33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt

12/20/2025 by

People can be challenging at times, can’t they? Sometimes they do get too much, I’m sure you’ll agree. So there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm to subtly convey our contempt.

We can’t live without people, of course, but they can drive us all nuts at times, can’t they? Well, maybe that’s just me.

I love people. At least, most of the time, anyway.

However, I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts, and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally, we all need them, surely?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. And I hope at least some of them make you smile.

And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback, then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

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Irony and Sarcasm:

  1. You go, girl! And please don’t come back.
  2. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
  3. Those who laugh last think slowest.
  4. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
  5. It’s obvious that in your profession, being stupid is not a handicap.
  6. Look, I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  7. Is being stupid your profession, or are you simply gifted that way?
  8. If you’re ever given the keys to the city, then the city will need to change the locks.
  9. How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel, they always manage to extend the tunnel?
  10. If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
  11. To err is human but to blame it on others, now that’s the art of politics.
  12. I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear today.
  13. They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you, I know that to be true.
  14. You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
  15. I didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent from gaining power.
  16. Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
  17. When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
  18. Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
  19. Did my opinion offend you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
  20. I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
  21. If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper right up your ass.
  22. You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly, as far as I can tell, you lack the brains to understand it.
  23. You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
  24. I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
  25. You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
  26. It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
  27. Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
  28. If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
  29. I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
  30. Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
  31. You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately, you don’t lack the power of speech.
  32. If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
  33. I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
Saily eSIM
Phil Sutton

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these irony and sarcasm quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

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DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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25 quotes about work to help you appreciate its significance

12/20/2025 by

Today I offer you 25 quotes about work, which I hope will get you thinking.

However, first, consider this question. What exactly is work?

Well, physics offers a definition, of course. Essentially, it says that it’s the effort required to move a force through a distance.

However, that’s not my point today. I’m talking about work in relation to people. That thing that, for most people, takes up eight hours of our time every weekday. Now, in that sense, work is simply doing stuff for other people in exchange for money.

Do what you enjoy doing:

Ideally, you should be doing stuff you enjoy doing because if you enjoy it you’ll do it well, and if you do it well, you’ll enhance your value over the long term. And if you really enjoy what you’re doing, it won’t seem like work at all.

However, if you’re doing stuff for just one person, regardless of how much you enjoy it, essentially you’re just trading your time for money.

Now I’m not suggesting that there’s anything wrong with trading your time. After all, that’s the way most people work. However, that’s not the way to earn serious money, unless you work on Wall Street.

Serve one for many:

To generate a significant income, for most people, you need to be doing stuff for many people simultaneously. One for many, rather than one for one.

For instance, if you write a bestselling book, record a bestselling music album or produce a bestselling video, these activities can lead to you making serious money. A period of work by you produces a product that potentially gives pleasure to millions.

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Become an entrepreneur:

Starting a business and selling products by the thousand is another way to make serious money. Becoming an entrepreneur is another way to serve one for many.

The key message for you today, dear reader, is this: working one-for-one can make you a living. Working one-to-many can make you a fortune, particularly if you can continue to serve the many whilst you’re sleeping.

Whether it’s becoming a creative person, a performing artist, or starting a business. These are the roads to real riches.

It’s never easy, of course, but it can be done, and people do it. You could too with a little self-belief.

Here are 25 inspirational quotes about work to get you thinking about it.

Phil Sutton

Quotes about work (1-16):

  1. Honour lies in honest toil. ~Grover Cleveland
  2. Without labour, nothing prospers. ~Sophocles
  3. All wealth is the product of labour. ~John Locke
  4. Nothing will work unless you do. ~Maya Angelou
  5. Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat. ~Ann Landers
  6. Good things happen to those who hustle. ~Chuck Noll
  7. The harder I work, the luckier I get. ~Samuel Goldwyn
  8. There is no substitute for hard work. ~Thomas A. Edison
  9. All things are difficult before they are easy. ~Thomas Fuller
  10. The beginning is the most important part of the work. ~Plato
  11. The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work. ~Harry Golden
  12. To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth. ~Pearl S. Buck
  13. He who seeks rest finds boredom. He who seeks work finds rest. ~Dylan Thomas
  14. The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. ~Vince Lombardi
  15. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. ~Stephen Hawking
  16. Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life. ~Confucius
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Quotes about work (17-25):

  1. I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process. ~Vincent Van Gogh
  2. Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  3. Let us realize that: the privilege to work is a gift, the power to work is a blessing, the love of work is success! ~David O. McKay
  4. Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all. ~Sam Ewing
  5. I’ve learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. ~Louis C. K.
  6. Nothing ever comes to one that is worth having, except as a result of hard work. ~Booker T. Washington
  7. Everyone has been made for some particular work and the desire for that work has been put in every heart. ~Rumi
  8. All life demands struggle. Those who have everything given to them become lazy, selfish, and insensitive to the real values of life. The very striving and hard work that we so constantly try to avoid is the major building block in the person we are today. ~Pope Paul VI
  9. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. ~Steve Jobs
Saily eSIM

Please share these quotes with your friends:

If you found these quotes inspiring and interesting, then please share this post on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now. If you can do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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30 brilliant one-liner quotes that’ll make you smile

12/15/2025 by

I shared some brilliant one-liner quotes recently, and the feedback from readers was very positive.

In fact, the feedback was so positive that I thought I’d share some more with you.

So here’s another batch from the collection in my journal.

I’m confident that this batch of brilliant one-liner quotes will have you smiling. So please take a few minutes to enjoy them all. And of course, have a great day.

And don’t forget to pass them on.

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brilliant one-liner quotes
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Brilliant one-liner quotes (1-10):

  1. 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
  2. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  3. The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
  4. Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.
  5. Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
  6. 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class.
  7. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
  8. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
  9. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
  10. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which we’ll die.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (11-20):

  1. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  2. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
  3. Her silence doesn’t mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
  4. Money’s not important but it’s up there with oxygen for sustaining life.
  5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
  6. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
  7. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give someone is a good, firm push.
  8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
  9. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  10. Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (21-30):

  1. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
  2. To err is human; to blame it on somebody else shows you have a talent for politics.
  3. Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
  4. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
  5. Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are even stupider than that.
  6. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
  7. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  8. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  9. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
  10. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
Phil Sutton
Go Explore London

Please share this post with your friends:

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When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Saily eSIM

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DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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25 funny quotes about marriage to make you smile

12/11/2025 by

Today, I am exploring funny quotes about marriage, and I hope they’ll make you smile.

A successful marriage can be your greatest investment. It can also become your biggest nightmare if you’re not careful in your choice of partner.

Choose your partner wisely, and a successful relationship can be yours; failing to choose carefully could prove painful for all concerned.

Sharing your life with someone else can be a challenge because, as human beings, we’re complex creatures with an ego and a desire to have our own way.

Once married, we often try to continue to live our lives as if we were individuals, and we forget that there is at least one other person we must consider, and more if there are children involved.

However, recognizing a need to compromise and being willing to compromise are not quite the same thing. It takes constant effort, but sadly, it’s an effort that not everyone is willing to expend.

And so there has been much said in jest about marriage, and such comments often underpin a lot of great humour.

Today I offer you 25 very funny quotes about marriage that are guaranteed to raise a smile.

If you’re married, or if you’ve been married, then you’ll be able to relate to many of these quotes, I’m sure. So enjoy them all.

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Funny quotes about marriage (1-13):

  1. Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep. ~Unknown   
  2. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. ~Prince Philip
  3. Never laugh at your wife’s choices. After all, you’re one of them. ~Author Unknown
  4. Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. ~Mae West
  5. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~Groucho Marx
  6. By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll be a philosopher. ~Socrates
  7. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner
  8. You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband! ~Bill Maher
  9. Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. ~Megan Mullally
  10. Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day. ~Mickey Rooney
  11. My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and without a doubt, the hardest times we’ve faced were those times when we hated each other. ~Andy Richter
  12. My wife and I have been married for 47 years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never. ~Jack Benny
  13. If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married. ~Author Unknown

Funny quotes about marriage (14-25):

  1. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed. ~Albert Einstein
  2. Listening to your wife is like reading the Terms & Conditions on a website. You understand nothing but you still say, “I agree!” ~Author Unknown
  3. Before marrying someone, you should first make them use a computer with a very slow Internet connection. That way you’ll know who they really are. ~Author Unknown
  4. Marriage Tip #46: Your wife won’t start an argument with you if you’re busy cleaning. ~Author Unknown
  5. I’ve been married for 20 years but I still carry my husband’s photo in my purse. That way, whenever I face great difficulty, I can look at the photo and remind myself that if I’ve coped with being married to this idiot for so long, I can survive anything. ~Author Unknown
  6. A husband is someone who, having merely taken out the trash, gives the impression that he’s just cleaned the whole house. ~Author Unknown
  7. The five words needed for a successful marriage, “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.” ~Author Unknown
  8. When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad. ~Helen Rowland
  9. Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake. ~Elbert Hubbard
  10. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. ~Agatha Christie
  11. Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn
  12. Happy wife; happy life. ~Author Unknown
Saily eSIM

Poem about marriage:

If you enjoyed these quotes about marriage, you might also appreciate the original poem I wrote on the subject. As someone who is married, I’ve been lucky in my choice of partner. I hope you are, too, dear reader.

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So dear reader, did any of these funny quotes about marriage tickle you? I really do hope so.

If they did make you smile, then please share this blog post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now. If you can do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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How to get along with people and make the world better

12/07/2025 by

How to get along with people? It’s a classic problem. We don’t have to like people, but life’s better if we can get along with them. But how?

How to get along with people
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Life’s great challenge:

Dear reader, do you have problems getting along with other people?

Do you find it difficult to deal with some people as you go about your daily routine?

Well, it’s true; some people can be challenging and quite difficult at times. I’m sure most readers will have had that experience occasionally.

However, in my experience, most people just want you to be nice to them. They want to be respected for who they are and treated with courtesy.

I’ve learned over the years that if you respect people and take a genuine interest in their lives, then generally they’ll respond warmly to you. Not all, perhaps, but certainly most people.

How to get along with people:

Think about it.

We all just want to be treated with courtesy and respect and appreciated for who we are and what we do, don’t we? Certainly, I do. Don’t you, dear reader?

If we accept that as true, then the way to get along with other people is not difficult, surely?

The trick is to treat people with courtesy and respect, regardless of who they are or what they do. Treat them as you would prefer to be treated.

Be kind and considerate to them as individuals, and there’s a good chance that they’ll treat you well too.

You don’t have to like people, but life’s better if you can get along with them. And if you can get along with them and get to know them, then you might just get to like them in time as well.

Saily eSIM

The world can be a better place:

If we can all get along, then it will make the world a better place.

If we can all be kind and considerate to our fellow human beings, then we could have a world free from strife and tension.

So go on, show people some respect, show them a little appreciation, take an interest in them for who they are and what they do, and above all, never underestimate the power of a thank you.

I always feel better if I think I’m appreciated, and I’m sure you do too. We all do.

So the trick to getting along with people is simply to treat them as you would prefer them to treat you. It works every time for me.

And I’m confident that it will work well for you too, dear reader.

So go on, make every effort to get along with people, and make the world a better place.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you found this blog post useful, then please share it on social media with your friends.

When you share, everyone wins.

Go on, please share it now, and I’ll be forever grateful.

You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you, dear reader.

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DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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15 George Costanza quotes that’ll make you smile

12/06/2025 by

Today, dear reader, I thought you might appreciate some amusing George Costanza quotes.

There have been some wonderful characters in sitcoms over the years, and one of the very best, in my opinion, was that lovable loser George Costanza from the US sitcom Seinfeld, played by the excellent Jason Alexander.

George Costanza had a brilliant turn of phrase, and his cup was always half-empty. If anyone had drawn the short straw in life, it was George. However, he gave us so many laughs, and for that, we should all be very grateful.

So take a couple of minutes, relax, and enjoy all these quotes by George Costanza.

George Costanza quotes
Photo by Alan Light
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George Costanza Quotes:

  1. I don’t trust men in capes.
  2. If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.
  3. Jerry, just remember it’s not a lie if you believe it.
  4. You know, I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.
  5. When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.
  6. If you can’t say something bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
  7. The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
  8. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.
  9. I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
  10. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, and my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.
  11. You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
  12. Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pairs. That way I only have to do a wash once a year.
  13. What’s so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn’t shop there.
  14. You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.
  15. [To Jerry]: Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That’s all I’m askin’. This woman thinks I’m very funny and now you’re gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I’m gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn’t seem so funny.
Saily eSIM

George Costanza as the Marine Biologist:

If you’re a fan of Seinfeld and George Costanza in particular, you’ll enjoy looking back at the Marine Biologist sketch. Truly one of the funniest moments, and it remains funny to this day.

It’s funnier if you remember that, beforehand, Kramer had the bright idea that it would be fun to practise his golf strokes by whacking golf balls into the ocean.

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find any of these George Costanza quotes amusing, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If you enjoyed them, please share this post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

So please share this post now. If you can do that for me, then I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience, and that will be your good deed for the day.

Thank you.

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

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6 funny stories that make you laugh until you cry

12/05/2025 by

If you enjoy stories that make you laugh until you cry, dear reader, then take a look at these I’ve got for you today. I’m confident that at least some of these will make you laugh.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all, and please, feel free to share them with your friends.

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Stories that make you laugh until you cry:

1. Patrick’s doppelgänger:

Mick is the bartender in a Dublin bar, and Patrick is sitting at the counter drinking. Suddenly, Patrick says to Mick, “You see that guy over there? Don’t you think he looks just like me?”

“Yes, he does,” says Mick, humouring him.

Patrick then walks over to his doppelgänger and says, “Excuse me, sir, but I couldn’t help noticing that you and I look so much alike.”

“You’re right, we really do look alike,” says the guy.

“Where are you from?” asks Patrick.

“I’m from Rathmines,” says the guy.

“Which street?” Patrick then asks.

“Mayo Abbey Street,” says the guy.

“Mayo Abbey Street?” says Patrick. “Now that’s incredible. That’s my street too. What number?”

“I live at 47,” the guy responds.

“47?” says Patrick. “I don’t believe it! Me too! What are your parents’ names?”

“Thomas and Bernadette,” says the guy.

“That’s unbelievable,” Patrick responds. “My parents have the same names.”

Just then, Mick’s colleague Jim arrives on shift.

“How’s it going, Mick?” says Jim. “Has there been much happening tonight?”

“Not really,” Mick responds. “Oh, except for the O’Donnell twins being drunk again.”

2. Pumping out the tank:

A C5 Galaxy military transport aircraft is being prepared for departure at a US Air Force base in Greenland.

The crew’s waiting for a truck to arrive so that the aircraft’s sewage tank can be pumped out.

Nothing’s going quite to plan, and the aircraft commander is growing impatient.

When the truck eventually shows up, the airman carrying out the pumping task on the tank is extremely slow and seems to take an age.

Eventually, the commander has had enough, and he snaps and threatens to punish the airman for being so slow.

“Sir, I have no stripes, it’s twenty-five below zero, I’m stationed in Greenland miles from civilization, and I’m pumping sewage,” the airman responds. “What could you possibly do that would punish me further?”

3. Communication breakdown:

Jim is 82 years old and hard of hearing. One day, he goes to his doctor for his annual physical.

A week after his physical, his doctor bumps into Jim on Main Street. Jim has a stunningly attractive young woman on his arm.

The doctor lets it pass, but the following day, he calls Jim and says, “Your companion yesterday was attractive, I must say, but do you really think you’re up to the physical demands that would come with such a relationship?”

“But, doc,” said Jim, “you said get a hot mama and be cheerful.”

“Now, that’s not what I said,” the doctor replied. “I said you’ve got a heart murmur, so be careful!”

Saily eSIM

4. Customer expectations:

I must complain about the customer service I’ve just experienced in my local store.

I probably shouldn’t name the store, for obvious legal reasons, but I bought something from there, and I paid cash for it. I took it home and discovered it failed to live up to all the promises I’d heard when the product was advertised on television.

Naturally, I took the product back and requested a refund.

Even though I still had the receipt, the cashier declined my request.

So, I requested a replacement instead, but again the cashier said “No!” in a manner that I thought was insensitive and lacking in empathy.

Well, I wasn’t going to give up without a fight, so I demanded to see the manager.

The manager arrived, and I explained that the product had not met my expectations, and therefore, I wanted a refund.

With a smirk on his face, the manager just said, “Sorry, buddy, but you’re out of luck. There’s no refund.”

“Well, how about a replacement?” I responded.

“There’s no replacement either,” he said, rather unsympathetically.

“Right,” I said, sharply, “you’ve lost my custom. I won’t be buying a lottery ticket here again!”

5. The artist:

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in any of the paintings he currently has on display.

“Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you,” the owner replies.

“What’s the good news?” asks the artist.

“Well, a gentleman inquired about your work, and he asked me whether the paintings would appreciate in value after your death,” says the owner.

“Really?” inquires the artist.

“Yes, and when I told him they would, he bought all thirty of your paintings,” the owner continued.

“Wow, that’s fantastic news!” says the artist. “So what’s the bad news?”

“The gentleman said he was your doctor,” said the owner.

6. Be careful who you threaten:

Jack’s still driving, despite being 85 years old.

One day, he’s driving his Chevrolet Spark into town when he misjudges a turn and manages to bump into a very expensive Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.

It is only a bump, but even minor fixes to expensive cars can cost thousands of dollars.

The wealthy guy in the Mercedes is not happy.

He jumps out and confronts Jack.

“Look what you’ve done to my car, old man!” exclaims the driver. “I want $5,000 for the repairs. I want it now, or I’ll have to beat it out of you.”

“Now just hold on there, buddy,” says Jack. “I don’t carry that much money, but let me call my grandson; he’s with Delta Airlines.”

Jack calls his grandson, but as he’s about to speak, the Mercedes driver grabs the phone from his hand and shouts, “So you’re with Delta Airlines? Well, you listen to me, trolley dolly, your grandad just damaged my car, so you’d better bring me $5,000 for the repairs, or I’m going to beat it out of him.”

Jack’s grandson responds politely, “Sir, give me 15 minutes, and I’ll be with you to sort this out.”

In exactly 15 minutes, Jack’s grandson pulls up in a Jeep accompanied by three other burly, tough-looking military guys. They all look like they could be Special Forces.

Well, the Mercedes driver is smart enough to recognise trouble when he sees it. So he jumps in his car and gets the hell out of there as quickly as he can.

With that, Jack’s grandson walks over to him and says, “Grandad, how many times must I tell you? I’m not with Delta Airlines. I’m with Delta Force!”

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So, for you, dear reader, did these prove to be funny stories that made you laugh until you cried?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, then I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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5 hilariously funny jokes that’ll tickle you silly

12/03/2025 by
5 hilariously funny jokes

Today, I offer you five hilariously funny jokes that will definitely tickle you, dear reader. Well, they certainly tickled me anyway. So take a moment or two to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKES
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Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Car trouble:

Jane was driving along Interstate 5 on her way to San Diego when her old car suddenly died on her. Naturally, she called out a local mechanic to help her.

The mechanic arrived and said, “Howdy mam, what seems to be the problem?”

“Well,” said Jane, “I was just driving along when suddenly I lost all power, and the car came to a complete standstill.”

“Now, let me just take a look for you mam,” said the mechanic.

At this point, he lifts the hood and gives the engine a cursory glance before whacking something very hard with a hammer.

“Try it now mam,” said the mechanic.

To Jane’s amazement, when she turned the key, the car burst into life again.

“That’s incredible!” said Jane. “You’ve been here for less than 30 seconds, and you’ve already got it going again. I’m very grateful. Thank you.”

“All part of the service mam!” the mechanic responded before adding, “That’ll be $250.”

Jane couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “How much?” she said. “How can it be $250 when all you did was hit something with a hammer?”

“Well mam,” said the mechanic, “I can produce an itemised bill if you like.”

“Yes, please,” said Jane, “you do that! It’ll make interesting reading.”

So the mechanic started tapping something into an iPad, and then he printed it out on a printer in his truck. He then handed Jane the bill. It read:

2. The new bus driver:

The new bus driver pulled his bus up at the bus stop, and on stepped a giant of a man who said to the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before walking off and taking his seat.

Well, Big John was aptly named; he really was a monster of a man, and the driver was small and skinny, so he figured that a confrontation with Big John might not end well. Not for him anyway. So he let it go.

The next day, the same thing happened. The bus stopped, Big John got on, and once again he told the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before going straight to his seat.

Again, the new driver was reluctant to challenge him because of his size.

Well, this became a daily occurrence, and increasingly the new bus driver began to resent being afraid of Big John.

So he decided to sign up for a bodybuilding class at his local gym. He figured that if he was more muscular, he’d be equipped to challenge Big John and force him to pay the fare. This became an obsession with him, and he worked hard on it.

Before long, the bus driver had rippling muscles where once there had only been skin and bone. And as his physical appearance became more impressive, the driver felt confident and ready to confront Big John the next time he got on his bus.

Sure enough, at the usual stop, onto the bus stepped Big John, with his usual declaration, “Big John don’t pay!”

“Now just hold it there, fella!” said the driver, ready and waiting for a confrontation. “And just why don’t Big John pay?”

Well, the situation was tense for a moment as Big John reached into his pocket, and the driver began to wonder whether he’d done the right thing after all.

Then Big John smiled as he withdrew his hand from his pocket and said, “Because I’ve got this bus pass!”

3. Taking a mistress:

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer nerd were discussing the merits of having a mistress.

“A mistress has energy and passion,” said the artist. “And there’s always the thrill of doing something that’s forbidden.”

“Well,” said the lawyer, “I must warn you that it could lead to a costly divorce and, in the worst case, bankruptcy. You’d have to ask yourself, is it worth it?”

“Well, I think taking a mistress was the best decision I’ve ever made,” said the computer nerd.

“Why?” asked the lawyer.

“Because my wife thinks I’m with my mistress, and my mistress thinks I’m with my wife,” the computer nerd responded with a smile. “So, I get to spend every night in peace on my computer!”

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4. Keeping a secret:

A group of dinner party guests were discussing whether men or women are more trustworthy.

Jack, a very opinionated older man, said bluntly, “Well, no woman can keep a secret.”

“That’s not true!” said Jane, a pretty, young blond sitting next to him.

“So, give me an example of when you’ve kept a secret then,” Jack responded.

“Well,” said Jane, “I’ve kept my age totally secret since I was 21.”

“Maybe,” said Jack, “but one day you’ll let it slip. You won’t be able to keep it secret forever.”

“I disagree,” Jane responded. “If I’ve managed to keep it secret for 15 years, then why couldn’t I keep it secret forever?”

5. Native American Chief:

Bill was studying for a Master’s Degree in American Studies at the University of London. He loved American culture, so naturally, he was a regular traveller to the USA. In particular, he liked getting to know real America beyond the obvious tourist destinations.

On one trip, he was staying in a hotel in Cheyenne, Wyoming, when he saw an old Native American chief in full Native dress sitting in the lobby.

“Wow, who’s that?” Bill asked the desk clerk.

“Oh, that’s Chief Elephant’s Memory,” the clerk responded.

“Why’s he called Chief Elephant’s Memory?” asked Bill.

“Because he’s 93 and he still has the most amazing memory. He never forgets anything,” said the clerk. “You might not believe this, but he can actually remember every single detail of his life with immediate recall.”

“Really?” Bill said, intrigued by what he was being told.

So Bill walked up to the chief and said, “Hi there, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve heard you have the most amazing memory. They say you can remember every detail of your life. Can you tell me what you had for breakfast on your eighteenth birthday?”

“Eggs,” replied the Chief quietly.

Bill was amazed at this response, but as he walked away, the desk clerk called him over and said, “Hey buddy, when you speak to one of our Native Americans, you don’t say ‘Hi there’, it’s common courtesy to address them by saying, ‘How!’”

Bill thanked the clerk for putting him right and promised he’d remember that next time.

One year later, Bill’s back in Cheyenne again. He’s in the same hotel when he spots the same old Native American chief sitting in the lobby.

Remembering the desk clerk’s advice from his previous visit, he walks up to the chief and says, “How!”

“Sunny-side up,” the Chief responded.

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So did these hilariously funny jokes prove to be as hilariously funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read, please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

More fun you might enjoy:

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15 inspirational quotes about friends and why they matter

12/03/2025 by

Today I am exploring inspirational quotes about friends.

So, why do friends matter?

They matter because people are social animals, and we all need other people. They might drive us nuts occasionally, but we still need them.

A fundamental human need is the need to feel secure. So having other people in our lives gives us a greater sense of security. It means we feel slightly less vulnerable.

Another fundamental need is the need for certainty.

So having the same people in our lives on a regular basis provides us with a greater sense of certainty. In other words, friends and family help in satisfying this need.

And then there’s sharing our lives with people whose company we enjoy.

People who see the world the way we do. People who enjoy the things we enjoy. Those people who appreciate our company more than they might be put off by our many faults and idiosyncrasies.

We don’t always value our friends as we should, but having a few really good friends makes life special. Well, I think so, anyway.

If you’re lucky enough to have at least one good friend, then make sure you let them know how much they mean to you.

Here are 15 inspirational quotes about friends to reinforce why I believe they matter.

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Inspirational quotes about friends:

  1. It’s always good to make new friends. ~Jose Feliciano
  2. Friends are the siblings God never gave us. ~Mencius
  3. It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. ~Marlene Dietrich
  4. If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone. ~Maxwell Maltz
  5. A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same. ~Elbert Hubbard
  6. You cannot buy with gold the old associations. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  7. Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go. ~Margaret Walker
  8. Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend. ~Bill Watterson
  9. It’s not so much our friends’ help that helps us, as the confidence of their help. ~Epicurus
  10. Trust is hard to come by. That’s why my circle is small and tight. I’m kind of funny about making new friends. ~Eminem
  11. One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca
  12. I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it friends make life a lot more fun. ~Charles R. Swindoll
  13. Friendship is not something you learn in school but if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything. ~Muhammad Ali
  14. Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over. ~Octavia Butler
  15. When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. ~Henri Nouwen
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25 thought-provoking quotes about being different

12/02/2025 by

Today I am exploring quotes about being different.

Anyone who has ever tried to be different will know how hard it can be to be accepted by others. Anyone different in some way will know that too.

The human condition has a fundamental need to feel secure, and people who are not a reflection of ourselves can make us feel insecure.

So being or trying to be different is a tough gig. However, being different is a worthy aim.

There’s a lot to be said for standing out in the crowd. As the Arab proverb says:

Be contrary; be known.

For every reader who likes to stand out in the crowd, here are 25 thought-provoking quotes about being different.

Quotes about being different (1-10):

  1. Being different gives the world colour. ~Nelsan Ellis
  2. Originality is the key to being memorable. ~Suzy Kassem
  3. Go ahead and be ordinary. Eccentricity is extraordinary. ~ JT Sanz
  4. When you’re the only sane person, you look like the only insane person. ~Criss Jami
  5. I’m different from everyone else because everyone else is not me. ~Julian Aguilar
  6. Never be afraid to be different. An original is always more valuable than a copy. ~Roy Sutton
  7. Strategy is about making choices; it’s about deliberately choosing to be different. ~Michael Porter
  8. Different is good and being different is what makes us stand out in the world. ~Natalya Neidhart
  9. People have a problem with me being different, but that propels me forward in life. ~Mary-Louise Parker
  10. So, you’re a little weird? Work it! A little different? Own it! Better to be a nerd than one of the herd! ~Mandy Hale
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Quotes about being different (11-20):

  1. To be successful one has to be one of three bees; the queen bee, the hardest-working bee, or the bee that does not fit in. ~Suzy Kassem
  2. When you do something different, you are either blessed or cursed. ~Mehmet Muratildan
  3. Everybody wants to make a difference, but nobody is willing to be different. ~Andy Andrews
  4. Only recently have I realized that being different is not something you want to hide or squelch or suppress. ~Amy Gerstler
  5. Tell them a lie big enough and they’ll worship you as a sage. Tell them a truth big enough and they’ll mock you. ~Abhijit Naskar
  6. The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before. ~Albert Einstein
  7. We spend so long trying to be what other people want, that when we look in the mirror, we see a stranger. ~Anthony T. Hincks
  8. We must never be afraid to be a sign of contradiction for the world. ~Mother Teresa
  9. Ordinary people are products of their environment and fit in. Artists transcend their environment and stand out. ~Oliver Gaspirtz
  10. Being different and thinking differently makes a person unforgettable. History does not remember the forgettable. ~Suzy Kassem

Quotes about being different (21-25):

  1. A person who is truly cool is a work of art. And remember original works of art cost exponentially higher than imitations. Just take a look at the coolest people in history. They will always be a part of history for being extremely original individuals, not imitations. ~Suzy Kassem
  2. When you want to do something that isn’t the ‘norm’ you will be made to feel like you have a problem and if you hear it often enough then you start to believe it too. ~Radhika Vaz
  3. The psychology of individual creativity is about at least three different things. First, creativity is about thinking differently. Second, creativity is about feeling differently. Third, creativity is about focusing, or committing, differently. ~Max McKeown
  4. The beauty of life is to be different. Set yourself apart from the crowd, and flourish into the person you were meant to be. ~Julian Aguilar
  5. About Differences: Those who would believe in a higher power by whatever name must also believe that same higher power made all things. On that basis, people of good character will recognize that some people are different from ourselves, in colour, gender, speech, opinion, lifestyle, and in other ways. Different is not an evaluation. As I taught my children while they were growing up, “Different is only different.” Celebrate differences for therein lies the basis for much of what we learn in life. ~James Osborne
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If any of these quotes about being different touched you in some way then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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