How to sell anything to anybody and make money

12/09/2024 by

Selling is a subject that often gets a bad name. Some people even look down on those who make their living by selling.

However, we’re all trying to sell something all the time. Even if it’s just the skills we have or a service we can provide. Let’s face it, if we’re to make a living, we must sell something. If you think about it, I’m sure you’ll agree, dear reader.

Learning the art of successful selling is very important. Everyone should hone their selling skills, even if it’s just to sell themselves effectively.

Selling is a process, and by learning a few simple techniques, you can improve your ability to sell.

So what are these techniques?

How to sell anything to anybody

1. Know your product:

Ultimately, it’s all about the product.

If you want to sell anything successfully, you must know your product. You must believe in the product too.

That product has to be something that you would buy yourself.

You need to know the product in detail. You need to know the features and benefits. You must be able to explain the advantages and the disadvantages.

Then you need to know all about your competitors’ products that your customers could buy as an alternative to your own.

This is important if you are to position your product against that of the competition and counter any reasons given by your customers as to why they might be reluctant to buy from you.

You need to be able to talk about your product favourably, relative to any other options that may be available to your customer.

2. Know the problem your product solves:

Ultimately, every product must solve a problem for the customer. A product must make the customer’s life easier in some way.

If a product doesn’t solve a problem for the target customer, why would they buy it? Why would any customer part with their money unless the product made their life easier?

So it’s simple. You must have a good understanding of the problem or problems for which your product can be an excellent solution.

And you must be able to explain this in simple, straightforward language.

3. Capture buying intent:

Cold-calling is the most inefficient and soul-destroying sales approach there could possibly be. Phoning or door-stepping people and saying, “Want to buy this?” will have a low success rate.

The key to successful selling is capturing warm sales leads. In other words, you must capture buying intent.

If a customer walks into a shirt shop, then you know they’re looking for a shirt, and therefore you have a very good chance of selling them one.

So find ways to engage people who are actively looking for something like the product you are selling.

To do this, you’ll need to ensure that your customers and potential customers have visibility of your product.

You must raise awareness of the product, as well as the features and benefits and the value it offers. You must create desirability too.

4. Know the customer’s needs:

Your product should have a target customer. You must know the sort of person for whom the product offers an ideal solution.

In other words, you must know who the product is aimed at and what their needs are likely to be.

To understand the customer’s needs, you may need to ask some questions first.

For instance, using the shirt-selling example again, a customer may be looking for something to wear for a formal occasion, or perhaps they’re looking for something more casual. You want to ensure that the shirt you sell them is right for their needs.

So you must identify the ways in which your product will satisfy the customer’s needs because, if you make a sale, you want the customer to feel they’ve got exactly what they wanted.

You want to ensure that they get a good buying experience. You certainly don’t want them to feel like they’ve been cheated in some way.

5. Build trust with the customer:

Trust matters, particularly when selling big-ticket items.

Customers need to feel that they can trust you to deliver a quality product and provide excellent after-sales service.

Far too often, people pay good money only to be let down. So naturally, they’re wary of salespeople, particularly when high-value products and services are involved.

Take the time to build trust with customers and reassure them that they will get what they’re paying for, and, should there be any problems at all, you will be there to ensure any such problems are resolved quickly and efficiently and at no cost to the customer.

Building trust with customers will pay dividends.

6. Sell the benefits:

You don’t sell the product to the customer; you sell the benefits and the problems that it solves.

In what ways will your product improve the customer’s life?

In what ways will your product potentially be an answer to the customer’s prayers?

In what ways does your product offer excellent value for money?

You don’t have to be the cheapest on the market, but you must convince a customer that it makes sense to buy your product rather than simply going for the cheapest product on the market.

Customers won’t part with their money unless they believe your product will add value to them somehow.

7. Know why your product is their best option:

Now, dear reader, if you’re in business, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that it’s a highly competitive world out there.

Put simply, today’s customers have plenty of options.

You must be able to convince a customer as to why your product is their best option.

If you’ve got a good story to tell about your product, you can stimulate the customer’s interest.

And once you’ve got the customer interested, you can gently apply pressure to close the sale.

And don’t be shy when it comes to applying pressure gradually.

Business is business, and if you don’t close the sale, you can be sure that someone else will.

There’s an art to knowing how much pressure to apply, of course.

You shouldn’t push too hard because that can result in a negative reaction from the customer.

It can also leave customers feeling like they’ve been sold something they didn’t need.

If that happens, you’ve made a sale but lost a customer. That’s counter-productive.

The last thing you want is an unhappy customer because they’re likely to tell a lot of people about a bad experience.

Bad publicity and customers badmouthing you can hurt your business if you’re not careful. I’m sure you know that, but it’s worth repeating.

Conclusion:

No business or individual can succeed without making sales.

If it’s your job to sell, then you’ve got to sell. And if you don’t sell, you’ve failed. Simple!

If you don’t make sales and meet your targets, then the result is likely to be that you’ll lose your job very quickly.

Business can be an unforgiving environment, as I’m sure you’re only too well aware, dear reader.

No company can afford the luxury of having people on the payroll who don’t deliver the results for which they are paid.

And let’s face it, we’re all paid to deliver results.

In order to sell, the question to which you must have the perfect answer is:

“Why should the customer buy my product?“

If you’ve got a good answer and you’ve targeted the right customer with buying intent, then you’ve got a good chance of making a sale.

You also want to be confident that you can leave the customer feeling that in exchange for the money they’ve spent, they’ve received good value and a good buying experience.

So learn the art of successful selling. It will pay you a handsome dividend.

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So please share it now. If you do, I will be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

You’ll be helping your friends, and you’ll be helping me too. So you really can make a difference to the lives of others.

Thank you.

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21 inspiring quotes from inspiring people

12/05/2024 by

If you want success, listen to successful people. That means people who will inspire you. It means people who’ve been there and done it. In other words, people who know how it’s done.

Here are 21 inspiring quotes from inspiring people to get you started and get you thinking.

These are some of my favourite quotes, so I hope you enjoy them all.

Please feel free to pass them on.

Inspiring Quotes (1-10):

  1. Believe you can and you’re halfway there. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  2. It’s never too late to be what you might have been. ~George Eliot
  3. There’s nothing impossible to him who will try. ~Alexander the Great
  4. Change your thoughts and you change your world. ~Norman Vincent Peale
  5. We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. ~Ronald Reagan
  6. It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. ~Tony Robbins
  7. Emotions will either serve or master, depending on who is in charge. ~Jim Rohn
  8. Don’t lose hope. You never know what tomorrow will bring. ~Michael Josephson
  9. No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. ~Robin Williams
  10. The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Inspiring Quotes (11-21):

  1. Often times the brightest rainbows follow the darkest rainstorms. ~Michael Josephson
  2. Let us sacrifice our today so that our children can have a better tomorrow. ~A. P. J. Abdul Kalam
  3. Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
  4. Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten. ~Michael Josephson
  5. Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. ~Desmond Tutu
  6. Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of becoming. ~Goethe
  7. Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest diseases, and its toll on success and happiness is heavy. ~Wayne Gretzky
  8. When you compete with someone as good or better than you, you may not always win, but you never lose. ~Michael Josephson
  9. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. ~Dale Carnegie
  10. The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. ~Albert Einstein
  11. When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ~John Lennon

Please share these quotes with your friends:

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When you share, everyone wins.

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Thank you.

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17 inspirational quotes you’ll absolutely love

12/03/2024 by

Are you looking for some inspiration? Perhaps some quotes to inspire and energise you or something that will provide a little impact at the end of a presentation?

Here are 17 great quotes that I hope will motivate you for the challenges you face in the coming days.

Inspirational quotes from some of the finest philosophical thinkers ever. They all left me inspired, and I’m confident that you will love them, dear reader.

Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Inspirational Quotes (1-10):

  1. Give light and people will find the way. ~Ella Baker
  2. Today is the only day. Yesterday is gone. ~John Wooden
  3. It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~George Eliot
  4. When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go. ~Carol Burnett
  5. We know what we are but know not what we may be. ~William Shakespeare
  6. Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin. ~Grace Hansen
  7. The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. ~ Jackson Brown Jr
  8. If we did all the things, we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves. ~Thomas A. Edison
  9. If you genuinely want something, don’t wait for it. Teach yourself to be impatient. ~Gurbaksh Chahal
  10. Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn

Inspirational Quotes (11-17):

  1. The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. ~Arthur C. Clarke
  2. Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. ~Desmond Tutu
  3. Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. ~Dale Carnegie
  4. My mission in life is not merely to survive but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour and some style. ~Maya Angelou
  5. A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills and uses these skills to accomplish his goals. ~Larry Bird
  6. Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue or lips. They make other people good-natured. They also produce their own image on men’s souls and a beautiful image it is. ~Blaise Pascal
  7. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. ~Steve Jobs

And here’s a bonus quote. “If you’re thinking anyway then you might as well think big.“

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Thank you.

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15 witty quotes by Joan Rivers to raise a smile

12/02/2024 by

To comedy lovers everywhere, the late Joan Alexandra Molinsky is better known as the legendary Joan Rivers.

Razor-sharp and very funny, Joan Rivers was arguably one of the finest American stand-up comedians of all time in what was probably the golden age of light entertainment.

Through the strength of her personality, she succeeded in an age when it was even tougher for a woman to get a break in an industry dominated by powerful men. In that, she remains a role model for women everywhere.

Joan Rivers pioneered her brand of irreverent, unconventional comedy, and her relentless work ethic allowed her comedy to evolve and her audiences to continue to grow. She was a remarkable lady and one who always made me laugh.

Here are 15 witty quotes by Joan Rivers, which will make you smile, I’m sure.

Quotes by Joan Rivers (1-10):

  1. I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. ~Joan Rivers
  2. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. ~Joan Rivers
  3. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~Joan Rivers
  4. Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. ~Joan Rivers
  5. There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. ~Joan Rivers
  6. Never floss with a stranger. ~Joan Rivers
  7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately, my stomach covers them. ~Joan Rivers
  8. I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny. ~Joan Rivers
  9. We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us. ~Joan Rivers
  10. People say that money is not the key to happiness but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~Joan Rivers

Quotes by Joan Rivers (11-15):

  1. I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor. ~Joan Rivers
  2. I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again. ~Joan Rivers
  3. Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I’m being funny, but I’m reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we’re going down the tube. ~Joan Rivers
  4. I never dwell on what happened. You can’t change it. Move forward. Don’t waste your energy on being angry at something that somebody did six months ago or a year ago. It’s over. Done. Move forward. ~Joan Rivers
  5. I walk on a stage, and I know if it’s been a good show or not. You know when it’s been a good interview. No one has to tell you. You know it. You feel it. You can feel the air. You can feel everything about it when it’s a good show. And you know when you’ve messed up. ~Joan Rivers

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Did you find these quotes by Joan Rivers amusing?

You did? I hope so anyway.

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Thank you.

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1 word salad in a poem: An attempt to be positive

11/30/2024 by

If the 2024 United States presidential election gave us anything, it gave us the idea of a word salad.

If you follow politics, you’ve probably noticed how politicians can talk for several minutes and say nothing significant. They respond to questions, but they never answer them. Instead, you get a word salad of platitudes and meaningless guff. And they wonder why the public no longer takes them seriously.

This year’s elections in Britain and the United States provided no end of examples of this phenomenon. So much so that I was moved to write today’s poem.

If you like it, please feel free to share it.

Word Salad in a Poem

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Thank you.

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word salad, word salad, word salad,

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21 thought-provoking quotes about money

11/29/2024 by

If you’re looking for quotes about money, this article is for you.

Money can’t buy you love or happiness, but it can make your life a little easier.

It may not be everything, but it’s up there with oxygen and water in terms of sustaining human life in the modern age.

Money is important simply because life today would be impossible without it.

There are few, if any, places on this planet where you could exist in any meaningful way without at least some money.

Speaking personally, I wouldn’t want to try.

Nevertheless, it’s important to keep it all in perspective too, of course.

Achieving financial freedom depends on you taking good care of your money, but it should not be at the expense of the people who matter most to you, your loved ones.

As with everything in life, there must be balance.

Money is important, but people are much more important. When we’re infirm or incapacitated, it’s our loved ones we’ll turn to for help. Yes, you can buy a dog but you can’t buy the wag of its tail, as the saying goes.

So the message today is that you should never chase money at the expense of your loved ones.

If you do, you’ll regret it in time, I’m sure.

To help you keep it all in perspective, here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about money:

Quotes about money:

  1. Money often costs too much. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  2. I’ll tell you the secret to getting rich. Be greedy when others are fearful. And be fearful when others are greedy. ~Warren Buffett
  3. What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us. ~Julia Cameron
  4. Financial peace isn’t the acquisition of stuff. It’s learning to live on less than you make, so you can give money back and have money to invest. You can’t win until you do this. ~Dave Ramsey
  5. It’s not the employer who pays the wages. Employers only handle the money. It’s the customer who pays the wages. ~Henry Ford
  6. Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that. ~Norman Vincent Peale
  7. It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy. ~George Lorimer
  8. You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you. ~Maya Angelou
  9. Buy when everyone else is selling and hold until everyone else is buying. That’s not just a catchy slogan. It’s the very essence of successful investing. ~J. Paul Getty
  10. If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. ~Henry Ford
  11. How many millionaires do you know who have become wealthy by investing in savings accounts? I rest my case. ~Robert G. Allen
  12. The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money. ~Author Unknown
  13. The individual investor should act consistently as an investor and not as a speculator. ~Benjamin Graham
  14. Every time you borrow money, you’re robbing your future self. ~Nathan W. Morris
  15. Never spend your money before you have it. ~Thomas Jefferson
  16. It’s not how much money you make, but how much money you keep, how hard it works for you, and how many generations you keep it for. ~Robert Kiyosaki
  17. Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted. ~Albert Einstein
  18. A real entrepreneur is somebody who has no safety net underneath them. ~Henry Kravis
  19. Don’t take no for an answer. If you’re happy to sit at your desk and not take any risk, you’ll be sitting at your desk for the next 20 years. ~David Rubenstein
  20. If you took our top fifteen decisions out, we’d have a pretty average record. It wasn’t hyperactivity, but a hell of a lot of patience. You stuck to your principles and when opportunities came along, you pounced on them with vigour. ~Charlie Munger
  21. When buying shares, ask yourself, would you buy the whole company? ~Rene Rivkin

Poem about money to inspire you:

If you like poetry, take a look at this poem about money.  Certainly, it sums up how I feel about money. Please take a look and, if you like it, feel free to share it.

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Did you find these thought-provoking quotes about money interesting, dear reader?

If they were, then perhaps they might interest others you know too.

Please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins. If you could share it now, then I’d be ever so grateful.

Like every blogger, I can only keep doing what I do if readers are viewing my blog posts. So you really can help me, dear reader.

Thank you.

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25 witty one-liner jokes that might just make you smile

11/28/2024 by

In need of being cheered up a little, dear reader? Then perhaps some of these witty one-liner jokes will make you smile.

I’ve been trawling my journal for some of the best one-liners I’ve heard in recent months, and I’ve picked out some of the best just for you.

I cannot confirm the authors of individual quotes, but if you know, please let me know via the contact page. I’m very keen to add credits where possible.

In the meantime, relax and take a few moments to enjoy these witty one-liner jokes.

Witty one-liner jokes (1-10):

  1. Moses had the first tablet connected to the cloud.
  2. Can I speak a second language? Does profanity count?
  3. Of course, my conscience is clear. It’s never been used.
  4. Am I ignorant and apathetic? I don’t know and I don’t care.
  5. If your horses don’t smoke, then your stable must be on fire.
  6. What two words do sharks most like to hear? Man overboard!
  7. I have the heart of a lion. For which I got a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  8. Four of the most beautiful words in the English language. I told you so!
  9. If I had 50 cents for every math exam I’d failed, I’d have $9.35 by now.
  10. I heard a song on the radio about tortillas. Actually, it was more of a rap.

Witty one-liner jokes (11-20):

  1. Do I think whiteboards are a wonderful invention? Certainly, they’re remarkable.
  2. I’ve no idea why, but they say I’m condescending. That’s talking down to people.
  3. The one thing I can say about the good old days is that I was neither good nor old.
  4. Leave them wanting more is always great advice unless you work in disaster relief.
  5. What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth? An unfortunate swimmer.
  6. In need of a good laugh? Start an argument with someone when they have hiccups.
  7. If we should never eat late at night, then the obvious question is, “Why does the fridge have a light?”
  8. I was having short-term memory problems, so I went to see my doctor. He wanted payment in advance.
  9. I read in the newspaper that a semicolon broke the law. Two consecutive sentences, apparently.
  10. 250 pounds on Earth is the same as 95 pounds on Mercury. So I’m not fat; I’m living on the wrong planet.

Witty one-liner jokes (21-25):

  1. What do you get when you wake up on a workday, only to realize that you’re out of coffee? A depresso.
  2. When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t remember on which side the sun rises. Then it dawned on me.
  3. Now there’s a difference between a man who eats shoots and leaves and a man who eats, shoots, and leaves.
  4. If peeling onions causes you to shed a few tears, then don’t form an emotional bond with them in the first place.
  5. Should women be allowed to have children after 40? Well, it’s their choice, but 40 seems more than enough children to me.

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So, dear reader, was this post worth a little piece of your time? Did you enjoy reading it? Did any of these witty one-liner jokes make you smile?

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People do enjoy witty one-liner jokes, so please share this post now.

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Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

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Another Christmas poem that will make you think

11/27/2024 by

If you’re looking for a Christmas poem, I’ve written one to make you think.

As the end of November approaches here in London, the Christmas season is getting into full swing. Young children dream about their ideal gifts, and hard-pressed parents do their best to fulfil those dreams within the limits of their income.

It’s a wonderful time of year, especially if you’re lucky enough to have young children or grandchildren.

However, there’s another side to Christmas, and it’s often overlooked. Not everyone’s having a great time, and family tensions can often explode when too much alcohol has been consumed.

And, in the modern age, many people live alone. At Christmas, that can be depressing. Such people are easily forgotten, and, for them, that can make them feel very lonely. This is particularly true for the elderly.

So, my message today is, if you’re celebrating Christmas, be kind, be considerate, and let sleeping dogs lie. Old grievances don’t matter anymore. If they’re in the past, leave them there.

As suggested above, I recorded my thoughts on this in the form of a poem that I share with you today.

If you like it, please share it on social media.

Christmas Poem

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Thank you.

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Christmas Poem, Christmas Poem, Christmas Poem

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21 quotes about relationships to enlighten you a little

11/26/2024 by

People! We can’t live with them, but we can’t live without them either.

While they can be frustrating, we are social animals and need people and relationships.

The more we understand about relationships, the more likely we’ll be in a position to form and sustain successful relationships.

Hence today’s blog post with 21 thought-provoking quotes about relationships to help you ponder and improve your understanding of one of life’s trickier aspects.

Now some people struggle to form successful relationships, while others enjoy perfect relationships, or so it seems. Well, don’t be fooled by appearances.

All relationships can be tricky because we all have this romantic notion about what the perfect relationship should look like. That notion may be romantic, but it’s also inaccurate.

Perfect relationships don’t exist.

Consequently, relationships take time, effort, and compromise. We must work at them constantly to keep them healthy and beneficial.

Furthermore, we must recognise that for a relationship to work, it must be balanced. The dynamics within the relationship must be in equilibrium.

By that, I mean that within any relationship, both parties must feel their needs are being met.

Where the dynamic within a relationship favours one side or the other, then this breeds resentment and frustration. That in turn results in friction and disharmony within the relationship, which can be damaging, of course.

No one can have it all their way all the time. Compromise is essential.

However, compromise shouldn’t be to the point where you’re actively working against your interests.

It would never make sense to do anything that works against our interests. If we don’t look after our interests, no one else will.

So here are those 21 thought-provoking quotes about relationships. I hope you find them interesting, dear reader.

Quotes about relationships (1-13):

  1. A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. ~Mae West
  2. When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said. ~Catherine Gilbert Murdock
  3. When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. ~Donald Miller
  4. The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too. ~Ernest Hemingway
  5. For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first. ~Suzanne Collins
  6. Cheating and lying aren’t struggles; they’re reasons to break up. ~Patti Callahan Henry
  7. I suffer from girl-next-door-itis where the guy is friends with you and that’s it. ~Taylor Swift
  8. I want to be in a relationship where you telling me you love me is just a ceremonious validation of what you already show me. ~Steve Maraboli
  9. Relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside. ~Sarah Dessen
  10. Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. ~JK Rowling
  11. It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favourite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. ~Nick Hornby
  12. The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ~CG Jung
  13. There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love. ~Shmuley Boteach

Quotes about relationships (14-21):

  1. Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys. ~Nicholas Sparks
  2. I know enough to know that no woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother. ~Martha Gellhorn
  3. People like to say love is unconditional, but it’s not, and even if it was unconditional, it’s still never free. There’s always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won’t be happy unless you are. I just don’t want that responsibility. ~Katja Millay
  4. To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect. ~Criss Jami
  5. Every couple has their ups and downs; every couple argues, and that’s the thing; you’re a couple, and couples can’t function without trust. ~Nicholas Sparks
  6. If a girl starts out all casual with a guy and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a relationship, it will never become a relationship. If you give the guy the impression that casual is okay with you, then that’s all he’ll ever want. Be straight with him from the start. If he gets scared and runs away, he wasn’t right for you. ~Susane Colasanti
  7. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. ~Bill Maher
  8. What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else. ~Stephanie Klein

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32 amusing quotes by Phyllis Diller

11/25/2024 by

The late Phyllis Ada Driver, or Phyllis Diller as she’s better known to comedy fans, was one of America’s greatest comic talents.

She was an actress and stand-up comedian with an eccentric stage persona.

Self-deprecating humour, wild hair, zany clothes, and an exaggerated, cackling laugh were her stock in trade.

Phyllis Diller was a hilarious lady and one who is greatly missed by fans of good comedy everywhere.

So today I thought it might be quite interesting to explore some of her quotes and observations.

Here are 32 quotes by Phyllis Diller that should make you smile.

Quotes by Phyllis Diller (1-21):

  1. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
  2. I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
  3. His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
  4. You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
  5. Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
  6. I buried a lot of my ironing in the backyard.
  7. My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
  8. The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
  9. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
  10. Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
  11. You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag.
  12. Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
  13. Life is a do-it-yourself kit; so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
  14. My photographs don’t do me justice. They just look like me.
  15. You know you’re old if they’ve discontinued your blood type.
  16. A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once
  17. I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in ‘What’s That?’
  18. Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
  19. Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
  20. I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
  21. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Quotes by Phyllis Diller (22-32):

  1. I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband. How about short and cheap?
  2. The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
  3. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  4. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
  5. You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
  6. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
  7. I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
  8. This man I was going out with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas but he gave me a bowling ball.
  9. Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, ‘I’ll tell you something you do that irritates me if you tell me something I do that bothers you,’ never ends in a hug and a kiss.
  10. To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbour. Neighbours always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
  11. This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him’.

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