6 short story jokes that will make you laugh

08/11/2025 by
6 short story jokes

If you enjoy short story jokes, then I’ve got six real gems for you today. They all made me laugh, and I’m confident that they’ll amuse you, too, dear reader.

So, grab a coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short story jokes:

1. Emily and the Apache Woman

Emily was driving in her Chevrolet Bolt along Interstate 17 in Arizona, on her way home to Phoenix.

Suddenly, she saw a poor, elderly Apache woman walking very slowly along the side of the highway.

Recognising that this situation was quite dangerous and feeling sorry for the poor woman, Emily pulled over and offered her a lift.

The Apache woman nodded silently in appreciation and climbed into the car.

Naturally, Emily tried to engage her in conversation, but initially, the Apache woman remained silent, and she seemed a bit nervous.

However, as they progressed along the highway towards Phoenix, the woman eventually started to relax a little, and then she started to look around.

The old woman was looking closely at everything in the car, apparently studying every detail. Then she noticed a pale blue gift bag on the rear seat behind Emily.

“What’s in the bag?” she asked Emily, almost whispering.

“Oh,” Emily responded warmly, “it’s a bottle of whiskey that I got for my husband.”

The Apache woman remained silent momentarily, and then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of someone who’s been around the block a few times, she smiled and said, “Good trade.”

2. The Naughty Boys

Charlotte had two young boys, Jack and Harry.

Jack and Harry were two young kids who were always getting themselves into trouble. If there was any mischief happening anywhere in their town, then usually Jack and Harry were involved, and Charlotte knew this.

Naturally, her boys’ wayward behaviour was a concern for Charlotte, and it was an issue she was keen to resolve.

One day, Charlotte read an article in the local newspaper about a clergyman in town who’d been very successful in disciplining young boys and improving their behaviour.

So Charlotte phoned the clergyman and asked him if he would speak with her boys.

The clergyman said he was happy to help, but he stressed that it was important that he see each of them separately.

So Charlotte decided to send young Harry to see the clergyman in the morning, with his elder brother Jack to follow in the afternoon.

The clergyman was an enormous man with a stern face and a big, booming voice.

He instructed Harry to sit down, and then he asked him sternly, “Where is God?“

The clergyman’s approach scared the life out of Harry. His mouth dropped open, but fear prevented him from speaking. He just sat there wide-eyed, with his mouth hanging open.

So the clergyman repeated the question, but this time with an even sterner tone. “Where is God?” he said.

Again, Harry did not attempt to respond. He was too scared.

So this time the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in Harry’s face, bellowing, “WHERE IS GOD?“

That was it for Harry. He jumped up from his chair, screamed, and ran out of the room and all the way home. He didn’t stop running until he got to his bedroom, and then he hid in his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When Jack found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened, dude?“

Still gasping for breath, Harry replied, “Dude, we are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!“

3. The Test Results

John had been undergoing tests for a serious health concern for several weeks. Finally, it was the day for him to receive his test results.

So he was sitting in his doctor’s office, and he said, “Doc, I need to know my test results! Not knowing is driving me crazy.“

His doctor reviewed his notes again and then said, “Well, John, there’s some good news and some bad news, I’m afraid. Which one do you want first?”

To which John replied, “I think I’d prefer the good news first. Yeah, Doc, let me have the good news first!”

“Well,” said the doctor, “I hear there are some amazing deals on cremations this week.“

4. Deceiving another:

Scooter says to his friend Arlo, “Hey, listen, I need your help. I’m sleeping with Wyatt’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the service for me?“

Arlo doesn’t like deceiving people, but as Scooter’s friend, he feels obliged, and he agrees.

So, after the service, Arlo starts talking to Wyatt, asking him all sorts of dumb questions, to delay him as requested.

This goes on for several minutes until Wyatt starts getting a bit annoyed, and he asks Arlo what’s going on.

At this point, Arlo feels guilty, and he confesses to Wyatt, “Scooter is with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied.“

Wyatt smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Arlo’s shoulder, and says, “Listen, boy, my wife died two years ago. You’d be wise to hurry home right now.”

5. A man and his Ostrich

A guy walks into a New York diner with an ostrich.

They both sit down at the counter, and after a few moments, the waitress asks them whether they’re ready to order.

“Yes,” said the guy, “I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries and a Coke.”

He then looks at the ostrich and says, “What are you having?“

“The same,” says the ostrich.

About ten minutes later, the waitress returns with their order and then says. “That’ll be $22.00, please.“

The man reaches into his pocket, and, without even looking, he pulls out the exact amount of money for payment.

The next day, the same guy and his ostrich return, and once again the guy says, “I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries and a Coke, please.“

And once again the ostrich says, “The same.“

Once again, when their order arrives, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money to settle the bill.

This goes on for a few days and is becoming a routine when one night they enter the diner and the waitress asks, “The usual?“

“No,” said the guy, “as it’s Friday, I’ll have the T-bone steak with a baked potato, a green salad, and a glass of Merlot.”

“Same for me,” said the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and then says, “That’ll be $53.00.”

Once again, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money to pay the bill.

At this point, the waitress is unable to suppress her curiosity any longer, and she says to the guy, “Excuse me, sir. How is it you always manage to pull from your pocket the exact amount of money? You do it every time.”

“Well,” said the guy, “several years ago, I was cleaning my attic, and I found an old oil lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and granted me two wishes.”

“Really?” said the waitress. “And what did you wish for?”

“Well, my first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the exact amount of money would always be there,” said the guy.

“Now that’s brilliant!” the waitress responded. “Most people would wish for, like, a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you need to be for as long as you live!“

“That’s right,” said the guy. “Whether I’m buying a pitcher of beer or a Bugatti Chiron, the exact amount of money will always be there.”

The waitress was impressed but still a little curious.

“So what’s with the ostrich then?” she inquired.

The guy sighs and then says, “Well, my second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.“

The waitress smiled at him and said, “Be careful what you wish for, hey?”

6. The Frog and the Fortune Teller

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out whether he’ll ever meet his princess.

The fortune-teller looks into her crystal ball for a few moments and then says to the frog, “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?“

“Let me have the good news first,” said the frog.

“Well, you’re going to meet the most beautiful girl in the world,” said the fortune-teller. “She will be interested in you, and she will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her, and you will give her your heart.“

“That sounds fantastic,” said the frog, “but what’s the bad news then?“

“You’re going to meet her in her biology class,” replied the fortune-teller.

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If any of these short story jokes made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

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50 funny comebacks that say ‘Don’t mess with me!’

08/10/2025 by
50 funny comebacks

Today, I am exploring funny comebacks.

Have you ever been in a situation where you wished you had a smart response straight off the tongue to put someone well and truly in their place?

An insult or funny comeback to let someone know that they’re attempting to mess with someone they really shouldn’t mess with?

Certainly, it’s a good idea to have your stock of insults and funny comebacks ready and waiting to be used, just in case.

This would be your deadly quiver full of arrows.

There’s nothing worse than being stuck for words, only to kick yourself later when you think of a good comeback, but it’s all a bit too late.

So here’s another selection of 50 insults and funny comebacks, so you’re armed and ready when necessary. No one messes with you, dear reader.

FUNNY COMEBACKS
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50 Funny Comebacks (1-10):

  1. Well, I was pro-life……until I met you.
  2. You’re so fat you could sell shade.
  3. If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
  4. You’ll go far, and hopefully, you won’t come back.
  5. Well, aren’t you just the sunshine in a stormy sky?
  6. Hey, your village called. They want their idiot back.
  7. You’re living proof that evolution can go into reverse.
  8. I gotta tell you, your wit is as sharp as a plastic knife.
  9. If there was an Olympics for rudeness, you’d be a gold medallist.
  10. Well, bless your heart. It’s truly an experience to be in your presence. 

50 Funny Comebacks (11-20):

  1. Well, aren’t you just a waste of space?
  2. You’re about as useful as a bucket with a hole in it.
  3. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  4. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people.
  5. Were you born this stupid, or have you had special training?
  6. I see you’ve mastered the art of making friends ….. disappear.
  7. You’re about as pleasant as the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
  8. You’re living proof that God does have a sense of humour.
  9. Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
  10. I must have missed the memo that said rudeness is the new black.

50 Funny Comebacks (21-30):

  1. Jesus might love you, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
  2. Please tell me that you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
  3. Save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.
  4. Well, aren’t you just the little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
  5. I hear you’re keen to lose weight. Have you tried shaving your legs?
  6. Well, at least we now know that diplomacy is not a skill you possess.
  7. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it works, that’s for sure.
  8. Hey, the zoo called. They’re wondering how you got out of your cage.
  9. It amuses me when I hear you talk about stuff you don’t understand.
  10. You’ve certainly mastered the knack of making people feel unwelcome.
FUNNY COMEBACKS

50 Funny Comebacks (31-40):

  1. I just stepped in something that was smarter than you, and it smelled better, too.
  2. Oh, please, do go on. I’m on the edge of my seat, captivated by your lack of charm.
  3. Oh, look, it’s the master of snide remarks. Please don’t keep us waiting; we’re all ears.
  4. You’ve got all the social graces of a Black Mamba. Slippery and not very approachable.
  5. Do your parents even realise they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
  6. Meeting you has made me realise that there are some remarkably dumb people in this world.
  7. I have seen people like you before, but I’ve always been charged for admission.
  8. You’ve all the charm of a rattlesnake and the grace of a bull in a China shop. Impressive, really!
  9. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
  10. Don’t you know that it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it, removing all doubt?

50 Funny Comebacks (41-50):

  1. You’ve got a lot to say for yourself, but I struggle to comprehend why any of it matters.
  2. Well, you’ve certainly got a talent for turning pleasantries into passive-aggressive remarks.
  3. I’ve been lucky enough to meet a lot of likeable people in my time, but you’re not one of them.
  4. You’ve got the kind of charisma that makes folks wish for earplugs and a sudden loss of hearing.
  5. I know this might sound alien to you, but you’ll catch more flies with sugar than you will with vinegar.
  6. I’m guessing you’ve never read Dale Carnegie’s famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
  7. I’m trying my hardest to see things from your perspective, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.
  8. If you’re waiting for me to care, then I hope you brought something to eat, because it’s going to be a long, long time.
  9. You don’t have to be a complete prick all your life. You can always take five minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
  10. In science class, I learned the universe consists of neutrons, protons, and electrons. The University of Life has taught me that it consists of morons, too.
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If any of these funny comebacks made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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30 hilarious corny jokes guaranteed to make you smile

08/09/2025 by

Once again, I’ve been curating hilarious corny jokes to keep you amused, dear reader. So here’s another batch that I think might raise a smile or two.

They’re all officially classified as Author Unknown, but if you can identify any of these against an original author, then please do let me know. I am keen to add suitable credits and links to websites where appropriate.

So please advise accordingly, but not before you’ve enjoyed these 30 hilarious corny jokes.

HILARIOUS CORNY JOKES

Hilarious corny jokes (1-10):

  • What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs?
  • A condescending con descending.
  • I used to be a narcissist.
  • But just look at me now.
  • What did the ocean say to the island?
  • Nothing, it just waved.
  • A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
  • He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
  • What happens to illegally parked frogs?
  • They get toad.
  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me.
  • It means a lot.
  • What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
  • The second one.
  • Did you hear the one about the two radio antennas that got married?
  • The church service was just fine but the reception was awesome.
  • Why was the scarecrow given a promotion?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did the police officer say to his chest?
  • You’re under a vest.

Hilarious corny jokes (11-20):

  • Where does seaweed look for a job?
  • In the kelp-wanted ads.
  • Why did the soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
  • They were all seasoned troopers.
  • What is a vampire’s favourite type of boat?
  • A blood vessel.
  • What do you call a nervous celery stalk?
  • An edgy veggie.
  • What do you call baby foot soldiers?
  • Infantry.
  • What do you call a goat that lives on a mountain?
  • A hillbilly.
  • What do you call four Bullfighters in quicksand?
  • Cuatro Sinko.
  • What’s taken before you can get it?
  • Your photograph.
  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them.
  • What can you put in a large wooden box to make it lighter?
  • Holes.

Hilarious corny jokes (21-30):

  • What is served in glasses and is hard to swallow?
  • A stiff drink.
  • Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?
  • He was growing mashed potatoes.
  • Why did the baker stop making donuts?
  • He was sick of the hole business.
  • Where do hamburgers box?
  • In an onion ring.
  • What is the most unreliable vegetable?
  • A fickle onion.
  • What do you call an imaginary colour?
  • A pigment of your imagination.
  • What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
  • One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
  • When does a joke become a Dad joke?
  • When it becomes fully groan.
  • My friend is a structural engineer.
  • He’s always complaining about stress at work.
  • Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician?
  • He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a Number 2 pencil.
HILARIOUS CORNY JOKES
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Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

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4 hilariously funny story jokes to make you laugh

08/08/2025 by

Today, I offer you four hilariously funny story jokes that I’m confident will make you smile.

We all need to laugh every day. There’s nothing better than a good laugh with your friends.

So here are four great jokes you can tell your friends to make them laugh.

Enjoy them all. And please, feel free to pass them on.

hilariously funny story jokes
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Hilariously funny story jokes:

1. Immaculate conception:

Jenny Smith accompanies her 15-year-old daughter, Caitlyn, to the doctor.

“Good evening Mrs Smith”, says the doctor. “How can I be of help today?”

“Well, Doctor Morgan, it’s my daughter Caitlyn,” says Mrs Smith. “She’s putting on weight, she’s being sick in the mornings, and she keeps getting these cravings.”

The kindly doctor smiles and then says, “Right then, let me take a look at her.”

He then examines Caitlyn thoroughly before turning to her mother and saying, “Well, I’m not quite sure how to break this news to you Mrs Smith, but your daughter is pregnant. Probably about three months gone, I would estimate.“

Jenny Smith is shocked. “Pregnant?” she says to the doctor.

“Yes, mam”, the doctor responds.

“But how can that be?” says Mrs Smith. “She doesn’t even have a boyfriend. Do you, Caitlyn?”

“No mom, I don’t” Caitlyn responds nervously. “I’ve never even kissed a boy, and I’m still a v*****.”

Doctor Morgan walks across to the window in his surgery and starts gazing out into the evening sky.

A few minutes pass before Mrs Smith feels compelled to say, “What’s the problem, Doctor? Is something wrong out there?“

“No, not really,” Doctor Morgan replies, “but the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men arrived on camels to witness the event. That’s a spectacle I didn’t want to miss.“

2. If a job matters, don’t leave it to a man:

Gloria is getting increasingly concerned that her 3-year-old son, Billy, looks completely different from both her and her husband, Jeff.

So she decides to take Billy for a DNA test.

The results from the DNA test reveal that Billy is actually from completely different parents.

So when Jeff arrives home from work, Gloria says, “Honey, I’ve got something really serious to tell you.“

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jeff responds.

“Well,” says Gloria, “according to DNA test results, Billy is not our child.“

To which Jeff responds, “Well, don’t you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet diaper, and you said, ‘Honey, go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here’.”

3. County work:

Jim stops at a gas station on Interstate 5, fills his tank, pays for the gas, and, in doing so, also buys a can of cherry cola.

Before moving on, Jim stands by his car drinking his cola. As he does so, he watches a couple of guys working along the roadside.

One of the guys digs a hole about two feet deep, then moves on.

The other guy follows the first guy, filling in the hole that had just been dug.

And each time the first guy digs a new hole, the other guy is about 20 feet behind him, filling in the previous hole.

Jim watches this for a while and then feels compelled to say something.

So, as the two workmen get close to where Jim is standing, he says to them, “Hey, guys, just hold it a minute. Why are you digging holes and then just filling them in again?”

“Well,” said the first guy, “we work for the county.”

“So, you work for the county,” says Jim, “but one of you is digging a hole and the other is just filling it in again. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you just wasting the county’s money?“

“Hey buddy, you don’t understand,” says the first guy, leaning on his shovel and wiping sweat from his brow.

“Normally, there are three of us,” the second guy chips in.

“That’s right,” said the first guy. “There’s normally me, Mike here, and Phil, but Phil’s sick today.”

“Yeah!” says Mike, “Bill here digs the hole, Phil plants a tree, and then I shovel the dirt back in.”

“Right,” says Jim, “I get it, but Phil’s not here, so there’s no tree.”

“Yeah!” Bill responds. “But just because Phil’s not here doesn’t mean that we don’t still have work to do!”

4. You can’t outsmart an old dog:

An old dog strays into a jungle and gets completely lost.

A hungry lion basking in the sun spots the old dog from a distance and thinks to himself, “I’ve not seen this type of animal before, but he sure looks edible.”

The lion then gets up and starts moving slowly towards the old dog, gradually picking up the pace before he then sprints towards the dog with real menace in his eyes.

The old dog sees the charging lion, and naturally, he starts to panic. Who wouldn’t panic in these circumstances?

However, the old dog is also intelligent, and he realises he cannot outrun the lion. So, having noticed some bones next to him on the ground, he picks one up and starts chewing on it.

As the lion gets close, he then says loudly, “Hmmm, now that was some excellent lion meat!“

Hearing this comment stops the lion in his tracks.

The lion stares at the old dog, thinking, “This old fella must be a lot tougher than he looks. It might be a good idea to leave him alone.“

A monkey in a nearby tree sees what’s happened and recognises that the old dog has managed to fool the lion.

Naturally, the monkey thinks that this is a situation he might be able to exploit to his advantage.

So he goes over to the lion and tells him exactly what happened, in the hope that he might get something in return.

The lion is angry that he’s fallen for the old dog’s deception, so he says to the monkey, “Get on my back now, and we’ll get him together. We’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget.”

So with the monkey on his back, the lion once again starts rushing in the old dog’s direction.

Despite his advancing years, the old dog is quick to spot them and realises what’s happened. He starts to panic again before he quickly gets another idea.

He then starts to act like he’s searching for something until they get close, and then, to ensure they hear him, he shouts loudly, “Where’s that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago.“

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21 funny computer nerd jokes that will tickle you

08/05/2025 by

Do you love computer nerd jokes? Certainly, they always make me smile.

So I’ve been searching for some of the best computer nerd jokes I can find, and today I offer you 21 of what I think are the best.

It’s virtually impossible to confirm their origins or their authors, but should anyone be able to advise, then please do let me know.

In the meantime, take a few minutes to enjoy these 21 computer nerd jokes that will tickle you and any kids you may have, too.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

COMPUTER NERD JOKES
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Computer nerd jokes:

  • What do you call 8 hobbits?
  • A hobbyte
  • What’s a computer virus?
  • A terminal illness
  • Which tea do web developers prefer?
  • URL Grey
  • How does a tree use a computer?
  • It logs on
  • What did the computer do at lunchtime?
  • Had a byte to eat
  • Why did the computer keep sneezing?
  • It had a virus
  • Why was the computer cold?
  • It left its Windows open
  • Why did the developer go broke?
  • Because he used up all his cache
  • Which computer sings the best?
  • A Dell
  • Why did the computer show up late for work?
  • It had a hard drive
  • What’s the first symptom a computer’s getting old?
  • Memory problems
  • What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
  • Built a website
  • Which snack do computer geeks prefer?
  • Microchips
  • Why don’t elephants use computers?
  • Because they’re afraid of the mouse
  • Why did the monkeys share an Amazon account?
  • They were Prime mates
  • Don’t use “beef stew” as your computer password
  • It’s not stroganoff
  • What do you get if you cross a worm with a spider?
  • A web crawler
  • What do you get if you cross a PC with an elephant?
  • A computer with a really big memory
  • What do you get if you cross a computer with a lifeguard?
  • A screensaver
  • I heard about a new website: www.needleinahaystack.com
  • Took me ages to find it
  • Why didn’t The Terminator upgrade to WINDOWS 11?
  • I asked him, and his reply was, “I still love VISTA, baby!”
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Thank you.

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5 questions that’ll help your buying decision process

08/04/2025 by Leave a Comment
buying decision process

Today, I am considering the buying decision process.

If you want to create wealth, it starts with being sensible with your money.

So, the buying decision process is essential.

Buying decision process
Buying Decision Process 2
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Buying decision process:

Now, how can you be expected to save money when you don’t earn enough to make ends meet as it is?

I’m guessing you may have asked yourself that question at least once, dear reader? If you have, you’re not alone. It’s a common challenge.

However, whilst some people may struggle financially, it’s also true that far too many people squander their money buying items they don’t need and probably will never use, often in an attempt to impress people they don’t even like.

For such people, their buying decision process is usually limited to whether they still have enough credit left on their credit cards.

Well, the mantra “Have Plastic; Will Purchase” is not a good one if saving money is one of your goals.

You can earn a decent income, and yet a lack of money management skills and poor buying decisions will result in you never achieving financial freedom. Poor money management skills will condemn you to a life of being poor.

So it’s essential that you learn to manage your money properly if you want to avoid long-term poverty.

Avoid the ‘I’ve got to have it’ approach:

So, be honest with yourself: how often do you buy things you didn’t need?

Stuff that you weren’t even looking for, but it was there, and it looked nice, and you thought, I’ve got to have it. Out pops your ‘flexible friend,’ and the item is yours. A brief period of gratification follows, and then the item is largely forgotten.

How often do you buy things you never use?

Take a look at your wardrobe. I’ll bet there are a few items in there that still have the store tags on them. Never used, and they’ve probably been there for quite some time, I suspect? Would I be right?

‘I’ve got to have it‘ is a great way to waste all your money. With this approach, you’ll enrich other people at your own expense. Now how could that possibly make sense?

Credit cards: Weapons of mass wealth destruction:

How often do you buy things you can’t afford with money you don’t have?

It’s true, credit cards can be a convenient means for making payments, of course, but they can also be weapons of mass wealth destruction. That’s a fact, dear reader.

When it comes to the buying decision process, most of us are driven more by a desire for gratification than by any sensible approach to managing our money carefully.

Most of us are guilty of buying more than we need. Many of us are guilty of buying items we seldom use, if at all.

If you’re like this, dear reader, then you’re not alone, I can assure you. However, that’s not a good thing.

The disciplined approach:

With discipline, you can hang on to more of your money and build capital, which, eventually, will start generating an income all of its own through interest payments on deposits and bonds, dividend payments, and capital growth on stocks and shares.

Still, we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

The underlying message I offer you today, dear reader, is that:

You should establish for yourself a buying decision process that will allow you to control your expenditure.

Essentially, before you buy anything, you need to ask yourself a series of tough questions to gauge whether the purchase makes good sense.

And what are those questions?

The questions to ask before making any purchase:

There are, in fact, five questions you should ask yourself before making any purchase, as follows:

  1. Do I need it? Honestly?
  2. Will I use it? Honestly?
  3. Can I afford it? Honestly?
  4. If I didn’t have it, would it matter?
  5. Does it represent value for money?

If you answer ‘No’ to the first four questions, the fifth question is irrelevant.

A negative on all or even most of the first four questions means don’t buy the item. Simple!

And even if you do think you need it, never buy anything if you do not have the money to pay for the item right now. Never, ever incur debt for a discretionary purchase.

It’s better to do without than to run up debt on a credit card to pay for discretionary purchases.

The compounding effect of high credit card interest rates can quickly turn a small debt into a large one.

The ‘value for money’ question is only relevant when you can answer every other question in the affirmative.

Nevertheless, you should never buy something that’s not also good value for money.

That is, you should never overpay for anything.

Overpaying means the price is inconsistent with the value on offer.

Let the answers to the questions guide you:

To ensure your buying decision process is sound, you must always ask these questions.

Let them be your purchasing guide, and you’ll be in a better position to start saving money and watch it grow.

Once it starts growing, you’ll be on your way to building your own personal wealth.

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5 long funny stories with morals to tell your friends

08/03/2025 by
5 LONG FUNNY STORIES WITH MORALS

Here are five long funny stories with morals to tell your friends. They all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day, too.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

LONG FUNNY STORIES WITH MORALS
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Long funny stories with morals:

1. The nuns’ dilemma:

There were these two very clever, Catholic nuns. They were so clever that one was known only as Sister Mathematical, whilst the other went only by the name of Sister Logical.

One afternoon, they were returning to the Convent of St Mary, but they were still a long way off when it was beginning to get dark.

“Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?” said Sister Mathematical. “I wonder what he wants?”

“There’s a logical explanation,” said Sister Logical, “He wants to have his wicked way with us.”

“Oh Lord, no!” Sister Mathematical responded. “At the rate at which he’s walking, he will catch up with us in 13.8 minutes. What can we do?”

“The logical thing would be to walk faster.” Sister Logical replied.

So they carried on at a brisk pace, trying not to look back.

A few minutes went by, and Sister Mathematical observed, “We’ve doubled our pace, but this plan isn’t working.”

“Naturally, it’s not working,” said Sister Logical, “The man responded logically by quickening his pace too. He’s now gaining on us.”

“What can we do?” asked Sister Mathematical. “At this rate, he’ll reach us in less than one minute.”

“The logical thing to do now is to split”, replied Sister Logical. “If we go off in different directions, he can’t follow both of us.”

So off they went in different directions and, as luck would have it, the man followed Sister Logical.

Eventually, Sister Mathematical arrived back at the convent, but she was worried about what might have happened to her friend.

Within a few minutes, Sister Logical suddenly appeared, back at the convent.

“Oh, Sister Logical”, Sister Mathematical exclaimed. “Thank the Lord, you’re back safely. Tell me what happened.”

“Well, logically, the man could only follow one of us”, said Sister Logical, “and he chose to follow me.”

“Yes, yes!” said Sister Mathematical, “But what happened then?”

“Well, I took the logical course of action”, said Sister Logical, “and I ran as fast as I could and even faster than we had been running together.”

“So then what happened?” Sister Mathematical replied.

“He responded logically, and he ran even faster, too,” said Sister Logical. “And within a minute, he’d caught up with me.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “What did you do then?”

“I did the only logical thing I could do”, Sister Logical replied, “I lifted the skirt of my habit to my waist.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what did he do then?”

“The logical thing for him”, Sister Logical replied. “He pulled his trousers down to his ankles.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what happened next?”

“Isn’t that logical, Sister?” Sister Logical responded. “A nun with her habit up can run a lot faster than a man with his trousers down.”

Moral of the Story: Readers eagerly anticipating a story of a more adult nature, go and say three Hail Marys!

2. Community service:

One day, a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

The barber did an excellent job and, being very pleased with the result, the florist asked for the bill.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The florist appreciated this generous gesture, so he thanked the barber and left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, a dozen roses were waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the florist.

Not long after the shop opened, a cop came in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber does an excellent job, but when the cop tries to settle the bill, he gets the same response.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The cop said he appreciated the gesture and thanked the barber. He then left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, there was a box of a dozen donuts waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the cop.

Later that day, a congressman walked in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber excelled himself, producing the perfect haircut, but when the congressman tried to settle the bill, he got the same response too.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

So the congressman thanked the barber and happily left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, there were a dozen congressmen lined up in the street waiting for a free haircut.

Moral of the Story: Politicians are driven only by self-interest and what’s in it for them.

3. Sunday Service:

It’s Sunday morning, and the Pastor at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Carmel, California, is delivering his sermon.

Midway through the sermon, the Pastor asks three men in the front row, “Gentlemen, what would you want your loved ones to say as they’re looking down at you in your coffin?”

Phil responds first and says, “That I was a good husband and father.”

Then Jim says, “That I lived an honest life and was kind to others.”

Finally, Dan couldn’t help himself, and he quips, “Look! He’s moving!“

Moral of the Story: Never, ever take life too seriously.

4. The crocodile farm:

There was a group of tourists visiting a crocodile farm in the Florida Keys, and they were standing on a floating structure in the middle of an enormous lake, surrounded by crocodiles.

Suddenly, the farm’s owner shouts, “The first person to jump into the lake and successfully swim to shore will receive 10 million dollars.”

The silence was deafening. People were looking at each other with expressions of absolute horror on their faces.

Then suddenly, a man jumps into the water and starts swimming like his life depended on it.

As the other visitors watched events unfold, the man headed for the shore, with a dozen crocodiles chasing in hot pursuit, all anticipating an unexpected meal.

The crocodiles were fast, but the man swam like greased lightning, and he managed to reach the shore unharmed.

As the man staggered up the beach, the owner announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!”

After receiving the reward, the man and his wife returned to their hotel.

The man’s face was still ashen as he said to his wife, “I didn’t jump. Someone pushed me.“

His wife smiled and, with a wink of her eye, said, “I know, dear, it was me!“

Moral of the Story: Behind every successful man, there’s always a woman to give him a little push.

5. The old lady at the bank:

An old lady walked up to the counter in her bank, handed her bank card to the teller and then said, “Mam, I would like to withdraw $10.”

Giving the old lady a look bordering on contempt, the teller replied, “For withdrawals of less than $100, you must use the ATM, mam.”

Looking a little crestfallen, the old lady asked why she couldn’t withdraw her money from the counter.

“These are the rules, mam,” said the teller irritably, as she returned the bank card to the old lady. “Now move along, please, because there’s a line of customers behind you.”

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds as she gathered her thoughts.

She then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Then please, can you help me withdraw all the money I have in my account?”

The teller took the old lady’s card and tapped her details into the computer. She was astonished to see just how much the old lady had in her account.

“Mam, you have over $300,000 in your account,” said the teller, “the bank doesn’t have that much cash available today. You’ll need to make an appointment and come back tomorrow?”

The old lady smiled and asked, “How much can I withdraw now?”

“Well, mam, you can withdraw up to $3,000”, the teller responded.

“In that case, let me have $3,000 now, in $10 bills, please“, said the old lady.

So, the teller laboriously counted out the $3,000 in $10 bills, then counted again, and finally, she handed the cash to the old lady.

As the old lady took $10 from the top of the pile and put it in her purse, the teller then said, “Would there be anything else I can help you with today, mam?”

“Yes!” said the old lady with a smile, “I’d like to deposit $2990 into my account, please.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with old people; they’ve spent a lifetime mastering skills younger people couldn’t even begin to appreciate.

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So dear reader, were these long funny stories with morals as amusing as you’d hoped? Did they make you laugh?

I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll make you smile

08/01/2025 by
The 30 best bitchy comments

Ladies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you need a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, You mess with me at your peril.

Well, here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which made me smile.

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Bitchy Comments:

  1. You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
  2. She’s not a drinker, but she certainly likes a whine.
  3. I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
  4. Hey, Balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
  5. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
  6. I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
  7. There are two things I dislike about you, girl. Your face!
  8. Yes, I am crazy, and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
  9. Being opinionated is not the same as being informed, dear.
  10. OMG! She’s really been hit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
  11. Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
  12. I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you’re the full cactus.
  13. I try to see the best in people, but you certainly make it hard.
  14. You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
  15. I may have multiple personalities, but none of them like you.
  16. Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
  17. If you want to lose weight quickly, you could always shave your legs.
  18. What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
  19. I’d say something complimentary about you, but I’m not that dishonest.
  20. I don’t hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  21. You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
  22. I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
  23. You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
  24. I’d beat you with a hammer, but you’re not worth the jail time.
  25. You’re such a fake. I’m guessing you were made in China.
  26. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
  27. Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
  28. No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
  29. Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my bxxbs are bigger than yours.
  30. Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

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You did? I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case, please share this post with your friends because when you share, everyone wins.

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60 British insults for getting your message across

07/31/2025 by

When it comes to insults, the British certainly can have a clever turn of phrase. Well, I think so, but then again, I am British, so perhaps I’m a little bit biased. Therefore, allow me to offer you 60 British insults to prove my point.

All of these clever comebacks made me smile, and I hope you’ll enjoy at least some of them too.

So take a few minutes to appreciate the British sense of humour, and please feel free to pass them on.

BRITISH INSULTS
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British insults (1-20):

  1. Get lost!
  2. You stink!
  3. You wazzock!
  4. A pox on you.
  5. Do one, tosser!
  6. You gormless git!
  7. You silly plonker!
  8. Shove it up your ass!
  9. You pointless prick!
  10. Just get out of my sight.
  11. You’re as daft as a brush.
  12. You sir are a waste of space.
  13. You’re an absolute doorknob.
  14. You’re as mad as a box of frogs.
  15. You’re a sandwich short of a picnic.
  16. Watch where you’re going, dipstick!
  17. You corrosive lump of faecal horror.
  18. You have a mouth like a torn pocket.
  19. Pigs in a sty smell better than you do.
  20. You’re a waste of the air you breathe.

British insults (21-40):

  1. You look ill. Should I call a vet for you?
  2. Wow, you’ve got a great face, for radio!
  3. Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
  4. Nice hair. Does it grow all over your back?
  5. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  6. Do you have anything edible on the menu?
  7. Is it normal to foam at the mouth like that?
  8. You’ve got a face like a bag of smashed crabs.
  9. Boy, you’ve been whacked with the ugly stick!
  10. Is that rotting flesh or your armpits I can smell?
  11. You’ve got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
  12. You add less value than the excrement on my shoe.
  13. Do that again and I’ll have your guts for garters.
  14. You don’t have to be a complete tosser all your life.
  15. You’re so obnoxious, how do you live with yourself?
  16. Where I come from we walk the family pet not eat it.
  17. I’m guessing they don’t sell deodorant where you live.
  18. Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
  19. I’d call you a whore but that would be unfair to whores.
  20. I don’t hate you but may your death be slow and painful.
British Insults

British insults (41-60):

  1. Perhaps it might just be a ‘You’ problem?
  2. Only a complete slimeball would think that’s acceptable.
  3. Yes, I’d love to meet your parents. When does the zoo open?
  4. Well, aren’t you a little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
  5. Yes, I’m drunk but tomorrow I’ll be sober and you’ll still be ugly.
  6. What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face like a melted welly.
  7. Everyone has the right to be ugly but you’re abusing that privilege.
  8. If you really must smile it would be better if you visited a dentist first.
  9. Call me unworldly if you must, but do women normally have hair there?
  10. With a menu as bad as this I won’t have any problem sticking to my diet.
  11. I wouldn’t call you ugly but you’ve got a face like a blind cobbler’s thumb.
  12. I think you’re brave in showing your face in public, without a bag covering it.
  13. What’s wrong with you? You’re walking like your ass is chewing a toffee.
  14. If you want to lose weight quickly dear, you could try shaving your legs.
  15. I’d call you ugly but that doesn’t quite say what a truly unpleasant sight you are.
  16. I must have done something terrible in another life to deserve a minge bag like you.
  17. People say you’re a bit of a spanner but in my experience, you’re more the full toolkit.
  18. If you could just listen to yourself for a minute you’d realize your opinion is ridiculous.
  19. Could I borrow a hosepipe, please? You look like you’re in need of some colonic irrigation.
  20. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet in an instant.
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If you did enjoy this article, then please share it with your friends on social media.

People do enjoy British insults, so please share this post now.

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4 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love

07/30/2025 by

If you need a laugh, here are four funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love.

They all tickled me, and I’m confident they will tickle you, too.

So grab a coffee, relax, and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And when you’re done, feel free to share the fun.

funny can't stop laughing jokes
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Funny can’t stop laughing jokes:

1. Young Johnny:

Young Johnny wanted desperately to get a set of drums for his birthday.

His parents weren’t keen on the idea but his grandparents being grandparents couldn’t resist bringing a smile to his face and they bought him the drums.

“Gee thanks, this is the best present I’ve ever had”, said Johnny excitedly, when his grandparents gave him their gift.

A week later his grandad came to visit and he was asking Johnny how he was getting on with playing the drums.

“They’ve already earned me over $100”, said Johnny

“Wow”, said grandad, “you must be getting really good at playing them.”

“Not really”, said Johnny, “but mum gives me $10 each day for not playing them during the day and dad gives me $10 a day for not playing them in the evening.”

2. The Violin Recital:

Bill had been invited round to his neighbour’s house to listen to a violin recital being given by the neighbour’s son.

They listened intently for 30 minutes and at the end of the recital the neighbour looked at Bill and said, “What do you think?”

“Well, if I’m honest”, said Bill, “he reminds me of Jamie Callum.”

“Really?” said the neighbour, “I didn’t even know Jamie Callum could play the violin.”

“He can’t”, said Bill, “and neither can your son.”

3. You can’t win:

A Highway Patrol officer pulls over a speeding car on Interstate 5.

“Sir, I’ve just clocked your speed at 80 miles per hour,” says the officer.

“How’s that possible, officer?” says the driver. “I was driving the car on cruise control set at 55. I think your radar gun must need re-calibrating.”

As she continues with her knitting, his wife says: “Now come on dear, be honest with the officer. You know this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer is writing up the ticket, the driver looks angrily at his wife and says, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut!”

His wife smiles innocently and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did, or your speed would have been even higher.”

The Highway Patrol officer immediately starts writing up a second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector.

Once again, the driver stares at his wife angrily.

“Listen, women,” says the driver, “just keep your mouth shut, please.”

The officer frowns as he’s listening to this exchange and then says, “Sir, I noticed you weren’t wearing your seat belt. I’m afraid that’s an automatic fine of $75.”

“Please, officer,” says the guy, “I did have it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my coat pocket.”

To which his wife responds, “Now, you know that’s not true, dear. You didn’t have your seat belt on because you never wear your seat belt.”

The Highway Patrol officer starts writing up a third ticket, as the driver explodes and screams at his wife, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!”

At this point, the Highway Patrol officer looks over at the wife and asks, politely, “Mam, does your husband always speak to you this way?”

She looks at her husband innocently and then says, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

4. A healthy diet:

Jim and Mildred, both in their 90s, were killed suddenly when the bus they were on crashed in bad weather.

This was sad because they’d been in excellent health due to a strict regime of eating only healthy foods, abstaining from drinking alcohol, plenty of exercises and watching their weight.

When St Peter welcomed them, he showed them around the first-class facilities now available to them in Heaven.

Jim was really impressed with the beautiful scenery, the eighteen-hole golf course and the Olympic-sized swimming pool.

“This place is really amazing”, said Jim.

“That’s not all,” said St Peter, “let me show you around our five-star restaurant.”

He then led them into the most amazing restaurant with a sumptuous buffet serving every type of delicious food you could imagine.

“Where’s the low-fat table?” asked Jim.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about that anymore”, said St Peter. “You can eat anything you like here. You’re in Heaven now! You can eat as much as you like too. Drink wine; drink beer as well. None of it will affect you. ”

Jim suddenly became quite irritated and he threw his hat to the ground.

“What’s the problem?” asked St Peter.

“Mildred”, Jim snapped, “if you hadn’t insisted on that ghastly diet of All-Bran, Tofu, lentils and oatmeal, we could have been here 10 years ago!”

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Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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