15 amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

05/19/2020 by

Quotes by Jerry SeinfeldToday I’ve put together some amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld.

Most readers will know that Jerry Seinfeld is an American comedian and probably best known as the star of the successful US sitcom Seinfeld, in which he played a semi-fictionalized version of himself.

Much more than this, Jerry Seinfeld is a hugely successful actor, writer, producer, and director.

As a stand-up comedian, he specializes in observational comedy, which I love, and I would rate him as one of the best comedians of all time.

So take a moment or two to enjoy all of these amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld, and if you like them then please pass them on.

Amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld:

  1. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  2. People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  3. Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  4. The IRS! They’re like the Mafia. They can take anything they want! ~Jerry Seinfeld
  5. My theory is 98 per cent of all human endeavour is killing time. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  6. I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  7. To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  8. Make no mistake about why these babies are here. They’re here to replace us. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  9. It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  10. A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  11. Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not colour, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  12. You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ ~Jerry Seinfeld
  13. I am so busy doing nothing that the idea of doing anything, which as you know always leads to something, cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. ~Jerry Seinfeld
  14. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‘I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’ ~Jerry Seinfeld
  15. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. ~Jerry Seinfeld

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