60 we were so poor jokes that’ll make you smile

Every parent likes to tell their children stories about how tough life was in their youth. You kids today have a life filled with fancy vacations and designer clothes, but it was tougher for us, they’ll say? So, here are 60 amusing “we were so poor jokes” about the imagined realities of growing up in days gone by when people were flat-out broke. People looking back with a slightly romanticized notion of yesteryear.

Get ready to smile at the sheer ingenuity of those who came from humble beginnings.

And feel free to pass on these little gems.

We were so poor jokes (1-10):

We were so poor jokes (11-20):

We were so poor jokes (21-30):

We were so poor jokes (31-40):

We were so poor jokes (41-50):

We were so poor jokes (51-60):

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20 classic Elaine Benes quotes that’ll make you smile

Elaine Benes QuotesAnother offering in my series with the theme of memorable sitcom characters, today I thought it would be entertaining to take a look back at some classic Elaine Benes quotes.

Who can forget this brilliant character from the American sitcom Seinfeld, played by the hugely talented Julia Louis-Dreyfus?

Elaine was a woman holding her own in a man’s world. She was smart and funny and she brought a sparkle to the show. However, like all memorable sitcom characters, she was essentially a little flawed too, as you’ll appreciate from the quotes today.

If you love Seinfeld, I’m sure you will be a fan of Elaine Benes.

However, if you’re not old enough to remember Seinfeld and Elaine Benes, in particular, then you’ll find plenty of amusing clips from this sitcom, and featuring the character Elaine Benes, on YouTube.

They’re all brilliant and definitely well worth a little piece of your time.

So check them out but not before you’ve enjoyed these 20 classic Elaine Benes quotes, which I’m confident will raise a smile or two, and will probably resonate with many female readers too, I’m sure.

Elaine Benes Quotes:

  1. I’m dead now. Gotta go! ~ Elaine Benes
  2. I’m not a lesbian! I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. ~ Elaine Benes
  3. Some people should just give up. I have. ~ Elaine Benes
  4. I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie. ~ Elaine Benes
  5. We just tease someone ’til they develop an eating disorder. ~ Elaine Benes
  6. I had to take a sick day. I’m so sick of these people. ~ Elaine Benes
  7. He’s a wonderful guy, but I hate his guts. ~ Elaine Benes
  8. Well, that’s the positive thing about getting sick, you get to lose weight. ~ Elaine Benes
  9. I think this is the same one I gave him. He recycled this gift. He’s a re-gifter! ~ Elaine Benes
  10. You know that just admitting a man is handsome doesn’t necessarily make you a homosexual. ~ Elaine Benes
  11. I can’t do this anymore, it’s too long! Just tell your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already! Die! ~ Elaine Benes
  12. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t break up nicely. I mean, to me, that’s one of the most important parts of a relationship. ~ Elaine Benes
  13. You know, men can sit through the most boring movie if there’s even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off. ~ Elaine Benes
  14. Here’s to those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to Hell. ~ Elaine Benes
  15. I mean the problem is that the good ones know they’re good. And they know they’re in such demand they’re just not interested in confining themselves to one person. ~ Elaine Benes
  16. That’s the bra I gave her, she’s wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She’s a menace to society. ~ Elaine Benes
  17. Kramer, you don’t understand. He made the last contact between us. I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand. ~ Elaine Benes
  18. You know your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple and then BOOM, suddenly hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it. ~ Elaine Benes
  19. Yeah, since she met him she’s been vomited on, her family cabin’s been burned down, she learned her father’s a homosexual, and she got fired from a high-paying network job. Yeah, they had a real good thing going. ~ Elaine Benes
  20. This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, here’s the one thing you’ve gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it’s over. I mean, something happens to their personality; it’s really quite astounding. It’s like they committed a crime and they want to flee the scene before the police get there. ~ Elaine Benes

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30 funny dating profile examples or how not to write one

funny dating profile examplesIn days gone by the dating game was simple. You went to a dance on a Saturday night and, with a bit of luck, you met someone nice who was willing to see you again.

Obviously, the modern dating scene is very different. The age of the dating app makes the process difficult, insofar as you don’t get to meet someone unless they like what they see and what you have to say in your profile.

So you need a flattering photo, naturally, as well as a great sales pitch. And it really needs to be a sales pitch because you are actually trying to sell yourself to any potential dates who are checking out your profile.

A good sales pitch should highlight your unique selling proposition and the reasons why you’re a worthy date. Your words should be positive and scream “I’m a great catch, so grab me whilst I’m still available.” In short, your words should be a call to action.

Any decent salesperson could tell you this, so there’s nothing unique in what I’m saying here. You’d think it was obvious, wouldn’t you?

Following a close inspection of a few dating apps, I can tell you that there are plenty of people out there who haven’t helped themselves when they wrote their profiles.

However, whilst such people don’t necessarily do themselves any favours with their profiles, their words have the potential to make us all laugh.

So here are 30 funny dating profile examples that really made me smile. These are from real apps, albeit I wonder whether some were written tongue-in-cheek.

Funny dating profile examples (1-15):

  1. Miserable soul looking for love.
  2. Recovering alcoholic seeking soul mate.
  3. My life’s a car crash, can you make it better?
  4. I’ve just got the all-clear, so I’m ready for love again.
  5. Manic depressive looking for a nice girl to cheer him up.
  6. If you’ve got a fetish for body odour then I’m your man.
  7. I hate men but could you be the one to change my mind?
  8. So far, I’ve had 60 lovers at college, will you be my 61st?
  9. Looking for someone to pay my bills and take care of me.
  10. If you’ll be my meal ticket I’ll be your pampered princess.
  11. My relationships never work out but I’m willing to try again.
  12. Angry bitch looking for that special one to make his life hell.
  13. Don’t think of me as bald, think hairstyle that says minimalism.
  14. If you can handle a drama Queen then I could be the one for you.
  15. Served my sentence for assault and battery. Now looking for love.

Funny dating profile examples (16-30):

  1. If you’ll cook, clean and do my ironing then you’re the girl for me.
  2. I enjoy long walks and candlelit dinners and someone to pay the bill.
  3. Bad teeth, bad breath, body odour and acne but otherwise a great catch.
  4. Had my fun and I’ve got three kids to prove it. So what can you offer me?
  5. If you’re looking for a fixer-upper then I could be the challenge you need.
  6. As long as I always get my own way in every situation, I can be flexible.
  7. I hate everyone, so why should I like you? You’ll need a good story to tell.
  8. If you’re looking for a bird with a lot of troublesome baggage, then I’m your girl.
  9. My mother will always be my first priority but if that works for a girl like you, swipe right.
  10. If you’re looking for someone considerate, kind and caring then you’d better swipe left.
  11. I’ve got all the looks, charm and intelligence anyone could possibly want and I’m modest too.
  12. With three kids and one on the way, I’m looking for a father for them. Could you be the one?
  13. I can be difficult, jealous, sarcastic and moody. Could you be the one to make me happy?
  14. You could be my downtime, my spare time, my part-time, and my sometime. Someone I turn to when I’ve nothing better to do.
  15. Bald man with no job, no money, no prospects and living with his parents is looking for a good woman with her own house and car. Could you be the one?

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19 Best Homer Simpson quotes that’ll make you smile

Best Homer Simpson quotes

Image by Alan Nakkash

These have got to be 19 of the very best Homer Simpson quotes and I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two with readers. Homer’s take on life is always witty and very funny.

I love the Simpsons and, in particular, Homer Simpson’s philosophy on life never fails to get me laughing out loud. So today I thought I’d take a look back at some of his most memorable quotes.

If you like the Simpsons, I’m sure you will enjoy looking back at Homer’s words of wisdom.

Enjoy them all.

Best Homer Simpson quotes:

  1. Trying is the first step toward failure.
  2. Operator! Give me the number for 911!
  3. If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?
  4. I never apologize. I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.
  5. Marge, you know it’s rude to talk when my mouth is full.
  6. Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.
  7. If I could say a few words, I would be a better public speaker.
  8. Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.
  9. I’ll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
  10. The problem in the world today is communication; too much communication.
  11. It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
  12. I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
  13. If God didn’t want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.
  14. I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
  15. Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don’t even get paid for the stuff they do?
  16. Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals; except the weasel.
  17. Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.
  18. Marge, try to understand. There are two types of college students, jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.
  19. I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

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21 Del Boy quotes for fans of Only Fools and Horses

Fans of the British television sitcom Only Fools and Horses really do love its lead character, the irrepressible Derek ‘Del Boy’ Trotter, played by the brilliant actor David Jason. So today I’ve put together a series of some memorable Del Boy quotes that I’m confident fans will love.

If you’re not familiar with the sitcom Only Fools and Horses, I can recommend the many clips you’ll find on YouTube. They’re all very funny.

So take a look at them all when you can but not before you’ve taken a few minutes to enjoy all these memorable Del Boy quotes first. If you’re a loyal fan you’ll love them all, I’m sure.

Del Boy Quotes:

  1. You plonker, Rodney!
  2. Lovely jubbly!
  3. He who dares wins!
  4. You know it makes sense.
  5. I’m a black belt in origami.
  6. This time next year we’ll be millionaires!
  7. They’re yuppies. They don’t speak proper English like what we do.
  8. Rodney, everything between you and I is split straight down the middle: 60-40.
  9. It’s a well-known fact that 90 per cent of all foreign tourists come from abroad.
  10. You can’t trust the Old Bill, can ya? Look at that time they planted six gas cookers in my bedroom.
  11. You’ve always been the same, even at school. Nothing but books, learning, education. That’s why you’re no good at snooker.
  12. As Macbeth said to Hamlet in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, ‘We’ve been done up like a couple of kippers.’
  13. Asking a Trotter if he knows anything about chandeliers is like asking Mr Kipling if he knows anything about cakes.
  14. Not only have you managed to sink every battleship and aircraft carrier that you’ve ever sailed on, but now you’ve gone and knackered a gravy boat.
  15. There’s no point in running away. Running away only wears out your shoes.
  16. She used to say, ‘It’s better to know you’ve lost than not to know you’ve won.’ Dear old Mum, she used to say some bloody stupid things.
  17. One of my most favourites meals is Duck à l’Orange, but I don’t know how to say that in French.
  18. If you had been in charge of The Last Supper it would have been a takeaway.
  19. I got a Persian rug with more food on it than a menu.
  20. It’s the toughest chicken I’ve ever known. It’s asked me for a fight in the car park twice.
  21. No chance of this happening with Rodney, is there? World War Three! This plonker can’t even get Channel Three!

Del Boy Quotes French:

Fans of this series will know that some of Del Boy’s most memorable quotes are his attempts to display his mastery of the French language. Needless to say, he had no mastery of French, but his attempts at it were very funny.

So here are six of Del Boy’s best French phrases with a note on what he actually meant when he used them:-

  1. Pot Pourri! (By which Del Boy meant: ‘I don’t believe it!’)
  2. Au contraire! (By which Del Boy meant: ‘Hang on a minute!)
  3. Bain-marie! (By which Del Boy meant: ‘No problem!)
  4. Bonnet de douche! (By which Del Boy meant: Excellent!)
  5. Chateauneuf du Pape! (By which Del Boy meant: ‘It’s all gone crazy!’)
  6. Creme de la Menthe! (By which Del Boy meant: ‘The very best.’)

Honourable Mentions:

Whilst this post was intended to pay tribute to Del Boy and his many memorable lines in the show, I think it would be remiss of me not to include some honourable mentions of classic lines from other characters.

So here are three that make me smile every time I hear them:-

  1. He died a couple of years before I was born. ~Colin ‘Trigger’ Ball talking about his father.
  2. We might go out, get to know each other a bit, you know. Might like each other, then who knows? In time maybe she might do some ironing for me. ~Denzil Tulser talking about a potential date.
  3. Derek, will you get it into your thick skull, I’m not trying to meet intelligent and sensitive people, I’m happy with you. ~Raquel Turner, in reference to Del Boy’s jealous nature.

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65 odd quotes that will make you think

If you like odd quotes, then take a look at the 65 I’ve curated for you here today. They’ll all make you think and some might even amuse you too.

Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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ODD QUOTES

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15 amusing quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor

The late Zsa Zsa Gabor was an actress and socialite known for her luxurious taste, glamorous sense of style, and series of high-profile marriages to wealthy men. She was married nine times.

Born in Hungary to parents of Jewish heritage, she was crowned Miss Hungary in 1936.

She began her stage career in Vienna before leaving for the United States in 1941.

With her strong personality, grace, and charm, she became a much sought-after actress and was highly regarded for her European flair and style.

Zsa Zsa Gabor never failed to speak her mind, particularly when it came to matters of men, marriage, and celebrity, and she was well known for her witty remarks and memorable one-liners.

Her sisters were the actresses Eva Gabor and Magda Gabor.

She was a Hollywood legend, so let’s remember some of her most memorable quips with what I think are 15 very amusing quotes.

Amusing quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor:

  1. I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  2. My husband said it was him or the cat. I miss him sometimes.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  3. How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own? ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  4. I’m a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  5. I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  6. There is no diet for a big ego.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  7. A girl must marry for love and keep on marrying until she finds it. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  8. Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  9. When in trouble, take a bath and wash your hair.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  10. Any woman who diets all the time can’t help but be grouchy. Nobody can be amusing or entertaining on a diet.~Zsa Zsa Gabor 
  11. I believe in large families. Every woman should have at least three husbands.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  12. A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  13. I love the intellectual type. They know everything and suspect nothing. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  14. The only place men want depth in their women is in her décolletage. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  15. I always said marriage should be a fifty-fifty proposition. He should be at least fifty years old and have at least fifty million dollars.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
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15 George Costanza quotes that’ll make you smile

Today, dear reader, I thought you might appreciate some amusing quotes by George Costanza.

There have been some wonderful characters in sitcoms over the years, and one of the very best, in my opinion, was that lovable loser George Costanza from the US sitcom Seinfeld, played by the excellent Jason Alexander.

George Costanza had a brilliant turn of phrase, and his cup was always half-empty. If anyone had drawn the short straw in life, it was George. However, he gave us so many laughs, and for that, we should all be very grateful.

So take a couple of minutes, relax, and enjoy all these quotes by George Costanza.

George Costanza Quotes:

  1. I don’t trust men in capes.
  2. If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.
  3. Jerry, just remember it’s not a lie if you believe it.
  4. You know, I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.
  5. When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.
  6. If you can’t say something bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
  7. The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
  8. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.
  9. I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
  10. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, and my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.
  11. You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
  12. Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pairs. That way I only have to do a wash once a year.
  13. What’s so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn’t shop there.
  14. You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.
  15. [To Jerry]: Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That’s all I’m askin’. This woman thinks I’m very funny and now you’re gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I’m gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn’t seem so funny.

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George Costanza quotes
Photo by Alan Light

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You did? I hope so anyway.

If you enjoyed them, please share this post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

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Thank you.

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23 amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld to brighten your day

QUOTES BY JERRY SEINFELD

Photo by Alan Light

Today I’ve put together some amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld.

Most readers will know that Jerry Seinfeld is an American comedian and is probably best known as the star of the successful US sitcom Seinfeld, in which he played a semi-fictionalized version of himself.

Much more than this, Jerry Seinfeld is a hugely successful actor, writer, producer, and director.

As a stand-up comedian, he specializes in observational comedy, which I love, and I would rate him as one of the best comedians of all time.

So take a moment or two to enjoy all of these amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld, and if you like them, then please pass them on.

Amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld:

  1. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
  2. People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
  3. Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
  4. The IRS! They’re like the Mafia. They can take anything they want!
  5. My theory is that 98 per cent of all human endeavour is killing time.
  6. I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu.
  7. To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.
  8. Make no mistake about why these babies are here. They’re here to replace us.
  9. That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
  10. My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.
  11. You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That’s how you know you’re still alive.
  12. A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
  13. You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ 
  14. It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
  15. Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not colour, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.
  16. Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic – you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
  17. The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That’s why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, ‘Bye!’
  18. Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
  19. Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That’s when you know the most, you’ve seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy.
  20. We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
  21. I am so busy doing nothing that the idea of doing anything, which as you know always leads to something, cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
  22. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‘I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’ 
  23. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. 

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Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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25 amusing quotes about getting old to tickle you

AMUSING QUOTES ABOUT GETTING OLDThere are worse things than getting old. Not getting old being just one of them. Nevertheless, being old is a tough gig. Like an old car, everything starts to wear out, and it all seems to happen at once. That’s life, unfortunately, and we just have to get used to it.

The trick is to remain stupid and cheerful, and that way you’ll experience less stress. You can try smart and angry if you prefer, but I think you’ll find it doesn’t help improve anything.

One great way to remain cheerful is to read something amusing each day.

So today I offer you 25 amusing quotes about getting old to make you smile. Certainly, they all made me smile.

If you’re old, I’m sure some of them will resonate with you. If you’re not old, then enjoy your youth while you can. The years will pass in the blink of an eye.

Whatever your age, remember, you’ll never be as young again as you are today.  And you’ll never have today again, either. So, you might as well enjoy it.

Amusing quotes about getting old:

  1. Looking 50 is great if you’re 60. ~Joan Rivers
  2. Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard
  3. No man is ever old enough to know better. ~Holbrook Jackson
  4. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
  5. When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. ~George Burns
  6. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore
  7. You’re only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
  8. Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier
  9. You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” ~Jerry Seinfeld
  10. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. ~Author Unknown
  11. Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. ~George Burns
  12. A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” ~Claude Pepper
  13. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. ~Bob Hope
  14. He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money upfront. ~George Burns
  15. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. ~Billy Crystal
  16. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. ~Kurt Vonnegut
  17. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ~John Mortimer
  18. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. ~Woody Allen
  19. As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. ~Sir Norman Wisdom
  20. I don’t do alcohol anymore. I can get the same effect just by standing up fast. ~Author Unknown
  21. None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~Henry David Thoreau
  22. Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed, and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look, and pulled down the shade. ~Joan Rivers 
  23. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
  24. It’s not that I’m afraid to die; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ~Woody Allen
  25. If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. ~Author Unknown

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