Sarcasm Quotes

35 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love

05/02/2021 by Roy Sutton

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Thank you.

30 Sarcastic quotes about life lessons to amuse you

04/26/2021 by Roy Sutton

Today I return to the theme of sarcasm because this theme always results in some positive feedback from readers. So here are some sarcastic quotes about life lessons many of which I’m sure will resonate with readers.

They made me smile and I hope they make you smile too.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons:

Shhhh …… No one cares.
I may forgive but I never, ever forget.
Apology accepted but trust is denied.
I’ll try to be nicer if you’ll try to be smarter.
Some people are so poor all they have is money.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
There’s no need to repeat yourself, I’m ignoring you.
Let’s share. You take the grenade and I’ll take the pin.
I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot, I only exist when you need something.
I’m not heartless. I’ve just learned to use my heart less.
Everything I like is either expensive, illegal or won’t text me back.
I’m sorry for those mean, awful, accurate things I’ve just said.
You can laugh at anything, as long as it’s not happening to you.
An apple a day will keep anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
If I hurt your feelings for calling you stupid, I’m sorry but I thought you knew.
Of course I can multitask. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time.
Common sense is like deodorant. Those most in need of it are least likely to possess it.
Life’s just like an elevator. On the way up, sometimes you have to stop to let people off.
If you had to pay me a dollar for every smart thing you said, you wouldn’t owe me a cent.
You shouldn’t worry about what I’m doing. You should worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
If someone throws a rock at you, just throw a flower back at them. But make sure it’s still in the pot.
If me living my life my way bothers you then you can always get yourself a life of your own.
No matter who tries to teach you lessons about life, you won’t truly understand them until you have to go through them on your own.
People are either on your side, by your side, or in your way. So choose them wisely.
Never waste your time with people who only want you around when it fits their need.
I’ve reached the age where my brain’s gone from, “I probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s go for it and see what happens.”
Just when you think you know all the answers, life changes the questions.
It wasn’t an act of revenge. I was simply returning the favour.
There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.

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So did enjoy these sarcastic quotes about life lessons dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

04/19/2021 by Roy Sutton

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult don’t always spring readily to mind, do they? Well, not to me anyway.

Have you ever had that experience where someone tests your patience and you only wish you’d had the right witty insult on the tip of your tongue and ready to let them know that you’re not someone who will suffer fools for very long?

It’s always useful to have a stock of sarcastic responses ready to hand for such occasions.

So for today’s post, I offer you 29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult.

I hope at least one or two of them will also raise a smile with you too.

And of course, I hope these provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Sarcasm and witty insults:

Do I know who you are? Why? Don’t you?
Clearly, wit is a skill you’ve yet to master.
Would it really hurt to smile occasionally?
If your aim was to irritate me then you’re plan is working so far.
You’re confusing me with someone who cares about what you think?
I’m not sarcastic; I’m just allergic to stupid
Take your time buddy, it’s not like the rest of us have any stuff to do.
That you’ve survived this long without a brain is a miracle of modern science.
Now who might you be and why should it matter to me?
You’re wearing that shirt as part of a ‘get noticed’ strategy, aren’t you?
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.
Listen, tiger, if you’re trying to impress me, it’ll take a bit more than a vanilla latte with a blueberry muffin on the side.
I’m sure your mother thinks you’re important but guess what? The rest of the world doesn’t agree.
Your disdain for your customers suggests you’d be wise to consider an alternative line of work.
Some people have genuine talent and then there are deluded people like you.
I may have had a bit too much to drink mam but tomorrow I’ll be sober, whereas you’ll still be ugly.
$10 for an iced tea with a twist and a little umbrella? I just wanted a drink; I wasn’t trying to purchase the entire bar.
Were you born a pain in the ass or have you had special training?
You’ve got a face on you like you’ve been sucking sour lemons for a week.
If you’re nice to other people, you might find they’ll be a bit more agreeable with you. Try it, the results might surprise you.
Clearly, you’re bereft of talent but I admire your willingness to have a go anyway.
If your aim was to insult me, you’ll need to do a lot better than that buddy.
There’s nothing like exceptional customer service and that was nothing like exceptional customer service.
Regardless of what you seem to think, being polite to people hasn’t gone out of fashion.
Well, we’ve now established that you can be really stupid when you want to be. So what else are you good at?
So you’ve got a few qualifications. That just means you’re quite good at remembering stuff. So what?
Have you ever thought of getting a personality transplant? Certainly, the one you’ve got now is not helping your cause.
I didn’t say you were overweight but you’re certainly taking bloating to a whole new level.
I wouldn’t say you’re slow as such but you do give the impression that you’re a nickel short of a dime.

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So dear reader did any of these examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult actually make you smile? Was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these examples did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

09/01/2020 by Roy Sutton

If you admire a clever put-down or sharp, sarcastic remarks then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day, when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!‘

And of course, we all need a good laugh too. So these should help with that as well. Enjoy them all.

Sarcastic Remarks:

I’ve met some pricks in my time but you really are the full cactus.
Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
The mirror doesn’t lie but lucky for you it doesn’t laugh either.
If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
If I act like I don’t care that’s because I don’t.
If it’s loyalty you want get a dog.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
That’s an eye-catching dress mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
I’ve had more fun having root canal treatment.
You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?
Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
You’re not ugly. Unattractive definitely, but not really ugly.
If you don’t want sarcastic answers don’t ask me stupid questions.
You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
In another age you’d have been burned at the stake.
Normally I pretend to like you but today I really can’t be bothered.
Violence may not solve anything but it might make me feel better.
Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
Sure I’ll help you out buddy. The same way you came in.
Don’t take yourself too seriously, no one else does.
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
You sound better with your mouth closed.
I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
You have every right to express an opinion sir and I have every right to ignore it.
Do I think you’re stupid? Well, I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoelaces.
You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
I’ve met stingy people before but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
I could insult you but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy mam it’s working I can assure you.
When I look at you I can see that the lights are on but no one’s home.
I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight …… until now!
If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
I didn’t say I hated you but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
You’re a low paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment buddy. You know you’re nothing and so does everyone else.

Enjoyed these sarcastic remarks? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

30 sarcasm examples that’ll really make you smile

06/19/2020 by Roy Sutton

Irony, wit and sarcastic responses are always well-received by readers.

So today I offer 30 more sarcasm examples that you can add to your ammunition stockpile. They will make you smile too.

Enjoy them all and if you have any of your own then please add them to the comments. I’d love to hear from you and I’m sure other readers would too.

Sarcasm examples:

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
You’ve got a face only a mother could love.
You’re about as pleasant as colonic irrigation.
Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
If I appear to be disinterested that’s because I am.
I didn’t ask for your advice, so why would you assume I need it?
Dressed like that I’m guessing you’re off to a loud shirt party?
What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.
Am I a bitch or just a girl who’s looking after her own interests and takes no crap from anyone? You may not like it but it works for me. So suck it up buttercup.
I appreciate you giving me this opportunity for a lengthy exchange of ideas but I’m busy. So please just go away.
I get it that life has been unfair to you and that you’re not happy but why’s that my problem?
When you say ‘ad hoc’ does that mean I can do it as necessary or were you just trying to impress me with your knowledge of Latin?
When you suggest ‘I’m just biased’ does that mean deep down you think I may actually have a point but you don’t want to admit it?
Listen, buddy, I can sell you a drink but I can’t offer you solutions to your problems. I’m a bartender, not a psychotherapist.
You keep saying that money’s not important but I’d love to see how long you can live without it.
What have you done to your hair? It looks like it’s been cut with a knife and fork.
You know you’re old when you receive a welcome letter from AARP which serves only to remind you that you’re not quite dead yet.
It may be moderately challenging but let’s face it, it’s not rocket science, is it?
That’s an interesting idea. Why don’t you put it in the Suggestion Box and I’ll be sure to ignore it?
So life was so much better back in your day? Well whoop-dee-doo. The rest of us are so pleased for you, NOT.
It was a joke. We used to tell them to each other before everyone was so easily offended.
Just because you work hard you shouldn’t assume your efforts will be appreciated. What did you expect? Applause?
You do realize that feeling that everyone’s out to get you may not just be a feeling?
Yes, I received your email and I ignored it like every other message I have in my Inbox. I’ve actually got work to do.
Referring to yourself as a professional is not for me a guarantee that you’ll have any significant level of competence.
One day you’ll realize that behaving like a total dick was not a good idea and it doesn’t impress anyone.
‘Have a nice day’ is something you say but in my experience rarely is it something you mean.
You’re not old. Chronologically challenged, yes! But there’s a bit more life in you yet.
If you don’t feel that this job is worthy of your talents then you can always quit and go spend more time with your ego.
Being a perfectionist will make you the worst kind of boss in the world. On the upside, it’ll also make you the best kind of sexual partner. So it’s not all bad.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Sarcasm Quotes

35 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love

Please share this post with your friends:

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

30 Sarcastic quotes about life lessons to amuse you

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons:

Please share this post with your friends:

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29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

Sarcasm and witty insults:

Please share this post with your friends:

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50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

Sarcastic Remarks:

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30 sarcasm examples that’ll really make you smile

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