Sarcasm Quotes

37 sarcasm examples for when you need that little zinger

08/18/2024 by Roy Sutton

If you’ve ever worked in retail, or some other customer-facing role, you’ll know that people can be challenging. That’s life. And sometimes you just wish you’d had that perfect little zinger to let people know what you really think of them. Well here are 37 sarcasm examples that might just make you smile.

Enjoy them all and feel free to pass them on.

SARCASM EXAMPLES

How I envy people who’ve never met you.

Goodness, aren’t you as sharp as a marble?

Do you enjoy humiliating yourself in public?

You really should come with a warning label.

You’re like a penny: two-faced and worthless.

Now aren’t you just the walking motivational poster?

I’m not rude. I just say what everyone else is thinking.

If I had the crayons, I’d willingly try to explain it to you.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

I wasn’t ignoring you. I was simply prioritizing my sanity.

I see you’re still an idiot. Well, at least, you’re consistent.

It’s amazing how you can talk so much and yet say so little.

If you keep talking, eventually you might say something intelligent.

You do realise that you have delusions of adequacy, don’t you?

When I want to hear from a nobody, I’ll be sure to give you a call.

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?

Yes, of course, I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I wish I had a lower IQ, then I might enjoy our conversations more.

You’re the reason they must put instructions on shampoo bottles.

I’d give you a nasty look, but I can see that you’ve already got one.

The last time I saw something as ugly as you, I had to pay admission.

I’m not saying you’re ugly, but your bathroom mirror must be scared.

If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to read.

I wasn’t insulting you. I was simply explaining how other people see you.

You know, I thought of you this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

There can be few things in life more enjoyable than watching you leave a room.

Clearly, you have an inferiority complex, and, let me tell you, it’s fully justified.

If you want to be taken seriously, you’ll need to speak with someone other than me.

I’m not saying you’re an idiot, but your village just called to say they’re missing you.

If you had a dollar for every intelligent comment you’ve ever made, you’d be broke.

Has anyone ever told you that you have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies?

If only the gene pool had had a lifeguard, you wouldn’t be here now, ruining my morning.

Do I think you’re exceptional? Well, certainly, I’ve never met anyone quite as stupid as you.

You really are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Oh no, please, not now!’

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard you say something stupid, I’d be a very wealthy man.

I can only assume that you were born on a highway because that’s usually where accidents happen.

I’m not being mean, but I did hear that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the Prophylactic Emporium.

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

You might like to try these free games too:

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33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt

03/19/2024 by Roy Sutton

People can be challenging at times, can’t they? Sometimes they do get too much, I’m sure you’ll agree. So there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm, to subtly convey our contempt.

We can’t live without people, of course, but they can drive us all nuts at times, can’t they? Well, maybe that’s just me.

I love people. At least, most of the time, anyway.

However, I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts, and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally, we all need them, surely?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. And I hope at least some of them make you smile.

And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback, then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

Irony and Sarcasm:

You go, girl! And please don’t come back.
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
Those who laugh last think slowest.
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
It’s obvious that in your profession, being stupid is not a handicap.
Look, I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Is being stupid your profession, or are you simply gifted that way?
If you’re ever given the keys to the city, then the city will need to change the locks.
How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel, they always manage to extend the tunnel?
If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
To err is human but to blame it on others, now that’s the art of politics.
I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear today.
They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you, I know that to be true.
You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
I didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent from gaining power.
Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
Did my opinion offend you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper right up your ass.
You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly, as far as I can tell, you lack the brains to understand it.
You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately, you don’t lack the power of speech.
If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these irony and sarcasm quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

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Rude Sarcastic Quotes: Keep calm and read 50 originals.

02/29/2024 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some rude sarcastic quotes, then I’ve produced 50 originals for you here.

Take a few moments to enjoy them all, and feel free to pass them on.

It’s always a good idea to have some ammunition when you’re called upon to deliver a sarcastic response to a challenging individual. I hope some of these are worthy of your retention for future use.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (1-10):

Well, on the upside, at least I’m not you.
Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?
Listen honey, you need to go buy a brain.
Why are you surprised that you’re still single?
Do I dislike you? What gave you that impression?
Anyone who tells you you’ve got two faces can’t count.
Well, I’ve had the best evening ever. But this wasn’t it!
If you really must speak, can you speak to someone else?
If I seem cranky, it’s how I always react to people like you.
Yes, there are people I like but you’ll never be one of them.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (11-20):

You couldn’t cope with me, even if I came with instructions.
No, I wouldn’t call you a loser. That would be unfair to losers.
I had heard that most people don’t like you. Now I know why.
I’m guessing your circle of friends is non-existent. Am I right?
Where did you get your fake tan done? The local Fanta factory?
People like you are living proof that God has a sense of humour.
You call that a steak? I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s pencil.
If you don’t want a sarcastic response, then don’t test my patience.
If you want my opinion for what it’s worth. You’re being an asshole.
It’s called using your brain, difficult as I know that will sound to you.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (21-30):

There are people who bring sunshine into our lives and then there’s you.
Yes, I value customers but there are exceptions. And you’re one of them.
To you it may seem like I’m being mean, but to me, I’m just being honest.
I’d try to explain it to you, but that would be like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall.
Having a job title that sounds important is not quite the same as being important.
You’ve got a face for radio and a voice for silent movies. How unfortunate for you.
It’s best if you don’t do the thinking. The consequences don’t bear thinking about.
If irritating me was your aim, then you’ve achieved something today. Happy now?
Get over yourself. What’s so special about your job, other than a chair that swivels?
I don’t do preferences. So, if that’s a problem for you, go and bother someone else.

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Rude Sarcastic Quotes (31-40):

Expressing a preference for Taco Bell doesn’t make you an expert on Mexican cuisine.
You’re offended by my comments? Oh well, we all have to cope with stuff we don’t like.
The day was going so well, and then you showed up. Now, what did I do to deserve that?
I’d tell you that you can be more than you are, but I wouldn’t want to give you false hope.
Why are you moaning? I’ve got to serve people like you all day long but I’m not complaining.
That your children are truly unpleasant is not their fault. Clearly, they take after their parents.
Of course, I’m not very clever. That’s why I’m stuck here now, serving ungrateful people like you.
Dislike is not a word I’d use to describe my feelings about you. Despise would be more accurate.
I wasn’t giving you the finger. It was simply a visual indication that I was unimpressed with you.
You need to think seriously about global warming before you share any more of your hot air with us.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (41-50):

You have an interesting look. A single eyebrow covering both eyes is not something I’ve seen before.
Sarcastic? Moi? In this business, it’s mandatory to respond to a stupid question with a sarcastic remark.
When he said you’re a pain in the neck, he was being polite. You’re actually a monumental pain in the ass.
You think I’m being unpleasant now? Well, wait until I get into top gear, then you’ll truly experience unpleasant.
You can hang your degree on the wall behind your desk, but I’ll judge your intelligence on results not a piece of paper.
The problem with people like you is that you lack the self-awareness to realise just how much you irritate people like me.
Wearing a silly hat and a clip-on, polyester tie may make you feel important but guess what? It doesn’t mean you are important.
You’ve got more chance of winning the Kentucky Derby on a donkey than convincing me that you know what you’re talking about.
I didn’t say you were cross-eyed. I said I wasn’t quite sure if you were looking at me or trying to see whether the bus was coming.
I’m sorry. If I gave you the impression that I cared about what you think, that wasn’t my intention. I really don’t give a damn what you think.

So, dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these attitude quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: humor, Rude Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm

39 attitude quotes that take sarcasm to another level

02/28/2024 by Roy Sutton

If you like attitude quotes, clever put-downs, and sarcasm, then you should enjoy this collection today.

39 sarcastic remarks to add to your quiver full of arrows. These are ammunition for use on another day when someone tries to have a go at you and needs reminding that you’re a person with whom they should not mess if they know what’s good for them.

Hopefully one or two of these might just give you a good laugh too. Enjoy them all.

Attitude quotes:

I get it. Life’s a soup, and I’m a fork.
If your phone doesn’t ring, it’ll be me.
If I were a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
Just be yourself isn’t always good advice.
What doesn’t kill you can only disappoint me.
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
You look like something I drew with my left hand.
If you’re the voice of reason, then we’re in trouble.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Hey, I found your nose again. It was in my business.
If only you ran like your mouth. You’d be in great shape.
You’re such a treasure, why hasn’t someone buried you?
You know, you have one really annoying habit. Breathing.
If I was meant to be controlled, I’d have come with a remote.
I have plenty of terrible ideas. Just let me know if you need any.
I wasn’t being rude. I just said what everyone else was thinking.
May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
Oh, darling, you should really go out and buy yourself a personality.
I try to see the best in everyone but you’re making it really difficult.
You think you know it all but clearly, you don’t know when to shut up.
I’m really sorry if my sense of humour offended your total lack of one.
WIFE to HUSBAND: Sure, I make terrible choices. One of them was you.
I encouraged my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a big hug.
I’m not one for revenge but I might arrange for you to have an accident.
Putting on your makeup every day must be hard, with you having two faces.
They call it a selfie because narcissist is too hard for most people to spell.
I can’t help but wonder why someone hasn’t hit you in the face with a shovel yet.
When you spun the wheel of attitude this morning, clearly it landed on bitch again.
I’d love to help you, but I don’t even play an active role in my own life anymore.
Roses are red; violets are blue; I’ve got five fingers; the middle one’s for you.
Do I think you’re pretentious? You’d eat worms in a deli if they came with a French name.
There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you would have to be a psychiatrist.
Apart from being physically exhausted, financially challenged, overweight, and mentally unstable, everything’s going really well. Thanks.
It’s not for me to question your father’s sperm count, but, seriously, were you actually the sperm that won?
If I’m smiling, I’m contemplating doing something really bad. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You may have a problem with my attitude, but that’s not a problem for me.
There are trees out there tirelessly producing oxygen, so you can breathe. I think you owe them an apology.
When I was a child, my father told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It seems, nowadays they call that identity theft.
Let me stop you right there. If it involves early mornings, sweating, or dealing with people, then the answer’s No!

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these attitude quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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Filed Under: Quotes, Sarcasm Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, Attitude Quotes, comebacks, fun, funny, humor, humour, irony, Life, Meaning, Philosophy, put-downs, quotes, retorts, Sarcasm, sarcastic, sarcastic remarks, smile

21 sarcasm quotes that are the sharpest form of wit

01/24/2024 by Roy Sutton

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but I’m not so sure.

I admire a clever put-down or a few sharp words intended to put someone squarely in their place.

In today’s post, I offer you 21 sarcasm quotes that are sharp and funny, and they made me smile. So I hope they provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Unfortunately, despite my research, I haven’t been able to identify the originators of these clever lines, so their authors remain unknown. Should you be able to point me in the direction of the original authors, then I would be happy to add appropriate credits and links. So please, do let me know.

These are some of the sharpest sarcasm quotes I’ve seen recently, so enjoy them all and make a mental note of the best ones for future use:-

The sharpest form of wit:

Me? Sarcastic? Never!
Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
Stupidity is not a crime. So you’re free to go
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and you head up your ass at the same time?
You never learn anything by doing it right.
If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
I’m returning your nose dear! I found it in my business.
I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
From the moment I saw you I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
Am I free tomorrow? No, I’m expensive.
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
Sarcasm is the body’s natural defence against stupidity.
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
I disagree but I respect your right to be stupid.
I stopped listening, so why don’t you stop talking?
Patience: What you have when there are far too many witnesses.

Enjoyed these sarcasm quotes?

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: fun, funny, humor, humour, Inspiration, Inspirational Quotes, Life, Meaning, Motivation, Motivational Quotes, Philosophy, quotes

33 funny sarcasm quotes guaranteed to make you smile

01/09/2024 by Roy Sutton

Once again, I return to the theme of sarcasm and, in particular, funny sarcasm quotes. I love them as they always make me smile, dear reader.

Not only that, I always get such a positive response from readers when I include some funny sarcasm quotes. So I hope you enjoy them too.

If nothing else, you can add some of them to your little quiver full of arrows for when you need to be well-armed against stupid and difficult people, and there are plenty of both around. I’m sure you’ll agree.

So please take a few minutes now and enjoy them all.

Funny sarcasm quotes:

I love the sound when you shut up.
What’s wrong with me? Do you want a list?
I have three words for you. You need help!
Feel free to judge me, when you’re perfect.
I may not be perfect but at least I’m not you.
Well, aren’t you a little ray of sarcastic sunshine?
Tact is for people who lack the wit to be sarcastic.
Hey, you know what you’d look good in? Concrete!
Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice.
The only problem I have with you is you’re still breathing.
Am I always angry and irritable? No, sometimes I’m asleep.
I’ve already had my patience tested. The result was negative.
I try to see the best in everyone but you’re not making it easy.
Did you ever get the feeling that you’ve seized the wrong day?
I don’t hate you. I’m just not that excited about your existence.
If I was a bird this morning, you’d be the first person I’d crap on.
May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
If you don’t like sarcasm, would profanity work better with you?
That girl could reduce a man to tears with one lash of her tongue.
Being dead is like being stupid it’s only a problem for other people.
You should be aware that my sense of humour may hurt your feelings.
Your ass must be jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth.
My text messages would make more sense if there was a sarcasm font.
I hope you appreciate the effort I’ve put into not punching you in the face.
Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize you were an expert on how I should live my life.
I’d tell you to go to Hell but I work there and I wouldn’t want to see you every day.
Ignorance can be educated and crazy can be medicated but there’s no cure for stupid.
I thought rock bottom would be as far down as I’d go. I didn’t realize it had a basement.
When I look at you I can’t help but think, “Why hasn’t someone hit you with a shovel yet?”
Do I dislike you? Well, let me put it this way I’d willingly buy you a toaster for your bathtub.
Let’s hope you experience a sudden case of explosive diarrhoea whilst you’re stuck in traffic.
You’d be unwise to give me your attitude unless you want to be on the receiving end of mine.
May the fleas from a thousand camels infest your ass and may your arms be too short to scratch.

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If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: Black Humor, dark sarcasm, dark sarcasm quotes, funny, funny sarcasm memes, funny sarcasm quotes, humor, Sarcasm, sarcasm memes, sarcasm quotes, sarcastic remarks

Funny Comebacks: Here are 37 for dealing with rude people

11/29/2023 by Roy Sutton

The art of funny comebacks is well worth developing.

We all have to deal with rude comments and mean, spiteful people occasionally. That’s all part of human existence.

However, how often do you wish you had a suitable response ready to go to put such people firmly in their place?

If only you had a stock of funny comebacks to choose from when situations dictated.

Well, here are 37 funny comebacks that you might find useful when you’re faced with dealing with rude, mean, or difficult people. How many of these can you work into your day today?

If there are any of these funny comebacks that you particularly like, then please share this post with your friends, but not before you’ve enjoyed them all first.

Remember: When you share, everyone wins.

Funny Comebacks (1-10):

You know you really should buy some breath mints?
I have better things to do than listen to you.
Whoever told you to be yourself has given you bad advice.
I don’t care what everyone else says; I don’t think you’re that bad.
Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
I believed in evolution until I met you.
Have you ever wondered why people don’t like you?
I accept that I’m not perfect, but at least I’m not you.
If ignorance is bliss, then you must be the happiest person on the planet.
You always bring me so much joy ……. the minute you leave the room.

Funny Comebacks (11-20):

I don’t need a proctologist to tell me you’re an asshole.
I’m not a cactus expert, but I do know a prick when I see one.
I would explain it to you but I have neither the time nor the crayons!
Sorry, buddy but I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart.
If only your dad had used a condom, the world would be a better place.
You have your entire life to be a jerk. Take a day off and give the rest of us a break.
Everyone said you were unpleasant, but I didn’t believe them ……. until now.
Sorry, but you’re confusing me with someone who actually cares about what you think.
Are you always such an idiot, or do you just like to show off when I’m around?

Funny Comebacks (21-30):

I don’t remember asking for your opinion.
I understand what you’re saying, but if I agreed with you, then we’d both be wrong.
Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you’re abusing the privilege.
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Well, me neither.
No wonder everyone talks about you behind your back.
Mirrors don’t lie, and lucky for you, they don’t laugh either.
I was going to give you a nasty look, but I can see you’ve already got one.
I’m busy; you’re ugly. Have a nice day.
Why don’t you check eBay and see if they have a personality for sale?
It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it and remove all doubt.

Funny Comebacks (31-37):

I hope you step on a Lego with your bare feet.
You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.
Of course, I talk like an idiot. How else would you be able to understand me?
You can keep rolling your eyes if you must, but you’re unlikely to find a brain back there.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
Don’t hate me, because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
You sir, are a human version of period cramps.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: Amuse, Attitude, fun, funny, Funny Comebacks, humor, humour, Influencers, Inspiration, Movies, Philosophy, quotes, Sage Advice, Sarcasm, Wisdom, Witty Responses

30 Sarcastic quotes about love to make you smile

07/25/2023 by Roy Sutton

If you enjoy sarcasm and sarcastic quotes then you might just appreciate these sarcastic quotes about love. They made me smile and I hope they make you smile too.

Sarcastic quotes about love (1-15):

You’ll do.
You can’t be wise and in love.
Where there’s love there are lies.
Nothing says “I love you” like sarcasm.
True love comes from the heart, not the mouth.
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
A relationship is a test for which you’ve never studied.
Deceiving others. That’s what the world calls romance.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear it’s a beautiful day.
I’m no one’s backup option. Choose me or lose me. The choice is yours.
If love’s the answer then you probably didn’t understand the question.
You don’t stop loving someone. Either you always will or you never did in the first place.
Apparently, if you treat people the way they treat you they’ll get offended. Who knew?
All you need is love. And an IQ low enough to believe that.

Sarcastic quotes about love (16-30):

If you don’t love yourself then no one else is going to love you.
Relationships don’t die a natural death. They’re murdered by attitude.
Yes of course you were my cup of tea but now I’m drinking champagne.
No, I’m not afraid to love. My fear is not being loved back.
Everything happens for a reason. So if I punch you in the face, remember it was for a reason.
Love may be important to sustaining life but let’s get real, money and oxygen are more important.
Marriage is a legal contract through which you can annoy that one special person for the rest of your life.
Don’t worry about hurting my feelings because I can guarantee there’s no link between my self-esteem and your acceptance of me.
I never reach out to people if there’s little or no chance of it being reciprocated.
Hating people consumes far too much energy. So I’ll just pretend you don’t exist.
I don’t need anyone to hold my hand. I can put my hands in my pockets and just keep walking.
You may show me that you don’t give a s*** but I can show you that I’m much better at it.
Of all the lies I’ve heard, “I love you” is the best.
There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything for you. Remember that.
Happily ever after is so once upon a time.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: funny, humor, quotes, Sarcasm, Sarcastic quotes, Sarcastic quotes about love

50 funny comebacks that say ‘Don’t mess with me!’

06/29/2023 by Roy Sutton

Have you ever been in a situation where you’d wished you had a smart response straight off the tongue to put someone well and truly in their place?

An insult or funny comeback to let someone know that they’re attempting to mess with someone they really shouldn’t mess with?

Certainly, it’s a good idea to have your own personal stock of insults and funny comebacks ready and waiting to be used, just in case.

This would be your own deadly quiver full of arrows.

There’s nothing worse than being stuck for words only to kick yourself later when you think of a good comeback but it’s all a bit late.

So here’s another selection of 50 insults and funny comebacks so your gun is loaded, cocked and ready to fire. No one messes with you, dear reader.

50 Funny Comebacks (1-10):

Well, I was pro-life……until I met you.
You’re so fat you could sell shade.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
You’ll go far, and hopefully, you won’t come back.
Well, aren’t you just the sunshine in a stormy sky?
Hey, your village called. They want their idiot back.
You’re living proof that evolution can go into reverse.
I gotta tell you, your wit is as sharp as a plastic knife.
If there was an Olympics for rudeness, you’d be a gold medallist.
Well, bless your heart. It’s truly an experience to be in your presence.

50 Funny Comebacks (11-20):

Well, aren’t you just a waste of space?
You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people.
Were you born this stupid, or have you had special training?
I see you’ve mastered the art of making friends ….. disappear.
You’re about as pleasant as the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
You’re living proof that God really does have a sense of humour.
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
I must have missed the memo that said rudeness is the new black.

50 Funny Comebacks (21-30):

Jesus might love you, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
Please just tell me that you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
Save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.
Well, aren’t you just the little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
I hear you’re keen to lose weight. Have you tried shaving your legs?
Well, at least we now know that diplomacy is not a skill you possess.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it works, that’s for sure.
Hey, the zoo called. They’re wondering how you got out of your cage.
It amuses me when I hear you talk about stuff you don’t understand.
You’ve certainly mastered the knack of making people feel unwelcome.

50 Funny Comebacks (31-40):

I just stepped in something that was smarter than you and it smelled better too.
Oh, please, do go on. I’m on the edge of my seat, captivated by your lack of charm.
Oh, look, it’s the master of snide remarks. Please don’t keep us waiting, we’re all ears.
You’ve got all the social graces of a Black Mamba. Slippery and not very approachable.
Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
Meeting you has made me realise that there are some remarkably dumb people in this world.
I have seen people like you before, but I’ve always been charged for admission in the past.
You’ve all the charm of a rattlesnake and the grace of a bull in a China Shop. Impressive, really.
I love what you’ve done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
Don’t you know that it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it, removing all doubt?

50 Funny Comebacks (41-50):

You’ve got a lot to say for yourself, but I struggle to comprehend why any of it matters.
Well, you’ve certainly got a talent for turning pleasantries into passive-aggressive remarks.
I’ve been lucky enough to meet a lot of likeable people in my time. but you’re not one of them.
You’ve got the kind of charisma that makes folks wish for earplugs and a sudden loss of hearing.
I know this might sound alien to you, but you’ll catch more flies with sugar than you will with vinegar.
I’m guessing you’ve never read Dale Carnegie’s famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I’m trying my hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.
If you’re waiting for me to care, then I hope you brought something to eat, because it’s going to be a long, long time.
You don’t have to be a complete prick all your life. You can always take five minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
In Science class, I learned the universe consists of neutrons, protons, and electrons. The University of Life has taught me that it consists of morons too.

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If any of these funny comebacks made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, Black Humor, fun, funny, Funny Comebacks, Hilarious, humor, humour, jokes, Life, smile, Stress-free

30 dark sarcasm quotes that’ll make you smile

06/02/2023 by Roy Sutton

When you want to suggest a hint of menace then having a few dark sarcasm quotes up your sleeve is always useful.

After all, people need to know that they shouldn’t mess with you.

Sarcasm is a powerful way of getting that message across.

So today I offer you 30 great dark sarcasm quotes and I hope they all entertain you.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all. I did and I’m confident you will too.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Dark sarcasm quotes (1-15):

Sarcastic? Me? Well, a little sardonic perhaps.
Surely you must be on stupid pills?
If I’m smiling that alone should scare you.
I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.
Zombies eat brains. So you’ll be quite safe.
Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch-black?
Keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
Am I joking or am I psychotic? You don’t want to find out.
I really need the one thing you can provide, your absence.
If it looks like I don’t care, that’s because I really don’t.
Am I free this afternoon? No, I’m very expensive.
I don’t treat people badly. I treat people accordingly.
If I cut you off then in all probability you handed me the scissors.
You’re allowed to use your brain you know. It’s not illegal just yet.
I’m a leader, not a follower. Unless it’s dark, then you’re going first.

Dark sarcasm quotes (16-30):

Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
If you can’t say something nice, at least make it clever and devastating.
My level of sarcasm has reached the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
I don’t like making plans in case they lead to the word ‘premeditated’ being thrown around in a courtroom.
Don’t be a complete prick all your life. Take a few minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
I’m sorry. While you were talking I was struggling to figure out why you think I care.
My life’s been full of disappointments and you’ve just been added to the list.
No, I can’t help you but I can offer you a sarcastic remark.
When I said how stupid can you be it wasn’t meant to be a challenge.
No, I wouldn’t say I’m the best in the world but I’m confident I’m in the Top 1.
You should be careful if you don’t want to be offended. I can speak fluent sarcasm.
It’s one of life’s mysteries but those who whine loudest tend to be those who’ve contributed least. Why is that?
You think you’re street smart but I’m guessing that’s Sesame Street.
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: dark sarcasm, dark sarcasm quotes, funny, humor, quotes, Sarcasm, Sarcastic quotes

Sarcasm Quotes

SARCASM EXAMPLES

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Irony and Sarcasm:

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Rude Sarcastic Quotes (1-10):

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (11-20):

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (21-30):

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (31-40):

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (41-50):

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Attitude quotes:

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The sharpest form of wit:

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Funny sarcasm quotes:

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Funny Comebacks (1-10):

Funny Comebacks (11-20):

Funny Comebacks (21-30):

Funny Comebacks (31-37):

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Sarcastic quotes about love (1-15):

Sarcastic quotes about love (16-30):

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50 Funny Comebacks (1-10):

50 Funny Comebacks (11-20):

50 Funny Comebacks (21-30):

50 Funny Comebacks (31-40):

50 Funny Comebacks (41-50):

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Dark sarcasm quotes (1-15):

Dark sarcasm quotes (16-30):

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