — George Costanza
  14. “She had man hands.”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  15. “I’m not the one going to hell.”
    — David Puddy
  16. “You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!”
    — Kramer (via Elaine’s dad)
  17. “I’m out.”
    — Jerry (from The Contest)
  18. “She’s a two-face!”
    — Jerry, describing the lighting-dependent date
  19. “A Festivus for the rest of us!”
    — Frank Costanza
  20. “The sea was angry that day, my friends.”
    — George Costanza
  21. “He took it out.”
    — Elaine (referring to a guy’s move mid-date)
  22. “You know how to take the reservation; you just don’t know how to hold the reservation.”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  23. “A George divided against itself cannot stand!”
    — George (about worlds colliding)
  24. “Jerry, just remember: it’s not a lie if you believe it.”
    — George Costanza
  25. “I don’t wanna be a pirate!”
    — Jerry Seinfeld

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When you share, everyone wins.

So, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

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Affiliate Disclosure: This site is an affiliate of Expedia and related companies. This means that if you click on the link and make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products or services that I think will be valuable to you. Any commissions earned help support the cost of content creation and publishing.

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© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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25 comedy movie quotes to make you smile

09/18/2025 by

Today I’m exploring comedy movie quotes. Those little gems we all enjoy from our favourite movies.

I’ve curated 25 such quotes, just for you, dear reader.

I hope you enjoy them all.

Feel free to share them with your friends.

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Comedy Movie Quotes

  1. “You’re so stupid you threw a rock at the ground and missed.”
    — Joe Dirt (David Spade), Joe Dirt
  2. “I have two moods: sleep and hungry.”
    — Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson), Pitch Perfect
  3. “I’m not great at farewells, so… that’ll do, pig.”
    — Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds), Deadpool
  4. “You’re not ugly, society is.”
    — Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder), Napoleon Dynamite
  5. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”
    — Mugatu (Will Ferrell), Zoolander
  6. “It’s like I’m the only one who’s not on drugs here.”
    — Annie (Kristen Wiig), Bridesmaids
  7. “Well, I like you, but I’m not gonna cry if you get eaten by zombies.”
    — Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), Zombieland
  8. “If you were anymore dense, we’d call you a black hole.”
    — Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), Iron Man 2
  9. “I’m sorry I called you an idiot. I honestly thought you already knew.”
    — Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
  10. “Life is not the French Riviera, it’s the DMV with fluorescent lighting.”
    — Violet Weston (Meryl Streep), August: Osage County
  11. “You’re like a weird, sad puppy who can’t stop talking.”
    — Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds), Deadpool
  12. “Your incompetence is stupefying.”
    — Dr. Evil (Mike Myers), Austin Powers
  13. “No offense, but your face makes me sad.”
    — Red (Craig Robinson), This Is the End
  14. “You have the emotional depth of a teaspoon.”
    — Hermione Granger (Emma Watson), Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
    (Technically not American, but widely quoted in American media with sarcasm!)
  15. “I’m surrounded by idiots.”
    — Scar (Jeremy Irons), The Lion King
  16. “You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”
    — O Brother, Where Art Thou? (George Clooney)
  17. “I’d rather be dead in a ditch than go to your party.”
    — Olive Penderghast (Emma Stone), Easy A
  18. “I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”
    — Emily (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada
  19. “You sit on a throne of lies.”
    — Buddy (Will Ferrell), Elf
  20. “I’m not rude. I’m honest. There’s a difference.”
    — Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson), Avengers: Endgame
  21. “The only thing you’re going to be catching is these hands.”
    — Shuri (Letitia Wright), Black Panther
  22. “So you agree? You think you’re really pretty.”
    — Gretchen Wieners (Lacey Chabert), Mean Girls
  23. “That’s not a burn book. That’s a diary with aggression issues.”
    — Regina George (Rachel McAdams), Mean Girls
  24. “You can’t sit with us!”
    — Karen Smith (Amanda Seyfried), Mean Girls
  25. “I didn’t come here to make friends.”
    — Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon), Legally Blonde (used ironically)

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed this post, dear reader, then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

Make Money

Affiliate Disclosure: This site is an affiliate of Expedia and related companies. This means that if you click on the link and make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products or services that I think will be valuable to you. Any commissions earned help support the cost of content creation and publishing.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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34 corny but very clever one-liners that’ll crack you up

09/17/2025 by

Whenever I post some clever one-liners, I always get an enormous response from readers. Clearly, they’re very popular with you.

So to satisfy demand, I thought I’d collect another batch for your amusement.

Here are 34 definitely corny but still very clever one-liners which I’m confident will crack you up. So enjoy them all and feel free to share this post with your friends. If some of these jokes made you laugh, then they’ll probably make your friends laugh.

However, relax and enjoy them all first.

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Clever one-liners:

  1. A life in politics is full of parties.
  2. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
  3. Coming up with weather puns is a breeze.
  4. I love jokes about eyes, the cornea the better.
  5. What do you call a small mother? A minimum.
  6. I met a girl on a dating site and we just clicked.
  7. I did have a joke about vacuums, but it sucked.
  8. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  9. Pollen is when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.
  10. Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
  11. I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.
  12. I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!
  13. How do you make a hotdog stand? You take the seat away.
  14. I hate negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  15. Shout out to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is!
  16. I used to build stairs for a living, it’s an up and down business.
  17. Shout out to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is!
  18. Archaeologists are always broke because their careers lie in ruins.
  19. Claustrophobic people are more productive in thinking outside the box.
  20. What do you call an imaginary color? A pigment of your imagination.
  21. I decided to get some Velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot? 
  22. I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.
  23. My sister said she didn’t understand cloning. I said that makes two of us.
  24. My tailor’s happy to make a pair of pants for me or at least, sew it seams.
  25. I got a reversible jacket for my birthday. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.
  26. Wounds heal better if they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect.
  27. I wasn’t originally going to get a heart transplant but then I had a change of heart.
  28. Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously? They’re always full of hot air!
  29. I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell. Looking at it now, I see why.
  30. This guy quit his job at the donut factory because he was fed up with the whole business.
  31. Running in front of a car will make you tired but running behind one is exhausting.
  32. My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she’d just ironed. I watched it all unfold.
  33. A teacher asked her student, “Are you ignorant or just apathetic?” The kid answers, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
  34. My husband passed away in the hospital when I couldn’t remember his blood type. His last words to me were, “Be positive!”

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed this post, dear reader, then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

Make Money

Other articles that might appeal to you:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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33 hilarious cheesy pick-up lines to make you smile

09/13/2025 by

We’ve all been there at some point in our lives, particularly when we’re young.

We’re in a bar or a club and we see someone attractive, who we’d like to get to know a little bit better.

The weapon of choice in such situations is the pick-up or chat-up line as a conversation opener with the intent of engaging that person in the hope that it may lead to a date or even romance.

Sadly there are not many pick-up lines that we can truly look back on with pride though.

Here are 33 hilarious but very cheesy pick-up lines that may not stand the test of time but certainly they’ll make you smile right now. Enjoy them all.

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Pick-Up Lines:

  1. Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
  2. Are you Yoda? Because Yodalicious.
  3. Your hand looks heavy. Can I hold it for you?
  4. Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
  5. Do you play soccer? Because you’re a keeper!
  6. Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
  7. Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
  8. Hello, you’re so hot a firefighter couldn’t put you out.
  9. I must be in a museum because you’re a work of art.
  10. You’re so lovely, you make me wanna go out and get a job
  11. Hi, I’m writing a phone book. Can I have your number?
  12. I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
  13. Hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be pretty cute.
  14. I’m not a photographer but I can picture me and you together.
  15. Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.
  16. I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
  17. I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
  18. Was your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
  19. I’m not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
  20. Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
  21. Can I follow you? Because my mom told me to follow my dreams
  22. You must be a broom because you just swept me off my feet.
  23. Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
  24. I heard you’re good at algebra. Can you replace my X without asking Y
  25. Do you have a band-aid? Because I scraped my knees falling for you.
  26. You really shouldn’t wear makeup. You’re messing with perfection!
  27. I may not be the best-looking guy here but I’m the only one talking to you.
  28. Would you grab my arm, so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
  29. Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
  30. Do you know if there are any police around here? Cause I’m about to steal your heart.
  31. You look familiar. Didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
  32. I don’t believe in love at first sight but I’m willing to make an exception in your case.
  33. Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight?
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Did any of these hilarious but very cheesy pick-up lines make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. If they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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27 corny but funny puns to raise a smile or two

09/13/2025 by

If you like funny puns, then I’ve put together a batch of very corny ones in the hope they will raise a smile or two. They all made me smile, but for me, the cornier the pun, the better.

So, I hope you enjoy them all, dear reader.

If you do, please feel free to pass them on.

Funny Puns
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Funny puns:

  1. Odorless chemicals just don’t make scents.
  2. I love how the Earth rotates. It makes my day.
  3. I was working in a glue factory, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  4. Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
  5. The cost of the space program is astronomical.
  6. I was inconsolable when my PlayStation was stolen.
  7. Our office defibrillator didn’t work. Nobody was shocked.
  8. I googled “how to start a fire” and got 869,000 matches.
  9. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
  10. I used to be a history teacher, but there’s no future in it.
  11. How’s my long-distance relationship going? So far, so good.
  12. I cancelled my gym membership because it wasn’t working out.
  13. Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  14. I felt lonely, so I bought some shares. It’s nicer to have some company.
  15. If you’re thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
  16. To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.
  17. I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit. 
  18. I sued the airport for mislaying my baggage, but I lost my case.
  19. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator, and only a fraction of people will find that funny.
  20. I get claustrophobic in elevators, so I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.
  21. Tennis players have a hard time with relationships because love means nothing to them.
  22. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter!
  23. A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in an algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
  24. What’s the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire. 
  25. The thing about shopping centres is that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a mall.
  26. My housemate told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
  27. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse replied, “No change yet.”
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Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these funny puns, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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