15 Quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche to inspire you

Quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche

Friedrich Nietzsche was a German philosopher, cultural critic, composer, poet, philologist, and scholar whose work exerted significant influence on Western philosophy and cultural thinking.

Here are 15 quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche which made me pause to reflect and they will make you think a little too I suspect.

Quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche:

  1. Everything matters. Nothing’s important. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  2. Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  3. Call me whatever you like; I am who I must be. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  4. Loneliness is one thing, solitude another. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  5. You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way and the only way, it does not exist. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  6. Without music, life would be a mistake. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  7. It is not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  8. The real question is, how much truth can I stand? ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  9. There are two different types of people in the world, those who want to know and those who want to believe. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  10. In heaven, all the interesting people are missing. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  11. Do you want to have an easy life? Then always stay with the herd and lose yourself in the herd. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  12. And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  13. The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  14. There will always be rocks in the road ahead of us. They will be stumbling blocks or stepping stones; it all depends on how you use them. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  15. I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

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9 of the best quotes to inspire you today

Best Quotes to Inspire You

Here are 9 of the best quotes to inspire you.

These are quotes from thought leaders intended to make you think.

They are words of wisdom full of inspiration.

Inspiration is energy, and if you can capture that energy, you can go on to become all you could be. And that should be our life’s purpose, surely? To be all we could be.

If you aspire to be more than you are now, then let these words of wisdom be the wind beneath your wings.

Best quotes to inspire you:

  1. Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. ~EE Cummings
  2. A Number 2 pencil and a dream can take you anywhere. ~Joyce Meyer
  3. Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn
  4. In a gentle way, you can shake the world. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  5. Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were once only walls. ~Joseph Campbell
  6. It is always the simple that produces the marvellous. ~Amelia Barr
  7. The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. ~Bertrand Russell
  8. Let us make our future now and let us make our dreams tomorrow’s reality. ~Malala Yousafzai
  9. All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination. ~Earl Nightingale

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5 brilliant quotes and what they all mean

Looking for some brilliant quotes, dead reader? Well, I’ve found five today, which I think are interesting. They all have an underlying message well worth bearing in mind, too.

So here are those quotes, and I’ve included my notes as to what I think they mean. I hope you find them interesting.

Brilliant Quotes:

Quote 1:

It’s better to have a go and get it wrong than not have a go at all.

By making mistakes we learn valuable lessons. We hone our skills and get better at what we do.

Making mistakes is an important part of life. From those mistakes, we can profit. Whereas doing nothing gets us nowhere. From mistakes, we gain experience and experience is a valuable commodity.

Quote 2:

MEANING:

You are the captain of your ship. You can steer it to where you want to go or not. It’s up to you.

It takes hard work, determination and a positive mental attitude.

It requires a willingness to rise to challenges and have a go.

You will have to overcome setbacks occasionally and you must never, ever give up.

You’ll be defined not by what happens to you but by how you respond to what happens to you.

If you don’t succeed in life, it’s not the fault of your parents, it’s not the fault of the Government and it’s not the fault of your employer.

You are responsible for your own life.

You may have had a tough start in life. Life may have dealt you a poor set of cards. You may not have too many formal qualifications. So what?

Plenty of people overcome a difficult early life to become very successful.

So don’t make excuses. If you want success, just go for it.

The choice is yours. Decide where you want to be and then decide how you’re going to get there. Get started now and accept you’ll make a few mistakes along the way.

By doing things, you’ll learn and gradually you’ll adjust the course of the good ship ‘You’ and set sail for the destination of your dreams.

It can be done and people do. Why not you? And why not start right now?

Quote 3:

MEANING:

As human beings, we can find change an uncomfortable experience.

One of the most basic human needs is the need to feel secure.

Change makes us feel insecure and that’s why we can often struggle to accept it. Yet change is inevitable.

Without change, we’d all still be living in caves, surely? We could not have progressed without change.

Change creates opportunity and that’s why we must embrace change.

It may be uncomfortable but embracing change can also be thrilling.

If you want your life to improve then it starts with embracing change.

Change will help you create the future you want and deserve.

So take that tiger for a ride and embrace change. If nothing else you’ll lead a life worth living.

MEANING:

You don’t have to accept your life as it is.

Ask yourself, “Am I willing to accept life as it is or am I prepared to improve my life?”

What is it you want?

Decide what you want and then identify the changes you need to make.

Nothing will happen until you decide to change.

However, once you decide you want to change then great things can happen to you. Nevertheless, you must remember; that success will not happen overnight.

Think incremental change rather than revolutionary change. You will not get to where you want to be in one leap.

If you’re trying to eat an elephant then that can only be done one bite at a time. You cannot swallow it whole, can you?

One bite at a time and it can be done, if you apply yourself to the task and keep going for as long as it takes.

Never be discouraged and never let other people dissuade you from pursuing your dreams. It doesn’t matter whether they believe you can do it. The only thing that matters is that you believe you can do it.

Believe in yourself and you can become the person you have the potential to be. Why would you not want to achieve your full potential?

Quote 5:

MEANING:

Brilliant Quotes

At school, they ask you what you want to be. Most people have no idea, but they pick something anyway in the hope that it might prove to be interesting and fun to do.

That’s where life’s experiment starts.

You try something and see whether it’s the right thing for you.

Then, even if you think it is initially, over time you might feel the need to move on.

The more you experiment, the more chance you have of finding that sweet spot where you are doing something which you not only enjoy but at which you excel too. That ‘something‘ for which you have a talent.

It’s the Holy Grail in terms of finding your life’s purpose.

If you can find it then all the experimentation is well worthwhile.

If you haven’t found it yet then, whatever your age, don’t stop looking and experimenting. It’s never too late to find your true vocation.

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15 George Costanza quotes that’ll make you smile

Today, dear reader, I thought you might appreciate some amusing quotes by George Costanza.

There have been some wonderful characters in sitcoms over the years, and one of the very best, in my opinion, was that lovable loser George Costanza from the US sitcom Seinfeld, played by the excellent Jason Alexander.

George Costanza had a brilliant turn of phrase, and his cup was always half-empty. If anyone had drawn the short straw in life, it was George. However, he gave us so many laughs, and for that, we should all be very grateful.

So take a couple of minutes, relax, and enjoy all these quotes by George Costanza.

George Costanza Quotes:

  1. I don’t trust men in capes.
  2. If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.
  3. Jerry, just remember it’s not a lie if you believe it.
  4. You know, I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.
  5. When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.
  6. If you can’t say something bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
  7. The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
  8. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.
  9. I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
  10. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, and my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.
  11. You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
  12. Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pairs. That way I only have to do a wash once a year.
  13. What’s so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn’t shop there.
  14. You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.
  15. [To Jerry]: Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That’s all I’m askin’. This woman thinks I’m very funny and now you’re gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I’m gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn’t seem so funny.

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George Costanza quotes
Photo by Alan Light

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Wisdom from India: 33 proverbs and quotes

India is a vast country with an enormous population, and it’s a source of great wisdom too. Many great thinkers have been influenced by wisdom from India.

So today, let’s explore some wisdom from India in the form of proverbs, sayings, and quotes.

I have the greatest respect for India, its traditions, and its culture, and I’ve learned much from Indian philosophy and thinking.

So take a few moments and reflect on some of the wisdom from one of the greatest civilizations on this planet we call Earth.

Wisdom from India (1-20):

  1. If you can, you must. ~Bikram Choudhury
  2. There is no hand to catch time. ~Indian Proverb
  3. Alertness and courage are life’s shields. ~Indian Wisdom
  4. When the flower blooms, the bees come uninvited. ~Ramakrishna
  5. Where the needle goes, the thread follows. ~Indian Proverb
  6. You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. ~Indira Gandhi
  7. What was hard to bear is sweet to remember. ~Indian Wisdom
  8. Great anger is more destructive than the sword. ~Indian Wisdom
  9. Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow but a vision. ~Indian Wisdom
  10. Don’t bargain for fish that are still in the water. ~Indian Wisdom
  11. Pull someone by the ears, and his head will follow. ~Indian Proverb
  12. Walking slowly, even the donkey will reach Lhasa. ~Indian Proverb
  13. Self-belief and hard work will always earn you success. ~Virat Kohli
  14. The eyes do not see what the mind does not want. ~Indian Wisdom
  15. The fruit of your own hard work is the sweetest. ~Deepika Padukone
  16. I have lanced many boils, but none pained like my own. ~Indian Proverb
  17. You must be the change you wish to see in the world. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  18. Success is not a good teacher, failure makes you humble. ~Shah Rukh Khan
  19. Let come what comes, let go what goes. See what remains. ~Ramana Maharshi
  20. Cultivation of the mind should be the ultimate aim of human existence. ~BR Ambedkar

Wisdom from India (21-33):

Wisdom from India
  1. They who give have all things; they who withhold have nothing. ~Indian Proverb
  2. I had no shoes and complained until I saw a man who had no feet. ~Indian Wisdom
  3. Certain things capture the eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. ~Indian Wisdom
  4. What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist. ~Salman Rushdie
  5. Excellence endures and sustains. It goes beyond motivation into the realm of inspiration. ~Azim Premji
  6. You can take the Indian out of the family, but you cannot take the family out of the Indian. ~Amit Kalantri
  7. Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret to success. ~Swami Sivananda
  8. You sometimes forget the harm that was done to you, but never the harm you have done to others. ~Indian Wisdom
  9. There’s nothing noble in being superior to some other man. True nobility is in being superior to your former self. ~Indian Wisdom
  10. Happiness radiates like the fragrance of a flower and draws all good things towards you. ~Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
  11. We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far. ~Swami Vivekananda
  12. A man is born alone and dies alone, and he experiences the good and bad consequences of his karma alone, and he goes alone to hell or the Supreme abode. ~Chanakya
  13. We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made. ~Albert Einstein

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15 Quotes by Moms Mabley that are worth sharing

15 Quotes by Moms Mabley

I must confess that I was not familiar with the work of African American comedienne Jackie “Moms” Mabley until relatively recently.

However, I stumbled on her work by accident on YouTube, and I was intrigued by her. So naturally, I went in search of some information about her, as well as some quotes by Moms Mabley.

Born Loretta Mary Aiken, she adopted the stage name Moms Mabley and she was a veteran of the Chitlin’ Circuit of African-American vaudeville.

She also appeared on legendary American television shows such as The Ed Sullivan Show and The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. She’s also one of the earliest examples of women in comedy.

Born in 1894, Moms Mabley was one of 16 children, and like most African Americans of her day, particularly women, she’d had a tough early life.

At the encouragement of her grandmother, she ran away and joined a travelling minstrel show where she sang and entertained. Her stage persona was that of an older, dishevelled woman.

Certainly, she was a woman on whom life had left its mark. For instance, by the age of 14, she had been raped twice (at age 11, by an elderly black man, and at age 13, by a white sheriff) and had two children who were given up for adoption.

At the age of 27, she came out as a lesbian, becoming one of the first openly gay comedians. That wouldn’t have been easy in the less enlightened age in which she lived and tried to earn a living.

So if you’re not familiar with Moms Mabley, I recommend you take a closer look at her work, but not before you read these 15 quotes by Moms Mabley.

Quotes by Moms Mabley:

  1. Quit it if you can’t do nothin’ with it. ~Moms Mabley
  2. Use those brains that God put in your head. ~Moms Mabley
  3. It’s no disgrace to be old but damn if it isn’t inconvenient. ~Moms Mabley
  4. [On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it. ~Moms Mabley
  5. [Advice to children crossing the street] Damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain’t never killed nobody. ~Moms Mabley
  6. You know Moms has been accused of liking young men and I’m guilty. ~Moms Mabley
  7. Any time you see me with my arms around an old man, I’m holding him for the police. ~Moms Mabley
  8. My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick. ~Moms Mabley
  9. Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move. ~Moms Mabley
  10. Ain’t nothin’ an ol’ man can do but bring me a message from a young one. ~Moms Mabley
  11. I don’t want nothing old, but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That’s what I’m gonna do with it. ~Moms Mabley
  12. The teenagers aren’t all bad. I love ’em if nobody else does. There ain’t nothing wrong with young people. Jus’ quit lyin’ to ’em. ~Moms Mabley
  13. Never lose your head, not even for a minute. You need your head. Your brain’s in it. ~Moms Mabley
  14. Without that basic foundation in showmanship, an act can’t remain at the top. Half of the children nowadays don’t even know how to take a bow. ~Moms Mabley
  15. Black women, white women; all of them. I’m colourblind. I don’t know the difference. I only know you’re a human being and you’re my children. ~Moms Mabley

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5 of the best funny jokes you’ll read today

Looking for some of the best funny jokes to brighten your day? Then there are 5 little gems here that should make you smile.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them.

Best funny jokes:

1. Career change:

Bill’s a gynaecologist by profession but he was getting bored with his job, so he decided that it was time for a career change.

In his spare time, Bill had always had a passion for fast cars, so getting involved with cars in some way seemed like a good thing to do.

After a few weeks of reflection, Bill decides to retrain as a car mechanic.

He takes a course at his local adult education college and studies very hard.

Eventually, it’s time for him to take the official examination to qualify as a car mechanic.

Now Bill needs to get a minimum score of 60% if he’s to pass the exam but he finishes with a score of 110%.

Well, the college principal is puzzled. How can anyone get 110%?

So, he calls in the examiner and asks, “How is it that this guy was given 110% in the exam? You think he’s something special just because he used to be a doctor?

Well sir,” said the examiner, “his theoretical test was perfect, and his practical test was exceptional. I asked him to tune the engine. He did it perfectly. I asked him to change the oil. Again, he did it perfectly. And then I asked him to change the spark plugs. Yet again, he did it perfectly.

So what?” says the principal. “He did everything right so that usually means 100%, surely? Why 110%?

He did everything through the exhaust pipe,” the examiner replied.

2. The new restaurant:

Jack and Barney were two elderly gentlemen sitting and talking in Jack’s living room.

Eventually, their conversation touches on the subject of food.

Hey,” says Jack, “last week we went out to a new restaurant and the food was fantastic. I would definitely recommend it.”

Really?” says Barney. “What’s the name of this restaurant?

Well, Jack had to give that some thought, as his memory wasn’t what it was.

After a few moments, Jack said, “What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? The red one with thorns.”

You mean a rose?” said Barney.

Yeah, that’s the one,” Jack replied.

He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last week?

3. Memory problems:

Arthur, Chester, and Clarence are three elderly brothers who are 92, 94 and 96 respectively and still living together.

One night Clarence fills his bathtub with water, ready to take a bath. After a few moments, he puts his right foot in the tub and then pauses momentarily.

He then yells down to his brothers, “Was I getting in or out of the tub?

Chester yells back, immediately, “I don’t know, Clarence. Give me a moment and I’ll come upstairs and check it for you.”

With that Chester starts climbing the stairs.

After taking a few steps he pauses. He then yells, “Was I going up the stairs or down?

Arthur is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and he can’t help smiling at his brothers’ memory problems.

He shakes his head and then says, “Jeez, I hope I never get as forgetful as you two.

With that Arthur knocks on the wooden table a couple of times for good luck.

He then pauses before he yells, “I’ll be up to help both of you in a minute, as soon as I see who’s at the door.

4. Spanish vacation:

Jane and Phil are a married couple who are taking a well-earned vacation in Spain.

After a day of sightseeing, they decide to go to a nice Spanish restaurant for dinner.

As they’re being seated at their table, they can’t help but notice that the couple on the next table are being served a dish with two of the largest meatballs they’ve ever seen.

When the waiter arrives to take their order, Phil asks, “The meatball dish the couple on the next table is having looks delicious, what is it?

The waiter smiles and then says, “Senor, the meatballs are the testicles from the bull killed in the bullfight this afternoon. This dish is a classic in Spain.

It looks great, says Phil. “We’ve decided we’re both going to try it.

Ah, senor,” the waiter responds, “for this dish we only have one serving each day, for obvious reasons. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we can hold them for you.”

Determined to try this classic Spanish dish, the couple arrive early the following day to place their order.

They sit at their table enjoying a glass of Sangria whilst they wait for their much-anticipated meatball dish.

Eventually, the dish arrives but the meatballs are disappointingly small.

Phil calls the waiter over and says, “What’s this? Yesterday’s testicles were enormous. Today they’re tiny in comparison.”

The waiter smiles politely and then says, “Senor, I’m so sorry but today the bull won.

5. Pay attention:

Best Funny Jokes

A college professor is starting the new academic year with the Veterinary Medicine 101 class.

The Professor welcomes the new class and then says, “In Veterinary Medicine there are two important qualities you’ll need as a Veterinarian. The first quality is that you must never be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.

The professor paused momentarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

He then pulled back the sheet in front of him and stuck his finger into the butt of the dead cow that was under the sheet. After a moment he withdrew his finger and immediately stuck his finger into his mouth.

Now, go ahead,” said the professor to the students. “I want you to do what I’ve just done.”

Well, there was much hysteria in the class, and they all hesitated for several minutes before anyone was willing to have a go. However, eventually, they all took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and then sucking it. Naturally, this was followed by a lot of retching and spitting.

Once they’d all had the chance to complete this first task, the professor continued, “Now the second most important quality you’ll need as a Veterinarian is observation.”

Once again, he paused monetarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

If you’d been watching me carefully,” the professor continued, “you’ll have noticed that it was my middle finger that I inserted into the cow. Whereas it was my index finger that I sucked. So, today’s lesson is this. You’ll need to learn to pay attention if you’re going to succeed as a vet.”

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So, were any of these the best funny jokes you’ve read today, dear reader? I hope so.

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5 of the best jokes ever just for you

If you’re looking for some of the best jokes ever, then here are five which I think you might just enjoy. They all made me smile and they should tickle your funny bone too.

So take a few moments to have a laugh and please feel free to pass them on.

Best ever jokes:

1. A hard act to follow:

Rick walks out of his office in Manhattan one evening just as there’s a cab approaching. He hails the cab and, as he’s getting in, he says to the cab driver, “Now that’s perfect timing. Am I lucky or what?

The cab driver smiles and says, “You’re just like Bill Smith.”

Who’s Bill Smith?” asks Rick.

Oh, he’s just some guy who always managed to do everything perfectly,” the cab driver responds.

How do you mean?” asks Rick.

Well,” says the driver, “like your situation now. You’re in need of a cab and I’m right here for you when you need me. That would happen to Bill, every time.

Oh, come on,” says Rick. “No one’s life’s that perfect. There’ll always be a few clouds, surely?”

Not for Bill,” the cab driver responds. “He was a top athlete. He played golf with a handicap that any top pro would love to have. He played tennis better than John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg. He could sing opera better than Pavarotti and he could dance better than Fred Astaire. And he was a Grade A student with a photographic memory. He never ever forgot a birthday.

Really?” Rick responds.

Really!” says the cab driver. “He could fix any little problem around the house. He had encyclopaedic knowledge about wine and good food. And he was an entertaining raconteur and storyteller. The life and soul of any party. And to top it all, he was always in perfect shape. No, no one will ever match up to Bill Smith, that’s for sure.

Oh, come on,” says Rick. “no one’s that perfect. How do you know this guy, anyway?

Well, I never met him,” says the cab driver, “but I’m married to his widow.”

2. In search of the truth:

One day Joseph Stalin was feeling bored, so he starts thinking about what he can do to amuse himself.

After reflecting on his problem for a while, he decides to disguise himself and circulate amongst ordinary people to find out what they really think of him.

So, he organises a job for himself in a local factory on the outskirts of Moscow and he starts working there.

On his first day, he’s doing everything he can to fit in and when he gets the opportunity, he strikes up a conversation with one of his fellow workers.

As they seem to be getting along well, Stalin suggests that they eat their lunch together in the yard.

As they eat lunch, they make a little small talk for a while and then, when Stalin gets his chance, he asks his new friend, “What do you really think of Stalin?

Feeling a little paranoid, his friend starts looking around furtively before he responds in a whisper, “We can’t talk about that here, it really wouldn’t be safe.

Stalin gives him a knowing look in response and suggests they meet after work to discuss it further.

So, they meet up after work in the village where his new friend lives and when he gets the opportunity, once again, Stalin asks the question, “What do you really think of Stalin?

Well, the guy looks paranoid again and starts looking around him, nervously, to see who might be listening. Then in a whisper, with his finger to his mouth, he says, “Schhh! We can’t talk about that here. It’s much too dangerous. Someone might hear us.”

Stalin gives him a knowing look once again and then suggests that they go for a walk in the neighbouring countryside.

For the next hour they walk out into the hills surrounding the village and eventually they’re so far away, they can’t see another person anywhere.

At this point, Stalin says, “It looks like we’re safe to talk now. So, what do you really think of Stalin?

His new friend looks around furtively, then he leans in close to Stalin and whispers. “I kinda like him.”

3. The price of honesty:

Best Jokes Ever

There was a young kid called Jim who lived in the country.

Like country folk everywhere, when they needed to go, Jim’s family had to use an outhouse.

Young Jim did not find this a pleasant experience.

In the summer it was much too hot and, in the winter, it was too cold. And all year round, it was very smelly.

Now the outhouse was located on the bank of a creek and one day Jim realised that, with a little effort, it could be pushed into the creek.

He waited for his opportunity and one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and Jim decided that this was as good a day as any to push the outhouse into the creek.

With that, he found a long pole and started pushing. Finally, with one last shove, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night Jim’s dad was not happy, and he told him that, after supper, they were going to the woodshed.

Jim knew what this meant. He was in big trouble and punishment would follow.

Nevertheless, he asked his dad, “Why?

To which his dad responded, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, son, wasn’t it?

Yes dad, it was,” said Jim. He then thought momentarily before he said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree but didn’t get punished because he told the truth.”

Well, son,” said his dad, “George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in that cherry tree at the time, was he?

4. The Chinese Doctor:

Dr Chow Ming leaves Hong Kong for the United States in search of a better life.

He arrives in New York, but he can’t find a job.

However, Dr Ming is a resourceful and enterprising guy, so he opens his own clinic.

A few weeks after the clinic opens, a lawyer is walking by and he reads the sign in the window, which says: –

  • EVERY TREATMENT COST – $20
  • IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU – YOU GET $100 BACK

Well, this guy is a top Wall Street, corporate lawyer and he sees this as an opportunity to have some fun and make a little pocket money.

The lawyer walks into the clinic to be greeted warmly by Dr Ming, who says, “Good morning. What seems to be problem?

Well,” says the lawyer, “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

Nurse!” says Dr Ming. “Bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

That’s not medicine!” exclaims the lawyer. “It’s kerosene!

Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your taste is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

Nevertheless, he’s determined to get the $100, so after a few days he returns, and Dr Ming recognises him immediately.

Back again, so soon?” says Dr Ming.

I’m sorry, have we met before?” asks the lawyer. “You see, I’ve lost my memory.

Nurse,” says Dr Ming, “please bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

More kerosene!” says the lawyer. “You gave me that last time for restoring my taste.

Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your memory is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

However, he’s more determined than ever to get one over on Dr Ming.

One week later he returns to the clinic and again Dr Ming recognises him.

My eyesight has become so weak, I’m virtually blind,” says the lawyer.

Unfortunately, I have no medicine for that,” says Dr Ming, “so I must give you $100.

With that, Dr Ming hands the lawyer a $20 bill.

The lawyer looks at what he’s been given and then says, “But this is only $20, not $100!

Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your eyesight is restored. That will be $20, please.”

5. The problem with ducks:

Best Jokes Ever

Ethel, Mabel, and Agnes were three old ladies who’d sadly passed away and found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter’s scanning an iPad momentarily, looking to see whether these three old ladies are on his list for admittance to Heaven.

Eventually, he says, “Ladies, welcome to Heaven. There’s just one rule you must all follow and that is, you must never step on a duck.”

Well, as Ethel, Mabel and Agnes walk through the Pearly Gates, they soon realise that there are ducks literally everywhere. There are millions of them.

Naturally, the old ladies do their very best to avoid stepping on any of the ducks, but they find it very difficult.

Ethel only manages one hour before she steps on a duck.

Within seconds St. Peter appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

Ethel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappeared and Ethel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now Mabel manages a whole afternoon before she too stepped on a duck.

Once again, St Peter suddenly appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

Mabel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappears and Mabel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now, Agnes got through the whole of her first day in Heaven without stepping on a duck but the following morning she wasn’t quite so fortunate.

St Peter suddenly appears with the best-looking guy that Agnes had ever seen.

Agnes,” says St Peter, “the penalty for someone like you stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this man, face to face, for eternity.”

Wow!” said Agnes looking dreamily into the guy’s eyes, “What did we do to deserve this?

Lady, I don’t know what you did,” the guy responds, “but all I did was step one of those ducks!

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So, were any of these jokes worthy contenders for the best jokes ever, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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7 inspirational quotes about happiness

Quotes About Happiness

If I were to conduct a survey of readers on the question of happiness, I’m fairly sure that most people would say that whilst they want to be happy, they have yet to achieve that state of mind consistently.

Why is that do you think?

I think it’s because we’re always chasing what we haven’t got.

Being happy requires us to be content with what we have got. If we’re always chasing more, then by definition we can’t be content with what we’ve got, can we?

So if you want to be happy, then I think the trick is to learn to enjoy whatever it is that you’ve actually got, rather than fretting about those things that you’d like to possess but you don’t right now.

Take pleasure in the moment, whenever you can, and always look for the positives in any situation.

Happiness is a state of mind. You can choose to be happy or not.

It’s all down to the way you choose to look at the world.

You can allow things to bother you or you can say, “I’m not going to worry about stuff I can’t change, I’ll just focus on enjoying my life for what it is and make the best of it.”

Here are 7 inspirational quotes about happiness to help you think about what it all means.

Quotes about happiness:

  1. I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself in. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstances but by our disposition. ~Martha Washington
  2. It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. ~Agnes Repplier
  3. Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions. ~Dalai Lama
  4. Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won’t have to hunt for happiness. ~William E. Gladstone
  5. Happiness cannot be travelled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. ~Denis Waitley
  6. There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things that are beyond the power of our will. ~Epictetus
  7. Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn

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15 Quotes by Muhammad Ali to reflect on

Quotes by Muhammad Ali

Many people imagine they’re famous, but few experience genuine fame and the universal recognition that it brings with it.

One such person is the legendary, three-time world heavyweight boxing champion, Muhammad Ali.

Born Cassius Clay, he rose above his humble beginnings to become one of the most recognizable and respected faces on the planet. He was also an inspiration to us all.

As well as being a respected sportsman he was also a respected thinker.

Consequently, the many memorable and thought-provoking quotes he left us, continue to offer an insight into the personal philosophy that drove Muhammad Ali to become such a great champion.

I believe the 15 quotes by Muhammad Ali included here today prove my point. He was driven to become a champion and if his philosophy worked for him, then it can work for you too.

So here are 15 of the very best quotes by Muhammad Ali.

Quotes by Muhammad Ali:

  1. I am the greatest; I said that even before I knew I was. ~Muhammad Ali
  2. A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
  3. He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. ~Muhammad Ali
  4. Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing. ~Muhammad Ali
  5. Hating people because of their colour is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which colour does the hating. It’s just plain wrong. ~Muhammad Ali
  6. Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even. ~Muhammad Ali
  7. It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe. ~Muhammad Ali
  8. I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion. ~Muhammad Ali
  9. At home I am a nice guy: but I don’t want the world to know. Humble people, I’ve found, don’t get very far. ~Muhammad Ali
  10. Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth. ~Muhammad Ali
  11. Don’t count the days; make the days count. ~Muhammad Ali
  12. It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am. ~Muhammad Ali
  13. If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize. ~Muhammad Ali
  14. Braggin’ is when a person says something and can’t do it. I do what I say. ~Muhammad Ali
  15. It’s not bragging if you can back it up. ~Muhammad Ali

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