5 very funny jokes to get you smiling a little

07/29/2025 by

Laughter is always the best medicine, and it’s a great way to lift yourself if you’re feeling down. So, here are five very funny jokes to brighten your day.

I’m confident that you will enjoy them all, dear reader.

So take an unofficial break, enjoy them all, and please, feel free to pass them on.

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Very Funny Jokes:

1. Store policy:

The store manager overheard her sales assistant saying to an elderly customer, “No mam, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any soon.”

Alarmed by what she’d heard, the store manager rushed over to the elderly lady as she was leaving the store and said, “Mam, I am so sorry; the information you were given was incorrect. We will actually have some very soon. We’ve placed an order today.”

The elderly lady gave the store manager a slightly puzzled look, but then just smiled and left the store.

The store manager then walked back over to her sales assistant and said very sternly, “You must never say that we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we have it on order and we expect it any day. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, mam!” responded the sales assistant.

“So what was it the old lady was asking for?” asked the store manager.

“Rain”, responded her sales assistant.

2. Bad news:

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, “I’m afraid you’ve only got three weeks to live.”

“Are you sure?” said Dan, “I feel fine. Isn’t there anything that can be done?”

“Well,” said his doctor, “you could try taking a mud bath each day.”

“Will that cure me?” asked Dan.

“No, but it’ll get you used to the dirt,” responded the physician.

3. Generational divide:

Jill and Frank are a young couple who have just gotten married, and they are on their honeymoon in Majorca.

They are on an all-inclusive package holiday, and when they arrive in the hotel restaurant for dinner, they are seated with an elderly couple who are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.

Throughout dinner, the old man keeps referring to his wife as honey, or sweetie pie, and a few other terms of endearment.

As they are enjoying a liqueur at the end of the meal, Jill says to the elderly couple, “I am so impressed. I hope that if Frank and I make it to our 60th anniversary, he’ll still be calling me sweetie pie.”

The old man smiled and said, “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 20 years ago.”

4. The parking ticket:

Let me tell you a story about something that happened last week. My wife and I went into town to do some shopping. We came out of a store only to see a cop writing out a parking ticket.

Naturally, I went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior citizen a break?“

Well, he just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

As he completed the ticket and was putting it on the windshield, I called him a “schmuck.”

Well, he just glared at me and then started writing another ticket, this time for having worn-out tires.

As he completed that ticket, my wife called him a “jerk.”

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we called him offensive names, the more tickets he wrote. Having slapped the last one on the windshield, he then started walking away with a smirk on his face.

Just then, our bus arrived, so we got on it and went home.

Moral of the Story: When you’re retired, you must look for ways to have a little fun each day.

5. Embarrassing situations:

By nature, Jason was intelligent but a bit shy. One day, he went into a bar, and he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table drinking a white-wine spritzer.

Jason couldn’t take his eyes off this woman, and eventually, he plucked up the courage to walk across and speak to her.

“Hello, I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly but politely.

The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice, “No! I will not sleep with you tonight!”

Jason blushed, beetroot red with embarrassment, and everyone in the bar looked over to see what was happening.

So he walked back over to the counter where he’d been sitting, reflecting on how he might have handled the situation and intending to leave the bar as soon as he’d finished his drink.

However, a couple of minutes later, the attractive woman walked over to him and apologised.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m a PhD student at Harvard, and I’m researching how people respond in embarrassing situations.”

To which Jason responded, yelling loudly at the top of his voice, “What do you mean you charge three hundred dollars minimum?”

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Please share this post:

If you enjoyed these very funny jokes, dear reader, then please share this blog post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

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You’ll howl laughing at these 5 hilariously funny jokes

07/28/2025 by

If you’re looking for some hilariously funny jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got 5 little gems for you today.

I’m confident they’ll all make you smile.

So take a few minutes to enjoy them all and brighten your day.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKES
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Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Getting to know your students:

It was the beginning of a new school year, and the teacher was getting to know the children by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl to respond said, “I’m Mary, and my dad’s a builder.”

Then another little girl spoke and said, “My name’s Louisa, and my dad’s a police officer.”

The conversation went on like this as the teacher went around the class, until one little boy said, “I’m Jack, and my dad’s a stripper in a gay bar.”

Naturally, the teacher was surprised by this comment, and feeling slightly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking, she decided it might be better to change the subject.

A little later, she spotted Jack in the schoolyard on his own. So the teacher approached him and asked if it was true that his father worked as a stripper in a gay bar.

Jack’s face turned a little red as he replied, “No, he’s actually a banker, but I was too embarrassed to admit that in front of the class.”

2. Bikers at the roadside diner:

Jeff was sitting quietly in a roadside diner, enjoying his lunch, when suddenly three mean-looking bikers walked in.

The first guy strolls over to Jeff and stubs a cigarette into his lunch.

The second biker then walks over and spits in Jeff’s coffee.

Finally, the third guy picks up Jeff’s plate and flings it, crashing to the floor. Then he starts howling with laughter straight in Jeff’s face.

Jeff quietly gets to his feet and leaves the diner.

The third biker walks across to the waitress, who was standing behind the counter, and sneers, “Well, he wasn’t much of a man, now was he?”

The waitress smiles and, glancing in the direction of the window, responds, “It looks like he wasn’t much of a driver either. He’s just backed his truck over those three motorcycles parked outside and trashed them all.”

3. The baseball game:

One day, the Devil challenges God to a baseball game between teams from Heaven and Hell.

God smiled and said, “Hell wouldn’t have a chance.”

“Why?” queried the Devil.

“Oh, Devil, come on now? I’ve got the greatest baseball players of all time. Hey, I’ve got Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. I’ve even got the Yankee Clipper, Joe DiMaggio. Who have you got?” said God.

The Devil grinned and said, “Well, God, impressive as your list is, I’ve still got all the umpires.”

4. The haircut:

Jim went into a barber’s shop that was advertising David Beckham-style haircuts.

Twenty minutes later, Jim looked in the mirror, and he was shocked to see that looking back at him was an erratically shaven scalp and a head covered in cuts.

Naturally, Jim protested to the barber. Pointing to his head, Jim said, “Now listen to me, buddy, this is not how David Beckham has his hair cut.”

“He would if he had his hair cut here,” the barber responded.

5. The night watchman:

The US government owned a scrapyard in the middle of the desert.

This was the source of some concern to Congress because the feeling was that people could steal from it.

So, they decided to create the role of night watchman, and someone was hired to do the job.

However, Congress was then concerned about how the night watchman could carry out his duties without instruction.

The solution to this dilemma was to create a planning department, and two people were hired to fill the position. One was hired to write instructions, and the other to carry out time and motion studies.

Congress then had concerns about how they might measure whether the night watchman was doing his job effectively.

To address this problem, they established a quality control department and hired two additional personnel. One was hired to study job performance and the other to write reports.

Then Congress questioned how everyone would be paid. To resolve this issue, two additional personnel were hired: one as a timekeeper and one as a payroll officer.

However, that wasn’t the end of Congress’s concerns because the obvious question was, “Who is to be accountable for all these people?”

The solution was to create an Administration Department and hire three additional staff members – an Administration Director, an Administration Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

A year passed, and following a review, Congress expressed concern that the operation was $27,000 over budget. Naturally, they considered ways to reduce overall costs.

The solution agreed upon by Congress was to lay off the night watchman.

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Please share with your friends on social media:

I hope these hilariously funny jokes made you laugh, dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could use another laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, then please share this post with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

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12 funniest jokes you’ll read today

07/26/2025 by
12 funniest jokes

We all need a smile or two now and then. Jokes cheer us up, and laughter is the best medicine. So today I offer you 12 of the funniest jokes, each in two lines.

Let me say that these are jokes that I’ve stumbled upon in various places, so I cannot claim credit for them.

However, I wasn’t able to identify the original authors either.

Should you be the author of any of these jokes, or should you know the original author, then please let me know.

I would welcome the opportunity to add appropriate credits and links to acknowledge the authors. In the meantime, enjoy them all!

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Funniest Jokes:

  • You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
  • You only need a parachute if you plan to go skydiving twice
  • Parallel lines have so much in common
  • It’s a shame they’ll never meet
  • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I earn
  • Then they call me ugly and poor
  • Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay
  • You have my Word
  • I went to an emotional wedding the other day
  • Even the cake was in tiers
  • Someone stole my mood ring
  • I don’t know how I feel about that
  • I tried to catch fog yesterday
  • Mist
  • Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
  • If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrow too high
  • She looked surprised
  • I threw a boomerang a few years ago
  • I now live in constant fear
  • A guy shows up late for work. His boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8.30!”
  • The guy replies, “Why? What happened at 8.30?
  • To people who say, “My dog is my best friend.”
  • I say, “Your dog may be your best friend, but will it pick you up from the airport? I think not.”
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Audible: The perfect companion for comedy lovers:

Dear reader, do you love humour and comedy, witty stand-up, or hilarious storytelling?

Would you like to access all the funny content while you’re on the move?

Perhaps you prefer to listen rather than read. Well, why wouldn’t you?

Imagine having unlimited access to the funniest audiobooks, comedy specials, and laugh-out-loud performances anytime, anywhere.

Well, that is precisely what you get with Audible. 

Quite simply, it is a game-changer for comedy enthusiasts!

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Why Audible is essential for comedy fans:

Instant access to top comedy titles: Whether it is classic works by legends like George Carlin and Dave Chappelle or the newest releases from today’s hottest comedians (think Kevin Hart, Ali Wong, or Trevor Noah), Audible has a vast library that is packed with comedy gold. Whatever your preference, you’ll always find something to tickle your funny bone.

Hear the jokes come to life: Reading comedy is one thing, but hearing it delivered by the original performer takes the experience to another level. The timing, tone, and energy of a live performance shine through in audiobooks, making every punchline land with greater impact.

Laugh on the go: Whether you’re stuck in traffic, sitting on a bus, or just waiting in line, an Audible subscription can turn even dull moments into a comedy club experience. Just put on your headphones and let the funniest comedians turn your commute or workout into a laugh fest.

Exclusive comedy originals:?If you don’t know it, Audible produces original comedy content you won’t find anywhere else, featuring top-tier comedians in special performances, improv shows, and behind-the-scenes storytelling.

Flexible listening, risk-free:?Don’t forget that there’s a trial and easy exchanges if a title isn’t your style. Audible makes it simple to explore new comedians without buyer’s remorse. Plus, you keep your books even if you cancel!

So, don’t just read comedy, experience it!

Life’s too short for boring moments. With Audible, you can fill your days with laughter, wit, and unbeatable entertainment. 

Try Audible today and discover why it’s the best investment any comedy lover can make.

Start your trial now and get your first comedy audiobook free!

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DISCLOSURE: I am an Amazon affiliate. If you subscribe to Audible or make a purchase via the links provided, please be aware that I will receive a small commission. However, there will not be any additional cost to you. Your understanding is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

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If you enjoyed these funny jokes, dear reader, then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

Please share this post now. If you could do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

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30 silliest jokes ever that’ll tickle your funny bone

06/22/2025 by

If you like short, witty one-line jokes, dear reader, then today I offer you some of the silliest jokes ever.

Yes, they’re corny, I admit that, but I’m confident they’ll tickle your funny bone. Children will enjoy them too.

Take a few moments to relax and smile, and please feel free to share them all.

SILLIEST JOKES EVER
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Silliest jokes ever (1-15):

  1. What type of trees do plumbers plant? Toiletries.
  2. How do horses propose? They go down on bended neigh.
  3. Who do you call if a parrot falls off his perch? Parrot-medics.
  4. Why did the monkey logon online? To send a chimpanzee-mail.
  5. What happens to ducks before they grow up? They grow down.
  6. Is it legal to marry a widow’s husband? No, because he’s dead.
  7. What would a monster choose to eat in a restaurant? The waiter.
  8. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they’ve got two left feet.
  9. Why do bears have fur coats? Because they’d look silly in anoraks.
  10. What’s the definition of an arms race? An octopus running for a bus.
  11. Why are barbers, such good drivers? Because they know all the shortcuts.
  12. What’s a man’s idea of a romantic night out? A candlelit football stadium.
  13. Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.
  14. Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? She wanted to post a litter.
  15. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how it all works.

Silliest jokes ever (16-30):

  1. How do you fix a short circuit? Lengthen it.
  2. How do you make a moth ball? Flick its nose.
  3. Why did the gold prospector quit his job? Things just didn’t pan out.
  4. Why did the mathematician turn off his heating? So he could be cold and calculating.
  5. Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
  6. How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
  7. Why did the farmer make his little chicks wear ear muffs? So they wouldn’t hear any fowl language.
  8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender responded, “For you, no charge!”
  9. What did the vampire say just before dawn, when he saw the neck of a sleeping man? “Aaahh, breakfast in bed!”
  10. What did Hamlet say when he went camping and lost his tent? “Tepee or not tepee? That is the question.”
  11. Two fleas are leaving a restaurant, and one says to the other, “Should we walk or take a dog?”
  12. Did you hear about the dog that liked to eat garlic? His bark was worse than his bite.
  13. Two large, hungry lions were wandering around Walmart, and one said to the other, “It’s quiet in here, isn’t it?”
  14. What’s the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a dentist? One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
  15. A man walks into a bar carrying three wooden panels and four wooden posts. “You can’t bring those in here,” said the bartender. “They may cause a fence.”

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So, would you agree that these are some of the silliest jokes ever, dear reader? Did you enjoy them, and more importantly, did they make you laugh? I hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on some of the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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33 funny jokes for 5-year-olds that’ll tickle adults too

06/21/2025 by

If you’re looking for funny jokes for 5-year-olds, then I’ve curated 33 of them, and I think they might just tickle you too, dear reader. I hope so, anyway.

Take a few moments to enjoy them all, or at least groan at a few, and then share them with the 5-year-olds in your life, and anyone else you think they’ll amuse as well.

Jokes-for-5-year-olds
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Jokes for 5-year-olds (1-11):

  1. What pie can fly? – A magpie.
  2. What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit? – Nectarine.
  3. How do you start a milk pudding race? – Say go.
  4. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms? – A doctorpus
  5. What do you call a bike that bites people? – A vicious cycle.
  6. Which sea creature is good at math? – An octoplus.
  7. What do you call a Scottish parrot? – A Macaw.
  8. What do you call a pickle that draws? – A dillustrator.
  9. Who was the pizza’s favourite relative? – Aunt Chovy.
  10. Where would seaweed look for a job? – The kelp-wanted ads.
  11. What grace is said before a salad is eaten? – Lettuce pray.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (12-22):

  1. Why do lions eat raw meat? – They don’t know how to cook it.
  2. What food can be eaten in a taxi? – Corn-on-the-cab.
  3. Where would you see hamburgers boxing? – In an onion ring.
  4. What did the dinner plate say to the side plate? – Lunch is on me.
  5. What lies on the forest floor, 100 feet in the air? – A dead centipede.
  6. Which vegetable is most unreliable? – A fickle onion.
  7. What goes up but doesn’t come down? – Your age.
  8. What kind of nut will you find on a wall? – A walnut.
  9. So, how long were you there? – About five foot eleven.
  10. Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.
  11. In what way are cooks cruel to animals? – They batter fish.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (23-33):

  1. Why did the sandwich go to the dentist? – It needed a filling.
  2. How long should you cook spaghetti? – About 30 centimetres.
  3. What is served in glasses but is hard to swallow? – A stiff drink.
  4. Why did the pickle stay home from school? – Because he felt dill.
  5. What did one snowman say to the other? – Can you smell carrots?
  6. What’s brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? – A coconut on holiday.
  7. Why did the orange go to the doctor? – He wasn’t peeling very well.
  8. How did the Irish potato change nationality? – It became a French fry.
  9. Why did the banana go out with the prune? – Because he couldn’t find a date.
  10. What did one strawberry say to another? – I told you we’d end up in this jam.
  11. Which is the best, a hamburger or a hot dog? – A hamburger because hot dogs are wurst.
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So, please share it now.

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5 humorous stories that’ll brighten your day a little

06/19/2025 by

If you’re looking for some funny jokes in the form of humorous stories, then I’ve got five great ones for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident you’ll enjoy them all.

So grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break from the day’s pressures to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Humorous Stories:

1. Fly Southwest:

Little Johnny was looking out of the plane’s window, enjoying the experience of his first flight.

Deep in thought, he suddenly turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

Well, his mother was a little perturbed by this question, and she struggled to think of an answer, so she said, “Johnny, why don’t you ask the flight attendant?”

Little Johnny was not a child lacking in confidence, so he walked down the aisle and politely said to the flight attendant, “Excuse me, mam, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

The flight attendant had heard it all before, of course, but she smiled sweetly at Johnny and then asked, “Did your mom tell you to ask me that?“

Little Johnny returned her smile and said, “Yes, mam, she did.”

“Well,” said the flight attendant, “you can tell your mom that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mom to explain that to you.“

2. Voluntary donations:

Jim was driving home from the office one day when he found himself stuck in traffic because all the cars ahead of him had come to a complete standstill on the freeway. Nothing was moving at all.

Suddenly, Jim noticed a police officer walking down the line of traffic and approaching the car in front.

So Jim got out of his car and asked the police officer why there was a problem.

“Sir, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but the city’s mayor is sitting in the middle of the road ahead, and he’s in a state of extreme agitation,” said the police officer.

“He says he’s deep in debt, and he’s threatening to douse his body with gasoline and then set fire to himself,” the police officer added.

“So what are you doing?” asked Jim.

“I’m going from car to car asking for donations,” the police officer responded.

“And how much have you collected so far?” Jim inquired.

“Well, sir,” said the police officer, “we’ve only just started, but drivers ahead have given us fifteen gallons so far, and other drivers are still siphoning as we speak.”

3. The argument:

Doctor O’Riley and his wife are arguing at the breakfast table.

The argument is gradually escalating as they start lobbing verbal bombs at each other, trying to outdo what the other has said.

Eventually, Doctor O’Riley is in such a rage, he shouts, “And you’re no good in bed either,” before he storms out of the house.

By the time he reaches his surgery, Doctor O’Riley has calmed down, and he starts to feel guilty about his parting remark.

So, he phones his wife to apologise.

There’s no answer. So, he attempts to call several more times during the next hour. Eventually, his call is answered after many rings, and by this time, the doctor is irritated and shouts, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

“I was in bed,” his wife responds.

“You were in bed?” the doctor says in surprise. “What were you doing in bed?”

“If you must know,” his wife says, “I was getting a second opinion!”

4. Seeking meaning:

The Lone Ranger and his faithful partner, Tonto, were camping in the wilderness.

It had been a long day on the trail, and after they’d set up their tent, they both fell asleep.

Hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky. What do you see?“

The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars, Tonto. Why?“

“What does that tell you, Kemo Sabe?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders this question momentarily and then says, “It tells me that the universe has millions of galaxies and billions of planets. It says we are mere specks in the great cosmos. And it says it’s approximately a quarter past two in the morning. The clear sky also suggests we will enjoy a beautiful day later. What does it tell you, Tonto?“

“Kemo Sabe, you’re dumber than a prairie dog,” Tonto responds. “It tells me that someone stole our tent.”

5. Bubba’s tragic demise:

Sadly, Bubba was killed in suspicious circumstances in a terrible fire, suffering severe burns that left him completely unrecognizable.

To identify the body formally, the Los Angeles County medical examiner called in Bubba’s two close friends, Jim-Bob and Joe-Bob.

The medical examiner showed Jim-Bob the body, and he responded with a sharp intake of breath and then said, “Oh jeez, he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?”

So the medical examiner rolled the body, and Jim-Bob responded immediately, saying, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

“Are you sure?” said the medical examiner.

“Yes, sir, I’m sure,” Jim-Bob responded, “but you can ask Joe-Bob if you like.”

So Joe-Bob was brought into the mortuary and shown the body.

“Jeez,” said Joe-Bob, “he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?”

Though puzzled to receive this request once again, the medical examiner dutifully obliged and rolled the body.

Joe-Bob paused momentarily and then said, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

This turn of events mystified the medical examiner. So he asked, “How can you possibly tell that it isn’t Bubba just by rolling him over?”

“Well, sir,” said Joe-Bob, “Bubba had two assholes.”

“What do you mean, he had two assholes?” exclaimed the medical examiner.

“Yes, sir, everyone knew that around here,” said Joe-Bob.

“How do you know?” the medical examiner asked.

To which Joe-Bob responded, “Because every time the three of us walked down Main Street together, you’d hear people say, ‘Here comes Bubba with two assholes’.”

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Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these humorous stories made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then click on the links below.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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19 funny jokes to tell your friends

02/06/2025 by

Today I thought you might appreciate some funny jokes to tell your friends.

You’ll always have friends if you can entertain people and tell a joke or two. We all love to laugh, and someone amusing is immediately likeable. So, to be likeable, always have a few jokes in your back pocket.

If you want to make your friends smile, here are 19 funny jokes to tell your friends. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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FUNNY JOKES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS

Funny jokes to tell your friends (1-10)

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

What kind of tree will fit into your hand? A palm tree.

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

How do you kill a circus clown? You go for the juggler.

Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the moo-vies.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He just pasta way.

I used to work in a shoe recycling factory, but it was sole destroying.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.

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Funny jokes to tell your friends (11-19)

I married Miss Right. It was only later that I realized her first name was Always.

My wife told me that I must stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

What is grammar? It’s the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Why did the girl get hit by a bike every day? Because she was stuck in a vicious cycle.

A Hot Dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve food here.”

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

A thief broke into my house the other night searching for money. He woke me up, so I thought I might as well help him search for it, even though I wasn’t optimistic we’d find anything.

A cop pulls a guy over and says, “Your eyes are awfully red, have you been drinking?” To which the guy responds, “Well, your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

WIFE: Pack your bags; I’ve won the lottery. HUSBAND: Oh, wow! Are we going on holiday? WIFE: No! You’re leaving! I’ve won the lottery!

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I hope so. If they did make you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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8 really funny jokes that will make you smile

10/01/2024 by

If you’re like me, you enjoy really funny jokes. Something to make you laugh and brighten the day. Well, here are eight really funny jokes that all made me smile today.

I hope you enjoy them.

And, if you do, please feel free to pass them on.

Really Funny Jokes:

1. Money’s too tight to mention:

Two old friends, Mary and Jane, were going shopping.

Mary was a spendthrift and she had a bad habit of constantly overdrawing her bank account.

Before leaving for the mall, Jane complained about her own lack of funds and sadly lamented, “If I buy anything, I guess I’ll have to use plastic.”

Unconcerned, Mary whipped out her chequebook and said, “Well I’ll be using rubber.”

2. Blood from a stone:

A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s wealthy banker, so the director decided to make a phone call.

“Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?”

The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?”

“Um, no,” mumbled the director.

“Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?” the banker continued.

“I … I … I had no idea,”  the director admitted.

“So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?”

3. Verifying your cheque:

The store clerk requested identification from a customer who had just written a personal cheque for her purchase.

After fumbling through her purse, she presented him with what she said was the only thing she had that bore both her name and address. It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank. 

4. Asking for charity:

A devastated-looking man knocks on the door of a woman known for her charity.

“Please, ma’am,” he says when she opens up, “can you help this poor, tragic family down the block? The father just lost his job, and his wife is too ill to work. They’re about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone can pay their rent.”

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life!” says the woman. “May I ask who you are?”

“I’m their landlord.”

 5. Ways of seeing:

Teenager, Billy lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway.

After a brief but fruitless search, Billy gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes she’d found the lens.

“How did you do that?” he asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing Billy,” she explained. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”

6. The rooster:

A farmer decided he wanted to go into town to see a movie.

As he was standing in line for a ticket, the ticket agent says to him. “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”

“Well,” said the farmer, “this here’s my pet rooster, Chuck. I never go anywhere without Chuck.”

“Sir, I’m sorry,” the ticket agent responds, “but we don’t allow any animals in the auditorium.”

Now the farmer is a wily old operator, and he knows how to work around a problem.

So, he disappears around the corner and stuffs the rooster down his overalls. Then he returns to the ticket booth, buys a ticket, and walks off to take his seat.

On this occasion, he’s seated next to two old women, Maude and Daisy.

The movie starts and naturally, the rooster begins to get restless. So, the old farmer unbuttons his fly so Chuck could stick his head out to watch the movie.

“Daisy,” says Maude, whispering.

“What is it, Maude?” Daisy responds.

“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”

“What makes you think so?” Daisy asks.

“He just undid his pants, and he’s got his thing out,” whispers Maude.

“So, why worry?” Daisy responds, “at your age, it’s not like you haven’t seen one before. When you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”

“Well, that’s what I thought,” Maude responded, “but this one’s eating my popcorn.“

7. Devoted wife:

Harry is on his deathbed, and he says to his wife, “Mabel, I will be gone soon, and there’s something I must ask you. In these 50 years of our marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?“

“Well, Harry,” Mabel replied, “I must be honest with you. I was unfaithful on three occasions during these past 50 years, but always with good reason.“

“Really?” said Harry, hurt by Mabel’s confession. “I didn’t suspect anything. Can you tell me your reasons?“

Mabel sighed and said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our house because we couldn’t afford to pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker, and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?“

Harry remembered the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?“

Mabel hesitated momentarily and then said, “Do you remember when you had heart problems and we didn’t have enough money to pay your medical bills? I went to see your doctor one night, and if you recall, he did the bypass surgery at no charge.“

“Oh, yes,” said Harry, “How could I forget, Mabel? You saved my life, so I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“Well,” Mabel continued, “do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed to be sure you could count on all 15 votes from the committee members?“

8. The Lesson:

While walking along Pennsylvania Avenue, a congressman is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

Suddenly he finds himself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St. Peter.

“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter.

The congressman is still a little confused, given his circumstances, but thanks St Peter for his welcome.

“Now,” St Peter continues, “before you settle in, there is an issue. We seldom see politicians here, so we’re never quite sure what to do with you. However, we do have a procedure.”

“So, what happens now?” asks the congressman.

“Well,” says St Peter, “What we’ll do is have you spend a day in Hell followed by a day in Heaven. Then you can choose where you’ll spend eternity.”

With that, St. Peter escorts the congressman to an elevator and down he goes to Hell.

A few moments later, the elevator door opens, and the congressman finds himself standing in the clubhouse of the most amazing golf course he’d ever seen. Standing in front of him were all his old Washington buddies and other politicians who’d predeceased him.

They’re all having a great time, drinking, laughing and joking. When they see him, they greet him warmly, shake his hand, and reminisce about all the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of ordinary people. They invite him to play a game of golf and then afterwards they all dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

The devil joins them for dinner. The congressman is amazed at how friendly and caring the devil is. Nothing like he had imagined.

They were all having the most amazing time when the devil suggested it was probably time for the congressman to complete the process with St Peter.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and a wave as the elevator rises back up to the Pearly Gates. Suddenly the door opens and St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Well,” says St Peter, “now it’s time to visit Heaven.”

The time passes with the congressman joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. The time they had was pleasant enough if a little underwhelming, but it passed quickly. Before he realizes it, the congressman is back with St Peter.

“Well, now,” says St Peter, “you’ve seen what Heaven and Hell have to offer, so you must now make a choice.”

The congressman reflects on his options momentarily, then says, “Well, pleasant as Heaven was, what the devil has to offer me seems like a much better deal. So, I’ll opt for Hell.”

So, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and back he goes down to Hell for all eternity.

When the elevator door opens, the congressman finds himself in a stinking hellhole full of waste and garbage. Once again, he sees his friends, but they’re dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The smell is terrible.

The congressman struggles to comprehend what he’s seeing as the devil arrives to greet him. “I don’t understand,” the congressman says to the devil, “this is not what I voted for.”

The devil smiles at him.

“Yesterday,” continues the congressman, “when I was here, there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. How can this possibly be what I voted for?”

Once again, the devil smiles at him and says, “Ah, yes, you’ve noticed. Well, you see, yesterday I was campaigning. Today I have your vote. So, now you know how ordinary people feel.”

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So did these prove to be the really funny jokes you’d hoped for read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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60 we were so poor jokes that’ll make you smile

07/11/2024 by

Every parent likes to tell their children stories about how tough life was in their youth. You kids today have a life filled with fancy vacations and designer clothes, but it was tougher for us, they’ll say? So, here are 60 amusing “we were so poor jokes” about the imagined realities of growing up in days gone by when people were flat-out broke. People looking back with a slightly romanticized notion of yesteryear.

Get ready to smile at the sheer ingenuity of those who came from humble beginnings.

And feel free to pass on these little gems.

We were so poor jokes (1-10):

We were so poor, we couldn’t afford to dream.

We were so poor, our Christmas tree was a twig.

We were so poor we had to reuse birthday candles.

We were so poor, we couldn’t even afford to get lost.

We were so poor, we couldn’t afford to pay attention.

We were so poor even our pet dog only had three legs.

We were so poor our rainbows were in black and white.

We were so poor we used to wash our clothes in the rain.

We were so poor our TV only had two channels: on and off.

We were so poor we even had to eat our toenail clippings.

We were so poor jokes (11-20):

We were so poor a brush was something you had with the law.

We were so poor a burner was a cell phone used for nefarious activities.

We were so poor that anything was legal, as long as you didn’t get caught.

We were so poor a window was an opportunity to steal when no one was home.

We were so poor an iron was a metal bar you’d use to defend what little you had.

We were so poor a comb meant a police search of our house looking for illicit contraband.

We were so poor a ring was something that had to deal with the consequences of a bad diet.

We were so poor a tie was an item used to secure something valuable to prevent it being stolen.

We were so poor and hungry that even the termites were too terrified to come to our house lest they be eaten.

We were so poor a handle was something you had on a subject you needed to know a lot about, like what you can get away with if you were careful.

We were so poor jokes (21-30):

We were so poor we had to use both sides of the toilet paper.

We were so poor our allowance was paid in Monopoly money.

We were so poor we had to share a bed with our neighbours.

We were so poor we had to use the cat as a hot water bottle.

We were so poor even the tooth fairy left us discount coupons.

We were so poor we couldn’t afford to turn the page in a book.

We were so poor our family vacation was a trip to our backyard.

We were so poor even the holes in our shoes had holes in them.

We were so poor we had to use the phone book as a booster seat.

We were so poor we couldn’t even afford a cardboard box to live in.

We were so poor jokes (31-40):

We were so poor that we only got to eat fast food if we caught a rabbit.

We were so poor our family portrait was a matchstick figure drawing.

We were so poor, we could only afford to listen to Simon or Garfunkel.

We were so poor a treat was going to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.

We were so poor my parents used to cut coupons for birthday presents.

We were so poor the only time I ever flew on a plane was in my dreams.

We were so poor we had to eat breakfast cereal with a fork to save the milk.

We were so poor making a fashion statement was wearing mismatched socks.

We were so poor entertainment was watching our neighbours mow their lawn.

We were so poor a runner was something you did when you couldn’t pay the bill.

We were so poor jokes (41-50):

We were so poor we didn’t have cups we had to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

We were so poor we lived in a house so small, I had to go outside to change my mind.

We were so poor our idea of entertainment was watching food rotate in the microwave.

We were so poor for Christmas we got a box of rocks with the instruction, “Be creative!“

We were so poor our idea of a comfortable bed was finding a carpeted floor to sleep on.

We were so poor getting away in the summer was going for a long walk in the local park.

We were so poor our idea of a designer handbag was a grocery bag with a Walmart logo.

We were so poor we didn’t have a doorbell, visitors to our house just had to yell “Ding Dong!”

We were so poor I had to wear my sister’s hand-me-downs, and she was a year younger than me.

We were so poor our idea of dining in a fancy restaurant was a trip to McDonalds, but only on payday.

We were so poor jokes (51-60):

We were so poor a fork was something you found in the road.

We were so poor we had to save the gas from our farts and sell it as lighter fuel.

We were so poor the nearest we ever got to a jacuzzi was eating a plate of beans before taking a bath.

We were so poor our family motto was “Use it up, wear it out, make do, or go without.” Mostly the last one.

We were so poor Santa used to leave us a note saying, “Due to economic difficulties, presents are on backorder.”

We were so poor our experience of fireworks displays was watching our neighbours light theirs through a hole in the fence.

We were so poor I used to think double date meant convincing another friend to come along so we could split the cost of the pizza.

We were so poor my parents insisted anything I wanted had to be paid for with chores. So, if I wanted dinner I had to wash the car.

We were so poor the only time we went to an amusement park was on a school trip where the highlight was the free water fountain.

We were so poor my parents would talk loudly on our porch about the gangsters they knew in the hope that it would scare away the repoman.

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Did any of these we were so poor jokes make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. And if they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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5 jokes that will make anyone laugh to raise a smile

02/04/2024 by

Are you looking for some jokes that will make anyone laugh, dear reader? Well, I can offer you five today that might just fit the bill. They’re nothing too naughty, but they might make you smile. I hope so, anyway.

If you do enjoy them, please feel free to share them.

Jokes that will make anyone laugh:

1. First time:

Bernadette was a young, single Catholic girl from Brooklyn. 

One morning, Bernadette went to confession.

She went into the confessional box, knelt down, and spoke quietly.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” said Bernadette. 

“Go ahead, my child, what is this sin of which you speak?” Father Murphy, the parish priest, responded.

“Father,” said Bernadette, “it’s a little embarrassing.”

“Just take your time, my child,” said Father Murphy to reassure her.

“Well,” said Bernadette, “last night I made love with my boyfriend, Father. I couldn’t help myself. I swear it was the first time, but he was so charming, and he took me to heaven and back, Father. However, I’m not married, so I know it was a sin. I’ve come here now seeking absolution.”

Father Murphy thought momentarily and then said, “My child, I want you to say ten Hail Marys before you leave the church and then go home, fill a glass with vinegar, add two teaspoons full of mustard, stare it up, and then drink it all.”

“Yes, Father,” said Bernadette, a little confused. “And will that absolve me of this terrible sin?”

“No, my child,” Father Murphy responded, “but it will wipe the smile off your face!“

2. A lack of passion:

A retired couple, Rick and Diane, have been married for 30 years, but their marriage is not in a good place, so they go to see a counsellor.

When the counsellor asks what the problem is, Diane immediately bursts into a rant about how terrible everything is, listing every issue she’s ever had in the 30 years they’ve been married. 

It was just an endless list of issues, one after another. She just kept banging on and on about why she was not happy.

The counsellor listened momentarily, and then he got up, went around the desk, embraced Diane and kissed her passionately. 

Diane is stunned into silence and she just shuts up and sits quietly in a complete daze.

The counsellor then turns to Rick and says, “That’s what your wife needs and she needs it three times a week. Can you help her Rick?”

“Well,” says Rick, “I could bring her here on Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays, I play golf.”

3. Sheltered life:

Jim lived in a small town and had led a fairly sheltered life. So he decides it’s time to explore the world a bit. 

He’d heard a lot about the wonders of the Big Apple, so he decided to visit New York City.

He’s wandering around Macy’s browsing when he spots a Thermos flask.

“What’s this?” Jim asks the clerk.

“Well,” said the clerk, “it’s a flask that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

Now Jim may be a bit of a hayseed but he can see that such a flask could be very useful, so he buys one.

When he returns home, he takes the Thermos flask into the office to show his buddies.

“What is it?” they ask, in unison.

“It’s called a Thermos flask,” says Jim, “and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

“Wow!” says his buddy, Bill, “What have you got in there now?”

“Two cups of coffee and a choc ice,” says Jim.

4. White knuckle ride:

A New York City cab driver is driving down Broadway with a passenger heading for Battery Park.

The cab gets to a red light but the driver just goes straight through it.

The passenger sees what’s happened and shouts, “Hey buddy, be careful! I wanna get to Battery Park in one piece!”

“Hey, don’t worry,” says the cab driver. “My brother does it all the time.”

They get to the next junction, the light’s red, but the cab driver just sails on through again.

The passenger’s not happy. “Hey, buddy,” he shouts, “you’ll get us both killed.”

“My brother does it all the time, I’m telling you,” says the driver.

They get to the next junction and once again the light’s red but the driver doesn’t stop.

“You’ve gotta stop this!” screams the passenger.

“Chill out!” says the driver. “I told you, my brother does it all the time.”

They get to the 34th Street junction, the light’s green but the driver screeches to a halt.

“Hey buddy,” says the passenger, “the light’s green, why did you stop?”

“It’s 34th Street,” says the cab driver. “My brother lives on 34th Street and I’m not sure what time he starts work.”

5. Copying ancient texts:

At the Benedictine Monastery Paul, a novice Catholic monk arrives to prove his suitability for admission to the religious order.

After being given a little time to settle in, Paul’s asked to assist the other monks with copying ancient texts by hand.

Whilst he’s observing the process, Paul notices that the other monks are making their copies from documents which are themselves copies, not the original texts.

So Paul goes to the Abbot to raise his concerns.

“Reverend Father,” says Paul, “It appears the monks are making their copies from copies and not original texts. So if there were any mistakes made in those copies those mistakes will be repeated in the new copies.” 

“Paul,” said the Abbot, “you make an important point. The Benedictine order has been making copies for centuries and the rules by which we live are defined in those ancient texts. I must investigate.”

With that, the Abbot goes down deep into the cellar of the monastery with one of the most recent copies and proceeds to check it very carefully against the original ancient text.

Several days pass and the monks have not seen the Abbot.

Eventually, Paul and the other monks decide that a group of them should go looking for him. So Paul leads a delegation down into the cellar. 

As they’re walking down the ancient steps, they can hear the Abbot sobbing.

When they find him, still sobbing, Paul asks, “Reverend Father, what’s wrong?”

“You idiots!” the Abbot responds. “The word was CELEBRATE!”

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jokes that will make anyone laugh

Did you enjoy these jokes that will make anyone laugh, dear reader? I hope at least some of them made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, surely everyone’s a winner?

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

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