33 very clever one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

09/06/2025 by
33 very clever one-liners

I’m always impressed with very clever one-liners. I can’t resist those short, sharp, witty remarks that always make me smile. So naturally, I collect them, noting them down in my journal every day.

Today I thought I’d share some very clever one-liners I’ve heard recently. They’re all quite brilliant in my opinion.

So take a couple of minutes to enjoy them all.

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Very clever one-liners (1-11):

  1. How does NASA organise a party? They planet.
  2. I used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.
  3. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Never again.
  4. Just received a card full of rice. It’s from Uncle Ben.
  5. Exaggerations went up by one million per cent last year.
  6. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. It was just collecting dust.
  7. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  8. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
  9. I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. No pun in 10 did.
  10. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
  11. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.

Very clever one-liners (12-22):

  1. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.
  2. Why do we tell actors to ‘break a leg?’ Because every play has a cast.
  3. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “No it doesn’t!”
  4. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  5. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed a little space.
  6. I’ve found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.
  7. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
  8. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, it’s in my jeans.
  9. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
  10. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
  11. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

Very clever one-liners (23-33):

  1. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  2. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.
  3. I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
  4. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  5. I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks!” I said, “Don’t mention it.”
  6. Hear about the new restaurant called ‘Karma’? There’s no menu, you only get what you deserve.
  7. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
  8. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
  9. I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
  10. A man tells his doctor, “Help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” To which the doctor replied, “Sorry, I’m not following you.”
  11. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!”
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Quotes of Wisdom: 30 to motivate and inspire

09/05/2025 by

Dear Reader, Have you been searching for some quotes of wisdom?

Short quotes that you’ll easily remember? Words of wisdom to inspire you to be all you could be?

We all need a little inspiration occasionally, don’t we? Certainly, I do.

Well, here are 30 of the best quotes of wisdom you’re likely to read today.

You’ll love them, so see how many of them you can work into your conversations today.

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Quotes of wisdom (1–10):

  1. Do no harm; take no crap.
  2. You’ll get what you tolerate.
  3. Your only limit is your mind.
  4. A wise man once said nothing.
  5. You’re as perfect as the next person.
  6. You grow through what you go through.
  7. Confidence is silent; insecurities are loud.
  8. Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
  9. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
  10. Mindset is what separates the best from the rest.

Quotes of wisdom (11–20):

  1. No response is a response, and it’s a powerful one.
  2. If you don’t define who you are, someone else will.
  3. Pandering to people’s preferences rarely ends well.
  4. Argue with a fool, and you’ll have two fools arguing.
  5. Life lessons will be repeated until they are learned.
  6. Just because it looks genuine doesn’t mean it’s not fake.
  7. If you’re going through hell, walk as if you own the place.
  8. You’ll have my loyalty if I have no reason to question yours.
  9. No is a complete sentence. It doesn’t require an explanation.
  10. People will inspire you or drain you. Choose your friends wisely.

Quotes of wisdom (21–30):

  1. Silencing people is not the same as winning hearts and minds.
  2. It’s the ones who are against you who believe in your power the most.
  3. Sensible people will accept some incredibly silly ideas without question.
  4. It’s not what happens to you; it’s how you react to what happens to you.
  5. We live in an age when everyone knows it’s not true, but few dare to say so.
  6. Just because it’s dismissed as a conspiracy theory doesn’t mean it’s not true.
  7. Fools and fanatics are always so certain, yet wiser people are full of doubts.
  8. You can do 100 things right, but the only thing others will notice is your one mistake.
  9. The question is not whether you have the time, but whether you’re willing to allocate the time.
  10. A first-rate version of yourself is always better than trying to be a second-rate version of someone else.
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25 thoughtful quotes about politics and power

09/04/2025 by

Today, I’ve curated some thoughtful quotes about politics and power.

In doing so, I hope it’ll get you thinking about, and perhaps even participating in, something that rules our lives but isn’t given anywhere near the scrutiny it deserves.

Politicians on all sides frequently take us all for fools, and the sad thing is, we let them. That must change, surely?

They do what they do because they know that they can get away with it, at least most of the time.

It’s time we all let them know that we’ll not allow them to get away with it anymore.

Politics has become nothing more than show business for people who lack both talent and an engaging personality. And yet, they all seem to get rich without adding any real value to our lives at all.

So, let your local politician know that you’re watching them and won’t tolerate any nonsense.

Quotes about politics and power
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Quotes about politics and power (1-15):

  1. Don’t vote. It only encourages them. ~Billy Connolly
  2. In politics, stupidity is not a handicap. ~Napoléan Bonaparte
  3. We have, I fear, confused power with greatness. ~Stewart Udall
  4. We have the best Government that money can buy. ~Mark Twain
  5. I love to go to Washington if only to be near my money. ~Bob Hope
  6. We hang petty thieves and appoint great ones to public office. ~Aesop
  7. For the powerful, crimes are those that others commit. ~Noam Chomsky
  8. If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno
  9. A politician is a fellow who’ll lay down your life for his country. ~Texas Guinan
  10. An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. ~Winston Churchill
  11. A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate. ~Eric Idle
  12. I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally. ~Bill Maher
  13. Just because you don’t take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you. ~Pericles
  14. Absolute power does not corrupt absolutely, absolute power attracts the corruptible. ~Frank Herbert
  15. The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. ~Maureen Murphy

Quotes about politics and power (16-25):

  1. Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. ~Douglas Adams
  2. Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson
  3. You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn’t long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena. ~Jon Stewart
  4. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. ~George Burns
  5. There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. ~Alexis de Tocqueville
  6. Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev
  7. Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato
  8. Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan
  9. I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months, you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months, you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here. ~Harry S Truman
  10. Take our politicians; they’re a bunch of yo-yos. The presidency is now a cross between a popularity contest and a high school debate, with the encyclopedia of clichés the first prize. ~Saul Bellow
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Quotes by Gabriel García Márquez: here are 15 to inspire you

09/03/2025 by

Today, I thought it might be interesting to explore some quotes by Gabriel García Márquez.

If you’re not familiar with his work, the late Gabriel García Márquez was a Colombian novelist, short-story writer, screenwriter, and journalist.

He was, in my opinion, one of the greatest Spanish-speaking writers of all time, and I’m a great admirer of his work.

Here are 15 quotes by Gabriel García Márquez, translated into English. Obviously, his original remarks would have been in Spanish.

Enjoy them all. I found them really interesting.

Quotes by Gabriel García Márquez
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Quotes by Gabriel García Márquez:

  1. He who awaits much can expect little. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  2. Don’t cry because it came to an end; smile because it happened. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  3. A true friend is the one who holds your hand and touches your heart. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  4. Don’t spend time with someone who doesn’t care for spending time with you. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  5. Don’t struggle so much; the best things happen when not expected. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  6. I love you not for who you are but for who I am when I’m by your side. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  7. No, not rich. I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  8. No person deserves your tears, and who deserves them won’t make you cry. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  9. Just because someone doesn’t love you as you wish, it doesn’t mean you’re not loved with all their being. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  10. The worst way to miss someone is to be seated by their side and know you’ll never have them. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  11. Never stop smiling; even when you’re sad, someone might fall in love with your smile. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  12. You may only be one person in this world, but for someone, you are the world. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  13. Maybe God wants you to meet many wrong people before you meet the right one, so when this happens, you’ll be thankful. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  14. There will always be people who will hurt you. So while you need to continue trusting, just be careful. ~Gabriel García Márquez
  15. Become a better person, and be sure to know who you are before meeting someone new and hoping that person knows who you are. ~Gabriel García Márquez

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5 powerful quotes and the wisdom within

09/02/2025 by

Today, dear reader, I offer you five powerful quotes.

Not only that, I’ve added some thoughts that reflect the wisdom within these powerful quotes.

In other words, I aim to offer you some words of wisdom to inspire and motivate you. I hope this inspiration will get you thinking and, perhaps even, propel you down the road toward success. I hope so anyway.

Enjoy these powerful quotes, and please feel free to share them.

POWERFUL QUOTES
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Powerful Quotes:

1. Formula for Living:

Do you want to know my formula for living? I get up in the morning, and I go to bed at night. In between, I do the very best I can with what I’ve got, and I never, ever give up. ~Roy Sutton

Life doesn’t have to be complicated.

If you’re waiting for the perfect moment to get started, then the perfect moment is always right now.

Just get started and do what you can with whatever you’ve got.

No one gets dealt a perfect hand in life.

So play the cards you’ve been dealt and play them as well as you can. Always play to your strengths and keep going.

You’ll get there in the end.

If you can achieve your full potential and leave a lasting legacy behind, then yours will have been a life well lived.

2. Good health:

To keep the body in good health is a duty. Otherwise, we will not be able to keep our minds strong and clear. ~Buddha

A couple of years ago, I was reminded of the importance of taking care of my own health. I was struck down with a kidney infection, and I spent a week in the hospital receiving treatment to help me get over it.

It felt like a week of my life was lost. Not being able to do all the things I’d taken for granted proved very frustrating for me.

Generally, I’ve always tried to look after myself, but I was still unwell. So I’ll try a lot harder in the future.

Never again do I want to feel that unwell.

My time is precious, so above all, I don’t want to feel that I’ve lost any more of it. That would seem like such a waste to me.

If you don’t have your health, then you don’t have very much at all.

3. Happiness:

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it’s something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn

Postponing your happiness until some unspecified future date would be like putting off having fun until your old age.

Why would that make sense to anyone?

We must be happy in the present moment.

Life isn’t perfect, and for almost everyone, it’s full of challenges, but it’s not all bad.

Happiness is a state of mind.

It’s a willingness to enjoy whatever it is that you have now and a determination not to worry about anything you don’t have.

You look for the positives in your life and try to forget about the negatives.

People often fret about things they don’t have, yet they fail to appreciate the good things in their lives.

Things like family and friends. And things like having a good laugh, too.

In reality, we can live without most stuff, despite what we might think.

It’s people who matter most. People include family, friends, workmates, and ordinary individuals we meet every day throughout our lives.

So enjoy what you have and forget about what you don’t have. You’ll be happier that way.

4. Attitude:

The choice to have a great attitude is something that nobody or no circumstance can take from you. ~Zig Ziglar

Let me tell you, nothing makes a better impression on me than someone with a great attitude.

And nothing makes a worse impression on me than someone with a bad attitude.

Your attitude defines you, and it will also shape your life experiences. That’s a fact, in my experience.

If you’re a Rock star or a Gangsta Rapper then perhaps a little attitude goes with the territory if you aim to appeal to a teenage constituency.

Occasionally, even in the real world, a little attitude might secure you an outcome you wouldn’t otherwise get simply because whoever you’re annoying wants to get rid of you.

However, mostly, a bad attitude will not get you anywhere worth going. Don’t be fooled into thinking otherwise.

You can choose to have a great attitude or not. That choice is yours, and so will be the consequences of your choice.

Take a tip from someone who knows: a positive attitude will beat a negative one every day, every week, every month, and every year. Simple!

5. Never, ever give up:

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. ~Thomas A. Edison

To succeed at anything, you must never, ever give up.

Yes, it’s hard, of course. It’s meant to be.

Nothing worth having ever came easy.

You must keep going until you reach your desired destination.

Yes, you’ll make mistakes. Yes, you’ll stumble from time to time. However, you must keep your eye on the prize.

If you really want it, it can be yours. If you don’t, you’ll give up and then make excuses.

You should always be driven by a desire to achieve your goals.

Winners never quit, and quitters never win. Which one are you?

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21 short inspirational quotes to increase your motivation

09/01/2025 by

If you’re seeking some short inspirational quotes, dear reader, today’s post is for you.

Do you struggle to get enthusiastic about what you’re doing? If you do, you’re not alone. We all need a little inspiration at times.

Here are 21 short inspirational quotes to help boost your motivation.

I hope they help you. If they do, please feel free to share them.

short inspirational quotes to increase your motivation
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Short inspirational quotes (1-10)

  1. If you can dream it, you can do it. ~Walt Disney
  2. Well done is better than well said. ~Benjamin Franklin
  3. If you fell down yesterday, stand up today. ~H.G. Wells
  4. It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop. ~Confucius
  5. We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated. ~Maya Angelou
  6. You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. ~Rabindranath Tagore
  7. Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best. ~St. Jerome
  8. A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others. ~Ayn Rand
  9. What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~Zig Ziglar
  10. Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. ~Thomas A. Edison

Short inspirational quotes (11-21)

  1. The mind is for seeing, and the heart is for hearing. ~Arab Proverb
  2. Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. ~Mark Twain
  3. I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ~Bill Cosby
  4. I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. ~George Burns
  5. If you want to achieve things in life, you’ve just got to do them, and if you’re talented and smart, you’ll succeed. ~Juliana Hatfield
  6. True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated. ~Author Unknown
  7. You have the same number of hours in the day as everyone else. What you accomplish depends on how wisely they are used. ~Roy Sutton
  8. Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you. ~Author Unknown
  9. You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. ~Bernard Meltzer
  10. Use the talents you have. You will make it. You will give joy to the world. Take this tip from nature: The woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except those who sang best. ~Bernard Meltzer
  11. Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed at, but with what is still possible for you to do. ~Pope John XXIII
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21 Quotes by Clint Eastwood you’ll just love

08/30/2025 by

If you’re looking for quotes by Clint Eastwood, this post’s for you, dear reader. I think Clint Eastwood has to be one of the coolest movie stars of all time, wouldn’t you agree?

He’s not only a movie star but also a noted filmmaker, musician, and political figure.

In a career of over 60 years, he’s given us so many memorable movies and numerous memorable lines from those movies. However, as a great influencer, he’s also made a few memorable quotes in his public life.

Here are 21 quotes by Clint Eastwood to prove my point.

Some quotes are by Clint as Clint, and some are by Clint playing the many memorable characters he played, such as Harry Callahan in Dirty Harry and, my personal favourite, Walt Kowalski in Gran Torino.

Whether they’re his quotes or those from the characters he’s played, they all give us a reason to reflect on life and the human condition.

So enjoy these 21 quotes by Clint Eastwood and see how many of them you can work into your day.

And for those quotes from his movies, how many of them can you match with the movies from which they came?

Quotes by Clint Eastwood (1-14):

  1. Men must know their limitations.
  2. Tomorrow is promised to no one.
  3. Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.
  4. If you think it’s going to rain, it will.
  5. There’s a rebel lying deep in my soul.
  6. If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
  7. I tried being reasonable but I didn’t like it.
  8. What you put into life is what you get out of it.
  9. Take your work seriously but don’t take yourself seriously.
  10. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
  11. Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands.
  12. I’m interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice.
  13. Ever noticed how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have messed with? That’s me.
  14. Respect your efforts; respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt that’s real power.

Quotes by Clint Eastwood (15-21):

  1. I hate the idea of trends. I hate imitation; I have a reverence for individuality.
  2. There are two kinds of people in this world. ‘I’ people and ‘we’ people. I’ve always tried to be a ‘we’ person.
  3. Like most pictures that I’ve done, I’ve had no idea whether anyone would ever want to see ’em. But I figured I’d like to see it.
  4. If a person is confident enough in the way they feel, whether it’s an art form or whether it’s just in life, it comes off. You don’t have anything to prove; you can just be who you are.
  5. Extremism is so easy. You’ve got your position, and that’s it. It doesn’t take much thought. And when you go far enough to the right you meet the same idiots coming around from the left.
  6. Maybe I’m getting to the age when I`m starting to be senile or nostalgic or both, but people are so angry now. You used to be able to disagree with people and still be friends. Now you hear these talk shows, and everyone who believes differently from you is a moron and an idiot – both on the Right and the Left.
  7. I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

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21 Quotes by Larry David that’ll make you think

08/30/2025 by

Today, I am exploring quotes by Larry David.

If you were a fan of the US sitcom Seinfeld, then you will be familiar with the name Larry David. He was the creator of that series along with Jerry Seinfeld, and for me, it’s one of the finest sitcoms of all time.

Lawrence Gene David, to give Larry David his full name, was born in Brooklyn, New York. He is a comedian, writer, actor, director, and television producer.

Larry David was Seinfeld’s head writer and executive producer from 1989 to 1997. He subsequently gained further recognition for the sitcom series Curb Your Enthusiasm, which he also created, and he stars as a semi-fictionalized version of himself.

Here are 21 quotes by Larry David which might make you think and some might even make you smile. All are well worth a few minutes of your time.

Quotes by Larry David (1-10):

  1. Golf and dating don’t mix.
  2. You write about what you know.
  3. You know, I’m really not that bright.
  4. Women love a self-confident bald man.
  5. I have reservations about everything I do.
  6. My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.
  7. I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.
  8. If you tell the truth about how you’re feeling, it becomes funny.
  9. Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!
  10. I don’t like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about half an inch wide.

Quotes by Larry David (11-21):

  1. I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
  2. It’s always good to take something that’s happened in your life and make something of it comedically.
  3. I think that what people imagine they’re going through is much worse than what they are going through.
  4. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man? There’s your diamond in the rough.
  5. I wanted to make a living but I really wasn’t interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.
  6. When you’re not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
  7. I’m not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.
  8. Whenever something good happens to me, it’s usually followed by something terrible.
  9. I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.
  10. I think we’re all good and bad, but good’s not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.
  11. I’m really only happy when I’m on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That’s what I’m all about – people and laughter.

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30 clever one-liners that are sharp and witty

08/30/2025 by
30 clever one-liners

Here are 30 clever one-liners you’ll just love. They’re all sharp and witty and guaranteed to amuse you.

Take a minute to enjoy them all.

And don’t forget to pass them on as well.

CLEVER ONE-LINERS
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Clever one-liners (1-15):

  1. I can handle pain until it hurts.
  2. I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
  3. Life is just a s*xually transmitted disease.
  4. I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
  5. Only our parents’ children are always right.
  6. It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  7. No, I’m not lazy, I’m in energy-saving mode.
  8. If you see a toilet in your dream, do not use it.
  9. It’s only funny when it’s not happening to you.
  10. Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
  11. How could I miss you when you won’t go away?
  12. Nothing is truly lost until your mom can’t find it.
  13. What happens if I get scared half to death twice?
  14. The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.
  15. How come creditors always have better memories than debtors?

Clever one-liners (16-30):

  1. I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
  2. A lottery is just a tax on people who don’t understand math.
  3. Life would be so much better if we could mute some people.
  4. When I need an expert’s advice, I stand in front of the mirror.
  5. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. Some only gargle.
  6. If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
  7. Some people lose their tempers just from seeing you keep yours.
  8. Did the first person to hear a parrot speak need therapy afterwards?
  9. There is a solution for when your hair starts falling out. Put it in a box.
  10. Don’t you get tired of having to look after your parents’ grandchildren?
  11. Drinking coffee before you start work helps your co-workers live longer.
  12. Don’t you just hate how spiders sit there on your wall and act like they pay rent?
  13. I’m not looking for a stable relationship, I’ll settle for a stable internet connection.
  14. If a man speaks in a forest and there are no women there to hear him, is he still wrong?
  15. People always say they don’t believe in ghosts until they hear a strange noise in the middle of the night.
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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

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30 dark sarcasm quotes that’ll make you smile

08/30/2025 by

When you want to suggest a hint of menace, then having a few dark sarcasm quotes up your sleeve is always useful.

After all, people need to know that they shouldn’t mess with you.

Sarcasm is a powerful way to convey a message.

Today, I offer you 30 great dark sarcasm quotes, and I hope they all entertain you.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all. I did, and I’m confident you will too.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

DARK SARCASM QUOTES
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Dark sarcasm quotes (1-15):

  1. Sarcastic? Me? Well, a little sardonic perhaps.
  2. Surely you must be on stupid pills?
  3. If I’m smiling that alone should scare you.
  4. I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.
  5. Zombies eat brains. So you’ll be quite safe.
  6. Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch-black?
  7. Keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
  8. Am I joking or am I psychotic? You don’t want to find out.
  9. I really need the one thing you can provide, your absence.
  10. If it looks like I don’t care, that’s because I really don’t.
  11. Am I free this afternoon? No, I’m very expensive.
  12. I don’t treat people badly. I treat people accordingly.
  13. If I cut you off then in all probability you handed me the scissors.
  14. You’re allowed to use your brain you know. It’s not illegal just yet.
  15. I’m a leader, not a follower. Unless it’s dark, then you’re going first.

Dark sarcasm quotes (16-30):

  1. Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
  2. I feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
  3. If you can’t say something nice, at least make it clever and devastating.
  4. My level of sarcasm has reached the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
  5. I don’t like making plans in case they lead to the word ‘premeditated’ being thrown around in a courtroom.
  6. Don’t be a complete prick all your life. Take a few minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
  7. I’m sorry. While you were talking I was struggling to figure out why you think I care.
  8. My life’s been full of disappointments and you’ve just been added to the list.
  9. No, I can’t help you but I can offer you a sarcastic remark.
  10. When I said how stupid can you be it wasn’t meant to be a challenge.
  11. No, I wouldn’t say I’m the best in the world but I’m confident I’m in the Top 1.
  12. You should be careful if you don’t want to be offended. I can speak fluent sarcasm.
  13. It’s one of life’s mysteries but those who whine loudest tend to be those who’ve contributed least. Why is that?
  14. You think you’re street smart but I’m guessing that’s Sesame Street.
  15. Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.
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