Roy Sutton, Author at Roy Sutton

15 George Costanza quotes that’ll make you smile

03/06/2024 by Roy Sutton

Today, dear reader, I thought you might appreciate some amusing quotes by George Costanza.

There have been some wonderful characters in sitcoms over the years, and one of the very best, in my opinion, was that lovable loser George Costanza from the US sitcom Seinfeld, played by the excellent Jason Alexander.

George Costanza had a brilliant turn of phrase, and his cup was always half-empty. If anyone had drawn the short straw in life, it was George. However, he gave us so many laughs, and for that, we should all be very grateful.

So take a couple of minutes, relax, and enjoy all these quotes by George Costanza.

George Costanza Quotes:

I don’t trust men in capes.
If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.
Jerry, just remember it’s not a lie if you believe it.
You know, I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.
When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.
If you can’t say something bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.
I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, and my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.
You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pairs. That way I only have to do a wash once a year.
What’s so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn’t shop there.
You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.
[To Jerry]: Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That’s all I’m askin’. This woman thinks I’m very funny and now you’re gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I’m gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn’t seem so funny.

Did you find any of these George Costanza quotes amusing, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If you enjoyed them, please share this post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

So please share this post now. If you can do that for me, then I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience, and that will be your good deed for the day.

Thank you.

Wisdom from India: 33 proverbs and quotes

03/06/2024 by Roy Sutton

India is a vast country with an enormous population, and it’s a source of great wisdom too. Many great thinkers have been influenced by wisdom from India.

So today, let’s explore some wisdom from India in the form of proverbs, sayings, and quotes.

I have the greatest respect for India, its traditions, and its culture, and I’ve learned much from Indian philosophy and thinking.

So take a few moments and reflect on some of the wisdom from one of the greatest civilizations on this planet we call Earth.

Wisdom from India (1-20):

If you can, you must. ~Bikram Choudhury
There is no hand to catch time. ~Indian Proverb
Alertness and courage are life’s shields. ~Indian Wisdom
When the flower blooms, the bees come uninvited. ~Ramakrishna
Where the needle goes, the thread follows. ~Indian Proverb
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. ~Indira Gandhi
What was hard to bear is sweet to remember. ~Indian Wisdom
Great anger is more destructive than the sword. ~Indian Wisdom
Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow but a vision. ~Indian Wisdom
Don’t bargain for fish that are still in the water. ~Indian Wisdom
Pull someone by the ears, and his head will follow. ~Indian Proverb
Walking slowly, even the donkey will reach Lhasa. ~Indian Proverb
Self-belief and hard work will always earn you success. ~Virat Kohli
The eyes do not see what the mind does not want. ~Indian Wisdom
The fruit of your own hard work is the sweetest. ~Deepika Padukone
I have lanced many boils, but none pained like my own. ~Indian Proverb
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. ~Mahatma Gandhi
Success is not a good teacher, failure makes you humble. ~Shah Rukh Khan
Let come what comes, let go what goes. See what remains. ~Ramana Maharshi
Cultivation of the mind should be the ultimate aim of human existence. ~BR Ambedkar

Wisdom from India (21-33):

They who give have all things; they who withhold have nothing. ~Indian Proverb
I had no shoes and complained until I saw a man who had no feet. ~Indian Wisdom
Certain things capture the eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. ~Indian Wisdom
What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist. ~Salman Rushdie
Excellence endures and sustains. It goes beyond motivation into the realm of inspiration. ~Azim Premji
You can take the Indian out of the family, but you cannot take the family out of the Indian. ~Amit Kalantri
Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret to success. ~Swami Sivananda
You sometimes forget the harm that was done to you, but never the harm you have done to others. ~Indian Wisdom
There’s nothing noble in being superior to some other man. True nobility is in being superior to your former self. ~Indian Wisdom
Happiness radiates like the fragrance of a flower and draws all good things towards you. ~Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far. ~Swami Vivekananda
A man is born alone and dies alone, and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone, and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode. ~Chanakya
We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made. ~Albert Einstein

Did you find this wisdom from India interesting? I hope so anyway.

If you did, then please share this post with your friends, because when you share, everyone wins.

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15 Quotes by Moms Mabley that are worth sharing

03/05/2024 by Roy Sutton

I must confess that I was not familiar with the work of African American comedienne Jackie “Moms” Mabley until relatively recently.

However, I stumbled on her work by accident on YouTube, and I was intrigued by her. So naturally, I went in search of some information about her, as well as some quotes by Moms Mabley.

Born Loretta Mary Aiken, she adopted the stage name Moms Mabley and she was a veteran of the Chitlin’ Circuit of African-American vaudeville.

She also appeared on legendary American television shows such as The Ed Sullivan Show and The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. She’s also one of the earliest examples of women in comedy.

Born in 1894, Moms Mabley was one of 16 children, and like most African Americans of her day, particularly women, she’d had a tough early life.

At the encouragement of her grandmother, she ran away and joined a travelling minstrel show where she sang and entertained. Her stage persona was that of an older, dishevelled woman.

Certainly, she was a woman on whom life had left its mark. For instance, by the age of 14, she had been raped twice (at age 11, by an elderly black man, and at age 13, by a white sheriff) and had two children who were given up for adoption.

At the age of 27, she came out as a lesbian, becoming one of the first openly gay comedians. That wouldn’t have been easy in the less enlightened age in which she lived and tried to earn a living.

So if you’re not familiar with Moms Mabley, I recommend you take a closer look at her work, but not before you read these 15 quotes by Moms Mabley.

Quotes by Moms Mabley:

Quit it if you can’t do nothin’ with it. ~Moms Mabley
Use those brains that God put in your head. ~Moms Mabley
It’s no disgrace to be old but damn if it isn’t inconvenient. ~Moms Mabley
[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it. ~Moms Mabley
[Advice to children crossing the street] Damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain’t never killed nobody. ~Moms Mabley
You know Moms has been accused of liking young men and I’m guilty. ~Moms Mabley
Any time you see me with my arms around an old man, I’m holding him for the police. ~Moms Mabley
My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick. ~Moms Mabley
Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move. ~Moms Mabley
Ain’t nothin’ an ol’ man can do but bring me a message from a young one. ~Moms Mabley
I don’t want nothing old, but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That’s what I’m gonna do with it. ~Moms Mabley
The teenagers aren’t all bad. I love ’em if nobody else does. There ain’t nothing wrong with young people. Jus’ quit lyin’ to ’em. ~Moms Mabley
Never lose your head, not even for a minute. You need your head. Your brain’s in it. ~Moms Mabley
Without that basic foundation in showmanship, an act can’t remain at the top. Half of the children nowadays don’t even know how to take a bow. ~Moms Mabley
Black women, white women; all of them. I’m colourblind. I don’t know the difference. I only know you’re a human being and you’re my children. ~Moms Mabley

If you enjoyed these quotes by Moms Mabley, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

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5 of the best funny jokes you’ll read today

03/04/2024 by Roy Sutton

Looking for some of the best funny jokes to brighten your day? Then there are 5 little gems here that should make you smile.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them.

Best funny jokes:

1. Career change:

Bill’s a gynaecologist by profession but he was getting bored with his job, so he decided that it was time for a career change.

In his spare time, Bill had always had a passion for fast cars, so getting involved with cars in some way seemed like a good thing to do.

After a few weeks of reflection, Bill decides to retrain as a car mechanic.

He takes a course at his local adult education college and studies very hard.

Eventually, it’s time for him to take the official examination to qualify as a car mechanic.

Now Bill needs to get a minimum score of 60% if he’s to pass the exam but he finishes with a score of 110%.

Well, the college principal is puzzled. How can anyone get 110%?

So, he calls in the examiner and asks, “How is it that this guy was given 110% in the exam? You think he’s something special just because he used to be a doctor?”

“Well sir,” said the examiner, “his theoretical test was perfect, and his practical test was exceptional. I asked him to tune the engine. He did it perfectly. I asked him to change the oil. Again, he did it perfectly. And then I asked him to change the spark plugs. Yet again, he did it perfectly.”

“So what?” says the principal. “He did everything right so that usually means 100%, surely? Why 110%?”

“He did everything through the exhaust pipe,” the examiner replied.

2. The new restaurant:

Jack and Barney were two elderly gentlemen sitting and talking in Jack’s living room.

Eventually, their conversation touches on the subject of food.

“Hey,” says Jack, “last week we went out to a new restaurant and the food was fantastic. I would definitely recommend it.”

“Really?” says Barney. “What’s the name of this restaurant?“

Well, Jack had to give that some thought, as his memory wasn’t what it was.

After a few moments, Jack said, “What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? The red one with thorns.”

“You mean a rose?” said Barney.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Jack replied.

He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last week?“

3. Memory problems:

Arthur, Chester, and Clarence are three elderly brothers who are 92, 94 and 96 respectively and still living together.

One night Clarence fills his bathtub with water, ready to take a bath. After a few moments, he puts his right foot in the tub and then pauses momentarily.

He then yells down to his brothers, “Was I getting in or out of the tub?“

Chester yells back, immediately, “I don’t know, Clarence. Give me a moment and I’ll come upstairs and check it for you.”

With that Chester starts climbing the stairs.

After taking a few steps he pauses. He then yells, “Was I going up the stairs or down?“

Arthur is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and he can’t help smiling at his brothers’ memory problems.

He shakes his head and then says, “Jeez, I hope I never get as forgetful as you two.“

With that Arthur knocks on the wooden table a couple of times for good luck.

He then pauses before he yells, “I’ll be up to help both of you in a minute, as soon as I see who’s at the door.“

4. Spanish vacation:

Jane and Phil are a married couple who are taking a well-earned vacation in Spain.

After a day of sightseeing, they decide to go to a nice Spanish restaurant for dinner.

As they’re being seated at their table, they can’t help but notice that the couple on the next table are being served a dish with two of the largest meatballs they’ve ever seen.

When the waiter arrives to take their order, Phil asks, “The meatball dish the couple on the next table is having looks delicious, what is it?”

The waiter smiles and then says, “Senor, the meatballs are the testicles from the bull killed in the bullfight this afternoon. This dish is a classic in Spain.”

It looks great, says Phil. “We’ve decided we’re both going to try it.”

“Ah, senor,” the waiter responds, “for this dish we only have one serving each day, for obvious reasons. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we can hold them for you.”

Determined to try this classic Spanish dish, the couple arrive early the following day to place their order.

They sit at their table enjoying a glass of Sangria whilst they wait for their much-anticipated meatball dish.

Eventually, the dish arrives but the meatballs are disappointingly small.

Phil calls the waiter over and says, “What’s this? Yesterday’s testicles were enormous. Today they’re tiny in comparison.”

The waiter smiles politely and then says, “Senor, I’m so sorry but today the bull won.”

5. Pay attention:

A college professor is starting the new academic year with the Veterinary Medicine 101 class.

The Professor welcomes the new class and then says, “In Veterinary Medicine there are two important qualities you’ll need as a Veterinarian. The first quality is that you must never be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.“

The professor paused momentarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

He then pulled back the sheet in front of him and stuck his finger into the butt of the dead cow that was under the sheet. After a moment he withdrew his finger and immediately stuck his finger into his mouth.

“Now, go ahead,” said the professor to the students. “I want you to do what I’ve just done.”

Well, there was much hysteria in the class, and they all hesitated for several minutes before anyone was willing to have a go. However, eventually, they all took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and then sucking it. Naturally, this was followed by a lot of retching and spitting.

Once they’d all had the chance to complete this first task, the professor continued, “Now the second most important quality you’ll need as a Veterinarian is observation.”

Once again, he paused monetarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

“If you’d been watching me carefully,” the professor continued, “you’ll have noticed that it was my middle finger that I inserted into the cow. Whereas it was my index finger that I sucked. So, today’s lesson is this. You’ll need to learn to pay attention if you’re going to succeed as a vet.”

So, were any of these the best funny jokes you’ve read today, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

You might like to try these free games too:

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5 of the best jokes ever just for you

03/03/2024 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some of the best jokes ever, then here are five which I think you might just enjoy. They all made me smile and they should tickle your funny bone too.

So take a few moments to have a laugh and please feel free to pass them on.

Best ever jokes:

1. A hard act to follow:

Rick walks out of his office in Manhattan one evening just as there’s a cab approaching. He hails the cab and, as he’s getting in, he says to the cab driver, “Now that’s perfect timing. Am I lucky or what?”

The cab driver smiles and says, “You’re just like Bill Smith.”

“Who’s Bill Smith?” asks Rick.

“Oh, he’s just some guy who always managed to do everything perfectly,” the cab driver responds.

“How do you mean?” asks Rick.

“Well,” says the driver, “like your situation now. You’re in need of a cab and I’m right here for you when you need me. That would happen to Bill, every time.”

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “No one’s life’s that perfect. There’ll always be a few clouds, surely?”

“Not for Bill,” the cab driver responds. “He was a top athlete. He played golf with a handicap that any top pro would love to have. He played tennis better than John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg. He could sing opera better than Pavarotti and he could dance better than Fred Astaire. And he was a Grade A student with a photographic memory. He never ever forgot a birthday.”

“Really?” Rick responds.

“Really!” says the cab driver. “He could fix any little problem around the house. He had encyclopaedic knowledge about wine and good food. And he was an entertaining raconteur and storyteller. The life and soul of any party. And to top it all, he was always in perfect shape. No, no one will ever match up to Bill Smith, that’s for sure.”

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “no one’s that perfect. How do you know this guy, anyway?”

“Well, I never met him,” says the cab driver, “but I’m married to his widow.”

2. In search of the truth:

One day Joseph Stalin was feeling bored, so he starts thinking about what he can do to amuse himself.

After reflecting on his problem for a while, he decides to disguise himself and circulate amongst ordinary people to find out what they really think of him.

So, he organises a job for himself in a local factory on the outskirts of Moscow and he starts working there.

On his first day, he’s doing everything he can to fit in and when he gets the opportunity, he strikes up a conversation with one of his fellow workers.

As they seem to be getting along well, Stalin suggests that they eat their lunch together in the yard.

As they eat lunch, they make a little small talk for a while and then, when Stalin gets his chance, he asks his new friend, “What do you really think of Stalin?“

Feeling a little paranoid, his friend starts looking around furtively before he responds in a whisper, “We can’t talk about that here, it really wouldn’t be safe.“

Stalin gives him a knowing look in response and suggests they meet after work to discuss it further.

So, they meet up after work in the village where his new friend lives and when he gets the opportunity, once again, Stalin asks the question, “What do you really think of Stalin?”

Well, the guy looks paranoid again and starts looking around him, nervously, to see who might be listening. Then in a whisper, with his finger to his mouth, he says, “Schhh! We can’t talk about that here. It’s much too dangerous. Someone might hear us.”

Stalin gives him a knowing look once again and then suggests that they go for a walk in the neighbouring countryside.

For the next hour they walk out into the hills surrounding the village and eventually they’re so far away, they can’t see another person anywhere.

At this point, Stalin says, “It looks like we’re safe to talk now. So, what do you really think of Stalin?“

His new friend looks around furtively, then he leans in close to Stalin and whispers. “I kinda like him.”

3. The price of honesty:

There was a young kid called Jim who lived in the country.

Like country folk everywhere, when they needed to go, Jim’s family had to use an outhouse.

Young Jim did not find this a pleasant experience.

In the summer it was much too hot and, in the winter, it was too cold. And all year round, it was very smelly.

Now the outhouse was located on the bank of a creek and one day Jim realised that, with a little effort, it could be pushed into the creek.

He waited for his opportunity and one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and Jim decided that this was as good a day as any to push the outhouse into the creek.

With that, he found a long pole and started pushing. Finally, with one last shove, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night Jim’s dad was not happy, and he told him that, after supper, they were going to the woodshed.

Jim knew what this meant. He was in big trouble and punishment would follow.

Nevertheless, he asked his dad, “Why?”

To which his dad responded, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, son, wasn’t it?“

“Yes dad, it was,” said Jim. He then thought momentarily before he said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree but didn’t get punished because he told the truth.”

“Well, son,” said his dad, “George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in that cherry tree at the time, was he?“

4. The Chinese Doctor:

Dr Chow Ming leaves Hong Kong for the United States in search of a better life.

He arrives in New York, but he can’t find a job.

However, Dr Ming is a resourceful and enterprising guy, so he opens his own clinic.

A few weeks after the clinic opens, a lawyer is walking by and he reads the sign in the window, which says: –

EVERY TREATMENT COST – $20
IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU – YOU GET $100 BACK

Well, this guy is a top Wall Street, corporate lawyer and he sees this as an opportunity to have some fun and make a little pocket money.

The lawyer walks into the clinic to be greeted warmly by Dr Ming, who says, “Good morning. What seems to be problem?“

“Well,” says the lawyer, “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

“Nurse!” says Dr Ming. “Bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

“Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

“That’s not medicine!” exclaims the lawyer. “It’s kerosene!“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your taste is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

Nevertheless, he’s determined to get the $100, so after a few days he returns, and Dr Ming recognises him immediately.

“Back again, so soon?” says Dr Ming.

“I’m sorry, have we met before?” asks the lawyer. “You see, I’ve lost my memory.”

“Nurse,” says Dr Ming, “please bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

“Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

“More kerosene!” says the lawyer. “You gave me that last time for restoring my taste.“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your memory is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

However, he’s more determined than ever to get one over on Dr Ming.

One week later he returns to the clinic and again Dr Ming recognises him.

“My eyesight has become so weak, I’m virtually blind,” says the lawyer.

“Unfortunately, I have no medicine for that,” says Dr Ming, “so I must give you $100.“

With that, Dr Ming hands the lawyer a $20 bill.

The lawyer looks at what he’s been given and then says, “But this is only $20, not $100!“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your eyesight is restored. That will be $20, please.”

5. The problem with ducks:

Ethel, Mabel, and Agnes were three old ladies who’d sadly passed away and found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter’s scanning an iPad momentarily, looking to see whether these three old ladies are on his list for admittance to Heaven.

Eventually, he says, “Ladies, welcome to Heaven. There’s just one rule you must all follow and that is, you must never step on a duck.”

Well, as Ethel, Mabel and Agnes walk through the Pearly Gates, they soon realise that there are ducks literally everywhere. There are millions of them.

Naturally, the old ladies do their very best to avoid stepping on any of the ducks, but they find it very difficult.

Ethel only manages one hour before she steps on a duck.

Within seconds St. Peter appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

“Ethel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappeared and Ethel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now Mabel manages a whole afternoon before she too stepped on a duck.

Once again, St Peter suddenly appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

“Mabel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappears and Mabel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now, Agnes got through the whole of her first day in Heaven without stepping on a duck but the following morning she wasn’t quite so fortunate.

St Peter suddenly appears with the best-looking guy that Agnes had ever seen.

“Agnes,” says St Peter, “the penalty for someone like you stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this man, face to face, for eternity.”

“Wow!” said Agnes looking dreamily into the guy’s eyes, “What did we do to deserve this?”

“Lady, I don’t know what you did,” the guy responds, “but all I did was step one of those ducks!“

So, were any of these jokes worthy contenders for the best jokes ever, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

You might like to try these free games too:

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, best jokes ever, fun, funny, Hilarious, hilariously funny jokes, humor, humour, Joke of the Day, jokes, Laugh, LOL, smile, Stress-free

7 inspirational quotes about happiness

03/02/2024 by Roy Sutton

If I were to conduct a survey of readers on the question of happiness, I’m fairly sure that most people would say that whilst they want to be happy, they have yet to achieve that state of mind consistently.

Why is that do you think?

I think it’s because we’re always chasing what we haven’t got.

Being happy requires us to be content with what we have got. If we’re always chasing more, then by definition we can’t be content with what we’ve got, can we?

So if you want to be happy, then I think the trick is to learn to enjoy whatever it is that you’ve actually got, rather than fretting about those things that you’d like to possess but you don’t right now.

Take pleasure in the moment, whenever you can, and always look for the positives in any situation.

Happiness is a state of mind. You can choose to be happy or not.

It’s all down to the way you choose to look at the world.

You can allow things to bother you or you can say, “I’m not going to worry about stuff I can’t change, I’ll just focus on enjoying my life for what it is and make the best of it.”

Here are 7 inspirational quotes about happiness to help you think about what it all means.

Quotes about happiness:

I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself in. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstances but by our disposition. ~Martha Washington
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. ~Agnes Repplier
Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions. ~Dalai Lama
Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won’t have to hunt for happiness. ~William E. Gladstone
Happiness cannot be travelled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. ~Denis Waitley
There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things that are beyond the power of our will. ~Epictetus
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn

If you found these quotes inspiring and interesting then please share them on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

So please share now. If you do, I will be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

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Filed Under: Quotes Tagged With: Achievement, Attitude, Happiness, Influencers, Inspiration, Inspirational Quotes, Life, Meaning, Motivation, Motivational Quotes, Philosophy, quotes, quotes about happiness, Success, Wisdom

15 Quotes by Muhammad Ali to reflect on

03/01/2024 by Roy Sutton

Many people imagine they’re famous, but few experience genuine fame and the universal recognition that it brings with it.

One such person is the legendary, three-time world heavyweight boxing champion, Muhammad Ali.

Born Cassius Clay, he rose above his humble beginnings to become one of the most recognizable and respected faces on the planet. He was also an inspiration to us all.

As well as being a respected sportsman he was also a respected thinker.

Consequently, the many memorable and thought-provoking quotes he left us, continue to offer an insight into the personal philosophy that drove Muhammad Ali to become such a great champion.

I believe the 15 quotes by Muhammad Ali included here today prove my point. He was driven to become a champion and if his philosophy worked for him, then it can work for you too.

So here are 15 of the very best quotes by Muhammad Ali.

Quotes by Muhammad Ali:

I am the greatest; I said that even before I knew I was. ~Muhammad Ali
A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. ~Muhammad Ali
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing. ~Muhammad Ali
Hating people because of their colour is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which colour does the hating. It’s just plain wrong. ~Muhammad Ali
Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even. ~Muhammad Ali
It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe. ~Muhammad Ali
I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion. ~Muhammad Ali
At home I am a nice guy: but I don’t want the world to know. Humble people, I’ve found, don’t get very far. ~Muhammad Ali
Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth. ~Muhammad Ali
Don’t count the days; make the days count. ~Muhammad Ali
It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am. ~Muhammad Ali
If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize. ~Muhammad Ali
Braggin’ is when a person says something and can’t do it. I do what I say. ~Muhammad Ali
It’s not bragging if you can back it up. ~Muhammad Ali

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Filed Under: Quotes Tagged With: Famous People, Inspiration, Inspirational Quotes, Life, Meaning, Motivation, Motivational Quotes, Muhammad Ali, Philosophy, quotes, Quotes by Muhammad Ali, Wisdom

Rude Sarcastic Quotes: Keep calm and read 50 originals.

02/29/2024 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some rude sarcastic quotes, then I’ve produced 50 originals for you here.

Take a few moments to enjoy them all, and feel free to pass them on.

It’s always a good idea to have some ammunition when you’re called upon to deliver a sarcastic response to a challenging individual. I hope some of these are worthy of your retention for future use.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (1-10):

Well, on the upside, at least I’m not you.
Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?
Listen honey, you need to go buy a brain.
Why are you surprised that you’re still single?
Do I dislike you? What gave you that impression?
Anyone who tells you you’ve got two faces can’t count.
Well, I’ve had the best evening ever. But this wasn’t it!
If you really must speak, can you speak to someone else?
If I seem cranky, it’s how I always react to people like you.
Yes, there are people I like but you’ll never be one of them.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (11-20):

You couldn’t cope with me, even if I came with instructions.
No, I wouldn’t call you a loser. That would be unfair to losers.
I had heard that most people don’t like you. Now I know why.
I’m guessing your circle of friends is non-existent. Am I right?
Where did you get your fake tan done? The local Fanta factory?
People like you are living proof that God has a sense of humour.
You call that a steak? I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s pencil.
If you don’t want a sarcastic response, then don’t test my patience.
If you want my opinion for what it’s worth. You’re being an asshole.
It’s called using your brain, difficult as I know that will sound to you.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (21-30):

There are people who bring sunshine into our lives and then there’s you.
Yes, I value customers but there are exceptions. And you’re one of them.
To you it may seem like I’m being mean, but to me, I’m just being honest.
I’d try to explain it to you, but that would be like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall.
Having a job title that sounds important is not quite the same as being important.
You’ve got a face for radio and a voice for silent movies. How unfortunate for you.
It’s best if you don’t do the thinking. The consequences don’t bear thinking about.
If irritating me was your aim, then you’ve achieved something today. Happy now?
Get over yourself. What’s so special about your job, other than a chair that swivels?
I don’t do preferences. So, if that’s a problem for you, go and bother someone else.

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Rude Sarcastic Quotes (31-40):

Expressing a preference for Taco Bell doesn’t make you an expert on Mexican cuisine.
You’re offended by my comments? Oh well, we all have to cope with stuff we don’t like.
The day was going so well, and then you showed up. Now, what did I do to deserve that?
I’d tell you that you can be more than you are, but I wouldn’t want to give you false hope.
Why are you moaning? I’ve got to serve people like you all day long but I’m not complaining.
That your children are truly unpleasant is not their fault. Clearly, they take after their parents.
Of course, I’m not very clever. That’s why I’m stuck here now, serving ungrateful people like you.
Dislike is not a word I’d use to describe my feelings about you. Despise would be more accurate.
I wasn’t giving you the finger. It was simply a visual indication that I was unimpressed with you.
You need to think seriously about global warming before you share any more of your hot air with us.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (41-50):

You have an interesting look. A single eyebrow covering both eyes is not something I’ve seen before.
Sarcastic? Moi? In this business, it’s mandatory to respond to a stupid question with a sarcastic remark.
When he said you’re a pain in the neck, he was being polite. You’re actually a monumental pain in the ass.
You think I’m being unpleasant now? Well, wait until I get into top gear, then you’ll truly experience unpleasant.
You can hang your degree on the wall behind your desk, but I’ll judge your intelligence on results not a piece of paper.
The problem with people like you is that you lack the self-awareness to realise just how much you irritate people like me.
Wearing a silly hat and a clip-on, polyester tie may make you feel important but guess what? It doesn’t mean you are important.
You’ve got more chance of winning the Kentucky Derby on a donkey than convincing me that you know what you’re talking about.
I didn’t say you were cross-eyed. I said I wasn’t quite sure if you were looking at me or trying to see whether the bus was coming.
I’m sorry. If I gave you the impression that I cared about what you think, that wasn’t my intention. I really don’t give a damn what you think.

So, dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these attitude quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: humor, Rude Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm

15 Quotes by Bob Newhart reflecting his personal philosophy

02/28/2024 by Roy Sutton

There are many fine comedians in this world, and many of the finest are American, in my opinion. And for me, one of the funniest American comedians of all time is Bob Newhart. He’s certainly made me laugh out loud, many times.

Many years ago, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon his audio recording of the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart, and from that moment on, I was hooked.

This album was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

Imagine my situation, I was sitting in my car, waiting for the traffic lights to turn green. Suddenly on my car radio, they play the Tobacco sketch from that album. It was so funny that it had me laughing so much that people around me were starting to stare at me as if I’d gone mad. It was that funny. If you click the link above, you can listen to it.

And if you’re unfamiliar with Bob Newhart’s work, then I recommend you check him out. And a good place to start would be the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. It’s still available on Amazon HERE.

However, before you check it out, here are 15 quotes by Bob Newhart, some of which reflect his humour, some reflect his sense of the absurd, and some are just thought-provoking.

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Quotes by Bob Newhart:

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t be silly and don’t waste your time. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t live in the past. There’s no point. You can’t change anything. What a waste of time. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t like country music but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. ~Bob Newhart
People are meant to be in certain places, and I think I’m meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. ~Bob Newhart
The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. ~Bob Newhart
Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t know how doctors pick one speciality over another. Some you can understand. Paediatricians or gynaecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology? ~Bob Newhart
With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attaches to the cell phone itself, it’s getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. ~Bob Newhart
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage. ~Bob Newhart
All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world. ~Bob Newhart
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart
Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr Hutchinson, at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, ‘You really aren’t cut out for accounting.’ ~Bob Newhart
I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn’t work, then I knew it didn’t work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn’t torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened. ~Bob Newhart
All I can say about life is, ‘Oh God, enjoy it!’ ~Bob Newhart

Did you find these quotes by Bob Newhart interesting and thought-provoking?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case, then please share them with your friends, because when you share, everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me, then it will be truly appreciated.

Thank you.

39 attitude quotes that take sarcasm to another level

02/28/2024 by Roy Sutton

If you like attitude quotes, clever put-downs, and sarcasm, then you should enjoy this collection today.

39 sarcastic remarks to add to your quiver full of arrows. These are ammunition for use on another day when someone tries to have a go at you and needs reminding that you’re a person with whom they should not mess if they know what’s good for them.

Hopefully one or two of these might just give you a good laugh too. Enjoy them all.

Attitude quotes:

I get it. Life’s a soup, and I’m a fork.
If your phone doesn’t ring, it’ll be me.
If I were a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
Just be yourself isn’t always good advice.
What doesn’t kill you can only disappoint me.
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
You look like something I drew with my left hand.
If you’re the voice of reason, then we’re in trouble.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Hey, I found your nose again. It was in my business.
If only you ran like your mouth. You’d be in great shape.
You’re such a treasure, why hasn’t someone buried you?
You know, you have one really annoying habit. Breathing.
If I was meant to be controlled, I’d have come with a remote.
I have plenty of terrible ideas. Just let me know if you need any.
I wasn’t being rude. I just said what everyone else was thinking.
May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
Oh, darling, you should really go out and buy yourself a personality.
I try to see the best in everyone but you’re making it really difficult.
You think you know it all but clearly, you don’t know when to shut up.
I’m really sorry if my sense of humour offended your total lack of one.
WIFE to HUSBAND: Sure, I make terrible choices. One of them was you.
I encouraged my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a big hug.
I’m not one for revenge but I might arrange for you to have an accident.
Putting on your makeup every day must be hard, with you having two faces.
They call it a selfie because narcissist is too hard for most people to spell.
I can’t help but wonder why someone hasn’t hit you in the face with a shovel yet.
When you spun the wheel of attitude this morning, clearly it landed on bitch again.
I’d love to help you, but I don’t even play an active role in my own life anymore.
Roses are red; violets are blue; I’ve got five fingers; the middle one’s for you.
Do I think you’re pretentious? You’d eat worms in a deli if they came with a French name.
There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you would have to be a psychiatrist.
Apart from being physically exhausted, financially challenged, overweight, and mentally unstable, everything’s going really well. Thanks.
It’s not for me to question your father’s sperm count, but, seriously, were you actually the sperm that won?
If I’m smiling, I’m contemplating doing something really bad. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You may have a problem with my attitude, but that’s not a problem for me.
There are trees out there tirelessly producing oxygen, so you can breathe. I think you owe them an apology.
When I was a child, my father told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It seems, nowadays they call that identity theft.
Let me stop you right there. If it involves early mornings, sweating, or dealing with people, then the answer’s No!

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these attitude quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm, Quotes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, Attitude Quotes, comebacks, fun, funny, humor, humour, irony, Life, Meaning, Philosophy, put-downs, quotes, retorts, Sarcasm, sarcastic, sarcastic remarks, smile

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