10 funny jokes guaranteed to have you howling with laughter

01/30/2024 by

Funny JokesIf you enjoy a good laugh then these funny jokes are just for you. These 10 funny jokes are guaranteed to make you laugh. So sit back, relax and enjoy them all.

And once you’ve enjoyed them, please feel free to pass them on.

Funny Jokes:

1. The Tiny Pianist:

A guy walks into a New York bar pushing a small suitcase on wheels.

He takes a seat at the bar and then he begins to open the suitcase carefully.

With the suitcase open, he takes out the tiniest piano you’ve ever seen and places it on the bar. The bartender watches him, a little puzzled.

The guy then reaches back into the suitcase and takes out a tiny man. This little man is no taller than ten inches high and the guy then seats him at the tiny piano.

The tiny man then begins to play a piece by Chopin on the piano in a way that is both enchanting and absolutely beautiful.

The bartender walks up to the guy and says “Gee, where did you get the tiny pianist? He’s brilliant.“

The guy puts his hand back into his suitcase again and pulls out an old magic lamp, which he then hands to the bartender.

He says to the bartender, “Here, rub this and make a wish.“

The bartender says, “Are you serious?”

The guy says, “Sure, go ahead.”

So the bartender rubs the lamp and says “I wish for a million bucks!“

There is a loud ‘poof’ sound before a million ducks start marching into the bar.

The bartender looks at the man and says, “Buddy, I think your magic lamp is broken.“

The guy looks at him, smiles then says, “Tell me something I don’t know. You don’t really think I asked for a 10-inch pianist do you?“

2. An engineer goes to Hell:

An engineer dies and suddenly finds himself standing at the Pearly Gates, in front of Saint Peter who’s holding a clipboard.

Saint Peter takes a few moments to review his list and then says to the engineer, “I’m sorry old boy but you’re not on the list. That means you’ll have to go down below I’m afraid.”

The engineer is a little disheartened but trudges off in search of the gates to Hell.

When he arrives in Hell he’s less than impressed. It’s hot, it’s smelly and it’s very miserable.

However, being an engineer, he’s very resourceful. So immediately he decides to take action to improve his situation.

He realises that if he’s to be comfortable he must do something about the heat. So he decides to install air conditioning. Once he gets that working, everything cools down quite quickly and it’s all a little bit more pleasant.

Installing the air conditioning proved to be thirsty work but there aren’t any cold drinks. So the engineer decides to install refrigeration and before you know it everyone in Hell is able to relax with a cold beer.

When he’s got everyone cool and the beer cold, the engineer realises they don’t have any entertainment. So he decides to install cable television. Before you know it they’re all enjoying hundreds of television channels.

Suddenly life in Hell is getting quite pleasant and the engineer is becoming a popular guy. Well, why wouldn’t he be? He’s constantly using his skills to make life better for everyone.

Anyway, one day, God has reason to phone the Devil. Needless to say, God can’t resist having a little fun at the Devil’s expense.

“So how’s it all going down there, Devil? Still hot and miserable?” says God.

To which the Devil replies, “Well actually things are great down here right now. Since you sent us that engineer we’ve been able to upgrade our facilities substantially.“

God is annoyed and cannot conceal his irritation, saying, “What? You’ve got an engineer? How did that happen? There’s always a place for engineers up here in Heaven, we need their skills. There must be some mistake”

Now it’s the Devil who feels he’s the one who can have a little fun and he responds with a laugh, “Well he’s here with us now and we’re pleased to have him.”

“Send him up here right now,” says God,

The Devil’s having none of it, and he responds, “No way! We’re keeping him. He’s far too useful to let go.“

God decides it’s time to apply a little pressure, so he says, “Look Devil, either you send him up here to me immediately or I’ll have no choice but to sue you!“

The Devil falls about laughing and says, “And where will you find a lawyer?“

3. The Bear and the Rabbit:

A bear was chasing a rabbit through the forest.

They ran into a clearing and the bear chased the rabbit around a giant redwood tree where, as luck would have it, a genie lived.

The genie got so tired of the noise they were making that finally he came out and told them both that he would grant them both three wishes if they’d just agree to go away and leave him in peace.

Naturally, the pair agreed. Who wouldn’t want three wishes after all?

So, the bear said he’d go first. “I wish from now on that every bear in this forest is both female and very, very horny.“

The genie granted him his wish.

The rabbit just grinned and simply asked for a motorcycle crash helmet.

The genie granted him his wish too. There was a ‘poof’ sound and then in the rabbit’s paw was a top of the range motorcycle crash helmet.

The bear was somewhat puzzled by the rabbit’s request but he continued nevertheless with his second wish. “I wish from now that on every bear in the whole country is both female and very, very horny!“

The genie granted the bear his second wish.

Again the rabbit grinned and then he said that his second wish was for a Harley Davidson motorcycle.

This wish was granted too and again there was a ‘poof’ sound and suddenly there in the forest stood a gleaming Harley Davidson.

The rabbit jumped on the Harley; put his helmet on and then started gunning the hog.

The bear looked at the rabbit, smiled and said, “You must be the dumbest rabbit I’ve ever met!“

It was time for the bear’s final wish, so he said, “I wish from now on that every bear in the whole world is both female and very, very horny!“

The genie granted him his third and final wish. “Rest assured”, the genie said to the bear, “every bear you will ever meet from now on will be both female and very, very horny.”

The bear looked very pleased with himself.

The genie then looked at the rabbit and said, “So, what’s your final wish?”

The rabbit laughed out loud and said, “I wish that from now on the bear is gay.“

With that, the rabbit gunned the hog and disappeared into the sunset.

4. The Taxidermist:

A guy walks into a redneck bar in Texas.

A couple of cross-eyed, local boys are playing Dueling Banjos on their guitars, guns in holsters by their sides.

Other mean-looking guys, similarly armed, are just sitting around, drinking and they start staring at the stranger in their midst. There’s tension in the air.

The bartender looks at the stranger and says, “What’ll it be, boy?”

The guy says, “I’ll have a white wine spritzer, please.”

The tension in the bar increases noticeably, the other customers are getting twitchy and hands start reaching for their guns.

The bartender looks at the stranger and says, “With a pussy drink like that I’m guessing you ain’t from around here are ya boy? Where ya from?“

The guy says, “Well actually, I’m from Iowa.“

The bartender frowns at him and says, “Iowa? And what the heck you do in Iowa boy?“

The guy tries to lighten the tension with a smile and then he says, “I’m a taxidermist?“

The bartender gives him a puzzled look and says, “You’re a taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist boy?“

Starting to feel a bit nervous, the guy responds, “I mount animals.“

The bartender grins and shouts out to everyone in the bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!“

Funny Jokes5. Two accountants:

Two accountants go to their local bank during their lunch break.

They’re both standing in line when suddenly four masked and armed robbers burst in through the door.

One of the robbers yells, “Don’t anyone move. We’ve got guns and we’ll use them. Cooperate and you won’t get hurt.”

Two of the robbers then go to the counter with four very large but empty leather bags and one says to the tellers, “Fill these bags with cash and be quick about it.”

While the tellers nervously fill the bags with cash, the other two robbers line all the customers, including the two accountants, up against a wall.

One robber walks along the line waving his gun menacingly in their faces and he shouts, “Right I want your wallets, your cash, your watches, and any other valuables you’ve got and I want them all now. And if you don’t give me everything you’ve got I’ll shoot you dead!”

As this is all going on one accountant stuffs something into the hand of his colleague.

Without looking down, his colleague whispers, “What’s this?“

The accountant whispers back, “It’s that $50 I owe you.“

6. Escaped convict:

A convict escapes from Folsom State Prison where he’s been locked up for 15 Years. He’s on the run and in need of food, money and a gun. So he decides to break into a house, where he thinks he might find at least some of these things. Walking along an affluent street he spots a house that he thinks looks perfect.

He forces the back door open and steps inside. As he wanders through the house, he finds a young couple in bed. Naturally, they’re both very frightened.

He orders the naked woman out of bed and ties her to a chair.

He then ties her husband to the bed.

The convict then goes back to the woman and straddling her lap, he puts his head close to the woman’s ear and whispers something before kissing her on the cheek. He then stands up and goes into their bathroom.

While the convict is in the bathroom, the husband whispers over to his wife: “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he straddled your lap and kissed you on the cheek. He’s horny. Just do whatever he asks of you. You mustn’t resist and don’t complain. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously dangerous. If he gets angry, he could kill us both. So be strong, honey. I love you!”

There was a sigh of relief from the woman as she whispered back, “When he whispered in my ear, he told me he was gay and he said he thinks you’re really cute. He said he’s very horny and he wanted to know if we had any more condoms. I told him there were some in the bathroom cabinet. I knew you see reason, honey. You be strong. I love you too and I appreciate the sacrifice you’ll be making.”

7. Thick Nick:

Bill was a straight-A student at High School but 20 years later his career has been less than stellar.

Still, when he gets an invitation to a High School reunion he decides to go anyway.

Well, he figures he hasn’t seen any of his school buddies since those far off days and it might be fun at least to see how some of the class losers have gotten on since then. They might provide him with something to laugh at and feel good about himself.

When he arrives at the reunion the first guy he bumps into is Jack.

Now, this makes Bill a little bit apprehensive. Jack had been a friend of his at school but he’d also been voted the student most likely to succeed. So Bill figured that Jack must at least be the CEO of a large multinational corporate organization by now.

Well, Jack’s career too had not quite lived up to expectations either.

He’s now the manager of the local Credit Union. A decent job perhaps but hardly exceptional. Nevertheless, it leaves Bill feeling a little bit more relaxed. Maybe he hadn’t done so badly after all?

As Bill and Jack stand outside the entrance to their old High School, swapping stories about their lives since schooldays, suddenly a brand new Lamborghini Veneno roars into the parking lot.

This is $5 million worth of supercar and Bill and Jack are stunned. Who could this be? Surely it couldn’t be one of their old classmates?

As they stand there open-mouthed, the car door opens and out steps Nick.

Now had there been a vote at school for the student least likely to succeed then Nick would have won it by a country mile and then some. He really was thick, academically, and unsurprisingly his fellow students all knew him as ‘Thick Nick’.

Bill and Jack couldn’t understand how Nick is doing so well. So they engage him in conversation to find out more.

Jack says to him, “Hey Nick, that car’s awesome. How come you’re doing so well.”

Nick responds and says, “Well Jack, when I failed to graduate High School I couldn’t get a job after I left, so I started my own business.”

So Bill says, “Wow Nick, how come your business is so successful?”

Nick smiles and says, “Well I sell this really popular product which I can buy for $2 a pop and I can sell it for $5 a pop. And I can sell it by the truckload. You wouldn’t believe it. It’s amazing how much money you can make with a 3% mark-up.”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Nick may still be thick but lack of academic success at school is never a barrier to financial success in life. And academic success does not guarantee financial success either.

8. The Indian businessman:

An Indian businessman, Rajesh Bhatia, walks into a bank in the City of London and asks to see the Loans Officer.

Mr Bhatia explains that he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and he needs to borrow £5000.

The Loans officer says that whilst it’s possible, the bank would need something substantial as security against the loan.

Mr Bhatia responds by saying he’d be happy to hand over the keys to his new Rolls Royce, which cost £250,000, as security against the loan.

“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Bhatia, “and I have all the necessary papers here.”

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After which Mr Bhatia departs with his money, leaving the Loans officer, the bank’s manager and all their colleagues enjoying a good laugh at Mr Bhatia for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later Mr Bhatia returns from Europe and repays the £5000 as well as the interest, which comes to £16.81.

As he prepares a receipt, the Loans Officer asks quizzically, “Sir, I must say, we’re all a little bit puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a very wealthy man and a multimillionaire. So why would you bother to borrow £5,000?“

Mr Bhatia replies, “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £16.81?“

9. The rare centipede:

Whilst out hiking, a guy finds a rare but long and poisonous centipede.

The guy is amazed by what he’s found and naturally, he wants to show this rare creature to his drinking buddies. So he captures the centipede and places it carefully in a ventilated box.

Once he gets it home, the guy decides he wants to take the centipede to his local bar immediately. So he taps on the box and says, “Would you like to go to Jimmy’s Bar with me and have a beer?“

There’s no answer from the centipede.

The guy waits a few moments and then says, “What do you think? Would you like to go to my local bar and meet my buddies?“

Again, there’s no answer.

Thinking the centipede can’t hear him, the man gets right up close to the box this time and yells, “Hey! Would you like to go to Jimmy’s Bar and have a drink with me?“

A little voice comes out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m still putting my shoes on.“

10. Collision course:

The captain of a large US naval aircraft carrier is on the bridge when on his radar he spots what he believes to be another vessel, with which his ship is now on a collision course.

The captain immediately gets on his open channel radio and says, “This is the USS Pittsburgh and you’re on a collision course with this ship. You must take immediate action and change course.”

In response, the captain hears a man with a Spanish accent but speaking perfect English say, “No sir, I’m sorry but it’s your vessel that must change course.”

The captain is irritated by this response and says, “This is Captain James Munroe, captain of the USS Pittsburgh, the largest ship in the US fleet. You are a maritime hazard sir and I will report you to the authorities unless you change course now.”

There’s silence momentarily and then the captain hears the response, “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”

Please share the fun:

I hope these funny jokes really made you laugh dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 Side-splitting Jokes about Heaven and Hell

08/02/2023 by

SIDE-SPLITTING JOKESIf you’re in need of a laugh then take a look at these three side-splitting jokes about Heaven and Hell. They all made me laugh, so I hope they entertain you too, dear reader.

Enjoy them all.

Side-splitting Jokes:

1. Heavenly transportation:

New Yorkers Frank, George and Vinny are killed in a tragic car crash in Manhattan.

The three friends arrive at the entrance to the Pearly Gates and there is St Peter waiting for them.

After the initial pleasantries, St Peter says, “Gentlemen, Heaven is an enormous place, so you will need transport to get around. And I have to tell you now that the type of transport you will be allocated will depend on how faithful you were to your wives.”

He then turns to Frank and says, “Francis, how faithful were you to your dear wife?”

“I never strayed once”, says Frank. “From the day we met until my dying day, she was the only woman with whom I slept and I loved her very much.”

“Most impressive Francis”, says St Peter. “Such fidelity is worthy of a new $13 million Rolls-Royce Sweptail and here are the keys. You’ll find your car in the parking lot just inside the Pearly Gates.”

Turning to George, St Peter said, “And how faithful have you been George?”

George hesitated momentarily and then said, “I must be honest and tell you that I did have a brief affair with my secretary about 20 years ago. It was the only time I cheated and I did regret it. I love my wife and after that brief lapse I was faithful to her until my dying day.”

“Very well”, said St Peter. “You made one mistake but otherwise you were of good character. Your reward now is a Chevrolet Bolt. Here are your keys and you’ll find the car in the parking lot inside the Gates.”

St Peter then turned to Vinny and said, “So Vincent, were you as well-behaved as your friends?”

Vinny looked a little embarrassed as he responded. “St Peter, if I’m honest I was a womanizer and I’ve had more sexual encounters than I can remember. However, I did love my wife and I would never have left her.”

St Peter frowned as he responded, “Vincent your behaviour was less than exemplary but you did at least say you loved your wife and never left her, so that counts for something. Therefore I will give you a top-of-the-range mountain bike to enable you to get around. You’ll find it in the cycle rack inside the Gates.”

The three friends then spent the next few weeks travelling around in Heaven getting to know the place.

One day as Vinny was cycling along Heaven’s highway he saw a Rolls Royce Sweptail parked by the side of the road. As he got close, he could see Frank sitting in the driver’s seat sobbing.

“Hey buddy, what’s the matter?” said Vinny. “You’ve been driving a beautiful Rolls Royce. What could possibly be wrong?”

“I know”, said Frank, “but I’ve just seen my wife go past on a skateboard.”

2. The reward for a life of sin:

Three drinking buddies, Bill, Jim and Cyril died in a plane crash on the way to Las Vegas and they all found themselves in Hell.

No sooner had they walked through the Gates of Hell than they found themselves staring at a series of doors.

Bill opened the first door and out stepped a really ugly woman, her face covered in hideous warts.

The voice of the Devil then boomed out, “William, you have been a sinner and so you are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this poor woman.”

The woman then took Bill by the hand and led him through the door he’d opened to suffer his punishment.

Jim and Cyril naturally were feeling very apprehensive at this point.

However, Jim plucked up the courage to open the second door which revealed a woman who was even uglier than the first one. She was a grinning, toothless hag with a hunched back and a bad case of body odour.

Again the voice of the Devil then boomed out, “James, you too have sinned and so you are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this wretched woman.”

The woman then took Jim by the hand and led him through the door to suffer his punishment.

Naturally, at this point, Cyril was a nervous wreck as he was about to open the third door.

He feared the worst, although he knew he hadn’t been much of a sinner so he hoped it wouldn’t be another hag.

Cyril was pleasantly surprised when out stepped a beautiful blond in a very brief bikini.

“Wow!” thought Cyril.

Then the Devil’s voice boomed, “Maria, you have been a sinner so you are condemned to spend eternity with this hideous, wretched man.”

3. Hoping for a miracle:

Bernard was a deeply religious man and one day he found himself trapped on the roof of his house following a terrible flood after the worst storms in living memory.

After an hour or so a man came by in a boat and shouted to Bernard, “Get in!”

“No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.”

Soon the water had completely submerged Bernard’s house and it was lapping around his waist.

Suddenly another man came by in a boat and shouted, “Get in!”

“No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.”

Another hour went by and the water was now lapping around Bernard’s chest.

Yet another boat came along and a man shouted to Bernard, “Get in!”

“No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.”

Well, the water kept on rising and it was now up around his neck when a helicopter appeared and down came a ladder. The crewman on the ladder shouted to Bernard, “Hey buddy, climb up!”

“No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.”

Another hour went by and the next thing Bernard knew he was standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

At this point, Bernard felt very disheartened as he said to St Peter, “I feel completely let down. I truly believed God would save me.”

“Be fair”, said St Peter, “We did send you three boats and a helicopter.”

Please share the fun:

quotes about changeI hope you found these jokes truly side-splitting dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share this post with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Articles you might also enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 funny joke stories that’ll entertain any social gathering

07/18/2023 by

FUNNY JOKE STORIESIf you’re looking for funny joke stories to tell your friends in the bar after work then here are five you’ll really enjoy.

I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two, so please feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Rick and the Biker:

Rick is sitting at the counter in a roadside bar in Austin staring at his drink when a very large and mean-looking biker is suddenly standing right next to him. The biker grabs Rick’s, as yet, untouched drink and swallows it in one gulp.

“That tasted real good boy,” said the biker, punching Rick on the shoulder. “So, what are you going do about it?”

Well, Rick just bursts into tears.

“Oh, man up,” says the biker. “I can’t stand seeing a man crying. What’s your problem, buddy?”

“This is the worst day of my life,” Rick responds. “I’m a complete failure. I missed my sales targets again this month and I got fired. When I left the office, I discovered that my car had been stolen from the parking lot and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I had to take to get home. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the mailman. And then my dog bit me.”

The biker’s attitude towards Rick softened a little.

“I came into this bar to work up enough courage to end it all,” Rick continued. “I bought my drink and dropped a Strychnine capsule into it. The capsule has just fully dissolved when you showed up and swallowed the whole damn drink in one gulp.”

Rick paused momentarily and then said, “Anyway, enough about me. How’s your day going?”

2. Father Murphy and Samson:

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Murphy, is driving through North Carolina on his way to Wilmington.

Suddenly his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. However he’s fairly close to a farm, so he decides to see whether the farmer can help him.

Father Murphy finds the farmer, who’s ploughing one of his fields.

“Sir,” said Father Murphy. “I’m on my way to Wilmington and my car’s broken down. Can you help me?”

“I’m sorry but there’s no one around here who can help you fix your car Father,” says the farmer. “However, I could lend you one of my horses.”

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Father Murphy responds. “So, I appreciate your help and I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

“OK,” says the farmer. “You can take Samson. He’s a good Christian horse.”

“Really,” Father Murphy responds. “How can you tell he’s Christian?”

“Well, if you want Samson to move forward, you have to say Praise the Lord,” says the farmer. “And if you want him to stop you have to say Amen.”

The priest sets off on Samson but very quickly he’s forgotten the farmer’s instructions. Then a few miles down the road, the horse is spooked when a car backfires with a loud bang.

The horse bolts and is galloping at speed towards the edge of a cliff. Father Murphy is struggling to gain control of Samson.

“STOP, STOP, SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP!” yells the priest.

Seeing nothing is working, Father Murphy starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud, in the hope he might benefit from some divine intervention from the good Lord above.

As he gets to the end of the prayer, naturally Father Murphy says, “Amen!”

They’re at the very edge of the cliff at this point when suddenly the horse stops just in time to avoid a very long fall down to the jagged rocks far below.

Father Murphy breathes a sigh of relief that God has answered his prayer and he says, “Praise the Lord!”

3. Lateral thinking:

A woman went to her doctor’s surgery where she was seen by a newly qualified medic.

Within seconds she could be heard screaming, as she ran out of the examination room in tears and fled the building.

A senior doctor witnessed what happened and, naturally, asked the young medic for an explanation as to exactly what happened.

“Well, sir,” said the young medic, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” the senior doctor exclaimed. “How can she be pregnant, she’s 75 years old. What possible reason could you have for telling her that she’s pregnant?”

“Well,” the young medic responded, “it certainly cured the problem with her hiccups.”

4. Legal minefield:

The bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, “OK, buddy, what’ll you have?”

“I’ll have a Scotch,” says the guy.

The bartender gives the guy a Scotch and then says, “That’ll be six dollars, please.”

“What do you mean?” the guy responds. “I don’t owe you anything. You offered me a drink.”

At this point, a lawyer from the law firm next door, who was also sitting at the bar, intervenes and says to the bartender, “He has a point. Your offer did not imply an obligation for payment, but it did represent a verbal contract upon acceptance. So, legally, there’s no requirement for him to pay you for the drink.”

Well, the bartender’s not happy but he realises that we live in litigious times, and he didn’t want to risk an expensive lawsuit, so he decides to let it go.

However, he says to the guy, “OK, buddy, you win. Enjoy your free drink but I don’t want to see you in here again. Take your business elsewhere.”

A few days pass before the guy reappears in the bar.

“What the hell are you doing in here,” asks the bartender. “I thought I told you to take your business elsewhere.”

“What are you talking about?” Asks the guy. “I’ve never been in here before.”

Fearing he’d made a mistake, and knowing there were a couple more lawyers sitting at the bar, the bartender backs down.

“I’m sorry,” says the bartender, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”

“That’s very kind of you,” says the guy, “a double Scotch would be great. Thank you.”

5. The rat and the frog:

A guy walks into a Manhattan bar and says to the bartender, “Hey buddy if I show you a really good trick will you give me a free drink?”

“Well,” says the bartender, “if it’s really good I will.”

So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small rat.

He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano with a tiny piano stool.

He sits the rat at the piano and it then proceeds to play the Scott Joplin classic, The Entertainer.

“Wow, that’s impressive,” says the bartender, giving the guy his free drink.

The man takes a sip at his ice-cold beer and then he says to the bartender, “If I can show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks all night?”

“Listen, buddy, I can’t see how you’ll top that,” says the bartender, “but if you can, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny frog. The frog then begins to sing, accompanied by the rat playing Hit the Road, Jack.

As the guy’s enjoying his free drinks, a stranger who’d been watching the performance walks up to him and says, “I’ll give you “$100,000 for the frog.”

“The frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds.

“How about $250,000?” the stranger asks.

“No, the frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds

“OK,” says the stranger. “I’ll give you $500,000 for the frog. That’s my last offer.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, mister,” says the guy, giving the stranger the frog once the money’s been transferred to his bank account, via the stranger’s smartphone.

Having watched the transaction, the bartender says to the guy, “You must be nuts letting the frog go for $500,000. It’s got to be worth millions.”

The guy smiled and said, “Not really.”

“What do you mean?” asked the bartender.

“Well,” the guy responds, “the rat’s a ventriloquist.

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 contenders for funny stories of the day

07/17/2023 by

FUNNY STORIES OF THE DAYIf you’re looking for funny stories of the day, then take a quick look at these four gems. They all tickled me and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

Funny stories of the day:

1. Traffic stop:

Jed and Wilma, an elderly couple, were driving to Buffalo to visit family.

Naturally, given their age, they shared the driving with a changeover each time they stopped for a comfort break.

Whilst Wilma was behind the steering wheel, she was pulled over by the Police.

“Mam, did you know you were speeding?” said the Police officer.

Now Wilma was hard of hearing, so she turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?“

In response, Jed yelled, “He says you were speeding!“

“Mam, may I see your driver’s license, please?” the Police officer asked politely.

Once again, Wilma turned to Jed and said, “What did he say?“

Yelling, once again, Jed responded, “He wants to see your driver’s license!“

Wilma searched through her purse and eventually found her driver’s license which she passed to the Police officer.

The Police officer checked her license details and then, by way of conversation, remarked with a smile, “Mam, I see you’re from New York City. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the most annoying woman I’ve ever met.“

Once again, Wilma turned to Jed and asked, “What did he say?“

“He said he thinks he knows you!” yelled Jed.

2. The barber’s shop:

An old cowboy walks into a barber’s shop for a shave and a haircut.

Keen to ensure he gets the best shave possible, the cowboy explains to the barber that he can never get all his whiskers off because his cheeks were so wrinkled with age.

“That’s no problem,” said the barber.

He then reaches into a cabinet and pulls out a little wooden ball.

The barber then says to the cowboy, “Just put this inside your cheek. We’ll do each side in turn and it’ll spread the skin out. With this, I’ll be able to give you a really close shave.”

When the barber’s finished, the old cowboy is really pleased with the results.

“On my, that’s the cleanest shave I’ve had in years,” he says.

As he’s handing back the wooden ball to the barber, he’s curious.

“That little ball is a great idea, but what would’ve happened if I’d accidentally swallowed it?” asks the cowboy.

“That wouldn’t have been a problem,” said the barber. “You could have just brought it back in a couple of days, as everyone else does.”

3. Holiday in disguise:

Two Catholic priests went on vacation to Honolulu.

On this occasion, they were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as priests.

They wanted to enjoy this vacation just like regular people do.

So, as soon as the plane landed they went straight to a local beachwear store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, and sunglasses.

The next morning they decided to go for a walk along the beach dressed in their new clothes.

They were sitting in a beach bar enjoying a long, cool drink, taking in the sunshine and the scenery when an attractive blonde woman in a bikini came walking straight towards them.

This lady was truly stunning, so they couldn’t help but stare.

As she passed them she smiled and said to them in turn, “Good morning, Father,” and “Good morning to you too, Father.”

They were both stunned into silence. How could she know they were both Catholic priests?

So later that day, they went back to the beachwear store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Outfits so loud, you could hear them a mile away.

The next day, dressed in their new, outrageous attire, they settled down once again in the beach bar to enjoy a cold drink.

Once again, the attractive blonde, wearing a different bikini, came walking towards them.

Again she nodded at each of them, and said, “Good morning, Father,” and “Good morning to you too, Father.”

Well, the priests were shocked because they’d been recognised as priests once again.

“Just a minute, young lady,” said one of the priests.

“Yes, Father?” she responded.

“Now it’s true, we’re priests and we’re proud of it,” he responded. “But how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?”

“Father, it’s me,” the blonde replied, “Sister Philomena!”

funny-stories-of-the-day-24. Making an immediate impact:

The new CEO arrives for his first day in the office and he’s determined to let everyone know that he means business.

Having done a quick review of the Company’s financial position he decides his first act must be to reduce costs by getting rid of all the slackers who were not adding value to the business.

As he’s taking a tour of the Company’s facilities, there are workers everywhere but his eyes are immediately drawn to a guy leaning against a wall, apparently doing nothing in particular.

Seeing this as his chance to make an immediate impact, he walks over to the guy and asks, “How much money do you earn each week, son?”

The guy is taken a little by surprise but he responds politely by saying, “Sir, I make around $400 per week. Why do you ask?”

In response, the CEO says, “You just wait right here!”

He then disappears into the Finance Department and minutes later he reappears holding a bundle of cash in his hands.

He hands the guy $1,600 and says, “That’s four weeks’ pay. Now get out of here and don’t come back.”

The guy takes the money and disappears out the door as fast as he can.

Feeling like a real power boss, the CEO looks around and says, to no one in particular, “So, does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did around here?”

From the back of the room, in a loud voice, someone responded, “He was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared for laughs, but did any of these funny stories of the day really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues

07/16/2023 by

FUNNY STORIES TO TELLIf you’re looking for some funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues then here are three that might just bring a smile to your face.

I’ve tried them on a few friends and they all laughed out loud.

So I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

Funny stories to tell:

1. The Psychiatrist:

Now I hate to admit this but, ever since I was a child, I’ve had a fear that someone is under my bed at night.

My condition got so bad that I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist and I explained my problem to her.

I was quite honest with her and I just said, “Every time I go to bed I fear that someone is hiding under it. I’m really scared and I think I’m going crazy.”

“I can help you,” she said. “If you put yourself in my hands for about a year, I can help you overcome your problem.”

“What do I have to do?” I asked.

“Well,” said the psychiatrist, “If you come here for therapy three times a week for about a year, we should be able to help you get rid of your fears.”

“How much do you charge?” I asked, naturally.

“For each visit, the fee is $100.” The psychiatrist replied.

That needed a little thought, so I said, “Look, I think I’ll sleep on it and I’ll come back to you if necessary.“

Six months later, as I’m walking down Main Street, I bump into the psychiatrist and she remembers me.

“You didn’t come back to see me about those fears you were having,” she said.

“Well,” I responded, “when I left your office that day I went into a bar for a drink, to think it over. I was explaining the situation to the bartender and, when I told him how much it would cost, he said he could offer me a solution that was guaranteed for $10.”

“Really?” said the psychiatrist, sounding more than a little irritated. “And how, may I ask, was your bartender able to resolve a complex psychological problem for just $10?”

“He told me to cut the legs off my bed,” I said. “I did, and no one can get under there now.”

2. The wealthy widower:

At 70-years-old, Frank was now an extremely wealthy widower.

One day, Frank arrived at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful young woman who was just 25-years-old.

This young lady was absolutely stunning and she had it all. Good looks, personal charm, perfect manners and she hung on Frank’s arm, listening to his every word, intently.

Well, Frank’s buddies were both impressed and more than a little jealous.

They were all muttering to each other and wondering how Frank was able to date such an amazing woman.

At the first opportunity, Frank’s buddy Jim corners him and asks, “Hey Frank, how did you get yourself such an attractive girlfriend?”

“She isn’t my girlfriend,” Frank responds. “She’s my wife.”

Jim can’t believe it but he needs to know the secret of Frank’s success.

“That’s amazing,” says Jim, “but how did you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age,” says Frank.

Jim laughs out loud and then says, “Really? I suppose you told her you were only 50 then?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” says Frank. “I told her I was 90, with a terminal illness.”

3. The Pastor:

One Sunday morning after the church service, and whilst counting the money from the weekly offering, the Pastor found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

Surprised though he was, he thought little of it and just accepted this generous donation gratefully.

However, the following week the same thing happened again. This time the Pastor was naturally curious.

So, the following Sunday, the Pastor watched closely as the offering was being collected. As he observed proceedings, he noticed an elderly woman put a pink envelope on the plate.

Unsure what to do, the Pastor continued to observe proceedings each Sunday over several weeks. And each week the same thing happened.

The Pastor couldn’t contain his curiosity anymore, and one Sunday he decided to speak with the woman.

“Excuse me, mam,” said the Pastor, “I couldn’t help but notice that each week you put $1,000 in the collection plate.”

“Why yes, Reverend,” the elderly lady replied. “Every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

“That’s wonderful mam and very generous of you,” the Pastor replied. “However a thousand dollars is a lot of money. Can afford this? I mean, how much does he send you?”

“He’s a really good son and he sends me $10,000 every week,” the old lady responded.

“Wow!” said the Pastor, truly amazed. “Your son must be very successful. What does he do for a living?”

“He’s a veterinarian,” she said.

“Well now, that’s certainly an important profession,” said the Pastor. “However I had no idea it was so well paid. Where does he practise?”

The old lady smiled and said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses. One’s in Las Vegas and one’s in Reno.”

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared for laughs, but did any of these funny stories to tell really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 short funny stories for adults that’ll raise a smile

07/15/2023 by

SHORT FUNNY STORIES FOR ADULTSIf you’ve been searching for some short funny stories for adults then here are five that will raise a smile, I’m sure.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Short funny stories for adults:

1. The Lions and the Lamp:

Three hungry lions wander across the Serengeti National Park in search of food when they stumble upon an old oil lamp.

Having never seen one before, and being naturally curious, they start sniffing around it. As they’re doing this, one of their tails brushes against the lamp and then there’s a ‘Poof!’ sound.’ A genie is suddenly standing in front of them.

“Lions,” says the genie, “I’m the genie of the lamp and I’ll grant you three wishes. That’s one wish for each of you.”

The first lion’s so hungry he doesn’t need to think very hard.

“I would like a big, juicy piece of meat please,” he says.

Poof! In a flash, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat is lying on the ground in front of him.

Well, it’s the turn of the second lion and he’s so hungry he decides he wants even more.

“I want a shower of meat, please,” he says.

Poof! In a flash, there are big, juicy pieces of meat falling from the sky.

Not wishing to be outdone by his friends, the third lion thinks hard for a second or two.

“Got it!” he says. “I want a meatier shower!”

2. Parents know best:

Two young brothers, Will and Jack had very different, extreme personalities.

Their parents quickly realized that Will was a born optimist, whilst Jack was a real pessimist.

So being concerned about them both, their parents decided to take them to see a child psychologist.

The psychologist thought the parents were overreacting and tried to reassure them.

“Mr and Mrs Smith,” he said, “I’m sure you’re exaggerating. I’m happy to review their behaviour for you but I’ll be surprised if your boys are any different to any other young kids.”

In an attempt to allay their fears, he then took Jack into a room filled with the most exciting toys any child could possibly imagine.

Naturally, the psychologist expected to see Jack play with all these toys enthusiastically.

However, Jack just burst into tears.

“What’s the matter?” asked the psychologist. “Don’t you want to play with all these wonderful toys?”

“No!” Jack responded. “I might break them and then I’ll be in big trouble.”

Well, the psychologist was surprised by Jack’s extreme pessimism but he just couldn’t believe that both boys would be quite so different.

So, he decides to take Will into another room.

This room is filled from floor to ceiling with horse manure.

Naturally, the psychologist was expecting Jack to be completely repulsed by the experience.

However, Will was in his element and he quickly started digging at the manure with his bare hands.

“What are you doing?” asked the psychologist. “Why are you digging?”

“With all this manure,” replied Will, “there’s got to be a horse here somewhere!”

Moral of the Story: No one knows kids better than their parents.

3. The new teacher:

A new teacher is sitting with her 6th-grade class for the first time.

Naturally, she’s keen to apply all the techniques she’s learned in her teacher training, and in particular, she’s keen to use what she’s learned in her psychology class.

She stands in front of her class and says, “Right children, everyone who thinks they’re stupid, please stand up.”

Well, for a few minutes, there’s silence and no one stands up.

However, just then Little Johnny bravely gets to his feet.

The teacher smiles and says, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”

“No mam,” Johnny responded, “but it’s not fair, you standing there all on your own.”

4. On the Starship Enterprise:

On the Starship Enterprise, Captain Kirk is chatting with Doctor Spock one day.

“Spock,” says Captain Kirk, “you always remain calm and good-natured, even when you’re talking to people who are obviously far less intelligent than you. How do you do it?”

“Well, Jim,” says Spock. “I convey my contempt for people I consider inferior to me by simply agreeing with whatever they say.”

“Really?” says Captain Kirk. “That’s absolutely ridiculous!”

“I completely agree with you, Jim,” Spock responded with a smile.

short-funny-stories-for-adults-25. Telling the time:

Two old Army buddies, Jim and Pete, are sitting up late at night enjoying a bottle of the finest Scotch and reminiscing about old times in foreign places.

They’ve been drinking all evening and they’re starting to get a little tipsy, to say the least.

Eventually, Jim asks, “What time is it?”

To which Pete responds, “I don’t know but give me your old bugle.”

“Why?” Jim asks. “How can you tell the time with a bugle?”

“It’s easy,” says Pete. “Just watch me.”

Jim passes him the bugle and Pete starts playing Reveille very, very loudly.

Within seconds a voice shouts from the floor above, “Who the hell’s playing the bugle at one o’clock in the morning?”

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did any of these short funny stories for adults make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 funny stories to tell your friends in the bar

07/14/2023 by

FUNNY STORIES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDSDear reader, are you looking for some funny stories to tell your friends in the bar or at parties? If you want to be popular, always having a joke or two to tell your friends is a great way to achieve it.

So enjoy these funny jokes and feel free to pass them on.

Funny stories to tell your friends:

1. Pythagoras pun:

A medieval king was hunting in Africa, and he killed a lion, an elephant and a hippopotamus.

Returning to his kingdom, he awarded the hides from these animals to his three squires. In turn, these three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became increasingly jealous of the Hippo Squire because he possessed, what to them was, the most treasured of the three hides.

So these two jealous squires hatched a plot to kill the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them.

Now the Lion Squire had ten sons and the Elephant Squire had six sons, whilst the Hippo Squire was childless. So the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent their sixteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire and return with the prized hide.

However, in the ensuing battle, the Hippo Squire single-handedly managed to kill all sixteen of the sons.

Thus it is proved that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.

2. Yearning for a child:

Two women are sitting in their doctor’s waiting room and they begin discussing babies.

“I’m desperate to have a baby,” said the first woman. “However I’m starting to think it’ll never happen.”

“I used to think like that,” said the other woman. “But then everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’ll be having my baby in four months.”

“Wow!” said the first woman. “How did it all change for you?

”I went to see a faith healer,” her companion responded.

 “Oh,” said the first woman. “My husband and I did try that but unfortunately it didn’t help at all.”

Her pregnant companion smiled, then moved closer to her and whispered, “Next time, try going alone.“

3. Little Johnny:

Little Johnny came running out of the bathroom in tears.

“What’s the matter, Johnny?” asked his dad.

“Dad, I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet,” said Little Johnny.

His dad smiled, benevolently, and said, “Never mind, son, but we’d better just throw it out. There are some new ones in the medicine cabinet.”

So, Johnny’s dad fished the toothbrush out of the toilet bowl and went off to throw it in the garbage.

When he returned, Johnny was standing there holding another toothbrush.

“That looks like my toothbrush, Johnny,” said his dad.

“Yes, it is,” said Johnny. “You’d better throw it out too because it fell in the toilet bowl last week.”

4. Hunting season:

A truck driver hauling a load of computers stops at a roadside diner in California for a coffee and some lunch.

As he enters the diner he notices a sign which says, NO COMPUTER NERDS ALLOWED IN HERE – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK in large red letters.

As the trucker takes his seat at the counter, a stern-looking waitress looks at him suspiciously and then says, “Now listen here buddy, I can smell computers on you. I hope you’re not a nerd.”

“No, mam,” the trucker responds. “I’m hauling a consignment of computers today, so I guess some of their smell has rubbed off on me.”

“Well that’s just fine then,” says the waitress, pouring him a cup of coffee.

As the trucker is taking his first sip of coffee, a skinny guy walks into the diner. He’s wearing black-rimmed glasses, held together with tape, and he’s got a row of pens and pencils in his breast pocket.

Without saying a word, the stern-looking waitress pulls a shotgun from behind the counter and she shoots this skinny guy dead.

The trucker is stunned by what he’s just witnessed. “What did you do that for?” he asks the waitress.

“Don’t worry, sir,” the waitress responds. “Computer Nerds are in season right now because they’re over-populating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license to shoot them.”

So, the trucker finishes his lunch and sets off to complete his delivery.

However, he’s just driving onto Interstate 5 when he has to swerve violently to avoid a collision with another vehicle.

As he brings his truck back under control, the back door to his truck bursts open and computers spill all over the highway.

He stops his truck but before he can get around the back, there are computer nerds everywhere gathering up computers and running off with them.

Well, the trucker can’t afford to have his load stolen right from under his nose, so he grabs a shotgun he keeps in his cab and then he shoots several of the nerds dead.

Within seconds a Highway Patrol car has pulled up and the police officer jumps out and orders the trucker to stop shooting at once.

“Why?” says the trucker. “I thought computer nerds were in season.”

“They are,” says the cop, “but you’re not allowed to bait ‘em.”

Please share this post with your friends:

FUNNY STORIES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDSSo dear reader, did any of these funny stories to tell your friends actually make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 funny short story jokes shared just for laughs

07/13/2023 by

JUST FOR LAUGHSHere are four very funny short story jokes shared with you just for laughs.

The aim is to brighten your day.

So enjoy them all.

Just for laughs:

1. Competing with a cat:

Jim’s a music producer searching for a job.

He’s looking through the ‘Wants Ads’ in one of the trade magazines, and he sees an advertisement stating MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED.

The advertisement states that candidates must be able to play the piano, type 40 words per minute and be bilingual. It also states EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER.

This job sounded exactly like the sort of opportunity Jim had been looking for and, as he could match the job’s requirements, he sends off an application.

Within days, Jim is sitting in front of the hiring manager, as the latter is studying Jim’s resumé.

“You have an excellent resumé,” says the hiring manager. “However I do have another candidate who can match what you can offer in every way. So I’m torn between you, particularly as we’re an equal opportunity employer.”

“Who’s the other candidate?” Jim asks.

“Well, actually it’s the cat sitting over there,” says the hiring manager.

“You can’t be serious,” Jim responds. “A cat can’t play the piano.”

The cat jumps up to the piano and starts playing a piece by Frédéric Chopin, beautifully.

As it finished, the cat then said, “MEOW!”

Jim had to admit that the cat could play. However, he then said, “The cat may be able to play the piano but surely it can’t type 40 words a minute?”

The cat jumps on the hiring manager’s Macbook and starts typing at 150 words a minute, typing out a short biography of Antonio Vivaldi in less than ten minutes.

As it finished, the cat once again said, “MEOW!”

Jim had to admit that the cat could type too. However, he then said, “OK, the cat may be able to play the piano and type but how can it be bilingual?”

With that, the cat said, “WOOF!”

2. Hard as nails:

A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I want a beer, and I want it now. You’d better be quick, buddy, because I’m as hard as nails and scared of no one.”

Within minutes a piece of red tarmac walks into the same bar, whereupon the black tarmac quickly disappears into the toilet.

Thirty minutes passed before the black tarmac re-appears and asks the bartender, nervously, “Has that red tarmac gone yet?”

“Yes, he has, buddy,” the bartender responds, laughing, “but what’s the big deal? I thought you were hard and scared of no one.”

“Generally, I am,” says the black tarmac, “but no one messes with him. He’s a cycle path.”

3. The inseminator:

Before heading to Main Street for a business meeting, a farmer spoke to his wife and said, “Sorry to burden you with a problem but there’ll be a guy along this afternoon to impregnate one of the cows.”

“How will I know which cow?” his wife asked.

“Well,” he responded, “I’ve hung a nail by the correct stall in the barn, so it’s obvious which one I want impregnating.”

The farmer’s wife knew next to nothing about farming, nor was she really that interested, but she nodded in agreement nevertheless.

That afternoon the inseminator arrived whilst the farmer was away.

The farmer’s wife led him to the barn and showed him the stall with the nail.

“This is the cow right here,” she said.

 “Thank you, mam,” said the impregnator. He then looked around and he noticed the nail.

“What’s the nail for?” he asked.

The farmer’s wife shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know. I guess it’s for you to hang your pants on.”

4. The challenge:

Jake walks into a bar in Wichita, Kansas and as he’s about to order a beer, he notices an enormous jar on the counter. This jar’s stuffed full of $10 bills, so naturally Jake’s intrigued.

“There must be $5,000 in that jar,” Jake says to the bartender. “What’s the deal there?”

“Well,” the bartender responds, “we’ve got a challenge going on right now.”

“What’s the challenge?” asks Jake.

“It’s simple really,” says the bartender. “You put $10 in the jar and if you can then pass three tests, you win the entire contents of the jar. Fail and your money remains in the jar. That way the cash mountain continues to build until someone wins.”

“Wow!” says Jake. “And what are the tests”?

“You’ve got to put your money in the jar first,” says the bartender, “and then I’ll tell you.”

Jake puts a $10 bill in the jar as requested.

“OK,” says the bartender. “So here’s the deal. First, you’ve got to drink a bucket full of pepper tequila. You’ve got to down it in one, without making a face. Second, there’s a vicious Rottweiler outback with a sore tooth. You’ve got to remove that tooth with your bare hands without the use of anaesthetic. Then third, there’s a 90-year-old woman upstairs. She wants someone to make love to her.”

“Jeez!” says Jake. “I’ve paid $10 but I’m not a complete idiot. I’d have to be nuts to take up that challenge.”

“Your call, buddy,” says the bartender, “but your money stays in the jar.”

Jake decides he’ll just have a beer or two by way of consolation and take the $10 loss on the chin.

The beers are going down well and by the end of the evening, Jake’s had a belly-full of beer. He’s had so much beer he’s getting a bit tipsy, to say the least.

And now he’s fully loaded, he’s ready for anything.

“OK buddy,” he says to the bartender, “where’s that tequila?”

The bartender gives him a bucket full of peppered tequila and Jake grabs it with both hands. He raises the bucket to his mouth and downs the entire contents in one. His eyes are watering but he doesn’t make a face.

Jake puts the empty bucket on the bar and then he staggers outside where the vicious Rottweiler is chained to a post in the yard.

The customers in the bar can hear a commotion, the Rottweiler’s barking like crazy and Jake is shouting. The dog then yelps momentarily and this is followed by silence.

A few minutes later, Jake staggers back into the bar, bruised and battered and his shirt is ripped to shreds.

“OK,” he says to the bartender, “now where’s this old woman with the sore tooth.”

Please share this post with your friends:

JUST FOR LAUGHSThey were shared just for laughs, but did any of these funny story jokes really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

9 short funny jokes that will make you smile

07/12/2023 by

SHORT FUNNY JOKESIf you’re looking for some short funny jokes then these might just make you smile.

They all tickled me, so I hope you enjoy them too.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Short funny jokes:

1. The bacon tree:

Two cowboys are lost in the desert.

As they’re staggering through the desert and very hungry, one of the cowboys suddenly sees a tree draped in bacon.

“A bacon tree!” he shouts. “We’re saved!”

He runs over to the tree as fast as he can but he’s shot up with bullets as he approaches it.

Sadly for him, it wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

2. Polishing a resumé:

To ensure you impress a hiring manager with your resumé, you must make your experience really stand out.

Even when the experience you have to offer might not sound like very much, you have to make it sound impressive.

For instance, let’s say on your resumé, you want to include the experience, “I changed a lightbulb.”

That simple statement would not be enough. A better way to say it would be:-

I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of a new environmental illumination system with zero cost.

3. Reporting in sick:

I phoned the office and I told my boss that I couldn’t come to work today because I have a wee cough.

She said, “You have a wee cough?”

“Really,” I said. “Thanks, boss. I’ll see you next week then.”

4. Never send your husband on an errand:

Jane said to her husband Bill, “Could you please go to the store and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six.”

A short time later, Bill returns with 6 cartons of milk.

“Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?” asks Jane.

“Because they had eggs,” says Bill.

5. Married life after 50:

Jim and Mary had been married for over 30 years and they were travelling from Los Angeles to London.

During check-in at LAX, the airline agent was apologetic to Jim and said, “Sir, I’m sorry but the flight is full today and you should be aware that you and your wife haven’t been allocated adjacent seats. Your seat number is 14A and your wife’s is 42H.”

“Well, thank you, mam,” said Jim, with a smile, “Will I have to pay an extra charge for this bonus?”

“Oh, no sir,” said the airline agent, politely, “your wife has already paid.”

6. History matters:

Wouldn’t you agree that it’s an indictment of our education system today that young people have absolutely no idea who Neil Armstrong was, or the type of trumpet that he played?

7. Little Johnny needs water:

Little Johnny runs downstairs late at night and asks his dad for a glass of water.

“Johnny,” says his dad, “that’ll be your fifteenth glass of water. Why do you need more water now?”

“Because my room’s still on fire,” says Johnny.

8. Hearing problems:

I went to the doctor because I had hearing problems.

“Can you describe your symptoms,” the doctor asked.

“Homer’s the fat bloke,” I responded, “and Marge has blue hair.

9. Pulled over for speeding:

Jack gets pulled over for speeding.

As the cop approaches the car, Jack requests permission to step out of his car and the cop agrees.

The cop then says, “Sir, I’m obliged to ask you why you were speeding?”

“You see that woman sitting in the passenger seat?” says Jack. “That’s my wife. And the stern, miserable-looking woman in the rear seat, that’s my mother-in-law.”

“Right,” says the cop. “but how does that justify speeding?”

“My mother-in-law’s been living with us for three months now,” Jack continues. “This morning my wife and her mother had a terrible fight and my mother-in-law insisted I take her home. I’m trying to get her there before they have a chance to make up and she says she wants to return home with us.”

The cop smiles benevolently at Jack and says, “Get back in your car sir and I will give you a police escort under blue lights and the siren and we’ll get her home as quickly as possible.”

Please share this post with your friends:

SHORT FUNNY JOKESThey were shared just for laughs, but did any of these short funny jokes really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 funny joke stories your friends will love

03/22/2023 by

FUNNY JOKE STORIESDo you enjoy funny joke stories, dear reader?

Those little stories you can embellish, as you tell them, and which always have a funny punch line.

Well, I love them and here are three that were new to me and that I thought you might enjoy.

Take a moment to read them all and feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Shock for the preacher’s wife:

Jeff and Emma both had demanding jobs, working on Wall Street, and they’d decided it was time for them to take a break, catch a little sunshine and relax down in Acapulco for a week.

As luck would have it, on the day they were due to depart Emma had to deal with an emergency at the investment bank in which she worked.

So they agreed that Jeff would go as planned, and Emma would take a later flight and meet him the following day, at the hotel.

When Jeff arrived at the hotel, having checked in, he decided that it would a good idea to email Emma and let her know he’d arrived safely.

Now Jeff and Emma were active members of the congregation at a Lutheran Church in Manhattan and the wife of the preacher from the church was Emma Davis, which coincidently was exactly the same name as Jeff’s wife, Emma.

In his haste to type out his message, Jeff managed to select the wrong Emma Davis from his contact list, and his message went to the preacher’s wife by mistake.

To compound the problem, it just so happened that the elderly preacher had died suddenly, on the day that Jeff had departed for Acapulco.

So, when the grieving widow checked her emails, she saw she had a message from a parishioner and naturally she opened it and began reading.

Immediately she let out a loud, piercing scream and then she fainted, collapsing to the floor.

At the sound of her falling, her daughter rushed into the room. Her daughter looked at her mother and then glanced at the message her mother had been reading on her iPad.

The email message read:

Dearest Emma,

I’ve just arrived. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.

2. Old age problem:

Jack was on his lunch break and he decided that he’d sit in the sunshine in Central Park to eat his lunch.

As he walked into the park, he noticed an elderly man sitting on a bench near the gate, sobbing uncontrollably.

Naturally, Jack stopped and asked the old man what was wrong.

“I have a beautiful, 39-year-old wife at home,” said the old man. “She’s loving, kind and every morning she gets up and makes me pancakes for breakfast, with Maple syrup, blueberries and freshly ground coffee.”

“Wow!” said Jack. “She sounds wonderful. So, why are you crying?”

The old man continued to sob. “She cleans my house and keeps it spotless and tidy. Then she makes me delicious clam chowder and crackers for lunch. And in the afternoon she sits with me and we watch the sports channel for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Gee!” Jack responded. “Women like that are hard to find. So, why are you crying?”

With a tear in his eye, the old man said, “For dinner, she always cooks a delicious, gourmet meal with French wine and a fabulous dessert. And after dinner, we cuddle on the sofa watching television until bedtime.”

“You’re a lucky man”, said Jack, “and I really don’t understand why in the world you would be crying?”

The old man looked up and sighed, “I can’t remember where I live.”

Funny Joke Stories3. An expression of love:

Jane was a born romantic at heart and she liked nothing better than to send her husband, Jim, a loving text message whenever he was away on business.

One morning, when Jim was away, she decided to send him a text message when she knew he was likely to be in his hotel room getting ready for the business day ahead.

Her message read, “If you’re still sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re laughing, send me your smile. Perhaps you’re still eating, in which case send me a bite. And if you’re drinking your morning coffee, then send me a sip. I love you!”

Unfortunately for Jane, Jim was your typically blunt, unromantic kind of guy. He responded, “I’m on the toilet, taking a dump. Please advise.”

Please share the fun:

So for you dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,