Funny Jokes

21 stupid jokes that are funny

04/28/2025 by
stupid jokes that are funny

If you’re looking for some stupid jokes that are funny, dear reader, then I have 21 for you today that I’m confident will make you laugh.

So, grab a cup of coffee, relax, and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Stupid jokes that are funny (1-5):

Last week, I went on a first aid course, and the instructor asked me what I’d do if my child swallowed a door key. Apparently “I’d climb through the window,” wasn’t the right answer.

Barber: How would you like your hair cut, sir? Customer: In silence, please.

Yesterday, I was persuaded to run a marathon for charity. I didn’t want to do it at first, but they told me it’s for blind and disabled kids, so I thought I’d have a decent chance of winning.

Wife: “Just look at that couple over there; how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?” Husband: “Are you mad? I don’t even know the woman!”

It’s been so cold recently that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Stupid jokes that are funny (6-10):

After years of study at university, finally, I’m a PhD, or as I’m better known, a Pizza Hut Deliveryman.

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common? A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

It is a fact that light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear to be quite bright until you hear them talk.

Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man in central London and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” the robber demanded. “You can’t do this I’m a Member of Parliament!” the man replied, “Oh! In that case,” smiled the robber, “give me MY money!“

My wife keeps berating me for being unkind to one of my kids, but I don’t know which one she means. I think I treat Bobby, Cindy, and the fat, ugly one all the same.

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Stupid jokes that are funny (11-15):

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally, I was forced to take his bike away from him.

Q: What can you hold without ever touching it? A: A conversation.

Mike arrives home one evening, unannounced, with his best buddy, Pete, and asks his wife, Jane, if she can make dinner for him and Pete. Naturally, Jane’s not happy and she starts screaming at Mike, as the two men just sit and listen. “What are you doing to me?” shouts Jane. “My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, and it’s too late to expect me to start cooking now. Why the hell did you bring him home anyway?” Mike hesitates momentarily and then says, “Because Pete’s thinking of getting married, so I thought it would be helpful if I showed him what married life is like!“

Jim’s driving home from work when he gets a call from his wife, Irene, on his cell phone. “Be careful on the road, honey. I’ve just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way down the highway,” says Irene. “It’s not just one car,” Jim responds, “there are literally thousands of them!“

Dick and Roger are two elderly gentlemen eating breakfast together in a restaurant one morning. Roger notices something funny in Dick’s ear. “Hey, Dick,” says Roger. “Do you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Dick fiddles with his ear, pulls out the suppository, stares at it momentarily, and then says, “Well, I’ll be darned; now I think I know what I did with my hearing aid.”

Stupid jokes that are funny (16-21):

Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks, “Are you two sisters?” “No!” says one, as they both start giggling. “We’re not even Catholic.”

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? A: Dam!

Q: What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A: A can’t opener!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An impasta.

There are three types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can’t.

A guy with a giraffe walks into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The guy decides it’s time to leave. The bartender sees what happened and shouts, “Hey, buddy, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” As he’s heading for the door, the man turns and says, “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.“

Please share this post with your friends:

So, dear reader, were these stupid jokes amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Were they as funny as you’d hoped?

Did they make you smile?

If so, please share this post with your friends on social media.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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7 funny story jokes that might just tickle you

04/21/2025 by

Funny story jokes always get a great response from readers. So today, I’m offering you seven of them, which I hope you’ll find amusing.

They all made me smile, so I hope at least one or two of these funny story jokes might tickle you

Enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

FUNNY STORY JOKES
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Funny story jokes:

1. The hospital visits:

US President Donald Trump is visiting a local hospital in Washington, DC.

Naturally, he’s determined to meet as many patients as possible, regardless of their ailments.

As he’s walking around the hospital, he eventually arrives at old Charlie’s bed.

“Hello there, buddy,” says the President, “what’s wrong with you?”

“I’ve got an enormous boil on my ass,” old Charlie responds, “and I’m here to have it lanced.”

Looking a little embarrassed, the president smiles at Charlie, then quickly moves on to the next patient.

As soon as he’s out of earshot, the nurse scolds old Charlie for his comment to the president: “Now that wasn’t very diplomatic of you, Charlie, was it? He didn’t need the detail. You could just have said you had a bad back.”

The following day, the Vice President, JD Vance, is visiting the same hospital.

As he’s walking around, he arrives at old Charlie’s bed.

“And how are you today?” the Vice President asks warmly with a smile.

“Oh, I’ve got a bad back,” says old Charlie.

“Oh dear,” the Vice President responds sympathetically. “What with that enormous boil on your ass, you’re not having much luck, are you?”

2. The Sunday service:

It was a Sunday morning, and the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with a list of names and bearing symbols in the form of American flags in each corner.

The seven-year-old had been staring at this plaque for some time when the pastor walked up and said, “Hello, Johnny.”

“Good morning, Reverend,” Johnny responded. “Can you tell what this is meant to be?”

“Well, son,” said the pastor, “that’s a memorial to those young men and women who died in service.”

“Really?” said Johnny. “Which service, the 8 o’clock or the 10.30?”

3. Miscommunication:

An old man was visiting his daughter and infant grandson.

During the visit, the little boy says, “Hey, Grandpa, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure!” the old man responds.

“Can you make a noise like a frog?” the boy asks.

“Well, I think so,” the old man responds. And with that, he starts making croaking ribbit sounds.

The little boy is delighted and immediately runs out of the living room before returning a few minutes later, dragging a suitcase behind him.

“Why do you need the suitcase?” the old man asks the little boy.

“Because Mom says we can go to Disneyland the day you croak,” the little boy replied.

4. Tricky question:

Son: Mom, how did humans come to exist?

Mother: Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve…..

Son: But Dad said we came from apes

Mom: He was talking about his family; I am telling you about mine.

5. A bit of fun:

A boy is jumping up and down on a big box in the middle of a street in Manhattan, yelling, “Nine!“

An old man is walking down the street, and he stops momentarily to watch what the boy is doing.

“Hey, kid,” says the old man. “What are you doing?“

“Hey, mister,” the kid responds. “You’ve got to try this. It’s so much fun.”

“Fun? Really?” says the old man. “It doesn’t look like fun to me.”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it,” the kid responds. “Maybe you’re just too old to try something new.”

Well, the old man couldn’t let that comment go without showing that he could still compete with the best of them.

“Okay, kid,” says the old man, “let me have a go.”

With that, the old man climbs on the box, starts jumping up and down, and yells, “Nine!“

“Louder!” shouts the kid.

Raising his voice, the old man jumps up again and yells, “Nine!“

“Again!” the kid shouts.

The old man jumps a third time, but as he does so, the kid whips the box from under him, exposing an open manhole.

With that, the old man disappears down the manhole, and the boy quickly moves the box back over the top of it.

The kid then gets back on the box, jumps up and down, and shouts, “Ten!”

6. The construction site:

A group of guys working on a construction site were all sitting around drinking coffee and moaning about how their boss still owed them for the last big job.

One of the guys was talking on a cellphone, and his colleagues couldn’t help but listen to him talking

“$1,000?” they heard him say. “Honey, that’s no problem. If you like the coat, go ahead and buy it.”

A few moments pass, and the conversation continues.

“You want a new BMW?” he continued. “It’s $125,000? That’s fine, but make sure you get it fully loaded with all the extras.”

His workmates were looking at each other, thinking how surprisingly generous this guy was being, and wondering how he could afford it all anyway.

Then they heard him say, “It’s now on the market? How much is it? $950,000? Go ahead, but offer $900,000 and see what they say.”

Staring in disbelief, his workmates looked at him as he terminated his call.

He looked at them all, smiled, and then said, “Tell the boss I’ve found his cell phone, his wife called, and I quit.”

7. The golfing accident:

Jack is on a golfing holiday, and he manages to overturn his golf cart accidentally whilst playing a quick 18 holes.

Olivia, a stunningly attractive woman and a keen golfer herself, lives in a villa right next to the golf course, and she hears Jack shouting for help.

Without hesitation, but dressed only in a flimsy bathrobe, she rushes out through her garden gate onto the golf course to assist.

“Are you okay?” asks Olivia as she tries to help. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Jack,” he responds, as he manages to crawl out from beneath the golf cart. “I’m a bit bruised, but otherwise I’m fine.”

Jack couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Olivia was, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her as she said to him, “Look, Jack, you may have some hidden injuries. Come back to my villa and rest for a while. I’ll help you turn the golf cart over later.”

“That’s kind of you,” says Jack, “but I don’t think my wife would be happy if I did that.”

“Oh, nonsense,” Olivia responded warmly, “your wife won’t mind.”

Olivia was so attractive with such a warm and friendly nature that Jack quickly weakened and said, “Well, if you’re sure.”

As they sat in Olivia’s living room, she offered Jack a restorative Scotch and water, and then they chatted for a while.

An hour went by, but eventually, Jack thanked Olivia, saying, “I feel a lot better now, but my wife will be really upset, so it’s best if I go now.”

“Oh, don’t be silly,” Olivia responded with a smile. “Your wife won’t even know you’ve been here. By the way, where is she?”

“Probably still under the golf cart, I would guess,” Jack says sheepishly.

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Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now. If you could do that for me, I’d be forever grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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17 cheesy jokes guaranteed to raise a smile

04/02/2025 by

If you like cheesy jokes, this post is for you.

I’ve been surfing the Internet looking for humour and smiles.

On this occasion, I was specifically looking for cheesy jokes.

And I found 17 cheesy jokes that made me smile. I hope they make you smile today, too.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t identify the authors, but should you be one of them, please let me know, and I will add a suitable credit and link to your work.

Cheesy jokes:

  • What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles? 
  • UCLA 
  • Which US State has the smallest soft drinks? 
  • Mini-soda 
  • Where do pencils go for vacation? 
  • Pencil-vania
  • What do you call an unpredictable, out-of-control photographer?
  • A loose Canon
  • What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? 
  • A Bagel 
  • Where do Volkswagens go when they get old? 
  • The Old Volks home!
  • What did the fisherman say to the magician? 
  • Pick a cod, any cod!
  • Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
  • Because he was on a roll 
  • Why did the poor man sell yeast? 
  • To raise some dough
  • How do snails fight? 
  • They slug it out
  • Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? 
  • Because he wanted to see time fly! 
  • What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun? 
  • I just love baskin’ robins
  • What do lawyers wear to court? 
  • Lawsuits! 
  • Why did the man put his money in the freezer? 
  • He wanted cold, hard cash!
  • What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? 
  • I don’t know and I don’t care. 
  • How does NASA organize a party?
  • They planet
  • What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand? 
  • Quattro Sinko 

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Were these cheesy quotes funny? Did they make you smile? If so, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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21 silly jokes guaranteed to make your kids smile

03/14/2025 by

Kids love silly jokes, and quite a few adults do too, including me. Whenever I hear silly jokes, I always make a note of them in my journal. Well, they’re always useful for breaking the ice at dinner parties, if nothing else.

Anyway, today I thought I’d trawl through my journal and put together a collection of some of the best silly jokes just for you, dear reader. I hope you enjoy them all.

Certainly, I did, both the first time around and on reviewing them now.

Yes, they’re all very silly but they’re guaranteed to make your kids smile.

Silly Jokes:

  • Why did the ant elope?
  • Nobody gnu
  • Why do skunks argue?
  • They like to kick up a stink
  • How do you arrest a pig?
  • Put it in ham cuffs
  • Why do horses look sad?
  • They have long faces
  • Why do coyotes call at night?
  • The rates are cheaper
  • What animal never gets wet?
  • An umbrellephant
  • What makes a chicken blush?
  • Henbarrassment
  • In what key does a cow sing?
  • Beef flat
  • Why don’t anteaters get sick?
  • They’re full of antibodies
  • How do rodents keep their breath fresh?
  • Using mousewash
Silly Jokes
Silly Jokes
  • What did the parrot say to the spaniel?
  • I’m a cocker too
  • How do you eat an elephant?
  • One bite at a time
  • What sound does a space turkey make?
  • Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
  • Why are giraffes brave?
  • Because they’re always sticking their next out
  • How many skunks does it take to stink out a room?
  • A phew
  • How does a dolphin make a decision?
  • Flipper coin
  • How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?
  • You get a buzzy tone
  • What’s even better than the cat’s whiskers?
  • The bee’s knees
  • What happened when two American stoats got married?
  • They became the United Stoats of America
  • What do you get from a chicken who’s been drinking whisky?
  • Scotch eggs
  • What’s goes through a fly’s mind on impact with your windscreen?
  • Its ass

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If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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19 funny jokes to tell your friends

02/06/2025 by

Today I thought you might appreciate some funny jokes to tell your friends.

You’ll always have friends if you can entertain people and tell a joke or two. We all love to laugh, and someone amusing is immediately likeable. So, to be likeable, always have a few jokes in your back pocket.

If you want to make your friends smile, here are 19 funny jokes to tell your friends. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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FUNNY JOKES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS

Funny jokes to tell your friends (1-10)

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

What kind of tree will fit into your hand? A palm tree.

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

How do you kill a circus clown? You go for the juggler.

Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the moo-vies.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He just pasta way.

I used to work in a shoe recycling factory, but it was sole destroying.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.

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Funny jokes to tell your friends (11-19)

I married Miss Right. It was only later that I realized her first name was Always.

My wife told me that I must stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

What is grammar? It’s the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Why did the girl get hit by a bike every day? Because she was stuck in a vicious cycle.

A Hot Dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve food here.”

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

A thief broke into my house the other night searching for money. He woke me up, so I thought I might as well help him search for it, even though I wasn’t optimistic we’d find anything.

A cop pulls a guy over and says, “Your eyes are awfully red, have you been drinking?” To which the guy responds, “Well, your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

WIFE: Pack your bags; I’ve won the lottery. HUSBAND: Oh, wow! Are we going on holiday? WIFE: No! You’re leaving! I’ve won the lottery!

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So, dear reader, did you enjoy these funny jokes to tell your friends? Were they as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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This hilarious joke is guaranteed to make you laugh

01/24/2025 by

We all must laugh at least once daily, wouldn’t you agree? Well, dear reader, if you’ve yet to laugh today, I think this hilarious joke will just be what you need.

This is a joke guaranteed to make you laugh, and it’s one you can tell in the office without worrying about offending people.

So go on, take a minute, and enjoy it.

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Hilarious Joke:

Standing up to the Angels:

A man dies and suddenly finds himself standing in line at the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter.

With a cloud-connected iPad in his hand, St Peter is checking the details of each individual standing in line to decide whether they’ve done enough to pass through the gates into Heaven.

When the man gets to the front of the queue, St Peter looks at him and says, “Name please?”

“I’m Jim Thompson”, says the man.

“Hello Jim”, says St Peter, “Can you tell me what you did for a living please?”

Jim hesitated momentarily before saying, “Unfortunately I was out of work and living on welfare.”

“Hmmmmm”, says St Peter rubbing his chin. “Have you done anything recently that has benefited your fellow human beings?”

Jim thought for a minute, and then he said, “Well, when I saw a group of Hells Angels abusing a pretty girl in the street, I walked right up to the ringleader, and getting right into his personal space, nose to nose, looking him dead in the eye, I said to him, ‘You show that girl some respect, boy or you and I will have to sort it out man to man’.”

St Peter tapped something into his iPad and considered the response momentarily. Then he said to Jim, “I’m afraid there’s nothing in your records to confirm what you’ve said. When did it happen?”

“About five minutes ago”, said Jim.

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If you enjoyed this hilarious joke, dear reader, then please share it on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

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10 Best Jokes You’ll Read Today

01/18/2025 by

Looking for some of the best jokes you can find, dear reader?

Then take a look at these 10 little gems that I’ve curated today, just for you.

I do hope you enjoy them all.

And, if you do, please feel free to share them

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Best Jokes:

1. Honest assessment:

Despite appearing to be good citizens, Jack and Jim were brothers who’d lived their lives on the wrong side of the law, and both could be deeply unpleasant when they had to be.

However, they’d both amassed great wealth and they used their money to hide their criminal ways from the public eye. They even both attended St Patrick’s Church to make themselves look virtuous within the local community.

Eventually, the parish priest retired, and a new priest joined the church.

The new priest, Father O’Malley was a clever man, and he wasn’t fooled when it came to Jack and Jim. He could see the brothers for what they were. He was also a man who was both honest and forthright with his views.

Father O’Malley’s honesty with parishioners was appreciated within the community and very quickly attendance at the church started to grow.

Before long a fund-raising campaign had to be started for repairs to the church roof.

Around this time, Jack passed away suddenly.

In making the funeral arrangements, Jim approached Father O’Malley and said he’d like to pay for the church roof in memory of his brother.

“I’ve just one condition,” said Jim. “When reading the eulogy, you must begin by saying that my brother was a saint. As long as you say that the money’s yours.“

Well, the church roof was in desperate need of repair, so naturally, Father O’Malley agreed.

“I will say he’s a saint,” said the normally candid Father O’Malley, and with that, he took Jim’s money.

A week later at the funeral, after some prayers and a hymn, Father O’Malley stood up to read the eulogy.

“Dearly beloved we’re gathered here today to reflect on Jack’s life”, Father O’Malley began. “Jack was a saint,” he said and then paused momentarily.

“Well, he was when compared with his brother,” Father O’Malley continued. “Beyond that, he was a deeply unpleasant man who cheated on his wife, abused his family and robbed and swindled many people out of their hard-earned money.”

2. On the beach:

Mary was a grandmother who’d taken her grandson Oliver to the beach.

She was sitting reading as Oliver was playing in the sand.

Suddenly, a huge wave crashed onto the shore and, as it receded, it carried Oliver out to sea.

Well, Mary was distraught, naturally.

She looked up to the heavens with her hands together, as if in prayer, and said, “Please God, save my only grandson. I beg you! My life would have no meaning without him. Please bring him back.”

Well, as she said that another wave crashed onto the shore and young Oliver was washed back up on the sand. He was fine and no harm had come to him.

However, Mary raised her eyes to the heavens once again and said, “He was wearing a hat!“

3. No hiding place:

Two guys, Pete and Bill, find themselves standing in line at the Pearly Gates, waiting to see whether they’ll be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Well, the line is long, so naturally, they start talking to each other, as they wait their turn.

Pete asked Bill how he’d died.

“I was frozen to death,” said Bill. “How about you?“

“I had a heart attack,” said Pete.

“Wow! So, how did that happen?” asked Bill.

“Well, to be honest, I suspected my wife was cheating on me,” Pete responded. “So, I made sure I got home early from work. I ran upstairs only to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the places around the house I thought her lover could be hiding. And as I was running back up the stairs again, I had a heart attack.“

“Wow, that really is ironic,” said Bill.

“Why?” asked Pete.

“Well, if only you’d looked in the freezer, said Bill, “then neither of us would be here now.“

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4. The worm experiment:

Miss Benes stood in front of her 4th Grade class and welcomed the children to their science lesson.

She then took four glasses and filled them respectively with brandy, wine, beer, and water.

She waited momentarily to give the children a chance to think about what she was doing. Then she distributed four worms, one into each of the glasses.

With that, she explained to the children that they would leave the glasses overnight and observe the results the following morning.

The following morning, she gathered the children together again to observe the state of the glasses.

When they looked, all the worms had died, except the one in the glass filled with water.

“Right, children,” said Miss Benes. “What can we learn from the results of this experiment with the worms?”

From the back of the class, little Johnny’s hand shot up, immediately.

“Well, Miss,” said little Johnny, “It’s obvious from the experiment that if we only drink brandy, wine or beer, then we won’t get worms!“

5. Visit to the doctor:

Jeff goes to see his doctor.

“What seems to be the problem?” asks Dr Wilson.

“Well, I’m not quite sure how best to describe it, doctor,” Jeff responds. “It might be easier if you hold your stethoscope to my thigh and just listen.“

Dr Wilson is slightly puzzled by this suggestion, but he complies with Jeff’s request.

However, when he holds his stethoscope to Jeff’s thigh, he can hear a little voice saying, “Hey man, can I borrow $20? I just need $20 to get me to the end of the week.”

Dr Wilson steps back with a puzzled look on his face.

“Right,” says Jeff, “now hold your stethoscope to my knee.”

Once again, the doctor does as he’s asked.

This time he can hear the same little voice saying, “Hey man, can I borrow $10? I just need $10 to get me to the end of the week.“

Once again, Dr Wilson steps back with a puzzled look on his face.

Jeff looks at him and says, “That’s weird, isn’t it, doctor? Now take a listen to my shin.“

Again, the doctor does as Jeff asks and he hears the same little voice saying, “Hey man, can I borrow $2? I just need $2 to get me to the end of the week.“

Once again, Dr Wilson steps back with a puzzled look on his face. He thinks momentarily and then the answer dawns on him.

“Ah, now I see,” says Dr Wilson.” Your problem is obvious. Your leg is broke in three places.“

6. Polar bear pun:

A polar bear couple, Nanook and Mishka, are relaxing in the vast tundra in northern Canada.

They are starting to get a bit bored when Nanook has an idea.

When Mishka isn’t looking, Nanook flicks her ear and then starts running away yelling: “You’re too slow, Mishka, you can’t catch me!“

Naturally, Mishka is annoyed, and she starts chasing Nanook.

Nanook keeps running away, whilst still taunting Mishka, “Oh, you’re so slow, you wouldn’t even be able to catch my grandma!“

Mishka is getting even more annoyed, so she keeps chasing Nanook.

This goes on for a while until Nanook arrives at the frozen lake. Looking back, he yells, “You’re slow and fat, Mishka. You wouldn’t even be able to get out on this lake!“

At this point, Mishka really has had enough. Finally, she yells, “Careful Nanook, you’re on thin ice!“

7. An early lesson:

Little Johnny comes crying to his mom.

“What’s the matter, Johnny?” asks mom.

“Mom, Lindy pulled my hair,” Johnny responds.

“Oh, Johnny,” says his mom. “Don’t be angry. Your little sister doesn’t realise that pulling hair hurts.”

A short while later, mom hears more crying, so she investigates.

She realises it’s her daughter crying, and she heads for her bedroom, only to meet little Johnny walking out of the door.

Little Johnny looks at his mom and then says, “Right, she knows now!”

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8. Confession:

A Jewish guy goes into a confessional box at St Brendan’s Church.

“Father O’Driscoll,” he says, “I’m Yossi Cohen and I’m seventy-eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently enjoying lovemaking with both a twenty-eight-year-old girl and her nineteen-year-old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better.”

“Well, I know that people have their needs,” said Father O’Driscoll in response, “but surely, as a Jewish man, you’ve come to the wrong place? Why are you telling me?“

“I’m telling everybody!” Yossi Cohen responded with a beaming smile.

9. Getting even:

Jim was the CEO of a major corporation, so naturally, he was a man with a big ego.

Anyway, his busy lifestyle catches up with him and he finds himself spending some time in the hospital.

Well, he becomes very unpopular with the nurses, as he bosses them around as he does with his employees. Nothing’s good enough for him, and so none of the hospital staff wants to have anything to do with him.

Now, the head nurse is a wily old bird who’s dealt with plenty of difficult patients in her time.

Recognising he’s becoming a pain in the ass for her team, she decides to act.

She walks into his room and says to him, “Right sir, I have to take your temperature.“

Well, Jim’s not happy, as it’s inconvenient, given he’s busy responding to business emails on his iPhone.

He spends several minutes complaining, but the head nurse is having none of it.

“Sir, I’m sorry but it has to be done and it has to be done now,” says the head nurse.

Eventually, Jim gives in and opens his mouth in compliance.

“No sir, I’m sorry,” says the head nurse, “but for this reading, I have to use an anal thermometer.“

Once again, Jim started complaining, but eventually, he could see he wasn’t getting anywhere, so he rolled over and bared his ass.

He felt the nurse insert the thermometer, then he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!“

With that she left his room, leaving the door open on her way out.

Jim curses under his breath as he can hear people walking past his door and laughing. After about an hour, his doctor arrives.

“What’s going on here?” asks the doctor.

Angrily, Jim responds, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?“

After a pause, the doctor replies, “Yes, of course, but not with a daffodil!“

10. The circus opportunity:

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a club sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, “Hold on a minute! You’re a duck.”

“Well, your eyes are working then,” the duck responds with a smile.

“And you can talk!” the bartender continues.

“Your ears are working, too,” says the duck. “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and sandwich please?“

“Certainly!” says the bartender. With that, he serves the duck a beer.

“It’s just that we’ve never had a duck in this bar before,” the bartender continues. “What are you doing round this way?“

“You see that building being built across the street?” the duck responds, pointing towards the window.

The bartender nods in response.

“Well, I’m working on that project,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”

Well, the bartender is struggling to comprehend what he’s just heard but he takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

The duck sits quietly drinking his beer, eating his sandwich, and reading his newspaper. When he’s finished, he bids farewell to the bartender and leaves.

The same thing happens every day for the next two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.

The circus ringmaster walks into the bar for a drink and the bartender says to him “You’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper, and everything!“

“That sounds interesting,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Ask him to give me a call.”

The very next day, the duck walks into the bar and the bartender says, “Hey buddy, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.“

“Well, I’m always looking for new opportunities,” says the duck. “What is this job?”

“It’s with the circus,” says the bartender.

“The circus?” the duck responds quizzically.

“That’s right,” replies the bartender.

“The circus?” the duck asks again. “That place with the big tent?“

“Yeah, that’s right,” says the bartender.

“With animals who live in cages and performers who live in caravans?” the duck continued.

“Yes, of course,” the bartender replies.

“With a tent that’s made from canvas, with a big canvas roof and a hole in the middle?” the duck persists.

“Yeah, that’s right!” says the bartender.

The duck shakes his head, looking slightly bewildered, and then asks, “What the hell would they want with a plasterer?“

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So dear reader, were these the best jokes you’ve read today? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes

3 Really funny jokes to tell your friends today

01/17/2025 by

If you want people to like you, then always have a funny joke to make them laugh. Here are some very funny jokes to tell your friends today.

They all made me laugh, and I hope they’ll make you and your friends laugh too.

Enjoy them all.

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Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. The infected thumb:

Bill’s away from home on a business trip and, as he’s on expenses, he decides he’ll have a nice three-course meal in a restaurant.

He takes his seat at the table, exchanges a little conversation with the waitress, places his order and then relaxes with a glass of red wine waiting for his food to arrive.

It’s not long before the waitress brings him a nice, warm bowl of clam chowder with crackers. However, he can’t help but notice that her thumb is sticking in the chowder. He’s not happy but he lets it go.

A little later, the waitress arrives with a plate filled with delicious Spaghetti Carbonara but once again, her thumb is immersed in the spaghetti. Again, Bill’s not happy but he lets it go.

Then as he’s looking forward to his dessert, the waitress returns with some hot apple pie, but once again her thumb is sticking in Bill’s food.

“Mam”, says Bill angrily, “every time you bring my food your thumb’s sticking in it. Why is that?”

“Oh I am so sorry sir”, the waitress responds, “but my thumb has an infection and my doctor says I must keep it warm and moist at all times.”

Disgusted by what he’s hearing, Bill snaps angrily, “Well, why don’t you just stick it up your ass?”

Sheepishly the waitress replies, “Where do you think I’ve been putting it when I’m in the kitchen?”

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2. The fishing trip:

Four married men are going on a weekend fishing trip.

They’re exchanging banter in the car on the way to the lake when Jim says, “Guys, you’ve no idea what I had to do to persuade my wife to agree to me joining you on this trip. I’ve had to promise to redecorate the living room and our bedroom next weekend.”

“That’s nothing”, says Mike. “I had to promise my wife that I would build a new deck around the pool area next weekend.”

“You both had it easy”, says Ed. “I had to promise my wife that I’d buy her a new kitchen, as well as pay for her to go fashion shopping in Milan, Italy with her friends next summer.”

They carry on down the highway laughing and joking, but then they realize their friend Vic has yet to say anything.

“Hey Vic”, says Jim, “what did you have to do to get the green light to come with us on this fishing weekend?”

“Not much really”, says Vic, “I just set the alarm for 5.30 am. When it went off, I tapped my wife on the shoulder and said, ‘will you make love with me or should I go fishing?’ to which she responded, ‘take a warm sweater with you, dear.’”

3. The well and the goat:

Two friends, Bert and Mack were out walking one day when they came across an old abandoned well.

Naturally, they were curious as to how deep this well might be, so they dropped a stone down it and listened for the sound of the stone hitting the bottom. But they didn’t hear anything.

So they found a much larger rock and then dropped that down the well but still, they didn’t hear anything.

Clearly, this was a very deep well and they needed something much, much bigger if they were going to hear anything at all.

So Bert and Mack searched around for a while and eventually they found a section of railroad track leaning up against a wall.

“This’ll be perfect”, said Bert.

So between them, they lifted this heavy piece of cast iron and with great effort managed to carry back to the well and drop it down the hole.

As they stood back to listen, a goat suddenly flashed past their eyes and went straight down the well too.

Bert and Mack were still recovering from the shock resulting from what they’d just seen when a farmer appeared.

“Have you boys seen a goat?” asked the farmer.

“Yes”, said Mack, “a goat has just jumped down this well.”

“No, that couldn’t have been my goat”, said the farmer. “Mine was tethered to a heavy length of railroad track.”

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Please share this post:

So dear reader, were these funny jokes to tell your friends as amusing as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

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Silly Christmas Cracker Jokes: 30 that are so bad they’re funny

12/24/2024 by

Dear reader, do you enjoy Christmas cracker jokes?

Those corny jokes and puns you look for, having pulled your Christmas cracker?

Well, I cannot lie; I love them.

So, I have collected 30 of the best ones, which I hope you will find amusing.

Whether Christmas is an occasion you will be celebrating or not, I do hope one or two of these silly jokes will make you smile.

Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

Christmas cracker jokes (1-15):

  1. What is white and minty? A polo bear!
  2. When is a boat just like snow? When it’s adrift.
  3. What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump? Santa laughing his head off.
  4. How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
  5. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph!
  6. What did Santa say to his wife? It’s going to reindeer!
  7. Why did Santa go to the doctor? Because of his bad elf.
  8. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!
  9. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
  10. What does Miley Cyrus prefer for Christmas dinner? Twerky!
  11. What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate Clauses!
  12. What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho!
  13. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
  14. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
  15. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!

Christmas cracker jokes (16-30):

  1. Why did Santa’s little helper lack confidence? Because he had low elf esteem!
  2. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus!
  3. What do you call Santa when he forgets to wear his underpants? Saint Knickerless!
  4. Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
  5. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
  6. What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
  7. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
  8. Why was the snowman rummaging in a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
  9. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
  10. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had nobody to go with!
  11. What do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear? A fur tree!
  12. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
  13. How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born? They had a weigh-in a manger!
  14. What did Mrs Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up at the sky on the night of Christmas Eve? Looks like rain, dear!
  15. Why did Santa say that sprouts shouldn’t be our vegetable of choice on Christmas Day? All he was sayin’ was give peas a chance!

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So, dear reader, was this post worth a little piece of your time? Did you enjoy reading it? Did any of the Christmas cracker jokes make you smile?

If you enjoyed this article, then please share it with your friends on social media.

People do enjoy groaning at Christmas cracker jokes, so go on, please share this post now.

If you could share this post, then I’d be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

And before I go, allow me to offer my best wishes to everyone who will be celebrating Christmas. I hope your Christmas is filled with the love of family and friends.

And to those for whom December 25th will be just another working day, I hope wherever you are, your life is peaceful, safe, and prosperous, and I hope 2025 proves to be all you’d like it to be.

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© Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

21 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

12/22/2024 by

If jokes that are just slightly silly appeal to you, then here are 21 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

These are the sort of jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers. Corny, but you can’t help laughing at them. Well, groaning anyway.

Certainly, they all made me smile, and I hope you enjoy them too, dear reader.

Take a few moments to enjoy them, and then please feel free to pass them on.

Silly Jokes:

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive? A Minnie van.

What do you get when you cross a dog with an antenna? A Golden Receiver.

Where should a 600-pound gorilla go? On a diet

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.

What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me, and we’ll go places!

What would happen if you threw yellow sneakers into the Red Sea? They’d get wet.

Why did the photograph go to jail? Because it was framed.

What would Bears become without Bees? Ears.

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!

Where do cucumbers go on a date night? The salad bar.

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball.

Why was the chicken arrested? Fowl play.

Why can’t pigs keep secrets? They keep squealing.

How do trees get on the internet? They log in.

What did one toilet say to the other? You look a bit flushed.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.

If the early bird gets the worms, what does the worm get? Eaten.

Why couldn’t the pirates learn the alphabet? They kept getting stuck at C.

Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Other articles you’ll enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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