Roy Sutton, Author at Roy Sutton

The advantages of work: Why you should take it seriously

10/07/2023 by Roy Sutton

The advantages of work are many but often people fail to appreciate the importance of their work. So my question to you today dear reader is, how do you regard your work?

Perhaps for you, work is just a source of income but by no means your passion.

Maybe it’s something you must do simply because you desperately need an income but it doesn’t leave you feeling energized and motivated to do the best job you possibly could do?

Perhaps mostly you’re just going through the motions, doing the minimum you can get away with each day and longing for the weekend and time off.

Maybe you’re the sort of person who prefers to spend your time in the office chatting and drinking coffee with your workmates.

Does any of this sound like you dear reader or possibly a slightly exaggerated version of you?

If that’s not you and your work is your passion, or at least you take it seriously, then this article is not really for you.

This article is for readers who feel less than energised by the work they’re currently doing and those who need a timely reminder that there are good reasons for taking your work seriously.

Work is your livelihood:

If you’re not pulling your weight in your current job then you should know that it won’t have gone unnoticed. Just because your boss has yet to say anything doesn’t mean he or she hasn’t noticed.

And if you’re building a reputation for being a slacker then it’s only a matter of time before the company will find a reason to get rid of you, if you’re not careful.

You must appreciate that a business cannot carry costs that add little or no value to that business. That is, it can’t if its aim is to survive, at least.

Commercial reality will very quickly kick any business in the butt should its management fail to keep tight control on costs.

Companies are not registered charities.

Any costs must be covered by the prices charged. If a business bears unnecessary costs for long then the result will be pricing that is simply uncompetitive. And if the business isn’t competitive then it will lose out to the competition.

Think about that for a second. As a consumer, if Company A is selling a product at a lower price than Company B, where will you buy it? You’ll go for the best price every time. No customer loyalty will survive even a small saving in price. To believe otherwise would be naïve.

So if you’re not adding value then potentially you’re at risk of losing your job.

Your work is your livelihood, so losing your job could actually hurt you. In fact, the best way to appreciate your job is to imagine your life without it.

Work provides you with a sense of purpose:

The very essence of what work is all about is simple. Work is just doing stuff for other people in return for money. It gives us an income but it also gives us a sense of purpose.

Through work, we apply our skills and know-how to deliver an output or an outcome for someone else. That may be an individual or an organisation but either way, we are paid for what we actually deliver.

Essentially that’s the psychological contract we enter into when we agree to do work for someone else.

If we’re not delivering what we’re paid to deliver then we’re not doing our job properly. We are not fulfilling the psychological contract that is work.

Taking pride in our work is important too. Our sense of purpose should drive us to do the best we can with the skills we have and we should be constantly seeking to improve.

If we don’t love what we do at any given time then we should be looking for ways to change our mindset to take a more positive view.

If we view our work positively then we’re more likely to be energised by it and if we’re energised by it then we’re more likely to do it well.

Work is how we make a difference:

You must also recognise that there’s a big difference between being busy and delivering real results. Never confuse industry with effectiveness. The two are very different things.

If I’m paying you to paint houses then the only measure I will use to judge you on is how well and how efficiently you paint houses. I don’t really care how helpful you might have been to the electrician or the refuse collector.

Being busy doesn’t count for anything unless you’re busy doing the right things. Doing the right things is how we make a real difference. And surely we’d all like to make a difference?

Other benefits:

Having a job actually provides us with many benefits.

For a start the income it generates, allows us to put a roof over our heads and food on our table.

Managed carefully, the money we earn will put clothes on our backs and allow us to heat our homes.

And of course, it provides so much more too.

Having a job gives us status and our own income gives us a degree of independence and freedom.

All these things together improve our self-esteem.

And of course, work gives us a reason to get you out of bed each day.

Work is how we make a contribution to the society around us. Not just in what we actually do but also in the taxes we pay. That’s how we pull our weight and justify membership in the society in which we live.

However, let us not forget the camaraderie we enjoy with work colleagues. People are social animals and we need the company of others.

Yes, some of them will drive us nuts at times but mostly they’re good people just like us, with lives just like ours and with whom we can relate.

We share their laughs and we share their tears too at times; the good times and the bad times; it all makes life worth living.

Work allows us to engage with other people and that’s very important.

Your work can be your legacy too:

Work is what we do for other people and what we’ve done for other people is how we’ll be remembered long after we’re gone. So potentially your work is your legacy.

On that basis, whatever you do strive to do it well.

It might not seem much to you but it will matter to other people.

Have a sense of pride in your work whatever it is. It doesn’t matter whether you sweep roads or you’re a skilled heart surgeon we all have our place in society and we all have our contribution to make.

And whatever role you play, no one is better than anyone else.

Enjoy your work or keep looking:

It’s important you find a way to enjoy your work because you spend a third of each day doing it.

Sometimes it’s just a case of looking at your work in a different way in order to appreciate what you have. However sometimes even then for whatever reason, you’ll feel unhappy.

If you can’t find a way to enjoy your work then find another job. One more suited to your natural talent perhaps. However until you find the right thing, you must grit your teeth and do your current work to the best of your ability.

And never, ever just walk away from a job without having another one to go to.

It is ironic perhaps but it’s always much easier to find another job when you already have one.

Without a job, a potential employer might wonder whether you’re unlucky or just a loser. And usually, employers will be reluctant to take a chance on you if they’re unsure.

Conclusion:

The importance of work to our lives and our self-esteem should not be underestimated. So do the work you’re paid to do and do it well. Do that and success can be yours.

Don’t do your job properly and you’ll struggle to hold on to it for very long. Lose it and almost certainly you’ll regret it.

That’s the nature of work, it always has been and it always will be.

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Filed Under: Wisdom Tagged With: Achievement, being the best, Inspiration, Life, Making Money, money, Motivation, Philosophy, Sage Advice, Stress-free, Success, Wealth, Wisdom

50 funny one-line jokes that’ll tickle you

10/06/2023 by Roy Sutton

Attention, laughter-seekers! Have you ever had one of those days where you just need a quick chuckle to lift your spirits? Well, you’ve just struck comedic gold! Dive into this collection of 50 funny one-line jokes and you’ll be tickled silly.

These aren’t just any jokes, they’re bite-sized bursts of joy, tailor-made to brighten your day in a flash.

So, go on, take a few moments to indulge in some humour therapy. After all, laughter is always the best medicine.

If you’re ready for a laughter spree? Read on!

Funny One-Line Jokes (1-10):

Welcome to the Assumption Club! I think we all know why we’re here.
Remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
The only thing flat-earthers must fear is sphere itself.
A recent study showed that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t Happy.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket finally playing great music?
Runner accidentally shot with starting pistol! Police say it’s race-related.
A massive swarm of flying insects has invaded our town. The Police have deployed a swat team.
My teachers told me that I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic. Well, I’ve shown them how wrong they were because I’ve just won a prize for the vase I made.
I’ve just bought a new gadget. It’s a GPS for Seniors. Not only does it tell me how to get to where I’m going, but it also reminds me when I get there, why I was going there in the first place.

Funny One-Line Jokes (11-20):

Old age is like underwear. It creeps up on you.
Do gun manuals have a troubleshooting section?
What begins as a love triangle ends as wrecktangle.
It’s a fact; butterflies are not what they used to be.
I went to the Indian store to buy bread. They had Naan.
To the thief who took my anti-depressants. I hope you’re happy now.
If you’re pining for a good tree pun, it’s a pity they’re not more poplar.
When you’re down by the sea and an eel bites your knee that’s a Moray.
Let’s give a big shout-out to your fingers because you can always count on them.
They said dance like no one was watching. So, I did, whilst on jury duty, and now I’ve been charged with Contempt of Court.

Funny One-Line Jokes (21-30):

Taller people sleep longer in bed.
I can do paper or plastic because i’m bisackual.
What happens if two snails get into a fight? They slug it out.
I had a dream about mufflers last night. I woke up exhausted.
Puns about communism aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
Forklift operators hate puns. Apparently, they find them unpalletable.
Thought for today: When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, do you become a vacuum cleaner?
A Plumber’s truck has just passed me with the sign on it saying, “We repair what your husband fixed!”
I just saw a sign in my local optician’s window that says, “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
There’s a sign in my local shoe repair store window that says, “We will heel you. We will save your sole. And we will even dye for you!“

Funny One-Line Jokes (31-40):

I’m looking to buy an old, disused lighthouse but nothing too flashy.
In the front yard of a Funeral Home, it says, “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
Don’t you just hate people who can’t let go of the past? Debt collectors are the worst.
Someone broke into my house and stole all the fruit. Who would do that? I’m peachless!
Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck: “Caution! This truck is full of political promises.”
There are so many scams on the internet nowadays. Send me $50 and I’ll tell you how to avoid them.
In my local restaurant window, it says, “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
Question of the Day: Did the guy who coined the term “One Hit Wonder” ever come up with any other memorable phrases?
At the job interview, they asked me whether I could perform under pressure. I said, “No, but I’m willing to try Bohemian Rhapsody.”
As a child, I didn’t care how I dressed, my parents dressed me. Looking through the old family photos, it’s obvious my parents didn’t care either.

Funny One-Line Jokes (41-50):

It’s weird being the same age as old people.
It’s irritating when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so stupid.
We come from dust, and to dust we will return. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.
I wasn’t my parents’ favourite child, but I was the first one they thought of whenever the police turned up.
People say love is the best feeling, but I don’t agree. Surely, finding a toilet when you’ve got diarrhoea is a much better feeling?
The older I get, the more I regret all the people I’ve lost over the years. Maybe being a trail guide wasn’t such a great idea after all.
A friend of mine finally gathered enough courage to ask the supermarket cashier for a date. She said, “They’re in the fruits section next to the bananas.“
The job interviewer said, “It says in your resume that you went to Harvard University.” I smiled and said, “Yes! I was there for my cousin’s graduation.”
A sign in bold type in the window at Sid’s Maintenance Shop said, “I CAN REPAIR ANYTHING!” Under that, it said, “Please Knock Hard. Doorbell Doesn’t Work.”
I rang my local restaurant and asked, “Do you do takeaways?” A polite guy at the other end said, “Yes, we do!” Cheerfully, I responded, “That’s great! What’s 352 minus 97?”

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So did these funny one-line jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, funny jokes, funny one-line jokes, funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile, humor, humour, Inspiration, jokes, Laugh, LOL, smile

9 essential life skills and how to master them all

10/01/2023 by Roy Sutton

Essential life skills refer to the abilities and competencies that we all need to navigate everyday life effectively and successfully.

There are many life skills, of course, but today let’s consider nine of those skills that should be a priority in terms of your personal development, dear reader.

Developing strong life skills can help you manage stress, build meaningful relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a happy and productive life.

Essential Life Skills:

So here are my top nine life skills to master, as early as possible: –

1. How to be a self-starter:

To achieve anything in life, motivation is key.

If you want to make the most of your life and your God-given abilities, then it starts with self-motivation.

So, to be a self-starter: –

Set clear goals for yourself: Know what you want out of life and why.
Prioritize your time and energy: You only have so much of both. Make sure those resources are used to pursue your goals.
Seize the initiative: There will always be a constant stream of opportunities there for the taking. But you must grab them yourself.
Be proactive: You need to be fleet-footed. Snooze and you lose, as the saying goes.
Life-long Learning: We add value to others through our knowledge, experience, and expertise. Seek out opportunities for growth and learning, constantly.
Practice self-awareness and emotional intelligence: Know how you come across to others and be sensitive to the needs of others.
Develop good communication skills: Effective communication is necessary if you’re to build strong relationships and make informed decisions.

If you’re adaptable, resilient, and open to continuous improvement, then you can be successful. Other people succeed, so why not you?

2. How to manage time:

Time is your most precious resource and, far too often people squander it.

We all have the same amount of time, 168 hours each week. It’s how we use them that will dictate how successful we are at whatever we choose to do in life.

Managing your time effectively is crucial for your personal productivity and reducing stress.

Here are some tips to help you manage your time better: –

Prioritize tasks based on their importance and deadlines.
Create a schedule and stick to it.
Make ‘TO-DO’ lists.
Avoid procrastination by breaking down large tasks into smaller ones.
Take regular breaks to avoid burnout.
Learn to say no to non-essential tasks.

Remember: the most powerful time management tool is the word NO.

You don’t have to be impolite. You can just say something like, “I’d really love to help you, but I have this complete by 5 p.m.”

It’s your time, you decide how it’s best used to deliver on your goals and commitments.

Time management is a skill that can be developed with practice and patience.

Try these tips and find what works best for you.

Here are two other time management resources that you might find useful: –

3. How to get organized:

If you’re going to manage your time effectively, then you’ll need to be organised.

So, here are some tips on how to become better organised: –

Declutter your space: You can’t work effectively in a cluttered space. So, get rid of anything you don’t use or need. If it doesn’t have a specific function, get rid of it.
Create a schedule: Plan out your day, week, or month and stick to it.
Set goals: Write down what you want to accomplish and break them down into smaller, achievable steps.
Use a planner or calendar: Record important dates, deadlines, and appointments.
Prioritize tasks: Focus on the most important tasks and tackle them first.
Make “TO-DO’ lists: List tasks in order of priority and tick them off as they’re completed.
Avoid multitasking: Multitasking can be counterproductive. Focus on a specific task, get it done and then move on to the next task. That way each task will be completed to the best of your ability.
Delegate tasks: You don’t have to do everything yourself. If you’re able to delegate then focus on those tasks which only you can do, and delegate everything else.
Establish a routine: That way you’ll get used to doing things without the need to think it all through first.

Remember, becoming more organised takes time, discipline, effort, and practice.

However, if you’re persistent and consistent, you will become very organised and productive.

4. How to manage money:

For managing your money effectively, these are my essential tips: –

Set financial goals,
Create a budget,
Track your expenses,
Prioritize needs over wants,
Save for emergencies,
Invest wisely, and
Avoid high-interest, unsecured debt.

Assuming you have a limited income, you must spend your money wisely.

Your priorities must always be providing a roof over your head, and putting food on the table. And paying all your regular bills, of course.

Never, ever buy discretionary items using unsecured debt like credit cards, Klarna, or hire purchase arrangements. The interest rates are always astronomically high and the debt burden can rise quicker than your ability to repay it.

Follow these steps, and you will be able to manage your finances effectively and achieve your financial goals.

Other resources about money that you might find useful are: –

5. How to spend wisely:

This is closely related to managing your money, of course.

If your aim is to spend wisely, then there are five questions you should ask yourself before making any purchase. These are as follows: –

Do I really need it?
Will I really use it?
Can I really afford it?
If I didn’t have it, would it really matter?
Does it represent good value for money?

If you answer ‘No’ to the first four questions, the fifth question is irrelevant.

A negative on all or even most of the first four questions means, don’t buy the item. Simple!

And even if you do think you need it, never buy anything if you do not have the money to pay for the item right now. Never, ever incur debt for anything you can live without.

It’s better to do without than to run up debt on a credit card to pay for discretionary purchases.

And never, ever overpay for anything. Overpaying means the price is inconsistent with the value on offer.

Hopefully, this will logically flow from above but, avoid impulse buys. Think twice before making purchases, especially on high-cost items.

And, of course, shop around. Compare prices and look for deals to get the best value for your money.

Though it might run counter to modern thinking, use cash wherever possible. Using cash instead of credit cards can help you stick to your budget and avoid overspending.

Remember: spending wisely is all about being mindful of what you are spending and why.

6. How to find a job:

Here are some tips on how to find a job:

Compile an inventory of the skills, knowledge and experience you have to offer.
Define your job search goals and prioritize your objectives.
Update your resume and LinkedIn profile to showcase your skills, knowledge and experience.
Network with professionals in your industry and attend job fairs and networking events.
Utilize job search websites and job boards to find open positions that match what you have to offer and what you’re looking for.
Practice your interviewing skills and be prepared to showcase your qualifications. See 6 TOP JOB INTERVIEW QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU PREPARE for typical questions for which you should be very well-prepared.

Remember, finding a job takes time and effort, but with persistence and preparation, you can land your dream job.

Here are three other job search resources that you might find useful: –

7. How to deal with failure:

Firstly, you need to put failure into perspective. Failure is not a person. Put simply, failure is just an outcome you didn’t want.

Everyone fails occasionally. That’s how we learn and that’s how we gain that valuable commodity known as experience.

Failure is a natural part of life and valuable, so embrace it to learn the lessons it provides. To put it another way, learn the lessons and then move on.

Here are some coping strategies to help you deal with failure: –

Accept that you didn’t get the outcome you wanted.
Practice self-compassion and acknowledge your emotions.
Reflect on the experience and identify what went wrong.
Set realistic goals and break them down into smaller, achievable steps.
Seek support from friends, family, or a mentor.
Take a break and engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re as good as anyone.
Try again; this time applying the lessons you’ve learned.

Remember, failure is not the end of the world. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow, and with time and effort, you can bounce back stronger.

There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes. Everyone does sometimes. Just don’t make a habit of making the same mistakes too often.

And here’s another resource on the subject of failure: –

WHY YOU SHOULD TEACH YOUR CHILDREN THAT FAILURE DOESN’T MATTER

8. How to stand up for yourself:

If you don’t stand up for yourself, it’s unlikely that anyone else will.

You don’t have to accept the unacceptable.

That doesn’t mean you have to be aggressive. You just must be willing to push back, politely but firmly, and look after your own interests.

When it comes to standing up for yourself, there are three things to keep in mind.

Be assertive and clear about your needs and feelings. This can involve using “I” statements, such as “I feel upset when you do X, can you please not do that?“
Be respectful and open to other perspectives, as standing up for yourself doesn’t mean being aggressive or dismissive of others.
Be consistent in standing up for yourself so that others know what to expect from you.

It is a fact that you’ll get far more respect from other people if you stand up for yourself. No one respects a doormat.

Though it can seem hard at times, if you’re persistent and you make it your modus operandi, eventually it will come naturally to you.

9. How to talk to strangers:

During our working lives, and indeed our social lives, we all must engage with random people we do not know.

It can seem intimidating sometimes to engage with people we don’t really know.

However, the trick is to take a genuine interest in people.

Everyone likes to feel that others are interested in what they have to say.

Here are my top tips to help you start a conversation with a stranger: –

Start with a friendly greeting, such as “Hi, how are you?“
Ask questions, “Do you work for the host, or are you a visitor like me?”
If you know their name, even if just because it’s on a name badge, use it. Everyone likes to hear others saying their name. “Oh, hello Bill. That’s an impressive camera you have there.”
Find a common ground, such as a shared interest, occupation, or location.
Use open-ended questions to encourage the other person to speak. For instance, “What were you hoping to gain from attending this conference, Joan?”
Be respectful and considerate of the other person’s feelings and boundaries.

Remember; they feel slightly intimidated and uncomfortable too. We all feel a little vulnerable in such situations.

Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable at first, but it’s also a great way to expand your social circle and make new friends and business contacts.

Never be afraid to approach someone, engage positively, and introduce yourself.

And if you are in business, exchange business cards.

You never know when a new business contact may prove very useful to you.

Conclusion:

To succeed, you’ll need to be a self-starter. You’ll need to manage your time effectively. Being well organized is another prerequisite for being successful too.

If achieving financial freedom is your aim, then you’ll need to manage your money. That starts with learning to spend wisely.

And if you want money, you’ll need the ability to find a job. Finding a job means you must learn to deal with failure. And you must learn to stand up for yourself too.

Another essential skill is communication. And you’ll develop effective communication skills if you can learn to talk to strangers.

All of these skills can be mastered effectively, and people do. So can you. Good luck.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find this post about essential life skills useful?

I hope you did, anyway.

And if what you’ve read was useful and interesting, please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience and that will be truly appreciated.

Thank you. for your support, dear reader.

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Filed Under: Wisdom Tagged With: Be a self-starter, Essential life skills, How to deal with failure, How to find a job, How to get organized, How to manage money, How to manage time, How to spend wisely, How to stand up for yourself, How to talk to strangers, Inspiration, Life skills, Motivation

21 funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

10/01/2023 by Roy Sutton

Here is another batch of funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

Once again I’ve been searching for the best smiles I can find just to brighten your day dear reader. I’ve done the hard work, so you don’t have to.

So sit back, relax and I hope you enjoy these funny one-liners just as much as I did.

And don’t forget your friends.

If you enjoy these smiles then your friends probably will too.

So pass them on, but not before you’ve enjoyed them yourself.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile (1-10):

If you need an ark, I Noah guy.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
Never give up on your dreams. Stay in bed and sleep on.
I wouldn’t say that my ceiling is the best, but it’s up there.
You must agree, the shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
Never tell your secrets in a cornfield. There are too many ears.
Why do bees hum? Because they can never remember the words.
Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
What would you call someone with just a nose and no body? Nobody knows.
My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile (11-21):

There’s a store on Main Street where you can get dead batteries free of charge.
I used to work as an origami teacher, but I hated it. There was too much paperwork.
I told my suitcase there will be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
I was amused to read the epitaph on the late dentist’s gravestone. It read “He’s now filling his last cavity.”
Why is everything delivered by ship called a cargo and yet if it’s delivered by a van, it’s called a shipment?
Our local farmer has started feeding his cows with bird seed. That would explain why the milk is going cheep.
My sister bet me $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car using spaghetti. Her face was a picture when I drove pasta.
A man delivers a load of bubble wrap. “Where do you want this, he asks?” “Oh, just pop it in the corner” was the reply.
Change your password to incorrect and then if you can’t quite remember it, your computer will say your password is incorrect.
They’ve just opened a new restaurant Downtown. It’s called Karma and they don’t have a menu. You just get what you deserve.
A police recruit was asked during his exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered, “Call for backup.”

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So did these funny one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile, humor, humour, Influencers, Inspiration, jokes, Laugh, Life, LOL, Meaning, smile, Stress-free

5 funniest jokes about law and order

09/27/2023 by Roy Sutton

Dear reader, are you in need of a good laugh? Well, here are 5 of the funniest jokes about law and order to brighten your day. They all made me smile, so I hope you’ll enjoy them too.

They say laughter is the best medicine and I agree. When you’re feeling down and in need of cheering up, few things have a greater impact than a good joke.

So relax, take a few minutes and enjoy them all. And please feel free to pass them on.

Funniest jokes about law and order:

1. Rookie cop:

Jake is a rookie cop and he’s on his first day in a patrol car.

His partner is Vinny, an experienced cop who’s been around the block a few times and he knows the score.

Nothing much happens for the first hour of their shift but then suddenly they get a call on the radio asking them to disperse a group of people who’ve been reported as loitering on Main Street.

“Let me deal with this one Vinny”, says Jake, all pumped up and ready to go.

“OK buddy, go for it!” Vinny responds.

As their patrol car approaches Main Street they can see a small crowd on the corner.

So Jake jumps out of the patrol car, approaches the small crowd and says, “Okay people can we move along now, please? Come on now, as quickly as you can. Nothing to see here. Surely you’ve all got homes to go to?”

The crowd ignores Jake’s instruction, so he feels compelled to repeat his command, “Come on now move along, please. There’s nothing to see here. Failure to comply with a police officer’s instruction is a misdemeanour and I will have to book you if you don’t move along.”

Well, his comment about being booked seems to do the trick because people then start to drift away in different directions.

His confidence now boosted by his apparent success, Jake gets back into the patrol car.

Jake smiles at Vinny and says, “Not a bad start don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess so”, says Vinny, “pity it was Bus Stop though.”

2. Don’t mess with old people:

Fred is an older man living on his own when he spots burglars breaking into the shed in his garden one night.

Naturally, he’s left feeling a little insecure by this turn of events, so he calls 911.

Well, the 911 operator advises Fred that there are no patrol cars available in his area to help him right now.

So Fred hangs up the phone and waits for a few minutes before he calls 911 again.

“I called you a few minutes ago to report burglars in my garden shed. Well you can cancel my request for help now because I’ve just shot them all”, says Fred.

Within minutes there are three patrol cars outside Fred’s house with sirens wailing and blue lights flashing.

One of the police officers marches up the drive and says to Fred, “I thought you said you’d shot them all?”

“And I thought you said that there were no patrol cars available,” says Fred.

3. Driving Lesson:

Bill is giving his teenage son, Jack, a driving lesson.

Suddenly, Jack makes a right turn on a red light.

“Oh, no!” shouts Bill. “I think you’ve just made an illegal turn.”

“Take a chill pill, Dad” Jack responds, “The police car right behind us has just done the same thing.”

4. Speeding Driver:

A police officer, Jim Murphy stops a speeding car.

As Officer Murphy approaches the vehicle, it’s obvious to him that the driver is extremely agitated. So, naturally, Officer Murphy is cautious.

“Good afternoon, sir,” said the police officer. “Do you know why I’ve stopped you?”

“Yes, officer,” the driver responds. “I was speeding. But you’ve got to understand, I’m in a life-or-death situation.”

“Really?” Officer Murphy responds, quizzically. “And why is that, sir?”

“Officer,” the man continues, “there’s a naked woman waiting for me at my house.”

“Well, I don’t see how that’s a matter of life or death, sir,” says Officer Murphy in response.

“It is,” the driver continues, “because if I don’t get home before my wife does, I’m a dead man!”

5. Silence in court:

Jim is in the dock facing a double murder charge.

“You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner”, says the Judge.

Hearing this charge, a man in the public gallery screams, “You son of a bitch.”

Ignoring this interruption the Judge continues, “You are also charged with beating your wife’s lover to death with a spanner.”

Again the man in the public gallery screams, “You son of a bitch.”

Irritated by this second interruption, the Judge turns her attention to the gallery and says, “Sir I understand your outrage at what are terrible crimes but I will not tolerate another such outburst in this courtroom. Interrupt again and you will be held in contempt of court.”

“I’m sorry your honour”, said the man, “but I’ve lived next door to this son of a bitch for 12 years and every time I’ve asked to borrow a spanner he told me he didn’t have one.”

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I hope you found these the funniest jokes about law and order dear reader.

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60 witty one-liners and quotes to make you smile

09/25/2023 by Roy Sutton

Today I offer you some witty one-liners and quotes to make you smile, dear reader.

If you’re having a tough time, the best medicine to improve how you feel is a little laughter and a few quotes that will resonate with you.

In the blog post that follows, there is a treasure trove of sparkling wit and wisdom. Handpicked, these quotes are not just words – they’re little rays of sunshine wrapped in syllables.

So, dive into this delightful reservoir and let the words tickle your funny bone and lighten your heart!”

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Quotes to make you smile (1-10):

I’m not odd; I’m a limited edition.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.
I’m not lazy. I’m in energy-saving mode.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.
My house was clean last week. Sorry, you missed it.
On the upside, bad decisions do make good stories.

Quotes to make you smile (11-20):

Never trust stairs; they’re always up to something.
Being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
I followed my heart, and it led me straight to the fridge.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my to-do list is a mile long.
Yes, I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.
Having plants in the house is a great way to pretend you have your life together.
You know you’re a grown-up when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of your regular debt payments.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I started. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms, four bags of Maltesers and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Quotes to make you smile (21-30):

If being an adult is soup, then I’m a fork.
I’m not late; I’m just operating in a different time zone.
If you’re hotter than me, then I guess I’m cooler than you.
I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is 14 days.
The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You never truly understand something until you try to explain it to a toddler.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Laughter is like a windshield wiper; it doesn’t stop the rain but lets you keep going.
My bed and I have a special relationship; we’re perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just doesn’t seem to understand.

Quotes to make you smile (31-40):

I didn’t trip, I was doing a random gravity check.
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?”
If Cinderella’s shoe was a perfect fit, why did it fall off?
Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is?
I’m writing a book on procrastination. I’ll start tomorrow.
The fridge is a perfect example of what matters is on the inside.
Life update: Currently holding it all together with a single bobby pin.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I’m safe from identity theft.
To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

Quotes to make you smile (41-50):

Exercise? I’m sorry, I thought you said, ‘extra fries’.
I tried to be agreeable once. Worst two minutes of my life.
My favourite childhood memory is not having to pay bills.
I don’t need an inspirational quote in the morning. I need coffee.
If you see me talking to myself, just know I’m having a staff meeting.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
My greatest wish in life is that someone would want me like I want chocolate cake.
Diet Day 1: I have removed all the unhealthy food from the house. It was delicious.
You’re never too old to throw random stuff in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.
Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy wine and chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing.

Quotes to make you smile (51-60):

I’m currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too.
Yes, I have a six-pack. It’s just protected by a layer of fat.
Behind every working mother is a substantial amount of coffee.
You know you’re old when your candles cost more than your cake.
I think I need glasses because I keep seeing people with two faces.
Common sense is so rare these days, that it should be considered a superpower.
If we’re not supposed to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing the other person is a complete idiot.
I never run. So, if you see me running, you should run too because something very scary will be chasing me.
When you realise that stressed is just desserts spelt backwards, you’ll understand the importance of comfort food.

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6 top job interview questions to help you prepare

09/24/2023 by Roy Sutton

When you’re finally leaving full-time education, your first job interview can be a daunting prospect. Dealing with job interview questions can be tricky if you haven’t done some preparatory work beforehand.

I’ve recorded one of my early experiences in the form of a poem, which I’ve included here.

The key takeaway message is ‘be prepared’.

Interview Mindset:

In order to be prepared, you need to understand the hiring manager’s interview mindset.

As a former hiring manager, I can tell you that, when you’re being interviewed, hiring managers have three questions in their heads: –

Can you do the job? That is, do you have the skills required?
Will you do the job? That is, do you have the motivation to do the job well?
Will you fit in? That is, will you get along well with other team members?

Put concisely, they’re considering your SKILLS, MOTIVATION & FIT.

Your mindset in an interview should be, “How do I reassure them that I’m the answer to their prayers because I have exactly what they need?“

Job Interview Questions:

The hiring manager will seek to answer the aforementioned three questions, by asking you a series of questions, and they’re all predictable.

Here are the top 6 job interview questions that are most commonly asked by hiring managers: –

Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?
Why are you interested in this position?
What are your strengths and weaknesses?
Can you give an example of a time when you overcame a challenge?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
What do you know about this company/organization?

Your responses to these questions will determine whether you’re successful or not.

So, before you go for an interview, make sure you’re well-prepared. Prepare concise responses to these questions and don’t waffle. Think of it as having a quiver full of arrows ready to hit every target put before you.

And remember also, for every skill you claim to have, be prepared to provide an example of where you’ve used that skill with at least some degree of success.

REMEMBER: Prepare well and you’ll present well. Present well and you’ll give yourself the best chance of success.

As a hiring manager, I have always been impressed by candidates who are well-prepared.

Poem about a job interview:

Anyway, without further ado, here’s today’s poem. It describes how I got it wrong by not being prepared. That said, I only made the mistake once.

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15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

09/22/2023 by Roy Sutton

If you’re like me then you’ll need a good laugh each and every day. It is after all the best medicine, they say. If nothing else it certainly relieves stress.

I love all forms of humor, even what I’d call black humor. That’s humor with a slightly darker edge?

Some people find this type of humor a little distasteful but personally, I think it can still be very funny.

Here are 15 black humor jokes that I think will definitely make you laugh. Well some of them will make you smile at least.

None of these jokes are too distasteful, so I hope they will appeal to everyone. If they don’t appeal to you dear reader then I will endeavour to offer something more in line with your preferences next time.

For those who like humor with a darker edge, enjoy!

Black Humor Jokes (Part 1):

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?
Patient: The good news, please.
Doctor: I’ve got the diagnosis for your illness. Unfortunately, it suggests you have only two days to live.
Patient: So what’s the bad news then?”
Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you for two days.

Today really has been a terrible day.
First, my wife gets hit by a bus.
Then I lose my job as a bus driver.

The doctor gave me one year to live.
So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far.
Yes, isn’t this catapult amazing? Quick get our daughter!

Girl: So, what do you do?
Boy: I work with animals every day.
Girl: Oh that’s so sweet! What exactly do you do?
Boy: I’m a butcher.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come to you anyway.

Black Humor Jokes (Part 2):

Fred walks into a shop and sees a nice looking dog.
Does your dog bite? Fred says to the shop assistant.
No, my dog doesn’t bite, said the assistant.
Fred starts petting the dog but it attacks him viciously.
You said your dog doesn’t bite, said Fred.
He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog, said the assistant.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father did.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.

They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.
Personally, I find a knife through the ribcage a lot quicker.

Finally, I got one of those roof-top boxes for the car.
It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.

I took my wife out for tea and biscuits.
She wasn’t very happy about having to donate blood though.

Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
Then don’t stand in front of the dartboard!

Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.

A man awakens from a coma.
His wife is irritated and changes out of her black clothing.
I really can’t depend on you for anything, can I?

If I’m smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil.
If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.

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If any of these black humor jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

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7 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

09/13/2023 by Roy Sutton

Do you like short story jokes? Those little yarns that go on for a while, only for the punchline to pop out of leftfield. Today I have seven little gems which I hope will make you laugh.

Enjoy them all and please, feel free to pass them on.

Short story jokes:

1. The Dead Duck

A woman brings a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon.

As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope on the bird’s chest and listens carefully.

A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.

“Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes.

“Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“

“But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”

The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.

A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.

A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.“

The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150.

“$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.“

2. Never underestimate an old man

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm, there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn’t been down there for a while.

Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit.

As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly, someone is having a good time.

As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond.

He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately they all swim over to the far end.

One of the women then shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave mister!“

The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.“

The wily old-timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!“

Moral of the story: Never underestimate an old man.

3. Divine intervention:

For a weekend break, three old college buddies go down to Tijuana, Mexico to enjoy a reunion.

Well, they hadn’t seen each other for quite a few years so the stories were long, the laughs were loud and the booze really did flow that night.

They had such a good time, that they all woke up the following morning and found themselves in jail.

None of them could remember anything. However, within a couple of hours, they’re all sentenced to be executed the following day.

The following morning they’re all escorted to death row, where Bill, the first of the group is strapped into the electric chair. Then Bill is asked if he’d like to say any words.

“Sure,” Bill responds. “I’m from the Catholic University of America and I believe in the power of almighty God. I am innocent and God will intervene.”

The executioner throws the switch but nothing happens.

Well, the prison staff can’t believe this turn of events. They beg Bill’s forgiveness and release him.

Next up for the chair is Gary. He’s strapped in and once again he’s offered the opportunity to say something.

“Well, I’m from Harvard Law School,” says Gary, “and I believe that the power of natural justice will intervene because I’m innocent.”

Once again, the executioner throws the switch but nothing happens.

Again the prison staff can’t believe this turn of events. They beg Gary’s forgiveness and release him.

Finally, Mike’s strapped into the chair and once again he’s offered the opportunity to say something.

“Well,” says Mike. “I have a PhD in Electrical Engineering from Massachusetts Institute of Technology and I can tell you now, you won’t be executing anyone if you don’t plug this thing in.”

4. It’s only Rock & Roll:

Mary, an attractive lady of 85, was marrying for the fourth time.

Naturally, this was a human-interest story and the local newspaper decided to send a reporter to interview Mary.

The reporter sat with Mary and asked, “Could you tell me about your husbands and how they earned their living?”

Mary smiled and said, “Well, my first husband was a banker, then I married a circus ringmaster, next was a preacher and now at 85, I’m marrying a funeral director.”

“Wow,” said the reporter, they’ve all had such diverse careers.”

“Yes,” said Mary, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.“

5. Helping the unfortunate:

For the first time in decades, Giuseppe, an old Italian farmer decided it was time for him to go to confession to seek absolution for his sins.

So, he went to the Roman Catholic church in his village and entered the confessional box.

He knelt and said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

The priest replied quietly, “What is this sin of which you speak, my son?”

“Father,” Giuseppe continued, “during the Second World War a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy, so I hid her in my loft.”

“Well,” said the priest, “it was wartime, a fellow human being was in trouble and in need of shelter, and you helped. Surely, that’s a noble act?”

“But father,” Giuseppe continued, “it’s worse than you might think.”

“In what way?” asked the priest.

“She repaid me with sexual favours,” said Giuseppe, somewhat embarrassed.

“In wartime,” the priest responded, “people act in ways they wouldn’t do in peacetime. If you’re truly sorry for your actions, then you’re forgiven.”

“Thank you,” said Giuseppe, “that’s a great weight off my mind. But Father, may I ask you a question?”

“Yes, of course,” the priest responded.

Giuseppe paused momentarily, and then said, “Should I tell her that the war is over?”

6. Jack the cowboy

Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances toward him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and says to the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?“

Jack looks at the man, who’s obviously a yuppie, he then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and responds calmly, “Sure, why not?“

The yuppie then whips out a very impressive iPhone Pro smartphone from his jacket pocket and begins to surf the NASA website. Simultaneously he uses the GPS satellite to get the exact coordinates of his location. He then feeds that back to Google Earth to capture a high-resolution image of this location.

The young man then opens the digital image in Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Langley, Virginia.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his iPhone Pro to confirm that the image has been processed and the data captured and stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC-connected Excel spreadsheet and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he uses an AirPrint printer located in his car to print out a full-color, 150-page report. He then turns to Jack, hands him the report and says, “Sir, you’ll see from the Executive Summary that you have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.“

“That’s right,” says Jack. “I guess you can take one of my calves.“

Jack then watches with amusement as the young man struggles to get the animal into the trunk of his car.

After a minute or two, Jack says to the guy, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my calf back?“

The young man thinks for a second and then he says, “Sure, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the US Government“, says Jack.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?“

“No guessing required son,” Jack responded. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want paying for an answer I already know; to a question, I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how smart you are; and you don’t know a thing about how ordinary, working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. If you did you’d know that this herd is actually a flock of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”

7. The old Native American and a $500 loan

An old Native American man has a need to borrow $500, so he goes to his local bank and asks to speak with the Loans Officer.

The banker welcomes him and then says a loan application form must be completed. So he takes a loan application form from his desk drawer and begins to question the old man.

“So, what are you going to do with the money?” he asks the man.

“Buy silver, make jewellery, then sell it,” the man responded.

“And what have you got for collateral?” asked the banker.

“Don’t know collateral,” replied the old man

“Well that’s something of value that you provide us with to cover the cost of the loan if you fail to repay,” said the banker. “For instance, have you got any vehicles?“

“Yes. 1979 Chevy pickup,” replied the old man

The banker shook his head, “No that won’t do, I’m afraid. How about livestock?“

“Yes, I have a horse,” replied the old man.

“How old is it?” the banker enquired.

“Don’t know, has no teeth,” replies the old man.

The conversation went on like this for a while but eventually, the banker decided to grant the $500 loan to the old man.

Several weeks later the old man returns to the bank.

He pulls out a large roll of $100 bills from his pocket, “Here to pay,” he says.

He then hands the banker $500 in $100 bills to repay his loan.

“Business has been good I can see,” says the banker. “What are you going to do with the rest of that money?“

“Keep it close to me,” the old man responded.

“Why don’t you just deposit it in my bank,” the banker enquired.

“Don’t know deposit,” replied the old man

“Well, you just put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. Whenever you want to use it, you can withdraw it,” the banker responded.

The old Native American man leans across the desk, looks the banker in the eye and asks, “What you got for collateral?“

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So did these short story jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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39 funny Disney jokes to raise a smile

09/07/2023 by Roy Sutton

If it’s funny Disney jokes you’re looking for, dear reader, then here are some light-hearted funnies just for you.

I hope they make you smile and brighten your day.

If you do enjoy them, please feel free to pass them on.

Funny Disney Jokes (1-10):

What did Mickey Mouse have for dessert? Mice cream!
How does Ariel stay in touch with her friends? Sea-mail!
Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut? To visit Pluto!
How did the Genie fit everything into his lamp? With difficulty!
Why was Tinkerbell feeling blue? She was having a fairy bad day!
Why did Donald Duck watch the news? To get the feather forecast!
What did Quasimodo say after winning the lottery? I’m ringing in the cash!
Why did the Disney cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
Why did Goofy wear two pairs of pants to play golf? In case he got a hole in one!
Why don’t Disney characters listen to the media anymore? They’ve heard enough fairy tales!

Funny Disney Jokes (11-20):

What does Ariel use to call her friends? A shell phone!
What kind of shoes does Mickey Mouse wear? Squeakers!
Why does Peter Pan never get his feet dirty? He Neverlands!
What did Nala tell Simba after he was walking too slowly? Mufasa!
Why did Woody give Bullseye some water? Because he was a little horse!
Why was Cinderella bad at basketball? Because she ran away from the ball!
Why did Captain Hook become a chef? Because he’s great at hooking up a good meal!
Why did Snow White treat each dwarf equally? Because she’s the fairest of them all.
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t show up? Someday my prints will come!
What did the postcard say to the stamp at the Disney post office? Stick with me, and we’ll go places!

Funny Disney Jokes (21-30):

How does Ariel like her toast? With mermelade!
Where does Olaf keep his money? In a snowbank!
Why was the broom late in Fantasia? It overswept!
How does the Little Mermaid wash her fins? With Tide!
What do you call a fairy who never bathes? Stinkerbell!
Why couldn’t Mickey surf the web? He didn’t have a mouse pad!
What did Dumbo do before he went on holiday? He packed his trunk!
Why did Goofy bring a ladder to the bar? He’d heard the drinks were on the house!
Why did Daisy Duck say she was always calm? Because she’s never quacking under pressure!
Why do the Seven Dwarfs dance while they play? Because the hills are alive with the sound of music!

Funny Disney Jokes (31-39):

Why wouldn’t Piglet use the toilet? He saw Pooh on it!
What is Tarzan’s favourite Christmas carol? Jungle Bells!
Why did Dopey take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
How did Gaston get the baking job? By egg-saggerating his skills!
What does a Disney princess use to unlock her room? A-riel key!
What did the Jungle Book teach us about bananas? They’re apeeling!
Why did Aladdin go to the bank? To check his balance on the flying carpet!
Why was Eeyore always calm during tests? He knew how to stay relaxed under ass-essment!
Why did Goofy stare at the computer screen? Because he wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!

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