Amuse

33 Why Did jokes that are all full groan

01/08/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you like Why Did jokes, then I have 33 for you today, dear reader, and I promise you that they’re all full groan.

Every one, a play on words designed to tickle your funny bone.

So, relax, take an unofficial break, and enjoy them all.

And if any of them did seriously tickle you, then please, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Why Did Jokes (1-11):

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why did the computer go on a diet? Too many cookies.
Why did the belt go to jail? For holding up a pair of pants.
Why did the computer go to the dentist? It had Bluetooth.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
Why did the banana go on a road trip? The a-peel of adventure.
Why did the pen refuse to write? Because it felt that way ink-lined.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why did the banana go to university? The a-peel of being well-educated.
Why did the tomato go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date.

Why Did Jokes (12-22):

Why did the lamp go to school? Because it wanted to shine amongst its peers.
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems to solve.
Why did the computer go to the party? Because it wanted to dance the byte away.
Why did the banana go to the therapist? Because it had a split personality.
Why did the photographer start a blog? Because he wanted more exposure.
Why did the tomato leave the comedy club? Because all the jokes were tasteless.
Why did the tomato go on a night out? Because it wanted to paint the town red.
Why did the pen become a poet? Because it had an ink-credible way with words.
Why did the zombie win the dance competition? Because it had some killer moves.
Why did the scarecrow become a DJ? Because it had some a-maize-ing tracks to spin.
Why did the bicycle become a stand-up comedian? Because it was wheel-y funny.

Why Did Jokes (23-33):

Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
Why did the computer become a musician? Because it had great keyboard skills.
Why did the tomato go to the party? To ketchup with friends and relish the good times.
Why did the tomato turn purple? Because it was trying to ketchup with the latest trends.
Why did the math student go into therapy? Because he had a lot of unresolved problems.
Why did the scarecrow become a tour guide? Because it knew all the best fields and gardens.
Why did the bicycle become a chef? Because it loved whipping up wheely delicious meals.
Why did the teacher bring a ladder to the classroom? To help his students reach new heights.
Why did the banana break up with the orange? Because they didn’t really a-peel to each other.
Why did the scarecrow become a detective? Because it had exceptional ability in solving corn-undrums.
Why did the math book become friends with the calculator? Because they both had problems to solve.

Please share this post:

If any of these Why Did jokes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. So, it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

More fun you might enjoy:

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, Best Funny Jokes, fun, funny, funny jokes, Hilarious, humor, humour, jokes, Silly Jokes, smile, stupid jokes, stupid jokes that are funny, why did jokes

30 Guess What jokes to raise a smile or two

01/08/2026 by Roy Sutton

I know how much readers enjoy a good laugh, and that’s why I’ve curated a collection of delightfully clever Guess What jokes just for you today.

These aren’t just your everyday, run-of-the-mill jokes. They’re mostly just a clever play on words. That’s what I enjoy, and I hope that you enjoy this form of humour too, dear reader.

So, grab a coffee, take an unofficial break, relax, and enjoy the humour I have on offer for you today.

And please, feel free to pass on these jokes.

Guess what jokes (1-10):

Guess what? They told me I’d never be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic. But so far, I’ve made three jugs and a vase.
Guess what? I got my friend a fridge for his birthday. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Guess what? My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So, we went and had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
Guess what? My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said ‘40‘.
Guess what? I’ve just written a pop song about tortillas. Well, it’s more of a wrap, really.
Guess what? I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We’ve got no gigs yet.
Guess what? My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table. I had to take a running start, but I made it.
Guess what? I had a joke about a boomerang, but I’ve forgotten it. It’ll come back to me.
Guess what? My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
Guess what? I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Guess what jokes (11-20):

Guess what? I can’t stand being in a wheelchair.
Guess what? I had an addiction to soap, but I’m clean now.
Guess what? I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said, ‘Wii.’
Guess what? I once did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
Guess what? I was going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Guess what? I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it doesn’t have an end.
Guess what? I wrote a book on penguins. In hindsight, paper would have been better.
Guess what? I used to be an astronaut, but I couldn’t stand the pressure.
Guess what? At the library, I asked for a book on levitation. They said it was currently floating around somewhere.
Guess what? A friend asked me if I had any sodium hypobromite. I said NaBrO.

Guess what jokes (21-30):

Guess what? I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired.
Guess what? I wanted to learn to juggle, but I just don’t have the balls.
Guess what? I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Tell you what, never again.
Guess what? I’ve just told a chemistry joke, but I didn’t get a reaction.
Guess what? I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work!
Guess what? I told my wife I saw a deer on the way home. She said, “How do you know he was on his way home?”
Guess what? My boss told me to have a good day. So, I went home.
Guess what? I had a dream I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
Guess what? I’ve just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu, you get what you deserve.
Guess what? I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying, “Ooh, you’re brilliant.”

Please share this post:

If any of these Guess What jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. So, it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

More fun you might enjoy:

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15 Very Funny One-Liners by Billy Connolly

01/08/2026 by Roy Sutton

Billy Connolly is known to millions worldwide as an irreverent comedian with a laser-sharp wit and an exceptional storyteller.

Often known affectionately as The Big Yin, his contribution to popular entertainment, particularly in Britain, has been enormous over the past 40 years.

He started working as a welder in the Glasgow shipyards and moved on to a career as a folk singer, initially with Gerry Rafferty and then as a solo artist.

Through that, he gradually found his natural calling, which was to make us all laugh and cheer us up. And at this, he excels.

Through his work as a comedian, he’s broadened his popular appeal through acting and presenting. In recognition of his achievements and his charitable work, he is now formally Sir William Connolly, CBE.

Billy Connolly is an excellent example of someone who, by finding something he both enjoys and excels at, has been very successful.

So today, dear reader, I offer you 15 very funny one-liners by Billy Connolly just to remind you of how witty he is. Enjoy them all.

Funny one-liners by Billy Connolly:

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on. ~Billy Connolly
Marriage is a wonderful invention. Then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~Billy Connolly
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. ~Billy Connolly
Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time? ~Billy Connolly
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. ~Billy Connolly
I don’t know why I should have to learn algebra. I’m never likely to go there. ~Billy Connolly
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name? ~Billy Connolly
A lot of people say it’s a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer f***. ~Billy Connolly
What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? ~Billy Connolly
When people say, ‘It’s always the last place you look,”. Of course, it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it? ~Billy Connolly
When something is ‘new and improved!’ which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it. ~Billy Connolly
Why do people say, ‘Oh, you want to have your cake and eat it too?’ Dead right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it? ~Billy Connolly
A bird in the hand invariably sh*** on your wrist. ~Billy Connolly
When you’re waiting for the bus and someone asks, ‘Has the bus come yet?’ If the bus came, would I be standing here? ~Billy Connolly
My advice to you if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard. ~Billy Connolly

Did these funny one-liners from Billy Connolly make you smile?

I hope so. However, you will have plenty more laughs if you click the links below.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be forever grateful. You’d be helping a wannabe blogger reach a wider audience.

Your support is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

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5 funny jokes you can tell your colleagues at the office

01/08/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some funny jokes you can tell your colleagues at an office party, then you’ve come to the right place, dear reader.

Today, I offer you five great jokes, and I’m confident you’ll enjoy them all.

So take a few moments for a little comic relief, and please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Funny jokes you can tell your colleagues:

1. Buying a parrot:

Jerry’s wife decided she’d like a parrot for a pet as a birthday gift, and of course, she wanted one that could talk.

Naturally, Jerry knows it’s essential to keep his wife happy if he’s to have an easy life, but he doesn’t want to spend too much money on an exotic bird.

However, he hears about an auction where exotic birds are being traded, and he thinks this might be just the place to purchase a parrot at a reasonable price.

So Jerry arrives at the auction room and immediately spots a parrot with a reserve price of $100.

“That looks perfect,” he thinks.

So bidding starts, and they get to the $100 reserve price quickly, and bidding is with Jerry at the $100. He thinks the bird is his when suddenly a mystery bidder says $120.

Having the price pushed up at the last minute is an irritation, but Jerry is determined to get this bird for his wife.

So Jerry shouts, “$150!” But the mystery bidder then responds, “$200!”

Jerry is even more determined now, and he decides he’ll go on up to a maximum of $500. He thinks to himself, “If I can’t get it for that price, then I will just have to withdraw from the bidding.”

So Jerry and the mystery bidder continue their contest, and the price continues to soar until it reaches $500.

The auctioneer says, “Do I have any advance of $500? OK, fair warning. Going once…….”

It looks like Jerry’s got it at $500, and he waits with bated breath as the auctioneer says, “Going twice…..”

There’s no further bid from the mystery bidder.

“Sold!” says the auctioneer.

Jerry breathes a sigh of relief.

As he’s paying for the bird, Jerry says to the auctioneer, “I hope this parrot can talk. My wife would kill me if she knew I’ve paid this much money for a parrot only to find it can’t talk.”

The auctioneer smiles at Jerry as he says, “Yes, of course, he can talk. Who do you think was bidding against you?”

2. Get knotted:

Three strings walk into a bar.

The bartender takes one look at them and says, “Sorry, but no strings are allowed in here.”

With that, they’re all ejected from the bar.

One string gets an idea and ties a knot at one end. Then it returns to the bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender looks at this string suspiciously and then says, “Wait a minute, you’re a string.”

The string is promptly ejected from the bar again.

Whilst this is going on, the second string gets an idea. It frays one end and then goes back into that bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender is just about to serve the beer, but then says, “Wait a minute, you’re a string.“

With that, the second string is ejected.

Whilst all this has been going on, the third string has had time to really think about the best solution.

As the second string is being ejected, the third string frays both ends and then ties itself into a large knot. It then walks back into the bar and requests a beer.

The bartender gets the beer, but he’s still a little suspicious. He looks closely and then asks, “Are you sure you’re not a string?“

The third string looks him in the eye and then says, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

3. Pelican’s bill:

A pelican walks into a bar and sits down.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asks.

“I’ll have a Jack Daniel’s on the rocks,” the pelican responds.

The bartender serves the drink, and the pelican strikes up a conversation with others sitting at the counter.

Half an hour later, the pelican, suitably refreshed, gets up, ready to leave.

“That’ll be $6.50,” says the bartender. “How will you pay? Cash or card?”

Looking slightly embarrassed, the pelican hands over a $100 note and then says, “Sorry for the big bill!“

4. The bank robbery:

A man with a shotgun and a scarf covering the lower half of his face bursts into a branch of Bank of America.

“Freeze! No one move,” he shouts.

He hands a large leather bag to a teller and says, “Fill it with cash, and you won’t get hurt.”

The teller complies with his demand, but as he grabs the cash-filled bag from her, the scarf slips briefly to reveal his face. Quickly, he pulls it back into position.

However, panicked that a witness may have seen his face, he starts interrogating the customers.

Pointing his gun at a couple standing nearby, the bank robber growls at the man, “Did you see my face? Because if you did, I would shoot you dead!”

“No, I didn’t see your face,” the man says hesitantly.

“Are you sure?” says the bank robber.

“Absolutely,” says the man, “but I’m fairly certain my wife got a good look at you.”

5. The lawyer at the Pearly Gates:

A lawyer dies and finds himself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter looks at him and then says, “You’re a lawyer. I’m afraid you cannot enter here. There’s a place down below reserved for you.”

However, using all his courtroom know-how the lawyer pleads his case until eventually, St Peter agrees to reconsider.

“OK this is what I’ll do”, says St Peter. “You’ll spend the same amount of time in Hell as you did on Earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here in heaven.”

“Fair enough,” the lawyer responds.

“Right then,” says St Peter, “we’ll see you again in three hundred and seventy-five years.”

“Just a minute St Peter, what do you mean by three hundred and seventy-five years?” says the lawyer. “I’m only sixty-two!”

“Yes, I know that,” says St Peter, “but up here we go by billing hours.”

Please share the fun:

I hope you found these funny jokes you can tell your colleagues as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

So go on, please do it now. I will be ever so grateful.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, funny jokes, funny jokes you can tell your colleagues, Hilarious, humor, humour, jokes, Laugh, Really funny jokes

5 humorous story jokes to brighten your day

01/06/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you enjoy humorous story jokes, then these five might just raise a smile.

They all tickled me, and I hope you’ll enjoy them too, dear reader.

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends

Humorous story jokes:

1. The lawyer:

A wealthy New York lawyer is riding home in the back of a chauffeur-driven limousine after another lucrative day in the justice system.

As the limousine begins to gather pace along Central Park West, the lawyer notices two homeless men sitting on the ground in Central Park eating the grass.

The lawyer asks his driver to pull over, and he lowers the window and shouts to the men.

“Hey, guys,” shouts the lawyer, “why are you eating the grass?”

“We have no money to buy food, and we’re hungry,” the first man responds.

“You don’t have to eat in the middle of the park,” says the lawyer, benevolently. “You can come over to my place.”

“But sir, we’re not alone,” said the second man. “Those two homeless guys over there are with us.”

“That’s fine,” the lawyer responds. “Hop into my car, and you can all eat at my place.”

So the homeless men all climb into the limousine, and off they go to the lawyer’s house.

As the car picks up speed, the first homeless man says, “Sir, this is very kind of you.”

“Don’t mention it,” says the lawyer. “You’ll love my place; the garden’s enormous, and the grass is a foot high.”

2. The police officer and the priest:

Police officer Danny Malone pulls over a Catholic priest for driving erratically and swerving all over the road.

Officer Malone gets out of his police car, and as he approaches the window of the priest’s car, he notices what looks like a bottle of wine in a brown bag on the passenger seat next to the priest.

Suspicious that he may have a DUI violation on his hands, Officer Malone says, “Father, I pulled you over for driving erratically and swerving back there. You haven’t been drinking, have you?“

“No, my son, I haven’t,” the priest responds. “Why would you ask me that?“

“Well, you were swerving all over the road and struggling to control your vehicle,” says Officer Malone. “And now I can see you have a bottle on the seat next to you.“

“Oh my son,” the priest responds. “That’s just holy water.”

“So why is it in a brown bag, Father?” Officer Malone inquires.

“To protect it from the sun’s rays, my son,” the priest responds

“Really?” says Officer Malone. “Would you mind if I take a sip then, Father?”

“Not at all, my son,” the priest responds. “Go ahead.”

Officer Malone takes the bottle from the priest and puts it to his lips. He takes a little sip and immediately spits it out on the ground.

“Father, this is wine!” exclaims Officer Malone.

“Praise the Lord!” the priest responds. “He’s done it again!”

3. Think laterally:

Zak is an old farmer down on his luck.

He’s been struggling to maintain his farm on his own since his son, Jack, was sent to jail.

One day, Zak writes to Jack in jail to let him know he’s struggling, and he writes the following: –

Dear Jack, I just wanted to let you know that this year I won’t be able to plant potatoes in the field. I’m just getting too old now, and I can’t dig the field by myself. I know if you were here, you’d help me.

Naturally, Jack doesn’t want his father to experience any more trouble, so he quickly writes a letter back to him.

Dear Dad, Please don’t even think about digging in that field because that’s where I buried the money I stole from the bank.

Well, when you’re in prison, the authorities read the content of your letters before they go out in the mail.

So, it’s not long before the police show up at the farm and turn over the entire field in search of the stolen money. However, they don’t find anything.

A couple of days later, Zak receives another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Now that the field’s been dug over, you should be able to go ahead and plant the potatoes. That’s the best I could do to help from here.

4. The hangover:

Following a very heavy night out with his buddies, Jerry wakes up at home the following morning with the mother of all hangovers.

His head is banging, and as he forces his eyes to open, he sees a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the bedside table waiting for him.

He sits up in bed, and then he notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and freshly pressed.

Jerry looks around the room and sees that everything’s in perfect order and spotlessly clean.

He wanders downstairs with the glass of water and aspirin still in his hand, and he notices a note on the living room coffee table, which reads, “Honey, breakfast is on the stove; I left early to go shopping. Love you.”

Jerry walks into the kitchen, and sure enough, there’s a hot breakfast waiting for him, as well as the morning newspaper.

His son is sitting at the kitchen table, eating his breakfast.

“Son, do you know what happened last night?” Jerry inquires.

“Yes, I do,” his son responds. “You came home after 3 a.m. You were drunk out of your mind, and you could barely stand.”

“Really?” says Jerry.

“Yes, really!” said his son. “You also broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”

At this point, Jerry is feeling a bit confused.

He thinks momentarily and then asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”

“Oh, that?” says his son. “Well, when Mom dragged you to the bedroom and tried to undress you, you just kept shouting, ‘Lady, leave me alone, I’m married.'”

5. Judge not lest ye be judged:

A Wall Street investment banker walks into a Manhattan bar, and as he’s standing at the counter, he notices an elderly lady sitting quietly in the corner.

Except for this lady, the bar is full of men relaxing and enjoying a drink after a lucrative day’s trading on the financial markets.

Well, the banker’s feeling good, having just closed on a major, multi-million-dollar deal that included a sizeable commission for him.

So, he says to the bartender, “Buddy, I’m buying drinks for everyone, except that old woman over there.”

The bartender looks a little uncomfortable with this blatant sexism, but business is business, so he takes the banker’s money and proceeds to serve the drinks.

The banker looks across at the woman and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

This just irritates the banker, so he immediately orders another round of drinks for everyone, except the elderly lady.

Again, the bartender looks a little uncomfortable, but the drinks are served, and the banker’s money is gratefully taken.

Once again, the banker looks across at the woman and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, again, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

This just irritates the banker even more, so after a few minutes, he orders yet another round of drinks as well as food for everyone, except the elderly lady.

Again, the bartender looks uncomfortable, but the drinks and the food are served, and the banker’s money is taken.

Thinking now he must have made his point, the banker looks across at the woman again and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, again, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

“What’s wrong with that old woman?” the banker asks the bartender. “I’ve just bought three rounds of drinks, as well as food for everyone, except for her, and instead of getting angry, she just smiles and thanks me. Is she stupid?“

“No, sir, she’s not stupid,” the bartender responds with a smile. “That’s Mrs O’Malley. She owns this bar.”

Moral of the Story: If you must judge people, do so with great care.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these humorous story jokes, dear reader, then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now. If you could do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, Funny Story Jokes, humor, Humorous story jokes, humour, Influencers, Inspiration, jokes, Laugh, Life, LOL, Meaning, smile, Stress-free

35 stupid jokes that are funny

01/05/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for stupid jokes that are funny, dear reader, then take a look at the 35 I’ve collected for you today.

Yes, they are corny. Yes, they are stupid. However, I’m confident that at least a few of them will raise a smile.

So, grab a coffee, relax, and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Stupid jokes that are funny (1-10):

I, for one, like Roman numerals.
How do you start a pudding race? Say go!
I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.
What is hairy and coughs? A coconut with a cold.
What is the most unreliable diner? A fickle onion.
Why did the pickle miss work? Because it was dill.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
What food can you eat in a taxi? Corn on the cab.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
What did the plate say to the diner? Lunch is on me.

Stupid jokes that are funny (11-20):

I used to play the piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted!
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They might crack up!
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side!

Stupid jokes that are funny (21-30):

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop, but it was sole destroying.
Why did the sandwich go to the dentist? Because it needed a filling.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
Why was the belt arrested? Because it was holding up a pair of pants!
Why don’t Melons run away to get married? Because they cantaloupe.
Why did the lazy grape stomper get fired? For sitting down on the job.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? Because he was on a roll.
What is yellow, brown, and hairy? Cheese on toast dropped on the carpet.

Stupid jokes that are funny (31-35):

I was going to tell a time-travelling joke, but you didn’t think it was funny.
I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job, and I made my own hours.
Why are hamburgers better than hot dogs? Because hot dogs are the wurst.
Why did the guy put his money in a blender? Because he needed to liquidate his assets!
I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids. In one ear, out the other.

Please share this post:

If any of these stupid jokes that are funny actually made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. So, it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Just click on the links below.

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25 silly jokes for kids and some adults too

01/03/2026 by Roy Sutton

Looking for some silly jokes for kids, dear reader?

Well, if you are a younger reader, I’m confident that you might enjoy a few of these silly jokes on offer today. You might enjoy telling them to your friends too.

Then again, perhaps you’re an adult looking for a few jokes to share with your children. Some of these might just do the trick.

Whatever your age, I hope you enjoy them all.

And if you do enjoy them, please pass them on.

Silly Jokes for Kids (1 – 10):

What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?
A doctorpus

What goes cloppity-clip?
A horse walking backwards

What’s pointed in one direction and headed in the other?
A pin

What do you call a bike that keeps biting people?
A vicious cycle

What do you call a Yeti in a classic British red telephone box?
Stuck

What do you call a watch in the 25th Century?
Future-wrist-tic

What do you call a pig in a butcher’s shop?
A pork chop

What do you call a bee born in May?
A maybe

What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra-cholesterol

What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?
Chicken Caesar salad

Silly Jokes for Kids (11 – 20):

What’s an inkling?
A baby fountain pen

What’s green and fluffy?
A seasick poodle

What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation

What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A Macaw

What do you call an elephant that mutters?
A mumbo jumbo

What do you call a pickle that draws?
A dillustrator

What do you call someone who steals pigs?
A hamburglar

What do you call a tree that fits into your hand?
A palm

What do you call an old volcano?
A blast from the past

What’s the best way to stop your food from going off?
Eat it

Silly Jokes for Kids (21 – 25):

What do you call a man who catches bluebottles with a fishing rod?
A fly fisherman

What lies in the forest, a hundred feet up in the air?
A dead centipede

What goes up but doesn’t come down?
Your age

How many sides does a barrel have?
Two. Inside and outside

How many people are buried in a cemetery?
All of them

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40 what do you call jokes that are corny but fun

01/02/2026 by Roy Sutton

Looking for some “what do you call jokes,” dear reader?

Those wordplay jokes that are always corny but still make you smile.

I love them, I must say. So, I’ve curated 40 of them just for you.

Why not grab a coffee and then take a few minutes to enjoy them all?

And please feel free to pass them on to your friends and loved ones.

What do you call jokes (1-10):

What do you call a dinosaur that’s sleeping?
A dino-snore!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!

What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork chop!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye deer!

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom!

What do you call a guy who can’t flip pancakes?
A flippin’ failure!

What do you call jokes (11-20):

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!

What do you call a bear with no socks on?
Barefoot!

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A maybee!

What do you call a snake that tells jokes?
Hisssterical!

What do you call a computer that sings?
A Dell!

What do you call a cow that’s just given birth?
Decalfinated!

What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain!

What do you call a group of musical whales?
An orca-stra!

What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador!

What do you call a snowman who’s been sunbathing?
A puddle!

What do you call jokes (21-30):

What do you call a dinosaur with a knowledge of words?
Thesaurus Rex!

What do you call a bear with no ear?
B!

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
A chicken sees-a-salad!

What do you call a cat that can play the guitar?
Kitty Perry!

What do you call a pencil that can tell wordplay jokes?
A pun-cil!

What do you call a bear that’s caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear!

What do you call a cat that likes to eat lemons?
A sourpuss!

What do you call a donkey with a PhD?
A smart ass!

What do you call a tree with a lot of money?
A cashew tree!

What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!

What do you call jokes (31-40):

What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs?
A condescending con descending!

What do you call a bear that loves to dance?
A groovy bear!

What do you call a cat that loves bowling?
An alley cat!

What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher!

What do you call a pile of cats falling over?
A catastrophe!

What do you call a sheep that doesn’t have any money?
Poor ewe!

What do you call a cat that plays the piano?
A meow-sician!

What do you call a tree with a podcast?
An audio-branch!

What do you call a bird that’s afraid to fly?
Chicken!

What do you call a group of cows playing in a band?
A moo-sical ensemble!

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A joke that will make anyone laugh – Here are 4 contenders.

12/26/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re searching for a joke that will make anyone laugh, dear reader, then this is the right place. There are some great jokes here, but the question is, could one of these be a contender? You tell me!

The joke that will make anyone laugh?

1. The Billionaire and his young bride:

Jed was an octogenarian Texan billionaire who’d made his fortune in the oil industry.

Now, being a very wealthy man, he’d always attracted interest from women of every age.

One day, when he was judging a local beauty pageant, he met the very beautiful and youthful Lucinda.

Well, Jed and Lucinda hit it off immediately, and within weeks, they were married.

On his wedding night, Jed explained to Lucinda that his only wish when he died was for all his wealth to be buried with him.

Naturally, Lucinda agreed to his wish without question.

Sadly, after a couple of months of blissful married life with Lucinda, Jed passed away suddenly of a heart attack.

At the funeral, a tearful Lucinda walked up to the casket with an envelope in her hand. She then solemnly placed the envelope in the casket with her late husband.

As the priest looked on, he said to her, “What’s in the envelope, my child?”

“It was my husband’s final wish,” Lucinda responds. “He said he wanted to be buried with all his wealth.”

Looking slightly confused, the priest said, “My dear, your husband was a billionaire, so how could all his wealth be in an envelope?”

“Well,” Lucinda replied, “there was so much money in his bank account that I knew it wouldn’t all go in the casket. So, I transferred it all to my account, and I’ve written him a check.”

2. Bill and the rabbit:

Bill was driving along the road one night when he suddenly saw a rabbit in his headlights.

He tried to swerve to miss this cute, long-eared mammal, but as luck would have it, the rabbit moved in the same direction, and Bill ran over it.

Being both sensitive and an animal lover, Bill was very upset by this accident, and he pulled over to see if there was anything he could do.

He picked the rabbit up, but to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. Bill felt so distressed by this experience that he started weeping helplessly.

At this moment, a lady came by in her car, and she could see that Bill was upset.

She pulled over and got out of her car.

“Hello, I’m Jane,” she said. “What’s troubling you?”

Bill explained what had happened as he continued to sob uncontrollably.

Jane smiled and said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got something that will help.”

She went back to her car and returned with a spray can.

She then sprayed the rabbit all over with the contents of the can, and within minutes, the rabbit woke up and jumped from Bill’s arms and hopped off into an adjacent field, waving to them as it went.

Bill was ever so grateful, and he couldn’t thank Jane enough.

“Wow,” he said. “What was in that can?”

Jane handed him the can, and on the label it said, HAIR SPRAY. RESTORES LIFE IN DEAD HAIR

3. The smartest person in the room:

An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing about which one of them is the smartest.

“That’s got to be me,” says the art teacher.

With that, he brings out an exact copy of the Mona Lisa he’d painted.

“This took me a month to paint, and the detail is so exact that it proves I’m the smartest,” the art teacher continues.

“Well, that’s nothing,” the math teacher responds.

She then brings out a large notebook in which she’d solved fifty third-order differential equations by hand.

“These are incredibly complex equations, and most people would have to use a computer to solve them,” says the math teacher. “I solved them all by hand in a month, and this proves I’m the smartest.”

“Don’t make me laugh,” the science teacher responds.

She then brings out a robot she’s built.

“This robot can clean the house, wash the dishes, walk the dog, and wash the car,” she says. “It took me just one month to build this bad boy, so please, a little respect here.“

Listening to their conversation is the gym teacher, who begins to laugh uncontrollably.

“You’re all idiots,” he says. “I think you’ll find I’m the smartest one here.”

“Really?” says the science teacher. “And how did you reach that conclusion?”

“Because I didn’t have to do any of that stuff, and yet I get paid the same as you,” the gym teacher responds with a smile.

4. The sad passing of Forest Gump:

Sadly, Forest Gump passed away, and he’s standing in front of St Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Welcome to Heaven, Forest,” says St Peter. “I’ve heard a lot about you.“

They exchange a few pleasantries, and then St Peter says, “Look, Forrest, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but there have been a lot of deaths this year, and Heaven is getting a bit crowded now. So we have a new system that requires me to give everyone an entrance examination before they can be admitted through the Pearly Gates.“

“Really?” says Forest. “I hope it’s not too hard. My momma used to say, ‘Life is like a final exam. It’s hard.’ So I thought I’d already had the test.”

“Yes, Forest, I know,” says St Peter. “However, this test is just three questions. And the first question is, “Which two days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?“

“Well, sir,” Forest responds, “that’s easy; it’s today and tomorrow.“

Looking slightly surprised, St Peter says, “Well, that wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but you do have a fair point, so I’ll give you credit for that answer.”

Forest smiled and said, “So what’s the next one?”

“This one’s more of a challenge,” says St Peter. “How many seconds are there in a year?”

“That’s easy too,” says Forest. “There are twelve seconds in a year.”

“Twelve?” exclaims St Peter, looking surprised and more than a little confused. “How did you work that out?”

“Well, there’s January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, all the way through to December 2nd,” says Forest. “That’s twelve.”

“Oh, I see what you mean,” says St Peter. “You do have a point, so I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too.“

“So, what’s the third question?” asks Forest.

“My third question,” St Peter responds. “What’s God’s first name?”

“What’s God’s first name?” Forest reacts as he thinks momentarily. “It’s Andy.“

“Andy?” exclaimed St Peter, in complete shock. “How did you work that out?“

“Well, sir, I learned it in church. It was mentioned in the hymns we used to sing,” says Forest. With that, he began to sing, “Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own loving son.“

St Peter smiles benevolently, opens the gates to Heaven, and then shouts, “Run, Forest, Run!“

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

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33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt

12/20/2025 by Roy Sutton

People can be challenging at times, can’t they? Sometimes they do get too much, I’m sure you’ll agree. So there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm to subtly convey our contempt.

We can’t live without people, of course, but they can drive us all nuts at times, can’t they? Well, maybe that’s just me.

I love people. At least, most of the time, anyway.

However, I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts, and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally, we all need them, surely?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. And I hope at least some of them make you smile.

And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback, then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

Irony and Sarcasm:

You go, girl! And please don’t come back.
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
Those who laugh last think slowest.
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
It’s obvious that in your profession, being stupid is not a handicap.
Look, I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Is being stupid your profession, or are you simply gifted that way?
If you’re ever given the keys to the city, then the city will need to change the locks.
How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel, they always manage to extend the tunnel?
If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
To err is human but to blame it on others, now that’s the art of politics.
I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear today.
They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you, I know that to be true.
You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
I didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent from gaining power.
Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
Did my opinion offend you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper right up your ass.
You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly, as far as I can tell, you lack the brains to understand it.
You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately, you don’t lack the power of speech.
If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

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Why Did Jokes (1-11):

Why Did Jokes (12-22):

Why Did Jokes (23-33):

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Guess what jokes (1-10):

Guess what jokes (11-20):

Guess what jokes (21-30):

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Funny one-liners by Billy Connolly:

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Funny jokes you can tell your colleagues:

1. Buying a parrot:

2. Get knotted:

3. Pelican’s bill:

4. The bank robbery:

5. The lawyer at the Pearly Gates:

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Humorous story jokes:

1. The lawyer:

2. The police officer and the priest:

3. Think laterally:

4. The hangover:

5. Judge not lest ye be judged:

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Stupid jokes that are funny (1-10):

Stupid jokes that are funny (11-20):

Stupid jokes that are funny (21-30):

Stupid jokes that are funny (31-35):

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More fun you might enjoy:

Silly Jokes for Kids (1 – 10):

Silly Jokes for Kids (11 – 20):

Silly Jokes for Kids (21 – 25):

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More fun you might enjoy:

What do you call jokes (1-10):

What do you call jokes (11-20):

What do you call jokes (21-30):

What do you call jokes (31-40):

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The joke that will make anyone laugh?

1. The Billionaire and his young bride:

2. Bill and the rabbit:

3. The smartest person in the room:

4. The sad passing of Forest Gump:

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Irony and Sarcasm:

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