Witty One-liners

30 silliest jokes ever that’ll tickle your funny bone

06/22/2025 by

If you like short, witty one-line jokes, dear reader, then today I offer you some of the silliest jokes ever.

Yes, they’re corny, I admit that, but I’m confident they’ll tickle your funny bone. Children will enjoy them too.

Take a few moments to relax and smile, and please feel free to share them all.

SILLIEST JOKES EVER
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Silliest jokes ever (1-15):

  1. What type of trees do plumbers plant? Toiletries.
  2. How do horses propose? They go down on bended neigh.
  3. Who do you call if a parrot falls off his perch? Parrot-medics.
  4. Why did the monkey logon online? To send a chimpanzee-mail.
  5. What happens to ducks before they grow up? They grow down.
  6. Is it legal to marry a widow’s husband? No, because he’s dead.
  7. What would a monster choose to eat in a restaurant? The waiter.
  8. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they’ve got two left feet.
  9. Why do bears have fur coats? Because they’d look silly in anoraks.
  10. What’s the definition of an arms race? An octopus running for a bus.
  11. Why are barbers, such good drivers? Because they know all the shortcuts.
  12. What’s a man’s idea of a romantic night out? A candlelit football stadium.
  13. Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.
  14. Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? She wanted to post a litter.
  15. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how it all works.

Silliest jokes ever (16-30):

  1. How do you fix a short circuit? Lengthen it.
  2. How do you make a moth ball? Flick its nose.
  3. Why did the gold prospector quit his job? Things just didn’t pan out.
  4. Why did the mathematician turn off his heating? So he could be cold and calculating.
  5. Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
  6. How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
  7. Why did the farmer make his little chicks wear ear muffs? So they wouldn’t hear any fowl language.
  8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender responded, “For you, no charge!”
  9. What did the vampire say just before dawn, when he saw the neck of a sleeping man? “Aaahh, breakfast in bed!”
  10. What did Hamlet say when he went camping and lost his tent? “Tepee or not tepee? That is the question.”
  11. Two fleas are leaving a restaurant, and one says to the other, “Should we walk or take a dog?”
  12. Did you hear about the dog that liked to eat garlic? His bark was worse than his bite.
  13. Two large, hungry lions were wandering around Walmart, and one said to the other, “It’s quiet in here, isn’t it?”
  14. What’s the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a dentist? One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
  15. A man walks into a bar carrying three wooden panels and four wooden posts. “You can’t bring those in here,” said the bartender. “They may cause a fence.”

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So, would you agree that these are some of the silliest jokes ever, dear reader? Did you enjoy them, and more importantly, did they make you laugh? I hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on some of the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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33 funny jokes for 5-year-olds that’ll tickle adults too

06/21/2025 by

If you’re looking for funny jokes for 5-year-olds, then I’ve curated 33 of them, and I think they might just tickle you too, dear reader. I hope so, anyway.

Take a few moments to enjoy them all, or at least groan at a few, and then share them with the 5-year-olds in your life, and anyone else you think they’ll amuse as well.

Jokes-for-5-year-olds
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Jokes for 5-year-olds (1-11):

  1. What pie can fly? – A magpie.
  2. What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit? – Nectarine.
  3. How do you start a milk pudding race? – Say go.
  4. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms? – A doctorpus
  5. What do you call a bike that bites people? – A vicious cycle.
  6. Which sea creature is good at math? – An octoplus.
  7. What do you call a Scottish parrot? – A Macaw.
  8. What do you call a pickle that draws? – A dillustrator.
  9. Who was the pizza’s favourite relative? – Aunt Chovy.
  10. Where would seaweed look for a job? – The kelp-wanted ads.
  11. What grace is said before a salad is eaten? – Lettuce pray.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (12-22):

  1. Why do lions eat raw meat? – They don’t know how to cook it.
  2. What food can be eaten in a taxi? – Corn-on-the-cab.
  3. Where would you see hamburgers boxing? – In an onion ring.
  4. What did the dinner plate say to the side plate? – Lunch is on me.
  5. What lies on the forest floor, 100 feet in the air? – A dead centipede.
  6. Which vegetable is most unreliable? – A fickle onion.
  7. What goes up but doesn’t come down? – Your age.
  8. What kind of nut will you find on a wall? – A walnut.
  9. So, how long were you there? – About five foot eleven.
  10. Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.
  11. In what way are cooks cruel to animals? – They batter fish.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (23-33):

  1. Why did the sandwich go to the dentist? – It needed a filling.
  2. How long should you cook spaghetti? – About 30 centimetres.
  3. What is served in glasses but is hard to swallow? – A stiff drink.
  4. Why did the pickle stay home from school? – Because he felt dill.
  5. What did one snowman say to the other? – Can you smell carrots?
  6. What’s brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? – A coconut on holiday.
  7. Why did the orange go to the doctor? – He wasn’t peeling very well.
  8. How did the Irish potato change nationality? – It became a French fry.
  9. Why did the banana go out with the prune? – Because he couldn’t find a date.
  10. What did one strawberry say to another? – I told you we’d end up in this jam.
  11. Which is the best, a hamburger or a hot dog? – A hamburger because hot dogs are wurst.
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So, please share it now.

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If you’d like some more laughs, please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty more to make you smile.

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37 corny but funny puns to brighten your day

06/20/2025 by
Funny Puns

Do you enjoy funny puns, dear reader? Those wordplay jokes and one-liners make you smile, regardless of how corny they may be.

I love clever wordplay, so I’ve curated another batch in the hope that they’ll brighten your day. You might groan at one or two, but I’m confident that some of them will tickle you.

So enjoy them, and please share them with your friends.

FUNNY PUNS
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Funny Puns (1-12):

  1. He who laughs last didn’t get it.
  2. Eat doughnuts. The original hole food.
  3. Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
  4. Dental X-rays should be called tooth pics.
  5. Mountains aren’t funny. They’re hill areas.
  6. I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.
  7. Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but CATscan.
  8. Due to quarantine, I’m only doing inside jokes.
  9. Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
  10. I was mugged by six dwarves today. Not Happy!
  11. What happens if you’re scared half to death, twice?
  12. My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Funny Puns (13-24):

  1. I’m so terrified of elevators I take steps to avoid them.
  2. We saw a baguette in the zoo. It was bread in captivity.
  3. If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.
  4. If I stole someone’s coffee, would I be guilty of mugging?
  5. I’m searching for fish jokes. If you have any, let minnow.
  6. Plagiarism is getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.
  7. If you’re buying smart water for $5 a bottle, it isn’t working.
  8. I’ve quit my job on the coffee plantation. Bean there, done that.
  9. My wife said the tea I made was terrible. Her criticism was brewtal.
  10. I held the door open for a clown, which I thought was a nice jester.
  11. The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected.
  12. It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty but he had a great fall.

Funny Puns (25-37):

  1. If you’re cold, sit in the corner, it’s 90 degrees. Now that’s acute joke.
  2. The inventor of the knock-knock joke has been awarded a no-bell prize.
  3. In the frosty field, the cows are Friesian. Stop me if you’ve herd this one.
  4. I’m having my hair done today by a Jamaican hairdresser. I’m dreading it.
  5. If a wife denies her husband his morning coffee, is that grounds for divorce.
  6. When you’re swimming in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a Moray.
  7. Never, ever do anything you wouldn’t want to have to explain to paramedics.
  8. My husband left me to become an astronaut. He said I didn’t give him enough space.
  9. Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
  10. At Medical School, I considered specialising in proctology until I realised it was a bum job.
  11. Restaurant diner’s in hospital, having been served horse meat. Doctor says he’s in a stable condition.
  12. The guy told me he was a wealthy businessman. Turns out he was just an electrician. I was shocked.
  13. ME: Why are all the cakes 50 cents, except that one which is a dollar? BAKER: That’s Madeira cake.
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So did these funny puns prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you.

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25 funny facts to entertain and amuse you

06/19/2025 by

If you want to amaze people with the variety and depth of your knowledge, then it’s always helpful to have a few weird and funny facts at your disposal.

So here are 25 funny facts to entertain and amuse you. I found them all fascinating, and I hope you do too, dear reader.

See how many of these facts you can work into your conversations today.

And please, feel free to share this post with your friends.

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Funny Facts:

  1. China has censored their word for censorship.
  2. Cows moo with regional accents.
  3. The female lion does 90% of the hunting.
  4. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  5. Over 75% of people who read Fact No 4 will then try to lick their elbow.
  6. 50% of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.
  7. Dolly Parton once lost out to a drag queen in a Dolly Parton look-alike contest.
  8. The blob of toothpaste you put on your toothbrush is called a nurdle.
  9. Putting in a vase will make flowers stand up straight for a week beyond when they would normally wilt.
  10. One-quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.
  11. A man once wore 60 shirts and nine pairs of jeans on a flight from China to Africa to avoid paying for excess baggage at check-in. 
  12. There’s a village in Norway called Hell and it freezes over every winter.
  13. It would take 76 workdays to read every online privacy policy we agree to in an average year.
  14. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
  15. In an average lifetime, while sleeping, people will eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
  16. 27% of all food produced in Western nations ends up in garbage cans.
  17. If you went out into space, you’d explode before you’d suffocate because there’s no air pressure.
  18. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
  19. A chip of silicon a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1945 ENIAC computer, which occupied an entire city block.
  20. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
  21. You can tell the sex of a horse by its teeth. Most males have 40, whilst females have 36.
  22. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, then you’d have $1.19. You’d also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
  23. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
  24. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
  25. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th.

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If you’re impressed with this post, please share it with your friends on social media.

People do love funny facts, as well as the weird and wonderful ones, so please share this post now.

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Thank you.

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100 funny questions to ask anyone and get a laugh

06/18/2025 by

If you enjoy playing that game with your friends, whereby you ask each other funny questions, then here are 100 funny questions to ask anyone.

You and your friends can have hours of fun asking each other these silly questions. It’s a great game to play and, if nothing else, you’ll learn a lot more about your friends in the process.

So, get a few friends or fellow workers together, and ask them a few of these questions to see what answers you get.

And please, feel free to share them all.

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Funny questions to ask (1-10):

  1. If animals could talk, which one would be the most sarcastic?
  2. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
  3. If you had to wear one Halloween costume every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  4. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you’d done?
  5. What’s the funniest WiFi name you’ve ever seen?
  6. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten for breakfast?
  7. If you could choose your own nickname, what would it be?
  8. What’s the strangest place you’ve ever found your lost keys or phone?
  9. What would you do if you found a penguin in your freezer?
  10. If you could be any fictional character for a day, who would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (11-20):

  1. If you could have a theme song, what would it be?
  2. What’s the silliest prank you’ve ever pulled?
  3. If you were a superhero, what would your useless superpower be?
  4. If you could create the ultimate animal by merging two different animals, which animals would you use?
  5. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you pick?
  6. What’s the most embarrassing fashion trend you’ve ever followed?
  7. If you could be a fly on anyone’s wall, whose wall would it be and why?
  8. What three items would you bring to a desert island to entertain yourself?
  9. If your life was a sitcom, what would it be called?
  10. What’s the worst job you could have but with the best job title?

Funny questions to ask (21-30):

  1. If you could have dinner with any three fictional characters, who would you choose?
  2. If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
  3. If your life had a blooper reel, what would be the funniest moment on it?
  4. What would be the most inappropriate time to start a dance party?
  5. If you could choose one age to be forever, what age would you choose and why?
  6. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, which one would you pick?
  7. What would your pet say about you if it could talk?
  8. What’s the weirdest gift you’ve ever received?
  9. What’s the most unusual hobby you’ve ever tried?
  10. If you had a time machine that could only go one way, would you rather visit the past or the future?

Funny questions to ask (31-40):

  1. What are three words that make you laugh every time you hear them?
  2. What’s the funniest misheard song lyric you’ve ever encountered?
  3. If you could switch lives with a celebrity for a day, who would it be and why?
  4. What’s the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen a pet do?
  5. If you had to give up one of your senses, which one would you choose and why?
  6. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever overheard in public?
  7. If you could have one magical power, what would it be and why?
  8. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done to impress someone?
  9. If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  10. If you had to replace your hands with objects, what objects would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (41-50):

  1. What’s the most ridiculous outfit you’ve ever worn on a date?
  2. If you were a potato, how would you like to be cooked?
  3. If you could swap lives with a cartoon character, who would it be and why?
  4. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing autocorrect fail you’ve ever experienced?
  5. If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  6. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said in your sleep?
  7. If you could have an unlimited supply of any item, what would it be and why?
  8. What’s the cheesiest pick-up line you’ve ever heard of or used?
  9. If you could choose a new first name, what would it be?
  10. If you could communicate with animals, which species would you want to chat with the most?
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Funny questions to ask (51-60):

  1. What’s the funniest or most unusual name for a pet you’ve ever encountered?
  2. If you had to marry a fictional character, who would you choose and why?
  3. What’s the weirdest food combination you’ve ever tried and enjoyed?
  4. If you could only speak in movie quotes, which movie would you choose?
  5. What’s the most amusing way you’ve ever procrastinated?
  6. If you could be any object for a day, what would you be and why?
  7. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you at a party?
  8. If you had to choose a movie title to describe your life, what would it be?
  9. What’s the most hilarious or cringe-worthy trend you participated in as a teenager?
  10. If you could only communicate through dance moves, how would you greet people?

Funny questions to ask (61-70):

  1. What’s the most absurd lie you’ve ever told and gotten away with?
  2. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done while sleepwalking?
  3. If you could only use one word for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  4. If you could have a conversation with anyone of your choosing, dead or alive, who would you choose and what would you ask them?
  5. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing story from your childhood?
  6. If you could choose any celebrity to be your personal life coach, who would it be and why?
  7. If you had to choose one food to be allergic to, what would it be?
  8. If you could only watch one TV show for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  9. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing you’ve done to get someone’s attention?
  10. If you could instantly become an expert in any subject, what would it be and why?

Funny questions to ask (71-80):

  1. What’s the strangest or most unexpected place you’ve ever fallen asleep?
  2. If you had to choose a new first name that starts with the letter Z, what would it be?
  3. What’s the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen in someone else’s home?
  4. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever bought online?
  5. If you could be a professional athlete in any sport, which sport would you choose and why?
  6. What’s the most unusual or unexpected item you carry with you every day?
  7. If you could have any accent from around the world, which one would you choose?
  8. What’s the most hilarious or embarrassing thing you’ve done while on a date?
  9. If you could choose any animal to be your personal sidekick, which one would you choose?
  10. If you could change your name to anything, but it had to be a food, what would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (81-90):

  1. If you could only use one mode of transportation for the rest of your life, would you choose a unicycle, roller skates, or a pogo stick?
  2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done to avoid an awkward situation?
  3. If you had to replace your hands with kitchen utensils, which ones would you choose and why?
  4. If you were a professional wrestler, what would your stage name be and what would be your signature move?
  5. What’s the most absurd nickname you’ve ever been given or given to someone else?
  6. If you could have any superpower, but it could only be used to mildly inconvenience others, what would it be?
  7. If you had to eat one condiment for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
  8. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done while trying to impress someone?
  9. If you had to wear a hat every day for the rest of your life, what type of hat would you choose?
  10. What’s the most unusual talent you have that nobody knows about?

Funny questions to ask (91-100):

  1. What’s the strangest talent you have?
  2. If you could replace your voice with any celebrity’s voice, whose voice would you choose?
  3. If you could only watch one genre of movie for the rest of your life, which one would you pick: romantic comedies, horror movies, or documentaries?
  4. If you could add any word to the dictionary, what would it be and what would its definition be?
  5. What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you at a family gathering?
  6. If you had to permanently change your hairstyle to one of these options, would you choose a mullet, a mohawk, or a perm?
  7. What’s the most bizarre or unexpected item you’ve ever found in your pocket or purse?
  8. If you could only use one dance move for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
  9. What’s the strangest or most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to avoid being late?
  10. If you could be the world champion in any unusual or obscure sport, which one would you choose?
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Please share with your friends:

So, there you have it. My 100 funny questions to ask anyone. I hope you have fun with them.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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30 comedy one-liners that are pure gold

06/17/2025 by

Are you tired of the same old jokes that leave you uninspired and unamused, dear reader? Perhaps you’re looking for some comedy one-liners that might amuse your friends and colleagues.

Well, if you’re looking for some comedy gold, some of these one-liners might leave you in stitches.

This collection of comedy one-liners will leave you with a smile on your face and a chuckle in your heart.

From witty observations to pun-filled gags, these one-liners will keep you entertained and amused.

Whether you’re looking to brighten up your day or impress your friends with your quick wit, these one-liners are sure to deliver.

So why wait? Grab a cup of coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy all these one-liners. They’ll tickle you silly.

Feel free to pass them on.

COMEDY ONE-LINERS
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Comedy one-liners (1-10):

  1. I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.
  2. Am I lazy? No, I’m just conserving energy.
  3. I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.
  4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
  5. Why did the blond move to LA? It was easier to spell.
  6. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.
  7. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  8. Why do they call it a drive-through if you have to stop?
  9. I’m not a light sleeper. I can sleep just as well in the dark
  10. I’m not a great cook, but few people are better at re-heating.

Comedy one-liners (11-20):

  1. I’m not a morning person, I’m a several-cups-of-coffee person.
  2. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
  3. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  4. If a chicken crosses the road, then would that be poultry in motion?
  5. I told my wife she was acting like a fool. She replied, “You married me.”
  6. Why did the hedgehog cross the road? He wanted to see his flat mate.
  7. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was about to crumble.
  8. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  9. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
  10. Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.

Comedy one-liners (21-30):

  1. I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to charge the camera.
  2. I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  3. I used to fear the speed bump outside my house, but I’m slowly getting over it.
  4. I told my wife she was acting like a drama queen. She replied, “Long live the queen.”
  5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
  6. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  7. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
  8. I’m not a fan of politicians. They’re always trying to get in touch with the people they used to avoid in high school.
  9. Why do wives of bus drivers have trouble getting pregnant? Because bus drivers tend to pull out unexpectedly.
  10. What does it mean when your doctor says you have six months to live? The message is you have five months to pay.
COMEDY ONE-LINERS
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So, dear reader, did these comedy one-liners make you smile? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’ll be forever grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

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33 terrible puns, so bad they’ll make you smile

06/15/2025 by

Puns can be really corny, and terrible puns are the corniest of the lot. Nevertheless, lots of people like them, and I always get a good response when I put a collection of them together.

So today I offer you another 33 puns, corny to the point of being terrible, but they just might make you smile too. I hope so.

Enjoy them all, and please pass them on to your friends.

TERRIBLE PUNS
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Terrible puns (1-11):

  1. Squid puns are inkredible.
  2. With fish puns, any fin goes.
  3. We’re big fans of renewable energy.
  4. Skeleton puns are close to the bone.
  5. With Halloween puns, anything ghost.
  6. Do I like tea? I’m willing to give it a chai.
  7. With music puns, I’ve had too much too tune.
  8. Haunted French pancakes will give you the crepes.
  9. Two blood cells fell in love but alas it was all in vein.
  10. Do busy elephants keep a list of tusks to be completed?
  11. With mountaineering puns, actions peak louder than words.

Terrible puns (12-22):

  1. Why don’t frogs wear shoes? They prefer open-toad sandals.
  2. If a plant is sad, do the other plants photosympathize with it?
  3. What did the biologist wear on his first date? Designer Genes.
  4. I went terrapin bowling the other night. It was turtley amazing.
  5. My orange was a funny color. Definitely, a whiter shade of peel.
  6. In the debate about Mexican food, I played the Devil’s avocado.
  7. If I had a ruminant of pride, would I be writing terrible camel puns?
  8. The omelette wasn’t very good, but I’ve put it down to eggsperience.
  9. Sales promotion on French breadsticks. Buy one, baguette one free!
  10. I’ve been to Joshua Tree National Park but it’s not all it’s cactus to be.
  11. There was a wild bamboo party at the zoo. It was utter panda-monium.

Terrible puns (13-33):

  1. I looked at the Indian buffet and thought, “No, I don’t want naan of that.”
  2. My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes. It Taurus apart.
  3. Omelettin’ you have it. Yolks about accidents in egg factories aren’t funny.
  4. The baker smiled and said, “I don’t knead money, I’ve got plenty of dough.”
  5. I’d love to explore the Arctic and boldly go where snowmen have gone before.
  6. What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another? “Sorry, my fault!”
  7. The baker brought out a tray of American-style, glazed, sweet treats. I said, “Donut tempt me.”
  8. A chicken walked into a bar swearing, loudly. “No fowl language, please,” said the bartender.
  9. They served leaf cabbage for lunch in the police canteen but I thought, “That’s beyond the kale of duty!”
  10. Cows were complaining about living conditions on the farm and the leader said, “We’ve herd the problems but hoof you spoken to so far?”
  11. Two Martians land in a field and the first thing they see is a cute little doe eating grass. “I’ve never seen herbivore,” one said to the other.
Terrible Puns
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So did these terrible puns prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

I appreciate your support, dear reader. Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

37 short quotes that are funny and sharp

05/28/2025 by

If you’re looking for some short quotes that are funny and sharp, dear reader, then I’ve curated 37 little gems for you today.

I’m confident that at least a few of them will make you smile.

Who originally gave us these little gems? I have no idea. But whoever it was, we should all thank them.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all, and feel free to pass them on.

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Short quotes that are funny (1-10):

  1. I’m not short, I’m fun-sized!
  2. I’m not old, I’m just a classic.
  3. I’m not weird, I’m just different.
  4. I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.
  5. I’m not lazy, I’m just energy efficient.
  6. I’m not weird, I’m just a limited edition.
  7. I’m not bald, I’m just taller than my hair.
  8. I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.
  9. I’m not always right, I’m just never wrong.
  10. I’m not impatient, I just prefer not to wait.

Short quotes that are funny (11-20):

  1. I’m not messy, I’m creatively disorganized.
  2. I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity challenged.
  3. I’m not moody, I just have a lot of feelings.
  4. I’m not stubborn, I’m just persistently right.
  5. I’m not antisocial, I’m just selectively social.
  6. I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route.
  7. I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in smartass.
  8. I’m not late, I’m just chronologically challenged.
  9. I’m not a control freak, I’m a control enthusiast.
  10. I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
37 SHORT QUOTES THAT ARE FUNNY
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Short quotes that are funny (21-30):

  1. I’m not difficult, I’m just picky about my stupidity.
  2. If life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
  3. I don’t have bad handwriting; I have my own font.
  4. I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.
  5. I wanted to be a baker but couldn’t raise the dough.
  6. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
  7. I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing in reverse order.
  8. I’m not always right, but when I am, it’s usually by accident.
  9. I’m not messy, I just like to create my own obstacle courses.
  10. I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.

Short quotes that are funny (31-37):

  1. I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing why I’m right.
  2. I’m not a procrastinator, I’m just very efficient at doing nothing.
  3. I’m not forgetful, I’m just experiencing spontaneous memory loss.
  4. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right in a different way.
  5. I’m not nosy, I’m just overly curious about everything and everyone.
  6. I’m not a morning person. I’m a mourning person, mourning the loss of my sleep.
  7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of debt payments.

Please share with your friends:

So, there you have it. My 37 short quotes that are funny. However, were they as funny as you’d hoped? I hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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35 one-liners about life that will raise a smile

05/01/2025 by

I love one-liners about life. The one I love most has to be the following:

“Life? Don’t talk to me about life!”

Older readers may remember that this was the expression made famous by Marvin the Paranoid Android in Douglas Adams’ classic novel, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

I’m sure we’ve all shared Marvin’s sentiment occasionally when we experience life’s more challenging moments.

However positive we are, life can get the better of us sometimes.

So here are some one-liners about life that are guaranteed to raise a smile or two, as I’m sure at least some of them will resonate with readers.

Life can be absurd at times, and it’s difficult on occasions to believe the evidence of our own eyes and ears.

Nevertheless, our aim must be to remain positive, and to do that, we must learn to laugh at life and ourselves.

Don’t take it all too seriously.

Just laugh as much as you can, and that is the perfect counterbalance to life’s absurdities.

Start now by laughing at all these one-liners, which I’ve collected together to amuse and entertain you, dear reader.

ONE-LINERS ABOUT LIFE
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One-liners about life (1-20):

  1. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  2. Life is a terminal disease.
  3. Youth is wasted on the young.
  4. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
  5. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  6. It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
  7. We never really grow up we only learn how to act in public.
  8. Being a hypochondriac could save your life one of these days.
  9. Any room is a panic room if you’ve lost your phone in it.
  10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  11. I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
  12. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
  13. I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.
  14. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  15. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
  16. Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
  17. Just because a road’s well-trodden doesn’t mean it leads anywhere worth going.
  18. As soon as you’re doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else.
  19. Stealing ideas from one person is plagiarism but stealing ideas from many people is research.
  20. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

One-liners about life (21-35):

  1. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.
  2. You might as well laugh at your problems because everyone else does.
  3. God must love stupid people because he made so many of them.
  4. Dolphins are so smart they can train people to stand at the edge of the pool and throw fish at them.
  5. If I was doin’ any better, I’d have to hire someone to help me enjoy it!
  6. Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
  7. How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
  8. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  9. I thought I wanted a career but I realize now that I just wanted a decent income.
  10. Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
  11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they’re sexy.
  12. Why is it that most nudists are people you wouldn’t want to see naked?
  13. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.
  14. Some people will appreciate it others will be irritated by it. Either way, you win.
  15. The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.

Please share with your friends:

So, dear reader, did any of these one-liners about life make you smile?

I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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37 one line funny quotes to brighten your day

04/04/2025 by

One line funny quotes always make me smile. I just love clever wordplay and short, pithy comments. And I always make a note of them in my journal.

So today I’ve pulled together 37 one line funny quotes, which I hope will brighten your day and raise a smile or two.

Enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Pass on the smiles, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

ONE LINE FUNNY QUOTES
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One line funny quotes (1 – 21):

  1. Blunt pencils are pointless.
  2. I doubt, therefore I might be.
  3. The rotation of the Earth makes my day.
  4. Did Noah include termites on the ark?
  5. To be Frank, I’d have to change my name.
  6. Keep the dream alive. Hit the snooze button.
  7. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
  8. Which shoes do frogs prefer? Open toad sandals.
  9. Why do bees hum? They can’t remember the lyrics!
  10. If you don’t pay my exorcist, will I get repossessed?
  11. The cost of living might be high but it remains popular.
  12. You can add insult to injury by signing somebody’s cast.
  13. If everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  14. I failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil. It wasn’t 2B. 
  15. I used to have an hourglass figure, but the sand has shifted.
  16. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is on my to-do list.
  17. The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Restaurant In Peace.
  18. Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough!
  19. You think you’ve got a handle on life and then you realise it’s broken.
  20. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  21. Adam and Eve were the first to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

One line funny quotes (22 – 37):

  1. Does refusing to go to the gym count as a form of resistance training?
  2. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It can dissolve marriages, families and careers.
  3. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
  4. I went to see my physician about my short-term memory problems. He made me pay in advance.
  5. I bought a new pair of gloves and they were both ‘lefts’. Good on the one hand but on the other, just not right.
  6. My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.
  7. I’m sceptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That’s a bit of a stretch.
  8. Do I have a girlfriend? Well, I know a girl who would be really mad if I said I didn’t.
  9. Honesty’s the best policy, which suggests that dishonesty is the second-best policy.
  10. Houdini used a trap door in every show, which suggests it was a stage he was going through.
  11. Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers
  12. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
  13. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
  14. Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hey! We don’t want your type in here!’
  15. A ghost walked into a Manhattan bar and ordered a Whiskey. The bartender said, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve spirits in here.”
  16. It was so cold in Manhattan last night that flashers were forced to describe themselves to people.

Please share this post with your friends:

So, dear reader, did any of these one line funny quotes make you smile?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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