Funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting

Funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting

Today I offer you a very funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting.

If you’re in a professional role then meetings go with the territory for you, I’m sure you’ll agree.

In fact, meetings are probably the bane of your life, I’m sure you’ll probably agree with that too.

Frequently you’re invited to a meeting because your expertise will play an important part in any decisions to be made. You possess knowledge and know-how that no one else can offer, therefore the meeting needs you to guide them through choppy waters and keep them away from the rocks of disaster.

It’s nice to be recognised for your expertise, of course.

However, it is a fact of life that just because you’re the expert, it doesn’t stop everyone else in the meeting from thinking that somehow they know better than you.

You’re asked for your opinion and then you’re immediately contradicted.

Essentially you provide a considered response to a question and then immediately your opinion is dismissed for whatever reason. You’re told you’re being too pessimistic or that you’re exaggerating the risks associated with a given approach and so on. Does this sound familiar?

Well, today’s video is for all the experts out there who’ve ever had to endure a meeting with non-experts who are unwilling or unable to understand what you’re telling them. I’m sure you’ll know the experience, dear reader.

This comedy sketch is hilarious and it does nail an essential truth.

People will believe what they want to believe and whatever they believe to be in their interests, regardless of anything they’re told to the contrary.

This video is recommended viewing for anyone in need of a good laugh and it’s well worth a few minutes of your time.

Comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting:

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15 hilarious jokes that might just make you smile

Hilarious Jokes

Jokes are always popular with readers, so once again I’ve been searching the Internet for stuff to make you smile.

Here are 15 hilarious jokes that made me laugh, and I hope they will brighten your day too. Yes, they’re corny, but they’re still very funny, I think.

They are all classified as ‘Author Unknown’ as I’ve been unable to confirm the identity of the original authors. However, I’d be happy to add appropriate writing credits to every joke if anyone can advise me as to their origin.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all, and please feel free to pass them on.

Hilarious Jokes:

  • A naked woman robbed a bank.
  • Nobody could remember her face.
  • My girlfriend hated my endless stream of police puns.
  • So, I decided to give it arrest.
  • What do you get if you Google ‘missing medieval servant’?
  • Page not found.
  • Patient: Doctor I’m so nervous, this is my first operation.
  • Doctor: Oh, don’t worry. It’s mine too.
  • Don’t be sad when a bird poops on your head.
  • Just be happy that dogs can’t fly.
  • My girlfriend isn’t talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday.
  • I’m not sure how. I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
  • When a cougar’s old and needs a hearing aid, what does she become?
  • A Def Leppard.
  • If you rub your eyes with ketchup, what will you benefit from?
  • Heinzsight!
  • My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances.
  • Well, she’s in for a shock.
  • What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?
  • No whey Jose.
  • My girlfriend has her own taser.
  • She’s a real stunner.
  • I bought a dog off a blacksmith recently.
  • As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
  • What do you do with an epileptic lettuce?
  • You make a seizure salad.
  • A man walked into a zoo and the only animal they have was a dog.
  • It was a Shih Tzu.
  • When pharmacists get sick, what do doctors give them?
  • A taste of their own medicine.

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If any of these hilarious jokes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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6 really funny jokes that will certainly make you smile

really funny jokes

If you’re looking for some really funny jokes, then take a look at the six I’ve got for you today. They all made me smile, so I hope you’ll enjoy them too.

Take a few moments to enjoy them and feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Really Funny Jokes:

1. Flatulent Old Lady:

An old lady was having an embarrassing problem with bloating and gas, so she decided to see her physician.

Hello Mrs Johnson,” said the doctor, “and what’s troubling you today?

Well Doctor Carmichael,” she responded, “I can’t stop breaking wind. Fortunately, they’re silent and they don’t smell but it does feel embarrassing. Honestly, I’ve farted several times whilst I’ve been sitting here. What can I do?

The kindly doctor smiled at her and said, “Mrs Johnson just take these pills three times a day for seven days and then come back and see me as soon as you’ve finished the medication.

One week later Mrs Johnson is back in the doctor’s office and is clearly unhappy.

Doctor, I don’t know what was in those pills you gave me last week but my problem is even worse,” she said.

In what way?” the doctor enquired.

Well I’m still breaking wind just as much and they’re still silent,” she said, “but now the smell is terrible. I mean they really stink.

Excellent!” said the doctor. “That means we’ve fixed the problem with your sinuses. Now let’s see what we can do about your hearing.

2. The Potato Peeler:

Sean was leaning against the counter in a Dublin bar enjoying a pint of Guinness when in walked his old friend Paddy looking decidedly glum.

What’s the matter with you Patrick?” said Sean. “You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.

Oh, Sean,” he said. “I’ve just been fired from my job in the Fish & Chip shop.

You’ve been fired? Now, why would they do that to you, Patrick? What did you do that was so bad?” Sean enquired.

Oh, I got caught putting my johnson in the potato peeler,” Paddy responded.

My God! Patrick that’s terrible. What happened to the potato peeler?” Sean naturally enquired.

Oh, she’s been fired too.” Said Paddy looking a little sheepish.

3. Farmer Jim’s Accident:

Farmer Jim decided to take the trucking company responsible for his accident to court because of the severity of his injuries.

Needless to say, the trucking company hired a fancy lawyer and whilst questioning Farmer Jim in the courtroom he enquired, “Is it not true that at the scene of the accident you said specifically, in front of witnesses, ‘I’m fine’?

Farmer Jim responded, “Sir, let me tell you what happened. I had just loaded my best mule Bessie into the…….

I didn’t ask you for any details sir,” the lawyer interrupted, “Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’ Yes or No?

Farmer Jim said, “Well, I’d just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….

Once again, the lawyer was quick to interrupt Farmer Jim mid-sentence.

Looking at the Judge the lawyer said, “Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman at the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.

Well as luck would have it, the judge was interested in what Farmer Jim had to say, so he said to the lawyer, “I’m sorry sir but I’d like to hear what this man has to say. So I would ask him to continue with his story.

Jim thanked the Judge and continued.

Well,” he said, “I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and I was driving her down the highway when this huge truck with a trailer ran the stop sign and T-boned my truck.”

And then what happened?” The Judge enquired.

Well, I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other,” Jim responded.

And were you hurt?” The Judge asked.

Yes,” said Jim. “I was hurting real bad and I didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

And then what happened?” the Judge asked.

Well, shortly after the accident the Highway Patrolman appeared at the scene,” Jim said.

And what did he do?” the Judge responded.

Well Your Honor, he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her momentarily he then took out his gun and shot her between the eyes,” said Jim.

And did you say to the Highway Patrolman that you were fine?” The Judge asked.

Well,” said Jim. “After he shot Bessie, he came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had no choice but to shoot her. How are you feeling?’”

4. You can’t win:

After 15 years of marriage, my wife complained frequently about my absent-minded habit of not putting the cap back on the toothpaste after I brushed my teeth.

It irritated her to the point where she’d embarrass me about it when we were out with friends.

So, naturally, I decided to change this bad habit to make my wife happy.

For a week, I made sure that I always replaced the cap on the toothpaste, every time I brushed my teeth.

I know it was a small gesture, but I thought my wife would at some point express her appreciation that I was at least trying to change my ways.

Yesterday we were out for dinner with friends when she suddenly remarked, “Why have you stopped brushing your teeth?

Moral of the Story: Marriage can be a challenging relationship.

5. Day of Reckoning:

A Catholic priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates as St Peter processes the new arrivals to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Ahead of the priest in the queue is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, jeans and a leather jacket.

This guy gets to the front of the line and St Peter looks at his clipboard, looks the guy up and down and then asks, “Could you tell me your name please, so I may confirm whether you’re to be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven?

Sure!” says the guy. “I’m Joe Cohen and I was a taxi driver in New York City.

St Peter looks down his list and ticks off Joe Cohen’s name. He then smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and the golden staff Mr Cohen and you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Joe Cohen smiles and walks through the Pearly Gates in his silken robe and carrying the golden staff, whilst it’s the priest’s turn with St Peter.

Before St Peter can utter a single word the priest says, “I’m Father Joseph O’Donnell and I have been the parish priest at St Andrews Roman Catholic Church in Manhattan for the past 40 years.

Once again St Peter consults his clipboard, ticks off Father O’Donnell’s name and then says, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff father and you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Having seen Joe Cohen receive a silken robe and a golden staff Father O’Donnell is left feeling a little short-changed.

Hold it there, just a minute,” said Father O’Donnell. “How is it that Joe Cohen got silk and gold and yet I only get cotton and wood? How can this be? Surely there’s some mistake?

No mistake,” St Peter responded. “In heaven, we reward by results. When you gave your sermons your congregation slept. When Joe Cohen drove his taxi his passengers prayed.

6. The Annual Check-up:

An 85-year-old man was visiting his doctor for his annual check-up.

So Mr Jenkins, how are you keeping?” the doctor enquired.

Doctor, I’ve never felt better,” Mr Jenkins responded. “I’ve even married my 18-year-old girlfriend recently and she’s now pregnant with my child. So, how about that then?

The doctor considered this momentarily and then said, “Let me tell you a story, Mr Jenkins. A friend of mine was a keen hunter. One day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up an umbrella instead of his gun.

Really?” said Mr Jenkins.

Yes,” said the doctor. “Anyway, he was in the woods when suddenly a very large grizzly bear appeared in front of him. He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?

Dumbfounded the old man said, “No Doc, what?

The bear dropped dead in front of him,” the doctor replied.

No Doc, that can’t be right.” said the old man. “That’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the bear.

The doctor smiled and said, “Exactly!

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes?

If any of these really funny jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share it now.

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4 Hilariously Funny Short Story Jokes

If you’re looking for some hilariously funny short story jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got four today that you might just enjoy.

Take a few moments to check them out, and then please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Hilariously funny short story jokes:

1. Jackie and the Game Warden:

Steve and Jackie went on vacation to a fishing resort in Montana.

Steve was a keen fisherman, and he liked to go out fishing early in the morning. Whereas when she’s on vacation, Jackie prefers to just relax and read a book.

One morning, after a few hours of fishing on the lake, Steve returned in his boat and, feeling a little tired by now, decided to take a midday nap.

At this point, Jackie is feeling in need of a little fresh air, and though unfamiliar with their boat, she decided to take it out onto the lake.

So she motored out a short distance, anchored the boat, and then continued reading her book in the peace and tranquility of this beautiful part of the world.

Jackie’s sitting and reading for about half an hour when suddenly the Game Warden’s boat pulls up next to her boat.

Good day, mam,” said the Game Warden. “What are you doing?

I’m reading a book,” Jackie replied.

“Mam, do you realize that you’re in a restricted fishing area?” said the Game Warden.

Does that really matter?” said Jackie. “I’m not fishing; I’m reading.

The Game Warden cast his experienced eye over her boat and then said, “Mam, I can see your boat has all the equipment for fishing. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I’m afraid I’ll have to write you up a ticket.

Jackie smiled and then said, “Officer, if you do that, I will file a complaint against you for sexual assault.

Surprised and slightly concerned by her response, the Game Warden said, “Mam, what do you mean? I haven’t laid a finger on you.”

“Perhaps,” said Jackie, “but you have all the equipment to do so. For all I know, you could start at any moment.

You have a nice day, mam”, said the Game Warden, as he re-started his engine and sailed away, leaving Jackie to her reading.

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

2. The silent treatment:

Frank and his wife, Liz, were giving each other the silent treatment after an argument.

This had gone on for 10 days when Frank realized he needed her to wake him the following morning at 5 a.m. so he could catch the 8 a.m. flight to Los Angeles for a very important business meeting.

However, Frank didn’t want to be the first to break the silence, so he left a note on her bedside table that read, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”

The next morning, he woke up only to find it was already 9 a.m. So he’d missed his flight to Los Angeles.

Frank was furious, and he was about to ask his wife why she hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on his bedside table. It read, “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

3. A woman’s contribution:

One evening, Bill returned home from work only to find his home completely wrecked and upside down. Everything was a complete mess.

Bill’s three young children were still in their pyjamas, eating snacks from the fridge. The entrance rug, normally in the hall, was lying on the table. The television in the living room was blasting out cartoons loudly. And every item of furniture in the room was covered in stuff.

He walked into the kitchen only to find that the sink was full of dishes. Leftovers from breakfast were scattered all over the counter, and it was covered in crumbs too.

So Bill immediately ran up the stairs, dodging toys and piles of clothes, fearing his wife might be gravely ill or that some other misfortune might have happened to her.

When he entered their bedroom, breathless, Bill found his wife lying happily in bed, still in her pyjamas, reading a book.

Watching him struggle for breath, she smiled and said, “Hello, honey, how was your day?

Feeling more than surprised and a little confused, Bill asked his wife, “What’s going on? What the hell has been happening here today?

Once again, Bill’s wife smiled and said, “Remember that argument we had last night when you hurtfully asked me what the hell I did all day?

“Ehhhh, yes, I think so”, said Bill, still slightly confused.

Well today I didn’t do any of it, so now you know,” his wife responded.

Jim’s walking past his son Tim’s room when he notices it’s incredibly clean and neat. As Tim’s not usually quite so fastidious in matters of housekeeping, Jim is naturally suspicious. So, he enters the room, and immediately he notices that there is a note on Tim’s bed addressed to Dad.

Nervously, Jim picks up the letter and opens it.

The letter reads,

“Dear Dad, I’ve run away with Betsy. She’s 20 years older than me, but I love her. We had to elope because she’s pregnant with my child. As we didn’t have enough money, I stole some from your wallet. We’re going to live in the woods below the Santa Monica Mountains, where she has a trailer, and where we will be growing marijuana and trading drugs with the local community. Once we have enough money, we’ll be able to get her the treatment she needs for AIDS. We plan to have at least eight children, and once we’re settled, we’ll visit you each year.

If you’ve read this far, Dad, don’t worry; I’m just kidding around. I’m hanging out at Mikey’s place. I just wanted you to realise that there are worse things than my report card, which you’ll find on my desk if you want to read it. Call me when it’s safe to head back home. Love you, Tim.”

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I hope you found these jokes as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today, then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

So go on, please do it now. I’ll be ever so grateful.

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7 lame jokes funny enough to make you laugh

Lame Jokes

If you enjoy lame jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got some great ones for you today. I’m confident that at least some of these will make you laugh.

Enjoy them all and feel free to share them with your friends.

Lame Jokes:

1. Miscommunication:

Betty is sitting on the porch with her husband sipping a glass of wine.

I love you so much,” says Betty. “In fact, I doubt if I could live without you. Not even for a single day.

Her husband, Jim, is flattered and almost speechless. His wife had never shown him quite so much affection.

Oh, Betty, I didn’t know you cared so much,” said Jim.

Oh, yes,” said Betty, “this wine is really very special to me.”

2. Two wishes:

Jake and Maggie are a married couple in their sixties and one day they’re visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.

I want to travel around the world with my darling husband,” says Maggie.

Your wish is granted,” says the fairy.

Then there’s a POOF sound and miraculously two tickets for a luxury cruise appear in Maggie’s hand.

I’m sorry,” says Jake, “but my wish is to have a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.

Your wish is granted,” says the fairy.

With that, the fairy waves a wand and miraculously Jake is transformed into a 92-year-old.

Moral of the Story: Ungrateful men should remember that fairies are female and loyal to the sisterhood.

3. Shot of whiskey:

Jim drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.

After years of this, his wife, Elaine is worried about him and wants him to quit.

Naturally, Elaine wants to ensure that Jim really understands why she’s concerned.

As they’re sitting at the table, Elaine says to him, “Jim, dear, we need to talk.”

With that, she places two shot glasses on the table and fills one with water and the other with whiskey.

Now, Jim, I want you to watch what happens next,” says Elaine.

With that, she takes two worms from his fishing-bait box and puts one in each of the shot glasses.

The worm in the water starts swimming around in the glass.

Sadly, the worm in the whiskey dies immediately.

Feeling she’s made her point, Elaine says, “So, Jim, what do you have to say about this little experiment?”

Well dear, that’s obvious,” says Jim. “If I keep drinking whiskey, I won’t get worms.

4. Little Johnny Joke:

Little Johnny is sitting in his math class and the teacher asks him, “Johnny, how many feet are there in a yard?

Little Johnny thinks momentarily and then responds, “Well, miss, that would depend on how many people are standing in the yard.

5. The pharmacist:

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

Mam,” says the pharmacist, “I have to ask you what it’s for?

I want to kill my husband,” the woman responds.

I’m sorry, mam,” says the pharmacist, “but I can’t let you have it for that.”

With that, the woman shows the pharmacist a photograph of his wife in bed with her husband.

The pharmacist studies the photograph momentarily and then says, “Oh, right, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.

6. The reptile house:

Towards the end of a hectic day at the zoo, staff tried to tidy up as quickly as possible before closing for the evening.

In their haste to finish their work in the reptile house, the glass tanks were left open by mistake.

Within minutes dozens of snakes had escaped.

With some highly venomous snakes on the loose, the head keeper was desperately trying to round them up, with little to no success.

Eventually, the head keeper turned to his assistant and said, “It’s no use, I’ll have to call a politician.

A politician?” the assistant exclaimed, a little bewildered. “How will a politician help us now?

Well,” said the head keeper, “we need someone who can speak their language.

7. The miracle:

One morning, a disabled man hobbled into St Patrick’s Catholic Church on crutches.

The man stopped in front of the font, dipped a cupped hand into the holy water and then started splashing and rubbing holy water on both of his legs.

When he’d finished, he threw away his crutches.

Watching this event was an altar boy, who was truly amazed by this act which demonstrated the power of belief in God.

Immediately, the boy ran into the rectory to tell Father O’Connor, the Parish priest, what he’d seen.

Son,” said Father O’Connor, “what you’ve just witnessed is a miracle. Tell me, where is this man now?

Flat on his ass, over there by the holy water,” said the boy.

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Thank you for your support.

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10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll tickle your children

Stupid Jokes

One of life’s great joys is sharing a laugh with children.

There’s nothing quite as infectious as a child laughing uncontrollably. I’m sure you’ll agree with that, dear reader.

All you need is a little ammunition in the form of a book of stupid jokes, and you’re well on your way to creating memories that will last a lifetime.

I recently stumbled upon a hilarious book that works well with young children.

The book is Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell, and I think it’s hilarious. It’s stuffed full of the sort of stupid jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers.

It contains an excellent collection of over 2,500 hilariously funny and silly jokes, all guaranteed to get a child laughing.

So take a break from the smartphones and iPads and you can have hours of fun making your children laugh and showing them there’s life beyond electronic gadgets.

Each joke has a simple two-line structure, poking fun at everything from addled animals to witless wizards. These are jokes that children will love, and they’ll be eager to share them with their friends.

This collection of jokes will allow children to dazzle their friends, disarm their enemies, and impress their teachers.

And remember, if a child has a stock of jokes to tell, then they’ll always be popular with their peer group.

So I’ve got to tell you, dear reader, you can’t lose with this book. It’s inexpensive and a sure-fire winner.

Allow me to offer you some examples of the wit and humour that you’ll find between the covers of Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell:

Stupid jokes just for you:

  • What did one pig say to the other?
  • Let’s be pen pals
  • Why do cows lie down when it’s cold?
  • To keep each udder warm
  • Which fish go to heaven when they die?
  • Angel fish
  • Why don’t bears wear socks?
  • Because they like to walk in their bear feet
  • What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
  • A zebra
  • What’s out of bounds?
  • An exhausted kangaroo
  • Why are anteaters good workers?
  • Because a little aardvark never hurt anyone
  • Why shouldn’t you tell a pig a secret?
  • Because pigs are squealers
  • What do porcupines have that other animals don’t?
  • Baby porcupines
  • Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
  • She wanted to lay it on the line

The book Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell is available from Amazon and if you’d like to take a look inside or purchase a copy, then just CLICK HERE

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5 jokes that will make anyone laugh to raise a smile

Are you looking for some jokes that will make anyone laugh, dear reader? Well, I can offer you five today that might just fit the bill. They’re nothing too naughty, but they might make you smile. I hope so, anyway.

If you do enjoy them, please feel free to share them.

Jokes that will make anyone laugh:

1. First time:

Bernadette was a young, single Catholic girl from Brooklyn. 

One morning, Bernadette went to confession.

She went into the confessional box, knelt down, and spoke quietly.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” said Bernadette. 

Go ahead, my child, what is this sin of which you speak?” Father Murphy, the parish priest, responded.

Father,” said Bernadette, “it’s a little embarrassing.”

Just take your time, my child,” said Father Murphy to reassure her.

Well,” said Bernadette, “last night I made love with my boyfriend, Father. I couldn’t help myself. I swear it was the first time, but he was so charming, and he took me to heaven and back, Father. However, I’m not married, so I know it was a sin. I’ve come here now seeking absolution.

Father Murphy thought momentarily and then said, “My child, I want you to say ten Hail Marys before you leave the church and then go home, fill a glass with vinegar, add two teaspoons full of mustard, stare it up, and then drink it all.

Yes, Father,” said Bernadette, a little confused. “And will that absolve me of this terrible sin?

No, my child,” Father Murphy responded, “but it will wipe the smile off your face!

2. A lack of passion:

A retired couple, Rick and Diane, have been married for 30 years, but their marriage is not in a good place, so they go to see a counsellor.

When the counsellor asks what the problem is, Diane immediately bursts into a rant about how terrible everything is, listing every issue she’s ever had in the 30 years they’ve been married. 

It was just an endless list of issues, one after another. She just kept banging on and on about why she was not happy.

The counsellor listened momentarily, and then he got up, went around the desk, embraced Diane and kissed her passionately. 

Diane is stunned into silence and she just shuts up and sits quietly in a complete daze.

The counsellor then turns to Rick and says, “That’s what your wife needs and she needs it three times a week. Can you help her Rick?”

Well,” says Rick, “I could bring her here on Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays, I play golf.”

3. Sheltered life:

Jim lived in a small town and had led a fairly sheltered life. So he decides it’s time to explore the world a bit. 

He’d heard a lot about the wonders of the Big Apple, so he decided to visit New York City.

He’s wandering around Macy’s browsing when he spots a Thermos flask.

What’s this?” Jim asks the clerk.

Well,” said the clerk, “it’s a flask that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

Now Jim may be a bit of a hayseed but he can see that such a flask could be very useful, so he buys one.

When he returns home, he takes the Thermos flask into the office to show his buddies.

What is it?” they ask, in unison.

It’s called a Thermos flask,” says Jim, “and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

Wow!” says his buddy, Bill, “What have you got in there now?

Two cups of coffee and a choc ice,” says Jim.

4. White knuckle ride:

A New York City cab driver is driving down Broadway with a passenger heading for Battery Park.

The cab gets to a red light but the driver just goes straight through it.

The passenger sees what’s happened and shouts, “Hey buddy, be careful! I wanna get to Battery Park in one piece!”

Hey, don’t worry,” says the cab driver. “My brother does it all the time.”

They get to the next junction, the light’s red, but the cab driver just sails on through again.

The passenger’s not happy. “Hey, buddy,” he shouts, “you’ll get us both killed.

My brother does it all the time, I’m telling you,” says the driver.

They get to the next junction and once again the light’s red but the driver doesn’t stop.

You’ve gotta stop this!” screams the passenger.

Chill out!” says the driver. “I told you, my brother does it all the time.”

They get to the 34th Street junction, the light’s green but the driver screeches to a halt.

Hey buddy,” says the passenger, “the light’s green, why did you stop?

It’s 34th Street,” says the cab driver. “My brother lives on 34th Street and I’m not sure what time he starts work.”

5. Copying ancient texts:

At the Benedictine Monastery Paul, a novice Catholic monk arrives to prove his suitability for admission to the religious order.

After being given a little time to settle in, Paul’s asked to assist the other monks with copying ancient texts by hand.

Whilst he’s observing the process, Paul notices that the other monks are making their copies from documents which are themselves copies, not the original texts.

So Paul goes to the Abbot to raise his concerns.

Reverend Father,” says Paul, “It appears the monks are making their copies from copies and not original texts. So if there were any mistakes made in those copies those mistakes will be repeated in the new copies. 

Paul,” said the Abbot, “you make an important point. The Benedictine order has been making copies for centuries and the rules by which we live are defined in those ancient texts. I must investigate.

With that, the Abbot goes down deep into the cellar of the monastery with one of the most recent copies and proceeds to check it very carefully against the original ancient text.

Several days pass and the monks have not seen the Abbot.

Eventually, Paul and the other monks decide that a group of them should go looking for him. So Paul leads a delegation down into the cellar. 

As they’re walking down the ancient steps, they can hear the Abbot sobbing.

When they find him, still sobbing, Paul asks, “Reverend Father, what’s wrong?

You idiots!” the Abbot responds. “The word was CELEBRATE!

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jokes that will make anyone laugh

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6 witty jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

If you’re looking for some witty jokes that will make you laugh, then I’ve got six good ones here for you to enjoy today. Enjoy them all, and please feel free to pass them on.

Witty Jokes:

1. Rumblings in the night:

Bob was an American businessman on his first trip to London. He was really excited about the trip because he’d been invited to stay in a large stately home by the wealthy aristocratic family with whom he was doing business.

He was shown his room by his host, and he couldn’t help but be seriously impressed. The room was very grand and spacious, with a wonderful view. It also had an enormous wardrobe and a fabulous en-suite bathroom.

After a large evening meal and quite a few drinks with his host, Bob staggered back to his room late, feeling jet-lagged and a little tipsy, and immediately fell on his bed, still in his business suit. He was sound asleep within seconds. 

However, at about 4 a.m., Bob was awakened suddenly by an urgent feeling that an uncontrollable bowel movement was imminent. The intestinal pressure was such that he realised he needed to move fast.

Despite feeling a little disoriented, he jumped off his bed in a flash, but there was no time to switch on the lights. 

He could barely get to the bathroom quickly enough. Struggling to get his trousers down, he burst through the door and probed around with his hands in the dark trying to locate the toilet.

However, his bowels couldn’t contain the pressure any longer, and a foul-smelling intestinal load was dumped uncontrollably on the floor.

His brain struggled to come to terms with his surroundings and what had just happened.  Well, he thought, at least it couldn’t get any worse.

Then he realised that he was standing in the walk-in wardrobe. 

2. Presence of mind:

Jim’s wife accused him of hating all her family and relatives.

Now, that’s not true,” said Jim.

Then give me an example of a relative of mine that you actually like,” his wife, Jane, responded.

Well, for a start, I like your mother-in-law much more than I like mine,” said Jim.  

3. Unintended consequences:

Witty Jokes

Rick’s wealthy father was in such poor health that he had no more than a couple of months to live.

Recognizing that he would soon inherit his father’s fortune, Rick decided it was time for him to find himself a good woman with whom he could enjoy a wealthy lifestyle.

So, one evening, he visited a singles bar, where he immediately spotted a very beautiful woman sitting alone at a table in the corner.

This woman was truly stunning, and Rick couldn’t help being mesmerised by her beauty.

He walked over to her table and said, “Mam, I may not be the best-looking guy in this bar, but within a few months I will inherit a $100 million fortune, as sadly, my wealthy father’s dying.

The woman was so impressed that she went home with Rick that evening.

Two weeks later, she became Rick’s stepmother.

Moral of the story: You underestimate women at your peril.

4. The ageing mind:

An old man named Bill realised that he needed to use the toilet.

So he got up and walked across the house to the pantry.

He couldn’t remember why he’d gone to the pantry, but he did remember that he needed to go to the toilet.

So he walked back across the house to the bathroom.

As he sat down on the throne, only then did he remember why he’d gone to the pantry.

Toilet paper!

5. How many wives:

Two little boys, Tim and Jerry, were at a wedding when Tim asked Jerry, “How many wives can a man have?

To which, Jerry responded, “Sixteen!

 Sixteen?” Tim asked. “How did you work that out?

Well,” said Jerry, “the priest has just said, four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer. So four times four is sixteen.

6. Lateral thinking:

Four old High School buddies were on a road trip, staying in motels along the way. Naturally, to keep the cost down they’d just book two rooms and then share.

The problem was, no one wanted to share with Bob because they all knew he snored so loudly.

To make it fair, Tom, Dick and Harry agreed that they would take it in turns to spend the night in a room with Bob.

On the first night, Tom shared the room with Bob.

The following morning Tom arrived at breakfast, looking completely shattered.

What happened to you?” asked Dick.

Oh, it was awful,” said Tom. “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up all night and watched him.”

The next night it was Dick’s turn to share with Bob.

The following morning Dick arrived at breakfast looking tired and his eyes were all bloodshot.

Man, you look shattered,” said Tom. “I’m guessing Bob was making a lot of noise in the night?

Jeez,” said Dick, “He was making enough noise to wake the dead. I was awake all night just watching him.

On the third night, it was Harry’s turn to share with Bob.

Harry was a wily old cowboy and a real man’s man. 

The next morning Harry arrived at breakfast looking bright-eyed, fresh and well-rested. 

Good morning guys,” said Harry.

Tom and Dick couldn’t believe their eyes.

How did you manage to sleep?” asked Tom.

Well,” said Harry, “we got ready for bed, I went and tucked Bob in, then I kissed him goodnight. And he sat up all night watching me.”

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Witty Jokes

If you enjoy witty jokes, dear reader, then I hope some of these made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share witty jokes, surely everyone’s a winner?

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All Rights Reserved.

40 funny quick jokes you’ll just love

funny-quick-jokes

If you’re looking for some funny quick jokes then take a look at the 40 I’ve put together for you today. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of laughs here.

Enjoy them all.

And feel free to pass them on.

Funny quick jokes (1-10):

  1. I quit my job making soles for shoes. It was a bit of a treadmill.
  2. Jane and Bill were getting divorced. Naturally, they split the house. Bill got the outside.
  3. Bob’s wife opened the car door for him. He’d have considered it a nice gesture if they’d not been travelling at 70 mph.
  4. If I win the lottery, I promise you that no one around me will be poor. I’ll move to a wealthy neighbourhood.
  5. A Mexican magician said he’d disappear at the count of three. Uno … dos, then poof! He disappeared without a tres.
  6. A male fly notices an attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure. In an attempt to impress her, the male fly said, “Excuse me, beautiful, is that stool taken?”
  7. A woman was up in court for attacking her boyfriend with two guitars. “First offender?” The judge inquired. “No, your honour,” said her counsel, “the first was a Gibson. The second was a Fender.”
  8. I hate it when people’s grammar is so poor that they mix up there, their and they’re. So now I just tell them, weather they like it or not.
  9. What have I learned from studying cows, buffalos, and elephants? Well, for a start, it’s impossible to reduce weight just by eating grass, salads, and walking.
  10. I found something in my wardrobe that I hadn’t worn since graduation. Amazingly, it still fits me. Well, it was only my college scarf, but I like to look for the positives.

Funny quick jokes (11-20):

  1. Are donuts classified as hole food?
  2. Plagiarism is just getting into trouble for something you didn’t do.
  3. When I was young, I was poor. However, after years of hard but honest work, I’m no longer young.
  4. I went for my annual physical, and my physician said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.” I said, “You mean like burgers, bacon, that sort of thing?” To which he responded, “No fatty, don’t eat anything.”
  5. My son came home and said there would be a small get-together at his school tomorrow. “How small?” I asked. “Well,” he responded, “it’s just you, me, and the principal.
  6. Was it just me, growing up, or did anyone else believe that Hugh Rynal invented the public convenience?
  7. Wife: I have blisters on my hands from that broom. Husband: Why didn’t you just use the car?
  8. I’ve been fired from my job as a masseur. My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.
  9. I went to see a psychiatrist today, and she told me I had a split personality. Then she charged me $160. So, I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.
  10. If a runner was accidentally shot with a starting pistol, would that be classified as race-related?

Funny quick jokes (21-30):

  1. If you need an ark, then I Noah guy.
  2. How can a door be a door if it’s ajar?
  3. Avoid dangerous cults. Practise safe sects.
  4. Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
  5. To some people, marriage is a word, to others, it’s a sentence.
  6. I’ve heard that the company that makes yardsticks is not making them any longer.
  7. Did you know that before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home?
  8. If a cow doesn’t produce milk, does that make it a milk dud or an udder failure?
  9. I’m told that it’s not a good idea to play tennis with a cymbal. It makes a terrible racket.
  10. A farmer was milking his best cow and had a good rhythm going when suddenly a fly flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it until suddenly the fly squirted out into the bucket. He then realised that the cow had gone in one ear and out the udder.

Funny quick jokes (31-40):

  1. Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B Back.
  2. If I drink holy water with a laxative, would that start a religious movement?
  3. Believe it or not, my friend speaks to his garden. Yes, Jack and the Beans talk.
  4. There’s one thing you can be sure of, laxatives will give you a good run for your money.
  5. Have you heard about the guy who fell into a glass lens-making machine and made a spectacle of himself?
  6. As I was getting ready for bed, she said, “You’re drunk!” So I said, “How do you know?” And she said, “Because you live next door.”
  7. A guy walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees and gives them to him. “Surely that’s too many,” says the guy. “No,” says the clerk. “I’ve given you a freebie.”
  8. I pulled out a nose hair today to see if it hurt. Judging by the reaction of the guy asleep next to me on the bus, it must have been very painful.
  9. I saw a guy stacking shelves at Walmart complaining because the top shelf was broken and he couldn’t keep it up. He told me he had wrecked aisle dysfunction.
  10. The difference in meaning between the words ‘Complete’ and ‘Finished’ can be somewhat unclear. Fortunately at a linguistic conference recently a speaker offered some clarity when he said, “When a man marries the right woman he will be complete. If he marries the wrong woman he will be finished. And should the right woman catch him fooling around with the wrong woman, he will be completely finished.
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Please share this post with your friends:

I hope you enjoyed these funny quick jokes, dear reader, and I hope at least some of them made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

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Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All Rights Reserved.

9 short jokes anyone can remember

short-jokes-anyone-can-rememberLooking for some short jokes anyone can remember, dear reader? Well, I’ve got 9 little gems here for you today. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

1. Eye-catching:

A guy walks into a hotel restaurant, and, as he’s being seated, he notices a very attractive woman at the next table.

Suddenly she sneezes, and, to his surprise, a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket.

It’s flying past the guy but he catches it and politely hands it back to the lady.

Oh, my goodness,” says the lady, “this is so embarrassing.”

As she’s popping her eye back in place, she gradually regains her composure, and then she says, “I’m so sorry to have disturbed you, but I really appreciate your help. Why don’t you join me, and I’ll buy you dinner to make it up to you?

The guy nods in agreement and he joins her at her table.

Despite her glass eye, the woman is stunningly attractive and a great conversationalist. The guy is having a wonderful evening and, as they chat, it’s obvious they have a lot in common.

Naturally, he gets her phone number and then says, “Mam, I have to say, you’re the most charming woman I’ve ever met. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?

No, not really,” the woman replies. “You just happened to catch my eye.”

2. Vacuum cleaner salesman:

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door.

He scattered a load of dog muck all over my carpet and then said, “Show me where I can plug in and if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck up every last dog dropping right now then I’ll eat the rest.”

I smiled and said, “Well, I hope you’re hungry because my electricity has just been cut off.

3. Marital problems:

A guy’s sitting at the counter in a Manhattan bar looking miserable and staring into his beer.

Are you alright buddy?” asks the bartender. “What’s the problem?

The guy looks up from his drink and says, “Oh, my wife and I got into a fight and she said she wouldn’t be speaking to me for a month.”

In an attempt to be encouraging the bartender says, “Hey, come on now buddy, think positive. At least you’ll get some peace for a while.”

Yeah, I know,” the guy responds, “but today’s the last day.”

4. The taxi ride:

Three buddies staggered out of a bar late one night, all well and truly sozzled. However, they did manage to hail a taxi and in they all climbed.

The taxi driver could see that they were all absolutely hammered and decided it was a situation he could use to his advantage. So he started the engine, waited a few minutes without moving and then turned it off again.

Right fellas, we’ve reached our destination,” said the taxi driver. “That’ll be $30.

The first guy gave him the money.

The second guy said, “Thank you, driver.”

But the third guy slapped the driver across the face.

The taxi driver was shocked and thought perhaps the third guy knew what had happened. Nevertheless, he said, “What the hell was that for, buddy?

You were driving like a maniac and you could have killed us,” the third guy responded. “Control your speed next time.”

short-jokes-anyone-can-remember5. Wise woman:

Rick said to his wife, Liz, one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time.

Well, dear husband of mine, allow me to explain,” said Liz. “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. And then God made me stupid, so I would be attracted to you!

6. Lost property:

Jim is on his way home, and he’s driving behind an ambulance.

As he’s driving along, he notices a small metal box on the back step of the ambulance.

As the ambulance turns a corner the box suddenly falls off and lands on the side of the road.

Being a public-spirited individual, Jim pulls over and retrieves it.

When Jim opens the box there is a human toe inside packed in ice.

Well, Jim realises that the owner will need this appendage, so he phones the local hospital to explain the situation.

Jim gives them his location and then asks whether they’ll be sending an ambulance to collect it.

No, there’s no need,” they said. “We’ll just send a toe truck.”

7. Little Johnny Joke:

Little Johnny was standing outside his local shopping mall when he was approached by a man.

Son, I’m lost,” said the man. “Could you tell me how I get to the Post Office from here?

Sure, mister,” said Little Johnny. “Walk down to the end of this road and turn right. Then you’ll see it on your left.”

Thank you, son,” said the man. “I’m the new minister at the church. If you come along on Sunday, I’ll tell you how you can get to Heaven.”

How are you going to do that?” asks Little Johnny. “You didn’t even know the way to the Post Office.

8. Three wishes:

Tom, Dick and Harry are ship-wrecked on a desert island when they stumble upon an old oil lamp.

Tom picks up the lamp and starts rubbing it.

Immediately a genie appears and grants each of them a wish.

Tom immediately says he’d like to be back home in New York.

Poof! Then Tom’s gone and on his way home.

Dick then says his wish is to be back home in New York too.

Poof! Then Dick’s gone and on his way home.

Looking at Harry, the genie says, “So, what’s your wish?

Harry thinks momentarily and then says, “Jeez, it sure is lonely without my two buddies. I wish they were both back here.

9. Waiting for the bus:

A woman is having a problem with her wardrobe door in her bedroom. Each time a bus passes her house the door falls off.

She calls a repairman and he arrives to fix it.

The repairman sees that the door has fallen off.

So he puts it back in place and he then says to the woman, “I’ll now step inside the wardrobe and I’ll wait until a bus passes to see exactly what happens. You just close the door on me.”

So she closes the door but, as she does so, her husband arrives home and he’s heard his wife in the bedroom talking with someone.

Naturally, he wants to know what’s going on.

So, he rushes upstairs, storms into the bedroom and opens the wardrobe door. He sees the repairman and says, “OK buddy, what the hell are you doing in there?

You might find this hard to believe,” says the repairman, “but I’m waiting for a bus.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these short jokes anyone can remember, dear reader, and I hope they made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

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Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

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