Funny Jokes

5 short funny story jokes to brighten your day

02/01/2026 by

Here are five short funny story jokes to brighten your day.

They all tickled me, and I hope they make you smile, too.

Feel free to pass them on.

SHORT FUNNY STORY JOKES

Short funny story jokes:

1. Birthday surprise:

Mike was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, Jill, as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Since Jill’s birthday was not too far off, Mike asked her what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be eight again,” Jill replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of Jill’s Birthday, Mike got up early and made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops.

After breakfast, Mike took Jill to the Adventure World theme park.

What a day they had. Mike put Jill on every thrilling ride in the park. First, it was the Death Slide, then the Wall of Fear, then the Log Flume and finally the Screaming Roller Coaster. And after the rides, they went to see the Dolphin Show.

Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park, exhausted.

Jill’s head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down.

However, Mike wasn’t finished. He then took Jill to McDonald’s, where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to see a Disney movie, with popcorn, soda pop, and her favourite candy. Mike hoped Jill would see it all as a fabulous adventure and a bit like being eight again.

Finally, they staggered home and collapsed into bed, tired and weary.

At this point, Mike leaned over to Jill with a big smile on his face and asked lovingly, “Well, dear, what was it like being eight again?”

Her eyes opened slowly, one at a time, and her expression changed suddenly.

“I was referring to my dress size, you idiot,” Jill responded sarcastically

Moral of the Story: Even if a man’s listening, he’ll still get it wrong.

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2. Cross-eyed Cattle:

One day, a Texan farmer, old Bert McKinley, was tending his beloved cattle on his ranch. As he was checking them all carefully, he noticed that one of the animals had gone completely cross-eyed.

So, he asked a veterinarian friend of his to come to the ranch to examine the cow and see if anything could be done.

The vet soon arrived and, having taken one quick look at the cow, he removed a long rubber tube from his bag and then inserted it into the cow’s butt. He then began blowing hard into the tube until the cow’s eyes began to straighten out.

The vet then charged the old farmer a hundred dollars for his work and went on his way.

About a week later, farmer McKinley was working with one of his ranch hands when he noticed that the same cow was cross-eyed again.

Having seen how the vet had corrected the problem, farmer McKinley decided he could save one hundred dollars by doing the work himself.

So he asked the ranch hand to get him a length of rubber tubing, and together they inserted it into the animal’s butt.

The farmer then put his lips to the tube and started to blow as hard as he could.

Unfortunately, nothing happened. So farmer McKinley asked his ranch hand to give it a try.

Before he did anything, the ranch hand removed the tube from the animal, turned it around, and then put re-inserted it into the cow’s butt.

As the ranch hand was about to start blowing, the old farmer said, “What are you doing?“

“Well,” said the ranch hand, “It wouldn’t be very hygienic to use the side that you used with your lips.“

3. Lateral thinking:

A game warden is doing his rounds around the lake when he spots a guy carrying what appears to be a bucket full of fish.

“Hey, buddy,” shouts the game warden. “Do you have a valid permit to catch those fish?”

“No, sir, I don’t have a permit,” the guy responds sheepishly. “But, these are my own pet fish.”

“PET FISH?” the game warden exclaims. “What the hell do you mean, pet fish?”

“Well, back home, I only have a tiny pond in my yard,” says the guy. “So, every night I bring them down here to allow them to swim around and get some exercise. I give them half an hour then I whistle, and they all jump back in the bucket.”

“What a load of baloney,” says the game warden. “Fish are not like dogs. They don’t respond to someone whistling.”

The guy thinks hard momentarily, and then he says, “I can show you if you like.”

“Really?” says the game warden, quizzically. “Right, Whistling Jack Smith, you show me!”

So, they walk back down to the lake, and the guy tips the bucket and pours the fish back into the water.

He then stands there for what seems like an age.

Eventually, wondering what’s going on, the game warden says, “Well?”

“Well, what?” the guy responds.

“Call them back,” says the game warden.

“Call who back?” says the guy.

“The fish!” says the game warden, getting increasingly exasperated.

“Fish?” the guy responds, looking a little puzzled. “What fish?”

Moral of the Story: To prove guilt, you’ll need evidence.

Phil Sutton

4. The blind man:

Two nuns were asked by the Mother Superior to paint the common room in the convent.

Now they were under strict instructions from the Mother Superior to ensure that they didn’t get paint on their habits.

So, as they were painting behind a closed door, they decided to carry out their work completely naked.

They were working away, making really good progress, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” Sister Bernadette shouted.

“It’s the blind man,” came the reply.

The two nuns looked at each other and agreed that if the man was blind, the fact that they were naked shouldn’t make any difference.

So, Sister Bernadette went over to open the door.

“Wow!” the guy exclaims, “Great body, sister! Where do you want me to put the blinds?”

Moral of the Story: Making assumptions can prove costly.

5. The IRS Audit:

Jim Mooney had been retired for a few years when suddenly he received a summons one day from the IRS.

He’s been selected randomly for a tax audit, so he decides it might be wise if he takes his attorney with him.

Unsurprised by the attorney’s presence, the IRS auditor explains the procedure and then says to Jim, “Mr Mooney, we have been reviewing your affairs, and it appears that you have an extravagant lifestyle and yet you’re not in full-time employment nor do you have any other obvious sources of income. You’ve explained this by saying that you win money gambling. Well, sir, I have to tell you, the IRS doesn’t believe that’s a credible explanation.”

“Well, I am a skilled gambler,” says Jim, “and I can prove it to you if you’re willing to participate in a wager with me.”

The IRS auditor considers this proposition momentarily and then says, “Yes, I’m willing to give that a try, so go ahead.”

“Right,” says Jim, “I’ll bet you one thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The IRS auditor considers this carefully and decides that it’s impossible.

“OK then, Mr Mooney,” he says, “You have a bet.”

At this point, and to the IRS auditor’s great surprise, Jim removes his glass eye and then bites it.

The auditor sits there in stunned silence,

Jim then says, “I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

Mr Mooney isn’t blind, so he can’t have another glass eye, thinks the auditor. That’s got to be impossible, surely? So, the auditor accepts the bet.

So, Jim removes his dentures and then bites his good eye.

The auditor is stunned, once again, as he now realizes he’s lost three grand and Jim has his attorney as a witness. Naturally, the auditor is starting to get a little nervous.

“Want to go again?” asks Jim

“What do you have in mind now?” asks the auditor.

Jim smiles and says, “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket next to your chair, without a single drop going anywhere in between.”

The auditor, realising now that he’s dealing with a wily old fox, is feeling very cautious. However, he thinks carefully about the proposition, and he decides there’s no way this old guy could manage that stunt, so he agrees.

Jim stands in front of the desk, lowers his zipper, and strains mightily, but the trajectory of his pee fails to reach the wastebasket and splashes all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor is both ecstatic and relieved. He’s just turned a major loss into a huge win for him.

However, Jim’s attorney shouts out in obvious pain and puts his head in his hands, face down on the auditor’s desk.

 “What’s the matter?” asked the auditor.

“When my client asked me to attend this audit today,” the attorney responded, “he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with old folks!

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Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find these funny story jokes as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone’s a winner.

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

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7 Good jokes guaranteed to make you smile

01/31/2026 by

If you’re looking for some good jokes, then look no further, dear reader. I have seven very good jokes for you today.

They all made me laugh out loud, and I’m confident they’ll amuse you too.

So enjoy them all now.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Make Money

Good jokes:

1. The duck hunter:

Dave was a keen duck hunter, and he’d been looking to buy a new bird dog for quite a while.

Dave’s search ended when he found an amazing dog that could walk on water to retrieve a duck.

Naturally, Dave was pleased with his discovery, but he was sure that his friends wouldn’t believe he’d found a dog that could walk on water.

So he decided to break the news to his friend Paul, a pessimist who was rarely impressed by anything.

Hoping that he might impress Paul, Dave invited him on a hunting trip to experience the dog firsthand.

However, Dave didn’t mention the dog’s special talent, as he wanted Paul to see it himself.

Arriving in the woods, the two men and the dog found a suitable spot by the lake and waited for some ducks to appear. And it wasn’t long before some ducks flew overhead.

Both men fired their shotguns, and a duck fell from the sky and landed on the lake.

The dog responded by walking across the water, without sinking and retrieving the duck. Apart from the soles of its feet, the dog didn’t get wet at all.

This continued throughout the day.

Each time a duck fell, the dog retrieved it by walking across the water without getting wet.

Determined to remain unimpressed, Paul observed everything, but he didn’t say a word.

On the drive home, Dave couldn’t resist it any longer, and he said to Paul, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog, Paul?”

“Yes, I did,” said Paul. “He can’t swim.”

2. Rookie error:

Jane is driving along Interstate 5 when she accidentally crashes into a guy driving a Porsche.

The guy immediately gets out of his Porsche and starts yelling at Jane and trying to intimidate her.

“Are you blind or something?” yells the guy. “Why didn’t you look where you were going?“

As luck would have it, Jane has a bottle of Jack Daniels on her rear seat, and she suggests to the guy that he takes a couple of swigs to calm his nerves.

The guy gratefully grabs the whiskey bottle and takes a long swig, pauses momentarily, and then takes another.

Just as he’s starting to calm down, a Highway Patrol officer appears on the scene, while the guy still has the whiskey bottle in his hand.

“Right,” says the Highway Patrol officer, “What’s happened here?”

Jane smiles demurely at the officer and says, “Officer, there’s been an accident because this guy’s been drinking.”

Moral of the Story: If you think you can intimidate women, you’d be wise to think again.

3. Down on the farm

One day, a farmer was tending his livestock when he noticed one of his cows was completely cross-eyed.

Naturally, being concerned, the farmer called a veterinarian and asked him to come and look at the cow.

The vet arrives at the farm, takes one look at the cow, and then sticks a rubber tube up the cow’s butt.

After a few moments, the vet puts the other end of the tube in his mouth and starts blowing hard.

Within a few seconds of blowing, the cow’s eyes completely straightened out.

The vet then charges the farmer $150 for his service and then leaves the farm to move on to his next appointment.

About a week later, another one of the farmer’s cows appears to be cross-eyed.

Well, the farmer doesn’t want to spend another $150 when he now knows what to do.

So, he finds a rubber tube and then calls his farmhand over to help him.

Together, they proceed to insert the tube into the cow’s butt.

The farmer then puts his lips on the tube and starts to blow. However, not being as young as he once was, the farmer can’t quite blow hard enough, and nothing happens.

So, he asks the farmhand to give it a try.

The farmhand removes the tube, turns it around, and then inserts it back into the cow’s butt. He then starts to blow hard.

“What are you doing?” the horrified farmer yells.

The farmhand gives him a puzzled look and then says, “Well, I wasn’t gonna use the side that you put in your mouth.”

Phil Sutton

4. Logic class:

Bubba and Jim Bob felt they weren’t going anywhere in life, so they decided to go to college to improve their situation.

Neither of them is very bright, so they decide to seek advice from the college principal for guidance on courses for which they’d be best suited.

Bubba goes to see the principal first, and, after a short conversation, the principal suggests he take the Logic course.

“What’s Logic?” asks Bubba.

“Well, it might be easier if I gave you an example,” says the principal. “Do you own a Weed Eater?“

“Well, yes, I do,” Bubba responds.

“Right,” says the principal. “If you own a Weed Eater, then it would be safe for me to assume you have a yard.”

“Wow,” says Bubba, “you’re right.”

“If you have a yard,” says the principal, “logic would suggest you also have a house.”

“Incredible,” says Bubba, “you’re right again.”

The principal continues, “And since you have a house, logic suggests you have a wife too.”

“Yes,” says Bubba, “that’s right, her name’s Daisy.”

“If you have a wife,” says the principal, “then you probably have children too.”

“I do,” says Bubba, “I have two kids, Willy and Maisy.”

“Right,” says the principal. “Then logically, it follows that you’re heterosexual.”

“Well, I’ll be,” says Bubba. “you’re right and you worked all that out from Logic. I can’t wait to start the Logic class.”

Bubba walks out of the principal’s office feeling ten feet tall and Jim Bob is there waiting to hear what happened.

“So, what class will you take?” asks Jim Bob.

“I’m taking the Logic class,” Bubba responds.

“What’s Logic?” asks Jim Bob.

“Well, it’ll be better if I explain it with an example,” says Bubba.

“Go on then,” says Jim Bob

“Right,” says Bubba. “Do you own a Weed Eater?“

“No,” Jim Bob replies.

“Then you’re gay,” says Bubba.

5. Tragic loss:

In 1912, a ship sailed from San Diego, heading for the port of Lázaro Cárdenas, Mexico, with a cargo of 20,000 jars of Hellmann’s mayonnaise.

The cargo was intended for the celebrations to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Mexico’s famous victory over the Second French Empire at the Battle of Puebla in 1862.

This would have been the largest shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico, had it not been for the ship sinking in rough seas before it could reach its intended destination.

Such was the popularity of Hellman’s famous condiment in Mexico at the time that the people were devastated, and a National Day of Mourning was declared.

This day continues to be commemorated every year on May 5, the date that the shipment was due to arrive in Lázaro Cárdenas. The event is better known as Sinko de Mayo.

6. Grizzly bears on the Appalachian Trail:

A tourist guide was explaining the dangers of grizzly bears to hikers about to walk the Appalachian Trail from Springer Mountain, Georgia.

The guide warned, “You should realise that most encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet to avoid disturbing wildlife, unexpectedly stumble upon bears.”

He had the hikers’ full attention now.

“Be aware that surprising a grizzly bear can have disastrous consequences for you,” the guide continued. “To avoid this, we recommend that hikers wear tiny bells on their clothing to provide bears with an early warning of your presence. You should, of course, exercise great caution should you spot the telltale signs of bears in the area, particularly if you see bear droppings.”

“And how do we identify bear droppings from those of other wildlife?” asked one of the hikers.

“Easy,”  explained the guide. “They’re the ones with all the tiny bells in them!”

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7. The talking monkey:

Pete was walking past a pet shop when he saw a talking monkey being advertised for sale.

Intrigued, Pete went inside to see if this monkey was all the owners claimed it to be. It was, and Pete was so impressed, particularly with the monkey’s extensive vocabulary and mastery of English, he bought the erudite primate immediately.

Then that very evening, Pete took his new pet to his local bar, and he bet everyone twenty dollars that his monkey could recite the Gettysburg Address.

Ten people immediately accepted the challenge, but, despite much prompting from Pete, the monkey failed to say a word.

Pete was extremely disappointed, but he had no choice but to pay up.

However, when he got home, the monkey was talking freely once again.

So the next evening, Pete decided he would return to the bar and try again.

This time, he bet everyone thirty dollars that his monkey could recite the Gettysburg Address.

Given the experience of the previous evening, most of the patrons in the bar were more than willing to accept Pete’s bet.

Sadly for Pete, his monkey wouldn’t say a word, and once again, it proved to be an expensive evening.

When he got home with the monkey, Pete was annoyed with his pet, and he said, “I’ve had it with you, tomorrow you’re going back to the pet shop and I’m claiming a refund.”

“Calm down,” the monkey responded. “Just think about the odds; we’ll be able to get into the bar tomorrow evening.”

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So, dear reader, were these good jokes as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

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40 funny puns and other corny jokes

01/29/2026 by

If you’re looking for some funny puns or corny jokes, then I have 40 little gems for you today, dear reader.

They may not all tickle you, but I’m confident there’s enough here to put a smile on the face of even the toughest critic.

So, take a few moments, perhaps grab a coffee, and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them with your friends.

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Funny Puns (1-10):

  1. Yesterday, I got pulled over by a lady cop who asked me to get out of my car. She said, “You’re staggering!” I said, “You’re quite cute too!“
  2. A man was admitted to the hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.
  3. My wife said she’d really like to go to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. So, I took her to Subway, but she didn’t seem to appreciate the experience.
  4. If a can opener doesn’t work properly, is it a can’t opener?
  5. I’ve been writing a pun about the wind, but right now it’s just a draft.
  6. Santa has disowned one of his elves for refusing to accept the elf rules. Does that mean the elf is a rebel without a Claus?
  7. An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take Your Kid to Work Day‘. As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?“
  8. Teacher: Now, children, I want you to come up with a problem where the sum equals four. Little Johnny: I guess we’ll just have to put two and two together.
  9. My aunt is a church official who organizes parishioners’ personal information. Her job title is Nun of Your Business.
  10. My hobby is breeding racing deer, but people just accuse me of trying to make a fast buck.

Funny Puns (11-20):

  1. I said to the Librarian, “Do you have Great Expectations?” She said: “I did but, as you can see, I ended up working in a library“.
  2. The developer of Sherwin-Williams paints nearly froze on an Arctic expedition. He could have used another coat.
  3. What do you call a pig that does martial arts? A karate chop.
  4. My paper airplane won’t fly. It’s just stationery
  5. The batting coach wasn’t helping me perfect my swing, so I quit the team and struck out on my own.
  6. To save on electricity, I decided to wire the electric blanket and the toaster together. Now I keep popping out of bed.
  7. Customer: “This fish is very dry.” Waiter: “Yes sir, naturally, we had to take it out of the water.”
  8. Santa Claus entered the chimney, but the fire was still burning brightly in the hearth. When he came out, he was Krisp Kringle.
  9. I bought a sweater, but I had to return it because it kept picking up static electricity. However, they gave me another one, free of charge.
  10. We are going to see an Elvis impersonator. I called to get tickets and had to press one for the money and two for the show.

Funny Puns (21-30):

  1. I told the chimney sweep that I’d like to do the job on my own. He said: “Soot yourself.”
  2. You can’t have a nose that is 12 inches long, otherwise, it would be a foot.
  3. I have a hunch someday I will need back surgery.
  4. Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. So, now they’re tenants.
  5. I broke down in my car on the way to a wedding in a remote town. I had to wait about ten minutes before another car appeared and I stopped it and asked for help. The guy said, “Look buddy, I’m a chiropodist, not a mechanic.” To which I replied, “Perhaps you could give me a tow then.”
  6. I must tread carefully now, as you’re probably getting tyred of car jokes. We’ve had a clutch of them recently but now I’m exhausted and it’s time to take a brake.
  7. I saw a homeless man in the city dressed like King Henry the 8th. I thought this was a little odd because surely, beggars can’t be Tudors.
  8. I’ve been told that the man who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who invented the Carousel. Apparently, they moved in different circles.
  9. My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Poker but I think she’s bluffing. And anyway, when the chips are down, she’ll be back.
  10. I grew up in a large family and we always had Octopus for Christmas dinner. At least, everyone got a leg.

Funny Puns (31-40):

  1. I had a job in a factory drilling holes but it was boring. So, I moved to a new job joining steel plates together and it’s riveting.
  2. I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea, and haemorrhoids last week. I was really pleased. It was the first time that I’d ever won a game of Scrabble.
  3. At school, the bullies used to hang me up with the coats, until I suggested another kid they should target. It was a bit mean, but it got me off the hook.
  4. My wife looked surprised when I brought home 5 packets of bread dough from the local store. Apparently, we don’t need it.
  5. Apparently, the gap between the rungs on a ladder has increased because people are getting taller. Officially, this is known as climb it change.
  6. The Police phoned and said they’d recovered my stolen sofa. I thought that was nice of them because it had been looking a bit shabby.
  7. I’m walking down Main Street and this guy asks me if could I spare some change. I told him all I had was bills. “Give me one of those!” he said. So, I gave him my electricity bill.
  8. Why does Santa never have to pay for parking? It’s on the house.
  9. The marriage counsellor said that my wife had complained that I never bought her flowers. In my defence, I explained that I didn’t even know that she sold flowers.
  10. My kids said they want a cat for Christmas. We usually have turkey but I’m always willing to try something different.
Phil Sutton

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Did any of these funny puns or corny jokes make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. If they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

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5 funny story jokes that’ll make you chuckle

01/29/2026 by

If you’re looking for funny story jokes, I’ve got five little gems for you today.

So grab a coffee, and then take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Funny Story Jokes:

1. How to impress the girl of your dreams:

Young Josh is a 16-year-old, shy and socially awkward guy constantly dreaming of dating a girl, like many young men of his age.

As luck would have it, the real object of his affection lives right next door to him. Her name’s Charlene, she’s slim, attractive, cultured, and perfectly poised.

However, poor Josh is a little too bashful to engage her in conversation.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop him from watching her dreamily from his bedroom window as she wanders across her yard each morning.

One day Josh’s father notices him watching Charlene from his bedroom window.

“Josh, if you like the girl, why not say hello to her?” says his dad.

“Oh, Dad, I’m not very good at talking to girls, I never quite know what to say to them,”  Josh responds.

“Look, son,”  says his dad, “girls just like you to take an interest in them and what they’ve been doing. Just ask her about what she’s been doing.”

The following day, Josh sees Charlene wander across her yard, heading towards the john at the end of her garden.

Desperate to impress her and thinking he’s spotted an ideal opportunity to follow his dad’s advice, Josh rushes outside to catch her attention as she returns to the house.

Encouraged when Charlene flashes him a smile, Josh is convinced that this is his opportunity to impress her.

And then he hears himself say, “Been taking a dump then, Charlene?”

2. The man and the penguins:

Police officer Maguire is sitting in his patrol car by the side of the freeway when he sees a guy drive past him in a pickup truck full of penguins.

With blue lights flashing, Officer Maguire chases after the pickup truck and pulls the guy over.

“Sir, you do know that penguins are a protected species, and you can’t drive them around like this in this town?” says Officer Maguire. “I suggest you take them to the zoo.”

Having given the guy a polite warning, Officer Maguire then lets him go on his way.

The very next day, Officer Maguire is in his patrol car again when he sees the same man still driving around with the penguins, and this time they’re all wearing sunglasses.

So Officer Maguire pulls the guy over again and says, “Hey buddy, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday.”

“I did,”  the man replies, “and today I’m taking them to the beach.”

3. All rise:

Jim is up in court, charged with a series of misdemeanours.

Now, Jim feels he’s been unfairly treated, and when the judge rules against him, he cannot contain his anger any longer.

“You, sir, are a moron!” shouts Jim as the judge passes judgement.

Well, the judge is not amused and says, “For contempt of court, you’re fined $250; that’s $50 for each of those words you shouted.”

Jim gets out his wallet, and he’s checking its contents when the judge says, “You don’t have to pay the fine right now; you can hand the money to the clerk as you leave the court.”

Jim looks up, and, in response, says, “I wasn’t trying to pay you, sir; I was checking to see whether I had enough money to tell you what I really think of you.”

4. Strange sounds:

Did you know that when Beethoven sadly passed away, his body was buried in a church graveyard, as was common in those days?

A few days later, a couple of drunken youths were staggering through this graveyard late at night when they heard strange noises emanating from the plot where Beethoven had been buried.

Shaken by what they had heard, the youths ran to the priest to tell him about their experience.

The priest listened to them sympathetically and said, “Let’s go together to Beethoven’s grave, and I’ll hear it for myself.”

When they arrived at the plot, the priest listened carefully, and he could hear some faint, unrecognized music coming from the grave.

Well, even the priest was terrified by this experience, and he ran to the town’s mayor.

The mayor accompanied the priest back to the grave, where he could listen for himself.

As they stood by the grave, the mayor could hear Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony being played backwards.

Puzzled by this, he continued to listen, only to hear the Eighth Symphony played backwards, followed by the Seventh Symphony, the Sixth Symphony, The Fifth Symphony and so on, all played backwards.

The mayor stood there momentarily puzzled by this experience, and then he turned to the priest and said, “It’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

5. Children and their teacher:

It’s the end of the school year, and the popular kindergarten teacher is receiving gifts from the children in her class.

She asks them to bring their gift to the front, one at a time.

First up is the florist’s son. He proudly hands her his neatly wrapped gift, and she thanks him and smiles.

She then gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. Some flowers?”

“That’s right,”  says the boy, “but how did you know?“

“Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,”  says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the sweet shop owner’s daughter.

Once again, the teacher gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. It’s a box of sweets.“

“That’s right,”  says the little girl, “but how did you know?“

“Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,”  says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the son of the liquor store owner.

As before, the teacher holds the gift-wrapped package above her head momentarily, but it’s leaking.

So she touches a drop of the slightly yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

“Is it a Chardonnay?” asks the teacher.

“No!” the boy replies, a little excited in anticipation of her response.

Once again, the teacher touches the leaking, yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

“Perhaps it’s Champagne?” she suggests.

“No!” the boy replies, with even more excitement than before.

So the teacher has one more quick taste of the liquid before saying, “Alright then, I give up, you’ve got me on his one. What is it?”

With a beaming smile and great excitement, the boy says, “It’s a puppy!“

Phil Sutton

Please share the fun:

So for you, dear reader, did these funny story jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

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10 short funny jokes that will make you smile

01/22/2026 by

Looking for some short funny jokes to cheer you up? Well, here are 10 that I’m confident might make you smile. Enjoy them all.

Make Money

Short Funny Jokes:

1. Communication problem:

Bill is working away from home one winter morning, and the weather is very cold outside.

Suddenly, he receives a text message from his wife, Jane. The message reads, “Windows frozen; won’t open.”

Naturally, Bill wants to ensure his wife doesn’t experience any major problems whilst he’s away, so he sends an immediate response. His message reads, “Carefully pour some warm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer.”

Thinking he’s done all he needs to do to resolve Jane’s problem, Bill gets on with his busy schedule.

However, within minutes, he gets another message from Jane, which reads, “The computer’s really messed up now!”

2. Minor indiscretion:

I was surprised to read a story in today’s newspaper about a guy I’d known in high school.

He was a brilliant, hardworking guy who’d followed his high school years with seven years of medical training. Now it seems, due to one minor indiscretion, he’s been struck off.

Apparently, as the article suggested, he’d slept with one of his patients.

Now judge him if you must, but as a result of this indiscretion, he can no longer work in a profession he loved and for which he’d trained so hard, so long, and at great cost. That seems to me like a complete waste of time, effort, and money.

It seems a shame because I always thought he was a nice guy, and I’m told he was an absolutely brilliant vet.

3. Lottery winner:

A man asked his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?”

“That’s easy,” she replied. “I’d take half of your winnings, and then I’d leave you.”

“Great!” said the husband. “I won $10, so here’s $5. Stay in touch.”

4. Blond man joke #1:

A blond man frantically phones the maternity hospital and shouts down the phone, “My wife’s about to give birth, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

The nurse responds by saying, “Is this her first child?”

“No,” shouts the blond man, “I’m her husband.”

5. Blond man joke #2:

A blond man is in the bathroom, and his wife shouts, “Bill, did you find the shampoo?”

“Yes,” Bill responds, “but I’m not sure what to do. It says it’s for dry hair, but mine is already wet.”

Phil Sutton

6. Blond man joke #3:

A blond man sees a letter on his doormat one morning. On the envelope, in large letters, it states clearly, DO NOT BEND.

So the guy spends the next two hours trying to figure out how he’s going to pick it up.

7. Miscommunication:

A teenage boy in Jersey City called Directory Enquiries.

“Hello, operator,” he said, “I want the telephone number for Jack Smith in Manhattan.”

“Well, sir,” said the operator, “there are multiple listings for that name in Manhattan. Do you have a street name?”

“Yes, mam, I do,” said the boy. “All my friends call me Lil’ Loco.”

8. Family lunch:

Little Johnny’s out one Sunday with his parents, having lunch with family.

Everyone’s seated around the table as lunch is being served. When Johnny receives his plate, he starts eating immediately.

“Johnny,” said his father, “you should wait until we’ve said a prayer before you begin eating.”

“No, Dad, I don’t have to,” Johnny responds.

“Of course you do,” his father insisted. “We always say a prayer when we eat lunch at home, don’t we?”

“Well, that’s at our house,” Johnny responds, “but we’re at Grandma’s, and she knows how to cook.”

9. Over the limit:

Jack had been on a boozy night out with his golf buddies.

When he left the bar, he was absolutely steaming drunk.

Unwisely, despite being in a state of inebriation, Jack decided he’d drive home in his car, rather than getting a cab. Well, he’d been driving for so many years, he was confident he could get the car home safely despite his condition.

So he proceeded along Main Street, driving as carefully as he could.

Suddenly, he had to swerve to avoid a tree. Then he had to swerve again to avoid another tree, and then another.

Well, now, watching the proceedings is a highway patrolman who decides it’s time to intervene, and Jack’s pulled over.

“Sir,” said the highway patrolman, “can you explain why you were driving erratically along Main Street?”

“I’m sorry, officer,” Jack responded, slurring his words. “It was the trees in the middle of the road.”

The highway patrolman frowned and said, “Sir, I have reason to believe you’re inebriated.”

“Why?” asked Jack, his speech slurred once again.

“Because there are no trees,” the highway patrolman responded. “You were dodging your air freshener.”

10. Teaching a lesson:

At a high school in Wilmington, Delaware, they were experiencing a bit of a problem with the actions of some of the girls.

A number of 16-year-old girls had started to wear lipstick, and they would put it on in the girls’ bathroom.

They’d all congregate around the bathroom mirror, applying their lipstick of choice, and then, as they completed the task, they’d kiss the mirror, leaving a perfect imprint of their lips for all to see.

Well, needless to say, there were so many lipstick marks that it was all getting a bit messy, to say the least.

More importantly, the janitor was getting fed up with having to clean the mirrors at the end of each day, given that the lipstick marks were quite hard to remove.

So naturally, the janitor complained to the principal.

Now the principal was a wily old girl in her 50s who’d been around the block more than a few times, and she knew how to get her students to behave.

One morning, she marched into the girls’ bathroom when she knew the girls would be applying their lipstick. In her hand, she was holding a long-handled squeegee.

“Ladies,” said the principal. “The janitor has complained about the mess you’re making of the mirrors. Allow me to demonstrate what the poor man has to do to get them clean.”

With that, she took the squeegee and dipped it into the toilet. She made sure the squeegee was suitably wet, and then she proceeded to wipe the mirrors clean.

Since then, there haven’t been any lipstick marks on the mirror.

Moral of the Story: There are teachers, and then there are educators.

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Please share these jokes with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find any of these short funny jokes amusing? Did any of them make you smile?

If you did enjoy this post, then please share it with your friends on social media.

People really do enjoy short funny jokes, so please share this post now.

If you could share this post, then I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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5 funny joke stories that’ll entertain any social gathering

01/22/2026 by
5 FUNNY JOKE STORIES

If you’re looking for funny joke stories to tell your friends in the bar after work, then here are five you’ll really enjoy.

I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two, so please feel free to pass them on.

FUNNY JOKE STORIES
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Funny joke stories:

1. Rick and the Biker:

Rick is sitting at the counter in a roadside bar in Austin, staring at his drink, when a very large and mean-looking biker is suddenly standing right next to him. The biker grabs Rick’s, as yet, untouched drink and swallows it in one gulp.

“That tasted real good, boy,” said the biker, punching Rick on the shoulder. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Well, Rick just bursts into tears.

“Oh, man up,” says the biker. “I can’t stand seeing a man crying. What’s your problem, buddy?”

“This is the worst day of my life,” Rick responds. “I’m a complete failure. I missed my sales targets again this month, and I got fired. When I left the office, I discovered that my car had been stolen from the parking lot, and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I had to take to get home. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the mailman. And then my dog bit me.”

The biker’s attitude towards Rick softened a little.

“I came into this bar to work up enough courage to end it all,” Rick continued. “I bought my drink and dropped a Strychnine capsule into it. The capsule had only just fully dissolved when you showed up and swallowed the whole damn drink in one gulp.”

Rick paused momentarily and then said, “Anyway, enough about me. How’s your day going?”

2. Father Murphy and Samson:

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Murphy, is driving through North Carolina on his way to Wilmington.

Suddenly, his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. However, he’s fairly close to a farm, so he decides to see whether the farmer can help him.

Father Murphy finds the farmer, who’s ploughing one of his fields.

“Sir,” said Father Murphy. “I’m on my way to Wilmington, and my car’s broken down. Can you help me?”

“I’m sorry, but there’s no one around here who can help you fix your car, Father,” says the farmer. “However, I could lend you one of my horses.”

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Father Murphy responds. “So, I appreciate your help, and I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

“OK,” says the farmer. “You can take Samson. He’s a good Christian horse.”

“Really,” Father Murphy responds. “How can you tell he’s Christian?”

“Well, if you want Samson to move forward, you have to say, Praise the Lord,” says the farmer. “And if you want him to stop, you have to say Amen.”

The priest sets off on Samson, but very quickly, he’s forgotten the farmer’s instructions. Then, a few miles down the road, the horse is spooked when a car backfires with a loud bang.

The horse bolts and is galloping at speed towards the edge of a cliff. Father Murphy is struggling to gain control of Samson.

“STOP, STOP, SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP!” yells the priest.

Seeing nothing is working, Father Murphy starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud, in the hope he might benefit from some divine intervention from the good Lord above.

As he gets to the end of the prayer, naturally Father Murphy says, “Amen!”

They’re at the very edge of the cliff at this point, when suddenly the horse stops just in time to avoid a very long fall down to the jagged rocks far below.

Father Murphy breathes a sigh of relief that God has answered his prayer, and he says, “Praise the Lord!”

Phil Sutton

3. Lateral thinking:

A woman went to her doctor’s surgery, where she was seen by a newly qualified medic.

Within seconds, she could be heard screaming as she ran out of the examination room in tears and fled the building.

A senior doctor witnessed what happened and, naturally, asked the young medic for an explanation as to exactly what happened.

“Well, sir,” said the young medic, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” the senior doctor exclaimed. “How can she be pregnant? She’s 75 years old. What possible reason could you have for telling her that she’s pregnant?”

“Well,” the young medic responded, “it certainly cured the problem with her hiccups.”

4. Legal minefield:

The bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, “OK, buddy, what’ll you have?”

“I’ll have a Scotch,” says the guy.

The bartender gives the guy a Scotch and then says, “That’ll be six dollars, please.”

“What do you mean?” The guy responds. “I don’t owe you anything. You offered me a drink.”

At this point, a lawyer from the law firm next door, who was also sitting at the bar, intervenes and says to the bartender, “He has a point. Your offer did not imply an obligation for payment, but it did represent a verbal contract upon acceptance. So, legally, there’s no requirement for him to pay you for the drink.”

Well, the bartender’s not happy, but he realises that we live in litigious times, and he didn’t want to risk an expensive lawsuit, so he decides to let it go.

However, he says to the guy, “OK, buddy, you win. Enjoy your free drink, but I don’t want to see you in here again. Take your business elsewhere.”

A few days pass before the guy reappears in the bar.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” asks the bartender. “I thought I told you to take your business elsewhere.”

“What are you talking about?” Asks the guy. “I’ve never been in here before.”

Fearing he’d made a mistake, and knowing there were a couple more lawyers sitting at the bar, the bartender backs down.

“I’m sorry,” says the bartender, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”

“That’s very kind of you,” says the guy. “A double Scotch would be great. Thank you.”

5. The rat and the frog:

A guy walks into a Manhattan bar and says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, if I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”

“Well,” says the bartender, “if it’s really good, I will.”

So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small rat.

He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano with a tiny piano stool.

He sets the rat at the piano, and it then proceeds to play the Scott Joplin classic, The Entertainer.

“Wow, that’s impressive,” says the bartender, giving the guy his free drink.

The man takes a sip of his ice-cold beer, and then he says to the bartender, “If I can show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks all night?”

“Listen, buddy, I can’t see how you’ll top that,” says the bartender, “but if you can, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny frog. The frog then begins to sing, accompanied by the rat playing Hit the Road, Jack.

As the guy’s enjoying his free drinks, a stranger who’d been watching the performance walks up to him and says, “I’ll give you $100,000 for the frog.”

“The frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds.

“How about $250,000?” the stranger asks.

“No, the frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds

“OK,” says the stranger. “I’ll give you $500,000 for the frog. That’s my last offer.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, mister,” says the guy, giving the stranger the frog once the money’s been transferred to his bank account via the stranger’s smartphone.

Having watched the transaction, the bartender says to the guy, “You must be nuts letting the frog go for $500,000. It’s got to be worth millions.”

The guy smiled and said, “Not really.”

“What do you mean?” asked the bartender.

“Well,” the guy responds, “the rat’s a ventriloquist.

Go Explore London

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blogger to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

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6 funny long jokes that’ll make you smile

01/21/2026 by

If you like telling your friends funny long jokes and you’re looking for some ammunition, then here are six good ones that should make your friends smile.

FUNNY LONG JOKES
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Funny long jokes:

1. A face at the window:

Bill and Bobby Joe were leaving their local bar one night after a session of heavy drinking.

They’re both staggering, and they fall into Bobby Joe’s station wagon, and he starts it up.

With the engine running and Bobby Joe still fumbling around in the driver’s seat, suddenly the face of an old man appears in the window on the passenger side, and he’s tapping lightly on the window.

It is pitch black out there, and being taken completely by surprise, naturally, this spooks Bill. So in reaction, he screams, “Oh my God, there’s a ghost!”

Well, Bill’s remark spooks Bobby Joe, too, so he puts his foot down and the station wagon begins to accelerate.

Bobby Joe can see the speedometer needle moving, and yet, the face of the old man remains there in the window.

So Bill lowers the window and says, “What do you want, old man?”

“You got any tobacco?” the old man asks, softly.

Bill offers him a cigarette, and then shouts, “Step on the gas, Bobby Joe, and let’s get the hell out of here!”

Well, the speedometer on the station wagon is approaching 80, and Bobby Joe looks at it and says, “We’ll be fine, he can’t catch us now.”

Suddenly, they hear the tapping on the window again, and it’s the same old man.

So, Bill rolls down the window once again and says, “What is it now?”

“Have you got a light?” the old man asks, politely.

Bill lights the man’s cigarette and then shouts, “Bobby Joe, step on it!”

So, Bobby Joe presses the accelerator hard down to the floor and watches as the speedometer exceeds 100 miles per hour.

Once again, Bobby Joe remarks, “We’ll be fine, Bill; he can’t catch us now.”

Well, a minute or two passes, and they hear that tapping on the window again.

Bill lowers the window and screams, “What the hell is it now, old man?”

“Your wheels are still spinning in the mud,” the old man responds softly, pointing to the rear of the vehicle.

2. The stakeout:

Rookie police officer Jim Smith has been assigned the role of staking out a local bar one night, watching out for potential DUI violations.

As the evening draws to a close, he watches as one young man staggers out of the bar and tries his keys in five different cars before finding his own.

The young man fumbles for a few minutes, as Officer Smith keeps an Eagle eye on him, and eventually, the car door opens, and the young man falls into the driver’s seat.

Officer Smith watches the young man like a hawk, waiting to pounce, as other patrons start leaving the bar and driving off in their cars.

Eventually, the young man gets his car started and attempts to drive away.

At that point, Officer Smith makes his move and pulls him over.

“Sir, I must caution you that I suspect you’re driving under the influence and I need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me, please,” Officer Smith says politely but very firmly.

The young man does as requested and then hands the breathalyzer back to Officer Smith for checking.

Officer Smith looks closely at the blood-alcohol content score, and it measures zero.

Officer Smith is puzzled by this outcome and demands to know what’s going on.

The young man smiles and says, “Sir, tonight it was my turn as designated decoy.”

3. The black bear:

A big black bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.

“I’m sorry,” the bartender responds, “but we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar. That’s our policy.“

Well, the bear is not amused. It rears back a little and then growls, “I don’t care about your policy. I’m a bear, and I want a beer.”

The bartender remains calm, smiles, and then replies, “I get it, you’re not happy, but as I said, we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar.”

The bear stands up at full height, raises its massive paws and howls, “I’m a bear, and I want a beer! And if I don’t get me a beer now, I will eat one of your customers.“

The bartender remains unfazed by the situation. He just smiles and says, “Listen, buddy, do whatever you gotta do, but I won’t be serving you a beer.”

So, the bear walks down to the end of the bar, grabs a gin-soaked, drunken lady sitting at the counter, and greedily eats her.

Once he’s finished eating her, he returns to face the bartender, looks him in the eye and declares, “Right, you’ve seen what I can do. I’m a bear, and I want a beer.“

The bartender is still unfazed.

“Listen, buddy,” he says, “I’ve told you already, we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar. And for that matter, we don’t serve drug addicts either.”

“DRUG ADDICT!” the bear roars, “What the hell are you talking about?”

The bartender looks the bear in the eye and says, “That was a bar-bitch-you-ate.”

Phil Sutton

4. The challenge:

Jerry was an Iron Man champion who also owned a bar just off the Las Vegas Strip.

Everyone in town knew that Jerry was the strongest man around, and knowing that visitors to Las Vegas liked a bet, he used that to his advantage in attracting people into his bar.

On the counter, there was a big sign headlined Challenge Jerry. In the small print, it explained that the bet was that anyone who could beat Jerry in a strongman challenge could win $1,000. The cost of the bet was $10.

In the challenge, Jerry would squeeze the juice from an orange into a glass. Once Jerry had squeezed the life out of the orange, challengers had to take the orange and see if they could squeeze any more juice from it.

Over the years, truck drivers, lumberjacks, weightlifters and all sorts of tough guys had tried to beat Jerry in this challenge, so far, but no one had ever got the better of him.

One day, a small, thin, weak-looking, middle-aged man with thinning hair and heavy-rimmed spectacles walked into the bar, slapped a $10 bill on the counter and said that he was willing to take up the challenge.

Everyone in the bar started laughing at the idea that this weak-looking, little man would have any chance of beating Jerry and walking out with the $1,000.

Jerry smiled at the man, picked up the $10 and said, “OK, Buddy, you’ve got yourself a bet.”

He then picks up one of California’s finest and squeezes the juice out of it until the glass is almost full. What remained of the orange was then handed to the challenger.

The little man focused momentarily and then started squeezing as hard as he could with both hands. To everyone’s amazement, within seconds, half a dozen drops of juice dripped into the glass.

Jerry congratulated the man on his success and handed him $1,000.

“I’m impressed,” said Jerry. “What do you do for a living, buddy? I’m guessing you must be a lumberjack?”

“Oh no,” the man responded. “I work for the IRS.”

5. The DEA Agent:

Steve McShane is an agent with the Drug Enforcement Agency based in Arizona, and he’s had a tip-off that a farmer near Scottsdale is growing marijuana in one of his fields.

So McShane shows up at the farm one day unannounced and says to the farmer, “Hey buddy, I’m from the DEA, and I’ve got a warrant to search your farm, as we suspect you of growing illegal narcotics.”

“Really!” the farmer says, a little surprised, “I don’t know where you got that idea, but I guess I’ve got no choice but to let you do whatever you’ve got to do. However, I must warn you, DO NOT go in the backfield.”

Well, McShane is a little put out by this last comment, so he pulls out his badge and says to the farmer, “Now listen, old man, do you see this badge? Take a good look at it, buddy. This badge says I’m with the DEA. And with this badge, I’ve got access to all areas. Do you hear what I’m sayin’? No one or nothing can stop me. You got that?”

“Yes, sir!” said the farmer.

With that, Steve McShane heads straight for the backfield, believing the farmer’s comment was an attempt to deflect him from looking in the place where the marijuana is being grown.

Within minutes, the farmer sees the DEA man running as though his life depended on it. And it did, as McShane was being chased by the biggest, meanest, fastest bull you’ve ever seen.

As the bull closes on him, McShane screams at the farmer for help.

“SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!” shouts the farmer. “Just tell him it gives you access to all areas.”

6. Spelling Test:

Beryl’s married life had not been a happy one, and sadly, one day, she passed away.

Suddenly, she finds herself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

“Hello, Beryl,” St Peter says warmly. “You’ve done your best to lead a good and decent life, I know, so all I need is for you to spell one word correctly and you’ll be admitted to the kingdom of Heaven.”

“Right!” said Beryl. “And what word do I need to spell?”

“That word is love, Beryl,” St Peter responds. “Can you spell it for me?”

“Yes, of course,” said Beryl. “It’s L O V E.”

“Well done,” St Peter responds, “and welcome to the kingdom of Heaven.”

Beryl quickly settles into life in Heaven and finds a new sense of purpose in helping St Peter with his many duties.

St Peter begins to rely on her so much that one day, when he’s very busy, he asks her to deputise for him at the Pearly Gates, checking new arrivals.

As luck would have it, Beryl’s husband appears at the Pearly Gates whilst she’s on duty.

“Oh, it’s you,” says Beryl. “Well, I’ve got to tell you that you won’t be admitted to Heaven unless you can spell one word correctly for me. And you only get one chance to spell it perfectly.”

“Right!” says her husband. “And what word do I need to spell for you?”

“Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu,” Beryl responds, smiling brightly.

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If you enjoyed these long jokes, please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny long jokes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

More fun you might enjoy:

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4 funny stories to tell your friends in the bar

01/21/2026 by
4 FUNNY STORIES to tell your friends

Dear reader, are you looking for some funny stories to tell your friends in the bar or at parties? If you want to be popular, always having a joke or two to tell your friends is a great way to achieve it.

So enjoy these funny jokes and feel free to pass them on.

FUNNY STORIES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS
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Funny stories to tell your friends:

1. Pythagoras pun:

A medieval king was hunting in Africa, and he killed a lion, an elephant and a hippopotamus.

Returning to his kingdom, he awarded the hides from these animals to his three squires. In turn, these three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became increasingly jealous of the Hippo Squire because he possessed, what to them was, the most treasured of the three hides.

So these two jealous squires hatched a plot to kill the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them.

Now the Lion Squire had ten sons, and the Elephant Squire had six sons, whilst the Hippo Squire was childless. So the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent their sixteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire and return with the prized hide.

However, in the ensuing battle, the Hippo Squire single-handedly managed to kill all sixteen of the sons.

Thus, it is proved that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.

2. Yearning for a child:

Two women are sitting in their doctor’s waiting room, and they begin discussing babies.

“I’m desperate to have a baby,” said the first woman. “However, I’m starting to think it’ll never happen.”

“I used to think like that,” said the other woman. “But then everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’ll be having my baby in four months.”

“Wow!” said the first woman. “How did it all change for you?

”I went to see a faith healer,” her companion responded.

 “Oh,” said the first woman. “My husband and I did try that, but unfortunately, it didn’t help at all.”

Her pregnant companion smiled, then moved closer to her and whispered, “Next time, try going alone.“

Phil Sutton

3. Little Johnny:

Little Johnny came running out of the bathroom in tears.

“What’s the matter, Johnny?” asked his dad.

“Dad, I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet,” said Little Johnny.

His dad smiled, benevolently, and said, “Never mind, son, but we’d better just throw it out. There are some new ones in the medicine cabinet.”

So, Johnny’s dad fished the toothbrush out of the toilet bowl and went off to throw it in the garbage.

When he returned, Johnny was standing there holding another toothbrush.

“That looks like my toothbrush, Johnny,” said his dad.

“Yes, it is,” said Johnny. “You’d better throw it out, too, because it fell in the toilet bowl last week.”

4. Hunting season:

A truck driver hauling a load of computers stops at a roadside diner in California for a coffee and some lunch.

As he enters the diner, he notices a sign which says, NO COMPUTER NERDS ALLOWED IN HERE – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK in large red letters.

As the trucker takes his seat at the counter, a stern-looking waitress looks at him suspiciously and then says, “Now listen here, buddy, I can smell computers on you. I hope you’re not a nerd.”

“No, mam,” the trucker responds. “I’m hauling a consignment of computers today, so I guess some of their smell has rubbed off on me.”

“Well, that’s just fine then,” says the waitress, pouring him a cup of coffee.

As the trucker is taking his first sip of coffee, a skinny guy walks into the diner. He’s wearing black-rimmed glasses, held together with tape, and he’s got a row of pens and pencils in his breast pocket.

Without saying a word, the stern-looking waitress pulls a shotgun from behind the counter, and she shoots this skinny guy dead.

The trucker is stunned by what he’s just witnessed. “What did you do that for?” he asks the waitress.

“Don’t worry, sir,” the waitress responds. “Computer Nerds are in season right now because they’re over-populating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license to shoot them.”

So, the trucker finishes his lunch and sets off to complete his delivery.

However, he’s just driving onto Interstate 5 when he has to swerve violently to avoid a collision with another vehicle.

As he brings his truck back under control, the back door to his truck bursts open, and computers spill all over the highway.

He stops his truck, but before he can get around the back, there are computer nerds everywhere gathering up computers and running off with them.

Well, the trucker can’t afford to have his load stolen right from under his nose, so he grabs a shotgun he keeps in his cab, and then he shoots several of the nerds dead.

Within seconds, a Highway Patrol car pulls up, and the police officer jumps out and orders the trucker to stop shooting at once.

“Why?” says the trucker. “I thought computer nerds were in season.”

“They are,” says the cop, “but you’re not allowed to bait ‘em.”

Go Explore London

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did any of these funny stories to tell your friends actually make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blogger to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

10 short funny jokes that will make you smile

01/20/2026 by
10 short funny jokes

If you’re looking for some short funny jokes, then these might just make you smile.

They all tickled me, so I hope you enjoy them too.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Short funny jokes:

1. The bacon tree:

Two cowboys are lost in the desert.

As they’re staggering through the desert and very hungry, one of the cowboys suddenly sees a tree draped in bacon.

“A bacon tree!” he shouts. “We’re saved!”

He runs over to the tree as fast as he can, but he’s shot up with bullets as he approaches it.

Sadly for him, it wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

2. Polishing a resumé:

To ensure you impress a hiring manager with your resumé, you must make your experience really stand out.

Even when the experience you have to offer might not sound like very much, you have to make it sound impressive.

For instance, let’s say on your resumé, you want to include the experience, “I changed a lightbulb.”

That simple statement would not be enough. A better way to say it would be:-

I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of a new environmental illumination system with zero cost.

3. Reporting in sick:

I phoned the office, and I told my boss that I couldn’t come to work today because I have a wee cough.

She said, “You have a wee cough?”

“Really,” I said. “Thanks, boss. I’ll see you next week then.”

4. Never send your husband on an errand:

Jane said to her husband, Bill, “Could you please go to the store and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six?”

A short time later, Bill returns with 6 cartons of milk.

“Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?” asks Jane.

“Because they had eggs,” says Bill.

5. Married life after 50:

Jim and Mary had been married for over 30 years, and they were travelling from Los Angeles to London.

During check-in at LAX, the airline agent was apologetic to Jim and said, “Sir, I’m sorry, but the flight is full today, and you should be aware that you and your wife haven’t been allocated adjacent seats. Your seat number is 14A, and your wife’s is 42H.”

“Well, thank you, mam,” said Jim, with a smile. “Will I have to pay an extra charge for this bonus?”

“Oh, no, sir,” said the airline agent, politely. “Your wife has already paid.”

6. History matters:

Wouldn’t you agree that it’s an indictment of our education system today that young people have absolutely no idea who Neil Armstrong was or the type of trumpet that he played?

7. Little Johnny needs water:

Little Johnny runs downstairs late at night and asks his dad for a glass of water.

“Johnny,” says his dad, “that’ll be your fifteenth glass of water. Why do you need more water now?”

“Because my room’s still on fire,” says Johnny.

8. Hearing problems:

I went to the doctor because I had hearing problems.

“Can you describe your symptoms?” the doctor asked.

“Homer’s the fat bloke,” I responded, “and Marge has blue hair.

9. Pulled over for speeding:

Jack gets pulled over for speeding.

As the cop approaches the car, Jack requests permission to step out of his car, and the cop agrees.

The cop then says, “Sir, I’m obliged to ask, why were you speeding?”

“You see that woman sitting in the passenger seat?” says Jack. “That’s my wife. And the stern, miserable-looking woman in the rear seat, that’s my mother-in-law.”

“Right,” says the cop. “But how does that justify speeding?”

“My mother-in-law’s been living with us for three months now,” Jack continues. “This morning, my wife and her mother had a terrible fight, and my mother-in-law insisted I take her home. I’m trying to get her there before they have a chance to make up, and she says she wants to return home with us.”

The cop smiles benevolently at Jack and says, “Get back in your car, sir, and I will give you a police escort under blue lights and the siren, and we’ll get her home as quickly as possible.”

10. Date night:

Calum called his Mom and said, “Mom, I’ve just met the girl of my dreams. She’s wonderful?”

“Well, that’s grand,” said his Mom. “Why don’t you buy her some flowers and invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?“

Calum agreed that would be a romantic gesture and said he’d let Mom know how it went.

Naturally, Mom was keen to know how it went, so the day after the date, she called to hear his news.

“Mom,” said Calum, “it was a complete disaster.”

“Why, son, didn’t she come over?” Mom asked.

“Oh, she came over, all right,” said Calum. “But she refused to cook!“

Phil Sutton

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared just for laughs, but did any of these short funny jokes really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 funny jokes that won’t offend but will amuse you

01/09/2026 by

Today I offer you some very funny jokes that won’t offend anyone, but they’ll definitely amuse you and your friends, dear reader; of that I’m confident.

So take a moment to enjoy these three little gems. And of course, feel free to pass them on.

FUNNY JOKES that won't offend
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Funny jokes that won’t offend:

1. Father Murphy:

Father Murphy looked uneasy as he attempted to greet the wedding guests at the entrance to St Bernadette’s Church.

He doesn’t say much, and he looks uncomfortable, but the congregation knows him to be a bit shy.

As the bride arrives, Father Murphy makes his way to the altar, and as the couple approaches, he gives the best speech anyone has ever heard.

Not only is it an excellent speech, full of wisdom and insight, but he also appears confident, and he has everyone rolling on the floor laughing.

After the couple has made their vows and everyone is leaving, Father Murphy steps down from the altar, and once again, he becomes tongue-tied and shy and barely manages to say a word to anyone.

Feeling a little sorry for him, the groom says, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, Father, but why are you so shy now? You seemed like a different person when you were up there giving that speech earlier.“

“I know,” Father Murphy responded, “but that was just my altar ego.”

Phil Sutton

2. Running out of gas:

Gerry is driving down the freeway when he runs out of gas.

He’s sitting there in the driver’s seat, wondering what to do next, when a bee flies in through his window.

“What seems to be your problem?” asks the bee.

“I’ve run out of gas,” Gerry replies.

“That’s unfortunate,” says the bee. “However, if you wait here, I can help you.”

The bee then flies off, only to return minutes later with an entire swarm of bees. They all fly into his gas tank, leaving Gerry wondering exactly what’s going on.

After a few minutes, the swarm flies off, and the bee says to Gerry, “Try it now.”

Gerry turns his ignition key, and his car fires into action immediately.

“Wow!” Gerry exclaims. “What did you put in the gas tank?“

The bee smiles and says, “BP, of course.“

Go Explore London

3. Wisdom of the Ancients:

The Native Americans on a remote reservation in Wyoming asked their new chief, Akecheta, whether the winter ahead would be mild or cold.

Now Chief Akecheta was a modern man, educated at a university, but he hadn’t been taught the old ways and the wisdom of his ancestors.

He looked into the sky, but he was unable to read the signs as to whether the winter would be cold or not.

Naturally, he didn’t want to lose credibility with the tribe, so, to save face and be on the safe side, he just told them that the winter was going to be cold and that they should probably start gathering firewood to be prepared.

Now he may not have learned the ancient secrets, but Chief Akecheta was a wise and practical man. So, once he was on his own, he phoned the National Weather Service and asked them for their winter forecast.

“Well, sir,” said the meteorologist, “our forecast suggests that it’s going to be quite cold.”

Feeling more confident now, Chief Akecheta went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.

“Does it still look like it is going to be very cold this winter?” he asked the meteorologist.

“Yes, sir,” said the meteorologist. “It could be even colder than we first thought.”

So once again, Chief Akecheta went back to his people, and he ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, Chief Akecheta phoned the National Weather Service again.

“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?” he asked the meteorologist.

“Yes, sir,” said the meteorologist. “The signs are that it’s going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.”

“How can you be so sure?” asked Chief Akecheta.

“Well, sir,” the meteorologist responded, “the Native American tribe up the road has been collecting a crazy amount of firewood recently.“

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4. The lion enclosure:

It’s Jim’s first day on the job as a trainee zookeeper at London Zoo.

His boss wants to ease him into his duties gently, so Jim’s given the fish to look after.

Unfortunately, Jim gets all the fish food mixed up with the chemicals, and he manages to kill all the fish.

Worried that the mistake might cost him his job, Jim decides it might be easier to cover it up by gathering all the now-dead fish together and throwing them into the lion enclosure when no one’s looking.

After lunch, Jim’s boss asks him to feed the chimpanzees.

Unfortunately, once again by mistake, Jim gives them all the wrong food and manages to kill them off, too.

Again, he’s worried that he could lose the job he only started that very morning. So he decides on another cover-up. Once again, Jim dumps all the bodies into the lion enclosure whilst no one’s looking.

Well, two major mistakes in one day were a little embarrassing, so in the late afternoon, Jim decided to sneak off early before he could do anything else wrong.

Sadly, another disaster was waiting to happen.

When reversing his car, he managed to back it into the apiary, and in doing so, crushed all the bees.

Left with little option, Jim executed yet another cover-up. He scooped up the crushed bees and again through them all into the lion enclosure.

Jim then jumps into his car and heads for home.

The next day, the zoo has a new arrival. It’s a new lion transferred from Whipsnade Zoo.

“What’s it like here then?” the new lion asks the others in the lion enclosure.

“Not bad,” one replies, “there’s less space here than at Whipsnade, but the food’s good. Yesterday we had fish, chimps, and mushy bees.”

Phil Sutton

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these funny jokes that won’t offend anyone make you laugh? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. And it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, then I’d be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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