4 funny jokes that won’t offend but will amuse you

01/09/2026 by

Today I offer you some very funny jokes that won’t offend anyone, but they’ll definitely amuse you and your friends, dear reader; of that I’m confident.

So take a moment to enjoy these three little gems. And of course, feel free to pass them on.

FUNNY JOKES that won't offend
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Funny jokes that won’t offend:

1. Father Murphy:

Father Murphy looked uneasy as he attempted to greet the wedding guests at the entrance to St Bernadette’s Church.

He doesn’t say much, and he looks uncomfortable, but the congregation knows him to be a bit shy.

As the bride arrives, Father Murphy makes his way to the altar, and as the couple approaches, he gives the best speech anyone has ever heard.

Not only is it an excellent speech, full of wisdom and insight, but he also appears confident, and he has everyone rolling on the floor laughing.

After the couple has made their vows and everyone is leaving, Father Murphy steps down from the altar, and once again, he becomes tongue-tied and shy and barely manages to say a word to anyone.

Feeling a little sorry for him, the groom says, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, Father, but why are you so shy now? You seemed like a different person when you were up there giving that speech earlier.“

“I know,” Father Murphy responded, “but that was just my altar ego.”

Phil Sutton

2. Running out of gas:

Gerry is driving down the freeway when he runs out of gas.

He’s sitting there in the driver’s seat, wondering what to do next, when a bee flies in through his window.

“What seems to be your problem?” asks the bee.

“I’ve run out of gas,” Gerry replies.

“That’s unfortunate,” says the bee. “However, if you wait here, I can help you.”

The bee then flies off, only to return minutes later with an entire swarm of bees. They all fly into his gas tank, leaving Gerry wondering exactly what’s going on.

After a few minutes, the swarm flies off, and the bee says to Gerry, “Try it now.”

Gerry turns his ignition key, and his car fires into action immediately.

“Wow!” Gerry exclaims. “What did you put in the gas tank?“

The bee smiles and says, “BP, of course.“

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3. Wisdom of the Ancients:

The Native Americans on a remote reservation in Wyoming asked their new chief, Akecheta, whether the winter ahead would be mild or cold.

Now Chief Akecheta was a modern man, educated at a university, but he hadn’t been taught the old ways and the wisdom of his ancestors.

He looked into the sky, but he was unable to read the signs as to whether the winter would be cold or not.

Naturally, he didn’t want to lose credibility with the tribe, so, to save face and be on the safe side, he just told them that the winter was going to be cold and that they should probably start gathering firewood to be prepared.

Now he may not have learned the ancient secrets, but Chief Akecheta was a wise and practical man. So, once he was on his own, he phoned the National Weather Service and asked them for their winter forecast.

“Well, sir,” said the meteorologist, “our forecast suggests that it’s going to be quite cold.”

Feeling more confident now, Chief Akecheta went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.

“Does it still look like it is going to be very cold this winter?” he asked the meteorologist.

“Yes, sir,” said the meteorologist. “It could be even colder than we first thought.”

So once again, Chief Akecheta went back to his people, and he ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, Chief Akecheta phoned the National Weather Service again.

“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?” he asked the meteorologist.

“Yes, sir,” said the meteorologist. “The signs are that it’s going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.”

“How can you be so sure?” asked Chief Akecheta.

“Well, sir,” the meteorologist responded, “the Native American tribe up the road has been collecting a crazy amount of firewood recently.“

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4. The lion enclosure:

It’s Jim’s first day on the job as a trainee zookeeper at London Zoo.

His boss wants to ease him into his duties gently, so Jim’s given the fish to look after.

Unfortunately, Jim gets all the fish food mixed up with the chemicals, and he manages to kill all the fish.

Worried that the mistake might cost him his job, Jim decides it might be easier to cover it up by gathering all the now-dead fish together and throwing them into the lion enclosure when no one’s looking.

After lunch, Jim’s boss asks him to feed the chimpanzees.

Unfortunately, once again by mistake, Jim gives them all the wrong food and manages to kill them off, too.

Again, he’s worried that he could lose the job he only started that very morning. So he decides on another cover-up. Once again, Jim dumps all the bodies into the lion enclosure whilst no one’s looking.

Well, two major mistakes in one day were a little embarrassing, so in the late afternoon, Jim decided to sneak off early before he could do anything else wrong.

Sadly, another disaster was waiting to happen.

When reversing his car, he managed to back it into the apiary, and in doing so, crushed all the bees.

Left with little option, Jim executed yet another cover-up. He scooped up the crushed bees and again through them all into the lion enclosure.

Jim then jumps into his car and heads for home.

The next day, the zoo has a new arrival. It’s a new lion transferred from Whipsnade Zoo.

“What’s it like here then?” the new lion asks the others in the lion enclosure.

“Not bad,” one replies, “there’s less space here than at Whipsnade, but the food’s good. Yesterday we had fish, chimps, and mushy bees.”

Phil Sutton

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these funny jokes that won’t offend anyone make you laugh? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. And it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, then I’d be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

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50 corny but playful Yo Mama jokes

01/08/2026 by

If you enjoy Yo Mama jokes, then take a look at the 50 I have on offer for you today.

They’re all a bit corny, but they’re fun, playful, and lighthearted.

I hope at least a few of them will make you smile.

Enjoy them all, and please, feel free to share them with your friends.

Yo Mama Jokes
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Yo Mama Jokes (1-10):

  1. Yo mama’s so old, she babysat Yoda.
  2. Yo mama’s so old, her social security number is 1.
  3. Yo mama’s so slow, she was overtaken by a sloth.
  4. Yo mama’s so fat, she has to buy group insurance.
  5. Yo mama’s so dumb, she lost in a game of solitaire.
  6. Yo mama’s so old, Moses was in her class at school.
  7. Yo mama’s so slow, she’d lose in a race with a snail.
  8. Yo mama’s so slow, she gets overtaken by parked cars.
  9. Yo mama’s so slow, she could be overtaken by a glacier.
  10. Yo mama’s so lazy, she gets tired watching cars pass by.
Phil Sutton

Yo Mama Jokes (11-20):

  1. Yo mama’s so clumsy, she tripped over a cordless phone.
  2. Yo mama’s so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
  3. Yo mama’s so clumsy, she tripped over a wireless network.
  4. Yo mama’s so old, she used to babysit George Washington.
  5. Yo mama’s so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
  6. Yo mama’s so loud, even the deaf ask her to keep the noise down.
  7. Yo mama’s so forgetful, she forgot she was wearing her sunglasses.
  8. Yo mama’s so old, she knew Burger King when he was only a prince.
  9. Yo mama’s so heavy-handed, she’d break safety glass with a cotton ball.
  10. Yo mama’s so bad at technology, she couldn’t even find the START button on her computer.
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Yo Mama Jokes (21-30):

  1. Yo mama’s so old, her high school diploma is on a stone tablet.
  2. Yo mama’s so old, her birth certificate is written in hieroglyphics.
  3. Yo mama’s so bad at math, she can’t even count her own fingers.
  4. Yo mama’s so slow, even a turtle crossed the road faster than her.
  5. Yo mama’s so lazy, even her remote control needs a remote control.
  6. Yo mama’s so bad at gardening, her plants filed for ‘plant protection’.
  7. Yo mama’s so forgetful, she sometimes introduces herself to the mirror.
  8. Yo mama’s so greedy, she tried to download cookies from the internet.
  9. Yo mama’s so confused, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
  10. Yo mama’s so old, she remembers when the Grand Canyon was just a ditch.
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Yo Mama Jokes (31-40):

  1. Yo mama’s so dumb, she thinks deja vu is a yoga pose.
  2. Yo mama’s so old, Tyrannosaurus Rex was her first pet.
  3. Yo mama’s so clumsy, she tripped over her own shadow.
  4. Yo mama’s so slow, she was beaten in a race by a statue.
  5. Yo mama’s so dumb, she went to the airport to catch a train.
  6. Yo mama’s so loud, she doesn’t need a phone to make a long-distance call.
  7. Yo mama’s so lacking in a sense of direction, she got lost in her own house.
  8. Yo mama’s so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was just feeling a little unwell.
  9. Yo mama’s so dumb, she put her phone on airplane mode and couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t fly.
  10. Yo mama knows so little about sports, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl thinking it was a food-tasting event.
Phil Sutton

Yo Mama Jokes (41-50):

  1. Yo mama’s so loud, you can hear her thoughts.
  2. Yo mama’s so clumsy, she could slip on sunshine.
  3. Yo mama’s so slow, she came second in a ‘solo race’.
  4. Yo mama’s so bad at cooking, even the trashcan spit it out.
  5. Yo mama’s so stingy, she uses both sides of the toilet paper.
  6. Yo mama’s so dumb, she thought Bluetooth was a dental problem.
  7. Yo mama’s so dumb, if she played hide and seek alone, she’d still lose.
  8. Yo mama’s cooking is so bad, even her dog goes to a neighbour’s house to eat.
  9. Yo mama’s so dumb, she tried to charge her credit card by plugging it into the wall.
  10. Yo mama’s so dumb, she thought an Apple iPhone would count as one of her five-a-day.
Go Explore London

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these Yo Mama jokes made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

More fun you might enjoy:

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33 Why Did jokes that are all full groan

01/08/2026 by

If you like Why Did jokes, then I have 33 for you today, dear reader, and I promise you that they’re all full groan.

Every one, a play on words designed to tickle your funny bone.

So, relax, take an unofficial break, and enjoy them all.

And if any of them did seriously tickle you, then please, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

WHY DID JOKES

Why Did Jokes (1-11):

  1. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
  2. Why did the computer go on a diet? Too many cookies.
  3. Why did the belt go to jail? For holding up a pair of pants.
  4. Why did the computer go to the dentist? It had Bluetooth.
  5. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  6. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
  7. Why did the banana go on a road trip? The a-peel of adventure.
  8. Why did the pen refuse to write? Because it felt that way ink-lined.
  9. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
  10. Why did the banana go to university? The a-peel of being well-educated.
  11. Why did the tomato go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date.
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Why Did Jokes (12-22):

  1. Why did the lamp go to school? Because it wanted to shine amongst its peers.
  2. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems to solve.
  3. Why did the computer go to the party? Because it wanted to dance the byte away.
  4. Why did the banana go to the therapist? Because it had a split personality.
  5. Why did the photographer start a blog? Because he wanted more exposure.
  6. Why did the tomato leave the comedy club? Because all the jokes were tasteless.
  7. Why did the tomato go on a night out? Because it wanted to paint the town red.
  8. Why did the pen become a poet? Because it had an ink-credible way with words.
  9. Why did the zombie win the dance competition? Because it had some killer moves.
  10. Why did the scarecrow become a DJ? Because it had some a-maize-ing tracks to spin.
  11. Why did the bicycle become a stand-up comedian? Because it was wheel-y funny.
Phil Sutton

Why Did Jokes (23-33):

  1. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
  2. Why did the computer become a musician? Because it had great keyboard skills.
  3. Why did the tomato go to the party? To ketchup with friends and relish the good times.
  4. Why did the tomato turn purple? Because it was trying to ketchup with the latest trends.
  5. Why did the math student go into therapy? Because he had a lot of unresolved problems.
  6. Why did the scarecrow become a tour guide? Because it knew all the best fields and gardens.
  7. Why did the bicycle become a chef? Because it loved whipping up wheely delicious meals.
  8. Why did the teacher bring a ladder to the classroom? To help his students reach new heights.
  9. Why did the banana break up with the orange? Because they didn’t really a-peel to each other.
  10. Why did the scarecrow become a detective? Because it had exceptional ability in solving corn-undrums.
  11. Why did the math book become friends with the calculator? Because they both had problems to solve.
Go Explore London

Please share this post:

If any of these Why Did jokes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. So, it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

More fun you might enjoy:

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30 Guess What jokes to raise a smile or two

01/08/2026 by

I know how much readers enjoy a good laugh, and that’s why I’ve curated a collection of delightfully clever Guess What jokes just for you today.

These aren’t just your everyday, run-of-the-mill jokes. They’re mostly just a clever play on words. That’s what I enjoy, and I hope that you enjoy this form of humour too, dear reader.

So, grab a coffee, take an unofficial break, relax, and enjoy the humour I have on offer for you today.

And please, feel free to pass on these jokes.

GUESS WHAT JOKES
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Guess what jokes (1-10):

  1. Guess what? They told me I’d never be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic. But so far, I’ve made three jugs and a vase.
  2. Guess what? I got my friend a fridge for his birthday. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
  3. Guess what? My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So, we went and had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
  4. Guess what? My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said ‘40‘.
  5. Guess what? I’ve just written a pop song about tortillas. Well, it’s more of a wrap, really.
  6. Guess what? I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We’ve got no gigs yet.
  7. Guess what? My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table. I had to take a running start, but I made it.
  8. Guess what? I had a joke about a boomerang, but I’ve forgotten it. It’ll come back to me.
  9. Guess what? My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
  10. Guess what? I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
Phil Sutton

Guess what jokes (11-20):

  1. Guess what? I can’t stand being in a wheelchair.
  2. Guess what? I had an addiction to soap, but I’m clean now.
  3. Guess what? I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said, ‘Wii.’
  4. Guess what? I once did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
  5. Guess what? I was going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
  6. Guess what? I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it doesn’t have an end.
  7. Guess what? I wrote a book on penguins. In hindsight, paper would have been better.
  8. Guess what? I used to be an astronaut, but I couldn’t stand the pressure.
  9. Guess what? At the library, I asked for a book on levitation. They said it was currently floating around somewhere.
  10. Guess what? A friend asked me if I had any sodium hypobromite. I said NaBrO.
Go Explore London

Guess what jokes (21-30):

  1. Guess what? I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired.
  2. Guess what? I wanted to learn to juggle, but I just don’t have the balls.
  3. Guess what? I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Tell you what, never again.
  4. Guess what? I’ve just told a chemistry joke, but I didn’t get a reaction.
  5. Guess what? I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work!
  6. Guess what? I told my wife I saw a deer on the way home. She said, “How do you know he was on his way home?”
  7. Guess what? My boss told me to have a good day. So, I went home.
  8. Guess what? I had a dream I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
  9. Guess what? I’ve just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu, you get what you deserve.
  10. Guess what? I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying, “Ooh, you’re brilliant.”
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Please share this post:

If any of these Guess What jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. So, it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

More fun you might enjoy:

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15 Very Funny One-Liners by Billy Connolly

01/08/2026 by

Billy Connolly is known to millions worldwide as an irreverent comedian with a laser-sharp wit and an exceptional storyteller.

Often known affectionately as The Big Yin, his contribution to popular entertainment, particularly in Britain, has been enormous over the past 40 years.

He started working as a welder in the Glasgow shipyards and moved on to a career as a folk singer, initially with Gerry Rafferty and then as a solo artist.

Through that, he gradually found his natural calling, which was to make us all laugh and cheer us up. And at this, he excels.

Through his work as a comedian, he’s broadened his popular appeal through acting and presenting. In recognition of his achievements and his charitable work, he is now formally Sir William Connolly, CBE.

Billy Connolly is an excellent example of someone who, by finding something he both enjoys and excels at, has been very successful.

So today, dear reader, I offer you 15 very funny one-liners by Billy Connolly just to remind you of how witty he is. Enjoy them all.

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Funny one-liners by Billy Connolly:

  1. Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on. ~Billy Connolly
  2. Marriage is a wonderful invention. Then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~Billy Connolly
  3. My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. ~Billy Connolly
  4. Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time? ~Billy Connolly
  5. I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. ~Billy Connolly
  6. I don’t know why I should have to learn algebra. I’m never likely to go there. ~Billy Connolly
  7. If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name? ~Billy Connolly
  8. A lot of people say it’s a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer f***. ~Billy Connolly
  9. What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? ~Billy Connolly
  10. When people say, ‘It’s always the last place you look,”. Of course, it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it? ~Billy Connolly
  11. When something is ‘new and improved!’ which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it. ~Billy Connolly
  12. Why do people say, ‘Oh, you want to have your cake and eat it too?’ Dead right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it? ~Billy Connolly
  13. A bird in the hand invariably sh*** on your wrist. ~Billy Connolly
  14. When you’re waiting for the bus and someone asks, ‘Has the bus come yet?’ If the bus came, would I be standing here?  ~Billy Connolly
  15. My advice to you if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard. ~Billy Connolly
Phil Sutton

Please share this post with your friends:

Did these funny one-liners from Billy Connolly make you smile?

I hope so. However, you will have plenty more laughs if you click the links below.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be forever grateful. You’d be helping a wannabe blogger reach a wider audience.

Your support is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

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5 funny jokes you can tell your colleagues at the office

01/08/2026 by

If you’re looking for some funny jokes you can tell your colleagues at an office party, then you’ve come to the right place, dear reader.

Today, I offer you five great jokes, and I’m confident you’ll enjoy them all.

So take a few moments for a little comic relief, and please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Funny jokes you can tell your colleagues:

1. Buying a parrot:

Jerry’s wife decided she’d like a parrot for a pet as a birthday gift, and of course, she wanted one that could talk.

Naturally, Jerry knows it’s essential to keep his wife happy if he’s to have an easy life, but he doesn’t want to spend too much money on an exotic bird.

However, he hears about an auction where exotic birds are being traded, and he thinks this might be just the place to purchase a parrot at a reasonable price.

So Jerry arrives at the auction room and immediately spots a parrot with a reserve price of $100.

“That looks perfect,” he thinks.

So bidding starts, and they get to the $100 reserve price quickly, and bidding is with Jerry at the $100. He thinks the bird is his when suddenly a mystery bidder says $120.

Having the price pushed up at the last minute is an irritation, but Jerry is determined to get this bird for his wife.

So Jerry shouts, “$150!” But the mystery bidder then responds, “$200!”

Jerry is even more determined now, and he decides he’ll go on up to a maximum of $500. He thinks to himself, “If I can’t get it for that price, then I will just have to withdraw from the bidding.”

So Jerry and the mystery bidder continue their contest, and the price continues to soar until it reaches $500.

The auctioneer says, “Do I have any advance of $500? OK, fair warning. Going once…….”

It looks like Jerry’s got it at $500, and he waits with bated breath as the auctioneer says, “Going twice…..”

There’s no further bid from the mystery bidder.

“Sold!” says the auctioneer.

Jerry breathes a sigh of relief.

As he’s paying for the bird, Jerry says to the auctioneer, “I hope this parrot can talk. My wife would kill me if she knew I’ve paid this much money for a parrot only to find it can’t talk.”

The auctioneer smiles at Jerry as he says, “Yes, of course, he can talk. Who do you think was bidding against you?”

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2. Get knotted:

Three strings walk into a bar.

The bartender takes one look at them and says, “Sorry, but no strings are allowed in here.”

With that, they’re all ejected from the bar.

One string gets an idea and ties a knot at one end. Then it returns to the bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender looks at this string suspiciously and then says, “Wait a minute, you’re a string.”

The string is promptly ejected from the bar again.

Whilst this is going on, the second string gets an idea. It frays one end and then goes back into that bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender is just about to serve the beer, but then says, “Wait a minute, you’re a string.“

With that, the second string is ejected.

Whilst all this has been going on, the third string has had time to really think about the best solution.

As the second string is being ejected, the third string frays both ends and then ties itself into a large knot. It then walks back into the bar and requests a beer.

The bartender gets the beer, but he’s still a little suspicious. He looks closely and then asks, “Are you sure you’re not a string?“

The third string looks him in the eye and then says, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

Phil Sutton

3. Pelican’s bill:

A pelican walks into a bar and sits down.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asks.

“I’ll have a Jack Daniel’s on the rocks,” the pelican responds.

The bartender serves the drink, and the pelican strikes up a conversation with others sitting at the counter.

Half an hour later, the pelican, suitably refreshed, gets up, ready to leave.

“That’ll be $6.50,” says the bartender. “How will you pay? Cash or card?”

Looking slightly embarrassed, the pelican hands over a $100 note and then says, “Sorry for the big bill!“

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4. The bank robbery:

A man with a shotgun and a scarf covering the lower half of his face bursts into a branch of Bank of America.

“Freeze! No one move,” he shouts.

He hands a large leather bag to a teller and says, “Fill it with cash, and you won’t get hurt.”

The teller complies with his demand, but as he grabs the cash-filled bag from her, the scarf slips briefly to reveal his face. Quickly, he pulls it back into position.

However, panicked that a witness may have seen his face, he starts interrogating the customers.

Pointing his gun at a couple standing nearby, the bank robber growls at the man, “Did you see my face? Because if you did, I would shoot you dead!”

“No, I didn’t see your face,” the man says hesitantly.

“Are you sure?” says the bank robber.

“Absolutely,” says the man, “but I’m fairly certain my wife got a good look at you.”

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5. The lawyer at the Pearly Gates:

A lawyer dies and finds himself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter looks at him and then says, “You’re a lawyer. I’m afraid you cannot enter here. There’s a place down below reserved for you.”

However, using all his courtroom know-how the lawyer pleads his case until eventually, St Peter agrees to reconsider.

“OK this is what I’ll do”, says St Peter. “You’ll spend the same amount of time in Hell as you did on Earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here in heaven.”

“Fair enough,” the lawyer responds.

“Right then,” says St Peter, “we’ll see you again in three hundred and seventy-five years.”

“Just a minute St Peter, what do you mean by three hundred and seventy-five years?” says the lawyer. “I’m only sixty-two!”

“Yes, I know that,” says St Peter, “but up here we go by billing hours.”

Please share the fun:

I hope you found these funny jokes you can tell your colleagues as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

So go on, please do it now. I will be ever so grateful.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

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5 humorous story jokes to brighten your day

01/06/2026 by

If you enjoy humorous story jokes, then these five might just raise a smile.

They all tickled me, and I hope you’ll enjoy them too, dear reader.

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends

HUMOROUS STORY JOKES
Phil Sutton

Humorous story jokes:

1. The lawyer:

A wealthy New York lawyer is riding home in the back of a chauffeur-driven limousine after another lucrative day in the justice system.

As the limousine begins to gather pace along Central Park West, the lawyer notices two homeless men sitting on the ground in Central Park eating the grass.

The lawyer asks his driver to pull over, and he lowers the window and shouts to the men.

“Hey, guys,” shouts the lawyer, “why are you eating the grass?”

“We have no money to buy food, and we’re hungry,” the first man responds.

“You don’t have to eat in the middle of the park,” says the lawyer, benevolently. “You can come over to my place.”

“But sir, we’re not alone,” said the second man. “Those two homeless guys over there are with us.”

“That’s fine,” the lawyer responds. “Hop into my car, and you can all eat at my place.”

So the homeless men all climb into the limousine, and off they go to the lawyer’s house.

As the car picks up speed, the first homeless man says, “Sir, this is very kind of you.”

“Don’t mention it,” says the lawyer. “You’ll love my place; the garden’s enormous, and the grass is a foot high.”

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2. The police officer and the priest:

Police officer Danny Malone pulls over a Catholic priest for driving erratically and swerving all over the road.

Officer Malone gets out of his police car, and as he approaches the window of the priest’s car, he notices what looks like a bottle of wine in a brown bag on the passenger seat next to the priest.

Suspicious that he may have a DUI violation on his hands, Officer Malone says, “Father, I pulled you over for driving erratically and swerving back there. You haven’t been drinking, have you?“

“No, my son, I haven’t,” the priest responds. “Why would you ask me that?“

“Well, you were swerving all over the road and struggling to control your vehicle,” says Officer Malone. “And now I can see you have a bottle on the seat next to you.“

“Oh my son,” the priest responds. “That’s just holy water.”

“So why is it in a brown bag, Father?” Officer Malone inquires.

“To protect it from the sun’s rays, my son,” the priest responds

“Really?” says Officer Malone. “Would you mind if I take a sip then, Father?”

“Not at all, my son,” the priest responds. “Go ahead.”

Officer Malone takes the bottle from the priest and puts it to his lips. He takes a little sip and immediately spits it out on the ground.

“Father, this is wine!” exclaims Officer Malone.

“Praise the Lord!” the priest responds. “He’s done it again!”

Phil Sutton

3. Think laterally:

Zak is an old farmer down on his luck.

He’s been struggling to maintain his farm on his own since his son, Jack, was sent to jail.

One day, Zak writes to Jack in jail to let him know he’s struggling, and he writes the following: –

Dear Jack, I just wanted to let you know that this year I won’t be able to plant potatoes in the field. I’m just getting too old now, and I can’t dig the field by myself. I know if you were here, you’d help me.

Naturally, Jack doesn’t want his father to experience any more trouble, so he quickly writes a letter back to him.

Dear Dad, Please don’t even think about digging in that field because that’s where I buried the money I stole from the bank.

Well, when you’re in prison, the authorities read the content of your letters before they go out in the mail.

So, it’s not long before the police show up at the farm and turn over the entire field in search of the stolen money. However, they don’t find anything.

A couple of days later, Zak receives another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Now that the field’s been dug over, you should be able to go ahead and plant the potatoes. That’s the best I could do to help from here.

Go Explore London

4. The hangover:

Following a very heavy night out with his buddies, Jerry wakes up at home the following morning with the mother of all hangovers.

His head is banging, and as he forces his eyes to open, he sees a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the bedside table waiting for him.

He sits up in bed, and then he notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and freshly pressed.

Jerry looks around the room and sees that everything’s in perfect order and spotlessly clean.

He wanders downstairs with the glass of water and aspirin still in his hand, and he notices a note on the living room coffee table, which reads, “Honey, breakfast is on the stove; I left early to go shopping. Love you.”

Jerry walks into the kitchen, and sure enough, there’s a hot breakfast waiting for him, as well as the morning newspaper.

His son is sitting at the kitchen table, eating his breakfast.

“Son, do you know what happened last night?” Jerry inquires.

“Yes, I do,” his son responds. “You came home after 3 a.m. You were drunk out of your mind, and you could barely stand.”

“Really?” says Jerry.

“Yes, really!” said his son. “You also broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”

At this point, Jerry is feeling a bit confused.

He thinks momentarily and then asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”

“Oh, that?” says his son. “Well, when Mom dragged you to the bedroom and tried to undress you, you just kept shouting, ‘Lady, leave me alone, I’m married.'”

Saily eSIM

5. Judge not lest ye be judged:

A Wall Street investment banker walks into a Manhattan bar, and as he’s standing at the counter, he notices an elderly lady sitting quietly in the corner.

Except for this lady, the bar is full of men relaxing and enjoying a drink after a lucrative day’s trading on the financial markets.

Well, the banker’s feeling good, having just closed on a major, multi-million-dollar deal that included a sizeable commission for him.

So, he says to the bartender, “Buddy, I’m buying drinks for everyone, except that old woman over there.”

The bartender looks a little uncomfortable with this blatant sexism, but business is business, so he takes the banker’s money and proceeds to serve the drinks.

The banker looks across at the woman and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

This just irritates the banker, so he immediately orders another round of drinks for everyone, except the elderly lady.

Again, the bartender looks a little uncomfortable, but the drinks are served, and the banker’s money is gratefully taken.

Once again, the banker looks across at the woman and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, again, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

This just irritates the banker even more, so after a few minutes, he orders yet another round of drinks as well as food for everyone, except the elderly lady.

Again, the bartender looks uncomfortable, but the drinks and the food are served, and the banker’s money is taken.

Thinking now he must have made his point, the banker looks across at the woman again and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, again, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

“What’s wrong with that old woman?” the banker asks the bartender. “I’ve just bought three rounds of drinks, as well as food for everyone, except for her, and instead of getting angry, she just smiles and thanks me. Is she stupid?“

“No, sir, she’s not stupid,” the bartender responds with a smile. “That’s Mrs O’Malley. She owns this bar.”

Moral of the Story: If you must judge people, do so with great care.

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Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these humorous story jokes, dear reader, then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now. If you could do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

More fun you might enjoy:

DISCLOSURE: Some links here are affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products I trust, and your support helps keep this website free to use. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7 inspirational quotes about humor to make you think

01/06/2026 by

Today I am exploring quotes about humor.

Humor is the most powerful medicine known to man [and woman, of course].

Humor is a cure for so many ills. It doesn’t matter how bad you feel; a good laugh can really make you feel so much better.

In all humor there is an underlying germ of truth. It is poking fun at the truth that makes us laugh.

However, for those on the receiving end, humor can sometimes hurt. Having a good laugh at someone else’s expense can only ever be acceptable if they can see the funny side too.

So be careful with your attempts at humor. Be kind and mindful of other people’s sensibilities.

Banter and mild leg-pulling are fine, but overdo it, and it can quickly turn into bullying. And that’s really not very nice, is it?

So, have a good laugh whenever possible. However, make sure someone else doesn’t have to pay an unacceptable price for your laughter.

Here are seven inspirational quotes about humor to reinforce today’s message.

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Quotes About Humor:

  1. A day without laughter is a day wasted. ~Charlie Chaplin
  2. Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers
  3. There’s a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. ~Erma Bombeck
  4. I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person. ~Audrey Hepburn
  5. I realize that humor isn’t for everyone. It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. ~Anne Wilson Schaef
  6. Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment. ~Grenville Kleiser
  7. Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else’s expense. And I find that that’s just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else’s feelings. ~Ellen DeGeneres

Please share these quotes with your friends:

If you found these quotes about humor inspiring and interesting, then please share them on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now. If you do, I’ll be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Phil Sutton

Articles that might appeal to you:

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4 funny long story jokes to raise a smile

01/05/2026 by

Here are four funny long story jokes to brighten your day. They all tickled me, and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to pass them on.

FUNNY LONG-STORY JOKES

Funny long story jokes:

1. Getting older:

Jean, Ethel and Mildred are three elderly ladies chatting about the challenges of getting older.

“I think 60 is the worst age to be,” said 60-year-old, Jean. “You always feel like you need to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said 70-year-old, Ethel. “When you’re 70, you don’t seem to have bowel movements anymore. You take laxatives, you eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and yet nothing ever happens.”

“Actually, I can tell you from experience, 80 is the worst age of all,” said 80-year-old, Mildred.

“Do you have trouble peeing, too, Mildred?” asked Jean.

“No,” said Mildred. “I pee every morning at 6 am, and I pee like a racehorse. That’s no problem at all.”

“Well, how about your bowel movements, Mildred?” Ethel inquired. “Do you have any problems with them?”

“No,” Mildred responded. “I have a bowel movement every morning at 6.30 am, as regular as clockwork.”

Jean and Ethel exchanged puzzled glances before Jean said, “Now let me get this straight, Mildred. You pee at 6 am and poop at 6.30 am? So what’s so hard about being 80?”

Mildred frowned before she said, “I never wake up before 7 am.”

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2. The mechanic’s skills:

Jeff was a mechanic working in his workshop, repairing a Harley Davidson motorcycle for one of his regular clients, who was a heart surgeon.

Jeff was just replacing the cylinder head on the bike when Dr Corker, his client, arrived to check up on progress.

“Hey doc,” said Jeff. “The bike’s almost ready for you but can I ask you a question first?”

“Yeah, sure Jeff,” said the heart surgeon. “How can I help you?”

“Doc, take a look at this motorcycle engine,” said Jeff. “I can open its heart. I can take the valves out. And I can fix those valves and put them back in again. And when I’ve finished, this engine works like it’s brand new.”

“So, what’s your question, Jeff?” Dr Corker responded.

“Well doc,” said Jeff, “my question is, how come I earn a small salary and yet you earn a very large one? Essentially, don’t we just do the same work? How come we don’t earn the same?”

Dr Corker thought about the question momentarily, then smiled at Jeff and said, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

Phil Sutton

3. On safari:

Jim and Irene were on holiday in Africa, and they’d taken Irene’s mother with them.

Now Jim’s mother-in-law could be a bit of a battle-axe, to say the least, but she’d recently lost her husband, so Jim accepted that this was the decent thing to do.

Anyway, they’d been on safari for a few days, when one morning Irene woke up to find her mother missing.

In a state of panic, she woke Jim, and they both went out to look for her!

Suddenly, they come to a clearing, where they find Jim’s mother-in-law, facing down a ferocious lion, eye-to-eye.

“Quick, darling, do something!” screamed Irene.

“You’ve got to be joking!” said Jim. “The lion got himself into this mess; he can deal with it himself.”

Go Explore London

4. Taking Sunday off:

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and absolutely perfect weather for a game of golf.

Being a golf fanatic, Father O’Driscoll couldn’t resist the lure of links, and he decided he’d skip mass and head out to his favourite country club.

Naturally, Father O’Driscoll spoke with his curate, excused himself by saying he was unwell, and explained that he wouldn’t be able to take mass today.

He then got in his car and drove out to the country club, which was in a neighbouring town.

When Father O’Driscoll teed off on the first hole, a huge gust of wind caught his ball, carrying it another hundred yards and dropping it right into the hole.

Father O’Driscoll was absolutely ecstatic. After all, it was a 450-yard hole-in-one. Amazing! The first time he’d ever achieved that Holy Grail for golfers.

Now God and Saint Peter were watching Father O’Driscoll from above.

Saint Peter gave God a puzzled look and then asked, “Why have you rewarded his behaviour with a hole-in-one?”

“Is it a reward or a punishment?” God asked. “After all, who’s he going to tell?”

Saily eSIM

Please share with your friends:

So dear reader, did you enjoy these funny long-story jokes? Was this post worth a little piece of your time? I do hope so.

If you did enjoy this post, then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now, and you’ll be making an old blogger very happy.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

DISCLOSURE: Some links here are affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products I trust, and your support helps keep this website free to use. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

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35 stupid jokes that are funny

01/05/2026 by

If you’re looking for stupid jokes that are funny, dear reader, then take a look at the 35 I’ve collected for you today.

Yes, they are corny. Yes, they are stupid. However, I’m confident that at least a few of them will raise a smile.

So, grab a coffee, relax, and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

STUPID JOKES THAT ARE FUNNY

Stupid jokes that are funny (1-10):

  1. I, for one, like Roman numerals.
  2. How do you start a pudding race? Say go!
  3. I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.
  4. What is hairy and coughs? A coconut with a cold.
  5. What is the most unreliable diner? A fickle onion.
  6. Why did the pickle miss work? Because it was dill.
  7. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
  8. What food can you eat in a taxi? Corn on the cab.
  9. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
  10. What did the plate say to the diner? Lunch is on me. 
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Stupid jokes that are funny (11-20):

  1. I used to play the piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
  2. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
  3. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
  4. Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted!
  5. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They might crack up!
  6. I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
  7. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
  8. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy!
  9. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
  10. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side!
Phil Sutton

Stupid jokes that are funny (21-30):

  1. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop, but it was sole destroying.
  2. Why did the sandwich go to the dentist? Because it needed a filling.
  3. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  4. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
  5. Why was the belt arrested? Because it was holding up a pair of pants!
  6. Why don’t Melons run away to get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  7. Why did the lazy grape stomper get fired? For sitting down on the job.
  8. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
  9. Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? Because he was on a roll.
  10. What is yellow, brown, and hairy? Cheese on toast dropped on the carpet.
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Stupid jokes that are funny (31-35):

  1. I was going to tell a time-travelling joke, but you didn’t think it was funny.
  2. I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job, and I made my own hours.
  3. Why are hamburgers better than hot dogs? Because hot dogs are the wurst.
  4. Why did the guy put his money in a blender? Because he needed to liquidate his assets!
  5. I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids. In one ear, out the other.
Saily eSIM

Please share this post:

If any of these stupid jokes that are funny actually made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. So, it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

More fun you might enjoy:

DISCLOSURE: Some links here are affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products I trust, and your support helps keep this website free.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All Rights Reserved.

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