21 best puns ever and guaranteed to make you smile

09/12/2025 by

Today, I’ve curated some of the best puns ever. Well, I think so.

I love wordplay, especially that form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of words for humorous effect.

I think clever puns are brilliant, which is why I’ve been searching the Internet for some of the best ones.

Here are 21 of the best puns I’ve found, so let me know what you think.

As always, when searching the net for wit and wisdom, it’s difficult to confirm the original author. Should you be one of them, dear reader, then please let me know. That way, I can give you full credit for your brilliance.

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Best puns ever:

  1. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  2. I hate peer pressure, and you should too.
  3. Ladies, if he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, let that mango.
  4. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a sh** in days.
  5. I’m a born pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  6. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  7. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where’s the bartender?”
  8. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  9. I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  10. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it’s just gathering dust.
  11. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  12. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
  13. The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  14. A cop knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes, but my dogs don’t even own bikes.
  15. I found a rock yesterday that measured 1760 yards in length. That must be a milestone.
  16. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing.
  17. This morning, some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
  18. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence.
  19. I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda, then I realised it was just a Fanta sea.
  20. A wife shouted to her husband that moose were falling from the sky. No, it’s just reindeer, he responded.
  21. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I realised that toucan play that game.

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Were these the best puns ever? Did they make you smile? If so, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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4 funny international commercials to make you smile

09/12/2025 by

Today I have some very funny international commercials for you.

When it comes to watching television, I find the commercials are usually much better than everything else. Would you agree, dear reader?

I love clever commercials, and funny commercials are always a pleasure to watch.

And the best commercials are memorable because they combine clever and funny. Such commercials really do punch above their weight.

Well, dear reader, if, like me, you enjoy clever and amusing commercials, then I think you might enjoy the ones in the embedded video below.

These are not new commercials, but you will enjoy them, I’m sure.

They made me smile, so I hope they brighten up your day too.

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4 FUNNY INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIALS

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I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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39 Clever one-liners guaranteed to get your friends laughing

09/11/2025 by

You may not be a stand-up comedian, dear reader, but if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you like to have a few clever one-liners up your sleeve ready to amuse your friends.

It’s always helpful to have a few good one-liner jokes in your back pocket, wouldn’t you agree?

Certainly, a funny joke never fails to break the ice in social situations. That’s why I collect them in my journal.

And I was asked recently if I would go through my collection and share a few more with readers. So today, I’ve done that just for you.

Next time you’re at a loss for words, try out one or two of these clever one-liners and watch how your popularity grows.

Enjoy them all, and then share them with your friends.

CLEVER ONE-LINERS
Funniest one-liners
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Clever one-liners (1-10):

  1. I doubt; therefore, I might be.
  2. Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
  3. Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
  4. Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
  5. I want patience, – AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
  6. Today’s a day for firm decisions! Or is it?
  7. If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
  8. Despite the cost of living, it remains popular.
  9. What’s worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.
  10. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.

Clever one-liners (11-20):

  1. Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand!
  2. If talk is cheap, why is hiring a lawyer so expensive?
  3. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  4. Why do bees hum? Because they can’t remember the lyrics.
  5. My math teacher called me average. Which I think is mean.
  6. The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it is on my list.
  7. Every organization will get results consistent with its design.
  8. Red meat’s not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat’s bad for you.
  9. I used to have an hourglass figure, but then the sand shifted.
  10. If at first, you don’t succeed, you can always redefine success.

Clever one-liners (21-30):

  1. If everything’s coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
  2. Listen, girl, do you know what this dress is made of? Boyfriend material.
  3. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So, study hard and be evil.
  4. A giant fly attacked the police station. They had to call a SWAT team.
  5. If you’ve got a clear conscience, you’ve probably got a bad memory too.
  6. There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  7. They say money can’t buy happiness, but it’s just bought me this Happy Meal.
  8. Drive with excessive speed, and you won’t need to worry about your cholesterol.
  9. If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store free yet?
  10. Living on Earth may be expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Clever one-liners (31-39):

  1. Even a broken watch is right twice a day.
  2. Delinquents are always young men because yob is just boy spelt backwards.
  3. The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. The problem is that no one runs in your family.
  4. Any married person should forget their mistakes. No use in two people remembering the same thing.
  5. When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember that the fire department usually uses water.
  6. Letting go of a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it’s the only way to survive a rock-climbing catastrophe.
  7. When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him, I reminded him that he said he didn’t hire stupid people.
  8. At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they’re usually married to each other.
  9. What’s the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale? A northern fairy tale begins, ‘Once upon a time…’ A southern fairy tale begins, ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…’
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Funniest One-liners: 66 silly jokes to tickle you

09/11/2025 by

If you’re looking for a laugh, here is a collection of silly jokes, corny puns, and some of the funniest one-liners you will read today.

Yes, they’re all a bit corny, but I’m confident many of them will tickle you, too.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And don’t forget that everyone needs a little laughter in their lives.

So, please pass them on.

Thank you, dear reader.

FUNNIEST ONE-LINERS
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Funniest one-liners (1-22):

  1. Add insult to injury; sign someone’s cast.
  2. You mustn’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
  3. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
  4. If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.
  5. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  6. One exotic bird can’t make a pun but toucan.
  7. Just when you think you’ve got a good life, it’s broken.
  8. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
  9. I’m suffering from schizophrenia, but I’m good people.
  10. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s on my list.
  11. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  12. What do dogs do when watching a DVD? Press paws.
  13. I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
  14. I went to a seafood disco, and I ended up pulling a mussel.
  15. Two WiFi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.
  16. How do scientists freshen their breath? With experi-mints!
  17. My wife’s bakery burned down last night. Her business is toast.
  18. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner!
  19. I bought my gun from a guy called T-Rex. He was a small arms dealer.
  20. I got fired from my job as a set designer. So I left without making a scene.
  21. What’s the easiest way to burn 2,000 calories? You leave a tray of brownies in the oven while you’re taking a nap.
  22. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.

Funniest one-liners (23-44):

  1. How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.
  2. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
  3. How do you count cows? With a cow-culator.
  4. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
  5. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
  6. What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
  7. What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.
  8. I was going to tell a pizza joke, but it’s too cheesy.
  9. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  10. I’m on a whisky diet, and I’ve lost three days already.
  11. How do you tell if a vampire’s sick? Check if he’s coffin.
  12. How many people are buried in the cemetery? All of them.
  13. What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
  14. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  15. The cannibal arrived late for the buffet, so he was given the cold shoulder.
  16. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
  17. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  18. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?
  19. Why did the girl give her pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.
  20. What makes long division such hard work? All those numerals you have to carry.
  21. I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
  22. Cinderella tried out for the basketball team at high school, but she kept running away from the ball.

Funniest one-liners (45-66):

  1. What do you call a sad cow? A blue moo.
  2. What has a bottom at the top? Your legs.
  3. How can you see flying saucers? Trip up a waiter.
  4. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
  5. Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
  6. What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?
  7. Who ruled France until he exploded? Napoleon Blownapart.
  8. Why did the bee start talking poetry? It was waxing lyrical.
  9. Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  10. Who went into the tiger’s den and came out alive? The tiger.
  11. How does fast light travel? The same way that slow light travels.
  12. What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a camera? A snapshot.
  13. What’s the longest piece of furniture in the world? A multiplication table.
  14. What do you get if you cross a hula dancer with a boxer? A Hawaiian punch.
  15. What did the waiter say to the skunk? Sorry, I can’t take your odour.
  16. She was only a plumber’s daughter, but she sure gave my heart a wrench.
  17. What’s brown and hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on holiday.
  18. What do you get if you cross a compass with a shellfish? A guided mussel.
  19. Why did the robber jump in the bathtub? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
  20. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
  21. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.
  22. Why is a room full of married people empty? Because there isn’t a single person in it.
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Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh.

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read in this post, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. So please, share it now.

Thank you.

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11 great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl

09/11/2025 by
11 Great One-Liner Jokes

Here are another 11 one-liners brought to my attention by readers, which I thought I’d share with you.

I can’t be sure of their origins, but they all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day, too, dear reader.

These are great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl, I’m sure. I hope so anyway.

Enjoy them all.

GREAT ONE-LINER JOKES
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Great one-liner jokes:

  1. A girl’s thoughts when she starts dating a guy – Date #1: That’s a really nice shirt. Date #2: Wow. That’s another nice shirt. Date #3: That’s the shirt he wore on our first date. Date #4: OK, he’s only got two decent shirts.
  2. The four sweetest words you can use when people didn’t listen to you? I told you so!
  3. My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I definitely laugh more.
  4. I prefer living in the past. At least the cost of housing was much cheaper.
  5. Military personnel can be charged for losing equipment. In the army you’ll pay $150 for losing your rifle. That explains why, in the Navy, a captain will always go down with his ship.
  6. I gave my wife the silent treatment for an entire week. At the end of it she said to me, “It’s been nice this week, we’ve really been getting on well.”
  7. There’s a new support group for compulsive talkers. It’s called On Anon.
  8. I’ve just found the worst page in my dictionary. The content is disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, disingenuous and disreputable.
  9. Why bother keeping up with the Joneses when you could drag them down to your level. Surely it’s less expensive that way?
  10. For Christmas or birthdays, buy your kids a set of batteries and just put a note inside saying “Toys not included.”
  11. My favourite hobby is going down to the beach and burying metal objects that have the words “Get a Life” inscribed on them.

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If any of these great one-liner jokes made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

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33 witty one-liners that will really tickle you

09/10/2025 by
33 WITTY ONE-LINERS

Would you like a few witty one-liners to brighten your day, dear reader?

Well, I’ve got an excellent selection for you today.

Once again, I’ve been trawling my journals to assemble a collection of witty one-liners that I’m confident you’ll enjoy.

These have all been collected over time, and I can’t be sure who the originators were, so I can’t provide an acknowledgement on this occasion. However, if you have any ideas, please let me know.

In the meantime, enjoy them all, and please do share them with your friends.

WITTY ONE-LINERS
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Witty one-liners (1-11):

  1. Bad puns? That’s how eye roll.
  2. My patience has stretch marks.
  3. If you need an ark, I Noah guy.  
  4. Is a Will defined as a dead giveaway?
  5. Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers.
  6. I used to be a banker but I lost interest. 
  7. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
  8. Geology rocks but geography is where it’s at! 
  9. Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives.
  10. Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up.
  11. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!

Witty one-liners (12-22):

  1. I make apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.
  2. I wanted to grow herbs but I couldn’t find the thyme.
  3. Simba was walking too slowly so I told him to Mufasa. 
  4. I used to sell computer parts but then I lost my drive.
  5. The only thing flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.
  6. Gravity jokes are getting old but I fall for them every time.
  7. Why couldn’t the chicken find her eggs? She’d mislaid them. 
  8. Do people who climb the world’s highest mountain ever rest?
  9. I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
  10. I tried to make a belt out of watches but it was a waist of time.
  11. If a priest blesses an avocado does it become Holy Guacamole?

Witty one-liners (23-33):

  1. I used to be a transplant surgeon but my heart just wasn’t in it.
  2. Mosquitoes are like family – annoying, but they carry your blood.
  3. England doesn’t have a kidney bank but it does have a Liverpool.
  4. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
  5. I was going to look for my missing watch but I couldn’t find the time. 
  6. I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
  7. Why was the baseball player a bad sport? He stole third base and then went home!
  8. BREAKING NEWS: Cheese factory explodes in France. Nothing left but de Brie!
  9. Stalin should have known communism wouldn’t work. There were red flags everywhere.
  10. I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare but he chewed it a lot. Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.
  11. Someone sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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So, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’ll be forever grateful.

You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Your support is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

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33 Clever One-Liners Guaranteed to Make You Smile

09/10/2025 by
Clever One-Liners

I love funny and clever one-liners, and over time, I collect them in a journal. And when I’ve got enough, I like to share them with readers. Anything that makes readers smile always results in a great reaction.

So today I offer you my latest collection, which I think are all very clever one-liners.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to identify the original authors, so I must classify them all as Author Unknown.

However, I’d be happy to add acknowledgements to each quote if readers can enlighten me accordingly.

If you know who wrote them originally, please let me know.

I’m sharing these clever one-liners with you because I am confident they’ll make you smile, dear reader.

Certainly, they all made me smile, so I do hope you enjoy them too.

CLEVER ONE-LINERS
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Clever One-liners (1-11):

  1. My mind’s made up; don’t confuse me with facts.
  2. Arguing with your wife is unwise. Even if you win you lose.
  3. Education is important, but other stuff is more importanter.
  4. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
  5. Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
  6. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
  7. When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
  8. You can’t make me do what you want me to do, you’re not my cat.
  9. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
  10. I can keep secrets, of course. It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.
  11. The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments.

Clever One-liners (12-22):

  1. I’ve got a great pizza joke, but I warn you, it’s very cheesy.
  2. My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my television.
  3. I really hate it when people ask for likes on social media. Like if you agree!
  4. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
  5. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
  6. When I was at school 52% of the class was good at maths. I was one of the other 38%.
  7. You know you’re fat when you step on a speak-your-weight scale and it says, “One at a time please!”
  8. You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t return, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
  9. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 siblings, but they didn’t know either.
  10. If you take away looks, money, intelligence, charm, and success, there’s no difference between me and George Clooney.
  11. I got called pretty yesterday, and it felt really good. Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I like to focus on the positive.

Clever One-liners (23-33):

  1. I have a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words too!
  2. I may be ugly now, but one day I’ll be rich enough for you to find me attractive.
  3. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but toucan play at that game.
  4. Did you know that 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class?
  5. My buddies and I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
  6. I’m a great multitasker. I can procrastinate, fret, and worry about it all at the same time.
  7. I told my plant about my problems; it said I needed to grow a spine. Talk about photosympathy!
  8. I once entered a pun contest. I submitted ten puns, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
  9. My memory is terrible. On the plus side, watching reruns on television is always a new experience.
  10. When my suitcases realized there’d be no vacation this year, it left me dealing with emotional baggage.
  11. I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I’ll be fine, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
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So did these clever one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh.

If so, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

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35 thats what she said jokes to raise a smile

09/10/2025 by

Today, I thought it might be amusing to explore some Thats What She Said jokes.

This form of humour revolves around innuendo and double entendre.

Yes, it’s a bit silly and suggestive, but it’s innocent and fun too, as it reflects the nature of human interaction and the way we find humour in the absurd. And, let’s face it, much of what passes for physical interaction between people can seem a little absurd when you think about it.

As with all humour, appropriateness and effectiveness depend largely on the audience and the context. So, I hope my audience today will appreciate this form of humour.

If, for some reason, this humour is not for you, then I’ll try to offer you something more appropriate next time around.

In the meantime, for those who enjoy innuendo and double entendre, here are 35 Thats What She Said Jokes to brighten your day.

Thats What She Said Jokes
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Thats What She Said Jokes (1-10):

  1. That’s big. Thats what she said.
  2. It looks horrible! Thats what she said.
  3. I think it’s stuck. Thats what she said.
  4. I’ve seen it all now. Thats what she said.
  5. You can’t be serious. Thats what she said.
  6. I can’t get a grip on it. Thats what she said.
  7. That’s too much for me. Thats what she said.
  8. Stop fiddling with them! Thats what she said.
  9. Wow, it’s quite a handful. Thats what she said.
  10. I don’t like the look of that. Thats what she said.

Thats What She Said Jokes (11-20):

  1. You’re going to love these! Thats what she said.
  2. Keep it to yourself, please. Thats what she said.
  3. Well, that was disappointing. Thats what she said.
  4. Not now, I’ve got a headache. Thats what she said.
  5. Surely, you’re having a laugh. Thats what she said.
  6. This is harder than I expected. Thats what she said.
  7. I’ve never seen one that small. Thats what she said.
  8. I’ve not seen one like that before. Thats what she said.
  9. I didn’t think it would get this big. Thats what she said.
  10. That’s not a game I’m willing to play. Thats what she said.

Thats What She Said Jokes (21-35):

  1. I can’t keep holding it up like this. Thats what she said.
  2. I’ve never done it this way before. Thats what she said.
  3. It was over quicker than I thought. Thats what she said.
  4. You’ll get better with more practice. Thats what she said.
  5. Let’s take it out and see how it looks. Thats what she said.
  6. I’m going to need two hands for this. Thats what she said.
  7. It’s not as big as I thought it would be. Thats what she said.
  8. You don’t get many of them to the pound. Thats what she said.
  9. I love you, dear, but not enough to try that. Thats what she said.
  10. If you think I’m doing that, you can forget it. Thats what she said.
  11. Goodness, this one’s got its own personality. Thats what she said.
  12. You’re unlikely to find a pair bigger than these? Thats what she said.
  13. As experiences go, that wasn’t much to write home about. Thats what she said.
  14. There’s an easy way and a hard way. Let’s do it the easy way. Thats what she said.
  15. It’ll take more than a skinny latte and a blueberry muffin to impress me. Thats what she said.
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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So, please go ahead and share now.

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33 very clever one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

09/06/2025 by
33 very clever one-liners

I’m always impressed with very clever one-liners. I can’t resist those short, sharp, witty remarks that always make me smile. So naturally, I collect them, noting them down in my journal every day.

Today I thought I’d share some very clever one-liners I’ve heard recently. They’re all quite brilliant in my opinion.

So take a couple of minutes to enjoy them all.

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Very clever one-liners (1-11):

  1. How does NASA organise a party? They planet.
  2. I used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.
  3. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Never again.
  4. Just received a card full of rice. It’s from Uncle Ben.
  5. Exaggerations went up by one million per cent last year.
  6. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. It was just collecting dust.
  7. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  8. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
  9. I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. No pun in 10 did.
  10. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
  11. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.

Very clever one-liners (12-22):

  1. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.
  2. Why do we tell actors to ‘break a leg?’ Because every play has a cast.
  3. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “No it doesn’t!”
  4. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  5. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed a little space.
  6. I’ve found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.
  7. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
  8. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, it’s in my jeans.
  9. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
  10. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
  11. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

Very clever one-liners (23-33):

  1. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  2. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.
  3. I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
  4. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  5. I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks!” I said, “Don’t mention it.”
  6. Hear about the new restaurant called ‘Karma’? There’s no menu, you only get what you deserve.
  7. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
  8. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
  9. I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
  10. A man tells his doctor, “Help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” To which the doctor replied, “Sorry, I’m not following you.”
  11. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!”
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So, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day. Thank you.

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27 witty one-liners so good you’ll laugh out loud

09/06/2025 by

Now, do you fancy a bit of a laugh? A few witty one-liners, maybe?

Would you really like something to make you smile?

You’d love to have a laugh or two, but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything for too long, right?

Well, fear not. You must make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.

Today, I offer you 27 witty one-liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile, and I’m confident that some of them will brighten your day, too.

If you enjoy humor that’s concise and razor-sharp, then this collection of witty one-liners is just for you, dear reader.

So go on, take a minute or two, and have a good laugh right now. Enjoy them all.

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Witty One-Liners (1-10):

  1. I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning, ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
  2. If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. ~Ian Smith
  3. I wanted to be a baker, but I never rose to the challenge. ~Author Unknown
  4. I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t read it. ~Author Unknown
  5. Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
  6. As a kid, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
  7. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
  8. I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
  9. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
  10. I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe

Witty One-Liners (11-20):

  1. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
  2. I was trying to write a novel about puns, but it just turned out to be a play on words. ~Author Unknown
  3. I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia, and she whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’ ~Author Unknown
  4. One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once.’ ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
  5. My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So, I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
  6. If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
  7. People say I’ve got no willpower, but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
  8. I tried to write a pun about the wind, but it just blew away. ~Author Unknown
  9. My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought, ‘Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be?‘ ~Paul McCaffrey
  10. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel

Witty One-Liners (21-27):

  1. I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: This could be interesting. ~Paddy Lennox
  2. I used to be a baker, but I could never make enough dough. ~Author Unknown
  3. Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache, and glasses, I think, There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him. ~Carey Marx
  4. “What’s a couple?’ I asked my mom. She said, “Two or three.’ Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed. ~Josie Long
  5. I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
  6. Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
  7. Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski
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