17 jokes that will make you laugh out loud

We all need more opportunities to laugh out loud, so I’ve gathered some more jokes by trawling the Internet just for you, dear reader.

I cannot be sure who wrote them originally, but I’d be happy to credit the authors if anyone can identify them.

In the meantime, here are today’s 17 jokes that will make you laugh out loud. Indeed, they made me smile.

Laugh out loud (1-7):

  • What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?
  • A waist of time.
  • Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?
  • He’s all right now.
  • Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
  • Because he had a great fall.
  • How can you get four suits for a dollar?
  • Buy a deck of cards.
  • Why didn’t the melons get married?
  • Because they cantaloupe.
  • What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
  • Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
  • Snowballs.
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Laugh out loud (8-17):

  • What did the bartender say to the drunk who walked into the bar with jumper cables around his neck?
  • You can stay but don’t try to start anything.
  • What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
  • One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
  • Thieves stole a truck full of Viagra today.
  • The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
  • I always sleep better naked.
  • Why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
  • A police officer asked me where I was between 5 and 6.
  • He seemed irritated when I said kindergarten.
  • What do you call a caveman with wind?
  • A blast from the past.
  • The waitress asked, “You wanna box for those leftovers?”
  • I said, “No, but I’ll arm wrestle you for them.” 
  • Thousands of eggs have been stolen from a local farm.
  • Police believe poachers are to blame.
  • I’ve taken up a new sport. It’s called silent tennis.
  • It is just like regular tennis, but without the racket.
  • I’m writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life.
  • It’s an oughtobiography.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

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39 attitude quotes that take sarcasm to another level

If you like attitude quotes, clever put-downs, and sarcasm, then you should enjoy this collection today.

39 sarcastic remarks to add to your quiver full of arrows. These are ammunition for use on another day when someone tries to have a go at you and needs reminding that you’re a person with whom they should not mess if they know what’s good for them.

Hopefully, one or two of these might just give you a good laugh too. Enjoy them all.

Attitude quotes:

  1. I get it. Life’s a soup, and I’m a fork.
  2. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’ll be me.
  3. If I were a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
  4. Just be yourself isn’t always good advice.
  5. What doesn’t kill you can only disappoint me.
  6. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
  7. You look like something I drew with my left hand.
  8. If you’re the voice of reason, then we’re in trouble.
  9. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
  10. Hey, I found your nose again. It was in my business.
  11. If only you ran like your mouth. You’d be in great shape.
  12. You’re such a treasure, why hasn’t someone buried you?
  13. You know, you have one really annoying habit. Breathing.
  14. If I was meant to be controlled, I’d have come with a remote.
  15. I have plenty of terrible ideas. Just let me know if you need any.
  16. I wasn’t being rude. I just said what everyone else was thinking.
  17. May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
  18. Oh, darling, you should really go out and buy yourself a personality.
  19. I try to see the best in everyone but you’re making it really difficult.
  20. You think you know it all but clearly, you don’t know when to shut up.
  21. I’m really sorry if my sense of humour offended your total lack of one.
  22. WIFE to HUSBAND: Sure, I make terrible choices. One of them was you.
  23. I encouraged my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a big hug.
  24. I’m not one for revenge but I might arrange for you to have an accident.
  25. Putting on your makeup every day must be hard, with you having two faces.
  26. They call it a selfie because narcissist is too hard for most people to spell.
  27. I can’t help but wonder why someone hasn’t hit you in the face with a shovel yet.
  28. When you spun the wheel of attitude this morning, clearly it landed on bitch again.
  29. I’d love to help you, but I don’t even play an active role in my own life anymore.
  30. Roses are red; violets are blue; I’ve got five fingers; the middle one’s for you.
  31. Do I think you’re pretentious? You’d eat worms in a deli if they came with a French name.
  32. There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you would have to be a psychiatrist.
  33. Apart from being physically exhausted, financially challenged, overweight, and mentally unstable, everything’s going really well. Thanks.
  34. It’s not for me to question your father’s sperm count, but, seriously, were you actually the sperm that won?
  35. If I’m smiling, I’m contemplating doing something really bad. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
  36. I don’t have an attitude problem. You may have a problem with my attitude, but that’s not a problem for me.
  37. There are trees out there tirelessly producing oxygen, so you can breathe. I think you owe them an apology.
  38. When I was a child, my father told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It seems, nowadays they call that identity theft.
  39. Let me stop you right there. If it involves early mornings, sweating, or dealing with people, then the answer’s No!
  • I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  • Confidence is not ‘they will like me.’ Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.’
  • My style is what I like, not what others expect.
  • I’m not special; I’m just limited edition.
  • Be savage, not average.
  • Your attitude determines your direction.
  • Stay humble, but let them know.
  • A great attitude becomes a great day, which becomes a great year, which becomes a great life.
  • Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself, and the right people will love you.
  • Turn your can’ts into cans and your dreams into plans.
  • I’m not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.
  • Too glam to give a damn.
  • I’m not a backup plan, and definitely not a second choice.
  • I’m not perfect, but I’m always myself.
  • Silence is the best response when you’re dealing with nonsense.
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If any of these attitude quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

21 thought-provoking one-liners you’ll love

Today I’m exploring thought-provoking one-liners.

I love a good one-line quote.

They can be powerful and useful when you need to reinforce a point during a presentation or when you’re trying to make your case in a debate or argument.

Here are 21 great, thought-provoking one-liners, all of which made me think.

Enjoy them all.



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32 witty, one-liner jokes about getting old to make you smile

Looking for some jokes about getting old, dear reader? Well, today I can offer you 32 of them.

Whether you’re young or old, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to a few of them.

I hope you enjoy them all and I hope they make you smile. Certainly, they all made me smile.

And remember this; we all get older, but getting old is a state of mind much more than anything else. You don’t have to let the old man or woman in.

Anyway, take a few moments to read them all and then pass them on.

Jokes about getting old:

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Dear reader, did these jokes about getting old make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

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31 sarcasm quotes that are the sharpest form of wit

Today I’m sharing some excellent sarcasm quotes.

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but I’m not so sure.

I admire a clever put-down or a few sharp words intended to put someone squarely in their place.

In today’s post, I offer you 31 sarcasm quotes that are sharp and funny, and they made me smile. So I hope they provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

These are some of the sharpest sarcasm quotes I’ve seen recently, so enjoy them all and make a mental note of the best ones for future use: 

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Sarcasm Quotes


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If any of these sarcasm quotes made you smile, please share them with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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Why you should put something away for a rainy day

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Dear Reader, have you ever considered why you should put something away for a rainy day?

When you’re doing well and have a good income, it’s easy to imagine that the good times will go on forever and you can enjoy it all with the expectation that money will continue to flow in your direction without interruption.

But life’s not like that. Into every life, some rain will fall, as the saying goes.

Good times don’t last forever. Life tends to be cyclical, like the changing of the seasons.

The time to repair your roof is when the sun is shining, for winter will have its day and we must be prepared for inclement weather.

Savings matter:

When you get paid each month you must set some money aside, separated into three accounts, as follows:

You must be prepared to pay those bills that come in regularly; you must be ready for an emergency. Equally, you must start creating wealth, so that one day you’ll be able to retire.

Bill Payment:

You cannot live in the modern age without incurring bills.

Whether it’s utility bills, phone bills, TV subscriptions, mortgage payments or rent, credit card payments, food bills, repayments on a car loan, et cetera. You must set money aside to pay all those bills when they fall due.

Emergency Account:

As the saying goes, stuff happens.

And when stuff happens you must be prepared to deal with it. You must have an emergency fund you can tap into to deal with emergency repairs or even an unexpected interruption to your income. These things do happen.

Financial Freedom:

When you’re young, it’s easy to think that you’ll keep on working, if you must, to earn an income.

However, trust me, one day you will want to retire from work, or at least from the daily grind.

If you are to retire you will need some wealth.

The best time to start building wealth is when you’re young.

Start a 401K or pension whilst you’re young, pay into it regularly and with some luck and good financial management, you can enjoy a comfortable old age.

By starting young you will benefit from the magic of compounding. The impact of compound interest should not be underestimated.

Remember; it will rain:

Think of life in terms of the seasons and prepare accordingly.

Most people experience hard times at some point in their lives, particularly when they’re young.

You can be sure it will rain; the only question is when.

You will be able to weather the storm a lot better if you have a financial cushion in the form of some savings.

If you are lucky enough to have an income now, you’d do well to remember to put some of your income away for a rainy day.

It’s easy to squander your money thinking the good times will never end.

However, nothing lasts forever. So, my advice is, to be prepared.

Why you should put something away for a rainy day
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21 inspirational quotes about moving on

Today let’s explore some quotes about moving on.

How often do we form an emotional attachment to the bad things that happen to us when what we should be doing is drawing a line under them and moving on?

Bad things happen to us all, and of course, they can be a bitter pill to swallow.

However, you can’t change what’s happened; only how you choose to look at what’s happened.

You can allow these things to define you, constrain you, and prevent you from enjoying the happiness you deserve.

The past serves only for the lessons it teaches us; it has no other bearing on the future. However bad the past may have been, that doesn’t mean the future can’t be better. You can’t change the past, but you can shape the future.

So never be constrained by anything that has happened to you. Just take it on the chin and move on.

Learn the lessons, of course, as they will make you wiser and stronger. Otherwise, focus on the future, don’t worry, and above all, be happy.

Nothing matters much, and few things matter at all.

Here are 21 inspirational quotes about moving on to reinforce today’s underlying message.

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QUOTES ABOUT MOVING ON

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15 inspirational quotes about society to get you thinking

Today, dear reader, let’s explore some quotes about society. I think the importance of society is not always fully appreciated.

People are social animals, and society is the fabric that binds us all together.

We don’t have to like each other, but we do have to get along with each other if life is to be tolerable and people are to feel safe and secure.

Getting along requires us to treat each other with respect, of course. Still, society cannot function without an accepted system of governance, a broadly shared culture, and everyone feeling that they are being treated fairly.

That does not mean people within a given society must be completely homogeneous. It does not mean that there cannot be differences. There are and will always be some differences between people within society, and that’s fine.

However, no group can stand completely apart from everyone else in society if society is to function well. You’re either part of a society or you’re not.

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We all have a responsibility to society:

Suppose you choose not to be part of a given society for whatever reason. In that case, that’s your decision, and it’s perfectly reasonable to have a preference for living in some other society.

After all, that’s why people emigrate. They seek to find a way of life that’s more consistent with the way they would prefer to live. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

However, you cannot accept the benefits that come with being a member of a given society and then reject the obligations you have to your fellow citizens, which are a natural part of living within a given society.

Our fellow citizens matter too:

We must all strive to understand our fellow citizens and appreciate the reality of their existence.

The better we know other people, the more we will see them as people just like us with hopes and dreams and a desire to create a better world for their children.

Strip away superficial differences, and we are all the same. Well, I think so anyway.

Society must exist for the benefit of everyone if it is to have any meaning at all.

Benefits versus obligations:

Everyone should benefit from being a member of society, but that means we all must contribute to the society within which we live as well. And we must also respect our fellow citizens.

Those making the greatest contribution may derive the most significant rewards, but the strong should also lend a hand to the weak.

We all have a part to play, and we all gain when society functions well. If we all work for the common good, then society can benefit everyone.

The question to ask yourself:

To think about it another way, for what will you be remembered? For what would you like to be remembered?

How is your contribution making the world you know a better place right now?

Here are 15 inspirational quotes about society to spark your thoughts.

Quotes about society (1-8):

  1. I think the first duty of society is justice. ~Alexander Hamilton
  2. The most violent element in society is ignorance. ~Emma Goldman
  3. A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
  4. The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children. ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
  5. He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god. ~Aristotle
  6. You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  7. Every society gets the kind of criminal it deserves. What is equally true is that every community gets the kind of law enforcement it insists on. ~Robert Kennedy
  8. We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions. ~Ronald Reagan

Quotes about society (9-15):

  1. There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children. ~Nelson Mandela
  2. Individual commitment to a group effort; that’s what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, and a civilization work. ~Vince Lombardi
  3. Society as a whole benefits immeasurably from a climate in which all persons, regardless of race or gender, may have the opportunity to earn respect, responsibility, advancement and remuneration based on ability. ~Sandra Day O’Connor
  4. Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. ~PJ O’Rourke
  5. Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it. ~John Lennon
  6. An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life. ~Robert A. Heinlein
  7. No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable. ~Adam Smith

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Change habits and you can change your life

To change habits requires discipline and recognition that change is essential if life is to improve.

So, is your life going in the direction you’d like it to go, dear reader? Perhaps, it’s not.

Somehow, you can’t quite achieve the results you’d like to achieve. Would that be true?

In the video included here, Bob Proctor explains that the reason you’re stuck and can’t get the results you want is likely to be because of a paradigm.

And what’s a paradigm?

Well, Bob goes on to explain what paradigms are and how they are formed.

He also explains how change can be achieved.

If change is something you’d like to achieve, then this is a really interesting presentation; it is fairly short but worth watching.

I recommend it to you, so take a few minutes and check it out now.

Quotes about change
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Change habits:

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21 quotes about dreams and why they matter

Today I have some inspirational quotes about dreams for you, dear reader.

Dreams are so important, wouldn’t you agree?

Those dreams we have, particularly when we’re young, about what we could be as individuals and what our lives could be too.

Dreams are undervalued:

How many young people are discouraged from pursuing their dreams?

Maybe you’ve had this experience. You go to your careers officer in High School and explain that your ambition is to be an actor, a football player, a photographer, or whatever. They listen politely, and then they tell you to be more realistic.

The received wisdom is always like, “Oh, football is a tough profession; you might not make it. Have you thought about becoming an electrician?

For football, you can substitute music, acting, theatre, writing, or any number of jobs people dream about building their lives around.

In short, youthful dreams are undervalued and often crushed before they can even see the light of day. How sad is that?

It’s true, you might not make it, of course, but it’s better to try and fail than to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been.

Dreams matter:

The beauty of being young is that for most people, you have plenty of time to try things, make a few mistakes, and learn from your experiences until eventually, you find that thing that works for you and where you can make a difference.

You only get one life, so you have to live it on your terms.

We all need a vision of what our own lives could be, and then we have to live life with passion and enthusiasm in pursuit of our dreams, making the most of every minute.

Life is short:

Life is short, so you cannot afford to live your life based on someone else’s idea of what will work for you.

You must identify what it is you want in life, and then you have to go out there and get it if you can. And you have to keep on trying and refining your approach as you go.

Never let other people discourage you. And never accept an answer unless it’s the one you want.

Remember this; always trust your instincts.

If you feel you can do it then have a go. It doesn’t matter whether other people think you can do it, as long as you believe you can do it.

Of course, the converse applies as well. If it feels wrong to you then that’s probably true too.

So, here are 21 inspirational quotes about dreams to help you think about today’s underlying message.

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Quotes about dreams (1-11):

  1. Nothing happens unless first, we dream. ~Carl Sandburg
  2. Do all you can to make your dreams come true. ~Joel Osteen
  3. Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today. ~James Dean
  4. Dreams are today’s answers to tomorrow’s questions. ~Edgar Cayce
  5. You have to dream before your dreams can come true. ~APJ Abdul Kalam
  6. The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. ~Paul Valery
  7. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. ~Walt Disney
  8. Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages. ~Terry Pratchett
  9. Dream and give yourself permission to envision a ‘you’ that you choose to be. ~Joy Page
  10. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  11. A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. ~Yoko Ono

Quotes about dreams (12-21):

  1. Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. ~Langston Hughes
  2. A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. ~Colin Powell
  3. To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream; not only plan but also believe. ~Anatole France
  4. I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later. ~Mitch Hedberg
  5. We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. ~Jesse Owens
  6. Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe. ~Gail Devers
  7. So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. ~Christopher Reeve
  8. Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. ~Harriet Tubman
  9. If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. ~Henry David Thoreau
  10. All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible. ~T.E. Lawrence
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