How to develop effective time management skills

12/14/2025 by

Time Management Skills:

Developing effective time management skills is an essential ingredient for success, and I’m sure you’ll agree. You can’t add real value without making the best use of your time.

However, making the best use of it is not always easy in practice, is it?

So, how good are you, dear reader, at managing your time?

Do you have a reputation for being ruthlessly efficient and productive, or are you someone who’s always struggling to keep up?

When someone asks you to do something in the office, do you accept their request without question and simply add the task to your ‘To Do’ list? If you do, you’re not alone. Many people will do that, in my experience.

Alternatively, perhaps you’re the type who thinks carefully relative to your priorities before you accept such a request. Now be honest. We’d all like to think we’re the latter, when in fact far too many people are the former I think.

Time Management Skills
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Productivity is what matters:

In the world of work, it’s easy to confuse being busy with being productive, but these two concepts are not the same thing at all, are they?

For instance, you can be busy doing things that don’t need doing at all. Whereas being genuinely productive means delivering real results from high-value tasks, which can only be done by someone with your skills.

And let’s face it, reputations are built by being productive, not merely by being busy. It’s the results you deliver, not the energy you expend, that matter most.

Time is your most precious resource:

How often do you hear someone say, “Oh, I would love to do that, if only I had the time.“

And yet we all have the same amount of time, i.e. 168 hours per week.

Time is simply a resource like money, although it’s more important than money. I say that because you can get more money, but you can’t get more time. None of us can do that, can we?

So you must learn to use your time wisely. Time is your most precious resource, so you must develop effective time management skills.

High-value tasks must take precedence:

Modern pressures mean it’s easy for us to try to do too many things. We can all be a bit like that, including me, dear reader.

Our lives are cluttered with too many activities, too many objectives, too many distractions, and far too many demands on our time.

The result is that we tend to lose focus on what matters most and in the end we don’t do anything as well as we should have done.

In my experience, in most jobs, you’ll find that 90% of productivity is down to completing the top three or four major activities within that job. What I call high-value tasks.

If you take the top three major activities – the high-value tasks – associated with your job and focus on those to the exclusion of just about everything else you’ll almost certainly maximise your productivity and efficiency.

Most common time management mistake:

The problem is, when we’re working, we seem to find it easier to focus on minor tasks and random actions requested by other people.

We feel obliged to accept requests from others. It’s a common mistake of which we can all be guilty.

Now, while tidying up all those minor tasks might make us feel like we’re achieving some quick wins, we’re usually fooling ourselves.

By the end of the day, we’re usually left with a sense that we haven’t done all we should have done, and that leaves us feeling stressed.

And that’s when we start to think about how we might improve our time management.

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We can’t do everything, nor should we try:

We must recognise that we can’t do everything, but we can be selective about what we choose to do.

And if we’re going to get those major tasks of higher value completed, then they must take precedence over those low-value, minor tasks, which can always wait if necessary.

High-value tasks should always take precedence over low-value tasks.

Work smarter:

People often think of time management as a skill that would allow them to work faster. Well, let me tell you this: that’s not the idea at all.

Effective time management skills allow us to work smarter rather than harder.

Instead of getting lost in the minutiae of everyday life, with effective time management skills, we focus on and prioritise those things that will add the most value to our productivity. In other words, we focus on high-value activity.

The law of three:

So. if time management is an issue for you, dear reader, start by taking a good, hard look at your list of daily activities and asking yourself these three questions:

  1. What single task can only I do and, when completed by me, will add the most value to the business?
  2. What’s the second task on my list that only I can do, and when I’ve completed it, will allow me to add the most value to the business?
  3. What is the third task on my list that only I can do and that, when completed by me, will add the most value to the business?

Once you’ve identified your list of three major, high-value tasks, that’s where your focus should be each day before you touch any other minor tasks or accept random requests from other people.

Phil Sutton

Most powerful time management tool:

The point of work is to deliver results. You’ll deliver the best results if you concentrate on your top three major tasks first.

And never forget that you’ll be judged by the results you deliver. No one cares what you have to do for someone else, they only care about the results they expect from you.

Your time is your time, and you must decide how it is to be used most effectively.

Just because someone asks for a piece of your time doesn’t mean you’re obliged to give it to them at the expense of your productivity. Never be afraid to deploy the most effective time management tool of them all.

And what is the most effective time-management tool? It’s the word NO.

Think of the word NO as a baseball bat.

Whenever someone requests that you do something, NO is how you can whack that request right out of the ballpark.

Be in control of your time, at all times:

You’re not obliged to agree to a request even if someone asks nicely. It’s reasonable to be working to your priorities.

All too often we feel obliged to do things for other people when we should have just said politely, “No, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that right now for you because I have to deliver this by 5 pm and it’s a priority.”

If our productivity matters to us, and it should, then our focus should always be on our major, high-value deliverables.

Unfortunately, we allow ourselves to be driven by the agendas of other people.

However that’s not good for our productivity, nor is it good for our well-being or stress levels.

People will take everything you’re prepared to give:

I can tell you from experience that other people will take everything you’re prepared to give and a bit more besides. That’s the nature of people.

However, if you fail to deliver what you’re being paid to deliver, then no list of incidental work completed for other people will be accepted as an adequate plea in your defence when your boss wants to know why you’ve failed to deliver your high-value results.

If you’re painting my house, I’ll measure you on the quality and timeliness of your work, not the amount of help you gave to my neighbour by, say, looking after her dog.

What you do for other people is irrelevant to me, should you fail to deliver what I’m paying you to deliver.

Focus on your priorities:

In reality, if your colleagues can’t get something done by you, they’ll simply ask someone else. So let them.

Why worry? Just be very polite when faced with a random request, but say NO firmly. I can tell you this: you’ll have to be disciplined, but it’s a habit worth developing.

We can all be guilty of expending far too much of our energy helping other people achieve their aims, to the detriment of our interests and our ability to deliver high-value results.

To achieve anything of significance in life, we must be focused on our major activities.

We must concentrate on completing our big three major high-value deliverables daily and focus relentlessly on working towards achieving our own goals generally.

The need for balance:

If you’re asked to do something, then it’s perfectly reasonable to say NO, if doing otherwise would prevent you from delivering the results you’re being paid to deliver on time.

Yes, of course, occasionally there will be tasks you’re obliged to accept for whatever reason.

However, mostly being firm in declining such a request is a sign that you’re assertive and in control of delivering as much value as possible.

Another polite but firm response to a request might be something like, “Sorry, I would love to help you with that, but I cannot right now because I have my hands full with the deadline for this project.”

As with everything, there is a balance to be struck, of course.

Sometimes it’s in your interest to do someone a favour because one day you might need them to return that favour. That’s reasonable, provided you always retain a primary focus on keeping your main things the main things.

Conclusion:

You should always ensure that you’re making progress towards achieving your big three deliverables and your own goals generally.

It’s perfectly reasonable to have your agenda and a desire to achieve your own goals and add the greatest value only you can add.

If you want to make a difference, focus on your three major activities.

Those activities that only you can do.

And to ensure that you’re doing that, don’t be afraid to use the most effective time management tool of them all whenever necessary. Use the word NO politely but firmly.

Always keep the main things the main things.

Phil Sutton

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Did you find this article interesting and useful?

If so, then please share it on social media with your friends.

When you share, everyone wins.

Go on, please share it now.

If you do, I will be forever grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you, dear reader.

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7 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

12/10/2025 by
7 seriously funny jokes

We all need a good laugh every day. So here are 7 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. You’ll enjoy them all, I’m sure.

Take a few moments, relax, and enjoy them all. Feel free to share them with your friends.

SERIOUSLY FUNNY JOKES
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Seriously funny jokes:

1. The storm:

Navy admiral Jim Lorenzo and Army general Mike Cunningham were fishing together on a lake when a storm blew up, and their boat capsized.

Both men were left floundering helplessly in the water momentarily.

Eventually, the general managed to right the boat and clamber onto it.

General Cunningham then extended an oar out to Admiral Lorenzo, getting him to hang on to it, pulling him in, and thereby saving him from almost certain drowning.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat, he puffed, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

“Don’t worry,” said General Cunningham, “your secret’s safe with me, buddy. I’d hate my men to find out that I couldn’t walk on water either.”

2. Chicken in the library:

A chicken walked into a public library, marched up to the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”

So the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”

Once again, the librarian handed the chicken another book, the chicken accepted it and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken was back again. Once again, it marched up to the librarian, threw the book on the desk, and then said, “Book, book, book, book.”

The librarian handed the chicken a third book, but this time she decided to follow the bird.

She watched the chicken hurry down the street and stop at a pond just off Main Street, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.

The chicken showed the book to the frog, but the frog just shook its head and said, “Read it, read it, read it, read it.”

3. Nine Steps to fitness for the over 60s:

  1. Stand on a firm surface, where there’s plenty of room on each side of you.
  2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there for as long as you can.
  3. Try to hold this position for a full minute, if possible, then relax.
  4. Each day, hold your arms in position for a few seconds longer each time.
  5. When you can achieve two full minutes, change to 10-lb potato bags.
  6. Repeat the process until you achieve two full minutes again.
  7. Then try 50-lb potato bags and repeat the process.
  8. Eventually, try to lift 100-lb potato bags and repeat the process until you can hold the position for two minutes.
  9. Once you’re confident holding 100-lb bags, try the exercise again with a potato in each bag.
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4. Teaching psychology:

The teacher welcomed his new English Literature class at the beginning of the academic year and then said, “This year, we will be studying ‘The Canterbury Tales’ by Chaucer.“

He allowed a few moments for the students to reflect on his comment.

“Now, one thing I must tell you,” the teacher continued, “in anticipation of a question I’m always asked, we will not be including ‘The Nun’s Priest’s Tale.”

“Why not?” asked a student at the front of the class.

“Because,” the teacher responded in an obviously disapproving manner, “The Nun’s Priest’s Tale is lascivious, licentious, and utterly improper, especially for students of your age. So, please open your copies to the General Prologue, and we’ll begin with that.“

At the next lesson, the teacher welcomed the class again and then said, “Right, students. Please open your copy of “The Canterbury Tales’ at ‘The Nun’s Priest’s Tale’. I am sure you will all have read this by now.“

Moral of the Story: Never underestimate teachers. They know how to get students to do what is necessary to achieve their grades.

5. Seeking help:

In a little village in the far north of Scotland, an elderly widow was living on her own, struggling to get by with just a small State pension for income.

A very cold, hard winter had been forecast, and, naturally, the old lady was worried that she wouldn’t be able to pay her heating bill, with gas becoming so expensive.

She had no family left, she was completely alone and had no one else able to help her.

So, she turned to God for help.

She decided to write a letter to God, in which she said, “Dear God, You’ll know that I’m on my own now since my late husband Jack died, and you’ll also know that I have very little income. In your endless mercy, can you please send me £150 to pay my winter gas bill to help me survive by warming my little house during the bitterly cold winter nights ahead?”

Not having an address, the old lady simply addressed the envelope “To God” and then dropped it into her local post box.

The following morning, the letter arrived in the local postal sorting office and, on seeing the address, the postal workers were unsure where to send it.

So, the supervisor opened the letter for more information, and on reading it, he felt genuine sympathy for this poor widow.

Being a decent man, he decided he would do something to help her.

So, he called all his colleagues together, explained this poor woman’s predicament, and requested they all dig deep into their pockets to raise money to help her.

This collection raised a total of £130, which was close enough, so the supervisor put the money into an envelope with a letter explaining that he hoped it would help her. The letter was signed “God” and addressed to the old lady.

A few days later, another letter addressed to God arrived at the postal sorting office.

The supervisor gathered his colleagues together before opening it, thinking the old lady would be conveying her gratitude.

It was not quite what they expected. It read, “Dear God, Thank you for the money. It was truly appreciated. However, you should be aware that those thieves in the postal sorting office had stolen £20 from the envelope.”

6. Priorities change:

Jack has been stranded on a small desert island for 10 years.

One day, he’s sitting on the beach, staring into the distance, when he spots something on the horizon.

He’s not quite sure what it is, because it’s not large and clearly not a boat or ship.

Nevertheless, he watches as it gets closer, until emerging from the surf is a beautiful blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She walks up onto the beach, as Jack watches in amazement.

He’s struggling to compute the evidence before his eyes as the woman says to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?“

“It’s been 10 years,” Jack responds.

With that, the woman unzips a waterproof pocket in her wetsuit and pulls out a fine Cuban cigar.

Jack puts it in his mouth, and she lights it for him. He takes a long drag, exhales, and then says, “Wow! That’s good!”

She smiles and then asks, “How long has it been since you last had a glass of the finest Scotch?”

Once again, Jack says, “It’s been 10 years.”

The woman unzips another waterproof pocket in her wetsuit and pulls out a hip flask containing the finest 15-year-old Glenmorangie single malt whisky. She hands Jack the flask to take a swig.

“Oh, my,” says Jack, as he enjoys a swig, “that’s really good.”

At this point, the woman starts unzipping the front of her wetsuit provocatively. As she’s doing so, she looks at him seductively and asks, “How long has it been since you’ve really had some fun?“

“Oh, my lord,” Jack responds, struggling to contain his excitement, “Don’t tell me you’ve brought a laptop with you as well?”

7. Unhappy sergeant:

Sergeant Wilson was appalled to discover that ten of his men were late arriving back at camp following their leave.

As he waited impatiently at the camp gates, one of his men finally ran up to him, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir, I can explain,” said the soldier.

“Soldier, this better be good,” responded his sergeant.

So the soldier told Sergeant Wilson his story, “Sir, you see, I had a date, and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus, but I missed it. So I hailed a cab, but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse, but it dropped dead on me. In the end, I had to run 10 miles, but I am here now.”

Sergeant Wilson was sceptical about the soldier’s explanation, but at least he’d made it back to camp. The sergeant thought about it momentarily and then decided he’d let the soldier off this time.

A couple of minutes later, eight more of Sergeant Wilson’s men ran up to the camp gates, panting heavily. The sergeant demanded explanations for why they were all late, and each of them told the same story.

“Sorry, sir, you see I had a date, and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus, but I missed it. So I hailed a cab, but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse, but it dropped dead on me. In the end, I had to run 10 miles, but I am here now,” each soldier repeated in turn.

Sergeant Wilson eyed them all suspiciously, but since he’d decided to be lenient with the first soldier, he decided that it would only be fair to excuse them, too.

A few minutes later, the tenth and final soldier came running up to the camp gates, panting heavily.

“And where have you been?” snapped Sergeant Wilson.

The soldier quickly responded, “Sorry, sir, you see I had a date, and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus, but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but….”

Sergeant Wilson interrupted him immediately, “Let me guess, soldier. It broke down?”

“No, sir,” said the soldier, “There were so many dead horses on the road it took forever for the cab driver to find a way around them all.”

Saily eSIM

If you enjoyed these jokes, then please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time dear reader?

If any of these seriously funny jokes made you laugh, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

12/05/2025 by

Today I am exploring black humor. That is, humor from the dark side.

If you’re like me, then you’ll need a good laugh every day. It is, after all, the best medicine, they say. If nothing else, it certainly relieves stress.

I love all forms of humor, even what I refer to as black humor, with a slightly darker edge.

Some people find this type of humor a little distasteful, but personally, I think it can still be very funny.

Here are 15 black humor jokes that I think will definitely make you laugh. Well, some of them will make you smile at least.

None of these jokes is too distasteful, so I hope they will appeal to everyone. If they don’t appeal to you, dear reader, then I will endeavour to offer something more in line with your preferences next time.

For those who like humor with a darker edge, enjoy!

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Black Humor Jokes (Part 1):

  • Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?
  • Patient: The good news, please.
  • Doctor: I’ve got the diagnosis for your illness. Unfortunately, it suggests you have only two days to live.
  • Patient: So what’s the bad news then?”
  • Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you for two days.
  • Today really has been a terrible day.
  • First, my wife gets hit by a bus.
  • Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
  • The doctor gave me one year to live.
  • So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
  • The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
  • Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far.
  • Yes, isn’t this catapult amazing? Quick, get our daughter!
  • Girl: So, what do you do?
  • Boy: I work with animals every day.
  • Girl: Oh, that’s so sweet! What exactly do you do?
  • Boy: I’m a butcher.
  • What do you call a dog with no legs?
  • Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come to you anyway.
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Black Humor Jokes (Part 2):

  • Fred walks into a shop and sees a nice looking dog.
  • Does your dog bite? Fred says to the shop assistant.
  • No, my dog doesn’t bite, said the assistant.
  • Fred starts petting the dog but it attacks him viciously.
  • You said your dog doesn’t bite, said Fred.
  • He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog, said the assistant.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father did.
  • Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.
  • They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.
  • Personally, I find a knife through the ribcage a lot quicker.
  • Finally, I got one of those roof-top boxes for the car.
  • It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.
  • I took my wife out for tea and biscuits. 
  • She wasn’t very happy about having to donate blood though.
  • Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
  • Then don’t stand in front of the dartboard!
  • Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
  • To get to the second-hand shop.
  • A man awakens from a coma.
  • His wife is irritated and changes out of her black clothing.
  • I really can’t depend on you for anything, can I?
  • If I’m smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil. 
  • If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these black humor jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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6 funny stories that make you laugh until you cry

12/05/2025 by

If you enjoy stories that make you laugh until you cry, dear reader, then take a look at these I’ve got for you today. I’m confident that at least some of these will make you laugh.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all, and please, feel free to share them with your friends.

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Stories that make you laugh until you cry:

1. Patrick’s doppelgänger:

Mick is the bartender in a Dublin bar, and Patrick is sitting at the counter drinking. Suddenly, Patrick says to Mick, “You see that guy over there? Don’t you think he looks just like me?”

“Yes, he does,” says Mick, humouring him.

Patrick then walks over to his doppelgänger and says, “Excuse me, sir, but I couldn’t help noticing that you and I look so much alike.”

“You’re right, we really do look alike,” says the guy.

“Where are you from?” asks Patrick.

“I’m from Rathmines,” says the guy.

“Which street?” Patrick then asks.

“Mayo Abbey Street,” says the guy.

“Mayo Abbey Street?” says Patrick. “Now that’s incredible. That’s my street too. What number?”

“I live at 47,” the guy responds.

“47?” says Patrick. “I don’t believe it! Me too! What are your parents’ names?”

“Thomas and Bernadette,” says the guy.

“That’s unbelievable,” Patrick responds. “My parents have the same names.”

Just then, Mick’s colleague Jim arrives on shift.

“How’s it going, Mick?” says Jim. “Has there been much happening tonight?”

“Not really,” Mick responds. “Oh, except for the O’Donnell twins being drunk again.”

2. Pumping out the tank:

A C5 Galaxy military transport aircraft is being prepared for departure at a US Air Force base in Greenland.

The crew’s waiting for a truck to arrive so that the aircraft’s sewage tank can be pumped out.

Nothing’s going quite to plan, and the aircraft commander is growing impatient.

When the truck eventually shows up, the airman carrying out the pumping task on the tank is extremely slow and seems to take an age.

Eventually, the commander has had enough, and he snaps and threatens to punish the airman for being so slow.

“Sir, I have no stripes, it’s twenty-five below zero, I’m stationed in Greenland miles from civilization, and I’m pumping sewage,” the airman responds. “What could you possibly do that would punish me further?”

3. Communication breakdown:

Jim is 82 years old and hard of hearing. One day, he goes to his doctor for his annual physical.

A week after his physical, his doctor bumps into Jim on Main Street. Jim has a stunningly attractive young woman on his arm.

The doctor lets it pass, but the following day, he calls Jim and says, “Your companion yesterday was attractive, I must say, but do you really think you’re up to the physical demands that would come with such a relationship?”

“But, doc,” said Jim, “you said get a hot mama and be cheerful.”

“Now, that’s not what I said,” the doctor replied. “I said you’ve got a heart murmur, so be careful!”

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4. Customer expectations:

I must complain about the customer service I’ve just experienced in my local store.

I probably shouldn’t name the store, for obvious legal reasons, but I bought something from there, and I paid cash for it. I took it home and discovered it failed to live up to all the promises I’d heard when the product was advertised on television.

Naturally, I took the product back and requested a refund.

Even though I still had the receipt, the cashier declined my request.

So, I requested a replacement instead, but again the cashier said “No!” in a manner that I thought was insensitive and lacking in empathy.

Well, I wasn’t going to give up without a fight, so I demanded to see the manager.

The manager arrived, and I explained that the product had not met my expectations, and therefore, I wanted a refund.

With a smirk on his face, the manager just said, “Sorry, buddy, but you’re out of luck. There’s no refund.”

“Well, how about a replacement?” I responded.

“There’s no replacement either,” he said, rather unsympathetically.

“Right,” I said, sharply, “you’ve lost my custom. I won’t be buying a lottery ticket here again!”

5. The artist:

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in any of the paintings he currently has on display.

“Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you,” the owner replies.

“What’s the good news?” asks the artist.

“Well, a gentleman inquired about your work, and he asked me whether the paintings would appreciate in value after your death,” says the owner.

“Really?” inquires the artist.

“Yes, and when I told him they would, he bought all thirty of your paintings,” the owner continued.

“Wow, that’s fantastic news!” says the artist. “So what’s the bad news?”

“The gentleman said he was your doctor,” said the owner.

6. Be careful who you threaten:

Jack’s still driving, despite being 85 years old.

One day, he’s driving his Chevrolet Spark into town when he misjudges a turn and manages to bump into a very expensive Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.

It is only a bump, but even minor fixes to expensive cars can cost thousands of dollars.

The wealthy guy in the Mercedes is not happy.

He jumps out and confronts Jack.

“Look what you’ve done to my car, old man!” exclaims the driver. “I want $5,000 for the repairs. I want it now, or I’ll have to beat it out of you.”

“Now just hold on there, buddy,” says Jack. “I don’t carry that much money, but let me call my grandson; he’s with Delta Airlines.”

Jack calls his grandson, but as he’s about to speak, the Mercedes driver grabs the phone from his hand and shouts, “So you’re with Delta Airlines? Well, you listen to me, trolley dolly, your grandad just damaged my car, so you’d better bring me $5,000 for the repairs, or I’m going to beat it out of him.”

Jack’s grandson responds politely, “Sir, give me 15 minutes, and I’ll be with you to sort this out.”

In exactly 15 minutes, Jack’s grandson pulls up in a Jeep accompanied by three other burly, tough-looking military guys. They all look like they could be Special Forces.

Well, the Mercedes driver is smart enough to recognise trouble when he sees it. So he jumps in his car and gets the hell out of there as quickly as he can.

With that, Jack’s grandson walks over to him and says, “Grandad, how many times must I tell you? I’m not with Delta Airlines. I’m with Delta Force!”

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Please share with your friends:

So, for you, dear reader, did these prove to be funny stories that made you laugh until you cried?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, then I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

I appreciate your support, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

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5 hilariously funny jokes that’ll tickle you silly

12/03/2025 by
5 hilariously funny jokes

Today, I offer you five hilariously funny jokes that will definitely tickle you, dear reader. Well, they certainly tickled me anyway. So take a moment or two to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKES
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Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Car trouble:

Jane was driving along Interstate 5 on her way to San Diego when her old car suddenly died on her. Naturally, she called out a local mechanic to help her.

The mechanic arrived and said, “Howdy mam, what seems to be the problem?”

“Well,” said Jane, “I was just driving along when suddenly I lost all power, and the car came to a complete standstill.”

“Now, let me just take a look for you mam,” said the mechanic.

At this point, he lifts the hood and gives the engine a cursory glance before whacking something very hard with a hammer.

“Try it now mam,” said the mechanic.

To Jane’s amazement, when she turned the key, the car burst into life again.

“That’s incredible!” said Jane. “You’ve been here for less than 30 seconds, and you’ve already got it going again. I’m very grateful. Thank you.”

“All part of the service mam!” the mechanic responded before adding, “That’ll be $250.”

Jane couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “How much?” she said. “How can it be $250 when all you did was hit something with a hammer?”

“Well mam,” said the mechanic, “I can produce an itemised bill if you like.”

“Yes, please,” said Jane, “you do that! It’ll make interesting reading.”

So the mechanic started tapping something into an iPad, and then he printed it out on a printer in his truck. He then handed Jane the bill. It read:

2. The new bus driver:

The new bus driver pulled his bus up at the bus stop, and on stepped a giant of a man who said to the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before walking off and taking his seat.

Well, Big John was aptly named; he really was a monster of a man, and the driver was small and skinny, so he figured that a confrontation with Big John might not end well. Not for him anyway. So he let it go.

The next day, the same thing happened. The bus stopped, Big John got on, and once again he told the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before going straight to his seat.

Again, the new driver was reluctant to challenge him because of his size.

Well, this became a daily occurrence, and increasingly the new bus driver began to resent being afraid of Big John.

So he decided to sign up for a bodybuilding class at his local gym. He figured that if he was more muscular, he’d be equipped to challenge Big John and force him to pay the fare. This became an obsession with him, and he worked hard on it.

Before long, the bus driver had rippling muscles where once there had only been skin and bone. And as his physical appearance became more impressive, the driver felt confident and ready to confront Big John the next time he got on his bus.

Sure enough, at the usual stop, onto the bus stepped Big John, with his usual declaration, “Big John don’t pay!”

“Now just hold it there, fella!” said the driver, ready and waiting for a confrontation. “And just why don’t Big John pay?”

Well, the situation was tense for a moment as Big John reached into his pocket, and the driver began to wonder whether he’d done the right thing after all.

Then Big John smiled as he withdrew his hand from his pocket and said, “Because I’ve got this bus pass!”

3. Taking a mistress:

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer nerd were discussing the merits of having a mistress.

“A mistress has energy and passion,” said the artist. “And there’s always the thrill of doing something that’s forbidden.”

“Well,” said the lawyer, “I must warn you that it could lead to a costly divorce and, in the worst case, bankruptcy. You’d have to ask yourself, is it worth it?”

“Well, I think taking a mistress was the best decision I’ve ever made,” said the computer nerd.

“Why?” asked the lawyer.

“Because my wife thinks I’m with my mistress, and my mistress thinks I’m with my wife,” the computer nerd responded with a smile. “So, I get to spend every night in peace on my computer!”

Saily eSIM

4. Keeping a secret:

A group of dinner party guests were discussing whether men or women are more trustworthy.

Jack, a very opinionated older man, said bluntly, “Well, no woman can keep a secret.”

“That’s not true!” said Jane, a pretty, young blond sitting next to him.

“So, give me an example of when you’ve kept a secret then,” Jack responded.

“Well,” said Jane, “I’ve kept my age totally secret since I was 21.”

“Maybe,” said Jack, “but one day you’ll let it slip. You won’t be able to keep it secret forever.”

“I disagree,” Jane responded. “If I’ve managed to keep it secret for 15 years, then why couldn’t I keep it secret forever?”

5. Native American Chief:

Bill was studying for a Master’s Degree in American Studies at the University of London. He loved American culture, so naturally, he was a regular traveller to the USA. In particular, he liked getting to know real America beyond the obvious tourist destinations.

On one trip, he was staying in a hotel in Cheyenne, Wyoming, when he saw an old Native American chief in full Native dress sitting in the lobby.

“Wow, who’s that?” Bill asked the desk clerk.

“Oh, that’s Chief Elephant’s Memory,” the clerk responded.

“Why’s he called Chief Elephant’s Memory?” asked Bill.

“Because he’s 93 and he still has the most amazing memory. He never forgets anything,” said the clerk. “You might not believe this, but he can actually remember every single detail of his life with immediate recall.”

“Really?” Bill said, intrigued by what he was being told.

So Bill walked up to the chief and said, “Hi there, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve heard you have the most amazing memory. They say you can remember every detail of your life. Can you tell me what you had for breakfast on your eighteenth birthday?”

“Eggs,” replied the Chief quietly.

Bill was amazed at this response, but as he walked away, the desk clerk called him over and said, “Hey buddy, when you speak to one of our Native Americans, you don’t say ‘Hi there’, it’s common courtesy to address them by saying, ‘How!’”

Bill thanked the clerk for putting him right and promised he’d remember that next time.

One year later, Bill’s back in Cheyenne again. He’s in the same hotel when he spots the same old Native American chief sitting in the lobby.

Remembering the desk clerk’s advice from his previous visit, he walks up to the chief and says, “How!”

“Sunny-side up,” the Chief responded.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did these hilariously funny jokes prove to be as hilariously funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read, please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

More fun you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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7 short story jokes to brighten your day

11/29/2025 by

Short story jokes are fun; would you agree? So today I offer you 7 short story jokes to brighten your day.

I hope you enjoy them all.

Take a moment to laugh, and then please pass them on.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short Story Jokes:

1. Gimme a beer:

A man walks into a bar in Downtown Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!“

The man then downs the beer in one before asking the bartender for another, once again saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!“

Naturally, the bartender is a little wary of this guy, but he pours him another beer nevertheless.

This goes on for a while, each time with the guy saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!“

After the fifth beer, the bartender is really becoming bewildered by this guy’s approach, so he asks, “Hey buddy, when are you going to pay for all these beers?“

The sighs and says, “This is where the problems start!“

2. Twin boys:

A young woman has twin boys, but is forced sadly to give them up for adoption.

One boy is adopted by a family in Morocco, and they name him Amal.

The other boy goes to a family in Spain, and they name him Juan.

Many years later, the woman receives a letter from Juan, which includes a recent photograph of him.

As she’s looking at the photograph, the woman says tearfully to her husband, “Oh, how I wish I had a photograph of Amal too.”

Slightly bewildered, the husband thinks momentarily and then says, ”They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

3. There’s always one:

A bus full of passengers crashes on an icy road and bursts into flames. Sadly, everyone on the bus is killed instantly in the crash.

When they all arrive at the Pearly Gates, the passengers are met by God, which is an unusual precedent, but these were tragic circumstances, so the situation is well above St Peter’s pay grade.

As the passengers form an orderly queue, God says, “Since you all died in such a tragic way, I’m here to grant each of you one wish before you enter the Kingdom of Heaven.“

The woman at the head of the line’s obviously concerned about her looks, and she says to God, “I wish to be beautiful.“

God smiles, grants the wish, and instantly she is gorgeous.

The next woman hesitates momentarily, but then she decides to wish for the same thing.

Once again, God smiles, grants the wish, and instantly, she is also beautiful.

Whilst all this is going on, a guy at the back of the queue starts to laugh.

Two more women, on seeing how beautiful their two fellow passengers have become, also wish to become beautiful.

God smiles again; their wishes are granted, and they, too, are now beautiful.

By now, the guy at the end of the line is laughing even louder.

Nevertheless, one after another, the deceased passengers all request the same wish.

However, with each wish granted, the guy at the end of the line seems to laugh even harder.

Finally, it’s this guy’s turn to request his wish when God asks, “My son, what’s your wish?”

To which the guy responds, “Make them all ugly again!“

Moral of the Story: There’s always someone determined to ruin it for everyone else.

Saily eSIM

4. Recreating a miracle:

A priest walks into a bar, orders a pint of water, and then sits down to drink it in complete silence.

After a while, he orders another pint of water and drinks it in one go.

Then he orders another pint, drinks it, then another, and so on.

Eventually, he’s consumed 10 pints of water, and he’s starting to look a little unwell.

“Look, Father,” says the bartender, “I can’t stop you from drinking all this water, but is it wise? Drinking so much of it is clearly making you unwell.”

The priest looks up from his latest pint of water and says, “I’m on a mission to prove that with the power of prayer and God’s blessing, we can recreate Jesus’ great miracle of turning water into wine. Until it happens, I must continue.”

“Father, you have my sympathy,” says the bartender.

“It could be a lot worse,” says the priest, as he points to another priest who is slumped unconscious at another table.

“Jeez!” says the bartender. “What’s happened to him?”

“Well,” the priest responded, “his mission is to turn wine into water.”

5. Living forever:

A guy goes to see his doctor and asks what he needs to do to live forever.

His doctor looks him in the eye and says, “If you want to live forever, you’ll need to make some lifestyle changes.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “just tell me what I need to do.”

“Well, first you’ll need to eliminate all sugar and white flour from your diet,” says his doctor.

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to eliminate all stimulants, including caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to eliminate all fried food from your diet, including French fries and potato chips.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to eliminate all red meat and rich food from your diet.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to stop socialising and partying and go to bed at 8 pm every evening.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to eliminate all sexual activity from your life.”

The guy’s starting to look a little deflated as he asks his last question.

“So, Doc,” says the guy, “if I do all these things, will I live forever, yes?”

“Well,” says the doctor, “it’ll definitely feel like forever.”

6. The problem with getting old:

An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.“

The next day, the old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it had been on the previous day.

Naturally, the doctor inquired as to what happened.

“Well, doctor,” the old man explained, “it was like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, and still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, but still nothing. We even called up Maggie, the lady next door. She tried with both hands, followed by her armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees. However, still nothing.“

Looking shocked, the doctor said, “You asked a neighbour?“

Looking slightly surprised, the old man says, “Yes, but none of us could get the lid off the jar.“

7. Swapping places:

One day, Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

Now, Einstein’s driver To,m looked remarkably like him, a fact of which Einstein was well aware.

In the car, on the way to the conference, Einstein said, “You know, Tom, I’m sick of speaking at conferences. I just say the same things over and over!“

Tom smiled and said, “You’re right. I’ve attended all of them with you, and even though I’m not a scientist, I’m sure I could give the conference in your place.“

“Now that’s a great idea, Tom!” said Einstein. “Let’s switch places.“

So they immediately switch clothes; Einstein hands Tom his notes, and when they arrive at the conference, Tom goes on stage, and he starts giving the speech.

Meanwhile, dressed in the driver’s uniform, Einstein sits at the side of the stage.

Unfortunately, lurking in the audience is one scientist who is determined to impress everyone by asking a difficult question he hopes Einstein will not be able to answer.

When he gets his chance, this guy seizes the moment and interrupts the conference with his very difficult question.

It’s a real curveball, and the audience knows it. The whole room is silent, holding their breath, waiting for Einstein’s response. You could hear a pin drop.

However, Tom has been around the block a few times, and he wasn’t easily fazed.

He looked the guy dead in the eye, smiled at him, and said, “Sir, to demonstrate how easy it is to answer your question, I will let my driver reply to it for me.“

Please share this post with your friends:

If you did enjoy any of these short story jokes, dear reader, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Thank you.

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21 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

11/27/2025 by

If jokes that are just slightly silly appeal to you, then here are 21 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

These are the sort of jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers. Corny, but you can’t help laughing at them. Well, groaning anyway.

Certainly, they all made me smile, and I hope you enjoy them too, dear reader.

Take a few moments to enjoy them, and then please feel free to pass them on.

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Silly Jokes:

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive? A Minnie van.

What do you get when you cross a dog with an antenna? A Golden Receiver.

Where should a 600-pound gorilla go? On a diet

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.

What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me, and we’ll go places!

What would happen if you threw yellow sneakers into the Red Sea? They’d get wet.

Why did the photograph go to jail? Because it was framed.

What would Bears become without Bees? Ears.

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!

Where do cucumbers go on a date night? The salad bar.

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball.

Why was the chicken arrested? Fowl play.

Why can’t pigs keep secrets? They keep squealing.

How do trees get on the internet? They log in.

What did one toilet say to the other? You look a bit flushed.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.

If the early bird gets the worms, what does the worm get? Eaten.

Why couldn’t the pirates learn the alphabet? They kept getting stuck at C.

Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

Saily eSIM

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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Thank you for your support.

Other articles you’ll enjoy:

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5 long funny stories with morals to tell your friends

11/22/2025 by
5 LONG FUNNY STORIES WITH MORALS

Here are five long funny stories with morals to tell your friends. They all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day, too.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

LONG FUNNY STORIES WITH MORALS
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Long funny stories with morals:

1. The nuns’ dilemma:

There were these two very clever, Catholic nuns. They were so clever that one was known only as Sister Mathematical, whilst the other went only by the name of Sister Logical.

One afternoon, they were returning to the Convent of St Mary, but they were still a long way off when it was beginning to get dark.

“Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?” said Sister Mathematical. “I wonder what he wants?”

“There’s a logical explanation,” said Sister Logical, “He wants to have his wicked way with us.”

“Oh Lord, no!” Sister Mathematical responded. “At the rate at which he’s walking, he will catch up with us in 13.8 minutes. What can we do?”

“The logical thing would be to walk faster.” Sister Logical replied.

So they carried on at a brisk pace, trying not to look back.

A few minutes went by, and Sister Mathematical observed, “We’ve doubled our pace, but this plan isn’t working.”

“Naturally, it’s not working,” said Sister Logical, “The man responded logically by quickening his pace too. He’s now gaining on us.”

“What can we do?” asked Sister Mathematical. “At this rate, he’ll reach us in less than one minute.”

“The logical thing to do now is to split”, replied Sister Logical. “If we go off in different directions, he can’t follow both of us.”

So off they went in different directions and, as luck would have it, the man followed Sister Logical.

Eventually, Sister Mathematical arrived back at the convent, but she was worried about what might have happened to her friend.

Within a few minutes, Sister Logical suddenly appeared, back at the convent.

“Oh, Sister Logical”, Sister Mathematical exclaimed. “Thank the Lord, you’re back safely. Tell me what happened.”

“Well, logically, the man could only follow one of us”, said Sister Logical, “and he chose to follow me.”

“Yes, yes!” said Sister Mathematical, “But what happened then?”

“Well, I took the logical course of action”, said Sister Logical, “and I ran as fast as I could and even faster than we had been running together.”

“So then what happened?” Sister Mathematical replied.

“He responded logically, and he ran even faster, too,” said Sister Logical. “And within a minute, he’d caught up with me.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “What did you do then?”

“I did the only logical thing I could do”, Sister Logical replied, “I lifted the skirt of my habit to my waist.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what did he do then?”

“The logical thing for him”, Sister Logical replied. “He pulled his trousers down to his ankles.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what happened next?”

“Isn’t that logical, Sister?” Sister Logical responded. “A nun with her habit up can run a lot faster than a man with his trousers down.”

Moral of the Story: Readers eagerly anticipating a story of a more adult nature, go and say three Hail Marys!

2. Community service:

One day, a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

The barber did an excellent job and, being very pleased with the result, the florist asked for the bill.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The florist appreciated this generous gesture, so he thanked the barber and left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, a dozen roses were waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the florist.

Not long after the shop opened, a cop came in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber does an excellent job, but when the cop tries to settle the bill, he gets the same response.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The cop said he appreciated the gesture and thanked the barber. He then left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, there was a box of a dozen donuts waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the cop.

Later that day, a congressman walked in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber excelled himself, producing the perfect haircut, but when the congressman tried to settle the bill, he got the same response too.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

So the congressman thanked the barber and happily left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, there were a dozen congressmen lined up in the street waiting for a free haircut.

Moral of the Story: Politicians are driven only by self-interest and what’s in it for them.

3. Sunday Service:

It’s Sunday morning, and the Pastor at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Carmel, California, is delivering his sermon.

Midway through the sermon, the Pastor asks three men in the front row, “Gentlemen, what would you want your loved ones to say as they’re looking down at you in your coffin?”

Phil responds first and says, “That I was a good husband and father.”

Then Jim says, “That I lived an honest life and was kind to others.”

Finally, Dan couldn’t help himself, and he quips, “Look! He’s moving!“

Moral of the Story: Never, ever take life too seriously.

Saily eSIM

4. The crocodile farm:

There was a group of tourists visiting a crocodile farm in the Florida Keys, and they were standing on a floating structure in the middle of an enormous lake, surrounded by crocodiles.

Suddenly, the farm’s owner shouts, “The first person to jump into the lake and successfully swim to shore will receive 10 million dollars.”

The silence was deafening. People were looking at each other with expressions of absolute horror on their faces.

Then suddenly, a man jumps into the water and starts swimming like his life depended on it.

As the other visitors watched events unfold, the man headed for the shore, with a dozen crocodiles chasing in hot pursuit, all anticipating an unexpected meal.

The crocodiles were fast, but the man swam like greased lightning, and he managed to reach the shore unharmed.

As the man staggered up the beach, the owner announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!”

After receiving the reward, the man and his wife returned to their hotel.

The man’s face was still ashen as he said to his wife, “I didn’t jump. Someone pushed me.“

His wife smiled and, with a wink of her eye, said, “I know, dear, it was me!“

Moral of the Story: Behind every successful man, there’s always a woman to give him a little push.

5. The old lady at the bank:

An old lady walked up to the counter in her bank, handed her bank card to the teller and then said, “Mam, I would like to withdraw $10.”

Giving the old lady a look bordering on contempt, the teller replied, “For withdrawals of less than $100, you must use the ATM, mam.”

Looking a little crestfallen, the old lady asked why she couldn’t withdraw her money from the counter.

“These are the rules, mam,” said the teller irritably, as she returned the bank card to the old lady. “Now move along, please, because there’s a line of customers behind you.”

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds as she gathered her thoughts.

She then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Then please, can you help me withdraw all the money I have in my account?”

The teller took the old lady’s card and tapped her details into the computer. She was astonished to see just how much the old lady had in her account.

“Mam, you have over $300,000 in your account,” said the teller, “the bank doesn’t have that much cash available today. You’ll need to make an appointment and come back tomorrow?”

The old lady smiled and asked, “How much can I withdraw now?”

“Well, mam, you can withdraw up to $3,000”, the teller responded.

“In that case, let me have $3,000 now, in $10 bills, please“, said the old lady.

So, the teller laboriously counted out the $3,000 in $10 bills, then counted again, and finally, she handed the cash to the old lady.

As the old lady took $10 from the top of the pile and put it in her purse, the teller then said, “Would there be anything else I can help you with today, mam?”

“Yes!” said the old lady with a smile, “I’d like to deposit $2990 into my account, please.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with old people; they’ve spent a lifetime mastering skills younger people couldn’t even begin to appreciate.

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Please share the fun with your friends:

So dear reader, were these long funny stories with morals as amusing as you’d hoped? Did they make you laugh?

I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Saily eSIM

More fun you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support cost of maintaining this website. Thank you for your support.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

50 candidates for short joke of the day to raise a smile

11/04/2025 by

If you’re looking for candidates for the short joke of the day, then there are some great jokes on offer here today, dear reader.

Perhaps you’re just looking for something to make you laugh.

Then I’m sure at least one or two of these will tickle your funny bone.

Enjoy them all.

And then please pass them on.

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Short Joke of the Day (1-20):

  1. I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.
  2. Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo.
  3. Avoid dangerous cults. Practise safe sects.
  4. Do gun manuals have a troubleshooting section?
  5. Remember, there’s no lifeguard in the gene pool.
  6. Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii or just a low ha?
  7. Never fight with a dinosaur. You’ll just get jurasskicked.
  8. I’ve just sold a homing pigeon on eBay for the 15th time.
  9. What did the daughter corn ask the mother corn? Where’s popcorn?
  10. Humpy Dumpty had a terrible summer. However, he’s had a great fall.
  11. Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.
  12. A man was attacked by string instruments. It was a brutal act of violins.
  13. Q: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? A: Because it lifts their spirits.
  14. I wouldn’t say Poop jokes are the best jokes but they’re a solid Number 2.
  15. Could there be a worse time to have a heart attack than during a game of Charades?
  16. Could there be a more aptly named firm of divorce lawyers than Ditcher, Quick and Hyde?
  17. If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt and preservatives, don’t open it. It’s SPAM.
  18. WIFE: I have blisters on my hands from the broom. HUSBAND: Why didn’t you use the car?
  19. I saw two guys wearing identical outfits and I just asked them if they were gay. They arrested me.
  20. Julie Andrews famously portrayed Mary Poppins in the film. Now I hear she will no longer be endorsing cheap lipstick. Apparently, it crumbles easily and makes her breath smell. In a statement she explained, “The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.”

Short Joke of the Day (21-30):

  1. If I don’t pay my exorcist, will I get repossessed?
  2. A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter’s school concert.
  3. When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, does she become a Def Leopard?
  4. I didn’t think that wearing orthopaedic shoes would make a difference but I stand corrected.
  5. My wife told me I have two faults. She said I don’t listen and some other crap she was banging on about.
  6. If I get a headache, I take two Aspirin and keep away from children, just as it recommends on the bottle.
  7. We keep having meetings at work because our boss is keen to work out why nothing productive is being done.
  8. Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi
  9. I was struck on the head by a large bottle of Omega 3 capsules. Luckily the marks on me were only Super Fish Oil.
  10. A naked woman robbed the bank today. Despite the bank being full of businessmen, no one could remember her face.

Short Joke of the Day (31-40):

  1. At the bus stop, I asked the bus driver how long the next bus would be. The same length as this one, he said.
  2. Take me back to those wild pre-COVID days when we’d party hard and eat cake after someone had blown on it.
  3. I yelled “COW!” at a woman on a bike and she gave me the finger. Then she crashed her bike straight into a cow on the crossing. What can I say? I tried.
  4. I got up this morning and ran around the block five times. By then I was tired, so I picked the block up and put it back in the toy box.
  5. I’m worried my wife might be showing the first signs of Alzheimer’s. She’s just told me she can’t remember what she ever saw in me.
  6. Why is it that brain cells, skin cells and hair cells all die constantly and yet, fat cells seem to have eternal life?
  7. I accidentally wore a red shirt to shop in Target today and, to cut a long story short, I’m covering for Michelle this weekend.
  8. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me.
  9. I see people my age mountain climbing, whereas I get a sense of achievement just getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
  10. I need to get in shape. If I were murdered on the street today, my chalk outline would be a circle.
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Short Joke of the Day (41-50):

  1. I don’t think inside the box. I don’t think outside the box either. I don’t even know where I might find the box.
  2. I wasn’t planning on going for a run today. However, those cops suddenly came out of nowhere.
  3. 90 per cent of my Google search history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell correctly.
  4. I often wonder what happened to all those people who’ve asked me for directions over the years
  5. A dentist married a manicurist. It didn’t work out. They fought constantly, tooth and nail.
  6. My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my home, then I got a lift from the delivery guy.
  7. Have you ever woken up and kissed the person next to you, then felt truly grateful to be alive? I just did and apparently, I won’t be allowed to fly with this airline again.
  8. They say love is the best feeling in the world. I disagree. There’s no better feeling than finding a public toilet when you’re out and about and suddenly struck down with diarrhoea.
  9. In the furniture store, the sales guy told me the sofa would sit five people without any problems. Then it occurred to me, I don’t know five people without any problems.
  10. I’ve been in a lot of places but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I’ve never been in Cognito either. I hear no one recognises you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport. You have to be driven there. I’ve made several trips.
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5 amusing short story jokes to make you laugh

10/30/2025 by

Dear reader, are you in need of a little comic relief? Here are 5 amusing short story jokes that will definitely make you laugh.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

And then, please feel free to pass them on.

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Amusing short story jokes:

1. Escaping a ticket:

Jim was finally enjoying a bit of freedom in life, so he decided to buy himself a new Mercedes C-Class Cabriolet.

On the day he collected it from the dealership, he thought it would be a great idea to take his new toy out for a spin on the Interstate.

It was a pleasant evening, so with the top down and the wind in his hair, he decided to really put his foot down until the pedal hit the metal.

The acceleration was amazing, but as the car hit 90 mph, suddenly there was the sound of a siren, and through his rearview mirror, Jim could see blue lights flashing.

Undaunted by this turn of events, Jim just thought to himself, “There’s no way the cops will catch me in a Mercedes at full speed.”

And momentarily, he kept the car going flat out until his speed exceeded 110 mph.

However, his nerve went when he realised that, despite his speed, the cops were actually gaining on him.

So the reality of his situation hit him, and Jim thought, “What the hell am I doing?“

He slowed down and pulled over.

At the side of the road, the cop came up to him and said, “Sir, could I see your license, please?”

Jim handed over his license.

The cop studied it momentarily and then said to Jim, “Sir, it’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and to be honest, I really don’t feel like doing any more paperwork. So I’ll offer you a deal. If you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you go without a ticket.“

Jim thought for a second and then said, “Officer, a month ago, my wife ran off with a cop. Life has been so good since then, but I was afraid you were chasing in an attempt to give her back to me.“

The cop smiled at Jim and said, “Have a nice weekend, sir.”

And with that, he left Jim to enjoy his new car.

2. The price for a little fun:

It was Friday evening; it had been payday, and Bill had really had a tough week.

So on leaving the office, he decided that instead of going home, he would stay out for the entire weekend partying with his buddies and in the process blow his entire week’s salary.

When he finally arrived home on Sunday evening, he was confronted by his angry wife, and, needless to say, she hurled abuse at him for nearly two hours in a tirade befitting his irresponsible actions.

Finally, as she stopped shouting at him, his wife said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

“That would be fine with me,” Bill responded unwisely.

Monday went by, and Bill didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

However, on Thursday, the swelling had gone down sufficiently for Bill to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

3. Dumb man joke:

Jim is taking a shower in the bathroom, and his wife shouts, “Did you find the shampoo, Jim?”

“Yes,” he responds, “but I’m not quite sure what to do, Irene.”

“Why’s that, Jim?” Irene asks.

“Well,” says Jim, “it says it’s for dry hair, but I’ve just wet mine.“

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4. Out of the mouths of babes:

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.

One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 4-year-old daughter immediately took an interest in what was going on with the crew on the lot and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Now, the construction crew were decent and friendly guys, and very quickly they adopted the little girl as their project mascot.

They would chat with her, let her sit with them during coffee and lunch breaks, and give her little jobs here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars.

Well, the little girl felt important. She took her pay home to her mother, who encouraged her further and suggested they deposit her two dollars at the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had earned her own money at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, “I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.“

“Well, that’s impressive,” said the teller. “Will you be working on the house again next week, too?“

The little girl smiled and then replied, “I will if those lazy b*stards at Home Depot ever deliver the f**king bricks.”

5. Unexpected benefit:

Mike and his wife, Liz, had the misfortune to be caught up in a terrible road traffic accident with multiple cars involved. Unfortunately, in the carnage that followed, Liz’s face was severely burned.

She was taken to the local hospital, where the doctor told Mike that she would need a skin graft on her face.

“The problem is,” said the doctor, “your wife is so thin we wouldn’t be able to use any skin from her body for the graft.”

“Could I donate skin from my body?” asked Mike.

“Yes, you can,” said the doctor. “However, the only suitable skin would be skin from your buttocks.”

Mike explained the situation to Liz and asked whether skin from his buttocks would be acceptable to her.

“Well, as long as no one else knows where the skin came from,” said Liz.

Jim assured her that it would be their secret, and the doctor also promised he would honour her request for secrecy.

So Liz had the surgery, and when all the scars had healed, everyone was amazed at how beautiful Liz now looked.

She’d always been attractive, but she was now even more beautiful than she’d been before. All her friends and relatives couldn’t help commenting on her youthful beauty.

One day, Liz was sitting alone with Mike, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

“Mike, I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. There’s no way I could ever repay you,” said Liz.

Mike smiled and kissed her. Then he said, “Darling, think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Share this post and make others smile:

So were these amusing short story jokes as amusing as you’d hoped they would be, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

More fun you might enjoy:

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