Poem about the dangers of Internet dating

01/19/2026 by

Today I offer you a poem about the dangers of internet dating.

We live in a world where bringing together lonely hearts can be tricky. This is why internet dating was invented. However, lonely hearts are vulnerable and can be easily exploited.

And if something can be easily exploited for money, it will be. Internet dating can be a minefield for the unwary.

When looking for love online, you must be very careful. Always be conscious that if your relationship is conducted solely through cyberspace, you have no idea whether the person with whom you are interacting is genuine or not.

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DANGERS OF INTERNET DATING

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32 brilliant short jokes to make you smile

01/19/2026 by

If you’re looking for some brilliant short jokes to make you smile, dear reader, I have 32 here today that will tickle you.

So, please take a few minutes and enjoy them all.

And feel free to share them with your friends.

Brilliant short jokes (1-10):

What do ticks and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris-sites.

l asked my boss when his birthday was. He said, “March 1st.” So, I stood up, walked around the office, and asked again.

My girlfriend said she’s leaving me because I’m balding. Well, it’s hair loss.

If a drummer comes out of retirement, will there be repercussions?”

The other day, I spotted an Albino Dalmatian. Well, it was the least I could do for him.

It’s a 5-minute walk from my house to my local bar. However, it’s a 45-minute walk from the bar back to my house. The difference is staggering.

I bought lettuce from a small grocery store called Mamas & Papas, but I can’t eat it. All the leaves are brown.

If I ate six bowls of alphabet soup before bed, would it result in a massive vowel movement the following morning?

I told my boss that I needed a pay raise because three other companies were after me. “Which ones?” he asked. “Electricity, Gas, and Water,” I replied.

I bought a new pair of gloves today, but it turns out that they’re both ‘lefts’. On the one hand, that’s fine, but on the other, it’s not right.

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Brilliant short jokes (11-20):

Charles Dickens walked into a Manhattan bar and ordered a martini. “Olive or twist?” said the bartender.

I’ve started promoting the health benefits of eating dried grapes. Naturally, I’m raisin awareness.

OMG! I’ve just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person! And here was me thinking he was just a theoretical physicist.

I’ve just spent the day listening to the Doors. I really must oil the hinges.

My girlfriend runs a battery kiosk at the local park. She sells C cells by the seesaw.

I broke up with my girlfriend, Lorraine. She found out that I’d been seeing Claire Lee behind her back. At least, I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine is gone!

I went to my doctor with hearing problems. He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said, “Yes, Homer’s the fat bloke, and Marge is the woman with blue hair.”

Looking for an easy way to turn your sofa into a sofa bed? Try forgetting your wife’s birthday; that should do it.

My wife was bitten by a radioactive owl, and now she’s making all my decisions for me. It seems she has power of a tawny.

I joined a Carpenter’s Class the other day, but we haven’t made anything yet. We’ve only just begun.

Phil Sutton

Brilliant short jokes (21-32):

I wasn’t too happy when my doctor told me to cut down on my constant dancing, so I just grabbed my coat and waltzed right out of there.

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it’s eaten. It’s called wedding cake.

My Uncle Artie is always making funny vegetable puns. I must say, I love Artie jokes.

I pulled out a nose hair today to see if it hurt. Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the bus, I’d say it was pretty painful.

The teacher said to her math class, “If I had 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what would I have?” Little Johnny’s hand shot up and he said, “You’d have a drinking problem, miss.”

I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car. Now everyone waves at me.

When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think, Oh, how sweet. I’m just surprised that there are people who bring a knife on a date.

I must have an amazing butt because, wherever I go, people keep saying, What an ass!

My grandkids wanted to know what it was like to be a kid growing up in the 60s. So, I took their phones from them, switched off the internet, gave them a popsicle, and told them to go play outside until the streetlights came on.

A married man was having an affair with a younger girl from the office. They’re sitting in a nice restaurant, and the guy smiles and says, “Babe, say something to get my heart racing.” His beautiful date returns his smile and says, “Your wife is sitting behind you at the next table.”

SON: “Dad, I’ve got a part in the school play. I’m playing a man who’s been married for 25 years.” DAD: “Never mind, son. Perhaps, next time you’ll get a speaking part.”

WIFE: “Look at that guy, he’s drunk.” HUSBAND: “Do you know him?” WIFE: “Yes, 10 years ago we dated, and he proposed to me, but I rejected him.” HUSBAND: “Wow, that’s incredible. He’s still celebrating after all this time.”

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If any of these one-liners made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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15 Quotes by Isaac Newton to make you think

01/19/2026 by

Today I am exploring quotes by Isaac Newton.

Sir Isaac Newton was an English mathematician, astronomer, physicist, and theologian.

He’s widely recognized as a great thinker, and few people have made a greater contribution in their lives than he has.

In fact, he was one of the most influential scientists of all time. His contribution to scientific theory is enormous, and he was a key figure in the scientific revolution.

So, today, I offer you 15 quotes by Isaac Newton that provide us with considerable insight into the way the great man was able to succeed in the way he did.

Sir Isaac Newton was a giant on whose shoulders we can all stand to see further along the road to success.

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Quotes by Isaac Newton:

  1. You have to make the rules, not follow them.
  2. My powers are ordinary. Only my application brings me success.
  3. What goes up must come down.
  4. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
  5. What we know is a drop, what we don’t know is an ocean.
  6. If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
  7. Live your life as an exclamation rather than an explanation.
  8. Tact is the knack for making a point without making an enemy.
  9. We build too many walls and not enough bridges.
  10. No great discovery was ever made without a bold guess.
  11. Nature is pleased with simplicity. And nature is no dummy.
  12. Gravity explains the motions of the planets but it cannot explain who sets the planets in motion.
  13. If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been due more to patient attention than to any other talent.
  14. Tis much better to do a little with certainty and leave the rest for others that come after than to explain all things by conjecture without making sure of anything.
  15. If others would think as hard as I did, then they would get similar results.

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Why should I be positive?

01/18/2026 by

Have you ever asked yourself, why should I be positive?

Living in the modern world is increasingly challenging, wouldn’t you agree?

So, it’s easy to think, “To hell with it! I’m done with being nice.“

However, a poor attitude is like having a broken-down car. It won’t get you very far. It won’t make you happy either.

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Attitude matters:

Attitude is a subject I return to frequently. And I do that because, from experience, I know it matters.

You may think having an attitude is a good thing. Perhaps it is if your ambition is to be a rock star. However, in almost every other life situation, it won’t work for you.

You’re unlikely to find an employer who is impressed by a negative attitude. So, no employer will be keen to hire someone with a negative attitude.

Most hiring managers have enough problems to deal with each day without adding to them by hiring someone with a chippy attitude.

And if you’re seeking to make new friends or form a relationship, then again, you’re unlikely to impress anyone if you have a negative attitude.

Why would anyone else want their life burdened by a friend or partner with an attitude problem?

Life is hard enough for most people without them having to put up with someone who is high-maintenance because of their attitude.

I can tell you this: Your life will be much, much better if you start developing a positive attitude.

Fail to do that, and your life is unlikely to be enjoyable. The choice is yours.

Life’s what you make it:

Your life will be what you choose to make it.

It’s true; it won’t be perfect. It’s true; you’ll have bad times as well as good. Everyone does. However, if you’re positive, it’ll be easier on your nerves, at least.

Look for the positive in every situation. There’s always something positive there, however small.

So go out, be positive, and it will take you further than you might imagine, I promise you.

Phil Sutton

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15 quotes about communication that’ll make you think

01/16/2026 by

In the field of human relations, effective communication is important. Yet communication, or lack of it, is often the cause of many of our problems. After all, it’s not what we say; it’s what we mean. In this post, there are 15 quotes about communication to help you consider this point.

We may think we’ve said something clearly, but did the other person understand the meaning of our words in the way they were intended? Did we use the right words to convey our underlying message?

All too often, we fail to get our message across clearly. Then we can find ourselves arguing with someone due to a miscommunication when, in fact, both parties have no underlying disagreement at all.

If you’re the communicator, then it is your responsibility to ensure that the receiver of your communication understands its meaning clearly. It is not the receiver’s job to work out what you really meant. And of course, it’s not only what you say, but it’s also the way that you say it.

I can use the same words with different tones and convey a totally different meaning. For instance, if you walk into a room and I say your name warmly and with a smile, then it suggests I’m pleased to see you, and you will respond accordingly.

Alternatively, if I scream your name aggressively as you enter that same room, then you will conclude that I am not happy with you at all, and you will become very defensive.

So think carefully before you speak. If you’re in a role where you lead people, then good communication skills are vital for executing your duties successfully.

Learn the art of effective communication, and remember that your tone is just as important as your words.

Treat people with respect, and they will respond well. Put them at ease when speaking with them and make sure they clearly understand your message as it was intended. Good communication is essential for effective leadership.

Here are those 15 quotes about communication:

quotes about communication
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Quotes about communication (1-5):

  1. Talk low, talk slow and don’t say too much. ~John Wayne
  2. If you can’t convince them, confuse them. ~Harry S. Truman
  3. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. ~George Carlin
  4. The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. ~Peter Drucker
  5. We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. ~Epictetus

Quotes about communication (6-10):

  1. Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success. ~Paul J. Meyer
  2. The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. ~George Bernard Shaw
  3. A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. ~Mark Twain
  4. Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill. ~Buddha
  5. To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. ~Tony Robbins

Quotes about communication (11-15):

  1. The speed of communications is wondrous to behold. It is also true that speed can multiply the distribution of information that we know to be untrue. ~Edward R. Murrow
  2. The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words. ~Philip K. Dick
  3. If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time – a tremendous whack. ~Winston Churchill
  4. Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people. ~Jim Rohn
  5. Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, hinder, hurt, harm, humiliate, and humble. ~Yehuda Berg
Phil Sutton

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30 profound quotes that will make you think

01/16/2026 by

Today, I offer you 30 profound quotes that will make you think.

These are some of the best quotes I’ve read recently. And I’ve already used a few of them in presentations I’ve made in the past few weeks.

They’re all wise quotes that will have you reflecting on the meaning of life itself.

So they’re well worth a minute or two of your time, and I’m sure you’ll agree that they’re some of the best quotes you will read anywhere.

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Profound quotes:

  1. The third-rate mind is only happy when it’s thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it’s thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it’s thinking. ~AA Milne
  2. Education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think. ~Albert Einstein
  3. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. ~Confucius
  4. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are. ~Kurt Cobain
  5. We all make choices in life but in the end, our choices make us. ~Author Unknown
  6. We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever. The goal is to create something that will. ~Chuck Palahniuk
  7. Those who play by the book will always be beaten by those who write their own. ~Author Unknown
  8. The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. ~Mark Twain
  9. When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. ~Franklin D Roosevelt
  10. The grass is greener where you water it. ~Neil Barringham
  11. The wise man knows that it’s better to sit on the banks of a remote mountain stream than to be emperor of the whole world. ~Zhuangzi
  12. You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you didn’t know. ~William Wilberforce
  13. Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains. ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau
  14. The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
  15. Society in every state is a blessing but government even in its best state is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one. ~Thomas Paine
  16. We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  17. An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men. ~Charles Darwin
  18. History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamour of the bad people but the appalling silence of the good people. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  19. People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do, but what they don’t know is what they do does. ~Michel Foucault
  20. Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. ~Dandemis
  21. Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong. ~Thomas Jefferson
  22. If a triangle could speak, it would say, in like manner, that God is eminently triangular, while a circle would say that the divine nature is eminently circular. Thus, each would ascribe to God its own attributes, would assume itself to be like God, and look on everything else as ill-shaped. ~Baruch Spinoza
  23. The shield may be as important for victory as the sword or spear. ~Charles Darwin
  24. Whatever is my right as a man is also the right of another; and it becomes my duty to guarantee as well as to possess. ~Thomas Paine
  25. Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it. ~William Penn
  26. Never was anything great achieved without danger. ~Niccolò Machiavelli
  27. It is better to die upon your feet than to live upon your knees. ~Emiliano Zapata
  28. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. ~Aristotle
  29. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. ~Lao Tzu
  30. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained. ~Marie Curie
Phil Sutton

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People really do love quotes, so share this post now. You might just inspire a friend to take the next big step forward in life. When you share, everyone wins.

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21 wise sayings and quotes that’ll make you think

01/16/2026 by
Wise Quotes and Sayings

If you’re looking for some wise sayings and quotes, dear reader, then here are 21 excellent proverbs from around the world guaranteed to make you think.

Proverbs hold the wisdom of the ancients. They are filled with the hard-bitten experience of people who’ve endured the toughest lives and yet have managed to find a way to live life regardless.

So, take a few moments to reflect on these wise sayings and quotes and see how many of them you can work into your day, as you offer the benefit of your experience to others.

And don’t forget, please feel free to share them.

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Wise sayings and quotes:

  1. Luck helps the audacious. ~German Proverb
  2. Gold, when beaten, shines. ~Peruvian Proverb
  3. Smoke never rises without fire. ~Haitian Proverb
  4. A tree doesn’t fall with one blow. ~Yiddish Proverb
  5. Every truth is not good to be told. ~Italian Proverb
  6. Examine what is said, not who is speaking. ~African Proverb
  7. Money is a good servant, but a bad master. ~French Proverb
  8. Worry gives a small thing a great shadow. ~Swedish Proverb
  9. There is no King who is not gossiped about. ~African Proverb
  10. Better an honest enemy than a false friend. ~German Proverb
  11. Cast no dirt into the well that gives you water. ~Korean Proverb
  12. The moon does not care if the dog barks at it. ~Czech Proverb
  13. The goat’s business is not the sheep’s business. ~Haitian Proverb
  14. If there’s a way into the wood, there’s also a way out. ~Irish Proverb
  15. If you believe everything you read, better not read. ~Japanese Proverb
  16. Don’t insult the alligator until you’ve crossed the river. ~Haitian Proverb
  17. You’ll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind. ~Irish Proverb
  18. When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey. ~Saudi Proverb
  19. When you go to a donkey’s house, don’t talk about ears. ~Jamaican Proverb
  20. A new broom sweeps clean but an old broom knows the corners. ~Irish Proverb
  21. Better to have one thousand enemies outside the house, than one single enemy inside it. ~Lebanese Proverb

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60 we were so poor jokes that’ll make you smile

01/16/2026 by

Every parent likes to tell their children stories about how tough life was in their youth. You kids today have a life filled with fancy vacations and designer clothes, but it was tougher for us, they’ll say. So, here are 60 amusing “we were so poor jokes” about the imagined realities of growing up in days gone by, when people were flat-out broke. People looking back with a slightly romanticised notion of yesteryear.

Get ready to smile at the sheer ingenuity of those who came from humble beginnings.

And feel free to pass on these little gems.

We were so poor jokes (1-10):

We were so poor, we couldn’t afford to dream.

We were so poor, our Christmas tree was a twig.

We were so poor we had to reuse birthday candles.

We were so poor, we couldn’t even afford to get lost.

We were so poor, we couldn’t afford to pay attention.

We were so poor even our pet dog only had three legs.

We were so poor our rainbows were in black and white.

We were so poor we used to wash our clothes in the rain.

We were so poor our TV only had two channels: on and off.

We were so poor we even had to eat our toenail clippings.

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We were so poor jokes (11-20):

We were so poor a brush was something you had with the law.

We were so poor a burner was a cell phone used for nefarious activities.

We were so poor that anything was legal, as long as you didn’t get caught.

We were so poor a window was an opportunity to steal when no one was home.

We were so poor an iron was a metal bar you’d use to defend what little you had.

We were so poor a comb meant a police search of our house looking for illicit contraband.

We were so poor a ring was something that had to deal with the consequences of a bad diet.

We were so poor a tie was an item used to secure something valuable to prevent it being stolen.

We were so poor and hungry that even the termites were too terrified to come to our house lest they be eaten.

We were so poor a handle was something you had on a subject you needed to know a lot about, like what you can get away with if you were careful.

We were so poor jokes (21-30):

We were so poor we had to use both sides of the toilet paper.

We were so poor our allowance was paid in Monopoly money.

We were so poor we had to share a bed with our neighbours.

We were so poor we had to use the cat as a hot water bottle.

We were so poor even the tooth fairy left us discount coupons.

We were so poor we couldn’t afford to turn the page in a book.

We were so poor our family vacation was a trip to our backyard.

We were so poor even the holes in our shoes had holes in them.

We were so poor we had to use the phone book as a booster seat.

We were so poor we couldn’t even afford a cardboard box to live in.

Phil Sutton

We were so poor jokes (31-40):

We were so poor that we only got to eat fast food if we caught a rabbit.

We were so poor our family portrait was a matchstick figure drawing.

We were so poor, we could only afford to listen to Simon or Garfunkel.

We were so poor a treat was going to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.

We were so poor my parents used to cut coupons for birthday presents.

We were so poor the only time I ever flew on a plane was in my dreams.

We were so poor we had to eat breakfast cereal with a fork to save the milk.

We were so poor making a fashion statement was wearing mismatched socks.

We were so poor entertainment was watching our neighbours mow their lawn.

We were so poor a runner was something you did when you couldn’t pay the bill.

We were so poor jokes (41-50):

We were so poor we didn’t have cups we had to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

We were so poor we lived in a house so small, I had to go outside to change my mind.

We were so poor our idea of entertainment was watching food rotate in the microwave.

We were so poor for Christmas we got a box of rocks with the instruction, “Be creative!“

We were so poor our idea of a comfortable bed was finding a carpeted floor to sleep on.

We were so poor getting away in the summer was going for a long walk in the local park.

We were so poor our idea of a designer handbag was a grocery bag with a Walmart logo.

We were so poor we didn’t have a doorbell, visitors to our house just had to yell “Ding Dong!”

We were so poor I had to wear my sister’s hand-me-downs, and she was a year younger than me.

We were so poor our idea of dining in a fancy restaurant was a trip to McDonalds, but only on payday.

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We were so poor jokes (51-60):

We were so poor a fork was something you found in the road.

We were so poor we had to save the gas from our farts and sell it as lighter fuel.

We were so poor the nearest we ever got to a jacuzzi was eating a plate of beans before taking a bath.

We were so poor our family motto was “Use it up, wear it out, make do, or go without.” Mostly the last one.

We were so poor Santa used to leave us a note saying, “Due to economic difficulties, presents are on backorder.”

We were so poor our experience of fireworks displays was watching our neighbours light theirs through a hole in the fence.

We were so poor I used to think double date meant convincing another friend to come along so we could split the cost of the pizza.

We were so poor my parents insisted anything I wanted had to be paid for with chores. So, if I wanted dinner I had to wash the car.

We were so poor the only time we went to an amusement park was on a school trip where the highlight was the free water fountain.

We were so poor my parents would talk loudly on our porch about the gangsters they knew in the hope that it would scare away the repoman.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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7 inspirational quotes about love to help you reflect

01/16/2026 by

Today, I am exploring inspirational quotes about love.

We all need love, and we need to feel love, wouldn’t you agree, dear reader?

Human beings are emotional and social creatures, and we all need other people.

We need a sense that we matter to other people. And of course, other people matter to us too. Our family, our friends, and our loved ones.

We feel love for those who matter to us, and our greatest love is for that special person who matters most.

Our greatest love is felt for that person in whose company we always feel a sense of contentment.

If you’ve found that special person, then perhaps you should get down on your knees and thank God for the privilege because you’re lucky indeed. Not everyone is quite so lucky.

Here are 7 inspirational quotes about love to help you reflect on this complex emotion.

However, remember this: love alone won’t sustain a relationship.

That requires hard work and being prepared to compromise frequently.

Nevertheless, without love, a relationship has no chance at all.

If you truly love someone, you’ll want what’s best for them, and you’ll be prepared to set aside your own needs occasionally to ensure that their needs are being satisfied too.

In a successful relationship, all parties must feel their needs are respected and being met, at least most of the time.

Love means you can’t have your own way all of the time.

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Inspirational quotes about love:

  1. Where there is love, there is life. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  2. There’s only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved. ~George Sand
  3. A flower cannot blossom without sunshine and man cannot live without love. ~Max Muller
  4. Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. ~H Jackson Brown, Jr
  5. Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. ~Oscar Wilde
  6. The best thing to hold onto in life is each other. ~Audrey Hepburn
  7. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. ~Ann Landers
Phil Sutton

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30 funny dating profile examples or how not to write one

01/16/2026 by

Today, I have been collecting funny dating profile examples for your amusement, dear reader.

In days gone by, the dating game was simple. You went to a dance on a Saturday night, and, with a bit of luck, you met someone nice who was willing to see you again.

Obviously, the modern dating scene is very different. The age of the dating app makes the process difficult, insofar as you don’t get to meet someone unless they like what they see and what you have to say in your profile.

So you need a flattering photo, naturally, as well as a good sales pitch. And it really needs to be a sales pitch because you are actually trying to sell yourself to any potential dates who are checking out your profile.

A good sales pitch should highlight your unique selling proposition and the reasons why you’re a worthy date. Your words should be positive and scream:

I’m a great catch, so grab me while I’m still available.

In short, your words should be a call to action.

Any decent salesperson could tell you this, so there’s nothing unique in what I’m saying here. You’d think it was obvious, wouldn’t you?

Following a close inspection of a few dating apps, though, I can tell you that there are plenty of people out there who haven’t done themselves any favours with their profiles.

However, whilst such people don’t necessarily do themselves any favours with their profiles, their words have the potential to make us all laugh.

So here are 30 funny dating profile examples that really made me smile.

These are from real apps, albeit I wonder whether some were written tongue-in-cheek.

funny dating profile examples
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Funny dating profile examples (1-15):

  1. Miserable soul looking for love.
  2. Recovering alcoholic seeking soul mate.
  3. My life’s a car crash; can you make it better?
  4. I’ve just got the all-clear, so I’m ready for love again.
  5. Manic depressive looking for a nice girl to cheer him up.
  6. If you’ve got a fetish for body odour then I’m your man.
  7. I hate men but could you be the one to change my mind?
  8. So far, I’ve had 60 lovers at college, will you be my 61st?
  9. Looking for someone to pay my bills and take care of me.
  10. If you’ll be my meal ticket I’ll be your pampered princess.
  11. My relationships never work out but I’m willing to try again.
  12. Angry bitch looking for that special one to make his life hell.
  13. Don’t think of me as bald, think hairstyle that says minimalism.
  14. If you can handle a drama Queen then I could be the one for you.
  15. Served my sentence for assault and battery. Now looking for love.

Funny dating profile examples (16-30):

  1. If you’ll cook, clean and do my ironing then you’re the girl for me.
  2. I enjoy long walks and candlelit dinners and someone to pay the bill.
  3. Bad teeth, bad breath, body odour and acne but otherwise a great catch.
  4. Had my fun and I’ve got three kids to prove it. So what can you offer me?
  5. If you’re looking for a fixer-upper then I could be the challenge you need.
  6. As long as I always get my own way in every situation, I can be flexible.
  7. I hate everyone, so why should I like you? You’ll need a good story to tell.
  8. If you’re looking for a bird with a lot of troublesome baggage, then I’m your girl.
  9. My mother will always be my first priority but if that works for a girl like you, swipe right.
  10. If you’re looking for someone considerate, kind and caring then you’d better swipe left.
  11. I’ve got all the looks, charm and intelligence anyone could possibly want and I’m modest too.
  12. With three kids and one on the way, I’m looking for a father for them. Could you be the one?
  13. I can be difficult, jealous, sarcastic and moody. Could you be the one to make me happy?
  14. You could be my downtime, my spare time, my part-time, and my sometime. Someone I turn to when I’ve nothing better to do.
  15. Bald man with no job, no money, no prospects and living with his parents is looking for a good woman with her own house and car. Could you be the one?
Phil Sutton

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