6 really funny jokes that will certainly make you smile

really funny jokes

If you’re looking for some really funny jokes, then take a look at the six I’ve got for you today. They all made me smile, so I hope you’ll enjoy them too.

Take a few moments to enjoy them and feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Really Funny Jokes:

1. Flatulent Old Lady:

An old lady was having an embarrassing problem with bloating and gas, so she decided to see her physician.

Hello Mrs Johnson,” said the doctor, “and what’s troubling you today?

Well Doctor Carmichael,” she responded, “I can’t stop breaking wind. Fortunately, they’re silent and they don’t smell but it does feel embarrassing. Honestly, I’ve farted several times whilst I’ve been sitting here. What can I do?

The kindly doctor smiled at her and said, “Mrs Johnson just take these pills three times a day for seven days and then come back and see me as soon as you’ve finished the medication.

One week later Mrs Johnson is back in the doctor’s office and is clearly unhappy.

Doctor, I don’t know what was in those pills you gave me last week but my problem is even worse,” she said.

In what way?” the doctor enquired.

Well I’m still breaking wind just as much and they’re still silent,” she said, “but now the smell is terrible. I mean they really stink.

Excellent!” said the doctor. “That means we’ve fixed the problem with your sinuses. Now let’s see what we can do about your hearing.

2. The Potato Peeler:

Sean was leaning against the counter in a Dublin bar enjoying a pint of Guinness when in walked his old friend Paddy looking decidedly glum.

What’s the matter with you Patrick?” said Sean. “You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.

Oh, Sean,” he said. “I’ve just been fired from my job in the Fish & Chip shop.

You’ve been fired? Now, why would they do that to you, Patrick? What did you do that was so bad?” Sean enquired.

Oh, I got caught putting my johnson in the potato peeler,” Paddy responded.

My God! Patrick that’s terrible. What happened to the potato peeler?” Sean naturally enquired.

Oh, she’s been fired too.” Said Paddy looking a little sheepish.

3. Farmer Jim’s Accident:

Farmer Jim decided to take the trucking company responsible for his accident to court because of the severity of his injuries.

Needless to say, the trucking company hired a fancy lawyer and whilst questioning Farmer Jim in the courtroom he enquired, “Is it not true that at the scene of the accident you said specifically, in front of witnesses, ‘I’m fine’?

Farmer Jim responded, “Sir, let me tell you what happened. I had just loaded my best mule Bessie into the…….

I didn’t ask you for any details sir,” the lawyer interrupted, “Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’ Yes or No?

Farmer Jim said, “Well, I’d just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….

Once again, the lawyer was quick to interrupt Farmer Jim mid-sentence.

Looking at the Judge the lawyer said, “Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman at the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.

Well as luck would have it, the judge was interested in what Farmer Jim had to say, so he said to the lawyer, “I’m sorry sir but I’d like to hear what this man has to say. So I would ask him to continue with his story.

Jim thanked the Judge and continued.

Well,” he said, “I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and I was driving her down the highway when this huge truck with a trailer ran the stop sign and T-boned my truck.”

And then what happened?” The Judge enquired.

Well, I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other,” Jim responded.

And were you hurt?” The Judge asked.

Yes,” said Jim. “I was hurting real bad and I didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

And then what happened?” the Judge asked.

Well, shortly after the accident the Highway Patrolman appeared at the scene,” Jim said.

And what did he do?” the Judge responded.

Well Your Honor, he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her momentarily he then took out his gun and shot her between the eyes,” said Jim.

And did you say to the Highway Patrolman that you were fine?” The Judge asked.

Well,” said Jim. “After he shot Bessie, he came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had no choice but to shoot her. How are you feeling?’”

4. You can’t win:

After 15 years of marriage, my wife complained frequently about my absent-minded habit of not putting the cap back on the toothpaste after I brushed my teeth.

It irritated her to the point where she’d embarrass me about it when we were out with friends.

So, naturally, I decided to change this bad habit to make my wife happy.

For a week, I made sure that I always replaced the cap on the toothpaste, every time I brushed my teeth.

I know it was a small gesture, but I thought my wife would at some point express her appreciation that I was at least trying to change my ways.

Yesterday we were out for dinner with friends when she suddenly remarked, “Why have you stopped brushing your teeth?

Moral of the Story: Marriage can be a challenging relationship.

5. Day of Reckoning:

A Catholic priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates as St Peter processes the new arrivals to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Ahead of the priest in the queue is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, jeans and a leather jacket.

This guy gets to the front of the line and St Peter looks at his clipboard, looks the guy up and down and then asks, “Could you tell me your name please, so I may confirm whether you’re to be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven?

Sure!” says the guy. “I’m Joe Cohen and I was a taxi driver in New York City.

St Peter looks down his list and ticks off Joe Cohen’s name. He then smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and the golden staff Mr Cohen and you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Joe Cohen smiles and walks through the Pearly Gates in his silken robe and carrying the golden staff, whilst it’s the priest’s turn with St Peter.

Before St Peter can utter a single word the priest says, “I’m Father Joseph O’Donnell and I have been the parish priest at St Andrews Roman Catholic Church in Manhattan for the past 40 years.

Once again St Peter consults his clipboard, ticks off Father O’Donnell’s name and then says, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff father and you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Having seen Joe Cohen receive a silken robe and a golden staff Father O’Donnell is left feeling a little short-changed.

Hold it there, just a minute,” said Father O’Donnell. “How is it that Joe Cohen got silk and gold and yet I only get cotton and wood? How can this be? Surely there’s some mistake?

No mistake,” St Peter responded. “In heaven, we reward by results. When you gave your sermons your congregation slept. When Joe Cohen drove his taxi his passengers prayed.

6. The Annual Check-up:

An 85-year-old man was visiting his doctor for his annual check-up.

So Mr Jenkins, how are you keeping?” the doctor enquired.

Doctor, I’ve never felt better,” Mr Jenkins responded. “I’ve even married my 18-year-old girlfriend recently and she’s now pregnant with my child. So, how about that then?

The doctor considered this momentarily and then said, “Let me tell you a story, Mr Jenkins. A friend of mine was a keen hunter. One day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up an umbrella instead of his gun.

Really?” said Mr Jenkins.

Yes,” said the doctor. “Anyway, he was in the woods when suddenly a very large grizzly bear appeared in front of him. He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?

Dumbfounded the old man said, “No Doc, what?

The bear dropped dead in front of him,” the doctor replied.

No Doc, that can’t be right.” said the old man. “That’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the bear.

The doctor smiled and said, “Exactly!

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4 Hilariously Funny Short Story Jokes

If you’re looking for some hilariously funny short story jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got four today that you might just enjoy.

Take a few moments to check them out, and then please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Hilariously funny short story jokes:

1. Jackie and the Game Warden:

Steve and Jackie went on vacation to a fishing resort in Montana.

Steve was a keen fisherman, and he liked to go out fishing early in the morning. Whereas when she’s on vacation, Jackie prefers to just relax and read a book.

One morning, after a few hours of fishing on the lake, Steve returned in his boat and, feeling a little tired by now, decided to take a midday nap.

At this point, Jackie is feeling in need of a little fresh air, and though unfamiliar with their boat, she decided to take it out onto the lake.

So she motored out a short distance, anchored the boat, and then continued reading her book in the peace and tranquility of this beautiful part of the world.

Jackie’s sitting and reading for about half an hour when suddenly the Game Warden’s boat pulls up next to her boat.

Good day, mam,” said the Game Warden. “What are you doing?

I’m reading a book,” Jackie replied.

“Mam, do you realize that you’re in a restricted fishing area?” said the Game Warden.

Does that really matter?” said Jackie. “I’m not fishing; I’m reading.

The Game Warden cast his experienced eye over her boat and then said, “Mam, I can see your boat has all the equipment for fishing. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I’m afraid I’ll have to write you up a ticket.

Jackie smiled and then said, “Officer, if you do that, I will file a complaint against you for sexual assault.

Surprised and slightly concerned by her response, the Game Warden said, “Mam, what do you mean? I haven’t laid a finger on you.”

“Perhaps,” said Jackie, “but you have all the equipment to do so. For all I know, you could start at any moment.

You have a nice day, mam”, said the Game Warden, as he re-started his engine and sailed away, leaving Jackie to her reading.

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

2. The silent treatment:

Frank and his wife, Liz, were giving each other the silent treatment after an argument.

This had gone on for 10 days when Frank realized he needed her to wake him the following morning at 5 a.m. so he could catch the 8 a.m. flight to Los Angeles for a very important business meeting.

However, Frank didn’t want to be the first to break the silence, so he left a note on her bedside table that read, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”

The next morning, he woke up only to find it was already 9 a.m. So he’d missed his flight to Los Angeles.

Frank was furious, and he was about to ask his wife why she hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on his bedside table. It read, “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

3. A woman’s contribution:

One evening, Bill returned home from work only to find his home completely wrecked and upside down. Everything was a complete mess.

Bill’s three young children were still in their pyjamas, eating snacks from the fridge. The entrance rug, normally in the hall, was lying on the table. The television in the living room was blasting out cartoons loudly. And every item of furniture in the room was covered in stuff.

He walked into the kitchen only to find that the sink was full of dishes. Leftovers from breakfast were scattered all over the counter, and it was covered in crumbs too.

So Bill immediately ran up the stairs, dodging toys and piles of clothes, fearing his wife might be gravely ill or that some other misfortune might have happened to her.

When he entered their bedroom, breathless, Bill found his wife lying happily in bed, still in her pyjamas, reading a book.

Watching him struggle for breath, she smiled and said, “Hello, honey, how was your day?

Feeling more than surprised and a little confused, Bill asked his wife, “What’s going on? What the hell has been happening here today?

Once again, Bill’s wife smiled and said, “Remember that argument we had last night when you hurtfully asked me what the hell I did all day?

“Ehhhh, yes, I think so”, said Bill, still slightly confused.

Well today I didn’t do any of it, so now you know,” his wife responded.

Jim’s walking past his son Tim’s room when he notices it’s incredibly clean and neat. As Tim’s not usually quite so fastidious in matters of housekeeping, Jim is naturally suspicious. So, he enters the room, and immediately he notices that there is a note on Tim’s bed addressed to Dad.

Nervously, Jim picks up the letter and opens it.

The letter reads,

“Dear Dad, I’ve run away with Betsy. She’s 20 years older than me, but I love her. We had to elope because she’s pregnant with my child. As we didn’t have enough money, I stole some from your wallet. We’re going to live in the woods below the Santa Monica Mountains, where she has a trailer, and where we will be growing marijuana and trading drugs with the local community. Once we have enough money, we’ll be able to get her the treatment she needs for AIDS. We plan to have at least eight children, and once we’re settled, we’ll visit you each year.

If you’ve read this far, Dad, don’t worry; I’m just kidding around. I’m hanging out at Mikey’s place. I just wanted you to realise that there are worse things than my report card, which you’ll find on my desk if you want to read it. Call me when it’s safe to head back home. Love you, Tim.”

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10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll tickle your children

Stupid Jokes

One of life’s great joys is sharing a laugh with children.

There’s nothing quite as infectious as a child laughing uncontrollably. I’m sure you’ll agree with that, dear reader.

All you need is a little ammunition in the form of a book of stupid jokes, and you’re well on your way to creating memories that will last a lifetime.

I recently stumbled upon a hilarious book that works well with young children.

The book is Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell, and I think it’s hilarious. It’s stuffed full of the sort of stupid jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers.

It contains an excellent collection of over 2,500 hilariously funny and silly jokes, all guaranteed to get a child laughing.

So take a break from the smartphones and iPads and you can have hours of fun making your children laugh and showing them there’s life beyond electronic gadgets.

Each joke has a simple two-line structure, poking fun at everything from addled animals to witless wizards. These are jokes that children will love, and they’ll be eager to share them with their friends.

This collection of jokes will allow children to dazzle their friends, disarm their enemies, and impress their teachers.

And remember, if a child has a stock of jokes to tell, then they’ll always be popular with their peer group.

So I’ve got to tell you, dear reader, you can’t lose with this book. It’s inexpensive and a sure-fire winner.

Allow me to offer you some examples of the wit and humour that you’ll find between the covers of Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell:

Stupid jokes just for you:

  • What did one pig say to the other?
  • Let’s be pen pals
  • Why do cows lie down when it’s cold?
  • To keep each udder warm
  • Which fish go to heaven when they die?
  • Angel fish
  • Why don’t bears wear socks?
  • Because they like to walk in their bear feet
  • What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
  • A zebra
  • What’s out of bounds?
  • An exhausted kangaroo
  • Why are anteaters good workers?
  • Because a little aardvark never hurt anyone
  • Why shouldn’t you tell a pig a secret?
  • Because pigs are squealers
  • What do porcupines have that other animals don’t?
  • Baby porcupines
  • Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
  • She wanted to lay it on the line

The book Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell is available from Amazon and if you’d like to take a look inside or purchase a copy, then just CLICK HERE

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21 funny quotes you’ll absolutely love

I love quotes, and I love those funny quotes that make you smile and make you think.

Here are 21 funny quotes to highlight my point. Enjoy them all.

Funny quotes:

  1. Smile today, because tomorrow could be worse. ~Anonymous
  2. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. ~Anonymous
  3. I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. ~Anonymous
  4. You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. ~Anonymous
  5. He who wakes up early yawns all day long. ~Anonymous
  6. I’m not lazy; I’m just very relaxed. ~Anonymous
  7. Those who snore always fall asleep first. ~Anonymous
  8. Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence; after all, intelligence has its limits. ~Anonymous
  9. I just wanted you to know somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. ~Anonymous
  10. “Revenge” sounds so mean; that’s why I prefer to call it “Returning the favor.” ~Anonymous
  11. The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you’re with someone you’re not supposed to be seen with. ~Anonymous
  12. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right. ~Anonymous
  13. To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, now that shows political skill. ~Anonymous
  14. It may look like I’m doing nothing but in my head, I’m quite busy. ~Anonymous
  15. When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn’t then go in through the window. ~Anonymous
  16. Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you’re done. ~Anonymous
  17. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. ~Anonymous
  18. I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live. ~Anonymous
  19. Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you’re bad luck. ~Anonymous
  20. I don’t need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry! ~Anonymous
  21. My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. ~Anonymous
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funny quotes

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny quotes made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All Rights Reserved.

How to turn enterprise into money and riches

How to turn Enterprise into Money and RichesBeing poor is sh*t. ~Bob Geldof

The media personality and former rock star Bob Geldof’s communication style tends to be blunt and to the point. He’s not a man to sugarcoat his words, or so it seems. However, he does make an important point here.

People may tell you that money isn’t important, but next to oxygen, it’s essential for a life worth living. You couldn’t live long without it today.

Exactly how much money you need depends on your preferred lifestyle, of course. However, even for a fairly basic lifestyle, a reasonable income is necessary.

None of us want to be poor, of course. Fortunately, we don’t have to be. It’s possible to turn enterprise into money, and money into wealth and riches.

And what do I mean by enterprise? I mean your energy, your resourcefulness, your imagination, your know-how and skills, your ambition, and your determination to make life better for you and your loved ones.

Essentially, you can make your life better simply by making it better for other people.

What is work?

The key message today is that you don’t need to be employed by a commercial enterprise or corporation to earn money.

While being employed is one way to earn money, it’s also perfectly feasible to establish your own business and earn your living by being self-employed.

And in the age of the Internet, it’s never been easier to start a business, even if you have very little money to invest.

Remember also that you can start a business initially as a part-time side hustle while being employed until it’s generating enough income for that business to become your primary means of making a living.

And never forget, for most people, the only way you’ll ever get seriously rich is through your own business.

Certainly, unless you’re a Wall Street investment banker or a lawyer, you’re unlikely to get seriously rich being someone’s employee, trading your time for money.

The key to success in business

The key to success in your own business is to find a way to solve problems for people for profit. That’s the way to turn your enterprise into money. And it’s a lot easier than you might imagine.

Let’s face it, there’ll always be plenty of customers for products and services, some of which are yet to be invented.

People will always have problems, and they’ll always need solutions to those problems.

Remember, every product sold by a company is a solution to a problem, or at least it should be.

Turn enterprise into money

Quotes about workIf you continually educate yourself on skills and know-how, then you can create wealth by seeking out customers for whom you can deliver solutions to their problems and/or provide them with services for which they have a need.

If you can satisfy those customers, then you’ll make money, and quite possibly a lot of money, if you can scale up that business as your customer base grows.

Manage your money wisely, and you can build your wealth too.

Determination, hard work, and an eye for problems to be solved are the main ingredients for business success. Your enterprise really can lead you to great wealth.

You don’t have to be poor

You don’t have to be poor unless you’ve given up and you’re just accepting that being poor is your lot in life. It’s not, and nor should it be.

You’re perfectly capable of generating your income, dear reader.

You just need to do stuff for other people and find a way to add value to their lives. In this case, adding value means solving problems or making their lives easier and/or better in some way.

Help yourself by helping others get what they need

It all comes down to your willingness to find a way to serve others. Simple!

There are opportunities there for you to take every single day of the week if you’re enterprising and ready to solve problems for other people. However, you do need to be fleet-footed.

The best time to start a business might have been last year, but the next best time is right now.

And age is no barrier to starting a business either. Remember, Colonel Sanders was 65 years old when he started KFC, and Ray Kroc was 52 when he started building the business we know as McDonald’s.

It can be done, and people do. Why not you? Go on, just go for it! Real riches can be yours.

Good luck!

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15 funny work quotes that will certainly resonate with you

funny work quotesToday I thought it would be amusing to explore some funny work quotes.

Personally, I love my work. I love having a sense of purpose and something to get me out of bed each day.

However, not everyone feels the way I do and anyway, it’s never a good idea to take anything too seriously.

Occasionally we must laugh at the nature of human existence. And a good place to start laughing is with the subject of work.

Love it or hate it, it dominates all our lives nevertheless. So today I’ve pulled together 15 funny work quotes to make you smile.

Once again these quotes come from many sources but one, in particular, I must acknowledge and that’s Cool Funny Quotes where you’ll find some of these and many more besides. So check it out.

Funny work quotes:

  1. Hard work never killed anybody but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen
  2. I don’t work on weekends or any other day that ends with “Y”. ~Author Unknown
  3. The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. ~Author Unknown
  4. Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~Groucho Marx
  5. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. ~The Simpsons
  6. If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Where X is work; Y is play, and Z is keeping your mouth shut. ~Albert Einstein (well, maybe!)
  7. As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. ~Tom Goins
  8. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. ~John Gotti
  9. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential that word would be ‘meetings.’ ~Dave Barry
  10. He’s so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. ~Paddy O’Dea
  11. Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday? ~Author Unknown
  12. Got to work this morning and my boss told me ‘have a good day’, so I went home and had a great day! ~Author Unknown
  13. Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery. ~Author Unknown
  14. Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels. ~Author Unknown
  15. I once had a job in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. ~Author Unknown

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If any of these funny quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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How to develop effective time management skills

Time Management SkillsTime Management Skills:

Developing effective time management skills is an essential ingredient for success, and I’m sure you’ll agree. You can’t add real value without making the best use of your time.

However, making the best use of it is not always easy in practice, is it?

So, how good are you, dear reader, at managing your time?

Do you have a reputation for being ruthlessly efficient and productive, or are you someone who’s always struggling to keep up?

When someone asks you to do something in the office, do you accept their request without question and simply add the task to your ‘To Do’ list? If you do, you’re not alone. Many people will do that, in my experience.

Alternatively, perhaps you’re the type who thinks carefully relative to your priorities before you accept such a request. Now be honest. We’d all like to think we’re the latter, when in fact far too many people are the former I think.

Productivity is what matters:

In the world of work, it’s easy to confuse being busy with being productive, but these two concepts are not the same thing at all, are they?

For instance, you can be busy doing things that don’t need doing at all. Whereas being genuinely productive means delivering real results from high-value tasks, which can only be done by someone with your skills.

And let’s face it, reputations are built by being productive, not merely by being busy. It’s the results you deliver, not the energy you expend, that matter most.

Time is your most precious resource:

How often do you hear someone say, “Oh, I would love to do that, if only I had the time.

And yet we all have the same amount of time, i.e. 168 hours per week.

Time is simply a resource like money, although it’s more important than money. I say that because you can get more money, but you can’t get more time. None of us can do that, can we?

So you must learn to use your time wisely. Time is your most precious resource, so you must develop effective time management skills.

High-value tasks must take precedence:

Modern pressures mean it’s easy for us to try to do too many things. We can all be a bit like that, including me, dear reader.

Our lives are cluttered with too many activities, too many objectives, too many distractions, and far too many demands on our time.

The result is that we tend to lose focus on what matters most and in the end we don’t do anything as well as we should have done.

In my experience, in most jobs, you’ll find that 90% of productivity is down to completing the top three or four major activities within that job. What I call high-value tasks.

If you take the top three major activities – the high-value tasks – associated with your job and focus on those to the exclusion of just about everything else you’ll almost certainly maximise your productivity and efficiency.

Most common time management mistake:

The problem is, when we’re working, we seem to find it easier to focus on minor tasks and random actions requested by other people.

We feel obliged to accept requests from others. It’s a common mistake of which we can all be guilty.

Now, while tidying up all those minor tasks might make us feel like we’re achieving some quick wins, we’re usually fooling ourselves.

By the end of the day, we’re usually left with a sense that we haven’t done all we should have done, and that leaves us feeling stressed.

And that’s when we start to think about how we might improve our time management.

We can’t do everything, nor should we try:

We must recognise that we can’t do everything, but we can be selective about what we choose to do.

And if we’re going to get those major tasks of higher value completed, then they must take precedence over those low-value, minor tasks, which can always wait if necessary.

High-value tasks should always take precedence over low-value tasks.

Work smarter:

People often think of time management as a skill that would allow them to work faster. Well, let me tell you this: that’s not the idea at all.

Effective time management skills allow us to work smarter rather than harder.

Instead of getting lost in the minutiae of everyday life, with effective time management skills, we focus on and prioritise those things that will add the most value to our productivity. In other words, we focus on high-value activity.

The law of three:

So. if time management is an issue for you, dear reader, start by taking a good, hard look at your list of daily activities and asking yourself these three questions:

  1. What single task can only I do and, when completed by me, will add the most value to the business?
  2. What’s the second task on my list that only I can do, and when I’ve completed it, will allow me to add the most value to the business?
  3. What is the third task on my list that only I can do and that, when completed by me, will add the most value to the business?

Once you’ve identified your list of three major, high-value tasks, that’s where your focus should be each day before you touch any other minor tasks or accept random requests from other people.

Most powerful time management tool:

The point of work is to deliver results. You’ll deliver the best results if you concentrate on your top three major tasks first.

And never forget that you’ll be judged by the results you deliver. No one cares what you have to do for someone else, they only care about the results they expect from you.

Your time is your time, and you must decide how it is to be used most effectively.

Just because someone asks for a piece of your time doesn’t mean you’re obliged to give it to them at the expense of your productivity. Never be afraid to deploy the most effective time management tool of them all.

And what is the most effective time-management tool? It’s the word NO.

Think of the word NO as a baseball bat.

Whenever someone requests that you do something, NO is how you can whack that request right out of the ballpark.

Be in control of your time, at all times:

You’re not obliged to agree to a request even if someone asks nicely. It’s reasonable to be working to your priorities.

All too often we feel obliged to do things for other people when we should have just said politely, “No, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that right now for you because I have to deliver this by 5 pm and it’s a priority.”

If our productivity matters to us, and it should, then our focus should always be on our major, high-value deliverables.

Unfortunately, we allow ourselves to be driven by the agendas of other people.

However that’s not good for our productivity, nor is it good for our well-being or stress levels.

People will take everything you’re prepared to give:

I can tell you from experience that other people will take everything you’re prepared to give and a bit more besides. That’s the nature of people.

However, if you fail to deliver what you’re being paid to deliver, then no list of incidental work completed for other people will be accepted as an adequate plea in your defence when your boss wants to know why you’ve failed to deliver your high-value results.

If you’re painting my house, I’ll measure you on the quality and timeliness of your work, not the amount of help you gave to my neighbour by, say, looking after her dog.

What you do for other people is irrelevant to me, should you fail to deliver what I’m paying you to deliver.

Focus on your priorities:

In reality, if your colleagues can’t get something done by you, they’ll simply ask someone else. So let them.

Why worry? Just be very polite when faced with a random request, but say NO firmly. I can tell you this: you’ll have to be disciplined, but it’s a habit worth developing.

We can all be guilty of expending far too much of our energy helping other people achieve their aims, to the detriment of our interests and our ability to deliver high-value results.

To achieve anything of significance in life, we must be focused on our major activities.

We must concentrate on completing our big three major high-value deliverables daily and focus relentlessly on working towards achieving our own goals generally.

The need for balance:

If you’re asked to do something, then it’s perfectly reasonable to say NO, if doing otherwise would prevent you from delivering the results you’re being paid to deliver on time.

Yes, of course, occasionally there will be tasks you’re obliged to accept for whatever reason.

However, mostly being firm in declining such a request is a sign that you’re assertive and in control of delivering as much value as possible.

Another polite but firm response to a request might be something like, “Sorry, I would love to help you with that, but I cannot right now because I have my hands full with the deadline for this project.

As with everything, there is a balance to be struck, of course.

Sometimes it’s in your interest to do someone a favour because one day you might need them to return that favour. That’s reasonable, provided you always retain a primary focus on keeping your main things the main things.

Conclusion:

You should always ensure that you’re making progress towards achieving your big three deliverables and your own goals generally.

It’s perfectly reasonable to have your agenda and a desire to achieve your own goals and add the greatest value only you can add.

If you want to make a difference, focus on your three major activities.

Those activities that only you can do.

And to ensure that you’re doing that, don’t be afraid to use the most effective time management tool of them all whenever necessary. Use the word NO politely but firmly.

Always keep the main things the main things.

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Time Management SkillsDid you find this article interesting and useful?

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How to overcome laziness in 4 steps

HOW TO OVERCOME LAZINESS Laziness can get the best of us, can’t it?

We’d all love to be more productive, but often we lack the energy and drive.

Do you ever feel a little work-shy and sluggish, dear reader? If you do, you’re not alone.

The problem is that if we don’t deal with our laziness, we can never get anything done.

And if we don’t get anything done, work and chores all pile up, which increases our stress levels. Small jobs can become very big jobs if we get into the habit of leaving things for another day.

And that makes it even harder for us to get going and get things done.

We have to be on top of our work all the time, whether we’re in the office or at home.

And to do that, we have to be on top of our feelings of laziness and force ourselves to get going if necessary.

Do you need help to overcome your laziness? Don’t worry; help is at hand.

How To Overcome Laziness In 4 Steps: The Video

In this short video, Emil Ihsan-Alexander Torabi offers some useful advice on how you can overcome your inclination to laziness, should it be a problem for you.

We can all be lazy at times, and I’m as guilty as the next person. However, the tips in this video have helped me, so I recommend them to you.

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11 great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl

GREAT ONE-LINER JOKESHere are another 11 one-liners brought to my attention by readers, which I thought I’d share with you.

I can’t be sure of their origins, but they all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day too, dear reader.

These are great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl, I’m sure. I hope so anyway.

Enjoy them all.

Great one-liner jokes:

  1. A girl’s thoughts when she starts dating a guy – Date #1: That’s a really nice shirt. Date #2: Wow. That’s another nice shirt. Date #3: That’s the shirt he wore on our first date. Date #4: OK, he’s only got two decent shirts.
  2. The four sweetest words you can use when people didn’t listen to you? I told you so!
  3. My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I definitely laugh more.
  4. I prefer living in the past. At least the cost of housing was much cheaper.
  5. Military personnel can be charged for losing equipment. In the army you’ll pay $150 for losing your rifle. That explains why, in the Navy, a captain will always go down with his ship.
  6. I gave my wife the silent treatment for an entire week. At the end of it she said to me, “It’s been nice this week, we’ve really been getting on well.”
  7. There’s a new support group for compulsive talkers. It’s called On Anon.
  8. I’ve just found the worst page in my dictionary. The content is disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, disingenuous and disreputable.
  9. Why bother keeping up with the Joneses when you could drag them down to your level. Surely it’s less expensive that way?
  10. For Christmas or birthdays, buy your kids a set of batteries and just put a note inside saying “Toys not included.”
  11. My favourite hobby is going down to the beach and burying metal objects that have the words “Get a Life” inscribed on them.

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If any of these great one-liner jokes made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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Change habits and you can change your life

Change HabitsIs your life not quite going in the direction you’d like it to go, dear reader?

Somehow, you can’t quite achieve the results you’d like to achieve. Would that be true?

In the video included here, Bob Proctor explains that the reason you’re stuck and can’t get the results you want is likely to be because of a paradigm.

And what’s a paradigm?

Well, Bob goes on to explain what paradigms are and how they are formed.

He also explains how change can be achieved.

If change is something you’d like to achieve, then this is a really interesting presentation; it is fairly short but worth watching.

I recommend it to you, so take a few minutes and check it out now.

Change your habits:

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