hilariously funny jokes Archives

4 Contenders for Dad Joke of the Day to tickle you

02/22/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some contenders for Dad joke of the day, then I’ve got four gems here for you today, dear reader.

They all amused me, and I’m confident that, at least, one or two of them will tickle you too.

So, take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

And feel free to pass them on.

Dad Joke of the Day:

1. The Shipwreck:

Ten people are desperately hanging on to a rope under a helicopter being lifted away from the wreckage of a ship in stormy seas.

There are nine men and just one woman.

As they cling on for their lives, they begin to realise that the rope is simply not strong enough to bear the weight of ten people.

Naturally, they decide they must do something.

After talking amongst themselves, they decide that one of them must sacrifice themselves for the greater good, otherwise, they’ll all die.

An argument then began as to who that person should be.

After a few moments of heated debate, the woman gave a very touching speech.

“I’m a woman,” she said, “and sacrifice is part of every woman’s life. We give everything for our families and in support of men everywhere. For the greater good, I will make this one last sacrifice.”

Well, the nine men were so impressed with her speech that they all began clapping.

While the woman was airlifted to safety alone.

Moral of the Story: You underestimate a woman at your peril.

2. The New Teacher:

Rick was a former sergeant in the US Marine Corps when he accepted a job as a teacher in a tough inner-city high school.

However, just before the school year began, Rick injured his back, and he needed to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.

Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt, so it wasn’t noticeable.

Having been a Marine, Rick found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school.

These kids were smart punks and determined to put their new teacher to the test.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, Rick opened the window wide and then sat down at his desk.

At that moment, a strong breeze blew his tie over his shoulder.

Unfazed, Rick just picked up the stapler from his desk and stapled his tie to his chest to stop it from being blown around again.

Suddenly, there was a dead silence. You could hear a pin drop as these kids sat open-mouthed, struggling to comprehend what they’d just observed.

The rest of the year went by without any problems for Rick.

Moral of the Story: You don’t mess with an old US Marine.

3. The Dress:

Alison’s wedding day is fast approaching, and nothing’s going to dampen her excitement, not even her parents’ divorce.

Alison’s mother has found the perfect dress to wear, and everyone is convinced that she’ll be the best-dressed bride’s mother ever.

All is going smoothly until Alison suddenly learns that her father’s new young wife has bought the same dress as her mother.

So, Alison asks her father’s new wife to exchange it, but she refuses.

“Definitely not!” says her father’s wife. “In this dress, I’ll look a million dollars, so I’m wearing it.”

Alison tells her mother the story and is surprised when her mother responds graciously, “Never mind, dear, I’ll just get another dress. After all, it is your special day.”

A few days later, they go shopping, and they find another beautiful dress.

This one is even better than the first one. It makes her mother look stunning.

When they’re having lunch, Alison says to her mother, “Mom, aren’t you going to return the other dress? You don’t have another occasion when you’ll wear it.”

Alison’s mother smiled and said, “Of course, I will, dear. I’ll be wearing it for the rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding.”

Moral of the Story: If you think you can get one over on an older woman, think again.

Jim is unemployed and desperately searching for a job when he sees an advertisement in his local newspaper that says, “PHOTOGRAPHER WANTED: For photographing models for a Miami-based luxury women’s swimwear company.”

Now Jim’s handy with a camera and thinks this could be the perfect job for him.

However, on reflection, he thinks that perhaps it could all be just a practical joke.

So, he calls the number included in the advertisement.

“Oh, hi!” says Jim when his call is answered. “The advertisement in my local newspaper suggests you need a photographer. Is this true, or is it just a practical joke?”

“No, it’s genuine,” says the guy at the other end of the line. “One of our photographers resigned after an argument with the boss last week, so we now need a new one.”

“That’s great,” says Jim. “I’m looking for a job, and I’m good with a camera. And I can start immediately.”

“OK. Well, I need to ask you a few questions,” says the guy. “Are you married? Our models tend to feel uncomfortable if they have pictures taken by married men.“

“Well, that’s understandable,” Jim responds, “but I’m single, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Excellent!” says the guy. “Now, are you able to control yourself around attractive young women? Some of our models are stunningly beautiful.”

“I have the greatest respect for women,” says Jim, “so I’m more than capable of keeping everything at a professional level.”

“Brilliant!” says the guy. “Now, our photoshoots are often based on sandy beaches in exotic locations, so, do you have a passport?”

“Yes,” says Jim, “I do have a current passport.”

“Right,” says the guy, “it sounds like you’re suitably qualified for the job. How quickly can you get to Seattle?“

“Seattle?” Jim says, somewhat surprised. “The advertisement said the job’s based in Miami!”

“It is,” says the guy, “but Seattle is where the back of the line of applicants is right now.”

Moral of the Story: A dream job will attract a lot of applicants.

So, were any of these jokes worthy contenders for Dad Joke of the Day, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

5 of the best jokes ever just for you

02/17/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some of the best jokes ever, then here are five which I think you might just enjoy. They all made me smile and they should tickle your funny bone too.

So take a few moments to have a laugh and please feel free to pass them on.

Best ever jokes:

1. A hard act to follow:

Rick walks out of his office in Manhattan one evening just as there’s a cab approaching. He hails the cab and, as he’s getting in, he says to the cab driver, “Now that’s perfect timing. Am I lucky or what?”

The cab driver smiles and says, “You’re just like Bill Smith.”

“Who’s Bill Smith?” asks Rick.

“Oh, he’s just some guy who always managed to do everything perfectly,” the cab driver responds.

“How do you mean?” asks Rick.

“Well,” says the driver, “like your situation now. You’re in need of a cab and I’m right here for you when you need me. That would happen to Bill, every time.”

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “No one’s life’s that perfect. There’ll always be a few clouds, surely?”

“Not for Bill,” the cab driver responds. “He was a top athlete. He played golf with a handicap that any top pro would love to have. He played tennis better than John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg. He could sing opera better than Pavarotti and he could dance better than Fred Astaire. And he was a Grade A student with a photographic memory. He never ever forgot a birthday.”

“Really?” Rick responds.

“Really!” says the cab driver. “He could fix any little problem around the house. He had encyclopaedic knowledge about wine and good food. And he was an entertaining raconteur and storyteller. The life and soul of any party. And to top it all, he was always in perfect shape. No, no one will ever match up to Bill Smith, that’s for sure.”

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “no one’s that perfect. How do you know this guy, anyway?”

“Well, I never met him,” says the cab driver, “but I’m married to his widow.”

2. In search of the truth:

One day Joseph Stalin was feeling bored, so he starts thinking about what he can do to amuse himself.

After reflecting on his problem for a while, he decides to disguise himself and circulate amongst ordinary people to find out what they really think of him.

So, he organises a job for himself in a local factory on the outskirts of Moscow and he starts working there.

On his first day, he’s doing everything he can to fit in and when he gets the opportunity, he strikes up a conversation with one of his fellow workers.

As they seem to be getting along well, Stalin suggests that they eat their lunch together in the yard.

As they eat lunch, they make a little small talk for a while and then, when Stalin gets his chance, he asks his new friend, “What do you really think of Stalin?“

Feeling a little paranoid, his friend starts looking around furtively before he responds in a whisper, “We can’t talk about that here, it really wouldn’t be safe.“

Stalin gives him a knowing look in response and suggests they meet after work to discuss it further.

So, they meet up after work in the village where his new friend lives and when he gets the opportunity, once again, Stalin asks the question, “What do you really think of Stalin?”

Well, the guy looks paranoid again and starts looking around him, nervously, to see who might be listening. Then in a whisper, with his finger to his mouth, he says, “Schhh! We can’t talk about that here. It’s much too dangerous. Someone might hear us.”

Stalin gives him a knowing look once again and then suggests that they go for a walk in the neighbouring countryside.

For the next hour they walk out into the hills surrounding the village and eventually they’re so far away, they can’t see another person anywhere.

At this point, Stalin says, “It looks like we’re safe to talk now. So, what do you really think of Stalin?“

His new friend looks around furtively, then he leans in close to Stalin and whispers. “I kinda like him.”

3. The price of honesty:

There was a young kid called Jim who lived in the country.

Like country folk everywhere, when they needed to go, Jim’s family had to use an outhouse.

Young Jim did not find this a pleasant experience.

In the summer it was much too hot and, in the winter, it was too cold. And all year round, it was very smelly.

Now the outhouse was located on the bank of a creek and one day Jim realised that, with a little effort, it could be pushed into the creek.

He waited for his opportunity and one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and Jim decided that this was as good a day as any to push the outhouse into the creek.

With that, he found a long pole and started pushing. Finally, with one last shove, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night Jim’s dad was not happy, and he told him that, after supper, they were going to the woodshed.

Jim knew what this meant. He was in big trouble and punishment would follow.

Nevertheless, he asked his dad, “Why?”

To which his dad responded, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, son, wasn’t it?“

“Yes dad, it was,” said Jim. He then thought momentarily before he said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree but didn’t get punished because he told the truth.”

“Well, son,” said his dad, “George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in that cherry tree at the time, was he?“

4. The Chinese Doctor:

Dr Chow Ming leaves Hong Kong for the United States in search of a better life.

He arrives in New York, but he can’t find a job.

However, Dr Ming is a resourceful and enterprising guy, so he opens his own clinic.

A few weeks after the clinic opens, a lawyer is walking by and he reads the sign in the window, which says: –

EVERY TREATMENT COST – $20
IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU – YOU GET $100 BACK

Well, this guy is a top Wall Street, corporate lawyer and he sees this as an opportunity to have some fun and make a little pocket money.

The lawyer walks into the clinic to be greeted warmly by Dr Ming, who says, “Good morning. What seems to be problem?“

“Well,” says the lawyer, “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

“Nurse!” says Dr Ming. “Bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

“Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

“That’s not medicine!” exclaims the lawyer. “It’s kerosene!“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your taste is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

Nevertheless, he’s determined to get the $100, so after a few days he returns, and Dr Ming recognises him immediately.

“Back again, so soon?” says Dr Ming.

“I’m sorry, have we met before?” asks the lawyer. “You see, I’ve lost my memory.”

“Nurse,” says Dr Ming, “please bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

“Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

“More kerosene!” says the lawyer. “You gave me that last time for restoring my taste.“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your memory is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

However, he’s more determined than ever to get one over on Dr Ming.

One week later he returns to the clinic and again Dr Ming recognises him.

“My eyesight has become so weak, I’m virtually blind,” says the lawyer.

“Unfortunately, I have no medicine for that,” says Dr Ming, “so I must give you $100.“

With that, Dr Ming hands the lawyer a $20 bill.

The lawyer looks at what he’s been given and then says, “But this is only $20, not $100!“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your eyesight is restored. That will be $20, please.”

5. The problem with ducks:

Ethel, Mabel, and Agnes were three old ladies who’d sadly passed away and found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter’s scanning an iPad momentarily, looking to see whether these three old ladies are on his list for admittance to Heaven.

Eventually, he says, “Ladies, welcome to Heaven. There’s just one rule you must all follow and that is, you must never step on a duck.”

Well, as Ethel, Mabel and Agnes walk through the Pearly Gates, they soon realise that there are ducks literally everywhere. There are millions of them.

Naturally, the old ladies do their very best to avoid stepping on any of the ducks, but they find it very difficult.

Ethel only manages one hour before she steps on a duck.

Within seconds St. Peter appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

“Ethel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappeared and Ethel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now Mabel manages a whole afternoon before she too stepped on a duck.

Once again, St Peter suddenly appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

“Mabel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappears and Mabel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now, Agnes got through the whole of her first day in Heaven without stepping on a duck but the following morning she wasn’t quite so fortunate.

St Peter suddenly appears with the best-looking guy that Agnes had ever seen.

“Agnes,” says St Peter, “the penalty for someone like you stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this man, face to face, for eternity.”

“Wow!” said Agnes looking dreamily into the guy’s eyes, “What did we do to deserve this?”

“Lady, I don’t know what you did,” the guy responds, “but all I did was step one of those ducks!“

So, were any of these jokes worthy contenders for the best jokes ever, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

9 hilariously funny jokes that’ll tickle you silly

02/16/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some hilariously funny jokes, dear reader, then I have nine gems today that will tickle you silly. I’m confident they’ll brighten your day.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them all.

Hilariously funny jokes:

1. National identity:

A Scotsman, a Welshman, an Irishman and an Englishman were captured while fighting in a foreign war.

Their situation was quite desperate when the leader of their captors suddenly announced, “As enemies of our people, you’ll all be shot by firing squad. You’ll each be shot in turn. However, we’re civilised people, so first you’ll each be allowed a final request.”

The Scotsman says quickly, “I’d like to hear ‘Flower of Scotland’ played by the Band of the Scots Guards, to remind me of happy days in bonny Scotland.” He then shouts, “Scotland forever!”

The Welshman says, “Well, I’d like to hear ‘Men of Harlech’ sung by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir to remind me of the green, green grass of home and those happy times when I lived in the Valleys.” He then shouts, “God bless the Land of my Fathers!”

The Irishman, not to be outdone, says, “For me, I want to hear ‘Danny Boy’ just one more time to remind me of the auld country. I want it sung in the style of Daniel O’Donnell.” Then, taking his lead from his Celtic cousins, he shouts, “Éirinn go Brách.”

The leader of their captors then looks at the Englishman who’s remained silent up to this point. “So, Englishman, what’s your request?” he says.

The Englishman responds, “I’d like to be shot first.”

2. Nun outside a Dublin bar:

A guy is walking into a Dublin bar, and standing right outside the door is a nun.

“Top of the morning to you, sister!” says the guy with a smile.

The nun looks at him sternly and says, “Before you enter this den of iniquity, please think about your mother and your father.”

“But, sister, my poor mother and father have long since passed away, sadly. They’re with the angels now,” the guy responds.

“Then think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain,” says the nun.

“Sister, what are you talking about? Have you ever had a drink?” asks the guy.

“No! Certainly not!” says the nun.

“Then in the name of God, sister, how can you say it damages the brain if you’ve never actually had a drink?” asks the guy.

The guy thinks for a minute, and then he says, “Listen, sister, I’ll tell you what. I’ll go in and get you a drink, you can try it, and if you don’t like it, then you can talk about it. But you can’t talk about something you’ve never even experienced.”

The nun says, “Aye, alright, I’ll try a drink.”

The guy then says, “So, what’ll you have then?”

“I don’t know”, says the nun, “What do ladies generally drink?”

The guy says, “All the ones I know like a glass of gin.”

The nun smiles and says, “Alright, I’ll have a gin, but get it in a cup so no one will notice.”

So the guy goes into the bar and says to the barman, “I’ll have a pint of Guinness, please, bartender and a large gin. But can you put the gin in a cup?”

The barman smiles at him and says, “Jeez, is that feckin’ nun hanging around outside again?”

3. Life in Hell:

John did his best to lead a good and honest life, but sadly, upon his passing, he was allocated a place in Hell.

John arrives at the gates of Hell, a little disappointed, and he’s looking fairly despondent when another man walks up to him and says, “Hello, I’m Jim, you’re looking a little glum.”

To which John replies, “Well, I thought I’d be enjoying a place in heaven right now, but nothing ever works out like you think it will, does it?”

Seeing John’s not very happy, Jim tries to cheer him up. “Listen, buddy, Hell isn’t so bad really.”

John says, “Really?”

“Yeah, really”, says Jim. “Hey, do you like beer?”

“Yes I love beer”, John responds.

“Then you’ll love Fridays here in Hell. Every Friday is beer day. We drink gallons and gallons of beer all day long. There’s no limit, you can drink as much as you like”, says Jim.

“Doesn’t that make you sick and give you a terrible hangover?” asks John

“No! We’re dead! It does not affect us”, says Jim. “Hey, do you like dope?”

“Well, I did smoke a little Mary Jane in my College days”, says John.

“Then you’ll love Saturdays here in Hell”, says Jim. “Every Saturday, we smoke dope all day long. We smoke doobies as big as submarines. It’s fantastic.”

“Doesn’t that make you sick?” asks John

“No! We’re dead! It has no effect on us”, says Jim. “Do you like food?”

“Sure, who doesn’t like food? I love food,” says John.

“Then you’re going to love Sundays here in Hell”, says Jim. “Every Sunday they roast Ox; a whole one for each of us. We stuff ourselves with roast Ox and all the trimmings all day long. In Hell, we do everything to excess and doing everything to excess is mandatory here. We’re dead, so no worries.”

“Wow!” says John. “Hell actually sounds like a really cool place.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Jim responds.

“Hey, are you Gay?” Jim then asks.

“No”, says John, “I like to sleep with women.”

Jim frowns and says, “Hmm, in that case, you’ll hate Mondays.”

4. Unrealistic expectations:

A recent engineering graduate is having an interview for his first job with a big technology company.

The young graduate is fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and he’s clearly very impressed with himself.

As the interview is nearing an end, the Human Resources officer asks him, “So John, what are your expectations in terms of a starting salary?“

The young graduate replies, “Well, I’d be looking for something in the region of $125,000 a year. However, the exact figure I’d accept would depend on the benefits package.“

His interviewer smiles and says, “Well, John, what would you say to 5 weeks’ annual vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental cover, the company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, plus a company car, say a Ford Mustang GT?“

The young graduate engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding? “

The HR officer replies, “Yes, of course I am, John, but you started it.“

5. Bus full of ugly people:

A bus full of ugly people is involved in a head-on collision with a truck and all the passengers are killed.

They all arrive in heaven and, feeling sorry for them, God decides they can each have one wish.

A woman is the first person and she says, “I want to be gorgeous.“

So God snaps his fingers and suddenly she is stunningly attractive.

A man is next and he makes a similar request. “I want to be handsome,” he says.

This goes on with each passenger in turn essentially making the same request. They all want to be irresistibly good-looking.

With a number of passengers yet to express their wishes, God notices that the last man in the line who has also yet to make a request is laughing hysterically.

By the time God gets to the last few people, the last man in the line is laughing uncontrollably and he’s rolling around on the ground.

When it comes to his turn the man laughs some more and then says, “I wish they’re all ugly again.“

Moral of the story: In any group, there’s always one person hell-bent on making life difficult for everyone else.

6. A child’s view:

One evening, young Grace was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, Grace would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch her grandfather’s wrinkled face.

Fascinated by the lines on his face, she touched his cheek and then she touched her own, comparing how they felt so different.

After some thought, Grace asked, “Grandpa, did God make you?“

He looked at her, smiled and said, “Yes, sweetheart, God made me a very long time ago.“

Grace paused momentarily and then asked, “Did God make me too?“

Her grandfather smiled and then responded, “Yes, munchkin, God made you too, but not so very long ago.”

Grace touched his face once again and then she whispered, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?“

7. The warrior and the old man:

A fleeing warrior is lost in the desert and he’s in desperate need of water.

Suddenly he sees what he thinks is a bar far off in the distance.

Hoping he might find water there, he hurries towards the bar only to find a little old man selling ties.

The warrior asks, “Do you have any water?“

The old replies, “No I don’t have any water. Would you like to buy a tie? They’re only $5.“

The warrior is irritated by his response and says, “No! I don’t need an overpriced tie right now. I need water! Do you realize I’m armed? I could kill you. However, I must find water first.“

“Alright,” says the old man, “It doesn’t matter to me that you don’t want to buy a tie and that you don’t like me. I will show you that I’m the bigger person. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant, owned by my brother. It will have all the ice-cold water you need. God be with you“.

Muttering, the warrior staggers off over the hill.

Several hours later he staggers back, almost dead.

“Your brother won’t let me in without a tie.“

8. The magic trick:

Two broke and hungry friends, Bill and George walk into a pastry shop in Manhattan.

As the baker’s back is turned, Bill grabs three cookies quickly and stuffs them in his trouser pocket with lightning speed.

The baker’s back is still turned, so he doesn’t notice.

Bill smiles at George, winks his eye and says, “Did you see that? Did you see how clever I was there? You’ll never beat that will you?“

“Really? Do you think so? Watch this.” George replies.

He then says to the baker, “If you’ll give me a cookie, I’ll show you a magic trick. And I promise you, you’ll be impressed.“

So the baker hands him a cookie which George then eats.

Then George says to the baker: “I’ll need another cookie from you for my magic trick to work.“

The baker is a bit suspicious but he gives George another cookie. Once again he eats the cookie.

Then George says, “I’m really sorry but I’ll need one more cookie if this trick is to work.“

The baker is really not amused by now and he says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

George assures him the trick is genuine and all will be revealed after the next Cookie. So the baker gives him another cookie which George promptly eats, once again.

The baker is starting to get mad and he yells, “So where’s the magic?“

George points at Bill and then says: “You’ll find three cookies in this guy’s pocket. That’s magic!“

9. A woman golfing:

A woman is out golfing. Playing off the first tee, she’s not quite got her swing right and she slices the ball on her first attempt and watches it disappear deep into the woods.

Not a great start she thinks. So she trudges off looking for her ball.

As she’s scratching around in the woods she can’t find her ball but she does find a frog stuck in a trap.

The frog is relieved to have finally been discovered, having been stuck there for quite some time. So the frog says to the woman, “Lady if you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.“

Now, who wouldn’t want three wishes? So the woman immediately frees the frog.

The frog is grateful but then says, “Lady, thank you. I appreciate your help. However, I failed to mention that there will be a condition to your wishes.”

A little puzzled, the woman asks, “And what’s that?”

“Well,” says the frog, “Whatever you wish for, your husband will also receive but multiplied by a factor of ten!“

The woman thinks for a minute and then says, “That’s fine.“

Then for her first wish, she says, “I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world.”

The frog smiles but warns her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world? He will be an Adonis and no woman will be able to resist his charms.“

The woman thinks for a minute and then says, “That’s alright, because I will be the most beautiful woman in the world, so he will only have eyes for me.“

With that there is a ‘Poof’ sound and the woman is immediately transformed into the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog then says, “And for your second wish? What would you like?”

For her second wish, the woman says, “I want to be the richest woman in the world.”

Once again the frog feels compelled to issue a warning. “Lady, this will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.“

The woman says, “That’s fine. We’re married, so what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.“

Once again there is a ‘Poof’ sound and the woman is suddenly the richest woman in the world.

The frog then says, “Right, it’s now time for your final wish. What will it be?”

The woman replies, “I’d like a mild heart attack.“

Moral of the story: Women are clever. So don’t mess with them.

Attention Ladies: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue to feel good.

Male Readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they’re really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

NOTE: And ladies if you’re still reading this, it only goes to show that women never listen to men.

I hope you found these hilariously funny jokes amusing, dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these hilariously funny jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for being so supportive.

5 of the best funny jokes you’ll read today

02/14/2026 by Roy Sutton

Looking for some of the best funny jokes to brighten your day? Then there are 5 little gems here that should make you smile.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them.

Best funny jokes:

1. Career change:

Bill’s a gynaecologist by profession, but he was getting bored with his job, so he decided that it was time for a career change.

In his spare time, Bill had always had a passion for fast cars, so getting involved with cars in some way seemed like a good thing to do.

After a few weeks of reflection, Bill decides to retrain as a car mechanic.

He takes a course at his local adult education college and studies very hard.

Eventually, it’s time for him to take the official examination to qualify as a car mechanic.

Now Bill needs to get a minimum score of 60% if he’s to pass the exam but he finishes with a score of 110%.

Well, the college principal is puzzled. How can anyone get 110%?

So, he calls in the examiner and asks, “How is it that this guy was given 110% in the exam? You think he’s something special just because he used to be a doctor?”

“Well, sir,” said the examiner, “his theoretical test was perfect, and his practical test was exceptional. I asked him to tune the engine. He did it perfectly. I asked him to change the oil. Again, he did it perfectly. And then I asked him to change the spark plugs. Yet again, he did it perfectly.”

“So what?” says the principal. “He did everything right, so that usually means 100%, surely? Why 110%?”

“He did everything through the exhaust pipe,” the examiner replied.

2. The new restaurant:

Jack and Barney were two elderly gentlemen sitting and talking in Jack’s living room.

Eventually, their conversation touches on the subject of food.

“Hey,” says Jack, “last week we went out to a new restaurant, and the food was fantastic. I would definitely recommend it.”

“Really?” says Barney. “What’s the name of this restaurant?“

Well, Jack had to give that some thought, as his memory wasn’t what it was.

After a few moments, Jack said, “What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? The red one with thorns.”

“You mean a rose?” said Barney.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Jack replied.

He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last week?“

3. Memory problems:

Arthur, Chester, and Clarence are three elderly brothers who are 92, 94, and 96, respectively, and still living together.

One night Clarence fills his bathtub with water, ready to take a bath. After a few moments, he puts his right foot in the tub and then pauses momentarily.

He then yells down to his brothers, “Was I getting in or out of the tub?“

Chester yells back immediately, “I don’t know, Clarence. Give me a moment, and I’ll come upstairs and check it for you.”

With that, Chester starts climbing the stairs.

After taking a few steps, he pauses. He then yells, “Was I going up the stairs or down?“

Arthur is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, and he can’t help smiling at his brothers’ memory problems.

He shakes his head and then says, “Jeez, I hope I never get as forgetful as you two.“

With that, Arthur knocks on the wooden table a couple of times for good luck.

He then pauses before he yells, “I’ll be up to help both of you in a minute, as soon as I see who’s at the door.“

4. Spanish vacation:

Jane and Phil are a married couple who are taking a well-earned vacation in Spain.

After a day of sightseeing, they decide to go to a nice Spanish restaurant for dinner.

As they’re being seated at their table, they can’t help but notice that the couple on the next table are being served a dish with two of the largest meatballs they’ve ever seen.

When the waiter arrives to take their order, Phil asks, “The meatball dish the couple on the next table is having looks delicious; what is it?”

The waiter smiles and then says, “Señor, the meatballs are the testicles from the bull killed in the bullfight this afternoon. This dish is a classic in Spain.”

It looks great, says Phil. “We’ve decided we’re both going to try it.”

“Ah, señor,” the waiter responds, “for this dish we only have one serving each day, for obvious reasons. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we can hold them for you.”

Determined to try this classic Spanish dish, the couple arrive early the following day to place their order.

They sit at their table, enjoying a glass of Sangria whilst they wait for their much-anticipated meatball dish.

Eventually, the dish arrives, but the meatballs are disappointingly small.

Phil calls the waiter over and says, “What’s this? Yesterday’s testicles were enormous. Today they’re tiny in comparison.”

The waiter smiles politely and then says, “Señor, I’m so sorry, but today the bull won.”

5. Pay attention:

A college professor is starting the new academic year with the Veterinary Medicine 101 class.

The professor welcomes the new class and then says, “In veterinary medicine, there are two important qualities you’ll need as a veterinarian. The first quality is that you must never be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.“

The professor paused momentarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

He then pulled back the sheet in front of him and stuck his finger into the butt of the dead cow that was under the sheet. After a moment he withdrew his finger and immediately stuck his finger into his mouth.

“Now, go ahead,” said the professor to the students. “I want you to do what I’ve just done.”

Well, there was much hysteria in the class, and they all hesitated for several minutes before anyone was willing to have a go. However, eventually, they all took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and then sucking it. Naturally, this was followed by a lot of retching and spitting.

Once they’d all had the chance to complete this first task, the professor continued, “Now the second most important quality you’ll need as a Veterinarian is observation.”

Once again, he paused momentarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

“If you’d been watching me carefully,” the professor continued, “you’d have noticed that it was my middle finger that I inserted into the cow. Whereas it was my index finger that I sucked. So, today’s lesson is this. You’ll need to learn to pay attention if you’re going to succeed as a vet.”

So, were any of these the best funny jokes you’ve read today, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

7 best dad jokes that’ll tickle you silly

02/09/2026 by Roy Sutton

Are you looking for some of the best dad jokes, dear reader?

Well, take a look at these seven on offer today. Certainly, they’re all ‘full groan”.

I hope they make you smile.

Please feel free to share them.

Best dad jokes:

1. The shopping trip:

Wilma was an 80-year-old lady out shopping with her long-suffering, elderly husband, Jack.

In the challenging economic times in which they now live, Wilma and Jack were finding that their budget was a bit tight.

So, in desperation, Wilma resorts to shoplifting.

Unfortunately for her, she gets caught in the act, and she finds herself standing in front of a judge.

“Mam, could you tell me exactly what it was you stole?” asked the judge.

“Yes, your honour,” Wilma responded. “I stole a can of peaches.”

“And how many peaches were in the can?” the judge continued.

“Your honour, I believe it was six,” said Wilma.

“Then I’ll sentence you to six days in jail,” said the judge.

Before the judge could utter another word, Jack quickly interjected and said, “Your honour, you should also be aware that she stole a family-sized can of peas too.”

2. Little Johnny Joke:

Little Johnny lived in Quebec with his parents.

Johnny loved to hear his parents talk about family traditions and, in particular, the exploits of his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather when they were all young men.

Johnny’s favourite story was the one about each of them walking on water on their 18th birthday.

Eventually around comes Johnny’s 18^th birthday, and he’s determined to emulate what his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were able to achieve, and that was walking across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So, on his birthday, Johnny sets off for that bar with his friend Jim.

Johnny steps on the water first and quickly finds himself submerged and struggling to swim back to the bank, where he’s helped by Jim.

Johnny’s not happy, and when he gets home, he challenges his mother about the truth of all those family stories.

“It’s my 18th birthday, Ma,” said Johnny. “If those stories were true, how come I couldn’t walk on water?“

“Johnny,” his mother responded. “It’s August! Your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were all born in January when the lake is frozen.”

3. Gotcha!

Michael Rubinstein is a wealthy Manhattan art dealer.

Late one afternoon, he gets a phone call from his attorney, Jack Greenbaum.

“Hey, Michael,” says Jack, “I have some good news, and I have some bad news for you.”

“Oh, Jack, I’m having a lousy day,” Michael responds. “Cheer me up with some good news first.”

“Well,” says Jack, “I met with your wife earlier, and she informs me that she’s invested $5,000 in two pictures that she believes will bring her 20 million dollars. And I think she’s right.”

“Wow,” says Michael, “it seems my wife’s got a good head for business. So, what’s the bad news?”

“The pictures are of you in an Acapulco hotel room with your secretary,” says Jack, “when you told your wife you were in Europe on business.”

4. Unintended consequences:

Pete and Zak were racing down the highway on Pete’s motorcycle.

Now Pete was wearing a leather jacket, but the zip was broken, so the jacket was open. Eventually, Pete pulled over and said to Zak, “Listen, Buddy, with my jacket open, the cold weather is really starting to get to me. It’s freezing.”

Zak suggested he put his jacket on back to front so his chest would be covered.

Pete did as suggested, and the two of them then got back on the bike and off they went at high speed.

A couple of miles down the road, Pete took a bend at high speed, misjudged the manoeuvre, and crashed into a tree.

A farmer, who’d been working in the field nearby, was the first on the scene.

Very soon after, a highway patrolman arrived.

The cop says to the farmer, “Any signs of life?”

“Well,” said the farmer, “the guy riding the bike was moaning until I twisted his head to try and get it round the right way.”

5. Bad news:

A group of husbands are all waiting outside the maternity ward whilst their wives are all in labour.

Eventually, the ward sister comes out and says to the first guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“Now, that’s ironic,” says the guy, “because I work for Minnesota Twins.”

The ward sister then says to the second guy, “I got some news for you too. You’re the father of triplets. Congratulations!”

“Now, that’s incredible,” says the guy, “because I work for the 3M company.”

The ward sister smiles at the third guy and then says, “Believe it or not, you’re now the father of quadruplets. Congratulations!”

“Well, ain’t that a coincidence,” says the guy, “because I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”

At this point, the fourth guy passes out on the floor.

The ward sister and her colleagues rush to his aid and get him back on his feet. “Are you alright?” says the ward sister.

“I’m afraid of the news you’re about to tell me,” says the guy, “I work for 7Up!”

6. Language learning:

Jim was learning Spanish, and he went off to Mexico for some deep immersion in using the language.

However, he decided it might be useful to hire a Mexican guide to help him with conversation.

As they are walking through Tijuana, Jim notices an enormous fly, and he says to his guide, “Jose, mira! El mosca.”

Jose smiles benevolently and says, “No, Senor, la mosca. Es feminina.”

“Really?” says Jim. “You can actually see that from here?”

7. Magic glasses:

Bill is browsing in a joke shop looking for a novelty gift when the shop owner says to him, “If you’re looking for something unusual, I’ve got just the thing.”

“And what’s that?” asks Bill.

“Magic glasses,” said the owner. “They cost $500 but, believe me, they’re worth every cent.”

The owner then hands Bill a pair of these glasses, and he tries them on.

Well, he can’t believe what he’s seeing. The owner now appears completely naked.

Bill removes the glasses to check, and sure enough, without them, the owner is fully clothed. He puts them on again, and he sees the owner naked once more.

“They’re amazing,” said Bill. “I’ll take them.”

Bill leaves the shop wearing the glasses and then walks down Main Street.

Everyone he passes appears completely naked.

Bill is so pleased with his purchase that he decides to surprise his wife at home before returning to the office.

Bill’s still wearing the glasses when he walks into their living room.

Sitting on the sofa, he sees both his wife and his neighbour both completely naked.

They both recoil in horror on suddenly seeing Bill.

Bill then takes off the glasses, only for them both to still appear naked.

“Well, I’ll be damned!” said Bill. “I’ve had them for less than half an hour, and they’re already faulty.”

So dear reader, were any of these the best dad jokes? Was this post worth a little piece of your time? I do hope so.

If you did enjoy this post, then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now, and you’ll be making an old blogger very happy.

Thank you for your support.

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40 funny puns and other corny jokes

01/29/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some funny puns or corny jokes, then I have 40 little gems for you today, dear reader.

They may not all tickle you, but I’m confident there’s enough here to put a smile on the face of even the toughest critic.

So, take a few moments, perhaps grab a coffee, and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-10):

Yesterday, I got pulled over by a lady cop who asked me to get out of my car. She said, “You’re staggering!” I said, “You’re quite cute too!“
A man was admitted to the hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.
My wife said she’d really like to go to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. So, I took her to Subway, but she didn’t seem to appreciate the experience.
If a can opener doesn’t work properly, is it a can’t opener?
I’ve been writing a pun about the wind, but right now it’s just a draft.
Santa has disowned one of his elves for refusing to accept the elf rules. Does that mean the elf is a rebel without a Claus?
An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take Your Kid to Work Day‘. As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?“
Teacher: Now, children, I want you to come up with a problem where the sum equals four. Little Johnny: I guess we’ll just have to put two and two together.
My aunt is a church official who organizes parishioners’ personal information. Her job title is Nun of Your Business.
My hobby is breeding racing deer, but people just accuse me of trying to make a fast buck.

Funny Puns (11-20):

I said to the Librarian, “Do you have Great Expectations?” She said: “I did but, as you can see, I ended up working in a library“.
The developer of Sherwin-Williams paints nearly froze on an Arctic expedition. He could have used another coat.
What do you call a pig that does martial arts? A karate chop.
My paper airplane won’t fly. It’s just stationery
The batting coach wasn’t helping me perfect my swing, so I quit the team and struck out on my own.
To save on electricity, I decided to wire the electric blanket and the toaster together. Now I keep popping out of bed.
Customer: “This fish is very dry.” Waiter: “Yes sir, naturally, we had to take it out of the water.”
Santa Claus entered the chimney, but the fire was still burning brightly in the hearth. When he came out, he was Krisp Kringle.
I bought a sweater, but I had to return it because it kept picking up static electricity. However, they gave me another one, free of charge.
We are going to see an Elvis impersonator. I called to get tickets and had to press one for the money and two for the show.

Funny Puns (21-30):

I told the chimney sweep that I’d like to do the job on my own. He said: “Soot yourself.”
You can’t have a nose that is 12 inches long, otherwise, it would be a foot.
I have a hunch someday I will need back surgery.
Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. So, now they’re tenants.
I broke down in my car on the way to a wedding in a remote town. I had to wait about ten minutes before another car appeared and I stopped it and asked for help. The guy said, “Look buddy, I’m a chiropodist, not a mechanic.” To which I replied, “Perhaps you could give me a tow then.”
I must tread carefully now, as you’re probably getting tyred of car jokes. We’ve had a clutch of them recently but now I’m exhausted and it’s time to take a brake.
I saw a homeless man in the city dressed like King Henry the 8th. I thought this was a little odd because surely, beggars can’t be Tudors.
I’ve been told that the man who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who invented the Carousel. Apparently, they moved in different circles.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Poker but I think she’s bluffing. And anyway, when the chips are down, she’ll be back.
I grew up in a large family and we always had Octopus for Christmas dinner. At least, everyone got a leg.

Funny Puns (31-40):

I had a job in a factory drilling holes but it was boring. So, I moved to a new job joining steel plates together and it’s riveting.
I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea, and haemorrhoids last week. I was really pleased. It was the first time that I’d ever won a game of Scrabble.
At school, the bullies used to hang me up with the coats, until I suggested another kid they should target. It was a bit mean, but it got me off the hook.
My wife looked surprised when I brought home 5 packets of bread dough from the local store. Apparently, we don’t need it.
Apparently, the gap between the rungs on a ladder has increased because people are getting taller. Officially, this is known as climb it change.
The Police phoned and said they’d recovered my stolen sofa. I thought that was nice of them because it had been looking a bit shabby.
I’m walking down Main Street and this guy asks me if could I spare some change. I told him all I had was bills. “Give me one of those!” he said. So, I gave him my electricity bill.
Why does Santa never have to pay for parking? It’s on the house.
The marriage counsellor said that my wife had complained that I never bought her flowers. In my defence, I explained that I didn’t even know that she sold flowers.
My kids said they want a cat for Christmas. We usually have turkey but I’m always willing to try something different.

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Did any of these funny puns or corny jokes make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. If they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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5 funny joke stories that’ll entertain any social gathering

01/22/2026 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for funny joke stories to tell your friends in the bar after work, then here are five you’ll really enjoy.

I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two, so please feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Rick and the Biker:

Rick is sitting at the counter in a roadside bar in Austin, staring at his drink, when a very large and mean-looking biker is suddenly standing right next to him. The biker grabs Rick’s, as yet, untouched drink and swallows it in one gulp.

“That tasted real good, boy,” said the biker, punching Rick on the shoulder. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Well, Rick just bursts into tears.

“Oh, man up,” says the biker. “I can’t stand seeing a man crying. What’s your problem, buddy?”

“This is the worst day of my life,” Rick responds. “I’m a complete failure. I missed my sales targets again this month, and I got fired. When I left the office, I discovered that my car had been stolen from the parking lot, and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I had to take to get home. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the mailman. And then my dog bit me.”

The biker’s attitude towards Rick softened a little.

“I came into this bar to work up enough courage to end it all,” Rick continued. “I bought my drink and dropped a Strychnine capsule into it. The capsule had only just fully dissolved when you showed up and swallowed the whole damn drink in one gulp.”

Rick paused momentarily and then said, “Anyway, enough about me. How’s your day going?”

2. Father Murphy and Samson:

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Murphy, is driving through North Carolina on his way to Wilmington.

Suddenly, his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. However, he’s fairly close to a farm, so he decides to see whether the farmer can help him.

Father Murphy finds the farmer, who’s ploughing one of his fields.

“Sir,” said Father Murphy. “I’m on my way to Wilmington, and my car’s broken down. Can you help me?”

“I’m sorry, but there’s no one around here who can help you fix your car, Father,” says the farmer. “However, I could lend you one of my horses.”

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Father Murphy responds. “So, I appreciate your help, and I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

“OK,” says the farmer. “You can take Samson. He’s a good Christian horse.”

“Really,” Father Murphy responds. “How can you tell he’s Christian?”

“Well, if you want Samson to move forward, you have to say, Praise the Lord,” says the farmer. “And if you want him to stop, you have to say Amen.”

The priest sets off on Samson, but very quickly, he’s forgotten the farmer’s instructions. Then, a few miles down the road, the horse is spooked when a car backfires with a loud bang.

The horse bolts and is galloping at speed towards the edge of a cliff. Father Murphy is struggling to gain control of Samson.

“STOP, STOP, SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP!” yells the priest.

Seeing nothing is working, Father Murphy starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud, in the hope he might benefit from some divine intervention from the good Lord above.

As he gets to the end of the prayer, naturally Father Murphy says, “Amen!”

They’re at the very edge of the cliff at this point, when suddenly the horse stops just in time to avoid a very long fall down to the jagged rocks far below.

Father Murphy breathes a sigh of relief that God has answered his prayer, and he says, “Praise the Lord!”

3. Lateral thinking:

A woman went to her doctor’s surgery, where she was seen by a newly qualified medic.

Within seconds, she could be heard screaming as she ran out of the examination room in tears and fled the building.

A senior doctor witnessed what happened and, naturally, asked the young medic for an explanation as to exactly what happened.

“Well, sir,” said the young medic, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” the senior doctor exclaimed. “How can she be pregnant? She’s 75 years old. What possible reason could you have for telling her that she’s pregnant?”

“Well,” the young medic responded, “it certainly cured the problem with her hiccups.”

4. Legal minefield:

The bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, “OK, buddy, what’ll you have?”

“I’ll have a Scotch,” says the guy.

The bartender gives the guy a Scotch and then says, “That’ll be six dollars, please.”

“What do you mean?” The guy responds. “I don’t owe you anything. You offered me a drink.”

At this point, a lawyer from the law firm next door, who was also sitting at the bar, intervenes and says to the bartender, “He has a point. Your offer did not imply an obligation for payment, but it did represent a verbal contract upon acceptance. So, legally, there’s no requirement for him to pay you for the drink.”

Well, the bartender’s not happy, but he realises that we live in litigious times, and he didn’t want to risk an expensive lawsuit, so he decides to let it go.

However, he says to the guy, “OK, buddy, you win. Enjoy your free drink, but I don’t want to see you in here again. Take your business elsewhere.”

A few days pass before the guy reappears in the bar.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” asks the bartender. “I thought I told you to take your business elsewhere.”

“What are you talking about?” Asks the guy. “I’ve never been in here before.”

Fearing he’d made a mistake, and knowing there were a couple more lawyers sitting at the bar, the bartender backs down.

“I’m sorry,” says the bartender, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”

“That’s very kind of you,” says the guy. “A double Scotch would be great. Thank you.”

5. The rat and the frog:

A guy walks into a Manhattan bar and says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, if I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”

“Well,” says the bartender, “if it’s really good, I will.”

So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small rat.

He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano with a tiny piano stool.

He sets the rat at the piano, and it then proceeds to play the Scott Joplin classic, The Entertainer.

“Wow, that’s impressive,” says the bartender, giving the guy his free drink.

The man takes a sip of his ice-cold beer, and then he says to the bartender, “If I can show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks all night?”

“Listen, buddy, I can’t see how you’ll top that,” says the bartender, “but if you can, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny frog. The frog then begins to sing, accompanied by the rat playing Hit the Road, Jack.

As the guy’s enjoying his free drinks, a stranger who’d been watching the performance walks up to him and says, “I’ll give you $100,000 for the frog.”

“The frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds.

“How about $250,000?” the stranger asks.

“No, the frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds

“OK,” says the stranger. “I’ll give you $500,000 for the frog. That’s my last offer.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, mister,” says the guy, giving the stranger the frog once the money’s been transferred to his bank account via the stranger’s smartphone.

Having watched the transaction, the bartender says to the guy, “You must be nuts letting the frog go for $500,000. It’s got to be worth millions.”

The guy smiled and said, “Not really.”

“What do you mean?” asked the bartender.

“Well,” the guy responds, “the rat’s a ventriloquist.

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blogger to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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25 silly jokes for kids and some adults too

01/03/2026 by Roy Sutton

Looking for some silly jokes for kids, dear reader?

Well, if you are a younger reader, I’m confident that you might enjoy a few of these silly jokes on offer today. You might enjoy telling them to your friends too.

Then again, perhaps you’re an adult looking for a few jokes to share with your children. Some of these might just do the trick.

Whatever your age, I hope you enjoy them all.

And if you do enjoy them, please pass them on.

Silly Jokes for Kids (1 – 10):

What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?
A doctorpus

What goes cloppity-clip?
A horse walking backwards

What’s pointed in one direction and headed in the other?
A pin

What do you call a bike that keeps biting people?
A vicious cycle

What do you call a Yeti in a classic British red telephone box?
Stuck

What do you call a watch in the 25th Century?
Future-wrist-tic

What do you call a pig in a butcher’s shop?
A pork chop

What do you call a bee born in May?
A maybe

What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra-cholesterol

What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?
Chicken Caesar salad

Silly Jokes for Kids (11 – 20):

What’s an inkling?
A baby fountain pen

What’s green and fluffy?
A seasick poodle

What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation

What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A Macaw

What do you call an elephant that mutters?
A mumbo jumbo

What do you call a pickle that draws?
A dillustrator

What do you call someone who steals pigs?
A hamburglar

What do you call a tree that fits into your hand?
A palm

What do you call an old volcano?
A blast from the past

What’s the best way to stop your food from going off?
Eat it

Silly Jokes for Kids (21 – 25):

What do you call a man who catches bluebottles with a fishing rod?
A fly fisherman

What lies in the forest, a hundred feet up in the air?
A dead centipede

What goes up but doesn’t come down?
Your age

How many sides does a barrel have?
Two. Inside and outside

How many people are buried in a cemetery?
All of them

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5 hilariously funny jokes that’ll tickle you silly

12/03/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today, I offer you five hilariously funny jokes that will definitely tickle you, dear reader. Well, they certainly tickled me anyway. So take a moment or two to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Car trouble:

Jane was driving along Interstate 5 on her way to San Diego when her old car suddenly died on her. Naturally, she called out a local mechanic to help her.

The mechanic arrived and said, “Howdy mam, what seems to be the problem?”

“Well,” said Jane, “I was just driving along when suddenly I lost all power, and the car came to a complete standstill.”

“Now, let me just take a look for you mam,” said the mechanic.

At this point, he lifts the hood and gives the engine a cursory glance before whacking something very hard with a hammer.

“Try it now mam,” said the mechanic.

To Jane’s amazement, when she turned the key, the car burst into life again.

“That’s incredible!” said Jane. “You’ve been here for less than 30 seconds, and you’ve already got it going again. I’m very grateful. Thank you.”

“All part of the service mam!” the mechanic responded before adding, “That’ll be $250.”

Jane couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “How much?” she said. “How can it be $250 when all you did was hit something with a hammer?”

“Well mam,” said the mechanic, “I can produce an itemised bill if you like.”

“Yes, please,” said Jane, “you do that! It’ll make interesting reading.”

So the mechanic started tapping something into an iPad, and then he printed it out on a printer in his truck. He then handed Jane the bill. It read:

2. The new bus driver:

The new bus driver pulled his bus up at the bus stop, and on stepped a giant of a man who said to the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before walking off and taking his seat.

Well, Big John was aptly named; he really was a monster of a man, and the driver was small and skinny, so he figured that a confrontation with Big John might not end well. Not for him anyway. So he let it go.

The next day, the same thing happened. The bus stopped, Big John got on, and once again he told the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before going straight to his seat.

Again, the new driver was reluctant to challenge him because of his size.

Well, this became a daily occurrence, and increasingly the new bus driver began to resent being afraid of Big John.

So he decided to sign up for a bodybuilding class at his local gym. He figured that if he was more muscular, he’d be equipped to challenge Big John and force him to pay the fare. This became an obsession with him, and he worked hard on it.

Before long, the bus driver had rippling muscles where once there had only been skin and bone. And as his physical appearance became more impressive, the driver felt confident and ready to confront Big John the next time he got on his bus.

Sure enough, at the usual stop, onto the bus stepped Big John, with his usual declaration, “Big John don’t pay!”

“Now just hold it there, fella!” said the driver, ready and waiting for a confrontation. “And just why don’t Big John pay?”

Well, the situation was tense for a moment as Big John reached into his pocket, and the driver began to wonder whether he’d done the right thing after all.

Then Big John smiled as he withdrew his hand from his pocket and said, “Because I’ve got this bus pass!”

3. Taking a mistress:

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer nerd were discussing the merits of having a mistress.

“A mistress has energy and passion,” said the artist. “And there’s always the thrill of doing something that’s forbidden.”

“Well,” said the lawyer, “I must warn you that it could lead to a costly divorce and, in the worst case, bankruptcy. You’d have to ask yourself, is it worth it?”

“Well, I think taking a mistress was the best decision I’ve ever made,” said the computer nerd.

“Why?” asked the lawyer.

“Because my wife thinks I’m with my mistress, and my mistress thinks I’m with my wife,” the computer nerd responded with a smile. “So, I get to spend every night in peace on my computer!”

4. Keeping a secret:

A group of dinner party guests were discussing whether men or women are more trustworthy.

Jack, a very opinionated older man, said bluntly, “Well, no woman can keep a secret.”

“That’s not true!” said Jane, a pretty, young blond sitting next to him.

“So, give me an example of when you’ve kept a secret then,” Jack responded.

“Well,” said Jane, “I’ve kept my age totally secret since I was 21.”

“Maybe,” said Jack, “but one day you’ll let it slip. You won’t be able to keep it secret forever.”

“I disagree,” Jane responded. “If I’ve managed to keep it secret for 15 years, then why couldn’t I keep it secret forever?”

5. Native American Chief:

Bill was studying for a Master’s Degree in American Studies at the University of London. He loved American culture, so naturally, he was a regular traveller to the USA. In particular, he liked getting to know real America beyond the obvious tourist destinations.

On one trip, he was staying in a hotel in Cheyenne, Wyoming, when he saw an old Native American chief in full Native dress sitting in the lobby.

“Wow, who’s that?” Bill asked the desk clerk.

“Oh, that’s Chief Elephant’s Memory,” the clerk responded.

“Why’s he called Chief Elephant’s Memory?” asked Bill.

“Because he’s 93 and he still has the most amazing memory. He never forgets anything,” said the clerk. “You might not believe this, but he can actually remember every single detail of his life with immediate recall.”

“Really?” Bill said, intrigued by what he was being told.

So Bill walked up to the chief and said, “Hi there, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve heard you have the most amazing memory. They say you can remember every detail of your life. Can you tell me what you had for breakfast on your eighteenth birthday?”

“Eggs,” replied the Chief quietly.

Bill was amazed at this response, but as he walked away, the desk clerk called him over and said, “Hey buddy, when you speak to one of our Native Americans, you don’t say ‘Hi there’, it’s common courtesy to address them by saying, ‘How!’”

Bill thanked the clerk for putting him right and promised he’d remember that next time.

One year later, Bill’s back in Cheyenne again. He’s in the same hotel when he spots the same old Native American chief sitting in the lobby.

Remembering the desk clerk’s advice from his previous visit, he walks up to the chief and says, “How!”

“Sunny-side up,” the Chief responded.

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Perhaps you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh out loud

10/26/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you need a good laugh, and let’s face it, we all need a good laugh, then I have a collection of jokes just for you, dear reader. Here are 10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh out loud.

Take a few moments to enjoy this batch of jokes because let’s face it, it would be wrong not to.

And remember, if they have you laughing, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

If you only do one thing today, then it must be to share the jokes and make people laugh. They’ll be glad you did.

Hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh:

1. One man and his talking dog:

Jim walks into a New York bar with his dog Fido.

Jim walks right up to the bar, turns to face the seated customers and says, “This is my dog Fido, and believe it or not, he’s a talking dog. If I can demonstrate to you that Fido can answer any of my questions who will buy me a drink?“

“Listen, buddy, if you can demonstrate that Fido can talk, you can have a drink on the house,” says the bartender.

So Jim turns to Fido and asks, “What goes on the top of a house?“

“Roof!” Fido responds.

“What does tree bark feel like?” asks Jim.

“Rough!” says Fido.

“Who was the greatest baseball player ever?” asks Jim.

“Ruth!” says Fido.

The bartender is really unimpressed with what he’s hearing, and he snaps at Jim. “You’re a phoney buddy. We’re not fooled by any of that. You and your dog can get out of here right now. Go on, on your way!“

As Jim and his dog are thrown out onto the street, Fido looks sadly at Jim and says, “What did I do wrong? Should I have said, Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle?“

2. The Thief and the Parrot:

A thief breaks into a house when he thinks no one will be at home.

He’s creeping carefully through the property, and as he steps into the lounge, he’s stopped dead in his tracks when he suddenly hears someone say very clearly, “Jesus is watching you!”

He stands very still for a moment until everything in the house falls silent again. At this point, he moves forward very slowly.

Once again, he hears that voice, “Jesus is watching you!”

The thief is now frightened out of his wits, and he stops once again to focus on locating the voice.

He’s looking around, peering into the darkness, when he spots a birdcage and in the birdcage is a parrot.

The thief looks the parrot in the eyes and asks, “Was that you who said, ‘Jesus is watching me’?”

“Yes”, said the parrot.

The thief relaxes and breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness for that”, he says to the parrot. “What’s your name?”

“The family here call me Ronald”, said the parrot.

“Ronald? You cannot be serious!” laughs the thief. “What sort of family calls their pet parrot Ronald?”

“The sort of family that calls their ferocious Rottweiler guard dog Jesus,” the parrot responds.

3. Hospital banter:

Five surgeons are taking their lunch break and enjoying a little banter to relax. The conversation moves on quickly to the people they regard as the best patients.

The first surgeon says, “For me, it’s got to be accountants. They are the best people to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered.“

The second surgeon responds, “No, I don’t agree. Librarians have to be the best people to operate on because everything inside them is in alphabetical order.“

The third surgeon thinks for a minute, smiles and then he says, “Sounds like you’ve never operated on an electrician. When you open them up, you’ll find everything inside them is colour-coded!“

The fourth surgeon laughs and says,” Well, personally, I prefer lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable.“

The fifth surgeon has been quietly listening to the conversation so far when he’s asked by the others what he thinks.

“Well, I like to operate on engineers because they’re always very understanding if I find myself with a few parts left over when the job’s done,” he says.

4. Talking dog for sale:

A couple is out for a walk when they notice a large sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.”

They are both intrigued by the idea of a talking dog, so they knock on the door and ask if they can take a look at this dog

“Sure!” says the owner, “Come on in.”

The owner escorts them into the lounge where the dog is lying on the sofa watching television.

“Hello,” they say to the dog.

“Hello,” the dog responds.

“What have you done with your life so far then?” the couple asks the dog.

“Well, actually, I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog.

“Really?” says the couple.

“Yes, really,” says the dog. “I’ve lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I work part-time reading to the residents in a retirement home.”

The couple is amazed by this. They can’t believe any dog could have done quite so much.

One of them then asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of this amazing dog?”

“Oh, we’re getting rid of him because he’s a liar. He’s not done any of those things,” says the owner.

5. Miscommunication:

Jed goes into a public restroom, and he’s barely sat down in the cubicle when he hears a voice say, “Hi, how are you?“

Feeling a little embarrassed, Jed says politely, “Well, I guess I’m doing fine, thank you!“

The voice then responds, “So what are you up to?“

Jed is even more embarrassed, but once again he responds politely, “Well, just like you, I’m sitting here trying to get a load off my mind.“

He then hears the voice say, “Hey, can I come over?“

Jed is now extremely embarrassed and starting to get slightly irritated too, so he snaps back, “Look, surely you understand I’m a bit busy right now!“

At this point, he hears the voice say, “Jane, listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the next cubicle who keeps responding to all my questions!”

6. Two hunters:

Two hunters are out in the woods hunting bears when one of them suddenly collapses.

The other guy checks him over and realises that he’s not breathing and his eyes are a bit glazed. So he grabs his cell phone and immediately calls 911.

“I think my friend’s dead!” he yells down the phone with panic in his voice. “What should I do?”

“Sir, if you can just calm down, I’ll help you,” says the operator calmly. “Let’s just make sure he’s dead first.”

There’s then a moment of silence, followed by what is clearly a g*nshot.

Back on the phone, the guy then says to the operator, “Right, now what?”

7. Cosmetic surgery:

Jill, a middle-aged woman, is having surgery in the hospital following a severe heart attack when she has a vision of God by her bedside.

“Will I die, God?” she asks.

To which God responds, “No, my dear, you still have 30 more years to live yet.”

Well, if she’s got 30 more years to look forward to and since she’s in hospital anyway, Jill decides she might as well make the most of her operation.

So she gets br**st implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, a hair transplant, and collagen injections in her lips. When it’s all finished and the bruises have healed, she looks absolutely stunning and 10 years younger.

The day she’s discharged from the hospital, she leaves the hospital with a real spring in her step. Feeling very good about her makeover, Jill steps into the street and is immediately knocked down by an ambulance and killed.

As she steps through the Pearly Gates, Jill sees God and decides to complain. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she says to God.

“Well, that’s true,” says God.

“So what happened?” Jill asks.

To which God shrugs and says, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t recognize you.”

8. Kids are smarter than you think:

A young boy walks into a barber’s shop, and the barber whispers to the customer to whom he’s currently attending, “This kid has got to be the dumbest kid in the world. Watch and I’ll prove it to you.”

The barber then puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then he says to the boy, “Hey kid, which do you want, the dollar bill or the quarters?”

The boy decides to take the quarters, and then he leaves the shop.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That dumb kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer is leaving the barber’s shop, he sees the same kid coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, kid! May I ask you a question?” asks the customer. “Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?“

The boy licks his ice cream for a moment before saying, “Because the day I take the dollar bill, the game is over!”

9. Classmates:

While waiting for her first appointment with her new dentist, Jane notices his degree certificate on the wall, which includes his full name.

Suddenly, Jane remembers a tall, handsome boy from her high school class some 45 years ago who had the same name. Naturally, she wonders whether this can be the same guy.

However, upon seeing him, she quickly dismisses any such thought. Surely this ageing, balding, grey-haired old man with a deeply lined face could not possibly be one of her old high school classmates?

After he had finished examining her teeth, Jane decided to ask him whether he attended the local high school.

“Yes,” he replied.

“That’s amazing. What year did you graduate then?” Jane asks.

“In 1973,” he responds.

“Amazing, you were in my class!” Jane exclaims.

He looks at her closely and then asks, “What subject did you teach?“

10. The Monastery:

Every ten years in the monastery, the monks were allowed to break their vow of silence to speak just two words.

With ten years gone by, Brother Michael gets his first chance to speak.

He thinks for a second and then says, “Food bad.”

Another ten years go by, and again Brother Michael has an opportunity to speak briefly and on this occasion, he says, “Bed hard.”

A further decade later, it’s the big day once more. However, this time Brother Michael gives the head monk a long stare before saying, “I quit.”

To which the head monk responds, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

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Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Articles you might also enjoy:

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, Hilarious Jokes, Hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh, hilariously funny jokes, humor, humour, Influencers, Inspiration, jokes, Laugh, Life, LOL, Meaning, smile, Stress-free

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