7 quotes about technology and why we must control it

Today, I am exploring quotes about technology.

I love gadgets, and I’m a big fan of technology generally.

However, if we’re not careful, technology intended to make our lives easier and more efficient can have the opposite effect.

Dear reader, how often are you about to do something, but you then think, “Oh, before I do that, I’ll just check Facebook?

Half an hour later, and you’ve forgotten what it was you were about to do in the first place. Now, be honest, can you relate to that experience?

Harness technology by all means and use all the benefits it offers.

However, we shouldn’t let it control our lives. We shouldn’t allow it to be a substitute for real life either.

And of course, the use of technology can never replace intelligent thought.

Technology can help us achieve our aims but can also prevent us from achieving our aims if we’re not careful. So my underlying message to you today, dear reader, is to enjoy technology in all its forms but stay in control.

Here are seven quotes about technology and why we must control it.

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Quotes about technology:

  1. The number one benefit of information technology is that it empowers people to do what they want to do. It lets people be creative. It lets people be productive. It lets people learn things they didn’t think they could learn before and so in a sense, it is all about potential. ~Steve Ballmer
  2. Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, allowing us to do things more quickly and efficiently but too often it seems to make things harder, leaving us with fifty-button remote controls, digital cameras with hundreds of mysterious features and book-length manuals, and cars with dashboard systems worthy of the space shuttle. ~James Surowiecki
  3. Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. ~Bill Gates
  4. The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency. ~Bill Gates
  5. The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men [and women] do. ~BF Skinner
  6. Technology can be our best friend, and technology can also be the biggest party pooper of our lives. It interrupts our own story, interrupts our ability to have a thought or a daydream, to imagine something wonderful, because we’re too busy bridging the walk from the cafeteria back to the office on the cell phone. ~Steven Spielberg
  7. Technology is so much fun but we can drown in our technology. The fog of information can drive out knowledge. ~Daniel J Boorstin
Phil Sutton

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21 philosophical quotes to get you thinking

21 philosophical quotes to get you thinking

Looking for some philosophical quotes, dear reader? Well, I have some quotes today that reflect my own personal philosophy.

How we look at the world matters. Our own personal philosophy will dictate the quality of our lives in many ways.

In my opinion, life’s what we make it.

We could get upset about how unfair everything may seem, or how others seem to be getting a big share of life’s riches, but that won’t improve our lives.

A better idea is to decide what you want from life, work out what you need to do to get it, set some goals, and then set full steam ahead in the direction of your dreams.

Success can be achieved, and people do. So can you.

So, take a look at these 21 philosophical quotes and see if any of them will help inspire you to achieve your own personal success.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to pass them on.

Philosophical Quotes
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Philosophical Quotes (1-10):

  1. Life isn’t fair, nor will it ever be.
  2. If you learn more, you’ll earn more.
  3. Enjoy today because tomorrow is promised to no one.
  4. I don’t want to live forever, but I do want to live today.
  5. Never give anyone the opportunity to mistreat you twice.
  6. Political power belongs to those with numbers on their side.
  7. No truth will be dismissed quicker than an inconvenient truth.
  8. Always be cheerful. It will irritate enough people to be worth the effort.
  9. No one’s too busy. If you really matter to them, they’ll find time for you.
  10. Why settle for ordinary when you have the potential to be extraordinary?

Philosophical Quotes (11-21):

  1. There will always be someone who disagrees with your point of view.
  2. Achievement starts with you having self-belief and a burning desire to achieve.
  3. You’ll get what you tolerate. So, never tolerate anything that is completely unacceptable.
  4. If you want something, you’ve got to give something in return. There’s always a price to be paid.
  5. When you’re thinking, “Someone should do something!” always remember that you’re someone too.
  6. If you’re not hurting anyone else, it’s perfectly reasonable to live your life in any way that makes you happy.
  7. Nothing is ever quite what it seems. There will always be people with an agenda and there will always be those seeking to tip the balance of power in their favour.
  8. We have no constitutional right not to be offended. Occasionally, people will say things to us that are irritating or hurtful. It’s part of life, and we must learn to deal with it.
  9. Beware the useful idiots. Those naive but well-meaning foot soldiers are used by the malevolent in pursuit of an agenda that favours them but no one else.
  10. Learning is essential, but it doesn’t have to be formal learning at a college or university. Self-teaching by reading books, watching tutorials online and listening to inspirational audios can be a great way to learn too.
  11. You may have a dream, but that doesn’t mean others share it. However, don’t be discouraged. It’s better to pursue your dream than spend your life wondering what might have been.
Phil Sutton

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27 unique quotes about life to get you thinking

If you’re looking for unique quotes about life, here are 27 that might resonate with you, dear reader.

Enjoy them all.

Unique quotes about life:

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21 Quotes by Nikola Tesla that’ll make you think

As someone who studied electrical engineering, I was always fascinated by the work of great scientists like Nikola Tesla. So today, I thought exploring some quotes by Nikola Tesla would be interesting.

Nikola Tesla was a Serbian-American inventorelectrical engineermechanical engineer, and futurist best known for his contributions to the design of the modern alternating current (AC) electricity supply system. The world we take for granted today owes a lot to the work of scientists like Tesla, so it’s worth listening to what he had to say. Well, I think so anyway.

One or two of his observations might seem quite controversial to modern sensibilities, but I still think it’s worth exploring some of the quotes credited to him.

Here are 21 quotes by Nikola Tesla, and I hope you find them interesting.

Please feel free to share them.

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Quotes by Nikola Tesla:

  1. I myself eschew all stimulants. I also practically abstain from meat.
  2. I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
  3. The harness of waterfalls is the most economical method known for drawing energy from the sun.
  4. Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like force and matter. When they separate, man is no more.
  5. In the twenty-first century, the robot will take the place that slave labour occupied in ancient civilization.
  6. The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.
  7. The spread of civilisation may be likened to a fire; first, a feeble spark, next a flickering flame, then a mighty blaze, ever increasing in speed and power.
  8. There is no memory or retentive faculty based on lasting impressions. What we designate as memory is but increased responsiveness to repeated stimuli. 
  9. Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine.
  10. The trend of opinion among eugenists is that we must make marriage more difficult. Certainly, no one who is not a desirable parent should be permitted to produce progeny.
  11. The history of science shows that theories are perishable. With every new truth that is revealed, we get a better understanding of Nature and our conceptions and views are modified.
  12. Today’s scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality.
  13. Archimedes was my ideal. I admired the works of artists, but to my mind, they were only shadows and semblances. The inventor, I thought, gives to the world creations which are palpable, which live and work.
  14. I do not think there is any thrill that can go through the human heart like that felt by the inventor as he sees some creation of the brain unfolding to success… such emotions make a man forget food, sleep, friends, love, everything.
  15. It seems that I have always been ahead of my time. I had to wait nineteen years before Niagara was harnessed by my system, fifteen years before the basic inventions for wireless which I gave to the world in 1893 were applied universally.
  16. By an irony of fate, my first employment was as a draughtsman. I hated drawing; it was for me the very worst of annoyances. Fortunately, it was not long before I secured the position I sought, that of chief electrician to the telephone company.
  17. In a time not distant, it will be possible to flash any image formed in thought on a screen and render it visible at any place desired. The perfection of this means of reading thought will create a revolution for the better in all our social relations.
  18. The scientific man does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up. His work is like that of the planter – for the future. His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come and point the way.
  19. If we want to reduce poverty and misery, if we want to give to every deserving individual what is needed for a safe existence of an intelligent being, we want to provide more machinery and more power. Power is our mainstay, the primary source of our many-sided energies.
  20. It is paradoxical, yet true, to say, that the more we know, the more ignorant we become in the absolute sense, for it is only through enlightenment that we become conscious of our limitations. Precisely one of the most gratifying results of intellectual evolution is the continuous opening up of new and greater prospects.
  21. With ideas it is like with dizzy heights you climb: At first, they cause you discomfort and you are anxious to get down, distrustful of your own powers; but soon the remoteness of the turmoil of life and the inspiring influence of the altitude calm your blood; your step gets firm and sure and you begin to look – for dizzier heights.

Further reading:

If you’d like to learn more about Nikola Tesla, his autobiography is available in paperback. The book is called:

Phil Sutton

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The importance of change and the opportunities it brings

Today, dear reader, I’d like to explore the importance of change to a business and the opportunities it brings. For the fleet-footed entrepreneur, opportunity is synonymous with change. If that isn’t obvious, trust me, it’s true. And that’s why it’s important to embrace change.

1. Change is inevitable:

As the old saying goes, change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

We cannot avoid change, quite simply, because it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. Trying to stop it is like trying to hold back the tide. It cannot be done. Change is simply a force of nature.

However, if you hate change, don’t worry because you’re not alone. Most people hate change.

Just when we think we have everything under control, a significant change happens, and suddenly we’re scrambling to get ourselves back to equilibrium. It makes life seem like a giant game of Snakes and Ladders, doesn’t it?

2. Fear of change is natural:

Actually feeling uncomfortable when faced with change is both rational and natural because one of the most basic human needs is the need to feel secure. Change is an uncomfortable experience because it makes us feel insecure.

However, we must control any fear we have about it and we must have the courage to do whatever is necessary to ensure that we respond appropriately as the winds of change start blowing around us.

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3. Businesses can be fragile:

Change can affect a business in many ways, given that plenty of things can change for a business over time.

For instance, consumers’ needs, wants, and expectations will change over time, as will technology; markets, competition, and regulations. And of course, let’s not forget taxation. Governments are constantly tinkering with taxation, as their need for money increases.

Therefore, business owners and executives must be on their guard constantly, anticipating change and how it might affect their business.

Whether you’re an owner, an executive, or just an employee, if you’re involved with a business then you cannot afford to become too complacent.

Ignore change, and it’ll kill your business quicker than you might imagine. It can kill your career, too. Businesses can be fragile if they’re exposed suddenly to the harsh reality of change.

4. Change on an industrial scale:

It’s easy to think that major corporations that dominate whole industries are immune from the impact that change can bring. Unfortunately, this isn’t so.

Consider, for instance, the computer industry.

IBM was once the behemoth of that industry. The very name was synonymous with everything that was best in the information technology (IT) sector, globally. So glowing was their reputation that there was an old saying universally accepted in business, “No one ever got fired for buying IBM.

They were Big Blue, second to no one.

However, their size and reputation didn’t stop them from almost paying a heavy price for failing to anticipate changing IT trends.

For years, IBM favoured large centralised computer installations that filled whole buildings. And IBM didn’t see any reason to do anything differently, as they were in the business of supplying these and making good money from them.

Neither did they believe that many people would actually need computers. As recently as 1943 Thomas Watson, then Chairman of IBM said, “I think there’s a world market for maybe five computers.

However, IBM’s lack of foresight didn’t end there.

Having introduced what we now call the PC to the market in 1982, they didn’t believe it had any real future. Apparently, their original forecast for global sales for the PC was just 25,000 units, worldwide.

IBM didn’t want PCs to sell because they saw centralised corporate computer systems as where the real money was. Their failure to see the potential of the PC allowed Microsoft to move in and become a dominant player at IBM’s expense.

Failure to recognize changing trends and how they would affect the demand for computers and the way computers were going to be used had almost catastrophic consequences for IBM.

To be fair, they did manage to adapt eventually, but not before their business came dangerously close to collapse. And to this day, they do not dominate their industry in the way they once did.

5. Heavyweights no more:

Another good example of a dominant industry player failing to recognise the winds of change was Digital Equipment Corporation (DEC).

If you’re not familiar with that name, dear reader, they were the leading supplier of what was then known as the mini-computer back in the late 1970s.

However, it seems DEC allowed its dominant industry position to cloud its judgment because back in 1977, Ken Olson, then President, Chairman, and founder of DEC observed, “There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.

Where is DEC now?

They’re nothing more than a footnote in the history of digital technology. Few people, other than old computer industry hands, will even remember the name.

And yet the demand for computer technology products is greater than it has ever been. Every household has several of them in the form of desktops, laptops, and, in particular, tablets and smartphones.

Today, the computer industry is dominated by companies like Microsoft, Apple, and Google. None of these companies even existed when Ken Olson made his unfortunate comment in 1977.

Another good example is Kodak, once the dominant player in the photographic products industry. As recently as 1976, Kodak commanded 90% of film sales and 85% of camera sales in the United States. Where are they now? Certainly, nothing like the company they once were, that’s for sure.

6. Change brings opportunity:

Set aside the fear of change, and you’ll see that it’s not necessarily a bad thing, because it generates opportunities for the fleet-footed. So there’s a positive dimension to change as well.

If it’s embraced, then opportunities are always there for the taking.

Just think about it for a second. If change didn’t happen, we’d all still be living in caves and riding around on donkeys.

Most companies, particularly large corporations, are usually far too slow in responding to change. However, that offers plenty of scope for smaller, faster, and more flexible businesses to move in and relieve the big boys of their lunch.

So change is a positive dynamic.

7. See change positively:

Let’s face it if everything always remained the same, then most of the things we enjoy and take for granted today wouldn’t exist.

In developed countries, we enjoy a standard of living that would have been beyond the imagination of people even a century ago. Think about that statement for a second; everything we now take for granted today once didn’t exist.

The point is that we ignore change at our peril, particularly in business.

So it’s better to embrace change positively than to ignore it.

Yes, of course, it feels uncomfortable, but we all get used to changes in the fullness of time.

If change is going to happen anyway, then we might as well see what’s in it for us, surely?

If we’re in business, or indeed, as people, we should always be constantly thinking about how we can exploit change to our advantage. How can we seize the opportunities that will come along as a natural consequence of change?

To exploit change, we need to become trend-watchers. And not just single trends.

We need to be watching every trend that might have an impact on ourselves and our businesses.

We must consider how those trends might come together to create a perfect storm, the winds of which might do us harm or become the wind beneath our wings.

Whether the consequences are good or bad, we must always be ready for them.

9. Conclusion:

Successful people are adept at exploiting opportunities brought about by change.

Change is synonymous with opportunity, it’s that simple.

Never fear change, you must embrace it.

If success is your aim, then change can be your friend.

However, never underestimate the harm change can do, should you become too complacent.

Change can be a force for good, but equally, it can be a dangerous force for the unwary.

When you think of change, think positively, but think defensively too.

Phil Sutton

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25 quotes reflecting on life that’ll make you think

If you’re looking for quotes reflecting on life, here are 25 that might resonate with you, dear reader.

Enjoy them all.

Quotes reflecting on life:

Quotes reflecting on life
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Quotes reflecting on life
Phil Sutton

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25 Quotes by Richard Branson to inspire you to do great things

Sir Richard Charles Nicholas Branson, or simply Richard Branson as he’s better known, is a British billionaire, entrepreneur, and business magnate. By any measure, he’s a successful, self-made man, and therefore we can learn from him. So, some quotes by Richard Branson are worth exploring.

He expressed a desire to become an entrepreneur at an early age. In the 1970s, Richard Branson founded the Virgin Group, which today controls more than 400 companies in various fields.

Over the years, his interests have extended across retail, music, and transport (including land, air, sea, and space travel), and his taste for adventure and his humanitarian work have resulted in him becoming a prominent global figure.

So here are 25 quotes by Richard Branson to inspire you to do great things.

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Quotes by Richard Branson (1-10):

  1. A good leader doesn’t get stuck behind a desk.
  2. Material things are delightful but they’re not important.
  3. Starting your own business isn’t just a job it’s a way of life. 
  4. In business, if you realise you’ve made a bad decision, you change it.
  5. Do not be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.
  6. Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming.
  7. You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.
  8. One thing is certain in business. You and everyone around you will make mistakes.
  9. If you’re embarking around the world in a hot-air balloon, don’t forget the toilet paper.
  10. My philosophy is that if I have any money I invest it in new ventures and not have it sitting around.

Quotes by Richard Branson (11-20):

  1. I always find the time to exercise – kitesurfing, tennis or cycling – and to spend time with my loved ones.
  2. Every successful businessman will have experienced setbacks and failures. They’re lying if they say they haven’t.  
  3. It’s a common misconception that money is every entrepreneur’s metric for success. It’s not, and nor should it be.
  4. My interest in life comes from setting myself huge, apparently unachievable challenges and trying to rise above them.
  5. Being a good listener is absolutely critical to being a good leader; you have to listen to the people who are on the front line.
  6. Entrepreneurs are natural problem-solvers, which means that we always have ideas for new businesses popping into our heads. 
  7. My attitude has always been, if you fall flat on your face, at least you’re moving forward. All you have to do is get back up and try again.
  8. It’s rare for a start-up to make money immediately, so you need to make sure that you have enough saved or that you have another income stream that can support you. 
  9. Fun is one of the most important and underrated ingredients in any successful venture. If you’re not having fun, then it’s probably time to call it quits and try something else.
  10. Most people would assume my business success, and the wealth that comes with it, have brought me happiness. But I know I am successful, wealthy, and connected because I am happy.

Quotes by Richard Branson (21-25):

  1. Treat failure as a lesson on how not to approach achieving a goal and then use that learning to improve your chances of success when you try again. Failure is only the end if you decide to stop.
  2. Too many people measure how successful they are by how much money they make or the people that they associate with. In my opinion, true success should be measured by how happy you are.
  3. There’s an inherent danger in letting people think that they have perfected something. When they believe they’ve ‘nailed it,’ most people tend to sit back and rest on their laurels while countless others will be labouring furiously to better their work!
  4. From a young age, I learned to focus on the things I was good at and delegate to others what I was not good at. That’s how Virgin is run. Fantastic people throughout the Virgin Group run our businesses, allowing me to think creatively and strategically.
  5. If you want to be more productive, then start at the start: get there on time. Whether it is a meeting, a flight, an appointment or a date, it’s important to ensure you are there when you say you will be there. This may feel like an old-fashioned tip to give, but it has served me well for five decades in business.
Phil Sutton

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21 Quotes by Marie Curie

Today, I am exploring quotes by Marie Curie.

I’m always intrigued by people who achieve success despite all the odds working against them. One such person is Marie Curie, a woman who made a name for herself in what was then an exclusively male profession in an age when women were very much second-class citizens. So, let’s explore some quotes by Marie Curie.

Marie Curie was a physicist and chemist who made pioneering contributions to the study of radioactivity.

She was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize and is the only person to have won Nobel Prizes in two different scientific fields (Physics in 1903 and Chemistry in 1911).

Marie Curie’s research laid the foundation for the development of nuclear physics and the treatment of cancer. She discovered two new elements, Polonium and Radium, and conducted ground-breaking research on their properties.

Marie Curie offers us some lessons worthy of note. What are the key lessons? (1) Find something that matters to you, (2) Pursue your interest with passion, and (3) Don’t let anyone or anything stop you.

Anyway, without further ado, here are 21 quotes by Marie Curie to get you thinking today.

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Quotes by Marie Curie (1-10):

  1. Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas.
  2. I am among those who think that science has great beauty.
  3. In science, we must be interested in things, not in persons.
  4. I was taught that the way of progress was neither swift nor easy.
  5. One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.
  6. There are sadistic scientists who hurry to hunt down errors instead of establishing the truth.
  7. I am one of those who think like Nobel, that humanity will draw more good than evil from new discoveries.
  8. Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
  9. If I see anything vital around me, it is precisely that spirit of adventure, which seems indestructible and is akin to curiosity.
  10. After all, science is essentially international, and it is only through lack of the historical sense that national qualities have been attributed to it.

Quotes by Marie Curie (11-21):

  1. I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy.
  2. A scientist in his laboratory is not a mere technician: he is also a child confronting natural phenomena that impress him as though they were fairy tales.
  3. I have no dress except the one I wear every day. If you are going to be kind enough to give me one, please let it be practical and dark so that I can put it on afterwards to go to the laboratory.
  4. Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing must be attained.
  5. You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for his own improvement and, at the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity.
  6. Unknown in Paris, I was lost in the great city, but the feeling of living there alone, taking care of myself without any aid, did not at all depress me. If sometimes I felt lonesome, my usual state of mind was one of calm and great moral satisfaction.
  7. We should not allow it to be believed that all scientific progress can be reduced to mechanisms, machines, gearings, even though such machinery also has its beauty. Neither do I believe that the spirit of adventure runs any risk of disappearing in our world.
  8. In 1906, just as we were definitely giving up the old shed laboratory where we had been so happy, there came the dreadful catastrophe which took my husband away from me and left me alone to bring up our children and, at the same time, to continue our work of research.
  9. I tried out various experiments described in treatises on physics and chemistry, and the results were sometimes unexpected. At times, I would be encouraged by a little unhoped-for success; at others, I would be in the deepest despair because of accidents and failures resulting from my inexperience.
  10. Sometimes I had to spend a whole day mixing a boiling mass with a heavy iron rod nearly as large as myself. I would be broken with fatigue at the day’s end. Other days, on the contrary, the work would be a most minute and delicate fractional crystallization, in the effort to concentrate the radium.
  11. All my mind was centred on my studies, which, especially at the beginning, were difficult. In fact, I was insufficiently prepared to follow the physical science course at the Sorbonne, for, despite all my efforts, I had not succeeded in acquiring in Poland a preparation as complete as that of the French students following the same course.
Phil Sutton

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25 Quotes by Rumi to inspire you today

Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi, known simply as Rumi, was a 13th-century poet.

Rumi is believed to have been a man of immense talent.

His work highlights literature’s power to transcend time, language, and geography.

Incredibly, Rumi covered many topics in a few words. And his work inspires us to this day. His legacy is likely to inspire future generations for years to come.

Today I offer you 25 quotes by Rumi that showcase his wisdom.

I hope they inspire you to harness the power of positive thinking. Reflect on them and use the lessons they offer in your everyday life.

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Quotes by Rumi (1-12):

  1. What you seek is seeking you.
  2. We are born of love. Love is our mother.
  3. Where there’s ruin there’s hope for a treasure.
  4. There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.
  5. Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.
  6. Love will find its way through all languages on its own.
  7. There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the earth.
  8. You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?
  9. Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes around in another form.
  10. Yesterday is gone and its tale told. Today new seeds are growing.
  11. Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life
  12. Why should I be unhappy? Every parcel of my being is in full bloom.

Quotes by Rumi (13-25):

  1. Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.
  2. Before death takes away what you are given, give away what there is to give.
  3. Raise your words, not your voice. It’s rain that grows flowers, not thunder.
  4. Beauty surrounds us, but usually, we need to be walking in a garden to know it.
  5. That which is false troubles the heart, but truth brings joyous tranquillity.
  6. When someone beats a rug, the blows are not against the rug, but against the dust in it.
  7. Everything that is made beautiful and fair and lovely is made for the eye of one who sees.
  8. Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
  9. There is an invisible strength within us; when it recognizes two opposing objects of desire, it grows stronger.
  10. Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.
  11. You know the value of every article of merchandise, but if you don’t know the value of your own soul, it’s all foolishness.
  12. Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
  13. It may be that the satisfaction I need depends on my going away so that when I’ve gone and come back, I’ll find it at home.
Phil Sutton

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5 funny story jokes that’ll make you chuckle

If you’re looking for funny story jokes, I’ve got five little gems for you today.

So grab a coffee, and then take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Funny Story Jokes:

1. How to impress the girl of your dreams:

Young Josh is a 16-year-old, shy and socially awkward guy constantly dreaming of dating a girl, like many young men of his age.

As luck would have it, the real object of his affection lives right next door to him. Her name’s Charlene, she’s slim, attractive, cultured, and perfectly poised.

However, poor Josh is a little too bashful to engage her in conversation.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop him from watching her dreamily from his bedroom window as she wanders across her yard each morning.

One day Josh’s father notices him watching Charlene from his bedroom window.

“Josh, if you like the girl, why not say hello to her?” says his dad.

“Oh, Dad, I’m not very good at talking to girls, I never quite know what to say to them,”  Josh responds.

“Look, son,”  says his dad, “girls just like you to take an interest in them and what they’ve been doing. Just ask her about what she’s been doing.

The following day, Josh sees Charlene wander across her yard, heading towards the john at the end of her garden.

Desperate to impress her and thinking he’s spotted an ideal opportunity to follow his dad’s advice, Josh rushes outside to catch her attention as she returns to the house.

Encouraged when Charlene flashes him a smile, Josh is convinced that this is his opportunity to impress her.

And then he hears himself say, “Been taking a dump then, Charlene?

2. The man and the penguins:

Police officer Maguire is sitting in his patrol car by the side of the freeway when he sees a guy drive past him in a pickup truck full of penguins.

With blue lights flashing, Officer Maguire chases after the pickup truck and pulls the guy over.

Sir, you do know that penguins are a protected species, and you can’t drive them around like this in this town?” says Officer Maguire. “I suggest you take them to the zoo.

Having given the guy a polite warning, Officer Maguire then lets him go on his way.

The very next day, Officer Maguire is in his patrol car again when he sees the same man still driving around with the penguins, and this time they’re all wearing sunglasses.

So Officer Maguire pulls the guy over again and says, “Hey buddy, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday.

I did,”  the man replies, “and today I’m taking them to the beach.

3. All rise:

Jim is up in court, charged with a series of misdemeanours.

Now, Jim feels he’s been unfairly treated, and when the judge rules against him, he cannot contain his anger any longer.

“You, sir, are a moron!” shouts Jim as the judge passes judgement.

Well, the judge is not amused and says, “For contempt of court, you’re fined $250; that’s $50 for each of those words you shouted.

Jim gets out his wallet, and he’s checking its contents when the judge says, “You don’t have to pay the fine right now; you can hand the money to the clerk as you leave the court.

Jim looks up, and, in response, says, “I wasn’t trying to pay you, sir; I was checking to see whether I had enough money to tell you what I really think of you.

4. Strange sounds:

Did you know that when Beethoven sadly passed away, his body was buried in a church graveyard, as was common in those days?

A few days later, a couple of drunken youths were staggering through this graveyard late at night when they heard strange noises emanating from the plot where Beethoven had been buried.

Shaken by what they had heard, the youths ran to the priest to tell him about their experience.

The priest listened to them sympathetically and said, “Let’s go together to Beethoven’s grave, and I’ll hear it for myself.

When they arrived at the plot, the priest listened carefully, and he could hear some faint, unrecognized music coming from the grave.

Well, even the priest was terrified by this experience, and he ran to the town’s mayor.

The mayor accompanied the priest back to the grave, where he could listen for himself.

As they stood by the grave, the mayor could hear Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony being played backwards.

Puzzled by this, he continued to listen, only to hear the Eighth Symphony played backwards, followed by the Seventh Symphony, the Sixth Symphony, The Fifth Symphony and so on, all played backwards.

The mayor stood there momentarily puzzled by this experience, and then he turned to the priest and said, “It’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

5. Children and their teacher:

It’s the end of the school year, and the popular kindergarten teacher is receiving gifts from the children in her class.

She asks them to bring their gift to the front, one at a time.

First up is the florist’s son. He proudly hands her his neatly wrapped gift, and she thanks him and smiles.

She then gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. Some flowers?

That’s right,”  says the boy, “but how did you know?

Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,”  says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the sweet shop owner’s daughter.

Once again, the teacher gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. It’s a box of sweets.

That’s right,”  says the little girl, “but how did you know?

Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,”  says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the son of the liquor store owner.

As before, the teacher holds the gift-wrapped package above her head momentarily, but it’s leaking.

So she touches a drop of the slightly yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

Is it a Chardonnay?” asks the teacher.

No!” the boy replies, a little excited in anticipation of her response.

Once again, the teacher touches the leaking, yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

Perhaps it’s Champagne?” she suggests.

No!” the boy replies, with even more excitement than before.

So the teacher has one more quick taste of the liquid before saying, “Alright then, I give up, you’ve got me on his one. What is it?

With a beaming smile and great excitement, the boy says, “It’s a puppy!

Phil Sutton

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