27 cheesy dad jokes that will tickle you silly

03/13/2024 by

If you’re looking for some cheesy dad jokes, then here are 27 little gems that might just tickle you.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

Cheesy Dad Jokes:

I never liked insect puns. They bug me.

I love eye jokes. The cornea the better.

I used to be a floating voter.  Now I’m sunk.

I don’t like Greek yoghurt. It’s a culture difference.

I was so bad at art in school, it’s a wonder I can draw breath.

I’m reading a book called The History of Glue. I can’t put it down.

I saw a parrot wearing a raincoat. I’m told it was polyunsaturated.

I asked a girl in the office for a date. She told me to buy my own fruit.

I’m looking for a new telekinesis class. My old one moved unexpectedly.

I’ve developed a Bible for the visually impaired. It’s called the Holy Braille.

I saw an insect that kept dropping things. Apparently, it was a fumble bee.

I’ve been hired by a guillotine factory in Paris. Be heading there on Monday.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. So, she smiled and hugged me.

I used to have a job managing Old Macdonald’s farms. I was the C I E I O.

I thought I saw a rabbit driving a Rolls Royce. It turns out it was a millionhare. 

I saw a monkey floating away in a basket. Apparently, it was a hot air baboon.

I named my dog Five Miles. Now I can tell everyone I walk Five Miles every day.

I gave my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick. She’s still not talking to me.

I was running towards the door as a polite sheep opened it. It said, “After ewe!”

I loved working as an almond harvester until I discovered my boss was a nut job.

I joined the Tourette’s Society a week ago. They’ve only just finished swearing me in.

I’ve just finished building a car from washing machine parts. I’ll be taking it for a spin tomorrow.

I feel cheated. I bought a can of fly spray and sprayed myself all over with it, but I still can’t fly.

I’ve started a job at Apple supporting law enforcement’s covert operations. My department’s called iSpy.

I was apprehensive about going to the dermatologist today. Thankfully, he didn’t make any rash decisions.

I don’t think it’s a big achievement, but my doctor’s report says I haven’t used my muscles for so long that I’m getting a trophy.

I lost my thesaurus yesterday. Not only was I sad, but I was also glum, gloomy, downcast, despondent, miserable, wretched, woebegone, crestfallen, and unhappy.

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Were these cheesy dad jokes funny?

Did they make you smile?

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

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Unleash Your Inner Power: 33 Motivational Quotes for Success

03/12/2024 by

You can be more than you are, dear reader. Your life can be better, and you can be more successful. To encourage you, today I offer you 30 short but powerful motivational quotes for success.

Pick one or two of them that resonate with you and pin them on the wall in front of your workspace.

Success can be achieved, and many people do. So can you!

Decide what it is you want from life, and then go out there and get it.

Yes, you will need to work hard. Yes, you will need to be disciplined and persistent. However, you can achieve your goals when you have something to aim for.

Don’t be afraid to rise to the challenge. You’ll achieve success in the same way that you’d eat an elephant. One bite at a time!

So, go for it!

Motivational Quotes for Success (1-11):

  1. Never give up!
  2. Mindset is everything.
  3. Don’t bark if you can’t bite.
  4. A jealous friend is an enemy.
  5. Never forget why you started.
  6. Don’t give power to the problem.
  7. I never lose. Either I win or I learn.
  8. Every master was once a beginner.
  9. Tough situations build strong people.
  10. Your best teacher is your last mistake.
  11. If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.

Motivational Quotes for Success (12-22):

  1. I’m built from every mistake I’ve made.
  2. The more you learn, the more you earn.
  3. The past is to be learned from, not lived in.
  4. Your worth is who you are, not what you have.
  5. Don’t change your goals. Change your strategy.
  6. Be around people who feed your soul, not eat it.
  7. Be yourself. An original is worth more than a copy.
  8. Don’t stop when you’re tired. Stop when you’re done.
  9. Your attitude matters. You won’t get far with a bad one.
  10. Big results come from making a little progress every day.
  11. What you used to be is irrelevant. What matters is what you could become.

Motivational Quotes for Success (23-33):

  1. Consistency beats talent.
  2. Today is your opportunity to build the tomorrow you want.
  3. Success has enemies. Some are closer to home than you think.
  4. Stop doubting yourself. You’re better than you think you are.
  5. Mistakes are valuable. They teach you lessons you’ll never forget.
  6. Success is not an accident, it’s the direct result of a lot of hard work.
  7. You can learn more from observation than you can from conversation.
  8. Your future is created by what you do, not by what you think you might do.
  9. There’s no such thing as failure, only outcomes you didn’t want, and valuable experience gained.
  10. Nothing worth having ever comes easy, but you can achieve your goals with persistence, discipline, and hard work.
  11. Greatness comes from being challenged, not from being comfortable. Never be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.

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Motivational Quotes for Success

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7 inspirational quotes about experience

03/11/2024 by
quotes about experience

Today I want to explore some quotes about experience.

Education is a fine thing, but nothing beats experience, in my opinion.

There is nothing anyone can tell you that will be more valuable to you than doing it for yourself, getting your fingers burned and learning from the experience.

You’ll forget many things you were taught in a classroom but you won’t forget your mistakes, mishaps and the experience you got from them.

So don’t worry about making mistakes for mistakes can be pure gold, provided you don’t repeat them too often.

From mistakes, you’ll get experience and experience is a valuable and much sought-after commodity.

As a hiring manager, I value people with experience. The more experience you have the less likely you are to make mistakes whilst you’re on my payroll. So it’s good business to hire for experience I think.

However, let me add that I’m not dismissing the value of education. I can tell you now that education is important too, dear reader. Not necessarily a college or university education but certainly through reading, listening and learning. What you might call self-education.

Learning is an investment in you and it can pay great dividends.

The higher your level of education, the more you can earn potentially. Learning is a lifelong process, so don’t forget you must always keep your knowledge current.

And if you have both experience and knowledge then you can go as far as your ambition and determination will take you.

Here are seven inspirational quotes about experience to reinforce today’s message.

Quotes about experience:

  1. The only source of knowledge is experience. ~Albert Einstein
  2. Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. ~Oscar Wilde
  3. Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience. ~Paulo Coelho
  4. People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  5. Experience is the teacher of all things. ~Julius Caesar
  6. If you want to know the taste of a pear, you must change the pear by eating it yourself. If you want to know the theory and methods of revolution, you must take part in revolution. All genuine knowledge originates in direct experience. ~Mao Zedong
  7. Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~Helen Keller

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Creating a Life Plan: 17 ways the rich think differently

03/10/2024 by
Creating a Life plan

Have you ever thought about creating a life plan, dear reader? If you’re young and have your life ahead of you, certainly, it’s a good idea. You can always let life happen to you, of course, but it’s better if you go out and make life happen the way you’d prefer it to be. And to have a good life, having money certainly helps. So money is at the heart of life planning.

Now, why is it that some people are wealthy and others are not?

You might argue that the rich inherit money, and therefore they’re just lucky. For a few people, that may be true. However, it’s not a universal truth.

Having wealthy parents helps, no doubt but there are plenty of examples of self-made millionaires and billionaires. And there are plenty of examples of people who lost all their wealth and then just created another fortune.

There are also plenty of examples of poor people who enjoyed good fortune winning a lottery only to squander their millions within a few short years.

This would suggest that the rich and poor have a different philosophy concerning creating a life plan and money as a resource.

17 ways the rich and poor think differently:

The video embedded here explores 17 ways in which rich people and poor people think differently. It’s an interesting video and it makes some really useful points that will help you in your life planning. It’s informative and well worth a few minutes of your time, in my opinion.

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15 Quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche to inspire you

03/09/2024 by
Quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche

Friedrich Nietzsche was a German philosopher, cultural critic, composer, poet, philologist, and scholar whose work exerted significant influence on Western philosophy and cultural thinking.

Here are 15 quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche which made me pause to reflect and they will make you think a little too I suspect.

Quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche:

  1. Everything matters. Nothing’s important. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  2. Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  3. Call me whatever you like; I am who I must be. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  4. Loneliness is one thing, solitude another. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  5. You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way and the only way, it does not exist. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  6. Without music, life would be a mistake. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  7. It is not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  8. The real question is, how much truth can I stand? ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  9. There are two different types of people in the world, those who want to know and those who want to believe. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  10. In heaven, all the interesting people are missing. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  11. Do you want to have an easy life? Then always stay with the herd and lose yourself in the herd. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  12. And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  13. The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  14. There will always be rocks in the road ahead of us. They will be stumbling blocks or stepping stones; it all depends on how you use them. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  15. I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

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9 of the best quotes to inspire you today

03/08/2024 by
Best Quotes to Inspire You

Here are 9 of the best quotes to inspire you.

These are quotes from thought leaders intended to make you think.

They are words of wisdom full of inspiration.

Inspiration is energy, and if you can capture that energy, you can go on to become all you could be. And that should be our life’s purpose, surely? To be all we could be.

If you aspire to be more than you are now, then let these words of wisdom be the wind beneath your wings.

Best quotes to inspire you:

  1. Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. ~EE Cummings
  2. A Number 2 pencil and a dream can take you anywhere. ~Joyce Meyer
  3. Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn
  4. In a gentle way, you can shake the world. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  5. Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were once only walls. ~Joseph Campbell
  6. It is always the simple that produces the marvellous. ~Amelia Barr
  7. The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. ~Bertrand Russell
  8. Let us make our future now and let us make our dreams tomorrow’s reality. ~Malala Yousafzai
  9. All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination. ~Earl Nightingale

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5 brilliant quotes and what they all mean

03/07/2024 by

Looking for some brilliant quotes, dead reader? Well, I’ve found five today, which I think are interesting. They all have an underlying message well worth bearing in mind, too.

So here are those quotes, and I’ve included my notes as to what I think they mean. I hope you find them interesting.

Brilliant Quotes:

Quote 1:

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. ~George Bernard Shaw

MEANING:

It’s better to have a go and get it wrong than not have a go at all.

By making mistakes we learn valuable lessons. We hone our skills and get better at what we do.

Making mistakes is an important part of life. From those mistakes, we can profit. Whereas doing nothing gets us nowhere. From mistakes, we gain experience and experience is a valuable commodity.

Quote 2:

Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it’s you who will get you where you want to go, no one else. ~Les Brown 

MEANING:

You are the captain of your ship. You can steer it to where you want to go or not. It’s up to you.

It takes hard work, determination and a positive mental attitude.

It requires a willingness to rise to challenges and have a go.

You will have to overcome setbacks occasionally and you must never, ever give up.

You’ll be defined not by what happens to you but by how you respond to what happens to you.

If you don’t succeed in life, it’s not the fault of your parents, it’s not the fault of the Government and it’s not the fault of your employer.

You are responsible for your own life.

You may have had a tough start in life. Life may have dealt you a poor set of cards. You may not have too many formal qualifications. So what?

Plenty of people overcome a difficult early life to become very successful.

So don’t make excuses. If you want success, just go for it.

The choice is yours. Decide where you want to be and then decide how you’re going to get there. Get started now and accept you’ll make a few mistakes along the way.

By doing things, you’ll learn and gradually you’ll adjust the course of the good ship ‘You’ and set sail for the destination of your dreams.

It can be done and people do. Why not you? And why not start right now?

Quote 3:

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. ~John F. Kennedy

MEANING:

As human beings, we can find change an uncomfortable experience.

One of the most basic human needs is the need to feel secure.

Change makes us feel insecure and that’s why we can often struggle to accept it. Yet change is inevitable.

Without change, we’d all still be living in caves, surely? We could not have progressed without change.

Change creates opportunity and that’s why we must embrace change.

It may be uncomfortable but embracing change can also be thrilling.

If you want your life to improve then it starts with embracing change.

Change will help you create the future you want and deserve.

So take that tiger for a ride and embrace change. If nothing else you’ll lead a life worth living.

Quote 4:

Open your eyes; look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living? ~Bob Marley

MEANING:

You don’t have to accept your life as it is.

Ask yourself, “Am I willing to accept life as it is or am I prepared to improve my life?”

What is it you want?

Decide what you want and then identify the changes you need to make.

Nothing will happen until you decide to change.

However, once you decide you want to change then great things can happen to you. Nevertheless, you must remember; that success will not happen overnight.

Think incremental change rather than revolutionary change. You will not get to where you want to be in one leap.

If you’re trying to eat an elephant then that can only be done one bite at a time. You cannot swallow it whole, can you?

One bite at a time and it can be done, if you apply yourself to the task and keep going for as long as it takes.

Never be discouraged and never let other people dissuade you from pursuing your dreams. It doesn’t matter whether they believe you can do it. The only thing that matters is that you believe you can do it.

Believe in yourself and you can become the person you have the potential to be. Why would you not want to achieve your full potential?

Quote 5:

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

MEANING:

Brilliant Quotes

At school, they ask you what you want to be. Most people have no idea, but they pick something anyway in the hope that it might prove to be interesting and fun to do.

That’s where life’s experiment starts.

You try something and see whether it’s the right thing for you.

Then, even if you think it is initially, over time you might feel the need to move on.

The more you experiment, the more chance you have of finding that sweet spot where you are doing something which you not only enjoy but at which you excel too. That ‘something‘ for which you have a talent.

It’s the Holy Grail in terms of finding your life’s purpose.

If you can find it then all the experimentation is well worthwhile.

If you haven’t found it yet then, whatever your age, don’t stop looking and experimenting. It’s never too late to find your true vocation.

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15 George Costanza quotes that’ll make you smile

03/06/2024 by

Today, dear reader, I thought you might appreciate some amusing quotes by George Costanza.

There have been some wonderful characters in sitcoms over the years, and one of the very best, in my opinion, was that lovable loser George Costanza from the US sitcom Seinfeld, played by the excellent Jason Alexander.

George Costanza had a brilliant turn of phrase, and his cup was always half-empty. If anyone had drawn the short straw in life, it was George. However, he gave us so many laughs, and for that, we should all be very grateful.

So take a couple of minutes, relax, and enjoy all these quotes by George Costanza.

George Costanza Quotes:

  1. I don’t trust men in capes.
  2. If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.
  3. Jerry, just remember it’s not a lie if you believe it.
  4. You know, I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.
  5. When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.
  6. If you can’t say something bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
  7. The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
  8. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.
  9. I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
  10. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, and my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.
  11. You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
  12. Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pairs. That way I only have to do a wash once a year.
  13. What’s so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn’t shop there.
  14. You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.
  15. [To Jerry]: Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That’s all I’m askin’. This woman thinks I’m very funny and now you’re gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I’m gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn’t seem so funny.

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George Costanza quotes
Photo by Alan Light

Did you find any of these George Costanza quotes amusing, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

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Wisdom from India: 33 proverbs and quotes

03/06/2024 by

India is a vast country with an enormous population, and it’s a source of great wisdom too. Many great thinkers have been influenced by wisdom from India.

So today, let’s explore some wisdom from India in the form of proverbs, sayings, and quotes.

I have the greatest respect for India, its traditions, and its culture, and I’ve learned much from Indian philosophy and thinking.

So take a few moments and reflect on some of the wisdom from one of the greatest civilizations on this planet we call Earth.

Wisdom from India (1-20):

  1. If you can, you must. ~Bikram Choudhury
  2. There is no hand to catch time. ~Indian Proverb
  3. Alertness and courage are life’s shields. ~Indian Wisdom
  4. When the flower blooms, the bees come uninvited. ~Ramakrishna
  5. Where the needle goes, the thread follows. ~Indian Proverb
  6. You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. ~Indira Gandhi
  7. What was hard to bear is sweet to remember. ~Indian Wisdom
  8. Great anger is more destructive than the sword. ~Indian Wisdom
  9. Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow but a vision. ~Indian Wisdom
  10. Don’t bargain for fish that are still in the water. ~Indian Wisdom
  11. Pull someone by the ears, and his head will follow. ~Indian Proverb
  12. Walking slowly, even the donkey will reach Lhasa. ~Indian Proverb
  13. Self-belief and hard work will always earn you success. ~Virat Kohli
  14. The eyes do not see what the mind does not want. ~Indian Wisdom
  15. The fruit of your own hard work is the sweetest. ~Deepika Padukone
  16. I have lanced many boils, but none pained like my own. ~Indian Proverb
  17. You must be the change you wish to see in the world. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  18. Success is not a good teacher, failure makes you humble. ~Shah Rukh Khan
  19. Let come what comes, let go what goes. See what remains. ~Ramana Maharshi
  20. Cultivation of the mind should be the ultimate aim of human existence. ~BR Ambedkar

Wisdom from India (21-33):

Wisdom from India
  1. They who give have all things; they who withhold have nothing. ~Indian Proverb
  2. I had no shoes and complained until I saw a man who had no feet. ~Indian Wisdom
  3. Certain things capture the eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. ~Indian Wisdom
  4. What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist. ~Salman Rushdie
  5. Excellence endures and sustains. It goes beyond motivation into the realm of inspiration. ~Azim Premji
  6. You can take the Indian out of the family, but you cannot take the family out of the Indian. ~Amit Kalantri
  7. Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret to success. ~Swami Sivananda
  8. You sometimes forget the harm that was done to you, but never the harm you have done to others. ~Indian Wisdom
  9. There’s nothing noble in being superior to some other man. True nobility is in being superior to your former self. ~Indian Wisdom
  10. Happiness radiates like the fragrance of a flower and draws all good things towards you. ~Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
  11. We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far. ~Swami Vivekananda
  12. A man is born alone and dies alone, and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone, and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode. ~Chanakya
  13. We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made. ~Albert Einstein

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15 Quotes by Moms Mabley that are worth sharing

03/05/2024 by
15 Quotes by Moms Mabley

I must confess that I was not familiar with the work of African American comedienne Jackie “Moms” Mabley until relatively recently.

However, I stumbled on her work by accident on YouTube, and I was intrigued by her. So naturally, I went in search of some information about her, as well as some quotes by Moms Mabley.

Born Loretta Mary Aiken, she adopted the stage name Moms Mabley and she was a veteran of the Chitlin’ Circuit of African-American vaudeville.

She also appeared on legendary American television shows such as The Ed Sullivan Show and The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. She’s also one of the earliest examples of women in comedy.

Born in 1894, Moms Mabley was one of 16 children, and like most African Americans of her day, particularly women, she’d had a tough early life.

At the encouragement of her grandmother, she ran away and joined a travelling minstrel show where she sang and entertained. Her stage persona was that of an older, dishevelled woman.

Certainly, she was a woman on whom life had left its mark. For instance, by the age of 14, she had been raped twice (at age 11, by an elderly black man, and at age 13, by a white sheriff) and had two children who were given up for adoption.

At the age of 27, she came out as a lesbian, becoming one of the first openly gay comedians. That wouldn’t have been easy in the less enlightened age in which she lived and tried to earn a living.

So if you’re not familiar with Moms Mabley, I recommend you take a closer look at her work, but not before you read these 15 quotes by Moms Mabley.

Quotes by Moms Mabley:

  1. Quit it if you can’t do nothin’ with it. ~Moms Mabley
  2. Use those brains that God put in your head. ~Moms Mabley
  3. It’s no disgrace to be old but damn if it isn’t inconvenient. ~Moms Mabley
  4. [On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it. ~Moms Mabley
  5. [Advice to children crossing the street] Damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain’t never killed nobody. ~Moms Mabley
  6. You know Moms has been accused of liking young men and I’m guilty. ~Moms Mabley
  7. Any time you see me with my arms around an old man, I’m holding him for the police. ~Moms Mabley
  8. My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick. ~Moms Mabley
  9. Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move. ~Moms Mabley
  10. Ain’t nothin’ an ol’ man can do but bring me a message from a young one. ~Moms Mabley
  11. I don’t want nothing old, but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That’s what I’m gonna do with it. ~Moms Mabley
  12. The teenagers aren’t all bad. I love ’em if nobody else does. There ain’t nothing wrong with young people. Jus’ quit lyin’ to ’em. ~Moms Mabley
  13. Never lose your head, not even for a minute. You need your head. Your brain’s in it. ~Moms Mabley
  14. Without that basic foundation in showmanship, an act can’t remain at the top. Half of the children nowadays don’t even know how to take a bow. ~Moms Mabley
  15. Black women, white women; all of them. I’m colourblind. I don’t know the difference. I only know you’re a human being and you’re my children. ~Moms Mabley

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