Sarcasm Quotes

60 British insults for getting your message across

10/14/2025 by Roy Sutton

When it comes to insults, the British certainly can have a clever turn of phrase. Well, I think so, but then again, I am British, so perhaps I’m a little bit biased. Therefore, allow me to offer you 60 British insults to prove my point.

All of these clever comebacks made me smile, and I hope you’ll enjoy at least some of them too.

So take a few minutes to appreciate the British sense of humour, and please feel free to pass them on.

British insults (1-20):

Get lost!
You stink!
You wazzock!
A pox on you.
Do one, tosser!
You gormless git!
You silly plonker!
Shove it up your ass!
You pointless prick!
Just get out of my sight.
You’re as daft as a brush.
You sir are a waste of space.
You’re an absolute doorknob.
You’re as mad as a box of frogs.
You’re a sandwich short of a picnic.
Watch where you’re going, dipstick!
You corrosive lump of faecal horror.
You have a mouth like a torn pocket.
Pigs in a sty smell better than you do.
You’re a waste of the air you breathe.

British insults (21-40):

You look ill. Should I call a vet for you?
Wow, you’ve got a great face, for radio!
Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
Nice hair. Does it grow all over your back?
You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
Do you have anything edible on the menu?
Is it normal to foam at the mouth like that?
You’ve got a face like a bag of smashed crabs.
Boy, you’ve been whacked with the ugly stick!
Is that rotting flesh or your armpits I can smell?
You’ve got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
You add less value than the excrement on my shoe.
Do that again and I’ll have your guts for garters.
You don’t have to be a complete tosser all your life.
You’re so obnoxious, how do you live with yourself?
Where I come from we walk the family pet not eat it.
I’m guessing they don’t sell deodorant where you live.
Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
If you want to lose weight, try shaving your legs.
I don’t hate you, but may your death be slow and painful.

British insults (41-60):

Perhaps it might just be a ‘You’ problem?
Only a complete slimeball would think that’s acceptable.
Yes, I’d love to meet your parents. When does the zoo open?
Well, aren’t you a little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
Yes, I’m drunk but tomorrow I’ll be sober and you’ll still be ugly.
What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face like a melted welly.
Everyone has the right to be ugly but you’re abusing that privilege.
If you really must smile it would be better if you visited a dentist first.
Call me unworldly if you must, but do women normally have hair there?
With a menu as bad as this I won’t have any problem sticking to my diet.
I wouldn’t call you ugly but you’ve got a face like a blind cobbler’s thumb.
I think you’re brave in showing your face in public, without a bag covering it.
What’s wrong with you? You’re walking like your ass is chewing a toffee.
If you want to lose weight quickly dear, you could try shaving your legs.
I’d call you ugly but that doesn’t quite say what a truly unpleasant sight you are.
I must have done something terrible in another life to deserve a minge bag like you.
People say you’re a bit of a spanner but in my experience, you’re more the full toolkit.
If you could just listen to yourself for a minute you’d realize your opinion is ridiculous.
Could I borrow a hosepipe, please? You look like you’re in need of some colonic irrigation.
I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet in an instant.

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39 attitude quotes that take sarcasm to another level

10/08/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you like attitude quotes, clever put-downs, and sarcasm, then you should enjoy this collection today.

39 sarcastic remarks to add to your quiver full of arrows. These are ammunition for use on another day when someone tries to have a go at you and needs reminding that you’re a person with whom they should not mess if they know what’s good for them.

Hopefully, one or two of these might just give you a good laugh too. Enjoy them all.

Attitude quotes:

I get it. Life’s a soup, and I’m a fork.
If your phone doesn’t ring, it’ll be me.
If I were a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
Just be yourself isn’t always good advice.
What doesn’t kill you can only disappoint me.
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
You look like something I drew with my left hand.
If you’re the voice of reason, then we’re in trouble.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Hey, I found your nose again. It was in my business.
If only you ran like your mouth. You’d be in great shape.
You’re such a treasure, why hasn’t someone buried you?
You know, you have one really annoying habit. Breathing.
If I was meant to be controlled, I’d have come with a remote.
I have plenty of terrible ideas. Just let me know if you need any.
I wasn’t being rude. I just said what everyone else was thinking.
May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
Oh, darling, you should really go out and buy yourself a personality.
I try to see the best in everyone but you’re making it really difficult.
You think you know it all but clearly, you don’t know when to shut up.
I’m really sorry if my sense of humour offended your total lack of one.
WIFE to HUSBAND: Sure, I make terrible choices. One of them was you.
I encouraged my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a big hug.
I’m not one for revenge but I might arrange for you to have an accident.
Putting on your makeup every day must be hard, with you having two faces.
They call it a selfie because narcissist is too hard for most people to spell.
I can’t help but wonder why someone hasn’t hit you in the face with a shovel yet.
When you spun the wheel of attitude this morning, clearly it landed on bitch again.
I’d love to help you, but I don’t even play an active role in my own life anymore.
Roses are red; violets are blue; I’ve got five fingers; the middle one’s for you.
Do I think you’re pretentious? You’d eat worms in a deli if they came with a French name.
There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you would have to be a psychiatrist.
Apart from being physically exhausted, financially challenged, overweight, and mentally unstable, everything’s going really well. Thanks.
It’s not for me to question your father’s sperm count, but, seriously, were you actually the sperm that won?
If I’m smiling, I’m contemplating doing something really bad. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You may have a problem with my attitude, but that’s not a problem for me.
There are trees out there tirelessly producing oxygen, so you can breathe. I think you owe them an apology.
When I was a child, my father told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It seems, nowadays they call that identity theft.
Let me stop you right there. If it involves early mornings, sweating, or dealing with people, then the answer’s No!

Bonus Attitude Quotes:

1. Bold and Confident Attitude Quotes:

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Confidence is not ‘they will like me.’ Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.’
My style is what I like, not what others expect.
I’m not special; I’m just limited edition.
Be savage, not average.

2. Positive and Empowering Attitude Quotes:

Your attitude determines your direction.
Stay humble, but let them know.
A great attitude becomes a great day, which becomes a great year, which becomes a great life.
Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself, and the right people will love you.
Turn your can’ts into cans and your dreams into plans.

3. Sassy and Fun Attitude Quotes:

I’m not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.
Too glam to give a damn.
I’m not a backup plan, and definitely not a second choice.
I’m not perfect, but I’m always myself.
Silence is the best response when you’re dealing with nonsense.

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If any of these attitude quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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31 sarcasm quotes that are the sharpest form of wit

10/08/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today I’m sharing some excellent sarcasm quotes.

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but I’m not so sure.

I admire a clever put-down or a few sharp words intended to put someone squarely in their place.

In today’s post, I offer you 31 sarcasm quotes that are sharp and funny, and they made me smile. So I hope they provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

These are some of the sharpest sarcasm quotes I’ve seen recently, so enjoy them all and make a mental note of the best ones for future use:

Sarcasm Quotes

Me? Sarcastic? Never!

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

Well, that was almost interesting.

Am I free tomorrow? No, I’m expensive.

Stupidity is not a crime. You’re free to go

I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.

I disagree, but I respect your right to be stupid.

Well, you never learn anything by doing it right.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

I stopped listening, so why don’t you stop talking?

I can only hope your day is as pleasant as you are.

I’m guessing you don’t get invited to many parties.

I’m returning your nose, dear! I found it in my business.

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defence against stupidity.

Well, that’s several minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.

Just because you’re raising your voice doesn’t mean you’re right.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

If you want to lose weight, love, have you thought of shaving your legs?

I’m only being patient with you because there are too many witnesses.

That joke is so old, I’m sure the first person to hear it fell off his dinosaur.

Oh, you’re talking to me. I thought there was something wrong with you.

If somehow you persuaded someone to marry you, they have my sympathy.

The trouble with you is you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

From the moment I saw you, I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.

You could shake my pelvis and call me Elvis, but I’d still be willing to bet no one spends time with you willingly.

Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time?

Enjoyed these sarcasm quotes?

So, dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm quotes made you smile, please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you.

30 Sarcastic quotes about love to make you smile

09/10/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you enjoy sarcasm and sarcastic quotes, then you might appreciate these sarcastic quotes about love.

They made me smile, and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all, and feel free to share them.

Sarcastic quotes about love (1-15):

You’ll do.
You can’t be wise and in love.
Where there’s love, there are lies.
Nothing says “I love you” like sarcasm.
True love comes from the heart, not the mouth.
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
A relationship is a test for which you’ve never studied.
Deceiving others. That’s what the world calls romance.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
I’m no one’s backup option. Choose me or lose me. The choice is yours.
If love’s the answer, then you probably didn’t understand the question.
You don’t stop loving someone. Either you always will, or you never did in the first place.
Apparently, if you treat people the way they treat you, they’ll get offended. Who knew?
All you need is love. And an IQ low enough to believe that.

Sarcastic quotes about love (16-30):

If you don’t love yourself, then no one else is going to love you.
Relationships don’t die a natural death. They’re murdered by attitude.
Yes, of course, you were my cup of tea, but now I’m drinking champagne.
No, I’m not afraid to love. My fear is not being loved back.
Everything happens for a reason. So if I punch you in the face, remember it was for a reason.
Love may be important to sustaining life, but let’s get real: money and oxygen are more important.
Marriage is a legal contract through which you can annoy that one special person for the rest of your life.
Don’t worry about hurting my feelings because I can guarantee there’s no link between my self-esteem and your acceptance of me.
I never reach out to people if there’s little or no chance of it being reciprocated.
Hating people consumes far too much energy. So I’ll pretend you don’t exist.
I don’t need anyone to hold my hand. I can put my hands in my pockets and keep walking.
You may show me that you don’t give a s***, but I can show you that I’m much better at it.
Of all the lies I’ve heard, “I love you” is the best.
There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything for you. Remember that.
Happily ever after is so once upon a time.

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So, did you enjoy these sarcastic quotes about love, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for being so supportive, dear reader.

30 dark sarcasm quotes that’ll make you smile

08/30/2025 by Roy Sutton

When you want to suggest a hint of menace, then having a few dark sarcasm quotes up your sleeve is always useful.

After all, people need to know that they shouldn’t mess with you.

Sarcasm is a powerful way to convey a message.

Today, I offer you 30 great dark sarcasm quotes, and I hope they all entertain you.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all. I did, and I’m confident you will too.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Dark sarcasm quotes (1-15):

Sarcastic? Me? Well, a little sardonic perhaps.
Surely you must be on stupid pills?
If I’m smiling that alone should scare you.
I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.
Zombies eat brains. So you’ll be quite safe.
Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch-black?
Keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
Am I joking or am I psychotic? You don’t want to find out.
I really need the one thing you can provide, your absence.
If it looks like I don’t care, that’s because I really don’t.
Am I free this afternoon? No, I’m very expensive.
I don’t treat people badly. I treat people accordingly.
If I cut you off then in all probability you handed me the scissors.
You’re allowed to use your brain you know. It’s not illegal just yet.
I’m a leader, not a follower. Unless it’s dark, then you’re going first.

Dark sarcasm quotes (16-30):

Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
If you can’t say something nice, at least make it clever and devastating.
My level of sarcasm has reached the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
I don’t like making plans in case they lead to the word ‘premeditated’ being thrown around in a courtroom.
Don’t be a complete prick all your life. Take a few minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
I’m sorry. While you were talking I was struggling to figure out why you think I care.
My life’s been full of disappointments and you’ve just been added to the list.
No, I can’t help you but I can offer you a sarcastic remark.
When I said how stupid can you be it wasn’t meant to be a challenge.
No, I wouldn’t say I’m the best in the world but I’m confident I’m in the Top 1.
You should be careful if you don’t want to be offended. I can speak fluent sarcasm.
It’s one of life’s mysteries but those who whine loudest tend to be those who’ve contributed least. Why is that?
You think you’re street smart but I’m guessing that’s Sesame Street.
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.

Please share this post with your friends:

So, did you enjoy these dark sarcasm quotes, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for being so supportive.

56 sharp, witty, and sarcastic comebacks sure to raise a laugh

08/20/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some sarcastic comebacks, then I’ve curated some today from the world of TV comedy and film.

They’re all sharp, witty, and sure to deliver a sting with style.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic Comebacks:

1. From TV Comedy: dry and sarcastic

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone. – Anonymous (often seen in Veep-style snark)
I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today. – (Veep)
Somewhere out there, a village is missing its idiot. – Veep character (Julia Louis-Dreyfus)
Your secret is safe with my indifference. – The Devil Wears Prada, Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep)
By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me. – Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada
You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. – Woody (Tom Hanks), Toy Story
I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog?faced buffoon. – The Princess Bride, Inigo (Mandy Patinkin)
To call you stupid would insult stupid people. – A Fish Called Wanda (Kevin Kline’s character)
You are what the French call, les incompetents. – Home Alone (Joe Pesci)
That’s it! I’ve had it with you and your emotional constipation. – Tarzan (1999)
Face it, you’re a neo?maxi?zoom dweebie. – The Breakfast Club (1985)
If I wanted a joke, I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. – Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)
You look like an old mop.”– Bridesmaids (Kristen Wiig)
I don’t want you to be the PG?13 guy… I want you to be the rated?R guy. – Swingers (Vince Vaughn)
Isn’t it dangerous to use your entire vocabulary in one sentence? – Oliver & Company (Disney)

2. From film: Witty one-liners and comebacks

You’re tacky and I hate you. – Freddy (School of Rock, 2003)
It’s not a man purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one. – Alan (Zach Galifianakis), The Hangover
What is this? A centre for ants? – Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller), Zoolander
I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all, and it’s terrible. – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office (US)
I feel the need… the need for speed. – Maverick (Top Gun, Tom Cruise) used sarcastically
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. – Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin), The Princess Bride
If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer. – Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
No, I am your father. – Darth Vader (James Earl Jones), Star Wars: Episode V
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! – French Taunter (John Cleese), Monty Python and the Holy Grail
You’re a sad, pathetic, strange little man… – Sailing on grief vs pity but still fun.
You’re proof personality skips generations. – (Anonymous savage clapback style)
You’re a sandwich with no filling—hollow and disappointing. – (Anonymous from sassy quotes list)
Your vibe is like decaf coffee—nobody asked for it. – (Anonymous sarcastic zinger)
I don’t keep secrets—I just keep people out of my business. – (Anonymous)
My silence doesn’t mean I agree—it means your ignorance is speechless. – (Anonymous)
You’d be in good shape if you ran as much as your mouth. – (Anonymous)
Zombies eat brains. You’re safe. – (Anonymous)
I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal occasionally. – (Anonymous)
Sorry, I’m late. I loved my last few minutes of not being here. – (Anonymous)
Ugliness is fixable. Stupidity is forever. – (Anonymous)
Be the reason someone smiles… or someone drinks. Whatever works. – (Anonymous)
Marriage: when your crappy day doesn’t end at work. – (Anonymous)
If you’re waiting for me to care, pack a lunch. – (Anonymous)
Sometimes I wish I were nicer—but then I laugh and continue. – (Anonymous)
I’d swallow popcorn kernels just to make my cremation fun. – (Anonymous dark humor)

3. Classic zingers and quick hits

Yes?that?was?sarcasm?haters?gonna?hate. – (sarcastic classic)
Oh joy, more unsolicited advice. My favourite. – dry quip.
Being an ass doesn’t make you interesting. – sharp retort
I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. – common witty retort.
Mirrors don’t laugh – be grateful for that. – anonymous, sassy.
Take a day off being a jerk and give us a break. – anon comeback
If you had a personality, I’d subscribe. – (sarcastic tone).
I hope you step on a Lego brick barefoot. – (extra petty).
You’re like a speed bump – slowing everyone down. – anon
You’re more buffering than a paused stream. – anon
Your drama is more predictable than tabloid headlines. – anon

4. Premium sarcasm

Your level of ambition is so low, it circulates backwards. – kilter burn.
I didn’t realise we were playing ‘Stupid Olympics’ today. – sarcastic quip.
Sarcasm: just one of my many services. – dry one?
You had me rolling… my eyes. – classic sarcastic comeback.
O’Reilly, I have seen more intelligent creatures than you lying on their backs at the bottom of ponds! … Fawlty Towers by John Cleese & Connie Booth.

Please share this post with your friends:

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So please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

I appreciate your support, dear reader. Thank you.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: dark sarcasm, Sarcasm, sarcasm examples, sarcasm quotes, sarcastic, Sarcastic Comebacks, Sarcastic quotes, sarcastic remarks, sarcastic responses to rude people

50 funny comebacks that say ‘Don’t mess with me!’

08/10/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today, I am exploring funny comebacks.

Have you ever been in a situation where you wished you had a smart response straight off the tongue to put someone well and truly in their place?

An insult or funny comeback to let someone know that they’re attempting to mess with someone they really shouldn’t mess with?

Certainly, it’s a good idea to have your stock of insults and funny comebacks ready and waiting to be used, just in case.

This would be your deadly quiver full of arrows.

There’s nothing worse than being stuck for words, only to kick yourself later when you think of a good comeback, but it’s all a bit too late.

So here’s another selection of 50 insults and funny comebacks, so you’re armed and ready when necessary. No one messes with you, dear reader.

50 Funny Comebacks (1-10):

Well, I was pro-life……until I met you.
You’re so fat you could sell shade.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
You’ll go far, and hopefully, you won’t come back.
Well, aren’t you just the sunshine in a stormy sky?
Hey, your village called. They want their idiot back.
You’re living proof that evolution can go into reverse.
I gotta tell you, your wit is as sharp as a plastic knife.
If there was an Olympics for rudeness, you’d be a gold medallist.
Well, bless your heart. It’s truly an experience to be in your presence.

50 Funny Comebacks (11-20):

Well, aren’t you just a waste of space?
You’re about as useful as a bucket with a hole in it.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people.
Were you born this stupid, or have you had special training?
I see you’ve mastered the art of making friends ….. disappear.
You’re about as pleasant as the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
You’re living proof that God does have a sense of humour.
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
I must have missed the memo that said rudeness is the new black.

50 Funny Comebacks (21-30):

Jesus might love you, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
Please tell me that you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
Save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.
Well, aren’t you just the little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
I hear you’re keen to lose weight. Have you tried shaving your legs?
Well, at least we now know that diplomacy is not a skill you possess.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it works, that’s for sure.
Hey, the zoo called. They’re wondering how you got out of your cage.
It amuses me when I hear you talk about stuff you don’t understand.
You’ve certainly mastered the knack of making people feel unwelcome.

50 Funny Comebacks (31-40):

I just stepped in something that was smarter than you, and it smelled better, too.
Oh, please, do go on. I’m on the edge of my seat, captivated by your lack of charm.
Oh, look, it’s the master of snide remarks. Please don’t keep us waiting; we’re all ears.
You’ve got all the social graces of a Black Mamba. Slippery and not very approachable.
Do your parents even realise they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
Meeting you has made me realise that there are some remarkably dumb people in this world.
I have seen people like you before, but I’ve always been charged for admission.
You’ve all the charm of a rattlesnake and the grace of a bull in a China shop. Impressive, really!
I love what you’ve done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
Don’t you know that it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it, removing all doubt?

50 Funny Comebacks (41-50):

You’ve got a lot to say for yourself, but I struggle to comprehend why any of it matters.
Well, you’ve certainly got a talent for turning pleasantries into passive-aggressive remarks.
I’ve been lucky enough to meet a lot of likeable people in my time, but you’re not one of them.
You’ve got the kind of charisma that makes folks wish for earplugs and a sudden loss of hearing.
I know this might sound alien to you, but you’ll catch more flies with sugar than you will with vinegar.
I’m guessing you’ve never read Dale Carnegie’s famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I’m trying my hardest to see things from your perspective, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.
If you’re waiting for me to care, then I hope you brought something to eat, because it’s going to be a long, long time.
You don’t have to be a complete prick all your life. You can always take five minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
In science class, I learned the universe consists of neutrons, protons, and electrons. The University of Life has taught me that it consists of morons, too.

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If any of these funny comebacks made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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Thank you for your support.

30 Sarcastic quotes about life lessons to amuse you

08/05/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today, I return to the theme of sarcasm because this theme always results in some positive feedback from readers. So here are some sarcastic quotes about life lessons, many of which I’m sure will resonate with readers.

They made me smile, and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons (1-15):

Shhhh …… No one cares.
I may forgive, but I never, ever forget.
Apology accepted, but trust is denied.
I’ll try to be nicer if you’ll try to be smarter.
Some people are so poor that all they have is money.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
There’s no need to repeat yourself; I’m ignoring you.
Let’s share. You take the grenade, and I’ll take the pin.
I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot; I only exist when you need something.
I’m not heartless. I’ve just learned to use my heart less.
Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
I’m sorry for those mean, awful, accurate things I’ve just said.
You can laugh at anything, as long as it’s not happening to you.
An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons (16-30):

If I hurt your feelings by calling you stupid, I’m sorry, but I thought you knew.
Of course, I can multitask. I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time.
Common sense is like deodorant. Those most in need of it are least likely to possess it.
Life’s just like an elevator. On the way up, sometimes you have to stop to let people off.
If you had to pay me a dollar for every smart thing you said, you wouldn’t owe me a cent.
You shouldn’t worry about what I’m doing. You should worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them. But make sure it’s still in the pot.
If me living my life my way bothers you, then you can always get yourself a life of your own.
No matter who tries to teach you lessons about life, you won’t truly understand them until you have to go through them on your own.
People are either on your side, by your side, or in your way. So choose them wisely.
Never waste your time with people who only want you around when it fits their needs.
I’ve reached the age where my brain’s gone from “I probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s go for it and see what happens.”
Just when you think you know all the answers, life changes the questions.
It wasn’t an act of revenge. I was simply returning the favour.
There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.

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So did you enjoy these sarcastic quotes about life lessons, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you.

37 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love

08/04/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today, I created some visual images to amuse you. Here are 37 funny sarcasm memes I hope you will enjoy. Feel free to share them with your friends on social media.

Funny sarcasm memes (1 – 7):

Funny sarcasm memes (8 – 17):

Funny sarcasm memes (18 – 27):

Funny sarcasm memes (28 – 37):

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So dear reader, did these funny sarcasm memes make you smile?

I hope so. However, there’s plenty more to amuse if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles just for you.

And if you’ve enjoyed today’s post, please share it with all your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll make you smile

08/01/2025 by Roy Sutton

Ladies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you need a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, You mess with me at your peril.

Well, here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which made me smile.

Bitchy Comments:

You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
She’s not a drinker, but she certainly likes a whine.
I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
Hey, Balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
There are two things I dislike about you, girl. Your face!
Yes, I am crazy, and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
Being opinionated is not the same as being informed, dear.
OMG! She’s really been hit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you’re the full cactus.
I try to see the best in people, but you certainly make it hard.
You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
I may have multiple personalities, but none of them like you.
Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
If you want to lose weight quickly, you could always shave your legs.
What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
I’d say something complimentary about you, but I’m not that dishonest.
I don’t hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
I’d beat you with a hammer, but you’re not worth the jail time.
You’re such a fake. I’m guessing you were made in China.
I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my bxxbs are bigger than yours.
Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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So share it now on social media. If you can do that for me, I’ll be forever grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Sarcasm Quotes

British insults (1-20):

British insults (21-40):

British insults (41-60):

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Attitude quotes:

Bonus Attitude Quotes:

1. Bold and Confident Attitude Quotes:

2. Positive and Empowering Attitude Quotes:

3. Sassy and Fun Attitude Quotes:

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Sarcasm Quotes

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Sarcastic quotes about love (1-15):

Sarcastic quotes about love (16-30):

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Dark sarcasm quotes (1-15):

Dark sarcasm quotes (16-30):

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Sarcastic Comebacks:

1. From TV Comedy: dry and sarcastic

2. From film: Witty one-liners and comebacks

3. Classic zingers and quick hits

4. Premium sarcasm

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50 Funny Comebacks (1-10):

50 Funny Comebacks (11-20):

50 Funny Comebacks (21-30):

50 Funny Comebacks (31-40):

50 Funny Comebacks (41-50):

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Sarcastic quotes about life lessons (1-15):

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons (16-30):

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Funny sarcasm memes (1 – 7):

Funny sarcasm memes (8 – 17):

Funny sarcasm memes (18 – 27):

Funny sarcasm memes (28 – 37):

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Bitchy Comments:

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