15 Really Bad Jokes: So Bad They’re Funny


Here are 15 really bad jokes that will make you cringe and make you smile simultaneously.

They really are so bad they’re funny. Certainly they made me smile.

  • Cashier in store: “Would you like the milk in a bag”?
  • Man: “No, just leave it in the carton”.
  • Man in bookstore: Where is the Self Help section please?
  • Saleswoman: If I told that sir it would defeat the purpose.
  • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
  • In case he gets a hole in one!
  • How do you make holy water?
  • You boil the hell out of it.
  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
  • Nothing, they just waved.
  • Who’s the king of the classroom?
  • The Ruler!
  • What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they were married?
  • Feyoncé!
  • Why can’t zoo animals take tests?
  • There are too many cheetahs!
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?
  • Someday my prints will come.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
  • Great food but no atmosphere!
  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them!
  • How do think the unthinkable?
  • With an itheberg!
  • What do you call a blind dinosaur?
  • Doyouthinkhesaurus
  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
  • It goes back four seconds!

Having read these bad jokes you may feel like you can still use a good laugh. If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

5 rib-ticklingly funny short story jokes to make you laugh

1. The funeral cortège:

Bill was walking along Main Street when he saw a funeral cortège, so he stopped for a moment as a mark of respect.

He noticed that there were two hearses with coffins in the cortège and the procession was being followed by a man walking solemnly with a pitbull terrier on a leash.

And behind him there was a long line of about 100 men walking quietly in single file.

Curious Bill spoke to the man with the dog and asked, “Excuse me sir, I don’t want to intrude on this sad occasion but you’re situation seems a little unusual. Whose funeral is this?

Well”, the man replied, “The first hearse is for my late wife. She died after this dog attacked her.

And the second hearse?” said Bill.

The second hearse is for my late mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife during the attack and the dog savaged her to death too”, the man responded.

Bill thought momentarily about the challenges in his own life and then he said to the man, “Is there any chance I could borrow your dog after the funeral?

The man smiled and pointed to the line of men behind him and said, “You’ll have to join the queue buddy.

2. The power of prayer:

Jackie was invited to give a talk at her local women’s group about the power of prayer.

With her husband Mike in the audience, she recalled how a few short months ago she’d turned to God when poor Mike had suffered an unfortunate accident.

Six months ago”, Jackie began, “my husband Mike was knocked off his motorcycle and his scrotum was smashed.”

Jackie explained that for Mike the pain had been unbearable and his doctors weren’t sure they’d be able to help him.

The doctors warned us that our lives might never be the same again”, said Jackie. “I can tell you I was scared. Mike was unable to get close to me or the children because every move caused him such extreme discomfort. And that meant we could no longer touch him around the scrotum.”

Jackie paused momentarily to allow the audience to absorb her words.

Then she said, “I’m not ashamed to say I turned to God for help and I prayed that the doctors would be able to repair Mike.

Again she paused and then said, “Fortunately our prayers were answered and the doctors were able to piece together the remnants of Mike’s scrotum with wire holding everything in place. His medical team tell me that he will make a full recovery and regain the full use of his scrotum.”

As the audience burst into applause, a lone man walked slowly up to the stage and said, “Hello I’m Mike, Jackie’s husband and I just wanted to remind my wife once again that the word is ‘sternum’.”

3. Discovering facts:

As part of her rehabilitation, a patient in a mental hospital was told by her psychiatrist to go out into the nearby town and discover one new fact.

Off she went and then a few hours later the patient returned to the hospital to tell the psychiatrist all about what she had learned.

So said her psychiatrist, “Were you able to find out something you didn’t know before?

Yes”, said the patient, “I discovered that spiders have ears on their legs.

Ears on their legs?” said the psychiatrist. “How did you work that out?

The patient produced a matchbox and when opened a large spider crawled out on to the psychiatrist’s desk.

The patient then said “Boo!

The spider scurried quickly across the desktop.

The patient then grabbed the spider and proceeded to pull off all its legs.

She then put it back on the desk and once again said, “Boo!

Naturally the spider was motionless.

The patient looked at the psychiatrist, smiled and then said, “Do you see? Without its legs it can’t hear me.”

4. The admiral and the general:

A Navy admiral and an Army general were fishing together on a lake one day when a storm blew up and their boat capsized.

Not being quite as fit as they once were, both men were floundering helplessly in the water.

However eventually the general managed to right the boat and clamber back on board.

He then rescued the admiral from drowning by reaching out to him with one of the oars and then hauling him back in.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat he struggled for a few seconds to regain his composure.

Then he said, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If anyone in the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.

The general smiled and said, “Don’t worry buddy your secret’s safe with me. I’d hate for my troops to find out that I couldn’t walk on water.

5. The origin of the species:

As she was getting ready for school one morning Grace asked her mother, “How did the human race appear mom?”

Well”, said her mother, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that’s how we all began dear.”

Two days later Grace asked her father the same question.

Well”, said her father, “first there were apes and from them the human race has evolved.

Naturally these responses left Grace a little confused.

So once again she spoke with her mother and said, “Mom I don’t understand. You said that we were created by God but dad says we evolved from apes. How can that be?

Her mother smiled and said, “Well darling it’s all very simple really. I was telling you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

5 funny short story jokes you’ll just have to share with others

1. Billy wants to get married:

Young Billy returned home one evening for dinner, after spending the afternoon playing with his little friend Mary who lived next door.

Naturally his parents asked him what he’d been doing all afternoon.

We played soccer for a while and then I proposed to Mary,” he said.

Not wishing to belittle him, his mum and dad went along with the idea but his dad thought a little fatherly advice might be appropriate at this point.

Billy you do know that being married is an expensive business, don’t you?” said his dad, “How will you both manage?

Well” said Billy, “with the $5 I get from you for pocket money each week and the $5 she gets from her folks, I think we’ll manage. And I can always take on a paper route to earn extra cash.

Suppressing a strong desire to burst out laughing, his mother said, “That’s all very well Billy but how will you and Mary manage if you were to have a baby?

Well”, said Billy, “we’ve been lucky to avoid that so far.

2. Ben goes to the pool:

Young Ben and his friends went to the local swimming pool for the afternoon.

They were playing around as kids do when the lifeguard shouted at Ben, “Hey kid, you’re not allowed to pee in the pool!

But everyone pees in the pool”, Ben responded.

Maybe so kid”, said the lifeguard, “but not from the high diving board.

3. Knock, Knock:

An elderly man was walking down the street one day when he observed a small boy struggling to reach the doorbell at one of the houses.

The kindly old man said to the boy, “Can I help you with that sonny?

At which point he smiled, placed a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder whilst pressing the doorbell firmly with his other hand.

There”, said the old man, as he stepped back from the door. “Now what do we do young man?

We run like hell mister”, the boy replied.

4. Washing the dog:

Little Johnny went into the store and after some searching around he picked out a large box of laundry detergent.

Having been observing Johnny for a few minutes, the store assistant asked him whether he had a lot of laundry to do.

No”, said Johnny, “I’m not doing any laundry. I’m going to wash my little dog.

The store assistant frowned at him and said, “Listen sonny, that’s a powerful detergent and far too strong for washing a small dog. It could make him ill or perhaps even kill him if you’re not careful.

Undeterred Little Johnny said he’d take the detergent anyway, then he paid the man and left the store.

A week later Little Johnny was back in the store to buy a Hershey bar. The store assistant saw him and said, “Hey Johnny how’s your little dog?

Oh, he died,” said Little Johnny.

I’m sorry to hear that son but I did warn you about that detergent,” the store assistant replied.

I don’t think it was the detergent,” said Little Johnny.

Really?” said the store assistant, “So what was it then?

“He looked like he was coping very well until the washing machine went into the spin cycle,” Little Johnny replied.

5. The Budgie:

Geoffrey sees a budgie in the window of a pet store and feeling a little sorry for the bird he decides he’ll buy it.

However he’s quickly disappointed when, despite his best efforts, he can’t get the budgie to talk.

So he decides to go back to the pet store to complain.

I purchased this budgie a month ago now but I can’t get him to utter a single word”, said Geoffrey to the store assistant.

Try him with a mirror”, the store assistant suggested. “Budgies love to look at their own reflection and you’ll soon have him saying, who’s a pretty boy.

So Geoffrey purchased a mirror from the store assistant and returned home with his budgie.

Once again he was disappointed, as the budgie still wouldn’t talk.

So once again Geoffrey went to the pet store to complain.

Try him with a ladder”, said the store assistant. “Budgies love climbing and I’m sure he won’t stop talking once he’s got a ladder.

So Geoffrey purchased a little ladder from the store assistant and returned home with his budgie.

Yet again not a word was spoken by the budgie, so a week later Geoffrey was back in the pet store again with the budgie.

Try getting him a bell”, said the store assistant. “The sound of a bell will encourage him to talk I’m sure. At the very least he’ll try to imitate the bell’s sound.

So Geoffrey bought the bell and returned home only to be disappointed yet again.

Two weeks later Geoffrey’s back in the pet store.

How’s your budgie?” asked the store assistant. “Have you got it talking yet?

Finally he did say something”, said Geoffrey. “He looked in the mirror, climbed the ladder, rang his bell, uttered a few words and then dropped off his perch and died.

Oh dear!” said the store assistant. “What did he say?”

He said, doesn’t that damn pet store sell bird seed?” Geoffrey responded.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 funny quotes about age certain to amuse you

Does getting older bother you dear reader?

If you’re like me then it might just bother you a little bit.

The years go by so quickly, don’t they? Life goes by in the blink of an eye.

We all want to make the most of our time of course. However life usually gets in the way.

When we’re young, we have time and energy but no money and few skills.

As we get older, we have the demands of work and family eating up the time we have. And whilst we have some money, it mostly goes on paying bills.

Then in old age we have money if we’ve been lucky and we have fewer demands on our time but we have no energy and our bodies start to let us down.

Life can be like a cruel joke at times. However done right, life can be fun too. Well I think so anyway.

Live life whilst you can and don’t put anything off until someday because someday never comes. If you want to do it, do it now.

Here are 21 funny quotes about age certain to amuse you and certain to get you thinking about life too.

Funny quotes about age:

  1. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard
  2. At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for. ~Author Unknown
  3. I don’t do drink or drugs. At my age I get the same effect just standing up too fast. ~Author Unknown
  4. Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. ~Luis Buñuel
  5. Where does it say we have to act our age? As long as it makes me happy and I’m not hurting anyone, I will act whatever age I want to. ~Author Unknown
  6. Middle age is when a guy starts turning off lights for economic rather than romantic reasons. ~Eli Cass
  7. I don’t let my age define me but the side-effects are getting harder to ignore. ~Author Unknown
  8. Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. ~Benjamin Franklin
  9. Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you. ~Ogden Nash
  10. Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age. ~Victor Hugo
  11. No one is so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~Henry David Thoreau
  12. We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. ~George Bernard Shaw
  13. Age is not how old you are but how many years of fun you’ve had. ~Matt Maldre
  14. I’ve reached the age where my brain went from “You probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s see what happens.” ~Author Unknown
  15. Don’t let ageing get you down. It’s too hard to get back up. ~John Wagner
  16. Age is just a number that changes depending on who’s asking. ~Author Unknown
  17. Old age is always ten years older than me. ~Author Unknown
  18. Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be again. ~Author Unknown
  19. At my age I’ve heard it all; I’ve seen it all; and I’ve done it all. I just can’t remember it all. ~Author Unknown
  20. Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier
  21. Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. ~Walt Disney

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21 common sayings and what they all mean

Proverbs are simple sayings that express an essential truth based on common sense, experience or the wisdom of the ancients.

Proverbs that describe a basic rule of conduct are particularly useful and well-worth remembering.

Today I offer you 21 thought-provoking proverbs and common sayings with an explanation as to what they all mean.

You would do well to remember some of these:-

1. Be contrary; be known

To be successful visibility matters. That means you must stand out in the crowd. And you can’t stand out in the crowd if you’re just like everyone else. You must be an original not a copy.

2. Man who chases two rabbits catches neither

Learn to keep the main thing the main thing. Focus matters if you want to be successful. Try to do too many things and you won’t do any of them very well. And if you fail to do anything well then you will not be successful.

3. Knowledge is power

Learning is a lifelong process and you should be educating yourself constantly. However there is a more important point here. When negotiating in business the more you know about the other side, their needs, the pressures their under, and what they’re willing to pay and/or concede, the more likely you are to get what you want. Never underestimate the power of information.

4. When in Rome do as the Romans do

If you want to be successful in business around the world then show some respect for other people and the way they do things. Culture is simply the way things are done around here. No one culture is better than another. They are just different that’s all. So just because something might appear odd relative to what is considered ‘normal’ in your culture doesn’t make it wrong. Embrace difference and enjoy every new cultural experience.

5. Fortune favours the brave

If you want to live life to the full then it starts outside your comfort zone. Go for the low hanging fruit and the easy tasks and you won’t grow. Fail to take any risks and you’re unlikely to experience any significant rewards either. You can only be successful if you go after what you really want and that means you must take a few risks along the way. Remember this; risk and reward go together.

6. Hope for the best; prepare for the worst

If you want to be successful then be prepared for the rain because occasionally it will rain. Hope for permanent sunshine by all means but make sure you’re ready for the days when the sun refuses to shine and you need an umbrella.

7. A picture’s worth a thousand words

To be successful being able to communicate effectively is an important skill to develop. That means you need to know how to get a message across and often the most powerful way to deliver a message and make a point is often with a picture.

8. There’s no such thing as a free lunch

Everything comes with a price tag. There will always be a cost somewhere even if it’s not immediately apparent. The cost may not be financial but there will be a cost. Make sure you know what it is and make sure you’re willing to pray the price before you agree to anything.

9. Actions speak louder than words

Talk is cheap. It’s not what you say; it’s what you do and what you deliver that will make a difference. And if you want to be successful then you will need to make a difference.

10. Practice makes perfect

Every master began as a complete beginner. Mastery is achieved by becoming a student of your craft and practising constantly until you are the best at what you do. And if you want to be successful then you will need to be amongst the best at what you do.

11. Easy come; easy go

You will only truly appreciate that which has cost you in blood, sweat and tears. Success obtained easily is difficult to sustain. Easy money is easily squandered. It’s almost like you feel you’re not entitled to it, if it all came too easy to you.

12. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure

As they say in the north of England, ‘There’s brass in muck’. Meaning just because something appears to be no longer of use doesn’t mean it can’t be put to good use and can’t represent an excellent business opportunity. Old furniture can be restored. An old bicycle frame can be used in the making of some other item. Money can be made from the oddest things.

13. Familiarity breeds contempt

If your career is starting to gain traction and you’ve been promoted to management then remember this; there must always be a little bit of distance between you and the troops you manage. You cannot be too familiar with people you manage if you want their respect. Yes, take an interest in people. Yes, show them you care occasionally. However you can’t be their buddy. That doesn’t work.

14. Don’t judge a book by its cover

First impressions can be powerful and often they can be accurate too. However they’re not always accurate so it is dangerous to form an opinion based on your first impression alone.

15. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

When it comes to money and savings, diversity is the name of the game. As you become successful, a good income should follow. Make sure you start building some capital and make sure you spread it around a bit. Put all you financial eggs in one basket and calamity could follow.

16. The squeaky wheel gets the most oil

Don’t be afraid to complain when things aren’t right. If you want something resolved be prepared to make a noise. Wait patiently and you’re unlikely to find anyone keen to help you. They’re all too busy.

17. Honesty is the best policy

The problem with telling lies is that you need to have a very good memory and it’s very easy to get caught out. Tell the truth and you don’t need to remember anything. All you have to do is say exactly what happened or what you said, et cetera. Being honest makes life easier and it also makes life less stressful.

18. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink

There is only so much you can do for people. Offer to help them by all means but if they choose not to accept your offer then just leave it there. You can’t force someone to do something nor can you force them to accept your help or advice.

19. Keep friends close and enemies closer

There’s no point in fighting with your enemy. That won’t get you very far. It’s better to adopt cordial relations to keep them close. Keep them close and you can keep an eye on them. That way you’ll know what they’re up to and know what they’re planning too. Use your head not your heart in these matters.

20. Two heads are better than one

It is a fact that when people get their heads together the results are usually much better than one person’s thinking alone. Particularly with creative work, ideas bounce off each other and as those ideas come together the results can be exceptional.

21. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

Treat other people in the way you’d prefer them to treat you. Show them respect and you’re much more likely to get their respect. Don’t be mean with people. You wouldn’t like it and neither will they. People will respond warmly to you if you are warm and kind to them.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 funny work quotes that will certainly resonate with you

Personally I love my work. I love having a sense of purpose and something to get me out of bed each day.

However not everyone feels the way I do and anyway, it’s never a good idea to take anything too seriously.

Occasionally we must laugh at the nature of human existence. And a good place to start laughing is the subject of work.

Love it or hate it, it dominates all our lives nevertheless. So today I offer you 15 funny work quotes to make you smile.

Once again these quotes come from many sources but one in particular I must acknowledge and that’s Cool Funny Quotes where you’ll find some of these and many more besides. So check it out.

  1. Hard work never killed anybody but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen
  2. I don’t work on weekends or any other day that ends with “Y”. ~Author Unknown
  3. The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. ~Author Unknown
  4. Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~Groucho Marx
  5. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. ~The Simpsons
  6. If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Where X is work; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. ~Albert Einstein (well, maybe!)
  7. As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. ~Tom Goins
  8. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. ~John Gotti
  9. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential that word would be ‘meetings.’ ~Dave Barry
  10. He’s so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. ~Paddy O’Dea
  11. Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday? ~Author Unknown
  12. Got to work this morning and my boss told me ‘have a good day’, so I went home and had a great day! ~Author Unknown
  13. Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery. ~Author Unknown
  14. Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels. ~Author Unknown
  15. I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. ~Author Unknown

Please share with your friends:

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 thought-provoking quotes about change

As the old saying goes,Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.”

We cannot avoid change because it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. Trying to stop it is like trying to hold back the tide. It can’t be done.

Change is simply a force of nature.

If you hate change, you’re not alone. Most people hate change. That’s perfectly natural.

Just when we think we have everything under control a significant change happens and suddenly we’re scrambling to get ourselves back to equilibrium.

Change can make life seem like a giant game of Snakes and Ladders at times.

So in today’s post I offer 21 thought-provoking quotes about change just to underline the point.

Quotes about change:

  1. There is nothing permanent except change. ~Heraclitus
  2. Change is the end result of all true learning. ~Leo Buscaglia
  3. Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change. ~Stephen Hawking
  4. Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. ~Carol Burnett
  5. Just when I think I’ve learned the way to live, life changes. ~Hugh Prather
  6. To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often. ~Winston Churchill
  7. The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude. ~Oprah Winfrey
  8. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor E. Frankl
  9. The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. ~Nathaniel Branden
  10. You must be the change you wish to see in the world. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  11. No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. ~Robin Williams
  12. Change your thoughts and you change your world. ~Norman Vincent Peale
  13. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. ~Wayne Dyer
  14. I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. ~Jimmy Dean
  15. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. ~Maya Angelou
  16. Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. ~Barack Obama
  17. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. ~George Bernard Shaw
  18. The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. ~William Arthur Ward
  19. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. ~John F. Kennedy
  20. Without change there is no innovation, creativity, or incentive for improvement. Those who initiate change will have a better opportunity to manage the change that is inevitable. ~William Pollard
  21. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality, nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit. ~Christopher McCandless

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

19 fun quotes that will make you think

Life is short and the years pass quickly. I can tell you that much from experience. One minute you’re 15 and the next you’re 50, or so it seems.

Having fun is essential. Every minute of life is to be enjoyed. Let’s face it, we’re all going to die and it’s not a rehearsal, so me must live life whilst we can.

Yes, life can be challenging and it’s never going to be easy. However we must all find some joy in each and every day of our lives.

We must treat every day as if it’s our last because one day it will be.

Above all we must make sure we find some fun in everything we do.

Here are 19 fun quotes with an emphasis on why having fun is so important.

Fun Quotes:

  1. If it ain’t fun, it ain’t worth it. ~Dennis Wilson
  2. Just play; have fun; enjoy the game. ~Michael Jordan
  3. I think that success is having fun. ~Bruno Mars
  4. There’s no fear when you’re having fun. ~Will Thomas
  5. Just keep taking chances and having fun. ~Garth Brooks
  6. I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun. ~Thomas A. Edison
  7. If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. ~Katharine Hepburn
  8. Follow your dreams. Just make sure to have fun too. ~Chris Brown
  9. Winning is only half of it. Having fun is the other half. ~Bum Phillips
  10. People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing. ~Dale Carnegie
  11. There’s no need to dress like everyone else. It’s much more fun to create your own look. ~Twiggy
  12. We believe in working hard and having fun at the same time. It’s a way of life for me, and I feel tremendous. ~Robert Stigwood
  13. I feel confident imposing change on myself. It’s a lot more fun progressing than looking back. That’s why I need to throw curve balls. ~David Bowie
  14. When you start recognising that you’re having fun, life can be delightful. ~Jane Birkin
  15. Fun is one of the most important, and underrated, ingredients in any successful venture. If you’re not having fun then it’s probably time to call it quits and try something else. ~Richard Branson
  16. Have fun is my message. Be silly. You’re allowed to be silly. There’s nothing wrong with it. ~Jimmy Fallon
  17. Life is too short to not have fun; we are only here for a short time compared to the sun and the moon and all that. ~Coolio
  18. There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it. ~Andrew Jackson
  19. Flying might not be all plain sailing but the fun of it is worth the price. ~Amelia Earhart

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 sarcasm quotes that are the sharpest form of wit

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but I’m not so sure. Personally I admire a clever put down or a few sharp words intended to put someone squarely in their place.

In today’s post I offer you 21 sarcasm quotes which are sharp. funny and they definitely made me smile. So I hope they provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Unfortunately despite my research, I haven’t been able to identify the originators of these clever lines, so they remain by authors unknown. Should you be able to point me in the direction of the original authors, then I would happy to add appropriate credits and links. So please, do let me know.

These are some the sharpest sarcasm quotes I’ve seen recently, so enjoy them all and make a mental note of the best ones for future use:- 

The sharpest form of wit:

  1. Me? Sarcastic? Never!
  2. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
  3. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
  4. If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
  5. Stupidity is not a crime. So you’re free to go
  6. Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
  7. Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and you head up your ass at the same time?
  8. You never learn anything by doing it right.
  9. If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
  10. I’m returning your nose dear! I found it in my business.
  11. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
  12. From the moment I saw you I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
  13. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  14. I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
  15. Am I free tomorrow? No, I’m expensive.
  16. The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
  17. Sarcasm is the body’s natural defence against stupidity.
  18. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
  19. I disagree but I respect your right to be stupid.
  20. I stopped listening, so why don’t you stop talking?
  21. Patience: What you have when there are far too many witnesses.

If you’re still in need of a smile or two then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of laughs there.

Please share with your friends:

If these sarcasm quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media and give them some ammunition too. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 funny quotes about life and they’ll definitely make you smile

Life doesn’t come with a guarantee. It is what it is and we get out of it about as much as we are prepared to put in. Some people are lucky and others less so. And we can’t be certain of anything, other than death and taxes.

It’s a funny old world when you think about it and the experience of human existence can be funny at times too. Here are 15 funny quotes about life to emphasize the point and make you smile too.

Yes life’s hard and for many people it’s extremely tough too.

Life can be cruel for many people but for the lucky ones it can be a joy. So if you’re one of the lucky ones then embrace life and all the challenges it puts in your path. Through those challenges you will grow.

However don’t take yourself too seriously because no one else does.

Just learn to smile and appreciate whatever is good in your life. Chase success by all means but don’t expect any certainties. Just enjoy whatever comes your way.

Finally remember this; you will make mistakes. So what? Everyone else does too. Just learn from any mistakes you make and move on.

Nothing matters much when you think about it. However laughing at yourself and life is probably the most important coping tool you’ll have at your disposal. So start by laughing at these funny quotes about life.

Sadly I cannot be sure of their origins, so for the moment anyway they are by Authors Unknown. However if you can enlighten me as to their origins then please do. I am very keen to acknowledge the work of others whenever possible.

Funny Quotes About Life:

  1. What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
  2. If only common sense were more common.
  3. I really should do something with my life; maybe tomorrow.
  4. I didn’t fall; I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.
  5. Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
  6. I’m old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway.
  7. Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.
  8. We all have baggage; find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
  9. When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
  10. Taking a shower is awesome; it makes you feel nice and clean; makes you sound like a great singer; and it helps you make all of life’s decisions.
  11. The alphabet begins with ABC; numbers begin with 123; music begins with do-re-mi; and friendship begins with you and me.
  12. Sorry I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.
  13. I love everyone! I love to be around some people; I love to stay away from others; and some I’d just love to punch right in the face!
  14. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life vest …… I would miss you so much.
  15. Life doesn’t have any hands but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

If you’re still in need of a smile or two then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of laughs there.

Please share with your friends:

If these funny quotes about life made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other Articles:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

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