29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult don’t always spring readily to mind, do they? Well, not to me anyway.

Have you ever had that experience where someone tests your patience and you wish you had the right witty insult on the tip of your tongue, ready to let them know that you’re not someone who will suffer fools for very long?

It’s always helpful to have a stock of sarcastic responses ready to hand for such occasions.

So for today’s post, I offer you 29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult.

I hope at least one or two of them will also bring a smile to your face.

And of course, I hope these provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult
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Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult (1-15):

  1. Do I know who you are? Why? Don’t you?
  2. Clearly, wit is a skill you’ve yet to master.
  3. Would it really hurt to smile occasionally?
  4. If your aim was to irritate me, then your plan is working so far.
  5. You’re confusing me with someone who cares about what you think?
  6. I’m not sarcastic; I’m just allergic to stupid.
  7. Take your time, buddy; it’s not like the rest of us have anything else to do.
  8. That you’ve survived this long without a brain is a miracle of modern science.
  9. Now, who might you be, and why should it matter to me?
  10. You’re wearing that shirt as part of a ‘get noticed’ strategy, aren’t you?
  11. Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.
  12. Listen, tiger, if you’re trying to impress me, it’ll take more than a vanilla latte with a blueberry muffin on the side.
  13. I’m sure your mother thinks you’re important, but guess what? The rest of the world doesn’t agree.
  14. Your disdain for your customers suggests you’d be wise to consider an alternative line of work.
  15. Some people have genuine talent, and then there are deluded people like you.

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult (16-29):

  1. I may have had too much to drink, mam, but tomorrow I’ll be sober, and you’ll still be ugly.
  2. $10 for an iced tea with a twist and a little umbrella? I just wanted a drink; I wasn’t trying to purchase the entire bar.
  3. Were you born a pain in the ass, or have you had special training?
  4. You’ve got a face on you like you’ve been sucking sour lemons for a week.
  5. If you’re nice to other people, you might find they’ll be a bit more agreeable with you. Try it, the results might surprise you.
  6. Clearly, you’re bereft of talent, but I admire your willingness to have a go anyway.
  7. If your aim was to insult me, you’ll need to do a lot better than that, buddy.
  8. There’s nothing like exceptional customer service, and that was nothing like exceptional customer service.
  9. Regardless of what you seem to think, being polite to people hasn’t gone out of fashion.
  10. Well, we’ve now established that you can be stupid when you want to be. So, what else are you good at?
  11. So, you’ve got a few qualifications. That just means you’re quite good at remembering stuff. So what?
  12. Have you ever thought of getting a personality transplant? Certainly, the one you’ve got now is not helping your cause.
  13. I didn’t say you were overweight, but you’re certainly taking bloating to a whole new level.
  14. I wouldn’t say you’re slow as such, but you do give the impression that you’re a nickel short of a dime. 
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How to deal with criticism in the workplace

Today’s theme is how to deal with criticism in the workplace.

Have you ever had a problem dealing with criticism in the workplace, dear reader?

If you have, you’re not alone.

HOW TO DEAL WITH CRITICISM IN THE WORKPLACE
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How to deal with criticism in the workplace:

Most of us can be a little sensitive when we’re criticized by other people, particularly in the workplace. That’s natural, and I struggle with it just as much as the next person.

However, over the years, I’ve learned that criticism comes in two types, as follows:

  1. Constructive criticism; and
  2. Destructive criticism

What’s the difference?

People who offer constructive criticism are genuinely trying to help, even if that isn’t immediately obvious.

However, just because they’re trying to help doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right about what they’re saying. I’ll get back to that point shortly.

When you’re subjected to destructive criticism, then someone is just having a go at you. To hurt you, for whatever reason.

That may be to bolster their ego, or they may not like you very much and therefore cannot resist the temptation to belittle you or make you feel generally uncomfortable.

Remember, some people derive pleasure from others’ discomfort and therefore enjoy taking a dig at them when the opportunity arises. These are the haters and the trolls. They exist in the workplace, as well as on social media.

How to deal with constructive criticism:

When you’re on the receiving end of criticism, don’t take any of it personally. Remember, you’re bigger than that.

Just remain calm, listen to what’s being said, consider the person saying it, and, of course, the rationale behind their comment.

As you absorb what has been said to you, ask yourself this question:

If you feel they’re being constructive in offering their comment, then the next question to ask yourself is, “Do they have a fair point?

In answering that question, you must be honest with yourself.

Remember, it’s a sign of maturity when you can acknowledge your inexperience and mistakes.

And you can’t learn from your mistakes unless you recognize them first.

So if, after careful reflection, you feel that they do have a fair point, then take it on board and use it as a learning opportunity.

At this point, thank your critic for the feedback and decide how you might use it to improve and be better at what you do.

You might even ask your critic for suggestions if you think they can help you.

Even constructive critics are not always right:

Not every self-appointed critic has a universal monopoly on know-how and common sense, however well-intentioned they may be. Even so-called experts occasionally get things wrong.

So, in reflecting on any constructive criticism offered, your conclusion might be that they don’t have a fair point. And as long as you’re being honest with yourself, it’s perfectly reasonable to say, “You know what? I think they’re wrong.

If that’s the case, then be polite, thank them for their feedback, and agree to disagree if necessary.

Accept that they offered their comment in good faith and that their intentions were honorable, but move on without any sense of feeling hurt just because someone had the temerity to question your approach.

They’re entitled to their opinion, but you don’t have to accept it.

How to deal with destructive criticism:

If someone is attempting to be destructive in their criticism, then don’t rise to the bait. Just smile politely and move on.

Do not give anyone the satisfaction of a reaction or signs that they’ve gotten to you. That’s the oxygen on which they feed. It’s the dopamine hit they crave.

You’re better than that, so don’t allow yourself to get drawn into their game. They’re unworthy of a reaction or any of your emotional energy.

And never allow such people to chip away at your self-esteem.

That’s what they’re trying to do, so know that, and as you’re smiling, say to yourself, “I’m better than you, and your attempt to have a go at me won’t get you anywhere. So stop wasting your time and mine.

Conclusion:

Recognize that criticism has two forms. Either way, never take any of it personally, even if you suspect your critic is being personal.

If your critic is being constructive, then be honest with yourself and question whether they have a valid point. If they do have a point, then you must learn from it.

If your critic is being destructive, then do not give them the satisfaction of a reaction. Just smile and move on.

If you’re unsure whether they’re being constructive or destructive, give them the benefit of the doubt, assume they’re being constructive, and act accordingly.

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Brian Tracy: Habits of success anyone can learn

Today’s theme is the habits of success.

To achieve success, you must develop good habits. That’s a reasonable statement, don’t you think, dear reader?

However, what habits should they be? That’s not so easy to answer, I hear you say.

Well, fear not; in the video included here, Brian Tracy presents some interesting ideas on the habits of success.

I admire Brian Tracy, and I listen to his audio programs frequently in my car.

In my opinion, Brian Tracy is always excellent and always full of wise words and sound advice.

And I can tell you that this video is well worth your time.

Let Brian tell you more about the habits he believes are consistent with achieving success. Please take a few minutes out of your schedule, as you will find it well worth the investment of your time.

Daily Habits of Successful People
Success Habits
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Remember: To be successful at whatever pursuit you choose, it must matter to you. It must really, really matter, to the point of obsession. Success doesn’t happen by accident. It’s the result of dedication, focus, and a willingness to do whatever it takes. 

Habits of Success:

Further Reading:

If success is your goal, then you need to start reading, if you haven’t already. One habit that is common to successful people is that they are all readers.

There are numerous inspirational books available on the market, not only by Brian Tracy, but also by notable authors such as Dale Carnegie, Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, Jack Canfield, Bob Proctor, Timothy Ferriss, and Professor Steve Peters.

Why not build a small personal library? You don’t need a spare room, just a space in the corner for a bookshelf on which you can store all those words of inspiration that can inspire you to work towards becoming everything you could be and more.

Click the buttons below to start exploring Amazon now. Please don’t put it off until someday because someday never comes. So, do it now! Start as you mean to go on.

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21 Amusing Quotes by David Brent

If Ricky Gervais’s monologue at the Golden Globes 2020 made you cringe, then take a look at some quotes by his alter ego, David Brent. These are even more memorable.

Who could forget the cringe-worthy David Brent from the original UK version of the situation comedy The Office?

When it first hit our screens The Office was original and very funny.

Here are 21 quotes by David Brent to remind you of just what a clever comic creation he was at the time.

These quotes made me smile, and I hope they make you smile too, dear reader.

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21 Quotes by David Brent (1-10):

  1. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.
  2. A good idea is a good idea forever.
  3. There may be no ‘I’ in team but there’s a ‘ME’ if you look hard enough.
  4. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s?
  5. Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
  6. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b****** with a torch bringing me more work.
  7. If at first, you don’t succeed, remove all evidence that you ever tried.
  8. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
  9. You have to be 100% behind someone before you can stab them in the back.
  10. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the situation. 
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21 Quotes by David Brent (11-21):

  1. If you’re gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes, make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
  2. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
  3. Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.
  4. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
  5. Statistics are like a lamp post to a drunken man, more for leaning on than illumination.
  6. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in wintertime he’s got something to eat, and he won’t die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
  7. I’m a friend first. Boss second. Probably entertainer third.
  8. If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain. Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton! And people say she’s just a pair of t***.
  9. David Brent is refreshingly laid back for a man with such responsibility.
  10. On a more positive note, the good news is, I’ve been promoted ……. you’re still thinking about the bad news, aren’t you?
  11. I couldn’t come out and go, I’ve got some bad news and some irrelevant news.

Video:

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21 thought-provoking quotes about strength

Today, I am exploring quotes about strength.

Life can be overwhelming sometimes, can’t it? We all experience pressure and problems. If that’s you, dear reader, then you’re not alone.

In times of trial, it’s easy to feel like you’re not strong enough to cope.

However, it is through life’s challenges that character is forged.

If you can keep going through your most difficult times, then you’ll become stronger as a result.

Remember this: you’re a lot stronger than you think.

You have enormous strength within you, so dig deep.

Keep going, and never let anything beat you.

You’re as good as anyone. If others can, so can you.

And to help you keep it all in perspective, here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about strength:

Quotes about strength
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Quotes about strength:

  1. Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive. You will thrive in spite of it. ~Joel Osteen
  2. Tough times never last, but tough people do. ~Robert H. Schuller
  3. There are better starters than me but I’m a strong finisher. ~Usain Bolt
  4. Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle. ~Napoleon Hill
  5. Be very strong and be very methodical in your life if you want to be a champion. ~Alberto Juantorena
  6. A single arrow is easily broken; a bundle of ten is not. ~Japanese Proverb
  7. Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
  8. All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. ~Walt Disney
  9. There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. ~Booker T. Washington
  10. A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep. ~Vernon Howard
  11. Little strokes fell great oaks. ~Ben Franklin
  12. Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. ~Hermann Hesse
  13. We gain strength and courage and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face. We must do that which we think we cannot. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  14. Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  15. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  16. You have power over your mind; not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. ~Marcus Aurelius
  17. Sometimes you don’t realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. ~Susan Gale
  18. Anyone can give up it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength. ~Author Unknown
  19. Fall down seven times, get up eight. ~Japanese Proverb
  20. The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
  21. Strong people don’t put people down. They lift them up! ~Author Unknown

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Work and Money: Which is more important?

Today, let’s discuss work and money.

How often are we tempted to do something just for the money?

Indeed, I’ve done many things for money alone, and perhaps you have too, dear reader.

In my experience, it has always proved to be a mistake because no amount of money can compensate you for the drudgery of doing something you hate.

And more importantly, if you hate what you’re doing, you’re unlikely to do it very well, are you? It’s hard to feel motivated to do something you hate, surely?

WORK and MONEY
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Work and money:

My message today is simple. If you don’t enjoy what you’re doing, you won’t do it well. And if you don’t do it well, eventually you’ll come unstuck. And so it’s all going to end in tears, very probably.

Conversely, if you genuinely enjoy what you’re doing, it’ll hardly seem like work at all, and you’ll be motivated to do it well and produce the best results possible.

Do it well, and people will notice. Once they start to notice, your career will begin to move forward and upward. Every hiring manager wants someone with a track record for delivering exceptional results.

So never do anything for money alone. Money is nice to have, of course, and none of us can get by these days without it. However, life’s too short to spend your time doing something you hate.

Find a job that’s right for you first, and then work hard to master your trade. Improve at it, become more valuable, and then maximise your income.

When you’re producing exceptional results, never forget to ensure you’re getting paid what you’re worth.

It should never be about the money, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore your value and undervalue yourself. It’s about work and the value you can add first, and then it’s about ensuring you’re suitably rewarded for the value you deliver.

Be a dedicated professional, of course, but don’t be a mug. Just because it’s not about the money doesn’t mean you should ignore the money.

You may not be driven by money, but it’s fair to accept the reward for your efforts.

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How much should I be paid?

Dear reader, have you ever asked yourself the question, “How much should I be paid?” Probably is the answer, I would guess. Most people do at some point. Indeed, it’s a question I’ve asked myself many times.

We live in challenging economic times, so we’re all keen to ensure that we earn as much as we can. The question is, how much?

What is work?

In the modern age, people often prioritise their careers, losing sight of what work is truly about.

A career is a natural progression of jobs within a given profession or industry, through which we develop our skills and gain experience over time. Each of those jobs represents work.

In simple terms, work is just doing something for someone in return for money. Essentially, we provide a service or solve a problem, and an employer is our customer.

We’re paid to deliver results for the employer, with a strong emphasis on delivery.

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How much should I be paid?

The financial reward you get for the work you do is based on two things:

  1. The value you can add, and
  2. The laws of supply and demand (also known as the market rate).

The value you can add is directly proportional to the skills you have and your knowledge and experience of the profession or industry in which you are seeking to work.

The supply and demand for your skills and experience within the job market will dictate how much an employer will be prepared to pay.

Why don’t businesses pay people more?

Essentially, labour is a commodity. By definition, a commodity is something that can only be differentiated in terms of price.

None of us will pay more for a commodity than necessary.

For example, suppose you want to buy a loaf of bread, and in one store, it costs $1, while in another store, the same loaf costs $1.50. Which store will you buy from? The $1 store, obviously, because that’s what any rational person would do. Why would anyone pay more than they must?

Businesspeople think in the same way.

Businesses exist to make a profit. Profit is sales income less costs, and, almost always, the biggest cost for any business is the cost of labour.

So, businesses will not pay any more than they must for people. Why would anyone expect it to be otherwise?

An employer doesn’t care about what you think you’re worth.

Your worth to the business will be judged solely on the potential value you can add, as well as the availability and demand for your skills and experience.

How do I measure the value I add?

Essentially, value is another way of saying your skills and experience, dear reader.

Alternatively, for an entry-level job, your value would be your potential.

If an employer is seeking a junior staff member for training, then your aptitude and qualifications would be a proxy for the value you could potentially add once your training has been completed.

I think I’m worth more:

If you think you’re being paid less than you deserve, then you have two options:

  1. Go to your boss and request a raise, or
  2. Test the (job) market.

Either way, you need to do your homework first.

    Before speaking to your boss about a raise, do some basic research on pay rates for similar jobs to yours with a requirement for the same skills and experience that you offer.

    Also, identify at least three significant things that you do in your current role that make a real difference to the company. Ideally, these should be things only you can do.

    Also, consider how you can do those things you do best more efficiently to enhance your productivity.

    Test the market:

      Even if you’re otherwise happy with your current employer, it can be worth putting yourself about a bit in the job market to see what other companies would be willing to pay you.

      Apply for some other jobs and see what companies are willing to pay you.

      And remember, most companies know that they’ll have to offer an uplift of at least 20% on your current salary to persuade you to take the risk of leaving your current employer, certainly if you’re highly skilled.

      Once you’ve received a suitable offer, you then have two choices.

      Either you accept the offer and move to the new employer, or you take that offer to your current employer and see whether they’re willing to match it.

      I have done this more than once, and it does work.

      Given the cost to the employer of losing a highly valued member of the team, most employers will match an offer rather than lose you.

      And if they’re willing to let you leave, then they didn’t value you, and therefore, you might as well go.

      How do I earn more?

      Another way to think about this is, how do you make yourself more valuable?

      You should continually build your value.

      If you want to earn more, then learn more.

      Work hard on building your experience as well. Be willing and ready to accept new challenges, however daunting, for rough seas make skilled sailors.

      Become the ‘go-to’ person for some activity that is perceived as valuable to the business.

      Your focus should be on ‘what you’re becoming’ rather than any short-term gain, and eventually, you have a good chance of becoming very valuable.

      Think about it this way. Whatever you’re doing, you’re just there to serve customers and solve problems for them.

      There will always be customers for goods and services, some of which have yet to be invented. Goods and services are another way of saying problems customers have that need a solution, and you’re the provider of that solution.

      The greater the skills and experience required to solve those problems, the more you will earn, assuming you have those skills and expertise.

      Know the market rate:

      Every business keeps a close eye on the market rates for given skills and experience. They do this to ensure that they’re not overpaying.

      You should keep a close eye on market rates, too, to ensure that you’re not being underpaid for what you’re doing.

      In short, you must be very disciplined and businesslike in your approach to work and selling your skills.

      Think of yourself as a small business providing goods and services to your boss, your colleagues, and the customers of the company for which you work.

      Conclusion:

      You won’t get paid more than you’re worth.

      However, if you continually increase your value by learning and building your skills and experience, you can earn more.

      Choose a highly skilled discipline with high demand and an undersupply of potential candidates, and you can earn a lot of money.

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      The Value of Time: Life’s most precious resource

      Today, I am exploring the value of time.

      Life’s most precious resource:

      Let me ask you a question first. What is life’s most precious resource, dear reader?

      Now, many readers might say money.

      However, think about it for a second.

      Certainly, money is a vital resource, particularly in the modern era. And for most people, there’s never quite enough.

      Nevertheless, you can always get more money. You can start a business; you can earn a bigger salary; you could win the lottery; you could even sell some of your possessions, if necessary.

      So, in that sense, money is not a limited resource. You can get more of it.

      Life's most precious resource
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      The importance of time:

      If money’s not the most precious resource, how about time?

      We often fail to appreciate the significance of time, and most of us can be quite wasteful of it, at least occasionally.

      When you think about it, time is a very limited resource. We’re all limited to just 168 hours per week, whether we like it or not.

      None of us can get more hours than that each week, however wealthy we may be. We cannot buy more time, can we?

      And we’re only on this Earth for a finite amount of time, too.

      Precious commodity:

      So if we can’t get any more, time must be a very precious commodity. It must be our most precious commodity.

      It’s the only commodity we cannot get more of, so it’s got to be more precious than anything else, surely?

      Therefore, if time is so precious, we must use it wisely, surely?

      We must guard it carefully. And we must never allow other people to waste our time, certainly if we aim to achieve anything of significance in life.

      Never give your time away cheaply:

      Just because someone asks for a piece of your time, that does not imply an obligation on you to give it to them automatically.

      People are entitled to make such a request, of course. However, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to think about it carefully before deciding whether to agree to their request.

      And it’s perfectly reasonable for you to say NO if you don’t consider what is being asked of you the best use of your time.

      If a NO is the most appropriate response from your standpoint, then so be it.

      Remember, it’s your time:

      NO is the most powerful time management tool you have at your disposal.

      It’s perfectly legitimate for you to have your own aims and your own agenda, and your time should be allocated in such a way that you can achieve whatever it is you’re trying to achieve. So never be afraid to say NO.

      Always be polite, of course, but guard your time very carefully.

      And remember this: it’s your time, and you decide how best to use it.

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      Funny political satire with laughter guaranteed

      If you enjoy funny political satire, then you’ll appreciate the video I have for you today.

      In the times we now live in, it seems that intelligent political debate is something from a bygone age.

      Perhaps it never really existed at all.

      However, the politically correct modern media has created a debate so lacking in intelligent and informed analysis that it has become completely pointless, I think.

      If you live in the United Kingdom, dear reader, then an excellent example for me is the BBC’s Question Time. It may have a different host now in Fiona Bruce, but it’s still just a lot of hot air, I think.

      Essentially, it’s just a carefully selected group of people with rigid views, coupled with an inability to understand why others may think differently. And an unwillingness even to try.

      I suppose that’s just the way it is these days.

      Nevertheless, it’s not a complete loss to us all, as it does offer fertile ground for comedy and political satire.

      So if you think that the BBC’s Question Time has become a mess of evidence-free assertions, class warfare, soundbites, and smugness, then you might enjoy this comedy sketch from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse.

      It’s hilarious, and for me, they have truly nailed the nature of what passes for modern political debate.

      It made me laugh, and I hope it makes you smile too.

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      50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

      If you admire clever put-downs or sharp, sarcastic remarks, then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

      These can be your ammunition for another day when someone tries to put one over on you.

      We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!

      And of course, we all need a good laugh too. These should also help with that. Enjoy them all.

      And please feel free to pass them on.

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      Sarcastic Remarks:

      1. I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you really are the full cactus.
      2. Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
      3. Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
      4. I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
      5. You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
      6. You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
      7. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
      8. There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
      9. The mirror doesn’t lie, but lucky for you, it doesn’t laugh either.
      10. If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
      11. Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
      12. Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
      13. If I act like I don’t care, that’s because I don’t.
      14. If it’s loyalty you want, get a dog.
      15. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
      16. That’s an eye-catching dress, mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
      17. You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
      18. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
      19. You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
      20. That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
      21. I’ve had more fun having a root canal treatment.
      22. You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?
      23. Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
      24. You’re not ugly. Unattractive, definitely, but not really ugly.
      25. You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
      26. In another age, you’d have been burned at the stake.
      27. Normally, I pretend to like you, but today I really can’t be bothered.
      28. Violence may not solve anything, but it might make me feel better.
      29. Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
      30. Sure, I’ll help you out, buddy. The same way you came in.
      31. Don’t take yourself too seriously; no one else does.
      32. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
      33. You sound better with your mouth closed.
      34. Boy, haven’t you been smacked with the ugly stick?
      35. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullsh**.
      36. You have every right to express an opinion, sir, and I have every right to ignore it.
      37. Do I think you’re stupid? Well, I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoelaces.
      38. You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
      39. I know I asked for a rare steak, but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
      40. I’ve met stingy people before, but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
      41. When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey, I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
      42. I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time, but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
      43. Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
      44. I could insult you, but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
      45. If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy, mam, it’s working, I can assure you.
      46. When I look at you, I can see that the lights are on, but no one’s home.
      47. I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight until now!
      48. If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had, it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
      49. I didn’t say I hated you, but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
      50. You’re a low-paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie, getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment, buddy. You know you’re nothing, and so does everyone else.
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      If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

      When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

      Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So, please share them now.

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