Funny Jokes

10 Best Jokes You’ll Read Today

01/18/2025 by

Looking for some of the best jokes you can find, dear reader?

Then take a look at these 10 little gems that I’ve curated today, just for you.

I do hope you enjoy them all.

And, if you do, please feel free to share them

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Best Jokes:

1. Honest assessment:

Despite appearing to be good citizens, Jack and Jim were brothers who’d lived their lives on the wrong side of the law, and both could be deeply unpleasant when they had to be.

However, they’d both amassed great wealth and they used their money to hide their criminal ways from the public eye. They even both attended St Patrick’s Church to make themselves look virtuous within the local community.

Eventually, the parish priest retired, and a new priest joined the church.

The new priest, Father O’Malley was a clever man, and he wasn’t fooled when it came to Jack and Jim. He could see the brothers for what they were. He was also a man who was both honest and forthright with his views.

Father O’Malley’s honesty with parishioners was appreciated within the community and very quickly attendance at the church started to grow.

Before long a fund-raising campaign had to be started for repairs to the church roof.

Around this time, Jack passed away suddenly.

In making the funeral arrangements, Jim approached Father O’Malley and said he’d like to pay for the church roof in memory of his brother.

“I’ve just one condition,” said Jim. “When reading the eulogy, you must begin by saying that my brother was a saint. As long as you say that the money’s yours.“

Well, the church roof was in desperate need of repair, so naturally, Father O’Malley agreed.

“I will say he’s a saint,” said the normally candid Father O’Malley, and with that, he took Jim’s money.

A week later at the funeral, after some prayers and a hymn, Father O’Malley stood up to read the eulogy.

“Dearly beloved we’re gathered here today to reflect on Jack’s life”, Father O’Malley began. “Jack was a saint,” he said and then paused momentarily.

“Well, he was when compared with his brother,” Father O’Malley continued. “Beyond that, he was a deeply unpleasant man who cheated on his wife, abused his family and robbed and swindled many people out of their hard-earned money.”

2. On the beach:

Mary was a grandmother who’d taken her grandson Oliver to the beach.

She was sitting reading as Oliver was playing in the sand.

Suddenly, a huge wave crashed onto the shore and, as it receded, it carried Oliver out to sea.

Well, Mary was distraught, naturally.

She looked up to the heavens with her hands together, as if in prayer, and said, “Please God, save my only grandson. I beg you! My life would have no meaning without him. Please bring him back.”

Well, as she said that another wave crashed onto the shore and young Oliver was washed back up on the sand. He was fine and no harm had come to him.

However, Mary raised her eyes to the heavens once again and said, “He was wearing a hat!“

3. No hiding place:

Two guys, Pete and Bill, find themselves standing in line at the Pearly Gates, waiting to see whether they’ll be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Well, the line is long, so naturally, they start talking to each other, as they wait their turn.

Pete asked Bill how he’d died.

“I was frozen to death,” said Bill. “How about you?“

“I had a heart attack,” said Pete.

“Wow! So, how did that happen?” asked Bill.

“Well, to be honest, I suspected my wife was cheating on me,” Pete responded. “So, I made sure I got home early from work. I ran upstairs only to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the places around the house I thought her lover could be hiding. And as I was running back up the stairs again, I had a heart attack.“

“Wow, that really is ironic,” said Bill.

“Why?” asked Pete.

“Well, if only you’d looked in the freezer, said Bill, “then neither of us would be here now.“

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4. The worm experiment:

Miss Benes stood in front of her 4th Grade class and welcomed the children to their science lesson.

She then took four glasses and filled them respectively with brandy, wine, beer, and water.

She waited momentarily to give the children a chance to think about what she was doing. Then she distributed four worms, one into each of the glasses.

With that, she explained to the children that they would leave the glasses overnight and observe the results the following morning.

The following morning, she gathered the children together again to observe the state of the glasses.

When they looked, all the worms had died, except the one in the glass filled with water.

“Right, children,” said Miss Benes. “What can we learn from the results of this experiment with the worms?”

From the back of the class, little Johnny’s hand shot up, immediately.

“Well, Miss,” said little Johnny, “It’s obvious from the experiment that if we only drink brandy, wine or beer, then we won’t get worms!“

5. Visit to the doctor:

Jeff goes to see his doctor.

“What seems to be the problem?” asks Dr Wilson.

“Well, I’m not quite sure how best to describe it, doctor,” Jeff responds. “It might be easier if you hold your stethoscope to my thigh and just listen.“

Dr Wilson is slightly puzzled by this suggestion, but he complies with Jeff’s request.

However, when he holds his stethoscope to Jeff’s thigh, he can hear a little voice saying, “Hey man, can I borrow $20? I just need $20 to get me to the end of the week.”

Dr Wilson steps back with a puzzled look on his face.

“Right,” says Jeff, “now hold your stethoscope to my knee.”

Once again, the doctor does as he’s asked.

This time he can hear the same little voice saying, “Hey man, can I borrow $10? I just need $10 to get me to the end of the week.“

Once again, Dr Wilson steps back with a puzzled look on his face.

Jeff looks at him and says, “That’s weird, isn’t it, doctor? Now take a listen to my shin.“

Again, the doctor does as Jeff asks and he hears the same little voice saying, “Hey man, can I borrow $2? I just need $2 to get me to the end of the week.“

Once again, Dr Wilson steps back with a puzzled look on his face. He thinks momentarily and then the answer dawns on him.

“Ah, now I see,” says Dr Wilson.” Your problem is obvious. Your leg is broke in three places.“

6. Polar bear pun:

A polar bear couple, Nanook and Mishka, are relaxing in the vast tundra in northern Canada.

They are starting to get a bit bored when Nanook has an idea.

When Mishka isn’t looking, Nanook flicks her ear and then starts running away yelling: “You’re too slow, Mishka, you can’t catch me!“

Naturally, Mishka is annoyed, and she starts chasing Nanook.

Nanook keeps running away, whilst still taunting Mishka, “Oh, you’re so slow, you wouldn’t even be able to catch my grandma!“

Mishka is getting even more annoyed, so she keeps chasing Nanook.

This goes on for a while until Nanook arrives at the frozen lake. Looking back, he yells, “You’re slow and fat, Mishka. You wouldn’t even be able to get out on this lake!“

At this point, Mishka really has had enough. Finally, she yells, “Careful Nanook, you’re on thin ice!“

7. An early lesson:

Little Johnny comes crying to his mom.

“What’s the matter, Johnny?” asks mom.

“Mom, Lindy pulled my hair,” Johnny responds.

“Oh, Johnny,” says his mom. “Don’t be angry. Your little sister doesn’t realise that pulling hair hurts.”

A short while later, mom hears more crying, so she investigates.

She realises it’s her daughter crying, and she heads for her bedroom, only to meet little Johnny walking out of the door.

Little Johnny looks at his mom and then says, “Right, she knows now!”

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8. Confession:

A Jewish guy goes into a confessional box at St Brendan’s Church.

“Father O’Driscoll,” he says, “I’m Yossi Cohen and I’m seventy-eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently enjoying lovemaking with both a twenty-eight-year-old girl and her nineteen-year-old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better.”

“Well, I know that people have their needs,” said Father O’Driscoll in response, “but surely, as a Jewish man, you’ve come to the wrong place? Why are you telling me?“

“I’m telling everybody!” Yossi Cohen responded with a beaming smile.

9. Getting even:

Jim was the CEO of a major corporation, so naturally, he was a man with a big ego.

Anyway, his busy lifestyle catches up with him and he finds himself spending some time in the hospital.

Well, he becomes very unpopular with the nurses, as he bosses them around as he does with his employees. Nothing’s good enough for him, and so none of the hospital staff wants to have anything to do with him.

Now, the head nurse is a wily old bird who’s dealt with plenty of difficult patients in her time.

Recognising he’s becoming a pain in the ass for her team, she decides to act.

She walks into his room and says to him, “Right sir, I have to take your temperature.“

Well, Jim’s not happy, as it’s inconvenient, given he’s busy responding to business emails on his iPhone.

He spends several minutes complaining, but the head nurse is having none of it.

“Sir, I’m sorry but it has to be done and it has to be done now,” says the head nurse.

Eventually, Jim gives in and opens his mouth in compliance.

“No sir, I’m sorry,” says the head nurse, “but for this reading, I have to use an anal thermometer.“

Once again, Jim started complaining, but eventually, he could see he wasn’t getting anywhere, so he rolled over and bared his ass.

He felt the nurse insert the thermometer, then he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!“

With that she left his room, leaving the door open on her way out.

Jim curses under his breath as he can hear people walking past his door and laughing. After about an hour, his doctor arrives.

“What’s going on here?” asks the doctor.

Angrily, Jim responds, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?“

After a pause, the doctor replies, “Yes, of course, but not with a daffodil!“

10. The circus opportunity:

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a club sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, “Hold on a minute! You’re a duck.”

“Well, your eyes are working then,” the duck responds with a smile.

“And you can talk!” the bartender continues.

“Your ears are working, too,” says the duck. “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and sandwich please?“

“Certainly!” says the bartender. With that, he serves the duck a beer.

“It’s just that we’ve never had a duck in this bar before,” the bartender continues. “What are you doing round this way?“

“You see that building being built across the street?” the duck responds, pointing towards the window.

The bartender nods in response.

“Well, I’m working on that project,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”

Well, the bartender is struggling to comprehend what he’s just heard but he takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

The duck sits quietly drinking his beer, eating his sandwich, and reading his newspaper. When he’s finished, he bids farewell to the bartender and leaves.

The same thing happens every day for the next two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.

The circus ringmaster walks into the bar for a drink and the bartender says to him “You’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper, and everything!“

“That sounds interesting,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Ask him to give me a call.”

The very next day, the duck walks into the bar and the bartender says, “Hey buddy, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.“

“Well, I’m always looking for new opportunities,” says the duck. “What is this job?”

“It’s with the circus,” says the bartender.

“The circus?” the duck responds quizzically.

“That’s right,” replies the bartender.

“The circus?” the duck asks again. “That place with the big tent?“

“Yeah, that’s right,” says the bartender.

“With animals who live in cages and performers who live in caravans?” the duck continued.

“Yes, of course,” the bartender replies.

“With a tent that’s made from canvas, with a big canvas roof and a hole in the middle?” the duck persists.

“Yeah, that’s right!” says the bartender.

The duck shakes his head, looking slightly bewildered, and then asks, “What the hell would they want with a plasterer?“

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Please share this post:

So dear reader, were these the best jokes you’ve read today? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.*

Filed Under: Funny Jokes

3 Really funny jokes to tell your friends today

01/17/2025 by

If you want people to like you, then always have a funny joke to make them laugh. Here are some very funny jokes to tell your friends today.

They all made me laugh, and I hope they’ll make you and your friends laugh too.

Enjoy them all.

MAKE MONEY MANIA

Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. The infected thumb:

Bill’s away from home on a business trip and, as he’s on expenses, he decides he’ll have a nice three-course meal in a restaurant.

He takes his seat at the table, exchanges a little conversation with the waitress, places his order and then relaxes with a glass of red wine waiting for his food to arrive.

It’s not long before the waitress brings him a nice, warm bowl of clam chowder with crackers. However, he can’t help but notice that her thumb is sticking in the chowder. He’s not happy but he lets it go.

A little later, the waitress arrives with a plate filled with delicious Spaghetti Carbonara but once again, her thumb is immersed in the spaghetti. Again, Bill’s not happy but he lets it go.

Then as he’s looking forward to his dessert, the waitress returns with some hot apple pie, but once again her thumb is sticking in Bill’s food.

“Mam”, says Bill angrily, “every time you bring my food your thumb’s sticking in it. Why is that?”

“Oh I am so sorry sir”, the waitress responds, “but my thumb has an infection and my doctor says I must keep it warm and moist at all times.”

Disgusted by what he’s hearing, Bill snaps angrily, “Well, why don’t you just stick it up your ass?”

Sheepishly the waitress replies, “Where do you think I’ve been putting it when I’m in the kitchen?”

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2. The fishing trip:

Four married men are going on a weekend fishing trip.

They’re exchanging banter in the car on the way to the lake when Jim says, “Guys, you’ve no idea what I had to do to persuade my wife to agree to me joining you on this trip. I’ve had to promise to redecorate the living room and our bedroom next weekend.”

“That’s nothing”, says Mike. “I had to promise my wife that I would build a new deck around the pool area next weekend.”

“You both had it easy”, says Ed. “I had to promise my wife that I’d buy her a new kitchen, as well as pay for her to go fashion shopping in Milan, Italy with her friends next summer.”

They carry on down the highway laughing and joking, but then they realize their friend Vic has yet to say anything.

“Hey Vic”, says Jim, “what did you have to do to get the green light to come with us on this fishing weekend?”

“Not much really”, says Vic, “I just set the alarm for 5.30 am. When it went off, I tapped my wife on the shoulder and said, ‘will you make love with me or should I go fishing?’ to which she responded, ‘take a warm sweater with you, dear.’”

3. The well and the goat:

Two friends, Bert and Mack were out walking one day when they came across an old abandoned well.

Naturally, they were curious as to how deep this well might be, so they dropped a stone down it and listened for the sound of the stone hitting the bottom. But they didn’t hear anything.

So they found a much larger rock and then dropped that down the well but still, they didn’t hear anything.

Clearly, this was a very deep well and they needed something much, much bigger if they were going to hear anything at all.

So Bert and Mack searched around for a while and eventually they found a section of railroad track leaning up against a wall.

“This’ll be perfect”, said Bert.

So between them, they lifted this heavy piece of cast iron and with great effort managed to carry back to the well and drop it down the hole.

As they stood back to listen, a goat suddenly flashed past their eyes and went straight down the well too.

Bert and Mack were still recovering from the shock resulting from what they’d just seen when a farmer appeared.

“Have you boys seen a goat?” asked the farmer.

“Yes”, said Mack, “a goat has just jumped down this well.”

“No, that couldn’t have been my goat”, said the farmer. “Mine was tethered to a heavy length of railroad track.”

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Please share this post:

So dear reader, were these funny jokes to tell your friends as amusing as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

 

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Silly Christmas Cracker Jokes: 30 that are so bad they’re funny

12/24/2024 by

Dear reader, do you enjoy Christmas cracker jokes?

Those corny jokes and puns you look for, having pulled your Christmas cracker?

Well, I cannot lie; I love them.

So, I have collected 30 of the best ones, which I hope you will find amusing.

Whether Christmas is an occasion you will be celebrating or not, I do hope one or two of these silly jokes will make you smile.

Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

Christmas cracker jokes (1-15):

  1. What is white and minty? A polo bear!
  2. When is a boat just like snow? When it’s adrift.
  3. What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump? Santa laughing his head off.
  4. How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
  5. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph!
  6. What did Santa say to his wife? It’s going to reindeer!
  7. Why did Santa go to the doctor? Because of his bad elf.
  8. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!
  9. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
  10. What does Miley Cyrus prefer for Christmas dinner? Twerky!
  11. What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate Clauses!
  12. What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho!
  13. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
  14. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
  15. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!

Christmas cracker jokes (16-30):

  1. Why did Santa’s little helper lack confidence? Because he had low elf esteem!
  2. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus!
  3. What do you call Santa when he forgets to wear his underpants? Saint Knickerless!
  4. Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
  5. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
  6. What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
  7. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
  8. Why was the snowman rummaging in a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
  9. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
  10. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had nobody to go with!
  11. What do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear? A fur tree!
  12. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
  13. How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born? They had a weigh-in a manger!
  14. What did Mrs Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up at the sky on the night of Christmas Eve? Looks like rain, dear!
  15. Why did Santa say that sprouts shouldn’t be our vegetable of choice on Christmas Day? All he was sayin’ was give peas a chance!

Please share this post with your friends:

So, dear reader, was this post worth a little piece of your time? Did you enjoy reading it? Did any of the Christmas cracker jokes make you smile?

If you enjoyed this article, then please share it with your friends on social media.

People do enjoy groaning at Christmas cracker jokes, so go on, please share this post now.

If you could share this post, then I’d be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

And before I go, allow me to offer my best wishes to everyone who will be celebrating Christmas. I hope your Christmas is filled with the love of family and friends.

And to those for whom December 25th will be just another working day, I hope wherever you are, your life is peaceful, safe, and prosperous, and I hope 2025 proves to be all you’d like it to be.

Articles you might enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

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21 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

12/22/2024 by

If jokes that are just slightly silly appeal to you, then here are 21 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

These are the sort of jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers. Corny, but you can’t help laughing at them. Well, groaning anyway.

Certainly, they all made me smile, and I hope you enjoy them too, dear reader.

Take a few moments to enjoy them, and then please feel free to pass them on.

Silly Jokes:

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive? A Minnie van.

What do you get when you cross a dog with an antenna? A Golden Receiver.

Where should a 600-pound gorilla go? On a diet

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.

What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me, and we’ll go places!

What would happen if you threw yellow sneakers into the Red Sea? They’d get wet.

Why did the photograph go to jail? Because it was framed.

What would Bears become without Bees? Ears.

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!

Where do cucumbers go on a date night? The salad bar.

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball.

Why was the chicken arrested? Fowl play.

Why can’t pigs keep secrets? They keep squealing.

How do trees get on the internet? They log in.

What did one toilet say to the other? You look a bit flushed.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.

If the early bird gets the worms, what does the worm get? Eaten.

Why couldn’t the pirates learn the alphabet? They kept getting stuck at C.

Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Other articles you’ll enjoy:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

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46 Bad jokes that are funny and will make you smile

10/01/2024 by

If you’re looking for some bad jokes that are funny and will make you smile, then here are 46 original jokes, written just for you, and which I hope you will enjoy.

Please feel free to pass them on.

Bad jokes that are funny (1–10):

I was asked whether I knew Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. What could I say? I didn’t even know Lincoln had a home in Gettysburg.

Have you heard about the new cookbook just published? It’s written by a well-known television adventurer and survival expert. It has some great tips for cooking meat on a campfire when you’re stuck in the jungle. The book’s called Bear Grills.

I had tickets to see a play at Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre in London. I was excited until my boss said I had to work late on some project that I thought was a crock of that which stinks. I told him I’d lose my money if I didn’t go. He told me I’d lose my job if I didn’t work late. “That’s not fair,” I said. He smiled and said, “Well, it looks like you’re stuck between a crock and the Bard’s place.”

Did you hear the one about the man who walked into a bar? There was a warning sign, but he wasn’t paying attention.

I was leaving the subway at 42nd Street when I stumbled. I reached out and grabbed a pole. The guy wasn’t happy, and he started swearing at me in his own language.

Imagine my dilemma. It’s late at night, dark, and I’m walking alone along 9th Avenue through Hell’s Kitchen. Suddenly, I’m confronted by a sinister guy with a bat in his hand. It was tense, I can tell you, but then the bat flew off, and the guy went chasing after it.

The health inspector was inspecting the kitchen in the restaurant I managed, and he said he’d found a live beetle under the refrigerator. “Which one?” I said, “Paul or Ringo?”

When I was in school, I got into trouble for truancy. As it wasn’t the first time, I was told the principal would throw the book at me. She did. It was the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

I asked a girl in the office for a date. She said she didn’t have any, but she did ask whether I’d like one of the figs from her lunchbox.

The receptionist walked into my office, and she was shouting that she had an axe to grind. I told her that wasn’t something we dealt with in the Accounts Department.

Bad jokes that are funny (11–20):

My boss asked me whether I could date the letter he had in his hand, but I told him I preferred to date girls.

They asked me if I could play a bass. No, I said, but I can cook a mean seabream.

My mother asked me whether I’d received a letter at school today. “Yes,” I said, “I got a D in Science.”

My boss told me that I had a chip on my shoulder. Well, it might seem a bit odd, but there’s no law against using Pringles to accessorize your clothes.

The other day, I went down to the river, and there was a gang fight between a shoal of Carp and a shoal of Perch. I couldn’t quite comprehend what I was seeing until another angler said, “We’re fishing in troubled waters.”

Two electrons were the best of buddies. Well, why wouldn’t they be when they were both on the same wavelength?

My friend said, “I need help. Can I tap you for $1,000?” I said, “For $1,000, you can hit me over the head with a baseball bat.”

I’ve just read a statistic that suggests 65% of bald men still carry a comb. They just can’t part with it.

It was a cold night, and I was on the Staten Island Ferry, standing on deck, gazing out at the Statue of Liberty. A guy approached me, waving an unlit cigarette, and he said, “Got a light, Mac?” I smiled and said, “No, but can I offer you a dark brown overcoat?”

I was in a coffee shop in Manhattan, and I couldn’t get the Wi-Fi to work. I asked the girl behind the counter to help me. She said it was faulty, and I’d have to pretend it was 1973. So, I gave her a dime for my coffee and lit up a cigarette.

Bad jokes that are funny (21-30):

When my wife came down to breakfast, she asked what was left. Apparently, the opposite of right wasn’t helpful.

We were in the garden, and my wife said she was looking for a pole. She wasn’t amused when I asked, “Which one, north or south?”

I’ve just seen a twelve-inch ruler. You wouldn’t think someone so small could become a nation’s monarch, would you?

I was looking forward to my lunch date, but my friends just dismissed it as a sweet Middle Eastern fruit.

How was my trip? Let me tell you, how was my trip? I fell flat on my face and broke my nose.

Did you know that the song overwhelmingly voted favourite by textile workers everywhere is Die Another Day?

At the job interview, I was asked if I could perform under pressure. “No,” I said, “but I could probably do a passable version of Bohemian Rhapsody.”

The questionnaire asked whether I liked rock. It wasn’t obvious whether they meant riff-driven popular music or the famous sweet confectionery from Blackpool.

I’m so old that I can remember when the Super Bowl was just the slightly inflated bowl.

This morning, I noticed I had a large mole on my back. How it got in from the garden, I’ll never know.

Bad jokes that are funny (30–40):

I started work on a construction site, and the foreman asked me whether I was familiar with boring. “Sure,” I said. “I can be as boring as the best of them.”

My wife said she was looking for a ruler. Apparently, you’ll find King Charles in Buckingham Palace, wasn’t helpful.

When the waitress served my toast this morning, she asked me what I thought of the jam. “They’re okay,” I said, “but I prefer the Electric Light Orchestra.”

I asked a friend could he recommend a small arms manufacturer. He said, “Have you tried Smith & Wesson?” I said, “I didn’t even know they made prosthetic limbs for young children.”

A girl in the office received a bunch of flowers this morning with all the heads cut off. I think she might have a stalker.

On a day out in the country, I walked into a wood. That’s nice, you might think. Well, before long, I’d walked into a Smith, a Jones, and a Barrington-Smyth too. I really must get my eyes tested.

My wife asked me if I knew her favourite flower. Recognizing a loaded question, I thought about it very carefully before I responded. Then I said, “Self-raising?”  She hasn’t spoken to me since.

Teacher: Give me a sentence that includes the words defence, defeat, and detail. Little Johnny: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.

We were walking through Central Park when my wife shouted, “Duck!” Naturally, I dipped my head as I looked up for an airborne obstacle. That was when I tripped over a large Wood duck, fell flat on my face, and broke my nose. The Moral of the Story: Consider your wife’s advice carefully before acting.

Dr Rivera was a trauma specialist in A&E known for his insensitive bedside manner. One day, a casualty was brought in following a gas explosion. The patient’s wife arrived and asked the doctor, “Can you tell me whether my husband will have any long-term effects from the explosion?” Dr Rivera thought about her question momentarily and then said, “At this stage, all I can say with certainty is that he’ll be no good in a Mexican wave.

Bad jokes that are funny (40–46):

I keep seeing signs which read, Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted. I don’t know what he’s done but this guy Posters must be one bad boy.

The guy asked me whether I knew Centre Parcs. “No,” I said, “but I think I know his brother Bill.”

I applied for a job as security staff in a nightclub, and at the interview, they asked me if I knew martial arts. “I don’t think so,” I said. “What’s his first name?”

I used a computer in the local library to order something online. When I was done, my wife asked if I’d cleared the cache. “Why?” I said. “I used my credit card.” 

We were going clothes shopping, and my wife suggested I buy a jacket. I said, “Great idea! Let’s go to Spud-u-Like.”

A drunken scouser staggers into a public house on Lime Street with a large, beautiful, brightly-coloured Scarlet Macaw on his shoulder. The drunk staggers up to the bar, and the bartender says, “Wow, where did you get that?” “Oh,” says the macaw, “Lime Street’s full of them at this time of night.”

Please share with your friends:

So, dear reader, did any of these bad jokes that are funny prove to be as funny as you’d hoped?

I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today, please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, then I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

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8 really funny jokes that will make you smile

10/01/2024 by

If you’re like me, you enjoy really funny jokes. Something to make you laugh and brighten the day. Well, here are eight really funny jokes that all made me smile today.

I hope you enjoy them.

And, if you do, please feel free to pass them on.

Really Funny Jokes:

1. Money’s too tight to mention:

Two old friends, Mary and Jane, were going shopping.

Mary was a spendthrift and she had a bad habit of constantly overdrawing her bank account.

Before leaving for the mall, Jane complained about her own lack of funds and sadly lamented, “If I buy anything, I guess I’ll have to use plastic.”

Unconcerned, Mary whipped out her chequebook and said, “Well I’ll be using rubber.”

2. Blood from a stone:

A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s wealthy banker, so the director decided to make a phone call.

“Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?”

The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?”

“Um, no,” mumbled the director.

“Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?” the banker continued.

“I … I … I had no idea,”  the director admitted.

“So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?”

3. Verifying your cheque:

The store clerk requested identification from a customer who had just written a personal cheque for her purchase.

After fumbling through her purse, she presented him with what she said was the only thing she had that bore both her name and address. It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank. 

4. Asking for charity:

A devastated-looking man knocks on the door of a woman known for her charity.

“Please, ma’am,” he says when she opens up, “can you help this poor, tragic family down the block? The father just lost his job, and his wife is too ill to work. They’re about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone can pay their rent.”

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life!” says the woman. “May I ask who you are?”

“I’m their landlord.”

 5. Ways of seeing:

Teenager, Billy lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway.

After a brief but fruitless search, Billy gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes she’d found the lens.

“How did you do that?” he asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing Billy,” she explained. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”

6. The rooster:

A farmer decided he wanted to go into town to see a movie.

As he was standing in line for a ticket, the ticket agent says to him. “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”

“Well,” said the farmer, “this here’s my pet rooster, Chuck. I never go anywhere without Chuck.”

“Sir, I’m sorry,” the ticket agent responds, “but we don’t allow any animals in the auditorium.”

Now the farmer is a wily old operator, and he knows how to work around a problem.

So, he disappears around the corner and stuffs the rooster down his overalls. Then he returns to the ticket booth, buys a ticket, and walks off to take his seat.

On this occasion, he’s seated next to two old women, Maude and Daisy.

The movie starts and naturally, the rooster begins to get restless. So, the old farmer unbuttons his fly so Chuck could stick his head out to watch the movie.

“Daisy,” says Maude, whispering.

“What is it, Maude?” Daisy responds.

“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”

“What makes you think so?” Daisy asks.

“He just undid his pants, and he’s got his thing out,” whispers Maude.

“So, why worry?” Daisy responds, “at your age, it’s not like you haven’t seen one before. When you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”

“Well, that’s what I thought,” Maude responded, “but this one’s eating my popcorn.“

7. Devoted wife:

Harry is on his deathbed, and he says to his wife, “Mabel, I will be gone soon, and there’s something I must ask you. In these 50 years of our marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?“

“Well, Harry,” Mabel replied, “I must be honest with you. I was unfaithful on three occasions during these past 50 years, but always with good reason.“

“Really?” said Harry, hurt by Mabel’s confession. “I didn’t suspect anything. Can you tell me your reasons?“

Mabel sighed and said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our house because we couldn’t afford to pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker, and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?“

Harry remembered the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?“

Mabel hesitated momentarily and then said, “Do you remember when you had heart problems and we didn’t have enough money to pay your medical bills? I went to see your doctor one night, and if you recall, he did the bypass surgery at no charge.“

“Oh, yes,” said Harry, “How could I forget, Mabel? You saved my life, so I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“Well,” Mabel continued, “do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed to be sure you could count on all 15 votes from the committee members?“

8. The Lesson:

While walking along Pennsylvania Avenue, a congressman is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

Suddenly he finds himself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St. Peter.

“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter.

The congressman is still a little confused, given his circumstances, but thanks St Peter for his welcome.

“Now,” St Peter continues, “before you settle in, there is an issue. We seldom see politicians here, so we’re never quite sure what to do with you. However, we do have a procedure.”

“So, what happens now?” asks the congressman.

“Well,” says St Peter, “What we’ll do is have you spend a day in Hell followed by a day in Heaven. Then you can choose where you’ll spend eternity.”

With that, St. Peter escorts the congressman to an elevator and down he goes to Hell.

A few moments later, the elevator door opens, and the congressman finds himself standing in the clubhouse of the most amazing golf course he’d ever seen. Standing in front of him were all his old Washington buddies and other politicians who’d predeceased him.

They’re all having a great time, drinking, laughing and joking. When they see him, they greet him warmly, shake his hand, and reminisce about all the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of ordinary people. They invite him to play a game of golf and then afterwards they all dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

The devil joins them for dinner. The congressman is amazed at how friendly and caring the devil is. Nothing like he had imagined.

They were all having the most amazing time when the devil suggested it was probably time for the congressman to complete the process with St Peter.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and a wave as the elevator rises back up to the Pearly Gates. Suddenly the door opens and St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Well,” says St Peter, “now it’s time to visit Heaven.”

The time passes with the congressman joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. The time they had was pleasant enough if a little underwhelming, but it passed quickly. Before he realizes it, the congressman is back with St Peter.

“Well, now,” says St Peter, “you’ve seen what Heaven and Hell have to offer, so you must now make a choice.”

The congressman reflects on his options momentarily, then says, “Well, pleasant as Heaven was, what the devil has to offer me seems like a much better deal. So, I’ll opt for Hell.”

So, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and back he goes down to Hell for all eternity.

When the elevator door opens, the congressman finds himself in a stinking hellhole full of waste and garbage. Once again, he sees his friends, but they’re dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The smell is terrible.

The congressman struggles to comprehend what he’s seeing as the devil arrives to greet him. “I don’t understand,” the congressman says to the devil, “this is not what I voted for.”

The devil smiles at him.

“Yesterday,” continues the congressman, “when I was here, there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. How can this possibly be what I voted for?”

Once again, the devil smiles at him and says, “Ah, yes, you’ve noticed. Well, you see, yesterday I was campaigning. Today I have your vote. So, now you know how ordinary people feel.”

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So did these prove to be the really funny jokes you’d hoped for read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Articles you might enjoy:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

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4 funny international commercials to make you smile

09/23/2024 by

Today I have some very funny international commercials for you.

When it comes to watching television, I find the commercials are usually much better than everything else. Would you agree dear reader?

I love clever commercials and funny commercials are always a pleasure to watch.

And the best commercials are memorable because they combine clever and funny. Such commercials really do punch above their weight.

Well dear reader, if like me you enjoy clever and amusing commercials then I think you might enjoy the ones in the embedded video below.

These are not new commercials, but you will enjoy them I’m sure.

They made me smile, so I hope they brighten up your day too.

4 FUNNY INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIALS

Please share this post with your friends:

So, dear reader, did these funny international commercials make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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13 corny jokes that will really make you smile

08/12/2024 by

CORNY JOKESLife shouldn’t be serious all the time. Occasionally we all need to smile.

So my question to you today is; do you like corny jokes?

No?

Well, that’s a pity because I’ve found 13 of them that made me smile. And I hope they will make you smile too.

The source of these corny jokes is a website called Tickld which is new to me.

However, I had a very pleasant time enjoying all the funnies it had on offer.

A link to Tickld is included so take a look but not before you’ve enjoyed what I thought were some of their best corny jokes.

And here are those 13 corny jokes for you:-

Corny Jokes:

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said: Thank you.

And I said: Don’t mention it!

 

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

My friend said to me: What rhymes with orange?

And I said: No it doesn’t!

 

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.

 

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

 

Corny JokesSo what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.

 

How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.

 

I’ve found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.

 

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Aye matey.

 

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

 

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones. But people in Abu Dhabi do!

 

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

 

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Please share with your friends:

So did these corny jokes really make you smile? Were they all you hoped they’d be, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

Share the fun and everyone wins. Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day

And if you’d like to see what else Tickld has to offer, just CLICK HERE.

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5 funny story jokes that’ll make you chuckle

06/04/2024 by

If you’re looking for funny story jokes, I’ve got five little gems for you today.

So grab a coffee, and then take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Funny Story Jokes:

1. How to impress the girl of your dreams:

Young Josh is a 16-year-old, shy and socially awkward guy constantly dreaming of dating a girl, like many young men of his age.

As luck would have it, the real object of his affection lives right next door to him. Her name’s Charlene, she’s slim, attractive, cultured, and perfectly poised.

However, poor Josh is a little too bashful to engage her in conversation.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop him from watching her dreamily from his bedroom window as she wanders across her yard each morning.

One day Josh’s father notices him watching Charlene from his bedroom window.

“Josh, if you like the girl, why not say hello to her?” says his dad.

“Oh, Dad, I’m not very good at talking to girls, I never quite know what to say to them,”  Josh responds.

“Look, son,”  says his dad, “girls just like you to take an interest in them and what they’ve been doing. Just ask her about what she’s been doing.”

The following day, Josh sees Charlene wander across her yard, heading towards the john at the end of her garden.

Desperate to impress her and thinking he’s spotted an ideal opportunity to follow his dad’s advice, Josh rushes outside to catch her attention as she returns to the house.

Encouraged when Charlene flashes him a smile, Josh is convinced that this is his opportunity to impress her.

And then he hears himself say, “Been taking a dump then, Charlene?”

2. The man and the penguins:

Police officer Maguire is sitting in his patrol car by the side of the freeway when he sees a guy drive past him in a pickup truck full of penguins.

With blue lights flashing, Officer Maguire chases after the pickup truck and pulls the guy over.

“Sir, you do know that penguins are a protected species, and you can’t drive them around like this in this town?” says Officer Maguire. “I suggest you take them to the zoo.”

Having given the guy a polite warning, Officer Maguire then lets him go on his way.

The very next day, Officer Maguire is in his patrol car again when he sees the same man still driving around with the penguins, and this time they’re all wearing sunglasses.

So Officer Maguire pulls the guy over again and says, “Hey buddy, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday.”

“I did,”  the man replies, “and today I’m taking them to the beach.”

3. All rise:

Jim is up in court, charged with a series of misdemeanours.

Now, Jim feels he’s been unfairly treated, and when the judge rules against him, he cannot contain his anger any longer.

“You, sir, are a moron!” shouts Jim as the judge passes judgement.

Well, the judge is not amused and says, “For contempt of court, you’re fined $250; that’s $50 for each of those words you shouted.”

Jim gets out his wallet, and he’s checking its contents when the judge says, “You don’t have to pay the fine right now; you can hand the money to the clerk as you leave the court.”

Jim looks up, and, in response, says, “I wasn’t trying to pay you, sir; I was checking to see whether I had enough money to tell you what I really think of you.”

4. Strange sounds:

Did you know that when Beethoven sadly passed away, his body was buried in a church graveyard, as was common in those days?

A few days later, a couple of drunken youths were staggering through this graveyard late at night when they heard strange noises emanating from the plot where Beethoven had been buried.

Shaken by what they had heard, the youths ran to the priest to tell him about their experience.

The priest listened to them sympathetically and said, “Let’s go together to Beethoven’s grave, and I’ll hear it for myself.”

When they arrived at the plot, the priest listened carefully, and he could hear some faint, unrecognized music coming from the grave.

Well, even the priest was terrified by this experience, and he ran to the town’s mayor.

The mayor accompanied the priest back to the grave, where he could listen for himself.

As they stood by the grave, the mayor could hear Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony being played backwards.

Puzzled by this, he continued to listen, only to hear the Eighth Symphony played backwards, followed by the Seventh Symphony, the Sixth Symphony, The Fifth Symphony and so on, all played backwards.

The mayor stood there momentarily puzzled by this experience, and then he turned to the priest and said, “It’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

5. Children and their teacher:

It’s the end of the school year, and the popular kindergarten teacher is receiving gifts from the children in her class.

She asks them to bring their gift to the front, one at a time.

First up is the florist’s son. He proudly hands her his neatly wrapped gift, and she thanks him and smiles.

She then gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. Some flowers?”

“That’s right,”  says the boy, “but how did you know?“

“Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,”  says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the sweet shop owner’s daughter.

Once again, the teacher gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. It’s a box of sweets.“

“That’s right,”  says the little girl, “but how did you know?“

“Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,”  says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the son of the liquor store owner.

As before, the teacher holds the gift-wrapped package above her head momentarily, but it’s leaking.

So she touches a drop of the slightly yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

“Is it a Chardonnay?” asks the teacher.

“No!” the boy replies, a little excited in anticipation of her response.

Once again, the teacher touches the leaking, yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

“Perhaps it’s Champagne?” she suggests.

“No!” the boy replies, with even more excitement than before.

So the teacher has one more quick taste of the liquid before saying, “Alright then, I give up, you’ve got me on his one. What is it?”

With a beaming smile and great excitement, the boy says, “It’s a puppy!“

Please share the fun:

So for you, dear reader, did these funny story jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

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Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

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40 funny puns and other corny jokes

04/25/2024 by

If you’re looking for some funny puns or corny jokes then I have 40 little gems for you today, dear reader.

They may not all tickle you but I’m confident there’s enough here to put a smile on the face of even the toughest critic.

So, take a few moments, perhaps grab a coffee, and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-10):

  1. Yesterday, I got pulled over by a lady cop who asked me to get out of my car. She said, “You’re staggering!” I said, “You’re quite cute too!“
  2. A man was admitted to the hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.
  3. My wife said she’d really like to go to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. So, I took her to Subway, but she didn’t seem to appreciate the experience.
  4. If a can opener doesn’t work properly, is it a can’t opener?
  5. I’ve been writing a pun about the wind, but right now it’s just a draft.
  6. Santa has disowned one of his elves for refusing to accept the elf rules. Does that mean the elf is a rebel without a Claus?
  7. An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take Your Kid to Work Day‘. As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?“
  8. Teacher: Now, children, I want you to come up with a problem where the sum equals four. Little Johnny: I guess we’ll just have to put two and two together.
  9. My aunt is a church official who organizes parishioners’ personal information. Her job title is Nun of Your Business.
  10. My hobby is breeding racing deer, but people just accuse me of trying to make a fast buck.

Funny Puns (11-20):

  1. I said to the Librarian, “Do you have Great Expectations?” She said: “I did but, as you can see, I ended up working in a library“.
  2. The developer of Sherwin-Williams paints nearly froze on an Arctic expedition. He could have used another coat.
  3. What do you call a pig that does martial arts? A karate chop.
  4. My paper airplane won’t fly. It’s just stationery
  5. The batting coach wasn’t helping me perfect my swing, so I quit the team and struck out on my own.
  6. To save on electricity, I decided to wire the electric blanket and the toaster together. Now I keep popping out of bed.
  7. Customer: “This fish is very dry.” Waiter: “Yes sir, naturally, we had to take it out of the water.”
  8. Santa Claus entered the chimney, but the fire was still burning brightly in the hearth. When he came out, he was Krisp Kringle.
  9. I bought a sweater, but I had to return it because it kept picking up static electricity. However, they gave me another one, free of charge.
  10. We are going to see an Elvis impersonator. I called to get tickets and had to press one for the money and two for the show.

Funny Puns (21-30):

  1. I told the chimney sweep that I’d like to do the job on my own. He said: “Soot yourself.”
  2. You can’t have a nose that is 12 inches long, otherwise, it would be a foot.
  3. I have a hunch someday I will need back surgery.
  4. Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. So, now they’re tenants.
  5. I broke down in my car on the way to a wedding in a remote town. I had to wait about ten minutes before another car appeared and I stopped it and asked for help. The guy said, “Look buddy, I’m a chiropodist, not a mechanic.” To which I replied, “Perhaps you could give me a tow then.”
  6. I must tread carefully now, as you’re probably getting tyred of car jokes. We’ve had a clutch of them recently but now I’m exhausted and it’s time to take a brake.
  7. I saw a homeless man in the city dressed like King Henry the 8th. I thought this was a little odd because surely, beggars can’t be Tudors.
  8. I’ve been told that the man who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who invented the Carousel. Apparently, they moved in different circles.
  9. My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Poker but I think she’s bluffing. And anyway, when the chips are down, she’ll be back.
  10. I grew up in a large family and we always had Octopus for Christmas dinner. At least, everyone got a leg.

Funny Puns (31-40):

  1. I had a job in a factory drilling holes but it was boring. So, I moved to a new job joining steel plates together and it’s riveting.
  2. I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea, and haemorrhoids last week. I was really pleased. It was the first time that I’d ever won a game of Scrabble.
  3. At school, the bullies used to hang me up with the coats, until I suggested another kid they should target. It was a bit mean, but it got me off the hook.
  4. My wife looked surprised when I brought home 5 packets of bread dough from the local store. Apparently, we don’t need it.
  5. Apparently, the gap between the rungs on a ladder has increased because people are getting taller. Officially, this is known as climb it change.
  6. The Police phoned and said they’d recovered my stolen sofa. I thought that was nice of them because it had been looking a bit shabby.
  7. I’m walking down Main Street and this guy asks me if could I spare some change. I told him all I had was bills. “Give me one of those!” he said. So, I gave him my electricity bill.
  8. Why does Santa never have to pay for parking? It’s on the house.
  9. The marriage counsellor said that my wife had complained that I never bought her flowers. In my defence, I explained that I didn’t even know that she sold flowers.
  10. My kids said they want a cat for Christmas. We usually have turkey but I’m always willing to try something different.

Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Did any of these funny puns or corny jokes make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. If they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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