15 Funny quotes on friendship that’ll raise a smile

12/04/2024 by

If you’re lucky enough to have one good friend, then you are richer than you imagine, and if you have two then you’re truly blessed.

Friendship is a relationship of equals.

Real friends are people with whom you have a lot in common, especially when it comes to things that make you laugh and those times when you enjoy getting silly.

True friends are people who know all your faults but accept you as you are anyway.

Not everyone with whom you have a friendly relationship is a true friend. Some people are just very good acquaintances.

A real friend is someone you could phone at 3 am when you’re in trouble and know they’d be out to help you in a heartbeat.

Such people are worth their weight in gold, and you should never take them for granted. They’re special, and you should appreciate them being in your life because not everyone is quite so lucky.

Here are 15 funny quotes on friendship that, for me, touch on the very essence of what it all means.

Funny quotes on friendship:

  1. Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
  2. Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
  3. Friends come and go, but enemies hang around like a bad smell.
  4. When our phones fall, we panic. When our friends fall, we laugh.
  5. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.
  6. Never let your best friends get lonely. Keep disturbing them.
  7. You have a problem when your imaginary friend thinks he has a problem.
  8. There’s nothing better than a good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.
  9. Friends come and go, like waves on the ocean, but true friends stay like an octopus on your face.
  10. A best friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find, but you’re lucky if you have one.
  11. Laughing is one of the best exercises. It’s like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it’s even better with a friend.
  12. I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that’s dangerous, but a super humid room. Well not too humid, because you know, my hair.
  13. I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny-looking hats.
  14. Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl’s best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
  15. I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Poem about friendship:

Friendship is such an important part of our lives; I’m sure you’ll agree, dear reader. So, you might be interested in this poem I wrote on friendship and how I see it.

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Thank you.

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17 inspirational quotes you’ll absolutely love

12/03/2024 by

Are you looking for some inspiration? Perhaps some quotes to inspire and energise you or something that will provide a little impact at the end of a presentation?

Here are 17 great quotes that I hope will motivate you for the challenges you face in the coming days.

Inspirational quotes from some of the finest philosophical thinkers ever. They all left me inspired, and I’m confident that you will love them, dear reader.

Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Inspirational Quotes (1-10):

  1. Give light and people will find the way. ~Ella Baker
  2. Today is the only day. Yesterday is gone. ~John Wooden
  3. It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~George Eliot
  4. When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go. ~Carol Burnett
  5. We know what we are but know not what we may be. ~William Shakespeare
  6. Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin. ~Grace Hansen
  7. The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. ~ Jackson Brown Jr
  8. If we did all the things, we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves. ~Thomas A. Edison
  9. If you genuinely want something, don’t wait for it. Teach yourself to be impatient. ~Gurbaksh Chahal
  10. Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn

Inspirational Quotes (11-17):

  1. The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. ~Arthur C. Clarke
  2. Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. ~Desmond Tutu
  3. Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. ~Dale Carnegie
  4. My mission in life is not merely to survive but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour and some style. ~Maya Angelou
  5. A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills and uses these skills to accomplish his goals. ~Larry Bird
  6. Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue or lips. They make other people good-natured. They also produce their own image on men’s souls and a beautiful image it is. ~Blaise Pascal
  7. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. ~Steve Jobs

And here’s a bonus quote. “If you’re thinking anyway then you might as well think big.“

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Thank you.

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15 witty quotes by Joan Rivers to raise a smile

12/02/2024 by
QUOTES BY JOAN RIVERS

Photo Credit: Underbelly Limited

To comedy lovers everywhere the late Joan Alexandra Molinsky is better known as the legendary Joan Rivers.

Razor-sharp and very funny, Joan Rivers was arguably one the finest American stand-up comedians of all time in what was probably the golden age of light entertainment.

Through the strength of her personality, she succeeded in an age when it was even tougher for a woman to get a break in an industry dominated by powerful men. In that, she remains a role model for women everywhere.

Joan Rivers pioneered her own brand of irreverent, unconventional comedy and her relentless work ethic allowed her comedy to evolve and her audiences continued to grow. She was a remarkable lady and one who always made me laugh.

Here are 15 witty quotes by Joan Rivers, which will make you smile I’m sure.

Quotes by Joan Rivers (1-10):

  1. I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. ~Joan Rivers
  2. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. ~Joan Rivers
  3. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~Joan Rivers
  4. Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. ~Joan Rivers
  5. There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. ~Joan Rivers
  6. Never floss with a stranger. ~Joan Rivers
  7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately, my stomach covers them. ~Joan Rivers
  8. I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny. ~Joan Rivers
  9. We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us. ~Joan Rivers
  10. People say that money is not the key to happiness but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~Joan Rivers

Joan-RiversQuotes by Joan Rivers (1-10):

  1. I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor. ~Joan Rivers
  2. I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. ~Joan Rivers
  3. Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I’m being funny, but I’m reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we’re going down the tube. ~Joan Rivers
  4. I never dwell on what happened. You can’t change it. Move forward. Don’t waste your energy on being angry at something that somebody did six months ago or a year ago. It’s over. Done. Move forward. ~Joan Rivers
  5. I walk on a stage, and I know if it’s been a good show or not. You know when it’s been a good interview. No one has to tell you. You know it. You feel it. You can feel the air. You can feel everything about it when it’s a good show. And you know when you’ve messed up. ~Joan Rivers

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Did you find these quotes by Joan Rivers amusing?

You did? I hope so anyway.

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How to find your tribe and build meaningful connections

12/01/2024 by

If you’re wondering how to find your tribe, this article is for you.

Finding your tribe means connecting with people who share your interests and values. It’s about building a community where you feel accepted and understood.

The right tribe can boost your happiness, provide support, and help you grow as a person.

This is especially important in today’s world, where many people feel isolated or disconnected.

Looking for your tribe takes time and effort.

It may involve trying new activities, joining groups, or exploring online communities.

The key is to be open, authentic, and willing to put yourself out there.

When you find the right group of people, you’ll know it because it will just feel right.

Discovering your values and interests

Finding your tribe starts with understanding yourself. Knowing your values and interests helps you connect with like-minded people who share similar passions and ideals.

Know yourself

Self-reflection is key to discovering personal values and interests.

Take time to think about what matters most to you.

What activities bring you joy?

What causes do you care about?

Make a list of your top qualities and ideals.

Consider trying meditation to gain clarity on your thoughts and feelings.

Journaling can also help uncover hidden passions and values.

Be honest with yourself. Embrace your authentic self, quirks and all. This will help you find people who appreciate the real you.

Try new things and embrace diverse experiences

Exploring new activities can reveal unknown interests.

Sign up for classes or join clubs to learn new skills.

Try hiking, painting, cooking, or mixed martial arts. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it has some appeal to you, you might discover a hidden talent.

Attend local events and meetups to connect with people who share your interests.

Volunteer for causes you care about. This can lead to meaningful connections with others who have similar values.

Stay open-minded when trying new things.

You might surprise yourself by enjoying something unexpected. The more experiences you have, the better you’ll understand what truly matters to you.

Building and nurturing your tribe

Finding your tribe is just the first step. Building strong connections and nurturing those relationships takes effort and care. These steps can help create a supportive network that lasts.

Fostering connections online and offline

Social media platforms like Facebook and NextDoor offer ways to connect with like-minded people.

Join online groups that match your interests. Participate in discussions and share helpful information.

However, don’t limit yourself to the online world. That would be a mistake.

Attend local events and meetups to interact face-to-face. Volunteer for causes you care about. This can lead to meaningful friendships with people who share your values.

Look for mentoring opportunities.

Being a mentor or finding one can create deep bonds.

Coaches and support groups also provide chances to connect with others facing similar challenges.

Creating meaningful relationships through communication and respect

Open and honest communication forms the base of strong relationships.

Share your thoughts and feelings with your tribe.

Listen actively when others speak.

Show respect for different opinions.

Acknowledge that everyone has unique experiences and viewpoints.

This creates an environment where people feel safe to be themselves.

Above all, be reliable and keep your promises. Trust is key to building lasting connections.

Make time for your relationships. Regular check-ins, even brief ones, help maintain bonds.

Support and resilience in your social circle

A strong tribe offers support during tough times.

Whether facing health issues, job loss, or personal struggles, your network can provide emotional backing and practical help.

Build resilience together. Share coping strategies for dealing with stress and setbacks.

Celebrate each other’s successes, big and small.

This creates a positive atmosphere that lifts everyone.

Remember that support goes both ways.

Be there for your tribe members when they need you.

Offer a listening ear or a helping hand. This mutual care strengthens your connections and creates a sense of belonging.

Valuable asset

Finding a tribe that’s right for you can be your most valuable asset.

Human beings are social animals; we need other people.

And we need to feel like we fit in.

Here’s a poem about finding your tribe.

Finding Your Tribe Poem

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A word salad in a poem

11/30/2024 by

If you follow politics, you’ve probably noticed how politicians can talk for several minutes and say nothing significant. They respond to questions but they never answer them. Instead, you get a word salad of platitudes and meaningless guff. And they wonder why the public no longer takes them seriously.

This year’s elections in Britain and the United States provided no end of examples of this phenomenon. So much so that I was moved to write today’s poem.

If you like it, please feel free to share it.

Word Salad in a Poem

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21 thought-provoking quotes about money

11/29/2024 by

Money can’t buy you love or happiness, but it can make your life a little easier.

It may not be everything, but it’s up there with oxygen and water in terms of sustaining human life in the modern age.

Money is important simply because life today would be impossible without it.

There are few, if any, places on this planet where you could exist in any meaningful way without at least some money.

Speaking personally, I wouldn’t want to try.

Nevertheless, it’s important to keep it all in perspective too, of course.

Achieving financial freedom depends on you taking good care of your money, but it should not be at the expense of the people who matter most to you, your loved ones.

As with everything in life, there must be balance.

Money is important, but people are much more important. When we’re infirm or incapacitated, it’s our loved ones we’ll turn to for help. Yes, you can buy a dog but you can’t buy the wag of its tail, as the saying goes.

So the message today is that you should never chase money at the expense of your loved ones.

If you do, you’ll regret it in time, I’m sure.

To help you keep it all in perspective, here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about money:

Quotes about money:

  1. Money often costs too much. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  2. I’ll tell you the secret to getting rich. Be greedy when others are fearful. And be fearful when others are greedy. ~Warren Buffett
  3. What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us. ~Julia Cameron
  4. Financial peace isn’t the acquisition of stuff. It’s learning to live on less than you make, so you can give money back and have money to invest. You can’t win until you do this. ~Dave Ramsey
  5. It’s not the employer who pays the wages. Employers only handle the money. It’s the customer who pays the wages. ~Henry Ford
  6. Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that. ~Norman Vincent Peale
  7. It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy. ~George Lorimer
  8. You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you. ~Maya Angelou
  9. Buy when everyone else is selling and hold until everyone else is buying. That’s not just a catchy slogan. It’s the very essence of successful investing. ~J. Paul Getty
  10. If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. ~Henry Ford
  11. How many millionaires do you know who have become wealthy by investing in savings accounts? I rest my case. ~Robert G. Allen
  12. The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money. ~Author Unknown
  13. The individual investor should act consistently as an investor and not as a speculator. ~Benjamin Graham
  14. Every time you borrow money, you’re robbing your future self. ~Nathan W. Morris
  15. Never spend your money before you have it. ~Thomas Jefferson
  16. It’s not how much money you make, but how much money you keep, how hard it works for you, and how many generations you keep it for. ~Robert Kiyosaki
  17. Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted. ~Albert Einstein
  18. A real entrepreneur is somebody who has no safety net underneath them. ~Henry Kravis
  19. Don’t take no for an answer. If you’re happy to sit at your desk and not take any risk, you’ll be sitting at your desk for the next 20 years. ~David Rubenstein
  20. If you took our top fifteen decisions out, we’d have a pretty average record. It wasn’t hyperactivity, but a hell of a lot of patience. You stuck to your principles and when opportunities came along, you pounced on them with vigour. ~Charlie Munger
  21. When buying shares, ask yourself, would you buy the whole company? ~Rene Rivkin

Poem about money to inspire you:

If you like poetry, take a look at this poem about money.  Certainly, it sums up how I feel about money. Please take a look and, if you like it, feel free to share it.

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Did you find these thought-provoking quotes about money interesting, dear reader?

If they were, then perhaps they might interest others you know too.

Please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins. If you could share it now, then I’d be ever so grateful.

Like every blogger, I can only keep doing what I do if readers are viewing my blog posts. So you really can help me, dear reader.

Thank you.

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25 witty one-liner jokes that might just make you smile

11/28/2024 by

In need of being cheered up a little, dear reader? Then perhaps some of these witty one-liner jokes will make you smile.

I’ve been trawling my journal for some of the best one-liners I’ve heard in recent months, and I’ve picked out some of the best just for you.

I cannot confirm the authors of individual quotes, but if you know, please let me know via the contact page. I’m very keen to add credits where possible.

In the meantime, relax and take a few moments to enjoy these witty one-liner jokes.

Witty one-liner jokes (1-10):

  1. Moses had the first tablet connected to the cloud.
  2. Can I speak a second language? Does profanity count?
  3. Of course, my conscience is clear. It’s never been used.
  4. Am I ignorant and apathetic? I don’t know and I don’t care.
  5. If your horses don’t smoke, then your stable must be on fire.
  6. What two words do sharks most like to hear? Man overboard!
  7. I have the heart of a lion. For which I got a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  8. Four of the most beautiful words in the English language. I told you so!
  9. If I had 50 cents for every math exam I’d failed, I’d have $9.35 by now.
  10. I heard a song on the radio about tortillas. Actually, it was more of a rap.

Witty one-liner jokes (11-20):

  1. Do I think whiteboards are a wonderful invention? Certainly, they’re remarkable.
  2. I’ve no idea why, but they say I’m condescending. That’s talking down to people.
  3. The one thing I can say about the good old days is that I was neither good nor old.
  4. Leave them wanting more is always great advice unless you work in disaster relief.
  5. What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth? An unfortunate swimmer.
  6. In need of a good laugh? Start an argument with someone when they have hiccups.
  7. If we should never eat late at night, then the obvious question is, “Why does the fridge have a light?”
  8. I was having short-term memory problems, so I went to see my doctor. He wanted payment in advance.
  9. I read in the newspaper that a semicolon broke the law. Two consecutive sentences, apparently.
  10. 250 pounds on Earth is the same as 95 pounds on Mercury. So I’m not fat; I’m living on the wrong planet.

Witty one-liner jokes (21-25):

  1. What do you get when you wake up on a workday, only to realize that you’re out of coffee? A depresso.
  2. When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t remember on which side the sun rises. Then it dawned on me.
  3. Now there’s a difference between a man who eats shoots and leaves and a man who eats, shoots, and leaves.
  4. If peeling onions causes you to shed a few tears, then don’t form an emotional bond with them in the first place.
  5. Should women be allowed to have children after 40? Well, it’s their choice, but 40 seems more than enough children to me.

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People do enjoy witty one-liner jokes, so please share this post now.

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Another Christmas poem that will make you think

11/27/2024 by

If you’re looking for a Christmas poem, I’ve written one to make you think.

As the end of November approaches here in London, the Christmas season is getting into full swing. Young children dream about their ideal gifts, and hard-pressed parents do their best to fulfil those dreams within the limits of their income.

It’s a wonderful time of year, especially if you’re lucky enough to have young children or grandchildren.

However, there’s another side to Christmas, and it’s often overlooked. Not everyone’s having a great time, and family tensions can often explode when too much alcohol has been consumed.

And, in the modern age, many people live alone. At Christmas, that can be depressing. Such people are easily forgotten, and, for them, that can make them feel very lonely. This is particularly true for the elderly.

So, my message today is, if you’re celebrating Christmas, be kind, be considerate, and let sleeping dogs lie. Old grievances don’t matter anymore. If they’re in the past, leave them there.

As suggested above, I recorded my thoughts on this in the form of a poem that I share with you today.

If you like it, please share it on social media.

Christmas Poem

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21 quotes about relationships to enlighten you a little

11/26/2024 by

People! We can’t live with them, but we can’t live without them either.

While they can be frustrating, we are social animals and need people and relationships.

The more we understand about relationships, the more likely we’ll be in a position to form and sustain successful relationships.

Hence today’s blog post with 21 thought-provoking quotes about relationships to help you ponder and improve your understanding of one of life’s trickier aspects.

Now some people struggle to form successful relationships, while others enjoy perfect relationships, or so it seems. Well, don’t be fooled by appearances.

All relationships can be tricky because we all have this romantic notion about what the perfect relationship should look like. That notion may be romantic, but it’s also inaccurate.

Perfect relationships don’t exist.

Consequently, relationships take time, effort, and compromise. We must work at them constantly to keep them healthy and beneficial.

Furthermore, we must recognise that for a relationship to work, it must be balanced. The dynamics within the relationship must be in equilibrium.

By that, I mean that within any relationship, both parties must feel their needs are being met.

Where the dynamic within a relationship favours one side or the other, then this breeds resentment and frustration. That in turn results in friction and disharmony within the relationship, which can be damaging, of course.

No one can have it all their way all the time. Compromise is essential.

However, compromise shouldn’t be to the point where you’re actively working against your interests.

It would never make sense to do anything that works against our interests. If we don’t look after our interests, no one else will.

So here are those 21 thought-provoking quotes about relationships. I hope you find them interesting, dear reader.

Quotes about relationships (1-13):

  1. A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. ~Mae West
  2. When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said. ~Catherine Gilbert Murdock
  3. When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. ~Donald Miller
  4. The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too. ~Ernest Hemingway
  5. For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first. ~Suzanne Collins
  6. Cheating and lying aren’t struggles; they’re reasons to break up. ~Patti Callahan Henry
  7. I suffer from girl-next-door-itis where the guy is friends with you and that’s it. ~Taylor Swift
  8. I want to be in a relationship where you telling me you love me is just a ceremonious validation of what you already show me. ~Steve Maraboli
  9. Relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside. ~Sarah Dessen
  10. Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. ~JK Rowling
  11. It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favourite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. ~Nick Hornby
  12. The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ~CG Jung
  13. There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love. ~Shmuley Boteach

Quotes about relationships (14-21):

  1. Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys. ~Nicholas Sparks
  2. I know enough to know that no woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother. ~Martha Gellhorn
  3. People like to say love is unconditional, but it’s not, and even if it was unconditional, it’s still never free. There’s always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won’t be happy unless you are. I just don’t want that responsibility. ~Katja Millay
  4. To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect. ~Criss Jami
  5. Every couple has their ups and downs; every couple argues, and that’s the thing; you’re a couple, and couples can’t function without trust. ~Nicholas Sparks
  6. If a girl starts out all casual with a guy and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a relationship, it will never become a relationship. If you give the guy the impression that casual is okay with you, then that’s all he’ll ever want. Be straight with him from the start. If he gets scared and runs away, he wasn’t right for you. ~Susane Colasanti
  7. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. ~Bill Maher
  8. What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else. ~Stephanie Klein

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If they were, then perhaps they might interest others you know too.

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32 amusing quotes by Phyllis Diller

11/25/2024 by

The late Phyllis Ada Driver, or Phyllis Diller as she’s better known to comedy fans, was one of America’s greatest comic talents.

She was an actress and stand-up comedian with an eccentric stage persona.

Self-deprecating humour, wild hair, zany clothes, and an exaggerated, cackling laugh were her stock in trade.

Phyllis Diller was a hilarious lady and one who is greatly missed by fans of good comedy everywhere.

So today I thought it might be quite interesting to explore some of her quotes and observations.

Here are 32 quotes by Phyllis Diller that should make you smile.

Quotes by Phyllis Diller (1-21):

  1. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
  2. I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
  3. His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
  4. You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
  5. Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
  6. I buried a lot of my ironing in the backyard.
  7. My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
  8. The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
  9. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
  10. Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
  11. You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag.
  12. Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
  13. Life is a do-it-yourself kit; so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
  14. My photographs don’t do me justice. They just look like me.
  15. You know you’re old if they’ve discontinued your blood type.
  16. A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once
  17. I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in ‘What’s That?’
  18. Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
  19. Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
  20. I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
  21. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Quotes by Phyllis Diller (22-32):

  1. I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband. How about short and cheap?
  2. The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
  3. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  4. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
  5. You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
  6. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
  7. I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
  8. This man I was going out with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas but he gave me a bowling ball.
  9. Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, ‘I’ll tell you something you do that irritates me if you tell me something I do that bothers you,’ never ends in a hug and a kiss.
  10. To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbour. Neighbours always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
  11. This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him’.

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Did you find these quotes by Phyllis Diller amusing?

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Thank you.

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