4 funny long story jokes to raise a smile

04/16/2023 by

FUNNY LONG-STORY JOKESHere are four funny long-story jokes to brighten your day. They all tickled me and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Funny long-story jokes:

1. Getting older:

Jean, Ethel and Mildred are three elderly ladies chatting about the challenges of getting older.

“I think 60 is the worst age to be,” said 60-year-old, Jean. “You always feel like you need to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said 70-year-old, Ethel. “When you’re 70, you don’t seem to have bowel movements anymore. You take laxatives, you eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and yet nothing ever happens.”

“Actually, I can tell you from experience, 80 is the worst age of all,” said 80-year-old, Mildred.

“Do you have trouble peeing too, Mildred?” asked Jean.

“No,” said Mildred. “I pee every morning at 6 am and I pee like a racehorse. That’s no problem at all.”

“Well, how about your bowel movements, Mildred?” Ethel inquired. “Do you have any problems with them?”

“No,” Mildred responded. “I have a bowel movement every morning at 6.30 am, as regular as clockwork.”

Jean and Ethel exchanged puzzled glances before Jean said, “Now let me get this straight, Mildred. You pee at 6 am and poop at 6.30 am? So what’s so hard about being 80?”

Mildred frowned before she said, “I never wake up before 7 am.”

2. The mechanic’s skills:

Jeff was a mechanic working in his workshop, repairing a Harley Davidson motorcycle for one of his regular clients, who was a heart surgeon.

Jeff was just replacing the cylinder head on the bike when Dr Corker, his client, arrived to check up on progress.

“Hey doc,” said Jeff. “The bike’s almost ready for you but can I ask you a question first?”

“Yeah, sure Jeff,” said the heart surgeon. “How can I help you?”

“Doc, take a look at this motorcycle engine,” said Jeff. “I can open its heart. I can take the valves out. And I can fix those valves and put them back in again. And when I’ve finished, this engine works like it’s brand new.”

“So, what’s your question, Jeff?” Dr Corker responded.

“Well doc,” said Jeff, “my question is, how come I earn a small salary and yet you earn a very large one? Essentially, don’t we just do the same work? How come we don’t earn the same?”

Dr Corker thought about the question momentarily, then smiled at Jeff and said, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

3. On safari:

Jim and Irene were on holiday in Africa, and they’d taken Irene’s mother with them.

Now Jim’s mother-in-law could be a bit of a battle-axe, to say the least, but she’d recently lost her husband, so Jim accepted that this was the decent thing to do.

Anyway, they’d been on safari for a few days, when one morning Irene woke up to find her mother missing.

In a state of panic, she woke Jim and they both went out to look for her!

Suddenly they come to a clearing, where they found Jim’s mother-in-law, facing down a ferocious lion, eye-to-eye.

“Quick darling, do something!” screamed Irene.

“You’ve got to be joking!” said Jim. “The lion got himself into this mess, he can deal with it himself.”

4. Taking Sunday off:

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and absolutely perfect weather for a game of golf.

Being a golf fanatic, Father O’Driscoll couldn’t resist the lure of links and he decided he’d skip mass and head out to his favourite country club.

Naturally, Father O’Driscoll spoke with his curate, excused himself by saying he was unwell and explained that wouldn’t be able to take mass today.

He then got in his car and drove out to the country club, which was in a neighbouring town.

When Father O’Driscoll teed off on the first hole, a huge gust of wind caught his ball, carrying it another hundred yards and dropping it right into the hole.

Father O’Driscoll was absolutely ecstatic. After all, it was a 450-yard hole-in-one. Amazing! The first time he’d ever achieved that Holy Grail for golfers.

Now God and Saint Peter were watching Father O’Driscoll from above.

Saint Peter gave God a puzzled look and then asked, “Why have you rewarded his behaviour with a hole-in-one?”

“Is it a reward or a punishment?” God asked. “After all, who’s he going to tell?”

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So dear reader, did you enjoy these funny long-story jokes? Was this post worth a little piece of your time? I do hope so.

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

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4 jokes that will make anyone laugh

04/15/2023 by

JOKE THAT WILL MAKE ANYONE LAUGHIf you’re searching for humor and jokes to tell, dear reader, then this is the right place. There are some great jokes here but the question is, could one of these be the joke that will make anyone laugh? You tell me!

The joke that will make anyone laugh?

1. The Billionaire and his young bride:

Jed was an octogenarian, Texan billionaire who’d made his fortune in the oil industry.

Now, being a very wealthy man, he’d always attracted interest from women of every age.

One day, when he was judging a local beauty pageant he met the very beautiful and youthful Lucinda.

Well, Jed and Lucinda hit it off immediately and within weeks they were married.

On his wedding night, Jed explained to Lucinda that his only wish when he died was for all his wealth to be buried with him.

Naturally, Lucinda agreed to his wish without question.

Sadly after a couple of months of blissful married life with Lucinda, Jed passed away suddenly of a heart attack.

At the funeral, a tearful Lucinda walked up to the casket with an envelope in her hand. She then solemnly placed the envelope in the casket with her late husband.

As the priest looked on, he said to her, “What’s in the envelope, my child?”

“It was my husband’s final wish,” Lucinda responds. “He said he wanted to be buried with all his wealth.”

Looking slightly confused, the priest said, “My dear, your husband was a billionaire, so how could all his wealth be in an envelope?”

“Well,” Lucinda replied, “there was so much money in his bank account that I knew it wouldn’t all go in the casket. So, I transferred it all to my account and I’ve written him a check.”

2. Bill and the rabbit:

Bill was driving along the road one night when he suddenly saw a rabbit in his headlights.

He tried to swerve to miss this cute, long-eared mammal but, as luck would have it, the rabbit moved in the same direction and Bill ran over it.

Being both sensitive and an animal lover, Bill was very upset by this accident and he pulled over to see if there was anything he could do.

He picked the rabbit up but to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. Bill felt so distressed by this experience that he started weeping, helplessly.

At this moment, a lady came by in her car and she could see that Bill was upset.

She pulled over and got out of her car.

“Hello, I’m Jane,” she said. “What’s troubling you?”

Bill explained what had happened, as he continued to sob uncontrollably.

Jane smiled and said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got something that will help.”

She went back to her car and returned with a spray can.

She then sprayed the rabbit all over with the contents of the can and within minutes the rabbit woke up and jumped from Bill’s arms and hopped off into an adjacent field, waving to them as it went.

Bill was ever so grateful and he couldn’t thank Jane enough.

“Wow,” he said. “What was in that can?”

Jane handed him the can and on the label it said, HAIR SPRAY. RESTORES LIFE IN DEAD HAIR

3. The smartest person in the room:

An art teacher, a math teacher and a science teacher are all arguing about which one of them is the smartest.

“That’s got to be me,” says the art teacher.

With that he brings out an exact copy of the Mona Lisa he’d painted.

“This took me a month to paint and the detail is so exact that it proves I’m the smartest,” the art teacher continues.

“Well, that’s nothing,” the math teacher responds.

She then brings out a large notebook in which she’d solved fifty, third-order differential equations by hand.

“These are incredibly complex equations and most people would have to use a computer to solve them,” says the math teacher. “I solved them all by hand in a month and this proves I’m the smartest.”

“Don’t make me laugh,” the science teacher responds.

She then brings out a robot she’s built.

“This robot can clean the house, wash the dishes, walk the dog and wash the car,” she says. “It took me just one month to build this bad boy, so please, a little respect here.“

Listening to their conversation is the gym teacher who begins to laugh, uncontrollably.

“You’re all idiots,” he says. “I think you’ll find I’m the smartest one here.”

“Really?” says the science teacher. “And how did you reach that conclusion?”

“Because I didn’t have to do any of that stuff and yet I get paid the same as you,” the gym teacher responds with a smile.

4. The sad passing of Forest Gump:

Sadly, Forest Gump passed away and he’s standing in front of St Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Welcome to Heaven, Forest,” says St Peter. “I’ve heard a lot about you.“

They exchange a few pleasantries and then St Peter says, “Look, Forrest, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but there have been a lot of deaths this year and Heaven is getting a bit crowded now. So we have a new system that requires me to give everyone an entrance examination before they can be admitted through the Pearly Gates.“

“Really?” says Forest. “I hope it’s not too hard. My momma used to say, ‘Life is like a final exam. It’s hard.’ So I thought I’d already had the test.”

“Yes, Forest, I know,” says St Peter. “However this test is just three questions. And the first question is which two days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?“

“Well, sir,” Forest responds, “That’s easy, it’s today and tomorrow.“

Looking slightly surprised, St Peter says, “Well, that wasn’t quite what I had in mind but you do have a fair point, so I’ll give you credit for that answer.”

Forest smiled and said, “So what’s the next one?”

“This one’s more of a challenge,” says St Peter. “How many seconds are there in a year?”

“That’s easy too,” says Forest. “There are twelve seconds in a year.”

“Twelve?” exclaims St Peter, looking surprised and more than a little confused. “How did you work that out?”

“Well there’s January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd all the way through to December 2nd” says Forest. “That’s twelve.”

“Oh, I see what you mean,” says St Peter. “You do have a point, so I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too.“

“So, what’s the third question?” asks Forest.

“My third question” St Peter responds. “What’s God’s first name?”

“What’s God’s first name?” Forest reacts, as he thinks momentarily. “It’s Andy.“

“Andy?” exclaims said St Peter, in complete shock. “How did you work that out?“

“Well sir, I learned it in church. It was mentioned in the hymns we used to sing,” says Forest. With that he began to sing, “Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own loving son.“

St Peter smiles benevolently, opens the gates to Heaven and then shouts, “Run, Forest, Run!“

Please share this post with your friends:

So were any of these the joke that will make anyone laugh, dear reader? I hope so or, if not, I hope they raised at least a smile or two from you.

If they did make you laugh then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now. If you could do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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4 amusing short story jokes to make you laugh

04/13/2023 by

AMUSING SHORT STORY JOKESIf you’re in need of a little comic relief then here are 4 amusing short story jokes that will definitely make you laugh.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

And then, please feel free to pass them on.

Amusing short story jokes:

1. Escaping a ticket:

Jim was finally enjoying a bit of freedom in life, so he decided to buy himself a new Mercedes C-Class Cabriolet.

On the day he collected it from the dealership he thought it would be a great idea to take his new toy out for a spin on the Interstate.

It was a pleasant evening, so with the top down and the wind in his hair he decided to really put his foot down until the pedal hit the metal.

The acceleration was amazing but as the car hit 90 mph. suddenly there was the sound of a siren and through his rearview mirror, Jim could see blue lights flashing.

Undaunted by this turn of events Jim just thought to himself, “There’s no way the cops will catch me in a Mercedes at full speed.”

And momentarily he kept the car going flat out until his speed exceeded 110 mph.

However, his nerve went when he realised that despite his speed the cops were actually gaining on him.

So the reality of his situation hit him and Jim thought, “What the hell am I doing?“

He slowed down and pulled over.

At the side of the road, the cop came up to him and said, “Sir, could I see your license please?”

Jim handed over his license.

The cop studied it momentarily and then said to Jim, “Sir, it’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and to be honest I really don’t feel like doing any more paperwork. So I’ll offer you a deal. If you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you go without a ticket.“

Jim thought for a second and then said, “Officer, a month ago my wife ran off with a cop. Life has been so good since then but I was afraid you were chasing in an attempt to give her back to me.“

The cop smiled at Jim and said, “Have a nice weekend sir.”

And with that, he left Jim to enjoy his new car.

2. The price for a little fun:

It was Friday evening, it had been payday and Bill had really had a tough week.

So on leaving the office, he decided that instead of going home, he would stay out for the entire weekend partying with his buddies and in the process blow his entire weeks salary.

When he finally arrived home on Sunday evening he was confronted by his angry wife and, needless to say, she hurled abuse at him for nearly two hours in a tirade befitting his irresponsible actions.

Finally, as she stopped shouting at him, his wife said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

“That would be fine with me,” Bill responded unwisely.

Monday went by and Bill didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

However, on Thursday, the swelling had gone down sufficiently for Bill to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

3. Dumb man joke:

Jim is taking a shower in the bathroom and his wife shouts, “Did you find the shampoo, Jim?”

“Yes,” he responds, “but I’m not quite sure what to do, Irene.”

“Why’s that, Jim?” Irene asks.

“Well,” says Jim, “it says it’s for dry hair but I’ve just wet mine.“

4. Unexpected benefit:

Mike and his wife Liz had the misfortune to be caught up in a terrible road traffic accident, with multiple cars involved. Unfortunately in the carnage that followed, Liz’s face was severely burned.

She was taken to the local hospital where the doctor told Mike that she would need a skin graft on her face.

“The problem is,” said the doctor, “your wife is so thin we wouldn’t be able to use any skin from her body for the graft.”

“Could I donate skin from my body?” asked Mike.

“Yes, you can,” said the doctor. “However the only suitable skin would be skin from your buttocks.”

Mike explained the situation to Liz and asked whether skin from his buttocks would be acceptable to her.

“Well, as long as no one else knows where the skin came from,” said Liz.

Jim assured her that it would be their secret and the doctor also promised he would honour her request for secrecy.

So Liz had the surgery and when all the scars had healed everyone was amazed at how beautiful Liz now looked.

She’d always been attractive but she was now even more beautiful than she’d been before. All her friends and relatives couldn’t help commenting on her youthful beauty.

One day, Liz was sitting alone with Mike and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

“Mike, I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. There’s no way I could ever repay you,” said Liz.

Mike smiled and kissed her. Then he said, “Darling, think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Share this post and make others smile:

So were these amusing short story jokes as amusing as you’d hoped they would be, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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3 ways for getting rich

04/13/2023 by

WAYS FOR GETTING RICHYou should never take money too seriously dear reader but, equally, you should never underestimate the importance of money either. Let’s face it, in the modern world, money is as essential to sustaining life as oxygen. That’s a fact, whether we like it or not. So getting rich is a worthy topic for discussion.

By getting rich I mean achieving financial freedom. I think that should be everyone’s goal, if only so that they can enjoy their old age. In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with getting rich providing money does not become your obsession. That is, you should have money in your head but not in your heart.

Now getting rich is easier said than done, of course. It requires effort on your part and a lot of determination too.

Nevertheless getting rich is also easier than it might first appear to be.

So today I offer you three ways for getting rich which are available to anyone and everyone and they will all help you to achieve financial freedom.

Getting Rich:

1. Solve problems for people:

Working for someone else may make you a living but having your own business can make you a fortune. The only way most people can become seriously rich is by setting up a business of their own. It can be done and people do, very successfully, and it’s possible for you to do it too.

Essentially business is all about solving problems for people in exchange for money.

Businesses create products that solve problems for customers. The customer buys the product and the business makes money. Obviously, you need to ensure that your revenues exceed your overheads but in essence, business is that simple.

If you want to make money in business just look for problems to be solved and there you’ll find commercial opportunities.

One person’s problem is another person’s business opportunity.

However, do make sure that every product you offer does actually solve a problem for your customers.

That means understanding the needs and wants of your target customers and always asking the question, “What problem will this product solve for my customers?”

2. Risk leads to reward:

If you want to make serious money you cannot avoid an element of risk. That’s a fact of business life.

Entrepreneurs have to be risk-takers by definition.

However, that doesn’t mean you taking crazy risks. It means taking calculated risks by doing your homework; proper planning and market research; and using your business skills to weigh up the pros and cons of every opportunity.

Risk is simply the possibility of you getting an outcome you don’t want.

However, it’s a fact that risk and reward go hand in hand. The greater the reward on offer the greater the risk you must take potentially to achieve it.

Obviously, your attitude to risk is important here.

If a given risk makes you very uncomfortable then it’s probably not worth taking. It will just lead to too much stress for you. Some people have the ability to live with huge risks, whilst others cannot cope with that much pressure.

Either way, it doesn’t matter. If you can’t cope with large risks then avoid them. Just look for something with lower risk and with which you can cope. Even small risks can lead to great riches.

Remember we all need a mix of certainty and uncertainty in our lives. Business requires you to live with the latter, at least to some degree.

3. The magic of compounding:

Once you’ve made some money it’s important you put it to work for you if getting rich is your aim.

And putting money to work is all about taking advantage of the magic of compounding.

Compound interest can have a powerful effect on your money.

For instance, if you invest $1,000 at 2% for 10 years with annual interest reinvested and it will be worth $1,219 at maturity.

However, if you invest that same $1,000 over the same period at 10% then you will get $2,594, assuming annual interest is re-invested. That’s over 100% difference over the 10-year period.

Over 20 years at 10% your $1,000 would have turned into $6,727, assuming annual interest had been reinvested.

So remember, the interest rate and the longevity of your investment both matter if you’re trying to build a capital sum.

So if getting rich is your aim then start by investing as early as you can, be disciplined and make regular contributions to build that nest egg.

Further Reading:

Obviously, a single blog post can only scratch the surface of all you need to know about money.

So if you’re wise you’ll buy some books on the subject to get your financial education moving in the right direction.

Here are some books I can personally recommend, all of which I own my own personal copies: –

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Think and Grow Rich is a classic of the genre. Originally written in the 1930s but still around and still very popular. And it’s still around for a reason. It’s exceptional and definitely worth adding to your personal reference library.

The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason

The Richest Man in Babylon is another classic of the genre. Simple but inspiring. You can read this book in a few hours but it will provide you with a series of powerful lessons for acquiring money, keeping money and making money. Again well worth adding to your personal reference library.

Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki

Rich Dad Poor Dad is an excellent starting point for anyone seeking to improve their financial knowledge and improve their financial future. This is modern compared to the previous two but it has also become a classic and is well worth the cover price.

One Hour Investor: The Beginner’s Guide to Investing in the Stock Market by Russell Ellroy

One Hour Investor: The Beginner’s Guide to Investing in the Stock Market is recently published and so it’s right up-to-date. If you want to learn about stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and much more, then this could be the book for you. Written in a very accessible style and aimed at the absolute beginner.

I have all of these books in my own personal library and I dip in and out of them frequently. You will be inspired by them all I am sure and I recommend you purchase your own copies.

DISCLOSURE: These are affiliate links and I will receive a commission should you make a purchase. There will be no additional charge to you. However, your support is truly appreciated and it helps keep this website free for everyone to use.

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4 funny jokes to cheer up a friend and make you smile

04/03/2023 by

FUNNY JOKES TO CHEER UP A FRIENDIf you’re looking for some funny jokes to cheer up a friend, then how about these four I have on offer today?

I’ve told them to a few people recently and the responses have all been positive.

By positive I mean, laughter has followed.

So enjoy them all and feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny jokes to cheer up a friend:

1. The new store on Main Street:

Jerry and Mike were two young businessmen who were setting up a new store on Main Street.

The store wasn’t quite ready for opening yet, but at least all the shelves were now set up and located in their right places.

They’d had a very busy morning setting up those shelves, so they were now taking a well-earned break.

As they surveyed the results of all their hard work, Jerry said, “I’ll bet you any minute now someone will walk by, put their face to the window, and then ask what we’re selling.”

Mike smiled, but before he could respond, there was a little old lady peering through the glass. In a soft voice, she said, “What are you selling here?”

Well, Jerry couldn’t resist a sarcastic response.

“We’re selling assholes,” he said.

Right back at him, the little old lady responded, “You’re doing really well then. You’ve only got two left!”

2. The geek and the frog:

A geek is having his lunch on campus. It’s a beautiful spring day, so the geek is sitting on the grass outside the college building, brown bag in hand.

There’s a fountain close by and as he’s enjoying a sandwich, suddenly a frog hops from the water and straight over to speak to the geek.

“Hello,” says the frog. “Thank goodness you’re here. I’m a beautiful princess, but I’ve been cursed by the wicked witch. A kiss from you will break the spell. If you could do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful.”

The geek stares at the frog momentarily, then picks it up without saying a word and puts it in his pocket. Having finished his lunch, he then gets up and heads back towards the college building.

The frog can’t believe what’s happening.

“Hey, did you hear me?” the frog asks. “Kiss me, and you’ll have your own beautiful princess.”

The geek pats the frog on the head and begins to whistle.

The Frog is starting to get a little concerned.

“Please, help me,” says the frog. “I really don’t want to remain a frog. I want to be the princess I once was. If you kiss me, I’ll marry you. Then you’ll be royalty and you will lead a charmed life for as long as you live.”

“Look, froggy,” says the geek. “I’m a computer software geek. I wouldn’t know what to do with a girlfriend. However, a talking frog? Now, that’s really cool.”

3. The Affair:

A wealthy, married businessman from New York had been having an affair with an attractive Italian woman for a few months.

One night, during their regular rendezvous in Manhattan, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

For him, this was a huge problem, both in terms of the potential for reputational damage and the risk of a very expensive divorce.

So, he paid her a large sum of money and a regular monthly allowance on the basis that she agreed to go back to Italy to have the child.

He also promised her that if she stayed in Italy, he would pay her child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed to this proposal but then wondered how she could let him know when the baby was born.

“We’ll have to use a code,” said the man. “To keep it discrete, send me a postcard when the baby is born. And to confirm the baby’s birth, just write Spaghetti on the back.”

Nine months later, the wealthy businessman arrived home to find his wife looking very confused.

“Honey,” she said, “you’ve received a very odd postcard today.”

“Let me look,” he said.

His wife handed him the postcard and watched as he read it. He looked surprised, and quickly turned white, then red before he fainted.

On the postcard was written, “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.“

4. The flying experience:

FUNNY JOKES TO CHEER UP A FRIENDBoarding was now complete on Flight 205 and all the passengers were seated and awaiting the pilot and co-pilot.

The pilot and co-pilot arrive, and as they climb up the steps to the plane, passengers notice they’re both wearing dark glasses and they both have long white sticks. They both actually appear to be blind, as they’re using the sticks to feel their way up the steps.

Well, naturally, the passengers start to freak out as they watch them struggle to feel the way into the cockpit, with the help of the cabin crew.

The cabin crew then prepare for departure, as if everything is normal, carrying out their final checks and so on.

Quickly, as it now all appears normal, the passengers start to calm down. They assume the pilot and co-pilot must have been having a joke at their expense.

Eventually, the plane moves off the stand and within minutes it is cleared for takeoff.

The plane is now racing down the runway.

At the end of the airport runway, there is a very steep cliff, falling away into the open sea.

As the plane speeds down the runway, there’s no sign of lift-off and the cliff edge is getting closer and closer by the second.

The passengers start screaming in panic but then suddenly the plane is airborne and, once again, calm returns.

In the cockpit at this moment, the pilot says to the co-pilot, “You know, one of these days, the passengers won’t scream early enough and we’re all going to die.”

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you enjoy these funny jokes to cheer up a friend? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I’ll be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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4 very funny jokes to get you smiling a little

04/02/2023 by

VERY FUNNY JOKESLaughter is a great way to give yourself a boost. So today I offer you 4 very funny jokes to get you smiling, hopefully just a little.

I’m confident that you will enjoy them all, dear reader.

So take an unofficial break, enjoy them all and please, feel free to pass them on.

Very Funny Jokes:

1. Store policy:

The store manager overheard her sales assistant saying to an elderly customer, “No mam, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any soon.”

Alarmed by what she’d heard, the store manager rushed over to the elderly lady as she was leaving the store and said, “Mam, I am so sorry, the information you were given was incorrect. We will actually have some very soon. We’ve placed an order today.”

The elderly lady gave the store manager a slightly puzzled look, but then just smiled and left the store.

The store manager then walked back over to her sales assistant and said very sternly, “You must never say that we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we have it on order and we expect it any day. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, mam!” responded the sales assistant.

“So what was it the old lady was asking for?” enquired the store manager.

“Rain”, responded her sales assistant.

2. Bad news:

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, “I’m afraid you’ve only got three weeks to live.”

“Are you sure?” said Dan, “I feel fine. Isn’t there anything that can be done?”

“Well,” said his doctor, “you could try taking a mud bath each day.”

“Will that cure me?” asked Dan.

“No, but it’ll get you used to the dirt”, responded the physician.

3. The Parking Ticket:

Let me tell you a story about something that happened last week. My wife and I went into town to do some shopping. We came out of a store only to see a cop writing out a parking ticket.

Naturally, I went up to him and said, “Come on buddy, how about giving a senior citizen a break?“

Well, he just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

As he completed the ticket and was putting it on the windshield, I called him an “asshole.”

Well, he just glared at me and then started writing another ticket, this time for having worn-out tires.

As he completed that ticket, my wife called him a “jerk.”

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we called him offensive names, the more tickets he wrote. Having slapped the last one on the windshield, he then started walking away with a smirk on his face.

Just then our bus arrived, so we got on it and went home.

Moral of the Story: When you’re retired it’s essential you look for ways to have a little fun each day.

4. Embarrassing situations:

VERY FUNNY JOKESBy nature, Jason was very intelligent but a bit shy. One day he went into a bar and he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table drinking a white-wine spritzer.

Jason couldn’t take his eyes off this woman and eventually, he plucked up the courage to walk across and speak to her.

“Hello, I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly but politely.

The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice, “No! I will not sleep with you tonight!”

Jason blushed, beetroot red with embarrassment and everyone in the bar looked over to see what was happening.

So he walked back over to the counter where he’d been sitting, reflecting on how he might have handled the situation and intending to leave the bar as soon as he’d finished his drink.

However, a couple of minutes later the attractive woman walked over to him and apologised.

“I’m really sorry”, she said. “I’m actually a PhD student at Harvard and I’m doing research on how people respond in embarrassing situations.”

To which Jason responded, yelling loudly at the top of his voice, “What do you mean you charge three hundred dollars minimum?”

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12 funniest jokes you’ll read today

04/01/2023 by

FUNNIEST JOKESWe all need a smile or two occasionally. Jokes cheer us up and laughter is the best medicine. So today I offer you 12 of the funniest jokes, each in two lines.

Let me say that these are jokes that I’ve stumbled upon in various places, so I cannot claim credit for them.

However, I wasn’t able to identify the original authors either.

Should you be the author of any of these jokes, or should you know the original author then please let me know.

I would welcome the opportunity to add appropriate credits and links to acknowledge the authors. In the meantime, enjoy them all!

Funniest Jokes:

  • You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
  • You only need a parachute if you plan to go skydiving twice
  • Parallel lines have so much in common
  • It’s a shame they’ll never meet
  • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I earn
  • Then they call me ugly and poor
  • Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay
  • You have my Word
  • I went to an emotional wedding the other day
  • Even the cake was in tiers
  • Someone stole my mood ring
  • I don’t know how I feel about that
  • I tried to catch fog yesterday
  • Mist
  • Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
  • If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrow too high
  • She looked surprised
  • I threw a boomerang a few years ago
  • I now live in constant fear
  • A guy shows up late for work. His boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8.30!”
  • The guy replies, “Why? What happened at 8.30?
  • To people who say, “My dog is my best friend.”
  • I say, “Your dog may be your best friend but will it pick you up from the airport? I think not.”

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4 short story funny jokes that’ll brighten your day

03/28/2023 by

SHORT STORY FUNNY JOKESIf you’re looking for some short story funny jokes then I have four excellent ones for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident that at least one or two of them will tickle you.

So, take an unofficial break, grab a coffee, relax and enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Short story funny jokes:

1. Surprise Party:

Jane had a craving for Heinz beans and unwisely consumed three plates of beans during lunch break at work one day.

Now, on the day in question, it happened to be Jane’s birthday and when she got home from work her husband Jim, met her excitedly at the door.

“Darling, I’ve got a surprise for dinner tonight,” said Jim.

And with that, he blindfolded Jane and led her by the hand, through the house, into the dining room and sat her down at the table.

As Jane sat down, and just as Jim was about to remove her blindfold, she heard the telephone ring in the hall.

“Darling,” said Jim, “bear with me for a second whilst I answer the telephone but please, please don’t remove your blindfold until I get back. I want to video your reaction for posting on Facebook. No peeking!”

Well, Jane was actually quite grateful for this fortunate interruption because those beans had started to percolate, generating intestinal gases within her that were building up a pressure of such magnitude that she felt like she was about to explode.

She reasoned that Jim would be gone for a few minutes, so she thought it would be safe to seize the opportunity to release this flatulence.

Release it she did and it was not only loud but it smelled like a surfeit of skunks in a garbage dump. It was a truly awful smell.

However, the relief for Jane was instant, and she quickly used her napkin to fan the air vigorously in the hope that the gas would be dispersed by the time Jim returned.

Well, unfortunately, her gas problem didn’t end there and Jane was forced to release several more minor, intestinal explosions, the smell of which was just unimaginably bad.

However, for Jane, the pleasure of releasing all this gas pressure was indescribable. It was just such a relief, so she wafted her napkin as quickly as possible in a desperate attempt to improve the air quality in the dining room before Jim returned.

Within a few minutes, Jim did return, apologising profusely for his absence.

“I hope you’ve not been peeking, whilst I’ve been away,” Jim said playfully.

Jane was quick to confirm she hadn’t.

At this point, Jim removed her blindfold, only to reveal that they were accompanied by 12 dinner guests all seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, as they shouted, “Happy Birthday, Jane!“

2. Strange Bar:

Jake walked into a Manhattan bar and he sits down at the counter.

He then says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, where can I get some cigarettes?”

“There’s a cigarette machine over there in the corner by the john,” the bartender replies.

So Jake walks over to the machine and just as he’s about to select his preferred brand of cigarettes, the machine says, “Hey, you’re a freakin’ idiot!“

Jake is stunned momentarily. Then he thinks, “That’s really not very nice!” So he returns to the counter without any cigarettes.

As he sits on his stool again, he asks the bartender for some peanuts in an attempt to distract himself from his craving for a smoke.

The bartender passes him a bowl of peanuts and, as he does so, Jake hears one of the peanuts say, “Hey buddy, I like the way you’ve styled your hair.“

So Jake says to the bartender, “Hey man, this place is weird. Your cigarette machine insults me and then the peanuts are coming on to me. What is this?“

The bartender smiles and replies, “Oh, that’s because the cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary,“

3. Communication problem:

Interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, the judge asks, “Mam, what are the grounds for your divorce?“

“About four acres with a nice, detached villa in the middle of the property,” she replies.

“No, mam,” says the judge, “I meant what is the foundation of this case?“

“It’s made of concrete, bricks and mortar,” the woman responds.

“No, mam,” he continued, “I meant what are your relations like?“

“Well,” says the woman, “I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and two cousins living in the next county.”

The judge thought momentarily and then said, “Do you have a real grudge?“

“No, sir,” the woman replies, “we have a two-car carport, so we’ve never really needed one.“

“Mam, please,” said the judge trying once again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?“

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets,” the woman replied, “We’re not people who like to listen to music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”

Struggling to maintain his composure, the judge has another try, “Mam, does your husband ever beat you up?“

“Yes, sir,” she responds, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asks, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?“

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she says.

“Then why are we here?” the judge responds.

“My husband wants a divorce,” the woman replies. “He says he can’t communicate with me.“

4. Admission to the Kingdom of Heaven:

Music legend, Dolly Parton and King Charles, the UK’s monarch, sadly pass away on exactly the same day.

They find themselves standing together at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter studiously reviews his cloud-connected, tablet computer momentarily before saying, “Now, I have some bad news for you I’m afraid. We’ve had a lot of admissions to Heaven today, so there’s only one place left. Therefore I must ask you both to give me one good reason why you should be the one to take that place. And of course, the best reason will get the place.”

They glance at each other briefly and then Dolly opens her blouse quickly to reveal her very impressive assets.

She then says to St Peter, “These are the finest in Creation and I’m confident the Lord would want the opportunity to admire the results of his excellent work each and every day for eternity.”

“Thank you, Dolly,” says St Peter. He then looks at His Royal Highness, the King and says, “Your Majesty, what’s your reason?”

Now, right next to the Pearly Gates is a restroom for the convenience not only of St Peter himself but also for every soul standing in line awaiting a decision as to whether they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

His Royal Highness says absolutely nothing in response to St Peter’s question but he walks into the restroom and flushes the toilet.

He then returns to stand next to Dolly and awaits St Peter’s decision.

St Peter spends a moment considering the matter and he then says, “Your Majesty, welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Naturally, Dolly is less than happy with his decision.

“Now just hold it a minute there fella!” says Dolly. “I reveal the finest pair ever created and all he does is flush the john.  And then she gets admitted? How can that be right? That’s sexism, surely?”

St Peter smiles at Dolly and says, “I understand why you’re not happy Dolly but you must accept that even in Heaven a Royal Flush beats a pair.”

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So for you dear reader, did these short story funny jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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5 Best funny jokes for adults that’ll make you laugh

03/27/2023 by

BEST FUNNY JOKES FOR ADULTSIf you’re looking for the best funny jokes for adults, then here are five gems for you today.

I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them all.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine.

So, grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break for a good laugh.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Best funny jokes for adults:

1. The atheist and the cowboy:

An atheist boards a flight from Dallas to New York and sits next to a dusty old cowboy.

As he’s taking his seat the atheist says to the cowboy, “Well, howdy. Would you like to talk? I find flights go quicker when you can have a conversation with a fellow passenger.”

The old cowboy, puts down the inflight magazine he’d been reading and says, “What would you want to talk about, buddy?”

“Well,” says the atheist, with a smug smile, “we could talk about why there’s no God. How about we discuss why there’s no Heaven, no Hell, and no life after death?”

The old cowboy smiles a knowing smile and then says, “Yeah, they might be interesting topics to discuss but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff. Grass, right? Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces clumps of manure. Now, why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist is surprised by this question but he thinks momentarily and then in response he says, “Well, I really have no idea.”

The old cowboy smiles a wry smile and then replies, “So, why do you feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death when clearly you don’t know much?”

2. The challenge:

Jeff was a teenage boy who’d just passed his driving test. Naturally, he was keen to start driving. So, he asked his dad if he could use the family car on Sundays when otherwise it was unused.

“Well, Jeff,” said his dad, “I’d need you to bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut before I’d be willing to talk about you using the car.”

Jeff thought about it momentarily, realised it was the best offer he was likely to get, and so, he decided to accept his dad’s offer. And with that, they shook hands on it.

At the end of the semester, Jeff’s dad said, “Son, I’m pleased you’ve improved your grades, and your willingness to study the bible hasn’t gone unnoticed either, but I’m disappointed you still haven’t had your hair cut.”

“Dad,” said Jeff, “I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed from my Bible study that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.“

Dad smiled at Jeff and then said, “And did you also notice that they all had to walk everywhere they went?“

3. The corny pun 1:

During colonial times, William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, was one of Philadelphia’s most prominent citizens.

Penn had two maiden aunts who owned a bakery known far and wide for its fruit pies, which were reputed to be the best you could buy anywhere.

After many years of success, the two aunts had a serious falling out.

The falling out was so serious that they stopped speaking to one another altogether. Then one moved across the street and opened her own bakery, putting the two in competition.

It wasn’t long before there was a price war going on between them, with each aunt lowering her prices to undercut the other.

Eventually, it got so ridiculous that they were selling their products below cost.

By this time, the only topic of conversation in town was the pie rates of Penn’s aunts.

4. The corny pun 2:

Elmer and Buck are two hillbillies having lunch in Denny’s restaurant. They’re sitting at the counter, enjoying their food, and discussing their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman seated at a nearby table begins to cough, violently.

It seems the bite she’d taken from her club sandwich had gone down the wrong way.

She continues to cough violently for a minute or so, and she’s starting to get quite distressed.

Elmer walks over to the lady and says, “Mam, kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head, suggesting she couldn’t, as she continued to struggle with her breathing.

“Mam, kin ya breathe?” Elmer continues.

Again, she indicates she can’t, as she begins to turn blue.

At this point Elmer, grabs the woman’s skirt, lifting it, before yanking down her underwear, and then he starts licking her right butt cheek with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, Elmer returns to the counter and, as he does so, Buck says to him, “Ya know, I’d herd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it, until now.”

5. The emergency landing:

Jack and Mabel are an elderly couple, flying to Hawaii for a vacation to celebrate their Golden Wedding anniversary.

They’re enjoying the inflight service when suddenly over the public address system, the captain makes an announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some unfortunate news to share with you. We’re having serious problems with all four engines, and we have no choice but to make an emergency landing. Luckily, there’s a remote island just ahead of us with a long, flat beach. We should be able to land the plane safely. However, we also have problems with our communications, so we won’t be able to summon help. So, we may never be rescued, and we may have to spend the rest of our lives on this island.”

The pilot manages to land the plane safely and the passengers all exit the aircraft via the inflatable, evacuation slides.

They’re all wandering around the beach looking a little bewildered, when Mabel says to Jack, “Honey, what are we going to do?”

Jack thinks momentarily and then says, “Mabel, did you manage to make the car lease payment this month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mabel responds sheepishly, “I was so excited about our trip that I forgot.”.

“Well,” Jack continues, “how about settling our credit card bill? Did you manage to do that before we left?”

“Oh no, I didn’t!” says Mabel, “and it was a big one this month with all the expense of this holiday.”

“Right, then” Jack continues, “did you manage to settle the medical bill for the hospital treatment I had last month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mable responds, getting visibly upset, “again, I forgot.

Jack gives Mabel the biggest hug and then he says, “There’s absolutely nothing to worry about, dear. We owe money, so they’ll find us!”

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BEST FUNNY JOKES FOR ADULTSIf you thought that these were the best funny jokes for adults, dear reader, then please share this post on social media with your friends.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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Poem about friendship to get you thinking

03/26/2023 by

POEM ABOUT FRIENDSHIPOne of the great pleasures in life is having a good laugh with a close friend.

We often make the mistakes of thinking we have lots of friends. However, for most people, that’s unlikely to be true.

We may have lots of acquaintances, and some may be very good acquaintances, but that’s not the same thing as friends.

A friend is someone you could call at 3 am, if you were in trouble, and know they’d be willing and keen to help you. Every other person you know is just an acquaintance, with varying degrees of familiarity.

The reality is that most of us have one, two, or possibly three, close friends and they’re our tribe. And that’s all we really need.

So, friendship matters, and we must all cherish our friends. Life wouldn’t be the same without them.

Here’s a poem I wrote with my take on friendship.

A poem about friendship:

Poem about friendship

Please share this poem with your friends:

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