17 amusing quotes by Bob Hope to raise a smile

09/11/2024 by

Today I thought exploring some quotes by the late, great, Bob Hope would be interesting. Always the funny man with a ready wit.

If you’re not quite old enough to remember him now, Bob Hope was one of the biggest stars in the golden age of American entertainment.

In many ways, the quintessential, proud American, Bob Hope was born in 1903 in Eltham, southeast London. His family moved to the United States when he was aged four and he grew up near Cleveland, Ohio.

He began his career in show business in the early 1920s, initially as a comedian and dancer on the vaudeville circuit, before acting on Broadway.

Bob Hope began appearing on the radio and in films starting in 1934.

He was known for his comedic timing, specializing in one-liners and rapid-fire delivery of jokes that were often self-deprecating and he helped establish modern American stand-up comedy.

Bob Hope was active in public life until 1998 but, sadly, died at home on July 27, 2003, at the age of 100.

A successful man by any measure, and successful people are always worth listening to.

So here are 17 quotes by Bob Hope, that are amusing and reflect the humour of his era.

Enjoy them all and feel free to share them with your friends.

Quotes by Bob Hope

  1. They’ll always be an England, even if it’s in Hollywood.
  2. You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
  3. Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
  4. I love to go to Washington if only to be near my money.
  5. Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
  6. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
  7. I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything till noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap.
  8. I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
  9. I do benefits for all religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
  10. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  11. I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.
  12. If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
  13. She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.
  14. I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
  15. A sense of humour is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heartburn?
  16. I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
  17. When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things, not the great occasions, that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

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21 amusing quotes about earning a living

09/10/2024 by

Today, I have a collection of amusing quotes about earning a living and reflecting on the nature of work and money.

Most of us have no choice but to do whatever’s necessary to pay our bills and put bread on the table.

Yes, it can be rewarding but sometimes we must question whether the stress of work is worth it.

The easiest way to deal with stress is through humour, so here is my take on work and money in 21 quotes.

Earning a living can be a challenge, but it doesn’t do to take any of it too seriously.

I hope some of these quotes resonate with you, dear reader. Enjoy them all.

Quotes about earning a living (1-10)

Yes, I’m sick. Sick of work.

The best part of my job is a chair that swivels.

Money isn’t everything but try living without it.

I can’t afford to get sick. I’m far too busy at work.

Money talks, of course, but mine mostly just says goodbye.

Yes, I have a sense of purpose. My purpose is a life of leisure.

I work not because I want to but because I don’t have any choice.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can provide a comfortable misery.

The part of my working day that I look forward to most is going home.

I’m not driven by a love of money; I’m driven by the fear of being poor.

Quotes about earning a living (11-21)

I’m a self-made man. I started out with nothing, and I’ve still got nothing.

They say having money brings its own problems but so does not having money.

I’ll have enough income when I’m earning at least a penny more than I can spend.

They say having money is stressful but I find not having money is even more stressful.

I thought I wanted a career but now I realise all I really wanted was enough money to do as I please.

This morning, my boss said, make sure you have a good day. So, I went home, and I had a wonderful day.

If I had to choose between a life with money or a life without, then it’s a no-brainer. Show me the money.

We were poor but we were happy. Well, that’s not quite true. We weren’t happy exactly, but we were poor.

I’m on neither your side nor their side. I’m on my side. Looking after my own interests because no one else will.

Given a choice between affluence and poverty, I’d choose affluence, if only to satisfy my desire to live comfortably.

Careers are a wonderful thing. So far, mine has taken my earning capacity from really struggling to pay my bills to just about managing to pay my bills.

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21 best puns ever and guaranteed to make you smile

09/09/2024 by

Best-Puns-Ever-1I love wordplay, especially that form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of words for humorous effect.

I think clever puns are brilliant, which is why I’ve been searching the Internet for some of the best ones.

Here of 21 of the best puns I’ve found, so let me know what you think.

As always when searching the net for wit and wisdom, it’s difficult to confirm the original author. Should you be one of them dear reader then please let me know. That way I can give you full credit for your brilliance.

Best puns ever:

  1. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  2. I hate peer pressure and you should too.
  3. Ladies, if he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, let that mango.
  4. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a sh** in days.
  5. I’m a born pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  6. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  7. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where’s the bartender?”
  8. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  9. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  10. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it’s just gathering dust.
  11. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  12. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
  13. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  14. A cop knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes but my dogs don’t even own bikes.
  15. I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. That must be a milestone.
  16. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing.
  17. This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
  18. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence.
  19. I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda then I realised it was just a Fanta sea.
  20. A wife shouted to her husband that moose were falling from the sky. No, it’s just reindeer, he responded.
  21. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I realized that toucan play at that game.

Best-Puns-Ever-2Please share this post with your friends:

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Were these the best puns ever? Did they make you smile? If so please share this post with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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22 Murrayisms to make Murray Walker fans smile

09/08/2024 by

MURRAYISMSIf you’re wondering what Murrayisms are then perhaps you’re not familiar with the late, legendary, Formula One commentator Murray Walker.

Murrayisms were amusing, and often factually incorrect quips that Murray Walker would say as he got carried away by his own enthusiasm and excitement during an F1 race.

For motorsport fans everywhere, they added to the entertainment and endeared Murray to their hearts. His enthusiasm was genuinely infectious and the fans loved him for it.

Graeme Murray Walker OBE was a British motorsport commentator, journalist and former advertising executive. He provided television commentary of live Formula One racing in a broadcasting career spanning over 50 years. And his way with words helped to earn him his status as a national treasure in Britain.

So here are 22 Murrayisms for your pleasure and entertainment. Enjoy them all.

Murrayisms

Murrayisms (1 – 11):

  1. And now, excuse me while I interrupt myself.
  2. Either the car is stationary, or it’s on the move.
  3. With half the race gone, there’s half the race still to go.
  4. There’s nothing wrong with the car except that it’s on fire.
  5. Anything can happen in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.
  6. You might think that’s cricket and it’s not, it’s motor racing.
  7. That’s history. I say history because it happened in the past.
  8. I can’t believe what’s happening visually, in front of my eyes.
  9. He can’t decide whether to leave his visor half open or half closed.
  10. The lead car is unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.
  11. If is a very long word in Formula One. In fact IF is F1 spelled backwards.

Murrayisms

Murrayisms (11 – 22):

  1. And that just shows you how important the car is in Formula One racing.
  2. Motor racing can never be totally safe and it never should be in my opinion.
  3. I should imagine that the conditions in the cockpit are totally unimaginable.
  4. I’ve no idea what Eddie Irvine’s orders are, but he’s following them superlatively well.
  5. I don’t make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.
  6. This circuit is interesting because it has inclines and declines. Not just up, but down as well.
  7. Well, now we have exactly the same situation as at the beginning of the race, only exactly opposite.
  8. Schumacher wouldn’t have let him past voluntarily. Of course he did it voluntarily, but he had to do it.
  9. There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today and four of them are Michael Schumacher.
  10. Eight minutes past the hour here in Belgium, and presumably eight minutes past the hour everywhere in the world.
  11. Now he must not go the wrong way round the circuit, and unless he can spin himself stationary through 360 degrees I fail to see how he can avoid doing so.

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25 funniest one-liners to make you smile

09/07/2024 by

FUNNIEST ONE-LINERSHere are some of the funniest one-liners I was able to find today. They all made me smile and I hope they brighten your day too.

Unfortunately, I was unable to identify the original authors for these inventive and witty lines, so for the moment they are all classified as ‘Author Unknown’.

However should any reader be able to identify specific authors for individual one-liners, then I’d welcome your advice. I am very keen to add acknowledgements and links wherever I can, so please help.

In the meantime take a few minutes to enjoy 25 of the funniest one-liners because everyone needs to laugh whenever possible.

Funniest one-liners (1-12):

  1. I won $3 million in the lottery this weekend, so I decided to donate a quarter to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
  2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there; he said he couldn’t complain.
  3. I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is. Call me playful but scaring men is so easy.
  4. Time may be a great healer but it’s a lousy beautician.
  5. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
  6. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
  7. It’s easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
  8. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
  9. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
  10. My ideal woman is one who is too naïve to know she’s way out of my league.
  11. She wanted a puppy, but I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
  12. My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

Funniest one-liners (13-25):

  1. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
  2. The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don’t have.
  3. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
  4. My husband is on the roof. Only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
  5. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road!”
  6. My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename my cat.
  7. One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re toast.
  8. Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
  9. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50/50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
  10. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
  11. Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times, men avoided asking the way.
  12. “Doctor, there’s a patient on Line 1 who says he’s invisible.” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
  13. The deeper the pit you’re falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly. 

Funniest One-LinersPlease share this post:

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If any of these one-liners made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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21 Quotes by Oprah Winfrey that’ll inspire you

09/06/2024 by

True fame implies universal recognition. You’re only famous when your photograph could be shown to anyone, anywhere and they would be able to identify you immediately. One such person is Oprah Winfrey.

She doesn’t need any introduction but for anyone who’s spent the past 25 years living life in complete seclusion on another planet, let me tell you she’s an American media proprietor, talk show host, actress, producer and philanthropist.

A very smart lady, she’s someone who would be regarded as successful by any measure. And let’s face it, it’s always worth listening to successful people. Whatever worked for them may work for us.

So here are 21 quotes by Oprah Winfrey.

There’s plenty of good advice here I’m sure you’ll agree.

Quotes by Oprah Winfrey (1-10):

  1. Facing the truth really will set you free.
  2. Where there’s no struggle, there’s no strength.
  3. Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism.
  4. You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at once.
  5. Don’t let people talk you into what they think is you.
  6. Follow your instincts. That’s where true wisdom manifests itself.
  7. Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.
  8. The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power.
  9. My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with.
  10. Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.

Quotes by Oprah Winfrey (11-21):

  1. Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.
  2. You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job and not be paid for it.
  3. Even if you flippin’ fries at McDonald’s, if you’re excellent, everybody wants to be in your line.
  4. Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.
  5. The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.
  6. Whatever has happened to you in your past has no power over this present moment, because life is now.
  7. Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
  8. Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough
  9. The challenge of life, I have found, is to build a resume that doesn’t simply tell a story about what you want to be, but it’s a story about who you want to be.
  10. Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness. The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.
  11. Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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17 quotes by Salvador Dalí for you to ponder

09/05/2024 by

Today I thought it would be interesting to explore some quotes by Salvador Dalí.

As you probably know, Salvador Dalí was a Spanish surrealist artist renowned for his technical skill, and the striking and bizarre images he created.

He was born in Figueres, in the Catalonia region of Spain, but received his formal education in fine arts in Madrid.

Dalí was influenced by Impressionism and the Renaissance masters from a young age, but he became increasingly attracted to Cubism and avant-garde movements.

Dalí lived in France throughout the Spanish Civil War before leaving for the United States in 1940 where he achieved commercial success.

He returned to Spain in 1948 where he announced his return to the Catholic faith and developed his nuclear mysticism style, based on his interest in classicism, mysticism, and the scientific developments of the day.

Dalí was increasingly an eccentric and ostentatious personality with often quite controversial views.

However, he was an important influence on many artists and never failed to make an impression.

Like him or loath him, it was impossible to ignore him.

So here are 17 quotes by Salvador Dalí for you to ponder, dear reader.

Please feel free to pass them on.

Quotes by Salvador Dali

  1. Let my enemies devour each other.
  2. Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.
  3. Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.
  4. Painting is an infinitely minute part of my personality.
  5. Wars have never hurt anybody except the people who die.
  6. Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing.
  7. The secret of my influence has always been that it remained secret.
  8. The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents.
  9. Liking money like I like it, is nothing less than mysticism. Money is a glory.
  10. There are some days when I think I’m going to die from an overdose of satisfaction.
  11. Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad.
  12. Each morning when I awake, I experience again a supreme pleasure. That of being Salvador Dali.
  13. Don’t bother about being modern. Unfortunately, it is the one thing that, whatever you do, you cannot avoid.
  14. At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.
  15. It is good taste, and good taste alone, that possesses the power to sterilize and is always the first handicap to any creative functioning.
  16. The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
  17. Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them.

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17 inspirational quotes about leadership

09/04/2024 by

I love inspirational quotes about leadership because we all have the potential to be leaders.

We demonstrate our leadership skills in given situations, where our unique abilities and skill set make us best suited to lead.

When circumstances dictate we can all bring our unique talents to a situation to move that situation forward in a positive way.

When our talents collide with favourable circumstances we can ‘grab the ball and run with it.’ We can seize the day and demonstrate our capabilities to the world. We can put our best foot forward and say, “In this situation, I am the one who is best equipped to lead everyone to a satisfactory outcome. So follow me, everyone.”

You can be a leader dear reader; everyone can. We just don’t always fully appreciate our hidden depths.

In essence, leadership is having the confidence to stand up and be counted.

It’s all about driving you and your team towards a winning outcome.

Here are 17 inspirational quotes about leadership to help you think about what it means and why you have the right qualities to be a leader.

Inspirational quotes about leadership (1-10):

  1. Today a reader, tomorrow a leader. ~Margaret Fuller
  2. Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality. ~Warren Bennis
  3. Leadership is about taking responsibility, not making excuses. ~Mitt Romney
  4. A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. ~Max Lucado
  5. The task of the leader is to get his people from where they are to where they have not been. ~Henry Kissinger
  6. Leadership to me means duty, honour, and country. It means character, and it means listening from time to time. ~George W. Bush
  7. Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want doing because he wants to do it. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
  8. I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion. ~Alexander the Great
  9. A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame, a little less than his share of the credit. ~Arnold H. Glasow
  10. A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason. ~J. P. Morgan

Inspirational quotes about leadership (11-17):

  1. Leadership is unlocking people’s potential to become better. ~Bill Bradley
  2. A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a moulder of consensus. ~Martin Luther King, Jr
  3. A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves. ~Lao Tzu
  4. If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever. ~Thomas Aquinas
  5. Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it’s amazing what they can accomplish. ~Sam Walton
  6. Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership. ~Colin Powell
  7. Leadership is not about a title or a designation. It’s about impact, influence and inspiration. Impact involves getting results, influence is about spreading the passion you have for your work, and you have to inspire teammates and customers. ~Robin S. Sharma

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Political Poem: The Guy in Number 10

09/03/2024 by

Today I offer you a political poem.

Leave me alone with my thoughts for long and, very quickly, my thoughts will be turned into verse for the record.

Now one of life’s great disappointments, for me at least, is politicians. They always promise a great deal, but rarely do they ever improve anything for ordinary people. Invariably, they are driven only by self-interest.

Over the years, my views on our political leaders have not been positive. However, I cannot think of a worse bunch in my lifetime, than the current crop of third raters dominating politics wherever you look. That’s certainly true here in the UK. And I’m not referring to a single political party. Mediocrity is the order of the day across the political spectrum.

Anyway, I turned my thoughts into a poem, which I share with you today.

If you like it, please feel free to share it.

POLITICAL POEM

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How to spot a liar and be your own lie detector

09/03/2024 by

Introduction:

“Liar, Liar pants on fire” as the old saying goes but how to spot a liar in any situation? If only it were so easy to spot a liar, simply by looking at whether his or her pants were on fire.

Unfortunately, that’s not the way life works.

And handy as it might be to carry around a lie detector at all times, that wouldn’t be very practical either, would it? Well, not a lie detector of the physical variety anyway.

So what’s the next best thing?

The next best thing would be if we could become our own lie detector, surely?

However, would that be possible?

The answer is yes. With a little effort, it’s possible to develop the skills to spot a liar. You just need to think about the signs.

Become a lie detector:

Now, this is important because we live in a world where we’re constantly bombarded with fake news, weasel words, half-truths, untruths and outright lies.

Politicians are the worst culprits but just about everyone in life tells the occasional lie when they feel it’s necessary.

That’s human nature, of course. This means we must learn the skills that will allow us to judge whether what we are being told is the truth or a lie at any given time.

How to spot a liar:

So how do you spot a liar?

Essentially it’s all about looking for clues.

Those little signs will reveal whether what we’re being told is likely to be true or not. A lie detector looks for clues and we can too.

In the TED Talk video embedded here, Pamela Meyer offers her observations on the signs or clues to watch out for to see if someone is lying to you.

I must say that I found this video both useful and interesting and it’s worth a few moments of your time.

The ability to spot lies is a powerful skill which everyone can develop.

You can become your own lie detector and it’s worth the effort.

If you can only work on developing one skill then lie spotting would be a good one I think.

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