Sarcasm Quotes

30 Sarcastic quotes about life lessons to amuse you

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT LIFE LESSONSToday I return to the theme of sarcasm because this theme always results in some positive feedback from readers.

So here are some sarcastic quotes about life lessons many of which I’m sure will resonate with readers.

They made me smile and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons (1-15):

  1. Shhhh …… No one cares.
  2. I may forgive but I never, ever forget.
  3. Apology accepted but trust is denied.
  4. I’ll try to be nicer if you’ll try to be smarter.
  5. Some people are so poor all they have is money.
  6. Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
  7. There’s no need to repeat yourself, I’m ignoring you.
  8. Let’s share. You take the grenade and I’ll take the pin.
  9. I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
  10. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot; I only exist when you need something.
  11. I’m not heartless. I’ve just learned to use my heart less.
  12. Everything I like is either expensive, illegal or won’t text me back.
  13. I’m sorry for those mean, awful, accurate things I’ve just said.
  14. You can laugh at anything, as long as it’s not happening to you.
  15. An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons (16-30):

  1. If I hurt your feelings by calling you stupid, I’m sorry but I thought you knew.
  2. Of course, I can multitask. I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time.
  3. Common sense is like deodorant. Those most in need of it are least likely to possess it.
  4. Life’s just like an elevator. On the way up, sometimes you have to stop to let people off.
  5. If you had to pay me a dollar for every smart thing you said, you wouldn’t owe me a cent.
  6. You shouldn’t worry about what I’m doing. You should worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
  7. If someone throws a rock at you, just throw a flower back at them. But make sure it’s still in the pot.
  8. If me living my life my way bothers you then you can always get yourself a life of your own.
  9. No matter who tries to teach you lessons about life, you won’t truly understand them until you have to go through them on your own.
  10. People are either on your side, by your side, or in your way. So choose them wisely.
  11. Never waste your time with people who only want you around when it fits their needs.
  12. I’ve reached the age where my brain’s gone from, “I probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s go for it and see what happens.”
  13. Just when you think you know all the answers, life changes the questions.
  14. It wasn’t an act of revenge. I was simply returning the favour.
  15. There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did enjoy these sarcastic quotes about life lessons, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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37 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love

 

Sarcasm memesSarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm Memes Funny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm Memes

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these funny sarcasm memes make you smile?

I hope so. However, there’s plenty more to amuse if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles just for you.

And if you’ve enjoyed today’s post, please share it with all your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll make you smile

Bitchy CommentsLadies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you have a need for a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, you mess with me at your peril.

Well here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which really made me smile.

Bitchy Comments:

  1. You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
  2. She’s not a drinker but she certainly likes a whine.
  3. I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
  4. Hey, balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
  5. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
  6. I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
  7. There are two things I dislike about you girl. Your face!
  8. Yes, I am crazy and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
  9. Being opinionated is not the same as being informed dear.
  10. OMG! She’s really been hit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
  11. Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
  12. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you’re the full cactus.
  13. I try to see the best in people but you certainly make it hard.
  14. You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
  15. I may have multiple personalities but none of them like you.
  16. Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
  17. If you want to lose weight quickly, you could always shave your legs.
  18. What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
  19. I’d say something complimentary about you but I’m not that dishonest.
  20. I don’t hate you but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  21. You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
  22. I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
  23. You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
  24. I’d beat you with a hammer but you’re not worth the jail time.
  25. You’re such a fake I’m guessing you were made in China.
  26. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
  27. Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
  28. No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
  29. Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my boobs are bigger than yours.
  30. Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

BITCHY COMMENTSPlease share this post:

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You did? I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

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60 British insults for getting your message across

BRITISH INSULTSWhen it comes to insults the British certainly can have a clever turn of phrase. Well, I think so but then again I am British, so perhaps I’m a little bit biased. Therefore allow me to offer you 60 British insults to prove my point.

All of these clever comebacks made me smile and I hope you’ll enjoy at least some of them too.

So take a few minutes to appreciate the British sense of humour and please feel free to pass them on.

British insults (1-20):

  1. Get lost!
  2. You stink!
  3. You wazzock!
  4. A pox on you.
  5. Do one, tosser!
  6. You gormless git!
  7. You silly plonker!
  8. Shove it up your ass!
  9. You pointless prick!
  10. Just get out of my sight.
  11. You’re as daft as a brush.
  12. You sir are a waste of space.
  13. You’re an absolute doorknob.
  14. You’re as mad as a box of frogs.
  15. You’re a sandwich short of a picnic.
  16. Watch where you’re going, dipstick!
  17. You corrosive lump of faecal horror.
  18. You have a mouth like a torn pocket.
  19. Pigs in a sty smell better than you do.
  20. You’re a waste of the air you breathe.

British insults (21-40):

  1. You look ill. Should I call a vet for you?
  2. Wow, you’ve got a great face, for radio!
  3. Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
  4. Nice hair. Does it grow all over your back?
  5. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  6. Do you have anything edible on the menu?
  7. Is it normal to foam at the mouth like that?
  8. You’ve got a face like a bag of smashed crabs.
  9. Boy, you’ve been whacked with the ugly stick!
  10. Is that rotting flesh or your armpits I can smell?
  11. You’ve got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
  12. You add less value than the excrement on my shoe.
  13. Do that again and I’ll have your guts for garters.
  14. You don’t have to be a complete tosser all your life.
  15. You’re so obnoxious, how do you live with yourself?
  16. Where I come from we walk the family pet not eat it.
  17. I’m guessing they don’t sell deodorant where you live.
  18. Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
  19. I’d call you a whore but that would be unfair to whores.
  20. I don’t hate you but may your death be slow and painful.

British insults (41-60):

  1. British-InsultsPerhaps it might just be a ‘You’ problem?
  2. Only a complete slimeball would think that’s acceptable.
  3. Yes, I’d love to meet your parents. When does the zoo open?
  4. Well, aren’t you a little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
  5. Yes, I’m drunk but tomorrow I’ll be sober and you’ll still be ugly.
  6. What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face like a melted welly.
  7. Everyone has the right to be ugly but you’re abusing that privilege.
  8. If you really must smile it would be better if you visited a dentist first.
  9. Call me unworldly if you must, but do women normally have hair there?
  10. With a menu as bad as this I won’t have any problem sticking to my diet.
  11. I wouldn’t call you ugly but you’ve got a face like a blind cobbler’s thumb.
  12. I think you’re brave in showing your face in public, without a bag covering it.
  13. What’s wrong with you? You’re walking like your ass is chewing a toffee.
  14. If you want to lose weight quickly dear, you could try shaving your legs.
  15. I’d call you ugly but that doesn’t quite say what a truly unpleasant sight you are.
  16. I must have done something terrible in another life to deserve a minge bag like you.
  17. People say you’re a bit of a spanner but in my experience, you’re more the full toolkit.
  18. If you could just listen to yourself for a minute you’d realize your opinion is ridiculous.
  19. Could I borrow a hosepipe, please? You look like you’re in need of some colonic irrigation.
  20. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet in an instant.

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50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

Sarcastic Remarks If you admire clever put-downs or sharp, sarcastic remarks then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!

And of course, we all need a good laugh too. So these should help with that as well. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic Remarks:

  1. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you really are the full cactus.
  2. Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
  3. Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
  4. I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
  5. You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
  6. You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
  7. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  8. There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
  9. The mirror doesn’t lie but lucky for you it doesn’t laugh either.
  10. If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
  11. Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
  12. Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
  13. If I act like I don’t care that’s because I don’t.
  14. If it’s loyalty you want get a dog.
  15. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  16. That’s an eye-catching dress mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
  17. You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
  18. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
  19. You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
  20. That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
  21. I’ve had more fun having root canal treatment.
  22. You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?
  23. Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
  24. You’re not ugly. Unattractive definitely, but not really ugly.
  25. Sarcastic RemarksIf you don’t want sarcastic answers don’t ask me stupid questions.
  26. You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
  27. In another age you’d have been burned at the stake.
  28. Normally I pretend to like you but today I really can’t be bothered.
  29. Violence may not solve anything but it might make me feel better.
  30. Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
  31. Sure I’ll help you out buddy. The same way you came in.
  32. Don’t take yourself too seriously, no one else does.
  33. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
  34. You sound better with your mouth closed.
  35. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
  36. You have every right to express an opinion sir and I have every right to ignore it.
  37. Do I think you’re stupid? Well, I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoelaces.
  38. You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
  39. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
  40. I’ve met stingy people before but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
  41. When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
  42. I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
  43. Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
  44. I could insult you but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
  45. If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy mam it’s working I can assure you.
  46. When I look at you I can see that the lights are on but no one’s home.
  47. I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight …… until now!
  48. If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
  49. I didn’t say I hated you but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
  50. You’re a low-paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment buddy. You know you’re nothing and so does everyone else.

Enjoyed these sarcastic remarks? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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30 sarcasm examples that’ll really make you smile

SARCASM EXAMPLESSome people are definitely uncomfortable with the use of sarcasm. However, I think it can be one of the most effective means of communication. So I’ve been collecting some more sarcasm examples.

So, without further ado, here are 30 sarcasm examples that you can add to your ammunition stockpile. I think they might just make you smile too. They will make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.  And please feel free to pass them on.

I’d love to hear from you and I’m sure other readers would too.

Sarcasm examples:

  1. Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
  2. You’ve got a face only a mother could love.
  3. You’re about as pleasant as colonic irrigation.
  4. Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
  5. If I appear to be disinterested that’s because I am.
  6. I didn’t ask for your advice, so why would you assume I need it?
  7. Dressed like that I’m guessing you’re off to a loud shirt party?
  8. What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.
  9. Am I a bitch or just a girl who’s looking after her own interests and takes no crap from anyone? You may not like it but it works for me. So suck it up buttercup.
  10. I appreciate you giving me this opportunity for a lengthy exchange of ideas but I’m busy. So please just go away.
  11. I get it that life has been unfair to you and that you’re not happy but why’s that my problem?
  12. When you say ‘ad hoc’ does that mean I can do it as necessary or were you just trying to impress me with your knowledge of Latin?
  13. When you suggest ‘I’m just biased’ does that mean deep down you think I may actually have a point but you don’t want to admit it?
  14. Listen, buddy, I can sell you a drink but I can’t offer you solutions to your problems. I’m a bartender, not a psychotherapist.
  15. You keep saying that money’s not important but I’d love to see how long you can live without it.
  16. What have you done to your hair? It looks like it’s been cut with a knife and fork.
  17. You know you’re old when you receive a welcome letter from AARP which serves only to remind you that you’re not quite dead yet.
  18. It may be moderately challenging but let’s face it, it’s not rocket science, is it?
  19. That’s an interesting idea. Why don’t you put it in the Suggestion Box and I’ll be sure to ignore it?
  20. So life was so much better back in your day? Well whoop-dee-doo. The rest of us are so pleased for you, NOT.
  21. It was a joke. We used to tell them to each other before everyone was so easily offended.
  22. Just because you work hard you shouldn’t assume your efforts will be appreciated. What did you expect? Applause?
  23. You do realize that feeling that everyone’s out to get you may not just be a feeling?
  24. Yes, I received your email and I ignored it like every other message I have in my Inbox. I’ve actually got work to do.
  25. Referring to yourself as a professional is not for me a guarantee that you’ll have any significant level of competence.
  26. One day you’ll realize that behaving like a total dick was not a good idea and it doesn’t impress anyone.
  27. ‘Have a nice day’ is something you say but in my experience rarely is it something you mean.
  28. You’re not old. Chronologically challenged, yes! But there’s a bit more life in you yet.
  29. If you don’t feel that this job is worthy of your talents then you can always quit and go spend more time with your ego.
  30. Being a perfectionist will make you the worst kind of boss in the world. On the upside, it’ll also make you the best kind of sexual partner. So it’s not all bad.

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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31 sarcastic responses to rude people

sarcastic responses to rude peopleLooking for some sarcastic responses to rude people, dear reader?

If you’ve ever worked in the retail trade, as I have, then you’ll have been exposed to plenty of rude people in your time.

That said, just travelling on public transport these days can leave us all exposed to rude people.

Well, if you meet any, it’s always helpful to have some ammunition to respond.

So today I’ve put together 31 sarcastic responses to rude people that you might find come in useful in the weeks and months ahead. They might just make you smile too.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (1-10):

  1. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were such an expert.
  2. Well, thanks for your input. I’ll be sure to ignore it.
  3. Oh, pardon me. I didn’t realize you made all the rules.
  4. My bad! I didn’t realize my sarcasm would be lost on you.
  5. Well, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking to a genius.
  6. Excuse me, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a professional critic.
  7. Well, thank you for that germ of wisdom. I’m sure it will come in handy.
  8. Gee, I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were the only person on the planet who really matters.
  9. Wow, your rudeness is truly impressive. I’m sure it takes a lot of effort to be such a complete jerk.
  10. Thanks for your advice. It’s always nice to have an opinion from someone who thinks they’re an expert.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (11-20):

  1. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to an encyclopaedia.
  2. That’s a great point. And here’s me thinking you were just stupid.
  3. I’m sorry if I dared to have an opinion of my own. I’ll make sure to only speak when spoken to next time.
  4. I can only apologize for not being a mind reader. I’ll be sure to work on my telepathy skills before we meet again.
  5. Thank you for your valuable feedback. I’ll be sure to take it into consideration as I strive to be an even worse person.
  6. Your kind words are truly appreciated. I’ll be sure to add them to the list of reasons why I never want to interact with you again.
  7. Clearly, I should have recognised that you were in a bad mood before you took it out on me. I’ll be sure to avoid you next time.
  8. Well, I apologize if my presence offends you. I’ll be sure to stay out of your sight next time, so as not to disrupt your perfect world.
  9. Thank you for your generous gift of insults and disrespect. I’ll treasure it always and strive to be a more worthy recipient of your abuse.
  10. Oh, thank you for reminding me of my place. I’ll be sure to remember that people in jobs like mine are unworthy of kindness and respect.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (21-31):

  1. Who died and made you the boss?
  2. Goodness, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a mind reader.
  3. If only I’d known you were such an authority on this subject.
  4. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize being rude was part of the conversation.
  5. Now, that’s an interesting perspective. I’m sure it will help me grow.
  6. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you ruled the universe and were entitled to treat others like dirt.
  7. Clearly, my mere existence is an inconvenience to you. I’ll try to be more obsequious next time we meet.
  8. I can only apologize for not meeting your high standards of perfection. I’ll try harder to be more like you in the future.
  9. Excuse me if I didn’t live up to your expectations. I’ll try to be more incompetent next time to suit your needs better.
  10. I’m sorry for not being telepathic and knowing exactly what you wanted without you having to communicate it. I’ll try to do better next time.
  11. Forgive me! I didn’t realize you were such an authority on everything. Do continue to enlighten me with your vast knowledge and excellent manners.

Please share:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic responses to rude people made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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