40 witty Deez Nuts jokes that will brighten your day

05/26/2023 by

Deez Nuts JokesLaughter has an incredible way of brightening our day, I am sure you will agree, dear reader. So, what better way to add a little fun to your day than with this batch of deez nuts jokes?

Whether it’s a little pick-me-up you need, a quick giggle, or you simply want some fun you can share with friends, these jokes are sure to crack a smile or two.

Whether you’re a fan of clever wordplay, enjoy the art of the punchline, or love the sheer silliness of these jokes, they are sure to tickle your funny bone.

So, please take a few moments to enjoy the silliness of them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Deez Nuts Jokes (1-10):

  1. What did Deez Nuts say to the psychiatrist? I’m nuts.
  2. What did Deez Nuts say to the pistachio? You’re in a nutshell!
  3. What did Deez Nuts say to the New York cab driver? Nuttin’!
  4. What did Deez Nuts say to the peanut butter? Spread the love!
  5. Why did Deez Nuts become a comedian? He cracked everyone up!
  6. What did Deez Nuts say to the vending machine? Give me my nuts!
  7. What did Deez Nuts say to the walnut? You’re a tough nut to crack.
  8. Why did Deez Nuts become a detective? He was always on the case.
  9. Why did Deez Nuts go to the gym? He wanted to get nut-solutely fit.
  10. Why did Deez Nuts become a chef? He knew how to spice up the nuts.

Deez Nuts Jokes (11-20):

  1. Why did Deez Nuts get a job at the bakery? He kneaded the dough.
  2. What did Deez Nuts say to the acorn? You’re a small but mighty nut!
  3. What did Deez Nuts say to his boss? You’d have to be nuts to work here.
  4. What did Deez Nuts say to the sunflower seed? You’re a bright little nut!
  5. What did Deez Nuts say to the chestnut? You’re the nuttiest of them all!
  6. Why did Deez Nuts start a dance troupe? He had some fancy nut moves.
  7. What did Deez Nuts say to the Bombay mix? You’re great with a drink!
  8. Why did Deez Nuts become a barber? He knew how to give nuts a clean cut.
  9. What did Deez Nuts say to the macadamia? You’re the nut of my dreams!
  10. What did Deez Nuts say to the esthetician? I’d like a back, sack and crack, please.

Deez Nuts Jokes (21-30):

  1. Why did Deez Nuts become a magician? He could make nuts disappear!
  2. Why did Deez Nuts become a teacher? He wanted to educate young nuts.
  3. Why did Deez Nuts become a firefighter? He knew how to handle hot nuts!
  4. Why did Deez Nuts become a lifeguard? He wanted to save drowning nuts.
  5. Why did Deez Nuts become a gardener? He wanted to nurture his nutty side.
  6. What did Deez Nuts say to the walnut butter? You’re the nutty spread I can’t resist!
  7. What did Deez Nuts say to the coconut oil? You’re the nutty secret to healthy skin!
  8. What did Deez Nuts say to the cashew butter? You’re a smooth talker, just like me!
  9. What did Deez Nuts say to the almond butter? You spread happiness, just like me!
  10. Why did Deez Nuts go to the ballet? He wanted to see a nutcracking performance.

Deez Nuts Jokes (31-40):

  1. Why did Deez Nuts become a plumber? He knew how to fix leaky nuts.
  2. Why did Deez Nuts become a mechanic? He knew how to loosen stiff nuts in a jiffy.
  3. Why did Deez Nuts join the police force? He was passionate about cracking cases.
  4. Why did Deez Nuts become a counsellor? He was great at listening and offering nutty advice.
  5. Why did Deez Nuts become a coach? He loved motivating other nuts to reach their full potential.
  6. Why did Deez Nuts become a scientist? He wanted to crack the nutty mysteries of the universe.
  7. Why did Deez Nuts start a comedy club? He loved making everyone laugh with his nutty jokes.
  8. What did Deez Nuts say to the walnut flour? You’re the nutty addition to my baking adventures!
  9. Why did Deez Nuts become a photographer? He had an eye for capturing nutty moments.
  10. What did Deez Nuts say to the coconut flour? You’re the secret ingredient in my nutty recipes!

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these Deez Nuts jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

6 short story jokes that will make you laugh

05/23/2023 by

SHORT STORY JOKESIf you enjoy short story jokes then I’ve got six real gems for you today. They all made me laugh and I’m confident that they’ll amuse you too, dear reader.

So, grab a coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Short story jokes:

1. Emily and the Apache Woman

Emily was driving in her Chevrolet Bolt along Interstate 17 in Arizona, on her way home to Phoenix.

Suddenly she saw a poor, elderly Apache woman walking very slowly along the side of the highway.

Recognising that this situation was quite dangerous and feeling sorry for the poor woman, Emily pulled over and offered her a lift.

The Apache woman nodded silently in appreciation and climbed into the car.

Naturally, Emily tried to engage her in conversation but initially, the Apache woman remained silent and she seemed a bit nervous.

However, as they progressed along the highway towards Phoenix the woman eventually started to relax a little and then she started to look around.

The old woman was looking closely at everything in the car, apparently studying every detail. Then she noticed a pale blue gift bag on the rear seat behind Emily.

“What’s in the bag?” she asked Emily, almost whispering.

“Oh,” Emily responded warmly, “it’s a bottle of Whiskey that I got for my husband.”

The Apache woman remained silent momentarily and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of someone who’s been around the block a few times, she smiled and said, “Good trade.”

2. The Naughty Boys

Charlotte had two young boys, Jack and Harry.

Jack and Harry were two young kids who were always getting themselves into trouble. If there was any mischief happening anywhere in their town, then usually Jack and Harry were involved and Charlotte knew this.

Naturally, her boys’ wayward behaviour was a concern for Charlotte and it was an issue she was keen to resolve.

One day Charlotte read an article in the local newspaper about a clergyman in town who’d been very successful in disciplining young boys and improving their behaviour.

So Charlotte phoned the clergyman and asked him if he would speak with her boys.

The clergyman said he was happy to help but he was quick to stress that it was important that he see each of them separately.

So Charlotte decided to send young Harry to see the clergyman in the morning, with his elder brother Jack to follow in the afternoon.

The clergyman was an enormous man with a stern face and a big, booming voice.

He instructed Harry to sit down and then he asked him sternly, “Where is God?“

The clergyman’s approach scared the life out of Harry. His mouth dropped open but fear prevented him from speaking. He just sat there wide-eyed, with his mouth hanging open.

So the clergyman repeated the question but this time with an even sterner tone. “Where is God?” he said.

Again Harry made no attempt to respond. He was too scared.

So this time the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in Harry’s face, bellowing, “WHERE IS GOD?“

That was it for Harry. He jumped up from his chair, screamed and ran out of the room and all the way home. He didn’t stop running until he got to his own bedroom and then he hid in his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When Jack found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened, dude?“

Still gasping for breath, Harry replied, “Dude, we are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think WE did it!“

3. The Test Results

John had been undergoing tests for a serious health concern for several weeks. Finally, it was the day for him to receive his test results.

So he was sitting in his doctor’s office and he said, “Doc, I really need to know my test results! Not knowing is driving me crazy.“

His doctor reviewed his notes again and then said, “Well John, there’s some good news and some bad news I’m afraid. Which one do you want first?”

To which John replied, “I think I’d prefer the good news first. Yeah Doc, let me have the good news first!”

“Well,” said the doctor, “I hear there are some amazing deals on cremations this week.“

4. Deceiving another:

Scooter says to his friend Arlo, “Hey, listen, I need your help. I’m sleeping with Wyatt’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the service for me?“

Arlo doesn’t like deceiving people but, as Scooter’s friend, he feels obliged, and he agrees.

So, after the service, Arlo starts talking to Wyatt, asking him all sorts of dumb questions, to delay him as requested.

This goes on for several minutes until Wyatt starts getting a bit annoyed and he asks Arlo what’s going on.

At this point, Arlo feels guilty, and he confesses to Wyatt, “Scooter is sleeping with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied.“

Wyatt smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Arlo’s shoulder and says, “Listen, boy, my wife died two years ago. You’d be wise to hurry home right now.”

5. A man and his Ostrich

A guy walks into a New York diner with an ostrich.

They both sit down at the counter and after a few moments, the waitress asks them whether they’re ready to order.

“Yes,” said the guy, “I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries and a Coke.”

He then looks at the ostrich and says, “What are you having?“

“The same,” says the ostrich.

About ten minutes later the waitress returns with their order and then says. “That’ll be $22.00 please.“

The man reaches into his pocket and, without even looking he pulls out the exact amount of money for payment.

The next day, the same guy and his ostrich return and once again the guy says, “I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries and a Coke please.“

And once again the ostrich says, “The same.“

Once again when their order arrives, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money to settle the bill.

This goes on for a few days and is becoming a routine, when one night they enter the diner and the waitress asks, “The usual?“

“No,” said the guy “as it’s Friday I’ll have the T-bone steak with a baked potato, a green salad and a glass of Merlot.”

“Same for me,” said the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and then says, “That’ll be $53.00.”

Once again the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money to pay the bill.

At this point, the waitress is unable to suppress her curiosity any longer and she says to the guy, “Excuse me, sir. How is it you always manage to pull from your pocket the exact amount of money? You do it every time.”

“Well,” said the guy, “several years ago I was cleaning my attic and I found an old oil lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and granted me two wishes.”

“Really?” said the waitress. “And what did you wish for?”

“Well my first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the exact amount of money would always be there,” said the guy.

“Now that’s brilliant!” the waitress responded. “Most people would wish for like a million dollars or something but you’ll always be as rich as you need to be for as long as you live!“

“That’s right,” said the guy. “Whether I’m buying a pitcher of beer or a Bugatti Chiron, the exact amount of money will always be there.”

The waitress was clearly impressed but still a little curious.

“So what’s with the ostrich then?” she inquired.

The guy sighs and then says, “Well, my second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.“

The waitress smiled at him and said, “Be careful what you wish for, hey?”

6. The Frog and the Fortune Teller

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out whether he’ll ever meet his princess.

The fortune-teller looks into her crystal ball for a few moments and then says to the frog, “Well I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?“

“Let me have the good news first,” said the frog.

“Well, you’re going to meet the most beautiful girl in the world,” said the fortune-teller. “She will be interested in you and she will want to know all about you. In fact, she will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.“

“That sounds fantastic,” said the frog, “but what’s the bad news then?“

“You’re going to meet her in her Biology class,” replied the fortune-teller.

If you enjoyed these jokes, please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these short story jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 funny jokes to tell your friends and make them smile

05/22/2023 by

FUNNY JOKES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDSFew things in life can beat a good laugh. One thing that is better is making your friends laugh. So if you’re looking for some funny jokes to tell your friends, then today I offer you four of them which I’m confident will raise a smile or two.

So take a few moments to enjoy them and then feel free to on-pass them on to others.

It’s always good to share the smiles.

Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. The Chapel of Rest:

When I was about seven years old, my father took me to the local funeral parlour, as he wanted to pay his respects to an old work colleague who’d recently died.

This was a man I’d never met but it was important to my father and he thought it would be a good life experience for me to accompany him.

As we waited our turn to view the open casket, I sat quietly in a corner, waiting for the time to pass.

Suddenly, the door to the Chapel of Rest opened and an elderly man I’d never met came out and, as he did so, he smiled at me and said, “Make sure you enjoy your life son. Be happy because it’ll all go by in the blink of an eye. Look at me, I didn’t and now it’s too late.”

With that, the man disappeared through the door onto the street and it was our turn to view the body and pay our respects.

We walked solemnly into the Chapel of Rest and I looked into the open casket.

I was horrified. I couldn’t believe it. The body in the casket was the man who’d just spoken to me.

Well, I was utterly traumatized by the experience. I had nightmares and I was terrified to be alone. I couldn’t sleep without the light on for several years.

It got so bad I had to go for psychotherapy and counselling.

As I got older, gradually I began to cope a bit better, until one day I discovered something that completely changed my life.

I learned that my father’s dead colleague had an identical twin brother.

2. The Driving Test:

Jane arrived home, having just taken her Driving Test for the ninth time.

Naturally, her husband Bill was keen to know how she’d got on this time.

“So honey, how did it go this time?” Bill asked.

“Not good,” Jane responded. “They failed me again.”

“Really?” said Bill, sounding disappointed for her. “What did they pull you up on this time?”

“A rope,” Jane responded, sheepishly.

“A rope?” Bill inquired, looking slightly puzzled.

“Yes, that’s how they got me out,” Jane responded. “The car’s still in the river.”

3. The Infertility Problem:

A farmer went into a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman sitting next to him at the counter said, “Well, how about that? I just ordered champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer responded. “This is a really special day for me, so I’m celebrating!”

“Well, this is a really special day for me too, so I’m celebrating as well,” the woman replied.

“What a coincidence!” said the farmer. As they clinked glasses in celebration the farmer asked, “What are you celebrating, mam?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a baby,” said the woman, “and my gynaecologist has just confirmed that I’m pregnant!”

“What a coincidence!” said the farmer. “I’m a chicken farmer and my hens were infertile all last year, but today they are all laying eggs!”

“Wow, that’s great!” said the woman. “So, how did your chickens suddenly become fertile?”

“I used a different cock,” replied the farmer.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass again and said, “What a coincidence!”

4. The Confessional Booth:

Father Murphy was taking confessions when a teenage boy entered the confessional booth.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” said the youth, “I have been with a girl of loose morals.”

“Is that you, young Jimmy Walsh,” Father Murphy inquired.

“Yes Father, it is,” young Jimmy responded.

“And you, an altar boy! I’m disappointed in you Jimmy,” said Father Murphy. “Who is this young girl?”

“Oh Father, I don’t want to get her a bad reputation,” said Jimmy, defensively.

“Was it Bernadette Kelly?” Father Murphy inquired.

“No Father,” said Jimmy.

“Was it Patricia O’Connor?” Father Murphy continued.

“No Father,” said Jimmy.

“Was it Teresa O’Sullivan?” Father Murphy pressed on.

“Father, I cannot give you her name. It wouldn’t be fair,” said Jimmy.

“Well, I admire your loyalty to this girl Jimmy, but you’ve sinned and if you insist on remaining tight-lipped, then you must accept your penance,” Father Murphy responded.

“And what will that be, Father?” Jimmy asked.

“You’re barred from serving as an altar boy again for three months.” Father Murphy responded, sternly.

Young Jimmy walked back to the pew slowly and as he sat down, his friend Rory whispered, “How did it go?”

“The plan worked like a charm,” Jimmy responded with a smile. “Three months off and three great leads.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find these funny jokes to tell your friends as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone’s a winner.

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

40 what do you call jokes that are corny but fun

05/21/2023 by

WHAT DO YOU CALL JOKESLooking for some “what do you call jokes,” dear reader?

Those wordplay jokes that are always corny but still make you smile.

I love them, I must say. So, I’ve curated 40 of them just for you.

Why not grab a coffee and then take a few minutes to enjoy them all?

And please feel free to pass them on to your friends and loved ones.

What do you call jokes (1-10):

  • What do you call a dinosaur that’s sleeping?
  • A dino-snore!
  • What do you call a bear with no teeth?
  • A gummy bear!
  • What do you call a cow with no legs?
  • Ground beef!
  • What do you call a fish with no eyes?
  • Fsh!
  • What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
  • An abdominal snowman!
  • What do you call a pig that knows karate?
  • Pork chop!
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes?
  • No-eye deer!
  • What do you call a fake noodle?
  • An impasta!
  • What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
  • A baboom!
  • What do you call a guy who can’t flip pancakes?
  • A flippin’ failure!

What do you call jokes (11-20):

  • What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
  • A can’t opener!
  • What do you call a bear with no socks on?
  • Barefoot!
  • What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
  • A maybee!
  • What do you call a snake that tells jokes?
  • Hisssterical!
  • What do you call a computer that sings?
  • A Dell!
  • What do you call a cow that’s just given birth?
  • Decalfinated!
  • What do you call a pile of cats?
  • A meowtain!
  • What do you call a group of musical whales?
  • An orca-stra!
  • What do you call a dog magician?
  • A labracadabrador!
  • What do you call a snowman who’s been sunbathing?
  • A puddle!

What do you call jokes (21-30):

  • what do you call jokesWhat do you call a dinosaur with a knowledge of words?
  • Thesaurus Rex!
  • What do you call a bear with no ear?
  • B!
  • What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
  • A chicken sees-a-salad!
  • What do you call a cat that can play the guitar?
  • Kitty Perry!
  • What do you call a pencil that can tell wordplay jokes?
  • A pun-cil!
  • What do you call a bear that’s caught in the rain?
  • A drizzly bear!
  • What do you call a cat that likes to eat lemons?
  • A sourpuss!
  • What do you call a donkey with a PhD?
  • A smart ass!
  • What do you call a tree with a lot of money?
  • A cashew tree!
  • What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours?
  • Nacho cheese!

What do you call jokes (31-40):

  • What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs?
  • A condescending con descending!
  • What do you call a bear that loves to dance?
  • A groovy bear!
  • What do you call a cat that loves bowling?
  • An alley cat!
  • What do you call a happy cowboy?
  • A jolly rancher!
  • What do you call a pile of cats falling over?
  • A catastrophe!
  • What do you call a sheep that doesn’t have any money?
  • Poor ewe!
  • What do you call a cat that plays the piano?
  • A meow-sician!
  • What do you call a tree with a podcast?
  • An audio-branch!
  • What do you call a bird that’s afraid to fly?
  • Chicken!
  • What do you call a group of cows playing in a band?
  • A moo-sical ensemble!

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time? Did you find any of these what do you call jokes amusing? I hope so.

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then please click on the links below.

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

25 silly jokes for kids and some adults too

05/19/2023 by

silly jokes for kidsLooking for some silly jokes for kids, dear reader?

Well, if you are a younger reader, I’m confident that you might enjoy a few of these silly jokes on offer today. You might enjoy telling them to your friends too.

Then again, perhaps you’re an adult looking for a few jokes to share with your children. Some of these might just do the trick.

Whatever your age, I hope you enjoy them all.

And if you do enjoy them, please pass them on.

Silly Jokes for Kids:

    • What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?
    • A doctorpus
    • What goes cloppity-clip?
    • A horse walking backwards
    • What’s pointed in one direction and headed in the other?
    • A pin
    • What do you call a bike that keeps biting people?
    • A vicious cycle
    • What do you call a Yeti in a classic British red telephone box?
    • Stuck
    • What do you call a watch in the 25th Century?
    • Future-wrist-tic
    • What do you call a pig in a butcher’s shop?
    • A pork chop
    • What do you call a bee born in May?
    • A maybe
    • What do you call an overweight alien?
    • An extra-cholesterol
    • What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?
    • Chicken Caesar salad
    • What’s an inkling?
    • A baby fountain pen
    • What’s green and fluffy?
    • A seasick poodle
    • What can you hold without ever touching it?
    • A conversation
    • What do you call a Scottish parrot?
    • A Macaw
    • What do you call an elephant that mutters?
    • A mumbo jumbo
    • What do you call a pickle that draws?
    • A dillustrator
    • What do you call someone who steals pigs?
    • A hamburglar
    • What do you call a tree that fits into your hand?
    • A palm
    • What do you call an old volcano?
    • A blast from the past
    • What’s the best way to stop your food from going off?
    • Eat it
    • What do you call a man who catches bluebottles with a fishing rod?
    • A fly fisherman
    • What lies in the forest, a hundred feet up in the air?
    • A dead centipede
    • What goes up but doesn’t come down?
    • Your age
    • How many sides does a barrel have?
    • Two. Inside and outside
    • How many people are buried in a cemetery?
    • All of them

Please share this post with your friends:

So did these silly jokes for kids prove to be as hilariously funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

30 Sarcastic quotes about life lessons to amuse you

05/15/2023 by

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT LIFE LESSONSToday I return to the theme of sarcasm because this theme always results in some positive feedback from readers.

So here are some sarcastic quotes about life lessons many of which I’m sure will resonate with readers.

They made me smile and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons (1-15):

  1. Shhhh …… No one cares.
  2. I may forgive but I never, ever forget.
  3. Apology accepted but trust is denied.
  4. I’ll try to be nicer if you’ll try to be smarter.
  5. Some people are so poor all they have is money.
  6. Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
  7. There’s no need to repeat yourself, I’m ignoring you.
  8. Let’s share. You take the grenade and I’ll take the pin.
  9. I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
  10. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot; I only exist when you need something.
  11. I’m not heartless. I’ve just learned to use my heart less.
  12. Everything I like is either expensive, illegal or won’t text me back.
  13. I’m sorry for those mean, awful, accurate things I’ve just said.
  14. You can laugh at anything, as long as it’s not happening to you.
  15. An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons (16-30):

  1. If I hurt your feelings by calling you stupid, I’m sorry but I thought you knew.
  2. Of course, I can multitask. I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time.
  3. Common sense is like deodorant. Those most in need of it are least likely to possess it.
  4. Life’s just like an elevator. On the way up, sometimes you have to stop to let people off.
  5. If you had to pay me a dollar for every smart thing you said, you wouldn’t owe me a cent.
  6. You shouldn’t worry about what I’m doing. You should worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
  7. If someone throws a rock at you, just throw a flower back at them. But make sure it’s still in the pot.
  8. If me living my life my way bothers you then you can always get yourself a life of your own.
  9. No matter who tries to teach you lessons about life, you won’t truly understand them until you have to go through them on your own.
  10. People are either on your side, by your side, or in your way. So choose them wisely.
  11. Never waste your time with people who only want you around when it fits their needs.
  12. I’ve reached the age where my brain’s gone from, “I probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s go for it and see what happens.”
  13. Just when you think you know all the answers, life changes the questions.
  14. It wasn’t an act of revenge. I was simply returning the favour.
  15. There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did enjoy these sarcastic quotes about life lessons, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: , , , , , ,

3 things you need to know about money

05/13/2023 by

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MONEYToday I’d like you to think about some things you need to know about money, dear reader. In other words, think about what it all really means.

It’s natural to dream about being rich, of course.

Most people dream about being able to buy whatever they want and go anywhere and everywhere they’d like to go, possibly even in a private jet.

The attraction of having that pot of gold is why a lot of people will chase every rainbow.

However, whilst money is necessary for sustaining life, there are some things you should really understand about money.

Here are three of them:-

Things you need to know about money:

1. Having money brings its own pressures:

A great fortune is a great slavery. ~Seneca

It’s reasonable to want to create wealth and build a fortune. As suggested above, you want to feel financially secure, don’t you? Why wouldn’t you?

However, being financially secure doesn’t mean you’ll have a life without problems and worry.

You’ll just have different problems and different things to worry about.

No one goes through life without problems. Dealing with problems and challenges is an inevitable part of human existence.

Put simply, having money brings its own pressures.

Once you’ve got money your biggest concern will be to ensure that you hang on to it.

Inevitably that means you can become a slave to managing your money, preserving its capital value and protecting your fortune.

Being wealthy may be a nice problem to have, but it’s no less of a problem for that.

So keep it all in perspective.

Things you need to know about money2. Money can never be more important than people:

We love to earn money, who doesn’t? It gets you things. ~Katie Price

Earning money is great and it does allow you to buy things you want and things you need. However money won’t take care of you when you’re ill.

Yes, it might enable you to buy in some hired help.

However, that’s not the same as having someone around who genuinely cares about your well-being. That someone for whom you matter much more than money ever will.

In my experience, whilst money is important, nothing in our lives matters more than friends and loved ones. Human beings are social animals. So only people matter to us really.

Never focus on money to the point where you neglect the people who should matter most to you. Forget about them and eventually, they will forget about you.

You can have all the money in the world, but you’ll have nothing at all without friends and loved ones.

Go out and earn lots of money by all means, and enjoy it too.

However, always maintain a sense of balance in your life and make sure that you allocate some time for the people who matter most to you.

An investment of your time in the people you love is an investment that will pay dividends.

3. Money is a precious resource so use it wisely:

A penny saved is a penny earned. ~Benjamin Franklin

I make no apology for repeating Benjamin Franklin’s money mantra, repeated frequently by generations of well-meaning parents to their profligate children. It’s as valid today as it was in his day.

Whether Franklin was referring to money saved when making purchases or money saved from income is not obvious in his statement but that doesn’t matter.

The underlying point is that you have to be careful with your money because saving money is the key to building wealth and becoming financially independent. No one ever got rich by wasting their money.

Money like time is a precious resource, so use it wisely.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you found this blog post interesting and useful then please share it on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

Please share it now and I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles you might find interesting:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Money Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

37 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love

05/11/2023 by

 

Sarcasm memesSarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm Memes Funny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm Memes

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these funny sarcasm memes make you smile?

I hope so. However, there’s plenty more to amuse if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles just for you.

And if you’ve enjoyed today’s post, please share it with all your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

21 funny computer nerd jokes that will tickle you

05/10/2023 by

COMPUTER NERD JOKESDo you love computer nerd jokes? Certainly, they always make me smile.

So I’ve been searching for some of the best computer nerd jokes I can find and today I offer you 21 of what I think are the best.

It’s virtually impossible to confirm their origins or their authors, but should anyone be able to advise then please do let me know.

In the meantime, take a few minutes to enjoy these 21 computer nerd jokes that will tickle you and any kids you may have too.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Computer nerd jokes:

  • What do you call 8 hobbits?
  • A hobbyte
  • What’s a computer virus?
  • A terminal illness
  • Which tea do web developers prefer?
  • URL Grey
  • How does a tree use a computer?
  • It logs on
  • What did the computer do at lunchtime?
  • Had a byte to eat
  • Why did the computer keep sneezing?
  • It had a virus
  • Why was the computer cold?
  • It left its Windows open
  • Why did the developer go broke?
  • Because he used up all his cache
  • Which computer sings the best?
  • A Dell
  • Why did the computer show up late for work?
  • It had a hard drive
  • What’s the first symptom a computer’s getting old?
  • Memory problems
  • What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
  • Built a website
  • Which snack do computer geeks prefer?
  • Microchips
  • Why don’t elephants use computers?
  • Because they’re afraid of the mouse
  • Why did the monkeys share an Amazon account?
  • They were Prime mates
  • Don’t use “beef stew” as your computer password
  • It’s not stroganoff
  • What do you get if you cross a worm with a spider?
  • A web crawler
  • What do you get if you cross a PC with an elephant?
  • A computer with a really big memory
  • What do you get if you cross a computer with a lifeguard?
  • A screensaver
  • I heard about a new website: www.needleinahaystack.com
  • Took me ages to find it
  • Why didn’t The Terminator upgrade to WINDOWS 10?
  • I asked him and his reply was, “I still love VISTA baby!”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then please click on the links below.

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 long funny stories with morals to tell your friends

05/05/2023 by

LONG FUNNY STORIES WITH MORALSHere are five long funny stories with morals to tell your friends. They all made me smile and I hope they brighten your day too.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

Long funny stories with morals:

1. The nuns’ dilemma:

There were these two very clever, Catholic nuns. They were so clever that one was known only as Sister Mathematical, whilst the other went only by the name of Sister Logical.

One afternoon, they were returning to the Convent of St Mary but they were still a long way off when it was beginning to get dark.

“Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?” said Sister Mathematical, “I wonder what he wants?”

“There’s a logical explanation,” said Sister Logical, “He wants to have his wicked way with us.”

“Oh Lord, no!” Sister Mathematical responded. “At the rate at which he’s walking, he will catch up with us in 13.8 minutes. What can we do?”

“The logical thing would be to walk faster.” Sister Logical replied.

So they carried on at a brisk pace, trying not to look back.

A few minutes went by and Sister Mathematical observed, “We’ve doubled our pace but this plan isn’t working.”

“Naturally it’s not working,” said Sister Logical, “The man responded logically by quickening his pace too. He’s now gaining on us.”

“What can we do?” asked Sister Mathematical. “At this rate, he’ll reach us in less than one minute.”

“The logical thing to do now is to split”, replied Sister Logical. “If we go off in different directions, he can’t follow both of us.”

So off they went in different directions and, as luck would have it, the man followed Sister Logical.

Eventually, Sister Mathematical arrived back at the convent but she was worried about what might have happened to her friend.

Within a few minutes, Sister Logical suddenly appeared, back at the convent.

“Oh, Sister Logical”, Sister Mathematical exclaimed. “Thank the Lord, you’re back safely. Tell me what happened.”

“Well logically, the man could only follow one of us”, said Sister Logical, “and he chose to follow me.”

“Yes, yes!” said Sister Mathematical, “But what happened then?”

“Well I took the logical course of action”, said Sister Logical, “and I ran as fast as I could and even faster than we had been running together.”

“So then what happened?” Sister Mathematical replied.

“He responded logically, and he ran even faster too,” said Sister Logical. “And within a minute he’d caught up with me.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “What did you do then?”

“I did the only logical thing I could do”, Sister Logical replied, “I lifted the skirt of my habit up to my waist.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what did he do then?”

“The logical thing for him”, Sister Logical replied. “He pulled his trousers down to his ankles.”

“Oh, dear Lord!” said Sister Mathematical. “And what happened next?”

“Isn’t that logical, Sister?” Sister Logical responded. “A nun with her habit up can run a lot faster than a man with his trousers down.”

Moral of the Story: Readers eagerly anticipating a story of a more adult nature, go and say three Hail Marys!

2. Community service:

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

The barber did an excellent job and, being very pleased with the result, the florist asked for the bill.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The florist appreciated this generous gesture, so he thanked the barber and left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, there were a dozen roses waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the florist.

Not long after the shop’s opened, a cop comes in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber does an excellent job but when the cop tries to settle the bill he gets the same response.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

The cop said he appreciated the gesture and thanked the barber. He then left the shop.

However, when the barber arrived to open his shop the next morning, there was a box of a dozen donuts waiting for him on his doorstep with a Thank You card from the cop.

Later that day, a congressman walked in for a haircut.

Once again, the barber excelled himself, producing the perfect haircut, but when the congressman tried to settle the bill he got the same response too.

“There’s no charge today, sir”, said the barber. “I can’t accept money from you because I’m doing community service this week.”

So the congressman thanked the barber and happily left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, there were a dozen congressmen lined up in the street waiting for a free haircut.

Moral of the Story: Politicians are driven only by self-interest and what’s in it for them.

3. Sunday Service:

It’s Sunday morning and the Pastor at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Carmel, California is delivering his sermon.

Midway through the sermon, the Pastor asks three men in the front row, “Gentlemen, what would you want your loved ones to say as they’re looking down at you in your coffin?”

Phil responds first and says, “That I was a good husband and father.”

Then Jim says, “That I lived an honest life and was kind to others.”

Finally, Dan couldn’t help himself and he quips, “Look! He’s moving!“

Moral of the Story: Never, ever take life too seriously.

4. The crocodile farm:

There was a group of tourists visiting a crocodile farm in the Florida Keys and they were standing on a floating structure in the middle of an enormous lake, surrounded by crocodiles.

Suddenly, the farm’s owner shouts, “The first person to jump into the lake and successfully swim to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.”

The silence was deafening. People were looking at each other with expressions of absolute horror on their faces.

Then suddenly, a man jumps into the water and starts swimming like his life depended on it.

As the other visitors watched events unfold, the man headed for the shore, with a dozen crocodiles chasing in hot pursuit, all anticipating of an unexpected meal.

The crocodiles were fast but the man swam like greased lightning, and he managed to reach the shore unharmed.

As the man staggered up the beach, the owner announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!”

After receiving the reward, the man and his wife returned to their hotel.

The man’s face was still ashen, as he said to his wife, “I didn’t jump. I was pushed by someone.“

His wife smiled and with a wink of her eye, said, “I know dear, it was me!“

Moral of the Story: Behind every successful man, there’s always a woman to give him a little push.

5. The old lady at the bank:

An old lady walked up to the counter in her bank, handed her bank card to the teller and then said, “Mam, I would like to withdraw $10.”

Giving the old lady a look bordering on contempt, the teller replied, “For withdrawals of less than $100 you must use the ATM, mam.”

Looking a little crestfallen, the old lady asked why she couldn’t withdraw her money from the counter.

“These are the rules, mam,” said the teller irritably, as she returned the bank card to the old lady. “Now move along please because there’s a line of customers behind you.”

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, as she gathered her thoughts.

She then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Then please, can you help me withdraw all the money I have in my account?”

The teller took the old lady’s card and tapped her details into the computer. She was astonished to see just how much the old lady had in her account.

“Mam, you have over $300,000 in your account,” said the teller, “the bank doesn’t have that much cash available today. You’ll need to make an appointment and come back tomorrow?”

The old lady smiled and asked, “How much can I withdraw now?”

“Well mam, you can withdraw up to $3,000”, the teller responded.

“In that case, let me have $3,000 now, in $10 bills, please“, said the old lady.

So, the teller laboriously counted out the $3,000 in $10 bills, then counted again, and finally, she handed the cash to the old lady.

As the old lady took $10 from the top of the pile and put it in her purse, the teller then said, “Would there be anything else I can help you with today, mam?”

“Yes!” said the old lady with a smile, “I’d like to deposit $2990 into my account, please.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with old people, they’ve spent a lifetime mastering skills younger people couldn’t even begin to appreciate.

Please share the fun with your friends:

So dear reader, were these long funny stories with morals as amusing as you’d hoped? Did they make you laugh?

I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
« Previous Page
Next Page »