17 Quotes by Roald Dahl to reflect on

09/17/2024 by

Quotes by Roald DahlToday I thought it would be interesting to explore some quotes by Roald Dahl.

Roald Dahl was born in Wales to affluent Norwegian immigrant parents and spent most of his life in England. He served in the Royal Air Force (RAF) during the Second World War.

He is best known worldwide as a novelist, short-story writer, poet, and screenwriter and his books have sold more than 250 million copies globally.

Roald Dahl has been called one of the greatest storytellers for children of the 20th century. He rose to prominence as a writer in the 1940s with works for children and for adults, and he became one of the world’s best-selling authors.

His works for children include James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Matilda, The Witches, Fantastic Mr Fox, The BFG, The Twits, George’s Marvellous Medicine and Danny, the Champion of the World.

His works for older audiences include the short story collections Tales of the Unexpected and The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More.

Given his success, his words are worthy of reflection. So, take a few moments to read these 17 quotes by Roald Dahl.

Quotes by Roald Dahl (1-10):

  1. A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
  2. Did they preach one thing and practice another, these men of God?
  3. A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom.
  4. Nowadays you can go anywhere in the world in a few hours, and nothing is fabulous any more.
  5. If my books can help children become readers, then I feel I have accomplished something important.
  6. Had I not had children of my own, I would have never written books for children, nor would I have been capable of doing so.
  7. The writer must force himself to work. He must make his own hours and if he doesn’t go to his desk at all there is nobody to scold him.
  8. My father was a Norwegian who came from a small town near Oslo. He broke his arm at the elbow when he was 14, and they amputated it.
  9. I shot down some German planes and I got shot down myself, crashing in a burst of flames and crawling out, getting rescued by brave soldiers.
  10. The fine line between roaring with laughter and crying because it’s a disaster is a very, very fine line. You see a chap slip on a banana skin in the street and you roar with laughter when he falls slap on his backside. If in doing so you suddenly see he’s broken a leg, you very quickly stop laughing and it’s not a joke anymore.

Quotes by Roald Dahl (11-17):

  1. A writer of fiction lives in fear. Each new day demands new ideas, and he can never be sure whether he is going to come up with them or not.
  2. I began to realize how simple life could be if one had a regular routine to follow with fixed hours, a fixed salary, and very little original thinking to do.
  3. Two hours of writing fiction leaves this writer completely drained. For those two hours, he has been in a different place with totally different people.
  4. Pear Drops were exciting because they had a dangerous taste. All of us were warned against eating them, and the result was that we ate them more than ever.
  5. The adult is the enemy of the child because of the awful process of civilizing this thing that, when it is born, is an animal with no manners, and no moral sense at all.
  6. When you’re writing a book, with people in it as opposed to animals, it is no good having people who are ordinary, because they are not going to interest your readers at all. Every writer in the world must use characters that have something interesting about them, and this is even more true in children’s books.
  7. I find that the only way to make my characters really interesting to children is to exaggerate all their good or bad qualities, and so if a person is nasty or bad or cruel, you make them very nasty, very bad, very cruel. If they are ugly, you make them extremely ugly. That, I think, is fun and makes an impact.

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30 Sage Quotes by Lucius B. Wack to get you thinking

09/16/2024 by

Sage QuotesIf it’s sage quotes you are looking for, dear reader, I have 30 excellent observations from Lucius B. Wack.

Lucius B. Wack is a modern philosopher whom I greatly admire.

I think he has a lot of interesting things to say.

So, look at these sage quotes and see what you think.

I hope you find these observations about modern life in the Western world interesting.

If you do, then please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

But not before you’ve had a chance to reflect them all over a cup of coffee, or whatever your preferred morning beverage might be.

Sage Quotes (1-10):

  1. Demand the best for yourself. If you don’t, no one else will.
  2. You only have to look around you to see that the lunatics are running the asylum.
  3. Jobs that no longer need doing can’t be protected. Doing work for its own sake is pointless.
  4. We live in a world where the lives of the many are being subjected to the tyranny of the few.
  5. Beware the zealots imposing upon us all their worldviews. They’re working in their best interests, not ours. 
  6. No country has ever taxed its way to prosperity. Excessive taxation acts as a disincentive to hard work and enterprise.
  7. Don’t think of it as the end. Think of it as the beginning of a new chapter. A new experience. The next ride on the latest attraction. 
  8. If your answer’s No, then it’s No. No is a complete sentence. There’s no obligation on you to explain why. Just say No and move on.
  9. Predators are predators and will use any means available to gain access to their target victims. To believe otherwise would be naive. 
  10. Beware the conversational bullies. Those people who are determined to dismiss your opinions as being somewhat inferior to their own.

Sage Quotes (11-20):

  1. How you talk to yourself will dictate how you feel about yourself. So, talk positively. Focus on the good things you can offer the world.
  2. The future is an endless stream of opportunities which you can choose to take, or not, and you can make your life whatever you want it to be.
  3. Never assume other people will be working in your interests. They won’t. They’ll be working in their own interests. You should do the same.
  4. If politicians have the courage to tackle the issues that really matter to people, they might be surprised at just how much people start getting behind them.
  5. People have political power if they stick together and act in numbers large enough to frighten politicians. No sane government will ignore real people’s power. 
  6. Never apologise, and never explain because your apology will never be enough. If you’ve fallen foul of the mob, there’s no road to redemption, however contrite you try to be.
  7. The problem today is that sensible people say nothing when they should say something. If tyranny is not challenged, it takes hold and once it’s taken hold, we’re all in trouble. 
  8. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. You’re not living their life and they’re not living yours. You are unique and your value to this world is you being the best version of yourself. 
  9. Over-tax the productive part of the economy and the result will be stagnation. Why bother taking business risks if you’ll be penalised should you succeed? Why would that make sense?
  10. We are governed by a set of clowns. The depressing thing is that there’s another set of clowns waiting in the wings. So, whatever happens, life is unlikely to improve for ordinary working people.

Sage Quotes (21-25):

  1. If you’re a politician and you’re incapable of truly appreciating the plight of the poor and ordinary working people, then don’t try engaging with such people as a PR stunt. You will only ever look clueless.
  2. Before deciding to go to university, ask yourself this. What will you gain by going? How will it better position you to get a job you’d want? The benefits of a university education are becoming marginal at best. 
  3. It may be a concern for you but unless it interrupts money and power then politicians won’t regard it as a problem and they’re unlikely to do anything about it, regardless of any suggestions they may make to the contrary.
  4. A true friend is someone you could call at 3 o’clock in the morning if you were in trouble with the reasonable expectation that they’d be happy to help you. Everyone else is just people you know with varying degrees of familiarity.
  5. The things of the greatest value in life cannot be bought. The love of family and old friends. The arms of your children around your neck. A good laugh with the people who matter most to you. These are things you cannot buy with gold.

Sage Quotes (26-30):

  1. The Media adheres unreservedly to intellectual fashion and groupthink. If you’re looking for a balanced analysis of those things that are having a major impact on our culture, you’re wasting your time looking for it in the mainstream media. 
  2. It seems like we’re seeing the total collapse of authority. A failure resulting from politicians lacking the courage to do what they know is necessary. They fear hostile media coverage more than they fear accountability to the electorate.
  3. Before you attempt to have fun at someone else’s expense, ask yourself this. How would you feel if you were on the receiving end of what you’re about to say or do? It may be a bit of fun for you, but will the other person see it that way? It’s only fun if it’s fun for everyone.
  4. Hiring managers are not there to be a solution to your problems. If you really want the job, you must demonstrate to them that you can be a solution to their problems. They don’t care about your hopes and dreams, they care about getting things done and whether you can help them do so. 
  5. Thieves can now rob you from the comfort of their own homes. Modern telecommunications make it easy for scammers. That together with people’s gullibility and their willingness to assume that any request from someone is genuine. View every request involving money with a sceptical eye.

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How to love the life you live and live the life you love

09/15/2024 by

How to love the life you liveDo you love the life you live? Do you enjoy your work? Life should never be just about work, but it’s a big part of our lives, so it affects how we feel about ourselves.

Do you get up each morning feeling inspired by what you’ll be doing during the day ahead?

A good question to ask yourself is the one Steve Jobs asks in the video below, “If you knew that today was the last day of your life would you still be happy doing what you have to do today?”

Knowing we will die one day reminds us that our time is precious and we should use it wisely.

Life is short and none of us knows when our final moment will arrive. So we must follow our heart and focus our energy on work that really matters to us.

If your work matters to you then you’ll do it well. And if you do it well you’ll make a difference. Make a difference and you’ll leave a legacy. Do this and you’ll love the life you live.

How to love the life you lifeAll of this is easier said than done, of course.

Many people experience life without any real sense of satisfaction. Far too many people experience a lifetime of disappointment and regret too. This all adds up to people living lives they don’t love.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to accept a less than satisfactory life.

If your life is unsatisfactory then you need to change. And change is possible.

A good place to start is by listening to the inspiring observations from the late Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, contained in the video ‘If today were the last day of my life’ included below. His words are thought-provoking and powerful. I found this video truly inspirational and I recommend it to you.

How to love the life you live:

Before you watch the video, ask yourself this question. Between now and dead would you be happy to continue with the life you have right now?

No?

Then you must change and keep changing until you love the life you live.

Never accept second best because life’s far too short.

Remember: Whilst you have to make a living, you also have to make a life as well. So, have no regrets. Start making the life you want to live as quickly as possible. It’s later than you think.

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30 thought-provoking quotes about the way it is today

09/14/2024 by

THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUOTESIf you’re looking for some thought-provoking quotes to get your mind ticking over, then I’ve got 30 good ones here for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident they will get you thinking and reflecting on life and its meaning.

So, grab a coffee, take an unofficial break, and enjoy them all.

Please feel free to use some of them yourself to reinforce a point you’re trying to make. And feel free to pass them on too.

Thought-provoking quotes (1-15):

  1. Just because it’s a cliche doesn’t mean it’s not true. 
  2. No one will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself.
  3. If your thinkin’ is stinkin’ don’t be surprised if your life is sinkin’.
  4. How people appear to be and how they are is not the same thing. 
  5. Grabbing media attention is not the same as winning hearts and minds.
  6. When you’re trying too hard to be kind, you’re probably not being kind at all.
  7. No one has a monopoly on wisdom. Most people don’t even have their fair share. 
  8. It’s nice to have qualifications but it’s much better to have a job to which you’re well-suited.
  9. Reputations are hard won but easily lost. If you have a good one, make sure you protect it. 
  10. The rich will ensure they remain rich however much it might be at the expense of the poor. 
  11. People don’t want to hear your opinion. They just want you to accept theirs without question.
  12. We view every political failure through the prism of that with which we vehemently disagree. 
  13. We all want our own way, all the time. That’s why it’s good for us to be denied it, occasionally. 
  14. To be silent is to be irrelevant. Don’t be silent and don’t be irrelevant. Make your voice heard.
  15. Some of the greatest bigots of the modern age are those who are quick to accuse others of bigotry.

Thought-provoking quotes (16-25):

  1. In today’s world, feelings matter more than truth. Pretence takes precedence over inconvenient truths. 
  2. Look after your own interests. No one cares about what’s good for you, they only care about what’s good for them. 
  3. Some people are so convinced by the virtue of their own opinion that they can’t even begin to imagine that they may be wrong. 
  4. The issue is not the silent majority, it’s the silenced majority. People are being bullied into remaining silent for fear of being cancelled.
  5. It’s a mistake to assume that the Government is your friend. It’s not. Governments act in their interest, not yours. Question everything. 
  6. Never buy discretionary items with debt. Unsecured debt is very expensive and can easily lead to you being locked into a debt spiral.
  7. Mass immigration without assimilation will lead to a breakdown in social cohesion and that would be in no one’s interests. Assimilation matters.
  8. The western world is in the grip of a collective madness the like of which we’ve never seen. If wiser heads don’t prevail, we’re all in serious trouble.
  9. If not you, then who? If you don’t make your voice heard, who will? To be silent is to be irrelevant. We don’t have to accept that which is unacceptable.
  10. Judge not through the prism of your prejudices but look closer to the real person lying beyond your first impression. People are deeper than they first appear to be.

Thought-provoking quotes (26-30):

  1. It’s never about what they say it’s about, it’s always about something else. The question is, what? Always look for the underlying motivation. Never accept anything at face value. 
  2. Just because you’re asked a question, doesn’t mean you’re obliged to provide an answer. Respond politely, of course, but you decide whether it’s in your interests to provide an answer. 
  3. You don’t have to win every argument. You can always walk away and just enjoy a little peace of mind. Your mental health is more important than wasting your energy arguing with people who will never see your point of view anyway.
  4. You’ll be judged not by the qualifications you’ve gained but by the difference you’ve made to the lives of others. It’s nice to have a few qualifications but much better to know you’ve made a difference. That’s where your real focus should be.
  5. When a media personality or politician apologises for some past transgression, the question to ask is, “Why now?” If it’s because the story was about to break anyway, then you know the apology is more about damage limitation than any real desire to make amends. 

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35 Quotes by Victor Hugo that will make you think

09/13/2024 by

Today let’s explore some of the many quotes by Victor Hugo.

Victor-Marie Hugo was a French Romantic writer and politician. During a literary career that spanned more than sixty years, he wrote in a variety of genres and forms.

Victor Hugo is regarded as one of the greatest French writers of all time and his most famous works included the novels The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Les Misérables.

His work touched upon most of the political and social issues and the artistic trends of his time.

In France, his literary stature established him as a national hero.

So, he was a successful man by any measure and, as always, it’s worth listening to what successful people have to say.

So here are 35 quotes by Victor Hugo guaranteed to make you think.

Quotes by Victor Hugo (1-20):

  1. Liberation is not deliverance.
  2. Habit is the nursery of errors.
  3. Those who live are those who fight.
  4. Perseverance, the secret of all triumphs.
  5. Idleness is the heaviest of all oppressions.
  6. People do not lack strength; they lack will.
  7. The learned man knows that he is ignorant.
  8. It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.
  9. He who opens a school door closes a prison.
  10. Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.
  11. Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
  12. There is nothing like a dream to create the future.
  13. Initiative is doing the right thing without being told.
  14. Many great actions are committed in small struggles.
  15. The wicked envy and hate; it is their way of admiring.
  16. Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters.
  17. Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.
  18. An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise.
  19. Life’s greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.
  20. One sees qualities at a distance and defects at close range.

Quotes by Victor Hugo (21-35):

  1. Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
  2. Do not let it be your aim to be something, but to be someone.
  3. Doing nothing is happiness for children and misery for old men.
  4. A faith is a necessity to a man. Woe to him who believes in nothing.
  5. Short as life is, we make it still shorter by the careless waste of time.
  6. When a man is out of sight, it is not too long before he is out of mind.
  7. I love all men who think, even those who think otherwise than myself.
  8. When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.
  9. He who is not capable of enduring poverty is not capable of being free.
  10. No one knows like a woman how to say things which are at once gentle and deep.
  11. All the forces in the world are not so powerful as an idea whose time has come.
  12. It is most pleasant to commit a just action which is disagreeable to someone whom one does not like.
  13. The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved despite ourselves.
  14. A creditor is worse than a slave-owner; for the master owns only your person, but a creditor owns your dignity and can command it.
  15. There is no such thing as a little country. The greatness of a people is no more determined by their numbers than the greatness of a man is by his height.

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31 amusing quotes by Woody Allen to raise a smile

09/12/2024 by

Today I thought it might be amusing to explore some of the many quotes by Woody Allen. A man with a ready supply of witty one-liners that are always guaranteed to raise a smile.

As many readers will know, Woody Allen is an American film director, writer, actor, and comedian whose career spans more than six decades and multiple Academy Award-winning films.

He began his career writing material for television in the 1950s, and he’s written several books, as well as humorous pieces for the magazine The New Yorker.

Woody Allen has developed a monologue style of comedy, rather than traditional jokes, and his stage persona is that of an insecure, intellectual, fretful nebbish.

In 2004, Comedy Central ranked Woody Allen fourth on a list of the 100 greatest stand-up comedians, while a UK survey ranked Woody Allen the third-greatest comedian.

Anyway, here are 31 amusing quotes by Woody Allen and I hope you enjoy them all.

Please feel free to share them with your friends.

Quotes by Woody Allen (1-10):

  1. Marriage is the death of hope.
  2. Eighty per cent of success is showing up.
  3. I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
  4. Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
  5. My one regret in life is that I’m not someone else.
  6. Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
  7. I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
  8. What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream?
  9. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  10. If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Quotes by Woody Allen (11-20):

  1. I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
  2. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.
  3. I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
  4. When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
  5. I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
  6. If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.
  7. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
  8. I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
  9. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
  10. I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.

Quotes by Woody Allen (21-31):

  1. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
  2. Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.
  3. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.
  4. Basically, my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath, and she’d come in and sink my boats.
  5. I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
  6. His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
  7. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
  8. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
  9. Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
  10. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
  11. It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

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17 amusing quotes by Bob Hope to raise a smile

09/11/2024 by

Today I thought exploring some quotes by the late, great, Bob Hope would be interesting. Always the funny man with a ready wit.

If you’re not quite old enough to remember him now, Bob Hope was one of the biggest stars in the golden age of American entertainment.

In many ways, the quintessential, proud American, Bob Hope was born in 1903 in Eltham, southeast London. His family moved to the United States when he was aged four and he grew up near Cleveland, Ohio.

He began his career in show business in the early 1920s, initially as a comedian and dancer on the vaudeville circuit, before acting on Broadway.

Bob Hope began appearing on the radio and in films starting in 1934.

He was known for his comedic timing, specializing in one-liners and rapid-fire delivery of jokes that were often self-deprecating and he helped establish modern American stand-up comedy.

Bob Hope was active in public life until 1998 but, sadly, died at home on July 27, 2003, at the age of 100.

A successful man by any measure, and successful people are always worth listening to.

So here are 17 quotes by Bob Hope, that are amusing and reflect the humour of his era.

Enjoy them all and feel free to share them with your friends.

Quotes by Bob Hope

  1. They’ll always be an England, even if it’s in Hollywood.
  2. You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
  3. Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
  4. I love to go to Washington if only to be near my money.
  5. Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
  6. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
  7. I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything till noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap.
  8. I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
  9. I do benefits for all religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
  10. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  11. I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.
  12. If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
  13. She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.
  14. I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
  15. A sense of humour is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heartburn?
  16. I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
  17. When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things, not the great occasions, that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

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21 amusing quotes about earning a living

09/10/2024 by

Today, I have a collection of amusing quotes about earning a living and reflecting on the nature of work and money.

Most of us have no choice but to do whatever’s necessary to pay our bills and put bread on the table.

Yes, it can be rewarding but sometimes we must question whether the stress of work is worth it.

The easiest way to deal with stress is through humour, so here is my take on work and money in 21 quotes.

Earning a living can be a challenge, but it doesn’t do to take any of it too seriously.

I hope some of these quotes resonate with you, dear reader. Enjoy them all.

Quotes about earning a living (1-10)

Yes, I’m sick. Sick of work.

The best part of my job is a chair that swivels.

Money isn’t everything but try living without it.

I can’t afford to get sick. I’m far too busy at work.

Money talks, of course, but mine mostly just says goodbye.

Yes, I have a sense of purpose. My purpose is a life of leisure.

I work not because I want to but because I don’t have any choice.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can provide a comfortable misery.

The part of my working day that I look forward to most is going home.

I’m not driven by a love of money; I’m driven by the fear of being poor.

Quotes about earning a living (11-21)

I’m a self-made man. I started out with nothing, and I’ve still got nothing.

They say having money brings its own problems but so does not having money.

I’ll have enough income when I’m earning at least a penny more than I can spend.

They say having money is stressful but I find not having money is even more stressful.

I thought I wanted a career but now I realise all I really wanted was enough money to do as I please.

This morning, my boss said, make sure you have a good day. So, I went home, and I had a wonderful day.

If I had to choose between a life with money or a life without, then it’s a no-brainer. Show me the money.

We were poor but we were happy. Well, that’s not quite true. We weren’t happy exactly, but we were poor.

I’m on neither your side nor their side. I’m on my side. Looking after my own interests because no one else will.

Given a choice between affluence and poverty, I’d choose affluence, if only to satisfy my desire to live comfortably.

Careers are a wonderful thing. So far, mine has taken my earning capacity from really struggling to pay my bills to just about managing to pay my bills.

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If any of these quotes touched you in some way then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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21 best puns ever and guaranteed to make you smile

09/09/2024 by

Best-Puns-Ever-1I love wordplay, especially that form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of words for humorous effect.

I think clever puns are brilliant, which is why I’ve been searching the Internet for some of the best ones.

Here of 21 of the best puns I’ve found, so let me know what you think.

As always when searching the net for wit and wisdom, it’s difficult to confirm the original author. Should you be one of them dear reader then please let me know. That way I can give you full credit for your brilliance.

Best puns ever:

  1. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  2. I hate peer pressure and you should too.
  3. Ladies, if he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, let that mango.
  4. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a sh** in days.
  5. I’m a born pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  6. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  7. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where’s the bartender?”
  8. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  9. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  10. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it’s just gathering dust.
  11. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  12. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
  13. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  14. A cop knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes but my dogs don’t even own bikes.
  15. I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. That must be a milestone.
  16. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing.
  17. This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
  18. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence.
  19. I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda then I realised it was just a Fanta sea.
  20. A wife shouted to her husband that moose were falling from the sky. No, it’s just reindeer, he responded.
  21. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I realized that toucan play at that game.

Best-Puns-Ever-2Please share this post with your friends:

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Were these the best puns ever? Did they make you smile? If so please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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22 Murrayisms to make Murray Walker fans smile

09/08/2024 by

MURRAYISMSIf you’re wondering what Murrayisms are then perhaps you’re not familiar with the late, legendary, Formula One commentator Murray Walker.

Murrayisms were amusing, and often factually incorrect quips that Murray Walker would say as he got carried away by his own enthusiasm and excitement during an F1 race.

For motorsport fans everywhere, they added to the entertainment and endeared Murray to their hearts. His enthusiasm was genuinely infectious and the fans loved him for it.

Graeme Murray Walker OBE was a British motorsport commentator, journalist and former advertising executive. He provided television commentary of live Formula One racing in a broadcasting career spanning over 50 years. And his way with words helped to earn him his status as a national treasure in Britain.

So here are 22 Murrayisms for your pleasure and entertainment. Enjoy them all.

Murrayisms

Murrayisms (1 – 11):

  1. And now, excuse me while I interrupt myself.
  2. Either the car is stationary, or it’s on the move.
  3. With half the race gone, there’s half the race still to go.
  4. There’s nothing wrong with the car except that it’s on fire.
  5. Anything can happen in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.
  6. You might think that’s cricket and it’s not, it’s motor racing.
  7. That’s history. I say history because it happened in the past.
  8. I can’t believe what’s happening visually, in front of my eyes.
  9. He can’t decide whether to leave his visor half open or half closed.
  10. The lead car is unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.
  11. If is a very long word in Formula One. In fact IF is F1 spelled backwards.

Murrayisms

Murrayisms (11 – 22):

  1. And that just shows you how important the car is in Formula One racing.
  2. Motor racing can never be totally safe and it never should be in my opinion.
  3. I should imagine that the conditions in the cockpit are totally unimaginable.
  4. I’ve no idea what Eddie Irvine’s orders are, but he’s following them superlatively well.
  5. I don’t make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.
  6. This circuit is interesting because it has inclines and declines. Not just up, but down as well.
  7. Well, now we have exactly the same situation as at the beginning of the race, only exactly opposite.
  8. Schumacher wouldn’t have let him past voluntarily. Of course he did it voluntarily, but he had to do it.
  9. There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today and four of them are Michael Schumacher.
  10. Eight minutes past the hour here in Belgium, and presumably eight minutes past the hour everywhere in the world.
  11. Now he must not go the wrong way round the circuit, and unless he can spin himself stationary through 360 degrees I fail to see how he can avoid doing so.

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