Stress-free Archives

How to turn your yearly income into your monthly income

07/25/2025 by Roy Sutton

Would you like to learn how to turn your yearly income into your monthly income?

Perhaps you are one of those people who feel you should be earning more than you do.

To have enough money to enjoy the lifestyle you’d love?

You’d like a higher income, but you’re unsure how to achieve it.

Perhaps you feel that big money never flows to people like you.

A natural assumption, possibly, but it’s wrong.

With the right approach, you too can have significantly more money than you have now. Yes, you can become truly wealthy.

The question is, where do you begin?

You can start by understanding the Law of Compensation. In the video included here, the self-help guru Bob Proctor explains that income is earned according to the Law of Compensation.

How to turn your yearly income into your monthly income:

The Law of Compensation:

Bob explains that the Law of Compensation states that the amount of money you earn will always be in exact ratio to the following three points, namely:

The NEED for what you do.
Your ABILITY to do it.
The DIFFICULTY there would be in REPLACING YOU.

Now you have no control over points 1 and 3, so you must concentrate on point number 2.

You must constantly hone your skills and become a master of whatever you do.

That said, becoming a master of what you do is only part of the solution.

To earn more, you must decide on your strategy for earning money. In the video, Bob Proctor explains that there are only three strategies for earning money.

The Strategies for Earning Money:

So what are the three income-earning strategies? Bob Proctor describes these as M1, M2, and M3. In more detail, that means:

M1: Trading your time for money:

Essentially, this is paid employment, and it is the way that 96% of people earn an income.

The problem is that, unless you’re a Wall Street banker, you’re unlikely to get rich this way. It probably explains why you’re not rich right now.

M2: Invest Money to Earn Money:

Assuming you’re working for the man as a salaried employee, you can start saving, and gradually, as your savings grow, you can invest your money in stocks, bonds, and property, and over time, your investments will start generating an income of their own.

That’s great, but you need to know what you’re doing. If you have nothing now, it will take some time before you can start generating anything approaching a useful extra income.

Of course, if you have a large sum of money available right now, then this might be a solution; however, for most people, it’s not feasible, which is why only around 3% of people make an income this way.

M3: Multiply your time with multiple sources of income:

Establishing multiple income streams is a great way to start generating substantial income.

Even fewer people make an income this way, around 1%, but that has more to do with the fact that most people fail to recognize its potential.

Now, let me make one thing clear: having multiple income streams does not mean working multiple jobs.

It means having income streams that will earn money for you even while you’re sleeping. And as the legendary investor Warren Buffett once said, “If you don’t find a way to make money while you sleep, you will work until you die.“

M3 Income Strategy:

M3 is the income strategy that will help you earn far more than you earn now. Certainly, it will if you do it right.

Bob Proctor offers the example of Network Marketing (also known as Multi-Level Marketing), whereby not only do you sell products, but you also create a network of sellers, which means that when they sell, you receive a portion of the commission generated from those sales.

The best network marketers have made a significant amount of money this way, but it’s not the only solution to generate multiple streams of income.

The internet now offers multiple ways to get rich online.

For instance, you can use Amazon as a marketplace and sell products with fulfilment (delivery to the customer) handled by Amazon.

You can also generate commissions through affiliate marketing with Amazon, as well as other platforms like ClickBank and Commission Junction (CJ). These can be great ways to make money whilst you sleep.

Blogging and Vlogging are also other ways to produce income streams.

There are numerous ways for the ambitious and determined. It’s never been easier for people prepared to put in the effort.

So listen to what Bob Proctor has to say and be inspired to take action now.

The Game of Money-Making:

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Thank you.

15 more short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

07/22/2025 by Roy Sutton

Looking for some more short story jokes, dear reader? Well, I’ve got 15 funny ones here for you today. I guarantee they’ll make you laugh.

So, grab a cup of coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

More Short Story Jokes (1-5):

1. The Brown Bear:

Two friends, Bill and George were out hiking in the Katmai National Park in Alaska when suddenly they saw a brown bear ambling along in their direction.

Bill immediately takes out a pair of running shoes from his backpack and then sits down to replace his heavy hiking books with his Nikes.

George is puzzled by Bill’s actions, so naturally, he asks, “Bill why are you putting on your running shoes right now?”

“George, you don’t seriously think I’m going to hang around until we’re spotted by that bear, do you?” Bill responds.

“Bill, don’t be ridiculous,” said George, “you’ll never outrun a brown bear.”

“I don’t have to outrun the bear,” Bill responded “I only have to outrun you!”

With that Bill disappeared into the distance shouting back as he went, “Good luck with that bear George.”

Moral of the Story: When it’s you or the other guy, make sure it’s not you.

2. The Efficiency Expert:

I took my wife to a fancy restaurant in Manhattan called The Lemon Tree.

As the waiter was taking our order I noticed he had a spoon in his shirt pocket. This seemed a little strange but initially, I ignored it.

However, when the busboy brought our water and utensils, I couldn’t help noticing that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

And then as I gazed around the restaurant I could see that all the staff had spoons in their shirt pockets.

So when the waiter came back to serve the soup naturally I enquired, “Why is every member of staff here carrying a spoon?”

“Well,” said the waiter, “the restaurant’s owner hired consultants from McKinsey to improve our processes. After several weeks of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. They calculated that there was a drop frequency of approximately three spoons per table per hour.”

“Are you serious?” I felt compelled to ask.

“Yes sir!” said the waiter. “They concluded that if our people are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.”

As luck would have it at this point I managed to drop my spoon and he replaced it with the spare from his pocket immediately.

He then explained, “I’ll simply get another spoon when I next go to the kitchen, rather than making a special trip there right now.”

Such efficiency was impressive.

I then noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.

Looking around, I could see that all of the other waiters had the same string hanging from their flies too.

Puzzled by this I asked the waiter, “Why do you all have a string hanging from the fly in your trousers?”

“Oh!” he said, lowering his voice, “The McKinsey consultants concluded that this will help us save time when we have to visit the restroom during a shift.”

“How so?” I inquired.

“Well,” he said, “by tying this string to the tip of our ‘you-know-what’, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands. This shortens the time spent in the restroom by 39% they think.”

“Wow!” I said. “But how do you put it back in your trousers once you’ve finished?”

“Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”

3. Goodtime Girl:

I met a girl in a bar who said she worked in a fairground.

She asked me if I would like to go to her place and have a good time.

She wasn’t kidding. I went on the Dodgems, the Big Dipper, the Waltzer and the Ghost Train, all for free. I even came home with a goldfish and some Cotton Candy.

4. Car Park Incident:

I left my car in a multi-storey car park the other day, and when I returned, the back of the car had a huge dent in it.

I found a note under the windshield wiper, and it said, “Sorry but I accidentally reversed into your car. There were witnesses, so I left this note so they’d think I was leaving my contact details. Well, I’m not. And in case you’re wondering, the CCTV is broken too, so it’s not your lucky day.”

5. Tupperware:

Jock is a former special forces soldier who gets hired by the Sultan of Oman to help train his army.

After six months, Jock submits a leave request so he can visit Scotland for his mother’s birthday.

The Sultan is happy to grant his request, provided Jock promises to bring him back something traditionally Scottish.

Well, Jock goes home to Glasgow and enjoys celebrating his mother’s birthday and having a few drinks with all his old mates.

The day before Jock is due to fly back to Muscat, he realises he’d forgotten about the Sultan’s request.

“Hey, ma,” says Jock, “I was supposed to get something traditionally Scottish for the Sultan and I forgot.”

“Relax, son,” said his mother. “I’ll bake some of my famous shortbread. You can take that back with you.”

With that, she bakes several trays of shortbread and, once it’s all cooled, she puts it all in Tupperware boxes to keep it fresh.

When Jock arrives back in Oman, he presents the Sultan with the traditional Scottish shortbread.

Well, the Sultan is impressed with this traditional Scottish treat and thoroughly enjoys it. To show his appreciation, the Sultan sends Jock’s mum a solid gold vase. A prized item worth a considerable sum.

A few more months pass, and once again, Jock requests some leave so he can visit Scotland.

Once again, it’s not a problem.

“Yes, of course,” says the Sultan, “but please bring me back some of that delicious homemade shortbread.“

So, Jock goes back to Glasgow, and he mentions to his mum that he wants her to make some more shortbread for the Sultan.

“You must be joking, son,” says his mother. “I’m still waiting on my Tupperware dishes back!“

More Short Story Jokes (6-10):

6. A quick one:

Pete finally went to see his physician for a checkup, and the doctor said to him, “Can we talk about your weight?“

“Sure,” said Pete. “It was about 25 minutes, but the chairs were comfortable, and the selection of magazines was impressive.“

7. Farming Logic:

A guy is driving along a country road when he sees a farmer standing in the middle of a large field. The farmer is doing absolutely nothing except standing and gazing into the distance.

The guy stops and asks the farmer if he’s OK.

“Yes,” said the farmer, “I’m fine.”

“That’s good,” says the guy. “I was a little worried, as you’re just standing and staring at nothing in particular.”

“That’s because I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize,” the farmer responds.

“A Nobel Prize?” says the guy, somewhat surprised. “How will you win a Nobel Prize?”

“Well,” says the farmer, “I’m told that to win a Nobel Prize, you just need to be out standing in your field.”

8. The Counterfeiters:

A couple of small-time counterfeiters, Jack and Earl had managed to get hold of a small stock of the actual paper used for printing American currency. This was a genuine stroke of luck and they intended to make the most of it. So they set about printing some twenty-dollar bills.

However, they’d been drinking heavily beforehand and their attention to the job wasn’t all that it should have been. Nevertheless, they printed off their counterfeit currency and then staggered off to bed.

The following morning when they’d sobered up they looked at their previous night’s work and suddenly realized they’d printed $18 dollar bills by mistake.

“Oh, no!” said Jack. “We’ve used all the paper, so we can’t print them off again, can we?”

“No problem,” said Earl. “All we need to do is find some little hick town in the hills somewhere and go into a store and ask some inbred to change them for lower denomination notes.”

“Do you think that will work?” said Jack.

“Sure!” said Earl “And I know just the place.”

So Jack and Earl got in their car with all the counterfeit currency and headed for a little hick town in NowheresVille.

Eventually, they came to a tiny little town deep in the hills with just one store. So they stopped and entered the store.

Jack handed one of the counterfeit $18 bills to the guy behind the counter and politely asked, “Hey buddy, would you mind changing this for some lower denomination notes, please? If you could, that would be appreciated.“

The clerk looked at the $18 bill, smiled and said, “Sure, no problem. What’s your preference, two nines or three sixes?“

9. The Thoughtful Husband:

Sometime after Stephen had died his widow, Alice was finally able to speak about what a wonderful and thoughtful man her late husband had been.

“Stephen thought of everything“, she told her friend Mabel. “You know, just before he died, Stephen called me to his bedside and he handed me three envelopes.“

“Really?” said Mabel. “And what did he say?”

“He said, Alice, I have put my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I’ve instructed. Then I can rest in peace,” Alice responded.

“So, what was in the envelopes?” Mabel enquired.

“In the first envelope, there was $5,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this money to buy a nice casket’. So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such thick padding in the lining that I know Stephen is resting very comfortably.” Alice responded.

“Really?” said Mabel.

“Yes,” said Alice, “And in the second envelope there was $10,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral’. I arranged a very dignified funeral for Stephen, attended by all his friends and family.”

“So what was in the third envelope?” asked Mabel.

“The third envelope contained $50,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this to buy a suitable stone so I’m remembered’.” Alice responded.

At this point, she held up her hand to Mabel and pointed to the ten-carat diamond ring on her finger.

“So Mabel,” said Alice, “do you like the stone?“

10. The Hearing Test:

Bill was concerned about his elderly wife’s hearing. So he decided to test it without telling her.

He went to the corner of the room about 15 feet away from her and said, “Honey can you hear me?“

There was no response.

So he went about 5 feet away from his wife and again said, “Honey can you hear me?“

Still, he got no response.

So he leaned over the back of her chair and raised his voice, shouting in her ear, “HONEY CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

His wife put down her newspaper and turned towards him saying, “Bill, I said ‘Yes’ three times already!“

Moral of the Story: Don’t assume someone else is the source of a problem. It could be you who’s the problem.

More Short Story Jokes (11-15):

11. Biblical tale:

Little Maisie is sitting on a jam-packed train.

A man sat next to her, and he noticed she was reading a biblical tale. So, he engages her in conversation.

“What are you reading?” asked the man.

“It’s the story of Jonah and the Whale,” Maisie responds.

The man smiles and says, “You do know that it is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being because, even though it is a large mammal, it only has a small throat.”

Little Maisie smiles politely and says, “Well, when I get to Heaven, I’ll be sure to ask Jonah what happened.”

The man smiles back and then says, “How can you be sure Jonah went to Heaven? He may have gone to Hell.”

Little Maisie thought about this comment momentarily and then said, “Well, if that’s the case, I guess you’ll have to ask him!“

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with kids, they’re never short of an answer.

12. Chicken crossing the road:

On a dark country road, late at night, Jane is driving when she runs over a chicken crossing the road.

Just as she stops to check what has happened, a farmer runs over to her in hysterics.

“Oh my god!” screamed the farmer. “That was our prized egg-laying hen! Most of our income came from the eggs it laid. We’re already underwater on the house; how will I feed my family now?“

Jane began to panic. However, thinking fast, she remembered she was carrying $500 in cash. So, she handed over the money to the farmer, saying, “I’m sorry. It was an accident. Take this by way of compensation.”

The farmer calms down and takes the money, and Jane leaves the scene as quickly as she can before there’s any chance of him changing his mind.

As Jane’s car disappears into the distance, the farmer heads back to his chicken coop. As he’s about to retrieve another chicken, his wife appears and asks him what’s going on.

The farmer tells her the story of the run-over chicken and the $500.

The farmer’s wife looked at him suspiciously and asked, “Why was our chicken crossing the road?“

As the farmer lifts another chicken out of the coop, he smiles and says, “Because we have a mortgage, honey!“

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with farmers, they’re never short of a solution to a problem.

13. The knock:

Jim and his wife, Laura, were awakened at 2 am by a loud knock on their front door.

So, Jim got up, went downstairs and opened the door. It was raining heavily, and standing there was a man who appeared to be drunk.

“Excuse me, sir,” said the drunk. “Can you give me a push?”

“You’re joking,” Jim responded. “It’s pouring with rain, it’s 2 am, and I’m tired after a long day at work. You’ll have to find someone else to help you.”

With that, Jim slammed the door and went back to bed.

“Who was it?” asked Laura

“It was just some drunken guy asking for a push,” said Jim.

“Oh, how unfortunate for him,” said Laura. “Did you help him?”

“No, I did not,” said Jim. “It’s late, it’s raining, and I’m tired. He can find someone else to help him.

“Well, you have a short memory,” says Laura. “Have you forgotten last month when our car broke down in the rain and you were glad that a guy stopped to help you. So, go and help him. That would be the decent thing to do.”

Well, Laura’s words made Jim feel guilty, so he got up, got dressed and went out to help the guy.

Naturally, at this time, it’s pitch black and it’s hard to see anything.

So, Jim calls out, “Hello, buddy, are you still there?“

There was a momentary silence before Jim heard a voice. “Yes!” said the voice.

“Do you still need a push?” shouted Jim.

“Yes, please!” The guy shouts back.

“I can’t see you in the dark. Where are you exactly?” asks Jim.

There was another momentary pause before Jim heard the guy shout, “I’m over here on the swing.”

14. Good intentions:

Myrtle is travelling with her dog, Rover, on a flight from New York to Wilmington, North Carolina.

She checks in her luggage and Rover in a crate.

When the flight arrives in Wilmington, the baggage handlers are unloading the luggage compartment, and when they get to the crate, they see that the dog is dead.

Fearing a lawsuit and the possibility of losing their jobs, the baggage handlers drive over to a pet store near the airport to see if there’s any chance they might have a dog for sale that matches Rover in breed and appearance.

Well, it seemed the Lord was smiling on them, because the pet store did indeed have a dog for sale that was a perfect match.

Having purchased the dog, they return to the airport with no more than five minutes to spare before Myrtle arrives to collect her luggage and the dog.

As the baggage handlers brought the crate to her, Myrtle looked in and screamed, “Oh my God!”

“Mam, is there a problem?” asked the chief baggage handler.

“That’s not Rover!” shouted Myrtle.

“How can you tell?” asked the baggage handler.

“Because Rover was dead,” said Myrtle. “I was bringing him home to be buried.”

Moral of the Story: Just because you mean well doesn’t mean it will end well.

15. IRS Audit:

Jake was a young tech entrepreneur who had been less than careful with his bookkeeping. Suddenly, he finds himself being subjected to an IRS audit.

Before he could completely comprehend what was happening, Jake was summoned to a meeting with a tax officer at his local IRS office to explain his financial circumstances.

Being nervous about how to deal with this, he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear to the meeting.

Being wary of the IRS, his accountant said, “Listen, buddy, you don’t want to give them the impression that you’re doing well. So, wear the shabbiest clothing you have and let them think you’re a pauper.“

This advice didn’t convince Jake, so he decided to seek a second opinion from his lawyer.

His lawyer had a different view from his accountant.

“You’ve got to look like you mean business. Don’t let them intimidate you,” said the lawyer. “If you do, they’ll think you’ve something to hide. Look your best and wear a suit and tie.”

These opposing views left Jake a little confused.

So, he went to his parish priest and told him about the conflicting advice he’d received from his professional advisors. “Father, what should I do?” asked Jake.

“Let me tell you a story, my son, about a young woman of this parish,” said Father Murphy. “She was about to be married and asked her mother for advice about what to wear on her wedding night. Her mother suggested she wear a flannel night-gown. However, when she asked her friend the same question, she was told to wear a see-through negligee.“

“I’m sorry, Father,” Jake interjected, “but how is this relevant to my predicament?”

Father Murphy smiled at him benevolently and said, “Jake, my son, it’s the IRS. It doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re still going to get screwed.“

So dear reader, that was some more short story jokes. I hope you enjoyed them and that they were worth a few minutes of your time.

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then click on the links below.

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Funny political satire with laughter guaranteed

07/18/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you enjoy funny political satire, then you’ll appreciate the video I have for you today.

In the times we now live in, it seems that intelligent political debate is something from a bygone age.

Perhaps it never really existed at all.

However, the politically correct modern media has created a debate so lacking in intelligent and informed analysis that it has become completely pointless, I think.

If you live in the United Kingdom, dear reader, then an excellent example for me is the BBC’s Question Time. It may have a different host now in Fiona Bruce, but it’s still just a lot of hot air, I think.

Essentially, it’s just a carefully selected group of people with rigid views, coupled with an inability to understand why others may think differently. And an unwillingness even to try.

I suppose that’s just the way it is these days.

Nevertheless, it’s not a complete loss to us all, as it does offer fertile ground for comedy and political satire.

So if you think that the BBC’s Question Time has become a mess of evidence-free assertions, class warfare, soundbites, and smugness, then you might enjoy this comedy sketch from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse.

It’s hilarious, and for me, they have truly nailed the nature of what passes for modern political debate.

It made me laugh, and I hope it makes you smile too.

Funny political satire:

And here is today’s funny political satire video:

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4 funny joke stories your friends will love

07/15/2025 by Roy Sutton

Do you enjoy funny joke stories, dear reader?

Those little stories you can embellish as you tell them, and they always have a funny punch line.

Well, I love them, and here are four that were new to me and that I thought you might enjoy.

Take a moment to read them all, and feel free to share them with others.

Funny joke stories:

1. Shock for the preacher’s wife:

Jeff and Emma both had demanding jobs, working on Wall Street, and they’d decided it was time for them to take a break, catch a little sunshine, and relax down in Acapulco for a week.

As luck would have it, on the day they were due to depart, Emma had to deal with an emergency at the investment bank in which she worked.

So, they agreed that Jeff would go as planned, and Emma would take a later flight, meeting him the following day at the hotel.

When Jeff arrived at the hotel, having checked in, he decided that it would be a good idea to email Emma and let her know he’d arrived safely.

Now Jeff and Emma were active members of the congregation at a Lutheran church in Manhattan, and the wife of the preacher from the church was Emma Davis, which coincidentally was exactly the same name as Jeff’s wife, Emma.

In his haste to type out his message, Jeff inadvertently selected the wrong Emma Davis from his contact list, and his message was sent to the preacher’s wife by mistake.

To compound the problem, it just so happened that the elderly preacher had died suddenly on the day that Jeff had departed for Acapulco.

So, when the grieving widow checked her emails, she saw she had a message from a parishioner, and naturally, she opened it and began reading.

Immediately, she let out a loud, piercing scream, and then she fainted, collapsing to the floor.

At the sound of her falling, her daughter rushed into the room. Her daughter looked at her mother and then glanced at the message her mother had been reading on her iPad.

The email message read:

Dearest Emma,

I’ve just arrived. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. It’s certainly hot down here.

2. The early days in paradise:

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!“

To which God responds, “And what is this problem, Eve?“

“Well, Lord,” says Eve, “I know you created me and all of this beautiful garden and all of these amazing animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m lonely and unhappy.”

Naturally, God is sympathetic to Eve’s plight and says, “Well, Eve, my dear, I have a solution for you. I shall create a man for you.“

“Oh, right,” says Eve. “But what is a man, Lord?”

“Man will be a flawed creature,” says God. “He will have many tiresome traits. He will lie, cheat, and be quite selfish and self-obsessed. He will frequently give you a hard time, too.”

Sounding doubtful, Eve says, “How will this be a positive experience for me then, Lord?”

“Well,” says God, “he’ll be bigger than you, stronger, and will be good at hunting food and killing things.”

“That sounds more encouraging,” says Eve.

God continued, “However, he will look silly when aroused, but he will satisfy your physical needs.”

“Is there anything else I should know, Lord?” says Eve.

“Yes,” God continues. “He will be witless and will enjoy childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be smart, so he’ll need your advice to think properly.“

“That sounds great, Lord,” says Eve, “but what’s the catch?“

“You will have to agree to one condition,” God responds.

“And what is that, Lord?” asks Eve.

“Well, as he will be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring, you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first,” says God. “Can you do that, Eve?”

“Yes, Lord,” says Eve.

“That’s good, but just remember, this will be our little secret, Eve,” says God. “You know, woman to woman.”

3. Old age problem:

Jack was on his lunch break, and he decided that he’d sit in the sunshine in Central Park to eat his lunch.

As he walked into the park, he noticed an elderly man sitting on a bench near the gate, sobbing uncontrollably.

Naturally, Jack stopped and asked the old man what was wrong.

“I have a beautiful, 39-year-old wife at home,” said the old man. “She’s loving and kind, and every morning she gets up and makes me pancakes for breakfast with maple syrup, blueberries, and freshly ground coffee.”

“Wow!” said Jack. “She sounds wonderful. So, why are you crying?”

The old man continued to sob. “She cleans my house and keeps it spotless and tidy. Then she makes me delicious clam chowder and crackers for lunch. And in the afternoon, she sits with me, and we watch the sports channel for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Gee!” Jack responded. “Women like that are hard to find. So, why are you crying?”

With a tear in his eye, the old man said, “For dinner, she always cooks a delicious, gourmet meal with French wine and a fabulous dessert. And after dinner, we cuddle on the sofa watching television until bedtime.”

“You’re a lucky man,” said Jack, “and I don’t understand why in the world you would be crying.”

The old man looked up and sighed, “I can’t remember where I live.”

4. An expression of love:

Jane was a born romantic at heart, and she liked nothing better than to send her husband, Jim, a loving text message whenever he was away on business.

One morning, when Jim was away, she decided to send him a text message, knowing he would likely be in his hotel room getting ready for the day ahead.

Her message read, “If you’re still sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re laughing, send me your smile. Perhaps you’re still eating; in that case, send me a bite. And if you’re drinking your morning coffee, then send me a sip. I love you!”

Unfortunately for Jane, Jim was the typical blunt, unromantic kind of guy. He responded, “I’m on the toilet, taking a dump. Please advise.”

Please share the fun:

So, for you, dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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9 funny short story jokes to make you laugh

06/27/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some funny short story jokes to make you laugh, then I think I have nine excellent ones for you today, dear reader.

If you love a good laugh, then I’m confident some of these will tickle your fancy.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Funny short story jokes to make you laugh:

1. The funeral cortège:

Bill was walking along Main Street when he saw a funeral cortège, so he stopped for a moment as a mark of respect.

He noticed that there were two hearses with coffins in the cortège, and the procession was being followed by a man walking solemnly with a pit bull terrier on a leash.

And behind him, there was a long line of about 100 men walking quietly in single file.

Curious Bill spoke to the man with the dog and asked, “Excuse me, sir, I don’t want to intrude on this sad occasion, but your situation seems a little unusual. Whose funeral is this?”

“Well”, the man replied, “The first hearse is for my late wife. She died after this dog attacked her.”

“And the second hearse?” said Bill.

“The second hearse is for my late mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife during the attack, and the dog savaged her to death too”, the man responded.

Bill thought momentarily about the challenges in his own life, and then he said to the man, “Is there any chance I could borrow your dog after the funeral?”

The man smiled and pointed to the line of men behind him and said, “You’ll have to join the queue, buddy.”

2. The power of prayer:

Jackie was invited to give a talk at her local women’s group about the power of prayer.

With her husband Mike in the audience, she recalled how a few short months ago she’d turned to God when poor Mike had suffered an unfortunate accident.

“Six months ago”, Jackie began, “my husband Mike was knocked off his motorcycle and his scrotum was smashed.”

Jackie explained that for Mike, the pain had been unbearable, and his doctors weren’t sure they’d be able to help him.

“The doctors warned us that our lives might never be the same again”, said Jackie. “I can tell you I was scared. Mike was unable to get close to me or the children because every move caused him such extreme discomfort. And that meant he could no longer be touched around the scrotum.”

Jackie paused momentarily to allow the audience to absorb her words.

Then she said, “I’m not ashamed to say I turned to God for help, and I prayed that the doctors would be able to repair Mike.”

Again, she paused and then said, “Fortunately, our prayers were answered, and the doctors were able to piece together the remnants of Mike’s scrotum with wire holding everything in place. His medical team tell me that he will make a full recovery and regain the full use of his scrotum.”

As the audience burst into applause, a lone man walked slowly up to the stage and said, “Hello, I’m Mike, Jackie’s husband, and I just wanted to remind my wife once again that the word is ‘sternum’.”

3. Discovering facts:

As part of her rehabilitation, a patient in a mental hospital was told by her psychiatrist to go out into the nearby town and discover one new fact.

Off she went, and then a few hours later, the patient returned to the hospital to tell the psychiatrist all about what she had learned.

So said her psychiatrist, “Were you able to find out something you didn’t know before?”

“Yes”, said the patient, “I discovered that spiders have ears on their legs.”

“Ears on their legs?” said the psychiatrist. “How did you work that out?”

The patient produced a matchbox and when opened a large spider crawled out onto the psychiatrist’s desk.

The patient then said “Boo!”

The spider scurried quickly across the desktop.

The patient then grabbed the spider and proceeded to pull off all its legs.

She then put it back on the desk and once again said, “Boo!”

Naturally, the spider was motionless.

The patient looked at the psychiatrist, smiled and then said, “Do you see? Without its legs, it can’t hear me.”

4. Jogging Rick’s Memory:

Rick had spent several weeks searching for a new hat that resembled the one he had misplaced.

Finally, he remembered a man who attended his local church who wore a similar hat.

So, Rick decided to go to church on Sunday. He thought that if he sat at the back, during the service, he could sneak out and grab the hat from the rack near the door if he left early.

During the service, Rick sat at the back and listened to the sermon about the Ten Commandments.

Despite his cunning plan, Rick sat and listened to the entire sermon, and instead of sneaking out early, he waited until Mass was over and spoke to the priest as he was leaving.

“Hello, Father,” said Rick. “Believe it or not, I came here today with a plan to steal a hat to replace the one I’d lost. But after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I changed my mind.”

In response, Father O’Riley smiled benevolently and said, “Bless you, my son. Was it when I started to preach ‘Thou shalt not steal’ that changed your mind?”

“No, Father,” Rick responded. “It was when you mentioned the one about adultery. As you started to preach that, I remembered where I’d left my hat.”

5. Old remedies:

Jack walked into a pharmacy and said to the pharmacist, “Excuse me, sir, do you have anything for hiccups?“

The pharmacist walked from behind the counter, appeared to reach for something high on a shelf, and then he suddenly slapped Jack hard on the back.

He smiled at Jack and then said, “There! Did that help?“

“I can’t tell from here,” said Jack. “It’s my wife with the problem, and she’s waiting outside in the car.“

6. Unpaid debt:

Bert is in a dispute with his neighbour, and he goes to see a lawyer for help.

“How can I help you?” asks the lawyer.

“Well, sir,” says Bert, “my neighbour borrowed $500 and now he won’t pay it back. So, what can I do?“

“Do you have any proof that he owes you this money?” asks the lawyer.

“Unfortunately, no,” says Bert. “We used to be friends, and I thought I could trust him.“

“Right,” says the lawyer, “I suggest that I write him a letter, enclosing a stamped, addressed return envelope, requesting the $5,000 that he owes you.“

“But he’ll say that it’s only $500,” says Bert.

“Exactly!” says the lawyer. “That way we’ll have an admission of guilt should it go to court.”

Moral of the Story: A good lawyer won’t let a lack of evidence get in the way of fighting a case.

7. Windfall:

Wally and Mildred are an elderly couple celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary.

They had been childhood sweethearts, and they had recently moved back to the neighbourhood where they grew up.

Holding hands, they walked around the area, and they decided to go back and visit their old school.

The school wasn’t locked, but the classes had gone home for the day.

So, they entered and walked around. Unbelievably, they found their old classroom and the old wooden desk they had shared, on which Wally had carved, “I love Mildred Jones.”

As they were leaving the school campus, an armoured security van drove past and, as it did so, a large bag of money fell out, practically landing at their feet.

Now, there was no one around, so Mildred grabbed it quickly. As they were unsure what to do with it, they decided to take it home.

Once home, Mildred decided she’d sit and count the money. Very quickly, she realised that the bag contained $100,000.

Wally was an honest man and felt that they should return it.

“Nonsense!” said Mildred. “Surely, it’s finders’ keepers. And anyway, we could use a little extra money.”

With that, Mildred put the money back in the bag and hid it in the loft.

The next day, Mildred answered a knock on her front door, and two police officers were standing in front of her.

“Good morning, mam,” said one of the police officers. “We’re investigating the disappearance of a cash bag that fell from a security van yesterday. Did you or your husband see anything?”

Mildred smiled demurely and said, “No, officer.”

At this point, Wally’s conscience got the better of him, and he said, “She’s lying, officer. She’s got the money, and she hid it up in the loft.“

Once again, Mildred smiled demurely and said, “Don’t listen to him, officer, he’s getting senile, and his imagination runs away with him at times.”

“Well, not so fast,” the police officer says. “I think we should listen to what he has to say.”

With that, the officer turns to Wally and says, “Sir, can you tell us the story from the beginning?“

“Well,” said Wally, “when Mildred and I were walking home from school yesterday.“

The two police officers look at each other, and one says, “Let’s go, there’s nothing to see here.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women of a certain age. You won’t win.

8. The admiral and the general:

A Navy admiral and an Army general were fishing together on a lake one day when a storm blew up and their boat capsized.

Not being quite as fit as they once were, both men were floundering helplessly in the water.

However, eventually, the general managed to right the boat and clamber back on board.

He then rescued the admiral from drowning by reaching out to him with one of the oars and then hauling him back in.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat, he struggled for a few seconds to regain his composure.

Then he said, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If anyone in the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

The general smiled and said, “Don’t worry, buddy, your secret’s safe with me. I’d hate for my troops to find out that I couldn’t walk on water.”

9. The origin of the species:

As she was getting ready for school one morning, Grace asked her mother, “How did the human race appear, Mom?”

“Well”, said her mother, “God made Adam and Eve, and they had children, and that’s how we all began, dear.”

Two days later, Grace asked her father the same question.

“Well”, said her father, “first there were apes and from them, the human race has evolved.”

Naturally, these responses left Grace a little confused.

So once again, she spoke with her mother and said, “Mom, I don’t understand. You said that we were created by God but dad says we evolved from apes. How can that be?”

Her mother smiled and said, “Well, darling, it’s all very simple. I was telling you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.”

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21 funny short story jokes you’ll just love

06/24/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today, I offer you some funny short story jokes, dear reader. I’m confident they’ll make you smile, and I’m sure you’ll have to share them with your friends.

If you enjoy funny short story jokes, you’ll enjoy these.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy this veritable joke file that will brighten your day.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Funny Short Story Jokes:

1. Billy wants to get married:

Young Billy returned home one evening for dinner after spending the afternoon playing with his little friend Mary, who lived next door.

Naturally, his parents asked him what he’d been doing all afternoon.

“We played soccer for a while, and then I proposed to Mary,” he said.

Not wishing to belittle him, his mom and dad went along with the idea, but his dad thought a little fatherly advice might be appropriate at this point.

“Billy, being married is an expensive business,” said his dad. “How will you both manage?”

“Well,” said Billy, “with the $5 I get from you for pocket money each week and the $5 she gets from her folks, I think we’ll manage. And I can always take on a paper route to earn extra cash.”

Suppressing a strong desire to burst out laughing, his mother said, “That’s all very well, Billy, but how will you and Mary manage if you were to have a baby?”

“Well,” said Billy, “we’ve been lucky to avoid that so far.”

2. Ben goes to the pool:

Young Ben and his friends went to the local swimming pool for the afternoon.

They were playing around as kids do when the lifeguard shouted at Ben, “Hey, kid, you’re not allowed to pee in the pool!”

“But everyone pees in the pool,” Ben responded.

“Maybe so, kid,” said the lifeguard, “but not from the high diving board.”

3. Knock, Knock:

An elderly man was walking down the street one day when he observed a small boy struggling to reach the doorbell at one of the houses.

The kindly old man said to the boy, “Can I help you with that, sonny?”

At which point he smiled and placed a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder whilst pressing the doorbell firmly with his other hand.

“There,” said the old man as he stepped back from the door. “Now, what do we do, young man?”

“We run like hell, mister,” the boy replied.

4. Potato family:

A family of potatoes sat down to dinner.

There was a mom potato, a dad potato, and three daughter potatoes.

The oldest daughter said, “I have some exciting news! I’m getting married!“

Well, there was an excited response around the dinner table.

“Oh, we’re so happy for you!” said dad potato, “Who’s the lucky guy?“

“He’s an Idaho potato,” his daughter responded.

“That’s wonderful news,” said mom potato. “Idaho potatoes are solid, salt-of-the-earth types. Real hard workers.“

The middle daughter then spoke, “Wow, what a coincidence. I also just received a proposal, too.“

Again, there was a buzz of excitement around the table

“And who proposed to you?” asked mom potato.

“He’s a sweet potato,” said the daughter.

“That’s wonderful,” said sad dad potato. “Sweet potatoes are known for their kindness and gentleness. He will take great care of you.“

Well, now the third daughter felt it was time to have her say, “Mom and Dad, I’m getting married, too!“

“Oh, my goodness, all three of my daughters are getting hitched at the same time,” exclaimed dad potato. “Who is your future husband?“

“Dan Rather,” said the youngest daughter potato.

A hush fell over the table. The parents and two older daughters looked awkwardly down at their plates.

“What’s wrong with Dan Rather?” asked the youngest daughter potato.

“Well, honey,” said the dad, “he’s just a common tater.”

5. Washing the dog:

Little Johnny went into the store, and after some searching around, he picked out a large box of laundry detergent.

Having observed Johnny for a few minutes, the store assistant asked him whether he had a lot of laundry to do.

“No,” said Johnny, “I’m not doing any laundry. I’m going to wash my little dog.”

The store assistant frowned at him and said, “Listen, sonny, that’s a powerful detergent and far too strong for washing a small dog. It could make him ill or perhaps even kill him if you’re not careful.”

Undeterred, Little Johnny said he’d take the detergent anyway, and then he paid the man and left the store.

A week later, Little Johnny was back in the store to buy a Hershey bar. The store assistant saw him and said, “Hey Johnny, how’s your little dog?”

“Oh, he died,” said Little Johnny.

“I’m sorry to hear that, son, but I did warn you about that detergent,” the store assistant replied.

“I don’t think it was the detergent,” said Little Johnny.

“Really?” said the store assistant. “So what was it then?”

“He looked like he was coping very well until the washing machine went into the spin cycle,” Little Johnny replied.

6. Man of the house:

Bill Smith was a hen-pecked husband who was tired of being bossed around by his domineering wife.

After giving it some thought, Bill decided to visit a psychiatrist for help.

The psychiatrist asked Bill a few questions and then said, “Mr Smith, you need to improve your self-esteem and become more assertive.”

“And how do I do that?” asked Bill.

“Read this book,” said the psychiatrist, “and use it as your guide.”

With that, the psychiatrist gave Bill his book on assertiveness.

Bill started reading the book on this way home, and he’d completed it by the time he reached his house.

Fizzing with ideas on how he could be more assertive, Bill stormed into the house and walked straight up to his wife.

“From now on,” said Bill, jabbing his finger at his wife, “I want you to know that I am the man of the house, and my word is law!”

His wife was momentarily speechless.

So, Bill continued, “I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterwards. You got that?”

A little surprised, his wife remained speechless but was growing increasingly irritated.

Bill carried on, “After dinner, I expect you to run a bath for me so that I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?“

Having regained her composure, Bill’s wife looked him in the eye with a steely glint and said, “A funeral director?“

7. Skydiving:

Jim was excited that he had finally achieved a long-held ambition to attend a skydiving course.

The instructor on the course had completed his presentation and was now ready for the question-and-answer session with his new students.

Naturally, Jim was enthusiastic and immediately raised his hand to indicate he had a question.

“Sir, you said our initial jump will be from 3,500 feet,” said Jim.

“That’s correct,” the instructor responded.

“So, can I ask,” Jim continued, “if my parachute fails to open, and my reserve chute also fails to deploy, how long would I have before I hit the ground?“

The instructor smiled at him and then said, “I’d say, you’d have the rest of your life, Jim.”

8. The confessional box:

Sean Murphy goes into the confessional box at St Patrick’s Church after many, many years of being away from his Catholic faith.

Sean pulls aside the curtain, enters the box and sits down.

He’s impressed. Things have improved since his last visit to church. There’s a fully equipped bar, as well as cigars and liqueur chocolates. On the wall, there are some fine photographs of some very nice-looking women.

He waits for a few minutes, and then he hears the priest enter.

“Forgive me, Father, but it’s been a very long time since I last attended confession,” says Sean. “And let me say, the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.“

“Get out, you idiot,” Father O’Riley replies. “You’re on my side!“

9. Government experts:

Once upon a time, there was a King who wanted to go fishing. So, he summoned the royal meteorologist and asked whether there would be any rain that day.

The meteorologist assured the King that there wouldn’t be any rain and that it would be a good day for him to go fishing with the Queen.

So, the King and Queen left the palace and made the journey down to the river.

On their way to the river, the King and Queen met a farmer with his donkey.

When he saw the Royal couple, the farmer said, “Your Majesties, I think you should return to the palace at once, there is going to be a lot of rain in a short time.”

The king was polite, and he appreciated that the farmer was well-intentioned. However, he replied: “I hold the royal meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated man and highly skilled in meteorology. I pay him high wages for his knowledge and skills, and he assured me there would be no rain. I trust him and I will continue on my way.”

“Very well,” the farmer responded, and he stood aside to let the King and Queen go on their way.

However, it wasn’t long before the heavens opened, and a torrential rainstorm ensued.

The King and Queen were soaked, and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a pitiful condition.

Naturally, the King was furious. He summoned the meteorologist and fired him on the spot.

The next day, he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious role of royal meteorologist.

The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I am a humble farmer. I know nothing about meteorology and weather forecasting. I get my information from my donkey. If I see his ears drooping, it means it will rain heavily.”

The King thought about the situation momentarily and then hired the donkey on the spot.

And so began the ancient practice of government hiring donkeys to work in the highest and most influential positions.

10. Personal hygiene:

Jake has just started a new job as a clerk in a department store, on the underwear counter.

On his first day, a man walks in and says, “Two pairs of underpants, please.”

Jake finds that a little strange and says, “Only two pairs of underpants, sir?“

“That’s right,” says the guy. “I wear one while the other pair is being washed.”

Jake looks on in disgust, but he completes the transaction, and the guy goes on his way.

Later that morning, another guy walks in and says, “Can I have five pairs of underwear, please?”

“Just five?” Jake queries.

“Yeah, that’s right,” says the guy. “I wear one pair every weekday, but at weekends I go commando.”

Jake shakes his head in amazement but then says, philosophically, “Well, at least that’s better than my last customer.” The transaction’s completed, and the guy goes on his way.

Before long, Jake has another customer.

The guy says, “Can I have seven pairs of underwear, please?“

Jake is impressed and exclaims, “Finally, a man with standards!”

“That’s right,” says the guy. “One for every day, and I do my laundry every Sunday.”

The transaction is completed after a brief exchange about hygiene, and the guy goes on his way.

Towards the end of the afternoon, in walks Bubba, the hillbilly.

“Can I have 12 pairs of underwear, please?” Bubba asks.

“Wow!” says Jake, “You’re even more hygienic than my last customer.”

“That’s right,” says Bubba. “I change my underwear every month, whether I need to or not, and I do my washing once a year.”

11. Misreading the signals:

Seamus walks into a Dublin bar and orders three pints of Guinness. When he’s been served, he sits at a table in the corner of the bar and proceeds to drink all three pints.

When he’s finished, he returns to the bar and orders three more pints.

The bartender says, “You know the Guinness starts going flat the minute it’s poured, so you’d be better off ordering them one at a time if you’re going to drink them.”

“Well now,” Seamus responds, “I have two brothers, one is in America and the other is in Australia. And I am here in Dublin. When we left home, we promised we would drink together in this way.”

“Aye, well that’s grand,” says the bartender, and he serves Seamus his drinks without another word.

Seamus followed this approach every day in the bar for months.

One day, though, Seamus walks in and orders only two pints.

Well, the bartender and all the regulars in the bar can’t help but notice, and the place falls silent.

When Seamus returns to the bar for another two pints, the bartender says, “Seamus, I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I just wanted to offer you my condolences on your loss.”

Seamus looks at him, a little confused momentarily, before the penny drops and he begins to laugh.

“Oh Jeez,” says Seamus. “Everyone’s grand! It’s just me. I decided to quit drinking!“

12. Guilty conscience:

Jim is standing in line in the supermarket, waiting to pay for his groceries.

As he stood there, he noticed a beautiful woman waving, smiling and saying hello to him.

Having beautiful women wave at him was not an experience with which he was familiar, and he’s not sure who she is, so he says, “I’m sorry mam, but do we know each other?”

The woman replies, “Well, I’m not completely sure, but I think you might be the father of one of my children!“

This throws Jim into a mild panic, as he wonders whether this could have been the result of that one-night stand he had during the drunken guys’ weekend in Vegas.

Eventually, Jim plucks up the courage to ask the question that was on his mind: “Did we meet at the blackjack table at the MGM Grand in Vegas?”

“No,” the woman replies, “I’m your son’s math teacher.”

13. The old folks’ home:

At the Happy Valley Nursing Home, a group of elderly folks are sitting around discussing their ailments.

“My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said Jim.

“Yes, I know,” said Betty. “My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee.“

“Well,” said Martha, “I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at election time, my hands are so crippled.”

“What’s that?” said Bert. “Speak up. I can’t hear you.”

“I can’t turn my head because I’ve got arthritis in my neck,” said Beryl,

They all nodded in recognition of Beryl’s problem.

“Well,” said Jack, “my blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!“

“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said Jeff, an octogenarian who looks even older than his years.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” said Mabel, philosophically, as she slowly shook her head.

They all nodded in agreement.

“Well, we should count our blessings,” said Albert, “at least, we can all still drive.“

14. Use what you’ve got:

Vic and Dave were best friends, and both were deaf. One morning, they’re chatting with sign language during their coffee break, having both been out late drinking the night before.

Laughing and joking about their late drinking session, Vic says to Dave, “Well, my wife, Jane, was fast asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed without any trouble.“

“Jeez,” said Dave, “you were lucky. My wife, Barbara, was wide awake, waiting up for me in bed. The minute I entered the bedroom, she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late.”

“Oh, buddy, that’s awful,” Vic responded. “So, what did you do?“

Dave smiled and then said, “I just turned out the bedroom light.”

15. The Repair:

Rick’s wife, Victoria, had a tear in her dress, and she took it to a dressmaker for repair.

Victoria asked Rick to collect it for her on his way home from work.

Rick did as requested and collected it, but he was in a hurry, so he didn’t have time to check it.

The following morning, Victoria had to leave early for a business trip, but she left Rick a message after discovering that the repair to her dress hadn’t been completed.

Rick read the message, and she’d wrote upon it, “Return to mender a dress unsewn.”

16. The refrigerator:

Physician Dr Davis is sitting in his surgery one morning when a patient arrives, complaining of severe back pain.

Dr Davis starts to examine his patient, and he asks him, “Can you tell me exactly what happened to your back, Mr Smith?“

Mr Smith replies, “Well, doctor, I work nights in a local night club. This morning, I got home early and could hear a noise in my bedroom.”

“Right,” Dr Davis responded, “but how did this affect your back?”

“Well, doctor,” Mr Smith continued, “when I entered the bedroom, I knew someone had been with my wife, as the balcony door was open.”

“I still don’t quite understand,” said Dr Davis.

“Well,” Mr Smith continued, “naturally, I rushed out onto the balcony, and as I looked down, I saw a man running, and he was dressing himself as he ran. So, I grabbed the refrigerator and threw it at him. And that’s how I strained my back.“

Not long after Mr Smith left Dr Davis’s surgery, a second patient arrived, looking like he’d just crawled out of a wrecked car.

“Well,” said Dr Davis, “my last patient looked bad, but you look terrible, Mr Jones. What has happened to you?“

“You won’t believe it, doctor,” said Mr Jones. “I was meant to be starting a new job today, having been unemployed for months. I overslept, and I was running out of the house, dressing as I went, trying to ensure I wasn’t late. Next minute, out of nowhere, a refrigerator lands on my head.”

Within seconds of Mr Jones leaving the doctor’s surgery, the third patient of the day walks in.

Mr Wilson is in an even worse state than the two previous patients, and he looked like he had fallen from a great height.

“Good morning, Mr Wilson,” said Dr Davis, a little shocked by what he saw before him. “What has happened to you?”

“Well, doctor,” Mr Wilson responded, “I was hiding in a refrigerator, and someone threw it from a 3^rd-floor balcony.”

17. The drunk and the Catholic priest:

A drunken man staggered onto a subway train and sat next to a Catholic priest.

The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes, the drunk turned to the priest and said, “Excuse me, Father, what causes arthritis?“

“My son,” the priest responded, “it’s caused by loose living, being with immoral women, drinking too much alcohol and having only contempt for your fellow man.”

“Really?” said the drunk. “Well, I’ll be damned!” He then returned to reading his newspaper.

Having thought about what he’d said and feeling guilty, the priest nudged the man and apologised. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so judgmental. How long have you had arthritis?“

“I don’t have it, Father,” the man responded. “I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

18. Dazed and confused:

Bill was working in his front garden one day when, suddenly, a car came crashing through his fence and ploughed into his front lawn.

Momentarily startled, Bill quickly gathered his composure and rushed to help the driver.

He could see that the driver was quite an elderly lady, so Bill helped her to get out of the car slowly and sat her down in a chair on his veranda.

“Forgive me, mam,” said Bill. “I don’t want to appear judgmental, but you look to be a little too old to be driving.“

“Well, I’ll be 95 next month,” said the old lady, “and I’ve now reached the age where I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.“

“Really?” said Bill. “Why do you say that?“

“Well,” said the old lady, “when I had my physical recently, my doctor asked if I had a driver’s license.”

“Presumably, you told him you did?” Bill responded, quizzically.

“That’s right,” said the old lady, “and I handed it to him to prove it.”

“And what did he say?” asked Bill.

“He just took some scissors from a drawer,” the old lady responded, “then he cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, before saying, ‘You don’t need this anymore!”

“And what did you say?” asked Bill.

“Naturally, I thanked him for letting me know, and then I left,” said the old lady.

19. Reality check:

Jane, Jenny and Wilma were three friends whose lives were cut tragically short by a road traffic accident.

In the blink of an eye, they found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

“Welcome to heaven, ladies,” said St Peter. “There is just one rule to remember. Please don’t step on any of the rabbits running around freely. You should be aware that there is a punishment for those who do.”

The three friends agreed they’d be careful, and with that, they walked through the Pearly Gates into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Sure enough, there were rabbits everywhere, as far as the eye could see.

However, they did their best to tread carefully and avoid these harmless creatures.

One day, the inevitable happened, and Jane, unfortunately, stepped on a rabbit.

Instantly, St Peter was standing in front of her.

“I’m sorry, Jane,” said St Peter. “I did warn you about stepping on rabbits.”

“I’m sorry, but it was an accident,” Jane responded.

“That may be true, but I must apply the penalty,” said St Peter.

With that, St Peter chained Jane to the ugliest man she had ever seen, and she was told that she was doomed to be bonded to this wretch for eternity.

Jenny and Wilma, having witnessed what happened, were now petrified of making the same mistake.

They took even greater care over the next several months, but eventually the inevitable happened again.

One day, while being distracted, Jenny stepped on a rabbit.

Again, justice was swift, and she found herself also bonded in perpetuity to the ugliest man you could imagine.

Well, Wilma, fearing the worst, took extra care from then on.

However, eventually she also stepped on a rabbit.

St Peter quickly appeared, and Wilma was immediately chained to a truly handsome man.

Wilma was puzzled and asked St Peter, “My friends stepped on rabbits, and they were punished by being bonded to hideous-looking men. I commit the same sin, but I get an Adonis. Why is that?”

The Adonis looked at her and said, “I stepped on a rabbit.”

20. The Budgie:

Geoffrey sees a budgie in the window of a pet store, and feeling a little sorry for the bird, he decides he’ll buy it.

However, he’s quickly disappointed when, despite his best efforts, he can’t get the budgie to talk.

So he decides to go back to the pet store to complain.

“I purchased this budgie a month ago now, but I can’t get him to utter a single word,” said Geoffrey to the store assistant.

“Try him with a mirror,” the store assistant suggested. “Budgies love to look at their reflection, and you’ll soon have him saying, “Who’s a pretty boy?”

So Geoffrey purchased a mirror from the store assistant and returned home with his budgie.

Once again, he was disappointed, as the budgie still wouldn’t talk.

So once again, Geoffrey went to the pet store to complain.

“Try him with a ladder”, said the store assistant. “Budgies love climbing, and I’m sure he won’t stop talking once he’s got a ladder.”

So Geoffrey purchased a little ladder from the store assistant and returned home with his budgie.

Yet again, not a word was spoken by the budgie, so a week later, Geoffrey was back in the pet store again with the budgie.

“Try getting him a bell,” said the store assistant. “The sound of a bell will encourage him to talk, I’m sure. At the very least, he’ll try to imitate the bell’s sound.”

So Geoffrey bought the bell and returned home only to be disappointed yet again.

Two weeks later, Geoffrey’s back in the pet store.

“How’s your budgie?” asked the store assistant. “Have you got it talking yet?”

“Finally, he did say something,” said Geoffrey. “He looked in the mirror, climbed the ladder, rang his bell, uttered a few words, and then dropped off his perch and died.”

“Oh dear!” said the store assistant. “What did he say?”

“He said, doesn’t that damn pet store sell birdseed?” Geoffrey responded.

21. Giving evidence:

A veteran police officer is giving evidence in court.

The defence attorney is cross-examining him during a felony trial.

Naturally, the lawyer is trying everything he can to undermine the police officer’s credibility.

“So, officer,” said the attorney, “did you see my client fleeing the scene?“

“No, sir,” said the police officer. “But later, I saw a person matching the description of the accused running several blocks away.”

“Is that so, officer?” said the attorney, looking towards the jury, “and who provided you with this description?“

“My colleague, who was the first responder to the scene,” said the officer.

“So, you’re telling me that a fellow officer provided you with the description of this so-called offender,” said the attorney. “And do you trust your fellow officers?“

“Of course,” said the officer. “I would trust him with my life.”

The attorney looked at the jury, again, then turned back to the officer and said, slowly, “You would trust him with your life?”

“Yes, sir,” said the officer.

The defence attorney paused momentarily and then said, “Let me ask you this, then, officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your duties?“

“Yes, sir, we do,” the police officer responded.

“And presumably you have a locker in that room?” the attorney continued.

“Yes, sir, I do,” said the officer.

“And do you lock away your possessions in that locker?” the attorney continued.

“Yes, sir, I do,” the officer continued.

“Now that’s interesting, said the attorney, once again looking towards the jury for dramatic effect.

“So,” the attorney continued, “you say you’d trust your fellow officers with your life, and yet you feel the need to lock away your possessions in a room you share with those officers.”

Again, the attorney allowed a momentary pause for effect before saying, “Why is that officer?”

The veteran police officer suppressed a smile before he said, “Well, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through our locker room.“

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with veteran police officers. They’re sharp, they’ve heard it all before and they’re never short of a smart comeback line.

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10 silly jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

06/15/2025 by Roy Sutton

Looking for some silly jokes to make you laugh, dear reader? Then I’ve got 10 good ones for you today, and they’re guaranteed to make you laugh.

There’s nothing smutty here, just genuinely good fun.

So sit back and take a few moments to enjoy a good laugh.

Silly jokes:

What do you call zombies in the belfry?
Dead ringers

What’s it called when you borrow money to buy a bison?
A buffaloan

What do you call a rotten hot dog?
A rankfurter

What do you call a hippy’s wife?
Mississippi

What do you call a ghost who only haunts the town hall?
The nightmayor

What do you call a dance for people who hate each other?
An avoidance

What do you call an American sketch drawing?
A Yankee doodle

What do you call a goat that’s a professional comedian?
Billy the Kid

What do you call an ancient Egyptian ruler with no teeth?
A gummy mummy

What do you call a blonde police officer?
A fair cop

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33 terrible puns, so bad they’ll make you smile

06/15/2025 by Roy Sutton

Puns can be really corny, and terrible puns are the corniest of the lot. Nevertheless, lots of people like them, and I always get a good response when I put a collection of them together.

So today I offer you another 33 puns, corny to the point of being terrible, but they just might make you smile too. I hope so.

Enjoy them all, and please pass them on to your friends.

Terrible puns (1-11):

Squid puns are inkredible.
With fish puns, any fin goes.
We’re big fans of renewable energy.
Skeleton puns are close to the bone.
With Halloween puns, anything ghost.
Do I like tea? I’m willing to give it a chai.
With music puns, I’ve had too much too tune.
Haunted French pancakes will give you the crepes.
Two blood cells fell in love but alas it was all in vein.
Do busy elephants keep a list of tusks to be completed?
With mountaineering puns, actions peak louder than words.

Terrible puns (12-22):

Why don’t frogs wear shoes? They prefer open-toad sandals.
If a plant is sad, do the other plants photosympathize with it?
What did the biologist wear on his first date? Designer Genes.
I went terrapin bowling the other night. It was turtley amazing.
My orange was a funny color. Definitely, a whiter shade of peel.
In the debate about Mexican food, I played the Devil’s avocado.
If I had a ruminant of pride, would I be writing terrible camel puns?
The omelette wasn’t very good, but I’ve put it down to eggsperience.
Sales promotion on French breadsticks. Buy one, baguette one free!
I’ve been to Joshua Tree National Park but it’s not all it’s cactus to be.
There was a wild bamboo party at the zoo. It was utter panda-monium.

Terrible puns (13-33):

I looked at the Indian buffet and thought, “No, I don’t want naan of that.”
My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes. It Taurus apart.
Omelettin’ you have it. Yolks about accidents in egg factories aren’t funny.
The baker smiled and said, “I don’t knead money, I’ve got plenty of dough.”
I’d love to explore the Arctic and boldly go where snowmen have gone before.
What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another? “Sorry, my fault!”
The baker brought out a tray of American-style, glazed, sweet treats. I said, “Donut tempt me.”
A chicken walked into a bar swearing, loudly. “No fowl language, please,” said the bartender.
They served leaf cabbage for lunch in the police canteen but I thought, “That’s beyond the kale of duty!”
Cows were complaining about living conditions on the farm and the leader said, “We’ve herd the problems but hoof you spoken to so far?”
Two Martians land in a field and the first thing they see is a cute little doe eating grass. “I’ve never seen herbivore,” one said to the other.

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21 Really Bad Jokes: So Bad They’re Funny

06/07/2025 by Roy Sutton

Here are 21 really bad jokes that will make you cringe and smile simultaneously.

They’re so bad they’re funny. Certainly, they made me smile.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

21 Bad Jokes:

Cashier in store: “Would you like the milk in a bag?”
Man: “No, just leave it in the carton.”

Man in a bookstore: Where is the Self-Help section, please?
Saleswoman: If I told you that, sir, it would defeat the purpose.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!

How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

Who’s the king of the classroom?
The Ruler!

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they were married?
Feyoncé!

Why can’t zoo animals take tests?
There are too many cheetahs!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.

What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?
Someday my prints will come.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food but no atmosphere!

How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!

How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg!

What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Doyouthinkhesaurus

What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
It goes back four seconds!

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the no-bell prize.

What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.

Two guys walk into a bar.
The third guy ducks.

Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.

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31 funny, short jokes that will tickle you

06/02/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some short, funny jokes to cheer you up, then I have 31 little gems here for you today, dear reader. I hope you enjoy them all.

Certainly, they tickled me, and I’m confident that you will like them too.

So, please grab a cup of coffee and then take a short break to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on

Funny jokes (1-10):

My wife suggested that I make a belt out of old pocket watches, but I thought that would be a waist of time.

Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true? Husband: To be honest, I didn’t even know she sold flowers.

I tried mixing Mexican alcohol with 20th-century American literature last night. The result was tequila mockingbird.

I bought a sweater, but it just kept picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store, and they gave me another one, free of charge.

Being kissed while you’re asleep must be one of the purest forms of love, unless you’re in prison, of course.

I woke up this morning and found my pet mouse, Elvis, dead in the kitchen. He was caught in a trap.

Did you hear what happened at the bread factory? It went up in flames this morning. Everything was toast.

Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.

I went to SeaWorld with Lionel Richie and his amazing, performing pet cat. What a feline, dancing on the sea lion.

My wife took going to jail badly. She swore at anyone who came near her and started throwing things everywhere. I won’t be playing Monopoly with her again.

Funny jokes (11-20):

I went to see my doctor this morning wearing creased clothes. He says I have an iron deficiency.

It’s my wife’s birthday next week, and she’s been leaving jewellery catalogues all over the house. I hope she likes the magazine rack I bought her.

Little Johnny: “Miss, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” Teacher: “Of course not, Johnny! That wouldn’t be fair!” Little Johnny: “That’s good to know, Miss, because I haven’t done my homework.”

Bill was devastated when he arrived home with his 5-year-old, and his wife told him the boy wasn’t his. She told him that he needed to pay more attention when picking his son up from school.

Waiter: “How would you like your steak, sir?” Me: “Like winning an argument with my wife.” Waiter: “Rare it is then!“

My neighbour’s wife left him last week. She said she was going out for milk but never came back. I asked him how he was coping. “Not bad,” he said. “I’ve been using that powdered stuff.”

Don’t you hate it when you compliment someone on how bushy their moustache is, and then she suddenly starts getting upset with you?

I threw a ball for my dog. Everyone said that I was being extravagant, but it was his birthday, and he did look good in a dinner jacket.

My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect, and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

They’ve got a new machine in my gym. I used it for half an hour yesterday, but then I started to feel sick. It’s great, though. It does everything: KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Hershey bars, Oreo Cookies, the lot.

Funny jokes (21-31):

I read a book last night called “How to end sentences with Beatles song titles“. That’s two hours of my life I won’t get back.

I was tearful when the paint pot fell from my stepladder. I was overcome with emulsion.

My wife suddenly burst into our living room and shouted, “Honey, pack your bags. I’ve won the lottery!” Naturally, I said, “Oh wow! What should I pack, beach stuff or comfortable walking shoes?” “No!” she said. “You don’t understand. I’ve won the lottery. Just get out.”

I started a new job as a deliveryman today. When I got to the first address, there was a little note on the door saying, “Dear Mr Deliveryman, we’re out, please hide in the garage.” That was eight hours ago, and still, nobody’s found me.

I got kicked out of the Walmart staff room today. They asked me what I was doing there. “Taking a break,” I responded. “But you don’t work here!” they replied. “Well, I’ve just been through the self-checkout,” I said. “So, clearly, I do!“

Two working guys are in a field. One guy is digging holes. The other is filling them in again. An elderly lady walking by sees what they’re doing and asks, “Why are you digging holes and then filling them in? What’s the point?” The first guy looks over at her and then says, “Well, mam, there’s normally three of us but the bloke that puts trees in the holes rang in sick today.”

A guy walks into a bar, sits at the counter, orders twelve beers, and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender sees what he’s doing and asks, “Hey, buddy, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy looks at him sheepishly and says, “You’d be drinking fast too if you had what I had.” The bartender, slightly puzzled by this response, asks, “What do you have?” The guy smiles and says, “75 cents.”

An American tourist is driving through Ireland. He stops when he sees a bar, walks inside, and asks a local man, “Hey, buddy, what’s the quickest way to Cork?” The man looks at him and says, “Are you walking or driving?” The tourist replies, “I’m driving.” The local man smiles and says, “Aye, that’ll be the quickest way, for sure.”

My wife shouted from upstairs, “Did you just feel a sharp pain like a voodoo model of you was being stabbed?” Slightly puzzled, I said, “No.” A moment later, she replied, “How about now?“

I’ve just been ripped off. I bought a bookcase, and on the box, it stated clearly ‘SELF-ASSEMBLY.’ When I got home, I took it out of the box and sat for three hours watching it, and it didn’t do anything. Eventually, I had to put it together myself.

An elderly man shuffled slowly into the ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly and painfully up onto a stool at the counter. After a moment to catch his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress smiled and asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?” “No!” said the old man. “It’s rheumatoid arthritis.”

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How to turn your yearly income into your monthly income:

The Law of Compensation:

The Strategies for Earning Money:

M1: Trading your time for money:

M2: Invest Money to Earn Money:

M3: Multiply your time with multiple sources of income:

M3 Income Strategy:

The Game of Money-Making:

Further Reading:

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More Short Story Jokes (1-5):

1. The Brown Bear:

2. The Efficiency Expert:

3. Goodtime Girl:

4. Car Park Incident:

5. Tupperware:

More Short Story Jokes (6-10):

6. A quick one:

7. Farming Logic:

8. The Counterfeiters:

9. The Thoughtful Husband:

10. The Hearing Test:

More Short Story Jokes (11-15):

11. Biblical tale:

12. Chicken crossing the road:

13. The knock:

14. Good intentions:

15. IRS Audit:

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Funny political satire:

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Funny joke stories:

1. Shock for the preacher’s wife:

2. The early days in paradise:

3. Old age problem:

4. An expression of love:

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Funny short story jokes to make you laugh:

1. The funeral cortège:

2. The power of prayer:

3. Discovering facts:

4. Jogging Rick’s Memory:

5. Old remedies:

6. Unpaid debt:

7. Windfall:

8. The admiral and the general:

9. The origin of the species:

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Funny Short Story Jokes:

1. Billy wants to get married:

2. Ben goes to the pool:

3. Knock, Knock:

4. Potato family:

5. Washing the dog:

6. Man of the house:

7. Skydiving:

8. The confessional box:

9. Government experts:

10. Personal hygiene:

11. Misreading the signals:

12. Guilty conscience:

13. The old folks’ home:

14. Use what you’ve got:

15. The Repair:

16. The refrigerator:

17. The drunk and the Catholic priest:

18. Dazed and confused:

19. Reality check:

20. The Budgie:

21. Giving evidence:

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Silly jokes:

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