Funny political satire with laughter guaranteed

03/21/2023 by

Funny political satire In the times in which we now live, it seems that intelligent political debate is something from a bygone age.

Perhaps it never really existed at all.

However, the politically correct modern media has created a debate so lacking in intelligent and informed analysis that it has become completely pointless I think.

If you live in the United Kingdom dear reader, then an excellent example for me is the BBC’s Question Time. It may have a new host in Fiona Bruce but it’s still just a lot of hot air I think.

Essentially it’s just a carefully selected bunch of people with rigid views coupled with an inability to understand why others may think the way they do. And an unwillingness even to try.

I suppose that’s just the way it is nowadays.

Nevertheless, it’s not a complete loss to us all because it does offer fertile ground for comedy and funny political satire.

So if you think that the BBC’s Question Time has become a mess of evidence-free assertions, class warfare, soundbites and smugness then you might enjoy this comedy sketch from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse.

It’s hilarious and for me, they have truly nailed the nature of what passes for modern political debate.

It made me laugh and I hope it makes you smile too.

Funny political satire:

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50 funny questions to ask anyone and get a laugh

03/19/2023 by

FUNNY QUESTIONS TO ASK ANYONEIf you enjoy playing that game with your friends whereby you ask each other funny questions, then here are 50 funny questions to ask anyone.

You and your friends can have hours of fun asking each other these silly questions. It’s a great game to play and, if nothing else, you’ll learn a lot more about your friends in the process.

So, get a few friends, or fellow workers together, and ask them a few of these questions to see what answers you get.

And please, feel free to share them all.

Funny questions to ask (1-10):

  1. If animals could talk, which one would be the most sarcastic?
  2. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
  3. If you had to wear one Halloween costume every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  4. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you’d done?
  5. What’s the funniest WiFi name you’ve ever seen?
  6. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten for breakfast?
  7. If you could choose your own nickname, what would it be?
  8. What’s the strangest place you’ve ever found your lost keys or phone?
  9. What would you do if you found a penguin in your freezer?
  10. If you could be any fictional character for a day, who would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (11-20):

  1. If you could have a theme song, what would it be?
  2. What’s the silliest prank you’ve ever pulled?
  3. If you were a superhero, what would your useless superpower be?
  4. If you could create the ultimate animal by merging two different animals, which animals would you use?
  5. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you pick?
  6. What’s the most embarrassing fashion trend you’ve ever followed?
  7. If you could be a fly on anyone’s wall, whose wall would it be and why?
  8. What three items would you bring to a desert island to entertain yourself?
  9. If your life was a sitcom, what would it be called?
  10. What’s the worst job you could have but with the best job title?

Funny questions to ask (21-30):

  1. If you could have dinner with any three fictional characters, who would you choose?
  2. If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
  3. If your life had a blooper reel, what would be the funniest moment on it?
  4. What would be the most inappropriate time to start a dance party?
  5. If you could choose one age to be forever, what age would you choose and why?
  6. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, which one would you pick?
  7. What would your pet say about you if it could talk?
  8. What’s the weirdest gift you’ve ever received?
  9. What’s the most unusual hobby you’ve ever tried?
  10. If you had a time machine that could only go one way, would you rather visit the past or the future?

Funny questions to ask (31-40):

  1. What are three words that make you laugh every time you hear them?
  2. What’s the funniest misheard song lyric you’ve ever encountered?
  3. If you could switch lives with a celebrity for a day, who would it be and why?
  4. What’s the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen a pet do?
  5. If you had to give up one of your senses, which one would you choose and why?
  6. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever overheard in public?
  7. If you could have one magical power, what would it be and why?
  8. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done to impress someone?
  9. If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  10. If you had to replace your hands with objects, what objects would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (41-50):

  1. What’s the most ridiculous outfit you’ve ever worn on a date?
  2. If you were a potato, how would you like to be cooked?
  3. If you could swap lives with a cartoon character, who would it be and why?
  4. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing autocorrect fail you’ve ever experienced?
  5. If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  6. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said in your sleep?
  7. If you could have an unlimited supply of any item, what would it be and why?
  8. What’s the cheesiest pick-up line you’ve ever heard of or used?
  9. If you could choose a new first name, what would it be?
  10. If you could communicate with animals, which species would you want to chat with the most?

Funny questions to ask (51-60):

  1. What’s the funniest or most unusual name for a pet you’ve ever encountered?
  2. If you had to marry a fictional character, who would you choose and why?
  3. What’s the weirdest food combination you’ve ever tried and enjoyed?
  4. If you could only speak in movie quotes, which movie would you choose?
  5. What’s the most amusing way you’ve ever procrastinated?
  6. If you could be any object for a day, what would you be and why?
  7. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you at a party?
  8. If you had to choose a movie title to describe your life, what would it be?
  9. What’s the most hilarious or cringe-worthy trend you participated in as a teenager?
  10. If you could only communicate through dance moves, how would you greet people?

Funny questions to ask (61-70):

  1. What’s the most absurd lie you’ve ever told and gotten away with?
  2. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done while sleepwalking?
  3. If you could only use one word for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  4. If you could have a conversation with anyone of your choosing, dead or alive, who would you choose and what would you ask them?
  5. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing story from your childhood?
  6. If you could choose any celebrity to be your personal life coach, who would it be and why?
  7. If you had to choose one food to be allergic to, what would it be?
  8. If you could only watch one TV show for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  9. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing you’ve done to get someone’s attention?
  10. If you could instantly become an expert in any subject, what would it be and why?

Funny questions to ask (71-80):

  1. What’s the strangest or most unexpected place you’ve ever fallen asleep?
  2. If you had to choose a new first name that starts with the letter Z, what would it be?
  3. What’s the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen in someone else’s home?
  4. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever bought online?
  5. If you could be a professional athlete in any sport, which sport would you choose and why?
  6. What’s the most unusual or unexpected item you carry with you every day?
  7. If you could have any accent from around the world, which one would you choose?
  8. What’s the most hilarious or embarrassing thing you’ve done while on a date?
  9. If you could choose any animal to be your personal sidekick, which one would you choose?
  10. If you could change your name to anything, but it had to be a food, what would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (81-90):

  1. If you could only use one mode of transportation for the rest of your life, would you choose a unicycle, roller skates, or a pogo stick?
  2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done to avoid an awkward situation?
  3. If you had to replace your hands with kitchen utensils, which ones would you choose and why?
  4. If you were a professional wrestler, what would your stage name be and what would be your signature move?
  5. What’s the most absurd nickname you’ve ever been given or given to someone else?
  6. If you could have any superpower, but it could only be used to mildly inconvenience others, what would it be?
  7. If you had to eat one condiment for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
  8. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done while trying to impress someone?
  9. If you had to wear a hat every day for the rest of your life, what type of hat would you choose?
  10. What’s the most unusual talent you have that nobody knows about?

Funny questions to ask (91-100):

  1. What’s the strangest talent you have?
  2. If you could replace your voice with any celebrity’s voice, whose voice would you choose?
  3. If you could only watch one genre of movie for the rest of your life, which one would you pick: romantic comedies, horror movies, or documentaries?
  4. If you could add any word to the dictionary, what would it be and what would its definition be?
  5. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you at a family gathering?
  6. If you had to permanently change your hairstyle to one of these options, would you choose a mullet, a mohawk, or a perm?
  7. What’s the most bizarre or unexpected item you’ve ever found in your pocket or purse?
  8. If you could only use one dance move for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
  9. What’s the strangest or most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to avoid being late?
  10. If you could be the world champion in any unusual or obscure sport, which one would you choose?

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So, there you have it. My 50 funny questions to ask anyone. I hope you have fun with them.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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15 corny jokes you can tell your kids and your friends

03/13/2023 by

CORNY JOKESDo you enjoy corny jokes, dear reader? Well, I do and whenever I hear them, I make a note of them in my journal. Today I thought I share a few of them with you.

Here are 15 corny jokes, which I hope will make you smile. If they don’t make you smile then I’m sure a few of them will appeal to the kids in your life, and your friends too.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all and share them with your kids and/or your friends.

Corny Jokes:

  1. For what was Camelot famous? It’s knight life.
  2. What was Noah’s profession? He was an ark-itect.
  3. How did the yeti feel when he had flu? Abominable.
  4. Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned.
  5. A skeleton walks into a bar in Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
  6. What do you get if you cross a dog with a chicken? Pooched eggs.
  7. Which cake lives in a cathedral in Paris? The flapjack of Notre Dame.
  8. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a plumber? A drain in the neck.
  9. What do you get if you cross a chicken with some cement? A bricklayer.
  10. Why are eggs overrated? Because they’re not all they’re cracked up to be.
  11. What’s the difference between a dog with fleas and a bored guest? One’s going to itch and the other’s itching to go.
  12. What’s the difference between a football and a duck? You’ll find one in a huddle and the other in a puddle.
  13. Which cake is served in Heaven? Angel cake.
  14. What game does a wizard octopus love to play? Squidditch.
  15. What did the lovesick cyclops say to his sweetheart? You’re the one-eye adore.

Please share this post with your friends:

CORNY JOKESSo dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these corny jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media. Share these jokes with the kids in your life too.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

03/12/2023 by

Sarcastic Remarks If you admire clever put-downs or sharp, sarcastic remarks then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!‘

And of course, we all need a good laugh too. So these should help with that as well. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic Remarks:

  1. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you really are the full cactus.
  2. Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
  3. Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
  4. I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
  5. You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
  6. You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
  7. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  8. There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
  9. The mirror doesn’t lie but lucky for you it doesn’t laugh either.
  10. If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
  11. Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
  12. Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
  13. If I act like I don’t care that’s because I don’t.
  14. If it’s loyalty you want get a dog.
  15. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  16. That’s an eye-catching dress mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
  17. You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
  18. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
  19. You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
  20. That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
  21. I’ve had more fun having root canal treatment.
  22. You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?
  23. Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
  24. You’re not ugly. Unattractive definitely, but not really ugly.
  25. Sarcastic RemarksIf you don’t want sarcastic answers don’t ask me stupid questions.
  26. You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
  27. In another age you’d have been burned at the stake.
  28. Normally I pretend to like you but today I really can’t be bothered.
  29. Violence may not solve anything but it might make me feel better.
  30. Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
  31. Sure I’ll help you out buddy. The same way you came in.
  32. Don’t take yourself too seriously, no one else does.
  33. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
  34. You sound better with your mouth closed.
  35. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
  36. You have every right to express an opinion sir and I have every right to ignore it.
  37. Do I think you’re stupid? Well, I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoelaces.
  38. You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
  39. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
  40. I’ve met stingy people before but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
  41. When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
  42. I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
  43. Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
  44. I could insult you but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
  45. If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy mam it’s working I can assure you.
  46. When I look at you I can see that the lights are on but no one’s home.
  47. I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight …… until now!
  48. If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
  49. I didn’t say I hated you but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
  50. You’re a low-paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment buddy. You know you’re nothing and so does everyone else.

Enjoyed these sarcastic remarks? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

You’ll howl laughing at these 5 hilariously funny jokes

03/12/2023 by

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKESIf you’re looking for some hilariously funny jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got 5 little gems for you today.

I’m confident they’ll all make you smile.

So take a few minutes to enjoy them all and brighten your day.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Getting to know your students:

It was the beginning of a new school year and the teacher was getting to know the children by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl to respond said, “I’m Mary and my dad’s a builder.”

Then another little girl spoke and said, “My name’s Louisa and my dad’s a police officer.”

The conversation went on like this as the teacher went around the class, until one little boy said, “I’m Jack and my dad’s a stripper in a gay bar.”

Naturally, the teacher was surprised by this comment and feeling slightly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking, she decided it might be better to change the subject.

A little later she spotted Jack in the schoolyard on his own. So the teacher approached him and asked if it was really true that his father worked as a stripper in a gay bar.

Jack’s face turned a little red as he replied, “No, he’s actually a banker but I was too embarrassed to admit that in front of the class.”

2. Bikers at the roadside diner:

Jeff was sitting quietly in a roadside diner enjoying his lunch when suddenly three mean-looking bikers walk in.

The first guy strolls over to Jeff and stubs a cigarette into his lunch.

The second biker then walks over and spits in Jeff’s coffee.

Finally, the third guy picks up Jeff’s plate and flings it crashing to the floor. Then he starts howling with laughter straight in Jeff’s face.

Jeff quietly gets to his feet and just leaves the diner.

The third biker walks across to the waitress who was standing behind the counter and sneers, “Well he wasn’t much of a man now was he?”

The waitress smiles and, glancing in the direction of the window, responds, “It looks like he wasn’t much of a driver either. He’s just backed his truck over those three motorcycles parked outside and trashed them all.”

3. The baseball game:

One day the Devil challenges God to a baseball game between teams from Heaven and Hell.

God smiled and said, “Hell wouldn’t have a chance.”

“Why?” queried the Devil.

“Oh Devil, come on now? I’ve got the greatest baseball players of all time. Hey, I’ve got Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. I’ve even got the Yankee Clipper, Joe DiMaggio. Who have you got?” said God.

The Devil grinned and said, “Well God, impressive as your list is, I’ve still got all the umpires.”

4. The haircut:

Jim went into a barber’s shop that was advertising David Beckham-style haircuts.

Twenty minutes later, Jim looked in the mirror and he was shocked to see that looking back at him was a scalp erratically shaven and a head covered in cuts.

Naturally, Jim protested to the barber. Pointing to his head, Jim said, “Now listen to me buddy, this is not how David Beckham has his hair cut.”

“He would if he had his hair cut here,” the barber responded.

5. The nightwatchman:

The US Government-owned a scrapyard in the middle of the desert.

This was the source of some concern to Congress because the feeling was that people could steal from it.

So they decided to create the role of nightwatchman and someone was hired to do the job.

However, Congress was then concerned about how the night watchman could carry out his duties without instruction.

The solution to this dilemma was to create a planning department and two people were hired. One was hired to write instructions and the other to carry out time and motion studies.

Congress then had concerns about how they might measure whether the night watchman was doing his job effectively.

To address this problem they created a Quality Control department and hired two more people. One was hired to study job performance and the other to write reports.

Then Congress questioned how everyone was to get paid. To resolve this issue, two more people were hired; one as a timekeeper and one as a payroll officer.

However, that wasn’t the end of Congress’s concerns because the obvious question was, “Who is to be accountable for all these people?”

The solution was to create an Administration Department and hire three more people – an administration director, an administration officer, and a legal secretary.

A year went by and following a review Congress was concerned that this operation was $27,000 over budget. Naturally, they considered what could be done to reduce overall costs.

The solution agreed upon by Congress was to lay off the night watchman.

Please share with your friends on social media:

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKESI hope these hilariously funny jokes made you laugh dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could use another laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here then please share this post with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 funny short story jokes to make you laugh

03/11/2023 by

FUNNY SHORT STORY JOKESIf you’re looking for some funny short story jokes to make you laugh then I think I have 5 really good ones for you today, dear reader.

If you love a laugh, then I’m confident some of these will tickle you.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Funny short story jokes:

1. The funeral cortège:

Bill was walking along Main Street when he saw a funeral cortège, so he stopped for a moment as a mark of respect.

He noticed that there were two hearses with coffins in the cortège and the procession was being followed by a man walking solemnly with a pit bull terrier on a leash.

And behind him, there was a long line of about 100 men walking quietly in single file.

Curious Bill spoke to the man with the dog and asked, “Excuse me, sir, I don’t want to intrude on this sad occasion but your situation seems a little unusual. Whose funeral is this?”

“Well”, the man replied, “The first hearse is for my late wife. She died after this dog attacked her.”

“And the second hearse?” said Bill.

“The second hearse is for my late mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife during the attack and the dog savaged her to death too”, the man responded.

Bill thought momentarily about the challenges in his own life and then he said to the man, “Is there any chance I could borrow your dog after the funeral?”

The man smiled and pointed to the line of men behind him and said, “You’ll have to join the queue buddy.”

2. The power of prayer:

Jackie was invited to give a talk at her local women’s group about the power of prayer.

With her husband Mike in the audience, she recalled how a few short months ago she’d turned to God when poor Mike had suffered an unfortunate accident.

“Six months ago”, Jackie began, “my husband Mike was knocked off his motorcycle and his scrotum was smashed.”

Jackie explained that for Mike the pain had been unbearable and his doctors weren’t sure they’d be able to help him.

“The doctors warned us that our lives might never be the same again”, said Jackie. “I can tell you I was scared. Mike was unable to get close to me or the children because every move caused him such extreme discomfort. And that meant he could no longer be touched around the scrotum.”

Jackie paused momentarily to allow the audience to absorb her words.

Then she said, “I’m not ashamed to say I turned to God for help and I prayed that the doctors would be able to repair Mike.”

Again she paused and then said, “Fortunately our prayers were answered and the doctors were able to piece together the remnants of Mike’s scrotum with wire holding everything in place. His medical team tell me that he will make a full recovery and regain the full use of his scrotum.”

As the audience burst into applause, a lone man walked slowly up to the stage and said, “Hello I’m Mike, Jackie’s husband and I just wanted to remind my wife once again that the word is ‘sternum’.”

3. Discovering facts:

As part of her rehabilitation, a patient in a mental hospital was told by her psychiatrist to go out into the nearby town and discover one new fact.

Off she went and then a few hours later the patient returned to the hospital to tell the psychiatrist all about what she had learned.

So said her psychiatrist, “Were you able to find out something you didn’t know before?”

“Yes”, said the patient, “I discovered that spiders have ears on their legs.”

“Ears on their legs?” said the psychiatrist. “How did you work that out?”

The patient produced a matchbox and when opened a large spider crawled out onto the psychiatrist’s desk.

The patient then said “Boo!”

The spider scurried quickly across the desktop.

The patient then grabbed the spider and proceeded to pull off all its legs.

She then put it back on the desk and once again said, “Boo!”

Naturally, the spider was motionless.

The patient looked at the psychiatrist, smiled and then said, “Do you see? Without its legs, it can’t hear me.”

4. The admiral and the general:

A Navy admiral and an Army general were fishing together on a lake one day when a storm blew up and their boat capsized.

Not being quite as fit as they once were, both men were floundering helplessly in the water.

However, eventually, the general managed to right the boat and clamber back on board.

He then rescued the admiral from drowning by reaching out to him with one of the oars and then hauling him back in.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat he struggled for a few seconds to regain his composure.

Then he said, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If anyone in the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

The general smiled and said, “Don’t worry buddy your secret’s safe with me. I’d hate for my troops to find out that I couldn’t walk on water.”

5. The origin of the species:

As she was getting ready for school one morning Grace asked her mother, “How did the human race appear mom?”

“Well”, said her mother, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that’s how we all began dear.”

Two days later Grace asked her father the same question.

“Well”, said her father, “first there were apes and from them, the human race has evolved.”

Naturally, these responses left Grace a little confused.

So once again she spoke with her mother and said, “Mom I don’t understand. You said that we were created by God but dad says we evolved from apes. How can that be?”

Her mother smiled and said, “Well darling it’s all very simple really. I was telling you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”

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Did any of these funny short story jokes really make you laugh? If so please share this post with your friends on social media.

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30 comedy one-liners that are pure gold

02/13/2023 by

COMEDY ONE-LINERSDear reader, are you tired of the same old jokes that leave you uninspired and unamused? Perhaps you’re looking for some comedy one-liners that might amuse your friends and colleagues.

Well, if you’re looking for some comedy gold, some of these one-liners might just leave you in stitches.

This collection of comedy one-liners will leave you with a smile on your face and a chuckle in your heart.

From witty observations to pun-filled gags, these one-liners will keep you entertained and amused.

Whether you’re looking to brighten up your day or impress your friends with your quick wit, these one-liners are sure to deliver.

So why wait? Grab a cup of coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy all these one-liners. They’ll tickle you silly.

And feel free to pass them on.

Comedy one-liners (1-10):

  1. I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.
  2. Am I lazy? No, I’m just conserving energy.
  3. I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.
  4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
  5. Why did the blond move to LA? It was easier to spell.
  6. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.
  7. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  8. Why do they call it a drive-through if you have to stop?
  9. I’m not a light sleeper. I can sleep just as well in the dark
  10. I’m not a great cook, but few people are better at re-heating.

Comedy one-liners (11-20):

  1. COMEDY ONE-LINERSI’m not a morning person, I’m a several-cups-of-coffee person.
  2. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
  3. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  4. If a chicken crosses the road, then would that be poultry in motion?
  5. I told my wife she was acting like a fool. She replied, “You married me.”
  6. Why did the hedgehog cross the road? He wanted to see his flat mate.
  7. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was about to crumble.
  8. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  9. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
  10. Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.

Comedy one-liners (21-30):

  1. I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to charge the camera.
  2. I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  3. I used to fear the speed bump outside my house, but I’m slowly getting over it.
  4. I told my wife she was acting like a drama queen. She replied, “Long live the queen.”
  5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
  6. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  7. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
  8. I’m not a fan of politicians. They’re always trying to get in touch with the people they used to avoid in high school.
  9. Why do wives of bus drivers have trouble getting pregnant? Because bus drivers tend to pull out unexpectedly.
  10. What does it mean when your doctor says you have six months to live? The message is you have five months to pay.

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COMEDY ONE-LINERSSo dear reader, did these comedy one-liners make you smile? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

30 sarcasm examples that’ll really make you smile

02/05/2023 by

SARCASM EXAMPLESSome people are definitely uncomfortable with the use of sarcasm. However, I think it can be one of the most effective means of communication. So I’ve been collecting some more sarcasm examples.

So, without further ado, here are 30 sarcasm examples that you can add to your ammunition stockpile. I think they might just make you smile too. They will make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.  And please feel free to pass them on.

I’d love to hear from you and I’m sure other readers would too.

Sarcasm examples:

  1. Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
  2. You’ve got a face only a mother could love.
  3. You’re about as pleasant as colonic irrigation.
  4. Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
  5. If I appear to be disinterested that’s because I am.
  6. I didn’t ask for your advice, so why would you assume I need it?
  7. Dressed like that I’m guessing you’re off to a loud shirt party?
  8. What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.
  9. Am I a bitch or just a girl who’s looking after her own interests and takes no crap from anyone? You may not like it but it works for me. So suck it up buttercup.
  10. I appreciate you giving me this opportunity for a lengthy exchange of ideas but I’m busy. So please just go away.
  11. I get it that life has been unfair to you and that you’re not happy but why’s that my problem?
  12. When you say ‘ad hoc’ does that mean I can do it as necessary or were you just trying to impress me with your knowledge of Latin?
  13. When you suggest ‘I’m just biased’ does that mean deep down you think I may actually have a point but you don’t want to admit it?
  14. Listen, buddy, I can sell you a drink but I can’t offer you solutions to your problems. I’m a bartender, not a psychotherapist.
  15. You keep saying that money’s not important but I’d love to see how long you can live without it.
  16. What have you done to your hair? It looks like it’s been cut with a knife and fork.
  17. You know you’re old when you receive a welcome letter from AARP which serves only to remind you that you’re not quite dead yet.
  18. It may be moderately challenging but let’s face it, it’s not rocket science, is it?
  19. That’s an interesting idea. Why don’t you put it in the Suggestion Box and I’ll be sure to ignore it?
  20. So life was so much better back in your day? Well whoop-dee-doo. The rest of us are so pleased for you, NOT.
  21. It was a joke. We used to tell them to each other before everyone was so easily offended.
  22. Just because you work hard you shouldn’t assume your efforts will be appreciated. What did you expect? Applause?
  23. You do realize that feeling that everyone’s out to get you may not just be a feeling?
  24. Yes, I received your email and I ignored it like every other message I have in my Inbox. I’ve actually got work to do.
  25. Referring to yourself as a professional is not for me a guarantee that you’ll have any significant level of competence.
  26. One day you’ll realize that behaving like a total dick was not a good idea and it doesn’t impress anyone.
  27. ‘Have a nice day’ is something you say but in my experience rarely is it something you mean.
  28. You’re not old. Chronologically challenged, yes! But there’s a bit more life in you yet.
  29. If you don’t feel that this job is worthy of your talents then you can always quit and go spend more time with your ego.
  30. Being a perfectionist will make you the worst kind of boss in the world. On the upside, it’ll also make you the best kind of sexual partner. So it’s not all bad.

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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