37 sarcasm examples for when you need that little zinger

08/18/2024 by

If you’ve ever worked in retail, or some other customer-facing role, you’ll know that people can be challenging. That’s life. And sometimes you just wish you’d had that perfect little zinger to let people know what you really think of them. Well here are 37 sarcasm examples that might just make you smile.

Enjoy them all and feel free to pass them on.

SARCASM EXAMPLES

How I envy people who’ve never met you.

Goodness, aren’t you as sharp as a marble?

Do you enjoy humiliating yourself in public?

You really should come with a warning label.

You’re like a penny: two-faced and worthless.

Now aren’t you just the walking motivational poster?

I’m not rude. I just say what everyone else is thinking.

If I had the crayons, I’d willingly try to explain it to you.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

I wasn’t ignoring you. I was simply prioritizing my sanity.

I see you’re still an idiot. Well, at least, you’re consistent.

It’s amazing how you can talk so much and yet say so little.

If you keep talking, eventually you might say something intelligent.

You do realise that you have delusions of adequacy, don’t you?

When I want to hear from a nobody, I’ll be sure to give you a call.

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?

Yes, of course, I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I wish I had a lower IQ, then I might enjoy our conversations more.

You’re the reason they must put instructions on shampoo bottles.

I’d give you a nasty look, but I can see that you’ve already got one.

The last time I saw something as ugly as you, I had to pay admission.

I’m not saying you’re ugly, but your bathroom mirror must be scared.

If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to read.

I wasn’t insulting you. I was simply explaining how other people see you.

You know, I thought of you this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

There can be few things in life more enjoyable than watching you leave a room.

Clearly, you have an inferiority complex, and, let me tell you, it’s fully justified.

If you want to be taken seriously, you’ll need to speak with someone other than me.

I’m not saying you’re an idiot, but your village just called to say they’re missing you.

If you had a dollar for every intelligent comment you’ve ever made, you’d be broke.

Has anyone ever told you that you have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies?

If only the gene pool had had a lifeguard, you wouldn’t be here now, ruining my morning.

Do I think you’re exceptional? Well, certainly, I’ve never met anyone quite as stupid as you.

You really are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Oh no, please, not now!’

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard you say something stupid, I’d be a very wealthy man.

I can only assume that you were born on a highway because that’s usually where accidents happen.

I’m not being mean, but I did hear that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the Prophylactic Emporium.

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now.

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33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt

03/19/2024 by

People can be challenging at times, can’t they? Sometimes they do get too much, I’m sure you’ll agree. So there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm, to subtly convey our contempt.

We can’t live without people, of course, but they can drive us all nuts at times, can’t they? Well, maybe that’s just me.

I love people. At least, most of the time, anyway.

However, I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts, and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally, we all need them, surely?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. And I hope at least some of them make you smile.

And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback, then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

Irony and Sarcasm:

irony-and-sarcasm-quotes-1
  1. You go, girl! And please don’t come back.
  2. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
  3. Those who laugh last think slowest.
  4. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
  5. It’s obvious that in your profession, being stupid is not a handicap.
  6. Look, I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  7. Is being stupid your profession, or are you simply gifted that way?
  8. If you’re ever given the keys to the city, then the city will need to change the locks.
  9. How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel, they always manage to extend the tunnel?
  10. If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
  11. To err is human but to blame it on others, now that’s the art of politics.
  12. I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear today.
  13. They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you, I know that to be true.
  14. You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
  15. I didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent from gaining power.
  16. Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
  17. When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
  18. Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
  19. Did my opinion offend you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
  20. I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
  21. If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper right up your ass.
  22. You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly, as far as I can tell, you lack the brains to understand it.
  23. You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
  24. I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
  25. You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
  26. It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
  27. Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
  28. If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
  29. I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
  30. Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
  31. You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately, you don’t lack the power of speech.
  32. If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
  33. I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these irony and sarcasm quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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39 attitude quotes that take sarcasm to another level

02/28/2024 by
Attitude Quotes

If you like attitude quotes, clever put-downs, and sarcasm, then you should enjoy this collection today.

39 sarcastic remarks to add to your quiver full of arrows. These are ammunition for use on another day when someone tries to have a go at you and needs reminding that you’re a person with whom they should not mess if they know what’s good for them.

Hopefully one or two of these might just give you a good laugh too. Enjoy them all.

Attitude quotes:

  1. I get it. Life’s a soup, and I’m a fork.
  2. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’ll be me.
  3. If I were a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
  4. Just be yourself isn’t always good advice.
  5. What doesn’t kill you can only disappoint me.
  6. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
  7. You look like something I drew with my left hand.
  8. If you’re the voice of reason, then we’re in trouble.
  9. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
  10. Hey, I found your nose again. It was in my business.
  11. If only you ran like your mouth. You’d be in great shape.
  12. You’re such a treasure, why hasn’t someone buried you?
  13. You know, you have one really annoying habit. Breathing.
  14. If I was meant to be controlled, I’d have come with a remote.
  15. I have plenty of terrible ideas. Just let me know if you need any.
  16. I wasn’t being rude. I just said what everyone else was thinking.
  17. May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
  18. Oh, darling, you should really go out and buy yourself a personality.
  19. I try to see the best in everyone but you’re making it really difficult.
  20. You think you know it all but clearly, you don’t know when to shut up.
  21. I’m really sorry if my sense of humour offended your total lack of one.
  22. WIFE to HUSBAND: Sure, I make terrible choices. One of them was you.
  23. I encouraged my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a big hug.
  24. I’m not one for revenge but I might arrange for you to have an accident.
  25. Putting on your makeup every day must be hard, with you having two faces.
  26. They call it a selfie because narcissist is too hard for most people to spell.
  27. I can’t help but wonder why someone hasn’t hit you in the face with a shovel yet.
  28. When you spun the wheel of attitude this morning, clearly it landed on bitch again.
  29. I’d love to help you, but I don’t even play an active role in my own life anymore.
  30. Roses are red; violets are blue; I’ve got five fingers; the middle one’s for you.
  31. Do I think you’re pretentious? You’d eat worms in a deli if they came with a French name.
  32. There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you would have to be a psychiatrist.
  33. Apart from being physically exhausted, financially challenged, overweight, and mentally unstable, everything’s going really well. Thanks.
  34. It’s not for me to question your father’s sperm count, but, seriously, were you actually the sperm that won?
  35. If I’m smiling, I’m contemplating doing something really bad. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
  36. I don’t have an attitude problem. You may have a problem with my attitude, but that’s not a problem for me.
  37. There are trees out there tirelessly producing oxygen, so you can breathe. I think you owe them an apology.
  38. When I was a child, my father told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It seems, nowadays they call that identity theft.
  39. Let me stop you right there. If it involves early mornings, sweating, or dealing with people, then the answer’s No!

Attitude QuotesPlease share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these attitude quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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33 funny sarcasm quotes guaranteed to make you smile

01/09/2024 by

FUNNY SARCASM QUOTESOnce again, I return to the theme of sarcasm and, in particular, funny sarcasm quotes. I love them as they always make me smile, dear reader.

Not only that, I always get such a positive response from readers when I include some funny sarcasm quotes. So I hope you enjoy them too.

If nothing else, you can add some of them to your little quiver full of arrows for when you need to be well-armed against stupid and difficult people, and there are plenty of both around. I’m sure you’ll agree.

So please take a few minutes now and enjoy them all.

Funny sarcasm quotes:

  1. I love the sound when you shut up.
  2. What’s wrong with me? Do you want a list?
  3. I have three words for you. You need help!
  4. Feel free to judge me, when you’re perfect.
  5. I may not be perfect but at least I’m not you.
  6. Well, aren’t you a little ray of sarcastic sunshine?
  7. Tact is for people who lack the wit to be sarcastic.
  8. Hey, you know what you’d look good in? Concrete!
  9. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice.
  10. The only problem I have with you is you’re still breathing.
  11. Am I always angry and irritable? No, sometimes I’m asleep.
  12. I’ve already had my patience tested. The result was negative.
  13. I try to see the best in everyone but you’re not making it easy.
  14. Did you ever get the feeling that you’ve seized the wrong day?
  15. I don’t hate you. I’m just not that excited about your existence.
  16. If I was a bird this morning, you’d be the first person I’d crap on.
  17. May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
  18. If you don’t like sarcasm, would profanity work better with you?
  19. That girl could reduce a man to tears with one lash of her tongue.
  20. Being dead is like being stupid it’s only a problem for other people.
  21. You should be aware that my sense of humour may hurt your feelings.
  22. Your ass must be jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth.
  23. My text messages would make more sense if there was a sarcasm font.
  24. I hope you appreciate the effort I’ve put into not punching you in the face.
  25. Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize you were an expert on how I should live my life.
  26. I’d tell you to go to Hell but I work there and I wouldn’t want to see you every day.
  27. Ignorance can be educated and crazy can be medicated but there’s no cure for stupid.
  28. I thought rock bottom would be as far down as I’d go. I didn’t realize it had a basement.
  29. When I look at you I can’t help but think, “Why hasn’t someone hit you with a shovel yet?”
  30. Do I dislike you? Well, let me put it this way I’d willingly buy you a toaster for your bathtub.
  31. Let’s hope you experience a sudden case of explosive diarrhoea whilst you’re stuck in traffic.
  32. You’d be unwise to give me your attitude unless you want to be on the receiving end of mine.
  33. May the fleas from a thousand camels infest your ass and may your arms be too short to scratch.

Funny Sarcasm QuotesPlease share this post with your friends:

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37 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love

05/11/2023 by

 

Sarcasm memesSarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm Memes Funny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm Memes

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these funny sarcasm memes make you smile?

I hope so. However, there’s plenty more to amuse if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles just for you.

And if you’ve enjoyed today’s post, please share it with all your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll make you smile

04/26/2023 by

Bitchy CommentsLadies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you have a need for a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, you mess with me at your peril.

Well here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which really made me smile.

Bitchy Comments:

  1. You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
  2. She’s not a drinker but she certainly likes a whine.
  3. I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
  4. Hey, balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
  5. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
  6. I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
  7. There are two things I dislike about you girl. Your face!
  8. Yes, I am crazy and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
  9. Being opinionated is not the same as being informed dear.
  10. OMG! She’s really been hit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
  11. Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
  12. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you’re the full cactus.
  13. I try to see the best in people but you certainly make it hard.
  14. You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
  15. I may have multiple personalities but none of them like you.
  16. Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
  17. If you want to lose weight quickly, you could always shave your legs.
  18. What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
  19. I’d say something complimentary about you but I’m not that dishonest.
  20. I don’t hate you but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  21. You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
  22. I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
  23. You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
  24. I’d beat you with a hammer but you’re not worth the jail time.
  25. You’re such a fake I’m guessing you were made in China.
  26. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
  27. Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
  28. No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
  29. Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my boobs are bigger than yours.
  30. Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

BITCHY COMMENTSPlease share this post:

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30 sarcasm examples that’ll really make you smile

02/05/2023 by

SARCASM EXAMPLESSome people are definitely uncomfortable with the use of sarcasm. However, I think it can be one of the most effective means of communication. So I’ve been collecting some more sarcasm examples.

So, without further ado, here are 30 sarcasm examples that you can add to your ammunition stockpile. I think they might just make you smile too. They will make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.  And please feel free to pass them on.

I’d love to hear from you and I’m sure other readers would too.

Sarcasm examples:

  1. Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
  2. You’ve got a face only a mother could love.
  3. You’re about as pleasant as colonic irrigation.
  4. Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
  5. If I appear to be disinterested that’s because I am.
  6. I didn’t ask for your advice, so why would you assume I need it?
  7. Dressed like that I’m guessing you’re off to a loud shirt party?
  8. What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.
  9. Am I a bitch or just a girl who’s looking after her own interests and takes no crap from anyone? You may not like it but it works for me. So suck it up buttercup.
  10. I appreciate you giving me this opportunity for a lengthy exchange of ideas but I’m busy. So please just go away.
  11. I get it that life has been unfair to you and that you’re not happy but why’s that my problem?
  12. When you say ‘ad hoc’ does that mean I can do it as necessary or were you just trying to impress me with your knowledge of Latin?
  13. When you suggest ‘I’m just biased’ does that mean deep down you think I may actually have a point but you don’t want to admit it?
  14. Listen, buddy, I can sell you a drink but I can’t offer you solutions to your problems. I’m a bartender, not a psychotherapist.
  15. You keep saying that money’s not important but I’d love to see how long you can live without it.
  16. What have you done to your hair? It looks like it’s been cut with a knife and fork.
  17. You know you’re old when you receive a welcome letter from AARP which serves only to remind you that you’re not quite dead yet.
  18. It may be moderately challenging but let’s face it, it’s not rocket science, is it?
  19. That’s an interesting idea. Why don’t you put it in the Suggestion Box and I’ll be sure to ignore it?
  20. So life was so much better back in your day? Well whoop-dee-doo. The rest of us are so pleased for you, NOT.
  21. It was a joke. We used to tell them to each other before everyone was so easily offended.
  22. Just because you work hard you shouldn’t assume your efforts will be appreciated. What did you expect? Applause?
  23. You do realize that feeling that everyone’s out to get you may not just be a feeling?
  24. Yes, I received your email and I ignored it like every other message I have in my Inbox. I’ve actually got work to do.
  25. Referring to yourself as a professional is not for me a guarantee that you’ll have any significant level of competence.
  26. One day you’ll realize that behaving like a total dick was not a good idea and it doesn’t impress anyone.
  27. ‘Have a nice day’ is something you say but in my experience rarely is it something you mean.
  28. You’re not old. Chronologically challenged, yes! But there’s a bit more life in you yet.
  29. If you don’t feel that this job is worthy of your talents then you can always quit and go spend more time with your ego.
  30. Being a perfectionist will make you the worst kind of boss in the world. On the upside, it’ll also make you the best kind of sexual partner. So it’s not all bad.

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

 

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