15 inspirational quotes about society to get you thinking

10/06/2025 by

Today, dear reader, let’s explore some quotes about society. I think the importance of society is not always fully appreciated.

People are social animals, and society is the fabric that binds us all together.

We don’t have to like each other, but we do have to get along with each other if life is to be tolerable and people are to feel safe and secure.

Getting along requires us to treat each other with respect, of course. Still, society cannot function without an accepted system of governance, a broadly shared culture, and everyone feeling that they are being treated fairly.

That does not mean people within a given society must be completely homogeneous. It does not mean that there cannot be differences. There are and will always be some differences between people within society, and that’s fine.

However, no group can stand completely apart from everyone else in society if society is to function well. You’re either part of a society or you’re not.

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We all have a responsibility to society:

Suppose you choose not to be part of a given society for whatever reason. In that case, that’s your decision, and it’s perfectly reasonable to have a preference for living in some other society.

After all, that’s why people emigrate. They seek to find a way of life that’s more consistent with the way they would prefer to live. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

However, you cannot accept the benefits that come with being a member of a given society and then reject the obligations you have to your fellow citizens, which are a natural part of living within a given society.

Our fellow citizens matter too:

We must all strive to understand our fellow citizens and appreciate the reality of their existence.

The better we know other people, the more we will see them as people just like us with hopes and dreams and a desire to create a better world for their children.

Strip away superficial differences, and we are all the same. Well, I think so anyway.

Society must exist for the benefit of everyone if it is to have any meaning at all.

Benefits versus obligations:

Everyone should benefit from being a member of society, but that means we all must contribute to the society within which we live as well. And we must also respect our fellow citizens.

Those making the greatest contribution may derive the most significant rewards, but the strong should also lend a hand to the weak.

We all have a part to play, and we all gain when society functions well. If we all work for the common good, then society can benefit everyone.

The question to ask yourself:

Ask yourself this question: “What is my contribution to society and what will my legacy be for future generations?”

To think about it another way, for what will you be remembered? For what would you like to be remembered?

How is your contribution making the world you know a better place right now?

Here are 15 inspirational quotes about society to spark your thoughts.

Quotes about society (1-8):

  1. I think the first duty of society is justice. ~Alexander Hamilton
  2. The most violent element in society is ignorance. ~Emma Goldman
  3. A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
  4. The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children. ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
  5. He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god. ~Aristotle
  6. You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  7. Every society gets the kind of criminal it deserves. What is equally true is that every community gets the kind of law enforcement it insists on. ~Robert Kennedy
  8. We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions. ~Ronald Reagan

Quotes about society (9-15):

  1. There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children. ~Nelson Mandela
  2. Individual commitment to a group effort; that’s what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, and a civilization work. ~Vince Lombardi
  3. Society as a whole benefits immeasurably from a climate in which all persons, regardless of race or gender, may have the opportunity to earn respect, responsibility, advancement and remuneration based on ability. ~Sandra Day O’Connor
  4. Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. ~PJ O’Rourke
  5. Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it. ~John Lennon
  6. An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life. ~Robert A. Heinlein
  7. No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable. ~Adam Smith

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Change habits and you can change your life

10/05/2025 by

To change habits requires discipline and recognition that change is essential if life is to improve.

So, is your life going in the direction you’d like it to go, dear reader? Perhaps, it’s not.

Somehow, you can’t quite achieve the results you’d like to achieve. Would that be true?

In the video included here, Bob Proctor explains that the reason you’re stuck and can’t get the results you want is likely to be because of a paradigm.

And what’s a paradigm?

Well, Bob goes on to explain what paradigms are and how they are formed.

He also explains how change can be achieved.

If change is something you’d like to achieve, then this is a really interesting presentation; it is fairly short but worth watching.

I recommend it to you, so take a few minutes and check it out now.

Quotes about change
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Change habits:

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21 quotes about dreams and why they matter

10/04/2025 by

Today I have some inspirational quotes about dreams for you, dear reader.

Dreams are so important, wouldn’t you agree?

Those dreams we have, particularly when we’re young, about what we could be as individuals and what our lives could be too.

Dreams are undervalued:

How many young people are discouraged from pursuing their dreams?

Maybe you’ve had this experience. You go to your careers officer in High School and explain that your ambition is to be an actor, a football player, a photographer, or whatever. They listen politely, and then they tell you to be more realistic.

The received wisdom is always like, “Oh, football is a tough profession; you might not make it. Have you thought about becoming an electrician?”

For football, you can substitute music, acting, theatre, writing, or any number of jobs people dream about building their lives around.

In short, youthful dreams are undervalued and often crushed before they can even see the light of day. How sad is that?

It’s true, you might not make it, of course, but it’s better to try and fail than to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been.

Dreams matter:

The beauty of being young is that for most people, you have plenty of time to try things, make a few mistakes, and learn from your experiences until eventually, you find that thing that works for you and where you can make a difference.

You only get one life, so you have to live it on your terms.

We all need a vision of what our own lives could be, and then we have to live life with passion and enthusiasm in pursuit of our dreams, making the most of every minute.

Life is short:

Life is short, so you cannot afford to live your life based on someone else’s idea of what will work for you.

You must identify what it is you want in life, and then you have to go out there and get it if you can. And you have to keep on trying and refining your approach as you go.

Never let other people discourage you. And never accept an answer unless it’s the one you want.

Remember this; always trust your instincts.

If you feel you can do it then have a go. It doesn’t matter whether other people think you can do it, as long as you believe you can do it.

Of course, the converse applies as well. If it feels wrong to you then that’s probably true too.

So, here are 21 inspirational quotes about dreams to help you think about today’s underlying message.

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Quotes about dreams (1-11):

  1. Nothing happens unless first, we dream. ~Carl Sandburg
  2. Do all you can to make your dreams come true. ~Joel Osteen
  3. Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today. ~James Dean
  4. Dreams are today’s answers to tomorrow’s questions. ~Edgar Cayce
  5. You have to dream before your dreams can come true. ~APJ Abdul Kalam
  6. The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. ~Paul Valery
  7. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. ~Walt Disney
  8. Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages. ~Terry Pratchett
  9. Dream and give yourself permission to envision a ‘you’ that you choose to be. ~Joy Page
  10. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  11. A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. ~Yoko Ono

Quotes about dreams (12-21):

  1. Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. ~Langston Hughes
  2. A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. ~Colin Powell
  3. To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream; not only plan but also believe. ~Anatole France
  4. I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later. ~Mitch Hedberg
  5. We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. ~Jesse Owens
  6. Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe. ~Gail Devers
  7. So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. ~Christopher Reeve
  8. Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. ~Harriet Tubman
  9. If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. ~Henry David Thoreau
  10. All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible. ~T.E. Lawrence
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21 powerful quotes that’ll make you think today

10/02/2025 by

I’m a huge fan of powerful quotes. I’ll bet you are too dear reader. Am I right?

I love powerful quotes that make me think.

Also, I like using memorable quotes to convey a message when giving presentations.

Here are 21 powerful quotes that certainly made me think.

How many of them can you use today? Perhaps not all of them, but some will be useful to you. I hope so anyway.

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Powerful Quotes:

To lead people, walk beside them. ~Lao Tsu

You will never win if you never begin. ~Helen Rowland

Well done is better than well said.  ~Benjamin Franklin

The price of greatness is responsibility. ~Winston Churchill

Set your goals high, and don’t stop till you get there. ~Bo Jackson

Things do not happen. Things are made to happen. ~John F. Kennedy

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star. ~W. Clement Stone

Never underestimate anyone who has nothing left to lose. ~Tom Irwell

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. ~Confucius

We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated. ~Maya Angelou

Anybody who thinks money will make you happy hasn’t got money. ~David Geffen

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. ~Charles R. Swindoll

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. ~Samuel Beckett

The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence but by oft falling. ~Lucretius

Don’t gain the world and lose your soul. Wisdom is better than silver or gold. ~Bob Marley

Rich people have small TVs and big libraries and poor people have small libraries and big TVs. ~Zig Ziglar

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. ~Epictetus

I will tell you how to become rich. Close the doors. Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful. ~Warren Buffet

If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal. ~Katherine Hepburn

Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have. ~Dr Norman Vincent Peale

I think that much of the advice given to young men about saving money is wrong. I never saved a cent until I was forty years old. I invested in myself – in study, in mastering my tools, in preparation. Many a man who is putting a few dollars a week into the bank would do much better to put it into himself. ~Henry Ford

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15 Quotes by Elon Musk to help get you thinking

10/01/2025 by

Today I am exploring quotes by Elon Musk.

Born in Pretoria, South Africa, Elon Musk is a technology entrepreneur and engineer. He holds South African, Canadian and U.S. citizenship and is probably best known as the co-founder, CEO and product architect of Tesla Inc.

In 2016, he was ranked 21st on the Forbes list of the World’s Most Powerful People.

Apparently, his net worth is around $19.4 billion and he’s listed by Forbes as the 40th-richest person in the world.

By any definition, Elon Musk is a clever and successful man and of course, it’s always worth listening to successful people.

So today I offer you 15 quotes by Elon Musk dear reader.

He’s an interesting character and his observations will certainly get you thinking I’m sure.

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15 Quotes by Elon Musk:

  1. I think it matters whether someone has a good heart. ~Elon Musk
  2. I hate writing about personal stuff. I don’t have a Facebook page. I don’t use my Twitter account. I am familiar with both, but I don’t use them. ~Elon Musk
  3. When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favour. ~Elon Musk
  4. If you get up in the morning and think the future is going to be better, it’s a bright day. Otherwise, it’s not. ~Elon Musk
  5. People should pursue what they’re passionate about. That will make them happier than pretty much anything else. ~Elon Musk
  6. I think that’s the single best piece of advice: constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself. ~Elon Musk
  7. There have to be reasons that you get up in the morning and you want to live. Why do you want to live? What’s the point? What inspires you? What do you love about the future? If the future does not include being out there among the stars and being a multi-planet species, I find that incredibly depressing. ~Elon Musk
  8. Some people don’t like change, but you need to embrace change if the alternative is disaster. ~Elon Musk
  9. People work better when they know what the goal is and why. It is important that people look forward to coming to work in the morning and enjoy working. ~Elon Musk
  10. I think it’s very important to have a feedback loop, where you’re constantly thinking about what you’ve done and how you could be doing it better. ~Elon Musk
  11. Man has the power to act as his own destroyer – and that is the way he has acted through most of his history. ~Elon Musk
  12. Really, the only thing that makes sense is to strive for greater collective enlightenment. ~Elon Musk
  13. We can’t have, like, willy-nilly proliferation of fake news. That’s crazy. You can’t have more types of fake news than real news. That’s allowing public deception to go unchecked. That’s crazy. ~Elon Musk
  14. Brand is just a perception, and perception will match reality over time. Sometimes it will be ahead, other times it will be behind. But brand is simply a collective impression some have about a product. ~Elon Musk
  15. In order to have your voice be heard in Washington, you have to make some little contribution. ~Elon Musk

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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21 quotes that really make you think

10/01/2025 by

Looking for quotes that really make you think, dear reader? If you’re anything like me, then I’m sure you’ll enjoy a good quote. Who doesn’t?

I love quotes that help me reflect on life and its meaning. How about you?

Certainly, most quotes from great thinkers through the ages tend to get me thinking about life and reflecting on its meaning and the human condition.

So today I offer you 21 quotes that I believe will make you think. They all made me think, so I’m sure you will too, dear reader.

Enjoy them all and see how many of them you can put to good use today.

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QUOTES THAT REALLY MAKE YOU THINK

Believe you can and you’re halfway there. ~Theodore Roosevelt

Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes. ~Zig Ziglar

Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are. ~Quentin Crisp

A positive attitude can really make dreams come true. It did for me. ~David Bailey

It is your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude. ~Zig Ziglar

The truth will set you free, but first, it will make you miserable. ~James A. Garfield

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. ~Hubert Humphrey

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. ~Voltaire

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. ~Ernest Hemingway

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Even the greatest was once a beginner. Don’t be afraid to take that first step. ~Author Unknown

You have to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going because you might not get there. ~Yogi Berra

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. ~Albert Einstein

The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don’t have to remember what you said. ~Author Unknown

That best portion of a man’s life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. ~William Wordsworth

Don’t make things too complicated. Try to relax, enjoy every moment, and get used to everything. ~Angelique Kerber

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. ~Bertrand Russell

Gold medals aren’t really made of gold. They’re made of sweat, determination, and a hard-to-find alloy called guts. ~Author Unknown

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come to reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. ~Jesse Owens

There are people who make things happen, there are people who watch things happen, and there are people who wonder what happened. To be successful, you must be a person who makes things happen. ~Jim Lovell

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People really do love quotes, so share them now. You might just inspire a friend to take the next big step forward in life. When you share, everyone wins.

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10 shocking quotes guaranteed to make you think

10/01/2025 by

There are many categories of quotes. One category I’ve not explored until now is shocking quotes. Those are quotes where the authors refer to something that, to them, is shocking.

Well, today I offer you 10 shocking quotes guaranteed to make you think.

These are 10 great quotes, and I hope you find them all interesting and thought-provoking.

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Shocking Quotes:

  1. The most shocking fact about war is that its victims and its instruments are individual human beings and that these individual beings are condemned by the monstrous conventions of politics to murder or be murdered in quarrels not their own. ~Aldous Huxley
  2. The writer of originality, unless dead, is always shocking and scandalous; novelty disturbs and repels. ~Simone de Beauvoir
  3. A shocking crime was committed on the unscrupulous initiative of few individuals, with the blessing of more and amid the passive acquiescence of all. ~Tacitus
  4. To me, the most shocking thing about grit is how little we know, how little science knows, about building it. Every day, parents and teachers ask me, ‘How do I build grit in kids? What do I do to teach kids a solid work ethic? How do I keep them motivated for the long run?’ The honest answer is, I don’t know. ~Angela Duckworth
  5. The way we allow children to be advertised to is shocking. Eating is a learned behaviour, and we’ve made these kids sitting ducks for all the bad messages about industrialized food. The fact that we allow that to go on is horrifying. ~Ruth Reichl
  6. The poverty one still sees in America today is more shocking to me than anything I have seen in Ethiopia or Calcutta or Manila, and has made me, as someone living in a society of great wealth and someone who’s never had to worry about the next meal, think seriously about what universal responsibility really means. ~Pico Iyer
  7. It’s very shocking, I think, for people caring for the dying to realise how unsaintly they feel, how much anger is mixed up with their grief. In fact, often I think the anger that they feel is a form of grief; it’s a kind of rage against what’s happening. ~Helen Garner
  8. It’s shocking to me that it’s easier to buy a gun at Wal-Mart than it is to buy my record. ~Marilyn Manson
  9. I’d rather get a good clean laugh with good material, than an easy laugh by swearing or shocking. That’s not clever or comedic, anybody can get a laugh that way, it’s too easy. ~Jim Dale
  10. I think it is shocking that 15- and 16-year-olds leave school unable to add up and with the reading ability of a four-year-old. ~Joan Collins
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17 quotes by Salvador Dalí for you to ponder

10/01/2025 by

Today I thought it would be interesting to explore some quotes by Salvador Dalí.

As you probably know, Salvador Dalí was a Spanish surrealist artist renowned for his technical skill, and the striking and bizarre images he created.

He was born in Figueres, in the Catalonia region of Spain, but received his formal education in fine arts in Madrid.

Dalí was influenced by Impressionism and the Renaissance masters from a young age, but he became increasingly attracted to Cubism and avant-garde movements.

Dalí lived in France throughout the Spanish Civil War before leaving for the United States in 1940 where he achieved commercial success.

He returned to Spain in 1948, where he announced his return to the Catholic faith and developed his nuclear mysticism style, based on his interest in classicism, mysticism, and the scientific developments of the day.

Dalí was increasingly an eccentric and ostentatious personality with often quite controversial views.

However, he was an important influence on many artists and never failed to make an impression.

Like him or loathe him, it was impossible to ignore him.

So here are 17 quotes by Salvador Dalí for you to ponder, dear reader.

Please feel free to pass them on.

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Quotes by Salvador Dali

  1. Let my enemies devour each other.
  2. Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.
  3. Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.
  4. Painting is an infinitely minute part of my personality.
  5. Wars have never hurt anybody except the people who die.
  6. Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing.
  7. The secret of my influence has always been that it remained secret.
  8. The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents.
  9. Liking money like I like it, is nothing less than mysticism. Money is a glory.
  10. There are some days when I think I’m going to die from an overdose of satisfaction.
  11. Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad.
  12. Each morning when I awake, I experience again a supreme pleasure. That of being Salvador Dali.
  13. Don’t bother about being modern. Unfortunately, it is the one thing that, whatever you do, you cannot avoid.
  14. At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.
  15. It is good taste, and good taste alone, that possesses the power to sterilize and is always the first handicap to any creative functioning.
  16. The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
  17. Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them.

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25 Quotes from the Barney Miller Television Sitcom

09/30/2025 by
Quotes from Barney Miller

In the golden age of 1970s television sitcoms, Barney Miller stood out—not for flashy action or laugh-track hijinks, but for its sharp wit, warm humanity, and a dingy squad room that became home to some of TV’s most memorable characters.

Set almost entirely within the walls of a New York City police precinct, the series balanced dry humour with a surprising dose of realism, giving audiences something rare: a sitcom that was funny, thoughtful, and deeply human.

At its centre was Captain Barney Miller (Hal Linden), the calm, steady leader who anchored his detectives through bizarre cases and everyday absurdities.

Surrounding him was a wonderfully mismatched crew: the perpetually grumbling Detective Fish, who sighed, “If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Usually, it’s another.”; streetwise Yemana, forever making dreadful coffee and shrugging, “It’s not the taste, it’s the experience.”; the stylish, ambitious Harris, who insisted, “I’m not just a cop—I’m a cop with style.”; and the earnest, well-meaning Detective Wojciehowicz (“Wojo”), whose innocence often collided with the gritty realities of the job, leading to both laughs and moments of surprising poignancy.

What made Barney Miller special was its ability to turn small, often ridiculous situations into big laughs while never losing sight of the humanity beneath the humour.

Long before the era of The Office or Brooklyn Nine-Nine, it pioneered workplace comedy as a space where character quirks and relationships took precedence over plot.

For viewers today, it remains more than just a sitcom—it’s a reminder that even in the most chaotic precinct, empathy, wit, and a little patience can keep the whole place together.

Barney Miller is one of my all-time favourite sitcoms, and if you’ve never seen it, I recommend checking it out on YouTube.

Here are some quotes from the series to give you a flavour for what it was all about.

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Quotes from Barney Miller:

  1. “Apparently someone did.”
    — Captain Barney Miller (Hal Linden) — dryly summing up how Chano killed both hostage?takers after Fish describes the crime
  2. “That’s some dirty guy.”
    — Detective Sgt. Chano Amenguale (Max Julien) — after describing obscene phone calls to Yemana 
  3. “Divorce is like a horse with a broken leg. You can shoot the horse, but that don’t fix the leg.”
    — Yemana (Gregory Sierra) — weirdly practical analogy about divorce
  4. “You get to be 200 years old, I guess you get a little cranky.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — commenting on Fish’s grumpiness during bicentennial rioting 
  5. “I think you better tell them. They may come up with somebody.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — when Wojo describes a horse mistaken for a missing animal 
  6. “Liz, you heard the radio: shootings, bombings. It’s my busy season.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — in response to Liz’s desire for a day trip 
  7. “Hello? Hello? Hello, Bomb Disposal?”
    — Captain Barney Miller — growling into a shared phone line before recognizing it’s Wojo
  8. “I think of you as experienced. In an emergency, you’d be the first one I’d call.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — praising Fish dryly, after Fish quips he needs time to put in false teeth
  9. “Sounds like menopause. I caught it from Bernice.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — when Fish describes body changes in mid?life
  10. “You’re not supposed to hide. You’re supposed to try and make it better.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — encouraging Mr. Webber amid despair over city troubles
  11. “Two armed men… it’d have gone on all day if someone didn’t get inside.”
    — Fish (Abe Vigoda) / Barney Miller — after recounting a failed hostage situation 
  12. “No.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — in response to Elizabeth asking if they can afford a Paris holiday, then taking her to lunch
  13. “Arrest the first nak*d guy you see with a dirty mouth.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — blunt directive during a bizarre situation
  14. “That’s okay. I don’t want to hear it.”
    — Captain Barney Miller — after Wojo apologizes for being late
  15. “Is that some dirty joke you’re telling me, Dietrich?”
    — Captain Barney Miller — reacting to Dietrich explaining his involvement in the “New Celibacy Movement”
  16. “I wish we had a psychiatrist in town; I bet Barney would be a real study.”
    — Andy (Gary Burghoff) — dryly about Barney’s behaviour
  17. “There ain’t no gold. And don’t be hanging around when that truck comes through.”
    — Barney Fife (Don Knotts) — in classic small?town style from his namesake series quoted on the site 
  18. “Man gets his best suit spotted and pressed… and for what? Heartaches!”
    — Barney Fife — scornful reflection on grooming versus heartbreak
  19. “We defy the Mafia!!!”
    — Barney Fife — bold declaration of local bravado 
  20. “Like they always say… the quality of mercy is not strained… well, you’re not talking to a jerk, you know!”
    — Barney Fife — mock-quoting Shakespeare to insult someone 
  21. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to work with someone who thinks he knows everything?”
    — Barney Fife — exasperated hardware-suitment from Mayberry 
  22. “And get that g*n out of your mouth!”
    — Andy — direct, terse reaction in a tense moment 
  23. “Pa, just what can you do with a grown woman?”
    — Opie — blunt kid?logic in classic catch?phrase style 
  24. “We thought about killing him, kind of hated to go that far.”
    — Briscoe Darlin — grimly comedic assessment of frustration 
  25. “Fly a quail through here and every one of ’em would point.”
    — Barney Fife — absurd observational comedy at a party 

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Did you enjoy the Barney Miller brand of humour?

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

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Tommy Cooper One-liners: 35 that’ll make you smile

09/29/2025 by

If you enjoy Tommy Cooper one-liners, I’ve curated 35 for you to enjoy today.

For readers unfamiliar with him, Tommy Cooper was a legendary British entertainer hugely popular on television in Britain in the 1960s and 1970s.

Thomas Frederick Cooper was a Welsh prop comedian and magician. As an entertainer, his appearance was large and lumbering at 6 feet 4 inches (1.93 m), and he habitually wore a trademark red fez hat when performing.

As a magician, his tricks would often take an unexpected turn for comedic effect. That said, he was a skilled conjurer and a member of the Magic Circle.

Sadly, Tommy Cooper is no longer with us but his humour lives on and there are plenty of old videos on YouTube showing him performing in his heyday. They are well worth checking out if you have the time.

In the meantime, here are some samples of his unique humour.

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Tommy Cooper One-liners

I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, “Have you got frog’s legs?” He said, “Yes.” So, I said, “Well, hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich!”

I had a dream last night; I was eating a ten-pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.

I said, “Seriously, doctor, I have broken my arm in several places.” He said, “Well, you shouldn’t go to those places.”

I’m on a whisky diet, I’ve lost 3 weeks already!

Here’s a little trick I picked up. I don’t know who dropped it

I got complimented on my parking the other day. There was a ticket on my windscreen saying parking fine.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

I never had much luck. I had a rocking horse and that died.

Two elephants fell off a cliff… BOOM, BOOM!

A guy stopped me last night. He said, “Have you seen a policeman round here?” I said ”No.” He said, ”Well, stick ‘em up!”

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

I was cleaning the loft out with the missus the other day. Dirty, filthy and full of cobwebs, but she’s good with the kids.

A woman called her husband and said, “The carburettor is full of water.” “Where’s the car?” the man said. “In the river,” she replied.

I got into this taxi, and I said to the driver, “King Arthur’s Close.” And the driver said, “Don’t worry Tommy, I’ll shake him off at the first corner.”

I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

I hurt my arm. I went to the doctor to get it mended. Afterwards, I asked the doctor if, when it was mended, I could play the piano. He said, “Yes.” I said, “That’s funny; I couldn’t play it before.”

I said, “Waiter, what’s that in my soup?” He said, “I’d better call the boss, I can’t tell one insect from another.”

Just before the show, the producer took me to one side. And left me there. He said, “How do you feel tonight?” I said, “A bit funny.” He said, “Well, get out there before it wears off.”

A policeman stopped me the other night. He taps on the window of the car and says: “Would you please blow into this bag, sir.” I said: “What for, Officer?” He said, “My chips are too hot.”

Did you hear that joke about the fire-eater? She hiccupped and cremated herself.

I met this man at the airport, and I asked him if he`d like to share a taxi with me. He said he would. I said, “You take the engine, I’ll take the wheels!”

I went to the bank today. I said, “Could you check my balance?” They pushed me over.

A big white horse walks into a pub. The barman says, “We have a drink named after you.” The horse says, “What? Eric?”

A man goes into a pet shop. He says, “I’d like to buy a wasp, please.” The shopkeeper says, “Sorry, sir, but we don’t sell wasps.” The man says, “But you’ve got one in the window!”

I said to the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor says, “I’ll give you some cream to put on it.”

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

So, I was getting into my car, and this guy said to me, “Can you give me a lift?” I said, “Sure! You look great; the world’s your oyster; go for it.”

Last week, I went to a seafood disco and pulled a muscle.

I said to the waiter: “This chicken soup contains no chicken.” He said: “And there’s no horse in the horseradish either.”

My wife and I were married in a toilet. It was a marriage of convenience.

Two kids were arrested yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

It’s odd, isn’t it? You stand in the middle of a library and go, “Aaaaagghhhh!!” and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on a plane, and everyone joins in.

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says, “Does this taste funny to you?”

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Did you enjoy Tommy Cooper’s brand of humour?

If so please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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